#if you read this wow ily but do not feel obligated to ever read my ramblings LMAO
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Love you, Jade ❤️ And though I know it's not the most important thing right now, speaking out and often is more important, I do hope you are okay ❤️
hiii oh my god has it forreal been weeks since you sent me this?? i swear i just saved this to my drafts three days ago .. the passage of time truly fries my brain
first, this is so sweet of you to send to me and i'm so grateful that people still check in on me when i'm quiet online <3 i know i am a veryyyyy unreliable presence here but i really do appreciate all the love and i'm sending it right back to you <3
you've kind of given me the perfect jumping off point to just throw a lot of updates and ramblings in one spot bc truthfully i do not feel right posting normal posts and taking up space with things that are trivial in the grand scheme of things. i genuinely don't have the brain capacity for much else these days besides keeping up with palestine/congo/sudan etc related updates + the occasional few hours where i can watch a movie or a show without feeling guilty
(general life update dump below so beware bc i talk a lot)
brief mental state check in but i am not doing well! not just with the weight of the world but with everything else in my life lmao. pretty much everyone who knows me knows that the holidays/the winter are the roughest months for me so i'm usually radio silent :/ this year has been... so rough and i don't know why every year feels worse than the last but it really truly does! i'm particularly lonelier this year and it's honestly my fault. idk how to reach out to people when i'm so isolated tbh i feel like a burden at all times especially now that most of the people i used to talk to daily online and irl are doing way better than me and i'm just. always stuck here in this really shitty space i can't seem to get out of no matter how hard i try
i don't talk about my problems a lot online but like. after losing my childhood pet and then getting accepted to two different programs in one year (grad school and community college) and having to drop out of both AND dealing with a decline in my mother's health AND my grandmother's cancer scare AND my own financial issues AND unemployment i'm just exhausted. because of all of this i truly don't know how to function like a normal person or make friends or keep friends anymore i'm just miserable tbh
okay i know this is a hard pivot, but i thought i could just compile things that have brought me a little bit of happiness that i haven't talked about here! it's all on me to feel like this, but i have intense guilt about posting anything not related to current events, so this is my way around that! so.. enjoy i guess <3
personal stuff (you can send me asks to explain more if you want)
i beat my new years' resolution of watching 365 things this year – i'm up to 500 logs!
a lot of new tv (28 total, entire shows, rewatches, new seasons, miniseries, and documentaries included)
fixated on kpop this year and listened to 30 groups whole discography! i actually counted and it was exactly 30 lmao ask me ab my fav groups and biases if you dare
started drinking tea every day :)
redecorating my apartment and it's so much cozier now
i've become more of a snoopy/peanuts fanatic :)
to build on the new years resolution, i've added quite a few horror franchises under my belt :) my horror tag on letterboxd is roughly 250 now!
i think i'm finally breaking my lifelong nail biting habit??? fingers crossed!
buying more things secondhand and feeling way better about it! mostly clothes and dvds but me and my partner are huge fans of knick knacks
have tried a lot of new food this year :) and am cooking new recipes a lot more too!
went to the beach for vacation for the first time in ten years <3 went to this cool little record store and got a band recommendation from the owner that's now one of my underground favs!
celebrated ten years with my partner this year and although it's been such a rough year for the both of us and we're not nearly where we ever thought we'd be, we're more solid now than we've ever been!!! i really would not have made it through this year without them
honestly this year has been a blur 90% of the time so there's obviously been more little things that make me happy but! it's been a big year for consuming media bc i don't have much energy for creating anymore unfortunately
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👋heyy, so lil update: i've decided I'm going on hiatus indefinitely. Not sure for how long but basically i got some shit to sort out ive been ignoring for a long time and using this site to distract myself instead of doing anything abt it is naught cutting it ennymore luv xx~ ill see u when i see u, but goodbuhbuh 4 now <3
(long ass explanation under the cut lol, dont feel obligated 2 read it its just me bitching so scroll past if u want its all good)
So. Take this with a grain of salt, as i am a little bitch and refuse to ever go to the hospital/ to psychologists whether im bleeding out or what. But as it turns out, what i've been experiencing lately can technically be classified as a nervous breakdown. I'm 98% sure ive got PTSD from my ex + the utter bullshit my own family decided to throw at me during the same time i needed them, and for whatever reason, it's all culminating now despite dealing with this decline since 2016. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I have so much rage and grief that i can't be alone without the same memories completely destroying me and now im having consistent panic attacks that are so extreme i legitimately believe i'm dying at Least 3-5 times a day.
Considering my coping habits have been binge drinking and drug use for the last 3 years it makes sense that my body is finally saying fuck you now, so at this point I can no longer justify subjecting my friends to my own dumbass trauma on my cringe sideblog and call that coping lol. I need to step away and make some serious lifestyle changes and Im hoping not allowing myself to use this site as a distraction instead of dealing with my bullshit head on will make a difference.
TL/DR, shits in shambles and i need 2 grow tf up and deal with it instead of continuing to ignore it and tell myself im fine. Cuz im really not lol -_-
Idk how long im going on hiatus but after 2 whole days (wow ikr) of being gone ive already started to attempt to make myself participate in society again, n ive applied to a few jobs so. Heres hopin lol, it's a start🤞
Ily mewchies and blease nobody worry like i know this probably comes off as a pity party but im just trying to be responsible for Once , again im probably gonna be back sooner rather than later but i can't say for sure at the moment. Ill be back to being annoying as fuck on the dash soon i prommy <3 luv yous and c u soon <3
#when i return im gonna felete this cuz ive rewritten it like 3 times#and its still SO cringe like omg lol i am so sorry. but. yeah i gotta grow up#idk how else 2 say it i hope this doesnt come off too stupid but u get it. i tried lol#ilyyyy stay safe stay sexy stay swaggy OK?
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heya so I has lots of questions about vampire jaehyun’s yandere au that I write out here but you don’t have to answer!! please don’t feel obligated to do so and don’t feel guilty to deny answering my questions!! If you want me to send these questions in singular asks, you might have to post a thing asking me to do so, I’m sorry for the long ask!!
Would Jaehyun ever use his compulsion on the OC? Like if they are refusing to do anything with him or just fucking hates him and won’t have anything to do with him? Is that like the only moral he’s got? That he won’t ever use compulsion on the reader?
If the OC asked him to stop his sadistic tendencies, would he actually stop? Or would he continue to do it even though he promised the reader he wouldn’t?
Would Jaehyun want the reader to remain human or turn them into a vampire? What if the reader doesn’t want to be a vampire and wants to remain human? Would Jaehyun force the reader to turn?
Can the vampires in Jaehyun’s au bring back the dead or something? (was just a random thought if potentially the little sister could be brought back so reader wouldn’t hate him for the rest of his life)
Is there anything special about the vampires of Jaehyun’s au? Like do they have to be invited in? If that’s true, could the reader potential run to a home and make sure he can’t get in?
What if the reader tries to kill themself to join little sis? Would he turn the OC to keep them alive?
Can compulsion be used on other vampires? (So if reader turned they can run away and actually stay away bc their strength matched Jaehyun’s?)
Okay I’m done pls let me know if you want me to send these questions separately or if someone of them you don’t want to answer!! I will respect your choice bc ily!!
Wow! OMG, this makes me so happy that you have all these questions about the AU and I will be happy to answer all of them!! Gonna put a read more since this got super long and this will contain spoilers (I guess) and also TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of suicide!!
Okay okay, I'll number them to make them easier to follow!
1. So he would never use compulsion on the OC to make them love him, or do anything that would cross a line like force the OC to kiss him or something like that. However, he’s not above compelling the OC to make sure she’s taking care of herself if the servants cannot do their jobs properly. So like, compelling the OC to eat when she’s hungry and make sure she’s drinking water, stuff like that, is all on the table. Besides, he doesn’t really need to use compulsion all that much cause he pulls the “if you don’t do this, I will kill this person while you watch and it’ll be your fault” card.
2. Hmm, that would be like asking him to change his personality and who he is, so it’s possible, and he could become nicer towards some, but it would take a long time for there to be any substantial difference as his behaviour has been ingrained into him for hundreds of years. So, probably not, though the OC can try. Jaehyun is the type to be like, “well, now you know all sides of me so you better accept them all cause this is who I am.”
3. It was always in his plans to turn the OC, and he can and will do it against their will if he so chooses, though he’d rather they wanted him to turn them so it’d be their own decision. That being said, the OC could remain a human for quite a while, but after a certain age, Jaehyun would just turn them if he so chooses.
4. No, unfortunately in this universe, what’s dead should stay dead. However, it is possible if one knows a powerful spell. The type of death is crucial though for the spell to work, the body has to be intact, so unfortunately Lori with her decapitated head would not qualify for the spell.
