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wazzupmrstark · 8 months

Text

instead of you [part fifty-eight] || th

pairing: [best friend’s brother] tom holland x college!reader

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, smut (18+ mdni)

word count: 3.1k

Sam barely bat an eye when you told him where you were going.

“Okay, be safe,” he said as he kicked off his shoes.

That’s it? That’s all he had to say to you? You wanted to ask him just that, but you were afraid of creating another rift between the two of you. Sam had said he wasn’t ready to talk about it so you shouldn’t push, right? But was it wrong to keep leaving like this?

Going back and forth with yourself was only wasting time and Tom was still waiting for you downstairs. Fuck it.

You grabbed a spare room key from the dresser, shoved it in the pocket of your dress, and left without another word before you could change your mind.

Tom was right where you left him, leaning against the wall by the elevator hub. He grinned when he saw you.

“Thought you’d never escape.”

You rolled your eyes at him as you let him lead you through the lobby by the hand. You were still wary of people seeing you together but the lobby was seemingly empty.

“Sam didn’t care. It was me who took forever.”

Tom paused, letting go of your hand as he gave you a concerned once over. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about it. So, where are we going?”

He frowned, but only momentarily, quickly covering it up with a smile. “I- okay, um... remember how you said we don’t do ‘couple stuff’?”

“Yeah?”

“I thought maybe I could take you somewhere where we can do that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m taking you on a date, silly.”

“Really? Where?” When he didn’t answer, you groaned. “You and your stupid surprises.”

“It’s more fun this way and you know it,” he insisted, tugging you along by the hand.

“I like being prepared,” you argued.

He grinned. “So be prepared for a good time.”

The drive wasn’t far at all this time but you were confused when he pulled into a crowded lot. You were even more confused when he didn’t turn off the car or more to get out of it.

You turned to him in confusion. “Tom?”

“Y/n?” he parroted.

“Where are we?”

“We’re on our date.”

“Yes, but where?”

“Did you not see the sign when we turned in?” You shook your head. He grinned. “It’s a drive-in.”

“Really?”

“Why do you think no one’s getting out of their car?”

“I didn’t really notice, to be honest.”

“Too distracted by your hot date?”

You didn’t spare him a reaction. “How’d you find this place?”

“I did some research the other night,” he explained, “when you, you know, we talked about it. I figured this is about as close as we could get to a real date. At least right now.”

“That’s… really thoughtful.”

He shrugged. “Nah, it’s nothing, really.”

“Well I was going to kiss you, but if it’s nothing—”

“No, no. I want the kiss. Give me my kiss.”

You chuckled, relenting as you leaned in. He met you halfway over the center console and kissed you sweetly. It was short but eager, just enough to leave you wanting more.

You had to remind yourself not to get your hopes up. Sure, Tom was showing interest in you now, but what about when this was all over? Would he want to do long-distance? Did he want to date you at all? You had been telling yourself that it was just sex all this time but now you were on a date... but what did it mean? You could just ask but you were scared to ruin the moment, ruin whatever it was that was actually going on.

You’d been asking yourself the same questions for weeks now and the scary thing was, it seemed like Tom was serious about you. He had all but said it outright to you. And here he was taking you on a fucking date. It was you who kept pushing back. You told yourself it was because of Sam, but if you were being honest with yourself that was only half of it. You were afraid of getting hurt. You had never been in a real relationship before for that very reason. Well, that and you liked being single. It seemed favorable considering the dating pool of your university.

“So, what movie are we seeing?” you asked, exhaling deeply to try and physically release the stress you’d been holding.

Tom pursed his lips, making you narrow your eyes in suspicion. “Um, Spider-man: Far From Home.”

“You took me to see your own movie?”

“It’s what they were showing! I had nothing to do with it, like they’re in the middle of a marathon. Last week they showed Spider-man: Homecoming.”

“Seems awfully convenient,” you mused.

“Trust me, I know. I thought I was losing my mind when I looked at their website earlier. But I promise I had nothing to do with it. You really think I’m so tacky I’d take a date to my own film? I mean, if I was going to do that I’d at least start with the first one.”

You made a face. “What do you mean, the first one.”

