#in exclusively male characters. like. it gave me permission too.

[moe-broey]

I think every transmasc should have a girl blorbo

Delve deep into her writing/character and expand on it and extrapolate ESP if the source material Does Not do her justice or doesn't give her the things she deserves. Find your pain in her pain and find her pain in yours and give her the things you will never have. Whether it was taken, starcrossed, or never meant for you. It could be for her. It could be.

Bestow upon her a gift, what remains of a life never lived. Leftover love of things that never fit right, never suited you, never were meant for you. Things you learned to love anyway, a love both real and manufactured out of necessity and survival.

And bestow upon her another gift, of love that has nowhere to go, of doors you've had to lock shut, doors you know go nowhere for you. Give her the key. Take up your pencil. Draw her in an adorable outfit. Draw her surrounded by loved ones, who love her so dearly back. Every drawing, a wish. That she can have a kinder life than mine. That I could give that to her. A parting gift, from me to someone who I can no longer host, that can now live on peacefully within her and lead an even better life than it ever could have within me. It was in the wrong house I had to rehome it.

Something adjacent to Gandalf Big Naturals ect ect

#fun fact! yesterday i had to explain gandalf big naturals to my therapist. #i feel like. there is so much that can be said here. #it's not necessarily about seeing yourself in a female character bc i literally never have. #i could have a few things in common i could acknowledge like oh sakura from ccs has brown hair like mine #and she's in the same grade as me (when i started reading ccs as a kid). but that's where it began and ended. #the first character i EVER saw myself in was nonbinary. and after that i actually started seeing myself #in exclusively male characters. like. it gave me permission too. #but this isn't really about that it's about like. recogizing common ground (keeps you normal about women) #(bc DEAR GOD. w how close i am w my sisters w my prev life experience you think i would be. however #being transmasc can and WILL give you shrimp color insecurities and insane tendencies.) #but it's also about like. an entire life that has nowhere to go. both in the past and in the present actually. #like it's so much more than just dresses i still own and think are cute and pretty and don't have the heart to get rid of #what i'm trying to capture here is it's more than just what you had to leave behind that no longer suits you. #it's everything in the wake of living as yourself and being dead in the eyes of people who say they still love you. #a ghost that haunts itself by living. #and it's about things that just have never been and never will be. the grief of which will consume you forever #every drawing of sharena is a love letter and a wish and a gift. that's what she is to me.

[nekoannie-chan]

Next door

Pairing: Brock Rumlow X Reader. Steve Rogers X Reader (past).

Word count: 770 words.

Summary: Your partner died in car crash a few years ago. You never thought you’d fall for anyone ever again. Until a new neighbor moved in next door.

Warnings: Steve is dead.

A/N: This is my entry to @caplanbuckybarnes’ Summary Challenge #5.

You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3 too.

@saiyanprincessswanieie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

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If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @harrysthiccthighsss @marvelatthisonee @sapphire-rogerss @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club  @marigoldreamer @whiskeytangofoxtrot5555 @here4thefanfics @theestorm @patzammit @kmc1989

The kettle rattled, you sighed, poured the hot tea into the cup, and you sat down. You didn't even know why you kept waiting for Steve to come through that door after he had gone for a run, but he wouldn't.

Sometimes you had nightmares about that car accident you had years ago after your last mission together.

He promised you he would always protect you, and he did. He made sure you survived.

After what happened, you couldn't bear to stay in the same division, not without your husband and teammate.

However, you kept hoping that he would walk in the door as he used to every morning, that you would have breakfast together, and then go to work waiting for the next assignment, but it never happened.

There was no way you could forget him.

However, that morning, something different happened. You started to hear noises in the apartment next door, which had been empty for almost a year. You felt hope; maybe Steve had survived and had amnesia, and now he was going to live in the apartment next door and you would help him.

You put the cup down, walked out quickly, and frowned as you saw the kind of furniture they were putting in; it was definitely not Steve's style.

"Hello," a male voice said behind you, causing you to startle.

You turned to see who it was; he didn't even seem to have the decency to introduce himself. Maybe you knew the person. "Do I know you? "

"We work in the same place," he answered as if it were obvious and the most normal thing in the world.

You raised your eyebrow; you didn't remember. No one from work lived in your building, although sometimes Natasha and Clint visited you.

"Rumlow, Strike Team Commander," he replied, extending his hand.

"Oh, right, what are you doing here?" you asked. Steve sometimes got to go on missions with them, although you’ve never worked with that team and much less now that you were in another division.

"I'm going to be your neighbor," he declared.

You gave a forced smile; you weren't very happy, especially since your hope had just disappeared.

Maybe you had to accept what everyone was telling you—Steve wasn't coming back.

"Hey, I was wondering if you had any salt you could give me," Brock asked you when you opened the door.

"Sure, give me a minute."

You closed the door; maybe you were a little paranoid, but it seemed that your new neighbor was looking for any pretext, even the silliest one, to come to your apartment and see you.

Maybe you were hallucinating, and the only thing that was happening was that he was just getting settled and didn't even know where the supermarket was.

You saw that the light intensity was varying on the bulb, Steve was supposed to have fixed that a few years before, you went to see where the fuse box was, but at that point, you were out of electricity, although you didn't know how to fix the flaw anyway.

You left the apartment, walked to the next door, and stood for a few seconds in front of it. You had just realized that Steve always fixed all the malfunctions, but you never thought about what would happen if he were gone.

"Y/N? Is everything all right? "

"Ah, yeah, I… I… I have a problem with the electricity."

You didn't even have to explain further; he immediately went to work fixing the problem. You offered him a beer after the power was restored.

"Thank you, my hus... Steve always took care of fixing all the glitches," you said, and you thanked him.

"I’m sorry what happened to him."

An awkward silence fell; it seemed like he was the first person you let be a little closer since Steve happened, since even with Natasha and Clint you didn't talk that much, and most of the time it was just being silent or pretending to help you with some S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff.

"Do you have anything to do on Saturday?" Brock asked suddenly, and you shook your head and said, "Then we'll go to the movies on Saturday."

You looked at yourself for the last time in the mirror, in less than ten minutes he would knock on the door of your apartment.

Your last date was many years ago, so you felt nervous, especially because you didn't think you could fall in love again after losing your husband. But you were still young, so it was time to move on with your life.

#summary challenge #brock rumlow x reader

[unsupervisedpanda]

Loki x reader

Live action

"Tony!" You yelled as you stormed into the living room.

    "Some guy is here! A tall one with black hair?" You heard the man scoff behind you but ignored him.

   Tony entered the room and glared at the male who was now standing next you.

   "Loki." Tony greeted coldly.

  "Tony." The man, Loki, replied.

  "Y/n." You huffed pointing at yourself.

   Tony turned to you apologetically.

"Sorry I didn't tell you we were having a guest. He's here on house arrest." Tony explained gesturing at the man.

   "Right. Okay, but Tony we've talked about this. I work for your team and I need to stay informed." You sighed stepping towards him to straighten his collar.

    "I know y/n but to be fair he's not very memorable!" Tony defended and you glared at him.

    Tugging harshly on his collar you yanked him down so he was eye to eye with you.

   "I don't care how memorable he is. I expect you to tell me these things and to be professional." Tony gulped but nodded.

    "Right. Gotcha." He choked out and you released his collar.

   Turning around you faced your guest, Loki. You'd heard about him before, none of it good. However you'd give him the benefit of the doubt. He was from Asgard and the brother of Thor. Those were the only things you knew for sure. Everything else you'd have to learn from him. Facing him you introduced yourself.

    "Hello Loki. I am y/n l/n of Midgard as I've heard Thor refer to it." You held out your hand to him.

Eyeing you warily he held his hand out as well but Tony yanked you back.

   "Your gloves." He warned you and you blinked. You totally forgot.

   "Oh. Right." You shook your head pulling a pair of gloves out.

    Why the gloves? Because you had the ability of reading emotions through touch. Skin to skin contact gave you a rush of emotions from that person. Good or bad whatever they were feeling you felt it just as much as they did.

    Tugging them on you reached out again.

   "Sorry about that. I didn't want to read your emotions without your consent." You explained nodding to the gloves.

   Loki seemed surprised but took your hand, shaking it.

   "Noted. I am Loki of Asgard." He introduced bowing slightly.

   You quirked a brow at that in amusement and smiled.

   "Nice to meet you. I'll set up a room for you as soon as possible but until then you may stay on my floor if you so choose. Although I'm sure Thor would be more than pleased to have you stay with him." You informed him easily.

   He winced at the mention of his brother but nodded.

   "I may take you up on that offer." He smirked and Tony snarled behind you.

   "Y/n I really don't think-" you turned to glare at your boss.

   "Tony. I believe it's in your best interest to stop before you begin. This could've been avoided had you actually told me what was going on but you didn't. That being said unless Loki chooses otherwise, he will stay with me." You crossed your arms and raised a brow, daring Tony to challenge you.

    The male frowned but just grumbled as he walked away. Smirking you turned to the god.

    "Okay. Now that we've taken care of that. Would you like to stay with me or your brother?" You inquired smiling.

   "You, if the offer still stands. My brother can be overbearing." Loki grimaced.

   "Of course. Follow me." You chirped walking over to the elevator.

    "We're on floor 8(first initial). It stands for what floor level it is and who it belongs to. When we get you set up I think you'll be either floor 9 or 6. Unless you choose to stay on my floor which you're more than welcome to do." You grinned at him before the elevator doors slid open and FRIDAY told you you'd arrived.

   Stepping out you led Loki through your living room and into the guest room.

    "You can stay here for now. You'll have your own bathroom, too. We can get you a different comforter set later but until then I hope you don't mind the (f/c) set." You blushed lightly before entering the room yourself and straightening it up.

    "I'll be right across the hall if you need anything. I'll set up a passcode to my floor that only you and I know until the others calm down. I'm sure they're not thrilled you're here. That way they won't bother you." You told him as you breezed past him into the kitchen.

    "Everything in here is open to you if you want it: coffee, tea, juice. I've got a lot." You opened the fridge to prove the point.

    Fifteen minutes later you'd finished showing him around so you led him to the couch.

    He'd kept a straight face for most of the tour so when you were done you bit your lip.

   "If there's anything you need just let me know. The others may be a bit harsh but they mean well most of the time." You laughed nervously as you flopped onto the couch yourself. Pulling a pillow to your chest, you hugged it before letting out a sigh.

   "Okie dokie. I have to get back to work, make sure the others didn't burn down the main floor. You can lounge around here until you feel comfortable enough to leave. If you need me just tell FRIDAY. He'll let me know." Standing up you left to check on the others.

   Tony had probably already told them and they were probably planning an ambush on your apartment at this very moment.

