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fairweather-fangs · 1 year

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F noticed alot that everyone just calked him 'F'. Just the letter.

He wasn't sure why. Maybe no one could remember his House assigned alias, maybe everyone thought he hated it, maybe something else.

Personally he didn't care. He just found it interesting. There were alot of names to call him. F, just an initial. Ferrum, his house assigned name wgich he actually quite liked. It wasn't edgy or cool but neither was F. He felt iron as a metal was decent, and was fine being referred by it. There was his detective alias, Fairweather, which he used to pose as a super detective unrelated to L when solving certainc cases.

And then there was Feng. His real, actual name.

As far as he knew, he was the only person who gave out gis name freely, dispite the Wammys House rules. Ever since the L program they were not allowed to hand out their names, most kids didn't even know eachothers names. To begin with. This was mostly due to the international nature of Wammys House. Half the time kids went by a nick name anyways because they were tired of explaining the complexities of thsir native language to everyone they talked to only for the other's lack of familiarity with certain sounds to make them butcher it anyways.

Feng did not go by any nickname. He was Feng, and when he was transferred from his orphanage un Taiwan to England, he assumed that if he could learn an entire new language than British kids could learn to say a simple one syllable name. They could not. And that is how the name Fang came to be.

He hated that everyone called him Fang. He tried to explain it, that it's simple to make an en- sound rather than an an- sound but even the most willing people screwed it up.

And then the L thing happened, and suddenly Feng was no longer allowed which F hated. It felt like he was having his identity stripped away anyways. He liked his name, it was cool. His mother always told him it ment 'Phoenix' and while he personally couldn't connect his life to the creature, a mythical fire bird wasn't the worst thing to be named after.

Fang was a tooth. Teeth were much lamer than a fire bird. And besides, Feng was given to him by his parents. It was a gift from them to their only child. Fang was a mispronounciation that would be better if it was an association made in his home country with other kids who actually spoke Chinese natively and not a bunch of native and non native English speakers struggling to wrap thsir minds around an E.

He didn't even mind Fang at this point. Just the fact that he had to be here honestly. Maybe how much he bitched about the Fang thing was why he was always just F.

But he'd take being called Fang by a friend, at least in an affectionate way. (and not the way the twats in his geography class liked to call him Fang, which was obviously just to get on his nerves purely because a pissed of F was a rare achievement. But this was only possible then purely because he never got a chance to be properly high in geography and was therefore much more irritable. It was cheating honestly, but if F caught them calling him Fang when he had his pipe on him... he'd probably have to make some wild planning before hand to get away with it and would never bother. Plus, that's a bit extreme over a name but it really bothered him.)

He sometimes ruminated on something else to call himself, but he didn't think he was special enough to deserve it. Ferrum was fancy but it was standardized, so it was fine. Feng Lao was a fitting name, it was common, but not excessively. One time he swore Backup called him Feng Lao, but he could be misremembering as he often did, or B was aware his first name was Feng as he often told people and just guessed a random Chinese last name and got it right.

He laughed at the memory. There was a rumor that Backup was an expert at getting names. Some thought he was a good guesser, some thought he'd found where they keep the super top secret records and learned all the names, someone once said he was psychic. F didn't belive any of that. Backup was weird and he did weird things.

But Backup wasn't important to him, he was a weirdo F stayed away from unless he needed drugs in which case F was cautious but never missed out on extra cash. B compared to F was far above him, B was going somewhere, probably prison but at least it'd be for something crazy. F was liable a few years for selling weed. B was number two in the ranks, not beating A but A was a machine of a boy who wasn't worth trying to beat. F didn't think anyone could. F was at the bottom. Always at the bottom.

He knew why, he didn’t try. He didn't care. He couldn't remember why he was in the L program, he never remembered most things. All he could really remember was who he was and he was Feng Lao from Taiwan who liked bright colors and shiny lights and dominanted the drug market at Wammys because he truly was passionate about selling and doing drugs. Maybe that's what Fang could be. His drug dealer name. It probably wasn't a good idea to deal drugs with a real name and what better than Fang to deal drugs with? It sounded cool and vaguely threatening but really wasn't anything special just like him.

'Yeah... Fang will do I guess' He reasoned. But he still wanted to smash the heads of those asses from geography.

#ramblings #F has a complex relationship with his name #sorry this is long. I went and wrote a whole fanfic sorry ajdja

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zee-has-commitment-issues · 1 year

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This is funny because I already have a tag, but I'm afraid you'll find out who I am and then you'll know both my tags, so... You could calk me valentine anon though, couldn't you? That's a lot cuter. Oh, and I'm not as talented as poet anon, sadly.

Would it not be ironic.... would it not be ironic if you were Identity Theft Anon?

I know you're probably not, but that would be so fucking funny.

If I had to warrant a guess, I would say you are probably purple heart anon? I think most of my other regular anons sign off with an emoji or their tag name. Except Unhinged Anon, but UA has been MIA for a couple months now💀

But for the purpose of this ask, sure, we can call you Valentine Anon.

#ask #anon #the valentine anon

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bisociallyawkwardandchad · 3 years

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my brother is preaching again, he just said: "If you play videogames you are NOT a gamer, you are just a player. If you are good at them, THEN you are a gamer".

#gaming community is this true?#my brother preaching #gamers? gamers #of course if you ironically calk yourself gamer and you just play like skribbl.io i guess its fine #personally. i am a GAYMER. and thats it

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szczylpierdolony · 5 years

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addsdsf is making up problems my moms hobby or

#like???#i went out of the bathroom and she calks me to her room just to ask me if i washed my teeth like im 5 #and when i tell her i did she goes ‘i didnt hear you’#???#her room is next to the bathroom but still jesus how is she supposed to hear it does she just sit w/ her ear pressed to the wall??#‘i could aleays hear your sister’ yeah no shit she uses electric brush #and literally 3 minutes after i leave she comes to my room and asks me again ‘just to make sure’#what the actual fuck #and she does that every night #why doesnt she ever believe me ill never know #but when i ask her she says she does believe and shes just making sure #bc if she didnt she wouldve said im lying and just???#shes making problem out of nothing and then she victimises herself saying all those #‘oh yes im making things up as always' ironically #like yes you do!!! go to therapy idk!!!#stop being like this!! thats exactly why everyone is always so angry each other!!#aaaaaaaaa #this is so stupid sorry for ranting :((#dante yells

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rochey1010 · 4 years

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HI, ok so this second post is about Eliott posting obscure movies and how they are or will relate to the plot:

1: NIGHT OF THE GHOULS - this movie is basically made by an amateur movie director known as Ed Wood. Now this one did confuse me for a bit as i had multiple threads going in my head. So i'm just gonna list them all. This is setting up the ELU trust/insecurity issues to come. It's also setting up the connection between Eliott and Lola, and it could be setting up Eliott and his suspected uni movie project.

