#im just tired guys | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fatuismooches · 4 months

Text

At the beginning of your relationship with Dottore, there had been numerous times when he had tried to leave you, or rather, attempt to force you to leave him in the Akademiya. Ignoring you, snapping at you... most notably literally kicking you out of the dorm (to waking up and nearly stepping on you, as you had decided to knock out right at the door.) Merely because he still had difficulty believing he was loved by you, despite having known you for years. It took much time but, eventually, your feelings finally clicked in that genius head of his.

However, uncharacteristically enough, there was one time you debated on whether you should leave Zandik. Only one time. And he had found out. If only you had been more careful.

It happened during the later stage of your illness when your ability to do many basic tasks had been stripped from you, leaving you reliant on Zandik for many things. You felt very guilty, for making him so do much work for both himself and you, but there wasn't much you could do about it, being the way you were now. Did you tell your lover about this? No, of course not.

But today, today would just be another regular day of what you had accepted to be your new life. However, you had noticed in the morning he seemed rather irritated, but you had no chance to ask him about it since he had to leave for class. You wondered what that was all about. (You, somewhere in the depths of your mind thought. You were continuously being a burden on the knowledge-driven scholar, no wonder he'd be irritated.)

When he returned to the dorm, you could tell that the foul mood still remained. Though, you could not understand what had caused it. He was perfectly fine last night, something must have happened after you fell asleep... As you watched him, the words "welcome home" could not seem to come out as they usually did, especially when he had not even acknowledged you yet, only emptying his bag with all of his books and other tools. You swallowed nervously, wondering how you were going to go about this when he spoke.

"Where?"

"Huh?"

"Where do you plan to go?" You were understandably confused by this seemingly random question.

"Um... nowhere?" A nervous smile made its way to your face, as Zandik only gave you a blank look, before carefully unfolding a piece of paper, and reading it over once more, no emotion on his face. Which, was already quite alarming for you, because Zandik was the kind of person who always had a hint of annoyance written on his face. He then turned the paper to face you and you squinted, reading the contents.

Oh. You instantly recognized what it was. It was a form that one had to fill out if they wanted to move out of the Akademiya's dorms.

When you said you felt guilty for everything, you meant it. Meant it to the point you worried if you were still good enough for him, if you had become annoying, a bumbling nuisance that had become more of a chore rather than a partner. It worried you, and you couldn't help but think about it. What if you were right? What if he did feel all of those things? Then maybe, maybe you should relieve him of this burden. You. Then, he could continue to pursue his goals, without the added hindrance of taking care of you.

It wasn't something you were set on yet, more like something you mulled over in your head. But you had filled out the potential moving out form tentatively just in case you decided to go through with it. Ah, you probably had shoved it in your bag along with your many missing assignments, and Zandik must have found it after trying to check your homework... But now, your lover was staring holes into you, expecting an answer.

"Well, I- I didn't mean it. It was... just in case," you were just spewing words at this point because you really had no defense. After all, how do you explain to your roommate of many years that you were going to move out and disappear without telling him?

"Just in case," the scholar repeats. "Just in case..." And then Zandik laughs. At what? You're not sure, because you've only seen him laugh at other people's foolishness, or in scorn and bitterness. It's a bit unsettling, seeing him act this way, but you have no time to think about it before the paper is torn right in half twice and then abandoned in the trash bin.

"No." Well... alright then.

"Za-"

"No, no no no. How utterly absurd. Ridiculous. You are not going anywhere." The way he says it simultaneously sounds like an order to you yet also an attempt to reassure himself of your impossible departure. You wondered if he interpreted your reason for leaving as something more... drastic.

"Hey-" You stand up, hoping an embrace would calm his nerves, but he begins to pace around. Now, this wouldn't be unusual, he tends to do this while he's ranting or deeply thinking about his research but obviously, it's different this time.

"Leave? No," Zandik scoffs to himself, "the possibility is nigh on impossible. There is no need to plan for such lengths, I shall make sure it doesn't come to that." When he finished mumbling to himself, you tried to interject before his gaze snapped back to you.