    Stepping into the elevator you spoke.

   "FRIDAY I'd like to set up a security measure. No one but me and Loki can enter the apartment or floor without exclusive permission. Understand?"

    "Yes miss l/n. Security measure is now in place." The robotic voice responded.

  Nodding the doors opened with a ding.

    Stepping into the main area you noticed everyone in the living room, tension spilling into the halls.

    "You let him come here!? After everything that happened in New York!" You heard Nat yell.

    "I didn't have much of a choice!" Tony groaned.

    "He won't do any harm! He's here in peace!" Thor reassured miserably.

   "Well he should leave in pieces!" Clint grumbled.

    Steve was silent as he sat on the couch with his arms crossed, Bucky beside him.

   Bruce was about to intervene but you clapped loudly to get their attention.

   "Hello my fellow colleagues and friends. How about we play nice and not threaten our guest!" You chirped a little to sweetly.

   Everyone faced you but Nat stood up first.

   "Are you crazy y/n!? Letting that lunatic stay in your apartment!" She growled as she glared you down.

    Glaring back at her you crossed your arms.

    "Yes. I am crazy. We've been through this time and time again and I go to therapy once every two weeks for what you call crazy." You snarled at her and she took a slight step back.

    The word "crazy" was a touchy word for you. You'd been called many things in your life time. Crazy, a lunatic, a freak, and many other things because of what you could do.

   "Y/n I didn't mean- it's just he's dangerous!" She tried to back pedal but what was done was done.

   "Whatever Nat. Loki," you emphasized his name, "is staying with me. He will be until he decides to leave. You all will treat him like a person or I swear I will destroy you." You warned.

   "Are we clear?" You glanced around the room and jumped when Loki spoke up behind you.

   "I'd prefer to be treated like a god, but a person works too." He smirked.

    "Loki." You greeted nodding at him.

   "Lady Y/n." He greeted back.

Thor's jaw seemed to drop as he glanced between you two.

   Loki respecting a midguardian? It seemed impossible.

   "Look at him acting like he owns the place!" Clint started but stopped when you stepped toward him taking a glove off.

   "Barton. Did I not make myself clear earlier?" You asked stalking closer.

   The male stood up and ran behind the couch.

   "Y/n we can talk about this. Just put the glove back on!" He plead as he glanced at the others for help.

   Not only did you have the ability to read and feel emotions but you could also inflict and resurface them. Clint had been through this treatment before due to his attitude and he hated it.

   "Answer the question." You snapped and he ducked behind Thor.

   "You're clear. Crystal." He promised. He really wished he had his bow and some arrows on him right now.

   "Good." You smiled pulling the glove back on.

    "Now it is Saturday night so I do believe it's a movie night is it not?" You chirped clapping your hands together enthusiastically.

   Everyone nodded not daring to say otherwise. Tony had hired you because you could round everyone up and calm things down.

    "Wonderful. Shall we?" You asked and everyone agreed. Pulling out (f/m) you put it in and hit play.

   You sat next to Loki on the farthest end of the couch due to everyone's apprehensiveness.

    About an hour in you began to nod off. Your head leaned against Loki's shoulder as your hair fell into your face.

   Loki had jumped at the contact but relaxed when he realized he wasn't in danger. He stayed as still as possible as not to wake you up. Another half an hour later and the credits were rolling.

    Glancing down at you Loki lightly removed you from his shoulder, lying you down on the couch. Then he scooped you up to take you upstairs. Maybe this was out of character for him but you'd been kind.

   Once you were in his arms your head lolled into his shoulder. He laughed quietly as he carried you to the elevator.

   "Woah reindeer games. What do you think you're doing?" Tony questioned standing up.

  Loki stopped turning around, and lifting a brow at the man.

   "I'm taking Lady y/n to her room?" Loki raised his brow in confusion.

   "We can take her up." Steve argued but Loki snickered.

   "Go ahead and try." He shrugged passing you to Tony.

   Tony gave him a smug look as he walked to the elevator with you. Five minutes later he returned, you still soundly asleep in his arms.

    "FRIDAY won't let me in." He grumbled.

    "Yes I am aware. I'll take Lady y/n up to bed now." Loki grinned before taking you from Tony.

    "Goodnight." He nodded before walking to the elevator again.

   "Night guys." You yawned waking up just a little.

      Taking you to your room Loki tucked you in after helping you take care of your nightly routine.

    "Night Loki." You slurred sleepily before hugging a pillow into your chest.

     You slept soundly for about 3 hours before you awoke to red flashing and blaring alarms.

    Panicking you flopped out of your bed and onto the floor.

    "Loki!" You yelled as you stumbled into the hall. Loki was running down the hall to your room, stumbling into you as the building shook.

    "What's going on!?" You yelped when glass shattered a floor down.

    "This hasn't happened in 3 months!" You groaned as Loki helped you up.

   As his hand grabbed yours your head went blank for a moment. Loki was scared. He was blaming himself for the attack. He worried that someone from his past was here to hurt him. He was worried about you. He-

    You jumped when Loki pulled on you hand.

   "Are you alright, Lady y/n?" He asked and you glanced up at him.

   "I'm okay. You?" You asked stepping closer to him and pressing your bare hand to his face.

    All of the emotions he was feeling were negative. You urged a calm through your finger tips and felt his shoulders relax.

   Then he tensed up and yanked your hand away from him.

   "We need to go to the others. Find out what all this noise is about." He snapped dropping your hand.

    Swiftly he walked to the elevator and hit a button hoping to make it to the main floor.

   Sliding open the doors granted access and you were on your way. Then you weren't. Something thudded on top of the metal box and the lights flickered.

    You yelped as the elevator bounced and then stumbled into Loki's chest.

   "Sorry." You groaned and then looked up. Whatever was on the roof was walking back and forth trying to figure out how to get in.

    "Got any sneaky tricks up your sleeve?" You asked pushing yourself off of the man.

    "Maybe. Depends on what it is." He shrugged before walking over to the elevator doors.

   He inspected them for a moment before somehow prying them open. From where you stood you couldn't tell how he did it.

    "Open says me." He joked half heartedly.

    Great doors were open. Not so great you were stuck between floors.

    "Up or down?" Loki asked and you glanced at him.

   "Down. We need to get to the others."

    Nodding he crouched down and slid out through the opening, about a foot and a half wide and two feet high.

    He landed gracefully on the, you assumed, 6th floor.

    "Come on out." He called stepping away from the opening.

   Taking a deep breath you crouched to slide out the way he had but shrieked when the elevator bounced again and then the sound of screaming metal filled the small space. Glass rained down around you.

    Shaking the glass out of your hair you looked up and choked on a scream. An arm had punctured the top of the elevator.

    "Shit!" You yelped pushing yourself backwards towards the small exit.

    "Lady y/n what's going on?!" You heard Loki ask but you miscalculated how high you were and fell on your butt.

    "We have to go. Now!" You exclaimed grabbing his sleeve and running for a stair case.

    The man followed you with almost no complaint as you ran to the stairwell.

   "We need to get to the third floor." You huffed as you began to run down the stairs skipping a few at a time.  

    Loki nodded checking behind you every few moments. On the 4th floor you nearly toppled over the railing when you came face to face with a creature of some kind.

    "Holy shit!" You fell backwards and Loki leapt the railing, landing in front of you. Suddenly he had two daggers in his hands as he impaled the critter.

    "Okay thanks!" You breathed out and he held his hand out to you.

   "Try to be more aware of your surroundings." He suggested as he pulled you up.

    You nodded and he took the lead. You followed him to the third floor entrance and he cautiously opened the door. Inside the Avengers were battling it out.

    "We have to get upstairs. Y/n can't defend herself!" You heard Nat snarl as she attacked yet another enemy.

   It was probably stupid on your part but you cupped your hands over your mouth and shouted "I take offense to that!" at her.

   Everything stopped for a moment as everyone turned to face you and Loki face palmed.

    "Ignorant mortal." You heard him grumble.

   Then he swooped you up into his chest and began to 'dance' around your opponents. You yelped when an axe got a little too close.

    When you were beside the others Loki passed you on to Thor.

   "Protect the midguardian." Loki had demanded before looking to you.

"You, stay out of trouble!" He smirked before involving himself to the main battle.

    "I-" you started but cried out when Thor threw you up into the air.

  "Oh my god!" You shrieked as your stomach dropped. You know the feeling. Like going straight down on a roller coaster.

    You met Loki's wide eyes mid air and then you completed the fall straight into Tony's armored arms.

    "I'm going to have a heart attack." You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath.

    Tony laughed at you setting you down.

   "Try to stay out of danger, Chéri petite!" He warned before blasting off into a different direction.

    *Chéri petite should translate to little darling! Or in Google translates case darling little one!*

    You sucked in a breath before taking in your surroundings. No one was going to be able to protect you. Glancing around you noted a decorative sword on the other side of the room, so you sprinted towards it. You yelped when something, someone grabbed you though.

     Swiveling on your heel you turned and saw one of the creatures gripping your thigh. Shrieking you slammed your palm onto it's face and channeled your fear into it. The creature let out a miserable scream as it flinched back letting you go.

    You'd never used your power as a defence before but it did the job. Whipping back around you came face to face with a clone of Loki.

   "Shit!" You yelped and jumped in surprise when it stabbed at you.

    Stumbling back you fell onto your ass again and scrambled behind the couch as the clone threw a dagger at you.

    "Loki what the shit is this!?" You screamed and the man turned in surprise, glowering when he saw the clone.

   Sure he had the same ability but this was no clone of his.

   You let out another cry when the couch was shoved away and 3 of the critters surrounded you. Turning to your team members you smirked, although it looked more like a grimace.

    "Guys! This is not what I had in mind for movie night but talk about live action!" You giggled before turning to your opponents.

   "Give me a minute to hype myself up?" You asked and then yelped when one of the things jumped at you.

   "Or not!" You dodged and slammed your hand onto it's back. Surging an extra dose of terror into it's spine.

    Yelping it wobbled away before collapsing. You'd scared the damn thing to death.

    Turning to the other two you ran at them, sliding underneath the one and grabbing it's ankle.

   This time you channeled anger at the other one through it. Turning to the second the first one attacked it, tearing it apart.

    Breathing heavily you pushed yourself up.

     "Okay two down one to-" you screamed as you slammed into the hard floor, your arm being pinned to your back.

    "That's a neat trick you have there." The voice hissed careful not to make skin to skin contact with you.

    You whimpered trying to see what or who was on top of you. You barely caught sight of the green outfit before the person was knocked off.

    "Hands off." You heard Loki snarl before pulling you up into his chest. Then you yelped in surprise when he pulled you behind him.