● ELU trust/insecurity issues- the girl in the clip is panicking over something being outside. She's very hysterical and unsettled, and refers to what's outside as ghosts. The guy in the turban is basically telling her she's a fool and that there isn't anything outside. So theorising here, the girl is lucas. The ghosts are the ghosts of the past AKA abandonment issues. They're so deeply rooted that there's a struggle to get through to him. The turban guy is Eliott and he's frustrated that his reasoning isn't getting through. That the fears are unfounded = possible misconstrued nature by Lucas of Eliott and Lola's friendship.

More obscure theory but actually starting to build ground as the show goes on. The girl is Eliott and it's simply that the ghosts of the past have returned (upcoming Benny.Taxi post) and he's freaking out over it.

● this is the BTS, and i think very important for the Lola and Eliott friendship. So Ed Wood the director of the movie formed a friendship with Bella Lugosi (star) but it was through the making of this movie that Wood got Lugosi through the darkest days of his depression and alcoholism. His friendship saved him and put him in a better place. How does this relate? Lola is spiralling at the moment and Maya is distant. She needs a connection and she's one step away from going on another bender. This is where Eliott comes in. He's empathic, sees the bigger picture and has shown concern towards Lola. Their connection is being built on self identification. Basically someone who can relate and understand. Lola needs that right now. Eliott has reached out and they are gonna be friends. He's gonna help her and i suspect the movie will be part of it.

● this one is just about Ed Wood and being an amateur director. I must say a really bad one. I'm thinking it's Eliott BTS and his possible Uni project, and his insecurities over his ability and talents because he was hurt when POLARIS failed to get the funding it needed in the past.

2: MAX AND MARY: A story about a long distance friendship between two lonely outlier souls. There is an age difference but the bond is innocent between them. They converse as penpals and in the end Mary goes to meet Max but he died. this is basically setting up not only the friendship between Eliott and Lola but that Lola will meet Eliott in the next few days. It's also screaming another theory (Benny.Taxi) but i'm gonna talk about that in my last post. The clip is Mary knocking on Max's door. Now my theory is that Lola goes to find Eliott possibly at his job but just misses him, and ends up slipping and going back to the club or more likely she now reaches out to him and meets him.

Edit: next movie Eliott just posted on his insta story.....

3: Unbreakable: This is a 2000's movie directed by M Night Shyamalan. There are 2 important characters. One is a security guard called David (Bruce Wilis) and the other is a comic book store owner calked Elijah (Samuel L Jackson) They come into each others lives and force each other to confront their true selves. They are opposites or polarities of each other. POLARIS i see you there. 👋 but at different places in their lives.

Elijah says "however unreal it may seem, we are connected you and i, we're on the same curve, just on opposite ends"

David is damaged psychologically. He's trying to fix himself and his world. He is numb and just going through the motions of life. He has no passion or drive. Then he finds out about his super powers. That he is super strong like iron, and through this knowledge, and using those abilities, he heals his soul and feels complete.

Elijah is physically damaged. He has brittle 'glass' bones and is in a wheelchair. He learns of David's abilities and he seeks to understand them. Elijah thinks that himself and David are connected and it's through this presence in David's life that they both go on a journey of self discovery and knowing their purpose. Elijah acts as a quirky sort of mentor for David. A guide you would say.

Elijah: "it's alright to be afraid, David because this part won't be like a comic book. Real life doesn't fit into little boxes that were drawn for it"

It's a very ambiguous sort of movie, as both characters are simply grey people. They are very flawed and they have hurt people. There are themes of heroism, self worth, destiny, fear identity and purpose, and really it's about becoming your own hero in life. So how does this relate to the show?

Ok, Eliott is again forshadowing the plot and the issues these characters will face and overcome. Basically i feel it's again the dynamic that Lola and Eliott have. How they will affect each other and the meaning they will bring to each others lives. So Lola is David and she's depressed and numb right now. She's directionless and feels she has no place in her world. Eliott is Elijah and he meets her at a place in life where he ends up helping her to see her true potential. Through this Lola starts to take the reigns of her own life and be her own hero. And her world around her begins to flourish once again e.g. friends, family, love etc.

Elijah says to David at one point "do you know what the scariest thing is? To not know your place in this world, to not know why you're here"

That screams so much fear in both of these characters, with their own insecurities and trauma's. Eliott could possibly be to me at a crossroads in his creativity. That now that he is trying to bring POLARIS back again, that he is crippled with doubt and insecurity from the first time it failed. His personal insta movie stories seem to me to be him trying to find inspiration to finish POLARIS. And through them it's like he's doubting himself (Elijah's "i almost gave up hope there were so many times i questioned myself")but also through them, the thread is there that he will have help to make POLARIS realised finally.

Ultimately the movie and the show is referencing the realisation of who a person is, what they are capable of, and finding closure from the past and putting your fears and doubts to rest. This to me is both Eliott and Lola's journey.

So basically Eliott's movie is coming. Possibly E6. And POLARIS will be the crux of the life changes in Eliott and Lola. I feel Lola being involved in Eliott's art may even start changing the way she views her own. (damage) and i feel POLARIS will help Lola come to terms with her love for Maya. Thanks to anyone who continues to read my ramblings. 😊

OK my last post is about Benny.taxi and how it's looking like it will be Eliott and not Daphne. And how Eliott's past connects to that.

#skam france #eliott demaury #skam fr s6 #skamfr

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ameryth74 · 5 years

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Louis **** Title Generator Tool

** **** it

LOL.... go!

Two letter words:

There are 107 acceptable 2-letter words listed in the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary, 6th Edition and the Official Tournament and Club Word List:

AA, AB, AD, AE, AG, AH, AI, AL, AM, AN, AR, AS, AT, AW, AX, AY, BA, BE, BI, BO, BY, DA, DE, DO, ED, EF, EH, EL, EM, EN, ER, ES, ET, EW, EX, FA, FE, GI, GO, HA, HE, HI, HO, ID, IF, IN, IS, IT, JO, JU, JY, JZ, KA, KI, KO, LA, LI, LO, MA, ME, MI, MM, MO, MU, MY, NA, NE, NO, NU, OD, OE, OF, OH, OI, OK, OM, ON, OP, OR, OS, OW, OX, PA, PE, PI, PO, QI, RE, SH, SI, SO, TA, TE, TI, TO, UH, UM, UN, UP, US, UT, WE, WO, XI, XU, YA, YE, YO, ZA

Two letter contractions: I’m, I’d

Four letter verbs:

abet, abut, abye/aby, ache, alit, ally, ante, arch, aver, avow (10).

