#im goddamn itchy all over i dont like being me

[aamethyst000]

Dude, im so bored but lazy (may 14,24 3:58pm)

holy hell, i could not get to sleep last night. i was tossing and turning, too cold then too warm. could not get comfy for the life of me. there was an itchy spot in my throat that would not go away, even after drinking half a cup of water. i was so irritated the majority of the night. i think i actually fell asleep at like 6am this morning, finally woke up at ten to two this afternoon. like what the hell, was it because i missed a a whole week of my anti depressants? probably. mostlikey. anyway. it was so irritating that i was debating whether or not i should even get up, just sleep some more. my body made the decision for me, i couldnt go back to sleep even if i tried. so, i got up, took the dogs out and made a pot of coffee. im not going to lie, even through all of that, i currently feel neutral about having a hard time sleeping last night. usually, id be in a bad mood throughout the day but nope, just neutral. no irritation or happiness. that normal? not that id know. me and the family tend to have shit sleep schedule. especially me and the cousins. it makes meeting up with them difficult for the both of us lol as irritating as it is, i think i should stop getting mad at that. they work and have a family now, so yeah priorities are all jumbled which is okay. mine arent set in stone either lmao i dont know how my older cousins did it, learning how to be a functional adult, taking care of your body more, eating healthier and whatnot. im bloody 25, going to be turning 26 in june and i still feel like im 16-17. is that normal as well? does it depend on the individual? i keep saying i should talk to my thereapist but i never call them. or even message them. summer's coming up so i think thattl be the best time for me to start up my thereapy sessions again. i dont even want to do my laundry, how lazy im feeling, like i know i have to get them done at some point before they pile up again but i just dont want to lol like those goddamn dishes i keep avoiding like the plaque. thats the only thing i dont like about adulthood. endless dishes, laundry and house cleaning every other week and every month. oh and the bloody over priced bills that we now have to pay. welp, onto my second cup of coffee and sit around in my room for a bit till i decide to write in my journal again. whenever that will be. typing on my keyboard seems to be stimulating for me, i almost dont want ot stop.could be old habit from being in highschool, writing a long ass page for my essay and presentaions (god i hated those with a fckn PASSION). being able to type now feels nice, i dont have to go on my phone to write my journal entries in now, i love it so much <3 anyway, back to laying about and being lazy :3

3:01am - it looks like that i wont get much sleep tonight again tonight. so im going to have a few puffins and watch some sherlock funny moments, or i just might play orcarina of time, the 3D version of it. to be honest, im on the lookout for almost every verion of sherlock holmes, in books, tv shows, and movies. i think im becoming obsessed lol not that i mind it. im living vicariously through either sherlock or john. i think mostly john lmao i dont think i can be that brilliant at solving crimes and puzzles. heck i can barely solve a fckn math problem without having a breakdown mid way through the paper, thank god i graduated. i will not have to go through that again, unless i get back into coding. which i do not think so, considering that it involves aboslute complicated M A T H. i despise math, if you couldnt tell lmao any who, i think i am done here, i just wanted to come back and finish the last little bit of my journal entry, i may add on to this tomorrow. i havent decided on that just yet. like i keep sayin, i really like typing on my keyboard lol i might get over this later on in my life, just not now. cause my god, it is very stimulating to type~ have a good night/day, my fellow readers~

