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primussavethesemechs · 9 months

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I want the human/cybertronian life difference to be talked about more in canon

Cuz I mean. it’s RIGHT THERE.

Just a smidgen of true acknowledgment I BEG YOU HASBRO‼️

i mean come on all it takes is someone mentioning how long the wars been going for one of the humans to go “4 MILLION YEARS???? WHAT THE FUCK HOW OLD ARE YOU???”

And optimus or ratchet to be like “…5/7 million?” And all of the humans to have a break down CUZ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUVE BEEN ALIVE SINCE BEFORE THE HUMAN SPECIES EXISTED??? WE WERE MONKEYS WHEN YOU WERE BORN???

And the (woefully uniformed) cybertronians to be like “??? What do YOU mean your species was still evolving when I onlined, how long do you guys live?? A thousand?? A few hundred??”

And the gobsmacked humans to be like “??? NO WE HARDLY LIVE OVER A HUNDRED ITS CONSIDERED AN ACCOMPLISHMENT?? AVERAGE OLD AGE DEATH IS LIKE MID 80s!! TECHNICALLY THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN IS 72 OR SOMETHING???”

Cue the autobots being like “😨 72??? THATS A CHILD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT⁉️”

the more attached/emotional bots looking at their charges and realizing that not only are they sparklings compared to them but they’ll die as sparklings too in just a few decades, causing them to straight up have a mini meltdown.

Yeah they’re in a war and they’ve lost plenty of friends, but never to anything as predictable and inescapable as old age.

It’s the seeing-it-coming part that gets to them, the slow dread of knowing that even if they do everything right and keep them out of danger and they stay healthy there’s nothing they can do to stop them from withering away in a couple of decades.

Most versions of bumblebee looking at their charge/friend and realizing his assumptions about the fact that since they’re both still young that they’ll have plenty of time to just. Live together and have fun- are wrong?? Immediately tears. Even if cybertronians can’t cry tears he’s doing whatever the equivalent is and running away to cry in his room. And then running back to snatch them and take them with him cuz HE CANT WASTE A SECOND IF THEIR LIFESPANS ARE REALLY THAT SHORT HES GONNA JUST HAVE TO SPEND 24/7 WITH THEM

This whole concept ESPECIALLY applies to TFP since all of them got their own little human buddy and there’s only like 5 autobots to begin with (of the main season 1 crew) they’ve lost so many of their own so recently, their numbers are already dwindling down to nothing, they’re losing the war and the kids are what’s given them a major morale boost. To continue fighting they need hope, and the kids have kind of become their hope for the future- to know they’ll die off in under a century despite how young they still are is a shot to the spark.

Look me in the eye and tell me bee wouldnt panic hearing that Raf only has 70-80 years to live. LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME HE WOULDNT HAVE SOME KIND OF FIT OVER BEING TOLD THAT HIS LITTLE BUDDY (from a cybertronian perspective) HAS A LIFESPAN EQUIVALENT TO A LATE STAGE TERMINAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS. Bee would start treating Raf like a kid with stage 4 cancer 😭

I just KNOW bulkhead would have the worst reaction other than bee, maybe even worse cuz he looks at miko and realizes she’s used up basically a fifth of her entire lifespan already and she’s Still So Little and straight up starts weeping. That’s his DAUGHTER you can’t take her from him so soon it’s not FAIR! He might have to go destroy a canyon wall or something to let some of the anger and grief out

Arcee is Not taking it well either.

