#im like. enjoying it? but its SO much replaying the same part over and over which is NOT an aspect i expected or appreicate.

[misterradio]

its fun* playin bloodborne and connecting it to a dream i had that i was playing bloodborne (without knowing hardly anything about it) and seeing the similarities

*playing bloodborne is otherwise very unfun

#WHY IS THERE SO MUCH REPLAYING THE SAME DAMN PLACES #im never gonna get out of central yarnham i swearrrrrrr #personal #original nonsense #its soooo much 1) die 2) try and recover ur blood points where they dropped 3) die again 4) repeat. #SO. MUCH. and i got to father gasciogne and i thought he was gona be a twist villain #but he actually wasnt he just immediately tries killing u. #i also saw eileen but i onlg ever found her once now i forget where she is lol. #ummmm i also talked go gilbert and theres two people in the dream that i can talk to. #they were nice yay. #im like. enjoying it? but its SO much replaying the same part over and over which is NOT an aspect i expected or appreicate. #especially bc you die and lose all ur spending points like wtf. that SUCKS!! #this is a game ive wanted to play for a long time so i am glad im getting a chance to play it WAHOO ^^__^^

[no-nameno-face]

Auburn Thoughts (Pt.4)

Pairing: Reader x Ellie Williams

Summary:  After a long night, and waking up with a raging hangover, Ellie comes to your aid.

Warnings: NSFW, 18+ ONLY, minors do not interact. You will be blocked. Mostly fluff this chapter, sub!reader, dom!ellie, mentions of alcohol and being drunk, biting, bruising, hangover, pills, taking pills

Author's Notes: this definitely isn't my favorite chapter ever, i have pretty bad writers block (i much prefer making audios, but I really want to improve my writing.) with that being said i still hope you guys enjoy it. <3 some more fluff and lovey dovey stuff. I love teasing (but caring) Ellie so much. I just know she so full of sarcasm but like insanely protective and caring. UGHHHHH shes so real to me :( I think (dont quote me on this) the next chapter will have an audio! I have some fun ideas!!!! Eeee <3 anywho if youre reading this ilysm and i appreciate you 

Part 3

Part 5 (WITH AUDIO)

______________________________________________________________

Hands gripping sheets, white knuckles. All I see is her. Her… Her name rolling off my tongue, I can't say it enough. 

Ellie. Ellie. Ellie.

______________________________________________________________

My eyes drift close as the current carrying my body resides, leaving me sensitive and aching in its wake. Heaving breaths fill the silence, hers and mine. Synchronated. 

I feel her fingers as they brush a hair out of my face.  And I look up to meet her gaze, a thank you in my eyes. A finally in hers.  

“What the fuck?” she says, lips lifting into a smile, shaking her head slightly.

“What the fuck!” I return, matching her expression. My voice shakier than hers. We laugh at the precarious situation beneath us. My arms shift to cover my bare chest. My cheeks a bright shade of crimson, replaying the events in my mind. Ellie sits up, the warmth of her knee leaving me. I watch as she leans over the side of the bed and grabs my shirt, tossing it to me before turning to grab her own. I pull it over my head, and flinch slightly as it scratches over my tender breasts. 

“You good?” she asks me with a smirking sideways glance as she pulls the black tank on. I chuckle.

“Umm.. yeah you could say that.” hands fidgeting in my lap. My eyes shoot up to her suddenly, brow furrowed. “Should I..” my gaze drifts to her hips, “Do.. do you want to?” I sigh, she smiles. “I feel bad.” She looks at me with amusement.

“No. I’m fine. Watching you was enough.”

“Jesus Christ Ellie,” I say, averting my gaze. Not hiding the effect of her words on me. She laughs at me. “Don’t fucking laugh, im trying to be.. Like.. accommodating or some shit.” 

“Accommodating?” she raises her brows at me. 

“I don't know man, I've never done this shit before,” Rolling my eyes. She squints at me.

“You've never.. Do you mean like.. With a girl?” she questions. My eyes widen when I realize the information I shared. 

“No! I- I mean, technically yeah.. but like its..” her eyes widened at me. “I mean I haven't with a guy either.. I just..” STOP TALKING! “It's not like it's the first time I’ve.. You know..” I stumble over my words, unable to stop my babbling.

“Came?” She raises a brow. I gape at her. “I’d sure hope not. That shit’d be bad for your health.” she says smiling. I glare at her. 

“Fuck off” she smirks, standing. She paces to the kitchenette in the corner and starts opening cabinets. “What are you doing?” She pulls out a glass.

“Getting you some water. It's been a long night.” she says, filling the glass from my sink, bringing it to me. 

“Aftercare? Who knew you were such a gentleman?” I take it from her, gulping it down. I didn't realize how parched I was.

“Did you expect anything less?” She sits next to me, the bed shifting at her weight. I meet her smirk.

“So.. you said I have no idea how long you've wanted this.. Me..” I say looking into her. 

“Well I..” her turn to be flustered. “I didnt know you wanted me… you know… in the same way. I mean don't get me wrong, I saw how you watched me in class,” I blush at this, “but I figured it was just in a weird ‘I like drawing so I observe everything’ sorta way I guess.”

“Ellie, I was totally checking you out.” I laugh. 

“Dude, I didn't even know you were into girls. You look like so straight.” 

“I look straight?”

“Yeah, you do.” She says matter of factly. 

“Hmm. Funny. Did I still look straight while I was on top of you?” I raise my brows, “Under you?” my confidence ebbing and flowing, dependent on her own. She rolls her tongue over her teeth.

“Debatable.”

“There's no winning with you, is there?”

“I'm hard to beat.”

“I'd like to take that challenge.” a moment passes us. I don't want it to end.

“It's really late,” she sighs. 

“Shit,” I say looking at the alarm clock on my bedside table. 2:47 AM.

“I'm gonna head back to my place, I don't want my bike to get towed.” I feel a small pang of disappointment. 

“Yeah, no, that totally makes sense.” she starts putting her flannel back on.

“It seems a bit late to ask but, can I have your number?” She smiles at me.

“Mmm.. No. Sorry. I'm not into girls.” I tilt my head at her. She pokes her cheek with her tongue. I laugh, sticking my hand out. She gives me her phone and I put in my number. I stand up and give it to her, walking her to the door.

I watch her put her shoes on. “Get home safe,” I say leaning against the wall, crossing my arms. She gives me a sideways smile and in a split second she is gently grabbing my cheek and kissing me. Much softer than before.

“Bye.” 

I'm too flustered to respond before she leaves the door. Fuck me. I'm left standing there staring at the wall. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. Did that just happen? Oh my god. My hand shoots to my lips. My knees squeeze at the memory of her touch.  I sit here for a minute trying to process tonight's events. 

I need to go to bed, I tell myself trying to break the chain of my thoughts. I go into the bathroom and grab my face wash. I splash some cold water on my face and take a pump of the soap, scrubbing. I rinse it off and grab my towel blindly. I pull the towel down my face, finally looking myself in the eye until… my eyes dart to my neck. A FUCKING BITE MARK. I gape at it, already bruising. Part of me is mad that she would be so reckless, but the other is saying Hers. I'm marked as HERS.

I flop onto my bed, lying there. Wishing she was still here with me. My fingers drift to the mark, and push on it enjoying the dull pain. A reminder of her mouth on me, and a thought of the other places I would like it to be-

BUZZ

I shoot up looking for my phone, I grab it off the nightstand and check it anxiously.

I fumble with my phone, seeing the 8 missed calls. Shit. I had completely forgotten to tell her where I went. I press on the missed call and my phone starts dialing.

“Hello?”  she sounds upset.

“Hi!! Chloe i'm so sorry I-”

“Where the fuck are you? Dude I was scared shitless”

“I’m fine! I just got too drunk and a..” I look at my bed, where Ellie lounged earlier, “a friend took me home. It's fine!”

“Its not fucking fine,” she still sounds drunk, her words slightly slurring together “Seriously you didnt even tell me where you were going!”

“I tried! I couldn't find you!”

“Then you should've tried harder!”

“Maybe you shouldn't have left me in a house full of drunk men, did you think about that?” 

“Oh fuck off, youre a big girl. You couldn't be alone for 10 seconds?”

“Chlo-”

“You fucking ruined my night. I've sat here worried about you for the last hour, stressed out of my mind.”

“I understand, I'm sorry.” I say, resigned to the conversation. She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's saying.

CLICK

The phone hangs up and I stare at the now dim screen. I'm too tired to be upset, I'll talk to her later about everything. I fall into my pillow and pull a blanket over my legs. My mind is drained, the adrenaline of my high crashing into heavy eyes and deep breathing as I slip into sleep. 

______________________________________________________________

BUZZ

My eyes drift open, everything is blurry and way too bright. I squint as pain shoots through my skull. I definitely drank too much last night. I reach, patting my bed trying to locate my phone. Finally, when my fingers find it I roll onto my side to see who texted me. An unfamiliar number. Ellie.

I make my way, slowly, to the kitchen looking in the fridge. Eggs and milk. That's it. God, I need to go grocery shopping. I pour myself a cup of water and dig in my drawers until I find a small bottle of pills. I pop one while I walk back to my bed. Setting my cup down, I fall onto my mattress. I turn on a YouTube video and cover my head with a pillow. Trying to drown out the raging light. 

BUZZ

After not hearing anything for a while, I pressed the pillow back into my eyes and waited for the meds to kick in and take the edge off of my raging headache.

KNOCK KNOCK

My brow furrows against the cushion. 

KNOCK KNOCK

I groan and sit up, it must be the hall director checking in. It had been about a month since her last drop in so that would make sense. But god, bad timing. I sluggishly made my way to the door and swung it open. Green eyes met mine. 

“God you look awful.”

“Ellie!” Oh my god. I very quickly became aware of how disheveled I was. She walks by me, holding up a brown bag of food. 

“Cheeseburgers!” she announces, setting it down on the counter. I'm still at the door while my pained brain plays catch up. I finally make my way to her, she's pulling out loads of food and laying it all out. She hands me a wrapped burger,

“Eat.” she commands. 

“Umm Ellie.. I'm vegan.” I look at her with concerned eyes. Her face drops. My worried look shifts to humor as I laugh, “I’m fucking with you. You should've seen your face.” she furrows her brows at me, “God you're so cute.'' I say taking the burger. And striding to the bed. 

“That was mean.” 

“Was it? I thought it was pretty funny.” I sit on the bed. She grabs a burger too and sits next to me while I unwrap my own. It hit me all at once, my brain finally acclimating to the situation. I told her I didn't have anything, and she went out of her way. For me. My heart flutters.

“Thanks for this Ellie. I really appreciate it.”

“Is that one of your jokes too?” I nudge her with my shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

“Ibuprofen, greasy burgers, and you? Shit, I'm not complaining” I say as I take a bite. She beams at me. Her smile is so beautiful. “Do you wanna watch something?” 

“Yeah!” she says, settling against my headboard, scooching closer so our shoulders touch. Butterflies flew through my shoulder into my belly where they fluttered happily. I turned on The Office and we sat there together, eating and laughing and comparing the characters to each other.

“You're definitely Dwight.” 

“That's so rude!” I smack her shoulder playfully. “If I'm Dwight then you’re Andy, and that is arguably worse.” I suggest.

“Ouch, that's just mean. At least Dwight is funny.” I raise my brows at her.

“You see my point!”

She bites her lip. “You're kinda cute when you're a smart ass.” I feel my cheeks turn pink. She notices and uses it as an opportunity to fluster me further, laying her hand on my upper thigh. My breath catches in my throat. She smiles at this, settling back to watch the show. My eyes are on the tv but my thoughts are stuck on her fingers, and the many places I wish they would be. I feel warmth grow as I think about her fingers on me. In me… Two can pay at this game.

I move closer to her, closing the space between us, laying my head on her shoulder. I put my hand on hers and start drawing lazy shapes on her knuckles. I see chills decorate her tattooed arm. Her hand squeezes my thigh ever so slightly, and I exhale a bit too loud. It's almost like I can see her ears perk up.  I see her eyes, in my peripheral vision, settle on my hand and trace up my body. 

“You're in the same outfit as last night.”

“Okay, Jesus, don't call me out like that.” I sigh. “I was too tired to change.”

She turns to meet my eyes and I notice a mischievous glint shine across them. “Do you wanna hop in the shower?” The butterflies that settled in my stomach migrate to the warmth between my legs. I sat there blind sided by her question. She liked to one-up me, and she's damn good at it. 

“Its okay if not,” she shrugs

“No!” my voice comes out a bit too high-pitched, I correct it, “I- if you want to, I'm okay with it.” she smiles before standing and walking towards my bathroom. I'm frozen to my mattress. She turns to me when she reaches the door and tilts her head at me, playfully.

“Are you coming?”

#ellie williams fluff #ellie smut #ellie williams tlou #ellie x reader #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x you #ellie williams x fem reader #last of us #the last of us ellie #the last of us #the last of us part 2

[skatingbi]

WELCOME TO PART 3 OF MY SANJI WITH HETEROCHROMIA SERIES!!!!

Oh my god. Yall are insane. 700+ Notes for part one of this series alone is crazy (Crazy? I was- *gets shot*). So heres part 3. I'll probably have to publish all this onto AO3 soon bc shits getting outta hand, but I like posting on this silly little site so I'll still be posting on here.