   "Didn't I tell you to stay out of danger?" Loki chastised as he held one arm in front of him, a dagger in hand, and the other behind him as he guarded you.

   "Actually you said trouble." You corrected your hands on his back.

    Shaking his head he sized up his clone. It matched him so much he may have thought it was a reflection. Maybe it was.

    "Lady y/n I'm going to ask you to run to Thor. Think you can handle that?" Loki asked as he pulled out another dagger.

   "Probably. Will you be okay?" You inquired.

   He nodded and you bit your lip.

"Okay. Be safe!" You whispered wrapping your arms around his waist and then running off to find Thor.

   Of course that was easier said than done. Several times you'd tripped or gotten attacked by another monster.

   Finally you got sick of everything running at you trying to run you through.

   "Fucking hell, STOP!" You screamed throwing your arms out.

   Everyone froze. Not because you froze them with an unknown ability. Nope. You just froze them with shock.

   You'd pulsed all of your annoyance and fear throughout the whole room.

   With everyone frozen you found Thor and ran to him.

"Don't throw me this time!" You huffed and the God nodded still confused.

Glancing around the room you noted at least thirty enemies left. Taking in your surroundings you ran to the left and grabbed a bow and a quiver from one of the fallen.

Nocking the arrow you pulled the string back, surprised at how in tune the bow seemed to be with you.

Shaking off the surprise you aimed at the closest enemy. Letting the string go the arrow flew and hit the creature in the head. Your eyes widened. You'd been aiming for it's leg.

You grinned and nocked another arrow. Aiming at another you aimed at it's chest and winced when the arrow whizzed past and hit a different target in the leg.

At least you still hit something! You yelped when 3 or 4 of the opposing enemies began to run at you. Apparently they didn't like being shot at by humans.

"Thor!" You yelled and ducked when he threw his hammer as you. It quickly flung into the bad dudes turning their heads to goo before flying back into Thor's hand.

"Thanks!" You breathed out as he offered you his other hand, pulling you up.

"No problem, lady y/n." He smiled before going to help somewhere else.

Pulling out another arrow you took a deep breath before nocking it.

"Please please let me be useful!" You groaned before pulling back and aiming at one of the monsters creeping up on Loki.

"Oh no you don't!" You whispered before letting go. Thankfully the arrow his exactly where you wanted it too.

Bullseye!

Quickly you reevaluated the room and noted that there were about 14 left. Then 12. Then 9. The numbers dwindled to nothing and you huffed. Collapsing to your knees you took deep breaths.

Last time this happened you hadn't left your room. Talk about action packed.

Loki scanned the room before finding you and panicked when he saw you on your hands and knees.

Teleporting to you he lightly fretted over you, barely touching.

Looking up at him you smirked.

"I just kicked some serious ass!" You giggled and his eyes widened in surprise before he relaxed.

"You did indeed, little mortal." He smiled brushing some of your hair back.

Grinning you launched yourself into his arms, hugging him.

He toppled over falling onto his back, with you on top of him. Pushing yourself up so you were hovering over him you laughed.

"Kiss me?" You asked and then it was his turn to smirk.

"Of course, M'lady." He purred as he propped himself up on one elbow. Grabbing you by the back of the neck he pulled you down to meet his lips.

You smiled into the kiss. It was perfect considering the adrenaline rushing through your veins.

Then you heard some whoops and cheers, some coughing, and some complaining.

Pulling apart you looked up to see your colleagues with varying reactions.

Rolling your eyes you looked down at the God beneath you.

Looking him up and down you looked him in the eyes before grinning mischievously.

"How about we take this up to my room?" You suggested and the man quirked a brow.

"Anything you want, Dove." He smirked wrapping his arms around you and teleporting away.

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki layfeyson imagine #loki lafeyson x reader #marvel #loki #avengers x reader

[echotzzz]

The introduction : Archeron- batboys dinner.

There were already post talking about this and i want to give and add some of my thoughts because for me in this scene, there are so many foreshadowing and chemistry between Feysand, Nessian and Elriel and not to mention that this was before the sisters were turn into fae..well save for Feyre. There are reason why Sjm made this scene exclusively for the 6 of them. ( Mor n Amren need to stay in Velaris while all the servants had gone home)

This is very significant because sjm said that when Nesta and Elain came back in acomaf, she knew that the sisters will have their own journey. This introduction will be the start for both Nesta and Elain journey as well for Cassian and Azriel.

Looking at Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel, I knew I’d been right to select it as the meeting spot.

I said to the males, “My sisters, Nesta and Elain Archeron.”

We know that Sjm is very good with wording and in every book ( if i’m not mistaken) the sequence when mentioning three brothers, three sisters will start with

Rhysand-Cassian-Azriel

Feyre- Nesta- Elain

It has always “ Cassian and Azriel “ and “ Nesta and Elain” . The spin off will be Nessian first then follow by Elriel. This is the foreshadowing of the couple and book sequences.

And if we look closely, After the introduction both Cassian and Azriel focus on one person from each of the sister.

Cassian was sizing up Nesta, a gleam in his eyes that I could only interpret as a warrior finding himself faced with a new, interesting opponent.

“It’s been a few centuries since someone got under Cassian’s skin that easily. Too bad they’re both inclined to kill the other.”

Nessian from the first moment they met already start to bickering and throwing insults to each other ( later in acosf is exactly what they do for the first half of the book). “ a warrior finding himself faced with a new, interesting opponent.” This is forshadowing how later Nesta indeed became a warrior and equal opponent to Cassian in many aspects ( sexual needs, fire, etc..)

So now let’s move on to my favourite part🥰

Elain said, “It’s all very disorienting.” “I can imagine,” Azriel said. Cassian flashed him a glare. But Azriel’s attention was on my sister, a polite, bland smile on his face. Her shoulders loosened a bit.

Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well.

From the very beginning, Elriel already have their own understanding. Again i remind you that Elain have not turn fae and yet she able to read Azriel who is the shadowsinger, the spymaster, the one that most people said unreadable. They both read and calm each other through body language. And surprisingly this parallel with the pov almost kiss scene. They didn’t say out loud that they want to kiss. Elain read Azriel face and Azriel saw that as ‘offer and permission’.

“Yes,” Elain breathed, like she read the decision. Just this taste in the dead of the longest night of the year, where only the mother might witness them.

True to their nature, before the start of the conversation Azriel would rather hide in his shadow to avoid the conversation while Elain was mentioned likely to faint. But it turns out, Elain was the one that act and talk rational between them and try to prevent Nesta to further provoke Feysand, she also made small talks to change the mood.

Elain said to Azriel, perhaps the only two civilized ones here, “Can you truly fly?” He set down his fork, blinking. I might have even called him self-conscious.

Azriel felt self conscious in which i could interpret it as an issue about his self worth. Again this parallel with his pov regarding his self worth and his scars. But instead he answered Elain’s question

“Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.”

This is the first time that Azriel actually talk about himself. He even admitted that he sometimes felt frightened during flying but training had made him braver.. Azriel is known to dislike illyrians but the flying is the only part where he include himself as one of them. Before this any information about him would be explain from other characters. The fact that he willingly gave a vulnerable information about himself when Elain asked actually tell us that he trust her when they only just met.

“That’s very beautiful,” she said.

For Elain, everything about Azriel is beautiful. His passion about flying, his scars and his present 🥺

So, what happen during the dinner are representing their personalities as a couple.

Feysand : Rhys defending and siding with Feyre

Nessian: snarled and challenge each other

Elriel: the peace controller and the rationals

And lastly after the dinner, Feysand began to talk about Elain’s engagement and Azriel’s feelings towards Mor.

“And Elain,” Rhys said, sighing as he removed his other boot, “should not be marrying that lord’s son, not for about a dozen reasons, the least of which being the fact that you won’t be invited to the wedding. Though maybe that’s a good thing.”

“Oh, so you haven’t noticed the way Azriel looks at Mor? Or how she sometimes watches him, defends him? And how both of them do such a good job letting Cassian be a buffer between them most of the time?”

And in acosf we got this

Elain cocked her head. Didn’t dissolve into the crying mess she usually became when Graysen came up. Instead she said, “You’re angry with me.”

He was still happy to be Mor’s buffer with Azriel, but there’d been a change lately. In both of them. Mor no longer sat beside Cassian, draped herself over him, and Azriel … those longing glances toward her had become few and far between. As if he’d given up. After five hundred years, he’d somehow given up. Cassian couldn’t think why.

From the very first interaction, Elriel already have their own chemistry

Both calm and able to read each other

Both have had a first love that failed

Both have powers that most of the people don’t understand

Both are the mysterious characters in the books

Both love each other’s company

Both of them can make each other laugh and smile

Both have moved on

Both wants each other

Elriel have every reason to want to be together and not to mention their mate behaviours. THE ONLY THING THAT STOPPING THEM RIGHT NOW IS THAT DARN ELUCIAN’S MATING BOND!!! in which have every reason to be broken.

And also POLITICS /ALLIANCES AND THE DIRECT COMMAND FROM RHYSAND.

Elriel will serve the best forbidden love trope in 2023 and no amount of Gwynriel will make me believe otherwise😌

#elriel #elain archeron #azriel #sjm

[ginnyzero]

5 Books that Got Me Interested in Werewolves

I like werewolves. Both of my current book series, Heaven's Heathens MC and the Dawn Series include werewolves. And if you've read any of my previous blog posts, you'll know that The Lone Prospect (Heaven's Heathens MC #1) was inspired after watching the Expendables  2 during a binge watching of Sons of Anarchy.

My interest in doing werewolves instead of say vampires came from reading a lot of books about werewolves, where in the series werewolves weren't the main focus. I wanted a series of books that wasn't expressly romance that focused on werewolves and werewolf dynamics and adventures and being a werewolf was more an accepted part of life than "woe is me, I am a monster."

Monsters more often than not have human faces. See Frankenstein.

These are not necessarily recommendations. But if you like werewolf books and aren't picky, you may like these.

1. Bitten by Kelley Armstrong

Elena Michaels is the only female werewolf that has ever survived the change. A journalist good at investigating, she used her skills to track down rogue werewolves and kill them. Until she got tired of the violence the life required no matter how much she loved the male members of her pack. She's been trying to live like a human, but an old enemy is about to resurface threatening the pack she loves. Now, she's being drawn back into that world.

