#i am gonna lie down now

[tintagel-or-cockleshells]

20 Qs for ficcers

I have been tagged by a smorgasbord of wonderful people - @celaestis1, @cha-melodius, @kiwiana-writes and @welcometololaland. One of them even sent me flowers (thanks @clottedcreamfudge, you are a constant delight).

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

101,280 - not too shabby, I like that it's a round number.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Red, White & Royal Blue, The Thrilling Adventure Hour, Tamora Pierce, *cough* Angels Unlimited...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Just Like a Dealer (which I am HESITANT about including because, once again, I only wrote the first paragraph)

Henry Fox: All-American Hero

Red, White and Royal Ballet

Alien Magic

Stringbean

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

No! I very rarely respond to comments. Right now, it's because I don't have time, but it's also because every comment will be 'aaaah thank you <3' and that feels like artificially inflating my comment count sometimes. Having said that, if people have questions, I tend to answer them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It was gonna be Ghosted before @clottedcreamfudge talked me out of it. Maybe When a Dancer Dies, because the 'happy ending' is massively open to interpretation.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Either Henry Fox: All-American Hero or Red, White and Royal Ballet. I mean, I'm writing for a novel with a strong romantic element - it's unusual NOT to write happy endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet, but hey! I probably will! And when that happens I will specifically write them into my next fics and make them suffer horrible fates!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written explicit stuff before, but not yet for RWRB. However, @dumbpeachjuice left a comment on All-American Hero that has me considering an expansion/missing scene in that world.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The only crossover I have is Alien Magic, which is two worlds by the same author, Tamora Pierce, and me crossing over characters from one into the universe of the other, but they're aware that the other world exists, it's just on the other side of the globe from them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it! Doubtful, though.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I did receive my first comment in Spanish yesterday which made me very happy.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES and I have also co-written a book with my BFF.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Fun fact: my fiance and I almost had 'fictional couples' as the theme for our wedding tables but abandoned it because two bridesmaids (u know who u are) would have wanted to sit at different tables.

Top three: Frank and Sadie Doyle, Mel Beeby and Brice de Winter (thoroughly not canon) and, of course, Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor and Alex Claremont-Diaz.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Henry as a contestant on a pottery show, Alex as the kiln assistant who became a much bigger part in season 2 and has a lot to say.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Punctuality. Does that count? Errr, okay, I can write a banger of a sentence now and then and I'm good at description.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Em-dashes, and trying to be funny. The funniness comes in when I'm not trying too hard.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's difficult and I haven't done it yet! I'm learning Swedish (445 days in a row so far) and what gets me is sentence structure. Sometimes it's structured like English, sometimes it's structured like Early Modern English, sometimes the structure is specifically foreign and I fuck it up. However, I really liked what Junot Diaz did in Oscar Wao, which is not italicising words in other languages because that's not how the character thinks.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The very very very first fanfic published somewhere was LoTR. It was about the Entwives and it was dull.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Ghosted. Or Cold Cases, Lost Causes. Sometimes you want to chew on some PLOT, and Ghosted deals with death, and Cold Cases deals with the ethics of podcasts covering true crime. I can't wait to release the last 3 chapters because I'm proud of how I've ended it!

Tagging -- ah shit, it seems that everyone has been tagged. Okay, if you want to do this, do it and say I tagged you. I love you all!

#i am gonna lie down now #THANK YOU FOR TAGS #josefin

[coquelicoq]

yeah natori is 23 and since matoba is one year younger, he's 22 at the very start of the manga/anime :))) i think it was like around season 3 of natsume when i learned this and went ????????????? and had to go lie down for a while

unacceptable. midorikawa-sensei answer for your crimes. the thing that's killing me currently is i know i learned this information back when i read a bunch of fic after watching the show for the first time - which was less than a year ago - but apparently REPRESSED IT because it was sooo does not compute. and then had to learn it all over again just recently. my poor brain tried so hard to protect me from this knowledge but alas.