She JUST got attached to this one, just got used to a new partner and your telling her that no matter what she does he’s never going to last as long as tailgate of cliff jumper did?? Even if both he and she do everything they’re supposed to do to protect him and extended his life?? Depression time baby

Optimus and ratchet don’t react as much outwardly to the news as the others but inside they’re both 💔💥

These kids have brought optimus a level of contentment he hasn’t felt in vorns, and he sees how bright their spirits shine- Only to now know those precious spirits will burn out in less than a century- it gnaws at him inside, yet another strike from the cruelty of fate

Ratchet is devastated but refuses to acknowledge it, these kids- yes even miko- have become his pseudo grandkids and he’s not ready, nor will he ever be ready, to outlive them. Jacks reminds him too much of a younger optimus, still learning and still hopeful. Miko is… well she has a fire to her that ratchet can appreciate (when she’s not actively annoying him) she’s determined enough to make anything happen which he does begrudgingly respect even if he wishes she wouldn’t just throw herself into any and every situation just for fun.

And Raf…

Raf is his apprentice, the only one of the kids to understand him and listen intently to his stories of cybertron. To show appreciation for his work and his ideas, to Listen and Learn and Improve his inventions. He harbors the most fondness for Raf since he sees so much potential in him, and has taken him under his wing in teaching him cybertronian language and biology.

He feels almost like he’s training a student to take his place- only for the ground to be ripped out from under him to know that Raf will never have the chance to succeed him, will never even outlive him.

A parent should never have to bury their child, and ratchet already feels that he has.

TLDR the autobots find out humans have fruit fly lifespans next to them and become one big soggy mess of tears, optimus and ratchet included although they try to have a stiff upper lip about it (and fail to varying extents)

I swear this was supposed to be about any and all continuities but TFP took over completely😭 idk it just fits the best since they focus so much on how attached the bots get to the kids

Edit: btw this was inspired from the fact I found out that the cybertronian equivalent to a year (yes I know technically they have solar cycles which are roughly a human year but what they consider a year vs their lifespan/time perception is different) is a vorn. A vorn is 80 HUMAN YEARS. I saw that and went “oh wow a vorn is like a whole human lifespan!😃” and then I went “OH A VORN IS A WHOLE HUMAN LIFESPAN 😀“

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goodday-goodmorn · 10 months

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Todays work is of @ghouljams Cowboy141 au! Featuring the nasty boy himself- König! Told from the lovely perspective of Murphys (an OC of Ghouls for those who don’t know) granddaughter!! Go check out Ghoul they have some amazing COD stuff over there (the demon darling AU is one of my fav’s but they’re known for their fae and cowboy stuff!- odd niches i know-)

You had been thinking about this day for months now. Today would finally be the day you earned your honorary, ‘I sold cookies to Birdie’ badge.

And of course, all good plans begin with a pack of markers, paper, and a whiteboard that you borrowed from the back of your pappy's shop. (He wouldn't miss it, besides if he got grumpy you would just pull out the puppy dog eyes until he relented.)

Using some magnets you pin various torn out notebook papers to the whiteboard. It isn't quite like the movies where they use push pins and red sting but well- that would be inconvenient for your purposes anyway.

Face furrowed in deep concentration you stare at the board as if doing so for long enough would solve all your problems.

“Are you still planning?” A familiar voice rings out beside you, your fellow girl scout and current best friend, Alexis. She sits on a beanbag, sipping on soda as she stares at your mess of plans. You frown, clearly she wouldnt understand the intricacies of how important this was. After all, she already had her Birbe badge.

A perk she got of being the one to make the things, meant that the first year they were implemented, she got to sell to Birdie with no competition.

(You remember standing on the sidelines and watching her turn and hand Birde a box of peanut butter patties with a smug look on her face. It had been painful to have to stand there with your fellow troop members.)

The rewards were worth the sacrifice however, because now there's more at stake than the bragging rights of selling to everyone's favorite teacher. Now, you get an unofficial badge for it, made every year by the crafty hands of Alexis.

This year’s is sitting just over there on the coffee table, nearly finished. All it's missing is the border around the bird in the center, mostly because Alexis ran out of the thread she needed and has yet to ask her grandmother for more.

You sigh, grumbling out something as you continue to stare at the board.