"And you. You, how dare you go behind my back and do such a thing? Do you think me incompetent? Do you think me a senseless fool that I would allow you to do this?"

"..."

"I find this quite tasteless, especially after how much you parroted about 'always being by my side' or 'never leaving'. Or have you finally shown your true colors? Leaving me after-" Zandik cut himself off because the words he was going to say next shouldn't be said out loud. Leaving him after he's already obsessed with you, when he's already in love with you and would go mad without your presence. But then all he could feel was your arms around him and your face buried in his chest.

"Zandik please, I'm sorry," your voice was but a whisper. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything like that." Zandik's hands itched to hold you back, but he restrained himself, needing to hear your reasoning.

"I don't want to leave you, I really don't. I love you! So... that's why I filled that form out. Because I... am scared of burdening you too much. I know how you are. I know you want someone who is useful, w-who can be of assistance in all kinds of ways, not someone who is dead weight. So I... I don't want you to force yourself to- ow!" Your increasingly pitiful dialogue was interrupted by a flick to your forehead and the clicking of a tongue.

"Fool..." he moved his hand to rest on the top of your head. "You can be quite intelligent, but the reasons for your stupidity can be headache-inducing sometimes. Now that you've said all of that, has it clicked how idiotic it sounds?" Though your partner's words sounded harsh, his tone was noticeably softer. You could only cast your gaze downward as he sighed.

"I too wonder why you do not take your own advice. Were you not the one who said to... 'talk things out', before jumping to conclusions? So why have I not heard of this?" (The phrase feels out of place and rather disgusting on the man who normally refuses to hold a conversation on anything other than research, but he forces it out for your sake. Unfortunately, he can also hear your sing-song voice in his head as he replays the words.)

"Because... it's dumb, like you said. I shouldn't waste your time anymore..."

"I usually do not entertain dumb inquiries but... you are an exception. My assistant's questions must always be clarified." And as his lover, your troubles must always be assuaged, but that part was left unsaid, although you knew what he meant. "Yes, your usefulness was a great help, but I couldn't care less about that right now. I care about you, and if taking on extra responsibilities happens to fall under that feeling, then so be it. I don't care," Zandik said bluntly. Was it elegant? No. Was it truthful? Yes. It made your cheeks warm a bit.

"Well... thank you for the honor," you couldn't help but crack a tiny smile as Zandik only mumbled something incoherent before pushing you back to bed. Ah, you were feeling a little drained from all of that.

"Now that all that is sorted out, and that hopefully every inch of that nonsense has left you, I suggest you go to sleep quickly, unless you want to be kept awake by the sounds of my latest experiment." You only giggled at your boyfriend. He's unkind... in a kind way if that made sense. But before you could be whisked away to the land of dreams, Zandik spoke once more.

"[Name]."

"Mhm?"

"...Do not try to leave me ever again."

"...I know, Zandik."

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #divider by cafekitsune #another idea i came up with at 1 am (that seems to be the time my mind wont stop working unfortunately)#u dont understand im SO delusional abt them... sorry guys... f-fragile reader #im literally so tired rn ughhh... wah i just want dottore to cuddle me!! (i need to fix my sleep schedule)#but wow this is pretty indulgent huh!#dottore x reader #idk if i should put this in the tags but im feeling bold