baby, bach, back, bade, baff, bail, bait, bake, bald, bale, balk, ball, band, bang, bank, bant, barb, bard, bare, barf, bark, base, bash, bask, bate, bath, bauk, bawl, bead, beam, bean, bear, beat, beck, bede, beef, been, beep, bell, belt, bend, bent, bere, best, bias, bide(archaic usage), biff, bike, bilk, bill, bind, bird, birl, birr, bite, bitt, blab, blat, blaw, bled, blet, blew, blip, blob, blot, blow, blub, blue, blur, boak, boat, bode, body, boff(vulgar usage), boil, boke, bomb, bond, bone, bong, bonk, boob, book, boom, boot, bore, born, boss, boun, bowl, brad, brag, bray, bred, brew, brim, buck, buff, bulk, bull, bump, bung, bunk, bunt, buoy, burl, burn, burp, burr, bury, bush, busk, buss, bust, busy, butt, buzz (117).

ca-ca, cage, cake, calk, call, calm, came, camp, cane, cant, card, care, carp, cart, case, cash, cast, cave, cede, cere, chap, char, chat, chaw, chid, chin, chip, chop, chow, chug, chum, cite, clad, clam, clap, claw, clay, clew, clip, clog, clop, clot, cloy, club, clue, coal, coat, coax, cock, code, coif, coil, coin, coke, comb, come, comp, cone, conk, conn, cook, cool, coop, cope, copy, cord, core, cork, corn, cosh, cost, coup, cove, cowl, crab, cram, crap, crew, crib, crop, crow, cube, cuff, cull, curb, curd, cure, curl, curr, cuss (90).

dado, daff, damn, damp, dang, dare, dark, darn, dart, dash, date, daub, dawn, daze, deal, deck, deed, deem, defy, deke, dele, demo, dent, deny, dial, dice, died, diet, dike, dine, ding, ding, dint, dirk, disc, dish, disk, diss, dive, dock, doff, dole, dome, done, doom, dope, dose, doss, dote, dove, down, doze, drab, drag, draw, dray, dree, drew, drip, drop, drub, drug, drum, duck, duel, duet, dull, dumb, dump, dung, dunk, dupe, dusk, dust, dyke (75).

earn, ease, echo, eddy, edge, edit, emit, envy, espy, etch, even, exit (12).

face, fade, fail, fake, fall, fame, fard, fare, farm, fart, fash, fast, fate, fawn, faze, fear, feed, feel, fell, felt, fend, fess, fete, feud, file, fill, film, find, fine, fink, fire, firm, fish, fist, fizz, flag, flap, flat, flaw, flay, fled, flee, flew, flex, flip, flit, flog, flop, flow, flub, flux, foal, foam, foil, foin, fold, fond, fool, foot, ford, fork, form, foul, fowl, frag, frap, fray, free, fret, frig, frit, fuel, full, fume, fund, funk, furl, fuse, fuss, futz, fuze, fuzz (82).

gaff, gage, gain, gait, gall, game, gang, gaol, gape, garb, gash, gasp, gast(obsolete), gate, gaum(US), gave, gawk, gawp, gaze, gear, geld, gibe, gift, gild, gill, gimp, gird, girt, give, glad(archaic), glom, glow, glue, glug, glut, gnar, gnaw, go by, go on, goad, golf, gone, gong, goof, gore, gown, grab, gray, grew, grey, grid, grin, grip, grit, grow, grub, gulf, gull, gulp, gush, gust, gybe, gyre, gyve (64).

hack, haft, hail, hale, halo, halt, hand, hang, hare, hark, harm, harp, hash, hasp, hast, hate, hath(archaic), haul, have, hawk, haze, head, heal, heap, hear, heat, heed, heel, heft, held, helm, help, hent(obsolete), herd, hewn, hide, hike, hill, hint, hire, hiss, hive, hoax, hock, hoke(slang), hold, hole, home, hone, honk, hood, hoof, hook, hoop, hoot, hope, horn, hose, host, hove, howl, huff, hulk, hull, hump, hung, hunt, hurl, hurt, hush, husk, hymn, hype, hypo (74).

idle, inch, iris, iron, isle, itch (6).

jack, jade, jail, jape, jazz, jeep, jeer, jell, jerk, jest, jibe, jilt, jink, jinx, jive, join, joke, jolt, josh, juke, jump, junk (22).

kayo, keek(Scots), keel, keen, keep, kept, kern, kick, kill, kiln, kilt, kink, kiss, kite, knap, knew, knit, knot, know (19).

lace, lack, laid, lain, lair, lake, lamb, lame, land, lard, lark, lase, lash, last, lath, laud, lave, laze, lazy, lead, leaf, leak, lean, leap, lech, leer, left, lend, lens, lent, levy, lick, lift, like, lilt, limb, lime, limn, limp, line, link, lisp, list, live, load, loaf, loan, lock, loft, loll, long, look, loom, loop, loot, lope, lord, lose, lost, loup(Scots), lour, lout, love, lube, luck, luff, luge, lull, lump, lure, lurk, lust, lute, lyse (74).

mace, made, mail, maim, make, mall, malt, mark, marl, mart, mash, mask, mass, mast, mate, maul, maze, mean, meet, meld, mell, melt, mend, meow, mesh, mess, mete, mewl, miff, milk, mill, mime, mind, mine, mint, mire, miss, mist, moan, moat, mock, moil, mold, molt, moon, moor, moot, mope, moss, move, muck, muff, mull, mump, muse, mush, muss, must, mute (59).

nail, name, near, neck, need, nest, nick, nigh, nill(obsolete), nock, nose, nosh, note, nuke, null, numb (16).

obey, ogle, oink, okay, omen, omit, ooze, open, oust, over (10).

pace, pack, page, pain, pair, pale, pall, palm, pang, pant, pare, park, part, pash(Austral), pass, pave, pawn, peak, peal, peck, peek, peel, peen, peep, peer, pelt, pend, perk, perm, pick, pike, pile, pill, pimp, pine, ping, pink, pipe, piss(vulgar), pith, pity, plan, plat, play, plod, plop, plot, plow, plug, pock, poke, pole, poll, pond, pool, pore, port, pose, post, pour, pout, pray, pree, prep, prey, prim, prod, prog, prop, puff, puke, pule, pull, pulp, pump, punt, purl, purr, push, putt (80).

quad, quip, quit, quiz (4).

race, rack, raft, rage, raid, rail, rain, rake, ramp, rang, rank, rant, rape, rase, rasp, rate, rave, raze, razz, read, ream, reap, rear, reck, redd(dialect), rede(archaic), redo, reed, reef, reek, reel, rein, rely, rend, rent, rest, re-up, rice, rick, ride, riff, rift, rile, rill, rime(archaic)/rhyme, ring, riot, rise, risk, rive, roam, roar, robe, rock, rode, roil, rolf, roll, romp, roof, rook, room, root, rope, rose, rout, rove, ruck, ruff, ruin, rule, rush, rust (73).

