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scudslut · 20 days

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too sweet

daryl x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, mdni

a/n: okay, is this like the song? IDK i listened to it on repeat tryna decipher shit and come up with a good plot but i think i got a little lost in the sauce, or maybe im just being mean to myself🫢 ANYWAY I HOPE YOU LIKE IT ANON BYEEE🤍

you two never got along, never saw eye to eye.

years you’d known each other and all it ever did was reveal those differences all the more. highlighting them in bold letters for you to gaze at thoughtfully, but did that stop you?

it was a game you played, back and forth for so long that it became a routine. bicker and disagree till you were blue in the face and at each other's mercy for only the moon to bear witness too.

how many times had you dug into him for his habits. he smoked, kept to himself, he fought, but where had that ever gotten him? it was against your nature. a way of being that you genuinely could not understand.

and he’d be right there with you, matching each dig with his own. you were sweet, too soft. you pleased and walked among ice like you weighed as much as a feather, so predictable it was almost humorous. if you didn’t understand him, he was absolutely riddled by you.

“how do ya sleep at night? huh? don’ya ever get tired of keeping everyone so fuckin happy?” he’d mutter, all the while tearing articles of clothing off of your supple skin, one by one. skin that was pristine by default and worn as if only heaven itself had touched it.

“believe it or not, i actually want people to like me daryl. i like when i can make people happy. it’s not a fucking act,” you sneer back.

who was he to talk? he lived inside his own head. could go days… no, months by himself, not muttering a single word to a breathing soul. and you’d tried to reason, guide, and help, but if anyone knew daryl dixon, they knew he didn’t budge easily. he had to want it for himself and he simply didn’t see the glory in your people-pleasing nature, as he’d like to call it.

sure he saw the value in it, somewhat. but he liked things the way they were, as they were meant to be. if he disagreed with something he sure as shit wasn’t gonna prance around trying not to hurt no feelings.

“alright, you keep tellin’ yerself that, princess.”

so what was it that kept you two coming back for more? why was the tension and aversion between your minds so magnetic between your bodies? he wanted to snap those annoying, pretty lips shut with his. maybe if he kissed you hard enough something would click in that head of yours. maybe he could fuck some clarity into you.

his fingers would rub fast circles over your clit, watching you keen and moan into the pillow beneath you, “how’s that princess? good enough for ya? hm?” he’d mock, “faster? slower?”

“god, would you shut up already?” you tried to sneer only for it to come out as a breathy whine, adding fuel to his pride and smirk across his face. your lips crashed into his in an attempt to diminish it but it was right there, now pressed up against your face, and fuck, why was that so hot? why was his rugged stubble, his long hair kissing your shoulders, and his broad, strong body so infuriatingly sexy to you? muscles built from years of fights, kills, and hunting. you didn’t like it… but you did.

“fuck, i’m gonna-“ you cried to him softy.

“nuh, uh. not yet pretty girl.”

his belt was loud throughout the quiet room. your eyes were squeezed shut in pleasure but you heard the familiar clanks and zips, and then you felt his weight above you — warm and spicy. it pulled you so far and close that you sucked him in before he even got his pants all the way off.

“fuckin’ christ girl,” he groaned, snapping down to meet your hips flush. it was rapid and hot, both of you pouring all your frustrations into each push and pull. frustrations with each other, frustrations with yourselves that you liked this so fucking much.

he fucked you deep and hard like his body hated you, but somehow kissed you so tenderly through it all. his tongue massaging and tangling with yours as if you created his oxygen for him.

“so fucking sweet, princess, y’know that?” he whispered against you, “no good fer me.”

he was telling himself that; convincing himself and you knew it. your body rolled to meet his quickly, feeling every gooey, warm muscle against your skin and drooling over it, “more.”

as if to prove a point he slowed down, pulling out till just his tip was caught at your entrance, and then would thrust in, hard. over, and over, and over until you were singing his name and muffling it with his neck. warm and spicy.

“ya like that? thought ya wanted faster?”

he knew he was walking a line, but what had you guys ever been but a definitive line? a clear distinction of night and day, the only time ever seeing eye to eye being these moments. as one.

you were sent over the edge instantly, spasms of pleasure rolling languidly through your body. the tight swelling of your cunt causing daryl to finish with you and fuck if he didn’t cum the prettiest, sexiest way you had ever seen. straight out of your dirty, teenage fantasies and above you to soak in while you wreathed along with him.

he groaned and cursed into your chest, riding out each wave until he was shaking above you and so sensitive he couldn’t help but hiss as he pulled away, flopping down beside you.

a cigarette was quickly fished from his strewn jeans pockets and placed between his lips, lighting up and rolling back into the pillows lazily. every ounce of mending and merging you had just done was palpably tossed out the window, your scoff loudly filling the silence.

“that will kill you one day, hope you know that,” you muttered whilst gathering your clothes and slipping them on.

he didn’t bat an eye, nothing he hadn’t heard before from you and honestly, he didn’t really care. plenty of things in the world that’ll kill you, your naivety being one of them.

“lemme guess, gotta be up bright n’ early? tendin’ ta all yer charity cases?” he mused as he watched you head for the door. there had never been a night you’d spent together, probably would end up ripping each others faces off alone in room together for that long.

he didn’t get an answer, just an amused eye roll as you opened his bedroom door, “bye daryl.”

and then you were gone, quiet stomps heard as you floated up the stairs and he knew it would only be a matter of days before you were right back here, glued to his body and singing his name like you needed him to survive.

“figures,” he mumbled, taking a long drag from his smoke and smirking softly to himself.

what’s that saying? opposites always attract?

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cryonme · 1 year

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𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐀𝐭 𝐔𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏

—graham dunne x fem!reader

—summary: the story of you and graham dunne was never simple, but his love for you never faltered.

— word count: 2.7k

—tw: addiction, implied drugging, alcohol, cursing, reader says she "doesn't wanna be here anymore", very obvious signs of mental illness, the works...