She shakes her head and goes back to playing Minecraft on her older cousin's well loved Xbox. Trying not to die by the hands of a spider, she says, “Look- if you’re so serious about it why not just find a way through Goose?” You frown more, shaking your head. As much as you do get along well with your pappy’s favorite customer…

“Nope, not possible. Birdie’s friends are banned ever since Moon started complain’ bout it… Plus after Jordans stunt last year of getting in the good graces of Birdie’s momma- we aren't allowed to do stuff like that.” You explain, using a marker to scribble out more ideas and add to your current map of where Birdie might be when you all get access to the cookies.

She tends to be out during it, likely to make it harder for people to earn their badge by camping out on her front porch.

How she knew when you all got the first cookie shipments, you weren't sure. Probaby Moon. Yeah- definitely Moon.

“Besides,” you continue, switching your marker to a purple color, “Even if I did- that wouldn't be me selling to Birdie- it would be me selling to Goose. So it don’t count.”

She hums, “Tough luck.” You sigh dejectedly, nodding. She finally kills the spider and then turns to you, from the depths of her very filled pockets she fishes out a lollipop. She offers it to you like she's offering you a hit after a stressful day at your 9 to 5.

Gratefully, you take it, green apple, nice.

“Well, I wish ya the best of luck. If you fail, offers open to go selling with me later.” You nod, waving her off, “Mhm… i reckon ill get it this year though.”

She shrugs, pointing to the nearly finished badge which sits a few feet away. “Well, if you do, then that badge is as good as yours.”

You stare at it longingly, vowing to yourself that this year you would finally-

———————————————

“You didn't do it did you?”

You frown, a sour look on your face as you try and fix your now messed up braids. Alexis sits beside you, the two of you back in her grandmother's basement. She's got a bag of frozen peas against your jaw, trying to prevent the bruise you know is coming. You say nothing, instead just sitting there with a pout, normally you wouldn't be this upset but…

“So who did manage it this year?” She asks, leaving you to hold the peas while she goes to grab the first aid kit under the coffee table.

“Susie May.”

Alexis bumps her head on the table as she pops up, looking surprised. “Again?” She sounds as incredulous as you are upset.

“Yeah!” You cry angrily, throwing your free hand up.

She whistles, walking over to you and tending to your scraped up knees. It's something that happens so often you don't really feel it, but both you and Alexis know that if your parents, or her grandma, sees you all banged up and bruised, they won't be happy. “How’d she manage that?” She inquires, cleaning your scrapes and pulling out bandages.

“Playing fuckin’ dirty thats how.” You parents would also not be very happy with your use of swears but it's just Alexis and you right now. Plus you are rather pissed off at the manner in which Susie happened to win the race this year.

“Yeah I can see that…” Alexis mumbles, taking in your dusty clothes, frazzled hair, and scraped up knees. You decide to make it worse by opening your mouth and showing how your tooth is now loose and barely hanging on by a thread. It's a baby tooth, luckily, but still.

Alexis blinks, “How in the hell-?”

“She pulled on my braids just as I was about to get there. I tried to not fall but sending all my weight forward meant when she let go-”

“-You fell flat on your face?”

You nod, grumbling under your breath. The reason you're so upset is because well- Susie May already has her badge. And she was also the one to sell cookies to Birdie last year. Which means this is her third time selling.

The general polite thing to do after getting your badge is to either A) back out of the race to sell entirely, or B) if you’re gonna participate, give it a year or two after you earned your badge, then continue with much less vigor.

Alexis seems rather irritated herself, grumbling about how she's not gonna make a badge for someone who already has one.

There wouldn't be a point, plus it's such a waste of her time and supplies. And because Birdie only buys a box from the first girl scout to reach her- that means no one gets a badge this year.

Safe to say the troop is not gonna be happy about this. Not one bit. And you are eagerly awaiting the next time you all meet up and Alexis gets to break to everyone that the reason no one gets a badge this year is thanks to Susie.