may 16,24 12:36pm - so i decided to add more to this journal entry, i dont know how much right now but maybe ill decide later on or once i am done writing. today was weird. i woke up late again, at one thirty this time and my mood was okay, manageable. until i went to go eat at like 6pm (first meal) and also cook my mother lunch. at first, i only felt over heated. then i started getting a small pinch like cramp on the right side of my hip, then, i felt more over heated. i was sweating, i felt like i couldnt breathe, my appetite dropped but i forced myself to eat anyway (for obvious reasons), i came back to my room to open my window, take off my shirt and see if that helps me cool off. mind you, that took forever, like, to the point of the voices in my head getting louder and mean. i tried so hard to ignore it that i even whisperd shut up. obviously that didnt help, considering that i started crying afterwards. i think i remember seeing clear images in my head too, pictures of horrible things, for sure, but that was the first time in a long time that has ever happened. not since my very last anxiety attack. that was nearly 3 yeaars ago now, even i thought i was getting better, this feels like i took a couple steps backwards. which did not help with my breakdown. im not going to go into too much detail about what i went through today. just know that this one breakdown took a lot out of me. i almost wanted to ioslate myself the rest of the evening. i didnt, that would have raised way more human interactions than i personally wanted, so i tried to act like i was "normal" i never knew what that really, genuinly looked like so i dont know if i did well in that department. anyway, i marked this event down in my personal journal for my therapist to read over. hopefully that can help me figure out what method could work for me in the future. i get the feeling ill end up sleeping in tomorrow too. because of today, that is all i want to do. is just sleep. its the middle of the week though, got dishes to wash, dinner to prep and an appointment to make later on. i wihs i can take off from here for a week. maybe even 3 months would be fine. go to a cabin in the woods, smoke, read, watch movies, not have to worry about other peoples dishes other than my own, not have to worry about what conversations i have to prepare myself for, how muc enerygy i have to use up even though i do not have enough throughout the day. i just want a break from being an adult. anyway i think that is enough for the night so im going to sign off and rest as much i can. cause that felt like a lot. good night/day, readers

#lgbt #2spirit #journalist #lgbtq #they/them #journalist amethyst000 #journal #journal entry

[space-ghoulery]

:^(

#im an idiot!!!!!!!!! #i fuckin hate myself #i hate being here #in my own skin #i want out #ive felt so dang shitty lately for no real reason besides the fact that i fuccckckckcking hate myslef #i really wanna fucking die #pfft sorry to be emo on main #nobodyy reads these anyways #like one person thanks for liking my sad posts ur everything to me #its a real bad might #im goddamn itchy all over i dont like being me

[plushievash]

how did leo/alexei happen? give us lore!

so for a long while they both had crushes on each other but alexei is stupid and leo suffered from internalized homophobia believing hes not meant for relationships no matter how much he wanted one with someone he would never pursue it bc he thought he would be a burden/nobody sees him that way/he is repulsive;; alexei just admired leo too much and thought leo was out of his league and that hed never love someone like him and also bc hes alexei and is just like * has severe paranoia and also no social skills *

dasha saw the Signs™ tho bc hes like love is in the air….and i will find out where its coming from and then. he suffered watching these 2 dumbasses for 2 almost 3 years dance around each other and their feelings while nobody else believed him that hey…..looks like somethins goin on between alexei and leo…u ever notice how leo takes any chance to touch him? u ever notice the way alexei immediately becomes more interactive when leo comes along? yes i know leo is clingy yes i know alexei is improving socially just like. Look its Right in Front of You.

but anyways went like that for the longest time where both of them kind of planned to make their feelings known but could never work up the courage to follow through with it. and alexei got with lucien to try to forget abt leo bc he “knew” he ‘had no chance’ and leo just [roblox OOF] and as usual * focuses on work at a dangerous level and does stupid stuff *

which ends up with a mix up and confusion where leo is missing and puts everyone in a panic and miko catches a guy named nikostratos and ooh ooough oh hes so mad hes so ohguh hes so angry that hes mad. and without thinking and following standard procedure does some things and is 8D to find out uh oh! just gave my brother the familys awful itchy scratchy disease! fuck! time to go kms i guess!

and masha is big mad at everyone so shes just like leo and miko are banned from work and if they even attempt it they wont bc theyd cross me and nobody crosses me. and then alexei is put on watch to make sure leo doesnt try to sneak away and work on his own anyways and to nobodys surprise, he does try. instead of sending one of his people alexei personally confronts him and persuades him to go back home. to which leo asks alexei to stay with him and he does…slowly leo starts to ease up again as alexei stays with him and basically lives with him/stella/the twins for a short while as hes stationed to by masha

eventually after a while of watching both miko and leo masha is satisfied enough with their recoveries and allows them back to their jobs calling alexei off since they no longer need to be supervised. but alexei again * is extremely paranoid and well meaning but also awful * so he keeps his people watching leo from a distance just to be sure hes safe; as he does with maxim and miko (the only difference is that maxim and miko Know he does that and asked him to do that; leo didnt.) oh yeah somewhere sprinkled in around that time alexei split with lucien cause he just. wasnt happy it wasnt working. i dont remember where exactly in all this mess it happened LMAO u might wanna ask my boyed friend abt that since alexei is his