—a/n: so... I did not intend for this fic to be this long or this sad, but here we are. I'm breaking it into two parts so its easier to read, part two is coming shortly!! I apologize for how sad this is lol but I promise its a happy ending story! also, sorry for how I wrote daisy! she's my girl and I love her, it was just for the plot I swear! this is the first fic I've posted in about 6 months so im rusty, please be kind! and please, don't read if anything listed in the triggers is going to upset you, I want you all happy and comfortable! XO

(flashbacks in italics)

Nothing was ever Daisy’s fault, was it?

At least, that’s what Graham Dunne thought when he got a call from Karen saying his girl was wasted at a party with Daisy attached to your hip.

She should have known what you were struggling with, she should have known that you couldn’t handle a party, she should have known this wasn’t what you needed. Daisy Jones should’ve fucking known.

To be completely fair, they really all should’ve known. You’d been around since day 1. Everyone knew better, Daisy just happened to be the red corvette.

“You can’t keep doing this, my love.” Camilla whispered oh so gently, holding your hair back from your face, pressing a cold rag to your neck.

It was a small gig, at some shitty bar called Tony’s in Pittsburgh. The band always had a couple beers and maybe a shot or two before a show but you had begun to need more. You snuck vodka into your water bottles and begged the bartenders to sneak you a couple free extras by pulling your top down and leaning over the bar, using your forearms to push your tits up.

It worked every time. Pigs.

“Can do whatever I want.” You slurred, cheek pressed to the toilet seat.

But damnit, you knew she was right.

Tony’s wasn’t the first time.

There was Rod’s, and The Ladie’s Room, and The Shiner Saloon, and some girl named Lisa’s 18th birthday party. It was becoming a pattern, everyone could tell.

You always went back to your house after a show. Your parents had been completely absent since you were 15, you never knew where they were. And after every show, their cars were never once in the driveway.

A safespace.

Billy would sit outside of the bathroom, head leaning against the door while Graham waited in the living room, arms crossed and head down, not wanting to listen to your cries and shakes of pain.

Eddie would retreat to the guest room, but he usually wouldn’t be able to fall asleep til he heard the click of your door next to his.

Warren would be passed out on the couch as soon as you all walked through the door, not that he didn’t care about you immensely, but the poor kid could just not stay awake if he was tired.

“I wanna go to bed.” You said.

Camilla sighed, “Are you sure you’re ready?”

You nodded and so did Camilla. She got up to get Billy like she always did, and he’d come and pick you up off of the bathroom floor, as he always did, and carry you to your room and lay you on the bed, letting Camilla make sure you’re comfortable, like she always did.

Graham would come in and ask how you’re doing, like he always did, and he’d make himself comfortable on your floor with throw pillows and spare blankets, like he always did.

But that night, after Tony’s, things changed.

“I can’t do this anymore, Graham.” You whimpered.

Fuck.

This was early days, Graham was still awkward as hell and didn’t know how to go about things like this.

“Do what?” He croaked, mustering up the courage to be there for you.

“This. I can’t live like this. I’m afraid I’m gonna kill myself.”

Graham was up in an instant, reaching for the doorknob. “Do you want me to get Camilla?”

You shook your head, “No, please. Just-” You wiped a tear from your cheek, “Will you just lay with me?”

“Anything.” Graham breathed as he settled into bed next to you. You immediately wrapped your arms around him, being too drunk to care about any awkwardness and Graham was thankful.

“We’ll get you out of this, promise.”

That was the last time anybody saw you drink anything besides a beer or two, following that was shirley temples and cherry cokes.

Nobody really knew the heaviness of addiction then, but they knew that you were happier, and that’s all that really mattered to them. You were even laughing at Warren’s jokes and Billy and Eddie’s lame bickering, everything felt okay.

“You don’t drink?” Karen had asked, the first time you properly met in California, while she was digging through the fridge searching for a beer. You shook your head, hoping you weren’t going to get some crazy reaction like you were a zoo animal in a cage like you got from most people.

She just nodded, a small smile playing at her lips as she pulled two coca cola bottles from the fridge, popping them open with her ring and handing you one.

“Cheers to that.”

You were sober enough to realize you were in love with Graham, and confident enough to tell him. And man, he could’ve exploded.

There was a celebration, at the house in Laurel Canyon, just the 7 of you.

Warren recalls later that Graham looked like he’d been dipped in sunshine and rainbows.

“Like he’d just smoked sunshine and been fucked by a rainbow. It was crazy, man.”

Well, almost.

You’d been around the band multiple times while they drank and it was never a problem. You’d have the first round of beers with them then tap out, but you always stayed and had fun, smoked a couple joints and cigarettes, never without a mocktail or coca cola in your hand. Sometimes, usually Karen or Camilla, someone would join you on the sober night, and that always felt really nice.

That night had felt different, you were scared.

“I’m gonna fuck him up Warren…” You said as you laid on the floor with the drummer as Down By The Seaside by Led Zeppelin played from the record player, Warren laughed.

“Yeah you are.” He said, his tone suggestive as he bumped his elbow with yours.

You rolled your eyes, fighting the heat creeping into your cheeks. “You know what I mean, man. I’m gonna ruin him.”

Warren had known you long enough and listened to enough of the songs you wrote to where he’d like to think he knew you pretty well.

And you never opened up out of the blue unless you were drunk.

“Have you been drinking?” He asked, not looking up from the ceiling. You scoffed.

“I still have a beer here and there, Warren.”

“You know what I mean, man.” He repeated your words back to you and you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“I’m going to bed.” You said and stood up, trying your hardest not to stumble or slur.

“Honey…” Warren started, pushing himself off of the floor to try to stop you.

“NO!” You whipped around, flipping your hair so forcefully it stung your face but you were quick to pull it back.

“Don’t fucking- don’t fucking do that, man!” You started, holding a hand up. “My own friends don’t even fucking trust me i’m just constantly babied! Do you know how that feels?”

At that point, Karen, Eddie and Billy had tuned in, being in the kitchen. Camilla and Graham must have been elsewhere, he had always confided in her like a sister.

“Hey–” Billy tried to interject with a hand on your wrist but you were quick to pull away.

“Huh?! Do any of you know how that feels?!” You were borderline screaming now, and everyone was speaking to you so softly, hands slowly trying to grasp you and it made you want to scream even louder.

