#ill stop with the tiny abuse when i feel like it for now he's my bitch

[penheadie]

Redraw of finally getting that one achievement in WolfQuest (apologizes I accidentally deleted the original file so that's why its so low quality and im really sad about it and its tiny's fault) I unironically listen to this song each time I go over to the ranch: Flanagan and Allen - Run Rabbit Run.wmv - YouTube

#wolfquest #cw: gore #tw: animal death #sketch #doodle #tiny #wolf #wolf oc #wolf character #horror? sometimes i forget wolfquest has moments were its like a horror game #ill stop with the tiny abuse when i feel like it for now he's my bitch

[cuubism]

@prismaluv I promised an actual eon ago that I would write something for Dream and Desire, and here it is, though I fear I haven't landed exactly where you were aiming for...

--

It has come to Dream’s attention that something is… wrong… in the Threshold.

It is not usually for him to take note of his siblings’ affairs. Particularly when said sibling is Desire. He would sooner let them wallow; perhaps it would teach them a lesson. But the malady, or irritation or scheme or whatever it may be is now seeping into the Dreaming, and so Dream must determine if it is intentional or not and what, depending on the answer, he must do about it.

The Threshold naturally shares a border with the Dreaming, for, to Dream’s chagrin, dreams and desires do find common or contested ground in love and ambition and other feelings besides. And those desirous dreams have been sickened. Corrupted. Dreamers see their lovers’ ravening maws and wake nauseous from what should have been visions of lovemaking; children’s songs curdle mockingly in their ears as light expands beyond joy beyond pain beyond burning. These dreams are not serving their purpose and Dream must put a stop to it.

“Sibling,” he calls, and receives no reply, but the Threshold allows him in, when he steps from the border of his realm into Desire’s.

The long pathways of Desire’s body are empty as ever. A mockery of blood vessels pumping nothing. Dream walks the known paths, alert in the silence, past the lungs with no breath, to the heart with no beating.

He steps into the curving chambers of that heart, the center of Desire’s power in the Threshold. His steps echo on the hard walls.

“Mmm,” comes Desire’s voice, slurred with malaise, echoing from deeper within, “come to gloat, have you, brother?”

“I have come to determine your purpose in poisoning my realm,” Dream says, following their voice. “I warned you not to toy with me again.”

Desire lets out a disgusted sigh. “Not everything I do is about you.”

“Recent events would suggest otherwise.” Dream finally reaches the central atrium of the Threshold’s heart. Desire is sprawled out on a chaise lounge, head pillowed on their arm. Their eyes are closed, their clothes wrinkled and ill-fitting, their hair lank. They appear to be wearing Despair’s ripped and stained jumper. Dream frowns.

“Go awayyyyy,” Desire complains. “Leave me to my misery.”

“What afflicts you?” Dream asks, standing over them. “Or are you simply experiencing remorse for your crimes, at long last?”

“‘Afflicts’,” Desire mutters, mockingly. “I am being persecuted and abused. Abandoned. Wasting away in apathy.”

Dream sits delicately on the arm of a chair by their side. If there truly is something wrong, and Desire is not just being melodramatic, or trying to annoy him, then they must take action. He will not allow the Dreaming to be harmed. “I fail to see how it could be persecution and abandonment at once.”

“Have you not seen them, Dream?” Desire complains, finally cracking one bleary golden eye open to look up at him.

“Seen whom?” Dream asks, with what he thinks is admirable patience.

“The people! Nobody wants anything. Not in a way that matters. Oh, it’s too easy. It’s too easy to take shortcuts. They don’t understand desire anymore.” Desire clutches their heart dramatically.

“I have not the faintest clue what you are talking about,” Dream says.

“I am a starving and bottomless mouth,” Desire tells him, looking up at him with both shining eyes now. “See, my teeth.” They bare their teeth at him. Their incisors are very sharp.

“I am aware of this.”

“And they think they can feed me with tiny little candies like a yapping chihuahua that’ll finally shut up. They’re poisoning me. They’re starving me. They’re glutting themselves on whatever makes the brain chemmies go weeweeweeweewoo for a second and look— look.” They drag down the hem of Despair’s jumper, peel back a layer of skin. Under it is not flesh, nor blood, but void, an expanding, hungry, agonized void. Dream stares into it, alarmed.

Desire lets their ‘skin’ snap back into place. “What does it even mean, Dream?” they ask rhetorically. “Nothing. It is all fleeting. Nothing deep about it. No one yearns, Dream. No one YEARNS!”

This is said in a despairing wail. Cautiously, Dream pets their hair.

“You crave deep and abiding wants and there is a glut of trivialities and distractions,” he summarizes, and they nod, teary. “Would it appease you if I removed all memory of mobile phones from the face of the earth?”

It doesn’t appease them, but it does make them laugh. Desire laughs, choked and teary, clutching at his hand. “God, I forgot that you’re actually funny when you’re not trying to be.”

It is strange, after all that has transpired, to have what could be considered a civil conversation. Dream still does not forgive them for anything they have done, and perhaps never will, but he sees, for a moment, a much younger year, when they were, in a fashion, friends.

“Many deep desires live in dreams now, for they have little hope of fulfillment,” he says. “But these small morsels, candies as you say, these are not dreamt of, except perhaps in nightmares of eternal wasting. It is still what dwells deepest in the heart that drives dreaming.”

“Are you trying to tell me that I matter?” Desire bites, and Dream simply says—

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Desire seems genuinely disturbed; perhaps they really did think he came to revel in their misery. Perhaps Dream did. But one of his siblings struggling in their duty can only have ill effects on his dreamers, and on their waking selves besides. Dream would be incredibly remiss in not addressing it. Or so he tells himself is his reasoning.

“I do believe there are still fierce desires in this world, though perhaps they have become buried. Usurped,” he says. “Disconnected from the body which is, as I understand it, their rightful home. Though addressing this is not something with which I can aid you.”

The body of living creatures is far outside Dream’s purview, and not something he well understands, except as it manifests in dreams—of hope of change, of twisted horror, of curling heat. And even then, it is far from him.

“I can’t believe you’re giving me advice and it’s not just telling me to go fuck myself,” Desire says faintly. Dream begins to protest, but they continue, “Not that you’d ever use those words, Your Highness.”

“It serves no one if one of our realms is in disarray,” says Dream, and if there is a sharp point to it, a reminder of exactly the damage Desire had so carelessly wrought in Dream’s realm, all the better. “I cannot assist you in managing it, only offer the perspective of dreams. If it proves good counsel, then I will be glad.”

“If it proves good counsel,” Desire mutters. “Fuck you, you superior prick.”

But it is not as sharp and cutting as it might once have been.

Dream abruptly realizes his hand is still touching their hair, and removes himself. He stands, arranging his cloak around him.

“Well,” says Desire, craning their neck back to look up at him upside down, “you must be right on one count. Lingering about here is doing no good.” They stretch, arms above their head, spine cracking. “I suppose I will go stalk the outside world and see if I can’t stoke their desires from ember to inferno.”

“I am certain you can, if you feel that will achieve your aims,” Dream says. Desire’s ability to draw out human wants and push their pursuit is not in question, their mere presence in a space accomplishes that. Whether that will turn their charges away from passing, unsatisfying trinkets and to deeper pleasures is another matter. “Meanwhile, please withdraw your malaise from the borders of my realm. The small children are being hypnotized by dreams of meaningless drivel and it displeases me.”

“Should’ve known you wouldn’t like YouTube,” Desire sighs. They maneuver themselves to sitting in a slanted, tired lean. For a moment, the silence lingers, stretched between them like syrup.

Finally, growing uncomfortable but stiffening his spine, Dream says, “If you are not going to imminently fall apart and cause havoc, then I will take my leave.”

“I love how much you care,” says Desire, sarcastically. Then, tilting their head, “You do care. Just a little bit. Don’t you?”

Dream does not respond to this.

“You could have simply disentangled all your little dreams from my realm and instead you came to check on me,” they say, with glee, and Dream glares. And Desire, apparently sensing a fight, subsides.

“Always lovely when you come around, dear brother,” they say, reclining back against their chaise lounge, eyes glittering despite the neglected state of their form. “Do come again.”

“If you remedy your affairs, then I will not have to,” says Dream curtly, and steps backwards into the Dreaming.

Desire does so love to press buttons at moments when they have almost reached an accord. Desire, once his most loved sibling. Those days are gone now, and Dream does not see them coming back.

#desire versus the plague of phone addiction #desire yelling into the void: STOP PLAYING CANDY CRUSH AND GO HAVE MESSED UP SEX YOU WORTHLESS THINGS #desire of the endless #dream of the endless #my writing

[cybercl0ne]

not sure if u do requests but I found ur blog recently and have been OBSESSED. I was thinking if you could do an arrange marriage fic for aizawa. I would absolutely DIE if u did. It can be any AU i wont mind since whatever u write will be amazing! I know it 💗💗💗

Will do! I love you so much. I wrote this trying to best fit my other pieces of work, so I hope you like it and I'm sorry I took so long to reply but I'm here now *plays graceful music*

Summary: Your father sells you to a man that knows you from UA.

F/M (she/her)

A/N at the bottom!!!!

TW: Abuse, mentions of Abuse, Fathers a massive dick (again), massive Angst, 18+, slow burn, porn with plot, murder, Aizawa is Yandere

You tried to keep your head down. You wanted to speak. You felt the words you wanted to say bubbling up in your throat, desperately trying to simmer.

"Don't disappoint me Y/n." You fathers booming voice bowelled. His intense aura making you feel smaller than you already were compared to him.

"Yes father." You spoke, still trying to maintain a put together face. You were slightly confused as to what was going on but would never voice it as you learned where talking out of line got you. Your mind hissed at the memories of the endless nights of torture your father would put you through just so you would never talk 'out of place' again.

Unimpressed your father scoffed, watching as the car rolled to a sudden stop. He let himself out, leaving you to bear the responsibility of fear. His assistant opened the door, his heart sharing the same hole as yours. "Good luck miss." He whispered, cheering you on knowing that this tiny act of kindness could get him killed. You gave him a warm smile innocent but filled with bloodshed, wanting to be in his shoes, even as a assistant for a man like your father. At least he could escape. At least he wasn't wasted down by the overbearing responsibilities you bared.

His shoes were different from the feet you walked with. You quickly and quietly made way to catch up with your father who still ignored your existence for as long as possible. He stepped through the sleek sophisticated door, you behind his large frame.

Life has never been fair to you or your family. When you were born your mother fell ill causing her to be hidden from the outside world. Sometimes when you’d have nightmares you’d curl into the warmth of her bony chest, watching as her warm arms wrapped around you. She’d reassure you countless times, kissing your temple. But now those days were gone. You no longer could run into your mom's touch, watch her smile glow up the room full of iv drips and medicine.

"This is Y/n. Shes the one that you will be betrothed." Your fathers familiar booming voice declared. You stood shell shocked, not wanting to believe what your eyes had soaked in. "N-no...H-he didn't say that." You blinked a few times to make sure you weren't stuck in some messed up nightmare but found you were very awake.

Your father nudged you as he placed his hands on your shoulders and activated his quirk, burning into the cloth of your clothes. You wasted no time, bowing before the strange man. "She might be a little untamed but I'm sure you'll figure it out." He said, throwing you at the man that stood before you.

Your face was nothing but mortified as you saw your father walking out of the room, still sharing the same uninterested look at you as when you were born. "F-father?" You scampered towards him, scraping yourself and ignoring the man that you fell into. He shared nothing but a simple scoff.

You blanked as your world flipped on its side. You saw your father looming over you as if he had put something rotten in his mouth. The glint that he shared between you sent your body into hives and shivers.

"I am not your father. Don't call me that." "If it were up to me, I would've never had you." "I would've sold you off to some man any day, but it appeared he was the only buyer."

"So, play nice now."

As soon as he spoke your body reacted with the only reaction it could. You hauled forward, your body rejecting everything. As you threw up all over the poor man's floor you noticed the sleek black shoes your father always wore disappear behind the black door.

You desperately reached for his long-gone presence. tears and snot uncontrollably free falling in front of you. "P-please father!"

"Don't leave me! Don't leave me behind! I-I'll be good!" Your heart wrenching words dissipated into thin air as it would never reach your targeted audience. The only man in the room however rushed to your side, immediately comforting you.

You watched as the world went black.

You woke up with a heavy migraine, your brain trying to forget the part where your father basically admits to hating you at birth. You hold your stomach as you try to muster an emotion other than grief and freedom mixed but you find yourself unable.

You look around realizing that your environment was completely different from what you knew. The spacious room overwhelmed you and the man that laid across from you spoke danger. You quickly huddled up into your legs as the strange man stirred in his sleep, transitioning to a woke state. "W-where am I?" You spoke, your voice faint and hoarse. You cringe at how little words fall from your mouth. "My house." The man utters.

You decide to take a good look at him, taking in his gruffy patch under his chin, his eyebags and his ragged black hair.

"Shota? -"

Both of your faces light up upon remembering a distant name from the past.

"Hi y/n." He breathes a breath of relief. You grabbed him immediately, embracing him tightly as he stood stunned, unsure of weather to hug you back and risk never letting you go.

"I thought I'd never see you again." Aizawa Whispered softly afraid you might float away from how light you felt in his arms. You let go, examining his face once more, fighting the urge to pepper it with soft kisses.

"Oh Aizawa..." "I-I'm so sorry..." You stuttered. You felt immense guilt as he talked his worry of you onto you.

"I had to leave UA. I wanted to be like you, a teacher but my father..." You choked, not sure if you can even call him a proper father. All he ever knew was pain.

"Don't worry. You'll be ok now." He reassured, lightly stroking your head. You whimpered into his chest, carving small circles.

For the first time in a long time you could feel yourself breathe. It was like you no longer had to cover your mouth, or act like you were stepping on pins and needles. You were free.

——*a few months later*——

You thought you’d hate the idea of marriage. Being tied down to a lover, or whoever your father would put you with in the end. But Aizawa was determined to erase any mark that monster had placed on you, and that started with the roots itself.

Since Aizawa was a pro hero he was fully aware he could never kill the villains he pursued. But the more Aizawa held you at night and watched you wriggle and mewl in your sleep made the reasonable thoughts broil. He knew he just had to do something. He stepped downstairs at after finalizing his plan, seeing you downstairs preparing him another beautiful breakfast that he felt a little bad that he wasn’t gonna eat. But there would be many great meals that he’d enjoy with you after he got rid of the lingering problem.

You looked so peaceful with your hair tied up and idling in one of his t shirts, never failing to look like a supernova even in the groggy mornings. He couldn’t resist and had to feel you from behind if even to just get the smell of you in his mind. “Hey baby” Aizawa’s groggy and rasped voice croaked. You startled, jumped as he wrapped his arms around your waist, rocking you side to side to let you know it was him.

“Hey honey. You ready to eat?” You asked, spatula in your hand but your attention all on him. He loved the way you’d fill his stomach with butterflies like he was a teenager again when you looked up at him with trust.

“No sorry sweets, I’ll pass but I’ll be back to eat later.” He didn’t fail to miss how you deflated a bit but perked back up after he hugged you tighter you perked back up.

“Well alright. Just be back in time for lunch or dinner.” You nagged like a wife. You caught yourself on the words, visibly flashing a hand to your mouth. He laughed, thinking about how little you changed through the years, even through high school you were shy and reserved but around him you loosened up unintentionally. It made him feel like he had done right. He’d been told by many peers and other of his students that he was scary, but deep down Aizawa cared, just was very used to acting like he doesn’t.

He planted a wet kiss on your face, exiting the warm feel of your embrace, looking back at you one last time for a fond memory until he gets back from doing a little “errand”.

He watched from afar at his victim. He watched as he left in his black car that had been in his rear view. Aizawa watched as the tall buff man exited the car and into his esteemed home with no car in the world. He looked as if he had no concern. It made Aizawa want to erase him even more. Aizawa followed close behind posing as a pro hero just put on patrol. He banged on the tall door that assisted the tall lowly man.

The door shot open as his tall stature sank to the front door. “What?” His booming voice rang. Aizawa could tell why this voice hurt and scared you so much but Aizawa was determined to make sure you never wind ear of a melody as broken as his. The man was visibly puzzled when he saw no one was standing at his doorstep. Shrugging it off and grumbling back inside his domain. Aizawa, already one step ahead, was inside his house without anyone or anything hearing/noticing. He promised the job would be clean and quick, all so he could have as much time with you as he wanted for the rest of both of your lives. He watched as the man sat in his office with a state of the art tablet, focused on whatever shady business he was indulging in. Aziawa made no effort to hide any longer revealing himself to the perpetrator that taunted the love of his life for so long under the radar. “What are you doing in here? Who let you in?!”

“Y’know you should do your research a little better.” Aizawa spoke, ignoring his past comment. Aizawa quickly and hastily poked the knife he placed at his knee to the grown man’s neck. And without second thought he slashed. He made sure the cut were clean and watched as blood splattered from his neck. He made little to no noise. Only choking on his gurgles of blood.

He quickly dipped out of the crime scene leaving nothing behind. He was aware that your father had ties and Allies, but with those allies were his enemies. Enemies that hated him with a diehard passion. Some of his Allies were backstabbers anyway, but your father was blinded by his power that he failed to even realize that you were what was keeping his business up. With you being there and as his weapon made him powerful but alone his quick could be quickly outmatched.

Aizawa shrugged, concluding that he’d fall down the ladder sooner or later but just decided to speed up the process. By now it was late and he knew that he probably had a worried wife at home waiting patiently for his arrival home. His heart fluttered, leaving behind the murderous acts where they belonged.

As soon as he stepped through the door he was happily greeted by you jumping at him wrapping your arms around him. “Where have you been?” You asked worried. You scanned his body for any marks of harm but when you found nothing you warmly hugged him again. “Sorry I’m so late honey.” He whispered into your head. He picked you up holding his lips to your face. You scrambled under him to put you down.

“Aizawa! Put me down you maniac!” You laughed, clutching onto him as he walked to your bedroom. “But I missed you so so much darling.” He teased, placing you gently on the bed to pepper your face with kisses. He towered over you showering you with deep love.

You both paused to look at each other, both lost in the way the other looked. He gently lowered into you, his eyes intoxicated with a potent that had you falling deep into his lips. You both share a loving kiss Aizawas hands not knowing if they should roam down your body. You grab his hand after breaking the kiss and bring it up to your left breast.

“It’s ok Aizawa.”

“I trust you.” You clearly spoke into his ear. You watched as his face shared a bright dusk of blush as he slowly allowed his hands to travel down every curve and slope of your body. You shivered under his touch, mewling and mumbling under him.

He found his way to back to your breast, playing and toying with the hard nipple that formed from his touch.

“So fucking beautiful.” He muttered. You tended up as the words registered to your ears. You noticed the bulge that grew in his pants as he kissed down your stomach, his eyes pleading for permission. You nodded as he pulled and teased at your already wet panties that now fled attention to the floor.

“You’re so fucking wet for me princess.” You hid your eyes as he played with your slick that was soaking his fingers as they played with your entrance.

“No, no, no sweetie, don’t look away. Be good and look at your man playing with your sweet cunt.”

You reluctantly opened your eyes to see his two fingers coying with your needy cunt. You watched as his fingers lodged their way inside of you. You quivered at the new feeling of something wriggling inside of you. “So damn tight for me baby.” He whispered as he fixated all his attention to you pussy. You wiggled and moaned as he stretched and prodded at your needy hole.

“p-please”

“what princess?” He stopped, looking at you. You lifted your leg to brush against his raging bulge. You felt it twitch against your touch and watched as Aizawa seethed with pleasure.

“Tell me what you want” He demanded.

“Y-you.”

Aizawa clicked his teeth, freeing his cock from his pants. You saw how it laid out on your stomach. You imagined how easy you’d tear from how big he was. You were completely new to this, and a little intimidated by the girth and length of his twitching cock.

He pumped his member testing and readying it at your entrance. “Don’t worry baby, it’ll fit.” He soothed playfully. You flushed at how he petted your stomach as he stabled himself inside you.

You both seared with how tight everything felt. You felt the world spin as pain and pleasure mixed beautifully. You greedy pussy pushed for more of Aizawa’s cock as he paused to let you breathe.

“You’re doing so well for me princess” he kissed your teary face. “Is it all the way in yet?” You whimpered. He lightly chuckled, and shook his head softly.

“we’re not even half way darling.” He spoke. You felt yourself stretching and clamping around him as he thrusted his way inside you. You felt how his cock crawled into your cervix and deep inside your womb. You felt the way your pussy throbbed for harder movements.

“P-please keep going.” You voiced.

At that moment Aizawa lost control and started pounding at your womb. You felt your ass shake as skin collided with one another. You watched the small bulge in your stomach disappear and reappear every time he rammed in and out. Soon you start to feel the sensation of your stomach coiling around him. “Aizawa i-I’m gonna-“

“don’t worry I’m going to cum to baby.” He grunted. You watched as your cunt slicked more and more as his thrust became deeper and stronger. You grasp onto his back, leaving your own special mark on him as you screamed and moaned his name.

“That’s right baby, my name is the only name you need to know.” He panted. You felt the coil in your stomach snap as you started spasming around him, coating his cock with your cum. Not too long after you Aizawa chases his own high, nearing his climax.

“g-gonna fill you up. Gonna breed you with my children baby.” He said as he thrusted.

Your mind started going blank as he kept pounding your soaked and overly sensitive pussy.

“Y-yes please fill me up w-with your lovely cum.” You panted as you both stared eachother in the eyes.

You felt his cock explode and coat your womb with his load. You felt how his cum traveled its way inside you, some of it overflowing out of your twitching womb.

The room was filled with moans and pants, the room smelling of fucked out sex and the feeling of hot bodies touching each other.

Aizawa laid against you for a moment before pulling out, gaining a whimper from you and how the empty pop of his cock leaving your pussy made you shiver. He placed you in his chest, you still feeling weak and your legs still shaking. “I love you y/n.” He said, breaking the silence. He planted a kiss on your head, when he heard no sounds or reply he glanced and saw how you were peacefully sleeping on his chest, bundled up and face beautifully resting.

The next morning you woke up and next to you, Aizawa resting peacefully, arms around your waist. You kissed his nose and watched it scrunch up as he moved in his sleep. You quietly giggled while trying to escape his grasp. You went to the bathroom to clean the sticky sensation from yesterdays ‘nightly activities’.

As you stepped out of the bathroom, clean and new you traveled back to the bedroom to throw your clothes away when Aizawa’s rustling made his presence.

“Where are you going honey?” He asked groggy with his eyes still closed.

“sorry to wake you baby.” You kissed his forehead, waking up from the sudden movement of his love trying to get out of his embrace too early.