sack, said, sail, sale, salt, sand, sass, sate, save, sawn, scab, scam, scan, scar, scat, scud, scum, seal, seam, sear, seat, seed, seek, seel, seem, seen, seep, sell, send, sent, sewn, shag, sham, shed, shim, shin, ship, shit, shoe, shog, shoo, shop, shot, show, shun, shut, sick, side, sift, sigh, sign, silk, silt, sing, sink, sire, site, size, skew, skid, skim, skin, skip, slab, slag, slam, slap, slat, slay, sled, slew, slid, slim, slip, slit, slog, slop, slot, slow, slub, slue, slug, slum, slur, smut, snag, snap, snip, snow, snub, snug, soak, soap, soar, sock, soil, sold, sole, solo, soot, sorb, sort, soup, sour, sown, spae(scottish), spam, span, spar, spat, spay, spec, sped, spew, spin, spit, spot, spud, spur, spurn, stab, stag, star, stay, stem, step, stet, stew, stir, stop, stow, stub, stud, stun, suck, suds, suit, sulk, sung, sunk, surf, swab, swag, swam, swan(brit), swap, swat, sway, swig, swim, swob, swop(brit)/swap, swot, swum, sync (155).

tabu, tack, tail, take, talc, talk, tame, tamp, tang, tank, tape, tare, task, taut, taxi, team, tear, teem, tell, tend, tent, term, test, text, thaw, thin, thud, tick, tide, tidy, tier, tiff, tile, till, tilt, time, tine, ting, tint, tire, toil, toke, told, tole, toll, tomb, tone, tong, took, tool, toot, tope, tore, torn, toss, tote, tour, tout, tram, trap, tree, trek, trim, trip, trod, trot, trow(archaic), true, tube, tuck, tuft, tune, turf, turn, tusk, twig(Brit), twin, twit, type (79).

undo, urge (2).

vade, vail(archaic), vamp, vary, veal, veer, veil, vein, vend, vent, vest, veto, vide, view, vine, visa, vise, void, vote (19).

wade, waft, wage, wail, wait, wake, wale, walk, wall, wane, want, ward, ware(archaic), warm, warn, warp, wash, waul, wave, wawl, wean, wear, weed, ween, weep, weet, weld, well, welt, wend, went, wept, were, wert(archaic), wham, whap, whet, whid(Scottish), whip, whir, whiz, whop, wick, wile, will, wilt, wind, wine, wing, wink, wipe, wire, wise, wish, wisp, wist, wite, wive, woke, wolf, wont, wood, woof, word, wore, work, worm, worn, wove, wrap, writ(archaic) (71).

x-ray (1).

yack, yank, yard, yarn, yaup, yawn, yawp, yean, yell, yelp, yerk, yeuk, yock, yoke, yowl, yo-yo(informal), yuck (17).

zero, zest, zinc, zing, zone, zonk, zoom (7).

IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT

(yes there are 28 ITs)

#louis tomlinson #song title #** **** it #lt1 #lol 😂#*** **

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natmadaisha · 3 years

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What is Caulk

Caulk, also known as caulking, is a material used to seal joints or seams against leakage in various constructions and piping. It is also used in window glass replacement in some cases.

Historically, the earliest form of caulk was made of fibrous materials pressed into wedge-shaped cracks between boards on wooden vessels or ships. Historically, cast iron sewerage pipe was caulked like this. Historically, riveted seams in ships and boilers were sealed by pounding the metal together.

Today's caulking compounds are flexible sealing compounds used to close up holes in buildings and other structures to protect them from the elements (water, air, dust, insects, etc.). They are also employed as a component in firefighting. Caulking is the process of sealing joints in segmental precast concrete tunnels, which is most typically accomplished with concrete in the tunneling business.

Utilizations in the past

Shipbuilding in wood is a traditional craft.

Traditionally, cotton and oakum fibers are used in the caulking (also known as calking) of wooden vessels to seal them (hemp fiber soaked in pine tar). With the help of a caulking mallet and a sizeable chisel-like tool known as a caulking iron, these fibers are forced into the wedge-shaped seam between the planks of wood. The caulking is subsequently covered with putty, in the case of hull seams, or with melted pine pitch, in the case of deck seams, in a process known as paying, or "calefaction," after which the caulking is removed. Caulkers were the people that did this type of labor for a living. According to the prophet Ezekiel, A particular skill is the caulking of ships, which is mentioned in the Hebrew Bible.

Modern maritime sealants are frequently used in place of pitch, and in some cases, to completely replace the oakum and cotton employed in the first place.

The caulking on the Severn trow Spry has dried out and is now on show on the shore.

Traditional wooden ship caulking tools include a caulking mallet, a caulker's bench, caulking irons, cotton, and oakum, among others.

Discovered on board the 16th-century carrack Mary Rose was an old caulking mallet, a tar pot, and a bit of petrified tar.

Shipbuilding in either iron or steel

Caulking was a procedure used in riveted steel or iron shipbuilding to render seams watertight. It involved pressing a broad, blunt chisel-like tool into the plate close to the seam to seal the joint. Consequently, the metal was displaced into a close fit with the next piece due to this. Pneumatic equipment was eventually used to replace manual caulking, which was initially done by hand in the same way as wooden vessel caulking. Steel ship caulking was rendered obsolete with the introduction of electric arc welding for ship construction in the 1960s.

Boilermaking

A sort of iron and steel caulking of the same type as that described above for ship hulls was also used by boilermakers during the period of riveted boilers to ensure that the joints were both water- and steam-tight.

Strips for trimming and caulking that are flexible

Flexible, self-adhesive trim strips are available for use in various applications where traditional caulk, trim, or molding would be appropriate. The strips can be used as caulk to prevent moisture from seeping into gaps around sinks, bathtubs, showers, and other areas where traditional caulk would be used.

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thewisdomletters · 3 years

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Poem: In Need of Sistering

In Need of Sistering The boat is old. There is dry rot. Boards missing. Calking missing.The keel hangs on by a few rusty iron bolts. One or two of the ribs are broken, in needof sistering. Someone has moved it here, under shelter. Propped up and protected. An act of faith, you are not sure you would maketo take something so broken and see more than scrap lumber or firewood. There is barely…

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hopefulballoonpuppy · 5 years

Text

Maze

Lost...

That was the only word that could describe my state right now.

Since the first few years of my existence ,

Never have i found myself a vulunirable puzzled soul.

Not until my twisted fate brought us together.

Not exactly .......together

Wait let me get this straight!

I was the fool one to have a peak at your existence.

The mere first thought were slightly tangled with my teenage phase.

Or so i thought...

You were my first in every thing...in every way.

My first crush, first attention magnet.

And mostly the first one that made this frozen heart of mine beat.

Few days went on smoothly...

My routine was mostly composed by your mere existence.

Stalking you from away became a habit of mine,

And sneaking few pictures here and over there followed not ling after.

What?....just to keep the memory.

Just the thought of you made my usually straightened lips curve.

Hearing your name being spelled around made my cheeks warm as if the hell chose to spill it's hotness over it.