“How dare you ‘ccuse me of something like that asshole?” You were beginning to slur your words, the tequila you’d snuck from Warren’s room starting to hit pretty heavily, making your eyes droop and words slur.

“Baby, please-” Karen started, making the move to grasp your arm but you turned and lost your balance, nearly falling but Eddie was quick to catch you, he held on tight and didn’t dare let go until you calmed down or Graham came back. Billy had left minutes ago to find him and Camilla, who had taken a walk so he could freely gush about his new girl without the chances of anyone else hearing.

“Need you to calm down, babe.” Eddie whispered, running a hand up and down your arm for comfort.

“None of you even care!”

Warren shook his head alongside Karen, both of them had squatted in front of you, doing their best to provide what you needed.

“That’s not true.”

“I fucking hate you all!”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I don’t wanna be here anymore!”

And then he said your name.

You froze.

He was gonna leave you, you were so sure of it. You worked so hard to be better for him and it didn’t work.

“No…” You whimpered and you swore you saw Graham break in front of your eyes.

“You can’t- you can’t see this.”

But he didn’t care. He knelt in front of you and Eddie and gathered you into his own arms, completely silent as he carried you to his room and you wanted to disappear into him so badly.

“‘M so sorry…” You slurred, and still he was quiet. You let him undress you and replace your pretty top and flared jeans with his own tee shirt and boxer shorts.

You watched as he changed into a similar outfit as you picked at your nails. “Graham, I-”

He sighed and placed his hands on either sides of your cheeks, placing a firm kiss on your forehead that only made you cry harder. You brought your hands up to grip his wrists, not willing to let go of the feeling of his lips on your skin.

“I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

Graham was silent again as he pulled you into his bed with him, covering you both with the large duvet.

“Not in the slightest.”

That night was really the last night anybody had seen you get drunk like that.

Then, Daisy Jones came along.

And you learned how to keep bad habits a secret.

Tequila and mints in the bathroom, water and cherry cokes with the band. A shot of jameson to fall asleep. Champagne to wake up, brush your teeth. A beer in the shower after lunch, leave the evidence in Warren’s room since there were hundreds of empty ones anyway.

It’s not like Daisy was teaching you one on one, you just started watching her, and you liked the way she got away with it.

No one told Daisy about your issue either, you could hold your own and you had asked them not to, so lips were sealed.

But it took everything in Graham and Billy not to tell her to tread lightly every time they saw the two of you sneak off on your own.

And now here was Graham Dunne, sitting in the driver's seat of the van outside of God knows who’s house, with Camilla in the passenger’s seat and Billy in the back. Moral support.

“Want us to come with you?”

Graham shook his head. “I need to do this alone.”

Billy scoffed, “I’m not gonna let you go in there with our two hot headed alcoholic rage sisters. Cam, you stay here.”

“Nope, you go I go. You two get our girl, I’ll handle Daisy.”

The three bickered a moment but finally settled on their plan. Graham and Camilla would take you, while Karen and Billy took Daisy, since the blonde girl drove.

“Fucking finally.” Karen exasperated as she saw her friends walk into the backyard of the party while trying her hardest to hold you upright.

“Where is Daisy?” Billy spat immediately, making eyes around the party. You had always been like a sister to him, in the way Camilla was to Graham, and he could’ve killed the redheaded girl in that moment.

“Beats me.” Karen said, passing off your deadweight into Graham, who was quickly supported by Billy. Your head lulled onto your boyfriend's shoulder, recognizing him as a source of comfort even in your inebriated state.

It made his soul ache.

“Is Simone here?” Camilla asked.

Karen shook her head, “Was. Split as soon as she and Daisy got into a fight. Offered to take this one” she nodded her head at you “home with her but I figured it’d be best if you guys came.”

Graham shook his head, “You made the right call, thank you.”

“Yeah, well uh, I sure as hell can’t drive. Got drunk as hell before even stepping foot in the backyard, soon as I saw (Y/n) I stepped in and called you guys immediately.”

“Do we need to get Daisy?”

“That’s a fight you sure as hell don’t wanna have. Yelled at me just for taking ‘her best friend’ away from her to get her some water.”

Billy rolled his eyes.

Graham and Billy began making their way out of the party with you slung around their shoulders, and Camilla walking arm in arm with a very drunk Karen who kept tripping over feet.

And suddenly red hair and sparkling eyes were in front of them.

“Ohhh no, what happened to my girl?” She tried to touch your face but Billy pulled you away, ready to say something before Graham spoke up, surprising everyone.

“Your girl, Daisy?!” His voice boomed, no doubt you’d be embarrassed if you were in any way conscious. “This is my girl, our girl.” He gestured to the rest of the group. “And I’d say it’s in your best interest to leave her the hell alone from now on.”

Graham was a mess when he got you home.

Daisy ended up at the house not too long after the rest, explaining she didn’t know the situation, apologizing profusely, informing them all you had been drinking for months. She told them in a sullen voice that you hadn’t been this bad last time she saw her, that she thinks someone must have done it to you.

Graham understood, he did. But he couldn’t look at Daisy. How could she let you out of her sight, to allow someone to do this to you? It made his stomach turn. Billy was next to his brother this time, in the living room, a hand resting on his shoulder, squeezing from time to time, and instead of standing Graham sat with his head in his hands, creating knots in his hair as he ran his fingers through it. Cam and Karen had you in the bathroom, after seeing the panic in Graham’s eyes they decided to take over that part, knowing it wouldn’t be easy for him to see. Warren stayed up, and Eddie didn’t retreat to his room, Daisy paced back and forth outside of the bathroom, biting her nails. Graham could hear it, it was driving him nuts.

“Would it kill you to be quiet for two seconds, Daisy?!” He groaned, running a hand over his red splotchy face.

Everyone knew that Graham was just upset and taking it out on Daisy, the red corvette, which wasn’t exactly fair, but they also knew better than to argue with Graham at that point.

“You know what, Graham?!” Daisy stomped into the living room, planting herself in front of the Dunne brothers with her arms crossed.

Graham didn’t look up.

“Hey, I’m talkin’ to you!” Daisy used her thumb and pointer finger to grip his chin and pull his face up to look at her and she immediately felt guilty at his tear stained cheeks and glassy eyes.