“Come back to bed.” He whined. You indulged him, laying back into his needy embrace.

He rocked you and wrestled you around and soon you both were play fighting in the bed.

“Aizawa stop that!” You playfully cried out as he tickled you. “Stop? Stop what? Oh this?” He tickled again over you. You kissed his lips and you both fell into a deep make out session. When you both break the kiss Aizawa just takes a second to watch you. Look at the love of his life. “Y/n please marry me.” He spouts. Your eyes glow as he hugs you waiting for your reply.

“Really?” You stuttered.

“Of course, you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve actually wanted to marry you since high school.” He admitted.

“Really?” You flushed, soon you two were having a conversation on how you both like each other in UA but never acted on the feeling. It was like you both were in high school again. Your heart felt fulfilled as you watched him ramble about how he was so into you and you never knew.

You cuddled up into him listening to him call you his wife.

A/N: hey y’all! Thanks to these two people who sent me a message! When I saw them I literally felt so fulfilled that I started on this last night. Sorry it took so long but it’s not done I still gotta do part 6 of Falling for a dead rose so see you then.🫡

#boku no hero x reader #bnha #fanfic #cybercl0ne #yandere #yanderecore #mha fanfiction #aizawa smut #aizawa fanart #shoto aizawa #yandere aizawa #shota aizawa #aizawa x reader #aizawa x you #eraserhead

[admirxation]

Broken Locks | Part 5 {FINALE}

𓆩♡𓆪┆other parts: part one | part two | part three | part four

𓆩♡𓆪┆pairing: las plagas! yandere! re4!leon s. kennedy x fem!reader (afab)

𓆩♡𓆪┆summary: Chris and Jill have finally found the reader, but the only problem now is to convince her that she and her baby will be safe, and how to deal with Leon.

𓆩♡𓆪┆word count: 2.6k

𓆩♡𓆪┆disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! i do not condone everything i write, my writing doesn’t reflect all my morals. if any of the following warnings trigger or make you feel uncomfortable, scroll away; you are in charge of what content you’re consuming. this is 18+ only, minors are strongly advised not to interact.

𓆩♡𓆪┆warnings: nsfw 18+ mdni. female anatomy and she/her pronouns used for reader. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT. Noncon and dubcon, kidnapping, manipulation, mental illness, trauma, gun violence, blood and death.

Chapter five: It needed to happen.

The journey was long, Chris and Jill took no stops no matter how many hours they were on the road, their determination was strong. There was silence — now and again — but when they did have a conversation it was the anxiety and worries that Jill was expressing, Chris trying to make her feel better and reassuring her that you were alive and that today was the day you would be bought back.

Jill didn’t vocalise this, but what she was most worried about wasn’t the parasite, of course, that was one of her priorities but the number one thing that kept circling around her mind was the thought of you being in love with Leon; she knew your deep affections toward him, and now knowledgeable of his to you, but she didn’t want you to fall for him, to surrender yourself to Stockholm syndrome and mistake his abuse for “love”.

But unknowingly, you had already gone through the motions of hating him, accepting him, and falling in love with him — against your will.

It wasn’t long until the destination was reached, of course, they didn’t want to stop right in front of the house so they parked close to a cluster of cars that stopped before the beginning of a forest. The map was pointing to get inside the forest, so they had no choice but to make their way and be ready for anything that was going to happen; when it came to the halfway point a pathway became clearer with it being filled with tiny stones and a neat curvature to what Jill and Chris knew was where you prison was located. They decided to move away from it, to walk where the trees could cover them.

“You had to wear the blue vest didn’t you?” Chris whispered, penetrating through the sounds of breathing and breaking twigs under his boots.

“Ignore my lack of camouflage, let’s just get her,” Jill said, exasperated with the whole situation, just wanting to grab your arm and put you somewhere safe.

“Get down,” Chris grabbed Jill’s arm, so hard that bits of her flesh were poking out in the gaps between his fingers’ grasp, Jill didn’t hesitate and didn’t want to ask any questions, so both of them had their stomachs and chests lay along the dirt, having their bodies be covered by the surrounding trees, but allowing a small space of vision to see what was happening.

“It’s Leon,” Jill whispered as she squinted her eyes and focused on who was driving the black car, “We better get a move on,” without any time wasted they both scrapped themselves off the ground, running but frequently being alert to see or hear if Leon was going to make a U-turn and come back.

Jill couldn’t help but have that picture of Leon be engraved in her memories, it was only brief but she saw how terrifying he looked with the dark veins over his pale skin, looking like he had been in survival mode for far too long; but that was the case, Leon wasn’t “living” he was merely surviving and trying his best to keep his heart pumping while the parasite controlled and took him over — what was once known of Leon S. Kennedy was now a fragment of the past, a relic only to be unlocked by a core memory.

The roof was the first thing they saw, within the gaps of the trees and leaves it was easier to see everything when their running quickened and got closer; they stopped again to check their surroundings, wanting to make sure there weren’t any traps or cameras Leon had — it was obvious he was going to be very protective, after all the efforts to get you imprisoned.

When the goal was near, both of them saw you stop by the door, tears in your eyes but also fear; Jill and Chris couldn’t make out why you were teary but you knew — you thought Leon had permanently left you there and would never come back, to leave you and your baby with no one to take care of you. The rational part of your brain was relieved and kept shouting at your body to just take the steps and get out of that house as soon as possible; but you couldn’t, it felt like a higher being or natural force kept you grounded in your current standing, forcing you to remain a prisoner and Leon’s little toy to always own and control.

Both of them slowly approached you, making you jump a little when you heard the tiny stones under their feet be crushed and moved about; you looked up and your best friend was there, with an unknown man.

“Jill? Is that you?” you couldn’t quite believe it at first, for too long you had only been accompanied by Leon and your own thoughts but this was now a person you knew and deeply cared for; your whole body tingled in joy and the voice inside told you to just run up to her and have her take you away from it all — but Leon managed to manipulate you enough to stop listening to that voice of rationality.

“Yes, it’s me… I’m sorry it took me long but I’m here to save you now,” Jill was slow with her movements, not knowing what Leon had “taught” you to do in case of a rescue, “The man by my side is Chris Redfield, a friend… We are both here to save you, no more harm will be done to you… Please walk toward me Y/N.”

Jill was gentle with her speech and body language, you felt relaxed and safe, not the false safety you felt with Leon but a true refuge; you couldn’t quite place it but just with a first glance you could trust Chris, he just seemed trustworthy to you, maybe it was his aura or his close friendship with Jill but that was how you felt.

“I-I want to…” your voice was shallow.

“So come to me then,” Jill was desperate.

“What if Leon comes back… He’ll be mad at me.”

“Y/N, Leon doesn’t control you anymore, if you come with me now, you will never experience that anger,” her hand reached out, slowly inching even more closer until she was face to face with you, just inches away and able to see every physical emotion you expressed on your face.

“But… It isn’t fair to leave the father of my child.”

Jill couldn’t believe it, she paused for a moment, she stuttered as she tried to get some words out, any words, but that was improving impossible with the shock of the news; she kept thinking about if she had come sooner this would have never happened, but also what was going to happen as the baby of the infected man lived inside you, using you as a source — another host for the parasite.

“Jill… That parasite is just going to grow inside her,” Chris then looked at you, reluctantly pulling his gun towards you, “I’m sorry Jill… But this is for the greater good.”

You couldn’t move, you were frozen, having your life flash before your eyes, your heart beat quickening. “Is this the end for me?” You thought, your vision getting blurry as the tears were nesting in the brim of your eyes; for a final moment of peace you closed your eyes, not wanting to see as your light would fade.

BANG.

Your body was frozen in time, your fists were clenched, your teeth grinding, just waiting for it to happen… But it didn’t.

“Don’t you dare, you’re not killing her, we don’t know her condition,” you heard Jill’s voice. You wondered why you were hearing people speak, you thought you were experiencing something of an afterlife, or the beginning of the journey to it, but no, you were still alive. You opened your eyes and saw that Chris was pushed to the ground, looking at Jill with red fury in his eyes, his gun now far away from him. That trust of a stranger was now proved to be consequential, you were hoping you could trust Jill.

“Y/N, please listen to me,” she was grabbing your arms, looking into your teary eyes, “I know you’re scared, but we’re not going to hurt you, he was just shocked, I will make sure you won’t be hurt… Please believe me, come with me, don’t look back… I promise you and that baby will be safe, you can trust me.”

And you did.

You put your hand into hers, hesitantly taking a step onto the wooden porch, down to the grass of the forest as Jill guided you and Chris behind; you were scared that Chris was behind after nearly killing you, but you were with your best friend and you knew she wouldn’t let anything happen to you. You kept looking around your atmosphere, you hadn’t been out this far in his area, all you remembered was the incident at the apartment and then waking up to that dreaded room.

It didn’t take long for you to be in the car, ready to start your journey; you were inside the vehicle and took a deep breath in, you expected it to give you some relaxation but that was further from the truth, with the reality that happened. You paused, not wanting to look behind you, but knowing exactly what was happening.

“Where do you think you’re taking her?”

It was Leon.

Jill and Chris stayed outside the locked car, their guns pointing to him, not breaking any eye contact.

“She doesn’t want to be with you, Leon, you can’t take care of her,” Chris started; he didn’t want to shoot his friend but he knew he would have to with all the evidence he had collected along the way in the finding of your location and his “condition”.

“I have taken care of her, she’s had everything she wants,” Leon smirked.

“You took her freedom… You didn’t take care of her,” Jill took a deep breath, “I don’t want to make it harder, take a step back or I’ll shoot you right here!”

Leon couldn’t help but let out an arrogant chuckle.

“You know I always finish my mission Kennedy, and my mission is to protect Y/N and to make sure she never sees you again,” Jill said.

“Fine,” he stepped back, “On one condition.”

“We’re not negotiating Kennedy, you either back off or your dead!” Chris had venom lingering in his words as he shouted at Leon.

“I just want to ease my mind… I know Y/N doesn’t want to be separated from me, for the months you morons took to find us she clinged to me like a puppy, so bring her here and let her choose… If she chooses you, I go, if me then… Never disturb us.”

“Like we’re going to entertain that —”

“No, fine,” Jill opened the door looking into your eyes, helping you come out of the car, “It’s fine Chris, we will give him what he wants.”

Leon’s eyes widened with excitement, looking at you hungrily, arrogantly believing he had already won the whole game.

Chris couldn’t help but wonder what the hell Jill was thinking, she knew you were traumatised and troubled, you had no place to figure out that Leon wasn’t the one you needed or wanted; he just wished on every lucky star that the right future would unravel in front of him.

“Darling,” Leon started, “Come on, I know I’ve had my moments but you know I care about you… I gave you everything… I gave the privilege of being the mother of my child… Come on, I won’t be mad, they manipulated you.”

“Course we did,” Chris said sarcastically under his breath.

“Shut your mouth Redfield! You don’t know anything that happened those months we’ve been together, I’ve given her a home, given her all the presents any woman would dream to have… The only crime I did was miss the mundane courting and gave her the relationship she wanted.”

You stood there, your mentality being troubled, every part of your brain voiced its opinion; you felt your eyes getting heavier and a force making your walk toward Leon.

“Y/N no!,” Jill went to grab you.

“Ah, ah, ah… Not the rules of the game Jill Valentine,” he looked at her with sinister eyes.

“Y/N please… You don’t want to be with someone like that!” you paused in your steps which made Leon clench his fists and look dead into your eyes to try and convince you with fear to continue your walk, “He will kill you one day —”

“You don’t know what you’re —”

“He will… Those dark veins are a parasite from Spain, he went there on a mission to save the President’s daughter, We have every single file that we can show you after all this… If you choose to stay with him, you only killing yourself… And your baby.”

Chris slowly put his hand in his jacket pocket, holding up the journal that Leon had hidden and pleaded for help: “Remember this Leon… This is what you wrote and how we found you, you pleaded not to be the person you’ve now become, go on read it, and the real Leon will come,” he threw the journal towards him and Leon caught it, not taking any notice as he flicked through the papers.

Until he saw it.

The page that pleaded to be killed, and how much he loved you, not the “love” the parasite conditioned you to feel, but a true love that could have been felt if a confession occurred sooner and he had never gone to Spain.

And there — right in front of you all — those dark veins were fading, his blue eyes emerging with innocence, he wasn’t cured but this was the real Leon who was fighting to get his last words out.

“I’m… I’m sorry Y/N, I love you and I would have never hurt you if… if —”

“I know Leon, I know who you really are but… I don’t think the real you can survive now,” tears started to form.

“I know… That’s why I need you to kill me, right now,” his knees dropped to the ground, his hands dropping and getting grazed from the concrete, squeezing his eyes shut as he struggled to stop the parasite from taking control again, “Please, I can’t take it anymore it’s too much!”

You couldn’t do it, you stayed there with Chris and holding onto Jill’s arm, they looked at you and Jill handed you her gun, giving you the forward to finish and make what needed to happen; Leon couldn’t suffer like this anymore, and a cure was destroyed all the way in Spain, there was no hope.

“I’m sorry Leon, I wish it had happened differently,” your finger was on the trigger.

“I know… We would have been happier… I love you.”

“I love you too,” you closed your eyes, your finger pulling closer to you.

Then it happened.

The drop of a dead body hit the ground, blood pooling on the ground.

Leon was now dead.

Your whole body was shaking, not being able to hold the gun anymore as it dropped to your feet, looking at Leon’s limp body on top of the pool of blood; it needed to happen, but that fact wouldn’t make you feel any better.

It was time to leave and you sobbed, whaling as the remnant of who Leon truly was and his last words lingering in your mind, those words that would be remembered all your life.

Chris was driving to where you would be living for a while, your hand on your belly, and the other in Jill’s hand as she pressed the side of her body into yours for comfort; she whipped away your tears and couldn’t imagine the conflict and emotional turmoil you were experiencing.

Tears puddled on your top as they rolled down your cheeks, you caressed your stomach and thought about the baby that was now forming inside you, the only piece of Leon that would live.

No idea what was to happen next.

©︎ admirxation. please do not copy or steal my works.

my links: masterlist | ao3 profile | kofi

a/n: omg finally it is finished, i rlly hope you enjoy this and maybe read more of my work. i will now be working on more one shots and taking a break from multiple part series as i’m mentally exhausted from writing long stories (ik play the smallest violin for me but that’s how i feel), BUT i MIGHT make a sequel to this if anyone wants, have a lovely day/evening <3

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x fem!reader #leon kennedy smut #yandere!leon kennedy x reader #yandere!leon kennedy #plagas!leon kennedy x reader #las plagas!leon kennedy #resident evil 4 #resident evil x reader #smut fanfiction #fanfiction #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x y/n #leon s kennedy x reader smut #leon s kennedy x reader #chris redfield resident evil #jill valentine #admirxation #admirxation broken locks

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 22 Part 2)

Word count: 18.7k

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Sam x OC

Warnings: Alcohol, Cursing, Dramatic Themes. Angst Including: Talks of Infidelity, Toxic Themes, Stalking, Arguing, Yelling, Extreme Portrayal of Sadness, Crying, Abandonment, Heartbreak, Talks of Illness, Extreme Illness, Hospitalization, Talks of Death and Dying, Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Physical Violence. Talks of Pregnancy, Pregnancy Complications, Pregnancy Loss/Termination. Smut Including: Kissing, Touching, Fingering, Oral F!Receiving, Oral M!Receiving, Penetration, Rough Sex, Voyeurism. Fluff.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

SAM POV

“Is there a faster setting for these windshield wipers? Cause these things are shit.” You asked Elle as you pulled into the tiny neighborhood in Cape Cod, peering through the thick falling raindrops to see if any of the buildings looked like the one in the Air BnB photos. You’d flown into Boston and rented a car, the perfect small-town birthday getaway, all planned by your lovely Elle. 

“Oh, there it is, babe! That one on the corner. It says we can park on the street.” Elle said, pulling on the rain boots she’d ditched the minute you got in the car. 

You pulled the car up as closely as you could to the front door of the tiny old house, situated perfectly on a row of about ten others that looked just the same. “It’s so cute!” Elle muttered.

“I can’t even see it, it’s raining so hard!” You yelled over the loud drops pounding on the sunroof. “Let’s wait a second while it calms down before we take everything inside.” 

“Mmm…okay.” She complained. 

“So anxious to get inside, babe…?” You said, running your hand over the back of her head. 

“Maybe. Yes. I’ve just planned this so quickly in the last few days, thinking we were gonna be out on the road instead of getting to do something special. I just can’t believe we actually made it, is all.” She leaned back into your touch, calming her jittery and excited nerves. 

You offered her a smile. “I’m excited too, babe. I can’t believe we made it either, honestly. And thank you, for planning this. You’re the best.” You sighed, watching as the rain let up a bit. “We should be soundchecking right now.”

“I’m sorry, love. I know you’d rather be out there playing.” She relented. 

“No, no. Not rather. Not rather at all. It’s just you get yourself in this mindset to go and do something like that, it takes a long time to get yourself there. Then it just stops. But it’s okay, shit happens. Jake needs to heal more than anything. Top priority.” You said, giving her a little smile. 

“Yes. Top priority. He will be okay, babe. Just needs some time.” She said, clicking the toes of her boots together. “Ready to go in now?”

——

You’d spent the afternoon making yourselves at home in the little house, a quaint place right on the water. The air still had a wintery feeling, but it didn’t stop the place from slowing down. You’d decided to take a walk down into town once the rain turned to a drizzle, seeing what all you could find in your short stay. It was straight out of a Hallmark movie; Main Street still bustled with people and tourists even this time of year. 

You picked out a few spots you wanted to come back and visit, making mental note to remember them. Restaurants, record stores, gift shops…everything you needed in one little place. 

It had gotten fairly late, and after a tiny takeout dinner, you had retreated to the oversized couch to watch a movie as you both let the jet lag set in. 

“So tomorrow. Your birthday. You pick what we do, the whole day.” Elle said as the two of you cuddled up under a blanket when the movie was over.  

“The whole day?” You said, scratching your peach fuzz. 

“Yep. Morning into night.” 

You picked her legs up from the floor and brought them to rest in your lap, massaging her muscles. “Hmm, well I think we should start off taking a shower, and you can wash my hair with that smelly-good stuff you have…” you let your hand travel up her leg, fingers digging into her thigh. 

“Then we can walk down to that Bread & Roses place and get coffee…then spend the day just exploring, maybe go out on the boat and see the humpbacks…” your hand ghosted over the hem of her sweatpants, fingers slipping in just barely as she let her eyes bore into yours. 

“Mmmhm, then what?” She said. 

“Then we can come back and get ready for dinner, you can put on that sexy black dress I saw you put in your suitcase…” your hand snuck below her waistline now, hand grazing over her heat. She smirked hard. 

“You saw that, huh?” She asked, clicking her tongue. “That was supposed to be a surprise, Sammy.”

“It still will be, baby. You never cease to surprise me. So then we can go get some seafood, and drink too much wine…” you watched as she began to lose composure at your touch, as you slipped a digit between her folds. 

“Way too much wine…” she breathed, arching her back just a little. 

“Wayyy too much…” you agreed, allowing your hand to go to work as you maintained eye contact. 

“Then we can cuddle up right back here again, and do this again…and again and again…” you slipped your middle finger inside her as her legs fell open under the blanket, and her jaw fell slack. 

You sat still, half of you wanting to grab her and take her into the bedroom, the other half wanting to sit here and undo her, with her completely at your will. 

You watched as her hands stayed under the blanket, gripping your thigh underneath you. Her face was contorting into beautiful and blissed-out expressions as you worked, hooking your finger slowly deep inside her. “Again and again?” She panted. 

“Uh huh, as many times as you want…” you replied, moving your thumb to make tiny swirls on her sweet spot. 

“How’s that feel, baby? Feel good?” You asked her, voice low and gravely against the sound of the rain picking back up again. 

“Yeah, feels so good…”  she moaned a high pitched sound, letting you know she was enjoying herself. “But Sammy, it’s your birthday. You should be the one getting all the special treatment.”

“Eh, yeah maybe. But watching you like this…it’s it’s own special kind.” You began moving your pace a bit faster, adding another finger inside her. 

Her head tilted back as her hands gripped your leg harder, completely falling apart right here on your lap. She hummed and gasped for air, her knees opening and closing over and over. 

"Sammy, please…keep goi-"

 “We’ve got three whole days for you to treat me, baby. Right? You gonna do that for me later, too?” 

She nodded hard as her hips began to grind up into your hand. “Of course I will baby. Whatever you want. It’s all yours...” She brought her eyes to yours again, giving you a look that came straight from another world. God this woman…

You brought your face closer to hers, gritting your teeth. “You know what I want right now, Eleanor…go ahead and give it to me…” you growled in her ear. 

Seconds later she was coming undone at your words, riding out her high as you continued to move your hand in and out of her, mouthfuls of pitiful words falling from her lips. You swear you could never get enough of her like that, and you weren’t sure you would ever get tired of it. Even if you got nothing in return, just watching her fall apart at your mercy was enough. 

“Fuck Sam, that was…a welcome surprise.” She laughed, letting her arm fall over her eyes. “I like the idea of us just doing that kind of thing over and over and over again..” She sat up a bit, wrapping her arms around your neck. “What time is it?” 

You clicked your phone screen on the table. “11:49.” 

“Close enough.” She popped out from under the blanket, and dashed into the bedroom and then into the kitchen. You heard the refrigerator door open and close, and a few seconds later she was coming back into the room with a plate, with a lit candle sticking out of something on the top. 

“Happy birthday to Sammy, happy birthday toooooo Sammy…” she sang, a giant smile on her face as she held her hand in front of the flame while she walked. She set the plate down in front of you. “Make a wish, silly!” She beamed. 

You smiled hard at her, rubbing your hands together as you closed your eyes, making a scene out of making your wish. 

For the love of all that is holy, please let this discussion I’m about to have with Elle go smoothly, please don’t let her leave me, and please help her to know that she’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me…

You opened your eyes, and blew out the candle. She clapped her hands and took the candle out, bringing the plate up in front of your face. You could hardly make out what it was in the dim light of the room. 

“That smells amazing, what is that?” You asked. 

“My granny’s old recipe for homemade cinnamon rolls!” She answered, running her finger along the top of it, taking some icing and licking it off. 

“When did you make these?!” You asked. 

“When you were out running errands the other day. Here, try some…” she handed you a fork and you both dug in. 

“Holy shit, Elle. That’s the best fuckin thing I’ve ever eaten. Please marry me tomorrow.” You said with a full mouth. 

She blushed hard. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” She laughed, sitting back onto the couch and covering herself with the blanket. You placed the plate back on the table, and laid back with her. 