5. Oh, there’s plenty!! So Jaehyun is a pure vampire which means he was born as what he is, instead of made, meaning he is one of the most powerful vampires in existence. There are others like him, but because he comes from the royal bloodline, he’s more powerful, hence his heightened senses of smell, hearing, etc. over others of his species. He’s also one of the fastest and strongest of his kind because of this. They do have to be invited in, as well as they have the power of compulsion (if that wasn’t clear from previous answers lol). As to the OC running away, it would be kind of difficult even with the invitation requirement as everyone in the kingdom knows who he is and who the OC is, so she would be risking the lives of whatever person or persons they ran to since the whole kingdom thinks the OC and Jaehyun are in a loving relationship. Besides, he’s the Prince and ofc he’d be automatically invited into a person’s home if he showed up on their front door.
6. So this relates to question one, and yes this would be an instant he would use compulsion to stop the OC from taking their own life. If it got to the point where the OC managed to do something and the only choice was to turn them, he would.
7. Most definitely, compulsion can be used on other vampires, and seeing how Jaehyun is literally the strongest vampire in existence right now, they would have no choice regarding the matter. Though, people tend to listen to him when he orders them to do something without needing to be compelled. Even if he turned the OC, yes they would be strong but since they are a turned vampire, still not as strong as Jaehyun. (Unless you’re talking about blood sharing which in that case, OC could get close to Jaehyun’s strength, but still wouldn’t be the same, and even then it would take years).
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Operation: Sleepover
Here’s the first chapter of my newest fic.
It’s full of dumb teenager-y fluff based on that period of time in Chat Blanc where Adrien and Marinette are dating and he knows she’s Ladybug but she doesn’t know he knows or that he’s Chat Noir
Adrien somehow got permission to have Marinette stay the night at his house. They're both nervous teenagers who are really in love. Marinette makes a dastardly plan with Alya's approval.
Also, nothing really sexy happens in this story (just smooches and lots of blatant staring), but I feel weird about writing about 13/14 year olds so I'm pretending they're like 15/16? Idk fam, imagine what you want. Just keep in mind that these innocent beans are staying that way while still behaving like youngish teens.
Here it is on AO3, where I will be posting the next chapters too.
Ch 2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5
(Oh also, the texting is just [Marinette] {Adrien} |Alya| and whoever’s the focus of the voice is bolded)
Marinette couldn’t help but grin as she read the text that popped up on her phone.
{See you tonight! *kissy emoji* Don’t forget your toothbrush, princess! <3}
She was really going over to Adrien’s house for a sleepover. Adrien her boyfriend. She was going to watch movies with him. On his couch. In HIS room. With HIS cute face. It’s not like they hadn’t hung out before. They went on dates all the time - Mr. Agreste was surprisingly lenient with letting Adrien out of the house for her sake. But she was going over to his house for a whole night. Usually, it wasn’t more than a few moderated hours of studying and video games. Marinette couldn’t help but giggle in excitement as she responded.
[Oh and I bet you want me to bring my own clothes too, huh, prince boy?]
{I mean it’s recommended unless you want to be stuck in a shirt five sizes too big for you, my little sugar cube <3}
Marinette blushed at the thought of wearing his clothes. They would be so soft, and so warm and so- wait. Five sizes too big? “Little”?
[Take it back.]
{Hmmmmmmmmmm….? Take what back, princess?}
[I’m not that small.]
{Aren’t you though? I could probably scoop you up with one hand and kiss your tiny little head <3 And you’d blush and be so so cute, princess}
[Adrien.]
{And then I’d laugh at how cute you are, but the force of the wind coming from my mouth! Oh no! You’ve been blown away!}
Marinette wasn’t that upset by his short jokes. He was so tall, and she was admittedly petite, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t feign frustration for a bit to keep him on his toes (she knew that this usually ended with him sending heart emojis and him continuing to make short jokes).
[I’ll be at your house at 6:00 unless you keep this up. I have to go get my stuff ready.]
{:((((((( I was only joking, princess}
{ily}
{Mariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii}
[Seen 5:19PM]
{You didn’t need to type that :(}
[I love you too, silly prince.]
{:D}
{I knew it!}
{Everyone called me crazy but I knew you liiiiiked meee, princess}
[Let me pack, or else your princess won’t make it in time for dinner]
{As you wish. <3}
She clicked her phone off and set it down as she began to pack. She rifled through her drawers to try and find the cutest pajama set she had. Just as she settled on a matching pink floral button up and shorts combo, a wicked thought popped into her head. She grabbed her phone and tapped on her text conversation with Alya.
[I just had an idea.]
[Idk if it’s crazy or not but I need an expert opinion on the matter.]
Marinette got frustrated from the lack of immediate response. She was in a hurry and KNEW her best friend had her phone in hand at all times. Sure, it had only been a few seconds, but...
[Alya this is time sensitive.]
|Ah yes, the phrase no one can be safe after it is typed out by your thumbs, “I just had an idea.”|
[Rude]
|Spill, girl.|
Spill she did. Oh yes, it was a devious plan. She wasn’t sure what the reaction would be, but she’d all but decided on the course of action she planned to take tonight. Alya’s response was the only encouragement she needed.
|Damn, Mari. It’s crazy, I’ll give you that… but… I think it’ll work.|
[That’s what I was hoping you’d say >:3]
[But what if he thinks I’m… trying to seduce him?]
|Are you not?|
[NO!]
[We aren’t there yet, we’re… taking things slow? I guess?]
|God you’re cute.|
[u////u]
|I totally get that, girl. Take your time. Adrien’s sweet but a little too innocent to let this seduce him. I think you should do it.|
[I feel like that should be a sign that I shouldn’t]
[But I can’t be stopped now]
|You got this, girl. Text me to tell me how it goes?|
[Of course.]
With that, she got back to packing. She ran around her room, grabbing whatever she thought she might need. Her brain was a little scattered, being so focused on her plan, that she packed a lot of things she didn’t need. She had her toothbrush and other basic toiletries, a change of clothes for the next day, hairbrush, phone charger, water bottle, a bag of cookies for Tikki, a bag of cookies for Adrien, a notebook and pencil, a mini sewing kit, perfume, two pairs of shoes, a sketchbook, and a stuffed animal. As she tried to squash the poor little stuffed cat into her bag, she realized that she didn’t need all of this and took out the sketch pad, notebook, pencil, sewing kit, perfume, second pair of shoes, and the water bottle. She then shoved Mr. Vuitton the cat into her bag and zipped it up. As she hoisted the bag onto her shoulder, she glanced down at the abandoned pajamas lying on the floor. Tikki popped out from within the bag and gave Marinette a thoughtful look.
‘Maybe… I should…’ she thought, backtracking on her plans. She shook her head to clear it, stuck her phone in her pocket, and made her way to the trapdoor. She got halfway down the stairs before she ran back up and shoved the floral pink shorts in with everything else, then ran back downstairs, hearing a small giggle from inside her bag as she did so.
She glanced at the time. 5:43PM. She could make it in time if she walked fast enough. Before she left, she stopped by the bakery to give her parents kisses, her mom reminding her of the “serious relationship” talk they’d had the night before that Marinette didn’t want to think about too much as she rushed her way to her boyfriend’s house. She considered taking the metro to avoid getting sweaty, but nixed the idea when she remembered that rush hour was not going to help the state of her underarms either. Transforming was also out of the question unless she wanted attention and a strict talking-to from the kwami napping somewhere in the bag draped over her shoulder.
At 5:58PM, she rang the buzzer to announce her arrival, Nathalie’s questioning coming through the speakers quickly before a slightly panting Marinette made her way to the front doors of the mansion. Before she was even halfway up the stairs, a door was flung open and the boy she loved skirted out from behind it and raced to meet her where she was on the stairs while a disproving Nathalie looked on.
Unfazed by his excited behavior, she laughed as he greeted her with a kiss on each cheek and one on the lips. His face hovered close to hers as he started slipping the bag from her shoulder, “Let me carry that for you, princess.”
Blushing at the fact that Nathalie was watching as well as a reminder of, ‘wow he really is just like a puppy sometimes,’ she obliged and let him carry the bag as he linked arms with her for the remainder of their ascension.
“So I’m on kind of a strict protein based diet right now, something about wanting to bulk me up, so I hope you like meat and veggies with… absolutely no carbs,” trailing off, Adrien gave her a side-eye, a look she only knew too well from whenever he was put on a new diet. She winked at him and made a slight gesture to her bag to indicate that she had some sweet sweet carbs hidden away in there. Adrien grinned and kissed her forehead as they made their way inside the mansion.