Uhhh this was posted WAY later than I anticipated bc i had a gnarly depressive episode and had to enroll into uni, but there aint no way id abandon this series, its too fun and i love experimenting with my baby writing style as i call it.

Okay thats it, just thank u all sm for enjoying my silly little series :) u guys are so sweet!!

P.S. Constructive criticism is OKAY! I havent written fanfic in like...10 years so since middle school. Im a baby at this and I understand if I may have several errors so pls lemme know if theres grammar mistakes!

Sanji With Heterochromia Series Part 3 below 🔻

Sanji lied. He does like the idiot. More than he's willing to admit. A few days after their conversation, Zoro distances himself. It leaves a nasty feeling in his gut similar to nausea but different from actually wanting to throw up. It feels apprehensive. He's waiting for something, but he doesn't know what yet. Sanji hates it. He hates how confused he is and how much he actually wants Zoro to touch him again. He hates the burning linger of scarred knuckles on his cheekbone that follows him wherever he goes.

He hates these feelings because he never learned how to really process them. He doesn't know if he has to blame himself, his shitty excuse of a father, or Zeff. Well, maybe not Zeff. The old man had enough on his plate while raising him as it was. Sanji decides to blame it on Judge because honestly, the root of most of his issues stems from that shitty old man anyway. Placing the blame on someone does little to actually help, but it's a distraction from his growing realization of how much he cares for Zoro.

He cares for Zoro. No, he holds an unreasonable amount of affection for the scarred swordsman that haunts his thoughts now more than ever. Fuck questioning sexuality when it's undeniable that he's absolutely whipped for the big idiot. Theres no room for denial anymore, not when his touch had become branded across Sanji's skin for the foreseeable future.

Stress cooking does little to soothe him and it's the same with smoking. At least Luffy gets to enjoy snacks to his hearts content. Its the little things, he tries to tell himself. He also reflects on his conversation with Zoro. How he honestly felt afraid of what he felt when the swordsman confronted him. He felt afraid of someone genuinely caring for his emotional wellbeing. He's anxious over what that means, what it would do to him if Zoro truely meant what he said. All the things voiced about him and the implications that he's...handsome in the eyes of Zoro.

Sanji is emotional. It comes with him being sentimental as well. He's the black sheep of his biological family in every way. He loved too hard, and got hurt too fast. He loved even when it ended in betrayal. Secretly, he loves unconditionally. What would happen if he loved Zoro like that, and what if it already happened and he's too late to stop it? Would Zoro hurt him just like everyone else has? Would he be pushed away eventually after the thrill of their theoretical short lived relationship?

It keeps him up at night, that conversation replaying in his head as he stares at Zoro's sleeping silhouette. He falls asleep to his breathing, echoing throughout the room over everyone else's breath and snores. He wakes up every morning before the sun greets him and pretends nothing happened in his dreams where Zoro's gentle touch and admiration lingers softly over his mind.

Zoro knows. Well, not exactly. He's not a mind reader like how Luffy seems to be, but he knows that distancing himself from Sanji is actually doing the opposite of what he thought it would do. At this point, the swordsman isnt sure where to go from here.

Sanji's actions contradict his words. Sanji stares at Zoro. Not so much that it's s uncomfortable but it's enough to be noticeable. Sometimes he swears he can see Sanji's eyes dart across his face and down to his lips before looking away. It's confusing. Didnt Sanji hate Zoro's advances towards him? Because thats what they were in hindsight.

Zoro was unconciously flirting with the cook in his own weird way. And yeah, he's a little stupid for not realizing the implications behind his actions at first, but it all started as genuine curiosity. He didnt mean for it to affect their rivalry. Now, he's not sure where to go from here.

It's driven him between a rock and a hard place and unforfunately for him, Nami decides to intervene again. This time, Nami drags Zoro to her and Robin's shared room on the Sunny for privacy and possibly interrogation. He's certain that this time he wont be able to escape. Unfortunate.

"Okay, so heres how this is gonna go," Zoro and Nami are now seated across from each other, where theres two beds and enough room for decent sized dressers on each side. Zoro sits on what he assums is Robin's bed with his arms crossed, "You will tell me everything- And i mean it! I will know if youre lying -and I will help you. Im sick and tired of you both being miserable and gay! It's giving everyone second hand embaressment." She demands, narrowing her eyes with a challenge for Zoro to protest or say no.

Zoro is smart enough to know what is and isn't a losing battle. This is one of those. Nami can be terrifyingly persistent once she sets her mind on something, and today it seems to be resolving the weird and awkward tension between him and Sanji. The swordsman resigns himself to his fate quickly and prepares himself to be trapped here on Robin's bed for the foreseeable future.

"Fine witch," Zoro sighs, "But if you tell anyone I will not be responsible for my actions." He huffs out in acceptance for his inevitable interrogation.

"Oh please like that'll actually scare me. Plus besties never snitch." Nami rolls her eyes. She gets comfortable on her bed and look at zoro expectantly. He rolls his eyes and relaxes his posture a bit.

Zoro starts talking, beginning with the first instance of his realization of Sanji having dual colored eyes, leaving out a lot of "unimportant" details. He mentions the second, and the third instance, and their conversation from a few days ago and how he tried to respect Sanji's establishment of a boundary and how he's confused now that Sanji stares at him. Nami listens with her chin resting on her fist and nodding along the way, surprisingly not interrupting once. He finishes speaking and he knows his face is red with embaressment, but he feigns nonchalance and waits for Nami's input.

"Zoro," Nami sighs, "Youre the dumbest bitch I know." She says while giving the man a look of sympathy, but not one that actually means it. More like the look of someone who is so incredibly done with your shit that they have no choice but to tell you so.

"What the fuck, Nami!? Im not dumb!" The swordsman retorts loudly.

"Anyways," his best friend ignores his arguing in favor of getting to the task at hand, "Luckily, this is fixable. For making the entire crew feel awkward for two weeks, I'm adding a 200 percent tax increase to your debt." She smiles mischeviously, and thats when Zoro realizes that one, he's never getting out of debt, and two, he's been forced to accept Nami's help in unfucking up his unconcious attempts to flirt with Sanji.

"First order of business is that you have absolutely no game." Nami begins with a shit eating grin to match the absolutely insulting statement. Zoro briefly reconsiders their friendship.

"Shut the fuck up I obviously do." He rolls his eyes. Nami gives him the look. The one where her eyebrows are raised and her chin is tilted down slightly, matching the frown. It's that look she makes when she's trying to say 'Are you sure?' or 'Reconsider what you just said.' and it grates at Zoro's already increasing agitation.

He decides not to entertain her with a reply.

"Anyway," Nami sighs, massaging the space between her eyes with her thumb and forefinger to stave off a growing headache, "Im teaching you how to flirt. No, you cannot work out in front of Sanji- dont give me that look you muscle brained idiot!" She says while looking at Zoro's ever increasing looks of annoyance and audacity, because first of all, no he definitely was not going to do that, and second of all, it could hypothetically work. Probably.

"Fine," He huffs. He'll let the witch do whatever. It's not like theres anyone else he can talk to on the ship about this anyway, "No promises that I'll actually do what you tell me."

"Fucking- oh my god why am I friends with you?!" Nami complains before flopping down on her bed, groaning loudly at Zoro's malicious cooperation. Zoro basks in the momentary power he has in this situation.

For the next few hours, Nami allows Zoro to stay in the womens quarters for the sole purpose of learning how to actually flirt. He's not sure if shes a reliable source, being a lesbian and also having a girlfriend already, but if he voiced this opinion out loud the redhead would probably kick him out. He only restrains himself because this room is the only one so far where he feels the least amount of awkwardness regarding his situation with Sanji.

Robin stops by every now and then and gives him a smile. It doesnt make him feel very comfortable but it's the thought that counts. She doesnt say anything about him being there, anyway. He makes an effort to at least not lay on the bed he's sitting on, though. He may be lazy but he does hold enough respect for the women in the crew to not fuck with their shared safe space.

Suddenly, it's the evening and dinner is around the corner. Nami shoves a barely enlightened mossy swordsman out of the womens bedroom to finally be free of that headache. Also known as a crash course to flirting with your rival/friend/whatever the fuck else they got going on.

Zoro makes his way to the gallery, taking his time to look out and observe the oncoming sunset that bathes the sky in shades of pink, orange, blue, and yellow. It would be a pretty sight to fall asleep to, he thinks, but the cook would kick his ass off the ship if he decides to sleep through dinner again.

Entering the gallery, everyone except Nami is already there. She's right behind him a second later and taking her seat at the kitchen table.

Numerous conversations are heard as food is served. Franky and Usopp are wildly talking about different types of projectiles the sunny could use, Nami and robin are talking amongst each other in low voices, giggling in between sentences. Chopper and luffy are laughing together, and Zoro goes to sit next to luffy like he usually does. Just as he sits down, the cook lands a kick to his mid back, making Zoro scowl.

"The fucks that for!?"

Sanji rolls his eyes while placing plates of food down for the crew, "For being late, dumbass."

"Nami is late too!"

"And? She'd never be late on purpose, Marimo." as Sanji speaks, he dodges the hilt of Zoro's sword to his side instinctively and has the audacity to give a cheeky grin.

Dinner passes by normally. Everyone's loud conversations meld together gradually and soon everyone except Sanji and Zoro leave. Zoro takes his usual spot beside the cook, drying dishes and leaving them on a towel afterwards so they can both put them away.

Zoro has half the mind to bring up Sanji's staring, but decides against it. It leaves the air silent, neither him nor Sanji speaking up as they finish their side work for the night. Even then, Zoro's unable to speak when Sanji immediately leaves afterwards without a word.

The kitchen feels empty without their bickering, and Zoro is determined to bring that life back into it. He just needs to figure out how.

Despite Nami's advice, Zoro has an idea. If the idiot cook doesnt see what he sees (His pretty face first of all, but Zoro thinks of his strength too. How Sanji easiely brushes off conflict like it's nothing despite the injuries that'll heal far faster than his own), then he'll make him see it. Frilly words never were Zoro's style, anyways.

One night before they all go to sleep and Zoro takes night watch, he corners the blond in the bathroom. Nami would probably be kicking his ass because of his timing, but a mirror is needed for his plan to work and the bathroom is the only place with one other than the women's bedroom.

When Zoro enters, Sanji turns to look at him before going back to washing his hair, his back towards Zoro. "Leave me alone, Moss, I'm im not in the fuckin mood," He grumbles to Zoro, who stands there waiting for Sanji to stop talking.

"Nope, I need a mirror for this and for you to listen for five minutes." Zoro replies, and when Sanji turns to argue his protests are gone from his lips when he sees a look of determination. Confused, annoyed, and also curious, Sanji doesn't reply.

Zoro walks up to Sanji until he's standing right behind him. The swordsman moves to kneel so they're relatively at the same height, but the stool makes Sanji slightly taller as he sits there and eyes Zoro warily.

"Whats going on with you, Moss? I'm trying to wash my hair." Sanji says, and Zoro can tell an insult dies on his tongue when he places his hands on Sanji's shoulders.

Zoro turns Sanji in front of the mirrior in the bathroom, the stool Sanji is seated on creaking lightly and scratching against the tile. Sanji remains speechless, still unable to brush off Zoro's palms on his bare shoulders like how he'd usually do.

"Tell me what you see, cook" He says, uncharacteristically soft underneath the edge his voice always seems to have. Sanji flinches when the swordsman's calloused hands tuck his frings behind his ear, displaying his face to them both.

"What the hell is up with you? Did Luffy hit your head too hard?" Sanji furrows his eyebrows at the mirror and looks at Zoro. Zoro huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Just tell me what you see about yourself, shit cook, I'll leave ya alone after or whatever." He grumbles back, the baritone of his voice vibrates against Sanji's back. It reminds him of Zoro's compliment, his face too close to his while they stand on the deck of the Sunny just days ago. He chooses to ignore how it makes him shiver.

He looks at himself in the mirror, and his first instinct is to look away. Zoro, being the perceptive bastard that he is, notices and squeezes his shoulders in a way thats strangely reassuring.

"It doesnt have to be fancy, cook, I know you like to use big words 'n shit so don't make your brain fuckin explode." Sanji bristles a bit at that but bites back a nasty insult so he can entertain Zoro's weird exercise on his own self reflection.

In the mirror he always sees his mom at first, but with both eyes uncovered and his hair pushed back for once, he sees himself. The first thing he sees is his eyebrows and eyes. He decides not to bring up his eyebrows.

"Well, for your information I see my eyes, but you already know that."

Zoro stays silent, and Sanji shuffles in his seat. He's suddenly aware he was literally in the middle of rinsing his hair of shampoo a few minutes ago and the entire situation is both awkward and uncharacteristic of Zoro in multiple ways. It's out of character, and he should have kicked out the moss ball when he had the chance, but now in the too small bathroom of the Sunny he feels like it's only him and Zoro. It leaves a weightless feeling in his chest, settling in with the creeping anxiety of looking at his own reflection. The contrasting feelings make him hesitate before he speaks.

"I see.." He hesitates, not knowing exactly what Zoro is getting from this or what he wants to hear, "My eyebrows, I guess. Wait, you've never seen both at once." Sanji chuckles at that, because his eyebrows are certainly something. The curl points in the same direction, but it's unnoticeable with how he wears his hair.

"Yeah, they're weird as fuck." Zoro mumbles, and the blond has to laugh or else the swordsman's voice would get to his head.