so anyways after a while of being back to work leo notices hes still being followed and slowly gets paranoid and irritable. he ends up doing rash things that could end up getting him killed just to get the attention of the people following him to see if hes “just being paranoid” or if hes really being followed still despite masha allowing him to return to work. eventually after the 3rd time instead of sending someone to intervene alexei himself shows up and leo is Angry and hurt tells alexei to call off his people cause if he ever sees them again he wont hesitate to kill them and so alexei does cause he does care abt his people he doesnt try to defend himself or anything it finally hits him that he just “oh hmm. ok yeah that was kinda fucked up. uh oh i fucked up. this is bad”

and leos whole attitude began to shift instead of his usual generally polite and very easy attitude ready to make friends with anyone he became guarded irritable and quiet and he lost the soft tone in his voice. eventually even with his favourite most important people around him (stella/felix/miko) hes just too paranoid sick to his stomach and angry to stay where he is. so he says hes going to take a vacation and instead moves down to work at the other facilities as a lower agent domenico carlevaro; he doesnt alter his appearance too much aside from dyeing his hair and changing his general fashion style. the only person he allows to come down and see him is mikolaj but he says if felix or stella ever asked him he is allowed to tell them they can see him but no one else. not maxim or dasha or alcides not the twins. he cant stand to see anyone else. miko regularly visits him but has to ask each time since leo doesnt stay in 1 place for too long. eventually leos anger just makes him even more reckless causing him to break his prosthetic; so he has to return to apologize to dasha and ask for a new one.

there he finds out alexei has disappeared and immediately he just feels a twist in his stomach bc he wanted to be angry and pretend that hes over it and he doesnt care about him anymore but he still does so after he gets his new arm despite maxims protests he insists that he will assist maxim in the search. miko reports that alexei was last seen injured being carried away by a woman from some abandoned facility and so everyone is like ok fuck! who is that! is he already dead! or what the fuck! goddamn it! eventually maxim and leo manage to find where alexei is hiding running into one of his people; daria who is a tracker and not really experienced in protection. she… doesnt know how to properly use a gun. shenanigans happen bc daria is sweet and maxim and leo are not mean then leo sees alexei and boy ! he is  FUCKED UP. alexei looks like hes str8 up dying (cause he is!) hes extremely weak and has to use a cane to walk hes got bloody bandages all over and his arm in a sling and later leo and maxim see that arm has a huge ass bite taken out of it and maxim is just 8D…im a good doctor but im not That good a doctor what the fuck is this. and calls marina down to see if they know what this is

marina does and identifies it as a kaprinka bite (ask my boyed friend what a kaprinka is) and that all cases theyve been in charge of nobody has survived but theyll do what they can to try to fix it. maxim and leo decide to take shifts to always be in the room with alexei in case anything goes wrong like his condition suddenly gets even worse and they need to call marina or an attempt on his life happens. so the first night while leo is in charge of watching alexei they start to talk and leo isnt angry anymore and instead is just…Really really sad and admits how hes felt and how he knows that he doesnt have to; he shouldnt; and he Doesnt forgive him for what he did but hes willing to push that aside to at least go back to the way they were. and alexei admits how hes felt and apologizes for everything and how he “probably got himself killed” and theyre both just mmmm feels bad toddbut after that it gives alexei the push to keep on living and alexei does Stupid Stuff which is really stupid but! it helps and he manages to bring back the kaprinka for marina to see what they can do to help him since they said that theyve only ever seen kaprinka that were already dead and not usable for testing it takes months and some big rollercoaster ups and downs w/ alexeis progress but he makes it and recovers but continues to stay in hiding til he gains his full strength back and during that time someone is sent to kill him and leo and maxim stop the guy and then stuff happens and alexei is big mad and blah blah and stuff and then after thats taken care of and his recovery is full they all return and leo helps alexei/artyom/daria in their search for what originally caused the whole situation alexei got in

and so basically from the day they found him theyve been dating Finally but never like fully established it but its very clear now so everyone knows and dasha is rubbing it in everyones faces and miko and felix are dying and they just Cant understand.

