#if anyone deserves someone’s kindness it’s you
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EVEN IF IT TAKES FOREVER
A/N: aaaah im so excited for yall to read this!!! im kinda ashamed to admit this whole idea came from something i heard in an ep of milf manor but lets just move past that lol
WORD COUNT: 9k
WARNING: sexual content, toxic and verbally abusive relationship, cheating (not from Harry or Y/N)
SUMMARY: Harry Styles is used to get any woman he wants, everyone knows that. But when his interest shifts towards you, everything changes and he is ready to wait for you for as long as it takes, even when he finds out you're engaged to your asshole boyfriend. Not even that ring on your finger stops him from pining after you.
MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!
You don’t have to look up from the drink you’re making to know who just walked into the bar. It’s like the atmosphere of the whole place shifts instantly whenever Harry Styles appears, a sixth sense always triggers a siren in your head before your eyes could spot him crossing the space between the entrance and the bar.
You’d be lying if you said you felt no excitement every time he shows up, the way your heart starts hammering in your chest is a great tell that he is anything but neutral to you, but you’ve been trying your absolute best to keep yourself under control. For one, he is known to be a flirt. Every woman in town knows that Harry loves three things, attention, pretty women and the combination of the previous two. You’ve seen him around with different partners every time, but never with the same twice. You heard the stories, the gossips and the whispers, how he shakes every woman’s world and then leaves, never giving the chance for anyone to even try to tie him down. This is not what you want or deserve.
And for two… You’re taken. Engaged, to be precise.
When you spot Harry you instantly hide your hand behind your back, hoping the diamond ring won’t catch his eyes, because you know he would flip.
Apparently, his latest fixation has been none other than you. He came into the bar about two months ago for the first time. He sat by the bar and clearly tried to flirt with you all evening, ignoring all the women who were brave enough to go up to him. He remained focused on you and as the evening carried on he became more and more blunt about his intentions with you.
“So, are you coming home with me?” he asked when you walked out at the end of your shift. He was waiting by the back, leaning against his motorcycle. You were never blind, you saw how attractive he was then and you still see it now, but you just shook your head no.
“I’m taken.”
“You got a boyfriend?” He arched an eyebrow and you nodded. You expected him to give up, but instead, a devilish smirk took over his expression. “It’ll be even sweeter when I win you over, Angel.”
You were taken aback by his confidence and you were surprised when he showed up the next day, but got used to his presence quite fast.
It became a sort of usual, have him walk in not long after your shift starts, he sits by the bar so he can talk to you, he drinks one or two beers and then asks if he could take you home once you’re done. You decline and then it starts all over again.
An unexpected feature of his never dying attempts is that you’ve actually got to know each other during those long hours when he sat by the bar and entertained you while you worked and when he drops the cheeky act he is actually someone not just bearable but rather pleasant. You’d never admit it to him, but you kind of think of him as a friend, you’ve shared some things with him about yourself not many know.
Like how you found out your boyfriend cheated on you.
“You look stunning, as always, Angel,” he greets you as he takes his usual spot and you’re already pouring his drink.
“And you’re being flirty, as always,” you give him a knowing look, but he just smirks. You give him his beer and then move over to another man by the bar.
When you return you notice the change in him and you know he saw the ring. As if you could still hide it from him, you cover it with your other hand, even though you did nothing wrong.
“What’s that?” he asks, though it’s obvious he knows it’s an engagement ring.
“Harry…”
“He proposed to you?” he asks, eyes snapping up to meet your gaze.
“Yes, he did.”
“And you said yes?” He is clearly growing angrier by the second and you worry, because he tends to lose his temper easily. You don’t think he would ever hurt you, but he might take his anger out on something or someone else.
“Yes, that’s why I’m wearing the ring,” you say and try to keep yourself busy, moving the clean glasses in front of you around.
“Y/N what the fuck?! You can’t be fucking serious.”
“I am and it’s none of your business,” you snap at him.
“The guy cheated on you!”
“Would you stop airing my private life for everyone?” you hiss at him, looking around to see if anyone has heard him.
“Then explain to me how you are so stupid that you want to marry a man who doesn’t love you?!”
You’ve had enough. Checking if there is anyone waiting to be served you find no one so you walk out from behind the bar and grab Harry’s wrist, pulling him out through the back door to the empty parking lot behind the building.
“Who do you think you are? You have no right to talk about me or my relationship like that!”
“Y/N, you are making a huge fucking mistake!”
“A mistake would be trusting someone about dating who has never stayed with a woman for longer than a couple of hours! What the fuck do you know about love or marriage when you can’t even stay until the morning when you fuck someone?”
It might be petty, bringing up his reputation against him just to invalidate his words, but he brought the worst out of you.
“Because I don’t fucking lie to women about what I want! Your man lied right into your face and then only admitted to cheating when he was busted. You think he wouldn’t do it again? You think he is not doing it now? Cheaters don’t change, Y/N. He doesn’t fucking deserve you.”
“And you do?” you snap at him as your anger takes over your body. Maybe it’s because he brought up what Jeremy did or maybe it’s because he is lecturing you about something he has no right to stick his nose into. “Let me guess, I should ditch Jeremy and run to you? We fuck, have one great night and then leave me like you leave everyone, is that what I should go for? Is that what I deserve?”
He seems to be at a loss of words and that’s new. He probably wasn’t expecting you to call him out so explicitly, but it’s been building up for a while.
“Do me a favor and stop trying to orchestrate my life. I’m more than capable of making my own decisions. Go and chat up another woman, fuck her so you stop trying to stick your dick inside me.”
You walk past him and straight inside, your rage doesn’t die down for a couple of long minutes. You take a few orders and then slowly get back to the workflow and manage to forget about Harry for a bit. When you glance towards his spot you see that his beer is still there, but he never returned. For a second you get uncertain, have you gone too far?
No. He deserved it and everything you said was valid. It’s not your fault he can’t take the truth.
Two days pass by and you see no trace of Harry. You find yourself looking at his usual seat from time to time and you mistake a few tall brunette guys with him, but he never actually shows up. You tell yourself you should be happy he is out of your hair, but somewhere deep inside you there’s still some disappointment that you try to push down every time it threatens to bubble up.
Sunday comes and it doesn’t start off the best. Jeremy is in a mood all morning and he just practically picks a fight over anything you do. It’s whether what you cook, where you put the scissors or how you forget to lock the backdoor, he overreacts everything and by the time you’re leaving for work you’re a mess from all the fighting you’ve had.
Being away from him is actually a bit of a relief, but your peace only lasts until he starts texting you and somehow you end up fighting again, this time about the outfit you wore to work. A simple black skirt with a white t-shirt, you’ve worn this before and he didn’t even notice, but today it seems like the skirt is too short for his taste and the shirt is too see-through.
JEREMY: Enjoy the attention of every fucking men in the bar.
JEREMY: Congrats on being a slut.
You’re angry at him, but you’re also too tired to run around in circles. When he sets his mind on something nothing can change it, so there’s no use trying to convince him you’re not doing it to get other men’s attention.
You put your phone aside and ignore it for a while, but apparently, that wasn’t the right decision. Because the next time you check it you see a bunch of missed calls from Jeremy and another thread of texts.
JEREMY: Answer the fucking phone Y/N.
JEREMY: Are you fucking someone in the toilet?
JEREMY: If I find out you fucked someone you’re dead I swear.
There’s only twenty minutes left until closing and the bar is almost entirely empty, so you step out to the back and call him.
“Are you done fucking?” That’s what he says when he finally picks up.
“Are you done being an asshole? I’m not fucking anyone!”
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! I know you’re sucking dicks for tips, don’t even try to lie to my fucking face!”
He is vivid, shouting on the other end of the line and it’s making your head throb. You’re tired and you don’t want to deal with his unreasonable jealousy right now. All you want to do is go to sleep, but you know if you go home you’ll just continue from here.
“I’m not lying, you’re delusional!”
“Stop with the fucking lies! Don’t fucking come home until you can’t admit the shit you’re doing! I will not have a woman lie into my face!”
“What the hell are you talking about? You can’t tell me not to go home, that’s my place too!”
“I’m sure you can find a place to sleep if you suck another dick.”
And with that the call ends. You’re staring at the screen in disbelief for several moments before the tears start rolling down your face. You lean against the brick wall and slide down as you let the sobs bubble from your throat. You try to call him again, but it doesn’t even ring.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whisper to yourself as you bury your face in your hands.
You always kept telling yourself Jeremy has a temper and that he doesn’t mean it when he says these nasty things, but every time it happens again it gets harder and harder to believe that you could put up with it. You get that it roots in his jealousy, but he shouldn’t act like this with you, you know it’s not normal and yet… you still haven’t been able to do anything against it.
You’re so buried under your pain that you don’t even notice the motorcycle that rolls into the parking lot and stops just a couple of feet away from you. Harry’s voice is what snaps you out of your spiral.
“Y/N? What are you doin–Hey, what happened?”
He rushes over and kneels in front of you, one hand on your back as the other lifts your head by your chin.
“I’m fine,” you breathe out, as if he couldn’t see your tear soaked cheeks and bloodshot eyes.
“No, you’re not. What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Seemingly he is trying to find wounds on you, but you shake your head.
“It’s just… I-I don’t…” You can’t get the words out, it’s like your mind is blocked.
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
He helps you up and you don’t protest when his arms curl around you and he keeps you close to his chest as he walks you inside. He pulls you to the stool he usually takes and makes you sit before walking behind the bar and pouring you a glass of water.
“I need to close,” you croak and try to get off the stool, but he stops you.
“I’ll take care of it.”
You faintly hear him making the last few people in the bar leave and then the lock turns on the door before he returns and sits beside you.
“Now tell me what happened.”
“I don’t want to talk,” you breathe out as you close your eyes. When you open them again, Harry is still there looking at you patiently.
Then he stands and walks back behind the bar, grabbing a bottle of tequila from the shelf along with two shot glasses.
“Alright. Then let’s drink the pain away.” He pours the liquor into the glasses and then pushes one over to you, holding up the other one. For a second you just blink at him, a warning going off somewhere in the back of your head, but you’re quick to turn it off.
Drinking the pain away actually sounds nice right now, since you can’t go home until Jeremy is having his episode.
So you finally take the shot and you catch a tiny smile from Harry before you both chug down the alcohol. And soon more follows, at least on your side.
About thirty minutes and three more shots later you’re definitely drunk. But at least you stopped crying and can actually laugh now, practically on anything Harry says.
“Oh my God, stop!” you cackle, slapping your hand onto the bartop.
“No, I swear! I climbed out the window and fell straight into the jacuzzi!”
“Did her father see you?”
“No, I would be dead by now if he did?” he chuckles.
“I can’t believe you were such a playboy even as a teenager!” you keep laughing.
“What, are you surprised?” he cheekily asks.
“Honestly, not that much,” you snort and reach for the tequila bottle, but Harry pulls it away from you. “Hey!”
“Maybe let’s slow down a bit, yeah?” You pout at him, but he just grabs a normal glass from behind the bar, fills it with water and hands it over to you instead.
“What, you’re not up for a bit of fun?” you grin into the glass, but take a few sips anyway. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“I do want to have fun with you, Y/N. But I’m also concerned at how fast you downed those shots,” he admits smirking.
“Ah, how sweet of you, as if you don’t just want to take me to bed,” you scoff, but you didn’t mean it in a bitter way this time, like before. “Isn’t it tiring?”
“What is?”
“Ah, don’t make me say it!”
“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about, Angel.”
“Angel!” you groan and then let out a sigh. “Aren’t you tired of running after me? I mean, you’re used to getting your way with women. Honestly, I thought you’d stop by now.”
Harry just stares back at you and it gets intimidating, especially when a smirk curls the corners of his mouth up. Your cheeks already feel quite hot, but now they are burning. You always hated how bothered he could get you despite all your effort to reject him in every possible way.
Just when you think he’d ignore what you said forever, he finally speaks up.
“Would you believe me if I said it’s because you’re different?”
“Oh no, don’t give me this bullshit!” you scoff and then just laugh it off. You change position on the stool and try to cover up just how much his words affect you.
Because it might have been the corniest thing you’ve heard from him, but you’re also just a girl who’s a hopeless romantic and this is exactly the stuff that can turn you into a giggly mess in a heartbeat.
“Why is it your first instinct that I’m just bullshitting you, Y/N?” he asks, but he is not at all accusing, more like curious. You purse your lip, but decide not to say anything, just sip on your water. Harry walks out from behind the bar and takes the stool next to yours. “I think you don’t know your real worth, Y/N.”
“And you do?” you roll your eyes at him teasingly.
“I would love to, but as long as you don’t let me get closer to you, I can only work with what I see. I know you probably think I’m just lying to get into your pants, but if there’s one thing you should know about me is that I’m always telling the truth. I’d been lied to before, many times and I know what it does to you, so I would never do the same to you or anyone.”
“Is this your way of buttering me up?” you smirk, but narrow your eyes at him. Your wording makes him laugh.
“Of course.”
“Ah, you are so smooth, I hate that about you! And I hate how handsome you are.”
Oops. That’s definitely the alcohol talking, you’d have never admitted that to him sober. You catch the surprised smirk on his face and you immediately regret opening your mouth.
“So you think I’m handsome, huh?”