"Okay, I also see freckles. Those are new. Only started showing up when I joined you all." And Sanji now notices how the freckles cluster on the bridge of his nose, his cheekbones, and his shoulders. They're scattered everywhere else on his body.

Sanji starts to realize the point of Zoro's questioning now. He looks at the fogged mirror, just visible enough to notice how his blush not only spreads across his cheeks but also down his neck. Embarrassing. This whole situation is embarrassing not only because of where they are but also because he's realizing that Zoro is trying to make a point that is too close to unearthing his insecurities. He would have expected this from Luffy, but sometimes he forgets how Zoro's intelligence is masked behind his swordsmanship and how much he sleeps during the day.

And he's naked, but honestly thats the least of his problems at the moment.

"I see my hair, I guess?" Sanji tries to only focus on his face. Its not easier, but it also sets up a mental boundary. Zoro hums, looking at Sanji through the mirror. Sanji hesitates before speaking again, "My hair is actually wavy," He thinks about his mom's wavy blonde hair, and how he always thought it looked pretty even before she passed, "Its damaged, though. Straightened to hell and back with one of those hot combs."

Sanji thinks back to the hot combs. They were old as shit, the kind that needed to be heated up with a flame. The memories make him chuckle a bit, and Zoro smiles back. The same smile he wore when they sparred on the deck, with his dimples visible yet again to confirm to Sanji that he does have them.

His smile makes his heart skip a beat, like drums he'd hear in one of those old instrumental CDs he kept in his room as a kid. Before he has the chance to back away, to push Zoro out the door and forget this ever happened, Zoro straightens his back again.

He turns in his stool to look up at Zoro and he's not sure what the swordsman sees right now, but he's afraid to ask as his gaze is soft. So damn soft as he looks at him and his hand reaches again to pull his hair hair back over his eye like it was before. Stringy strands of heat damaged locks fall back into place.

Then he leaves. He just...leaves. The damn idiot just turns around and walks out the door like nothing even happened.

Thats the second time this has happened yet the first where Sanji is the one on the receiving end of it, and it makes him grab his towel to bunch it up in his fists and let out a scream into it as he processes everything. He processes how he was forced to notice how Zoro looked at him, and it was Zoro's own weird fucking way of saying "You're beautiful".

"He's so fucking ridiculous oh my god.." Sanji mumbles into the towel. His hair routine is officially long forgotten.

#this went from zoros pov to sanjis instinctively ngl #also nami being the best wingman PERIODDD #btw nami in this is dating vivi #bc theyre cute together <3 #uhhhh yeah i need a title for this... #one piece #zosan #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #black leg sanji #sanji with heterochromia

[fearowkenya]

Winds of Change

Chapter 4: Stemming the Tide

It’s hard to hold onto hope when panic and fear take root and start to spread, climbing the notches of his spine and weaving back and forth between his ribs. But Ryo knows now, that hope and fear can both exist at once—he’s seen it for himself.

The group witnesses something that looks a lot like a miracle, but it's still not enough to chase away everybody's fears. Ryo and Shuuji each find themselves with separate demons to battle as they resist the pull of despair.

ao3 link in source, extended end-of-chapter author's note below!

editing this chapter took WAY longer than usual. I do two proofreads per chapter before i post, and if i edit more than a couple of sentences at any point, i start the entire proofread over. needless to say, i did a LOT of editing and rereading before finally making it to my posting checklist. ultimately though im pretty happy with it. mostly im just so glad to have finally posted the scene that was jokingly titled "labramon the egg wizard" so i could talk about how much I enjoy the title "labramon the egg wizard". jokes that are for me

anyway, "labramon the egg wizard" is one of the first parts of this fic that i wrote! there's a skeletal outline of the events in that section in my replay notes, though a lot about that scene has changed since then. it was always going to be labramon who was gonna help out though! why labramon..? … … well she's a dog , and it made me go 'heheh' to think of her doing pointer behaviors. no other reason (:

i know we get renamon egg in moral, but i don't actually remember much of what that looked like because it lasted like 2 seconds. thats absolutely NOT what i wanted for shuuji - i wanted it to be a scene that completely bodies him, where hes got this unexpected second chance hovering just beyond his reach, but he has to confront exactly what he's done in order to get it. i dont remember a lot of 02, but that one episode where ken goes looking for wormmons egg has this very specific vibe where its like, "here's some hope for you when youre at your lowest but never forget that you seriously fucked it up". it was brutal but beautiful and then i cried a bunch i think. idk it was a long time ago. maybe im completely misremembering that scene, who can say. thats how it lives in my memories tho

in any case, i definitely wanted it to be from ryo's perspective for the same reason that the aftermath of wendimon was from his pov. he's so much more observant than shuuji, who would not take notice of what the others are doing and saying while he's in the middle of getting pingponged between hope and gut-wrenching remorse.

the middle section, titled in the draft as "mcfreakin losin it", was a lot of fun too! the Plan(tm) at the beginning was something i edited in pretty late in proofreading. having an itemized list like that might feel more like a "shuuji thing" than a "ryo thing", but i think ryo's active effort to take responsibility and try to help kunemon with what hes stressed about would lend to him trying to come up with something a little more concrete. unfortunately for ryo, he has no backup plan for when the first one is turned upside down, and we all know what happens when something catches him off guard lmao. it was actually really interesting to write ryo in a position where he's witnessing more or less what he himself is like when he shuts down. being the one who has to snap shuuji out of this state has ryo realizing that this is what takuma and kunemon have to deal with when he's the one freaking out. i think that's kinda fun.

the last section has what feels to me like the most editing. it really wasn't a section that i spent a lot of time fiddling with until now because the bulk of it was quoting or paraphrasing existing dialogue from the start of part 6 for context, then diverging into what that scene looks like in a world where lopmon isn't around to be unable to explain what happened. like i said on ao3, as i was reading over the canon dialogue in truthful for reference, i realized i really just…didn't like it much. the argument escalates and de-escalates several times but never to a degree that feels all that extreme, and ends up feeling like it's just dragging out for no reason. people make their points at times that feel WEIRD, particularly ryo. lemme see if i can explain this.

so ryo doesnt say this til the latter half of this argument, and i HATED THAT because it's like… after everything he's been through with kunemon, it doesn't feel right that he's having those doubts. but i thought about it and i actually think it makes sense for him to have a momentary lapse where he slips back into old habits - letting fear take over and pushing away anything and anyone that has even the slightest chance of hurting him. he spent a LOT of time in that mindset, and even though he's working on reversing it, it's not gonna happen in a day. that said… the placement of ryo's doubts in the canon dialogue still feels super weird. i think it makes a lot more sense for him to panic at the very beginning of this argument, and then calm down as he remembers how solid his bond with kunemon is before sticking up for the digimon a little more aggressively. it just feels so passive in-canon when i think he would have taken a much more active role in defending falcomon and the others once 1) he remembers the context surrounding what happened in the waterway, and 2) he's reminded of how kunemon has helped him change.

i know some of the weird pacing of this dialogue is because the player needs to have input at some point, but i think takuma could've been much more powerless during this argument - the game has no problem taking away agency, since saving ryo is the only thing that will save shuuji, no matter what the player does. maybe im nitpicking, idk.

regardless, minoru's dialogue makes the most sense, but i still think it could have been condensed into a much sharper and more sudden escalation. it keeps being like "(minoru voice) IM MAD IM MAD" "(takuma voice) chill" "(minoru voice) oops sorry. … … … IM MAD IM MAD IM MAD" "(takuma voice) calm down" "(minoru voice) oops. … … … IM MAD IM MAD" etc etc etc. it just made the argument feel weak and drawn-out instead of intense and explosive.

i did keep some of it though! i thought that minoru's paranoia and sudden fear of trusting his partner was pretty compelling, which is why i kept those doubts in and quoted the lines about him wanting falcomon to prove his loyalty.

i chose those lines specifically because they say a LOT about minoru once you connect this argument with what i think is the root of his insecurities - his parents' divorce.

it's funny because as far as im aware, The Divorce doesn't even come up unless you choose an INCORRECT ANSWER in an OPTIONAL affinity event with minoru. im not 100% sure thats the only mention though! im currently at pt8 of my replay where the goal is to see every bit of truthful route dialogue possible. if it comes up in other routes, i managed to miss it lmao. anyway, because of that, for the longest time i thought The Divorce was just a popular headcanon, and didn't actually see that dialogue until recently. but as soon as i did i started looking at the stuff he does and says through the lens of somebody who was affected extremely poorly by his parents divorce, and it contextualized A LOT for me. suddenly the way he reacts in pt 6 makes so much sense, because imo falcomon turning around and killing him isn't his only concern: he's also terrified that he was vulnerable in front of someone who doesn't actually care.

pre-game minoru lacks a support system, and is afraid to rely on a new one. im not going to go on about it for too long because we'd be here all day, but im pretty sure that his parents divorce was MESSY, and he witnessed all of it. that same event where he mentions to takuma that his parents are divorced is also when he says that he doesn't think his mom has noticed that he's missing, even though at this point the kids believe that they've been gone for several days. he doesn't see his mother as support because she's too busy working, and since he doesn't even know where his father currently lives, clearly he doesnt get much if any support from his dad. the difficulty minoru has in shedding the goofy exterior and being genuine and vulnerable in front of people makes me think that he never found a support system to replace the one that he watched crumble in realtime when his parents split.

prior to part 6, we can assume that minoru started to see falcomon as someone that he could allow to see his insecurities. i also believe that minoru understood that shuuji and lopmon's relationship was supposed to look a lot like his and falcomon's, or like anybody else and their partner's. minoru could see lopmon trying to be supportive, so the dysfunction only seemed like it was on shuuji's end. so when lopmon flies off the handle and tries to murder shuuji, one of the things that minoru gets from it is that, no, actually, the trust and support that the digimon have for their partners is NOT unconditional. i think that watching this happen looks exactly like how it felt when the support system he'd had in his parents completely fell apart, except the lopmon situation comes with a fun extra "I'm going to kill you" sort of vibe that tells minoru that his relationship with falcomon is just not safe.

or worse, maybe that support system was never real in the first place. what if there was something darker beneath the surface that he just couldn't see?

anyway.

now, as dracmon says, all we gotta do is hurry up and wait. well. you do. i dont, im gonna be editing chapter 5 til the cows come home. im getting the distinct impression that it's gonna require even more reworking than this chapter did.

but that's neither here nor there - id love to hear your Gamer Theories about what im cooking up. there are a few things that are still going unaddressed after four chapters, and i wonder how much of it can be puzzled out based on what i've said so far. obviously im not able to see the story from a reader's perspective, so im not really able to gauge if the stuff that's being foreshadowed or otherwise implied is starting to become clearer. so please consider leaving a comment with what you think, or your favorite part or anything else that stood out to you! I'd much appreciate it. thank you for reading, and see you… mm… nnnnext…week…? ideally.

#digimon #digimon survive #kayama shuuji #shuuji kayama #tominaga ryo #ryo tominaga #kunemon

[itsdaarcy]

darcy's short ramblings about side order

spoilers ahead ofc, im not holding back from anything so be warned

so i beat side order to 100%. every palette is done and i got every colored chip so that the collection is done. i guess what im missing is just the collectibles and a "hackless" run, which i will do in the next days (i need a break for today.. ive been playing side order for 10h today and yesterday it was over 15h).

here a lil list of things i enjoyed:

agent 8 content and lore !!! shes my fav agent (excluding agent 3 as shes now the captain) and i loved seeing her in almost all cutscenes !! i was super happy to see that she was part of marinas dev diaries and that she had her own weapon palette (that has its own unique design to it when u go to the menu !). thanking the devs for finally showing more of the relationship 8 has with oth

pearlina canon (u cannot deny it)

acht/dedf1sh lore ! loved loved loved finally getting some more info regarding acht , even if some info is wrong (im guessing its a translation error)

the environment. god the environment.. i love the aesthetic that side order has, from the square outside to the lil training room u have before entering the elevator. the stages are cool designed, especially the background stuff and overall just love the scenery of the dlc

the music. THE MUSIC. ear blessing, so so good

gameplay. huge fan that the devs took a leap and made a campaign with a totally new perspective of gameplay. i had so much fun playing thru the tower with different palettes, thinking which ones would fit best for my weapon and playstyle

but even with all these positive things i do have some stuff i dislike (? dislike is a pretty strong word for this):

not enough lore. i know we got SO MUCH lore bits, but i wished we got more. be it from more dev diaries, flashback cutscenes or sth

length of the dlc. this is sth that has so many ppl disappointed and i kinda get it ? the dlc is to be played several times (since its a rogue-like), but i wish the thing would be just a tiny bit longer. i finished my first full run in 2 1/2h (and that with the fact i had to re-do the tower all over again bc i died at floor 27), and from then on i just replayed it all with the other palettes i got over time. oe was longer in a sense, and i wished side order was like that too

story. now dont get me wrong, i LOVE the story of side order with everythign i have. but if i compare it with how i felt with octo expansion, it just didnt quiet hit the same. oe was a pretty emotional dlc to me (i cried at the end credits), while side order just.. didnt give that. i shed a tear at the end credits of side order, but not fully cried like i did for oe. i wished it had just more, power more emotion yk? but like i said, i still love love love the story !!

tone change from the first concept trailer we got. the first ever trailer we got made side order look so, odd and creepy in a way ? and i wished they stayed more with that. i love the aesthetic it has rn ! but i also wish we got more of that cryptic vibe

that one stupid fucking fish that spawns those exploding lil fishies.. when i catch u ricky.. ricky when i catch u ricky.

i love side order with everything i have inside of me. ive been waiting for it since it was announced back in february 2023. and im happy we got it. im thanking the devs for creating such a wonderful dlc.

it will always have a special place in my heart, just like octo expansion does.