She sighed, and crouched before him.

“I know it’s hard, and I’m so, so sorry this is happening to her. But she makes her own decisions, Graham. No one could’ve stopped her.”

Graham nodded, but still wouldn’t look in her direction. “Will you go check on her, please?”

Daisy would later tell the story with a frown on her face, and she’d recall never being that scared for another person before, despite the smile she put on for Graham.

“I didn’t-” She took a breath, “I’d never seen it that bad before, at least not while I was sober. I thought she was going to die.”

Daisy retreated to yours and Graham’s shared room shortly after discovering she couldn’t stomach staying in that bathroom, deciding to make herself useful by getting the bed ready, fluffing the pillows and retrieving some fresh clothes for you to wear to bed, making sure she grabbed ones that smelled like your boyfriend. She dropped the clothes off in the bathroom, and passed along the message to Graham from Karen and Camilla that it was time to take you to bed.

This had been Billy’s job, since before The Six was even The Six, that’s how it went. But things had changed, Graham had grown, and it was his turn.

part two coming soon!

#graham dunne x reader #graham dunne imagine #graham dunne #daisy jones and the six #daisy jones and the six fanfic #warren rojas #eddie roundtree #billy dunne #daisy jones #karen sirko #karen karen #warren rojas x reader #eddie roundtree x reader #billy dunne x reader #simone jackson

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love-strawberry · 2 years

Text

i'm happy, isn't that great

summary : in which she's writing love songs and adopting cats with the love of her life.

pairing : harry styles x reader (past), tom holland x reader

warnings : language

author's note : here you go, part iii!!!! hope you all like it!!! <3

tagged : @0oolookitsme @qualitygiantshoepsychic @ellora-brekker

lose you to someone else i

lost you to someone better ii

masterlist

navigation

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liked by hazosterfield, robertdowneyjr, chrisevans and 4,629,915 others

y/n_ i love you tom, but you're an idiot <3

tagged tomholland2013

168,915 comments

username LMFAO

username HIS FACE AT THE END-

username he looks horrified in 3

zendaya ha! what an idiot

username and yet i still thirst for him

username he's so adorable!!

tomholland2013 you promised you wouldn't laugh :(

-> y/n_ consider this payback for eating my muffins last week

hazosterfield he's so stupid like how is he still alive?

username i love you, tom buttttttttt you're a massive dork. and stupid but cutely

samholland1999 lemme guess, he didn't listen to you when you said that he should use a guitar pick?

username i love everyone bullying tom 😌

lifeisahola yet he still looks so beautiful

username 💦💦💦

username i love him

username yes, this man right here my lord

username 🛐🛐🛐

username i cannot believe that this the man for whom i'd risk it all

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liked by y/n_, samholland1999, tuwaine and 4,629,179 others

tomholland2013 we have three cats now and here's how this conversation went

y/n : you know what better than one cat? two cats. and what's better than two cats? three cats :) me : ...

anyways, meet casserole (caz for short), marshmallow and cookie and yes, marshmallow and cookie are lovers 😌

tagged y/n_

168,258 comments

username i love them so much

username that's so y/n of y/n

username i would do that too tbh

zendaya pulling over rn open the fucking door

username i've only had caz, marshmallow and cookie for 28 minutes but if anything happened to them, i would kill everyone on this site and then myself

username marshmallow!!! and cookie!!! and ofc caz!!! i love so much my lord

hazosterfield y/n and tom who? marshmallow and cookie is the ultimate ship 🚢🚢

username AWWWWWWW

username imagine tessa playing with them

username caz looks so happy in that pic

robertdowneyjr perfect, i'll be over for dinner with susan to meet my grandchildren

y/n_ i love my babies 🦋🦋

-> tomholland2013 they love you too, im sure, they've been following you like mama cat since yesterday

username 💕💕💕

harryholland64 i'm coming over asap to meet my nephew and nieces

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liked by louist91, niallhoran, jefezoff and 4,829,926 others

harrystyles loved you once out now. hope you all like it x

145,629 comments

username my heart </3

username "i loved you once and i'm still dealing with it" ouch-

username "i look for you in everyone and search for myself in every mirror, i'm afraid i won't find anyone" stop making me cry

username y/n and harry </3

jefezoff ✨✨

username honestly, these songs are amazing!!

niallhoran ❣️🦋🤍

username wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow

username "called out your name and your silence answered it for me" woah

username the lyrics

billieeilish 💟💟

zayn beautiful song, h!!

username 😭😭😭

username i loved harry and y/n but anyone can see that she's so much happier with tom

username the bridge>>>anything else

username ehishsgsxmabsismahxjs

louist91 beautiful!!

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liked by tomholland2013, chrisevans, harryholland64 and 4,629,925 others

y/n_ "not good at being friends" out now!!! so so so fucking stoked to release this song, i hope you all like it!!! i would say that the inspiration behind this song is tom but i would be lying, so zendaya, the love of my life, this one is for you <3 ily

tagged tomholland2013

168,926 comments

username IM SCREAMING

username "so tired of just sitting at the opposite ends, guess we aren't just good at being friends"

username I FUCKING HOPE THAT I HAUNT YOUR DREAMS CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN TAINTING MINE SINCE LAST SUMMER ZHJFSMSJSMZKSKZO

username omg omg omg omg

zendaya AKAKKSHDHSKAKDHDJS I LOVE YOU BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU WITH TOM?!

username "sunlight on your eyes and i fell in love a hundred times"

username we went from "i stayed up all night looking at moon cause of you" to "you makes my nights with you feel so right"

username she went from writing songs about heartbreak to writing songs about love

tomholland2013 ouch... buT I'M SO PROUD OF YOU I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU

-> y/n_ hehe sorry and thANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU MORE

username yup, i want their love pls

samholland1999 so proud of sister-in-law <3

username "i used to think i'd never have the screen love but i feel like we're in a picture of our own"

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#social media au #social media imagines #social media fics #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland x singer!reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x fem #tom holland one shot #tom holland fluff #tom holland fake instagram #tom holland social media imagines #tom holland social media au #tom holland series #harry styles x ex!reader #harry styles x singer!reader #harry styles angsty #harry styles angst

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chronicsymptomsyndrome · 14 days

Text

Extended rant about being poor and disabled under the cut, not really worth reading I just needed to get it out.