FREE THEM they're baby adults they should not have this kind of weight on their shoulders and have like. employees and shit!!! "oh look a dumbass teenager with a heart of gold. how about i protect him with my life" HOW ABOUT YOU WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF YOU MAN-SIZED CATERPILLAR!!! they need to be in their cocoon era not in their head-of-the-family life-and-death-decision-making era. when you're 22 you're legally obligated to make questionable life choices and it seems self-evident you should not have to be forming lifelong contracts with supernatural beings until after you've gotten some of that out of your system but WHAT DO I KNOW, i'm just a thirtysomething with over a decade on natori who still does the modern-day equivalent of unplugging my answering machine so people can't leave me cursed voicemails. i look back on my 23yo self and i want to cry from how much she was learning and how hard she was trying. i love her so much it breaks my heart. stop putting these young men into situations they need to be in situations but maybe ones less fraught with mortal consequences. maybe some situations more along the lines of figuring out the hard way not to buy dryclean-only shirts because who has time to go to the drycleaners? that's just one idea, i've got more of these. midorikawa-sensei are you listening??

#i just rewatched the arc where natori and natsume free takuma-san's shiki #and lost it at the part where natori is like takuma-san what am i gonna do with this kid? he's giving me daily heart attacks #and takuma just starts laughing like ahhh now it's your turn #now you know what it's like mr. former teenager not listening to your elders!!!! #natsume's book of friends #natsume yuujinchou #asks #not anon #natori shuuichi #f #matoba seiji #horrible exorcists #my mom was 22 when she had me and whenever i think about that i'm just like TWENTY-TWO? TWENTY-TWO??? #TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD? TWENTY-TWO??????? #this actually helped me a lot in coming to terms with my childhood. like she was doing her best she was just #twenty fucking two #like my mom was in a sense making head-of-the-family life-and-death decisions #and making a lifelong contract (to be the parent of a person she was creating) at age 22 #and just to be clear i also want to go lie down when i think about that #that is a real thing that happened and i'm not saying she was too young to have the right to make that kind of major decision #i'm just saying it makes me want to drag my fingernails down my face in agony #much like learning natori shuuichi is supposed to be 23. like nooooooo

[okkennymay]

                              ECTOBER NIGHT  -  PAGE 20

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Aww Danny yah gonna get foot prints all over the dang glass man, it's such a pane to clean.

Scoots in last second to post a new page-aHA mADE IT! OOooo we inch closer and closer to a page I just cannot wait to show you guys!~ 💖

#Danny Phantom #Ectober Night #Ectober Comic #KennyMay_OvO #Danny Phantom Fan comic #Danny Phantom comic #Oh my god okay now I go lie down #Been replying to peeps and sending on invoices the last two days and man has my body fought me every minute of it #yOU WILL LEARN TO DO THIS WITHOUT FREAKING OUT BODY SO HELP ME GOD #50/50 chance i'm bedridden tomorrow but if I am i'll just be back at it the moment I'm better 😤😤😤 #If it's not gonna stop i'm just gonna have to learn to push through it anyway if I want to have a life and a living online �� #Yah'll make it worth it #I live for the tags and comments yah'll leave on my work

[minzbins]

HYUNGWON’S FOOD TMI Q&A | ALLURE KOREA

+ this cutie:

#mx7net #monstaxedits #dailybg #malegroupsnet #kpopccc #bangzchan #mx #monsta x #hyungwon #chae hyungwon #!melstuff #*gif #this popped up on my yt homepage #watched it.. now i am having a lot of feelings so here's some gifs #gonna go chew some glass and lie down cus this got me feeling some type of way #😵‍💫 #how can someone be so sexy and hot yet so cute at the same time

[askatriangleandastar]

What're your thoughts on the new Spooky Month episode?

(Doodle to match your icon, also because this one has me by the NECK) Thoughts in particular for as much as I can below

OOOOOOOOUGGHH DETER AND HIS MOM. FUCK, THE H U G S BIT HURTS MY HEART EVERY TIME IT IS VISCERALLY EFFECTIVE PELO YOU MONSTER ❤️

Moloch is so threatening I GASPED as we finally got to see him achieve Leg Rights and dud he ever put them to WORK running like that all over town!!

Gregor was incredible and competent and despite being opposing to the norm of how the kids go about things, a net positive for the town. His entrapment/death/conversion to what the cult put him through in the ending is an endangerment to the safety of everyone. That he really did care and want to protect the kids was sweet, and while harsh his reality check to Lila was something she's had coming.

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SO MANY THINGS GOING INTO THIS I WAS SO EXCITED!!!!! Not beating the witch allegations in the slightest and still with so many questions and wonder.

I love how much we learn and yet how much there is to learn. Connections that are only half-given and have to be speculated and discovered with the ARG and background inferences. I still need to go over the frames and take in all the background characters. I don't know how far into November this is set but it's not long enough for Lila.