I wasn't sure of one thing tho...

Was i in live with you?

just the idea of having you in my life?

My suspicion were soon confirmed when i found myself telling my six feet under ground buried mom about you.

Believe me,

I wouldn't do that if you weren't special.

21th 2013

I heard you left the school.

And it was the same time i felt my soul left it body.

I spent my whole days moving with a straight face showing no care to the world.

But that mask would eventually fall during my restless night with face buried in tear soaked pillow.

21th September 2015

I holded dolly those papers.

A paper that chose to twist my guts.

I was this close to break....

But not yet....

Those white walls and marvelled shiny floor became my second home.

Fixing back my winter hat covering the space left by long gone black curls

I miss my hair...but not as much as you

Pain was becoming a daily ritual ,

But it was never braver to reach the rate your lost gave me.

It will never ....

21th September 2017

"..one month left.."

Those were the last word my doctor for two years has said.

I was scared...

But i wasn't scared of death..

I was scared of dying before voicing out my accumulated thoughts about you.

Wednesday 4:23pm

The train was holding my fragile silhouette in one of his rooms.

Looking out the window...

I could see the moon almost covered behind the dark could.

Ironically mimicking my twisted fate.

Cause i was fading soon as well....

My health wasn't helping at all,

But i was fighting...

Yes i was fighting for my one-sided love.

Memories of my quiet adventure in your maze flashes softly in my blurry vision.

Crying wouldn't help bring you close but at least it will console your far existence.

Wednesday 12 am

Clutching on my last ray of hope i spent my midnight standing at the entrance of the building.

Rain poured down most of the night easing the bitterness of my soul.

Hoping, wishing and praying that you'll show up somehow.

Or your shadow at least.

But to no vain...

I am begging you..

P-please spare my poor heart.

I-i'm sorry...

Thursday 8 am

" What's the matter jimin~ah?"

His deep voice was heard as his the so calked seemed to be engrossed in contemplating something through the window.

"A girl was found dead in front of the building.."

°Fin°

Trying angst....i guess?

Any Feedbacks?😜

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alfalfadesperado · 6 years

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Caboodle – The whole thing. Also called “kit and caboodle.”

Caboose – A ship’s cooking-range or kitchen.

Cady – Hat

Cahoots – Partnership, company or band. “Those to are in cahoots together.”

Calaboose – Jail.

Calamity Jane – Obviously the hard-cussing, heavy-drinking frontier woman, but is also a gambling term for the Queen of Spades.

Calash – A covering for the head, usually worn by ladies to protect their head-dresses when going to evening parties, the theatre, etc.

Calf Slobbers – Meringue on the top of pie.

Calibogus – Rum and spruce-beer.

Calico – A paint horse.

Calico Queen – Prostitute.

California Collar – A hangman’s noose.

California Prayer Book – Gambling term for a deck of cards.

California Widow – A woman separated from her husband, but not divorced. (From when pioneer men went West, leaving their wives to follow later.)

Callin’ – Courting.

Calk – Sharp points of iron on horse or ox shoes to prevent their slipping on ice.

Came Apart – A horse bucking.

Candle-light – Dusk. The dance will start at early candle-light.

Canister – Gun

Canned Cow – Canned milk.

Cannon – A revolver

Can Openers – Spurs

Can’t Come It – Cannot do it. “You can’t come it over me so.”

Caporal – The ranch foreman or roundup boss.

Cap the Climax – To beat all, surpass everything.

Cardinal – The name of a woman’s cloak, from the red or scarlet habit worn by cardinals.

Carryall – A four-wheeled pleasure carriage, capable of holding several persons.

Cash In – To die.

Catalogue Woman – A mail order bride.

Catawampous – Fiercely, eagerly, awry, cockeyed, crooked, skewed. Also “catawamptiously.”

Catawamptiously Chawed Up – Completely demolished, utterly defeated.

Catch A Tartar – To attack one of superior strength or abilities.

Catch a Weasel Asleep – Referring to something impossible or unlikely, usually used in regard to someone who is always alert and seldom or never caught off guard. “You can’t sneak up on that dude any sooner than you can catch a weasel asleep.”

Catgut – Rawhide rope.

Cattle Baron – A cattle owner with numerous herds of stock, welding power and influence in an area.

Cattle Kate – A female cattle rustler.

Cats-Paw – To be made a cats-paw of. To be made a tool or instrument to accomplish the purpose of another.

Catstick – A bat used by boys in a game at ball

Catty-Cornered – Diagonally across. “The Courthouse is catty-cornered from the drugstore.”

Cavort – To frolic or prance about, to be lively, having fun.

Cat Wagon – A wagon that carried prostitutes along cattle trails

Cayuse – A cowboy’s steed.

Causey – A causeway, or way raised above the natural level

Cavallard – Caravans crossing the prairies.

Caveson – A muzzle for a horse.

Celestial – A term used in the West to refer to people of Chinese descent; the word derives from an old name for China, the “Celestial Empire.”

Chalk – Not by a long chalk. When a person attempts to effect a particular object, in which he fails, we say, “He can’t do it by a long chalk.”

Chap – A boy, lad, a fellow.

“I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear …” — Walt Whitman, 1860

Charivari – (Commonly pronounced shevaree.) – A custom of serenading the newly married with noise, including tin horns, bells, pans, kettles, etc. This “serenade” is continued night after night until the party is invited in and handsomely entertained.

Chaw – Chew.

Chaw Up – To use up, demolish.

Chickabiddy – A young chicken. Used also as a term of endearment for children.

Chew – Eat

Chew Gravel – Thrown from a horse.

Chip – The money drawer in a bank.

Chink – Money.

Chinking And Daubing – The process of filling with clay the interstices between the logs of cabins.

Chirk – To make a peculiar noise by placing the tongue against the roof of the mouth, to urge horses on. Also refers to people as cheerful, good spirits, comfortable.

Chisel or Chiseler – To cheat or swindle, a cheater.

Chitlins – Fragments, small pieces. Also, refers to Chitterlings.

Chitterlings – The intestines of a pig that have been prepared as food.

Chock – To put a wedge under a thing to prevent its moving.

Chock Up – Close, tight, fitting closely together.

Chock-Full or Chuck-Full – Entirely full.

Choke Strap – A necktie.

Choke the Horn – To grab the saddle horn, something no cowboy wants to be seen doing.

Chop – A Chinese word signifying quality, first introduced to mariners in the China trade. Soon became a common word of seamen applied to fine silks, teas, tobacco, etc.

Chopper – The cowboy who cuts out the cattle during a roundup.

Chow – Food, dinner.

Chuck – To throw, by a quick and dexterous motion, a short distance.

Chuck – Food.

Chucklehead – A fool.

Chuck-Line Rider – An unemployed cowboy who rode from ranch to ranch, exchanging a bit of news and gossip for a meal. Also called a “grub-line rider.”