Hope everyone’s having a decent day

Listen I’m disabled unemployable massively in debt and have exactly $0 in liquid funds and no sizable assets. Unless you count physical assets. Like I could sell my body I guess. Ugh. Anyway throwback to that one time like an hour ago when I at least had a iPad to use. It was from 2013 so I knew this day would come. Can’t believe it lasted this long. And I know I should be extremely grateful to even have a smartphone, but I cannot use my phone as a computer the way most people do. I cannot hold onto my phone that long. I can’t look at such a tiny screen that long. I can’t crane my neck down for that long. I can hold it up level to my eyes but I can’t hold my arm up that long either. It’s not practical or sustainable. Plus my smart phone won’t last forever. Then what will I do? Without access to the internet? Yeah yeah touch grass nobody had internet for millennia blah blah blah okay but now we do. Now it’s a basic necessity. You need internet to do pretty much anything adults need to do nowadays in order to be an active part of society. I agree it’s fucked up but it’s real. I cannot get to a library. I don’t have friends in walking distance (or any distance for that matter) I have no access to using the internet for more than a couple minutes at a time. Im writing this post in segments over the course of a whole day. I keep coming back to it because I can’t think about anything else. I legitimately don’t know how to remedy this situation.

Not that this is a remedy but I want to inflict suffering onto anyone that’s ever said money only causes problems or doesn’t buy happiness or the best things in life are free or any of that classist bullshit. Two hundred dollars is pocket change to so many people but a little refurbished tablet would change my life right now. I hope every billionaire lives long but suffers endlessly and unfathomably until they die.

Also I hope my dad and his wife are really enjoying their fully refurbished three story three bedroom two bathroom home complete with a sunroom a heated deck/screen porch (yes different from the sunroom) heated floors in every room a garage big enough for their two brand new cars a little Vespa & a whole workshop plus a cute little stone patio with a fucking water feature pond fountain thing that they don’t even see that much what with their practically monthly elaborate getaways and international vacations every year. Fuck I hope they are really fucking enjoying themselves. Meanwhile I have to decide if I want to cut back on food and medicine for a while to save up for a device I can access the internet on.

Anyway. Ignore this I’m just really fucking tired, sooooooo unbelievably fucking tired, of being poor and disabled. Big fucking deal I know I’m so far from the only one. I know I still have so much that some people don’t have. And I’m grateful. But…fucking hell. Poor and healthy would be fine. Poor and disabled but still employable would be fine. Disabled but financially stable would be fine. Disabled with adequate support systems would be fine. My piece of shit grandfather finally fucking off and dying and leaving me something to live on would be cool. I’d kill for any of these. But poor and disabled just feels like someone is beating the fuck out of me and every few minutes they stop for just long enough to help me up and let ms pull myself together and there’s a momentary glimmer of hope until they go right back to beating the fuck out of me. I feel like eventually I won’t be able to get up or pull myself together anymore. I don’t fucking know.

Anyway at least I have a place to stay!! At least I have something to eat!! I can make tea if I want!! My eyesight is going slowly enough that my glasses are still usable!! The fact that I even have glasses in the first place!! The fact that I have any clean water at all, even if it only stays hot for three minutes. I can still take a shower. I have books to read. There a lot of ways in which my body and mind have not yet let me down. Honestly how dare I complain about anything I guess??? I don’t fucking know how I’m supposed to feel

#rants & reflections #delete later #disability vent #disability rant #executive dysfunction #audhd problems #physical disability #neurological disability #autistic borderline #bpd mood #disability culture

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shit-sorry-fuck-mybad · 1 year

Text

TOP GUN F1 AU CAUSE IM TRASH

I am obsessed with my silly little au and I decide to make myself happy from time to time so

Maverick’s maiden win is complete chaos, but honestly it’s exactly what everyone expected

It’s the second race of the year, his second race with Ferrari

He was a little disappointed he didn’t win the first race but you know what they say, he’s not superstitious but the curse might just be a thing so he lets it go, maybe the universe was actually trying to help him for once

Quali has never been his strong suit, quali is about precision, maverick needs those other 19 drivers to fight, he needs room to improvise, he needs uncertainty, he needs battles, he needs to interact with others on track so that he can eventually beat them

Iceman is a fucking beast on quali, always has been, makes sense doesn’t it

Race day, Maverick is starting fourth, not what he expected but still good, it’s lights out and away he fucking goes

He’s like a man possessed, he can hear his race engineer giving him orders on the radio but he’s way too focused on his task, he knows his car, he tells them what to do… yeah they don’t appreciate that

Fighting Ice is the challenge he wanted

He knows what they say about him, ice cold, no mistakes, right? But maverick knows that this man is just like him, he’s desperate for victory, so when ice pushes, he pushes back

He crosses the finish line after almost causing maybe five crashes, ignoring several team orders and getting yelled at for ignoring said team orders, but he crosses the finish line as a race winner

Now… maverick knows Ice, everyone knows Ice, he’s a legend in the making or something like that, but they’ve never actually interacted

He puts his feet on the ground and Ice immediately grabs him by the shoulders, Mav still has his helmet on, Ice doesn’t, and he can see the anger and frustration in his eyes, he’s sweaty and tired but he still hold Mav tight as he demands an explanation

“What the fuck were you thinking Mitchell? That bullshit you just pulled could’ve gotten all of us killed” Mav soddenly becomes aware that everyone is watching them

He tries to act relaxed, like he isn’t being basically threatened by another driver, he smiles and then remembers he still has his helmet on, so he chuckles instead “But it didn’t”

Ice takes a step back, people don’t laugh at him, people are usually intimidated by his cold and slightly aggressive attitude, but this little bastard seems to be enjoying this shit “You’re dangerous, I don’t like that”

“if you don’t like dangerous then maybe you should’ve chosen a different line of work Ice… man” Maybe he’s delusional, he can blame the exhaustion of the race, but he thinks he sees a hint of a smirk in Ice’s face