Marinette wondered briefly if she would ever get used to the expanse that was the Agreste mansion. It felt too clean and empty to her, especially considering how small and cozy her home was. As they made their way into the dining room with the background noise of Nathalie listing off rules of the house and reminding Adrien of his schedule, Marinette couldn't help that twinge of guilt from settling in her stomach. She wished, for Adrien’s sake, that he could have grown up in a normal house with a normal family and a normal life rather than the one that was put upon him.
As Nathalie took Marinette’s bag from Adrien and left the room, Marinette gave a sad look towards Adrien and was surprised to be met with his expectant and loving gaze. “You okay, ‘Nette?” he asked as he pulled out a chair for her.
“Yeah, sorry! Just got a little… lost in my thoughts, that’s all. Have the rules changed since the last time I was here?” she responded, a smile leaking onto her face as she sat down adjacent to Adrien.
“No, not really. Nathalie did mention specific… bedroom rules,” he blushed at that, “But I don’t really think it applies to us?”
Not understanding why he phrased it as a question, Marinette returned his blush with her own as she asked for clarification, “What kind of ‘bedroom rules’?”
“You know… The usual. Don’t be naked with one another? Leave room for Jesus? Don’t boink your oinks?”
“Word for word, those are the rules?” Marinette giggled, a brow subconsciously quirking up in amusement.
“It’s in the official Agreste mansion rules for guests, section 51J,” he unrolled an invisible scroll and cleared his throat. “‘Thou shalt not boink oinks until there has been proper discussion of said act between all parties of the household as well as the Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, in one room. Finally, the oinks in question must be old enough to consent to boinking.’”
Marinette lost herself in a fit of giggles. Between the funny voice Adrien put on, the idea of Gabriel Agreste having a sex talk with his son, and the goofy smile he was giving her after rolling the invisible scroll back up, it was too much. Adrien joined in with her steadily growing laughter until they had to stop to gasp for air. Marinette wiped a tear from her eye and looked up at Adrien, who was absolutely beaming at her. The moment he moved to push some hair out of her face, the door opened. Marinette watched with a pit in her stomach as Adrien lit up and looked at the door expectantly, only to let his features fall into a frown and let out a sigh. It wasn't his father, it was just the chef bringing in their meals. Marinette let her hand rest on top of Adrien's as plates were set in front of them. The chef placed a glass of water in front of Adrien and a cup of hot jasmine tea down for Marinette. While she knew her attention should be set on her aching boyfriend, she couldn't help but beam at the meal in front of her. It was just as Adrien said - protein heavy red meat and roasted veggies - but Marinette knew that every meal at his house was like eating at a nice restaurant and was excited to dig in. Not only that, but the chef had remembered her love for the fancy jasmine tea they often had at the house. She glanced at her boyfriend once more to make sure he was okay before she started eating. He gave her a smile and then gestured at her plate as he picked up his utensils.
#adrienette#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#fanfic#ml fic#ml fanfic#miraculous ladybug#miraculous#ladybug#chat noir
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Under Oath - Part Eleven
Under Oath Masterlist
Characters: Bucky x reader, Natasha Romanoff
Summary: The people called for justice, the state answered. The trial of State v. Barnes is set to begin, and the odds are most certainly not in favor of the not so beloved ex Winter Soldier. That’s where you come in, the quick, smart, and all too brave lawyer set on defending and saving one Bucky Barnes from legal prosecution. The only problem? He’s not so sure he’s worth saving at all.
Warnings: none actually wow
Words: 2800
A/N: Please reblog and leave comments ty ily
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“The defense calls Natasha Romanoff to the stand.”
Bucky watched Natasha slink her way up to the witness stand. She captivated an audience with the subtlties of even her gate. He didn’t question why you would have asked her to testify aside from only her knowledge of the red room.
“Ms. Romanoff, thank you for being here today.” You said with a genuine but small smile and a nod of your head as you walked towards her slowly.
She responded with only a curt nod of her head, but it was enough of an acknowledgement for you to continue.
“I understand that the first time you and Sergeant Barnes met was long before the fall of Hydra. Is that correct?”
“Yes, we met when I was much younger.” She replied.
“In the red room.”
“Yes, in the red room.” Natasha confirmed.
“Could you explain to the jury what the red room was?”
Bucky wasn’t exactly sure of your angle, speaking about the acts done in the red room and his involvement with the KGB was probably exactly what the prosecution was hoping for.
“The red room,” Natasha began, “Was run by the KGB. They took young girls. They trained us. Masterful spies. Calcuated killers. We were machines.”
“And it was Sergeant Barnes that helped in that training, yes?”
“Yes. Hydra and the KGB had close ties, he was the clear choice to train us.”
Bucky shifted in his seat in discomfort.
“Ms Romanoff, how well would you say you know the Sergeant Barnes you see in front of you?” You asked.
“I’ve gotten to know him quite well over the last few years since the fall.”
“Does he in any way resemble the man who trained you? The man who enforced horrible policies and brutal training to make you become what the KGB wanted you to be, is he the man sitting in front of you.”
“No.” She said, looking at Bucky with a small smile of reassurance.
“It’s my understanding that you were present during one of the many electroshock memory wipes.” You paced.
“Yes that’s correct.”
“I know this is difficult to speak about, but could you describe Sergeant Barnes’ behaviour during this procedure.”
“I’d caught wind that he’d started to remember who he was. Too much time out of cryo can do that. It was during our solo training session that week that I noticed he was disstressed. I didn’t know the solider very well, no one did, but something was different about him.” Natasha’s eyes narrowed slightly, bringing the memory forward in her mind.
“What was that?”
“He was holding back, he even apologized when my back hit the mat too hard during sparring.”
“And how did you respond?”
“I asked him if he knew his name.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Everyone was always curious, but most people were too scared to ask. He didn’t scare me when he was like this.”
“And what did he tell you his name was?”
“He said he thought it was James.” She said with a fondness.
“And then what happened.” You pursued her point further. The jury needed more than a name.
“Two KGB agents rushed in and grabbed us both, moved us into a different room, one I’d never seen before.”
“And it was in this new room that you witnessed the memory wiping process.” You held back as shudder as you imagined the horror of witnesses such a thing.
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“Ms. Romanoff, did it appear that Sergeant Barnes was in any way compliant or willing with his memory being erased?”
“No, absolutely not. He was fighting like his life depended on it.”
“A man as strong as him must have been difficult to subdue. How did they manage to get him to comply?”
“The only reason he agreed to do what they said is because they caught me off guard and held a gun to my head.” She said.
“Thus insinuating that they would kill you if he didn’t do what they asked.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, even in a mentally compromised state where only the smallest fragment of the real Bucky Barnes shone through the exterior of the Winter Soldier, the moral obligations are evident. Bucky Barnes complied to have his memory wiped not because he was on Hydra’s side, not because he wanted to be a murderer, but because he didn’t want blood on his hands.” You nodded as you spoke, preaching out to the jury just how noble Bucky was even in the face of pain.
Bucky watched the way your lips moved as the captivating speech you gave flowed confidently from them.
“Ms. Romanoff can you describe what the electrocution process was like to witness?”
He could see that Natasha was visibly shaken, and he knew exactly what was on her mind. He had hoped desperately that their shared secret would not ever resurface. He only remembered fragments of her, but he knew what had ensued between them, and he knew it could compromise the entire case.
“I was trained to be ruthless from an early age. I’d tortured and been tortured myself, I’d watched men die right in front of me, but nothing could compare to the pain of seeing Sergeant Barnes’ sanity slip away and leave only a shell behind.”
“Thank you Ms. Romanoff. No further questions.”
“Thank you for your time, Ms. Romanoff I know some of this might not be easy to speak about.”
Natasha gave a small but curt nod. It was obvious that she didn’t want anything to do with Smith.
“You said that you weren’t afraid of the Winter Soldier during training.” Smith said, reading through his notes briefly.
“Yes.”
“And that it was the most painful thing that you’d ever witnessed, watching him have his memory wiped.”
“Yes would you like me to give the statement again or are you going to be adding some original content to the script.” Natasha replied smugly, earning a small amount of laughter from the jury members much to Smith’s dismay.
“I find it funny that you are the only survivor of the red room to ever share that opinion.” Smith mused.
“Perhaps that’s because I’m the only survivor of the red room at all.” There was an undertone of darkness in her voice, one that made you wince.
“And that got me thinking. What makes you so much more special than any of the other girls in that program. Why you?”
“Couldn’t tell you.” Natasha shrugged.
“Was it perhaps because of your romantic involvement with Sergeant Barnes during the time you both spent in the red room?”