Getting the feeling that the Theives Duo were hired to go through the house yet settle on the attic, to nab THE DAD'S STUFF given its all strewn about the house after they get whooped, and then the New Grounds Ending confirms it had me shaking. Had me wondering if that's what BOB was sent to do initially in the very first epsiode, but when Lila ran into him he was gonna get a snack. That the cult members backed off at mentioning the spider and the Candy Dealer notes them as having been lucky + the picture revealled of it having been the Dad's (plus Pelo mentioning it has eaten people before) is making thoughts mimic a windows 98 trying to run the Sims.

The Gregor and Moloch ship those working on the show go for and snuck reference to in the show. The "and they've never been married but they are SO divorced" vibes of their interaction here, how Moloch called him by name and would have only ever lied in the past due to Gregor not having Moloch's in kind [the devil a deciever to any word said] hooooo I don't go there but it's next door and it looks fun!

The foreshadowing with the drawings done with Dexter and it's accuracy + Pelo drawing Moloch possessing a lot of characters + also doing so with Eyes + the Other Drawing = F E A R AND EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!

THE EYES IN THE BUCKET STILL LOOK LIKE DEXTER'S AND ARE ACTIVELY MOVING (especially in the Ending Spider Scene) HE IS STILL THERE AND TRAPPED AND AAAAAAAAAA!AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

The Ooga Booga Jumpscare was fascinating and done super duper well!!!! Wanna make a whole breakdown about why and how it worked better than any other so far. There are some layers and misdirection and it's built up really well! Plus what looks like a version of her on Jaune's TV foreshadowing what's gonna happen like it did before with Bob.

It makes me wonder if there's more parallels to Moloch based in the line "I can be ANYWHERE now!" After scaring the Audience. I have a theory that a part of his possession tactic is Fear. To enter someone's body who isn't willing they need to fear him and he can only get one such victim at a time (hence why only Roy and not the whole Hatzgang at once vs Skid and Pump at the same time with no difficulty as they let him in). It's why he Stalks and Stares (Patty, Ignacio) and consistently when we get to be around for when he goes for it, he *roars*. Not bite and claw but roars. He's put off and doesn't enter those that have no fear of him (Gregor, Rick, Ignacio) and I think it's because he CAN'T. It's why even when at his weakest he roared at Gregor. To break the chant, the concentration, to make the wounded and bleeding enemy falter and fear and let him in with that response of weakness. It fails, of course, but hoooo with anyone less devoted I don't think it would have.

BRICK TO THE HEAD. THE COWARDS. THEY GOTTA AMBUSH THIS OLD GUY EVEN WHEN HE'S ALREADY LIMPING TO STAND A CHANCE THATS HILARIOUS.

The way Pump was distracted from opening up and being vulnerable with his sister and kept happy by the toy and the lie, while Skid has no such escape as his own heart to heart is burdened further by the sobs of his mom in a home that is no longer in any illusion safe with a shattered door and evidence of earlier break-in everywhere. These 2 have been diverging in small ways in their outlook on things for awhile now, but this episode's ending and scenes about parents, about knowing more and less than each other (The way Skid didn't know about Moloch not running but Pump did and how Skid started to ask what he meant, how Skid still associates all Happy Fellas as Stabby while Pump could see it was Dexter-specific because he could **see** through to what Dexter WAS according to the notes... if Gregor hadn't interrupted there may have been Words. Going forward, it feels like they're going to again.)

IGNACIO AND THE ILLEGAL GUN OF COMEDIC CONTRAST

I cannot stress enough how much Kevin feels like he's being pushed further and further towards a total breakdown and that he NEEDS a coworker to help like Radford [AAAAAAAAAAA THEATRE MAN RETURNS I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE HIM HE PLAYS OFF KEVIN SO SO WELL AAAAA] It's not an if so much as a When with the way his vision is Scribblifying so much (a treat for the eyes tho) and while he CAN cool off if nothing goes immediately wrong its just gonna keep going wrong.

Roy is having problems and given his parents and vibe of his family plus his contact to Skid and Pump, guessing it's likely tied to how it's status quo isn't sitting well and the need for escape with friends. Parents who are present yet Not in how it matters and how they're needed by the child. So glad he's willing to open up at all (the contrast from the second episode is staggering) but like Kevin it feels like he's building up to a bigger breakdown.

It is for Susie's safety and well being that she never met Moloch and yet she might well have been a huge fan given her enjoyment of demons! Have to wonder how she'd react to seeing the ashen form of Moloch in the attic if she ever went digging for what's been going on herself.