“I won’t risk my life more than I already do because some cowboy like you decided to go suicidal mid race” and with that he walks away

Maverick watches him go and he knows, he knows that this is it, this is what everyone in this sport wants, someone that can fight them, someone that will do anything to understand them in order to beat them

Everyone wants a rival, Mav thinks he just found his, and he gets the feeling that Ice agrees

The media fucking loves it

“He tries to act relaxed, like he isn’t being basically threatened by another driver” what I’m trying to say is that Mav thinks it’s hot, he’s horny, he wants to fu—

I can’t write fanfiction so I do this instead, I think I’ll do one for the daggers cause like…. Come on it’s too good

Also someone called me out on the Leclerc and Verstappen parallels and like fuck you you are 100% right

Here’s the first part -> x

#don’t mind me continuing to make useless hcs for my au that is made for myself and like 50 other people at best #Mav is such a suicidal bastard like… HE GIVES OFF LECLERC VIBES OK?! he’s emotionally wrecked and he’s a demon on track #icemav #top gun #top gun f1 au #delete later #don’t know yet guys #probably won’t cause it’s my baby but idk #Pete Mitchell #Tom Kazansky

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kazamasthings · 2 years

Text

tekken characters react to you saying i love you

genre: fluff

characters: jin kazama, steve fox, reader

jin kazama

even though he was a shy person, jin still had his ways of showing affection. you noticed his absence and decided to go look for him. you found him pensive, on the balcony of the apartment.

"jin? babe? is everything ok?" you ask as you approach, but he doesn't answer, and you insist "jin?? jin kazama, are you listening to me???"

when he hears his full name, jin pronounces in a more melancholy tone than usual "the curse of the mishima blood will always be with me. I don't think we should be together anymore. for your sake."

"what are you talking about? why all of a sudden?" you asked confused.

"everyone close to me ends up hurt or killed. i don't want that to happen to you. i want you to have a happy life and away from such big problems. i would like to have a normal life too, study, work, have fun like a normal person, but that's impossible for someone like me. so I believe it's best to stay away." now jin's voice sounded even sadder, like someone who was about to cry.

"jin!! you know that nothing that happened is your fault! you couldn't help it even if you went back in time, so stop torturing yourself with those thoughts." no response, you continued "we know you have a good heart and are trying hard."

"good intentions aren't enough to solve my family problems. and that doesn't take you out of harm's way."

"it's my decision to stay and I won't leave you alone, jin. You can count on me for anything...I take the risks myself."

jin finally turns around and you can see the tired expression on his face "why do you have to be so insistent?" he asks raising an eyebrow.

"because I love you, jin" you hugged jin and immediately blushed when you realized what you just said. you felt jin's hand lift his chin, now you were hugging and making eye contact.

"I-i love... you... too... but I won't forgive myself if you get hurt because of me!

steve fox

you were in steve's room waiting for your boyfriend to come back with dinner, he's not the best cook but he's a really cute guy and he took care of your food. after some time, steve called you to go eat in the living room.. the smell was delicious!

"princess, this is a typical british dish. Bón appetit!" steve said trying to do a french accent which made you laugh.

"muchas gracias, cariño" after a few laughs and conversations, you started to eat. "it's delicious, steve!"

"yeah haha, I was surprised." steve looked at you and was suddenly thoughtful and far away. after a few minutes long seconds of silence, he asked "can I ask you something?" you said yes then he continued "isss how it feels to have a family dinner? well i don't remember having such a nice cozy dinner so i guess that's it."

"oh well..." you felt a little sad remembering your boyfriend's past but kept replying "it's more or less like this, but don't worry! we'll be doing it more often."

"we will. but it's kind of ironic, isn't it? I didn't have my parents present. my mother is a murderer who wants to kill me without caring about the fact that I'm her son. I don't know how to react. i would have a family..." steve stopped eating his delicious potato and returned to that thoughtful look.

"stevie, you were already prepared for this. your birth conditions were not in a loving environment, but you never needed her in the past, you don't need her now."

"yeah, I know, but realizing that you're alone is a little painful." Steve said with a small smirk because he knew how you would react.

"ALONE?! sTEVE FOX, I love you! can't you see?? you said indignantly.

"hahahahah I was just annoying you princess! let's stop talking about negative things." steve gave his biggest smile to say "...and i love you too!" the cuteness of your loved one made you smile.

"oh yes we can just stop talking and go straight to dessert" you said with a suggestive look

friends, im writing about my favorite characters 🥺 im already preparing the next one

#tekken x reader #tekken headcanons #tekken reactions #tekken headcanon #jin kazama headcanon #jin kazama #steve fox #steve fox headcanon

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stargazer0001 · 2 months

Text

there is something deeply wrong with me but I dont know what it is

like bestie im not talented im traumatized. Im not wasting a gift im trying to keep myself from plunging a knife in my chest and bleeding out in my bed. Like void, please shut the fuck up.

but then when other people vent to me, even if I TRY to care, I just dont. Like im sorry. I want you to feel better. But wtf am I meant to do. Like sorrows, sorrows, but I cant even deal with my own emotions what makes you think I can help with yours???????? And then I TRY. I TRY to help knowing that I cant, I TRY to care even though I dont, I TRY to make it known that I want them to feel loved and cared for, but nothing works. And then I feel like a piece of shit who deserves to rot away in a corner for all eternity!!!