also a quick note: theres 2 darias…i have a daria who is just a cute crafts girl with rainbow hair but thats not the daria in this situation…the daria in that situation is my boyfriends oc who is a motorcycle racer and tracker for alexei but they are both equally cute and good

#assk #ocs #leonardo #okej so that was rly long and i skipped out on like a Lot of parts #but i think i got the main stuff out of the way #currently? alexei and leo are happy and often spend time at each others for weeks at a time #and they both gave each other the sappiest christmas presents.... #theyre good i swear #Anonymous

[starstruck-pendulums]

aight so im maybe a teeny bit emotional rn bc of Reasons so im gonna share a stupid story about me

idk if it’s really as funny as my mother made it out to be when i finally admitted this dark shame to her earlier- she wheezed like muttley for a solid 2 mins- but here we go

(i feel like this is a good representation of the sort of person i am)

okay, okay, so our story starts in a french classroom. i am 13 years old here so you can probably already guess how things are gonna go. it was double french on a wednesday morning or something and things were kinda slow. now, my french teacher for the first 2 yrs of my learning the language was just- the mpst lovely, genuinely bubbly, person i’ve ever met in my entire life. you wanted to be annoyed bc of how bubbly she was but she was so nice that you just couldn’t do it- at this point im convinced that she might have been some sort pf manifestation of pure joy. it was an Experience.

anyway, so one of the many, many, Things about this short blonde woman who adored tweed jackets and neutral-coloured slacks (that info wasn’t necessary but i thought i’d share anyway) was that she always always always had oranges with her. the first 2 desks of her room were always covered in papers, copybooks, and at least one basket of oranges. the few times that she didn’t have oranges in her room, she’d ask if anyone wanted any and then run out to her car and bring back a whole crate of them. to this day i have no idea where she got them all from or why she brought them to work with her. But She Did and that’s where we start.

so it’s a slow wednesday morning right, and Madame Redacted (we called her madame and she called us by more french versions of our names, idk why it was just what we did) looks around at fifteen-ish tired faces at the break between classes and is quiet for a moment. then she Perks Up and asks, voulez-vous des oranges? we have nothing better to do- we are Tired- we still think that weekly one page tests are the height of Stress- we know nothing of state examinations. so we all say (out of sync) , oui, si’l vous plait and she doles out the oranges.

i look at my orange doubtfully. it has been about six years since i last ate an orange- i dont know if i’ve ever even had a whole one before. i’ve never even peeled one before. (coincidentally i discovered a few months later that im allergic to oranges which isn’t relevant here but is a Fun Fact about Me) so slowly, awkwardly, i peel the orange. there is orange peel all over my desk and stuck under my nails. i don’t like the smell of it. i don’t like this. but i have Peeled it All By Myself and i’ll be damned if i’ll be the only one here who doesn’t eat the orange.

now the Issue here- apart from my slightly watery eyes- is that i have not eaten one of these blasted citruses since i was about seven or whatever. we don’t eat oranges at home- i don’t exactly watch people around me eat oranges on a regular basis. sure, i’ve seen orange slices, but i thought that was just a Choice people made, like apple slices, yknow?

In Short: at this moment in time i genuinely am unaware of the fact that most human beings eat oranges in those handy dandy little segments they break into.

you can probably tell what’s about to happen.

so im looking at this orange, not really wanting it but determined to Be Like The Others, and i think to myself, fuck it, and just. bite into it. like a goddamn apple.in this moment i am one of those people you sometimes see in public and think about later with great concern and mild horror.

i bite into the orange whole and my friend sitting next to me freezes before asking, what are you doing? i look at her, see the confused half-grin on her face before zeroing in on the little orange segments in her hand.

it dawns on me then, what it is that im doing wrong here, but. but but but i don’t want her to know that i don’t know how to eat an orange because that’s just- c’mon, imagine some 13 yo in your class who can’t eat an orange. just imagine how that would go down.