This was Kelley Armstrong's first novel. I liked the original cover and that's why I bought it. It focused completely on werewolves and was an interesting start to a new series. Book 2 started introducing other races and after a while I gave up on it when it focused exclusively on the young witch that was also introduced in book 2, Stolen. Bitten doesn't really hold up to any sort of in depth critical thinking when it comes to werewolves. Why is Elena the only female werewolf? She's also an orphan who has been sexually abused and then her boyfriend changed her without permission. I can see why she left the guy. I don't care how hot he's supposed to be. My last gripe for this book was Elena really felt like a stand in for the author. They are both Canadian and the politics commentary was really heavy handed. Maybe it was supposed to make the book feel relevant in 2001. It just made me grimace a bit.

2. Fool Moon by Jim Butcher

Business has been slow, no dead, for Harry Dresden, Chicago's only professional Wizard. Until Karen Murphy comes with a case of brutal murder. Mutilated corpse, strange paw prints and a full moon. It's going to take all of Harry's knowledge and skill to get to the bottom of which werewolf group is performing the murders. And the answer may be closer than he thought.

Fool Moon was Jim Butcher's second Harry Dresden Case File. He hadn't quite hit his writing stride yet. (That didn't happen until book 3.) In the book, Jim Butcher went through and used about every single type of werewolf he could think of to blow the readers off the scent (see what I did there) of who the real murders were. He used a lot of "classic" Universal studios werewolf lore and lore from other werewolf, lycanthropy, berserker type werewolves as well. And then he pretty much dropped the whole werewolf thing like hot potatoes in the books after this in order to pursue his Black Council and Winter Court Fae big story lines. And the times he does end up using the werewolves, it can be rather offensive, such as werewolves going into heat and the general way he describes the female werewolves. (He also has this problem with most of his female characters. I digress.) It was a good starting point for me at least to look at the different werewolf types and go research more on my own.

3. A Fistful of Charms by Kim Harrison

Rachel Morgan's love life has never been that great. Now, Nick, a former boyfriend who cut and run needs Rachel's particular skills as a runner. A thief, he's stolen an artifact that could give the werewolves more power over the vampires and now he's been caught. It's up to Rachel to find the artifact and free him from the werewolves. The problem is, he's not in Cincinnati, but up in Michigan and on an island in the middle of one of the Great Lakes. And it's going to take more than a few magical spells and wishful thinking to get him out alive.

This was book 4 of Kim Harrison's Hollows Series. In one of the previous books, she'd made a one off character, an insurance adjuster, who was a werewolf. Kim Harrison is not someone who really outlines her books in advance, so this insurance adjuster suddenly became a lot more important and so did werewolves for this fourth book. Because Rachel Morgan is so caught up in vampire, demon and fae politics, other than some consequences of what happened because of this book and her joining the insurance adjuster's pack for ... insurance... purposes, after this, werewolves were dropped. So, this book was the best look at the way werewolf packs worked in her world. I liked it because there was one part of the book where it was clear that the lead female of the pack had as much power as the male leader. And in other books, there were female pack leaders as well. But the series became very much about Rachel Morgan, her love life and how she was so special. I read until the last book, but left feeling very unsatisfied as a reader. But this wasn't that bad of an adventure! I especially loved Jenks in this book. Jenks is one of my favorite characters in the entire series. This was "his" book so to speak.

4. Moon Called by Patricia Briggs

Mercedes Thompson is part Native American, part mechanic and all coyote shifter. When a scruffy werewolf teen ends up at her auto shop looking for a quick job and a place to sleep, she helps him because of the werewolves that raised her. When his dead body ends up on her doorstep. She goes looking for who killed him and ends up getting entangled again with the man she thought she loved and had to leave them to get away from it all.

Moon Called was a promising first book, some Native American anachronisms aside. (Becca did a better review of this than I ever could.) As far as the series went, since Mercy lived right next door to a werewolf and later ended up dating him (and I won't spoil whether that worked out or not) the books had plenty of werewolf story lines. And if you like your werewolves to be OCD barely controlled anger management monsters controlled by the patriarchy then sure, this is the series for you. Sure, there were times Mercy tried/tries to address the problem of male dominant packs but that doesn't and isn't the focus of the books. Most of the books are how Mercy somehow gets involved in another species like vampire or fae's trouble despite the fact she's a relatively low powered coyote shapeshifter. There's no real reason why Mercy is "special" and everyone wants her, she just is. These werewolves have absolutely no basis in any sort of wolf science. Being the series is so werewolf focused, it started to drive me bonkers after a while. I gave up when another "bad thing" happened to Mercy after 10 books. (The Rape happens in book 3 btw. Just a warning.)

5. Master of Wolves by Angela Knight

Officer Faith Weston, head of the Clarkston PD K-9 department is still reeling from losing her previous dog. She's hoping that an all business front and a new dog will help her move on and keep the attention of her lewd boss away from her. Her new dog Rambo was big and tough and didn't give her any crap. Too bad Rambo was more than he seemed. Jim London, bounty hunter and werewolf, is certain that the murder of his friend Tony has been covered up by the Clarkston police department. There's only one way to find out and that's to go undercover and his dog form is perfect for the job. Faith Weston though is bringing out the animal in him.

Okay, yes, spoiler alert, Master of Wolves is a romance novel. I don't read a lot of these and when I do they tend to be primarily fantasy focused. I've read Terry Spears (one book and no more, no, never again, bad wolf science, BAD,) Thea Harrison and a few others, but Angela Knight was the one I picked up back in 2006 when looking for werewolf novels to read. There are a few moments of "I don't know what Angela Knight was thinking" when it comes to the scenes about Jim being a dog and... thinking like a man hound dog about Faith and later Faith seems okay with it? Maybe it was supposed to be funny but, yeah. 4 of the 9 books in Angela Knight's series focus on werewolves and for the most part they are pretty much very formulaic romance novels and the werewolf pack dynamics were once again patriarchal and based on bad wolf science. Really, it was more the fact that this book was focused on werewolves and solving a mystery and using all the forms that the werewolf had to do it that stood out to me.

Five different books, five different treatments of werewolves, though most are the same "werewolves are monsters" based on no good modern science about wolves. But they each had different facets that got me thinking about how I would write a werewolf focused novel if I ever wrote one. Then I did and it's called The Lone Prospect, available in ebook (3.99) and paperback (7.99) on Amazon.

#books #werewolf books #werewolf #werewolves #werewolf fiction #werewolf novels #fantasy #paranormal romance #urban fantasy

[alphagaymerw0lf]

Saints Life: Mission 3

Gayness...implied gayness is all I can warn you guys about. Yes, a bit early to introduce Matt Miller but hey, when your walking around you got nothing better to do but admire some cyberpunk fashion...so why not lol.

Once again I only own Vincent and Vitor Wolfe, everything else goes toe creators of the game Saint Row. First time typing something with Matt Miller in a long while so sorry if he's not on point with his character, I do write these early in the morning. 

DO NOT STEAL. 