“Oh, Far From Home is the second in the trilogy.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that. “We’re not even watching the first one? How am I going to know what’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you! That’s one of the nice things about drive-ins, no one cares if you’re talking through the whole movie. The second one is the best one anyway.”

“Will I be able to follow the plot at all? You know I’ve never even seen a Marvel movie, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I wouldn’t have taken you to a Marvel movie if there was something else playing, but there’s only the one lot. The plot isn’t that complicated, you’ll still be able to enjoy it.”

“If you say so.”

Tom smirked. “I do say so. I think you’ll like it, actually.”

“Oh, you do?”

“Yeah, I hear the lead actor is pretty good-looking.”

You hummed thoughtfully. “Oh yeah, Zendaya is in this, right?”

“Fuck you.”

“I’d rather fuck you,” you quipped. He raised an eyebrow suggestively, making you laugh.

“What are we doing here, then?”

“We’re on our date!”

“But we could leave.”

“I can’t believe you’re trying to get into my pants on the first date,” you scoffed.

“I don’t have to try,” Tom pointed out. “I was already successful before our date. Many times, actually.”

“I was there, you don’t have to remind me.”

“Are you sure?”

You rolled your eyes through a grin. “Positive.”

“Alright, well let me know if you change your mind.”

“You’ll be the first to know,” you assured him, leaning over the center console to nudge his shoulder.

You stayed there, shoulders resting against each other. He looked over and smiled at you before reaching for your hand and taking it in his. He lifted his other hand to check his watch.

“The movie starts in about ten. I know they have a concession stand but if you want snacks you’ll probably have to be the one to get them. I can give you the money, obviously, I just can’t…”

“Leave the car,” you finished for him.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“I’ll go see what they have,” you decided. Tom handed you his wallet but you didn’t take it. “It’s on me. You bought the movie tickets.”

“You know I’m in this movie, right? You don’t have to worry about splitting the cost of everything.”

“I know, just, let me do this.”

Tom held his hands up in surrender and pocketed his wallet. “Fine, fine. Can you get me a beer?”

“Sure. Any kind in particular?”

“Whatever they have is fine. I’m not picky.”

You nodded and stepped out of the car, smoothing your dress out in case it had ridden up. You stood on your tip toes and craned your neck to try and find the concession stand above all of the cars.

Luckily, there was a big neon sign that read CONCESSIONS with an arrow pointing to a kiosk that was presumably sitting underneath it.

You wove inefficiently through the parking lot over to the sign, sighing when you spotted the long line. It was moving pretty fast so you didn’t have to wait very long and by the time you made it to the front, you still hadn’t decided what to get.

The woman behind the counter looked bored and impatient so naturally, you panicked.

“Hi, um can I please get a medium popcorn and two Nerds Ropes?”

“Anything to drink?”

Your eyes flicked to the menu overhead but all of the options seemed to blend together in an unintelligible jumble. “Uh, a water bottle and a peach High Noon, please. And what kind of beer do you guys have?”

She listed off a handful. You chose the first one you recognized and hoped it was one Tom wouldn’t mind too much. You waited as she ID’ed you and rang you up, dropping a couple of bills in the tip jar when she handed you your change.

You had stupidly declined a tray so you had to very precariously carry everything back to the car in your arms. It was one of those establishments that took the caps off of bottled drinks and opened cans before you were allowed to leave the counter which meant you had to be extra careful with how you balanced things so that nothing would spill.

“You good?” Tom asked, watching you struggle with everything. “I’d help, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of not going to get the stuff in the first place.”

“I’m fine,” you insisted.

He didn’t look convinced but it wasn’t like he could do anything but watch so he didn’t comment further until you were seated again.

“What’d you end up getting?”

“Well, popcorn.”

“It’s not a movie without it.”

“Exactly,” you agreed and handed him the bucket. “And I got us a water to share and some Nerds Ropes, I hope you like those.”

“Love em.”

“And then I got myself a High Noon and I got you a Heineken. I’m sorry, I blanked when she told me all of the types of beer they served and chose the first one I knew.”

“It’s okay! I told you I’m not picky. Heinekins are fine, babe, thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

Tom chuckled and took a sip from the bottle as if to prove to you that he liked them. “Yeah! Why wouldn’t they be? Do you have something against Heinekins?”

You made a face. “Bad memories.”

“Mm, I see. In that case, I won’t offer you any.”