Your eyes were wide as saucers, mouth slightly ajar. Bucky had never seen you blow your cool before. He’d never seen you less than mostly composed, but he could tell you were losing it. It was vital information that he hadn’t mentioned to you in fear of hurting your feeling - of losing the way you looked at him because he’d been in love with someone close to him. And now he might as well have entirely derailed the entire credibility of the case you’d built.
The courtroom had errupted into chatter, cameras flashing.
“Order!” The judge yelled.
“W-well I wouldn’t say-” She stammered
“Ms. Romanoff, did you or did you not engage in an exclusive romantic relationship with the defendant at the time he was under the so called mental manipulation of Hydra?”
“There was no exclusivity-”
“Answer the question Ms. Romanoff.”
“I hardly see what this has to do with his compliance.” An attempt to turn the questioning in to a logical debate, but it soon backfired.
“His compliance was hinged upon and manipulated by you. He agreed to be wiped because he loved you, he stayed with Hydra to be with you, he killed people under Hydra’s command because he didn’t want to leave you.”
“No-”
“And you knew that, you knew and you still know. If you were willing to hide this from the jury, you’d no doubt be willing to lie under oath for the sake of your love.”
It was all wrong, it was so wrong. The relationship Bucky had shared with Natasha was mostly one of companionship at the time. Romance was involved, sure, but Bucky needed her mostly because it seemed she understood him. He just wanted to be understood.
“Objection your honour, badgering the witness and leading the jury.”
“Overruled. Witness will answer.” The judge said firmly.
“Ms. Romanoff, I ask once more. Were you, or were you not romantically involved with Sergeant Barnes in the red room.”
“Yes,” Natasha sighed, defeated, “I was.”
“No further questions.” Smith sat down all too happily in his seat.
“Your honour in light of new evidence, the defense requests a two hour recess.” Your words were harsh at the fault of your clenched jaw. Bucky couldn’t even bare to look at you.
“Granted.”
With the bang of the gavel, Bucky stood up. His ears were ringing. He fucking hated that feeling. But what he hated more was the blank and no doubt absolutely livid look on your face. You stared straight ahead as the sound of feet shuffling out of the court room was muffled in the background.
“(Y/N)-”
“Not here.” You said through gritted teeth.
After the jurors and viewers had exited the courtroom, Bucky watched you briskly walk into the same conference room you’d been in before the trial. Bucky almost wanted to stay where he was, but he knew he would need to speak to you. It was unfair what he’d done to you.
When he finally grew a pair and walked to the door, he felt a hand of his shoulder. When he turned around he saw Natasha.
“Natalia.” He whispered.
“I’m sorry, Barnes.” She said, “It was the last thing I thought they would know about.”
“It’s not your fault, I should have been honest with (Y/N) from the beginning.”
“We’d better go in there, we have to rework the strategy.”
Bucky nodded, although he was less than happy about opening the door. Because he saw you when he did, and he saw how undeniably hurt you were. He would so much rather that you were angry, that you would slap him clean across the face. You sat in the chair behind the large table, arms crossed and when your eyes met he was afraid you just might snap his neck. At least it was better than seeing you sad.
“What the fuck was that?!”
“(Y/N) it was a long time ago-”
“I don’t give a flying fuck how long ago it was. Did you think I just didn’t need to know that?”
“It was a relationship based on survival. It wasn’t really overly romantic I promise you don’t need to worry about Natasha.”
There was silence now as your head snapped over to look at him in disbelief.
“Wait a second you don’t think- You can’t possibly think that I’m jealous.” You laughed dryly, “I don’t give a shit about your history when it comes to us, Barnes but what I do care about is the information - or lackthereof - that I am given in order to not be thrown and curveballs mid trial.”
Bucky’s head sunk low. He couldn’t tell, but you were lying through your teeth. Of course you had a tinge of jealously in your blood. Bucky was yours, he was yours. When you won this fucking case he would be with you exclusively, without the fear of persecuation.
“Do you understand what we’re facing now because of this? You handed Smith exactly what he wanted. He’s going to attack your credibility as soon as you get up there on the stand. He will try and destroy you.”
“(Y/N) I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing you can say now. It’s far too late for you to say anything. The jury was ours, they were on our side. I had them. And now we’re screwed.”
Bucky watched as you paced the floor, pinching the bridge of your nose. You looked up at him, that same hurt that made him want to crawl under a rock returning to your eyes.
“Buck, I just wish you had told me.”
He couldn’t tell if you meant for the sake of the case or for your relationship.
“Fuck it, what does it matter what’s happened. I need to focus on how to fix this mess,” You said as you promptly got up, straightened your jacket and exited the room, “Murdock! Do we have any idea whatsoever who the next witness is?”
Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat as you marched over to Matt. He was terrified that he might have just ruined everything he’d built up with you over the last several months in about 5 minutes.
“Still up in the air.” Murdock said with a sigh.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. We bomb with our last witness and now we don’t even know who they’re putting up there? How long is he gonna keep us on our toes for?”
“Knowing Smith? As long as he possibly can… and then some.”
“Dammit!” You screamed and slammed your hands against the table with a loud crack, “Fucking shit!”
Your outburst shocked everyone in the room, including you. Bucky watched as you straightened your shoulders and composed yourself.
“Murdock, can you give us a minute?”
Matt left the room without a word, closing it behind him.
A less than comfortable silence enveloped Bucky as the room you were in all of the sudden felt much too large for only two people.
“(Y/N)-”
“Don’t.”
Bucky snapped his mouth shut just as quickly as he had opened it. You were facing the door still, back turned to him. He could tell you were angry by your harsh breathing - your shoulders rose and fell with a subtle yet aggressive tension.
“You just jeopardized everything.” You whispered, turning your head just slightly so he could hear you.
He stayed silent. There was nothing he could offer, no form of apology so great that he could earn your forgiveness, but he still muttered one quietly nonetheless.
“You’re sorry? Bucky this is your damn life not mine you don’t owe me an apology. You risked your freedom- you risked your whole future by omitting a past relationship because you thought that I would be mad at you.”
Bucky could hear the hurt in your voice and he hated himself for being the cause. He wanted to take it all back, to go back a couple of months and breathe out a single sentence that would fix it all. But he couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted to.
“It was stupid.”
“It was more than fucking stupid, Bucky.” You choked out, “It was idiotic and barbaric and completely insulting to every shred of legal strategy that I’ve worked on for the last I don’t know how long. But beyond that it’s thrown you entirely under the bus.”
He was silent again for a moment. He hated you being so angry, but most of all he hated how your back was facing him.
“Please look at me.”
Slowly, you turned to him. There were tears hanging on your waterline and he knew you were trying to keep them in.
“I didn’t say anything because it hardly even seemed relevant. The time that Natasha was talking about up there was long before anything happened between us. I had no idea who she was. My memories of her are scattered and at best unreliable, I honestly didn’t think they could be used against me like that. They used to hold guns to those girls’ heads all the time when I wouldn’t do what they wanted. That particular day was nothing special.”
He watched a tear slip down your cheek as he spoke. He wasn’t sure if it was one of anger or not.
“I’m sorry they did that to you.” You said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I know.”
“Okay.”
“It’s not me you need to apologize to, it’s yourself.”
Bucky nodded his head slowly, “How are you going to fix this?”
“I have no fucking idea.”
A knock on the door shook you both out of your conversation.
“(Y/N).” Murdock said through the closed door, “The prosecution is just about to announced their last witness. I got a bad feeling about this one.”
“Last witness? I thought they had two left?”
“Guess they thought this one was a real showstopper.”
“Great. Tell Dr. Cho we won’t be needing her then. I’ll ask for another recess as soon as they’re announced.”
“Good luck getting that, you just asked for one.”
“Might as well push my luck, I somehow doubt it could get a whole lot worse.”
“Trust me,” He paused with a sigh, “If any case can get worse, it’s this one.”
#Bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#winter solider#winter soldier x reader#steve rogers#steve x reader#steve rogers x reader#marvel#marvel fic
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Tell Me Anything Answers
From the V-Day Smooch Event Survey~💋
(Suggestions, comments, questions, or just say Hi!)
Here is where I answer some questions and just plain ol’ respond to all the positive feedback I got for fun!
Take the kiss survey HERE!
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ୨♡୧ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
HI I LOVE YOU -I love you too!!! Thanks for filling out my survey XD
Hiiii you’re awesome!!! - No, you’re awesome!