You were trying your damnedest to find the right time to talk to her, tell her what you’d done. You knew it wasn’t going to be pretty, and you absolutely expected the worst. You deserved anything she threw your way, and you’d prepared yourself for her to pack her things and leave when you got back home.

But for right now, her yawns were becoming more and more frequent. And you decided it could wait until tomorrow. For now, you’d let yourself enjoy the peace of her presence, just for a little while longer. 

“Happy birthday, Sammy.” She said as she gave you the sweetest look, adoration filling her to the brim. It hurt your heart, to know that tomorrow you’d probably be breaking hers. 

——

The next morning you and Elle walked hand in hand along the beach, picking up shells as you sipped your coffees. It was chilly and breezy, and the beach wasn’t too crowded just yet. There was more rain in the forecast though, calling for heavy showers and colder temperatures all night. 

“Oh my god babe, look!” You suddenly called out, picking a shell up from the sand and bringing it over to her. “It’s abalone! This is my favorite shell!”

You both examined it, cleaning off the bits of sand to let the iridescent rainbow colors shine through. 

“Guidance.” Elle said. 

“What?” 

“These symbolize guidance, within like, relationships and love.” She went on, giving you a tiny sweet smile. “Are you looking for guidance with something, Sammy?”

Uh, fuck. Yeah, kinda. Wow. 

You shrugged, gulping down a hard swallow. “Guess it’s always cool to have a little extra help from the…ocean, hah.”

Elle giggled. “So how does 23 feel?” She asked, pushing her heavy waves behind her ear. The oversized sweater she had on was draping over her shoulder, sitting perfectly on her tiny frame. 

“Feels like 22 but cooler.” You answered, kicking through the icy water, sticking the abalone in your pocket. “How is 24?”

“It’s the best year I’ve had yet.” She smiled, always being the glass half-full type of person. 

“It has been a good year, hasn’t it?” You answered. “Except for, well, our most recent bummer. Hopefully this doesn’t set the pace for the rest of tour…”

“I hope not.” Elle went on. “You wanna walk down to the pier and get a sandwich or something?” 

The two of you made your way to get lunch, stopping at little gift shops along the way. You’d ended up underneath the pier after you ate, the air slowly getting cooler as a drizzle blew in. Elle was standing next to one of the pier beams, looking at all the clusters of barnacles stuck to the sides. 

“Elle sells sea shellllls…” you sang as you approached her. “Ew, that’s gross. What are all these things?” You asked, flicking away at some of the crusty old growths. 

“Don’t take them off! They’ll die if you remove them!” Elle swatted your hand away. 

“Shit, my bad.” You hopped back, hands up in surrender. 

“Look, babe…” she pulled her arm in front of her, gently grabbing a tiny shell from the cluster. “Ammonite…” she said, bringing it close to her face. 

“Well great, now it’s gonna die!” You complained. 

“No, this isn’t a barnacle, dummy. It’s an ammonite shell. Do you know how rare these are? And look, it’s opalized…” She said quietly, the wind blowing her hair in front of her face. 

“No, I don’t guess… how do you know all this stuff?” You inquired, truly impressed that she did. “You didn’t even grow up near the ocean…”

“I know a lot of cool things, Sammy.” She said blankly, still closely inspecting the perfect spiral shell, in pure awe that she found it. 

“Why don’t you keep it? I can make you a necklace or something out of it.” You suggested. 

“Really? Can you?” She said, finally smiling. 

“Sure. Couldn’t be too hard. Little dremel action. I’ll figure it out.” You promised her. You knew you’d give her anything in the world if it meant she’d give you that sweet smile again. 

“I’ll wear it every single day. Never take it off.” She said, slipping it in her coat pocket for safe keeping. 

“And what does the mighty ammonite shell symbolize, oh Wise Knower of All Things Ocean?” You teased. 

She rolled her eyes and laughed again. “Change. Just, change.”

——

The rain was falling heavier now, as you and Elle munched on your seafood takeout, opting to stay in with your dinner and wine instead of going out. She’d set the table nicely, lit candles and transferred all the food from the to-go boxes onto nice plates. You cracked a few windows, letting the smell of the rain mixed with the ocean air blow in slightly through the house. You were nearing the bottom of your first bottle of Chardonnay, fully intending on starting the second bottle the minute it was empty. 

“Babe, you didn’t have to put the sexy black dress on, I was just kidding.” You joked. 

She scoffed. “Of course I did, it’s your birthday. Gotta wine you, dine you, and give you a show. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t?” 

You giggled. “I’m also glad you got oysters. You know what they say abou-”

“Sam. We all know. You say it every single time we eat oysters…” she rolled her eyes as she sipped her wine. 

“What? No I don’t, it’s true though…” you defended yourself. 

“I know it is.” She sighed. “That’s why I ordered them.” 

“That’s my girl…” you gave her a flirty and devilish laugh. “You’re already killing me in that dress, it’s…truly something. Hope these oysters work their fuckin’ magic…” you said. 

She stood from the table, swishing her hips from side to side, knowing she was giving you a show. “All finished, Samuel?” She asked in a sultry voice  as she leaned down low, putting her boobs in your face as she took your plate. 

“Yes…all done…” you were quickly falling into her trap, getting more turned on with every passing second just by watching her.

“I’ll do the dishes later, we’ve got other things to attend to, hm?” She said, walking back over and straddling you in the chair. She brushed your hair back, hands wrapped around your face as she took you in. Finally she connected her lips to yours, brushing her wine-soaked tongue into your mouth. Her hands wrapped around your head and your neck as she started kissing you harder, giving you immediate indication of exactly what she wanted. God, you were already so turned on, but, you were also bursting at the seams to tell her. You had to talk to her, right now.

You pulled away quickly. “Stop. Elle, stop.”

“What, babe? What’s wrong?” She said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

You began to stand the two of you up, hand in hand, walking to the couch to grab the blanket and lead her into the sunroom. The wall was nothing but big windows, a perfect view of the now stormy waves blowing up onto the beach. There was another giant couch in here, plush and white and covered with pillows. You sat down, motioning for her to join you. 

She sat, and you threw the big blanket across you again. “What is it, Sam? You’re scaring me. Is something wrong?”

“No. Well, yes. Yeah, actually.” You took a breath as you took her hands under the blanket, preparing yourself for the storm that was about to hit. The guilt was eating you alive. 

“Elle, you know I love you more than anything, anything in the entire world, right?” You prefaced, looking her directly in the eyes. 

“Yeah, I know. God Sam, what? What is it?” She asked, anxiety setting in. 

“Just let me…” you huffed, running a hand over your face. “That night, in Vegas. I, uh. I did something really bad, Elle.” You felt a lump form in your throat, watching as her eyes filled with dread. 

“After Jake left, and you got sick and went to sleep, um. Y/N and I went to smoke, and…things kind of…”

“No, Sam. No…don’t…” she said, letting go of your hands. 

You stayed steadfast in your confession. “We hooked up, Elle. Behind your backs. I did it, and…I have no excuse at all. It just… happened. And we both had immediate, immediate regret. It was the most stupid decision I’ve ever made in my life, Elle. And I can never take it back. I will never forgive myself, ever. You don’t deserve that, you never did. And I put our relationship in jeopardy. After everything we built. And I’m so, so sorry baby.” You began to cry a little, seeing the look on her face. She stayed silent. 

“I’m so sorry. I should have told you immediately after it happened. But I’m stupid, I guess. I don’t expect you to forgive me. Hell, ever. But I just… wanted to tell you. I couldn’t lie to you any more.” You bit your lips together as the tears fell. You felt relief, but not the good kind. 

After a few seconds of hell, she finally spoke. “Does Jake know?”

You nodded. “Yeah, he knew the night it happened. I’m so sorry Elle. They both begged me to tell you, even threatened to do it themselves. But I made them promise me they wouldn’t. It had to come from me.”

"So you lied to me, all that time. All the times we had sex…you told me you loved me, you…” she shook her head, standing from the couch. “You lied to me, Sam. For a good while, why did you-"

“I’m so sorry Elle. Yes I did, I lied to you. And I…I don’t know why I did. I guess I just, everything with Jake happened so fast, and it was so scary, and I was in a weird headspace with that, and worrying about him. And then tour got postponed, I just– I should have told you. As soon as it happened. And I apologize for making that horrible decision. It was thoughtless, Elle. And you don’t deserve that. Neither does Jake.”

She shook her head, letting everything hit her as she sat back down on the other end of the couch. She wiped away a few stray tears. “I think I need a minute. Can you…”

“Yes. Whatever you need. Just, come back to me, soon. Please Elle. Please don’t leave.” You begged, walking slowly to her and holding out your hand. She didn’t grab it. She looked away, pulling a pillow from the stack and curling her body around it, looking out the windows as the rain pounded. 

Fuck. 

What now? 

You retreated back into the kitchen, blowing out the candles and closing the windows. You kept your mind distracted and your hands occupied, cleaning up the table and doing the dishes. You cleaned the entire kitchen, wiped down the counters and even scrubbed the sink. 

She just needs a minute. Just needs some time. 

After you cleaned until there was not a thing out of place, you grabbed your acoustic from the case in the bedroom, sitting back on the couch in the living room to play a little, hoping it’d bring you some solace. 

What came out first was the Age of Machine riff that you wrote so long ago, on a rainy day just like this one. You remembered the day you played it for Jake, thinking it was just going to be something he brushed off. 

“Wait, wait…what was that? Do that again.”

“That’s fuckin' scary, Sam. God damn…let’s keep going with it.”

Your fingers plucked away as your mind raced over what had just happened. Was she crying? Should you go in there?  Then it hit you, her favorite song. 

You began to strum the first few chords of Anthem, hoping she’d hear and come back in and be ready to talk. You hummed along, remembering again when you all wrote it. How simple it was. No frills, nothing fancy. Just good guitar, simple percussion, and really powerful lyrics. 

You played for a long while, moving then into something else entirely, big foreboding bellowing sounds then tight and cheery ones, letting the thoughts running through your mind come out through your hands. Darkness fell completely in the house, and you started to worry about Elle, and if she would ever come back. 

“Sammy.” You finally heard. You popped up, turning around on the couch to face her. 

She walked over slowly, eyes puffy and red and face swollen with tears. She sat carefully on the edge of the couch as you sat up, wanting nothing more than to console her. 

“I was going to sleep with Jake that night.” She said finally. 

“Uh, yeah? You…you were?” You were caught off guard, knowing that that night had gotten really wild really fast; you knew that while you were busy with Y/N, Jake and Elle were entertaining themselves. You remembered though, not harboring much feeling about it. 

“Yes. We talked about it. We were going to…because we assumed you guys were going to, too. Well, at least I assumed…” she scooted a little closer to you as you listened. “Jake and I were…very close that night. And I even texted him and apologized for coming on too strong. But, then Josh called, and I got sick…” 

“Yeah, yeah baby that’s exactly how it went. And that’s when I made my decision.” You answered. 

“Sam, stop.” She shook her head. “I’m not mad at you, really. I’m… very disappointed. That you lied. Y/N too. My best friend, your best friend.” You nodded. “But that night was so crazy, so uninhibited, we were all, all over the place…I’m sure you were all surprised at me and Y/N taking things where we did, and that’s something else I never really talked to you about. We never…none of us ever talked it through. I guess I know why now…”

“Jake, was he…?” She asked. 

“Pissed? Yeah, unbelievably so. Elle, they aren’t together anymore. They’ve been broken up for about a month. Well, since that night. They’ve been lying to us all to keep morale up, keep things normal. But, yeah. They broke up.” You explained. 

“What?” She said. “No, fuck! God, Sam. What on earth…”

You nodded, feeling sad for them, too. 

“When I texted Jake to apologize, he didn’t tell me that. He barely even remembered he and I being so…close. Sam, if things hadn’t gotten stopped, I was…” she caught her words, shaking her head as she tried to speak. “I was going to ask your permission. I was going to see if you were going to be with Y/N. Because I was going to be with Jake.”

Hm. Okay, well. This conversation wasn’t on your bingo card for the night of your 23rd birthday. 

You leaned back on the couch. “What a fucked up situation.” You relented. “But, you aren’t mad at me? How is that even right, Elle? I cheated on you.”

“Yeah, you did. And fuck you for that, truly.” 

Deserved that. 

“Absolutely, yes. Keep cussing me out. Fight me, slap me if you want. Catch a plane and leave, go back home and pack your things, I get it. I deserve that, because I don’t deserve you, and your heart, Elle. Your big, beautiful, smart, intense and over caring heart. You’re a million times the person that I could even think about being. Just when I think I have shit figured out, you always come and knock me on my ass with something better. You make me want to be better, Elle. All the time.”

“When I’m challenged with something, anything at all, I literally ask myself, ‘What would Elle do?’ I swear to god I do that at least once a day. You inspire the ever living fuck out of me. You make me laugh, because you’re always so unapologetic about being your pure self. When you left, that first time, I swear I didn’t know how I was going to make it. You disappeared, and I was lost for so long, Elle. And when you came back, god, it was like I was whole again.” 

You held your head in your hands, listening as a low roll of thunder rumbled in the distance. You thought about Y/N, and how for the longest time, both of them took up space in your mind. Your feelings for them were the same, in love with two people at once. But then, out of nowhere, it hit you. 

You moved to Elle, taking her hands in yours. “When I picture my future, when I’m older and we slow down, or whatever. It’s always you there with me. It always has been. Watching Jake in that hospital bed, and watching him fight to breathe as they took him away, his face turning blue and purple as he reached for me, it kinda. Ah, it…” You felt tears beginning to come, now. You hadn’t told Elle about that yet. She squeezed your hands again as you pinched the bridge if your nose, pushing that visual away. 

“I watched him go through something that I should have never seen, Elle. It kinda made me realize what’s important in life, cheesy as that sounds. And later he told me that he saw nothing but Y/N’s face as he was blacking out. It made me start thinking…” you were crying hard now. “If that were me, I would see your face. I’d want to see yours. The last person I’d think about, it would be you.”

She sighed deeply as she dried your tears. “Sammy, babe…”

“I love you, Elle. Way too much. So much that it scares me, sometimes. Because…I don’t know what to do with my emotions. You make me feel a way that I’ve never ever felt before. And it’s terrifying. And I run from it. I don’t know why, but I do. Maybe that’s why I made the decision that I did that night. Because I still didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

“Admit what, Sam?”

You took her chin in your hand, bringing your face close to hers. 

“That I meant what I said when I was eating that cinnamon roll last night.” You said nervously, every nerve ending in your body on fire. 

Finally, finally, she laughed. Rolled her body back on to the couch and laughed. In absolute stitches.

 “I’m not marrying you tomorrow, Sam.”

You giggled at her display, feeling like three million pounds had been lifted from your body. You chased her, laying over top of her on the couch, bringing your faces close together as she brought you into her embrace. 

“No, not tomorrow…”

——

The storm had intensified, thunder and lightning coming every minute now. You and Elle had spent the last half hour curled up with each other, doing nothing at all but being intimate. Talking, laughing, apologizing and explaining…you let more secrets be shared with her that night than you had ever shared with her before. You got down into the roots of some things, telling her detailed stories and experiences, and letting her know how much you cared for her. 

It felt like you had reconnected with her on a cellular level, somehow, and you were thanking your lucky stars that she even was letting you sit with her. It was definitely not how you saw your night going when all of this began. Maybe blowing out that candle really worked. 

“Can I kiss you, Elle?”

The very fiber of your being felt like it had been reset, all the reasons you loved her flowing back through your body like a flooding river. The way she kissed you back, the way she touched you, felt like the very first time. You didn’t deserve this…

“I’m nervous, for some reason…”

You picked her up and carried her slowly to the bedroom, never disconnecting from her lips the entire way. You laid her gently on the old mattress, the iron bed frame squeaking as she fell. She still had her black dress on; it accentuated her curves so perfectly and was cut right at her mid thigh…she slid one strap down, pulling it to sit low on her shoulder, before pulling the whole dress down and off, revealing her black lace set. She made intense eye contact with you, bringing her knees toward her chin as she reclined on her elbows.

“Stop giving me those eyes, Eleanor…you know I can’t say no when you do that…”

“Then don’t tell me no…”

You reached down and took your boxers off, letting them fall to the floor as you inched yourself toward her on the bed. You were positively dizzy, the feeling of her skin on yours igniting you into a fire that blazed differently than it ever had before. Her mouth connected to yours in such a way that felt like you were bonded together, feeling every tiny touch and movement as if it were magnified. You were still anxious, nervous for some reason. Like you were about to sleep with her for the very first time. But she comforted you, kissed your sweet spots, walked you through learning her body again. 

“Don’t be nervous, Sammy. It’s just me…it’s okay…”

“I know, baby..but the way you touch me sometimes…god.. I swear I could love you all day, and all night for the next hundred years and I’d still never get tired of you…”

It was something brand new. She pushed you back into the pile of pillows, crawled over top of you and flipped herself around with her back to you as she straddled your lap. What a fucking view. She leaned down and connected her sweet mouth to you, licking and pulling and pushing, hands in a soft fury to prepare you for her. Your hands reached down and pulled at her hair, directing her throat to be just where you needed her without forcing her…in and out…her mouth was pure euphoria..hot and wet euphoria. 

“You not gonna touch me, Sam?”

Her free hand reached back and ran a finger along the lace barely covering her ass, pulling it to one side as she invited you to touch her. You pulled it more to one side, and her back arched hard for you, revealing her dripping entrance as she continued to close her throat around you. You brought your hand to her, feeling her wetness soak your fingers. “Mmhm…” she hummed around you, causing your dick to jump in her mouth. “Keep feeling me Sam, keep touching me like that…”

The visual was insane, the lightning like camera flashes into the room, each time burning the erotic images into your mind. Your fingers were working her, deep and slow as she hummed her lips around you, bringing you closer and closer…you were sure you’d never felt her like this ever before. 

“So gorgeous, my Eleanor…your mouth feels so fucking good baby…”

She arched more for you as her mouth popped hard off the top of your dick, the loss of contact almost bringing tears to your eyes. “Need you to fuck me into this mattress, Sam. Can you break my back, baby?”

You were putty. Melting and running all over the place. You pulled her back, disconnecting her mouth from you as you brought your tongue to her entrance, suddenly feeling the need to taste her. So fucking delicious. You let your tongue delve into her as far as it could go, reaching into her as she pushed herself backwards onto your face. 

“Fuck, Sammy…yeah…” 

She was whining as you ate her, flipping and flitting your tongue into her as the thunder rolled louder now. Right as you felt her body begin to shake, you repositioned yourself, standing high on your knees behind her as you pulled her panties to the side again, ripping them just a tad in the process. You teased her, the head of your dick begging to push all the way into her, fill her up with everything you had. 

“Do it, Sammy please…I can’t wait any longer, fuck…”

She buried her head in the bed, her hands reaching into her hair to grasp it. “Huh uh, my job…” you fisted her hair, tightening it around your hand and pulling her head back slowly, but forcefully as you slowly entered her. Thick and sticky and so ready for you, she felt like heaven. Her sounds alone were enough to get you there, so you pulled back harder. “Arch it for me baby, I know you can do it…” 

Her body was at an almost 90 degree angle as you fucked slowly and languidly into her, pushing as deeply as you could go, one hand tangled in her hair and the other pulling on her hip…giving you leverage to move her into just the right spot. She spread her legs a little, lowering herself into the bed a bit more, and allowing her to fuck back into you. 

You both were moving slowly, her body dipping low with each thrust and meeting you perfectly as you hit her g spot. “Don’t fucking stop, Sam…right…fucking…there…” she was whining, mewling and purring sounds into the air. 

“You want it harder, baby? Think you can take it?” You asked as she nodded. The thunder was clapping now as her asscheeks hit your thighs repeatedly, her muscles flowing like shockwaves with each hit. 

You pulled yourself out, earning a groan of displease from her. Hand still tangled in her hair, you stood from the bed and pulled her along with you, walking her to the wall by the bed. You gently pushed her against it, letting her cheek fall flat against the white paint. You lifted her left leg up, hitching the back of her knee in the crease of your elbow. 

“Spread for me, babe. There you go…”

And you entered her again, pushing her into the wall. She was considerably tighter like this, and the new position garnered you almost complete control. She was almost unable to move at all. But her sounds continued to fill the room…you knew she was loving it just as much as you were. 

“I’m close, baby…almost there…” she said, breathless and sweaty as you fucked up into her. 

“Hang on, go with me…I’m right there too…goddamn you’re so fucking tight…”

Your name poured from her mouth as you poured into her, bodies shaking together as you pressed your front against her, her forehead rolling against the sheetrock. When your head came back into one piece, and her body stopped jerking, you snuck your hand around in front of her, between her legs, finding her clit and immediately rubbing small circles. 

You went insane on it, flicking it from side to side as you continued to press her into the wall, your still-hard dick resting comfortably inside her. Her cries sounded almost close to tears. You kissed the back of her neck, biting into it as you felt her writhing again. 

It surprised her, the overstimulation making her shudder. Her body stiffened as you worked your middle finger over her already swollen bud, begging her to let go again. Her walls were still squeezing around you, still inside her. You almost felt like you could let go again, yourself. 

“I know you’ve got another one in there, baby. Let me have it…give it to me again…”

Her hand reached behind her and grasped your shoulder, pulling your torso against her back, fingers digging into your shoulder muscle like she was holding on for dear life. 

Within seconds she was soaking your dick all over again, her knees threatening to buckle as she doubled over. Her cries were almost pathetic, shrieking and breathless as she came again. 

“There it is, just for me…so gorgeous Eleanor…” you growled into her ear. 

When she finally came back to life, you pulled yourself out of her, but still kept a firm hold around her limp body, walking her carefully back over as you both crashed back onto the bed in pure exhaustion. 

After a few minutes, she perked up lying on her elbow, looking at you with so much love in her eyes. 

“What?” You asked, smirking as you rolled to rest on your elbow too. 

“Do you really want what you asked me while you were eating the cinnamon roll?” She peeked through one eye. Her words made your stomach drop and your mouth go dry. 

“Yeah, I do. One day, down the road. I can picture it…” you rolled over to your back, looking at the ceiling. “Three kids, maybe four. All really close in age, so they can grow up together like we did. I want to find a big house with a bunch of land, so I can have a massive garden. And a bunch of dogs. Giant kitchen with tons of windows…and all four of my pianos in different rooms. I’m gonna teach all the babies how to play every instrument that I can, whatever they want to learn. The house will be filled with music all the time. And I wanna write songs about them, and for them…that’s what I want.” You huffed a breath, looking back over to her. 

“And you know what the best part will be?” You asked. 

“Tell me.”