#darcy speaks #splatoon side order #side order

[stayxlix]

maybe a small teaser :))) of otde? :))))

how can i say no when you asked so nicely :)

tbh this chapter has been a huge thorn in my side lol it's so frustratingly close to being done but still has parts that i just can't seem to get right. on the bright side its also the longest by far so im hoping that makes up somewhat for how long its taking me to complete it. :) either way, i'm actively working on the new chapter every day so it shouldn't be too much longer now.

i put two little teasers below because why not :) i hope you enjoy anon thank you so much for your interest♡♡

(warnings: language, some suggestive content in the second teaser, and i think that's all tbh. plus those that go along with the usual storyline)

Felix was already dreading the discussion that Chan had promised him before he left with you. Nevertheless, when he pushed open the front doors, he was surprised to find someone else waiting for him there instead.

“I thought you were Chan.” He muttered, as Hyunjin looked up at him from where he sat at the foot of the staircase that split the room down the middle. It resembled the staircase in the grand hall of the palace, where they had hung the banners the night of the raid. Except, like everything else beyond District 9, Yellow Wood was nothing more than a skeleton of what it had once been. Frail, decaying, and worn down from hundreds of years worth of neglect.

Hyunjin didn't reply. He only glared with the same piercing intensity as earlier tonight, when Felix had been standing next to you.

Alright, then.

If Hyunjin didn't want to talk about whatever was obviously bothering him then that was fine with Felix. He hadn't been in the mood for one difficult conversation in the first place, let alone two. Not to mention the fact that he was exhausted and only just now starting to notice the throbbing sensation in his face where the bruises lie.

Felix took a few steps into the main floor where he would (hopefully) be able to find one of Jisung's stashed liquor bottles and avoid Chan for the rest of the night.

“He's upstairs, on the rooftop I think."

Hyunjin dared to break the silence, and although Felix wasn't facing him anymore, he could still feel where his eyes bore into the side of his head.

“Great.”

He should have known Chan would be waiting for him there. All the more reason for Felix to stay down here.

He took a few more steps but it didn't deter the older boy from speaking again behind him.

“You’re fill of shit if you think she's actually on our side."

There it was.

Hyunjin had never been very good at hiding the things that bothered him. At least, not from Felix.

Never from Felix.

And of course it was about you. He should have known.

Felix reluctantly turned around when he heard Hyunjin step down from the staircase behind him. He should have ignored him. He knew how Hyunjin could be, he wanted to get a rise out of him.

He shouldn't have responded, but like always, Felix was unable to resist.

"It doesn't matter if she is or not. You saw the journal. We don't have a choice."

"I saw the way you look at her. The way she looks at you. It matters." Hyunjin spit out each individual word, as if they offended him personally.

Felix closed his eyes, tilting his head. Did he really just hear that right?

The way you look at him?

The way he looks at you?

"I don't know what you're talking abou-"

"-Please," Hyunjin scoffed. "That might work on Chan but you can't pull that shit with me. She'll never be one of us. Its in her blood, Felix. Just remember that. Remember what we all agreed on, before you get too attached.”

Hyunjin always knew what Felix was thinking. Even before Felix knew what he was thinking, he always knew. And now, he was only repeating what Felix’s own mind wouldn't let him forget. The same thought that had been replaying over and over again in his head since he saw that damn family crest around your neck. He was well aware that you would never be one of them. He didn't need the reminder.

Even if he did, he didn't want it.

Hyunjin shifted. He crossed his arms over his chest and then, he added something that made Felix's blood boil.

"Minho says we might as well get rid of her the second we get into Miroh."

He raised a taunting eyebrow as the words fell from his lips, a hint of amusement in his voice. Hyunjin leaned against the bannister of the staircase, cloaked beneath golden light that perfectly matched his golden hair as it fell in through the windows above. To anyone else, he would have looked incredibly intimidating.

But not to Felix.

Never to Felix.

"Fine by me," he snapped.

"You don't look at her like it would be fine by you." The smirk that had been playing at the corners of Hyunjin's mouth finally made its way across his lips. As if he had caught Felix in some sort of lie.

With no desire to entertain him any further, Felix turned on his heels, leaving the older boy alone once again.

So what if it wasn't really "fine by him". What was it of any concern to Hyunjin, the thoughts that ran through his head.

So what if he wanted to find Minho right this second and strangle him for his words. Even if he wasn't quite sure why.

So what if he liked the way you looked at him, with your pretty eyes and your lips swollen and parted after he'd kissed you. So what if he wanted to know how you looked with your lips wrapped around his cock instead.

Felix wasn't like Jisung, who could charm his way into convincing whatever semi-interested human being he stumbled across in god knows where to fuck him. Not that it mattered. Felix didn't care to do those things. Or at least he hadn't cared to do those things..until you.

But you were beyond stunning, anyone could see that. Even Hyunjin, who’s own eyes had lingered a little longer than they should have on your figure tonight.

And Felix was human too, wasn't he? Even if just barely.

But for whatever reason, Hyunjin appeared to be under the impression that there was something more in the way Felix looked at you. As if he would actually care if something happened to you. As if he would grieve anything other than your pretty eyes and the way they looked at him.

You don't look at her like it would be fine by you.

Somehow, Hyunjin always knew.

and here is the second little mini teaser below :)

Panting heavily, Felix pressed his sweaty forehead against your own. It had taken every single fiber in his being to keep from touching you again, when all he could think about was bending you over and fucking you right there against the wall until you cried pretty tears of pleasure from your pretty eyes.

His cock was painfully hard, but he didn't have any choice but to ignore it. Nobody could know about the two of you. At least, not until he figured out exactly what it was between you.

And besides, he wasn't going to give Hyunjin the satisfaction.

The voices downstairs grew louder with every passing moment. Time was slipping away, despite the fact that Felix would have given his absolutely anything to make it stop. He wasn't greedy, just needed a few more minutes with you all to himself. To feel you around him, just once.

As if he would ever be so lucky.

“You’re right,” he leaned down to kiss you again, softer this time.

When he pulled back you followed his lips with your own, letting out a wine in protest.

“You’re right and I think-” 

He placed another delicate kiss to your lips between words. 

“-you’ll be the death of me princess.” 

One last kiss, one last touch of his forehead to yours with closed eyes before he turned and made his way toward the staircase, fixing his belt as he went. 

Felix didn't wait for you and he didn’t look back. He left you alone in the company of the shadows to contemplate once again, the severity of the situation you had gotten yourself into, as his words echoed throughout your head.

You’ll be the death of me, princess.

#otde.feedback #alex answers asks♡

[benevolentscars]

I'm having a lot of fun playing Tower of Fantasy :) I do think its a lot closer to gameplay of Phantasy Star Online/2 and an actual mmo than Genshin Impact. It's really good that genshin is getting more competition that that will 100% improve the quality of genshin in general over time. I think they're different enough game experiences that it doesn't matter, and the biggest similarity is that a lot of the playerbase for this global release is/were genshin impact players. When genshin first came out it got so much heat over similarities with breath of the wild, but because they're trying to be different games and different game experiences that heat died out over time.

I also come from the house of I don't really care if games I play are similar to one another if I enjoy playing them... Usually I'm playing if I'm playing a similar game, it's because I enjoyed the experience of playing one its similar to.

overall Tower of Fantasy review: -fighting gameplay: 4/5. a good amount of variety -gatcha experience: I have 3 5stars and I have only played for under two days. I can't really give a nuanced opinion until the full game is out (only a portion of the story, characters, and area are playable right now). I do love theres a limited banner, a standard banner, and a shitty banner with the same loot table as the standard banner you get a billion pulls with so you can pull more often AND NO WEAPON BANNER because the characters ARE the weapons. this is actually genius (Im almost positive this gimmick has been done before in png gatcha games though) -exploration gameplay: 4/5. solid. -story -10/5 its really bad but this is less priority for me. I am playing in english dub so if I ever replay it in a different language that might change the experience idk. -polish: 2/5 it has a lot of parts of it that are excellent polish and a lot that are really like. buggy and clipping issues and. its a mixed bag. a polish salad. this is almost a benefit though because a lot of the content is a little bit silly because its not trying to be serious which in my opinion is nice -current desire to spend money: 0/5 I have no interest at all with this game. it might just be with it getting its global release generosity so this opinion should come with that heavy side of salt.

but overall: its free and if you think you might enjoy it its worth checking out AND if you don't want to play because gatcha games are predatory at wanting you to pour money into them--is a completely valid take in its own self as well.

#tower of fantasy #tof review #text #im seeing a lot of extremes of like. feelings for it on every side and where im at is its a fun game idk #its free and i know that may sound minor but that means so much to me as someone whose tight on money lol #I will say it kinda does a bad job explaining how accounts within servers work if youve never played an mmo before (me) #you have to create a whole entire new account if you want to play on a different server with your friends and I did not understand how that #/worked and had to create a second acct to play with my friend LOL. apparently thats standard for mmos tho #journal scrap

[littlelambdrgnfly]

Ok since you reblogged that one post I hope you know I reread The Sum of Them for the 3rd time, maybe like a month ago, up until the last chapter and i never finished it cause i didnt want to experience it ending again (if that makes sense), i wish it never ended. I wish they could play baby games forever but its so important it does end because the ending is soo beautiful but so devastating, and it's beautiful because its so devastating, and my heart cant take experiencing that again :'-(

i already sent a message on here saying that your fic was the first fic to make me cry, possibly the first piece of LITERATURE in general to make me cry (i could be wrong but i cant remember any piece before that), and it made me cry 2 times when reading it for the first time. It is truly my favorite piece of McLennon fanfiction, but the only reason i dont fully consider it mine is that if someone were to ask me, it'd be too taboo/freaky to say but its truly one of the most heartfelt and complex ways ive ever seen anyone portray John and Paul while also feeling completely accurate and realistic. My god. And i love so many of your other fics too but The Sum of Them really means so much to me and I cant even say that enough. i wish you could just live as me and be inside my mind to fully grasp how much of an affect it had on me, I dont think i will ever be able to explain it sadly </3. But just know out of every McLennon fic ive ever read (and ive read many), THAT one is my very favorite out of like 100+. The way you characterize them is just so completely different from any other fic ive read and its so intimate and raw and holy shit i dont even have the words. Sorry i know im rambling at this point but I just think about it a lot! Also your fics are the only fics i enjoy anymore, (recent) beatles fics have gone down the drain in my opinion and yours are the only ones i can be satisfied with because, as far as im concerned, anything you write is automatically in-character for them after reading The Sum of Them lol x) thank you so SO much for writing cause it's truly exposed so many of my own desires and hidden , sensitive parts of myself that couldn't be excavated any other way without your work 💖

Dude... this is legitimately one of the best comments I've ever gotten. I wish I could memorize all of this and replay it for myself whenever I'm feeling blue. Thank you so so much, it means the world to me! I think all writers insert their own thoughts and emotions into their work, and I definitely do that in all of mine, but especially The Sum of Them. This fic is basically my wishlist of things I would do with a partner, as well as coming to better terms with my own kinks, so I'm glad it's been able to resonate with people. I'm also glad that I managed to keep John and Paul in character, even if John is crying every other paragraph lmao! I totally get what you're saying about wishing I could experience what you did, I wish I could too. Sometimes I reread my fics with the mindset of someone reading it for the first time, but it's just not the same. I'd give my left tit for more writers on my level or higher who wrote bottom!John or even ABDL fics, I swear. I don't read a lot of fics these days, but I'm usually disappointed whenever I check the Beatles tab. I'm also really really bad at remembering titles and author names, so I never remember what fics that I like! Thank God for bookmarks. I definitely understand not wanting to tell people that this is your favorite fic though, lol! I've been writing Beatles fics for a long time, but I created a new account on AO3 when I started writing these fics. I'm comfortable talking about this stuff, but only with the help of an alternate profile. I'm really really happy to help people explore this side of themselves though-- too often fics like mine are just really gross over-the-top and completely unrealistic portrayals in my opinion, and I guess I wanted to bring something sweeter and more realistic to the table. <3

#sorry if this is all over the place i'm having a migraine

[brighteyesredfire]

SUPERGIANT ROUNDUP BASTION / TRANSISTOR / PYRE / HADES

compiling thoughts on games ive played. i may go back and edit these over time bc i like to ramble and maybe ill have a thought later about things to add. woo

🌟 BASTION (2011) | 10/10 4 million stars

THE game of all time. i think i bought and played this when the indie humble bundle (one of the first of its kind) slapped it together with limbo, psychonauts, amnesia and sword and sorcery (i have the art jen zee drew to advertise that on my wall still).

remarkable then and now for being a game i replayed like a madman and loved soooooo muuuuuuuuuch its ridiculous. the art direction will always be very impactful on me i think, jen zee i love ur stuff 4ever <3333333 the music is also still incredible, spike in a rail is iconic as ever, and logan cunningham's voice will always hit perfectly on the ears as rucks. this game was also the first major fandom i was in on this site and it could fit inside one tinychat lol, i have retained alot of the friendships i made from it back then, its an experience i can never untie from the actual game.

ive always liked isometric smash and whack games, most likely due to this games influence on me, but it was also just... one of the first big games i loved as a budding tween, so almost everything about i think with fondess, im recalling how the upgrade areas looked like rn and its making me smile. i made an askblog about a character from this game, we made a physical fanbook that got handed to devs at a con (i think the vid of them reacting to it is now lost to time) its deep bro its deep in my bones.