“Thank you. Did you want to try some of my drink?”

“Sure, what’d you say it was?”

You passed it to him. “A High Noon. Have you never had one?”

“No, I don’t usually go for seltzers.” You watched him take a sip, laughing when he made a similar face to the one you had made just a few moments prior. “Oh god, the bubbles hurt.”

“How big of a sip did you take?!”

“A regular-sized sip! The carbonation is just a lot!”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“You do realize that’s my job, right?”

You rolled your eyes. “You just enjoy your drink and I’ll enjoy mine.”

“Gladly.”

Just then, the parking lot’s overhead lights dimmed. The projector flickered to life, casting the station to which to tune your car’s radio. Tom fidgeted with the dial until it was tuned to the right frequency.

“Welcome to Aloha Drive-In’s adult-only feature film of the night! We have late-night showings for ages eighteen and up every weekday.”

“What makes it adults-only?” you asked aloud. “Is this the extended version of Spider-man where he fucks Gwen?”

“They serve alcohol,” Tom explained. “Something with the licensing prevents them from offering it during regular showings. Also, it’s MJ in this version.”

“Oh.”

“I can give you the extended version when we get back later, though.”

“What, are you going to eat me out while you hang upside down or something?”

He grinned. “If you want me to.”

“Please stay in your car for the duration of the film unless you need the restroom or concessions. In case of emergency...”

You listened to the rest of the spiel in silence, snacking lightly on what you’d bought until the Marvel logo showed up on the screen. You recognized some of the actors flashing behind the letters but could only make a few connections to what characters they played. You nudged Tom’s shoulder when the familiar red and blue suit popped up, feeling a strange sense of pride as you watched the Tom on-screen catch a shield.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him watching you, gauging your reactions. It was hard to follow along with the plot since you hadn’t seen the first Spider-man or the other twenty-something MCU movies that preceded it. Tom helped fill in the gaps when he noticed you looking confused.

You had to admit that it was a pretty funny movie, even though you didn’t have a lot of context as to what was going on. You also had to admit that Tom looked good. The Peter Parker thing was really doing it for you. You weren’t used to hearing his American accent and you were surprised at just how convincing it sounded.

The only other movie you had seen of Tom’s was the one you watched on the plane to Hong Kong, and you couldn’t even hear his actual voice in that one. You hadn’t ended up finishing it, either.

“Take off your clothes.”

Your eyes widened as the blonde woman on the screen commanded Peter to strip. Tom laughed at your expression.

“I thought you said this wasn’t the porn version,” you mumbled.

He chuckled. “Jealous, baby?”

You nodded. “She’s so pretty. Did you get to kiss her?”

Tom’s face fell.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Then what’s going on?”

“Just watch!”

“Fine.”

You did, watching with curiosity as Peter unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants down. You couldn’t help but focus on Tom’s bare thighs, squeezing your own together as you stared at them. Tom’s gaze fell to your lap when caught the movement of your legs.

“Are you cold?”

“Um, a little,” you lied.

You were in fact, not cold at all. You were actually feeling a little warm.

“Here,” Tom said, reaching behind him to grab something. It was a blanket, and he draped it over your legs. “Don’t worry, it’s not the same one from the beach.”

You nodded in appreciation, grateful that he had clarified that it was a clean blanket and not the one that had been laid down in the sand and had sex on top of from the night before.

Tom kept a hand on your thigh even after he’d situated the blanket on your lap.

“Warming you up,” he explained before you could ask.

You were a little suspicious of his true intentions but he wasn’t moving his hand and he had gone back to watching the movie so you let it go.

The snacks you bought lasted you throughout the majority of the film. Once you’d finished them, you put the candy wrappers in the empty popcorn bowl and placed it on the floor of the car so that you could lean across the center console and rest your head on Tom’s shoulder. He met you halfway to make it less uncomfortable for you. It was a little awkward, trying to position yourselves in a way that felt natural.

Your suspicions about Tom’s hand were of course proved correct when you felt it begin to inch upward. Your thighs parted automatically for him before you could process what was happening. It was pathetic how responsive your body was to him.

“I’ve been trying so hard not to stare at you all night,” he confessed. “Look so fucking pretty in this dress.”