After Alexis has finished patching you up, you huff, resting your chin in your hands as you drop the pea bag.

“Well- that was a bust.” Alexis says with a sympathetic shrug, flashing the Birdie badge, “Guess you’ll get it next year.”

You groan, flopping over to lay on the beanbag. She in turn, grabs her own girl scout sash and uniform, “Well since you failed-” You glare at the reminder to which she puts her hands up in surrender- “Since you…didn't get it. You wanna go with me to try and outsell her?”

You think it over but it really isn’t a hard decision, “Alright. But we’re stoping at pappy’s place, i need to fix my braids.”

“Cant you just do it yourself?”

“Yeah but he can do it with ribbons and considering Susie's got the Cherry with her, we’re gonna need some extra charm.”

Alexis pulls a face, “Since when does Cherry hang out with Susie May of all people?”

You shrug, waiting for your friend to finish getting ready. “Dunno. Though, I'm kinda hoping Cherry finds out what happened and punches her.” Out of your little trio of friends, Cherry could hit the hardest. She was smaller and shorter than both you and Alexis, and looked like a little angel, (hence why you and Alexis used her to make a bunch of sells), but you both knew she was a proper troublemaker.

Course- none of the adults did, which made things very useful for both her, you, and Alexis whenever you three decided to get into trouble.

Alexis grumbles, a bit upset by the news, understandable, she didn't have many friends other than you and Cherry so she probably wasn't taking the news that Cherry was hanging out with someone else very well. You decided to make it your mission to cheer both yourself and her up.

“It's alright, I reckon we can handle it without her.”

———————————————

“You sure we’ll even find anyone out here?” Alexis asks, skeptical. Fair,

considering the two of you have been riding your bikes for a while now.

You nod, reaffirming for what feels like the hundredth time, “Mhm! Look I'm telling ya- I saw some newcomers at Pappys shop a few days ago! And they certainly ain't in town, which means they gotta be out here somewhere.”

She frowns, “This doesn't feel worth it though.”

You shrug, “Well we already got everyone in town that we could for now, and they aren't gonna want any more cookies till at least a week so…”

She makes a face, knowing you’re right. “Fineeee. But once we find a house and sell we’re leaving. If we don't then we might not be back before dark.”

She glances up at the sky and you scoff, “You’re such a worry wart. We’ll be fineeee.”

She raises her eyebrow, “That's what you said last time and we ended up having to race home.”

You pull your lips into a thin line, and before she can say anything else, you see a ranch in view. “Oh look! A place let's go-!” You say quickly, racing ahead and leaving her to quickly pedal after you.

You stop on the road and hop off your bike, tugging your basket of girl scout cookies off the backseat. Alexis does the same, unclipping her helmet and letting it hang on her bike handle. “Huh, those horses are big as hell.” She comments, making you turn your head to see the draft horses.

You are overtaken with the urge to ride one of them, if only to be able to see how high up you would be.

Alexis cuts you off before you can even consider, “Don't even think about it. Your momma would be pissed if you tried.”

You huff, of course you weren't gonna try. That would just be a plain stupid idea, you have no idea what temperament those horses have. Still would be cool if you could though. “Whatever, let's go!” You run off towards the house, leaving your friend to scramble after you.

In the process you accidentally trip over something, but as per usual you simply get up and keep going. When Alexis does finally catch up to you, shes huffing and holding up something small and light in her free hand. The other is gripping onto her cookie basket. She calls your name and then suddenly stops, looking past you at…

Huh. That guy’s nearly as big as his horses. Once more you are overcome with a similar urge to ride on his shoulders. He kinda looks familiar actually…

Alexis comes up to your side, fussing over you and you quickly realize why. There's blood in your mouth, and that's when you realize the thing she's holding just so happens to be one of your front two teeth.

