imsotired0 - Tumblr blog

imsotired0 · 2 years

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I swear to god that I'm gonna kill myself soon ughhhh

I wish I could kill myself but like not die

I want everyone around me to cry over little bitch boy max while I continue living

I don't wanna be gone I just want everyone to love me

and the only way they will ever fucking love me is if I get up out if bed and down a aspirin bottle

But I'm to fucking lazy to do that huh?

I'm already snuggled up in bed and warm and to lazy to go one door down and grab a pencil sharper

I'm do depressed to be depressed lmao

And tomorrow I'll see my family,and I'll smile, and I'll tell myself that life's worth living, then I'll see my girlfriend hit me again, then ill be ashamed for my hyperfixations again, then my mom will tell me I have nothing to be depressed about even when she knows a can and will make myself bleed again.

And I cant even let myself bleed

Her and her friends have been talking about me, even though it's been a year since she put words in my mouth

Apparently I show off my self harm even though when I sh I had gym and couldn't help it.

They expect me to cover up and be ashamed

But im not

You can't even see it anymore

And I'm too scared because I don't want her to hate me even though I have not said a single fucking word to her.

I don't want to because when my friend broke up with her girlfriend it was "because she self harms" EVEN THOUGH ALL SHE DID WAS OPEN UP TO YOU

AND ALL YOU DID WAS BLAME HER

AND EVERYONE BLAMES HER

EVERYONE WILL BLAME ME

AND EVERYONE WILL HATE ME

I HAVE TO BE HAPPY

I HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY I HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPYI HAVE TO BE HAPPY

I'm so tired

I want this to be over

I'm so fucking unoriginal

I'm a depressed tean ranting on TUMBLR IN 2022 WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I have this bitch looking like the get out of my head poem or all work and no play makes jack a dull boy

And I hate it

I hate that I can't talk to anyone

I hate that no one will read all of this

I hate that I have to convince my girlfriend to even look me in the eye, yet I left a love letter in her locker

Fuck I'm lying now

We don't have lockers

I left it in her art shelf

Which means she probably didn't see it

Why am I writing this?

Shouldn't I just go back and fix the line?

I don't want to

I'm so lazy to do anything

I can't even scroll up and just fix the goddamned line

I can't do anything right

I can't fucking breathe anymore without someone judging me

And if I am anything other then happy I will lose my girlfriend

I'll lose my friends

Again

I worked so hard for friends

New friends I mean

After she blamed me everyone sorta split

One friend stayed with me

4 friends stayed with her

The others sit in the middle

I'm only allowed to interact with them with she's not around

I can say hi to my friends in 7th period

But heaven forbid I even look at their table during art

Ooo she gets mad over that

She tells off my friends for doing stuff with me even though we have theater

I HAVE TO FUCKING PRACTICE

And I ruin their lives too

My in the middle friends I mean

I ruin everything

But I'm not allowed

One of my friends about 2 years back or so had a online friend.

He is (mostly) aroace, but he had a massive crush on his friend.

Then they killed themselves

Then he tried to kill himself

4 times

I got the idea of cutting from him actually

I saw is arm one day

A month later as I was yelling over contacts (fucking pathetic ik) I got the idea

I still had my sharper from the beginning of the year

I'd grab some scissors

Take the blade out

And cut my self

I think my mom knew that night

She kept my out in the living room long enough for it to die down

When I did it I wasn't blinded by rage or sadness

I was entirely sober

Which made it worse

Now I cant be anything but happy

Or he will get sad and make is 5th or 6th attempt

And if I lose him I'm killing myself

One of my friends is my girlfriends identical twin.

We met first actually

And she is definitely jealous I care about her sister more

And of course everything is wrong in her perfect world

Her schedule 'sucks' and that was enough for her to try to kill herself

Twice

And I'm so tired to deal with someone who randomly makes suicide letters in art class and someone who have brake downs after the first mention of suicide

So I have to support her

And him

It sucks

But I have to

Or she'll attempt again

And if I lose her im killing myself

Alright im out of my fit mostly im probably gonna go read smut or watch porn or something

I don't even like porn lmao

If you read this you are a slay 💅

#sh twt #styroblr #styrotwt #sh blog #suicudal #beanstwt #vent tag #vent tw #kys tw

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