“You should try harder,” you teased, reminding him of when you had to kick him under the table at dinner with his family.

“You’d be doing the same thing if you were in my shoes,” he insisted.

“No, because I have self-control.”

“Oh, really?” he asked, fingers ghosting over your panties.

You sucked in a breath, physically holding yourself back from arching into his touch.

“This isn’t affecting you at all?”

You shook your head. “Nope.”

“What about this?”

You knew he could feel how wet you were getting. It was pointless to lie. But even as he pulled your underwear to the side and teased you by putting the tip of his middle finger inside of you, you wouldn’t admit it.

“This is doing nothing for you?” Tom prodded, curling his finger in a little deeper.

You gasped and gripped the car door handle, nervously checking your surroundings to ensure you weren’t being watched. Tom had parked in the back of the lot so there was no one behind you. Everyone else seemed zoned in on the movie playing like they were supposed to be.

“I asked you a question,” he reminded you.

“Feeling nothing,” you lied.

Tom tongued his cheek in annoyance even though it was clear you were just fucking with him.

“You’re such a brat.”

“You already knew that.”

He sighed. “That’s true.”

You were both quiet for a couple of beats, letting Peter and Mj’s dialogue fill the silence. Tom’s finger was still halfway inside of you under the blanket and your dress and you had to try very hard not to think about it.

You hadn’t been paying attention to the film for the past several minutes so deducing what was happening presently was impossible. But then onscreen Tom took his shirt off and the plot seemed suddenly irrelevant.

Beside you, Tom laughed.

“What?” you mumbled absentmindedly, not looking away from the version of him that had his tits out.

“You clenched around my finger when I took my shirt off.”

“What, I did not!”

“Love, I could feel it. I can still feel it, actually.”

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment and you sunk down in your seat, which coincidentally pushed Tom’s finger deeper inside of you, making you whimper.

“It’s not my fault!” you cried before he could say anything. “Obviously I’m going to be turned on by seeing you half-naked!”

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” he assured you, voice full of amusement. “I’m glad I can make you feel that way. Quite flattered, actually.”

“You’re such a dick.”

He leaned over to whisper in your ear even though you were sitting right next to each other and no one else could hear your conversation. “And I’ve heard I’ve got a pretty nice one too. What do you say we get out of here?”

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#instead of you #iou #tom holland x reader #tom holland x female reader #tom holland x bi!reader #tom holland smut

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wazzupmrstark · 5 months

Text

instead of you [part sixty] || th

pairing: [best friend’s brother] tom holland x college!reader

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, angst

word count: 3.1k

“How much longer until we reach it?”

“You’ve asked that six times in the past ten minutes!”

“That’s because no one’s given me an answer!”

“Because no one knows, Harry! None of us have hiked this path before.”

Harry grumbled something behind his brother’s back but he must not have heard it because he didn't argue further.

The majority of the hike thus far had been uphill, something that the park rangers had neglected to mention when they sent you off into the forest. Thankfully, the mountains and canopy of trees provided some kind of shade but it was still scorching hot. And humid. And you were sweating like crazy.

Everyone was. Tom had already taken his shirt off and Harry had completely sweat through his. That was probably why he was complaining so much. He refused to take it off, though. Something about not wanting to get sunburned again.

“You doing okay?” Sam asked, looking over at you.

The two of you had found yourselves in the middle of the pack for once, walking behind his parents and in front of his brothers.

“Yeah, fine,” you answered, trying not to sound as out of breath as you felt.

“Did you bring your inhaler?”

“Um...”

“Why do I even ask?”

After fifteen more minutes of walking and a bathroom break, you finally reached the waterfall.

Harry sighed. “That’s it? We walked all this way for this?”

“Shut up, Harry,” Sam snapped. “It just looks small from the bridge, it’s not actually that small.”

“I’d say it’s a pretty average size,” you added, “maybe even kind of big.”

Tom laughed behind you. Thankfully, his parents didn’t seem to hear your comment. To be fair to Harry, it wasn’t a huge waterfall. It certainly wasn’t the biggest waterfall in Hawai’i, but it was one of the few that visitors could swim under. That’s what made it so popular.

And the bridge had made it look smaller than it really was.

There was an area to rinse off before and after getting in the water so you all took turns under the showerhead.