“Oh shut up! I can see your head getting big!” You point at him, but he grabs your hand in the air and tugs at you gently, just enough to make you hop off your stool and fall towards him. He catches you by the waist as you end up between his legs, your hands end up on his chest as you try to find your balance.
“I would love to hear you say how handsome you find me, but just know, that you’re playing with my self restraint.”
Even despite the shots, you can feel the switch, your breathing becomes shallow and you make the mistake of letting your eyes move down to his lips for a moment. His fingers dig into your waist and though you know you should move your hands, you love how you can feel his warmth under your palms.
“Do you want to tell me what happened earlier? Why were you crying?”
“Jeremy,” you say in a whisper.
“Did he hurt you?”
“Just… with his words.”
“That’s still not okay, don’t downplay it. What did he say?”
A small voice in you is telling you not to tell him more, but his undivided attention and care towards you feels so good, it’s something you haven’t experienced in a while. Jeremy is different, he is not the soft type and though you’ve been telling yourself it’s fine, you can’t deny how much you’ve been craving this kind of connection with someone.
“He accused me of cheating, that I… I suck people off for money.”
Harry’s hands stiffen on your waist, but he stays silent and gives you the chance to talk. You can feel your throat closing up again and your instinct is to close up, but you want to take this weight off your chest in any way possible, so you don’t hold yourself back.
“It wasn’t the first time he flipped, sometimes he just… loses his mind and takes his frustration out, often on me.”
“Has he ever hit you?” Harry asks in a somewhat cool tone, but you can tell he is holding a lot back.
“No,” you shake your head. “But his words… He called me a slut tonight.”
Harry exhales sharply and you see his jaw jumping. Your reasonable self is pounding down the door of the room you shut it into, but you blatantly ignore it as you push closer to him. It’s your first time being this close to him physically and you want to hate it, you really do, but truth is you feel yourself being pulled towards him and you’re just too tired and weak to fight it.
When one of his hands moves to cup your cheek you’re ready to give in. You part your lips and give him an unmistakable look and you expect him to take advantage of the moment, but he surprises you by turning his head to the side with a heavy sigh.
“Is it not what you want?” you ask quietly, trying your best to ignore just how rejected you’re feeling all of a sudden.
“You know it is,” he replies, turning back to face you. “I want you more than anything.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
He shakes his head and your stomach sinks. You try to pull away, but he keeps you caged against him.
“Hey, look at me.” His hand captures your chin to make you look at him, but you keep your gaze away from him. “Y/N, look at me,” he pleads again and you give in at last.
His thumb slowly runs across your bottom lip, making it tremble from the intimacy of his touch.
“This is all I’ve wanted since I first saw you and it’s taking everything in me not to take it. But I know you and I know that you would regret it. I would never put you in a situation that could hurt you.”
You hate how right he is, how well he knows you.
“So considerate, respecting the… bro code and everything,” you huff, hoping to break this weird mood that’s lingering around the two of you now. Harry’s head falls back as he laughs. Then he grabs your hand that has your engagement ring on and with a confident move he takes it off, throwing it over his shoulder and you just watch with your mouth hanging open.
“I give zero fucks about the bro code, especially if it’s about that asshole you call your fiancé.”
“Did you just–”
“What I do care about is,” he continues, “you. And how you feel.”
Your mind is racing but also blank at the same time. You just stare back at him, eyes drooping as the alcohol is starting to wear you out.
“So what, you’re just gonna wait around, hoping I will wake up one day and leave Jeremy for you?” you ask jokingly, but his answer comes in a serious manner.
“Exactly.”
There are a couple of seconds when the two of you are just staring back at each other and you swear you can see the universe in his green eyes, the past, the present and a future together and as much as it scares you, it also starts a fire somewhere deep in your chest.
“Can you–um, can you give me a ride to my sister’s place?” Clearing your throat you pull away and this time he lets you.
“Sure.”
You sit on his motorcycle behind him, arms wrapped around his torso tight as you watch the night lights pass by, blinking lazily, his scent filling your nose every time you press your cheek against his back. When he stops in front of your sister’s apartment’s building you almost ask him to just drive for a bit more, but you force yourself to let go of him and climb off the motorcycle.
“Thanks for… everything, I guess,” you awkwardly say while he is still sitting on the bike.
“Take an Advil before you go to bed.”
“Okay, stop babying me,” you laugh and he finally breaks into a smirk. “I guess I’ll see you around?”
It’s a simple question, but the obvious hidden question is right there, out in the open. It’s your way of asking if he’ll be returning to the bar despite the fight you had a few days ago.
“Of course. Keep my seat open.”
Nodding you’re about to turn around and walk inside, but he calls after you.
“Y/N?” You look over your shoulder, waiting for him to continue. He opens his mouth, then closes before actually speaking up. “You don’t have to believe that my interest in you is genuine. I will gladly prove it to you any way possible, but… Maybe you should look at Jeremy with the same criticism as well.”
You have no idea what to say so you just nod and then keep walking until you’re inside the building, but you stay leaning against the door until you hear his motorcycle roar up and fade into the night.
You’d love to say that after the night with Harry at the bar everything changed, but that’s not true. The next day you went back home, Jeremy calmed down by then, you had a fight nonetheless, which ended up with some makeup sex, but your head was somewhere else.
Or with somebody else.
Then it all went back to the same usual. Harry was there at the bar the next time you were working and luckily he didn’t bring up anything that happened that night. Not what you said about Jeremy, not that you practically admitted being attracted to him and not that you gave him the green light which he rejected. It’s all locked up in a box and put aside.
However you can feel a slight change in yourself. Harry’s words did stick with you and have been on repeat ever since.
Maybe you should look at Jeremy with the same criticism as well.
You and Jeremy have been together for over three years and moved in together a year ago. You can’t really remember a time you haven’t been with him. You do know that he is not perfect and the shit he pulls sometimes…
You’ve thought of leaving him before. It did occur to you that maybe you’d be better off without him when he flipped in the past and turned crazy out of the blue. But every time it happened, he went back to his sweet old self, the one you fell in love with.
But are you still in love with him?
One day, about a week later Harry waltzes into the bar, but he is not looking his usual, confident self.
“Okay, hear me out before you say no,” he starts as he takes his spot while you’re drying off some glasses. “I know you might find it hard to believe, but I have friends.”
“We are off to a great start,” you chuckle.
“My best mate, Mitch, he lives two hours away so we don’t meet that often, but he is in town this weekend.”
“Good for him,” you smile, curious about what will come out of it.
“And we were talking about what we should do and all that and I made a mistake. He suggested this club we could check out and said we should meet there at nine but I asked him to make it ten thirty, because on thursdays you finish work at ten.”
Your hand stops mid-motion and you put the glass down, giving him a curious look as you tilt your head to the side.
“Obviously he wanted to know who you were and I swear I told him we have nothing going on, but he is just so stubborn, he didn’t let it go until I promised I would ask if you wanted to come with us. So here I am, I asked, you can just ignore it and tell me to fuck off. I know you probably wouldn’t want to spend the night in a random club with me and my friend and his wife, so if you just–”
“I’ll go with you.”
Your reply surprises him the most of course, but yourself as well, though you don’t let it show. You spoke before you could think it through and not that it was said out loud and you can’t take it back… You don’t really mind it at all, to be honest.
“Are you trying to mess with me right now?” he asks, leaning closer, examining you with a narrow-eyed look.
“No. I haven’t gone out in forever actually, so I would love to.”
He stares back at you for a long moment, looking for any sign that might tell him you’re just joking, but when he sees none, he decides it’s better to just accept it.
“Okay. Okay, then… I’ll, umm… I’ll pick you up after work?”
“Sure.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” you say after him, feeling entertained that you could surprise the always so confident Harry Styles. “So tell me about this friend of yours. Is he hotter than you?”
His expression changes in an instant, the cockiness returns and there is the man you know and…
“He wishes,” Harry laughs. “I met him through work.”
The apartment is silent when you arrive home that night. Jeremy is working the night shift so you have the place for yourself until he comes home at around four in the morning. The bed is unmade in the bedroom, the plates he used during the day are in the sink and the hamper is full of his clothes. It’s all waiting for you to get everything done even though you work just as much as he does. It wasn’t always like this, you remember the honeymoon phase when he would cook for you and then clean up after, when he would bring you flowers for no particular reason.
When he would actually act like someone who loves you.
With a heavy sigh you get to work even though you just finished. When the dishes are done and the washing machine is loaded you finally sink into the couch and just sit in silence for a bit. Right until a buzzing sound interrupts your peace. Only then you notice that Jeremy left his phone on the coffee table.
Grabbing it you check the screen and see that one of his buddies is calling. The name flashes and you wait for it to stop. When he does, you just keep holding the phone, staring at your own reflection in the black screen.
Jeremy never lets his phone out of his hands, he takes it with him into the bathroom and he is always on it. Tapping on the screen the device comes to life and asks for a password. He never felt comfortable using face ID or his finger print, so he only uses a password to lock it. What he doesn’t know is that you’ve seen him type it out so many times that you actually figured out what it is.
No, it’s not your name or the date you met. It’s his favorite line of his favorite movie.
I am Ironman.
Before you could think twice, you type it in, no space, capital I in Ironman and then the phone unlocks. A rush of excitement washes over you as you open the messages in an instant and start scrolling through them.
Texts from his dad, from his boss, from his friends and texts from…
Andrea.
And Penelope.
And Bella.
And Riley.
Unmistakable messages, photos and even voice memos. It’s all there and you just keep scrolling and reading and it feels like it never ends. When you get to the end of one thread you find another. It’s not just one woman, but about a dozen. Not even you can turn a blind eye over it this time.
But surprisingly, you don’t feel like you want to scream or cry or punch the wall. Instead, you just put the phone back where it was, walk into the bedroom, grab a bag and start packing some stuff you’ll need for the next few days. When you’re done you walk into the kitchen, grab a paper and leave him a note.
You have two days to move out. Take your shit and move to Andrea or Penelope or Bella or any of your bitches. Goodbye.
Then you take the ring off your finger, place it next to the paper and walk out.
Harry wasn’t sure what he expected to see when he arrived to pick you up after your shift. He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he has ever seen even when you’re wearing a stained shirt after a long day, so it really doesn’t matter to him what you wear.
But when you step out through the back door in your skin tight black dress that’s top sheer enough to tease him with a peek of your black bra underneath.
“Are you gonna just stand there and stare or are we gonna get going?”
He opens his mouth to say something, but then he just shakes his head with a laugh as you finally reach him by his bike.
“Let’s get going.”
You hit it off with Mitch and his wife Sarah instantly. It’s like you’ve always known each other and you can’t tell if it pisses Harry off or he just likes to be the victim every time the three of you make a joke at his expense.
Even though it’s a Thursday night, the club is pretty busy, but not the kind that makes you want to crawl out of your skin, because someone is always touching you wherever you go. Harry however stays close to you no matter what, like a guard dog, watching your every move.
It’s giving you butterflies. Especially because he is doing all this even though he doesn’t know about your little secret you will share with him, but you’re waiting for the perfect moment.
You start off in a booth, having a few drinks, talking and having fun and when the DJ starts playing songs that are just too irresistible you and Sarah drag the men to the dance floor. They try to protest, but it doesn’t last long. As gruff as Mitch can look, it’s obvious he is whipped for his wife and would do anything Sarah asks him.
And Harry… Well, the moment he sees you moving to the beat he practically glues himself to you. Though dancing is not your biggest strength, you can definitely follow the rhythm and move your body in a way that’s appealing to the male gaze.
You can tell Harry is trying to keep his cool, but the more he holds himself back, the more you push his buttons. Touching him while dancing, moving in a way that obviously makes him struggle, pressing up against him and then you pull out the big guns when you start grinding on him, when you have your backside pushed against his front. His hand on your stomach twitches when your ass meets his crotch in a not-at-all innocent way and you hear his groan even over the loud music.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Y/N,” he speaks into your ear, his hot breath sending goosebumps down your spine. You turn your head and your lips almost brush against his as you look at him innocently.
“Not having fun, Harry?”
“You’re teasing me.”
“Do you not like it?” You turn around to face him easier, but press your front against his to keep the physical contact on the same level.
“Y/N, you’re… taking it too far,” he warns you, but it just urges you to keep pushing his boundaries. You’re enjoying this way more than you probably should but you are giving yourself the satisfaction this one time. You’re not afraid of asking for his forgiveness later, because you have a feeling he will gladly give it.
“Am I doing something wrong?”
“No, but I might if you don’t stop.”
“Don’t stop what?”
“Acting like… you’re trying to seduce me.”
“I can’t do that? Why?” It finally brings him to the point where you wanted him to be.
“Because you’re engaged and I’m–” he snaps, but you don’t let him finish.
“Except I’m not.”
You both have stopped moving in the middle of the dancing crowd and Harry is staring at you as if he just saw a ghost. Slowly, you raise up your hand and show him your naked fingers. Reaching up he grabs your hand as if he had to physically touch your ring finger to make sure the ring is not there anymore.
“I ended things with Jeremy and he moved out. I’m single.”
His gaze keeps flicking back and forth between your eyes as he just keeps staring at you, it seems like you broke him and he forgot how to function, but then his expression changes and you read it perfectly.
It’s not enough for him that you and Jeremy broke up. He wants you to give him the green light.