/ spoilers from here /

bastion's story i still also enjoy as dour as it is, and the choice at the end, between continuing the cycle of apocalyptic doom or build a new future with the remains, its still interesting to me. relive the past before it goes wrong and experience the fresh pain over and over or move on with grave of genocide ringing in your ears and the cunt of an old man on the same floating rock with you. augh!

🌟 TRANSISTOR (2014) | 6/10 stars it is a game and i think that's great

played this game front to back full the day it came out on my mothers computer and cried like a bitch at the end while liveblogging it. to this day i remember the combat being too much for my stupid little brain to comprehend and would get my ass beat constantly but the jen zee art and sword boyfriend and my loyalty to SG kept the brain alive.

MAYBE it would less of a pain in the ass for me to play now but the plotting out before you enforce the combo hurt my brain. i dont think ahead okay. ow. ow.

As with all SG games the art was incredible though they drew from really interesting influences for a sci fi take, and this ost with the addition of a bunch more vocal tracks (due to red being a singer) is sooo good. i have a version of the album of the glitched out versions of the songs ripped from the gameplay, delicious nyam nyam.

/ spoilers from here /

the story is like a traditional tragedy and the first showing of some great supergiant #buryyourgays but i still cry like a baby listening to paper boats so FML !!!!!!!!! i think that song affects me more than setting sail / coming home from bastion actually at this point (time to go find the orchestra pax vid and loop it)

🌟 PYRE (2017) | 9/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i liked pyre like 10 steps more than transistor its not even funny 😂 the world has a more fantasy leaning bent... the ensemble cast too.... and the gameplay i love this gameplay i will play ghost spirit basketball all fucking dayyyyyyyyyy also this is alot closer to a visnov than the rest of their games, between the sports parts, this is also probably why i really like it, who doesn't love it when their choices matter and little guys talk to them. visnovs are great.

/ spoilers from here /

i also just favour weirdo fantasy > over weirdo sci fi this is pure personal taste lmao. the environments were fun, the conceit of the game was interesting too. making the choice of who to liberate not only be a factor based on who you like and the story but ALSO the gameplay bc you no longer get to play them.... i remember i kept hedwyn around bc i liked him as a character and also bc he was the all rounder class but i did let him go before the end bc i wanted to give him that chance despite never seeing him again... that sort of experience with a character i love is rareeee, ive not had anything like it since. is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all..............wohah.............

i also just love the fake language they came up with for people talking, reading being a big deal here also.... so much about this games worldbuilding i loved it i loved it. i think my only issues would be the amount of forced het in the endings people can get lmao I DONT NEED EVERYONE TO GET HAPPILY STRAIGHT MARRIED SG LMFAO.

🌟 HADES (2020) | 10/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i have played this game for 250+ hours and 100 of those were during the entire time it was in early access the brain disease real alive and killing me to this day.

genius of SG i think to stretch their storytelling out to be way longer by putting into a rougelike its such a fun idea and it works so well bc of how finely tuned their gameplay always is. they incentivize the right things and the feel is addictive, you wanna get to the characters bc they're always the best part but the gameplay on the way is like butter, ENDLESS GRIND ENDLESS GRIND. GAME YOU PLAY UNTIL YOU DIE

/ spoilers from here /

i like that this story ended up being a dumb greek family drama, i dont have many more thoughts about that aspect though honestly bc i dont really care about greek gods as a setting and i always enjoy SG's original ideas and worlds alot more behehe. their remixes are no doubt fun though.

there's something to be said about the violent catharsis of being killed over and over to leave family i think, im sure i could write some metaphor here about having to confront hatred in loved ones over a choice about yourself actually just feels like dying over and over (im a poet) especially when you still live with them.

i think i actually for real cried the first time zag met his mother like the music and the va, it was all so tragic and sad, i dont think anything else really met that emotional high for me. i was almost surprised later on how happily the game resolves lol but i dont have any qualms with stories about fucked up families actually fixing their problems, hope for the future or something.. ! not all blood ties have to be burned to cinders, its a nice thing.

thanatos is my girlboss boyfriend also i cannnnnoooooootttttt believe they made him a tsundere sadboy who acts like you broke up with him MINUTE ONE OF MEETING THE MAN IN THE FUCKING GAME WHAT IS WRRRRONG WITYH YOUUUU SG YOU SICK FUCKS. i actually puked in my mouth everytime they talked and i was explicitly seeking it out. god of death and god of blood (life) can you go fuck yourselves ACTUALLY.

thank you for letting me bang him and meg at the same time sg also is making up for their lgbt transgressions if only a bit with this one may the next game be gayer. lovewins or something.

#writing

[mosviqu]

aaaa okayyy amazing🥳🥳 MY THOUGHTS ARE A MESS DUDE i feel like a pretty vital information about me is that i'm a huge engene if that wasn't clear before now it is lmao ITS THEIR BEST ALBUM OUTTHERE AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM BE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS ALBUM!!! ALL OF THE SONGS SLAPPED SO HARD!! ALL ENHYPEN INTROS EAT AND FATE JUST DID THE SAME THING!! enhypen intros my beloveds🤭FOR BITE ME WE HAVE THE SAME EXACT THOUGHTS THEY WENT OFF SO HARD WITH IT!! THE VAMPIRE VIBES ARE SO THEREEE!!! and like nikis and sunghoons lower tone (?) parts just wahhhhh i love the song!! SACRIFICE IS JUST THAT SONG!!!! THEY WENT OFF SO HARD WITH IT ITS JUST SUCH A SCRUMPTIOUS SONG!!!! AND UR REVIEW OF IT IS JUST SJDHFJJF SO TRUE THEY ATE!!! CHACONNE JUST MAKES UR WALKS FEEL LIKE A POWER WALK ISTG I WAS LISTENING TONIT WHILE WAKING HOME AND I JUST FELT THE POWER LMAO BUT MY GOD THAT SONG THE VICALS THE EVERYTHING ONE OF MY FAVES ACTUALLY!!!! BILLS THEY WERENT ERONG WHEN THEY SAID THIS IS GOING TO BE AN AMAZING SONG AND WE SHOULD BE THE MOST EXCITED FOR THIS ONE!!!! ACTUALLY MY FAV SONG FROM THEM ALONG SIDE WITH SHOUT OUT!!!! I JUST KEEPNON REPLAYING IT IST SO ADDICTINGGGG!!! KARMA!!! KARMA IS ALSO JUST THAT SONG!!! AND SO TRUE ITS SO ATTENTION PLEASE VIBES!!!! SIBLINGS FORREAL!!! LOVE IT SO MUCH BUT I WISH THEY WOULD HAVE LET THEM CUSS IT WOULD HIT SO MUCH HARDER!!! and the way u said disney channel camp rock vibes could never explain this song better if somebody tried to my god!!! i have zero final thoughts other than i won't be listening to anything else for a while other than this album lmao (i'm sorry for the long review of it lmao i'm just stil ahhdhdjf about it)

I FEEL HONORED ACTUALLY LMAO WE ARE BESTIES IN MY MIND AS WELL🤭

he is a cat but the strawberry>>>>> i hope he stays as a strawberry!! same very same i hope they can save the newer boy groups reputation by putting out the best album!!

I AM WITH U ON THAT ONE LOVENJOYER FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!! the amount of people i see shocked that either the lead singer from lovejoy is a minecraft youtuber and vice versa is so hilarious to me😭 I WILL BET A LOT OF MONEY OF IT BEING YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND and he is so right for that as ur brother should!! wilbur's parody songs>>>

i genuinely hope we see this hair style more but it was so funny that i saw those pics and idk how long after i just see him with a wet shirt sleeves tucked up on stage and i just went goddamn the duality of this guy!!! I SAW I SAWWW tbh it made me think of u cuz i saw that u are in ur seventeen era and i was like bet bar saw this and is very happy about thishdhhfnf

and thank u i appreciate that😭 i will change it one day for something better hopefully cuz i'm just dissatisfied with it🥸 (oh god it really shows how much i watch british people godddamnn they do be rotting our brains😟 mum is the superior way of spelling it ngl) (liebestraum anon💕)

you might just be the biggest engene ive ever met im cackling AHAHA thank you for the review i enjoyed it. i am so glad that they are passionate about the album !!!! intros eat indeed but i never listen to them bc it just sounds like slam poetry after a while im so sorry AAJKDFA. did u see engenes boycotting the choreo- i cant. if they remove the female dancers its not gonna hit as hard >:((( someone on tiktok said chaconne has teeth by 5sos vibes and....i kinda see it but i also kind of don't hm. bills is one of the best songs of the album i wholeheartedly agree >>>> KARMA WOULD HIT HARDER IF THEY COULD CUSS ISTG !! its a good good song but it still screams camp rock vibes jUST A LITTLE to me i am so sorry. i enjoy listening to it a lot though AHAHA over-all a very good album i agree with you on so many levels

i REALLY hope zb1 debut with a fresh concept ngl because if they debut with another generic 4th gen noise im gonna lose it. bring back boys being cute and happy in their debut songs please we NEED it. save kpop zb1 im manifesting </3

NO BECAUSE I GET IT. like u tell me someone finds a lovejoy song randomly and then they find out the lead singer is a mc streamer. i'd be baffled too. thankfully i found him as a streamer first and then the band bc i think that would throw it off for me AHAHA ((the wilbur brainrot used to be so big and i didnt even watch his streams i-) AND YOURE RIGHT IT WAS THAT SONG AHAHAHAHA

the duALITY. like i am so ashamed to say that the clip of junkyu pouting water on him was on loop for like 2 minutes before i realized. a bitch was masmerized. he's hot and he knows it :( AWWWH thats so cute of you i am ALWAYS in my svt era i love them sm and the clip made me so happy but also he was so cute i cant. treasure super cover when ??? i know yall are carats so give it to us

mum is the superior spelling thanku. i am NOT calling my mum mOm like thats so ugly. also sometimes my inner english voice gets a british accent and im like O.O okay where did that come from. looking forward to seeing your new theme i bet it will slap

#liebestraum anon

[substanceuser971]

made the connection between my addictive tendencies and my attachment issues both stemming partly from a feeling of wanting to recreate initial happy memories. it feels like other people are able to move on with their lives easier than im able to. people seem to n=be able to move on from me as soon as i stop being interesting and novel to them, while im stuck wanting to keep replaying what we had when we started, and it plays out the same way with drugs, trying to recreate that same way i felt those first few times i got drunk or high. it feels like i keep trying to create a tiny little time loop that i can live in forever instead of accepting when things arent as good as they used to be. and one feeds into the other too, people have left me for struggling with substance dependence and i depend on booze and weed to cope with feeling abandoned. its a really vicious cycle

ive been doing pretty okay with staying sober lately, but its mostly because i cant afford to stock back up on weed and the only alcohol i have is beer which isnt kosher for passover. today my landlord and his friend came over to do some renovations and they shared a joint with me, and it felt great to finally get high again but i also feel like it sent my brain right back into the mindset of needing to get high daily and keep it in my system. another part of why i get intoxicated so much is because i get fucking horrifically bored and understimulated, and weed and booze are the easiest way to stave off the feeling, so lately ive been trying to put my energy into hobbies and find other ways to stay stimulated as replacement behaviors for using. its been effective and its been a great feeling to be more productive and have more mental capacity to do things i enjoy. but after smoking this afternoon, once i came down from the high, i felt more bored than i have in a good while. the experience makes me think that maybe pot in particular causes me to be dependent on it to fight off boredom, and the lack of boredom it temporarily provides me makes anything i do while sober feel more boring by comparison.

honestly, i dont have faith right now that ill be able to refrain from buying more weed as soon as my paycheck comes in. my finances really arent great, but i have a slight buffer from my upcoming tax return covering my rent for may, and its way too easy for me to just take a bus downtown and hit up one of the many many dispensaries we have here. i can try to put it off for as long as possible, but itll only take a quick moment of my self control faltering enough for me to end up on the bus and then ill come home with enough flower to last me at least a couple weeks. sunk cost fallacy, if ive already bought the bus pass ill feel guilty if i just change my mind and go right back home. maybe if that happens, i can try replacing a dispensary trip with a bit of wandering downtown, check out the shops i havent gotten to see yet and maybe buy myself a cheap trinket or two, or a little snack. i think that would be a good idea, and it would most likely be cheaper without making me feel like i wasted money on the bus pass. i might try to do that if i end up on my way to a dispensary. but really, i dont know if i have the self control to keep from restocking my stash even with that backup plan in place, because its just so fucking easy to get my hands on it as long as i have the money to pay for it, and its so tempting because it feels so good to get high that i end up disregarding the consequences until they hit me.

it feels better waking up in the morning when i fell asleep sober. in the past couple weeks, when ive barely gotten high or drunk, its been a lot less of a pain getting out of bed in the morning, and i always feel groggier on the mornings after using. its uncomfortable and i dont like how hard it is to wake up. on the other hand though, my insomnia has been a lot harder to control since ive had to cut back on weed. it was far from fixed even when i was getting high nightly, but it at least kept my brain fro buzzing so much that i couldnt relax. lately i keep staying awake for like 30 hours at a time even though i get delirious staying awake that long. even right now i just feel exhausted and i want to sleep, but i have too much going on in my brain thats demanding i stay awake and Do Things despite being too sleep deprived to actually do much of anything effectively. im pretty sure i have some kind of sleep disorder, because ive struggled with insomnia and fucked up sleep patterns for years, but i also kind of think cutting back on cannabis could be exacerbating it. the joint from earlier got left with me, and we all only took a couple hits, so ive still got like half a joint left and its tempting to smoke a little more. i think the main things stopping me are the fact that my body feels too exhausted to get out of bed, and the fear of rekindling my dependence on it only to have to go without weed for a few more days.