Nikki was the only one who didn’t want to swim, which meant that she was stuck with all of the bags. You felt sort of bad when Sam handed over the backpack you were sharing but Nikki assured you that it was fine, that she would rather hold them for you than have you rent one of the rusty lockers to store it in.

Waimea Falls required everyone to wear a life jacket, regardless of swimming ability. You knew it was a liability thing but you still couldn’t help but shiver when you slung on the cold, wet vest and buckled it around your chest. Who knows how many people had worn it before you today.

Shoes were optional so you left your sandals in the gravel by the bleachers and tiptoed your way back over to the edge of the water. The boys did the same.

The five of you stood there, staring at the rocks leading down into the lagoon, trying to figure out how to proceed without falling. It was hard to determine the best way in as all of the rocks that were big enough to step on were also either jagged and/or slippery.

“Ladies first,” Harry said unceremoniously.

You glared at him but decided to take a step down anyway. Someone had to go first and since everyone else was being a pussy it might as well be you. You moved at a snail’s pace, trying your best to move in a way that wouldn’t send you tumbling down the incline if you misstepped.

The rocks seemed stable enough to hold your weight without sliding around in the mud but one of them wobbled under you upon stepping on it, making you nearly lose your balance.

“Careful!” Sam and Tom shouted at the same time, causing you to turn around and make a face at them both.

They traded weird looks with each other before turning their attention back to you, who had made significant progress toward the water. By the time you finally reached the edge, the boys had started trekking down behind you, much more haphazardly than you had.

You extended your leg out in front of you to feel it out, trying not to scream when your toes grazed the water. It was freezing, way colder than you expected, but you knew it would feel incredible once you were fully submerged. It was one of if not the hottest days of the trip and you had sweat through everything. Even the life vest they’d saddled you with was beginning to feel sticky.

“How is it?” Sam called from behind you.

“Feels good!” you lied, not trusting yourself to turn around and show him your face. He’d know you were bluffing instantly.

Since you didn’t want to hold up the line, you took a deep breath and pushed yourself off of the ledge, finding your footing with both feet in the water. The bed of the lagoon was also covered with rocks. They were more slippery than the ones on the path seeing as they were wet and covered with algae so you had to be extra careful.

You moved away from the shore so that the boys could get in after you.

“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!” was Sam’s shout from behind you.

You turned back to see him submerged up to his waist. He apologized to the people around him for cursing before glaring at you.

“You little brat!” he muttered, lunging at you.

You let out a yelp as the weight of your best friend dragged you under. You both emerged with dripping hair, laughing and sputtering.

“You said it felt good!”

“It does! It’s refreshing!”

“It’s cold as fuck,” he muttered, “and you knew that.”

“What, can’t take a little chill?” you taunted.

He splashed you.

“Are we going to swim over to the waterfall or what?” Tom’s voice echoed from behind you both, sounding annoyed.

Sam smirked before turning around to face his older brother.

“We don’t all have to go together. You could have gone on without us.”

Harry was the last to get in, gingerly stepping on the algae-covered rocks to make his way over to the three of you. Dom stayed by the edge, content to keep Nikki company from the water. He claimed to be too old to swim against the current just to get thousands of gallons of water dunked on him.

“Let’s go, babe,” Sam said, jerking his head over his shoulder in the direction of the waterfall.

Swimming to the base of the waterfall proved to be a lot more difficult than it looked. The current was strong and moving against it required a lot of effort. People who weren’t strong swimmers had no chance of making it all the way under.

It was doable for you, but not without struggle. The boys seemed to be in the same boat, save for Tom, who was the fittest out of all of you. He was already several strokes ahead of the rest of you when Sam called out for him to wait up. He paused and tread water while he waited for you and the twins to catch up.

“I thought we were going together,” Harry panted bitterly.

“Not my fault you guys are slow,” he rebutted.

“Maybe we should hold hands,” Sam suggested and pointed to another family who was making significantly more progress. “They’re doing it.”

“You think that’s going to work?” you asked.

“Yeah, how do we know you guys aren’t just going to hold me back?”

Harry clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Tom-”

“You could stand to pull some more way, Spider-man,” Sam pointed out.

“Tsk, fine. How should we do this?”