Cowboys gathered around the chuckwagon ready for “chow” on the ranch, 1887

Chuck Wagon Chicken – Cowboys humorously used the term for fried bacon.

Chuffy – Blunt, surly, clownish.

Churched – Expelled from church.

Churn Twister – A derogatory term for a farmer.

Claw Leather – To grab the saddle horn, something no cowboy wants to be seen doing.

Civism – Love of country, patriotism.

Civilizee – A civilized man, one advanced in civilization.

Clap Or Clap Down – To set down or charge to one’s account.

Clap-Trap – An artifice for attracting applause, used chiefly in theatrical or political events. Later, applied to someone’s mouth that constantly makes noise.

Clean his/your plow – To get or give a thorough whippin’.

Clean Thing – Denotes propriety or what is honorable. “He did the “clean thing” and turned himself in.”

Clip – A blow or a stroke with the hand. Also refers to running away – to “cut and run.”

Clitchy – Clammy, sticky, glutinous.

Clinch Mountain – Rye whiskey.

Clodhopper – A rustic, a clown.

Close-Fisted – Stingy, mean.

Clothes-Horse – A frame-work for hanging clothes on to dry after they have been washed and ironed, in the form of an opening screen.

Clothesline – Rope.

Clout – A blow or strike, usually with the fist.

Clum – Past tense of climb.

Coal-Hod – A kettle for carrying coals to the fire. Also called a coal scuttle.

Cocinero – The camp cook – also called “coosie” and “cusie.”

Cocked Hat – To knock someone senseless or to shock him completely. Old Joe knocked him into a cocked hat.

Coffee Boiler – Shirker, lazy person. (Would rather sit around the coffee pot than help.)

Coffin Varnish – Whiskey.

Coil – Rope.

Cold as a Wagon Tire – Dead.

Cold Meat Wagon – A hearse.

Colors – The particles of gold gleaming in a prospector’s gold pan.

Cooling yer heels – Staying for a while. “He’ll be cooling his heels in the pokey.”

Come a Cropper – Come to ruin, fail, or fall heavily. “He had big plans to get rich, but it all became a cropper, when the railroad didn’t come through.”

Compressed Hay – Cowchips.

Conniption Fit – A fit of hysteria.

Consumption – Tuberculosis.

Continental – The money issued by Congress during the Revolutionary War. It eventually became synonymous with anything worthless.

Converter – A preacher.

Cookie at the Chuckwagon

Cookie – Ranch or cattle drive cook.

Coon’s Age – A long time.

Coosie – The camp cook.

Coot – An idiot, simpleton, a ninny.

Copper – A copper coin such as the American penny or British.

Copper a Bet – Betting to lose, or being prepared against loss. “I’m just coppering my bets.”

Copperhead – Northern person with Southern, anti-Union sympathies.

Corduroy Road – A road or causeway constructed with logs laid together over swamps or marshy places.

Corks – The steel points fixed under the shoes of horses, in the winter, to prevent them from falling on the ice.

Corn-Cracker – The nickname for a native of Kentucky.

Corn-Dodger – A kind of cake made of Indian corn, and baked very hard.

Corned – Drunk.

Corn-Juice – Whisky.

Corral Dust – Lies and tall tales.

Cottonwood Blossom – A man lynched from the limb of a tree.

Cotton To – To take a liking to.

Countrified – Rustic, rude.

Couldn’t hold a candle to – Not even close. “She couldn’t hold a candle to that beauty across the room.”

Coverlid – A bed-quilt, counterpane.

Cowboy Cocktail – Straight whiskey.

Cowboy Up – Tuff-up, get back on yer horse, don’t back down, don’t give up, and do the best you can with the hand you’re dealt, give it all you’ve got.

Cow Chip – Dried cow manure.

Cow Grease – Butter, also called “cow salve.”

Cowhand – A cowboy, also called cowpoke, cowprod, and cowpuncher.

Cowhide – A particular kind of whip made of raw hide; it is also called a raw-hide. Term also refers to flogging with a cowhide – “to cowhide.”

Cow Juice – Milk

Cow-Lease – A right of pasturage for a cow, in a common pasture.

Cowpunching – Driving the cattle to market.

Cow Sense – Intelligence.

Cow Wood – Cowchips.

Crack – Most famous, best.

Cracked – Crazy.

Cracker – A small hard biscuit.

Cracker – A poor white person of the South, named after the crackling whips used by rural Southerners. There are several definitions of this word dating back before the 17th Century, however this was the definition in the Old West, and could have been derived from “Cracker Cowboys” of Florida, which used whips and dogs to capture cattle instead of lasso’s.

Crackerbox – A rodeo rider’s term for a bronc saddle.

Cracklings – Cinders, the remains of a wood fire

Crack Up – To brag or boast.

Cradle-Scythe – Called also simply cradle. A common scythe with a light frame-work, used for cutting grain instead of the sickle.

Crambo – A diversion in which one gives a word, to which another finds a rhyme. If the same word is repeated, a forfeit is demanded. It also refers to drinking.

Crash – A coarse kind of linen cloth used for towels.

Crawl His Hump – To start a fight.

Crazy as a Loon – Very crazy.

Creepmouse – A term of endearment to babies.

Crimany – Exclamation of surprise.

Critter – Creature, varmint. Sometimes used to describe a contemptible person.

Croaker – Pessimist, doomsayer. “Don’t be such an old croaker.”

Crock – The black of a pot; smut, the dust of soot or coal.

Crocky – Smutty.

Crooked As A Virginia Fence – A phrase applied to anything very crooked; and figuratively to persons of a stubborn temperament.

Cross-Grained – Perverse, troublesome.

Cross-Patch – An ill-tempered person.

Crotchety – Whimsical; fanciful.

Crotchical – Cross, perverse, peevish.

Crowbait – Derogatory term for a poor-quality horse.

Crowbar Hotel – Jail.

Cruller – A cake made of a strip of sweetened dough, boiled in lard, the two ends of which are twisted or curled together.

Crumb Castle – A chuckwagon.

Crumb Incubator – A cowboy’s bed.

Crummy – The caboose of a railroad train.

Crusty – Sturdy, morose, snappish.

Cubby-Hole or Cubby-House – A snug place for a child. Later, also used to denote any small space.

Curly Wolf – Real tough guy, dangerous man. “Ol’ Bill is a regular curly wolf, especially when he’s drinkin’ whiskey.”

Curmudgeon – An avaricious, churlish fellow, a miser.

Curry Favor – To seek or gain favor by flattery, caresses, kindness.

Curry the Kinks Out – To break a horse.

Cush – Sweet fried cornmeal cake. Also called “cushie.”

Cuss Words – The swear words back then are pretty much the same as they are now, though they were not used as prevalently back then. Profanity was frowned upon by polite society and old west cowboys rarely would swear in front of a lady.