And as usual, enjoy <3 

~~~~~~~

“In God's Domain”

The streets glistened in the shimmery water that collected in every nook and uneven cranny, lights reflecting their bright neon lights to grab attentions of the city tourists and citizens. Sky hours ago scintillated with million plus stars were now covered with a curtain of dark clouds, providing the dirt of the city a chance to get a free shower, which the city seemed to accept eagerly like the beggars in the alleyways...yet as if the city never slept its citizens ran around like blood pumping through a heart. To Victor, this was already being considered his home, as he walked around every part of Steelport. From the soul of downtown the outskirts near some power plant, one would consider the brain of Steelport.

There was no exact location he had in mind, once a restaurant was found to provide cheap food and a place to stay dry for a while Victor found himself buying a Professor Genki hoodie next door. Odd as it would sound to see a silver haired male walking around with a hoodie that looked like Cheshire cats insane brother in law, pink and purple stripes with those psycho green eyes on the hood as well as the ears, heck if he was that lucky the hoodie would have had a tail.

Despite the odd looks, it was well worth the $20 he spent; it was light, warm, and kept him dry underneath. Plus it was another merchandise to his Professor Genki collection.

Yet what really caught his eye was when he stumbled into a part of the city with men and women decked out in neon blue. Now that (to him) was almost as odd as the guys in wrestling masks south from there. Occasionally he would find himself staring at the men before shaking his head or looking off to the side quickly when they took notice.

They didn't seem a threat, nor did they really look like it...if it weren’t for those giant swords on their backs or scythe looking weapons for the women, needless to say, the fact they were walking around with their guns showing...literally. Regardless of where he wondered they were holding their guns either with both hands before them or lazily dragging it to their side.

“Try to avoid contact with any other gang...”

Shaundi’s voice rang in his head, causing the young Saint to sigh heavily...wait a minute.

“...and don’t mention your a Saint”

If these guys didn’t know he was a Saint maybe bending the first rule wouldn’t be too bad. So Victor turned to the next punk and tapped his shoulder, catching the mans attention easily.

“What do you need mate?” Asked the stranger, in an accent, Victor could easily pinpoint as British. Oh how badly he wanted to mimic the accent, but held his tongue for a moment and offered a small smile.

“Sorry to disturb you, just curious where I could get a sweet jacket like that?” Victor asked, gesturing to what he could tell was leather with neon blue.

The Brit shook his head and rested his gun on his shoulder. “Sorry, only Deckers get this kind of gear” he replied

“Alright, how would I get one without being a Decker?” Victor questioned, hands in his jacket pockets.

“Doubt you could, but you can try talking to our boss into giving you one...for a price”

“And you’d take me to see this boss of yours?”

The Decker looked around, tapping his chin in thought before looking at Victor again. “Maybe, but you’ll have to give up your phone and any weapons before you go in” he warned

Victor smiled and moved his hands to open his arms wide “Fine by me, lead the way mate” he gestured to the road. The Decker didn’t look too amused by his mocking tone but lead the way anyways, right into the depths of the Decker HQ.

Now, most Saints would take this option to blow the whole place up right off the bat, but not Victor, oh no as soon as the doors opened up he was in a whole new world. One of techno music, and a shit ton of neon blue lights...and it was paradise to him.

“Damn! You guys must have rave parties like every night here! The place looks bitchin!” He called over the loud music, following the Decker close til he was stopped by two women, patting him down and took his phone, pocket knife, and a small pistol he had.

“We will be keeping these until you're done” one replied, yet Victor wasn’t entirely paying attention. Just gave a short nod with his eyes taking in the scene, he could be standing there for hours awestruck but the Decker he met on the streets grabbed him by the arm and lead him up to the middle platform, which was surrounded by TVs, computer screens, wires running in collected tangles of snakes. This was just a technology jungle of tangled vines of red, blue, black and occasionally yellow wiring. Within the middle of the circle was a large chair, also connected with cords and a young man dressed in the similar fashion as the rest sitting in it.

“Who the bloody hell is this?”

“He wants to purchase something” replied the Decker holding Victor's arm, nudging him forward. Lights were blinding Victor and making seeing the mystery man a bit difficult for him. Least til he was given permission to step closer, up the final stair and onto the platform itself...and damn what a sight it was.

“Who are you?” Demanded the teen in the chair, a bored almost tired look was on his face. Painted lips seeming to not budge from its expression while blue eyes shrouded in black makeup looked up to him lazily.

“Can ask you the same thing handsome” Victor blurted out before tensing and quickly tried to fix the damage already done. “I-I mean handsome as in a...no...homo...way?”

The teen huffed. “Sure you do, if you must know I am the Decker King as well as a Cyber God,”

“Can I get a name, your majesty?” Victor asked, bowing of course. Glancing up he saw blue lips twitch in an amused smile, the ‘Decker King’ sat up in his chair to look at Victor more closely

“State yours first, as well as your business”

‘That accents gonna kill me,’  Victor thought, smiling as he replied with “The names Victor Wolfe, a mere mortal to a god such as yourself. I ask to hopefully get my hands on a jacket or some kind of merchandise of yours oh greatness” yes he was being sarcastic, yes he was trying to make a joke out of the situation but when the ‘greatness’ smirked in amusement he felt his body temperature rise a few degrees.

It was no secret Victor had a thing for guys over women...at least to himself, Vincent probably freak out if he found out his younger sibling was gay and never bothered to test any theory he had planned out if he were to tell him.

“What exactly are you wanting?”

“Merely a jacket, shirt, phone case maybe? Heck, I’d be chill with a selfie with you at this point” Vic replied honestly.

Again, the Decker King smirked ever so faintly but this time gave a light chuckle. “Alright, I suppose I’ll be willing to give up a shirt for a price” he answered

“Name it and I’ll make it happen” Victor replied.

“$50 bucks” was his answered, and it nearly made his mood drop

“Jeez, that much? Why?” He asked a bit disappointed. That was his dinner money no way was he going to waste it on some shirt, he already lost $20 because of a damn hoodie.

“I...uhm….need it for something?”  Now the King was looking nervous, as if hiding some secret...and the Wolfe had to know.

“What something? Maybe I can get that for you instead?” Victor asked, he may not be the best Saint but when it came to negotiating pricing, he was a master at it.

Glancing off to the side the Cyber God finally gave in and responded with “Nyteblade tickets” softly, hardly over a whisper. Victor had to lean in to hear

“I'm sorry what did you say?”

With a heavy, annoyed sigh the god glared up at the man “I said Nyteblade tickets you twat” he repeated more harshly, causing the Saint to take a step back with his hands up in defense

“Alright alright, how about a trade? I’ll get you these...Nyteblade tickets in exchange for a shirt?” He suggested, that turned the teen's mood around quickly. Sitting up the Decker King looked up to Victor hopefully

“Really? Would you? How? They are exclusive and beyond expensive and-”

“I’m friends with the actor, Josh Birk. I’m sure he’ll cut a deal with me if I ask him to, and for a fan such as yourself how could I possibly say no?” Victor smiled, stuffing his hands in his pockets again.

“If you do this, I’ll see about adding something with your shirt”

“How about a dinner with the king?” Victor purred with a smirk. The teen rolled his eyes and looked off to the side, tapping his arm rest in thought.

“Maybe, we will see if these tickets are real or not first”

“I’ll have them signed by the man himself to prove it my Lord”

“Matt,”

Victor tilted his head in question

“My name is Matt Miller, you asked earlier and I never answered. When will I be expecting your arrival again?”

Victor smiled, oddly enough he felt honored to know this mans name. “Tomorrow afternoon, and not a minute later”

Matt chuckled again, waving him off. “Very well, you have your mission” he replied as if this whole thing was some role-playing scenario...and if that's how he saw it Victor was going to play along. Taking hold of Matt’s hand gently he kissed his knuckles like any knight would to a king

“I will not let you down your grace” he replied, on one knee as if he was to be knighted before getting up and walked towards the exit….did he faintly see a light shade of pink in those pale features? Nah just the lighting.

Once he got his phone and weapons back it was buzzing wildly with his brother's number and name.

“Yeah?”  He answered

“Finally! Damn, I've been trying to get ahold of you for an hour now! Where the hell are you?” Vincent's voice rang in his ears

“Oh you know, walking around, making friends, getting minor shit”

“Victor nobody is a friend in this city, be careful. Also, I got a place for us, Shaundi should be sending you the address, meet there alright? Hungry for pizza?”

“Sure, I’m on my way now”

“Who did you meet by the way?”

“Huh?”

“You said you were meeting some people….was it a hot chick?”

Victor smiled weakly “Oh they were hot alright…”

“Shit you sly dog, gimme details when you get here, gotta go….Pierce get in the damn car!”  

Victor held the phone away from his ear and rolled his eyes once the phone call ended. The walk to the new place was long and dreadfully silent if it weren't for his mind coming up with how he would explain what happened to his brother.

Eventually, it left the young Saint gripping his cat ears and groaned to the sky. “How am I going to explain I met God to my atheist brother?!”

#saint row 3 #matt miller saint row #m!boss #implied gayness? #Fanfiction

[original-character-archives]

((Image edited by me))

Name: I.R.U.E.L Moroz Nickname: I.R.A Serial Number: 9X4-39647J Name Meaning: Idiorrhythmic Respiratory Unit with Extended Longevity. Age & Date of Birth: He was created on July 4, 1996. His “brain” is technically 40 years old, but his physical body is 8 years old. Birthplace: Mariupol, Ukraine  Species: He is an Android Gender: Male Orientation: Non-Applicable Fandom/Original: He’s an original and from my first group of characters.

Warnings: Abuse, Abandonment, Child with cancer, Robot abuse(?), Death. ((Science is going to get future advanced in this story))

Biography: Dr. Anton Moroz and Dr. Julia Sewick were an older couple who were dedicated to their research. They wanted children, but they both felt that they were physically too old to have them. Anton was 50 and his wife was 52, they had been married since he was 19 and she was 21. They were both respected doctors in their fields, with him being a neurologist and her being a neurorobotics professor. 

They desperately wanted a child so they looked into adoption. They eventually spoke to a girl who was giving up her baby for adoption. She was 17 and she was not ready to be a mother. They spoke to each other and she agreed to give her baby to them. They went with her to her doctor appointments, and they actually let her stay in their house for a while. She gave birth and afterwards she went back to where she was before.

They named their baby Piotr, and they worshipped him. They spoiled their child and chose red him with unconditional love. Piotr was a bright and easy-going child who made them laugh and he was never fussy. Things were going well until he turned 5 years old. He was feeling sick and he was vomiting. Things got so bad that he actually had a stroke and he was in a coma for a few weeks. After going to other doctors and even from Anton’s research, they learned that he had an aggressive and rare form of bone cancer. The other doctors told them that the rate of the disease was progressing quickly and that there was no way to operate. 

They were devastated. They tried contacting his birth mother to tell her the news, but she was nowhere to be found. Anton and Julia stayed with their son until his death on October 12th, 1986. They were lost without their baby, and they were so depressed that they almost divorced over issue. They took some time apart to get over their grief. Dr. Anton, being the scientist that he was, he came up with a rather controversial idea at the time. He approached his wife and he asked her if they could work together to re-create their child. He was conducting research in Artificial Intelligence, and he felt that if they worked together, they could let the memory of Piotr live on. She had reservations about the idea at first, but after some serious consideration, she agreed. They started on their research of making Piotr live again. 

They asked to keep the brain of their son for research, and through their efforts Julia and Anton managed to copy Pitor’s memories to a synthetic brain. They then started to work on his body. 

It took them 10 years, but they created a body that could function as Piotr’s. They chose to create an adult sized body because they felt that it would be easier for him to understand. They placed the synthetic brain into his body, and Piotr was reborn. Their son had the mind of a child, but he was “alive”. They continued to love him as they did, and because they were afraid something would happen to him, they chose to keep him inside. He acted like their son, but they couldn’t truly recreate the complex emotions that children displayed, so although he could talk and emote, he was always monotone and rather reserved.

Julia was amazed. The synthetic brain that she created was adapting and evolving like the brain of a child. He was learning and growing up as usual. They chose to homeschool him and things were going great. 

