You see, for me, presenting and dressing feminine has always been a performance. In fact it feels exactly like being a clown.
Clowns are awesome and, outside of the wild shit pop culture has done to them, generally make the world a better and brighter place. I like them. I never wanted to be one, but I could identity with them occasionally. Learning that there were many different types of clowns throughout history and across the globe made me like them more.
And if anyone forced me into wearing the classic clown costume and makeup and do a classic clown performance, I would go feral and bite them bc it would feel demeaning and just so many levels of horrendous.
But I've done casual clown makeup for Halloween before and felt cool and good. Hell, once a week I put on a sort of performance for my friends that makes them happy (gming) and generally I like making jokes with people.
And that's how presenting feminine is for me. If it's forced and I don't have any say in it, all I'm gonna do is have massive dysphoria and feel like a party city clown. If I have control over the situation, at the worst, it feels like a fun little character to play.