The big man seems even more concerned by the sight of blood, he slings the shotgun he was holding over his back and awkwardly bends down to you speaking in what you assume is german. “Geht es dir gut, Kleiner?” He talks weirdly soft for such a big fella.

At the absolute blank look you give him he blinks, and then translates, “Are you alright?”

“Oh uhhhhh” You ponder the question, are you? Yeah, mostly anyway. You can't feel any pain, but the taste of blood isn't exactly something you enjoy and its quickly overtaking your mouth. You spit to the side, smile, then give him a thumbs up with your free hand. However, when you’re missing a tooth and your teeth are stained with blood- it doesn't serve to reassure him.

Alexis takes hold of your shoulders and pries your mouth open, (in the process temporarily setting down her cookies), looking at the gap in your teeth intently to make sure you’re alright.

She frowns and turns to the big fellow- (who oddly enough seems more nervous of her than she is of him, he stiffens) -with a scowl. She isn't meaning too, you know, she just happens to have a resting bitch face, but the man doesn't know that. “Can we borrow your sink?”

The man seems to clearly have questions, namely why the hell you’re here, until he notices your sashes. “Pfadfinderinnen...?” He mumbles to himself, then upon being blankly stared at by the unwavering gaze of Alexis he nods, guiding the two of you to the house.

Not by leading you there, but rather by standing behind you and ushering the two of you forward like you were little mice. Mice that bite apparently, because despite ushering you forward he keeps a wide berth, as if scared to get too close and frighten you.

(Which you thought was strange considering out of you and Alexis, he was the more nervous one.)

Normally you wouldn't care too much about your missing tooth. Cause well- now you could get some extra pocket money from the tooth fairy! But right now, you do wanna go inside and rinse out your mouth. As much as you could suck up the taste of your own blood- you would rather not pedal all the way home with it. Also you wanna get a good look at where your tooth is missing. Plus maybe you could pull sympathy points and get this guy to buy a bunch a’ cookies, considering you tripped on his property, It was worth a shot.

He seems so weirdly familiar, that you can't help but stare. Oddly enough, this only makes him even more awkward. Does he recognize you? Once the three of you are inside, before Alexis can shove you off to the bathroom mirror and sink, you bluntly say, “Do I know you? You’re weirdly familiar…”

You frown, trying to figure out where you've seen him before. He stiffens but before he can respond, Alexis is pulling you into his restroom. Predictably, the counters are built for him and therefore tall as fuck, so she has to help you climb up there so you can comfortably rinse your mouth out without struggle. Now sitting on the countertop, blood washed down the drain, you inspect your mouth.

“Hahah! Alexis look- look-!” You say excitedly, pointing to the gap to which she just sighs. You turn on her, leaning forward excitedly, “Wait-! Wait wait wait- did you get my tooth?”

She looks at you blankly, saying your name.

“...Yeah?”

“Of course I picked up the tooth, why wouldn't i?” She fishes it out of her pocket, accidentally pulling out various random strings and threads it was tangled in. In the process, pulling out a few pebbles and other assorted nicknacks. They clatter to the ground but she pays them no mind.

You hold both your hands out for her to place the tooth in your open palms. It's covered in blood, dirt, and pocket lint.

“Its beautiful.” You say with a large grin to which she nods seriously, “How much you think I'll get for it???” There's excitement in your tone.

She ponders for a moment, “Well- for my first one I got 15 dollars. My first front one was worth a pretty penny too… I heard that Maxie got 20 for his first tooth.” She shrugs, you both grin, matching smiles that say, ‘Oh we are so going to the candy shop later.’

You hop off the counter and then the two of you are speaking to each other in hushed but excited tones, leaning into each other and swinging your baskets. When you walk back into the living room, you find the man awkwardly standing there. It's then you nudge Alexis.

(Mostly because she doesn't get to make sales often, she never was very good at talking to people. Some could say her personality was an acquired taste, she was blunt and awkward, however, luckily for her, the man in front of you both seemed even more awkward.)