Tom obviously helmed the line. You were stuck between him and Sam, with Harry bringing up the rear. You didn’t argue about your place in the order but it did feel strange to be holding both Tom and Sam’s hands at the same time. You couldn’t tell whether they felt similarly but you had to assume they did.

Tom tugged you along and you pulled Sam in turn. They held on to you tightly so as not to lose you in the tide. You tried to focus on keeping your head above the surface instead of the feeling of both of their hands in yours.

Sam’s hand-holding strategy actually worked and you made it to the waterfall twice as fast as you would have on your own.

Trying to get under the waterfall was another ordeal. The water pressure was so aggressive that you had to fight against the water in order to get up on the rocks right beneath the stream.

“This kind of hurts!” Sam shouted over the roaring of the water.

“Yeah, I think I’m getting bruises!” Tom agreed.

“You guys are pussies!” you yelled, even though it did hurt and you wouldn’t be surprised if was bruising you.

“I think Mum is trying to take a picture!” Harry screamed.

Automatically, all four of you posed even though you couldn’t see where Nikki was and you could barely open your eyes under the stream. You grabbed for Sam but got Tom instead, accidentally squeezing his ass in an effort to hold his hand. How you mixed up the person standing beside you and mis-approximated where their wrist was, you didn’t know, but you immediately let go once you realized your mistake and fumbled for the right person’s hand instead.

If Sam noticed what happened, he didn’t say anything about it. Tom definitely did notice and you could see him trying not to laugh out of the corner of your eye.

“Should we swim back now?” one of the boys, you weren’t sure which, asked after you had stood there for what felt long enough for their mother to have snapped a couple of photos.

“You guys can, I think y/n and I are going to swim around by ourselves for a bit longer.”

That was news to you but you weren’t necessarily upset about it. You hadn’t been in the water for long anyway and you wanted to make the most of it. And if Sam wanted to be alone with you, you weren’t going to say no.

Your number one priority was winning him back, making it up to him, as much as you could.

You followed Sam to a secluded part of the pool, letting him tug you along as you floated on your back. Tom and Harry either got out or fucked off to another part of the lagoon. You weren’t paying attention when you split up and you weren’t about to look for them.

“Did you want to talk about something?” you asked your best friend.

“No, just wanted some space from my brothers.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Did you want to talk about something?” he parroted.

You made a face. “No, unless you’ve changed your mind.”

You could tell he knew what you referring to immediately from the way his expression shifted.

“Not here, yeah?”

You nodded in agreement. He was right, you should have that conversation somewhere private. Still, you took his answer as a good sign. ‘Not here’ implied that there was somewhere that you would have that conversation, which meant that he was willing to have it. You counted that as a win. A very small win, but a win nonetheless.

“What?” Sam asked, squinting at you through the sunlight.

“Huh?”

“What’s got you smiling like that? What’s on your mind?”

You hadn’t realized you were smiling until he pointed it out.

“Just happy to be here with you.”

You had dinner at some famous burger place that night. You were too tired to pay much attention to what you were eating or what everyone was talking about but you’re pretty sure the food tasted good.

The restaurant was in the middle of their dinner rush when your party arrived so you had to wait for a table. There was a small surf shop attached to the same building so you went with the boys to check it out while Nikki and Dom scoped out somewhere to sit. Everything was expensive so no one bought anything but window shopping kept you occupied for the time being.

After dinner, you rode with Sam’s parents back to the resort. He seemed indifferent to your presence this time, which you took as another win. He held your hand in the back seat and you rested your head on his shoulder. Neither of you fell asleep but you kept your eyes closed, enjoying the silence.

“We’re here, kids,” Nikki said softly once Dom had parked in the lot.

Sam stretched, forcing you to sit up too. You thanked them for the ride, and for dinner since they paid, before Sam asked if you wanted to take a walk on the beach.

“Sure, let’s go.”

He led you by the hand through the maze of buildings to the hotel’s beach entrance. You passed other couples as you strolled past the pool and the firepits and it made your heart sink a little. You were jealous of them. Jealous that they could enjoy each other’s company out in the open like that. Jealous that they looked so happy. Jealous that they weren’t sacrificing one relationship for another.

You were definitely projecting, they absolutely could have been in the same situation as you and you would never know but you refused to acknowledge that possibility because you were resolute on feeling bitter.