Ignacio may be any number of things and the picture with the dad is making me run in circles around the room I am seething with th3 need to shake him even though he'd shoot me point blank. Speaking of, the fact that he was carrying it on his person with taking out the trash and how he used it genuinely made me think that if Skid and Pump bothered him one more time he was going to pop 'em where they stood the same way he was so unbothered and at the ready I was wheezing XD

Why does the portrait have a diamond why does it have only ONE diamond why is it like that despite looking like it's the one for the old mansion we glimpsed in the second epsiode what the hell is with the mannequin and SHY DOES IT HAVE A FACE IN THE HELL CREDITS CARD

The oath Gregor uses portraying a Lord yet not a Father yet maintaining The Son, as well as a Sacred Sky, has me going no-clip on my chair. I am Not Normal about this and I cannot pretend to be I need the implications of this world's religions being impacted with Eyes having been ever-present STAT and the horror of the cult not being to a different God but the same as Gregor's, simply met by a bridge of heresy to meet mortals with the divine while still of flesh and bone and claim of Death....

I thought Evermore was bribing the hobos to blow up the church but now... now it feels more likely to be either Bob's place (seeing his corpse wheeled in the soundtrack video + that Patty was about to cut into him again when the kids interrupted+ Evermore asking for a specific body to be moved) OR the Mansion (not being invited into any cult and wanting John to shut up about it so he gets an unofficial, literal backalley deal going for some nobodies with no credibility to do the work for him). Evermore is the kind of vain who'd spill that he was in an exclusive group to brag and is also wonderfully insufferable with his blatant ego; the idea that he ISN'T part of the cult and his not knowing and terrible mayor strats only benifit the cult so they don't bother with the risk of somone in power knowing about them and his denial that somone as important as him would EVER be excluded if there WAS one which must mean there ISN'T just has such a good punchline and I hope it's true I really do.

THEY SHARE A VA, IS THE MASCOT GUY THE SAME CHARACTER AS THE BOB COSPLAYER CAUSE HIS BAD LUCK AND MISFORTUNE FEEL SIMILAR! Also the happy fella furthest left moves its eyes after the kids so uh. So uh they might've been on the money to destroy them cause looks like one is already possessed by Something and it also gives greater legitimacy to the internment of the one in The Candy Tube of Shame at Kevin's workplace gosh they're STILL BEING SOLD if they become A Problem beyond Dexter and that's when we get to meet Robert's little sister who has one....

The way Pelo has explained how Moloch got stuck and how the possession works means we KNOW Patty was tethered to her body and unable to do anything except watch as Moloch used her to kill (any by the mess and lack of remains) eat Michelle (mom's name in description cast list) to regain some power and begin to sate the prolonged hunger Moloch has been trapped in. It's how he was able to perfectly mimic her and Dexter. It's why her lower half is coated with so much blood it may as well be dyed the color. It's no wonder she's adamant to have a gun! Glad to see evidence of her still actively working with John and Jack on the mystery in the ARG images too.

That doctor, Mort, I don't know who he was talking with but while he's sus as hell I'm not so sure he was taking the call we see Ignacio make. There isn't a reason to be informing him about the priest, even if bother WERE in the cult- going straight to the mourge and opening with asking if the body had been moved feels like it was a micromanage from Evermore to be sure that what he asked for is happening in a timely way. Have to wonder if he's going to take Patty's place now with having a distinct full name and reoccurance in the episode as he does for 3 scenes.

Gosh I love the soundtrack I've been looping the playlist for it while writing all this, again, not well, so so many thoughts. This isn't even all of them but it's past 1 am I have been typing for over an hour gonna pause it at the realization that something DID curse the Candy Corner for the holy water to have worked as well as the fact that the red head kid, Lucky was super cursed for what we now know as LEGIT HOLY WATER to have had such an effect on him. It wasn't boiled it was in that pot to get as many of the kids crowding as possible, as we see the bottles only effectively splash a single person. A friend mentioned Gregor may not even directly see Lucky given the behavior towards the child is abnormal and as we see here he IS normal towards children, even with costumes he sees as mockery of the lord, so ignoring him crumpled on the ground and the siezing on the doorstep are strange outliers. ALSO LEARING ABoUT GREGOR'S FULL NAME AND THE MEANING AND THE RELEVANCE OF THE ANGEL WINGS IN THE CREDITS AAAAAAAAAAAA!! So much thought and care went into this, I love this series so much, thank you for asking my thoughts on it! ^^))