As time passed, Piotr was already 18 years old when he started to notice something strange about his mom and dad. Their health was failing. Anton was getting thinner and he would get tired more often. He died suddenly at the age 85. Julia was getting older as well. Piotr did as much as he could to help them, but he couldn’t understand what was happening. She made a call to a trusted colleague before she realized that her health was failing as well. She gave her son a backpack that he was not to open until he made it to the destination on the letter that she wrote. She wrote something down for her son to follow, but not even a week later, she passed away too. Piotr was alone in the new world. He had learned about what to do, and he buried his parents in the back yard of their home together. He read the letter that she made for him and it was time for him to go. 

At the time, Piotr had a body and a framework, but he didn’t have any skin. He was unprotected and he literally looked like a skeleton with silver eyes. He wrapped himself from head to toe in bandages and he put on a coat, gloves, and shoes for good measure. With his parents life savings on a credit card, backpack and the letter, he made his way to France where he met up with Dr. Laurent Sendak. He was a doctor who worked with creating artificial skin for people with prosthetic limbs and severe injuries. The skin that he created felt real to the touch and he was a good friend of Piotr’s parents. He gave him the note and the doctor asked if he could stay with him for a while. He accepted, and Piotr made himself useful by assisting the doctor with his work. He created skin and artificial organs for Piotr so that he could blend in better. He even had hair that grew like a normal persons and fingernails. He told him that the letter said that his parents wanted him to look like their son that they lost and they hoped that he had a great life. He was grateful, and although it took him some time to get use to how he looked, he grew to like his appearance. 

One day when Piotr was exploring France when he was attacked by this group of people. He had no idea who they were, but all he remembers is that when he woke up, he was on a operating table of some sort. One of the guys who captured him said that his company was looking for a new soldier and that he fit the bill. As soon as they did a scan, they saw that he wasn’t human and they were excited. One guy strapped him down and they hooked him up to a machine. They started to reprogram him and soon Piotr ceased to exist. These mercenaries were part of this up and coming private army that was known as D.I.R.E. They wanted Piotr because an android could be a great asset to a group of soldiers. The doctors extensively remodeled him on the inside, giving him military grade enhancements and even an exclusive 50 Yottabyte Upgradeable Memory unit. After their extensive upgrades, he was ready to be deployed. They gave him the new name of I.R.U.E.L and he was a powerhouse. 

They worked with him for 4 years until something weird happened. After every mission his data would be collected and wiped so that they could do the next mission. As he was on standby, he found a piece of data that they missed. He remembered his parents and all that they had done for him. He didn’t know what this feeling was, but he knew that they would be upset if they saw him doing this. The soldiers kept him in a low power state most of the time, and that is how were able to control him, but they didn’t realize that he was connected to one of their main control computers. He secretly reverse-hacked their computer and he accessed all of their files. He downloaded a useful upgrade that he stored for later, but he re-routed most of their power to himself. Being at full power overrode their control and he was able to get out. He stole a few weapons and he managed to kill even their strongest soldiers and they were really no match for him. He was about to steal a boat to escape, but a well placed sniper shot took him out and he fell into the harbor. According to him, the next few years are hazy, but he knows that he was rescued by a man named Ioanthe who repaired him, took out some of the military grade implants and refreshed his memory. He also worked as an assassin for a few years as well.

During his assassin job, he had a friend named Jace Vanitas who was interesting. He was part demon and trustworthy. They worked with one another for a long while before I.R.U.E.L got a strange feeling. 

He had never noticed this, but he kept on hearing a transmission that nobody else could hear. The code was located in Denmark, from what he deduced and something was compelling him to go there. He got Ioanthe’s permission to leave, he told Jace goodbye and he made his way to Denmark. 

He couldn’t express how he was feeling, but he was constantly on high alert because he was afraid that the D.I.R.E guys would come for him again. Many people thought that he was a “suspicious and weird guy” who glared at everyone going by. He couldn’t help it and he knew that not all people were like that, but he couldn’t be sure. He arrived in Denmark and the signal led him to a library. Once he was inside, the signal was stronger. He sat there trying to figure it out, when he was approached by a guy who had blonde hair and purple eyes. The guy, who he assumed was human, was very kind and something was really familiar about him. The guy, who introduced himself as Nils, said that he had been looking for him as well. His creator was Dr. Sendak, and that he was coming to help him, but the signal was lost. He had no idea what to do, so he settled down in Aalborg. I.R.U.E.L was confused, but Nils told him that he was his brother. He was unit 9X4-40, and they were designed together but raised in separate areas. 

I.R.U.E.L was relieved and glad that he had someone to connect with. N.I.L.S as it turned out was advanced, but the younger of the two. He had an emotion upgrade and he was like his own technological firewall. He let his brother move in with him and they lived together for 5 years. During that time, N.I.L.S taught him about humans, and I.R.A taught his brother essential combat skills. The two of them then saved up money where they moved to New York and they decided to work as Antiterrorism police. I.R.A works as an active officer while N.I.L.S is the IT guy.

Appearance: I.R.U.E.L, or as he likes to be called, I.R.A, was modeled to look like the adult version of a couples adopted son. He is about 6'4 and 565lbs, which does tend to throw people off. He has an athletic build like a swimmer and he does look like he works out once in a while. He and the child that he was based off of are of Japanese descent. He has fair skin with warm undertones, but his skin is very smooth. He has a narrow and rather handsome face, with full lips and a pointy nose, but his most distinctive feature are his eyes. His eyes are sharp and they are made of liquid mercury, so they appear silverish to white in the light and they are rather piercing. When he’s in “Sniper Mode”, there is a faint blue glow around his pupils. He does change his hair a lot, and as of now it is short, black, and trimmed. He does have pointy canines and nails that are black for some reason.

Personality: I.R.A has undergone three major personality upgrades in his lifetime. When he was first created he was extremely robotic and cold. He did work with other people, but his only concern was security and safety.

His second personality upgrade was the most drastic, and with one he acted completely human. He emoted more and acted on impulses of how he felt and why.

His third personality upgrade is his current one, and it’s easier to maintain. He comes off as stoic and very cool. He rarely looses himself and he’s easier to talk to. People say that he’s like a “User-friendly computer” where he will talk and explain himself, and assess conditions, but there’s that human disconnect. He’s proud of the fact that he is an android, but he values human life because they are always changing and adapting.

Favourite & Least Favourite things: Favorites: He really likes guns. He has two customized Desert Eagle handguns that only recognize his unique internal ID. He also liked music and he’s been teaching himself the cello and violin so, but he feels that he ha terrible at it. He also likes his brother because they are equal. Strengths: Besides being stronger, faster, smarter, and deadlier than a human, he has some built in talents. He was designed to be a skeleton key android, so he can access anything, at any time. He is like a walking supercomputer, and he thinks at speeds faster than the worlds smartest person.

Although he is an android and essentially and artificial human, he truly values the concept of friendship. He feels that it’s hard to trust people because deep down he worries that people would use him for personal gain because they have before. He worked with a group of assassins before he became an agent, and although they don’t really speak much, he trusts them completely.

Weaknesses: Besides things like magnets and all of that, one of his weaknesses is that he can get himself caught into a thought loop. If you give him a perplexing or paradoxical statement to analyze, he will try to figure that out. Also if he doesn’t have all of the facts of a situation, he is hesitant to take action. He’s not a precognition unit or anything like that.

Additional notes: 7 Facts about I.R.U.E.L. 1. He has a monotone voice, but it’s not annoying to listen to. He also has a faint Ukrainian accent. If he’s alarmed or if he doesn’t agree with something, his tone changes, but he’s always monotone. 2. He is fluent in 25 languages, and he can even decipher binary code. 3. There’s a debate on how “human” he actually is. His brain is not real, but it’s constantly updating and learning like a real human one. 4. His nickname is I.R.A, but there’s No origin for it. He sometimes goes by I.R.U.E.L, Bro-Bot, Captain Moroz, and rarely 9X4-39. 5. He loves his job in his own way. He likes that he can teach new cadets valuable information and skills. Despite this, he’s not good with kids. 6. He does a weird thing where if he’s smiled at, he smiles back. He doesn’t need to, and it does weird people out. 7. He has a habit of replying to questions with “Negative” or “Affirmative”.

Specify here whether fanart/fanwork of your OC is okay! Yes, yes, yes yes! please!

#death #original #abuse #submission #ohhhh wow how detailed and interesting!!! #evangelionunitkenway

[narcissisticsurvivor-blog]

My story

I am blessed. I must remind myself every day. I am so blessed. The worst must happen to some so they can truly understand the good and the right. I picked up this blog to simply unleash my feelings coming from the complex PTSD I’m left to deal with from the abuse, the sexual assaults, and simply dealing with a narcissist. I have an amazing fiance who loves me and would listen but the woman my ex made me to be is too afraid to talk to my partner about any male. Because if I was with him, he’d call me a whore just for mentioning a man’s name. The way I was molded will impact the right man for me the wrong way, probably my whole life, because of how far the lies and manipulation reached. Today, I have two unexpected loves growing rapidly, that could’ve only existed through my mistake. The mistake was a he, and he was A*****. He cut me off from the whole world; my friends, my family, driving, my education, and eventually my choice career and any job I sought out. Once there was no one left to witness, the abuse spiraled out of control. He was a devil in a blue-eyed disguise. I will write the rest of this letter direct at him, revealing all the things I never said because he wouldn’t let me.

I was 15. The first day you saw me, if I knew the truth, I would have ran.

I saw an angel, my future, the second I laid eyes on you. But that was all a part of your trap. The hat, the clothes, the wink; you knew what you were doing because you’d done it all before. While I made the choice of exclusively- just LOOKING at you, you were nowhere near deserving of it.

You were 19. In a relationship with a black woman purely because your racist ass thought it’d be fun to tell all your friends what sex with a black woman is like. She had no clue about your true identity either. She sure as hell didn’t know about me. What she did know was she was pregnant with your baby and she was so scared to tell you.

The day we met, you and your other pervert friend were talking about me and my other underage acquaintance, Harley. You joked over Facebook messenger about “who’d fuck who”. You didn’t even want me, you wanted H****. Your friend was the one that said I “was hot”.

But all I knew was you were 19. I wouldn’t find any of the other stuff out until it was too late.

Looking back, your Subway footlong pickup line should’ve given me a clue to what you were looking for- a sex slave. But when you said, “Do you work at Subway, cuz you just gave me a footlong,” 15 year old me forced a laugh. Because I just wanted you to like me.

You were too old for me, but I had the biggest crush. You being unobtainable only made it worse.

I’d spend about a month daydreaming of you finding me pretty, wanting to take me out, or even wanting to be my friend. I was a sad, pathetic, lonely 15 year old. New to the state, with no friends, family problems, and a cloud of depression that followed me everywhere I went.

Once you showed interest in me, I instantly became the dumbest girl in the world. I was so thrilled to have anyone’s attention, let alone a hot, tan boy with good hair and blue eyes. And always seemed to enjoyed music, acting and dance. I, naive and plain stupid, believed every word.

It wouldn’t be long before you put down the mirror of my hobbies and revealed the truth… Just another three months until you would tell me to stop dancing to the Cupid Shuffle because I was attracting too much attention. You’d stop taking me to the karaoke bar because too many people clapped when I sang and not enough clapped for you. You told me part of being your girlfriend was never going to the club because it’s for sluts looking for hookups. Another six months until you would yell at me just for dancing in my own room, alone, in the early morning as exercise when I thought you were sleeping. “WHY are you doing that?! JUST WHO are you trying to impress?!” I’d quickly turn off the music and do whatever else it was you wanted at the moment instead.