so i shrug, trying to play it cool. eating an orange, i say.

the girl sitting in front of me has overheard us. she turns around, assesses the scene and then asks incredulously, is that really how you eat them?

i nod, starting to feel nervous. i’m not used to people acknowledging me.

of course, now i am in what those in the business might call a Pickle, a Sticky Situation, a Spot of Bother.

i am Committed. i Have to eat this thrice-damned orange. People are looking.

so i just. i bite into the orange again. there is juice running down my fingers, pulp in my mouth, this is horrible. i don’t even like oranges.

juice everywhere. my nose is itchy and i don’t know why. i smell like goddamn oranges and people are still glancing over with disbelieving smiles.

the only thing which tastes worse than the villainous fruit in my hand- a bigger symbol of flaws and folly and foolishness than that Apple or whatever- is the regret and shame sitting deep in my chest.

after an eternity-after wading through a lesser-known circle of hell- after i have remembered why i haven’t eaten an orange in so long- i finish it.

there is pulp stuck between my teeth. drops of orange juice on my conjugation of pouvoir. my mouth tastes of ashen, fruity, despair.

but i have done it.

i am greater than hercules himself.

i never eat another orange in french class ever again and spend the next 4 years praying that no one ever remembers That One Time.

The End.

Tl;dr: i give in to internalised peer-pressure/stubborness and eat an orange like an alien

#personal #embarassing anecdote #about me #lol #i suppose if you're not me #oranges #peer pressure #childhood memories #why yes i am a valued member of society #why do you ask? #storytime #i see what queue did there #star

[yourlipsfeellikeheaven]

what the parents dont understand:bipolar

one minute i feel okay.

the next 60 seconds i feel myself going again

almost like myself running from myself, but its uncontrollable

only i dont want to run.

i try holding in and pushing the next episode from popping up.

i try distracting. i try writing. i try coping. i try talking. i try reaching out.

reaching out.

reaching out becomes impossible when my dad gets mad at me for not wanting to contribute in the house.

reaching out becomes impossible when my mom tells me to go take a walk on the treadmill, or get up and do something.

reaching out becomes impossible when my own therapist says they are panic attacks.

reaching out becomes impossible when they dont understand it. i call whats going on in my fucked up brain, IT.

i try describing IT.

IT is terrifying.

one minute im okay. the next i feel IT coming up. i dont want IT to come up. i try describing IT as bipolar because bipolar 2 is the only thing that relates the most to IT.

december 30th, early morning was the first time i had an episode. the episode of everything being a constant GO GO GO GO JUST FUCKING GO. mind racing. not being able to control my thoughts, or the pace of them, because god, they were going over 1,000 miles per hour. and thats not over exaggerated. i touched a food, and i felt strange. so strange it made me feel trapped. somehow trapped. the next minute, after going and going and going, i look up, and everything is not connected. i call that disassociating. i get confused. i look at the time and time has gone way to goddamn fast. i dont feel like im in my body, because my body would be able to feel normally, and control myself. control my pace. i felt like the definition of insane. the best way could ever describe it is “fucking crazy” the next thing i knew, i whipped up a huge breakfast which i hadn’t done in months, possibly years. and i say years because the only time i ever made a breakfast like that was when i had sleepovers. specifically a sleepover with lauren.

i had to be alone. i couldnt control having anyone around me. or anyone adjusting what i was doing. that would just be goddamn overwhelming. and if anyone would come and control what was going on.. i would destroy. then that feeling came up. destroy. destroy. destroy. destroy everything. i felt like peeling my skin off, tear down everything in my room. rip out my hair. anything.

i felt disconnected. everything has dissociated.

IT had crawled into my skin and made a nest. a nest that you put an ember in and blow until a great big fire arises. only i did not blow that ember.

restlessness came about.

episodes continued. january 7, 8th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, and then i stopped documenting it in my journal. it became too much. they continued 27th, 30th. february 1st and 2nd.

i dont know how to describe IT, because i dont even know how to describe IT.