You look down at his lips and think of all the times you fantasized about kissing them and the guilt you felt every time, but now it’s nowhere, pure desire took its place and you’re ready to give in.
You move a hand to the back of his neck and push yourself up, making that first move, but Harry is quick to take over from there. He moves fast as his lips crash down on yours, finally kissing you with the heat of his months long pining and never dying persistence.
You’ve had your fair share of passionate moments in your life before, but nothing compares to the way Harry practically devours you, he’s demanding, dominant and rough, but the more he takes from you the more you’re willing to give until he has everything in you. His hands are holding your face firmly, tilting your head in the perfect angle for him to greedily kiss you until your lips are numb and you’re gasping for air. And when you can’t keep up with his hunger his mouth moves down to your neck, kissing, biting and sucking shamelessly as if you weren’t on a dancefloor at a club. He has one hand move from the back of your neck into your hair, giving it a gentle tug while his other hand makes its way down your body, your ribs, your waist and then it stops on your ass, squeezing it without remorse, earning a moan from you that just riles him up even more.
For a split second you’re convinced he is about to fuck you right then and there in front of all those people. But to your surprise he pulls back, his hand wraps around your wrist and he starts pulling you out of the crowd. At the side he finds Mitch and Sarah dancing and he leans close to his ear. You don’t hear what he says, but judging from the smirk and the way Mitch nods, he didn’t try to sugarcoat anything.
You don’t even get to say goodbye properly, Harry lets go of your wrist, but his arm is quick to curl around your waist as he leads you towards the exit. The cool night air feels refreshing after the heat inside the club, but you don’t get to enjoy the change, Harry is eagerly pulling you towards his motorbike and when you reach it he pushes you against it before kissing you hard again. Your ass is pressed against the seat and for a moment you think it’s about to fall over along with you, but it stays steady while Harry is having his way with you. Then he just simply pulls back and helps you up, making sure you’re holding onto him tightly.
“This will be the longest ten minutes of my life,” he says, making you laugh as he starts the motor and moments later you’re speeding down the streets.
It really is an excruciating ten minutes until you arrive at your place, especially because you keep squeezing your thighs against his, giving him a rather hard time and every time you have to stop at a red light, Harry’s hands are quick to find your naked legs, roaming them shamelessly until he has to hold the handles again and focus on the road.
As soon as he parks in front of the building and you get off the bike, he is back to focusing all his attention on you, so it’s a challenge to even make it up to your apartment. His hands are mapping up every inch of your body and he takes every chance to kiss you on the lips, neck or shoulder, making it almost impossible for you to even open the front door, but at last you manage and he is quick to shut the door and then push you up against it.
But he is not kissing you this time, instead he looks at you with such passion and tenderness at the same time, it makes your whole body shiver.
“Tell me no at any point, okay?”
“Okay,” you whisper as a sudden nervousness washes over you. You are not nearly as experienced as he is and sex with Jeremy had been more about his quick relief rather than something you both could enjoy the same amount.
“Hey, we don’t have to do anything tonight. Holding you is more than I even hoped for tonight,” he admits with a chuckle and he gives you a short, soft kiss.
“I want to. I just… I’m afraid I won’t be… good enough.”
You’re nervously fidgeting with the neck of his shirt while his hands are plastered to the door behind you either side of you, keeping you caged in with his body.
“Angel, you had me running after you for two months and the past weeks felt like the longest foreplay of my life,” he chuckles. “I should be the one being nervous about coming in ten seconds.”
You can’t help but crack a smile at his words and he did ease your nerves a bit, but you’re still worried. With one hand he caresses the side of your face so softly, you almost question if he is the same man who was groping your ass not long ago in a packed club.
“I doubt you could ever not be good enough for anyone but especially for me.”
Your inside melts and there are no words that could describe the way he is making you feel. But instead of talking, you push yourself against him and kiss him, urging yourself to overcome your insecurities so he doesn’t regret choosing you.
You manage to hype yourself up so well that when you reach your bedroom you pull away and make him stop at the edge of the bed as you stand just a few feet away from him. His eyes roam up and down your body with such hunger you have never seen from a man before and it gives you that last boost to step your game up.
With slow, teasing movements you start to pull your dress up, revealing more and more from your legs, than your underwear and when the fabric is bunched up around your waist you cross your arms, grab the hem and pull it up and over your head before dropping to the floor, all while Harry is eating you up with his eyes, sitting there with the smuggest smirk on his face as he watches you like he is in a movie theater.
“Fucking perfect. Come here,” he holds a hand out that you take and he pulls you between his legs, placing your hands to his shoulders as his palms slide to the back of your thighs. He places a few open mouthed kisses to the swell of your breasts before his hands squeeze your thighs, urging you to move your legs and make you straddle him. As you climb to his lap he captures your lips in a toe curling kiss and he catches you by surprise when he flips the two of you over and throws you into the mattress.
He straightens up but just enough to get rid of his shirt, revealing even more tattoos you haven’t seen and a toned chest with abs you’re already burning to touch, kiss or lick. Or all of these above. He comes back down on top of you, his lips return to yours while his hand easily slides underneath you, unclasping your bra and seconds later he is throwing it across the room before his mouth starts moving down your neck, collarbones and then to your chest. You rake your fingers through his hair as his tongue swirls around your nipple and you gasp when he gently bites and tugs on it, flashing you a cheeky smirk when he looks up at you before he keeps moving down on your body. When he reaches your underwear he takes the elastic between his teeth and tugs on it then lets it go so it snaps back against your skin, making you gasp and give him a protesting look, but it just makes him chuckle.
“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t wear it for me,” he mumbles against the lacy fabric, skimming it with his lips.
“I did, but not to have you play with it,” you breathe out, however you quite like how playful he can get even in such a heated moment. This is a side of him you’ve gotten to get just a glimpse of but you’re getting the full ride now.
“Alright. Next time then,” he shrugs and hooking his fingers into the elastic he tugs it down as you lift your hips up and soon it joins the rest of your clothes on the floor, leaving you fully naked in front of him. But before you could worry about your looks, his mouth is already on your throbbing clit, making you forget about your whole existence.
He turns you into a whiny mess with his lips and tongue in just seconds and when he adds his fingers into the equation all you can do is repeat his name like a prayer to all powers above. You’ve never experienced anything like this, not that anyone you’d been with did it the way Harry is. Before you could even process what’s happening you’re coming on his face and he is licking up every drop of it in every possible sense.
Your body already feels like jelly when he moves back up and he kisses you with your own taste still on his tongue, but he is not even nearly done with you.
He kneels up and unbuttons his pants and then pushes them down along with his boxer briefs so now you’re looking at just how good enough he is finding you. You can’t take your eyes off his erection, it’s big, rock hard and the tip is glistening from the precum. It’s like the sight has turned on something inside you, because before you could have a second thought you’re moving until you’re on your knees as well, hands wrapping on his cock. Harry moans at your touch and a triumphant smile stretches across your lips as you lean down and don’t stop until your lips are wrapped around the head.
He sits back onto his heels, eyes glued to you as you struggle to push further and further down his length every time your head bobs down. You’re far from taking his whole cock, but every time you go down again and again he keeps praising you.
“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.”
“Look at that mouth, taking my cock so well.”
“That’s it Angel, you make me feel so fucking good.”
You don’t stop until your jaw is sore and when you finally come up he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you hard, pushing you back onto the mattress as he lands on top of you again.
Half blindly, you reach towards the nightstand and into the drawer, grabbing a condom and handing it over to him. You’d love to be the one to roll it onto his cock, but your hands are starting to shake from how much you want to feel him inside you already.
Once the condom is on he lowers his hips between your legs and you feel his length wedge between your drenched folds. He moves his hips back and forth a few times, coating his length in your arousal before reaching down between your bodies and grabbing himself by the base.
“As much as I want to take you in every possible pose, I meant that I might not last long,” he chuckles as the head is already teasing your center. “But I won’t stop until you come again. And I’ll have all my fantasies played out next time.”
Next time. These two words make your heart jump, knowing that he is planning to have a next time and you’re still thinking about that when he finally thrusts forward and into you, filling you up inch by inch until his whole length is buried inside you.
He stills for a few seconds, maybe to let you get used to his size or maybe to regulate himself enough to last longer, you don’t know for sure. But then his lips capture yours again and he starts moving. His hips are rocking back and forth in a steady rhythm and when you hook your legs around his waist he picks his pace up and his thrusts become a bit rougher than before, but it’s just what you needed.
Your second orgasm is already building up in the pit of your stomach and you claw at his back as he buries his face into the crook of your neck, his moans getting muffled by your heated skin. You feel his muscles flex on his back and you can tell he is close, but he is fighting to hold back for you.
He lifts his head and rests his forehead against yours, keeping his rhythm steady and you see the struggle in his eyes.
“I’m close,” you breathe out and he nods with an almost torturous look. “Let it go, Harry, I want to feel you come.”
“Not until you—”
“That’s what I need,” you urge him and he moans before he thrusts forward harder than before, he stays still for a moment, gasping for air as he pulls back and slams into you again, riding out his own orgasm that quickly triggers yours.
Seeing him fall apart because of you is all you needed.
He keeps moving for a while, but his thrusts become sloppier until they come to a halt. His whole weight is pushing against your body as your hands are lazily dancing up and down his sweaty back. You feel his heart hammering against your chest and listen to how his breathing slowly steadies before he rolls off of you. Moving with him you curl up against him, your head resting on his chest.
Then, out of the blue he lets out a soft chuckle. Curiously you lift your head to look at him questioningly.
“I think I need an award for lasting that long,” he comments and you laugh with him until his hand cradles your face and he pulls you up for a soft, lazy kiss.
A siren wakes you up that passes by the bedroom window. You grimace with your eyes still closed as you roll from one side to the other, your hand reaching out, searching for Harry’s body, like you did during the night, but this time all you find is the empty mattress beside you.
It instantly sets off a siren in your head as well.
Sitting up you look at the rumpled sheets on the right side of the bed, but Harry is still not there. Your stomach drops as you crawl out of bed and grab a shirt and a pair of panties to put on quickly before walking out of the bedroom, hoping you might find him in the kitchen making breakfast, but when all you find is your own mess from the day before, panic takes over.
There won’t be next time. That was just an empty promise, he left you just like he left everyone else. How could you even think that you were different?
Tears are dwelling in your eyes as you wrap your arms around you, but then you hear the front door open and you turn around to find Harry walking in, balancing two coffees in one hand and a paper bag in the other.
“Hey, you’re up! I went to get us breakfast, because I didn’t find much in your fridge and—Y/N, are you crying?”
“No,” you shake your head, but then a sob bubbles from your throat. Harry places the cups and the bag to the side table and rushes over to you in panic.
“What happened? Talk to me,” he pleads, but you just shake your head, embarrassed that you instantly assumed the worst of him.
It takes only a couple of seconds for Harry to put the puzzle pieces together as well.
“You thought I left,” he says.
“I got scared for a moment when I didn’t find you.”
He doesn’t try to play it off or play the victim. He pulls you into a tight hug and gently sways until you calm down. When he pulls back and looks you in the eyes all you see in his gaze is determination.
“Remember what I told you the night when I dropped you off at your sister’s place?”
“That I should look at Jeremy with criticism.”
“Before that.” You remain silent because you can’t recall what else was said that night. “I said that I will gladly prove to you that my interest in you is genuine.”
Oh, yeah. You remember that.
“The proving starts now. I will do anything to earn your trust.”
“Even if it takes a long time?” you ask, biting into your bottom lip. He smiles warmly at you.
“Even if it takes forever.”
Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!
#harry#styles#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles oneshot#harry styles one shot#harry styles fluff#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x reader#harry styles blurb#harry styles smut
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| June 8th | Prompt: Illuminate | Word count: 749 | @rosekillermicrofic |
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Barty had had a bad day.
Evan knew he would from the moment the letter arrived at breakfast, marked with his father’s seal. Evan didn’t know what Barty Crouch Sr wanted, but he knew that his words were never kind. So he had made his prediction, and it had turned out to be right. Barty had spent the first half of the day sulking, quieter than normal. And as usual, the second half was the complete opposite. Barty had acted out, heightening his personality in an attempt to distract himself from whatever his father had said.
But Barty had clearly found his own performance lacking, which was why, Evan assumed, they were now at a party, the green lighting casting everything in an ominous glow. Barty danced next to him, tipsy already, trying his best to forget his troubles. And if this was what he needed in order to do it, then Evan was more than happy to help—so long as Barty didn’t get too drunk, of course. But Evan had been watching him carefully all night. By his calculations, he should still be fine.
“Evannn,” Barty crooned, throwing an arm around his shoulders, “You’re too tense! Loosen up a little.”
Then he laughed, and despite his crazy antics, Evan couldn’t help but think he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
As Evan smiled at him, trying not to let his emotions show themselves completely on his face, Barty’s laughter trailed off and he lazily looked back at Evan. His smile dropped.
“Why aren’t you dancing with me, Evs?” he pouted, then pulled Evan in closer. Barty’s breath ghosted over his cheek as he whispered in his ear, “You look good tonight.”
The words, the tone, the proximity—it was too much.
“You’re drunk, Bee,” Evan tried to laugh. It came out more forced than he would’ve liked.
“Just tipsy, actually. And even if I was drunk, my eyes would still work just fine.”
Evan shook his head at Barty’s insistence.