Thank you! -You’re v welcome my friend
Can I just like... Smooch Zero all over his sweet face? Or have Seth smooch me all over MY sweet face~ -So pure! <3 Goals tbh. I will add this to my list of ideas cuz I like this xD
A scavenger hunt! Maybe ending in a proposal?🤔 -I actually love this! I'll add it to my idea pile XD
Hi! Hope you're doing good😊😊- I am doing great! Thank you! I hope you are well~
Hi thanks so much for this event, it will probably be more fun then what rev does! Looking forward to it so much! Thank you for all the effort you always put into your work and for sharing it for us all to read!-skjfdlsldfk AHHH YOU'RE AWESOME! I appreciate your words of encouragement so much! I hope this event is fun for everyone! A small healthy competition and some smooches seem like a good way to kick off valentine's day.
Hi ^^- helooooo <3
You're the best, ash!- AH! TY! I think you’re the best sooo
Hiya! Just wanted to say I love your writing! Always eager to see more.-Oh thank you so much!!!! I’m so happy to share something I love with the world! And i'm DOUBLE happy people are enjoying it!
Psst ily <3- ILY TOO! lsdjflksdj
I love both Jonah and Edgar. It's sooo hard to pick one for Red Army 😭 Can I not kiss Black Army to kiss our Red Queen and Jack instead XD I love your writing and room full of Oliver! - I know it's hard to pick just one D’: but don’t fret! Even if they don’t win this time around, there will be another open request box soon!!! I’m so happy you love my writing! Ty for telling me! And ROOM FULL OF OLIVER YES!!! I love those little chibis XD even the grumpy ones.
Have a wonderful day Mrs. Ash Knight :)- AHHHHHHHHHHH!~~!!!!!! YOU JUST MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE CALLING ME THAT! I'M MARRIED YALL!!!! LSDJFLSJDFL I am legally obligated to have a wonderful day now after reading that XD XD XD Tbh this will be my pen name from now on XD
WHATEVER YOU WRITE IS A BLESSING AND I'LL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!! -THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! I’m excited to see what prompts come above the rest!
Love your writing! Xoxo- Thank you so much! XOXOXO I appreciate you!
💖💖💖💖- <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Hello! Thanks for doing this <3 lots of hugs from a fan!- Hi! You’re v welcome my friend! I hug you back HARDER! *Many bear hugs*
Ily pls hydrate urself- ILY TOO! I cannot hydrate, for when I see Oliver I simply become hella thirsty.
I love your work <3- I am so happy! Thank you so much!!! I am happy to share it with you!
JSJSJSHKWJQ STOP MAKING ME CHOOSE ;;;;; but thank you for doing this! ♡♡♡♡♡- Lololololol. I am happy to do this! You are welcome XD <3
❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️- XOXOXOXOXOXO *Muah*
Hallo~! Good luck ducky. Wish ya the best on your writing prompts.- Thanks for the luck! Also, you said ducky and I thought of the creeks helping me type out the fics XD They would be good helpers tbh.
Hi! <333- Hey! <3 Thanks for filling out the survey
Just to say thanks for doing this <3<3- *Muah!* You’re welcome, my friend!
Thank you for doing this survey! I appreciate that you’re writing things for us, and can’t wait to see what comes out as the winning prompt! - NP NP!!! I am happy to do so! I want to make this round of fics extra special! I hope you enjoy them!!! Thank you <3
Hello! I love your stories! As someone who spends a lot of time on tumblr reading b/c the teacher can't recommend me stuff, I really appreciate it. A thank you from a struggling student trying ( and failing) to get her life together.- XD I'm glad to be of assistance! I am still very new to writing but with encouragement like this, it makes me want to practice more!!! Thank you!
Luka! :)- I agree 100%. <3 <3 <3
Hello! I just want to say, I love your writing! I’m a newer fan, but I already love your stuff! I don’t really have any questions though... whatever. Bye! <3 Lots Of love! - Thank you for telling me you love it!!! I appreciate you! Welcome to my blog XD lol Happy to have you <3
I'm not sure if you would know but when do you think Loki's Main Route will come out? I just finished Edgar's (🎉👏♥️😍😍) and I'm not sure if I should wait or if I should just play Jonah's route as if there is time.-I am going to guess around the end of Feb. Maybe the 20-22 since the new bonus stories end around that time XD Might be a few days before, but all the bonus stories will be released before the route is released I'm sure. OH! You can start a new route! Ikerev allows you to switch routes for free and it saves you spot on the old route! So whenever you want to go back, you don’t have to start all over again. I hope that helps!
I'm so excited for this. Can't wait! Thank you. I'm looking forward for it~ (๑>ᴗ<)و- I can’t wait either!!! I’m glad you’re excited! This is gonna be so much fun XD
I love your writing and am super excited you are doing this event! Eagerly awaiting the winners and the stories!!!- Thank you so much!!!! That makes me giddy that you like my writing!!!! I am also eagerly awaiting. I’m taking bets with myself to see who’s going to win in each category XD
I'm really glad I subscribed to your blog as soon as I found it :з Keep being awesome (and don't push yourself) - Oh yay!!! I am super happy you did! I update a lot right now lolol. And if they ever release Olivers route NO FORCE CAN STOP ME! XD XD XD but also your concern is so sweeeeet lasdjgldsjkfl I may push myself a bit but I will take lots of breaks I promise! Thank you! <3
Hewwo :3- Henlo :3
I love your writing, it makes me feel like I can travel to a different universe without leaving my bedroom :) - WOW OMG THIS IS A HUGE COMPLIMENT TY!!!!! I strive for this!! I want to be transported somewhere everytime I read and I'm so happy to be doing that for you!!!! <3
Loki & Me are my OTP. This rhymes, so it counts as a poem- lmFAO you crack me up XD. It does, you are a poet now my friend.
I wuv you Ash, you is a good bean <3- I love you tooo!!! I’m happy to be a bean :3 Thank you for taking your time to do this survey!!! You’re awesome!!!
Love your work!!! My heart skips a beat whenever I see you post new stuff! As a fellow writer, let’s support each other! -IT SKIPS A BEAT!? I AM SLDKGJLKSDFJ SPEECHLESS TY!!!! I am here to support all writers!!!
Hello you wonderful person you. 😘- WONDERFUL!? LSDJGFLSDJF YOU’RE SO SWEET! I think YOU are wonderful!!!!
Hewwo I luv you uwu- :3 hello!!!! ILY!!!!
I have nothing to say except I'm excited to see what you come up with! Your stories are always amazing and I'm sure these will be too! :)- WOW TY! Thank you so much! I work really hard to try to make something fresh and new every time and I’m glad you like them!!!! I am excited to see what comes out of the tips of my fingers too XD XD
I say hi! Good luck for this event! You're doing amazing ~- Pure. Wholesome. I love you. Thank you!
This is fun! Thank you.- Woo! Im glad it’s fun!!! NP NP! I appreciate you!
I love you and your writing you are so amazing ❤❤❤❤❤- I LOVE YOU MORE!!!! AHH~!! Youre awesome! Thank you for the compliment!!!! <3 <3
Some of those prompts seemed a little assulty?? I'm sorry! E.g. kisses them to make them stop saying something; angry kisses (no consent...) - These are prompts and not stories, so extrapolating saying its non-consensual is of your own imagination. “Angry kisses,” and “Stopping someone one from saying something with a kiss,” can be written a thousand different ways. Many of the prompts here have hundreds of different scenarios to be written around. However, If I write something, that is dub/con or non/con it will be tagged at the beginning of the fic so you can freely skip over it. :)
This will be exciting. I’m Looking forward to reading your stories. -I am perpetually excited as I tally up the smooches! I can’t wait to post them to see what you think! <3
This is a great idea and a big inspiration, thank you! - IM GLAD YOU THINK SO!!! <3 <3 You’re v welcome! XOXO
I appreciate all the work you put into this. The prompts are so interesting. Fenray kiss!- YOU APPRECIATE ME OGMOMG TY!!!!! ILY ILY. I’m glad you like the prompts XD I sifted through so many until I was happy with the ones left hehe. FENRAY! They seem to be v popular! I also ship them, but I am a slut and I ship everyone with everyone sooo xD
I love your work!❤- THANK YOU SO MUCH! I’m glad!!!!! This fills my heart with joyyyyy!
Hi! ;-)- Hellloooo *wink wonk*
I love your blog❤️❤️- I appreciate that!!! Thank you for taking my survey! XD
I'm so excited to see the results of this!! I hope Blanc will get a story >////<- I am excited too!!! You never know who will come out on top! The results have been going back and forth a bit XD
Hi Ash, I'm already looking forward to the outcome of this survey- Hey!!! I am so ecstatic!!!!! I will be posting a bunch of graphs to show the results. So that should be fun to see <3
Are you going to write a fic for each category? I'm really looking for them!! 💕- I sure am! I have 5 fics waiting to be planned based on the results! I will also be doing some inspo-driven drabbles of some of the results for funsies XD
SENPAI!!! I love your work! Are you excited for Loki’s route?- sldkjglsjdf IM NOTICING YOU!!! Lolol omg (that was a dumb joke from me sorry lol). I am so happy you love my work!!!! THANK YOUUUU I am v excited for Loki’s route! I think Loki is an interesting guy and he’s got a back story I’d like to sip through a straw.