#Octa Talk #spooky month #spooky month 6 #spooky month hollow sorrows #So so so SO much happened this was such a great episode so glad they took their time #Gregor was such a surprise favorite for the main cast #I was Not Emotionally Ready for The Moment the gas mask came off I squawked I will not lie #The horrors (affectionate) are getting more threatening and I am here for it #RICK #Lila needs a new house she's still holding onto to do much and it's going to bury her alive if it doesn't suffocate her first #Streber IS alive oh wowie zowie my au is ESPECIALLY dark now ha ha!! #Those babies were gonna get MUNCHED if Michelle hadn't come across Patty gosh the tension of Moloch looking down at them all asleep #SHE WAS A CAT LADY AND HE LOVED HER A A A A A A A A AA AA A #SHE WAS RHE ONE TO GIVE THE NEWS THAT PHOTO FOR THE MISSING PERSONS REPORT AAAAAAA #I will never be free this story is too compelling XD

[starbuck]

crazy how i can be so stressed and upset and then suddenly i remember that *I* am in control of my emotions and then i can physically breathe the stress out of me and i’m fine.

#like. is my situation still stressful? absolutely. #but was i gaining anything from being paralyzed from stress while LYING IN BED after already doing everything i could for today? No. #my feelings WERE valid - but they were not serving me - they were hurting me - so i stopped them #which is a thing! that it is within my power to do! #i really wish i had always known that… #pulled myself out of a suicidal panic spiral over the summer by remembering that i could stop it #and like. not gonna lie. it IS because i read Meditations :/ #i need to reread the parts i dog-eared again… i think it will settle me down #because i am doing Really Not Good right now #i NEED these classes to be over and next semester to be kinder to me #those are my two requests :(( #please :(( #suicide mention // #(i’m fine i’m fine it’s okay don’t worry)

[jrwiyuri]

Guys I’m emotionally devastated by suckening ep 4 is anyone out here? Can anybody hear me?

#jrwi spoilers #|| #I was thinking about his death and then I was thinking about when he first got turned and god #it’s so sick condi is sick in the head #emizel has always willingly just put himself in danger and refused to give up #he would have died the day he turned yknow? he would have fucking died. and he almost did #if it wasn’t for him biting that vampire back he would have died #and now he’s back in another dangerous situation refusing to back down and this time he DID FUCKING DIE #I’m gonna be sick #how many times do you think emizel has had people worry that he wouldn’t make it back #how do you think soda is gonna feel knowing that he’s really not coming back tonight. or any night. that it’s over #how does Arthur feel? he took responsibility for him explicitly he * told * him that things were going to go down why why didn’t he listen? #should he have told him more? #and shilo.. he didn’t even know he had a brother and now he doesn’t even get to know him? was what he said a joke? a lie? what if it wasn’t #what is he supposed to do what is anybody supposed to do #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO MAN???

[pierswife]

I play a fire emblem game and I am woefully reminded that I am Not Immune (TM)

#biting biting biting biting biting I am biting so much #still very very pokemon brain but god damn it's been a while huh fe? #engage is very fun #i'm gonna go lie down now i am getting very stuffy #data log: personal

[lululeighsworld]

"I will help you to ensure the strike is clean, milady. But you must be the one to initiate the act."

#leigh reads yrmr #GOT TO THE WOLF SCENE IN CHAPTER THREE AND VOCALIZED THE LOUDEST /OH/ OF MY ENTIRE LIFE #gonna sit here with my sadness for a little bit while i think about how gunter wanted corrin to mercy kill him towards the end #krad i am thinking about the art you drew for THAT scene so much right now #especially with the line from chapter three of 'him laying a hand so boldly on her weapon' #goes to lie down in the wet grass outside

[aria-ashryver]

I love writing when spotify is just shuffling random shit i listen to bc you'll be writing the most raw, vulnerable angst and hurt/comfort and experiencing all the feelings and then all of a sudden you get... bubblegum kpop?