“You just want a distraction,” he said.
And it was true. Barty had been looking for one all night—all day, really, ever since receiving that letter from his father—and Evan could tell. Barty always had a certain look about him when he was hunting for someone to occupy his time, and Evan had, of course, become extremely adept at recognizing it. Which is why he had clocked in on it tonight, Barty’s eyes roaming around the scene, taking in different people and weighing them in his head. The one thing Evan couldn’t figure out, though, is why Barty had landed on him instead of just about anyone else.
“You’re being mean,” whined Barty, moving even closer.
Barty was going to kill him, this Evan was sure of.
“I’m being responsible.”
He felt Barty’s petulance before he saw it in his face, the arm around his shoulder pulling him in more as Barty’s expression became downcast.
“Can’t you just kiss me?” Barty pleaded, the green lighting illuminating the planes of his face, and really, Evan thought, this wasn’t fair. How could he say no when Barty was looking at him like that, eyelashes framing his beautiful eyes, which were burning with the desire for a kiss.
Desire for a kiss, yes, but not for Evan specifically. Not Evan.
Never Evan.
But he might be able to deal with it. He could carry this weight on his back for the rest of his life, if only he got this one chance to kiss Barty.
He could deal with the weight of it, and he would, if it weren’t for the fact that Barty was upset and drunk, and not entirely aware of his own actions. And Evan was supposed to be the one taking care of him, so Barty’s best interests came before his own desires.
Nothing different from usual, of course.
And so, there on the dance floor, surrounded by people who would never value Barty as much as he deserved, Evan turned his best friend away. He turned him away despite knowing Barty would just move on to the next person in order to distract himself. And Evan would watch from afar the entire night as he hopped from person to person, flirting and kissing and laughing with anyone other than Evan, who would stay busy making sure that Barty didn’t end up hurting himself.
It was all so painfully typical that it was almost funny, but somehow, Evan couldn’t find it within himself to laugh.
-
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inspired by the song Solitude by Black Sabbath, written for @steddiesongfics june song fics
Memories I Have Remind Me Of You
wc: 1999 | rated: T | tags: modern au, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, marriage proposal, dealing with heartbreak and regrets, Steve needs a little push from a stranger to make it right, sad but with a happy ending
The girl is nice. She’s pretty. Big eyes, plush lips, a kind smile, dimples.
Fucking dimples.
Her hair’s long and curly, doesn’t remind Steve of anyone in particular.
It doesn’t.
He does not think about someone else when the warm colour of her brown irises makes him remember.
Steve tries to listen when she talks, tries to laugh when she giggles sweetly, tries not to jerk away when she brushes his hand in a flirty manner but it’s hard to focus when his mind isn’t where it should be.
Did she just ask him a question?
“You didn’t even listen, huh?”
Steve shakes his head, looks back up at her, tries for an apologetic smile but to his confusion, she doesn’t even seem mad at him for not paying attention.
No, it’s worse.
She’s got that empathic, knowing look in her eyes. Like she can see right through him.
You’re so easy to read, baby.
He was never good at pretending.
“I’m not boring you, am I.”
It’s not really a question. The girl knows she’s a good catch, knows she isn’t the problem – Steve is.
“No, uh. Sorry, I-“
Who is he even trying to fool? No excuse he’s trying to come up with would be good enough because if he looks how he feels, it must be written all over his face. No way to hide the obvious.
I can see it in your eyes, baby. Your eyes always tell the truth.
Steve should’ve known it was a bad idea the moment he saw her picture, noticed the similarities. She instantly reminded him of-
He shouldn’t have agreed to this date.
Not because he doesn’t like her, no. She’s perfect, really. Or she would be.
They matched on a dating app, texted a bit back an forth. She was fun to talk to, made him laugh. And when she asked him if he wanted to meet, he thought that maybe it would help. That maybe this was his sign to finally get his ass back out there. He’d been holed up at home for too long. Sulking, sad, depressed.
Life just hasn’t been the same ever since.
His favourite meal has lost its taste. His favourite songs all sound off-key. Going to his favourite bar just seems like a waste of time - Steve’s life has lost its light, making everything seem dark and grey and dull.
Nothing is right anymore because everything reminds him of Eddie.
And Steve himself is the one to blame for his misery.
“I-“ Steve hesitates. He doesn’t want to bother her with his mess, didn’t come here to whine about things he can’t change. She didn’t come here to listen to him talk about his goddamn ex for fuck’s sake!
“What’s wrong?” she asks and Steve knows there’s no point in trying to pretend that everything’s fine when nothing ever is. Not anymore.
“I’m sorry for being such bad company,” Steve apologises and means it. She deserves better, could’ve gone on a date with someone worth spending her time with.
Someone actually interested in... something. Anything. Whatever it is she’s looking for.
Steve’s not it, that much is clear.
He’s not ready to move on. Maybe he never will be. Because what he had was all he ever wanted, all he ever needed to be happy. Life was good, perfect, before he ruined it all. Let the love of his life slip away because he was too afraid of the what ifs. So he pushed and he fought and he hurt the one that would’ve given him everything.
Now, Steve is just an empty shell of the man he used to be. Because the day Eddie left, he took Steve’s heart and soul with him, left him empty and broken and sad.
So fucking sad.
“You remind me of my ex.” The words are out before he can swallow them back down.
“Oh,” she answers, expression neutral. “Bad break-up?”
Steve nods. He doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to think about the day his whole life fell apart but-
“It was my fault. He left me because I fucked it up.”
The truth still hurts, even after all those months.
“What did you do?”
Steve and Eddie had met through a mutual friend, Dustin. It wasn’t quite love at first sight but close to it.
They quickly became friends, started hanging out on weekends, then, soon, even during the week. Spending the evenings after work at each other’s places, cooking dinner together, watching movies, talking.
Steve had never felt so drawn to another person, had never felt so comfortable in someone else’s presence. Eddie was... he was funny, kind, loud and wild. He had all these big dreams about what he wanted to do with his life. Dreams that were so very different from the small-town life Steve had always resigned himself to. Eddie wanted to travel the country, sleep under the stars, wake up next to a lake, follow the wind to wherever it would take him.
He wanted to be free.
But he stayed.
Eddie stayed because when they shared their first kiss in a weak moment of alcohol-fuelled recklessness, they ignited a fire that became too big too fast, making it impossible to smother the flames before they turned into burning desire that took a hold of them both. Scorching its way into their hearts where it settled, warm and bright, making light in every dark corner of their being.
It was the second first kiss that sealed their fate – a sober, slow, and tentative kiss in the low light of the morning sun that wiped away any worries and doubts Steve had when he woke up in Eddie’s arms after a night spent giving into their unspoken feelings as they took each other apart, not thinking about the consequences.
Knowing what it was like to wake up next to each other made it impossible to go back to simply being friends, to stay apart, to not fall in love.
Eddie and Steve were meant to be.
Together, everything felt right.
Eddie willingly put his own dreams aside for Steve who knew he could never repay him for the sacrifices he made just to be with him, tried to thank him every day by showing and telling him how much he loved him. And things were good, perfect.
Until-
“I don’t understand,” she says quietly when Steve takes a moment to breathe away the ache in his heart and the tears threatening to spill, “that sounds like a dream come true. What happened?”
Steve smiles sadly, sighs.
“Yeah, felt like a dream, too. But the thing with dreams is that no matter how beautiful they are, inevitably you will wake up.”
And a beautiful dream it was. Life was full of love and laughter and happy moments spent together, until Eddie proposed and Steve said No and the world tumbled down.
Because it was in that moment – with Eddie down on one knee, the simple gold ring Steve knew had belonged to Eddie’s uncle held between his thumb and finger as an offer, a promise to be his forever – that Steve realised he couldn’t do this to him. He couldn’t marry Eddie and keep him trapped in a life he never wanted just because Steve was too scared of giving up the safety of his home for a life on the road with no destination ahead and an unforeseeable future.
Steve said no to set him free but even then Eddie kept fighting for him, fucking apologised for putting ‘so much pressure’ on Steve with his question which- was insane because Eddie had done nothing wrong, ever. He had never been anything but wonderful and considerate and perfect. Steve had been the one not willing to compromise, who inadvertently put Eddie in a cage of his own making.
So he pushed and he fought and he hurt Eddie in order to give him back his freedom, thinking, believing he was doing the right thing. It was only when Eddie packed his bags and left that Steve realised he had made the biggest mistake of his life.
The moment Eddie walked out the door without looking back, Steve knew he had lost everything.
“Where is he now?”
“Hm?”
“Eddie. Where did he go?”
“I, uh...” Steve shouldn’t know the answer to this but he does. Because Dustin told him. Tells him whenever he gets a call or another letter from Eddie, ignoring the fact that it tears Steve apart every time. Or maybe he does it on purpose, punishing Steve for hurting his friend. And Steve lets him, never complains, always holds back his tears until he’s back in his fortress of solitude, where he can drown in his pain and sorrow.
He deserves to suffer for what he did.
“He’s in Michigan.”
“Huh.” She cocks her head, smiles. “It’s been what, 5 months you said? Pretty sure he could’ve gotten a lot further by now.”
“What do you mean?”
“For someone who’s always wanted to travel the whole damn country, he didn’t make it that far.”
“Eddie never made plans on where he wanted to go. Maybe he found a nice place to stay for a while before he lets his heart take him somewhere else.”
“Staying conveniently close for no reason whatsoever. Got it,” she scoffs.
Steve looks at her with pleading eyes, needs her to stop giving him ideas, can’t allow himself to let hope bloom.
“He’s free to go wherever he wants.”
“Maybe what Eddie really wants is for you to tell him to come home.”
Her words hit him hard like a slap across the face, ringing loudly in his ears.
“What if- What if he doesn’t?”
“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”
-------
“You left me.”
It’s not meant as an accusation, sounds like one though. And Steve can see in the way Eddie furrows his brows and tightens his lips, that it wasn’t the right thing to say.
“You told me to.” Eddie’s answer is short but calm, not filled with anger like Steve expected.
“I wanted you to stay!”
He knows it isn’t fair because Steve did tell him to leave. What right does he have to want him back, to ask for forgiveness?
“I didn’t want you to leave but I was scared that you’d wake up one day and realise that being with me isn’t enough. That being in love isn’t worth giving up your dreams. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams for me! I should’ve gone with you. I love you. I-”
Steve is crying, can’t stop shaking. He’s so angry at himself, feels so powerless and stupid. And Eddie just stands there and stares at him confused like he doesn’t know that Steve would do everything for a second chance.
Just when Steve is about to give up, turns to go because if he stays here any longer, he’ll fall to his knees and make an even bigger fool of himself than he already has, two strong arms wrap around him from behind, keeping him from walking away.
“Don’t go,” Eddie whispers into his hair, tightens his grip to emphasise his words. “Stay.”
It’s what Steve should’ve said all those months ago, when he said the opposite instead.
Slowly, Steve turns within the arms holding him until he’s facing Eddie again. Eddie, who is so close now, Steve could bring their lips together by only moving in another inch or two. Could kiss away the tears running down Eddie’s cheeks.
“I can’t live without you, Eddie.”
“Then let me be with you.”
Their third first kiss is an angry one, rough and desperate. Full of regrets they swallow from each other’s lips, drinking them up to make them go away. To make it better. To make it right.
“Marry me, Steve.”
The answer comes easy this time - one word, a promise.
Forever, never apart, wherever it'll take them.
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I feel like this went by really quickly a few days ago, and I thought it deserved to be seen because this is just so utterly lovely. For context, the person Michael is replying to is one of the participants who was chosen for this year's A Writing Chance program (Michael's organization is one of the founders and partners of said program).
When I saw this two days ago, though, it made me genuinely emotional. The fandom that I was in before Good Omens was for a band from the 1960s. I'd been a fan of theirs since I was a kid and found one of my dad's old cassette tapes, and ten years ago or so, I had the opportunity to meet all of the band members and ended up on a first-name basis with three of them, and I become close friends with one member in particular. We were friends online first, on Facebook/Google chat/video chatting on Skype, before meeting in person later on.
In 2011, I was invited to speak at the UN (United Nations) for World Autism Awareness Day, and I posted a status about it on FB. This was just a few months after we'd started talking, and apropos of absolutely nothing, this man left a comment in response to my status update that I will never forget:
"Amy, I am so proud of you! To think I knew you when."
To this day, that comment means more to me than being asked to speak at the UN. I had watched this man and his bandmates on TV as a young autistic teenager (their show aired in reruns on Nick at Nite), and every time I watched, it felt like I suddenly had four friends, which meant the world at a time when I was being bullied relentlessly and didn't have friends in real life. Growing up, I also didn't feel as though anyone was proud of me, even my parents...so to have someone that I had admired and looked up to say that to me years later was beyond anything I could have imagined.
It's for all of these reasons that I was so touched by what Michael tweeted, and I am so happy for this person that they got to have this kind of moment with someone they also admire. And I love that Michael cares so much, not just to offer people these opportunities as a philanthropic endeavor, but to let it be something that means something to him personally, because it's personal to them...