Thank you a lot for doing this, you're awesome ♡- You are welcome my friend!! And I think YOU'RE AWESOME!!!
God's work op!!!!- lololool THANKS! XD Thank you for taking the survey!
Hello, Ash!- Hello there! I hope you have a great week!
I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your Lancelot x Alice fics! They are masterpieces and your writing is so awesome! - MASTERPIECES!? AHHH!!!! TY!!!! <3 <3 BLESS YOU lsjdkflsjfd I-um-lowkey LOVE Lance. It was his side content that got me tbh. I feel like I connected with him more with the side content. Maybe because I played his route early on and was v new to ikerev. Either way, he's, uhhhh a top bae now XD
Please write more Lance and Alice fics! I always enjoy reading them:)- Yes!!!! There will be more in the future for sure! XD I sooo soo happy you enjoy them!!!
I'm also really looking forward to your ""kiss in the rain"" fic, featuring Lancelot and Alice. I just hope you decide that this fic is worth writing!- It’s going to be based on popular vote, but the kiss in the rain seems to be a general fav! So I’m excited to see who wins and who gets it! XD
I wish you the best of luck for the upcoming Valentine's gacha!- Thank you so much!!! I can’t wait to see what the gacha gods have in store for me this round XD Thanks for the luck!!! <3
こんにちわ！😁 - Howdy XD
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ୨♡୧ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
-Some are edited to conceal people’s identity or a defining feature XD (just to keep this anon since I didn’t ask specifically if anyone wanted to be called out <3)
I want to thank everyone for participating in the voting!!! I had a bigger turnout than I would have ever dreamed! You guys are awesome and I am looking forward to writing these fics for you lovely people 💋
If you haven’t already, Take the kiss survey HERE!
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Taking You: Angel’s Instagram
Series Masterlist
Masterlist
this chapter is gonna be a little different because I got asked if I could make the Instagram chapters with 1 picture, and the comments, at a time. that way, it'd be easier than scrolling up & down to read the comments that go with the right picture.
1
Liked by jonahmarais, corbynbesson, abbyavery and 284,976 others
BbyAngMarais: i am so glad my favorite boys actually get along @corbynbesson @jonahmarais
corbynbesson: i think it may be possible that i love your brother more than i love you 😏
jonahmarais: awe @corbynbesson i love you more too
BbyAngMarais: okay now y'all just being rude 😔
abbyavery: look at the those 2 cuties. & @corbynbesson yo, me too
BbyAngMarais: wow. does everyone love my brother more than me?
jackaverymusic: @BbyAngMarais NO. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN
@jonahmarais
AubrieBesson04: no @BbyAngMarais
jonahmarais: okay ouch @jackaverymusic & ily so much @abbyavery ❤️
2
Liked by jonahmarais, seaveydaniel, corbynbesson and 275,843 others
BbyAngMarais: i'm hooked
corbynbesson: you got me under your influence. i swear i'm never gonna give you up
jackaverymusic: you got a bad reputation in my neighborhood
abbyavery: everybody says im sleeping with the enemy
imzachherron: everybody says im sleeping with the enemy
imzachherron: hey @abbyavery you stole my line 😉
abbyavery: you shouldn't be talking in this sexual way @imzachherron
imzachherron: @abbyavery you ain't my mother 😉
jonahmarais: that's what you think young man 😉 @imzachherron
abbyavery: dAdDy ^ @jonahmarais
islastanford: what's daddy?
jackaverymusic: omg. guys, stop using that word 😏
3
Liked by corbynbesson, abbyavery, AubrieBesson04 and 276,375 others
BbyAngMarais: no matter what, it's gonna be you & i, forever. i love my girls @AubrieBesson04 @abbyavery // photo creds: @jackaverymusic
AubrieBesson04: love you too Angel ❤️
abbyavery: love ya babes 😉
jackaverymusic: my favorite pic, easily ❤️
jonahmarais: the girl in the jean jacket is like, super hot. i love her ❤️
abbyavery: you're my best friend @jonahmarais i love you too, dork 😉❤️
corbynbesson: jack has some serious photography skills. teach me your ways, master @jackaverymusic
jackaverymusic: come back downstairs and i can show you some good angles
abbyavery: @corbynbesson dude, you should know how to get the best shots. i taught you everything I know when we used to hang out and have photo shoots 🤣
corbynbesson: @abbyavery dude, i forgot. im sorry
seaveydaniel: i love you all so much ❤️
4
Liked by seaveydaniel, abbyavery, imzachherron and 236,984 others
BbyAngMarais: #tb with my crew @seaveydaniel @abbyavery @AubrieBesson04 @corbynbesson @jonahmarais {not pictured, but are 100% part of my crew: @jackaverymusic @imzachherron @gabbieegonzalez @Xo_belle }
AubrieBesson04: this was a great day 😁
abbyavery: isn't this the same day we all went to the beach and @jonahmarais got bit by a crab? 🤣
Xo_belle: omg. i remember that. it was funny 🤣
jonahmarais: oh okay. you can make fun of me all you want @abbyavery but maybe the internet should know what happened to you that day 😉
abbyavery: okay im sorry babe. won't happen again 😉 @jonahmarais
jonahmarais: @abbyavery i know you're lying but i'm gonna let it slide. as long as you know the consequences of what will happen if you mention it again 😉
corbynbesson: best beach day ever. i love making memories with this group.
fanuser11: i wish i could be friends with you guys. it always looks like you're having fun 😔
5
Liked by jackaverymusic, seaveydaniel, jonahmarais and 284,673 others
BbyAngMarais: what do ya say, @jackaverymusic?
jackaverymusic: i say sure. forever and ever 😁
jonahmarais: hes my best friend, sis. you're late.
BbyAngMarais: @jonahmarais relax jojo. you're dating an avery so i want one as my best friend 😜
abbyavery: my brother is a special guy 😁
BbyAngMarais: yes, yes he is 😁 @abbyavery
gabbieegonzalez: im okay with this, as long as you dont keep him away from me for too long 😁
BbyAngMarais: don't worry @gabbieegonzalez i won't. i promise not to come between you two 😁
abbyavery: is @jackaverymusic suddenly irresistible? i don't see it.
jackaverymusic: i've always been irresistible, sis 😉 @abbyavery
6
Liked by jackaverymusic, seaveydaniel, abbyavery and 296,735 others
BbyAngMarais: sometimes, it's awesome to have a boy best friend. #tb with @jackaverymusic
abbyavery: i took this. this was my doing. it was the first day i met you 😁
jackaverymusic: best friends forever 😁
BbyAngMarais: @abbyavery it was a great day 🙂 @jackaverymusic #bestfriendgoals ❤️
jonahmarais: i can't believe you've been best friends for 4 years. wow. just, wow.
seaveydaniel: i love this. @abbyavery you're too good with a camera
abbyavery: thank you @seaveydaniel i love you 🙂
7
Liked by abbyavery, seaveydaniel, jackaverymusic and 286,416 others
BbyAngMarais: thankful for my best friends photography skills @jackaverymusic
jackaverymusic: i love ya girlie
gabbieegonzalez: i love you both so much
BbyAngMarais: @gabbieegonzalez ❤️ @jackaverymusic you da best boo
jonahmarais: my sis is quite the stunner 😉
BbyAngMarais: @jonahmarais i love you so much bro
abbyavery: that's my bestie. i love you
AubrieBesson04: you cute girl 😉
jackaverymusic: my favorite pic by far
corbynbesson: we love you
seaveydaniel: my love ❤️
8
Liked by jackaverymusic, imzachherron, jonahmarais and 267,542 others
BbyAngMarais: just can't leave my phone anywhere when @jackaverymusic is nearby. revenge is sweet, buddy 😉
abbyavery: i love when he takes my phone too. he always takes random ass selfies and i always feel obligated to post them 😉
jackaverymusic: i feel hurt by you two @abbyavery
abbyavery: you're my favorite brother 😉 @jackaverymusic
jackaverymusic: @abbyavery i am your ONLY brother
abbyavery: @jackaverymusic hence why you're my favorite
imzachherron: that's hot @jackaverymusic
jackaverymusic: i love you @imzachherron ❤️
imzachherron: i love you too bro @jackaverymusic
9
Liked by seaveydaniel, jonahmarais, abbyavery and 296,037 others
BbyAngMarais: forever my 11:11. i love you @seaveydaniel
abbyavery: that's my insanely cute bff ❤️😁
seaveydaniel: i love you so much babe ❤️
BbyAngMarais: he really is cute, isn't he? 😉 @abbyavery i love you so much more, my love @seaveydaniel
jonahmarais: hey @seaveydaniel if you break her heart, i'll break you, sir
seaveydaniel: you got it, dude @jonahmarais
abbyavery: im with ya @jonahmarais
jackaverymusic: yeah same @abbyavery @jonahmarais
BbyAngMarais: i love you all so freaking much @jonahmarais @abbyavery @seaveydaniel @jackaverymusic ❤️
jackaverymusic: and we love you too, bestie ❤️
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wo w ee i am so excited to see where u take equilibrium! tbh i really like how u r writing jungkook (not in the obsessive relationship sense but like) because it feels like u r really giving us an insight to his mind and how complex of a character he is and like what drives him.. idk if that makes sense lol but i really enjoy the entire story and cant wait to see how it develops !!