(Typically cherry made all the sales, and if not her, than you. So- you wanted to give Alexis a chance to shine.)

“Oh yeah.” She blinks and then turns to the man.

“Uh- Hey mister.” She looks him directly in his eyes, he seems uncomfortable at the direct attention. “You want cookies?”

He blinks.

She blinks.

“...Cookies?”

“Yup.”

…The man is silent after that. So is Alexis. They both just stare at each other awkwardly. Well, you were proud of her for trying and that's all that mattered-! “Sure.” Wait what? That worked?

Alexis blinks, seemingly just as surprised as you. She shuffles with her cookie basket, “Okay.” She says, and then more silence ensues. You nudge her gently and she kickstarts again, “Uh- what flavor do you want?”

“What is good?” He inquires, tilting his head slightly to which Alexis looks at you at the same time you look at her. The two of you share a glance with meaning behind it. And then you’re pulling out boxes and doing what you did best: talking.

With your sales pitch, combined with the genuine occasional comments of Alexis, you end up talking for a whole 20 minutes. By the time you are finished, the man now has an armful of different cookie boxes. Everytime he would so much as make any sort of positive comment, or hum or “I see…” Alexis would silently bring him that flavor and hold it up to him. Too awkward to refuse, he simply took each box.

“Uh- kleines Mädchen- you gave me two of this one…” He says almost timidly at Alexis while you ramble about Trefoils. She stares up at him, unblinking.

“That ones my favorite.” She says simply, as if that explains everything. Konig can't find himself to protest against her absolute deadpan as she settles the box of Adventurfuls in his arms with the rest.

At some point he sat down in his armchair, making it much easier for Alexis to slowly yet surely add to the growing pile of cookies he holds.

“-It's a classic, these are based off of the original girl scout cookie recipe! You just gotta try em Mister- i mean the texture is just to die for-” You let Alexis take the Trefoils from your hands and replace it with a box of thin mints. She slowly and calmly goes to add the Trefoils to the pile.

“Oh! Now this one- lemme tell ya Mister- this is like the girl scout cookie, everyone loves a good thin mint!”

You don't even have to say more about that one before Alexis takes it and puts in his arms, patting the top of the box gently. Then she walks back over to you and holds her basket in both her hands, silent. She's pulling out a sheet of paper from her basket, and a pencil from her pocket, scribbling away as you finish your spiel.

“-And that concludes all the flavors!” He blinks, looking relieved to finally be free, alas you continue, “-Lets see for all that, that’a be…”

You turn towards Alexis who was calculating on her paper and cuts in with a casual, “372 dollars and 46 cents.”

To your delight, he simply shuffles, careful not to let any of the boxes fall as he dejectedly gets his wallet. He pulls out four 100 dollar bills and softly tells you to keep the change, you and Alexis’s eyes are wide as you stare at the money now in your hands. The two of you share a glance and then with your sweetest (now gap toothed) smile, you thank him.

Then with hardly any more words you and Alexis book it out of there, waving goodbye and leaving him stunned. Alexis is just staring at the money with wide, amazed eyes and you are excitedly chatting her ear off.

“Look at that! I can't believe you managed to get such a good sale- oh my god Cherry is gonna flip! You probably got us halfway to our quota already-!”

“I… I did that?” She says in slight amazement, technically you both did, but you'll let your friend have the win on this one.

“Yeah!”

“Yeah…” She says, a small smile growing on her face as you playfully shove her.

“See- i told you this would be worth it.”

She blinks and then looks very concerned all of a sudden. She says your name with a growing horror. You tilt your head, urging her to continue. She gestures to the sun which is starting to fade. Shit. And then the two of you end up frantically pedaling back to town, panickedly laughing all the way. It isn't until you are home and in bed that you remember why the large fellow was so familiar.

He's the guy you threatened to ban from your Pappy's shop a month ago!

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