#michael sheen#welsh seduction machine#i became friends with that man through some very strange and almost ridiculous circumstances too#that involved fanfic. of all things.#a writing chance#i'm feeling a lot of feelings#Michael has had his moments on twitter in the past#but this reminded me why i became a fan of his to begin with#thoughts#discourse
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Moonstruck (15) - Final Chapter
Werewolf & Vampire Hybrid!AU, Supernatural!AU | Hybrid!Jungkook x Hybrid!Reader | Werewolf!Taehyung x Hybrid!Reader (ft. BTS)
genre: angst, e2l, supernatural, thriller, slow burn
rating: mature
description: Heavy decisions fall on you when Taehyung throws you one last curveball. Do you say goodbye or do you stay?
word count: 10.2k
warnings: contains SPOILERS!!! Multiple POV changes, compulsion, mention of blood, mention of death, it’s very angsty, the ending is bittersweet – pls understand i poured my heart into this and it’s okay not to like it or comment about it, i tried to cover all plot holes :)
a/n: This is the final chapter of my series Moonstruck. I’ve been writing this story on and off for YEARS, so if you’ve stuck around this long, thank you! I’m aware people will be upset at the ending and that’s okay! My OC isn’t perfect and the point is she chose her own happiness for once. Please be kind, as I plan to write an epilogue in the future that can also be read as a stand-alone (with all the werewolf smut a reader could dream of lol).
Moonstruck Series Masterlist
“Let me go to Jimin. Please.”
Her voice was frail, broken, desperate. You caved into her pleas, seeing as she was in no condition to fight. Whatever happened between her, Jimin, and Jungkook must’ve been brutal. It’s amazing she was still standing, but as she limped towards her lover, her legs gave way from exhaustion.
Still, she persisted and crawled the remaining distance to hold her dying boyfriend in her arms. You walked over to them, finding the moment tender and beautiful despite the circumstances.
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix everything,” she said, smiling through her tears. Jimin could barely utter her name, but she shushed him. “Save your strength.”
She pulled out an artifact from her pocket that you recalled from your studies and gasped.
“Is that…?” you started to say. She didn’t answer you and looked up towards the sky. You followed her gaze to see streaks of shooting stars across the velvet night sky.
“Tonight’s a meteor shower,” Ari said, as if she was anticipating it. “A celestial event will fix everything.”
You tore your gaze away from the sky to see blood dripping from her nose onto the circular artifact. From what you remembered, it was called an Ascendant. Combined with the blood from a Choi witch and the cosmic power of a celestial event, a portal to a prison world was possible.
“No. You’re not serious!” you exclaimed.
“It’s the only way to save him,” she said, running a hand through his hair with a fond expression. “To save us.”
“So what? You’re going to live out the rest of your days with someone who doesn’t even love you?! He’s going to die over and over. That’s not a way to live.”
Prison worlds were just that — a hell with no escape. Death was a pleasure one wasn’t able to experience there. It was a place for banishment, home for the worst of the worst.
Ari looked you dead in the eye. “He’s my first love. I intend to be his last.”
In this moment, you knew this was your best friend talking and not some demented evil version of her. She was dying because Jimin was dying and if she wanted to be tethered to a prison world the rest of her days, who were you to stop her?
Almost as if she could hear your thoughts, she added, “I’ve done too much to be forgiven for. Let me go.”
She deserved it. She deserved to rot there with him. So you weren’t going to deny her wishes, only prolong them. You bent down and swiped the Ascendant from her hand, holding it hostage.
“No.” Your voice was unwavering. She stared at you aghast, like you committed the most terrible sin.
“[Y/N]!”
“You want to abandon all the problems you exacerbated? No. I’m tired of this bullshit. If anyone gets to run away from this mess, it’s me. Now you better give me a solution…” You held the artifact high, threatening to smash it into smithereens. “Or else.”
“Stop, stop!” she begged.
“I’m waiting. The meteor shower will be over soon. Tick. Tock.”
She glanced down at Jimin, reaching her hand up to his neck to grab the amulet. With a forceful tug, she yanked it off him and handed it to you.
“Here! This will solve everything. I promise!”
You took the amulet from her, your eyes watching her every movement in case she tried to pull something. “How?”
“I sense someone trapped within it. Someone who has an energy signature similar to you… I’m not sure, but I think it’s your father.”
Your entire body froze. “How is that possible? How do I release him?”
A faint click sound captured your attention. You lowered your hand and stared at the Ascendant, watching the gears rotate into place, the cosmic energy from the meteor shower beaming straight into it. A relieved smile graced Ari’s features as she closed her eyes.
“No, wait!” You were too late. A bright flash temporarily blinded you and once you opened your eyes again, Ari and Jimin had vanished, leaving behind only a burned Ascendant.
Mora Miserium…
Ari’s words rang loud in your ears, though you had no idea what they meant.
However, the amulet was still in your hand. You dangled it in front of you, paying attention to its alluring glow. It seemed to shine brighter the closer it was to your face, like it was attracted to something. You realized your moonstone was reacting to it, so you placed them near each other, igniting a burst of energy that knocked you backwards. Groaning, you sat up to see a figure manifest before your very eyes—a ghost you never thought you’d see again as your eyes flooded with tears.
“Dad…?”
“My little miracle… come here.”
You stumbled while getting up and rushed into his warm embrace, crying your heart out.
“Where have you been all this time? I missed you so much. I lost my best friend and—and—” You hiccuped from talking so fast. He held you by the shoulders.
“I know, sweetheart. I know. I was in your necklace. Trapped, actually.”
“But how?”
“Nevermind that. I’ll take Jungkook to the infirmary. You go release the professors, Hoseok, and Jiwoo. I’ll explain everything.”
You obeyed your father’s instructions, releasing everyone from their cages in the underground cellar. Everyone was quick to ask you what was going on, the noise unbearable. There were too many questions, apologies, concerns — the chaos finally stopped when your father appeared after dropping Jungkook off.
“[F/N]...” Jin and Yoongi embraced your father tight, afraid it was a dream. Once they released him, Hoseok and his sister gave an awkward introduction but were friendly nevertheless.
“Where the hell have you been?” Yoongi asked, giving him a punch in the arm. Your father, quick with his reflexes, caught his fist.
With a soft smile, he replied, “In [Y/N]’s moonstone,” Jin dropped his jaw so wide that it almost made you laugh. “I know, I know. It’s a lot. But let’s heal the injured first. I took Jungkook to the infirmary and patched him up. [Y/N]?”
“Yes, Dad?”
“Heal Namjoon. I know he’s treated you awfully and you don’t have to forgive him—”
“But he was compelled,” you said, finishing his statement. “So everything that’s happened… isn’t his fault. I’ll heal him.”
You bit your wrist, devoid of the pain it usually brought and lowered yourself to Namjoon’s limp body on the ground. You lifted his head gently, placing your wrist on his mouth and making sure he was ingesting it.
“He’ll be fine after some rest,” you said, standing up.
“Thank you, [Y/N],” Yoongi said, though you didn’t bother sparing him a glance. “I know I should’ve told you about releasing Hoseok but—”
“I don’t want to hear it.” He nodded in understanding and you turned to your father. “Dad, what are we going to do? Jungkook and Taehyung’s lives are linked.”
“What?!” Everyone aside from you and your father was stunned. God, you needed a newsletter or something to keep them all up to date.
“Yeah, yeah,” you said with a dismissive hand gesture. “I’ll explain that later but for right now, I need to unlink them because if one more bad thing happens, I will turn off my humanity again. What can you tell me about Mora Muserium?”
He seemed astonished by the mention of it. “That’s an ancient artifact witches use to remove dark magic and have it contained. I was traveling the world to find it for you, hoping it’d remove the dark magic and help you regain fertility.”
You glared at him and he cleared his throat.
“I know,” he said, scratching the nape of his neck. “Father of the year right here. I should’ve told you the truth.”
“I’m guessing you didn’t find it.”
“No. I had to find an alternative. There was a witch who gave me the moonstone but said its powers only activate if a werewolf sacrifices his soul.”
“Oh my god,” Hoseok said, placing a hand on his heart. “You were willing to stay inside the stone for the rest of your life if it meant [Y/N] could have children?”
He nodded while giving you a fond smile. “Anything for my little girl. She deserves a life with her needs fulfilled.” Your dad suddenly snapped his head in Hoseok’s direction. “But then you killed her.”
Hoseok held his hands up in surrender while Jiwoo stood in front of him, her protective nature taking over. “Hey. He was manipulated into doing so to save me.”
“Still. The moonstone is useless now for fertility,” your father huffed.
“Can we please get back to the Mora Muserium?” you said, wanting to pull your hair out from frustration. “We don’t have much time. Taehyung died with my blood in his system and will need to drink it again to complete his transformation. If not, he’ll die and take Jungkook with him!”
“How did their lives become linked?” Jin questioned.
“The night of the banquet we drank some alcohol that Ari gave us.”
“It must have been dark magic. If we can get the Mora Muserium, we can use it to absorb the dark magic out of Jungkook and sever the connection.”
“Great. But where can we find it? What does it look like?”
“I think I’ve seen it before,” Yoongi chimed in. “It looks like a sand clock of sorts. Like an hourglass.”
“Yes. But the one I was looking for was sold to a private collector,” your father informed.
“I’ve seen it…” The groggy voice came from the floor. Jin rushed to Namjoon’s side, helping him sit up. Aside from the dried blood from his nose, his wounds had lightened and were in the process of healing. “Jimin’s parents. They own an armory full of artifacts. I saw one that looked like an hourglass the day I helped him get the White Oak stake.”
“I’ll go. Tell me the address,” your father stated. “I’m taking Jungkook with me.”
“What? He’s knocked out and needs time to recover.” Your protest fell on deaf ears.
“It’s the least he can do for you. Besides, it gives me time to get to know him. A little heart-to-heart.” He patted your head. “Don’t worry. I’ll wait for him to wake up. You go take care of that bite wound and rest. All of us should rest.”
Jungkook’s Point of View - 12 Hours Later
I woke up in the infirmary sore as hell. Sitting up only exacerbated things, the pain surging through me like fire. My torso was wrapped in bandages and my arm was in a sling. The battle with the bitch witch would’ve gone sideways if Jimin didn't intervene. I barely made it out with my life.
“You’re awake, boy.”
The voice was gruff, unfamiliar. I saw a silhouette from behind the privacy curtain, but I didn’t feel threatened. I could tell he was a werewolf from his scent.
“Who are you?”
He pulled back the curtain, revealing his face to me. He was far older than me, with streaks of gray in his hair. His stern expression intimidated the shit out of me, but after giving me a once over, his eyes softened and his forehead creased with wrinkles of concern.
“I’m [F/N]. [Y/N]’s dad.”
“Oh,” Shit. This was not how I envisioned meeting him. “She has your eyes.”
A soft chuckle came out of him. “I get that a lot.” He pulled up a chair to sit by my side, the smell of cedarwood filling my nose. “Look, I know a lot has happened around here. I’ve been trapped in that damn moonstone for months.”
I looked at him in horror. “You mean the necklace [Y/N] has? That means you’ve seen…”
I trailed off, but he seemed to understand what I was getting at. He waved his hand in a dismissive manner, his face twisted in disgust. “Yes, yes, there’s a lot I did not wish to see but anyway… not the point. Honestly, part of me wants to strangle you for hurting her.”
I knew my time had to come sometime. Better him than someone else. I closed my eyes and braced myself.
“But…” He continued, “You and my daughter have been through hell and back. You protected her. Thank you.”
I opened my eyes, trying not to exhale in relief too loudly. “I always will.”
“Do you love her?”
“I do.” My response was so fast; it sounded automated. I noticed [F/N]’s eyes narrowing at me, like he was searching for doubt.
“Why?”
If I took too long coming up with an answer, that would only make me look ingenuine. I spoke from my heart, keeping my voice steady even though he looked like he could tear me in half at any moment’s notice.
“For the first time in a while, I feel like I can think clearly. The sire bond was like a crutch that made it impossible for me to distinguish my own feelings from [Y/N]’s,” I said, watching for his reaction. He nodded for me to continue. “Now that it’s severed, I feared I would stop loving her. That it was all an illusion. But that’s not the case. I know I love her. So much that it scares me…”
“Even if she’s infertile?”
“I already knew about that. It does not affect how I feel.”
“What about Jimin?”
I’d be damned if I saw that wretched vampire ever again. He manipulated everyone, especially me. Like an idiot. “What about him?”
“You chose to believe his words over my daughter’s. I want to know why.”
He might as well have broken my other arm. I fought the urge to throw up. What did he want me to say? That I was an idiot, that I was manipulated, that I was doubting her because I was a coward? “I don’t know.”
“Answer me.” He was telling, not asking. But I was stubborn.
“I said I don’t know.” I did know, of course. However, I didn’t want to shoot myself in the foot. Anything I said would sound like a pathetic excuse.
“Gonna take it to the grave? You don’t have much time left.”
He laughed at my stunned face, as if mocking me. “What do you mean?”
“Your life is linked to that other wolf’s. [Y/N] mentioned something about the night of the banquet where you drank liquor.”
Taehyung. Fuck, fuck, fuck! No wonder that bastard was so elated when I returned. That must have been why I blacked out after clawing him. Though my body was already on the verge of collapsing from the constant battling.
“Anyway, I’ll get straight to the point,” [F/N]’s said as he stood up. “Taehyung died with my daughter’s blood in his system thanks to you. That means he’s in the middle of transitioning to becoming a hybrid.”
“But it’s incomplete…” I whispered. He nodded, crossing one arm over the other.