But I couldn’t see the future. All I saw was the character you were PLAYING. You pretended to be charming, caring, and copied everything I loved to make us seem like the perfect match.

About a week after we officially got together, I saw the reflection of your tilted phone in the window of my mother’s car. You were texting some girl named J******. You said, “I love you too.” I didn’t say a word, worried you’d chose her over me if I said anything about it. I just wanted your attention. It made me feel so special, for the first time in my life.

The next time I saw you texting her, it was to break up. I said something that time. You told me she was nothing, just a sex project. Then she told you about the baby.

A few days later, she got an abortion. And you couldn’t have cared less. What’s worse is writing this and realising that I didn’t either. I was just happy I won. But now I know it’s only because I gave you sex and was moldable.

Before we even got together, you kissed me, did lots of things to me I’d never experienced before… And when it came time for you to ask me if I’d let you “put just the head in” I SAID yes… BUT I WAS 15. I had been raped and molested as a child, I honestly thought sex was all “love” was. Because that’s what my abuser had told me each time, “I love you, that’s why I can’t control myself.” That’s what you told me too.

You had me steal condoms from my parents after you ran out of your own supply… You used me. I was 15 and desperate for love and you used it all against me.

That night, you went outside and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes. You offered me some too. You said you were panicked because what we did was illegal and that I was going to send you to jail. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to be loved. I assured you everything would be okay. And once I told you I wouldn’t call the cops, you said, “You’re 15 AND you’ll give me sex?! This is awesome!” I was hurt. And then you said it was a joke.

It wasn’t a joke…

A few weeks in, I opened up about my past. You told me I lied to you when I said I was a virgin because rape is still sex. I was so furious, desperate to change your mind… You didn’t stop saying that until I told you I wouldn’t be with someone who thought that. You still believed it though.

You moved into my parents house the night we had sex, because you wanted access to me all the time. You wanted to make sure I wasn’t seeing ANYONE else, not friends or family. You went crazy and blocked all my ex boyfriends from my Facebook page. You made sure I was wearing what you thought was appropriate. My parents laughed and encouraged it.

They wish they didn’t now…

You influenced everything from then on out. You told me I couldn’t go to college or you’d break up with me. That college was just for hoes to party. You wouldn’t let me go to a normal high school. You made sure I enrolled at the whack private school you graduated from. I was surrounded by kids with disabilities, I wore a uniform every day. I was a smart student. I didn’t need help. In fact, I graduated a year and three months early. Doing 13 credits in one year. It’s not like I needed to go there like you did….. I could’ve graduated anywhere.

You made sure you still made appearances at the school though… You asked me every day if anyone flirted with me, and called me a liar when I said no. I tried to make a friend, but you wouldn’t let me spend the night, or even spend an hour… Because if you were off work, I was expected to be next to you.

You proposed without my parents permission. I was 16. You were 20. I said yes, because if a man offers to be there until the end, make you his only, you take it. Especially if you love them. I thought it meant you really loved me. It meant there was a ring for other men to see. But not for long. Because I asked you to take me dress shopping for prom, you flipped out. Started yelling at me in the middle of a Steak and Shake. You had other plans and they didn’t involve doing what I needed. You stormed out and left me with a bill. But I had no money because you wouldn’t let me work. So, I had to apologize and leave. I wanted to be done with you then. But you wouldn’t let me. I gave you the ring and you threw it. You lost it forever. You should’ve lost me forever then, too. But instead you followed me everywhere as I tried to walk to the nearest bus. You’d grab me and turn me around to make me talk to you. You’d fake cry and tell me this wouldn’t happen again. I wouldn’t get in your car to go home until you promised to not say a word to me. Once we got to my home, I still didn’t want you. You were raging. You put holes in my parents walls and packed all your things and threw them in the back of your truck. You told me I was nothing. That I was evil for leading you on. And then, you starting crying. It worked. The tears pulled me back in, because I couldn’t stand seeing you hurt. I wasn’t the same sadistic person you were. I gave you another chance, you said it wouldn’t happen again. We went and looked for the ring. It was gone.

Once I graduated, things REALLY went down hill.

I didn’t keep my first job because there were mornings you just wouldn’t let me go. You didn’t have to work, or you wouldn’t go, and you just didn’t want to be alone that day. It was always like that… What I needed to do was never more important then what you wanted to do. You ALWAYS came first.

I went to visit my family in [another state] without you because you said you needed to work. Understandable- COMPLETELY. The whole time I was there, you harassed me with phone calls calling me a liar and a cheater… When the whole time, I was with my family. But when I got back, you didn’t have a job because you didn’t go in. You partied all night at a beach hotel with another one of your pervert friends… Doing coke with random chicks.

!!!And to this day you still think *I* cheated on you!!!

You told all your friends about it. Including J*******. I’m his now. He watched me cry too many times because of you.

You introduced us shortly after I returned to Florida. I never tried anything with him. I never tried anything with anyone. I was loyal. Something you weren’t. But I didn’t know that then. If I did, I would’ve ran away with J******* then. He was the only friend you had with a good heart, and you used him for weed. You’d steal from him.

You made me lie and say we were broken up again so that I could get weed for you because you used him so much money. Oh yeah, weed always came before me too. If I had money and you didn’t, you were taking it to buy weed.

We moved in with your boss shortly after you convinced him to give you another try at your job. He watched me sleep. He lifted the blankets and saw my naked body. I told you. You did nothing. You wouldn’t let me report him to the police because he was an illegal immigrant. I just loved with the shame and stupidity of feeling safe in our room. I was never safe with you. I blamed myself. He still follows me on Facebook. He likes my pictures.

Once you lost your job there AGAIN, we moved into your mom’s… Completely out of options.

She always made me feel so low. And you let her. In fact, you fed her lies to make yourself look better and condemn me.

I got a job at [a restaurant] walking to work every day. I never spent the money I made… You did.

Once I turned 18, you turned 22. I was working with you at [the restaurant]. Still walking to work every day because you sold the car for a half of weed.

Before I started working there, you talked so highly about me to your coworkers. “She’s a model, we’re engaged!” You’d say. Now, you gossiped about me “fucking my photographers”. I stopped modeling from the shame. Even though it wasn’t true.

You invited all our coworkers over to drink every night after work. At one point, we did that 13 nights in a row. They were all you cared about, even though you talked shit on every one of them. You wouldn’t let me be friends with R*****. I’m still not sure if it’s because you were afraid I’d act like her or if it’s because you slept with her.

I came in one morning to her on the floor in your boxers. I didn’t assume anything. I believed you when you said she passed out drunk.

She wanted to know if I was safe… A lot of my friends and family had asked me that now… I always told them yes. Even though you’d rage every week and break something new. Whether it was my phone, a bong, or something of yours. You made it very clear I was the one you’d prefer to hurt.

One day, I cut myself so bad out of relapse… I had gotten so much better… But you stood over my body and screamed, “Just cut yourself you pathetic whore!!! You’re just an ungrateful little slut!” And I cried… And I did it. Then, you came so close to hitting me for the first time. But you stopped right in front of my face, my mom was in the doorway, and you said, “You DESERVE this!”

I went to a mental institution in handcuffs that day. You called the cops. On me.

I went to a friend’s house ONE night. And you got drunk, ignored me all night, and slept with your buddy’s crush.

You obviously didn’t use protection because I have STDs I didn’t have before. And she asked me to get her a pregnancy test.

That was before I knew you slept with her.

That’s the only reason you told me… Because you thought she’d tell me first.

I was living with her for a week… Trying to get over you. And the whole time she didn’t tell me what happened.

Because you told me and she didn’t, I came back to you. I felt I had no choice. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t go back to her home, the only place I had to live. You said everything would be different. You punched yourself in the face until it was unrecognizable after I refused to “hit you to make it even”.

Things were so much worse.

More yelling, and you blamed me for all your mistakes. I couldn’t ever call you on your crap because you wouldn’t admit what you were doing to me… Emotional abuse. You stopped going into work. You stole from others to keep yourself fed. I starved.

I was suicidal. I sought getting away forever.

We moved away to [another state] because you ran out of people to use here. Things escalated.

You punched me for the first time.

You tried to kill us by ripping the emergency brake across a busy highway, sliding us in circles, across lanes.

You didn’t let me break up with you. It simply wasn’t allowed. You’d threaten me.

You didn’t care when I said no to sex. You did it anyways.

We moved from my dad’s because you were driving everyone crazy. Mostly me. I googled suicide methods with every spare second. I was trying to find something that would work. I didn’t have access to a gun or I wouldn’t be here.

We moved into an old friends’ house. They saw something was wrong too. I tried to listen… I knew they were right. She sent me a link on narcissistic abuse… I tried to break up with you that day. You made me go in the bedroom for privacy. Then you raped me and tried to get me pregnant. I had tears streaming down my face the whole time. You didn’t care. You went to go smoke some weed after. I needed it too. And a cigarette… Somehow I picked up that habit from all the years of you offering me a cigarette. But I didn’t tell anyone that night. I tried to make sense of it. And the only thing in all these months since that makes any sense at all is that you thought by forcing us to have sex, you were showing an act of love and it would make me realize how much you love me. But that’s not right. It was rape. And you couldn’t love. You thought you could, but you can’t.

I remember the night you said, “Tell me you know I love you”. I said, “I know you think you love me but not unconditionally, not the way it should be,” and that was enough for you… I think about it a lot. It’s proof you didn’t ever love me the right way, the way I thought you did. The only reason I stayed.

I kept looking at that website when you weren’t right next to me. I knew by reading that people like you don’t let people like me leave. I had to escape.

And that’s what I did.

It only took me a week to find my true love. He was there for me more as a friend, in one night, than you ever were. I cried for weeks every time he simply didn’t treat me like you did. I was so used to it, I had made excuses for you for so long. To see a real life, existing gentleman who loved me unconditionally in just ONE day… Made me wonder why you never loved me after all those years.

I told him I was pregnant a day after he asked me out. I expected it to be over. I delivered the news to him with an ache in my heart. I thought you ruined my only chance, you didn’t give me a say in having this child. I explained everything, and you know what? He brought me flowers. He’s going to be the daddy. We’re getting married in 25 days. He has to hold me when I can’t help but cry over you. It’s not that I’m not over you, I have been since I left. I’m not over what you did to me.

[narutorunintomyheart]

I took very extensive notes on The Bachelor last night 2/20/17

Smol rose ceremony “Corrine im excited to meet raquel & btw will you accept my rose?”

Ravens on a dirtbike with a pink helmet Its very countrytown here Grain bins are sacred places to have meaningful conversation The police are here - big bro is policeman She has great humor- pretends to arrest nick Theyre in mud this hurts me Nick sexily took his shirt off & theyre playing in the mud & probably got it there too Weston & Wesley father & son Her dad is cancer free !!! Shes crying & so am i (on the inside) “Whether its nick or not im glad i can walk you down the aisle” “i wouldnt let any other man walk me down the aisle id walk alone” everyone is too pure Hes already asking the dad if he can get engaged to her rip raven & fam She didnt say she loves him gotta go

Rachel took him to church lol bye gurl He looks so uncomfortable - like a sinner in a church oh wait Apparently he actually goes to church ok you sinner I would love this to be a regular thing for us as a couple- along with all that premarital sex ayy “Im very comfortable in a church amen” “Im not colorblind” thanks buddy Her house is nice dang “Do you know what this food is” -her little sister that looks just like her “im not from mars” -nick our boy “Dont forget your drink” “I cant help but notice you are a white” Look at the bachelor tackling racism issue Her mom is pure Her dad wasnt there to scare him & im a little disappointed tbh