682 notes · View notes

npd-goro-akechi · 3 months

Text

I dont like how often Ill see people say that Akechi "didnt ever" hate Joker, that hes always liked Joker, because I think a lot of the appeal of their relationship comes from how Akechi simultaneously loves and hates him, and insisting that he only feels one or the other - I think - kind of takes away from that. Why? Why cant it be both? Why cant he absolutely despise Joker for making him feel inferior, for getting in the way of everything he has ever set out to do. Why cant he be angry at how now of all times he finds someone who can keep up with him and understand him? And why cant all that be true, and how he likes Joker for being everything he couldnt, for being a hero he could only wish to be, for, like him, never straying from his morals and convictions? As I said before, I feel like not understanding this mix of love and hate undermines their relationship. But I also think it takes away from Shido and Akechi's relationship, too. Shido is Akechis father, and despite EVERYTHING, Akechi still does want that praise and admiration from him, he still wants to be cared for by his family. The closest people to Akechi are Joker and Shido, and he has a love/hate relationship with BOTH, and thats important because if the basis of those two relationships are the same, we can start looking at what the differences are. Despite Akechi having such turbulent feelings towards both, the two relationships are so different, you can easily see the mutual respect and understanding and agency Joker and Akechi share when compared to Shido and Akechi. Insisting that Akechi only feels either love or hate towards either, or insisting that Akechi ONLY has a love/hate relationship towards Joker takes away from his character and the importance of both of these relationships and their effect on Akechi's character Anyway... hope that made sense. Im just rambling thoughts I've never had time to write down before and also this is just firmly my opinion! I will not start hunting down someone just because they said akechi only hates or only loves joker lets all be civil thank you goodnight

#persona 5 #p5r #persona 5 royal #goro akechi #shuake #akeshu #If I worded anything weirdly sorry Im tired :(( Im just a guy dont blame me #p5 meta

497 notes · View notes

beaulesbian · 4 months

Text

im just noticing some similarities

#something something all bark no bite bc they love luffy so much already #zolawlu #lawlu #zolu #zolaw #bc of reasons #mine #one piece #gif:op manga #i just need more for this ridiculous ot3. the 2 swordsmen who would do anything for luffy #2 captains and the first mate/ protector #the chaotic zolu duo and one fondly annoyed guy who gave up on trying to explain logic to them #the three very aro and/or ace coded characters- im taking them and putting them all in a qpr polyship #so they can cuddle and fight and have some good reassuring hugs. but also the devotion ! the fate etc etc good night im tired #rlly bad and weird day here so im just thinking about these instead..

536 notes · View notes

garnetluxray45 · 2 years

Text

i feel my soul as bare as the sand

constantly gaping for something to tie it back

every moment, it pangs, crying for something

anything

and yet

here we are

#vent #screaming #im just tired guys

1 note · View note

createandconstruct · 6 months

Text

Thinking about Peter's absolute cry of anguish after the final boss battle when he finds Harry unresponsive. Thinking about how all he can say is I'm sorry. Thinking about the fact that in Peter's head it was him at May's side sobbing I'm sorry. Thinking about how "with great power comes great responsibility" can never be separated from the guilt Peter feels. Thinking about how that guilt extends to May. How it extends to Ben. How it cripples Peter so much that he tells Miles that he can't do this again. Thinking about Peter's voice as he'd begged Harry to fight - pleaded with him to not make him do this. Thinking about how when consumed with the symbiote Peter had screeched out I'm the hero, I don't get saved! Thinking about how that's not just pride, how that's not just responsibility, how it's guilt. How it's always been Peter and the weight of the world, the life of his loved ones, and their blood on his hands. And now it's Harry's and Peter just breaks. Always the hero, he's done the right thing, but this time it's the last straw. His best friend. The last sacrifice Peter Parker can take...

...and it's then... that Miles saves him.

#peter parker #miles morales #marvel's spider man #harry osborn #insomniac spider man #spider man 2 ps5 #guys the ending blew me away it was so good #I am so tired and overworked but i want to write for this game so badly holy fuck #I just cANNOT get over Yuri's voice acting in that final cutscene is fucking 'harry im sorry' and then his absolute y e l l of pain #aND i DIDNT GET SPOILED THIS TIME SO I WAS LIKE Oh fuck Dont do this to him #like Miles is fucking incredible idgaf #Miles did what Spider-man could never do: Save Peter #spider man 2 spoilers #spider man 2 ps5 spoilers #i just keep thinking about and watching the ending im forever changed

611 notes · View notes