Cut A Caper – The act of dancing in a frolicksome manner

Cut a Dash or Cut a Swathe – Make a great show; to make a figure.

Cut A Figure – To make an appearance, either good or bad.

Cut And Come Again – Implying that having cut as much as you pleased, you may come again; in other words, plenty; no lack; always a supply

Cut And Dried – Ready made.

Cut And Run – To be off, to be gone.

Cut Didoes – To get into mischief, frolicksome.

Cut Dirt – To run; to go fast.

Cut a Path – Leave, go. Are you ready to cut a path out of here?

Cut a Rusty – To go courtin’.

Cutting out from the herd in 1907.

Cut a Swell – Present a fine figure. “He sure is cutting a swell with the ladies.”

Cut His Suspenders – A departed cowboy.

Cut Of His Jib – The form of his profile. “I knew him by the cut of his jib.”

Cutting Horse – A horse with the ability to cut cows out of a herd.

Cut Up – To criticize with severity; as, “he was severely cut up in the newspapers.”

Cut Up Shines – To cut capers, play tricks.

Cut Stick – To be off, to leave immediately and quickly.

Cutter – A one horse sleigh.

#lingo

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newtshirtcom · 4 years

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Space Dad Anew Era In Space Fight 2020 Shirt

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cleaningfactory-blog · 4 years

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Rug Cleaning Melbourne: Not So Different

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sanjuanconstruction · 5 years

Text

Mechanical, Electrical, and Plumbing Foreman (Airfield) (Kwajalein Atoll, Marshall Islands)

Mechanical, Electrical, and Plumbing Foreman.

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Plans new or modified installations to effectively and efficiently construct or repair wiring, fixture, or equipment consistent with specifications and all applicable electrical codes.

Provide on-site supervision and direction of work crews and advise supervisor of any personnel not performing according to procedures, policies, and schedules. Maintain time records.

Review field design change requests prepared by field personnel for compliance to Contract Specifications or Design Documents.

Prepares/Oversees the preparation of all mechanical related submittals.

Researches and interprets codes, technical manuals, journals, etc. related to preparation and execution of Mechanical submittals.

Studies building plans and working drawings to determine work aids required and sequence of installations.

Inspects structure to ascertain obstructions to be avoided to prevent weakening of structure resulting from installation of pipe.

Locates and marks position of pipe and pipe connections and passage holes for pipes in walls and floors, using ruler, spirit level, and plumb bob.

Cuts openings in walls and floors to accommodate pipe and pipe fittings, using hand tools and power tools.

Cuts & threads pipe, using pipe cutters, cutting torch, and pipe-threading machine.

Bends pipe to required angle by use of pipe-bending machine or by placing pipe over block and bending it by hand.

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davidfostercomedyblog · 6 years

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The Things We Take for Granted

As a child I always wanted to be poor and black. As an adolescent I was criticized for this seemingly preposterous desire, but if anyone thought about it, it was quite logical. All of my heroes were poor and black: Rappers, many favorite actors (and the characters they portrayed), and most athletes (prior to signing their contracts) were poor and black. And what child doesn’t want to emulate their heroes?

Growing up my family was “comfortable” by white, American standards - filthy fucking rich by planetary standards. We didn’t attend private school, nor summer in the Hamptons, but my brother and I each had our own bedroom and Mom didn’t have to work. If you can claim the same and are under the impression that you’re not rich you’re probably a bad person.

In 1994 the tides turned as Dad was let go by his company, who discovered a “loophole” in his contract that would transform his promised $100,000/year pension into a $0/year pension, and the house wasn’t close to paid for. Mom had to go to work, Dad had to go back, and if I ever wished to again be “comfortable” I’d have to earn it, which is hardly something to whine about, still a factor in my reality.

I’ve lived in a million shit holes. In 1998 I was paying $440/month on West 15th St.

Do you know what you get for $440 on W. 15th Street? A room, literally nine feet by six, that happened to offer a great view of the Empire State Building. It was an “SRO” – single room occupancy, which means no kitchen or living room, no nothing, but a miniature refrigerator if you’re lucky, and a dingy-AF bathroom in the hallway to be shared with whatever other college kids or miscreants caught in some life transition (or perpetual non-transition) happened to live on the floor. At the time I was the former, in love with alcohol and psychedelic drugs, and it was the best time of my life. One night my friend, Tre got locked out of his car and had to sleep over, which we executed brilliantly, each of us curled into fetal position at opposite ends of my futon single and I’m confident no spooning took place. Tre decided to take some magic mushrooms from my stash, leaving crumbs of them on the sheets as if they were late night cookies, but the next day he claimed they “didn’t really work.” Incidentally, I got a better night’s sleep than I probably would now by myself on a king-sized pillow top. Ah, youth.

Eventually I upgraded to another SRO on 13th and 3rd Ave. for $600/month, which boasted over twice the square footage, and Tre ironically coined, “The Palace.” The Palace was (barely) able to fit a full-sized futon, parallel to a “coffee table” and perpendicular to a single bed, which made Tre’s sleepovers twice as comfortable and ten times as frequent. Infestation was worse than at the previous domicile, if for no other reason than the aforementioned law of probability as it pertains to literal space. What are the chances of mice and cockroaches as much finding their way into a box as specific as 54 square feet in a New York City building? We’d mostly hear the mice shuffling at night in the dark, but ironically saw roaches in the light, fearlessly perusing the sink or climbing the walls, and I don’t think I’ll ever again laugh as hard as I did when Tre pointed one out and muttered in a weed-smoked stupor: “Room service is here, nigga. You wanna place an order?”

Summers in SRO’s were tough, as air conditioners were forbidden, because capitalism works and life is fair. I’ll never forget one morning the heat was so intense that it woke me up early, so I got up, grabbed my things and bought one ticket to an early morning showing of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. I’d already suffered through one showing of the cinematic vomit, but figured the air conditioned theater with an awfully uninteresting dialogue and plot as backdrop was the perfect setting to finish my night’s rest. I was right.

No doubt the most interesting part about my time in The Palace was the ongoing mystery of who on my floor was responsible for the intermittent appearances of explosive diarrhea sprayed across the shared bathroom’s walls. One day they would be perfectly clean (relative to SRO’s), and the next day, Wham (literally)! It was everywhere, on the wall behind the toilet and beside it, on the floor as well as the trashcan, and at the still unshakeable age of 22 I was often as impressed by this poor soul’s range and diameter as I was grossed out by it being all over my home. The one thankful, but equally disturbing part of it was there was almost never any shit on the actual bowl. Who was this fascinating beast, first of all with some great gastrointestinal power, that insisted on ruthlessly shitting all over his own home and the home of others, but simultaneously considerate enough to never filthy the seat that his neighbors had to share? We had our suspects, but never got a conclusive verdict.