[artdumpzonedontlookthanky]

SUPERGIANT ROUNDUP BASTION / TRANSISTOR / PYRE / HADES

compiling thoughts on games ive played. i may go back and edit these over time bc i like to ramble and maybe ill have a thought later about things to add. woo

🌟 BASTION (2011) | 10/10 4 million stars

THE game of all time. i think i bought and played this when the indie humble bundle (one of the first of its kind) slapped it together with limbo, psychonauts, amnesia and sword and sorcery (i have the art jen zee drew to advertise that on my wall still).

remarkable then and now for being a game i replayed like a madman and loved soooooo muuuuuuuuuch its ridiculous. the art direction will always be very impactful on me i think, jen zee i love ur stuff 4ever <3333333 the music is also still incredible, spike in a rail is iconic as ever, and logan cunningham's voice will always hit perfectly on the ears as rucks. this game was also the first major fandom i was in on this site and it could fit inside one tinychat lol, i have retained alot of the friendships i made from it back then, its an experience i can never untie from the actual game.

ive always liked isometric smash and whack games, most likely due to this games influence on me, but it was also just... one of the first big games i loved as a budding tween, so almost everything about i think with fondess, im recalling how the upgrade areas looked like rn and its making me smile. i made an askblog about a character from this game, we made a physical fanbook that got handed to devs at a con (i think the vid of them reacting to it is now lost to time) its deep bro its deep in my bones.

/ spoilers from here /

bastion's story i still also enjoy as dour as it is, and the choice at the end, between continuing the cycle of apocalyptic doom or build a new future with the remains, its still interesting to me. relive the past before it goes wrong and experience the fresh pain over and over or move on with grave of genocide ringing in your ears and the cunt of an old man on the same floating rock with you. augh!

🌟 TRANSISTOR (2014) | 6/10 stars it is a game and i think that's great

played this game front to back full the day it came out on my mothers computer and cried like a bitch at the end while liveblogging it. to this day i remember the combat being too much for my stupid little brain to comprehend and would get my ass beat constantly but the jen zee art and sword boyfriend and my loyalty to SG kept the brain alive.

MAYBE it would less of a pain in the ass for me to play now but the plotting out before you enforce the combo hurt my brain. i dont think ahead okay. ow. ow.

As with all SG games the art was incredible though they drew from really interesting influences for a sci fi take, and this ost with the addition of a bunch more vocal tracks (due to red being a singer) is sooo good. i have a version of the album of the glitched out versions of the songs ripped from the gameplay, delicious nyam nyam.

/ spoilers from here /

the story is like a traditional tragedy and the first showing of some great supergiant #buryyourgays but i still cry like a baby listening to paper boats so FML !!!!!!!!! i think that song affects me more than setting sail / coming home from bastion actually at this point (time to go find the orchestra pax vid and loop it)

🌟 PYRE (2017) | 9/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i liked pyre like 10 steps more than transistor its not even funny 😂 the world has a more fantasy leaning bent... the ensemble cast too.... and the gameplay i love this gameplay i will play ghost spirit basketball all fucking dayyyyyyyyyy also this is alot closer to a visnov than the rest of their games, between the sports parts, this is also probably why i really like it, who doesn't love it when their choices matter and little guys talk to them. visnovs are great.

/ spoilers from here /

i also just favour weirdo fantasy > over weirdo sci fi this is pure personal taste lmao. the environments were fun, the conceit of the game was interesting too. making the choice of who to liberate not only be a factor based on who you like and the story but ALSO the gameplay bc you no longer get to play them.... i remember i kept hedwyn around bc i liked him as a character and also bc he was the all rounder class but i did let him go before the end bc i wanted to give him that chance despite never seeing him again... that sort of experience with a character i love is rareeee, ive not had anything like it since. is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all..............wohah.............

i also just love the fake language they came up with for people talking, reading being a big deal here also.... so much about this games worldbuilding i loved it i loved it. i think my only issues would be the amount of forced het in the endings people can get lmao I DONT NEED EVERYONE TO GET HAPPILY STRAIGHT MARRIED SG LMFAO.

🌟 HADES (2020) | 10/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i have played this game for 250+ hours and 100 of those were during the entire time it was in early access the brain disease real alive and killing me to this day.

genius of SG i think to stretch their storytelling out to be way longer by putting into a rougelike its such a fun idea and it works so well bc of how finely tuned their gameplay always is. they incentivize the right things and the feel is addictive, you wanna get to the characters bc they're always the best part but the gameplay on the way is like butter, ENDLESS GRIND ENDLESS GRIND. GAME YOU PLAY UNTIL YOU DIE

/ spoilers from here /

i like that this story ended up being a dumb greek family drama, i dont have many more thoughts about that aspect though honestly bc i dont really care about greek gods as a setting and i always enjoy SG's original ideas and worlds alot more behehe. their remixes are no doubt fun though.

there's something to be said about the violent catharsis of being killed over and over to leave family i think, im sure i could write some metaphor here about having to confront hatred in loved ones over a choice about yourself actually just feels like dying over and over (im a poet) especially when you still live with them.

i think i actually for real cried the first time zag met his mother like the music and the va, it was all so tragic and sad, i dont think anything else really met that emotional high for me. i was almost surprised later on how happily the game resolves lol but i dont have any qualms with stories about fucked up families actually fixing their problems, hope for the future or something.. ! not all blood ties have to be burned to cinders, its a nice thing.

thanatos is my girlboss boyfriend also i cannnnnoooooootttttt believe they made him a tsundere sadboy who acts like you broke up with him MINUTE ONE OF MEETING THE MAN IN THE FUCKING GAME WHAT IS WRRRRONG WITYH YOUUUU SG YOU SICK FUCKS. i actually puked in my mouth everytime they talked and i was explicitly seeking it out. god of death and god of blood (life) can you go fuck yourselves ACTUALLY.

thank you for letting me bang him and meg at the same time sg also is making up for their lgbt transgressions if only a bit with this one may the next game be gayer. lovewins or something.

#writing

[stopbeingcurious]

You make me feel young again*

PART THREE / MASTERLIST

pairing: post azkaban sirius black x y/n

warning: dirty thoughts/ letters

a/n i had so many request to make more of this series so here we are... enjoy :P

A couple of weeks had gone past, without any contact from Sirius and yours and Professor Lupins relationship had gone back to normal, like nothing had ever happened.

The only thing on your mind was the way Sirius touched you, how his skin felt against yours. You missed it.

You remember the words Sirius spoke the last and only time you were together;

“Not many girls like you,”

Not many girls like you? The way Sirius spoke about his time as a teenager he made it sound like he had slept around.

It was taunting your mind, you wanted to see Sirius again, you needed too. You daydreamed in class about him, at lunch in the shower, in bed. You needed that mans affection again.

It got so bad that you were loosing sleep, you were genuinely so aroused that you couldn't sleep at night, not with a puddle and a heartbeat between your legs.

You thought you could relieve some of the tension yourself but of course that didn't work, just made it worse. 

You needed male attention.

And of course your friends caught onto your behaviour changes, asking you a variety or questions when you left your dorm room looking like a disheveled mess.

In other words, you were desperate.

class

You're currently sitting in class, potions to be exact, listening to Professor Snape bore on about how it's illegal to become animagi underage. You had no interest whatsoever in the subject at hand so decided to rest your head on your hand and let your mind wander. What you didn't remember was that Professor Snape was a skilled Legilimens. His voice rung out from the front of the class just as your mind wandered in the direction it had been for a while now, Sirius.

“Y/n, I suggest you concentrate if you don't want your fellow classmates and I knowing what you're thinking about,” His eyes narrowed in your direction, pulling everyones attention from their work, all eyes on you. Some smirks, some confused, some bothered because they had been distracted.

You let out a silent huff as you switch your attention to the parchment in front of you.

common room

Your friends surround you, all looking intrigued. They had just interrupted you from reading your book sitting next to the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room.

“We know somethings up Y/n, would you just give up and tell us already!” Angelina flung her arms around in expression. She was pulled out of her expressive state with a hand on her shoulder, Freds.

“Ange is right Y/n, we just wanna know if there was anything we could do to help.” Fred asks, his body was slouched forwards slightly so he didn't seem as intimidating as he usually did.

You measure your friends that you're okay and that you're just not getting enough sleep. 

You were so into your book and now your attention has been snatched by your brain again, filling your vision with images of that night, the night where right went wrong, the night of your life.

You'd had enough of this tormenting, the only way you could get to Sirius was through Professor Lupin and you had an idea.

You proceeded to write Sirius a letter, a very detailed letter, just to bless his imagination as much as you blessed his everyday but the your mind flooded with questions; What if Sirius didn't want to see you again? Is that why he hadn't contacted you first? Did he think you were just a one time thing? But Sirius thought the complete opposite of this.

Sirius received your letter, Remus handed it to him with a stern look on his face.

“I didn't read it, I respect your privacy Sirius but you have to be smart about it,” Sirius knew straight away who the letter was from. Remus sat at the table opposite him in their shared home.

“We don't know what it says yet Moony,” Sirius scoffs and opens the letter.

Dear Sirius,

If Prof. Lupin is around, do not show any sign on your face with the words I am about to say. Sirius I miss your touch, I'm not sure if you thought it was a one time thing and I could be embarrassing myself right now but if you feel the same, if you didn’t want it to be a one time thing I wonder why I can see you next. I sit in my classes, arousal pooling in my panties because of you. Your making me feral Sirius, I need you inside of me soon, I cant please myself, I need you and your big cock to stretch out my tight pussy, its waiting for you Sirius.

Y/n :)

Sirius couldn't contain himself, he quickly grew hard in his trousers also trying not to show any signal as to what the letter had just read. Of course he wanted to see you again, he wanted his hands all over your body, his callous fingers rubbing against the red of your ass where he has just slapped.

Remus looked at him with confusion as Sirius was sitting there with sort of wide eyes wondering how he was suddenly wrapped up with an 18 year old. He was pinning over her, attached.

“Sirius, what did it say?” Remus leaned forwards in his chair, hand sewn together as well as his eyebrows.

Sirius snapped out of his stance on the command of Remus’ voice.

“It said that what we did was a mistake and that she is sorry,” Sirius lies straight through his teeth, pretending that the letter had bruised his ego.

The air was clear, and everyone could breath again.

Sirius was relieved that Remus had believed him and Remus was relieved because Sirius and yourself were no longer infatuated with each other, lifting a huge relief of his shoulder. 

But Remus didn't know the contents of Sirius next letter to you...

hogwarts

You were sitting at breakfast, tapping on the table. Your distractions had gotten better over the last couple days meaning that you'd been sleeping better meaning that your friends hadn't been on your back constantly.

“You alright Y/n?” Angelina sits next to you, swinging her legs dramatically over the bench, stretching her arm into the middle of the table to grab an apple.

“Yeah I'm okay thanks Ange,” She smiles at you. “How are you?” You ask, taking another bite of the toast that sat on your plate.

“Yeah yeah I'm all good, anyway I came here to tell you that Professor Lupin wants to see you before class,” Your eyes widen, had he read the letter between you and Sirius? You didn't think he would have, he wasn't the type to invade privacy.

Angelina noticed the colour drain from your face and a worried look creeps onto her face. “Whats wrong? What did you do? Are you in trouble?” She bombards you with questions to which you stand up and run out of the hall towards the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. You might as well pack your bags now, theres no way that he is going to let you off without punishment after he read the letter.

Your legs ran as fast as they could take you, dodging students and teachers, earning a phew ‘No running in corridors’.

You came to an immediate halt in front of the door you recognised so well and you knocked.

“Come in,” You heard from the other side of the door.

You take a deep breath, feel the cold untouched door handle underneath your shaking skin. You breath again, trying to steady your breaths and trying to hold back the tears that were ebbing on your waterline.

You push the door open to find your DADA Professor standing at the top of the stairs leading up to his office, you sniffle and bite your lip, hiding any emotion.

“Come into my office Y/n,” He turns around and strides into his office, leaving the door open behind him.

You begin to walk towards the stairs, having his emotionless words replay in your head, thinking out all the possibilities of how this interaction could go and how you could make it easier for yourself. You pace the floor feeling the cold air of the classroom consume you due to the lack of human warmth. You shiver and resume your journey now striding up the stairs.

Pushing the door open, you stride into his office the same way he did. You immediately saw a letter on the desk, you mentally cursed yourself, letting your Professor do all the talking.

“I see you got my message from Angelina?” He was slouched back in his chair, looking rather relaxed.

You nod, worried if you speak that your voice will break as you were on the verge of tears.

“Why so quiet? Is there something wrong?” His eyebrows furrowed as he asked. 