“He needs to drink her blood one more time after coming back to life to become a hybrid. If not, he will die. Which in turn means you will die.”
“I gotta see [Y/N].” I practically ripped the covers off me with my good arm, swinging my legs off the cot. However, he placed a firm hand on my shoulder.
“You’re in no condition to leave.”
“She’s going to do whatever it takes to save me, including saving that son of a bitch. He’ll be sired by her, which is what he wants!”
“Yes, but would you rather be dead than see him sired by her? Think straight for a second. We have a mission.”
“What mission?”
“We’re going to go artifact hunting and I need that compulsion ability of yours to succeed. Then I’ll consider letting you see my daughter.”
Of course there was something else. There always was.
Your Point Of View - 12 Hours Later
You slept like a log. Your body was worn down, weathered by the stress and trauma the universe kept sending your way. The only reason you woke up was because your sharp ears picked up the sound of digging. At first, you tried to ignore it. But it was consistent and your curiosity got the best of you.
“Put your back into it,” Yoongi said, sitting on the snow criss-crossed. Jin huffed and set the shovel aside.
“This would go a lot faster if you helped!” He turned around to see you appear out of nowhere. “Ah fuck! Oh my god, [Y/N]! You scared me.”
“Sorry. You woke me from my sleep.” You stared down at the wide chasm he dug, the body inside instantly recognizable. “Is that…?”
“Yes. It’s Sunghyun,” Yoongi said. “We wanted to give him a proper burial.”
“I’ll help,” you offered. Jin and Yoongi gave each other a look but said nothing. Jin handed you the other shovel, giving you a gentle smile.
“Thanks.”
“Where’s Hoseok and his sister?” you asked.
“Still sleeping,” Yoongi answered.
“And my dad?”
“He went to find the Mora Miserium with Jungkook.”
“Namjoon? Taehyung?”
“Infirmary. Taehyung’s chained up in the caves. Jungkook really fucked him up; he’s still knocked out,” Jin said, releasing a grunt as he dug.
There wasn’t any more conversation after that. Once Sunghyun’s grave was filled, Yoongi used a piece of wood as a makeshift headstone until he could get a proper one. He had etched Sunghyun’s name into it with a pocket knife and you all said your prayers.
“He saved my life,” you said, taking out the amulet from your pocket. “Especially with this. I wanted this buried with him but the risks…”
“He’d understand,” Jin said, reassuring you. “He wouldn’t want the wrong person to get their hands on it. We can frame it or you can keep it.”
You stared at the amulet in your hands, contemplating what to do with it. Then your eyes lit up as you took your moonstone necklace off. Last time the two pendants touched, there was an explosion. But what if this time…
“Can you fuse the two necklaces together? I think they’re connected.”
Jin cracked his knuckles. “Easy peasy.”
He chanted some words in Latin, moving his hands in the air around the two pendants as you held them. Then with one final snap, the stones fused together to create a double moon necklace. Jin grinned at his work and then proceeded to help you put the necklace back on.
“It suits you,” Yoongi remarked. The three of you headed back towards campus, the snow crunching beneath your feet. “I’m sorry.”
You stared at the professor, shaking your head. “Please don’t.”
He stopped walking, so Jin followed his example. You sighed, halting your footsteps as well.
“I’m sorry too,” Jin said.
“I don’t want to hear apologies. I just want this to end. Okay?” You interrupted them before they had a chance to say more. “I know. You released Hoseok because you love him. And you recorded my sessions because I don’t know, documentation? It’s fine.”
The two men couldn’t bear to look at you, so they opted for looking at the ground instead.
“How do you intend for this to end?” Yoongi said, his voice soft, as if you could be set off at a moment’s notice. “Do you… have a plan?”
You dropped your shoulders, not realizing how tense they were. “I don’t know. Dad gets the artifact, we sever the link, Jungkook gets to live.”
“And Taehyung?” Jin said, trying not to sound nervous. “What about him? Will you give him your blood or…”
He trailed off, but you filled in the blanks pretty easily. “Let him die? That’s what you want to know. You’re my professors… Why should the decision fall on me? Haven’t I been through enough?”
You scoffed, shaking your head in frustration.
“I can’t do this right now,” you said. Yoongi and Jin let you walk away, not having the heart to stop you.
Namjoon’s Point of View
Vampire blood was one thing, but hybrid blood? It accelerated my healing three times as fast. I was pretty much back to normal after a good long rest. Hoseok and his sister woke up fifteen minutes ago, keeping me company in the infirmary. We played a game of cards while catching up.
And boy, did I have a shit ton to catch up on. Truth be told, my memory was fuzzy ever since the night Jimin and I went out in search of [Y/N]. I remember him being so eager to help; I thought it was sweet. But I lowered my guard too easily and paid the price. He whacked me in the head with something hard and next thing I knew, I was tied up.
Hoseok was able to piece things together from there and I quickly changed the subject, asking about him and his sister. It was admirable how everything he’s done was for her. For [Y/N] too. He was simply trying to protect everyone, and though his execution was poor, he had good intentions.
“So… Yoongi, huh?” I asked. Hoseok dropped the cards on my cot, retracting himself into a shy ball. His sister giggled when his cheeks reddened.
“He’s all my brother talks about,” She lowered her voice to a funny octave, mimicking Hoseok as best as she could. “I miss Yoongi. I wanna be with Yoongi. I’m Yoongi’s vitamin.”
I let out a hearty laugh, feeling a weight off my chest for the first time in a while. Hoseok whined at Jiwoo’s teasing, and she patted his head while smiling.
“Do you think [Y/N] will ever forgive me?” I asked. Hoseok stared at me like I had insulted him.
“Forgive you? Dude, I killed her and caused her to never be able to have children again. She’ll forgive you.”
“She’ll forgive you too,” Jiwoo assured. “You were being coerced. You didn’t want to kill her.”
Two knocks came from the door. We all glanced up to see [Y/N] step in, her head hung low.
“Am I interrupting?”
I could barely hear her, but Hoseok answered with a quick, “No, you’re not interrupting. Do you need us?”
“I… I want to talk to Namjoon.”
I was gobsmacked to the point where Hoseok and Jiwoo gave me a look, as if they were telepathically asking me if it was okay.
“Yeah, yeah, come over. Would you two mind giving us some privacy?” Jiwoo was quick to leave, but Hoseok gave me a gentle squeeze on my shoulder first. Once the siblings closed the door behind them, [Y/N] stood in front of me without moving. She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, her eyes pointed to the ground.
“Sit down,” I said, trying to sound like a gentle giant and not an authoritative douche. She finally made eye contact with me and then in the blink of an eye, her arms were around me. My body stilled. “[Y/N]?”
“I… I want my friend back,” she said, voice slightly shaky. My muscles relaxed and I hugged her back tightly, wanting her to know I was there for her.
“I’m here, I promise,” Poor girl was trembling. “You can cry. Let it all out.”
She did. First it was small sniffles, which gradually became much louder sobbing. I held her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back. I wanted to tell her so much, apologize for everything, but only after she was ready to hear it. I didn’t care how long she needed to cry; I just wanted to be there for her.
“I think I’m ready to talk now… I have a lot to ask. A lot to say.”
She was sitting at the foot of my bed now. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“You’re you?” I couldn’t blame her for being cautious. I taught her as much. “You have to be you… Jimin is no longer a part of this world, so the compulsion must’ve worn off.”
“Did you…” I trailed off, but she shook her head.
“Ari took him to the prison world with her.”
“Whoa…” I didn’t know what to say other than I shouldn’t be surprised. Those two deserve each other for eternity.
“You really thought I’d kill him?” Her words were sharp, laced with offense.
I sat up straight. “No, I just didn’t know what happened to him. Once he was gone, it was like my mind felt clear. Like I had control again. I know you wouldn’t kill him unless it was out of self-defense. Actually, even if it wasn’t out of self-defense, I wouldn’t have blamed you. No one would have.”
She bit her lip, a nervous habit of hers when lost in deep thought. “The only person I’ve ever killed was my childhood abuser. It still haunts me. That weight of taking someone’s life is soul-crushing, Joon. Even if he deserved it.”
Her shoulders drooped as she said the next part. “What do I do about Taehyung?”
Ah. That was a very good question indeed. He’s done unforgivable things, his intentions stemming from obsession. Obsession over her. His past record with his last love interest wasn’t any better either. That wolf was dangerous.
“What do you want to do about him?”
She scoffed, as if she knew I would say that. “I don’t know. That’s why I came to you. You’ve killed countless supernatural beings, humans too. Why do I have to decide?”
Valid point. I was a hunter first, headmaster second. But she was only a student, my apprentice, still a kid in my eyes. Always a fighter, never a killer. “Once the link between him and Jungkook is severed, you don’t have to give him your blood. He’ll die of natural consequences. It wouldn’t be your fault.”
“But he’d suffer.”
“Isn’t that what he deserves?”
“You thought Jimin deserved a second chance. Are some people not redeemable?”
“It sounds like you want him to be.”
She covered her face with both hands. “No. I just—he’s a student. And it’s because of his love for me that this got so out of hand. It’s my fault…”
“Stop. None of this is your fault,” She dropped her hands, a sad pout on her lips. “I’ll do it. I’ll put Taehyung out of his misery, so you don’t have to. It’ll be on me.”
“You’re the headmaster. You took him in. You think… he deserves to die?”
“I think he deserves what you think is fitting. Because he’s the one who wronged you. But I’m more than willing to make the hard choice for you if you choose to do nothing.” She hopped off the cot, pacing back and forth in the room. I removed the covers off me and swung my legs off the edge of the bed. “Hey… you don’t have to save everyone.”
That got her to stop. “But I do… my blood is cursed to do so.”
“Listen, I’ve tried to save everyone. Every student. I see so much potential, it’s overwhelming. But some people can't be saved no matter what you do and that’s okay.”
I stood up, but my legs stumbled clumsily. [Y/N] caught me and swung my arm over her shoulder.
“See? I’m a natural at saving others.”
It was good to hear her make a joke, even a small one. I smiled. “Ultimately it’s up to you. I’ll support whatever you do.”
Your Point of View
You set Namjoon back on the cot, joining him as you two dangled your legs off the edge. Well, yours dangled while his feet stayed planted on the ground.
“There’s only one thing I know for sure…” you said. Namjoon placed his hands in his lap, awaiting your answer. “When this is all over, I have to do what’s best for me. And that means—”
“You have to leave.”
It felt like deja vu of your previous conversation where he said he was letting you go. Except this time, you were choosing it yourself.
“Yeah… you actually gave me the idea first. I realized you were right.”
His tone shifted to a more grave one. “I’ll be honest. I probably said many things to you while I was under Jimin’s influence. I don’t remember much after he knocked me out while we went out searching for you. Bastard tied me up and waited until the vervain was out of my system to compel me. Stole my ring too.”
“But…?”
“But…” He sighed. “I made a promise to you and your parents that I’d always look out for you except it’s not healthy for you to be here anymore.” He placed his hand on your own, squeezing it gently. “You were always the right person, but this is the wrong place. I have to let you go because you deserve peace.”
“Namjoon…” You already cried your heart out once, so you refrained from tearing up again. His gaze on you was affectionate, protective, but also solemn.
“I’ll get all the stuff ready for you to graduate early. Anything you need, I’ll do it. Just know you are always welcome here.”
Shit. It looked like he was about to cry. You’ve never seen him like this, so you did the only thing that might bring him some comfort.
“I love you, Namjoon. Thank you for taking care of me all these years.”
He let out a small wheeze from trying to reply to you while keeping his emotions in check. “I love you too. And I’m sorry for everything.”
“I know. But I have a way you can make it up to me.”
Taehyung’s Point of View
I woke up to find myself chained. Not only were my wrists and ankles bound, but there was a collar around my neck too. The chains clinked when I charged forward, but I didn’t get very far since they were attached to the wall. A hole in the ceiling allowed some sunlight in, but it did little to stop the cold winter air. At least someone put me in sweatpants before confining me here.
I wracked my brain to remember my last memory. Ah. Right. I was clawed to death, which was extremely gruesome and sucked ass. However, it would be worth it. She was worth it.
Were my methods unorthodox? Yes. A bit insane? Absolutely. But when you’re in love, you do stupid things. We should have never broken up, but I was overly jealous and she was a stunner. She could have any guy, so I had to do whatever it took to make her choose me.
I wanted her to keep choosing me. Hell, she could use me for all I cared. For sex, for comfort, I would always be down. At first I gave her space, but that was my biggest mistake. A new wolf enrolled into our campus and became my roommate. Little did I know he would soon become my biggest threat.
The human hunters I paid did a splendid job attacking Jungkook. However, it seemed Mother Nature wanted me to work harder because that damn sire bond saved his life. While he was being an ungrateful sired jackass, I was longing to switch places with him. It was my ultimate goal, my desire, to be sired to [Y/N].
So when I caught Park Jimin masturbating to Jungkook’s pictures, the alliance was formed. He’d get Jungkook, I’d get [Y/N]. Little did I know, that vampire bastard was going to double-cross me. A lot of things went south, but it didn’t matter. The end result was what was most important.
I had finally got a taste of her blood. Sweet, delicious, rich liquid crimson. I closed my eyes, licking my lips at the memory. My plan was finally coming to fruition.