I graduated from SRO’s to futons in friends’ living rooms, one of which was directly above the loudest and most volatile gay bar in Chelsea, The Rawhide. Instead of unbearable August humidity, it was techno music and the sounds of masculine rejoice that disrupted my sleep, sometimes from below, other times from my best friend’s room. He was more successful than I with drunk girls at parties, thus serving as an in-house reminder of my failures and frustrations in the middle of many nights. The majority of our time at The Rawhide was okay, though it ended poorly, with a break-up from my two best friends (Tre included), typical when cramming three besties into a two bedroom for four years.

I’ve lived everywhere, dawg.

For a few years I had my own studio apartment on one of Washington Heights’ most drug-infested blocks, which is kind of like saying the “most volatile gay bar in Chelsea.” One time a girl I was dating asked me to go outside and find her a bag of weed and I didn’t even make it to the bottom of the staircase before scoring. Location, location… I then moved cross country into a studio in the heart of Hollywood, Los Angeles, then to a dark and dirty converted two-bedroom with two Filipino women in Koreatown for two years, and to this day I have no idea whether or not they were a gay couple. It didn’t matter if they were; I just thought it curious that after all that time and interaction I remained curious. The worst part about that spot was just having to regularly concoct white lies about why I couldn’t join them at weekly Bible study, and each morning waking up to the sounds of urination through the thinly constructed bedroom wall.

“Why don’t you just borrow money from your parents and get a better place?” a friend asked in one of the classic erroneous assumptions made by privileged people:

1. Everyone may not have money, but their parents do at least. False.

2. Hard work = financial success. I’ve never taken a vacation and I have nothing, which is half the reason why I’ve never taken a vacation.

3. Intelligence = financial success. Donald Trump is President.

I moved back to New York with the same complete void of resources that I’d gone to L.A. with, but got hooked up with a room in a real 2Br in Harlem for $678/month! No contract and right in my price range! What was the catch?

Never in my life had I seen such infestation.

I’ll repeat that for the cheap seats and ears deafened by our over-stimulated society of idiots exploiting non-literal superlatives in order to garner attention: Never in my life had I seen such infestation. This includes homes I’ve lived in, as well as every one I’ve ever visited or even passed through just to get a quarter pound of weed in 1995. In my first week there I would come home at night, turn on the kitchen lights and see anywhere from 3-10 of the filthy insects fleeing for safety across the sink and countertop, in much greater numbers and more cowardly fashion than the apathy with which room service used to creep up The Palace walls. Roaches were so much tougher in the 90’s.

Thankfully I barely ever saw them in the bedroom, but they absolutely owned the kitchen and bathroom. We were just renting, mere visitors in their home where they ruled, they roamed, and I didn’t bother to inquire as to whether the roommate would mind if I doused the place in bleach, taped and calked up all cracks in the floors and walls, and bought a new kitchen garbage… With. A. Cover.

Within a month I was victorious in defending the wall, and the wildling little creatures were gone. I’ve been on HBO and Showtime, won comedy festival competitions and earned a Master’s degree in Chinese Medicine, and this was truly one of my greatest achievements in life. Unfortunately my new abode’s other obstacle would prove an impossible hurdle, and one I’d have to stand down to for the 15 months to come: El Bano.

In order to successfully flush I had to hold the toilet handle down for anywhere from 5-12 seconds, making for the longest I’ve ever had to hold a toilet handle down for. Some toilets are stubborn, requiring a hold of 2-3 seconds, max. The next time you flush a toilet hold the handle down for 12 seconds. It’s an eternity.

The seat was disgusting and I immediately decided that no square inch of my skin would ever come into contact with it. To be honest I didn’t even like the idea of my anus hanging above it. I thought about purchasing and attempting to install a new seat, though my brother brought up a good point.

“Considering the apparent hygienic standards of your roommate, will you freely sit on the bare seat if you buy a new one?”

“No.”

“Okay then.”

To cover up the impenetrable stains of funk and musk I instead resigned to spray paint the seat white, and continued to cover it with paper each time I sat down.

Supposedly we couldn’t call the super for repairs, as part of the reason our rent was so cheap was because the apartment was rent controlled from a time before even my roommate lived there. Neither of our names were on the lease. The bathroom would remain as is, which could only be described as fucking disgusting.

I don’t know that I’d ever before smelled the smell, “putrid,” or even “rancid,” and if I had it was only in passing, only in that split second of sensual recognition before we clench our orifices in sheer panic and flee the scene for cleaner air, greener pastures. The smell emitted from my new, old bathroom’s pipes was putridly rancid, and if it wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever smelled it was at least the worst I’d ever smelled regularly. Many times while going to the bathroom I would try covering my nose with my shirt, but the thin layer of cotton was no match for this entity that surely required some kind of exorcism to defeat its demonic potency. Googled gimmicks such as baking soda and vinegar offered only brief reprieve, and for the first time in my life I was brushing my teeth everyday in the (newly exterminated) kitchen.

Unfortunately, neither the odor nor the Zen toilet flusher was my biggest gripe with the room. I would have easily tolerated either of these were it not for the worst Goddamn shower I’ve ever taken in my life. I took 500 of them if I took one.

The water dribbled out in pathetic pressure and took forever to get warm, and these were the unit’s only two familiar flaws from prior shit holes. Additionally delayed was its response to temperature adjustment, so if I came back after waiting the allotted 5-10 minutes and found the water to be scalding hot I couldn’t just adjust the knobs and expect it to adjust. There was a consistently inconsistent wait time between turning the cold water knob and when the water actually got cooler, or if it got cooler at all. Often times I’d get impatient and make it too cold before the defunct pipes were able to catch up and the water suddenly turned to the opposite extreme. Every shower was a non-stop guessing game, concurrent with a waiting game and usually a physical dance, as I’d err mostly hotter instead of colder, and had to dance in and out of the stream to rinse off suds but also avoid getting burned. The worst instances that brought me to exclaiming expletives while naked, wet and alone were surely at the end of long workdays in the winter. I’d bend over to wash my legs and feet and suddenly the erratic unit would turn from a tolerable temp to either ice cold or boiling, spraying my lower back, transforming what all my life had been a relaxing, therapeutic experience into a frustrating battle; a daily reminder of the impoverished outcome of all my hard work. Who’d ever think showering would become something I’d dread?

The good news is that next week I’m moving out, moving on up, not to the east side, thank God, but into my girlfriend’s apartment, who besides being lovely and beautiful, brilliant and hilarious, has a functional shower in an odorless bathroom with a toilet that flushes when you flush it. Amazing! I’ve never seen a cockroach in her place, and if she’s ever had explosive diarrhea it’s remained a secret, surely aimed and disposed of appropriately. I promise never to take such luxuries (nor my girlfriend) for granted again. For the first time in 21 years I’m comfortable. I may just miss being able to leave the toilet seat up.

#shitterwasfull #nationallampoons #manhattanapartments #bathroomlife

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