IT has intense ups and downs. they usually happen in a span of minutes or can take an hour. maybe hours.

i feel okay. then i feel sad. then i feel angry, then i feel crazy happy, then i feel optomistic, then i get sad again. then i dont only feel trapped, but i get trapped. i get trapped in these episodes.

i cant control them.

i cant breathe through it.

lately ive been angry. more like rageful. and i have no reason to be. its not me. i promise its not. it is the fucking “IT” which i believe is bipolar.

i feel insane. i feel i dont know whats going on with me, because i cant control anything. i cant stop my racing thoughts. i cant control my impulses. i cant control when the episodes come. i cannot control IT.

my body sensations sometimes give me a detector of when they start. sometimes my mind too.

i start getting itchy. i feel heaviness in my chest. i start doing something, then i look up and im disconnected. the time has gone by so fast, and thats because of the go go go.

i sometimes, and sometimes meaning ever since this all started, spend HOURS doing my makeup. i spend HOURS watching tv. i spend HOURS looking on what to buy online. i spend HOURS in my restless thoughts.

i fight with my friends and ruin relationships.

i reminisce on my trauma.

i spend way to much money. way too much money that my dad doesnt want me to spend. i know i shouldnt, and he works his ass off to make that money, but once i go, i go. i cant think. i cant manage my impulses.

i go back and forth on making a decision of relapsing.

i think too much about drugs, which build up the cravings.

i think too much on someone who broke my heart.

i think too much about how im feeling.

IT leaves me thinking that my mind is so fucked up, that i should fuck up my body. fuck it up with hard drugs. it leaves me thinking that if i match how i am mentally, i should physically. not for attention or pity, but to really become what i am. the cravings are there. and are there loud and scary.

“IT” has episodes that pop out of nowhere. i cant control any of it and thats the worst part. i dont know when they will come.

IT is not only crazy episodes. and restlessness. IT causes me to feel glued to where i am, and i dont want to move or get up. im scared to. i get tired emotionally. so tired emotionally, i physically get tired. so tired i feel like i cant fucking walk. “contribute” is a word my dad uses. well i cant contribute around the house. i isolate and cant get out. i isolate from the people i love most. and i want to isolate but i do

i want to stop feeling this way. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. and i dont fucking want it.

thats where the suicidal thoughts come in.

i dont want to live this rollercoaster.

doctor, any fucking doctor. calm my mind. calm these thoughts. slow them down. slow down my body. slow IT down. IT is too goddamn much.

dont say this is a panic attack. this is far, far, far from a panic attack. this is another realm i have entered into.

i know panic attacks very very well. this is more than far from one.

#bipolar #mentalhealth #spokenword

[aphroditeurl]

all of em

This is answered on mobile lol

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify

is your room messy or clean?Both??? An organized mess.

what color are your eyes?A light brown.

do you like your name? why?Yes cause I dont know a lot of people with the same name as me.

what is your relationship status? @funkypanda idk what do you think??

describe your personality in 3 words or lessAwkward, perceptive, stressed lmao

what color hair do you have?Brunette naturally. It’s auburnish rn.

what kind of car do you drive? color?None. I have anxiety driving.

where do you shop?Like. Food. Clothes? Be specific lol

how would you describe your style?Girly casual.

favorite social media accountTumblr

what size bed do you have? A queen

any siblings?Nopeif you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?With Alvin, wherever that ends up beingfavorite snapchat filter? The big round glasses one with freckles bc I have natural freckles so it translating on camera is nicefavorite makeup brand(s)E.L.F cause I have sensitive asf skin, Sephorahow many times a week do you shower?Two or three, as stated above, sensitive skin so going above that makes me itchy asffavorite tv show?I don’t really have one. shoe size?6 or 6 1/2

how tall are you?5′1″

sandals or sneakers? Neither. Fucken hate shoes.do you go to the gym? No, I prefer working out at home. Weird gym bros hit on me whenever I go.describe your dream dateSomething hella nerdy but romantic. Museum or aquarium. Arcade!!!! how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?None. Mostly change. what color socks are you wearing? None. Anything on my feet pisses me off. how many pillows do you sleep with?Too goddamn many. 4 or 5.do you have a job? what do you do? Yes, stupid grocery stocker. I want and desperately need a new one.how many friends do you have? *snorts*whats the worst thing you have ever done? Trusted the wrong manwhats your favorite candle scent? Anything flowery or oceany 3 favorite boy namesTheoPeter I don’t have a third3 favorite girl namesEleanor Courtney Sverrefavorite actor? I don’t have onefavorite actress? Same as abovewho is your celebrity crush?Angelina Jolie if I truly had to choose someone. 