“No nothing, just not sleeping properly lately,” You lie, you figured you would just tell everyone the same thing so that if the subject came up everyones stories would match.

“Ah yes, Angelina told me,” You looked shocked. “Anyway,” He dismisses the subject. “I have something for you,” Remus turns your attention when he picks up the letter on the desk with his long, dainty fingers.

The letter was for you? You thought that was the letter you sent Sirius.

You take the letter that he was offering and examine it. There was no name on the front of it and it wasn't sealed at the back. You look up at your Professor and all he does is smile and nod, then your attention is back on the letter, you practically ripped it open, knowing that it was from Sirius.

Dear Y/n,

I assume you will have received this letter from Remus.

We cant send any more letters as I told Remus that your letter was about how you thought what we did was wrong and that it was a mistake so tell him that as well, thats what he knows. I am in instant need of you, I want to feel your body below me, writhing around underneath me. I need to taste you, all of you. I want to make your ass all red then kiss it all over. I want to make you cum over and over and over until you cant cum anymore, would you like that? I will find a way that we can reunite but you're going to have to wait pup, I'm sure you can do that for me.

Sirius *paw-print*

The colour drained from your face once again and your heart rate sped up drastically. Only Sirius words had this great of an effect on you. You had to hide any expression from Remus, you knew what he knew and you had to go along with it.

“Im sorry Y/n but I think it was for the best,” The Professor sat before you, shuffling papers ready for your first lesson with him.

“I agree Professor, thank you for delivering my letter,” You reply, trying to ignore the puddle in you underwear. You had to do something about it before class started, you could sit in his lesson feeling aroused the whole time!

“Your free to wait in here Y/n, class will start soon,” You decline your Professors offer and run to the toilet with the letter, needing to relieve some of this built up tension.

#harry potter #harry potter smut #sirius fluff #sirius black fluff #sirius black smut #sirius black #sirius orion black #remus lupin smut #remus john lupin #remus lupin #professor lupin smut #professor lupin #hogwarts

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 2)

Here we’ve got asks that aren’t to ask a question but are just really nice messages. Thank you all for sending us such kind comments ;v;. It’s seriously heartwarming to see so many people having good experiences with the game. I don’t even know what to say to such sweet responses.

We’ll keep doing our best and thank you again to each and every one of you for giving Our Life a chance ❤!

Hello! I've been following this account and have been following the development of 'Our Life' for a few months now, and I just wanted to say thank you for all your hard work and dedication you have put into the game. It astonishes me how much choice you have during the sequence of Our Life and am excited to play the full version now, I am downloading it as I write this message. I've had a great time seeing the demo transition into to the full game and just wanted to write two words. Thank you.

Anhhhhffbgdfbhujk!!! Congratulations on the release, I’m playing the game right now! Thank you all for your hard work and I can’t wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out, I’ll probably wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out to experience everything, but until then, I still have a lot to play. Thank you once again!

finished my first playthrough just now. it just felt so wholesome ??? 100/10 would do it again. i laughed. i cried. i got angry. i felt second-hand embrassment— i got so into it i was left in literal tears after getting my first ending. the art, the storyline, the music, and COVE HOLDEN– UGH IT WAS LITERAL PERFECTION ❤ THE WAIT WAS WORTH IT. THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH AN AMAZING GAME 🥺😭 this made my 2020 better, i can't wait for step 4 in 2021 ❤❤

So I was following you guys on itchio for years and uhh did I stay up til 6 am on a school night to finish the game? Yes. Did I sob my eyes out during step 3 as a 20 year old having doubts about life and adulthood? Absolutely. I can't form proper sentences right now due to lack of sleep but just wanted to say thank you for making it. I honestly feel lighter and I feel like it changed my views on future to be more optimistic... I can't wait to replay it! Thanks again!

I love how Our Life turned out!! I keep replaying it and can't stop squeaking and giggling!! Thank You for creating it ♥

okay i have actually fallen in love with cove and cannot WAIT to marry him 😭

Hi! I played through 'Our Life' yesterday and  I just wanna say how refreshing it was to be able to have Cove be 'high initiative' and also have so many opportunities to initiate affection from the player character! As a pretty flirtatious/affectionate person myself, I notice that a lot of VNs don't give players that agency, and affection can be kinda 'carrot on a stick' if that makes sense. You guys did an awesome job! I look forward to seeing if there are more of those moments in Step 3 & 4 :)

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the option to choose Cove's level of initiative in step 3! As much I love the option to choose I personally enjoy have the romanced character take the lead without my input so when I got to step 3 and had to option to make it so that Cove initiated affection without as much input from me I was really happy! You guys seriously added so much freedom in terms of choices, it's almost baffling that the only thing you have to pay for is optional DLC!

I absolutely loved everything about the game and I really want congratulate the team for making the game such a satisfying experience.

I look forward to step 4

❤️❤️❤️❤️

* and sorry for my bad English

Just finished my first play through and I loved it! I've been looking forward to the game and it definitely was worth the wait. Thank you all for your hard work and can't wait for the extra dlc!

Till then, hope you guys gets some well deserved rest🤗

Love you guys, thank you so much for your hard work. :)

Ok, so I just finished Our Life and, wow. I have never cried at a video game before, ever. Thank you so, so much! Its one of my favorites.

this isn't a question, but i just wanted to say how much i enjoyed our life 🥺 i've been patiently looking forward to the full game for a few months now, and i couldn't be happier with it! i've only played through it once so far but the outcomes of the choices i made were all so soft and wholesome 💗 i can tell that everyone who was involved really worked hard and you all did an incredible job! i can't wait to see what else is in store 👍

i’d just like to say how addictive our life is!!! i constantly played it during quarantine and now playing the full release is so amazing to me!! i love that i’m still discovering dialogue bits with different personalities and actions!!! i have to admit that i’ve been wishing the day to pass faster all day during school so i could go home and play again. mentally i’m not the healthiest and our life being released has boosted it up so much, thank you for creating such an amazing game!!!!!

Hey, I just wanna say I played our life two times and it still give me the same feelings. I was really looking forward to this game before it came out and I kept on replaying the demo. This game is such an amazing experience and I feel so happy playing it. I am not really a person good with words unfortunately but I do honestly love this more than anything in the world. Thank you for making it and I hope that you will continue to make more games like our life. This game really makes me happy and I can't thank you enough

Just wanted to say that Our Life really made me feel seen as an 18 year old trans man who's been struggling with change as of late and I can't thank you guys enough for it. I just finished the main story and currently released DLC's and gosh, I can really only say... woah. Just, woah. The messages are somehow exactly what I needed to hear right now, and they brought me a lot of comfort in this really weird and confusing time in my life. Can't wait to see what comes next in this lovely story <3

I am honestly in love with Our Life. The graphics, the soundtrack its just *chef's kiss* It was so worth the wait for it. I can't wait for step 4. Keep up the good work GB Patch!

good people i have just finished Our Life and let me say, it was beautiful. rarely have such non-fantastical moments (and even some fantastical moments) brought me to tears like this game has, and i don't even have the dlc (yet). i don't know how you did it but it felt like i was playing a slice of life anime. i had waited with baited breath to play this since i played the demo and my expectations were not just met but surpassed. from the bottom of my heart thank you for this game

I found the game by chance and I am so so glad I did. It’s so inclusive and made me feel so incredibly seen. Seeing that my gender identity and sexuality were possible just meant the absolute world to me. I’ve never seen something like this and it just made me so incredibly happy. Thank you for the absolutely amazing game and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Hello! I downloaded Our life earlier this week and I'm only now getting the chance to play it (Very busy and stressful week) I'm so excited to play and I wanna say thank you for making this adorable game!

I just finished my first playthrough of Our Life and I can't even express how much I love it. Cove is absolutely precious and has killed me several times, and the art and soundtrack is beautiful. I love all the small different choices. I'm very interested in the Derek and Baxter DLCs and the rest, can't wait!!!!!!

thank you for "Our Life Beginnings & Always" it has to be one of the best visual novels i ever have played and i just dont want it to end (i know it will, but damn it! i want to have a wedding night, have children and die of old age with cole! XD) when i play it it always makes me tear up (in a good way) and i am most definetly going to buy all the dlc that you make! thank you for this lovely game and all the work that went into it! (ps: i also loved "lake of voices" )

You guys are incredibly talented and im very proud of you all! You've really outdone yourselves w/ OL and i cant wait to see whats next to come for you all :)

i really love that you can be trans in Our Life! not a lot of games do that so i just wanted to say thank you!

Guuyyss!! I just wanna say! Thank you sm for the headscarf option in the MC creator! I especially loved that little detail where MC quickly slips the headscarf on before greeting Cove, I've never felt so immersed :'D Not that the rest of the game wasn't immersive btw, but since I wear my hijab most of the time that little addition really felt like something I would do! So thank you for that <3

I've been watching "Our Life: Beginnings & Always" development for quite some time, and I gotta say its wild to see it finally release. Its so unique in the way relationships work- even character creation. I've cried multiple times over this game while playing. I can't thank y'all enough for a game with these kind of mechanics, and representation. its rare I get to feel im really playing as myself in games like these. Everyones outdone themselves. this'll certainly be one I keep coming back to.

I've been following the development of Our Life from way back when the first demo dropped and it still blows my mind how many choices and customizations there are (love that update for the MC's bedroom btw!) and the fact that the game remembers them - it really feels like your very own coming of age story! I was so immersed I cried at the end :') Can't believe I experienced this game for free lol. I can't wait for future DLCs and Step 4! Good luck with all your upcoming projects dev team!!

Just wanted to say I love Our Life and I'm thankful it exists. Thank you so much! I love the little world you created and all the people in it. Especially Cove! This game makes me so happy!

Just poping in to say hi and that ilu guys ^^, remember to take care of yourselves!

Hi!! I just wanna thank you for creating such an amazing game. Our Life is one of the few dating sims I’ve found that let’s me be a male mc, it’s really hard to find dating sims that let me be gay. Our Life is my new favorite dating sim to just sit down and playthrough whenever I’m having a bad day so I just wanted to let y’all know how much I appreciate all you’ve done. 🤍

Fan from australia here

Just wanted to reach out and let you know how important this game has been to me. I came across it at a really rough time ( that I’m still going through ) and it’s been one of the things that’s driven me to get up and out of bed sometimes.

This game and cove both hold a very special place in my heart and I can’t wait to see more of him in the DLC and Step 4

Much love ♥️

I know this isnt exactly the main focus of the game, but i really love how we can customise the mc personality wise! This is the first time i've played a game like this where the mc actually does and says exactly what I would do and say in certain situations and its such a breath of fresh air!! It's also so cool how the other characters can pick up on it!!

Cove Holden saved 2020 (my 2020 anyways) I would die for him

Sorry for this being out of the blue, but after playing through Our Life I wanted to thank you for the experience. I don’t know if I’ve ever played a game that has made me cry happy tears TWICE lol. It’s beautiful, scenic, inclusive, and absolutely amazing..have a great rest of 2020 and I honestly cannot wait for the rest of it :,) (ps. The ending song is stuck in my head)

I think you guys might've ruined visual novels for me forever. I'm not sure I'll be able to play another without comparing it to Our Life and I know if I do that I'll be disappointed every time because of how amazing it is. I bought the DLCs before playing the base game it's one of the best impulsive purchases I've ever made

Thank you so much for making our life! It's my favorite visual novel ever and I just can't articulate how much being able to just be honest with my responses instead of going for whatever would make the love interest happy means to me? I reccomended it to evry friend I have that plays visual novels because this is the best one I've ever played!

Just wanted to say that I absolutely adore this game! The childhood friends tropes is my favorite thing and this game delivers! Cove is the sweetest thing, infact all the boys are good boys. Super excited for all upcoming dlcs!

Hi, I just want to thank you for making such an amazing game like Our Life. Tbh, I was following the game’s development for a while, but me and my family moved away from my childhood town just a few days before release, so I really connected to this game. You all did amazing!

hey just wanted to know that i completely loved ol: b&a and it was so good and love cove more than i’ve liked any fictional character, it’s now my comfort media. thank you so much

hi i just wanna say i really enjoyed all of the representation in our life b&a! there were characters with a lot of different body shapes, pic characters, lgbtq+ characters, and you get to choose your own pronouns and sexuality!!! so tysm!!

This isn't a question, I just wanted to say that Our Life is incredible. Ever since I finished it, I've been looking for other visual novels to play so I don't play OL so often that I start memorizing the lines before all the DLC comes out, but I keep coming back to it. It's really one of a kind, I think you all ruined other visual novels for me because I haven't enjoyed another VN like I have this one since I read it ❤.

i think our life b&a is the first game where i felt like cove loved me, not the character i play as which is really nice for someone with kinda low self esteem so THANK YOU

I’ve been playing Our Life practically nonstop since yesterday. I just want everyone who worked on it to know how much the LGBTQ inclusivity means to me. As a closeted trans ace guy in an unsupportive household, I can’t emphasize how much of a comfort this game has been to me. Everything about it is so wholesome and heartfelt. I’m excited to see what other games you make in the future 💙

- A demibiromantic ace transgender man who may or may not have cried over the option to be myself in a game for the first time ever

Csn i just say i really appreciate how you handled MC deciding to use they/them at different stages. Mainly because alot of games don't pay much attention to the body the mc was assigned at birth if they player chooses nonbinary like it does with male/female. And it was just nice to be able to play an mc who just thought gender was kinda 'meh' for them but still felt good about the body they were born with (like myself). I guesd it boils down I'm really appreciative of the hard work it must've taken for you to make all those options possible & still have them matter.