“That you’ll be making those cinnamon rolls for us every week…all the time…the kids will love them…” you brought yourself over to kiss her. “And they’ll love you… and I’ll love you…until we’re old and gray, baby. Until the day you tell me not to. I promise. I promise, I promise…” 

—

JAKE POV

You hear her alarm go off on her phone, startling you from your sleep. Her face turned towards you as her own eyes fluttered open. She squeezed them back shut as she reached over to snooze her phone. You smile realizing it’s another morning you’ve woken up and she’s still in bed. 

It’s warm under the sheets, you don’t blame her for not wanting to leave. If it were up to you the two of you would stay cocooned in the sheets all day. She throws her arm over her eyes blocking out the morning light, trying to get those five extra minutes. You lay there just looking at her, watching the rise and fall of her chest as she fights to get back to her dream.

Minutes later when her alarm sounds again, she rolls over towards it and groans, grabbing it from the charger and laying it on her chest. 

You reach your hand out and place it on her arm, “You better get moving baby, Josh will be here soon.”

“I know, but I am so tired, we stayed up too late watching last night. I fell asleep in here, again.”

“We can take a break from watching if you want to.” you offer.

“No! I mean, we don’t have to. I just need to force myself out of here.” she giggles.

“Every night I ask you if you want me to take you back in there and you say no…You say you want to stay…” you goad.

“Ugh, I know Jake, sue me…” she says, tossing the blankets off of her, and standing from the bed. 

“Don’t be like that…You know I don’t want you to anyways. Like waking up to your face.” you smile.

She steps into the bathroom and shuts the door; your signal to start the coffee before she has to leave. It had been several nights since the family dinner and each one of them was spent twisted together watching a TV show until the both of you fell asleep. At least that was your excuse for it. 

As the coffee pot started to gurgle, you grabbed a to-go mug, and waited for the pot to finish brewing. You leaned against the counter, scrolling through your phone as she stepped into the kitchen. She was in a pair of crimson colored leggings, and had on a sports bra that matched. Her hair was in a high ponytail braid down her back, resting just at the criss crossed straps of her sports bra. Shit she looked practically edible. 

She had your flannel tossed into the bag hanging from her shoulder, and her birkenstocks in her hands, dropping them to the floor to slide into them as she approached you. 

“Again, is there any type of viewing package at the yoga place.” you said, pouring the coffee into the mug.

“No, Jacob…” she says, rolling her eyes and reaching out to grab the mug from your hands. 

You look at her again, somewhat jealous that Josh gets to spend the morning with her, looking like that. Fucker. 

“I will be back after, okay?” she said, spinning on her heels.

“Hey, wait…” you asked. 

You swallowed nervously as you grabbed her free hand in yours, “You wanna go do something tonight?” 

She furrowed her brow, “Like what?” 

“Something fun, just us. Like we used to.” you offer, feeling your heart beat out of your chest. 

“Oh, like a date?” she smiles.

“Do you want it to be a date?” you ask hopefully. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.” she grins, squeezing your hand. 

“Okay, yeah, then like a date.” you say, releasing her hand. 

You see Josh’s car pull up through the front door window, and look back to her, “Your ride is here…Be careful okay, check your surroundings…all of that…” 

“Okay, I will I promise and Josh is with me. But…I’m excited… for tonight.” she smiles walking down the hallway. You are right behind her, ready to close the door, but as she slips out she spins around and places a barely there kiss on your cheek. “See you later…” 

You smile as you watch her ponytail swing as she jumps into the passenger seat of Josh’s car, waving through the window as they pull away. 

—

You spend much of the morning racking your brain for ideas of what the two of you could do tonight. You’d never felt so much pressure planning a date before, but then you realized. It’s Y/N, she won’t care what you’re doing as long as it’s you she’s doing it with. You knew just what to do, and you knew she would love it.

You grab a quick shower and dig through your closet, looking for something to wear down to the studio. Today would be your first meeting back with the guys to start practicing for the South American leg of tour starting up. You were itching to get your hands back on your guitar, ready to turn the amps to one hundred and just rip for a few hours. 

Shortly after 11:00 you heard the front door open, and heard her setting her things in the hallway, kicking off her shoes.

“Jake?” she called.

“Up here!” you called out to her from the music room, checking out the strings on your guitar. 

You hear her climb up the steps and round the corner, still looking gorgeous as ever.

“I’m back…” she giggled.

“I see that.” you smile, twisting the knob on the headstock.

“You excited to go play today?” she asked, leaning against the wall. 

“Hell yeah, but you know what?” you asked.

“What?”

“I’m more excited for after…” you smiled.

“Yeah? What should I wear on my date with Mr. Jacob Kiszka this evening?” she smiles.

“Mmm…” you hum, rubbing your lips, “A dress. But bring a sweater or something.” you answer. 

“I think I can work with those requirements… I’m gonna go take a shower, but, have fun today and don’t over do it, okay?” she pleads. 

“I won’t, I won’t, promise.” you answer, sliding your guitar back into the case, and locking it. 

“I’ll see you tonight?” she asks.

“Not soon enough.” you smile, watching her blush and run down the stairs. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket and as you pull it out you see a familiar name cross the screen.

misscarsonneely: Guitar question? I’m sure you’re never going to see this.

You smirk, it is a miracle you saw it.

You: I probably have an answer…

misscarsonneely: Wow, I can’t believe you saw this. Okay, so I have been feeling a little inspired lately and decided to put those new strings to use, but when I play it sounds…bad? Like off kind of? Maybe I just suck? Lol.

You smile and laugh, knowing exactly what the problem is. 

You: I usually never check my messages to be honest, surprised I saw it too. How about you text me instead. I’ll get you fixed up.

You send her your number and wait for her message to come through, adding the new contact to your phone.

Carson

11:23pm: Have I reached the guitar guru hotline?

You

11:24pm:  You have. So I think what you are describing is it being out of tune which happens sometimes when you put higher tension strings on. Could you maybe send me a video so I can be sure?

Carson

11:28pm: Do NOT laugh at me, it is the only song I know.

11:28pm: *Attachment*

You open the video and let it play, stifling back the laugh that escapes you when you hear ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise’ ringing out terribly through the speaker.

You

11:30pm:  Okay, yes. So the strings I put on your guitar are all I had to choose from, and they are high gauge and high tension so they are putting your guitar under a little more stress than it's used to, so it is spinning the knobs itself to release that tension and its causing your guitar to lose its tuning. It’s probably going to do that a few times until the strings are settled, so just re-tune your guitar and you should be set. Well, until next time. ;)

Carson

11:32pm: I swear I’m not an idiot. I really did tune it yesterday and it sounded fine so when I picked it up today and it sounded like that I never thought that maybe it was just out of tune. God I’m sorry I bothered you with that.

You

11:35pm: No, I know you’re not. You just aren’t used to those type of strings. Asked Sam to grab some to give to Josh, and that's probably all I had in my kit. 

Carson

11:36pm: And I appreciate it soo much. Thank you again for doing that. 

You

11:37pm: My pleasure Miss Carson, let me know if you need help with anything else.

Carson

11:38pm: Thanks Jake. Promise I won’t bug you with more stupid questions. Lol

You

11:39pm: I can assure you you’re not bugging me. Not in the slightest. 

Carson

11:40pm: Good to know ;)

You stare at the message for a bit before locking your phone and shoving it into your pocket. You grab your guitar case and make your way downstairs, grabbing your keys and heading out the door, set for the studio feeling happier than you had in weeks.

—

It felt good to be back to it. God it felt good. But it felt even better knowing you’d be back on the road soon. As much as you were enjoying your time at home with Y/N you craved to be out seeing the world. And it was even better when she was there with you. 

You started small, playing through a few songs, working your stamina back up to what it was. You had another week or two before you left for South America and you were convinced that if you just came in and did a little bit everyday, you would be back to where you were. Almost like muscle memory. 

After a particularly long jam session you checked your phone seeing that it was damn near time to leave to make it home in time to get ready for your date. 

You slung your guitar strap over your head and turned off your amp, unplugging the pick up and beginning to pack up your things. 

“Damn Jake, what lit a fire under your ass?” Sam asked. 

“I gotta get out of here. Have plans tonight.” You replied flicking your glasses down over your eyes. 

“With who…” Danny winked.  

“Your motha…” you said in your best British accent. 

“Good. Go. In fact what the fuck is taking you so long? Get outta here…” Josh said, shooing you out the door. 

You turned to the guys and offered them a quick wave as you stepped out the door ready to wine and dine your favorite girl. 

—

You stepped into the front door and deposited your guitar case against the wall, calling her name through the echoey house. 

When you heard no answer you called out again, “Y/N? Where are you my love?”

“Jake?” She said, stepping out into the hallway as she fastened her earring. You nearly stopped breathing at the sight of her. 

“Sorry babe, didn’t hear you come in!” She smiled walking over towards you. 

“Is this okay?”’she asks, running her hands over her navy blue dress nervously before looking up at you. 

“Everyday I think there’s no way you could possibly be more beautiful and everyday I wake up to just that. You look gorgeous.” You say, seeing the blush creep across her face. 

“Jake…” she whines. 

“It’s true. I’m going to change clothes and then I will be ready to go, okay? Why don’t you have a glass of wine and I’ll be out in a minute.” You say. 

She nods and flits off to the kitchen as you turn on your heels heading for the bedroom. You had stewed over what to wear for your date all morning, finally deciding on a pair of pinstripe slacks and a black button up. You knew she liked it, and she was always particularly handsy when it came to you leaving your shirts open, so it seemed like the natural choice. 

You kick off your jeans and your t-shirt and throw them in the hamper, hearing a knock on the closet door. You spin around and see her standing with a wine glass extended towards you. 

“Can’t drink alone…” she coos. 

You take the glass and laugh, “You’re not supposed to see me like this until after, baby….” 

A short and sweet ‘hm’ leaves her lips as she spins away to let you finish dressing. You sip the red wine and feel your insides warm as you fasten the bottom buttons of your shirt. You slide on your slacks and a pair of loafers before picking a necklace from your wall. 

You give yourself a once over in the mirror and step into the bathroom to spritz yourself with cologne, taking a deep breath and tossing back the rest of the glass of wine. 

She’s sitting on the couch in the study, lazily scrolling through her phone as she sees you step out. Her eyes scan over you top to bottom lighting your chest on fire. Her gaze grows dark and she bites her lips together stifling back the words that want to escape. 

Reaching a hand towards her, you ask, “Ready my love?”

—

“Two for Jacob…” you said to the hostess. She grabbed two menus and guided the two of you to a small candle lit table in the corner of the restaurant. 

You pulled her chair out for her, letting her sit before pushing her in. You took the chair across from her, laying your napkin across your lap as she perused the drink menu. 

“Can’t believe you got us a reservation here last minute… you know this is my favorite place in the city.” She smiled shyly. 

“I know it’s your favorite and when I called earlier to see if they had any availability tonight I wasn’t hopeful but by some stroke of luck…” you trailed off. “Anyways, I’m happy they got us in. Fate I guess.” you smiled. 

“Thank you, Jake… for doing all of this. For planning this and asking me…” She said. 

“Of course baby, wish we could go out more. But I was thinking, how about when we are out on the road, you and I sneak off and find somewhere cool to eat in the long stop cities. Just us. Keep working on us…” you say, reaching for her hand. She laces her fingers with yours and you smile feeling her hand in yours. 

She nods her head excitedly, rubbing her thumb over yours. 

“Okay good. Can’t imagine being on the road without you, you know. Want to see the world with you.” you admit, seeing her eyes grow teary. 

“Me too, Jake.”

A few minutes later the waiter arrived to take your drink orders, both of you opting for specialty cocktails, sure to have both of you feeling more relaxed in a matter of minutes. 

As they arrived you tapped your glass to hers, “To our first date…” you smirked.

“And hopefully not the last…” she replied with a playful smile.

You both sipped your drinks, carrying on normal conversation and talking about all the cities you’d be traveling to in the upcoming months. You both ordered your food, and as you waited you checked the time on your phone to make sure you were still looking good.

“Have a hot date?” she asked with a smirk.

“Sure fuckin’ do…” you grin, “I was just making sure we’re good on time. Our next activity starts at a very specific time…”

“Oh, we are doing something else?” she asks.

“Yep, this is going to be a proper first date. When we are done here I am taking your to the movies, where I am going to spend half of it working up the courage to hold your hand.” you say.

“Oh gosh, well I will make sure I position my hand on the armrest just right to make it not look super obvious that I want you to.” she laughs.

“Can’t wait.” you smile.

“What movie are we seeing?” she asks.

“Well, that was the hard part. There were hardly any options. We have tickets for The Northman. I know it’s not really your thing but we can pick another if you don’t want to see that.” you offer.

“Jake…Do you think we’ve been watching The X-Files every night because I am really into alien mystery shows?” she asks.

“Um…” you hum.

“We could be watching Antiques Roadshow and I wouldn’t miss a single night…” she says.

“And why’s that Y/N…” you coax.

“You know why.” she smiles shyly.

“Tell me, I want to hear you say it.

“Because I just want to be there with you. Lay with you…Want to feel you run your fingers over my arms, and hear your laugh, and feel you twirl my hair between your fingers and kiss my head when you think I’m asleep.”

“So you aren’t leaving on purpose.” you smile.

“Absolutely on purpose.” she smiles.

“So don’t.” you reply, locking eyes with her across the table. 

You feel her foot brush your leg and you swallow back the overwhelming urge to kiss her, and thankfully the waiter arrives with your food, putting a stop to your sudden urge.

The two of you continue to talk as you enjoy your food, downing another drink and sharing a few more laughs. You check your phone again, and see that you are right on time, as long as the bill comes in the next few minutes.

With the sign of your name on the line and the toss of a few bills on the table you are walking hand in hand down the sidewalk towards the movie theater, buzzing from the alcohol flowing through your body.

“Does my date require any concessions?” you ask, playfully. 

“No your date is miserably full from dinner, but if you want something you should get it! I can’t even remember the last time you went to the movies.” she says.

“I can’t remember the last time I went either…” you say rubbing your lips. “Come on, let's go find some good seats.” you say, clasping her hand in yours as you step into the musky smelling theater, ready to hold her hand for the next two hours straight.

—

Obviously, the two of you rushed to the very top row of seats in the theater against the wall, any other seats simply not making any sense. You took the seat to her left, removing your jacket and setting it in the seat beside you. The advertisements before the previews began rolling, and your heart rate began to pick up. Why did you feel like you were 14 again, on a date with a girl you’d had a crush on for two whole weeks? 

The two of you shared a few glances, her hands folded and rested comfortably under her chin as her elbows balanced on the armrests. Suddenly the lights went down, and the previews started. The quick heart rate from earlier got even worse. You didn’t know if it was the nerves from being on a real actual date with her again, or the fact that you were so starved for her touch after the week you’d had, but you found your insides rolling around on themselves with want for her. Her touch, any kind. 

You looked at her with your peripheral, the light from the screen bouncing off her face. She smirked a little, feeling your eyes on her. You made it through the five or six new movie previews, but you couldn’t name one. All you could think about was the gorgeous girl to your right, shoulder to shoulder with you. 

Finally the lights went down even more, and you noticed that the only other people that had made it into the theater was another couple around your age, who had chosen to sit down in almost the front row. A theater almost to yourselves. 

The opening credits began, the loud music rattling the walls and chairs. You felt your palms begin to sweat with nerves, so you wiped them across the thighs of your pants, and rested your elbows on the armrests, jokingly fighting Y/N to claim the spot. You heard her laugh through her nose, moving her elbow around to make room for you. 

“You know, if you wanted the arm rest all you had to do was ask.” She whispered, bringing her mouth to your ear. Instant chills. “And if you want to hold my hand, all you have to do is grab it.”

She pulled back, turning her attention back to the movie. Deep breath, it’s just Y/N. 

You held your hand out, palm up, and she happily laid hers in it, interlacing your fingers with hers and squeezing tightly. Okay, good. Okay. 

You looked to her, smiling ear to ear. The feeling of holding her hand was sending bolts of electricity straight up your arm, and you began rubbing your thumb across her knuckles. 

The movie went on, you only paying half-attention to it. In an act of confidence, you brought her hand to your lips, lying a long and sweet kiss to her palm. She started gushing, shying away and giving you a smile so sweet you felt like melting. She then repeated your action, kissing each of your fingertips and then your palm, her mouth parted and half open as she slowly laid kisses all over your scarred hand, like she remembered where she pulled each and every shard of glass out all those years ago. 

Then, she did something that caught you so completely off guard that you felt your head spin. She brought your pointer finger slowly into her mouth, running her tongue along it, closing her lips tightly around it, and lightly biting the tip…shit. You exhaled, getting so extremely turned on from such a simple act. Then, she switched your fingers, stretching it all the way to the back of her throat. 

Fuck.

When she finally removed it, you were writhing in your seat. She turned back to the movie like nothing had ever happened. Your heart was beating in your ears as you decided to meet her energy, snaking your hand down to her thigh, letting it slip underneath her dress, and grip the tender part of her muscle. You watched as she scooted forward just a bit in her seat, obviously enjoying this game so far. You took it further, letting your hand travel higher and higher until your fingers were ghosting the fabric of her thong. 

The next thing you knew, her hand was mirroring yours, traveling with a tight grip up the inside of your thigh. Shit shit shit. She didn’t slow down, she didn’t shy away. Her hand lightly grazed your bulge, before completely gripping it in her hand. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking directly at her, but the expression on her face was begging you to touch her more. 

You let your hand go up further, touching her through her panties. You held eye contact as you both touched each other, driving the other absolutely insane. You were hoping and praying that she would move to unbuckle your belt, and like she was reading your mind, she did. 

Your free hand moved to help her, your chest already heaving. She kept her eyes trained on the movie while you maneuvered your belt and zipper, and when you got everything unlatched, her finger tips sunk below the waistline of your boxers, pulling them out so she could reach her hand all the way in. 

Fuck what is happening shit shit…

You felt your already damaged lungs lose every bit of air at her touch, her hand gripping your dick and squeezing it, moving her hand as much as she could with it still tucked away in your boxers. 

You gathered your thoughts quickly…two can play this game, baby. You let your left hand pull her thong to the side, wasting no time in going straight for the place you knew would drive her wild. God, she felt so perfect. You’d almost forgotten…her hand on you mixed with the feeling of her on your fingers was making your vision blur. She scooted down in the seat a bit more, giving you more space to feel her completely. Should you…?

Just then, the door to the theater slammed, and in walked another couple, coming up the stairs and taking their seats near the middle of the theater. You closed your eyes, sighing a frustrated huff while you glanced to Y/N, her opposite hand covering her mouth. 

She started to giggle. She removed her hand slowly, and you did the same. She was trying hard not to laugh out loud, holding her nose closed as she caught her breath. 

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” You whispered, readjusting yourself in your slacks. 

“We’re acting like a couple of horny teenagers feeling each other up in a damn movie theater, and we almost got caught. It’s just funny, okay?” She laughed again through her strangled whispers, causing you to feel a chuckle leave your chest. It was kind of funny. 

After you calmed down a little, you leaned in close to her ear, sharing the armrest now. “Doesn’t change the fact that even though I’m not a teenager, I’m still extremely fuckin’ turned on right now and I want to leave this movie as soon as humanly possible.” 

She took a deep breath, teeth gritted tightly as she watched the screen. “Let’s go.”

——

You both made a mad dash out of the theater and toward the car, the brisk night air bringing you back to reality for the time being. What the hell just happened in there? As you made your way through the parking lot digging for your keys in your pocket, Y/N rushed up beside you, taking your hand in hers as you walked. Oh. 

You gave her a knowing glance, and she gave you a glare that could’ve killed you. She really wants this to keep going…get it together Jake.

You both hopped in the car, and you started up the engine, backing out of the parking space. When you got on the road, you cleared your throat. Neither of you had said a word since you left the theater, and frankly, you had no idea what to say. All you knew was that you were absolutely starving for her, and the tension between you was so thick you could almost see it. Was this really happening? It’s been over a month…

You let your left hand drape across the steering wheel and your right balance on the console, nervously running your fingers over your lips. 

“Are you anxious, Jake?” She finally broke the silence. 

Uhhhh…

You cleared your throat once again, feeling the threat of a tiny cough tickle your throat, still not completely rid of your illness. “Yeah,” your voice cracked. “Yeah not gonna lie, Y/N, kinda anxious.” You told her truthfully. 

“Me too.” She said meekly, sinking into the chair. 

You reached your hand out for her again like you had in the theater, letting her grasp your fingers with hers. Still feels so perfect. 

“Do you wanna go home? Or…” you asked, making sure she had the same thoughts as you. 

“Yeah. Let’s go home.” She said. 

“What uh, what about the rules?” You asked her. 

“Well, we didn’t break rule #1, and we kinda broke rule #2…”

“We broke the fuck out of rule #2, babe.” You laughed. 

“Yeah, well. I guess, since we never um. Stated a rule #4, it doesn’t really, technically exist, right?” She offered. 

Holy fucking shit she wants to do it. 

“Yeah I…I don’t remember us saying that one was in the book, do you?” You replied nervously. 

She shook her head from side to side. “Won’t change anything though… We’re still, not…”

You nodded. “Right. Yes. Won’t change anything at all. Still very much…not together.”

“Right. Not together.” she said, looking at you longingly.

You brought her hand to your mouth again, this time not letting it leave your lips until you were pulling down your street. 

——

HER POV

Did he really want to do this? Should you do this? As the car pulled up to the house he put it in park and shut off the engine, as he turned to look at you. Your hands were still clasped together but now rested on your lap. Your brain started to swirl with panic. Would this undo everything?

“Jake, I’m sorry I did that in the movie theater. I shouldn’t have.” you said quietly.

“No, I… It’s okay. I liked it…I’ve…missed your touch.” he replies.

“You have…” you question.

“Are you kidding me? Yeah baby…” he scoffs. “Come on, let’s go inside…”

You nod and open your door, stepping out onto the sidewalk as he rounds the front of the car to meet you. Your brain was still rushing with want but you knew in your heart that you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t be with him like that until the two of you were back together. Right?

“I can see you overthinking it.” he smirks, unlocking the front door. 

“I’m not…I’m just…I’m scared it will undo all the progress we’ve made. That part of our relationship was always solid. I’m just scared we will fall back into how things were…” you explain.

“And what’s wrong with that?” he says, stepping inside and tossing his keys on the table.

“I was a terrible person. Partner…I just want to be what you need in a partner and back then, I wasn’t. You deserve better Jake.” you say.

He steps up to you and grabs your arms looking into your eyes, “I can assure you that you are everything I need. Everything I deserve. Everything I want. If you want to wait, it’ll fuckin’ kill me, but I will wait. I will always wait for you, Y/N. Okay?”

He slides his hand down your arms and twists his fingers with yours.