And the best part? It was fail-proof. Dying with her blood in my system was step one. Step two was drinking it once more after resurrecting to complete the transition into becoming a hybrid. If she didn’t give it to me, I’d have to force her hand.
Honest to god, I didn’t plan for my life to be linked to Jungkook’s. That night at the banquet, I originally wanted to be linked to [Y/N] as a means to be closer to her. Who knew things would work out in my favor?
If she didn’t give me her blood, I’d die and that means Jungkook would die. This was great. Victory was within my reach; I could smell it.
Well, actually I smelled something else. A saccharine scent I knew all too well. Opening my eyes, I saw a figure approaching in the distance past the iron gate bars.
“[Y/N]...”
My smile was so wide that it hurt my cheeks. The large gauze on her neck was a beautiful sight to see. I hoped she remembered my bite for the rest of her life. The memory of pinning her down, the way she wiggled beneath me trying to escape — it made me hard. If I wasn’t chained, I’d claim her as my own and abduct her for my own twisted needs.
When she opened the gate, I writhed against the chains like a feral beast. She hesitated at first but then entered, leaving enough space between us so she’d still be out of reach.
“You’re such a fucking tease, I’m tired of being the nice guy. Get over here and release me,” I snarled. She didn't respond, so I kept going. “What? Are you mad I drank your blood? That I’ll be sired to you?”
I knew I had won at this point. I couldn’t help but be smug, wearing a proud smile at my soon-to-be victory. She simply shook her head at me.
“I’m not mad. I pity you. Things didn’t have to be like this, Tae.”
“I agree. You should’ve chosen me. I wish…” My voice was losing its venom. I almost winced in pain as I said the next part. “I wish you could love me again.”
Her eyes softened a bit, like I chipped away a piece of the strong front she always put on. “Maybe in another life, we could’ve been happy together. But you had to go and orchestrate a murder. Work with hunters, a psychotic vampire, and a corrupted witch.” She ran a hand over her face, sighing loudly. “You’re in the middle of transitioning into a hybrid.”
“I know, I’m over the moon,” I said, enlarging my eyes to show her my excitement. I probably looked insane. “Even if you didn’t choose me, I chose you. And I’ll be yours even if you’re not truly mine. I still won.”
“That’s what you think. You need to drink my blood once more or you’ll die.”
“I know,” I said quickly, anticipating that tidbit. “You’ll give it to me soon enough.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because…” This was it. This was my moment! “I linked my life with Jungkook's. So if you don’t give me your blood, he’ll die.”
I let out a hearty laugh, but it quickly faded upon seeing her stoic expression. Why was she so calm?
“Okay, I’m confused,” I said. “You’re supposed to be devastated.”
She took another step forward and I almost tried to kiss her, desperate for her to be closer.
“There’s no easy way to say this,” she said. “So I’ll just tell you. I already knew about your life being linked to Jungkook’s.”
I’m sure confusion was etched into my features. What the hell was she talking about?
“Ari told me. Before she and Jimin were sent to a prison world.” Okay, not even I could predict that. Was I next? I wrestled against my restraints at the fear of being banished. I didn’t want to be away from her. “Calm down. I’m not sending you to one; it’s impossible without Ari’s blood anyway.”
I relaxed and stopped moving, so she continued, “It’s true that I would’ve cried at the thought of losing Jungkook and letting you win. But Ari left me with one last gift before she left.”
That bitch was lucky she went to a prison world because I had half a mind to burn her at the stake.
“And what was that?”
“She found my father. You see, he was trapped in my moonstone necklace after making a deal with a witch. In exchange for his freedom, the moonstone would be imbued with magic strong enough to grant me fertility. Of course, it would only work if I hadn’t died.”
She lowered her face closer to my level.
“I managed to release my father from the stone and ask him about some strange words Ari told me. Have you heard of the Mora Muserium?”
I shook my head. “You know I don’t know what that is.”
“Well, the Mora Muserium is an hourglass that can remove dark magic from people and store it. The spell Ari used to link your lives used dark magic.”
I processed what she was saying, my mind racing a mile a minute. She wasn’t possibly insinuating…
“The dark magic tethering him to you has been removed, Tae. He and you are no longer linked,” she revealed.
My face stiffened, the smile on my face I once had disappearing altogether. This couldn’t be true. My plan was fail-proof! “No! You’re lying! You’re fucking lying! He and I are connected forever! If you kill me, he dies! Do you really want to risk that?!”
“Tae…” she said, her tone full of pity. It angered me more. “It’s true. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not!” I was shouting at the top of my lungs. “You are sadly mistaken if you think I’m going to fall for your scare tactics! I don’t believe it one bit! Prove it!”
“After they removed the dark magic from the linking spell, my dad snapped his neck. Jungkook’s out cold while you’re… not.”
I dropped my jaw as I fell to my knees. “No…”
She got down on one knee, matching my level once more. “Jungkook will come back to life soon. But you won’t be here to see it.”
“So what? You’re going to kill me?” I spat.
“No. First your eyes will bleed. Then your body will be consumed in the most unimaginable pain you’ve ever felt. Like pure acid running through your veins, eating you alive inside out. It’ll be as painful to watch as it is to experience and lasts a long time before death finally consumes you.”
“You’re kidding me…”
“I’m not. I can’t bear to watch you suffer for that long so… someone else will put you out of your misery.”
She stood up and turned towards the gate. I narrowed my eyes to see a male figure approaching. He had a shotgun in his hand and a tool belt around his waist. The stench of vervain and wolfsbane from it was gag-inducing, and it made me sweat nervously too.
“Namjoon…” I muttered. He looked at me like I was trash. When I tried to reach [Y/N]’s hand, she had already stood up and walked over to the headmaster.
“Are you sure about this?” Namjoon asked. [Y/N] bit her lip but nodded slowly. My heart sank to the ground. “Leave it to me. Go. You don’t want to see this.”
She marched forward towards the exit, determined not to look back. Namjoon stood in front of me, pointing the shotgun straight at my chest. I looked him dead in the eye, slowly rising to my feet.
“Sorry it had to end this way. But you did this to yourself, Taehyung.”
“Some headmaster you are. Killing your own student.”
“[Y/N] was the one who asked me to do this.”
“No! Stop lying! She would never!”
I tried to run towards the gate, her back still in view as she walked away rather slowly. I knew deep down, she didn’t want this.
“[Y/N]! [Y/N], please! You’re going to just walk away? Even though you know you can save me?! Are you that heartless?!”
*BOOM!*
Fuck! My shoulder was stinging with pain from the poisoned bullet. I groaned in agony but remained standing, reaching out for her.
“[Y/N], please! I don’t want to die! All I ever wanted was—”
*BOOM!*
My left leg was fucked. I fell down to the cold ground, desperation being the only thing helping me stay conscious. She had covered her ears this time, but I knew my voice would reach her.
“[Y/N], I love you…” I breathed. “Even in my twisted, messed up, obsessive way. I love you and I just wanted you to choose me for once. For once…”
I heard Namjoon’s footsteps and him cocking the gun in preparation for the next shot. I tried to crawl away.
*BOOM!*
Now both my legs were done for. I cried. Wailed. Screamed as I laid on my back. I didn’t want to die, not unless it was for her. Not because of her.
“[Y/N], I’m sorry! Please… please don’t let me die. You’re better than that… you’re better than me… you’re different!”
The cock of Namjoon’s gun let me know my time was up. I closed my eyes and waited. I guess I finally lost.
“Wait, don’t shoot!”
Your Point of View
The words left your mouth without you realizing. Namjoon froze and Taehyung opened his eyes, seeing you run towards him. In a matter of seconds, you placed yourself in between him and the professor with your arms spread in a protective stance.
“Don’t kill him,” you begged.
“[Y/N], are you sure?” Namjoon asked. You looked over your shoulder to see Taehyung try to sit up.
“Stay down!” you shouted at him. Taehyung obeyed and laid as still as a wooden plank. “Don’t fucking move or try anything. I already regret this.”
You bit your wrist and bent down to the ground, forcing it into Taehyung’s mouth. His eyes widened in alarm, but he drank your blood nevertheless. Once he had his fill, you felt his emotions skyrocket — particularly joy.
“Stay still and stay seated until I tell you to move,” you commanded.
He sat in a criss-cross position, his smile beaming with pure bliss. “You love me. I can tell. I can feel it.”
“Shut up!”
You stood up and Namjoon slung his gun over his shoulder. “You want him alive?”
“I… I don’t know.” You were shaking and pretty soon close to hyperventilation until Namjoon centered you, reminding you that you were in a safe space.
“It’s okay. I’m not judging you,” He put his hands on your shoulders. “Talk to me.”
“I… I thought I was doing the right thing. He’s fucking insane, but at the same time… I thought about my childhood abuser. How I shoved him off, how he fell, how he was begging for me to call for help — but nothing was done. I let him die. He deserved it, but that was such an easy way out. He should’ve been rotting in jail or at least atoning for his sins. I didn’t want to do the same thing to Tae.”
“Breathe… breathe…”
You took a deep inhale and then let out a slow exhale. “This time I know about my blood and its healing properties. I couldn’t let him die… I thought I could, but it felt wrong. God, what’s wrong with me?”
Namjoon placed a finger to his lips. “Shh. No more talking down to yourself. You want to save him, then save him. It’s your blood. Now… you mentioned atoning for sins. Do you have something in mind for him?”
You turned your head to the side, seeing him stare at you with such an intensity that it made you self-conscious.
“Yeah… what are you going to do with me, oh great sire?” He was taunting you, but you didn’t let it deter you.
“I’m going to compel you to forget me.”
“What?! No. I refuse. Don’t do that, please. My love for you is the only thing that keeps me going. I can’t—”
“Taehyung? Stop talking.”
He had to oblige. Namjoon let go of you, crossing his arms over another.
“You’re absolutely sure this is what you want to do?”
You gave him a small smile. “Yes. Because maybe if he didn’t love me, didn’t know me, then he’d be different. He’d be able to focus on himself, finding himself.”
You then tilted your body at a 90 degree angle, startling the man in front of you.
“What are you doing? Why are you bowing?”
“I need your help. Please.”
“Okay, okay,” he said, waving his arms around and forcing you to stand up straight. “Anything for you. You don’t have to beg.”
“After I compel Taehyung, I need you to help him start a new life. He’s going to be a newborn hybrid. Please take care of him in my stead.”
“I will, I promise. Look… I’ll wait outside the cave while you say your goodbyes.”
You gave him your thanks and he left, the last sound being the creaky iron gate closing behind him. Then you walked over to Taehyung, who was crying softly.
“Taehyung… stand up. Let me look at you.” He got to his feet right away and you shoved your fingers in his bullet wounds, extracting each bullet out with skill and precision. Taehyung couldn’t even scream until you told him it was okay, so he stood still and endured. Once you were done, you held his face with both hands, wiping his tears away with your thumb. “What do you want to say? Tell me.”
“That I love you s-so much.” He closed his eyes, embracing the warmth of your hands. “Don’t make me forget you.”
“I have to.”
“But you love me too. I know it, don’t lie to me.”
“The sire bond is complicated. It heightens every emotion. You’re confused.”
His eyes fluttered open, a fire burning in his gaze. “I have never been more sure of anything in my life. You align my soul, [Y/N]. I’m incomplete without you. Please…”
You stood on your tiptoes to press a tender kiss on his forehead. He shuddered beneath you, wishing this moment could last forever.
“I need you to live your life and find yourself. As much as you say you want to be sired, I’d be withholding your freedom and that isn’t love. It’s abuse.”
“I don’t care. I don’t mind it. Not if it’s you.”
“Shh…” You put a finger to his lips, staring deep into his eyes.
“No. I don’t want to say goodbye. Please.”
Your pupils dilated as your compulsion ability kicked into gear.
“You will forget about me and your love for me completely. You’re going to live your life and do better, work on yourself, love yourself, understand that this is a second chance at life. Don’t waste it. After I uncuff you, you’re going to walk out of the caves and listen to Namjoon, who will help you learn how to be a hybrid.”
You worked quickly and removed his restraints. He walked out of the cave like a zombie, and you almost wanted to pass out from the stress. It shouldn’t have been that painful, but it was like you ripped off the biggest band aid. Taehyung had burrowed himself into your heart and despite your best efforts to extract all remains of him, he’d left a permanent scar.
The sire bond with Taehyung, although short-lived, had set your emotions in flux. The intensity of his love for you was very real, the ache in his heart when he was begging you to not erase his memories cut you deep like glass. After you compelled him, it felt like someone sawed your heart in half.
Letting someone go was never going to get easier, but you had one more person to talk to. Another bandaid. Another heartbreak.
Jungkook’s Point of View
I wished [Y/N]’s father had given me a warning. After placing my hand on the hourglass thingy, black smoke (which I assumed was the dark magic) formed inside. Professor Min had to ask, “How do we know if it worked?” before her dad snapped my neck so fast, almost as if he had waited his entire life to do so.
Even though I was going to come back to life, it didn’t make it hurt any less. All I could see was darkness. No sound, no sight, just unbearable loneliness. But then I saw a light in the distance and ran towards it.
The first thing I saw once I opened my eyes was her. She was caressing my head, running her hand through my hair. Her smile was kind, but her eyes were empty. Almost as if she was forcing herself to be present when she didn’t want to be. Still, she was goddamn beautiful.