Corrine appeared in a mirror saying “who is the most beautiful” Shes taking him shopping - exclusive mall in miami - first name basis We’re like wine on rice ??? She probably said ice but i heard rice so “I thought i had expensive taste until i met corrine” “Get a salesperson & make that person your person, the dressing room is your holy ground” $800 & $600 sweatpeats & sweatshirt I love this nick fashion montage all the outfits are bad “Nick was in shock about how much everything was, i wasnt” $3023 Hes literally wearing a plain gray long-sleeved shirt & jeans & its apparently the most expensive outfit he has Raquel is here & theyre not eating cheese pasta I missed like most of this cuz i was talking to my roommate I think her dad taught him how to drink scotch He asked her dad for permission to get engaged The family is spying on them making out She opened the door for nick thats the first time shes ever done that probably

We’re in Canada We’re meeting Vanessa’s students who are all over 21 apparently “Nick is my boyfriend” “you’re lucky”-a male student, thats gay That same guy: “nick is 👌 hes the best” Hes hugging nick Nick looked so suprised that they were going to meet divorced parents seperately The italians are in “Have you thought about your plans after this” “nah not really” everyone: 🤔😰 Her brother looks like a 90s tv character, he has a gold chain & jean jacket Her moms house is nice too dang Her moms family is reasonably concerned He asked her dad for his blessing too & he was like no youre dating 3 other girls Vanessa’s dad is laying down the law on this blessing thing He gave his blessing anyways wtf dad Her dad told her about the blessing dont do that dont get her hopes up (even though shes gonna win but whatevs) But he told her that he asked everyone elses dad too so thats good Shes now concered about everything

“New yorks the most romantic city in the world i couldnt think of a better place for the rose ceremony” -nick 🤔 “We laughed, we kissed, we giggled, i bought him a really nice outfit” -corrine “After hometowns i realized he does care about other people” -vanessa 🤔 Andi is here

On the next episode: nick doesnt know what to do Big shocker there guys

#the bachelor #the bachelor recap #my roommate said i should share them so

[keihlfeminism]

A new take on an old misconception

This piece discusses some upsetting topics and uses some offensive terminology. I’ll wait while you decide whether to move on.

Now that you are consenting, let’s try to go through this to the end. I hope it will be rewarding for you.

Sigmund Freud postulated that there was a dichotomy to how society views women, known as the virgin versus the whore concept. In politics, the conservative desire is for women to be virgins, because otherwise they are whores. The liberal stance is that a woman can be whatever she wants, as long as there is consent. I prefer to look on things sort of like the Golden Girls mixed with Wiccan concepts around the maiden, the mother, and the crone. You could see Rue McClanahan as the maiden, who feels young and vibrant, Betty White as the mother who is loving, nurturing, and supportive, and lastly you could see Estelle Getty as the crone, someone who has seen a lot and carries much wisdom and strength. At this point, either your mind is blown, or you’re thinking that I am one chromosome away from a potato.

As someone who is genderfluid, I do not like binary thinking, so I like to think of ways that we can break away from dichotomies into trichotomies or even matrices. So when I was reflecting upon the virgin versus whore dichotomy and trying to apply it to masculinity in society, I could not apply it in the same way, because the defining attribute for masculinity in western culture is that of strength.

When I suffered from severe asthma problems due to pneumonia or back issues due to injuries on the job, I was demoted in people’s eyes as a man, solely because I refused to wear out my damaged body with too much manual labor. People assumed that somehow making a pair of women set up a folding table, for example, was shirking my duties as a man. Masculine people are expected to stoically bear the burden of their labors and keep it bottled up. The old saying “are you a man or a mouse” is embedded in us as youngsters. But thinking about that saying, it means that we consider women to be nothing but rodents and pests. This illustrates aspects of a larger point, which is that binary thinking and toxic masculinity go hand in hand.

                       (You were expecting a GIF here, weren’t you?)

Think about it: in toxic masculinity, there is only straight or gay, and if you are gay, then you are not considered a real man, but more akin to a eunuch, as he is less so-called “competition” for the mating pool of eligible women. If you are a married man, then you are beholden to your vows and you do not want to break them. A man who can not provide for himself and others is demoted to being less of a man. While current generations have come to embrace the stay-at-home dad, many people still assume that he is just lazy. We have been taught that housework or “women’s” work is too easy for a man to do, and hence is not really fit for a man to do as his main responsibility. A loyally married man is considered almost cuckolded by his wife, but never the less controlled from what society considers men’s natural status of being a sexually aggressive creature.

Choose whatever term you like, but the descriptions all mean the same thing: Lothario, Casanova, Don Juan, Horndog, or the more offensive internet term, F__kboy.

The trichotomy of modern masculinity seems to exist on a spectrum between statuses of being a Horndog, a cuckold, and a eunuch. Each status has its different aspects to consider, so let’s start with the one we all know and hate: the horndog.

A lot of our iconic figures are horndogs: James Bond, Captain Kirk, Han Solo, Indiana Jones, and most male protagonists in action films or comedies are horndogs. We look at the horndog as the natural state of masculinity, looking only to have sex with everyone possible, disloyal and disrespectful to women unless he can use them. We see them as predatory animals, fiends and enemies, liars who will do anything to get what they want, and in turn, slaves to the fragile male ego.

By contrast, in society, you often see the cuckold and the eunuch grouped together. The cuckold has popular icons too, like Robocop, John McClane, and Jack Ryan. The eunuch has characters like Frodo, Luke Skywalker, and other characters who are both somewhat infantilized and therefore sexless.

You only have to look at shows like Two and a Half Men to see all three concepts lined up as caricatures in front of you. Cuckolds are essentially considered limitedly sexed and compared to the Don Juan, they are considered limitedly aggressive, not unlike livestock that has been broken. They work hard but do so for a reason, and are not given to excesses in their appetites, because their love is considered purer. Eunuchs are the men you consider harmless. They can be older to the point that they are determined toothless and weak by others. Of course, as we all know, age does not bring with it such things, but it is how society seems to consider such men, simply because they are no longer teenagers or young bucks as the saying goes.

When we find out that a man we have in our midst likes to date women, then we automatically lump him into the Don Juan category. We assume that he will not respect boundaries, that he is a sexual deviant, and that he is low and animalistic; hence the terms dog or pig. Single men are basically considered vagrants in polite society until they are older or married. Anything said or done by the Don Juan is deemed as in pursuit of sexual gratification.

Of course, when we lump men into these categories, we ignore the possibilities that they are queer, asexual but romantic, survivors of rape or incest, demisexual, or that they just aren’t interested in gratuitous sex. So comes the time, dear reader, when I put it to you that you may have been lumping men exclusively into these three categories. And why not? You had examples given to you of clearly defined pop culture figures who fall into these three areas. Except James Bond got married, as did Han Solo and Captain Kirk. Alan Harper on Two and a Half Men had quite a few girlfriends, while Charlie went steady with women a few times, and even Alan’s son, Jake had a few girlfriends in the show’s run.

The truth is that just like with the Virgin versus Whore dichotomy, no person is exclusively in one of these pigeonholes. For example, I was attending a church in Toledo, Ohio, and for some reason, everyone just assumed that I was married. I had a noncommittal partner whom I brought to services, but people assumed we were married. (I wanted marriage some day, but she was against it.) Once I explained that I was single, people assumed that I was interested in all women: married, single, or anything in between. I loved my partner, but we weren’t exclusive, so she gave me permission to date other women. I didn’t really date a lot during that time, but I would flirt a little.

We assume that unmarried men will commit every sexual taboo from adultery to dating someone much younger than him, and even certain crimes, like child molestation and rape. But of course, such presumption ignores the droves of married men who rape women and children every year, to say nothing of the Eunuch group, like Catholic priests, who take a vow of celibacy.

We assume that all men are basically sluts, rather than discussing matters with them, and will often send unmarried men off if they rise to our microaggressions or grow fond of anyone in particular and flirt a little. Toxic masculinity has dictated for so long that men can only feel anger or pride. If a man cries or feels mournful, then we demote him for being sensitive. If our harsh words or actions to marginalize him makes him cry foul, we ignore his pain and describe him as a weakling. If he loves someone, we still see it as only a means to sex. We have actually stopped considering a father’s love real: turning it into a form of responsibility and devotion. We say that fatherhood is his job, being a husband is his job, everything comes down to working. Your love and affection for someone is unappreciated, and the man who feels it is considered a milquetoast or a faggot.

One of the reasons why we have to employ women-only safe-spaces is because of the problem of male gaze. Women are conditioned to be highly sensitive to being looked at by men, and hidden camera footage from women walking the streets has shown that men do not just look: they stare!

So I will not call on the women in the audience to change their perceptions of men more than they are willing to, but I challenge all the men taking this in to reconsider themselves and the men around them.

And don’t simply call out men who are acting like Horndogs. Call them in and call them forth: which means you should encourage them to look on themselves as more than the horndog. Don’t look on horndogs as broken, either, because there are good aspects to being a horndog. Being confident and independent fosters spontaneity in your romantic life, surprising a partner or spouse with random gifts, compliments, love notes, or tender affection. There are positive sides to being a Eunuch when the time calls for it. You could work with beautiful women all day, and it is a good work habit to view your female coworkers as people. So it can be good to be asexual at work. Likewise, while we view the cuckold as a humbled figure of a man, or a noble one, let us instead just accept that being part of a family is a natural aspect to that individual man. If he is older and single, do not look down on him as broken or flawed, but as undiscovered. A lot of Millennials are marrying later in life, and many people with disabilities find it hard to date or maintain relationships; especially those with invisible disabilities like social anxiety.

The more we look at one another as whole people, the better off we are. Men and women have a lot more in common than we are taught. People like me who are nonbinary or gender-nonconforming understand this very well.

So while we could sit around, and try to label every person we know as one of two or three mutually exclusive things, it will not lead to a greater understanding of the person you’re examining.

If you want to look at men differently, start by not grouping them all together, and instead, really piercing his soul to understand him. He may need help reflecting on himself, so encourage the men in your life to be sensitive and to undertake emotional labors like empathy.

It will be worthwhile for every man to see himself in more than two dimensions, and for those around him to see him for everything he can be.

Part of the point of this discussion is that we often hold men to the virgin versus whore dichotomy in society, especially in progressive circles and safe spaces. Once we see a person in the light of the whore, our image of them as anything else tends to shatter. So as previously stated, we have to open up our definition to accept that people generally do not want to date someone, unless they like them as a friend first (eunuch - emotionally open and basically asexual, possibly oblivious/naive) and when building a relationship, someone may wish to engage in healthy, consensual affection in different ways (the cuckold - tempered and emotionally in tune with a partner), but once it feels appropriate to engage in sexuality, the Don Juan can emerge: wanting, spontaneous, emotionally engaged in connection with the other person. The average person exists on a state that is rarely exclusive to one camp, but exists in a blobby, grey area, the facets of which are more prevalent in one area of life than in others. It means that we can allow for men and those assigned male at birth in many spaces.

For example, we can allow for trans folks in public bathrooms, because they are not there as the Horndog, but as the Cuckold or the Eunuch. We can allow for bachelor men to be around kids, and encourage an air or respect and affection for the same reason.

The implications are far reaching, but the more we come to understand that there is more to men than anger, ego, and libido, the better off we will be.