“Are you sure you aren’t mad Jake? I feel like I just teased you so bad, and you planned the most perfect date and now I am leaving you high and dry…We shouldn’t have taken it that far…” you say.

“Baby this was never part of the plan. I never expected anything. I just wanted to take you out, have a little bit of fun outside of the house. Everything else was just extra. And honestly just feeling your hand on me even if just for a minute was enough.” he pauses. “I mean I guess I was kind of expecting a kiss at the end of the date…” he says playfully.

“So walk me to my door and maybe you��ll get it…” you tease.

He releases one of your hands as he walks you to the guest room door pausing as you turn to face him, “Thank you for the date. It was so much fun…I hope we can have another one day…” you taunt.

“Mmm it’s looking pretty good so far…” he smirks, leaning his head towards you placing his hand on your cheek as he presses his lips to yours. You wind your hands around his waist and pull him closer to you. He pulls your bottom lip between his, sucking at it gently as his tongue swipes over it. You open your mouth just slightly to let him in, a gentle whine leaving your mouth. 

“Mmm fuck…” he growls as he pulls away. “We have to stop. I want you so bad. I’m sorry Y/N. Anyways, thanks for coming with me tonight. I hope you… sleep well…” he says, stepping back from the doorway. 

You twist the door knob and step inside, “You too…” you breathe, your head still rushing with want. 

You close the door softly and stand there, heart pounding as you think about his mouth on yours, his lips, his hands on your skin. Your body fills with goosebumps and your breath catches in your throat. Next thing you know your hand is reaching for the door knob throwing it open ready to run straight to his room, but as the door flies open he's there, leaning against the wall.

“Jake…” you breathe.

“Baby…” he replies, pulling you into him. 

Your mouths reunite once again but this time it's faster, more frenzied. Both of you positively dripping with need for the other. You tangle both of your hands into the hair at the base of his head as your lips fight to kiss every inch of his. His hands reach down and cradle your thighs, pulling you up to wrap your legs around his waist as he walks both of you as quickly as he can towards his bedroom. 

Your lips never part from him, kissing his jaw, his neck, fuck… anywhere you can reach. He kicks open the door walking straight to the bed and dropping you onto your back into the fluffy duvet. 

He steps back from you, unbuttoning the last buttons of his shirt and throwing it to the floor. He kicks off his pants and rejoins you on the bed, hovering over top of you as his lips connect to the skin of your neck. He brings one of his hands to your chest, grabbing your tits as frantically as he can. His fingers hook into the strap of your dress, sliding the fabric down your shoulder to reveal your bare chest. 

“Goddamnit Y/N…” he breathes. 

You squirm underneath him, desperate to feel his lips on your skin again. 

“Tell me you’re sure.” he demands.

“I’m sure! I’m sure! Please!” you beg.

He pulls your dress the rest of the way off of your body, leaving you both in just your underwear. He studies you, his eyes running over every inch of your body like it’s the first time he’s seen it. Your eyes flick to his nervously as his gaze grows darker. 

He runs his hand down your chest, and over your stomach, letting his fingers graze your heat as he swipes them down your legs. Your hips buck up into his feeling his hardened length brush your skin. 

He sees the look in your eye when you feel it, a smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth. “Every fuckin’ day. Every day I have to fight that off. I’m not gonna fight it anymore baby.”

“Please Jake…” you beg. 

His fingers hook into the lace of your thong all but ripping it from your body as he uses his knee to spread your legs. You’re breathing heavily, your chest rising and falling quickly as you wait for his touch. 

“Where was I…” he said, swiping a finger through your wetness. 

“Somewhere like here…” he said, pushing two fingers inside of you, causing your back to arch up off the bed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Right there, huh baby…” he growled. 

His free hand comes up to twist one of your nipples between his fingers, a whine leaving your lips at the sensation. “You always have made the prettiest sounds.”

He hooks his fingers up into you, as he lowers his lips to your other nipple, sucking it into his mouth and biting gently. 

“Jake…” you moan.

He releases his mouth from you, continuing to pump his fingers in and out, “Yeah baby?”

“I can’t wait. Please. Just…please.” you beg, reaching to pull his boxers down.

He pulls his fingers from you and pushes his boxers the rest of the way off, kicking them to the floor to join the rest of your clothes. 

Your eyes travel down his torso to his dick, before you flick your eyes back up to his. 

He snaps his fingers and points to the top of the bed, “Get in the middle.”

You quickly move yourself backwards as he crawls onto the bed between your legs. He bends down, licking a hot stripe up your center, as you sigh into the air.

His left hand comes up to rest next to your head as his right grips his length and drags his tip through your folds.

“Jesus Christ Y/N, I swear to god I’m not going to last five seconds.” he pants. 

“If we’re going to break the rules, we are going to fucking break them.” you breathe.

With a grunt he presses inside you and a whine rips from your chest at the feeling. He is breathing heavy over top of you, trying to keep his composure as your insides adjust around him.

“Fuck me, you are so tight. Feels like the fucking first time I felt you around me…” he pulls his hips back to try to start moving, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he lets out a breath.

“Shit, yeah I need a second.” he pleads.

“Jake, I need you to move. I need you to fuck me right this second.” you beg.

He swallows harshly and pulls back, before pressing into you again with a deep groan. You can see him fighting it, he wants to give you what you want. He wants this to last the rest of the night. You can feel every sweet inch of him as he moves inside of you, your walls clenching around him with every thrust. 

“Jake…fuck…fuck I missed you. I…” you breathe, digging your nails into his back. 

He attaches his lips to yours, licking into your mouth as he starts to move quicker, hitting your sweet spot with every stroke.

He lowers his lips to your ear, whispering into it as he works both of you towards release. 

“You feel so fuckin’ good baby. My gorgeous fuckin’ girl…” he growls.

He starts to roll his hips, causing his tip to slide against your g-spot in slow meticulous strokes as he presses his hand to your pelvis to increase the pressure. You cry out in bliss as the sensation takes over your body.

“Feel good? Feel good when I fuck you like that? Been thinkin’ about it for weeks. The things I was going to do to you when I finally got you back…Better than I imagined baby. You always are…” he whispers.

He pulls out all the way, grabbing your knee and hooking it up over his hip as he presses all the way in to be fully seated inside of you. You clench down around him, and his eyes shoot open to lock with yours. 

“I can’t hold it…” he breathes.

“Don’t…” you pant.

“Want you to cum with me.” he begs.

“I’m there… just keep going…” you answer.

He brings his thumb to his mouth, licking it before pressing it to your clit making rapid circles. You arch up into his touch, and whine.

“Yeah just like that love, you’re so close. My good girl, let me have it. Let me fill you. Can I do that? Can I fill my girl?” he coaxes.

“Please Jake! Fuck!” you cry, a tear springing from your eye.

“Now baby, right fuckin’ now!” he says, grabbing your hips and pulling you impossibly closer to him as his cock jerks violently inside of you. You feel the fire blaze through your chest as your release washes over the both of you, completely tearing your consciousness apart. He grunts your name as his warmth fills you, the room filled with breathy moans and whimpers.

He releases his grip on your hips trying to slowly pull himself out of you without making a huge mess, but as he pulls out, it spills out of you and onto your legs. He groans as he watches, his eyes flicking to yours, which you’re sure are completely blissed out. 

He brings himself to lay on top of you, pressing his lips to yours over and over, until you’re both giggling and smiling. 

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go longer. I…It’s been a month without you…” he says, rolling off of you and onto his side.

“Jake…I was barely holding on too. But…” you pause.

“But what…” he asks, running his finger down your sternum.

“But I want more.” you whisper.

“Oh thank god…” he says, turning your body onto your side, and pulling you into him. He lifts your leg and positions himself at your entrance, slowly pushing inside of you.

“I don’t know if I will ever get enough of you Y/N…” he whispers into your ear. 

His hand reaches around to the front of you swirling his fingers over your clit as you arch into him. 

“Oh fuck stay like that, keep your back arched like that, holy fuck…” he begs slowly thrusting in and out of you. He continues to whisper sweet praises into your ear as his hand travels over your body so softly, so gently.

His hand comes back up to wrap around your front holding you tightly to his chest. Suddenly you feel the air between you shift, this is no longer frenzied and furious sex, no, somewhere it shifted into slow and tender love making. There were no more harsh movements, there were no more dirty phrases. It was just you and him. The both of you showing each other you’re still here. You’re both still in there, loving each other, through it all. 

He pulls out of you and you spin to face him, near tears as he presses his lips to yours in a kiss you know is laced with love and adoration. He pulls your hips towards him, as you part your legs to let him back in. He presses into you until he is fully seated and breathing in deeply the scent of the two of you together. 

You wrap your arms around his neck as he slowly pushes and pulls in and out, his eyes never leaving yours once. 

“Remember, that night in the hotel room, I told you to stop telling me you loved me.” he says, continuing to move. 

“Yeah…” you breathe.

“Please don’t…” he begs.

You press your lips to his, your tongues tangling together as he moves inside of you.

“Why did you say it?” you ask.

“Because it was killing me that I couldn’t say it back…I never stopped loving you.” he answered, starting to pant. 

“I found out right after that, what I did. Crawled into bed with you. Just wanted to be close to you. Had to tell you I loved you too. Couldn’t breathe until I said it. You didn’t hear it, but…” he continued.

“You do?” you ask.

He grabs you and rolls to his back, bringing you to sit on top of him. You spin around to face him, repositioning yourself on top of him, as you begin to roll your hips slowly. 

“Y/N there is nothing in the world that you could ever do that would keep me from loving you.” he answers. 

You lift off of him before dropping back down, repeating the motion until the both of you are crumbling closer to your second orgasm. 

His hands guided your hips, as he talked you through it, his touch tender and loving as he spilled into you for the second time. You rolled off of him and into the bathroom to clean up, opting for a quick rinse in the shower before you both returned to the bed. 

You helped him change the sheets and he disappeared down the hallway, returning with your pillow and your cell phone. 

You pulled on one of his t-shirts and a clean pair of underwear before you slid into the bed next to him and cuddled into his side. 

“Hey baby?” you asked, into the dark room.

“Yes?” 

You rolled closer to him and looked up towards him, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” 

“Hmmm…That…” he giggles. 

You dig a finger into his ribs, “No seriously…”

“I am being serious.” he laughs again.

“Jacob…” you warn.

“I don’t know. I just want to spend the day with you…See Josh, and the guys…nothing fancy. Just want to do this. This feels good. Makes me happy.” he answers.

“Okay, okay…” you say, pressing a kiss to his bare chest. 

“Are you excited to go to South America in a few days?” he asks.

“I am excited, I have always wanted to go to Brazil.” you answer. 

“I can’t wait to take you, it's so beautiful there. There are so many cool places to eat and things to see…” he gushes, “...and to spend every night just like this…” 

“Jake… we… won’t spend every night just like this though…” you say.

“What do you mean…” he asks, turning towards you.

“We…we’re in separate rooms, remember?” you remind him.

“No…cancel it, change it, or whatever…You sleep with me damn near every night Y/N…I’ve kind of grown partial to it…”

“I know baby, but this is part of that growing up thing I am working on. I think we need to stay separate while we are on tour. At least while we aren’t together…”

“I don’t want to be separate. I want to go out, play our shows, eat good food, and make love to my girl every night.” he says. 

“Jake, we can’t do that either…” you say nervously.

“What so this was just…Just a one time thing?” he asks, stopping the hand that's been rubbing your arm.

“No…I don’t know, I don’t know what we are supposed to do but I feel like we need to limit it as much as possible. I know it will be hard but we have to… try.”

He lets out a sigh, “Okay, well, if that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”

“It’s not what I want Jake, but it’s what we need, as a couple. To keep rebuilding our relationship, without using sex as a buffer.” you say.

“I know. I just, need you…sometimes.” he admits.

“I know babe, me too. And I think sometimes is…fine. We just need to wait until neither of us can take it anymore and then…” you pause. “Think about how good it felt just now…”

“Fucking perfect.” he answers.

“Exactly, and I feel like emotionally our relationship is getting so much better. If we can just keep… doing what we’re doing…I think we can be together again and I can be the person I want to be for you.” you say.

He pulls you into his chest and kisses your head, “I know baby. I want you to be happy. I’m so glad you are still coming with us. With me. Still want to go eat at cool places with you. We can do that, right?”

“Yeah babe, we can do that.” you say reaching up and pressing a kiss to his lips. “And for the record I am fully intending on sleeping just like this all night long.” you say wrapping your arm around his waist and nuzzling your face into his neck.

“I’d be sad if you didn’t.” he says, wrapping his arms around you. 

You both start to drift off, your mind swirling with thoughts of Jake and Brazil, when your phone chimes on your nightstand. Your eyes pop open and you roll over to grab it, squinting as you read the name.

Elle

11:47pm: We need to talk.

You lock your phone and set it on the nightstand, swallowing nervously as you return back to Jake.

“Who was it baby?” he asks, voice groggy and still half asleep.

“It was Elle. She wants to talk…”

—

The next morning you woke up almost exactly how you’d fallen asleep, tied and twisted with Jake, your limbs sweaty underneath the heavy covers. The memories of the night before came swirling back as the muscles of your insides began to throb. It really had been a while. But you welcomed the uncomfortable sensation, truly being thankful you could fulfill your human needs so effortlessly with him. 

His hair was overtop of your face, just where you liked it. He stirred beside you, flipping his face to the other side, taking his locks with him. Then he propped up on his elbows, rubbing his face before looking at you with the sweetest smile. 

“Mornin' sunshine.” You said, taking in the sight of him grinning with all his teeth. “You look like you got laid last night.”

“I’m on cloud fuckin’ 9, baby.” He giggled shyly, rolling himself to you and placing his elbows on either side of your head. “Actually got to sleep with the hottest girl I’ve ever seen last night.” He went on, laying sweet kisses to your lips. 

“Oh really? How was that?” You played along. 

His tongue brushed inside your mouth, instantly bringing back that feeling of want that lived deep in your bones. “Fuckin’ amazing. Perfect. I’d give you all the details, but…” he clicked his tongue. “Unfortunately I probably won’t get to do it again for a while, she said she wants to take things slow.”

“Ahh, that sucks. Well, maybe from time to time, when you’ve both built up so much tension…” you let your hands travel down to grip his ass, letting your fingernails dig in and pull him toward you, pressing his morning hard-on directly to your heat. 

“…you both can talk about it again. Ya know, just hooking up every once in a while. You’re both adults, right?” You suggested, leaving the conversation open ended. 

He moaned through a little cry, pushing himself against you again. “We are both adults. Nothing wrong with some healthy sex every once in a while, right?” 

You pressed your lips to his again, licking into his mouth as you felt him hold himself back. “Nothing wrong with it at all…” he mumbled. “God you’re fuckin killing me again, Y/N. I gotta get up. Gotta go, do something…anything…” You giggled as you watched him walk to the bathroom, still completely nude. “Let’s go get coffee.”

——

Half an hour later, the two of you were sitting outside of your favorite coffee shop, sipping from your cups and sharing an oversized blueberry muffin. 

“My abs are sore.” Jake said quietly as he stirred his coffee. 

“Sore? From what? We hardly lasted five minutes each time…jeeze. Must be out of shape…” you shook your head at him playfully. 

He scoffed. “Ugh leave me alone, it’s been a while. Plus I haven’t exercised in like, two months. I almost died of fuckin’ pneumonia and laid in a bed for two weeks, did you forget?” He spat back, sounding bratty as hell. 

“Hm. Well. Guess you’ll just have to build that stamina back up then, won’t you?” You winked. 

The courtyard in front of the coffee shop was semi crowded, lots of people with dogs and baby strollers. You watched as a young mom pushed a double carriage to the table beside you, parking it there and pushing the sun visor up to reveal two sleeping baby boys. 

“Is anyone using this table?” She asked, taking her backpack off. 

“No, no. All yours.” Jake smiled and moved a chair out of the way for her. 

“Got some tiny ones there.” You said. 

“They’re three months old today. Meeting my friend to celebrate their milestone with some coffee and way too much sugar!” She laughed. 

“Oh, I bet you need all the caffeine you can get, huh?” You said. 

“That’s an understatement…” she laughed as she waved her friend over to join her. 

You and Jake sat in silence for a while, people watching and finishing your coffees. You started thinking, right then and there, about something that you truly hadn’t thought hard about in years. Something that, until recently, you’d buried away so far in your brain that you’d nearly forgotten, and the fact that you’d almost forgotten made you sick. A part of your life that you didn’t discuss, that you didn’t bring up, that was a secret from everyone you loved. 

“What’s wrong baby? You’re being kinda quiet…” Jake interrupted your internalization. 

You perked up. “Oh, nothing. Just kinda sleepy still.” 

“Okay. We can take a nap later, if you want.” Jake suggested. 

“Yeah, that sounds good to me, babe.” You answered blankly. 

You both glanced over to the mom again as one of the babies woke up and started crying. You watched as she picked him up to console him, and watched as the other one instinctively opened his eyes at the sound of his brother’s crying. 

“Ya know, me and Josh always used to wonder which one of us would end up with twins, since there’s such a big chance of that happening through generations. I always thought it’d be him.” Jake said. 

You watched as the second baby moved his head around, eyes darting side to side, looking for his counterpart. Your heart nearly shattered into pieces. Even as young and tiny as he was, he looked lost, like his compass was going haywire…

“Watch it be Sam.” You responded. 

Jake’s head snapped your way. “Really? You think? Why?”

You shrugged. “Just would be funny. Hey, you think your brothers would wanna come over for dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, probably. I think Sam and Elle are back, Danny texted me last night-”

“No, Jake. Just your brothers. Your blood ones.” You interrupted, earning a very strange look from him. 

“Uh..I guess. I can… ask them. Why just them?” He pressed. 

Your mind spun around as you tried to pull an excuse to get the three of them alone together. 

“I want to talk to them. You. Just you three. About… everything.” You only half-lied. “Together, as a family.”

“Okayyyy, yeah, I’ll text them now. Uh, our house? 5:00?” He said, pulling out his phone. 

“Perfect.” You took the opportunity to take your phone out as well, pulling up the text from Elle. 

You

10:31am: Coffee tomorrow?

——

The rest of the day proceeded normally, you and Jake went home and did end up napping the rest of the afternoon away, him walking on eggshells at the uncertainty of why you wanted just Josh and Sam to come over this evening, but never pressing the issue with more questions. 

“I’m starting the pasta babe! They should be here any minute!” Jake yelled from the kitchen as you finished up some laundry. 

“Sounds good! I’m almost done here!” You shut the lid to the washing machine, nerves suddenly overtaking your body. You felt your face flush pink, and your stomach flipped over, making you feel sick. You leaned backwards onto the machine, fanning your face as the blood finally traveled back to your brain. 

You rushed into the guest room, pulling the drawer to your nightstand open to reveal your barely-yet-used journal. You flipped to the last few pages, finding the old photograph perfectly safe there. 

Fuck, you can do this. 

Little did Jake know, you weren’t okay. You were terrified. And you were about to share with them your deepest, darkest secret. 

——

“…and it wasn’t even the priest, it was his barber all along!” Josh had finished up with a twenty minute long joke, sending the four of you into stitches. 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, Josh. My god.” Sam said. 

“Well, it made you laugh didn’t it?” Josh retorted, making Sam throw his hands into the air. 

Dinner was drawing to a close, and you knew the guys were getting antsy with their curiosity of asking them here tonight. All three of them. 

“Another bottle, guys?” You said, standing from the table and clearing some of the plates away. 

“Yeah, sure. And also when you come back, can you bring the reason you asked just us two to come over tonight?” Sam snapped, turning around in his seat to face you. Fuck you, Sammy. 

You turned to shoot daggers at him, only to be met with three of almost the exact same face staring back at you. You dropped the plates into the sink, admitting defeat. 

You slowly walked back over to the table, taking your seat. The three of them leaned in closely, watching your next move. You cleared your throat. 

“Alright, alright.” Deep breath. “So, this…isn’t easy to say…so forgive me if I get, a little emotional, okay?” You asked, looking to all three of them, the people you loved most in this world, looking at you with so much worry and concern in their eyes you could explode. 

“We grew up together right? Since we were babies, and stayed so close all these years, so I feel like I can trust each of you, even after all the bullshit we’ve been through, what I ultimately was the cause of, right?” 

They all nodded, speaking quietly that yes, of course you could trust them. 

“Sam, my very first chosen friend. Always there for me and always my rock ever since we could walk. I think you know me better than I know myself, and that’s a little terrifying. Always calling me out on my shit, and helping me fucking cause it, too.” You giggled, hoping that one day all of the stuff that happened in Vegas could become a joke. 

“Well, ya know...” He laughed. 

“Josh, you’re such a good big brother to them. And to me, you always were. You don’t even know you’re doing it, but you keep all of us so grounded and so in line, and so in love with life that you should win an award. And thank you, for helping me here lately. Taking me out of my comfort zone and under your wing. I don’t think you know how much I appreciate it.” 

He nodded a sweet you’re welcome.

“And Jake, what the hell. Where do I even start? I’m so excited about this new life we’re building together, and how supportive you’ve always been of me. All the shit I put you through, it’s been some of the most horrible and beautifully messy times of my life. And I’m so thankful for you and all you do for us.”

“I’m also so proud of you guys.” You said, looking to Jake and Sam. “After all that shit in Vegas, you two can still find a way to love each other. And I am so wholeheartedly sorry about how that all went down. From the bottom of my heart, I swear.” 

Jake reached over and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“I don’t know if you know, Jake, but Sam watched you go through something really traumatic in the hospital, and when he told me about it, god, it tore me to shreds. Seeing the love you guys all have for each other, it…” you couldn’t stop the tears that were forming in your eyes, as Jake squeezed your hand harder. “It made me realize some things. And I don’t want to run from it anymore. I want to share…everything. With you guys. With my family. Even my secrets.”

All three of them adjusted in their chairs, curiosity and apprehension written all over them. You stood up, went into the guest room, and re-emerged with your journal. You sat back down, and flipped to the very back page. You pulled the tiny photograph that was stuck between the pages, seeing it one last time by yourself before it became not only your secret, but theirs, too. 

You turned it around so all three of them could see. 

Sam and Jake simultaneously sat back in their seats, physically blown away by what you were showing them. 

A blurry black and white sonogram image of a baby. Your baby. The one you never got to meet. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay…it’s neither of yours…look at the date…” you said to them as you realized their instant state of panic. 

“January 14, 2017.” Sam said, his breath falling out of him with relief. “Oh my god…”

“Baby, what the fuck is going on? What is this? Your name is on this…” Jake said, letting his emotions start to rise. 

“Yeah, Jake. That’s because it was mine. Mine and Andy’s.” You relented. 