Oh and speaking of rotting away, SCHOOL. I can't pay attention. Like if its not interesting I just zone out and start questioning my reality. And then im like 'wtf are we doing now'. Its actual torture what. And when I TRY to pay attention and actually LEARN I literally just end up drawing on my paper or my mind starts to wander. BUT THEN THE FUCKING THINGS MY TEACHERS ARE SAYING MAKE NO SENSE!! LIKE GIRLIE HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME THROUGH A THOROUGH STEP MY STEP PROCESS HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THIS. And then I DONT SPEAK UP BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY HAND CHOPPED OFF THEN SPEAK TO A TEACHER. Like. Then, everyone else seems to immediately understand everything?? Some people talk back to teachers??? Some people WANT to talk to teachers??? Who are you and how. Oh and then my classmates??? Literally horrible. I want them to die. Thankfully i have a couple friends in my classes which makes it a bit more bearable, but NO KEENAN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS, STOP DANCING AND SCREAMING, STOP BEING SO UNBEARABLE, STOP BEING A DICK. LIKE DUDE I BET YOU DONT EVEN GOT ONE. LITERALLY STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE. And its this one certain friend group who is actually the WORST. Like im TRYING to pay attention and then all of a sudden one of these kids starts yelling at another, stuff is thrown, and nothing gets done. BUT THEN THE TEACHERS DO NOTHING. THEY DONT CARE. BUT THEN WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE TALKS EVEN ONCE ITS IMMIDIATELY PRINCIPLES OFFICE???? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST KILL ME.

oh and then out of school isn't even better at all. I just want to waste away in my room. Everything always hurts and I just want to be with friends but I know that nobody can or wants to hang out with a sad waste of oxygen like me. And then when im trying to go to bed I just hear the crashing of glass, my parents having a screaming match, and then my mom going back to drinking her sorrows away while my dad continues to try and sleep. Like please im so tired just let me go into my happy place and attempt to die in my sleep. And then whenever its even around 6:00 my mom immediately starts acting drunk even if she's had nothing so what the fuck is up with that. And then she tries to gaslight me into doing things??? Like at this point im immune. I dont even give any fucks anymore because I tried doing that and it just got me hurt. So why even care anymore. So what the fuck is the point in trying to live laugh love when I just wanna off myself. Like no. Die cry hate is my new motto at this point.

and then, to top it all off, if I try venting ANYTHING to the one person I know who understands, he just asks 'oh, is it your time of the month?'

like please just kill me at this point. Take me out of the hell called living. Im so close to just dying please help.

#vent #holy fuck this is long but I needed to just get this out #i know I shouldn't vent online but I have nobody to talk to this about and I dont got any bottles left to put this in #Star.TXT document #pleease dont be concerned abt me its just me being not okay again #its just this time i posted about it

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arka-orcana · 3 months

Text

I found a thing a started like a while ago and finished it.

Im going to be so honest it depressing as shit and I don’t really know why a wrote it or when I just found it in google docs ermmmm

Felt sillie might delet 😗

Tw: rot, de*th, bugs, harm, bl**d

Sometimes we ask ourselves what went wrong or why we are running. I often ask myself why wont it to stop. Why does the world keep spinning when everything to everyone seems to go wrong? Even if for a brief second the question stops being asked, they will still beg a question. One without an answer. I ask what the feeling is of being drained and why. Why does every part of my varying being get sucked out after speaking with someone, after having a good time. I'm not tired just flipped even. Taken everything and turned it upside down. Why does the world spin when there is no finish line? It has been hit, burned, and drowned, but still kept going. Others seem to ignore the pain of the planet and even thrive in it. I keep going because I have literally nothing else to do. The world spins by me. Things will fly past me. I stand still and time will keep going. As if I am rotting while still being alive. Maggots in my eyes yet I can still see. Worms on my legs yet I still walk. Flies in my hands yet I still make art. Slugs on my ears yet I still can hear the hurtful things. My wounds and cuts gush out with blood yet I still have life and love in my heart. My love for me and me alone. No one has received the love I give. I am either an object or have no interest. No love for me to share. No love to receive. I am Juliet without her Romeo, though I have still died, and the families still hate. The death of roses when love lasts forever. All though when they are around i close up my wounds and hide my scars. I follow and smile , no signs of rot, no death or decay. I am real, they are real, we are real. I can feel how they feel, we can feel. The eyes can see me but they think I do not see them. They are wrong. I can see every eye, every stare, every glance, and every blink. Close your eyes and see yourself for what you are. Animal. You pour salt on the snails. You snap the mouse. You hunt the deer. When will you see that you are as animal as the rest of us? You run from us and we run from you. We are able to see who you are and you cannot see yourself. You are blind to who we are . You tear who we are and we will tear you open . I will tear you open. You single me out and I will single you out from the herd. I will tear you flesh, I will rip out your heart and leave the blood on your hands. You hurt my kind . I will destroy you and thrive off of your bones. You do not get to hurt me when I am already rotting. I do not live for you to rip at my skin. I do not live for you to kill me. Say what you want about my life but I did not live for you. I don't know why I live but I know what I want and I know I do not live for you. I do not live to please you. I do not live to make you happy. I keep going because I have set my own finish line. I will stop going when I feel the need to.

Erm what the donkey 😭

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imsotired0 · 2 years

Text

I swear to god that I'm gonna kill myself soon ughhhh

I wish I could kill myself but like not die

I want everyone around me to cry over little bitch boy max while I continue living

I don't wanna be gone I just want everyone to love me

and the only way they will ever fucking love me is if I get up out if bed and down a aspirin bottle

But I'm to fucking lazy to do that huh?

I'm already snuggled up in bed and warm and to lazy to go one door down and grab a pencil sharper

I'm do depressed to be depressed lmao

And tomorrow I'll see my family,and I'll smile, and I'll tell myself that life's worth living, then I'll see my girlfriend hit me again, then ill be ashamed for my hyperfixations again, then my mom will tell me I have nothing to be depressed about even when she knows a can and will make myself bleed again.

And I cant even let myself bleed

Her and her friends have been talking about me, even though it's been a year since she put words in my mouth

Apparently I show off my self harm even though when I sh I had gym and couldn't help it.

They expect me to cover up and be ashamed

But im not

You can't even see it anymore

And I'm too scared because I don't want her to hate me even though I have not said a single fucking word to her.

I don't want to because when my friend broke up with her girlfriend it was "because she self harms" EVEN THOUGH ALL SHE DID WAS OPEN UP TO YOU

AND ALL YOU DID WAS BLAME HER

AND EVERYONE BLAMES HER

EVERYONE WILL BLAME ME

AND EVERYONE WILL HATE ME

I HAVE TO BE HAPPY

I HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY

I'm so tired

I want this to be over

I'm so fucking unoriginal

I'm a depressed tean ranting on TUMBLR IN 2022 WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I have this bitch looking like the get out of my head poem or all work and no play makes jack a dull boy

And I hate it

I hate that I can't talk to anyone

I hate that no one will read all of this

I hate that I have to convince my girlfriend to even look me in the eye, yet I left a love letter in her locker

Fuck I'm lying now

We don't have lockers

I left it in her art shelf

Which means she probably didn't see it

Why am I writing this?