I just wanted to thank you all for Our Life. My mental health hasn't been in a good place recently and it has become my favorite form of escapism/way to cheer up. It's idyllic setting and fantastic characters are such a good way to wind down, I love it. Also, I've been dreading 2021 due to classes starting and general stress, but the DLC and your next project have given me something to actually look forward to :). I'm so excited for them and now I actually have a reason to be happy that it's 2021. Sorry if this message is a bit weird, I just wanted to thank the team for their hard work and for creating something so incredible <3

I've gotta say this is one of the most repayable games I've ever played, if not the most. Usually after i do a playthrough or two of a game i have to wait awhile before playing again otherwise it feels stale. But i haven't had that problem with our life because of the sheer ammount of player agency. Everyone who works on tbe game should feel incredibly proud of themselves because you've created something amazing.

I just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. I'm sure you get this a lot, but it really pulled me out of a mentally tough spot in my life. So thank you.

who needs therapy when you have our life: beginnings and always? haha no but seriously this game is my comfort game, and even though i can’t join your patreon at the moment please know i am always supporting you and i am so excited to see everything you have in store! everyone who works on the games is so so talented

All DLCs have nice content. 😡😡

And I love them all!!💗💗💗💖💖💖💕💕💕

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #ourlifeba #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

[glassartpeasants]

I’m Sorry

Shigaraki x Reader

Warnings: Angst, like REALLY ANGST

A/N: I came up with this at work, i literally wrote down an entire plot to a story in about 30 minutes. I don’t know if i should feel proud or ashamed

~~~

You sat in your car sighing heavily as you put the seat down to look up at the stars, since you had opened your sunroof. Your arms going behind your head to create a make shift pillow as you waited for your boyfriends response.

Tomura Shigaraki, Leader of the League of villains was your boyfriend, and god did you love him. You loved him more then anything else in the world. But for some reason it felt like he was ignoring you. You look at the text your sent and just stared at it wondering if you said something wrong. You scanned over it again realizing he just hadn’t opened it yet.

You grab the necklace that was hanging around your neck and fiddle with it between your fingers. The metal reminding you of when he officially asked for you to be his.

The necklace was a symbol of devotion to one another. You always wore the necklace cause it made you feel butterflies every time you looked at it. Shigaraki always wore his too. It was so romantic,

Well it was romantic.

You had noticed recently that he stopped wearing it, or forgetting. You didn’t mind at first cause everyone’s forgetful sometimes but it did bother you when it became a regular thing. He’d always say he left it on his nightstand or took it off when he was going to bed. These were all rational explanations but he didn’t even bother to put it back on. It felt like you guys were drifting apart, which ripped a hole right through your heart.

Not to mention every time you went into the hideout, everyone gave you looks of pity. You don’t know why they did but you weren’t gonna question it. You refused to believe that Shigaraki would do anything to hurt you.

~~~

After your little session in the car you had gone grocery shopping for the League, something you would do often. They gave you a list of food they wanted and you got it for them.

You packed up all the groceries in your car and drove towards the building. You smiled all the way there. They didn’t know you were coming it was going to be a suprise! Oh won’t Shigaraki be happy!

You park outside the building and as you got out you see a lady coming out of the building you’ve never seen before. Normally you wouldn’t mind someone like that but...

She had Shigaraki’s hoodie on.

“Hey wait miss! Can i speak to you?” You said running up to her.

“Oh of course, what do you need?”

“Um i was wondering where you got the jacket from? I really like it.” You lie, you wanna know why this woman has your man’s jacket on, but you wanna hear what she has to say first before you go ape shit.

“Oh its my boyfriends! Isn’t it cool! That’s not the only thing he got me either, he gave me this necklace as well. He told me that as long as i have this on, it would show how much i love him. Isn’t that romantic!” Your heart shattered in your chest. You couldn’t believe it. No you wouldn’t, he said he only loved you. How long as this affair been going on? You needed more answers.

“That’s super awesome! How long have you guys been dating?” You smile holding back your tears and the burning urge to scream out of your chest.

“Almost 1 year!” She was so happy, could you tell her? Would she even believe you? She seemed even more happy then you been for the part 2 months, she seemed to be everything you weren’t.

Long hair, curvy, not an inch of skin imperfections, and lets not forget how much bigger her chest was compared to yours. She was everything a man could ever want. Hell she was there for most of your relationship, you guys have been dating for a year and 4 months.

“IM so happy for you! I have to go but i hope to see you later!” You lie through your teeth, you never wanted to see her again.

She drove off while you open the doors to the building looking down as tears streamed your face, your lungs burning with the need to scream and sob.

You open the door to the main room where Shigaraki sat with, Dabi, Spinner. Toga, and Twice. Your arms shaking as you could feel everyone staring at you.

“(Y/N) what brings you here?” Spinner asked before you pushed past him, you grabbed the necklace from off your neck, pulling it off letting bits and pieces of the chain to fall onto the floor. You throw the necklace at Shigaraki before slapping him across the face.

“How fucking dare you! Your such an inconsiderate piece of shit! You thought i wouldn’t find out?! Was she good huh?! Was she worth it?!” Your screams could e heard through the entire building, everyone’s eyes on you as you screamed at their leader. Shigaraki’s eyes were wide, you could see it behind father.

“I-”

“Don’t say a thing! I should have never agreed to be your girlfriend! Was it because she had a better body then me?! Did she satisfy your fucking needs?!” Your rage was outstanding as more tears streamed down your face, the pain of knowing your supposed love of your life was going around with other women. Shigaraki said nothing as he took the screams, his eyes soon looked uninterested and bored, which only fueled your fire.

“You know what fuck you, i wish i never met you. Enjoy that bitch cause im done!” You only cry more as you ran out of the room and out of the building, getting into your car and driving off.

Shigaraki didn’t move an inch as trying to keep his composure. But on the inside he was shaking. He was going to break it off he promised! He was going to the next time he saw her, why couldn’t you have come a little later? Why did you just show up damn you!

Your words cut like knives into Shigaraki’s skin, as the image of you crying kept replaying in his head.

“Nice job Handman.” Shigaraki turned his head towards the burnt male.

“IT’s not your place to talk so shut the hell up.”

“It’s not your place to talk either, must suck knowing the girl that would have taken a bullet for you left you. But can’t say i didn’t see this coming.” Shigaraki stayed silent. He didn’t want to say anything he just wanted to figure out a way to make you come back.

~~~

1 month later

Ice cream.

As stereotypical as that sounds, ice cream had become your best friend for the past few weeks. You just ate your heart away, not mentioning that you threw up everything you ate.

After your fight with Shigaraki you blocked him on everything. His number? Blocked. His gamer profile? Blocked. Everything was blocked.

You had even moved to another part of town, he knew where you lived so you just deiced to up and leave, your lease was over soon anyways. You thankfully found another apartment. It was small but it was perfect for you.

You’ve watched the news a few times looking for any sign of Shigaraki and his plans. But nothing occurred.

“Aw shit-” You ran to the bathroom as fast as you could about to throw up everything you ate that day.

~~~

“Well fuck.” You look down at the home pregnancy test. A positive home pregnancy test.

“What do i do now?” You sat down on the bathroom floor looking up at the ceiling. You liked kids so having on shouldn’t be a problem right? 

But the fact that it was your cheating ex’s is the problem...

“No! I will not think about that crusty rat anymore! I don’t need him to be happy i have everything i need right here!” You say to yourself as you get up off the bathroom floor.

“I will take care of this baby and I’ll be the best mother that their could possibly be!” You hype yourself up as smile to yourself. He may be Shigaraki’s child ut that doesn’t mean you can’t love your kid. You would love the kid to the ends of the earth, and no cheating ex will stop that.

~~~

Shigaraki laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He couldn’t help it, he’d actually lost you.

He tried contacting in in every form possible, once he realize you blocked his number. Once he called from a payphone only to find out you changed your number as well.

He broke off ties with the other girl, hoping it would bring you back. Which it didn’t. 

Now he was alone again, the feeling of emptiness crept back up from the depths of his mind as his bed was cold. Your body no longer there to warm it. It ate him alive, the realization that he would never feel your fingertips brush through his hair again or the comforting words you said that put him to sleep.

His thoughts were his own worse enemy, he hated how much that fateful day replayed in his head. Over and over again until it corrupted his everyday life.

His bitterness was soon taking over. The madness that was Tomura Shigaraki slowly crept into his thoughts. Corrupting them, warping his mind making it seem like you were in the wrong not him.

He couldn’t bare to handle the insufferable guilt that he felt so he occupied himself with work. Running the LOV to escape the fractured pieces of his mind.

Within 3 months you were no longer plaguing his mind.

~~~

We skipping to when reader give birth

As you laid down in the hospital bed with your newborn child in your hand you couldn’t help but tear up. 

You were 100% sure that your little girl was going to look like her dad, hell she even had the same eyes and mole. 

But you couldn’t dwell on the fact she didn’t have a single feature of yours yet all you could think about was the amazing smile she gave you as soon as she saw you.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest little thing.” You cooed at the baby as she giggled at you. She reached her little chubby baby hands at you and grabbed your nose. You chuckled before giving her a kiss on the cheek as you sung her a little lullaby in your arms.

~~~

2 Years later

You watch the TV as the war keeps going on. Fighting and war is all people seem to do nowadays. You were afraid, your not even scared to admit it. After hearing about Shigaraki and learning that He’s now the leader of a huge army made you very scared for your daughter. HE may not know she exists but it still scares you.

You sigh at the Tv before getting up and putting on your jacket getting ready to pick up your daughter from your parents house.

You step out of your door and lock it before going down to your car. Putting your purse in the passenger seat as you buckled up and started the car before pulling out on the road.

Little did you know someone was watching...

~~~

“Pwease! pwetty pwease!” Your daughter whined trying to convince you to let her play on the swings near your parents house. You looked at your daughter as she gave you the puppy eyes.

“Fine, your lucky i love you so much.” You daughter squealed as she ran to the swing and waited for your help.

You laugh as you put your daughter in the baby swing and push her a little bit. Her baby blue hair moving along with the motions. You were right when she got her appearance from Shigaraki but she had your facial features.

‘At least she got something from me’ You chuckled to yourself before you hear your daughters giggles grow quiet.

“Sweetie what’s wrong?” Concern wired in your voice. She kept on looking on the other side of the street, so you look too.

Once your eyes were scanning for a bit they blew wide open as a patch of similar blue hair caught your vision.

No it couldn’t be....you moved how did Shigaraki... how did he find you?

You pick up your daughter before quickly walking towards your car. You car was in eye sight before a gruff voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Is she mine....”You back stiffened as you felt his eyes burning into you. There was no escaping him at this moment.

“Mommy who’s that?” Your daughter asked, her little body trembling as she looked at the hooded man in fear.

“Shigaraki, take your hood off your scaring her.” Your voice stern, laced with poison as all the emotions waved over you once more.

“You know i can’t do that. Answer my question, is she mine.” His voice laced in the same poison you once spoke in.

“No shit sherlock.” You look at him as you hear him let out a huff of air.

“Can...can i see her...” His voice was weak as you saw his hand twitch. HE refused to look at you the entire time.

“You think I’d let you see her?! Shigaraki look at yourself! Your an S-Class villain! If people saw you with her they’d go after her! Im not letting you see her.”

“I know im a villain but she’s my kid too damnit!”

“You didn’t even know she existed! Why now huh?! Why after almost 3 years do you decide to show up now huh?!” Your voice shooting daggers into Shigaraki’s heart once more.

He happened to stumble by you guys on accident, he was walking home from getting a new game when he heard your voice. It may have been years but he could always remember your lullaby you use to sing him to sleep. He walked over to your location and dropped the game on to the cold concrete as he saw you holding a little girl in your arms.

His crimson eyes widen as he stared at the exact copy of himself. There was no way, how could you not have told him?

“Let me guess you accidentally saw us and now you want to be with me again?!” You screamed at him but immediately stopped when you heard sniffling coming from the little girl in your arms.

“Hey, Hey its okay Sayori, mommy’s just a little angry that’s all, im sorry for screaming.” You say as your run your fingers through her hair.

“Please...just...can i not even look at her.....” You could hear it, the pain in his voice. The tiniest part inside you begging you to give him another chance but the realization of having to protect your daughter over through your love for him.

“No. Shouldn’t have cheated. Not going to let my baby be in harms way because her father can’t seem to keep his dick in his pants.” You turn around and walk away leaving Shigaraki at the playground as you drove off.

Shigaraki felt his soul leave his body as his knees gave out. He started to sob uncontrollably. The once dormant flashbacks of your heartbroken face now replayed in his mind once again. 

Hiccuping as his sobs became much more inaudible. He felt like shit, the thought of his turning up like his father blew his mind as it only added to the pain. Images of what could have been a happy family replay in his head as he could just imagine a world where he has you by his side and his daughter in his arms.

#mha tomura #tomura shiragaki #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x y/n #shigaraki tomura #Shigaraki #mha angst #bnha angst #shigaraki tomura x reader #tomura shigaraki x reader

[zmayadw]

Hello :) 

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“  I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“  Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“  „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“  „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused.  „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“  I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“  „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“  Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“  „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a  cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

#duskwood #duskwood dan #fanfic