You watched as their faces were painted with happiness, then shock, then sorrow.

“I never got to meet this baby, because right before I found out, Andy started showing his true colors in a more public way. Remember the night of the New Years Eve party? When he found us out on the porch?” You looked to Jake. 

“The night he put his hands on me there, left bruises on my arms…all the horrible things he did even before that, you know. Well, I found out two weeks later. I didn’t tell him I was even going to the doctor to find out for sure.” Your tears finally decided to run over. “The night before my appointment, he was drunk. We got into an argument, he pushed me so hard into the wall that it busted a hole through. I thought for sure that if I was pregnant, I would have lost it that night, anyway. So I fought him off of me for another hour or so, let him pass out on the couch. The next day at my appointment, lo and behold, the baby was alright. But I wasn’t.”

“I was so devastated…the nurse at the clinic saw the bruises on me, noticed how much of a shell of a person I was, slipped me a brochure for noticing the signs of domestic abuse. God, it threw me for a loop…I never even thought that that was what I was enduring, all that time. Seeing it there on paper, that Andy was abusing me while I was being told I was most definitely going to be bringing his child into the world. It…fucking…” you were sobbing hard now, finally feeling the weight of the subject coming to the light like a weight off your entire being. 

“I had to make the hardest decision of my entire life, that day. I had to decide. I had to keep myself safe, and I could barely do that. Andy was getting worse by the day. The thought of having to bring a baby…god, I couldn’t even…” you took a deep breath, feeling Jake’s arms wrapping around your back, pulling you tightly into him. 

“Fuck, Y/N…” he cried into your hair. 

You continued. “I never told Andy about it. I kept it a secret…from everybody. I felt so ashamed. A few weeks after I had the procedure, one of Andy’s fraternity brothers’ girlfriends decided to let it slip that she knew I was there…she worked at the clinic and recognized me I guess. Bitch. Completely against the fucking law, but. They told Andy, and he was infuriated. Said that I took something away from him without him even knowing he had it. Hated me for it, called me horrible things. Thinking back now, maybe I should have told him. I guess I could have given him that much. But honestly, things were getting so bad that I truly don’t think that tiny thing would have survived another night of its mother being thrown into the dining room table.”

Jake’s arms held you steady, his hands rubbing across your skin. You finally got the gumption to look at Josh and Sam, both of them absolutely fraught with sadness, tears falling hard from both of their faces. You could tell they were dying to speak, but neither of them had any clue what to say. 

“The reason I’m telling you all of this is because you deserve an answer. I’ve lied about it for months. That’s why he’s stalking me. That’s why he’s been following us everywhere, breaking in and stealing your things…He’s obsessed with giving me what he thinks I deserve for taking that away from him. I’m scared he’s not gonna stop until he gets it. He’s getting worse, he’s in it too deeply now.”

Josh’s hands were folded in front of him, covering his mouth as his leg bounced up and down. Sam had his head hanging from his fingers laced through his hair, staring at the tiny photograph. Jake finally released you, squatting beside you to speak. He brought both hands to your face, slowly drifting his thumbs under your eyes to catch the tears that just wouldn’t stop coming. 

“I love you so much, Y/N, I swear to god I do. I’m so sorry…” he whispered, pulling up to embrace you again. You let your arms wrap around him, your safe place, your home. He’d finally told you he loved you, after weeks of not hearing those words fall from his mouth. 

“I love you too, Jake.” You said through cutting sobs. “I’m so sorry I never told you, told any of you. I should have been honest from the get go. I was just too afraid to tell the truth of why he was following me. Could’ve saved us a lot of difficulty.” 

“No, no no…” they all chimed in unison. 

“No, Y/N. That was something you didn’t have to share with us. You could’ve kept that secret for as long as you needed to.” Josh said. 

“Yeah, this is him being crazy, not you. Don’t worry. We’ll keep you safe. All of us will.” Sam added. “He’s not gonna get what he thinks he deserves. We won’t let him.”

“Yeah, no way that fucker is getting anywhere near you ever again.” Jake added. 

You nodded. “I’m trying really hard, guys. I’m trying to be better. I think getting this off my chest was the real start of it.” You said, tears staining Jake’s shirt. “I’m ready to heal.”

The other two silently made their way over to you and Jake, wrapping their arms all around you and each other as they held you in their own cage of protection. 

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, all embraced together, but right then you knew you’d made the right decision in telling them. They harbored no blame, no judgment, no ill feelings toward you. Just love. Devastatingly perfect love. 

——

After a few minutes of silent sobs and embarrassed tears, the four of you stood to gather yourselves. 

“Well, that was a lot, sorry guys.” You laughed nervously, stepping away a bit. 

“Please stop apologizing, Y/N. There’s nothing at all to be sorry for. If anything you should be patting yourself on the back, for sharing that with us. That’s a huge step.” Josh said. 

“Yeah, babe. Don’t be sorry to us. We’re all gonna get through it together. One step at a time, okay? We won't leave you.” Jake said, rubbing your shoulders from behind. 

Sam walked up and took you in a giant embrace, his chin resting on your shoulder as he spun you in little half circles. “Can’t believe you held that in for so many years…I’m–I’m so sorry, Y/N.” His whisper was quiet in your ear. This was the closest you’d been with Sam since…

“Thanks, Sammy. It’s alright. In a dark place for way too long…ready to walk away from it.”

He pulled back, taking your head in his hands. “And we’ll be right here to hold your hand as you do. Okay?” You nodded, more tears forming as you felt his familiar comforting touch. He laid a sweet kiss to your forehead, and backed away. A little more light conversation added some happiness to the heavy atmosphere, and you suddenly felt yourself become extremely exhausted. 

The air changed, and Josh and Sam caught the drift that it was time for them to go home. “Thanks for listening to me, guys. Means more than you know.” You told them as you walked them toward the door. “I’m gonna tell Elle and Daniel soon, so. Just wanted you three to know first.”

They nodded, sending you more sweet goodbyes as they shut the door behind them. You turned to see Jake leaned against the countertop, his face completely sunken in with an expression that didn’t make sense. 

“You wanna go for a walk or something?” He said. 

You sighed, walking back over to wrap yourself up in him. “No, I gotta clean up the kitchen.” You said. 

“No, baby. That can wait until tomorrow. It’s fine.” Jake replied. 

“Okay…kinda wanna go lay down again.” You laughed. 

You walked under his arm back to the bedroom, changing into something comfy, and sliding back under the covers with him. He took you up in his arms, pulling you close as you let yourself finally breathe. 

“I don’t know what to say, babe. I’m proud of you for being strong, though. I can’t believe you went so long holding that in…I couldn’t imagine what you’ve been going through keeping that to yourself.” Jake said, laying his cheek to your hair. 

“I almost called you. That day I went to the clinic. I didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to go by myself. But, I just…”

“You should’ve called me! I would have gone with you, talked to you…” he said, voice rising. 

“You were in Europe, Jake. Not even in the same time zone. But, I did it. Got through it. It all…worked out…” you said, squeezing him tighter. 

“I know…I’m so sorry baby.” he whispered. 

You took another deep breath. “Jake, there’s more, though…”

He pulled back a bit, looking at you sternly, pity on his face. “More…?”

You buried your face in his chest. “After everything with the baby, in the year or so after, when I’d go to my annual checkups, they told me it was a miracle I even conceived at all. And after the procedure, I was left with a lot of internal scarring. Lots of… strange complications. Told me it would be extremely difficult for me to even get pregnant ever again, without intervention.”

“Fuck, babe…” he mouthed. You felt his body go limp.

You sat up, able to look him in the face now. “That’s why…that’s why I never told you about it. I didn’t think you’d want me anymore, if you knew I might not…” 

“Shit, Y/N, no. No no no, please don’t.” He sat up and squeezed you again, more sobs rattling through your chest. 

“It’s not fair to you, Jake. You deserve that. And I was selfish in not telling you, but I just love you so much, and everything was so scary and crazy, I didn’t want you not in my life…”

He pulled away, grasping both of your hands in his. “Listen to me, Y/N. You’re it for me. Okay? You always have been. I’m ready to have you any way you are, no matter what. Please, don’t for one second think that I think less of you. Ever. You’re the most amazing thing in my life and I’m not ever letting you go.” 

“But what if I can’t give you what you’ve always wanted?” You cried. 

“You are what I’ve always wanted, Y/N. Only you! As far as that goes…we will figure it out, babe. You and me. We’ll make it through all that together, okay? We have tons and tons of options. I’m not even worried about it.” He pulled you into him again, qualming your tears as he soothed you. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, but first we have a few places to stop along the way.”

“You think we will get there?” You breathed.

“Yeah baby… I know we will. I think about it almost everyday.” he says. 

“You do?” you whisper.

“Yeah Y/N. I…I know you’re the one. You always have been. I was stupid to ever let you go. I’m not going to make that mistake again. I swear.” he says, pushing the hair from your face.

“I love you Jake.” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He pulls you down on top of him, holding you close to him as he kisses your head, “I love you too Y/N. I always always will. Until the day I die. I swear it.”

As you let him hold you, your mind raced again but a little more peacefully now, knowing that this was just the beginning. You’d started on a brand new journey, and family had taken on a whole new meaning. Facing it head on was going to be the challenge, but you felt stronger than ever. Ready to weather a new storm, with your compass heading set toward calmer seas. 

But in the back of your mind lingered a persistent demon, one that had haunted and tormented you for years on end. And though you felt safe here in your lover’s arms, you knew that the storm was still brewing, waiting, ready to wash you away the second it could. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

When someone we know and care about is impacted by domestic violence, it is hard to know how to help. But friends and family are important in supporting people experiencing domestic violence so they feel empowered to leave. Waiting for the perfect words could keep you from seizing the opportunity to change a life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there is help. All it takes is one call to the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or Text START to 88788 to discuss your situation.  

For more help identifying the signs of domestic abuse visit this site for tons of helpful resources.

If you are pregnant and unsure about your feelings or what to do next, we recommend calling the All-Options Talkline at 1-888-493-0092 from anywhere in the United States or Canada. All-Options offers unconditional, judgment-free support for people in all of their decisions, feelings, and experiences with pregnancy, parenting, abortion, and adoption.

Vigilance The Outtakes : Disruption

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[taizi]

give me something that’ll haunt me when you’re not around

chapter three: me and you and the whole town underwater

rise of the tmnt pairing: leoichi (leonardo / usagi yuichi) word count: 3k title borrowed from dark blue by jack’s mannequin post-movie

(previous) (next)

read on ao3

x

Usagi: Good morning Leonardo. Unknown: USAGI Unknown: there are so many snacks in here oh my god Unknown: what the hell 😭😭😭😭 Unknown: im heavily medicated its not fair to do nic ethings ill cry Unknown: tell ur aunt i said THANK YOU!!!!!!! and the blueberry buckle was SO GOOD😭😭 Unknown: i shared some w mikey and he wants the recipe like yesterday Unknown: we actually ate like. all of it in one sitting. raph was pissed lol

Yuichi lays in bed smiling at his phone for a while before he gets around to pulling his braincells together to form a reply.

He starts and stops typing so many times that it’s embarrassing. He’ll pretend he didn’t do that.

Usagi: Those snacks were specifically meant to aid in your recovery. Unknown: so idk how familiar u are w baby brothers but typically mike gets whatever he wants

Yuichi thinks of his youngest cousin Jomei. Tiny and soft, with huge gray eyes, and unfortunately already self-aware at four years old. If Mike—Michelangelo, Yuichi thinks he remembers the boy being called—is even half as powerful as Jomei, then Leonardo’s blueberry buckle didn’t stand a chance.

Usagi: Fair enough.

It’s a good thing he woke up early. He doesn’t get anything else done for hours. Leonardo is an enthusiastic conversation partner at all times, and his texts manage to translate that energy effortlessly.  

Typically, Yuichi lets his friends save their contact IDs in his phone however they want. Leonardo isn’t there to do it himself, but Yuichi makes the rookie mistake of giving him free reign anyway. So Leonardo insists his number go in under ⚡️⚡️NEON LEON⚡️⚡️ and Yuichi has something to roll his eyes at every time they message each other.

It also makes him feel warm. There’s an affectionate little tug in his chest at this clear proof of Leonardo in his hands.

Now that he has this unfettered access to the very same person he wants to talk to all the time, Yuichi checks his phone a lot more than he used to over the next couple days. He even keeps it in his waist apron pocket at work, which some of the other servers do, which technically isn’t against the rules because none of them have abused the privilege so far.

Yuichi will feel extremely bad and guilty if he’s the one who abuses the privilege and ruins it for everyone. But when it vibrates in his pocket while he’s going outside to dump the trash anyway, he might as well linger for an extra minute and check his messages, right? Right??

Once, Señor Hueso catches Yuichi lingering in the employee lounge after his lunch break is well over, moving at a snail’s pace back toward the dining room with his nose buried in his phone. He almost walks right into his boss’s chest, saved only by the last-minute sense of someone else’s immediate presence that Karasu-Tengu-sensei mercilessly trained into him years ago. So he freezes a few inches away instead and his eyes dart up to the skeleton yokai’s unamused expression.

Oh boy. Señor Hueso is generally a very patient person but he’s no-nonsense about work. Is Yuichi in trouble? Is he going to get fired?

“I’msosorry,” Yuichi whispers.

But instead of scolding him, Señor Hueso only gives a pointed look to the phone in Yuichi’s hands and says sternly, “You tell Pepino to give it a rest. He’s still recovering from a concussion, he doesn’t need to be staring at a screen all day, madre de dios. Please be a good influence.”

“You don’t know I was talking to Leonardo,” Yuichi says defensively. He has other friends he could be texting! Then he takes a second look at the older yokai’s face and backtracks immediately. “I mean. Uh. Yes, sir. I’ll tell him.”

“Good. Now you have tables seated in your section.”

It’s a dismissal if Usagi’s ever heard one, so he scurries into the dining room with five times his original speed, sending one last message before he shoves his phone away.

Usagi: Señor says no more screen time while you’re recovering from a concussion. ⚡️⚡️NEON LEON⚡️⚡️: what?? how even??? ⚡️⚡️NEON LEON⚡️⚡️: he doesn’t KNOW ur taking to me

Thank you, that’s exactly what Yuichi said!

He makes it a point to actually focus for the rest of his shift, but it’s a Wednesday afternoon, and things are slow. Sunita is off for the day, and Qiao is studying at the bar when they’re not actively pouring drinks, and those are the only two coworkers Yuichi is familiar enough to strike up conversation with, so he keeps to his own section and works quietly.

It’s been brought up a couple of times now, in passing—Leonardo’s condition. Apparently, even a month after the invasion, he’s still healing. Yuichi didn’t know the symptoms of a concussion could last whole weeks. He doesn’t really know much about kappa, or whatever manner of creature Leonardo and his brothers are, but for a head injury to be that severe…

Suddenly, the sight of Raphael’s damaged eye jumps to the front of Yuichi’s memory. The clean hole in the big turtle’s rock-solid carapace. What the hell could have done that? What happened to them?

His brain is coming up with nightmare fuel like that’s its job. Something horrible went down behind-the-scenes while Yuichi was completely ignorant—while Yuichi was waiting tables and getting into trouble with Kitsune and Gen and helping with the tomato harvest, Leonardo and his family were in almost certain danger. And Yuichi didn’t know.

He plops down on a stool at the bar at the tail end of his last break for the day, and Qiao wordlessly slides him a cranberry juice on the rocks.

“How do I get my friend to tell me about something that may or may not be a sensitive subject?” he blurts.

“Have you tried asking him about it?” the ram yokai replies in a tone that manages to be both over-exaggerated and monotone.

Yuichi doesn’t even know why he bothers. He taps his phone on the counter a few times, takes a big gulp of cranberry juice that he pretends is something much stronger, then goes for it.

Usagi: I need to talk to you. ⚡️⚡️NEON LEON⚡️⚡️: oooooo ominous Usagi: It’s not ominous, weirdo. I have to go now but I’m off at 7.

Any normal person would have taken that last text at face-value, but Yuichi isn’t dealing with a normal person, is he?

So maybe he should have been expecting it when he leaves the restaurant a few hours later and finds Leonardo waiting for him outside. He's leaning heavily on one of his katana, either in an attempt to look cool or because he’s having trouble staying upright.

Yuichi is not inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he blurts. His flat tone definitely does not convey his shock, but he’s feeling too much right now to articulate any of it properly.

Leonardo laughs out loud. It’s a different sound than it used to be—hoarse and a little restrained, like he’s trying to remember he doesn’t have to be quiet. But it’s still bright, and it still makes Yuichi’s heart do backflips in his chest.

He’s wearing a hooded sweatshirt that looks way too big to belong to him, a deep maroon color, repaired with clumsy pink stitches along the shoulders. One of the sleeves is hiked up to Leonardo’s elbow, due to the unwieldy cast on his left forearm, covered in doodles and stickers. The hoodie is unzipped down the front, so Yuichi can make out the cracks in Leonardo’s plastron, spiderweb lines cutting cruelly through the armored scutes. It’s hard to imagine the kind of pressure it would have taken to crush his shell—the same kind that drilled that hole through Raphael’s? What happened to them?

The skin around Leonardo’s neck and the side of his face is still discolored from what must have been pretty nasty bruises, and there are puffy red marks where scars haven’t settled yet. He looks older than the last time Yuichi saw him.

But he’s here. And he’s smiling, a footprint of that laughter left on his face. And now he’s—oh boy, now he’s starting to list to the side.

Yuichi crosses the distance between them at a run, catching Leonardo by the arm before he can topple all the way over.

“I don’t see what’s so funny,” Yuichi says waspishly, afraid to let him go.

“You wouldn’t,” Leonardo says cheerfully. He’s leaning heavily against Yuichi’s shoulder, his hand is shaking as he sheathes his katana over his shoulder, seriously, what the fuck is he doing here? “Everyone’s cussed me out at least once since I woke up. Add you to the list.”

Flustered, Yuichi says, “I did not do that.”

“You did! You said the fuck word!”

Yuichi rolls his eyes and begins the process of dragging Leonardo toward the nearest bench, staring down anyone who drifts into their path. The tree yokai already reclining there takes one look at Yuichi’s expression, grabs her bag, and takes off without a word.

Maybe he’ll feel bad about being impolite later. He doesn’t have any room for it in his brain right now. He doesn’t even think he remembers to breathe until Leonardo is safely sitting down, slumping onto the bench seat like someone five times his age.

Yuichi crouches down in front of him, giving him a hard look. If he needs medical attention, Yuichi will kick Run of the Mill’s doors down and drag Señor Hueso out here by his tie. Who needs a part-time job anyway?

But Leonardo seems to be okay now that he’s caught his breath, and he’s still grinning, like Yuichi is the best thing he’s seen in days.

“Do you use your scary face to get what you want all the time, or is this a special occasion?” the turtle asks coyly.

“I am beginning to understand why everyone has cussed you out since you woke up this morning,” Yuichi replies, sitting back on his heels.

Something tight that’s been clenched in his chest like a closed fist has suddenly loosened, a letting go when Yuichi didn’t even know he’d been holding on.

He’s missed Leonardo. Being around him has always been easy, even when looking directly at him is like staring into the sun, even when Yuichi’s words get lost somewhere between his head and his throat and he ends up spending most of their conversations just listening and watching.

“Not since this morning,” Leonardo interjects. “Can you imagine everyone getting on my case like that all in one day? That would just be bullying. I meant since the coma.”

There it is again. Little breadcrumbs, teasing scraps of information.

Yuichi gazes up at him, and has at least a dozen questions he wants to ask. That’s why Leonardo is here, even if he doesn’t realize it. Yuichi’s curiosity inadvertently dragged his friend from the safety of his home and the safe harbor of his family to the chaotic streets of the Hidden City.

The trip itself seems to have been hard on him, when usually it’s little-to-no-effort to step through a portal between one location and the next. His forehead gleams with sweat, and he’s still breathing a little heavily, like he just ran a marathon. He’s a pale shade of the vibrant boy Yuichi first met a year ago. He looks like he regrets bringing up the coma.

But he’s still here.

Abruptly, Yuichi doesn’t want to ask any of his questions. He just wants his friend to be here.

When Leonardo says, “Sooo, what’s so serious you dragged me all the way out here?” Yuichi pushes himself to his feet and takes the seat on the bench beside him with a theatrical sigh.

“Nothing, Leonardo,” he lies. “I just wanted to talk to you. You’re the one who jumped to conclusions.”

Some tense line in Leonardo’s shoulders that Yuichi hadn’t noticed before seems to go lax, even as he rolls his eyes. “I’m a ninja, we jump, it’s a whole thing. Anyway, more importantly, did I see a stall selling dumplings down the street or nah?”

“There’s no way I can convince you to stay on this bench, is there?” Yuichi knows the answer already and he’s getting up before Leonardo has a chance to say anything, offering him his hands. When Leonardo takes them, Yuichi hauls him up onto his feet.

They stand there together for a moment, neither of them letting go. Yuichi doesn’t even feel the usual need to spring away from him before he gets too close because he’s missed this stupid guy. And his stupid face, and his stupid big hands, and the stupid way Yuichi feels around him.

Whatever happened to him, happened. Yuichi can’t change that now. And if Leonardo wants to tell him about it, he will. But Yuichi gets the feeling that what Leonardo really wants right now is to feel normal. To feel like maybe one thing in his life is the same as it’s always been.

“Dumplings,” Yuichi announces, with all the enthusiasm of his little cousins faced with the unjust trial of bedtime. “If you fall on your face, I’m leaving you there.”

“If I don’t, you’re buying,” Leonardo quips back.

Yuichi scowls, remembers he’s still holding Leonardo’s hands, and then sort of forgets how to person for long enough that Leonardo lets go and goes a few steps without him. His brain literally goes offline for a minute. That’s never happened before.

“No it’s okay,” he hears Leonardo saying to someone on the street nearby. “It’s not his fault, he’s never been the same, you know, not since the storm.”

Fur bristling, Yuichi hustles to catch up, hopefully before Leonardo has done any actual lasting damage to his reputation. He has an image to maintain around here! He’s Usagi Miyamoto’s direct descendant, and Miyamoto was never anything but cool!

“Quit making up lore about me!” he hisses.

“Quit being weird!” Leonardo replies, clearly enjoying himself. “Dumplings!”

Yuichi scowls but falls into step beside him anyway. This is the guy he missed so much?

As soon as he has that uncharitable thought, he regrets it.

He thinks about April saying he always seemed pissed off to have Leonardo around, and darts a quick look at the striped turtle ambling along beside him. Leonardo doesn’t seem put off by Yuichi’s prickly attitude, but still—it wouldn’t hurt to make sure.