favorite movie? Surfs Updo you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I try to? But not really. Favorite book is Will Grayson Will Grayson by John Green for reasons.money or brains? Brainsdo you have a nickname? what is it? Sav, Savi, Vee, Vannah, so many. Fuck. how many times have you been to the hospital?A lot. My mom was a nurse lmao.top 10 favorite songsFUckennNN1) Pyro - Kings of Leon2) Praying - Kesha3) Guys My Age - Hey Violet4) In One Ear - Cage The Elephant 5) Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked - Cage The Elephant6) Work Song - Hozier 7) Anything by The Fray tbh8) Bad Liar - Selena Gomez 9) Mother & Father - Broods10) Hold Me Down - Halsey

do you take any medications daily? Nopewhat is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Both, it’s mixedwhat is your biggest fear? Dying alonehow many kids do you want? One, I think that’s all I could handle. But I’d like a mini family.whats your go to hair style?I just wear it down most days. Too heavy to have it up.what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) An apartment lmaowho is your role model? My momwhat was the last compliment you received?“affection erection” what was the last text you sent?“I’m..I’m doing my best”how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?10. I still lowkey believe though.what is your dream car? 1967 Thunderbird. Blue.opinion on smoking?Gross. No.do you go to college? No but will be taking summer classes I hopewhat is your dream job? Zoology!! I wanna save animals and teach kidswould you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? A healthy mixture of bothdo you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? No cause it’s always awful on my hairdo you have freckles? All over my facedo you smile for pictures?No. I hate my smile lmaohow many pictures do you have on your phone? Do I have to count them lmaohave you ever peed in the woods? yeah it’s called campingdo you still watch cartoons? SU sometimesdo you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?None of the above, I don’t eat meatFavorite dipping sauce? ...I’m so whiteranchwhat do you wear to bed? If I can get away with it, nothing. Mostly though a t-shirt and sweatshave you ever won a spelling bee?No but I nearly entered once. Social anxiety fucked that one up. what are your hobbies?Graphic design, writing, biking, video gamescan you draw? Not welldo you play an instrument?No but I’d like to learn violin what was the last concert you saw? Fucken some country artist at a fair idktea or coffee?NeitherStarbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Ehhh indifferent do you want to get married?Fuck yeah I dowhat is your crush’s first and last initial?A.Ware you going to change your last name when you get married? Yeah I hate my last namewhat color looks best on you? Dark red, maroonishdo you miss anyone right now? @funkypanda :cdo you sleep with your door open or closed?Closeddo you believe in ghosts?yeeepwhat is your biggest pet peeve? LOUD. CHEWING. I have not spoken to people for days over this.last person you called`Alvviiinnfavorite ice cream flavor? Mint chocolate chipregular oreos or golden oreos? Golden *prepares to get flailed* chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? RAINBOW IM GAYwhat shirt are you wearing? It’s an old baggy tee because tiredwhat is your phone background?It’s Alvins’ faceare you outgoing or shy?Shyyyy but once I get comfy with someone, more outgoingdo you like it when people play with your hair?MmmMMMM YESdo you like your neighbors? Nodo you wash your face? at night? in the morning?No. Weirdly enough washing my face makes me break out. I am happily acne free. have you ever been high? I wishhave you ever been drunk? Partiallylast thing you ate? Soupfavorite lyrics right now“Towers of gold are still too littleThese hands could hold the world but it'llNever be enough” summer or winter? Summer i am so over FuckEnsnOW and the COLD I AM SO DONEday or night? Nightdark, milk, or white chocolate? Milk, or whitefavorite month? Juneewhat is your zodiac signLibra.  who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom

[yeoldontknow]

Bias Tag(s)

tagged by the goddess divine @kpopfanfictrash​ to do the bias tag game because i think she wants to DRAG ME