Shouldn't I just go back and fix the line?

I don't want to

I'm so lazy to do anything

I can't even scroll up and just fix the goddamned line

I can't do anything right

I can't fucking breathe anymore without someone judging me

And if I am anything other then happy I will lose my girlfriend

I'll lose my friends

Again

I worked so hard for friends

New friends I mean

After she blamed me everyone sorta split

One friend stayed with me

4 friends stayed with her

The others sit in the middle

I'm only allowed to interact with them with she's not around

I can say hi to my friends in 7th period

But heaven forbid I even look at their table during art

Ooo she gets mad over that

She tells off my friends for doing stuff with me even though we have theater

I HAVE TO FUCKING PRACTICE

And I ruin their lives too

My in the middle friends I mean

I ruin everything

But I'm not allowed

One of my friends about 2 years back or so had a online friend.

He is (mostly) aroace, but he had a massive crush on his friend.

Then they killed themselves

Then he tried to kill himself

4 times

I got the idea of cutting from him actually

I saw is arm one day

A month later as I was yelling over contacts (fucking pathetic ik) I got the idea

I still had my sharper from the beginning of the year

I'd grab some scissors

Take the blade out

And cut my self

I think my mom knew that night

She kept my out in the living room long enough for it to die down

When I did it I wasn't blinded by rage or sadness

I was entirely sober

Which made it worse

Now I cant be anything but happy

Or he will get sad and make is 5th or 6th attempt

And if I lose him I'm killing myself

One of my friends is my girlfriends identical twin.

We met first actually

And she is definitely jealous I care about her sister more

And of course everything is wrong in her perfect world

Her schedule 'sucks' and that was enough for her to try to kill herself

Twice

And I'm so tired to deal with someone who randomly makes suicide letters in art class and someone who have brake downs after the first mention of suicide

So I have to support her

And him

It sucks

But I have to

Or she'll attempt again

And if I lose her im killing myself

Alright im out of my fit mostly im probably gonna go read smut or watch porn or something

I don't even like porn lmao

If you read this you are a slay 💅

#sh twt #styroblr #styrotwt #sh blog #suicudal #beanstwt #vent tag #vent tw #kys tw

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lowlyroach · 4 months

Text

1092) another cigarette, please

hang out with the rest of our friends

yeah,

the ferris wheel is still there.

we find ways to spend our time

eating too much

my stomach is wrathfully full

i tell Grant im tired of eating

we go to the Garden of the Gods

but You're not here.

You're not here.

we go to an artsy place

walk around for a few hours

we didn't finish the mystery game

everyone was hungry

except me

but why is that stranger wearing Your face?

neck starts its tics

brain itches

Grant is feeling similarly

ive got bad brain. he says

me too.

why was that stranger wearing Your face?

when we get back to the hotel

he wants to go outside

i know why.

can i join you?

sure.

so we

smoke cigarettes

that's what You told me to do, right?

that one time?

would You hate me for thinking of that?

i forgot your wording, but i remembered just now while typing

i told Grant about it

let's die a little faster.

we talk about You

and You

and the ferris wheel

and how i was

sexually abused by my brother

ive never said that out loud before

its mostly glossed over

not for lack of caring

i havent posted that poem yet

and he talks about

his ex (pseudo ex?)

his You, in a way.

that lives up here

do you think it ever stops?

no. he replies

the look in his eyes

he knows.

yeah, i know.

cigarettes, a pause

more cigarettes

i suck them down like candy

throat burns

lungs burn

more cigarettes, please

will i finally get cancer

like i wished for at 18?

i flatten the earth as i smoke

is it to distract myself from You,

as we talk about You?

we're both shivering but we

keep standing in the snow

until it hurts

feet are numb

more cigarettes, please

im shivering madly

another cigarette, please

i still haven't seen Her face

i guess i could show you

(how do you forget that)

only if it won't make it hurt.

nah, i check everyday, just to see if it says 'Married'

yeah, She's pretty.

look at Her! She's everything. i'd kill for Her, i'd do anything

look at Her! look at Her! wow.

something about freezing makes you think less

your mind can't focus on anything else

his new boyfriend is a serious downgrade

he's got a new boyfriend? that's good, i hope he's happy

he's so fucked up for what he did to you.

i just hope he's happy.

(never find peace. never? why did you say that to me?)

we went on a double date, at the fair

ah, the F word

cmon man...

now we're here and there's the wheel right there, staring at me.

i can't get away from it.

you gonna bang Kat?

no. im not interested in women anymore.

i thought you werent interested in men, anymore?

i dont think im interested in anybody

you're both gonna be super drunk, did you take that into account?

yeah. i dont think itll change much.

it feels good to freeze and the only thing

you can warm your hands with, is a cigarette

it feels like being homeless, that feels right

i give it a try and yeah,

he's right.

i leave half of the conversation in my head

ive never been one for speaking my mind

half of the meanings, the clarifications, the answers, the questions

left behind

i tell him. (You'd hate me for it)

things ive never mentioned to anyone

he tells me

things he's never mentioned to anyone

that damn wheel is still there

i want to get a ferris wheel tattoo

you-. Yeah, i don't blame you.

and why were You on that strangers face?

why was that stranger wearing Your face?

why did i keep seeing Her around this place?

we go inside and i watched

Princess Mononoke

with Grant

originally i canceled my plans with him

to watch it with You.

but where were You?

where were You?

where were

You?

where were

You?

SHE'S NOT GOING TO CALL

SHE'S STILL NOT GOING TO CALL

SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ROACH

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND

STAY. OUT. OF. THE. WAY.

i want to bury my hands in the snow till they cant move

what does that feel like?

is that a sensation worth experiencing?

can i put cigarettes out on my own skin?

another cigarette, please

ash it down till it burns my mouth

i'm getting ready to scream.

i smell like ten cigarettes.

#1227 #poem #poetry #twcpoetry #poeticstories

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