Yuichi waits until they’ve paid the elderly yokai woman running the food stall for two paper plates of crispy gyoza, so he has something to do with his hands, something to focus on besides his awkward tongue, to say, “I’m glad you’re back.”

Leonardo glances sidelong at him, crunching through a dumpling unselfconsciously. His mouth is full but his expression very clearly says ‘say what now?’

“Here, I mean,” Yuichi tells his plate. “Back here. I didn’t even know you were—I’m just glad you’re better.”

They walk the length of the block before Leonardo replies.

“I wouldn’t worry about us, Usagi. Me and my brothers can take a hit. You could even say we were made for it.” That’s a strange sentiment, and something bitter comes and goes across Leonardo’s face before Yuichi can make sense of it, as swift and darting as the little minnows that flit through the creek that winds past his family’s farm. Then Leonardo adds, sounding much more like himself, “My stupid arm is all that’s slowing me down now.”

“Considering it was broken in eight places, I would take six weeks in a cast as a solid win,” someone says from directly behind them.

Yuichi doesn’t jump in shock, he freezes, rabbit-still. Leonardo doesn’t seem surprised at all—he just groans theatrically.

“Oh nooo, it’s the consequences of my actions.”

Donatello snorts. Because that’s who it is, Yuichi realizes as he turns to get a good look at him.

“You can’t just run off, Nardo,” the purple-masked turtle says. His tone implies that this is not a suggestion. “You get why that’s uncool and unfair, right? Like, I don’t have to explain that very simple, elementary-level concept to you?”

“I left a note,” Leonardo argues in his own defense.

“You sure did,” Donatello replies, so level and calm that it sets Yuichi’s whiskers on edge, because that level calmness is very much a thinly veiled promise of bodily harm. “You left a note on your door that said “Do Not Disturb, Beauty Sleep in Progress.” And then you left one on your empty bed that you just drew a winky face on.”

“I realized I didn’t need any more beauty sleep, Dontron. I decided to save some for the rest of you sad scrubs. You’re welcome.”

“How magnanimous.”

Beyond the color-coded masks and the dramatically different body shapes and skin tones, there’s another easy way to tell the Hamato siblings apart; all of them have brown eyes in varying shades. Michelangelo’s are warm, tempered honey, while Raphael’s are darker and richer, edging into red.

Leonardo and Donatello, the twins, have identical golden eyes, piercing and impossibly bright even in the semi-dark of falling dusk. Under the warm lantern light, with their defining characteristics all but overshadowed, it would probably be easy to mistake them for a perfect mirror of each other.

But Yuichi could never make that mistake. Donatello’s eyes are different, because the way he looks at Yuichi is different.

Especially now. Where Leonardo was delighted to see Yuichi for the first time since before the invasion, Donatello is looking at Yuichi like he’s a clear and present threat.

Yuichi doesn’t know what Donatello has to feel threatened about. He has a good grasp of his own abilities and he’s self-aware enough to admit that Donatello could definitely take him in a fair fight. Any of his siblings probably could, up to and including his sister, out of stubbornness and spite alone. Yuichi is the one who feels hunted, like a tiny fluffy animal that was just sighted by a bored, hungry hawk, all because of the cold, calculating gold in Donatello’s eyes.

Then Leonardo plants his good hand on the side of his twin’s face and shoves it an arm’s length away. Donatello sputters and flails, and Leonardo talks over him with the ease of years of practice.

“Thanks for the dumplings,” Leonardo tells him. “See you when I’m finally un-grounded, someday seven years from now.”

Yuichi nods, offering a little wave. He watches Leonardo unsheathe a katana and form a bright, spinning blue portal with one swift downward slice through the air. Donatello is griping at him in harsh undertones, and Leonardo is giving back as good as he gets, but it doesn’t escape Yuichi that Donatello has gravitated protectively to Leonardo’s bad side, and Leonardo is leaning his weight against his brother like he’s actually much more tired than he was willing to let on.

Leonardo needs a break. He needs fresh air. He needs to—to not disappear again, even if it probably won’t actually be for seven years.

Before he can second-guess himself, Yuichi blurts, “I’m off on Friday! You should come to the farm. One of our tokage’s nestlings just hatched so we have babies to play with and they’re really cute!”

Donatello makes an antagonistic noise under his breath and hauls Leonardo through the portal. Before he disappears, Yuichi watches Leonardo’s whole body light up, a grin splitting his face in half.

“It’s a date!” Leonardo calls cheerfully in the seconds before he’s gone.

The portal closes. Yuichi stares at the empty space where it used to exist while the word “date” bounces around in his head like a free-floating balloon filled with screaming instead of the more traditional helium.

Usagi: Important time-sensitive HYPOTHETICAL question Usagi: When you make plans with your friend and he calls it a date, how do you ask what he means by that without sounding like an insane person?? SUNA: oh my god!!!!!! ꒰☉ｪ☉꒱

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #leosagi #leoichi #usagi yuichi #hamato leonardo #hamato donatello #my writing #tmnt fic #bushido boyfriends #these bright blue city lights

[wifiwuxians]

I've been wondering who shio is since I saw u mention him first but kept forgetting ( the crowd is shocked ) so pls feel free 2 dump abt him bc I wanna knOW

OOH SHIO check out his little refsheet i was aiming for cartoony i promise his proportions are normal i just went spindly halfway through

shio yomotsu! last name shio, given name yomotsu! a pretty terrible name for a sweet boy, like you coulda just named him yomi! i've posted about him on my main but this ISN'T MY MAIN so i'll retell in a sparknotes edition >:3

growing up in japan under the fist of an abusive father, his world was flipped when his mother finally had enough and killed the man in self defense. smuggling both herself and her son out of the country in a crate, she settled down in china in a tiny apartment, working cleaning jobs and keeping yomotsu a secret. he grew up in that apartment, keeping quiet and still when his mother was gone, and still remaining rather quiet and still whenever she was home. despite her barebones knowledge of mandarin and her lack of time to teach him, as well as her poor health and their meagre funds, the two considered their living conditions to be an improvement, and were happy, as happy as they could reasonably be. so, of course, i had to ruin that by killing her off LOL,, her illness caught up with her and she wasn't able to treat it. yomotsu had to live with her corpse for a while as he sank into despair, and only once the water and the electricity stopped working did he snap out of his stupor.

running out into the streets to beg for help, he was unfortunately intercepted by some thuggish men, thrown into a car and driven to his new life, where he'd be beaten, tortured, starved and trained into becoming a ruthless and efficient killer (and jack of all trades). i need to reiterate he had no idea what was happening to him, or why; up until one day, a young boy came into his small room to tend to his wounds and give him some food. this boy also began to teach him mandarin properly, and with the kindness and gentleness he showed yomotsu, he had no problem then becoming this boy's bodyguard and personal assistant.

now he's just about devoted his heart and his life to this boy, xing zhi, who is not the heir to the mob yomotsu works under, but may as well be since he takes on all the burdens. yomotsu, or shio as he's more commonly addressed, is a hitman, bodyguard, errand boy, shadow... you name it, he does it. keeping quiet all those years in his tiny apartment have made it easy for him to simply stand and listen during meetings, absorbing all information. he's the picture of devotion... to xing zhi, who wants the mob to collapse.

when his personality is able to shine through, he's playful, bubbly, charming and seemingly unaffected by all the bad things he's done or have been done to him. his devotion isn't restricted to xing zhi, either, though he is his treasure; if you are kind to him, if you give him the time of day, he is devoted to you, too. it's the only way he can feel good. it's the only way he can feel right. running himself ragged for the hint of a smile.

i usually draw him banged up in some way because he gets into very close quarters sometimes, and people don't like being told their business. people also struggle when they die, sometimes. and also he's being hunted LOL

this is only scratching the surface of all that is shio and his story (he's the main character!!) but it is a good place to start? maybe??? fkjsgkjga THANKS FOR ASKING !!!!!! <33333

#oc #shio yomotsu #child abuse mention

[phoebepheebsphibs]

*slides back into your ask box*

Sorry to bother you again- You're just the only person I know of who has Draxum knowledge I can ask stuff to (also you're just fun to talk to) I've run into a problem where I can't quite figure out how pre-reformation-Draxum would actually treat one of his creations if he got to keep one. A lot of people immediately assume he would have been horribly abusive, but based on how he treats the goyles, I don't think he'd be as abusive as everyone seems to think. I'm asking, because I keep trying to write flashback scenes/backstory for my OC, but whenever I do, it doesn't feel right to write him as entirely uncaring about his creation. Originally, what it was going to be was that; Since mutating the turtles didn't work out because of Lou Jitsu as a variable, he uses himself as the supplier of DNA to mutate with instead. He sends his perfectly capable henchgoyles to go find him a formidable animal he can mutate into the perfect warrior. However, what they end up bringing him is an abandoned newborn kitten. (Likely because they couldn't get their hands on anything more dangerous, or they legitimately thought an alley cat would work) The developing problem is that the kitten had gotten sick soon after birth, and the mother didn't want the illness to spread to the other kittens, so she was left behind. As a result, Abby (the kitten) was already very weak when the goyles got her. Post-mutation, Abby's body couldn't handle the stress, and her heart stopped. Tiny CPR happens, Abby's revived, and life carries on. The goyles mostly raise her- the issue is, because Draxum's not exactly easy on her, he pushes her past her limits, and when she fails, she gets hit (either because abusive, or because it's him she's sparring against) one way or another, her tail either gets pulled /hard/, or she gets it stuck somewhere and ends up trying to pull it free, resulting in it getting broken. The incident gives her spinal/nerve damage, and half her tail ends up needing to be amputated. So now not only does she have problems maintaining her balance, but back pain, and temporary paralysis in her legs if she pushes herself too hard. At this point, Draxum gives up on her. He turns his attention to oozesquitos, and though he still tries on occasion to build up her strength, he still views her as a failure for not being able to work through her problems (without, yk, physical therapy- but Draxum doesn't have time for that) What I'm stuck on is that- The whole reason she ends up not being around for the series is because when the turtles destroyed his lab again, Draxum either assumed she was dead, or intentionally left her behind to die because she was of no use to him. Therefore, the next time she sees him after the events of the finale, she only knows him as the villain that created her and left her to die. She has no sense of self worth, or what real love feels like- because she was raised to be a weapon, and since she failed at that, she's nothing.

BUT THE MORE I TRY AND WRITE IT LIKE THIS, THE MORE IT FEELS OUT-OF-CHARACTER FOR DRAXUM!!! The idea was that- deep down, he did care for her- But he didn't let himself show her any real affection because he knew it would only make her soft. His topmost priority was preventing the prophecy from coming true, and he needed a weapon against the humans to do it. He didn't have time to be a parent. He didn't even know how. If she couldn't fulfill her purpose, he was a failure, and she was his failed experiment. He didn't have any use for her, so he left her behind. (I mean, he was fully willing to off his other creations if they didn't want to join him, so why not her?) He never realized how horribly he'd messed up his own child until after his reformation, and by then he'd believed she was dead, and it was too late to make up for it.

Long rant short, do you think the way I have villain-Draxum act in the story works? Something about it doesn't feel right to me, but I'm hesitant to change things, because that leads to a lot of plot holes in the backstory, which I would then need to rewrite- and as a result, rewrite their entire dynamic, and any interactions in other fics.

I'M SORRY FOR THE LONG ASK I JUST FIND YOUR OPINION ON STUFF TO BE INCREDIBLY HELPFUL & INSPIRING WHEN WRITING ABOUT DRAXUM- hhhh I talked for too long I'll go now sorry if this is too long merry Christmas fellow gremlinnn At least you get a free sneak peak into my AU/fanfic, if you were interested in that 🤣 eeeeeeeeeeebye ---That one gremlin who lives in your ask box 🍕🐢💕✨

Lol this actually kinda reminded me of my separated AU that I’m working on (gonna post the stories to AO3 once I’m finished with Hide and Seek). In it, Draxum raises Donnie as his son/protégé and is not very nice about it… it’s a whole thing.

Ok but to answer your question…

I think that Draxum’s affection levels for whoever he raises would depend on when he found them. You’re right, he isn’t a complete monster (we see him be… semi-decent around Huginn and Muninn), but I think he only gets like that after years of coming to grips with his disappointment and failure with the turts and Lou Jitsu. If he were to find the turtles again when they were maybe toddlers or kids, he might be more caring for them. He may grow attached to them as more than experiments, he’d truly appreciate them — because he knew what it was like to lose them.

And I’ve seen some Separated AU’s where he raises Mikey, and in most of those universes he ends up pretty compassionate and charming, mostly due to Mikey’s influence over the years. Though, I am reading some fics where that was not the case…

But, for your character’s story, I think that how you’ve described it is pretty accurate. If you want to show him more caring, maybe he’d be concerned about keeping her safe, so she’d be like a Rapunzel — overprotected and never allowed to leave him… for her own safety. OR he’d want her to be able to defend herself, so he would push her to her limits. And then, after his reformation arc, he would try to make amends with her.

But really, in the end, it’s up to you! You can decide what choices Drax makes, but you need to show WHY he chooses that. He is always capable of change, but you’ve gotta show what drives him to that change. Maybe, seeing a frail life die and barely make it back shakes him. He can’t afford losing another project like this… so he decides to give her his full attention, raise her himself rather than have his gargoyles look after her. And she starts to get better, as he spends his nights watching over her in case she has a relapse. And then, as years pass, seeing how she grows slowly makes him swell with pride… she’s come such a long way from being a mangy kitten in the rain… and suddenly, he sees her as less of a science project and more of a pupil. Maybe as she gets older, he starts getting nervous when she gets hurt because for some odd reason, he feels her pain. He cries when she does. He comforts her when she has a nightmare. He unintentionally memorizes her favourite food and her favourite colour and… starts seeing her less as a student and as… an heir? A protégé? Someone he trusts. Someone he cares for. Little by little, they grow closer. And closer. Until one day he looks at her and realizes that he hasn’t even thought about attacking humankind in years. He’s only thought of what schools she’d get into, what dress she’ll wear to Big Mama’s gala, her hobbies and interests, the fear of what will happen when she reaches the dreaded dating age, etc. She isn’t a weapon, or an experiment, or a student, or even a successor. She’s his own precious daughter.

In conclusion, everything is possible for your characters, but the real issue is finding a way to make it believable.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

(On a completely separate note, I’m kind of interested to see how your character Abby would react to Mikey and the others… would she resent them, or hate them? In her eyes, would they be the “better version” of her, what she was supposed to be, but failed to become? And not only that, but they took her only family away from her?! He was her father — a terrible dad, sure, but hers!! Would she feel threatened by them? Or would she feel like maybe she’d finally found someone with common ground and understanding?

Food for thought.)

#tumblr asks #phoebepheebsphibs #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #tutant meenage neetle teetles #rottmnt draxum #rottmnt baron draxum #writing advice #fanfic writer #fanfic writing #writing angst #writing ideas #writers on tumblr #writing characters #rottmnt oc #i love to write #rottmnt au

[nitecourtfairytail]

A Mama Archeron crack theory/headcanon

Before I begin this insane, potentially rambling post, I’d like to thank the wonderful @elainsweetcobalt. You are such an amazing friend to me, a beautiful soul and overall good, strong person. (Just in case you haven’t heard that in a while.) Te amo 💕

She and I have spent many nights discussing ridiculous plot points, what we wished would happen, what we hope for and (obviously) crack theories in the ACoTaR/SJM universe, and because of that I was able to flesh out some of this thanks to her help.

Now to the meat and potatoes:

What if Mama Archeron is the Mother?

My theory/head canon is that Mama Archeron (The Mother) was a truly immortal being. She roamed the earth, not just Prythian or the Continent, because why not?, She’s immortal, and at some point she met Papa Archeron. She used her own connections to help him in his travels and made him the Prince of Merchants with her knowledge of other cultures.

Either a bond or simply true love blossomed between them. She didn’t want to be without him and he her. So she gave up her immortality-her magic. It went into the cauldron and she put it in (what she thought) was safe keeping.

The Mother had never actually raised her creations;She never birthed them. So when Nesta was born, although she did love her child, she was unsure of how to show it. (I want to stop for a sec and say I’m not trying to excuse the abuse and neglect the sisters endured by their mother, just putting together a narrative for a wild theory. Please don’t come at me) since she didn’t know how to show it, Mother chose to teach her daughter how to persevere in high society to try and ensure Nesta wouldn’t be disrespected or taken advantage of.

When Elain was born, she favored Papa Archeron. While Mother loved both of her daughters, she unintentionally gave Elain a gentler life because she looked more like the man she gave up her magic for. She then put more responsibility on Nesta to protect her sister.

Then came Feyre, followed shortly after by Mother’s illness. She hadn’t expected to fall ill-hadn’t considered it. She used to be immortal! It never occurred to her that humans sometimes died of illness, or that she could be one of them. She did, however, see Feyre’s resilience and determination, even at a young age.

Despite having given up her magic, a tiny amount still remained. I believe this is what allowed the batboys to feel their bonds with the sisters before they were turned. When Mother was on her deathbed, she was struck with a vision-her first and only since she became human-of Feyre (who was saying her goodbyes at the time).

Flashes of Feyre’s life: poverty, hunting, falling for Tamlin, her trials, Rhysand, Velaris, becoming High Lady. But most importantly, Mother saw her youngest daughter mated and in love, holding her own child, and with her sisters and their own loves beside her-laughing and smiling.

Mother asked her to take care of the family because she saw that Feyre would lead them to a better life despite the hardships that would come after her death.

Fast forward to the sisters being kidnapped and thrown in the cauldron. Elain went first. The cauldron held her immortality and magic, therefore a piece of their mother was inside it. When Elain was pulled into the water the magic recognized her. Not because it knew her as The Mother’s child, but because she favored Papa Archeron.

The cauldron/The Mother’s magic gifted her everything it could, because it was reminded of the man she loved.

When Nesta went in, not only was Nesta already angry (rightfully so) but she was resentful and wanted revenge, so without remorse or a second thought, Nesta stole from it. HOWEVER, what she stole was actually a piece of The Mother’s soul (possibly the last bit of magic that left her when she succumbed to her illness as a mortal.)

When Nesta saved Feyre and Nyx, that piece of soul was released-NOT Nesta’s power as we thought-and Mama Archeron saved her daughter and grandson to ensure the vision she had on her deathbed came true. She was who Cassian saw.

Please take all of this with a HEAPING pile of salt. It’s just a crazy theory that was fun to think up and piece together, and I’m still not sure it entirely finished.

#acotar totally hinged unhinged theory #acotar theory #my theory #the mother #mama archeron #papa Archeron #elain archeron #nesta archeron #feyre archeron #the archeron sisters #the batboys #pro elriel #crack theory

[frizzle-mcshizzle]

I FEEL SO BAD FOR JOSIE POOR CHILD :(((

another question for Funsies; how did Quintor end up in the neutral territories?? I've entirely forgotten how it works in canon but don't they have to light leap to get there? or is it kind of more he just Popped up one day and cyrus was like 'he's MINE don't question it'

(i'm totally gonna forget about the questions about josie's design so I'll just leave this here as a reminder to myself to send those cause i have to go to sleep lmao)

gotta project my daddy issues somewhere lol

(its light leaping using a light yellow crystal btw, also they apparently can make one use crystals??)

ok so Quintor had a physically abusive father who pushed him to hard to young to be a soldier, and would physically punish him when he didn't do enough and a push over mother who didn't stop her husband from harming their child. but he had to deal with it because his father was a respected soldier and no one could imagine him hurting his son. when Quintor mentioned what was happening at home people thought he was lying for attention and it just made the abuse worse.

when his father died in battle protecting his soldier when he was 9. he thought it his father was put in the hall of hero's and deemed a amazing man and was idolized by the community. Quintor had to deal with people constantly asking what his father was like, and how lucky he was to have such a hero as a father, how he had quite the legacy to uphold. one day he blew up and screamed at his mom about how his father treated him and how he wasn't a hero and how he was nothing but a fake. his mother scolded him and told him that he needed to respect his father and that his father was only doing what was best for him.

at 10 Quintor decides he had enough and steals a random crystal to the neutral territories from his parents bedrooms and takes a tent, some weapons and food and light leaped to the neutral territories.

he lived on his own for about a week, then Cyrus found him trying (and failing) to hunt a deer, Cyrus killed it for him and told this tiny child that he would help him skin it and break it down of he came back to his camp, and it took some arguing but eventually Cryus convinced him to come back to camp for just one night and he literally never left 

how the conversation kind of would've gone down under the cut because the way im writing it is gonna be long

Cyrus: come on kid lets go back to my camp, ill teach you how to skin it and break it down,

Quintor: no i don't want to you're not my dad

Cyrus: well then, ill take my deer back to my camp and share it with my sisters

Quintor: its not your deer!!

Cyrus: i killed it, you didn't, and if you want me to share you're gonna have to come back to camp with me because i don't have my hunting gear with me and can't break it down

Quintor: *angry 10 year old noises*

Cyrus: you coming or not

Quintor: *sigh* yes im coming

(back at the camp)

Quintor: i thought you said you had sisters?

Cyrus *gestures to the twins sitting by the fire*: yep they're right there

Quintor *looks between Cyrus and the twins*

Quintor: but they're elves!

Cyrus: so what, family isnt blood kid, its what you make it

Quintor:

Quintor: you can choose your family!!!

Cyrus: yep, *hands him a bar of soap* now go wash up in the river, you smell like death

Quintor: yes sir

(after Quintor runs out to the river)

Calista *cooking dinner*:Cy, who was that?

Cyrus: some kid i found in the woods

Calista: yes but whos kid is it?

Cyrus: i don't know but hes mine now

Calista: Ida, Cyrus just found a child in the woods and wants to keep him

Idelia *not even looking up from her notebook*: finders keepers

Calista: that doesn't apply to children

Cyrus and Idelia: it does now

Calista: so does this mean we have four months to feed now

Cyrus: well im not about to leave a 10yo alone in the woods im not your council

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #josie lore #twin sophie! au #thanks for the ask!

[casiavium]

cut my hair short like I've wanted to for years and instead of the gender euphoria I thought I'd have I'm sitting in the dark, sobbing in my room. So I'm just going to ramble my thoughts

I love my haircut. I've wanted this haircut since I was 12, before probably, when I saw Thalia Grace join the Hunters of Artemis and forsake men. (At the time the idea that hunter/hunter relationships could happen was something I clung onto so bad, and I still do. Mythology backs me up, RR) It took me nearly 10 years to actually get someone to cut it for me. It's always been a struggle of oh we can't go too short :) you'll look like a boy :) :) I don't regret getting my haircut. I love it so much, it feels nice.

But it doesn't feel the way I thought it would.