Here are the rest of my equilibrium asks under the cut! I am so truly sorry that I just simply do not have the time to answer the rest of them (besides wouldnt you guys rather have me expending my energy on writing ch 12? ;)), but be assured that i have read each and every one of these messages multiple times over and appreciated them all
bonyg said:Equilibrium is really giving me mixed feelings, it's so complicated that I don't know if I want oc with Jungkook or Jimin. It's just not healthy to be in this relationship :"( if I were oc I'd definitely left them both even if I'm gonna die without Jimin :'( it's getting more exciting and I can't wait to know what's gonna happen between oc and Jimin. Thank you for updating ^^
jaaneman-s said:Hi, I don't if this sounds or rude or not, but I'd like to thank you? or idk, I was born in a very manly culture? I know (on my own) how certain things that look okay in this culture but are not in equalness and respect to the woman happen but reading equilibrium has like, opened my eyes a little bit? When I read ch.11 I just sat down and spent a while thinking about everything and how different you view stuff from my point, and how this is actually right? anyway keep the great work ily ♥
Anonymous said:pls read equilibrium at my funeral🙏🏻
Anonymous said:oh oH OH is it going to be one of the cases where the boy "misinterprets" the girls basic human kindness for flirting?!!?? If so, @ the character: go to hell
Anonymous said:Well, it seems like JK (and a little Y/N) has tipped the balance and now everything is coming crumbling down. Who does JK think he is?? I can't imagine Y/N could let the weekend go by without getting close to JM, especially since he needs her. I'm just anticipating the moment when jimin realizes and everything is out in the open. I really loved this chapter! You can see how bold JK is getting knowing that Y/N will do anything he wants, just for his cooperation. Suspenseful!
Anonymous said:me rn: *prays for a joon hyung to sweep OC off her feet and abandon JK and JM* (seriously i'm such weightlifting fairy trash it hurts) (also do you know where i can find my very own joon hyung 😭😭😭😭)
Anonymous said:Reads part 11 Equilibrium -insert jungshook meme here-
Anonymous said:Don't be bothered by those ungrateful readers who thinks you're obligated to write them more than 3k words. Seriously, did they somehow get the impression that they're paying you for this? Just write at your own pace so you can produce quality stuff.
Anonymous said:Finally got around to reading Chapter 11 & if I'm the oc I'd be on a plane up outta there so quick! Set Jimin up with some soup & a blanket, & scoot skedaddle my way out of dodge. Jungkook isn't about to talk to me like that, thinking dick isn't abundant & low value. Shit... Also bless your writing, each Equilibrium update has me on pins & needles~
Anonymous said:I just like... What if Jungkook comes home unexpectedly and finds y/n and Jimin getting it on and then flies into a murderous rage, severely injures Jimin and kidnaps y/n. The second part could be Jimin feeling all guilty and trying to find her while she tries to escape
Anonymous said:Holy shit I'm convinced that Jungkook poisoned Jimin because he's going to be away for the weekend and he's paranoid and crazy as shit that the OC might do something with Jimin so he made sure he's unable to do shit with her 😵 cuz when he called to ask her where she was for his graduation, he didn't even seem all that surprised that he's sick, he just cared about where the OC was.
Anonymous said:Twist end: OC learns boxing and kicks Junglebooks ass
Anonymous said:theory: part two will be titled monogamy and Jungkook and OC will have an abusive relationship. Cause you seem pretty adamant on the idea of abuse (which is 10000% not a bad thing for obvious reason) so i feel like you are taking this story as a lesson for girl to see the warning sign. and part 3 will be about her leaving him finally and becoming single or whatever
Anonymous said:I don't want to defend the oc by saying this but in equilibrium she clearly is right now the one who is fucked up The other 2 get what they want after jk's scary possessiveness and if she wouldn't be controlled by her feelings towards jimin then maybe she would've already left She has also fault but earlier they took advantage of each other's feelings and everyone got something that they wanted but rn oc is like trapped in a cage & can't even touch jimin Idk maybe I'm the only one who thinks so
Anonymous said:I don't understand equilibrium??? Like I thought it was sweet that JK wanted her all to himself but after chap. 11 I think it's just plain creepy with his possessive obsession towards her... like WTF! I kind of want to see Jimin's side of the story like why is he in love with JK and what is with JK not giving a f**k about Jimin at all like when he was the one who initiated this relationship anyways WHUT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!
Anonymous said:I mean it Jungkook will kill them both. Like this boy has the makings of a serial killer. Why the fuck does the oc not love herself?? Why are you trying to create your happiness from the sparse attention given to you by a man??!! Why the fuck are these people so dysfunctional?? Even Jimin and Jungkook they're basing they're entire happiness on people who they know don't care!! If there's ever a lesson here its self love first before you can love someone else.
Anonymous said:Just read the new Equilibrium chapter (11) and wow JK is absolutely terrifying in there. I'm so glad there are stories out there that portray abuse the way it should be portrayed and not romanticized. I really just want the OC to get the hell out of that house and faaaaar away from this messed up relationship ): she needs to run away from him asap like forget Jimin he ain't helping you either just run while you still can girl!!!!
Anonymous said:iF JUNGKOOK GAVE JIMIN SOMETHING IM ABOUT TO GIVE HIM THE BIGGEST WHOOPING EVER
Anonymous said:Regarding Equilibrium, I reread some chapters after I was done with 11. The necklace bit in 11 makes the sex scene in 4 kinda freaky. The way Jungkook yanks on OC's chain and how he got angry when OC said that she didn't know where hers was. It's like Jungkook finds security in the couple necklaces because he associates it with OC being his and when OC doesn't wear the necklace, he feels that his possession has been taken away from him. Maybe I am thinking too much but it was such a cool detail.
Anonymous said:I have a feeling that jimin's going to witness something that's gonna break his heart bc if you look at the situation then jimin should be happy bc he gets his alone time with jk who he loves and he doesn't have to pretend to love the oc that often bc jk doesn't let her go near him and if jimin sees something that breaks his heart(jungkook&oc)then maybe he would leave both and so they would all go their own ways(?)none of them would have a reason to stay but maybe jk will become even scarier idk
Anonymous said:You should just have the OC in Equilibrium go full on Bruce Lee on JK and JM
Anonymous said:Chap 11 in Equilibrium freaked me out btw. Especially after the sex scene when OC watches Jimin sleep. You wrote "tug" so that implies that OC used her hands. So when OC finds her hands restricted by Jungkook, that honestly scared me. Also in that scene, it was interesting for OC to say that she would do anything to comfort Jimin but seemed to take back that statement when she was restricted by Jungkook. It's like OC has become more afraid of Jungkook than she is in love with Jimin.
Anonymous said:In ch11 of equilibrium it was really sad when she compared herself to a pet... like girl, you're a functioning human being, an adult that can take care of herself. You're able to get out of this cage that's been created around you. It's scary what manipulative people can do to someone but at least she knows what messed up situation she's in now and not like... being attracted(?) to the crazies JK is pushing on her
zeloandhobiaremyhubbies said:Hi there ^^ I'm a new reader, and can I just say I love your writing skills and the story line so far. With that being said, coming from a person who has a close friend in a manipulative/almost borderline abusive relationship, I can honestly say I hope the OC get out of that relationship, especially with Jungkook. There's a thin line between being jealous/slightly possessive and possessive and pretty much controlling. Ugh! I want to know what happens next, but I'm also scared to know as well.
Anonymous said:What do you mean you don't know where is the chain OC(me)?! How can I be so careless?? What if Jimin will find it, no I am sure he already did 😑 and now probably the person I precious the most hate me cuz I took his love of life... This shit (relationship) is not falling fast enough huh? Good job me, good job 😒😒
holdingbackforsnow said:I've read equilibrium 11 and somehow I have the feeling that Jimin knew. Even before Jeongguk showed how messed up he is for us readers. I feel like, that's why Jimin entered the relationship. Maybe he was worried for the OC and wanted to act as a buffer in between her and Jeongguk (including his feelings for Jeongguk) that would explain his phone call, when he was gone on business and even how he wanted the OC to go to graduation so badly. I feel like Jimin knows more than we think...