#just gotta la-di-da-do ba-ba-di-dah my way through the tears #OH its Noah Kahan now #yeehaw i guess #i need a break lmao #(i was trying SO hard to get this chapter done by today but I am in so much pain so im gonna lie down instead 😔)

[quodekash]

im rewatching the no one else like me music video bc the brainworms are writhing, and it keeps randomly hitting me, over and over again, that 

a) those flashbacks happened. they HAPPENED. soundwin actually DID THAT, in ACTUAL CANON?? THEY CANONICALLY ARE IN LOVE WHY DO THEY KILL ME SO MUCH 

b) SOUNDWIN ARE FREAKING BOYFRIENDS NOW????? 

c) NEXT EPISODE IS THE LAST EPISODE????????? 

idk how the flip im supposed to survive without this silly little band every single week 

surely theyll renew it for a second season 

or just a soundwin spinoff pls 

so many of us have asked for it I NEED IT OH MY GOSH 

like. this show has killed me twelve times over. but without the show, i think i might literally cease to exist. i know ive said it a lot, but i genuinely dont know how the flip im gonna get through life without new canonical soundwin content filling my screen and brain every single friday night / saturday morning 

(and literally while i was typing this out, captain posted this 

HE FREAKING GETS IT BRO) 

#sorry this post is a mess i just genuinely dont know what to do with myself #how the flip is it already nearly over #in the past ive been glad for time passing quickly bc IT FEELS LIKE LAST EPISODE JUST CAME OUT AND THE NEXT ONE IS IN TWO DAYS #but now i just want time to slow down please #not just cos the last three years have gone way too fast and i still feel like im five years younger than i am #and not just cos im still trying to process 2020 and its literally nearly march of 20freaking23 #but also cos the show like. just started. and now its gonna be freaking OVER in THREE DAYS??? #it genuinely doesnt make sense in my mind and it physically hurts to think about and i cant process it and im so scared for it to be over #this is my comfort show. comfort characters. comfort actors. comfort ship. #im never gonna feel comfort again when its gone #(thats a lie ill find a new hyperfixation and then ill be fine BUT between hyperfixations is always pure hell) #soundwin #winsound #satangwinny #winnysatang #my school president #my school president the series #no one else like me #help im not okay

[afniel]

Okay, I sat at my desk thinking I'd write, but instead I'm so tired (distinct from being sleepy. I'm usually tired. I'm almost never sleepy) that sitting at my desk hurts and I can't focus worth shit.

I'm beginning to understand how I can write doorstop-size novel(s?) from my phone actually...horizontal is a great position in general.

#I went out and Socialized today #and then came home and made dinner AND chogled chib coogies (nobody can stop me from saying it like that) #(but it's chocolate chip cookies. just for the record) #and this was starting from about 4/10 fatigue and 6/10 pain #so I fully knew what I was getting into. like. I'm not surprised in the least here. #the thing about having autonomy is that you're allowed to make decisions that are bad because the tradeoff is acceptable anyway #sometimes you do in fact decide to push yourself bc what are you gonna do? nothing? #I've been trying to hang out with a friend for like 3+ weeks and I'm not going to get less tired for at least a month so. #that's just how it works! #anyway I want a coogie and to go lie down now and perhaps write a few (thousand?) words #and THEN what I want. is for Magpie to not YELL ME THE FUCK AWAKE through the bedroom door at like 8am #I am 30 or 40 years old and I do not need this

[daz4i]

born to lie down forced to do things

#i am in pain and i am anxious and it's too hot to do anything #came home after being out for 5 hours and i still have so much to do now 😭 and it takes so long too 😭 and i just wanna lie down #i might give myself like 20 minutes in bed after i take a shower. if i don't fall down and die bc my legs feel like they're gonna explode

[widevibratobitch]

.

#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡 #and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡 #like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

[angrypedestrian]

Thank you to the nice lesbian who asked if I wanted my picture taken with this sign at the NY state fair and then afterwards told me to be my most authentic self today.

My most authentic self has (likely) torn meniscuses in both knees and is hobbling around after spending all day wandering and eating deep fried food, but! I got to see Rebecca Black perform Friday ON A FRIDAY, so it all evens out.

#the new york state fair is my happy place and I haven't been able to go since 2019 #i almost cried like 3 separate times roday just from being overwhelmed at being home again #anyways now i'm gonna lie down for 48 hours so i can be well enough to fly back across the country to my house lol #also did you know i am physically incapable of opening my eyes all the way in any picture ever taken of me?

[stcries]

the amount of thoughts i have about this man is unimaginable.

#・ ˖ ✦ ⋄ . AUTHOR OF THE STARS ❝ ooc. ❞ #he was stuck in my head from when i first watched the trailer he was in #and now that i've seen the movie??? it's increased ten fold #i am down bad i ain't even gonna lie LMAO