I had long pinkish brown hair before this summer (dyed it pink without bleaching, let it fade) I cut it off in May, but again the stylist who was so nice and so sweet and my sister's friend's mother left it a little too long so I could still style it. So I could still look like a girl. With my "they/them is plural" and "why are there so many trans/gay kids in this tiny rural county" mother in the room (until I yelled at her in the car once because singular they is grammatically correct and is used in every day life, and she's smart enough to know that. she did agree with me then, at least) I couldn't ask for shorter.

They were gossiping about the ballet studio I used to dance at. I never fit in with those girls. I never looked pretty or was flexible or danced very well. I felt my best dancing my senior year as the Beast/Prince in Beauty and the Beast when we had no guys at the studio, but I was so jealous of all the rest of them in pretty tutus and pointe shoes I had paid so much time and blood and money for that I never got to dance in.

It's been four years since then. I still mourn who I could have been, who I can never be again because my body stopped working that way. As if my chronic illness is what's keeping me from being one of them, not everything else.

I don't know what snapped in me that I wanted to finally cut my hair now. I bleached it the night before, and it came out surprisingly well. Bleach blond(e), but the semi permanent pink had been soaked into my hair so long that even with the bleach, it turned pink in places. It turned a beautiful, feminine, ballet slipper pink that I couldn't have gotten if I tried. I was going to dye the rest of it pink again, this time on bleached hair so it would be more vibrant. Mostly bleach blond(e), though.

And yet, after washing away the chemicals that hurt my lungs and burnt my skin, it wasn't what I wanted. I joked that it looked like Draco Malfoy, but really, it scared me. I looked into the mirror that night and I didn't see a girl. I saw a boy, the kind of boy I very much did not want to be. The kind of boy that scared me and hurt me and bullied me in high school without even really knowing or caring that I existed. The kind of boy that all my straight and bi friends would date and get abused by and his impact on their lives still comes in the form of therapy appointments and fucks up their current relationships.

I looked into the mirror and knew I didn't want to be a boy, ever, and I never want people to think of me as a boy.

Expect for that person that called me he/him in a Link cosplay. Or the little kids from the dance studio that only knew me as the prince from beauty and the beast.

It's like, if people see me as a boy without hesitation, that's cool. But if they look at me and think they know I'm trans, that's what I don't want. It's like, they don't see a boy if they see that. They see a girl who hates herself and being a girl so much she's masquerading as someone she's not, and she's not doing it well. I've seen the way they interact with my friends, the oops sorry he's and the let's go guys—wait, can I even say that anymore? They see me as a boy in a girl way, but not in the fun genderqueer fuckery kind of way, but with cisgender sorrow and pity.

I'm not a boy. I want to be a girl. I want to be a girl, but some part of me knows I'm not. I just want to be a girl and I want to love other girls and I don't want to deal with the inherent not-girlness that modern lesbianism has forced upon itself, that's always been there and never been there, I don't want to go into my lesbian literature class anymore because now I'm not just another gay girl in a lesbian English lit class, I'm a ??? and my identities will be questioned by people who have no answers either. I'll tell them I'm a girl, and they'll give me a look like "okay 😏 but when you start falling down the she/her to she/they... to he/him pipeline I'm going to say I told you so with so much condescendence any joy I have for making you 'one of us' is going to feel worthless".

I hate my haircut. I miss my long hair. I want a boyfriend I can brag about choosing despite all the pretty girls in the world. I want to fit in with the girls who I went out to bars with once, who I went to pride with but felt like the token obvious queer so they could validate their own place on the sidelines of the parade while their perfect boyfriends texted them I love yous. I don't want to be their toy model so they can use me to carve out a place in a community they already belong in, when I'm still too scared to hold my girlfriend's hand but I'm fine wearing a flag that I don't even know if it's "problematic" because someone will always find something wrong with me being a girl with a girlfriend, even among people who say they're just like me.

If I'm even a girl (and if my gf is even a girl, which is a whole other issue I've only heard the beginning of)

I love my haircut, because people are going to look at me and think I'm hot now. I stand out. I draw attention. I'm on the exec board of three clubs, I have positions of power and will stand out even more. I'll be recognizable and unforgettable. As I end the so called "trial period" and am getting ready to be a "real adult", I want one last chance before I blend into the real world never to be seen again. I love and hate my haircut because of how other people will see me now.

I had always wanted to cut it for myself. So I thought.

I love my haircut, but people are going to look at me and ask for my pronouns in a way they never did when I had long hair. When I actually felt more attached to being non-binary, when I felt less like a girl. I feel more like a girl than I ever have, and now no one is going to believe me.

#I've never felt more connection to the label of trans or nonbinary but at the same time I've never felt less #I am really interested in the subject of the lesbian literature class but man am I DREADING the people who are going to be in it #I know what I signed up for. but if I have so sit through a Socratic Seminar arguing the existence of nb lesbians I think I will Scream #like. I've already heard from one girk who took the class that it's pretty heavy and triggering material. and from another that she didn't #understand non-binary lesbians before taking the class #how do I explain now that's I'm still nonbinary. but I'm a girl. and in my situation that's a really nonbinary thing to be #it's not gender dysphoria it's more like... gender mourning. gender expectations vs reality #I stopped crying which is nice I'm glad I wrote my thoughts out #I want to share because I have never seen a POV like this and who knows. maybe someone else is going through it tonight

[master-k0hga]

| B L A K E |

[ Category: Zareans ]

| Also Monsieur Blackheart because he is a vile old fool who is willingly trying to sabotage the happiness of his grandson..

Also being nasty and trying to steal his partner cuz he is, in fact, a creep- Also cuz his grandson is more successful than he is and he's got envy in his mind as well as money.. Anyways.. This is something somewhat new to this blog now as I'm getting into my species related project that has been off and on (mostly on hiatus) that I've worked on (or had in my drafts) since later 2016 early 2017 if I remember correctly...??

I'unno- But to get the gist; What feels like a lifetime ago I created a species who are known as "Zareans" who reside on a Earth that is like quadruple times our size of another solar system, the country they obviously live in and have civilised is in fact called "Zaria" (original concept was it was a planet but that's too much for my tiny brain-), and yes they do have other neighbouring countries too.. (to which another one is another species I have who I created I think roughly a week after introducing the Zareans back on DA).. But I'll get to those guys another time as I have a couple OCs relating to those.. Zareans are pretty much the same as what we are and do but their technology is far more advanced and properly developed to an extent. Their country is also categorised into three like sectors and also have sub species/races; Upper class (rich elites, giverning and systematic jobs, middle class (average wage, more factory/ retail and office jobs) and bottom class (Still minimum wage, but just more physically active jobs. Not entirely treated fairly however)... It's only a question whether the morals were intended this way or if the views of the public are

Anyways that's enough about that for now, it does get a bit more complicated than that of course, but I'll get to more about that another time... But for now!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

INFO

Name: Blake Species: Zarean General Personality: Cold hearted, bitter, evil, malicious, bossy, abusive Height: 19ft Relationship Status: Married

Extra Info:

Murdered his own son by choking him to death and told his grandson that his father had committed suicide; Only to attempt to mentally destroy his will for personal reasons. Some hiw managed yo get away with murder scott free

Was very abusive to Manny (grandson) when he was young, and now Blake just obsessively stalks his partner

Used to be a detective for a few years before being let go and did time for frabricating evidence along with participating shady deals; He's now a thief and has an assistant, who they both work for someone else in the shadows. Of course for fortune

Tends to carry around a crowbar for "maintenance issues" when he's realky just bashing heads of people who either piss him off or who his boss wants snuffed out. He has manic moments so of course he doesn't stop at blood

Despite being such an evil individual, he actually ever really fell in love with his wife before she abruptly died of an illness; Rumoured that could've triggered his reason of becoming so vile and immoral, or if he was always this scummy but just knew how to hide it

He actually wrote a book one time about his childhood and had actually got it published, that was back in his early 30's when he was starting out as an author before giving it up for working as a detective

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

The majority of my OCs are actually from this species so of course you'll see more of these guys than any of my other OCs.. They all used to be fan characters for the Slenderverse fandom before I changed them completely into their own thing.. And I have pretty much been doing the same thing for every fan character that I've ever created no matter the fandom. The fact that I've been doing this every time is mad, I might as well just not have fan characters in general then lol...

Oh well that's all I've got in the meantime- I'm slowly but surely just trying to either finish up or get on with re-drawing some very old OCs which I think will take me some time especially if I don't feel motivated with some of their designs.. So that kinda sucks but I'll get there eventually.... I hope...

Anyways I'm done for now-

. Blake, Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .

#MASTER-K0HGA #Ary / Kohga Chronicles #Ary / Kohga OCs and Works #Blake #Male #Zarean #Zareans #Planet Zaria #Fandomless #Original Character #OCs #My OC #My Art #My Character #Species #Personal Species Project #He's a scummy asshole and will always be a acummy asshole #He's a very old man but he still has the energy to be the most evil and mischievous piece of shit #He's rather creative when it comes to his job as a thief so definitely don't underestimate him at all #I'll re-draw his assistant or his partner in crime at some point as well but technically the majority of my OCs haven't #Been introduced to my blogs yet. Everyone I p much introduce is p much old on my DA #I don't rly have anywhere to show them off so I just do it here at this point #Oh well whatever I'll just keep doing my thing

[terminaxshowtime]

Hello Termina. I am not actively falling asleep from medication right now so I bring more abt my ageswap au.

Since Mogami's a child star, he has brought plenty of publication to Mob's business (dunno what that'd be called, maybe something to do with broccoli) which is bad for Mob's social anxiety but it's ok, he gets used to it, smile.

And while the main arcs and stuff go on, like claw arc where the claw gang are actually at Mogami's school, terrorizing other kids until Mogami decides "these kids are messing up one of the only places I FEEL GOOD IN >:(" and ruins their whole plans+other arcs, Mogami is actually going through a LOT at home.

When tha main story starts, Mogami's mother has grown a chronic illness, forcing her to do work from home and basically always be sick and just at home, which has unfortunately led to more neglect, since she can't do too well in taking care of the two all the time, and even some abuse accidentally from yelling at him or being harsh when he makes mistakes and etc. There's also the whole being idolized thing so he has to play up his kindness and etc when outside home, and ofc at home so he doesn't get yelled at for being ungrateful or something, building up plenty of stress upon him.

And, uh, Mob really isn't good at the whole emotions thing as you can tell, so he can't help Mogami there either, and he doesn't even really notice the stress he's under a lot of the time because Mogami's that good at hiding it and looking like just any regular kid. But, bc the stress grows, it needs an output, which lead to Mogami's own little 100%s, most specifically when he feels the need to be violent because he feels he's cornered without another choice.

And in the end, Mogami starts to BREAK, he had to deal with Claw, Reigen choking him, Toi, Minori, his mother seeming like she hates him for even existing (even if that's not true, it just feels that way to him), the media all NEEDING him to be their perfect little attention seeker, and his own master not helping him with anything he needs help with when he tries giving tiny signs he meeds it (not Mob's fault however bc they are tiny and Mogami just doesn't know how to actively ASK for help lol) and Mogami goes "everybody in this world is so evil. Why should I hold back? They all hate me, just like that one girl's spirit said. But I'll MAKE THEM PAY." Cue anger-fueled destruction, friends trying to stop him and then Mob calming him down or something idk I honestly am not going into much detail 4 this au bc it's just a one-off thang to me lol.

But I did doodle this Mogami and Reigen in my sketchbook doe. I should prob do them digitally at sum point.

OH THAT'S AWESOME I LOVE THAT. sorry I didn't see this sooner I forgot to check my asks lmao but this is GREAT !!!

#mp100

[ryanrosshq]

june: playlists // @cityofdreamstasks​ AESTHETICS 

For my second playlist, I compiled a playlist of songs that put me in mind of Ryan. I’ve added some reasons for my choices under the read more, there are hints/mentions to drug/alcohol abuse, infidelity and illness but nothing written in detail. 

spotify playlist / tracklist and descriptions under read more

Yes Sir, I Can Boogie | The Fratellis  Baby, though I am shy by reputation, ask all your friends I’m a sensation. Try me once you’ll beg for more. Ryan has a reputation amongst his fans for being painfully shy, and those who don’t know him often think he hates fan interactions because he’s so reserved but he and people who know him have often stated that isn’t the case at all. He’s just so shy.  Shy Boy | JD McPherson  I carry such a heavy load. You know you do a lot of damage when you talk that talk, ‘cause don’t you know I’m a shy boy. I feel there’s a lot of embarrassment on his part from the behavior of certain fans he has and the way they treat him or handle his past and the people he once considered his friends. I think part of the reason he is never on the internet is because of that but also his ex manager hacked his socals once and said a bunch of awful shit and a lot of people didn’t know it wasn’t him so I think he’d just like to distance himself from the whole thing.  Fighter | Darren Criss/Glee Cast  ‘Cause if it wasn’t for all of your torture I wouldn’t know how to be this way now  Ryan’s history is, unfortunately, no secret. I know at one point he removed himself from a shitty situation. But ultimately I feel like he’s been through a lot of heartache and he still, somehow, remains kind.  Proud and Humble | Imelda May Sometimes I did good, sometimes I done wrong but I did the best I could from where I come from and I keep on trying till my day is done. He hasn’t exactly been a saint his whole life. He’s dabbled with narcotics and alcohol, he’s been unfaithful, and he’s had to live with these choices he made and somehow figure out how to turn his shame and embarrassment into something else so it doesn’t eat him up.  Mowgli’s Road | MARINA  Oh lord I have been told, that I must take the unforsaken road.  I think ultimately this song just makes me think of where Ryan was compared to where he is now. He went from a global star to someone that nobody knows? Unless you have been with Panic! since the beginning, you wouldn’t know who Ryan is and there are even still fans who don’t know he’s still actively performing because he’s never on social media to promote it.  Camisado | Panic! At The Disco Can’t take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid. Ryan wrote this song about his father from his own point of view.  It’s a deeply personal song for Ryan. Don’t Sit Down ‘Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair | Arctic Monkeys Fill in a circular hole with a peg that’s square, but just don’t sit down ‘cause I’ve moved your chair. This song represents a side of Ryan that comes out once you push through his shy exterior. The side that’s slightly cheeky and mischievous.  Tiny Riot | Sam Ryder Let’s start a tiny riot, stop being so goddamn quiet, got a spark in your heart so strike it. I think this one basically just represents Ryan’s desire to persist despite everything, especially in the music industry. He left Panic!, his next band went on hiatus and never came back, he’s been flitting from band to band, his manager at the time deleted all his music from the internet without his permission. He just wants to exist drama free, and make music.  Leave A Light On | Tom Walker I know you're down and out now, but I need you to be brave. Hiding from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay. This song makes me think of all the times Ryan had to take care of his father when he was sick.  Famous Last Words | My Chemical Romance  I am not afraid to walk this world alone  I mean the boy literally gave up his dream and risked everything for what he believed in. Say less. Free | Florence + The Machine  I’m always running from something. I push back but it keeps on coming and being clever never got me very far. Because it’s all in my head “You’re too sensitive” they said Aside from this song being my current hyperfixation, this is another one of those songs that makes me think of Ryan just wanting to exist drama free and make music. But also this specific part makes me think of how emotional he is, and how big his feelings are and how he articulates those feelings though his music. Ride A White Swan | T. Rex  Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane, wear your hair long, babe you can’t go wrong idk green witch Ryan Ross vibes? I can’t explain this one, it just really feels like his entire aesthetic.  Grounds for Divorce | Elbow  Someday we’ll be drinking with the seldom seen kid I think really it’s just the epic guitar riff. And also that line specifically because where you at Ryan? But also the line “I’ve been working on a cocktail called grounds for divorce” because I think there might be a part of him that blames himself for his breakups even if they weren’t directly his fault.  Haven’t Been Doing So Well | Frank Turner So cut me some slack if I crawl back into my shell, I haven’t been doing so well. This one represents all the shit that’s been thrown at him from people who have stabbed him in the back and hurt him.  That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed) | Panic! At The Disco  Things have changed for me, and that’s okay Apart from Pretty.Odd being Ryan’s masterpiece, this song really just makes me think of how much Ryan has grown both in himself and as a musician since he started some 26? years ago. Season Of The Witch | Lana Del Rey And he’s strange, so strange. He’s very strange to me.  This one puts me in mind of Ryan’s witchy side, but also the fact he is a lover of Samhain and all things slightly macabre and spooky.  Dream Lover | Bobby Darin I want a dream lover so I don’t have to dream alone. I think Ryan has a lot of love to give, and from what I’ve read he is so incredibly precious with his romantic partners. He’s had quite a few partners over the years too, and some quite close together which makes me think he craves the feeling of being loved and to love someone else in return.  Goodbye | Bo Burnham So this is how it ends. I promise to never go outside again. To me this song is two things: Firstly, how he dropped off social media (likely because of how people act and how people speak to him). But also because there are certain people in the fanbase who refuse to let him break away from the past or certain relationships and that must be so exhausting. 

#cityofdreamstask #❝ THERE’S A GOOD REASON THESE TABLES ARE NUMBERED HONEY ❞ ▐ aesthetics

[hinamorolls]

Oo oo let me guess, he came to check if you were with that boy, just like tiny kids do when they’re jealous”

“What's with this little boy thing? I'm a fully grown adult”

“Your letter is childish Mikey-“ Senju was cutoff by hina

“Fully grown? Nah you probably have a tiny dick” she giggled.

“So this? This is a tiny dick? Oh how standards have changed, last time i checked i was the biggest in the regiment, oh well, not that i care” He grabbed both Senju and hina’s hand before pressing it against his soft cock.

‘Holy shit what the fuck’ hina was mind blown, they both were speechless, this man had to be at least 8’ (20cm) and he wasn’t erect, their jaws dropped to the floor, drool coming out of it before realizing their hands were still there and stepping away.

“Drooling for my cock? I didn't take you two for that type” He smirked. No response from the girls, “Are you perhaps curious?”.

They both hesitated before nodding.

“Then suck me off like the good girls you are” he freed his dick from his pants and boxers,

Hina then came by, mentally preparing herself,

Senju instead sat on the table nearby and took off all of her clothes except for her panties and bra.

“Open up your legs, princess” Senju shivered at the nickname.

Hina started going up and down on his length and palming his balls, proving she could take it all in, Mikey let out a grunt.

Not even taking them off, he put the fabric to the side and started greedily rubbing on Senju's cunt earning some muffled moans from her as she bit her lips to retain them.

“Open your mouth baby” he ordered.

“You’re doing great hina” he then praised, thrusting his hips into her now abused mouth, chasing his release so he could soon fuck someone.

“Though ill make sure you won’t be able to talk this week” he chuckled

hina took her mouth off of his dick and opened up.

“Begging for my cum now?” he smirked. “God you’re so perfect”

She swallowed most of it, obviously, not wanting to waste a single drop, walked over to senju and gave her some. “You taste- sweet” senju said in between moans.

“You take my fingers so well, now lets see how you take my cock”

“Turn over” she obeyed, she was now bent over on a table.

He aligned himself at her cunt that was pulsating for more.

Pressing her against the table, he began thrusting into her, rapidly increasing in speed, “Oh my you are such a man” hina gawked.

He noticed the way hina was acting, how she presented herself and got himself the opportunity to insert a finger or two inside of her.

Some could say he was trying to break them both at once with the space in between his fingers and the width of his cock.

“Mikey I think im going to cum” Senju announced.

“Not yet babe” he stopped moving. “I want both of you to cum at the same time"

So he pumped 4 fingers into hina at an ungodly speed and used his thumb to rub her clit as soon as he started slamming back into annie at an animalistic speed.

“Do you see how good i am to you two?”

It only took another minute for them,

Senju, losing control of it all, violently orgasmed on Manjiro’s dick, face laying flat on the cold surface of the table.

Lewd sounds came out of his mouth, feeling her pussy tighten even more and both of their faces while reaching their high had sent him over the edge.

Hinata’s legs were shaking so bad that he had to carry her to the shower after he had brought Senju there a few minutes earlier.

He then left their dorm and made his way to his own bathroom before going out to dinner with Draken and takemitchi .

One thing was sure, they will never forget that night and the many others to come

[lifeprotologism]

I thought I had it all. A person who loved me, my son and a soon to be future together as a family. I felt complete and content with what little I had, I wanted nothing more, nothing less.

It didn’t take minute to shatter all that and when it did, I was broken. I didn’t even know heart break was this painful. I fell apart and it’s taken me years to recover. I felt physically ill everytime I was alone. I survived to during the day and focused on work cos I had bills to pay! I would walk to pick my son up and put on the brightest smile when I hugged him. For that brief moment, I felt calm. I chatted all the way home, holding his tiny hands with mine and made sure he could never see me in pain. But when slept and I found that time to be alone, I howled like it was death!

I didn’t know I could love someone so much that they would become my last. No one matters and I have lost all interest. I hit a new low every week and this went on for years! Years!!! Who griefs for this long without any hope??? I used to lock myself in my room and spend my entire weekend crying …I don’t know when the tears cried or when I dozed off. I was in constant pain and I could not imagine moving on. I didn’t want to and I didn’t need to. I felt I would go crazy cos nothing in this world mattered. So many times, I wanted to end all the pain I was feeling, cos I just could no longer continue. But somehow I pulled through.

I cannot fathom the years it’s taken me. This year, she told me she loved me. I had mixed feelings about it. Somewhere deep down, I couldn’t believe it and maybe I didn’t want to. There was intermittent connection and she didn’t know my struggle. I wasn’t over the first hurt to get involved again. I just cannot do that to my heart.

My heart did break again and I realised at that point that it never healed, not even a fraction of it healed. I had scheduled system to manage the pain. I sadly got used to it that it now became a part of me.

I know you fall in love so many times but when I fell in love with her, I knew I could never again. This was it for me. I’ve broken up with her 7 years this day but my love has remained the same. She doesn’t deserve it. She left me hanging at a time I most needed her. There are stories about me she’s made which disgusts me. And yet, I love her. I expected nothing, I asked for nothing except for her time. There was our entire relationship and it meant nothing to her!

I recently went home and met her friend. She showed me pics of them on holiday and told me that they are happy, they always were together. I felt so cheated.

I have started to recall the reason for our fights. It was always her. I told her I was going to nz to see my mom and what the conditions were. I had the courage to tell her the truth but maybe in the end, I didn’t feel safe and lied again. I remembered her leaving me at the bus stop in india and telling me to go! I remembered how abusive she was that day! And I remembered why we fought - she was texting her. I’ve started to recall why I needed to go see my mom. I needed grounding - I was lost and I accepted her decision. Today, I can still visit my mom, and that’s important.

In hindsight, nothing matters. My heart remains so broken. I don’t think it will ever heal, it’s no longer capable of love and I have started to feel that ending all this is the only solution. This darkness has once again consumed me.