Anonymous said:As much as I anticipate every update, I hope you are taking care of yourself too! Even as an undergrad, I still get stressed & overwhelmed with my workload so I really worry about your well being since being a phd student is so much more stressful and you still give us great content. Thank you so much & I hope you can take some time for yourself as well! ik remembering to take care of yourself is the last thing on your mind with a huge workload but please please don't neglect your well being!
Anonymous said:Oh god Jungkook in Equilibrium is really a psychopath. The fact that he's so manipulative and lacks empathy for others; it's quite terrifying to think about how long he's been manipulating everyone without anyone realizing it. As a psychology major it's really interesting to read a character like this but it's scary how so many people see his behavior as okay esp since there's so many real cases of abusive relationships like this, it makes me really sad. Ty for shining light to issues like these
Anonymous said:Wow, jk has really started to go crazy-something's gonna blow up soon.love the tension you are building though. It's really appreciated the time you take to build an intricate storyline. and not to focus on negative stuff, but for real, if any misogynistic messages pops up now, then... While I think most readers (but apparantly not all) saw the possessive traits of jk in earlier chapters despite it being somewhat(but not very) subtle, this time you rly spelled it out
lastshadowmonkeys said:to stay with Jimin. Everyone's being manipulative as fuck and it can never end well in my opinion...This is so...Wow, and it all comes out of your brain and imagination, that's amazing! I'm so excited to see where this all will go and if Jungkook will just lose his shit (or any of them really, someone is bound to lose their shit) and to see where Jimin stands with oc now and wow so many questions! I'm intrigued! Amazing job, thank you so much for writing this piece of art!
lastshadowmonkeys said:after that, but woops boy was i wrong. He just turned full on psycho, and i have the impression Jimin is not even interested in her in that way and never has been. That leaves OC to be in a relationship with men who don't love her at all, in the end, which is so so sad and i just wish she'd get over her love (or is it obsession, really?) for Jimin, so she could get the hell out of that toxic situation. She's being manipulative herself, going through all that misery to somehow be able (3)
lastshadowmonkeys said:blowing my mind and i have immense respect for that. I'm not lying when i say i'm trying hard to improve my plot skills haha, since my mind tends to be too chaotic to ever get any structure in anything. I enjoy your stories so much. As for Equilibrium, shit's about to go down man and i just can't fucking wait to see what will happen. At first i was rooting for Jungkook and the oc since it seemed like he just had pent up frustrations from being misunderstood? I thought it would get better (2)
lastshadowmonkeys said:Hey Lu! Even though my asks get lost a lot of the time, it doesn't stop me from telling you how much i appreciate the fact you make time to write such wonderful, intriguing stories to make us actually think about important matters. Equilibrium has become one of my top favourite fics ever, and i just love how you can make every chapter like a little piece of a giant puzzle. You write so well, and they're actually plot goals! To imagine you're a grad student on top of all that is just (1)
got7boystobang said:I feel like (in fact; i knew it due to the fact that u hate nochu so much) the end of Equilibrium is going to be such a downfall for jk just like what happened in jjk must die and that crys drabble idk how tho but u just always have ways to kill jkook cause i bet you've millions of pictures in your head on how to😂😂😂 i love your dedication!!!!! lol
Anonymous said:Ugh, Jungkook is threatening people now? Yeah, it's time to call the cops. That's scary. I felt uneasy the whole chapter. I asked myself several times while reading, "Yo, what's wrong with this kid? And what's up with Jimin? Is he just CHOOSING not to acknowledge some of the fucked up shit that's going on around him?" And actually, homegirl is holding up a lot better in this chapter than I thought she would. Interesting. Thanks for another chapter! Looking forward to the next. :)
Anonymous said:Omg so intense!! Gosh I just don't know what to expect anymore, I'm glad there'll be alone time with Jimin but then what if Jungkook finds out, and what if-what if-gah! Can't wait to see what will unfold next, thank you once again for updating even though you're busy~
Anonymous said:WTF OC JUST FUCKING DROPKICK JUNGKOOK IN THE FACE AND GTFO!!! HOMEBOY IS CRAZY AS FUCK
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alright buddy here we go
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?idk man probs cereal
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?no it feels like jack frost hit me with his dick
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?rn a plane ticket
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?milk and sugar because I love death
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?I like my closed mouth smile but you’ll have to kill me to get me to use teeth
6: do you keep plants?I try
7: do you name your plants?always
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?poetry
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?yeh
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?on side, one leg curled up under me like a flamingo, hand on the tiddie
11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?okay first of all *friend, second of all; cheese pizza
12: what's your favorite planet?ur mum lmao
13: what's something that made you smile today?stephanie
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?800 succulents and 400 pillows
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!“Gliese 581 c wants to kill you“
16: what's your favorite pasta dish?Alfredo
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?purple, did it. also jet black but not worth the risk tbh
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.....stairs
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?I have a poetry book I guess
20: what's your favorite eye color?all
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.I got it at an antique shop and it’s a smiley face back pack but I left it with katie because she needed it more than I did
22: are you a morning person?no
23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?die
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?My one true love, Stephanie
25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?abandoned hotel on base
26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?I wear by black boots every day but I’ve only had them for like 4 months
27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?cherry lime
28: sunrise or sunset?set
29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?When I make Stephanie laugh over snapchat she sends me a picture with her mouth wide open and idk it always makes me smile
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?I spent the last month in fear I’d be killed by terrorists
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.this is too many questions
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.nah
33: what's your fave pastry?anything cherry tbh
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?Teddy Bair was a gift from my dad to my mom but I loved him so much I stole him and he became mine. He’s on my bed at college with me rn
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?I like gel pens and I color with them
36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?TOP
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?I like it cleanish but it’s always messy because that’s my biggest depression problem
38: tell us about your pet peeves!people not shutting up ever
39: what color do you wear the most?black
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?I have a locket my sister got me like 10 years ago that has a picture of us
41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?tbh idk
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!It’s in Japan and Katie and I used to spend hours there together. It’s where we really became friends
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?the astronomy club lmao
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?never
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?about certain things
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.I really don’t want to
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?kale
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?the dentist. yes
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?I haven’t in a while bc I have no way to play them
50: what's an odd thing you collect?tears
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?Stephanie- true friends
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?Have there really been any?
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?Heathers is my favorite movie
54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?this is a rude question
55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?at this point I don’t even know
56: what are some things you find endearing in people?when they have little things that make them light up
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?no
58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?I’m the vodka mom and Stephanie is the vodka aunt and we both are the wine gay cousin
59: what's your favorite myth?tbh idk
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?I do but I can’t think of a specific fav
61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?mean question
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?I drink ALL JUICE ALL DAY
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?leave them be and then organize them every now and again
64: what color is the sky where you are right now?idk prolly dark blue/black
65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?I always wanna see Stephanie
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?black roses and light pink accent flowers
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?sad
68: what's winter like where you live?cold
69: what are your favorite board games?monopoly
70: have you ever used a ouija board?I’m not THAT white
71: what's your favorite kind of tea?no
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?nah
73: what are some of your worst habits?yeah we don’t have time for that
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.v good v pure best person on planet
75: tell us about your pets!dog!!!!!!!!!!!!
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?so many things
77: pink or yellow lemonade?yellow. Idk what makes it pink
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?please stop bringing them up
79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?i dunno
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?white. no I live in a dorm
81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.wow it sees
82: are/were you good in school?for the most part
83: what's some of your favorite album art?I like the all about us cover
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?the only one I want rn is one matching stephanie
85: do you read comics? what are your faves?who do u think i am
86: do you like concept albums? which ones?idk
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Heathers, Ghost Busters (2016), Creepy Hanna Doll
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?I like stick figures that show emotion
89: are you close to your parents?yeah I think
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.I like Fredericksburg because it’s boring as fuck but it’s one of the only places that I can even kinda call home
91: where do you plan on traveling this year?too many places
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?give me it all
93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?down with nothing done but blow drying it
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?It’s Matthew’s today :D
95: what are your plans for this weekend?cry
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?push it off for SO long
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?can’t remember, Capricorn, Slytherin
98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?idk for hiking
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.whenever I’m really really sad I listen to Iris on repeat
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?I guess future because I don’t wanna go back. But also I don’t think I even want to risk skipping 5 years because who knows if I’ll miss out on something I really wanna be here forThat took FOREVER ily
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