The sun hadn’t fully set yet despite the late hour. Being that it was still the middle of summer, it wouldn’t get dark until much later than usual. You were also convinced that daylight lingered longer in Hawai’i than it did in other places but you had no evidence to back that up.

“Here, I’ll carry your shoes for you,” Sam offered, holding out his free hand for them.

You paused. “Oh, are you sure?”

“Yeah, I know you don’t like the feeling of sand in your shoes.”

“Thank you.”

You bent down to undo your sandals and handed them to Sam. He looped the straps around two of his fingers and resumed holding your hand.

The sand was still warm, holding on to the heat of the day.

“Are we going all the way down to the water?” you asked.

“If you want to,” Sam answered.

“I don’t really feel like getting wet again.”

“That’s fine with me.”

You settled for walking along the outline of the tide where the sand was still dry. You followed the curves of the waves from hours past, tracing the remnants of high tide with your arms out like you were walking on a tightrope. Sam trailed behind you for a few moments before catching up with you again.

You had pulled your hand out of his grasp moments earlier to run ahead, distracted by the seafoam in the distance. You waited for him and put your arms back by your sides.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to ditch you,” you sighed when he reappeared at your side.

“I know,” he replied.

Instead of offering you his hand this time, he gave you his elbow. You took it gently, resting your hand on his bicep.

He was uncharacteristically quiet. You wondered what was on his mind. When he invited you down here, you thought it would be to talk, to finally have that conversation. Maybe it had been and he changed his mind. Or maybe it had never been his intention in the first place.

You were starting to think you’d never get an answer when he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry for what I said.”

You tensed but kept walking, not wanting to confront whatever expression might be on Sam’s face. If you stopped, you would have to look at him or stare at the ground. If you continued walking, you could just look straight.

“I... didn’t mean that shit... about wishing I never met you. Or any of it really. I wanted to mean it. But I couldn’t, because none of it’s true. I was just really hurt. I still am, to be honest.”

“I understand,” you responded.

“I want us to move past this,” he continued, “but it still feels really fresh. I mean, I only found out about you and Tom a few days ago.”

You nodded as you listened. He was right. It had only been a handful of days even though it felt like an eternity. Being at odds with Sam was hell. He was your best friend, after all. You had lived life with him by your side for the past four years. You didn’t want to imagine what that would look like without him.

“Right.”

He cocked his head to the side, lost in thought.

“I’m sorry too,” you added, wanting to reiterate just how shitty you felt about the whole thing.

“I know,” he said softly. “I know you are. I knew you were then too. I’m sorry for invalidating your apology-”

“Don’t be!” you interrupted. “My actions and my words... they don’t add up. I would’ve thought I was bullshitting too.”

Sam forced a laugh. “Yeah, it wasn’t easy to wrap my head around. But I get it, I think. There’s just something about Tom, isn’t there?”

You snuck a glance at him but didn’t say anything. You had a feeling it was a rhetorical question.

“You must have been miserable this whole time. Trying to push down your feelings for him and then finally acting on them but being consumed by guilt when you finally do.”

“It hasn’t been the best,” you admitted, “but it’s my own fault.”

“Not entirely,” Sam reasoned.

You were surprised he was coming to your defense but you figured he’d go up to bat for anyone if it was against Tom.

“Enough of it is.”

Your best friend shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like you’re known for your decision-making skills.”

You scoffed and nudged him with your shoulder. He laughed a real laugh for the first time in days. You had missed hearing it. It made you smile too. You rested your head on his shoulder and for once it felt natural.

“I really am sorry, Sammy,” you sighed, your voice wavering.

“I know. I can’t pretend that I’m over it... but I will be. I also know that I can’t ask you to end things with him...”

“You can-”

“No,” he murmured. “I can’t. You would resent me for it.” You opened your mouth to protest but Sam shook his head and you closed it again. “You would. Maybe unconsciously, but you would. Things wouldn’t be the same.”

“Things won’t be the same if I don’t end things with him,” you pointed out.

“I know,” he agreed solemnly. Then he sighed as if it was something he had already come to terms with. “But you’ll still love me the same. And that’s enough.”

this one made me emo to write but I hope you enjoyed it lmk what you think I always appreciate feedback!!

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