Rules: write down the last 15 associated tags with your bias. (listen. i know yall come for my tags in my ask box BUT I AM SERIOUS they are all KNEE JERK REACTIONS to chanyeols face like half the time i dont even know what im saying. so strap yourselves in kids its about to be a wild ride lmao) (also i tend to do like a literal ton of tags on each post so ill do some fave tags from the last 15 posts)

1. #those arms caging you in bed #holding you down #flexing as he moves #you get to hold onto that shit

2. #at this point im just screaming into the void and hoping something or someone hears me #like look this look #boyfriend got his sleeve rolled up so his tattoo can stop being so dang itchy #tongue out #he looking at me and knowing hes going to get laid later#hes fucking glowing

3. #LOOK #i dont even know what that shit is #but he is coming for my ass #and i want him to spank it so hard i cannot sit #i want to choke on his dick until i fucking gag and die 

4. #can i die? #like just run me over in the walmart parking lot #ill be fine 

5. #YOU SURE BET I AM #you cant see it but im just out of shot blowing him #and praising him #im telling him hes doing the best job #and hes telling me ive got one hell of a mouth #and were both about to lose it in public #GOOD TIMES

6. #i can only come so hard

7. #okay #but i want this jacket so much #like #how do i get this #i want it so much#that shit is honestly my style #pcy #HES SO CUTE #AND HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME (the most tame i have ever been in my life)

8. #me: screaming at strangers on the train #LOOK AT MY CUTE BOYFRIEND!!!!!! #this HUGE ASS NERD

9. #*swoons off the train and into the sea* #look at my whole ass sleepy boyfriend #i love this idiot so much i just #take my eyes #so all i can see is you

10. #stab me with a spoon #it will hurt less #this tattoo is going to send me to my grave

11. #??????????? #HAVE IA ASCENDED??? #CAN I JUST DIE??? #*POINTS*#*SCREAMS* #*KEEPS SCREAMING* #JUST KILL ME #I DONT NEED MY HEART#ITS JUST BEATING IN MY CHEST LIKE A FUCKING USELESS THING ANYWAY#JUST TAKE IT #I DONT FUCKING NEED IT #IT CLEARLY WANTS TO BE WITH YOU SO JUST #STOP THIS???? #put this fucking picture on my goddamn grave #put my dead corpse on a boat #holding this picture #send me out to sea #shoot some flaming arrows at it #play sweet lies as i sail away ON FIRE #AND KNOW THAT THIS FUCKING IMAGE WAS MY CAUSE OF DEATH (the image these are tagged to still breaks my soul i cant even look at it without crying)

12. #i want to give him everything #the sun #the moon #the stars #the whole galaxy#myself #anything he wants he can have (its not always porn hour at the kat household yall)

13. #that third gift has stolen my soul and my heart #he looks SO HAPPY #this is the happiest #i want to cry like my chest hurts looking at these because hes having the best time #hes literally loving every second of this #you cant see me but im just out of frame #filming #YELLING YOURE DOING SO GREAT SWEETIE #YOU ARE THE GREATEST #LOOK AT MY KING #MY MANS A WHOLE ASS KING

14. #listen #the last thing i need is more pictures of yacht club boyfriend!yeol #looking like he's coming from his law firm internship #i want to peel all his clothes off #hang my panties from his ears and suck his dick until we both can't see anymore

15. #*crosses legs #sips wine* #why #is this #on my dash #why are people launching sin all over my dash and pretending like its ok #no one warns me #no one sends me asks or messages like #HEY #THERES SOME PCY PORN ON YOUR DASH TODAY#TREAD LIGHTLY #id say #WOW THANK YOU FOR THIS #and id brace my ass#instead #i live in a constant state of panic #always loosing my ass #I HAVE NO MORE ASS TO LOSE #i want him to choke me with that cane and then with his dick until im gagging and begging to come 

Bonus: #chanyeol: a fisting

wow. just. wow.

tagging: @kimnamwho @co-kai-ne @kpopandlock @daegusoftboys @kollectionn @yeolology @gingersaysjump and anyone else who wants to do this!!! <3333

#about me #lmfaooo wow #WOW #i think i need to reevaluate my life