I noticed the gauze on her neck and sat up immediately. “Are you okay? Your neck…”
She waved her hand in a dismissive manner, forcing me to lay back down. “I’m fine. It’s mostly healed anyway, take it easy. You just came back to life.”
I realized I was in my dorm room. Taehyung’s things had been cleared out already, so my side was the only one that had personality to it. I cringed seeing the mess of clothes, posters, and towels on the floor. I would’ve cleaned up had I known she would be here with me.
“Wouldn’t be the first time I died,” I gave her a soft smile as I reminisced about the memory. “Do you remember it?”
“How could I forget? That’s how everything started. The hunters killing you, me giving you my blood, you being sired… you hated it.”
There was a playfulness in her speech that made me chuckle. “I did. Oh, it was humiliating.”
“Yeah, so awful,” she said, playing along. “You hated me.”
“Well… I don’t. I haven’t for a while… and don’t think I ever truly did.”
Her eyes widened a bit and she rubbed her palms on her thighs anxiously. “It’s okay if you did. We were put in an uncomfortable situation.”
“No… it wasn’t.” I sat up with my pillow propped against the headboard and rested my back on top. I leaned forward and grabbed her hand. “I shouldn’t have been so mean back then. I let my pride get in the way. I’m sorry.”
She turned her head to the side, trying to hide her embarrassment. “Why are you apologizing now? We’re past this. Silly.”
“Because you deserve it. You deserve to hear that you were right. About everything. About… him.”
She finally looked at me, slowly retracting her hand, but I held it tightly. I feared if I let go, she’d disappear for good. Something about her hollow gaze earlier left a sinking feeling in my chest.
“If you’re going to apologize, then be specific.” She sounded exasperated and I wondered if I should’ve said nothing.
“I can sit here and blame Jimin for it all. Like how he kissed me, manipulated me into believing I enjoyed it. I can lie and say he’s the reason I didn’t believe you when I should’ve. But I won’t.”
“What’s your point?”
My voice started to crack as tears welled up in my eyes. “I’m a coward. I was scared. The sire bond ending terrified me. I thought you wouldn’t love me anymore, so maybe I pushed you away. Wanted to find an excuse to hate you, paint you like the villain you never were. I blamed you for things you didn’t do and I was wrong for it.”
No response. She only stared at our hands, so I intertwined my fingers with hers.
“Please say something,” I begged.
“While I waited for you to wake up, I read Sunghyun’s notebook. He was in love…”
“With you?”
“No. With us. He always rooted for us to be together. In his notes, he put down how much we belong together.” I saw how she was taking in quick breaths to calm down as tears formed in her eyes. “I’m sorry to disappoint him.”
“What are you talking about?”
She stared deep into my eyes, a grave expression on her face. “I’m leaving. Namjoon’s going to help me graduate early.”
“Well, where are you going? I’ll join you.” She shook her head before I finished my response.
“No. Jungkook, I’m leaving everything. Everyone.”
I held our intertwined hands against my chest. “No. Take me with you. Please.” I kissed the back of her hand, trembling so much that I thought I’d throw up.
“I can’t. I need to heal, I need space.”
“Then do it. I’ll give you all the space you need. Just don’t make this a goodbye.”
She pulled her hand away from me, using enough force so that I couldn’t stop her. She got up from her seat and turned her back towards me. Her fists tightened as her foot tapped the floor anxiously.
“I’m letting you go, so you can live your life. Just like I did for Taehyung.”
I’ve never moved so fast in my life. I scrambled to get out of bed, forcing her to turn around by gripping her shoulders.
“What is that supposed to mean? Isn’t Taehyung dead? Huh?” I shook her once to get her attention when she remained silent. “Answer me!”
“I gave him my blood.”
Her words sent my emotions into overdrive. Anger, jealousy, confusion were all fighting for dominance. “What?! Why on earth would you do that? That bastard deserves to be six feet under for everything he’s done!”
She pried my hands off her shoulders like she was repulsed to be touched by me. “Because I could! I have the ability to heal him so how could I just let him die?! I didn’t want his death to be on my conscience!”
“It wouldn’t have been! He would’ve died anyway!” I placed my hands on my hips. “So what, he’s sired to you now? You know damn well he isn’t going to turn 100 times to break it.”
“What does it matter?”
“It matters a whole damn lot, [Y/N]. He’s won. He wanted you and now he’s got you. And what’s worse is that you don’t seem to mind,” I ran a hand down my face, forcing a laugh at the ridiculous situation, but I was truly dying inside. “He’s tried to kill me, he’s lied, he’s backstabbed you, he was obsessed over you. He—”
“Chose me,” she said, interrupting me. “Despite all of it, he’s chosen me time and time again. I let him live because I wanted him to know I chose him at least once.”
“Do you love him?” I sounded so pathetic, but I had to know. Her silence was eating me alive. “Answer me.”
“If Taehyung had died… I would’ve been destroyed. I couldn’t carry that burden of knowing I could’ve saved him. If anyone were to die by my hands, it should’ve been Jimin.” Her eyes darkened, but I could sense the fury within her. She appeared calm on the surface, which made her even scarier in my eyes as she told me the next part. “I’m not sure if you know this, but Ari took her and Jimin to a prison world.”
“No… I didn’t know,” I breathed.
“So let me ask you this. If Jimin was here right now and I was about to kill him, would you let it happen?”
My arms slowly fell back down to my sides. My mouth was dry as I tried to form a response, but nothing came out. I felt heavy, anchored to the ground and immobilized by her question. Jimin deserved to die just like Taehyung did. I knew that. Why couldn’t I say anything?
“Do you love him?” she asked.
“No.” I didn’t sound convincing, but I meant it.
“See Jungkook? You say you don’t love Jimin, but you would save him too. Despite all he’s done. I can say I don’t love Taehyung, but I saved him anyway. Whether we want to admit it or not, we loved them in some capacity. Maybe not in the way they craved, but we did care for them.”
“Fine. You made your point. But what now, huh? Taehyung’s sired to you.”
She held her hand out in a stop motion. “I’m not finished talking. Taehyung’s… not sired to me. Not anymore.”
The relief that washed over me was overwhelming. “How?”
“I compelled him to forget about me.”
I didn’t need a sire bond to know what she was planning to do next. Fortunately, I was quicker than her and pinned her to the bed with my hand covering her eyes.
“Jungkook?”
“Please… please don’t do it,” My vision was blurry again with tears. “I know what you’re planning to do and I’m begging you to change your mind.”
She could easily overthrow me, but instead she reached her hand up to caress my face, smiling even though she couldn’t see me. “You know me so well…”
“Of course I do. After everything how could I not?”
“Then you understand why I want to do it.”
“No. I don’t. Is this my punishment? Do you wish for me to suffer?”
“Not at all.”
“I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to. Please let me love you, please… I’m sorry.”
I was crying so much that a tear fell onto her cheek. She didn’t wipe it away and I leaned into her touch, kissing her palm once.
“I want you to be able to live your life without being weighed down by me. The burden of everything, the trauma bonding—it’s not normal.”
“We’re not normal. Nothing about our lives is ever going to be normal. Maybe it’s not supposed to be.”
“You deserve a clean slate. To start over.”
“What’s the point if you’re not by my side?”
She sat up on the bed, but I didn’t remove my hand from her eyes. “I won’t erase everything. You’ll still remember me, but only as that girl that had a crush on you. How we sparred together sometimes. You won’t remember loving me.”
I gritted my teeth, wanting so badly to shout, but I knew I had to remain calm. It’s hard when you’re a blubbering mess though. “Erasing even a single memory of you is a crime. Each moment was a stepping stone that led me to you. There’s no point in compelling me to forget because my heart will yearn for you and only you.”
“Baby…”
“Without your love, I’m nothing. So please… stay with me. Hold on for a while longer. Let’s heal together.”
She slowly took my hand off her eyes and I let it happen. Next thing I knew, she grabbed me by my shirt, kissing me fervently, so desperate like she was afraid I’d disappear. It was ironic because all I could think about was keeping her close in case she’d vanish first.
I never broke our kiss as I pushed her down onto the bed, my body on top of hers. The way we melded together was perfect. I was made to hold her, to love her, and I wanted to show it. We were both crying because I tasted the saltiness of her tears as I kissed her.
There was no changing her mind. She knew it, I knew it. This was our goodbye kiss. So I prolonged it as best I could, caressing her face and kissing her deeper than before.
Then it happened. She caught me by surprise and flipped us around, her body now on top. My eyes opened like a stupid fool and she put her face right in front of me. Another tear cascaded down as her pupils dilated.
“You’re going to forget the fact you ever loved me. I’m just the girl who had a crush on you and trained with you, nothing more. I want you to live your life freely. If we ever cross paths again, don’t approach me. When I’m ready, I’ll come to you and you can decide then if you’ll have me. You’ll remember then. I love you, Jungkook.”
I blinked once, then twice, and my room was now empty. Sitting up, I wiped my tears away and reached my hand into my pocket. I pulled out a small, dried vervain flower and it burned when it came into contact with my skin. Compared to what I’ve been through, this pain was nothing. My moonlight had left me, fading away for good.
Until our next encounter.
a/n: Again, thank you for reading Moonstruck!!! I cried while writing the ending, I hope I made you feel something too. I do have an AO3 if you'd rather show support over there. Much love! 🌙💗
#jungkook#bts fanfic#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x you#bts fanfiction#hybrid jungkook#moonstruck#my scenarios
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“ You’re mine” for Cass and Bucky when things are getting a little rougher than normal (consensual of course) w/some pent up jealousy vibes?
DROP TO MY KNEES BLURB PROMPT ERA
you guys are literally so obsessed with this prompt i love it.
john really doesn't like cass' co-workers...basically a spanking fic
Cass was ethereally beautiful as he watched her talking to someone from the other side of the room. Everyone was seeking her out for conversation. To talk to her about the work she was currently doing, which John wasn't quite sure of, but also plenty that were lauding her case work from the war.
He could almost sense that it was beginning to be a bit much of her. She didn't know how to fully talk about her experiences over there yet. Didn't know how to take the compliments that they were lining up to offer her. Did her best to offer advice to the younger officers and paid all her extra attention to the women that approached her.
"Might go rescue the stunning doll," John said to Mary as he downed the rest of his drink. "Looks like one more conversation about her job is going to break her."
"She deserves all the praise. Earned it many times over," Mary replied confidently.
"Preaching to the choir." His wife's eyes flicked over to him for just a moment but the meaning was clear. "Mary, you make sure to call me as soon as you get home tonight and to tell that husband of yours to put his callouses to good use."
"John!" Mary was horrified at the implication but accepted his kiss on her cheek and his settling of her tab. In spite of her temporary surprise, she managed to reach forward and tighten his tie and straighten it out. He couldn't go swooping in to save their girl looking like a fool. Especially not after the last time he'd met all their colleagues and nearly set the bar ablaze.
"Night, Mary." John kissed the back of her hand in a dramatic bow, receiving her farewell in kind, before making his way over to his wife. "Excuse me," he said politely as he worked to shoulder his way through the crowd to reach Cass. And when he finally did, they both felt like they could breathe again.
"Hi," she whispered gratefully as her arms slipped under his suit jacket to wrap around his waist.
"Ready to go home, my love?" He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and held her cheek in his palm.
"Cassandra! Cassandra!" Her arms dropped from around him at the sound of her boss' voice.
"Sir?"
"Come with me, there's someone you have to meet." She had no chance to apologize to John before she was being dragged towards another stuffy suit.
"I want to be just like her when I grow up." To his left were a group of young adults, they looked fresh out of college. He smiled at the young female's words and knew they would mean everything to his wife when he told her later.
"You hear about that debrief of the Soviet spy she did last week? A legend." His brows furrowed. He hadn't heard about that.
"I heard she had him eating out of the palm of her hand in minutes. The Director even brought her a bottle of champagne to celebrate." Something icky was settling in his chest. Why was it that these strangers got to know so much more about his wife than he did? Why was such a large part of her life closed off to him?
-
"You were awfully quiet on the way home," Cass remarked as she followed John into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer from the fridge.
"Just was in shock the illustrious Cassandra Egan was in my car." She rolled her eyes as he took a solid gulp from the bottle and set it down on the island with a little force behind it. She stared at him from the other side.
"I hate the attention more than anyone don't hold it against me." John's face was pensive as he finished the other half of his drink and shrugged off his coat followed by his tie.
"The whole night I want to tell all of them to stop gawking over what is mine." The word sent a shiver down her spine. This was a game she most certainly knew how to play.
"You didn't like the line of men lining up to get a better look?" He growled and her knees buckled as he stalked over to stand in front of her.
"Forearms on the counter. Legs spread." Cass tried to contain her giddy excitement as she knew she was finally getting her way and did as he asked. "You're mine, Cassandra." She thinks she might combust.
"Yours." The cool night air hit her ass as he lifted the hem of her dress to her waist.
"Mine." Light at first. Her hips wiggled back to ask him to go harder. "Mine." Further back still. Until it stung with pleasure and she was dripping arousal down her leg.
Until a red handprint was tattooed to her cheeks.
#john egan#masters of the air#john egan fanfiction#masters of the air fanfiction#john egan x oc#answered#cass and bucky
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With your read on the character, what would it take for Salem to believe someone loves her? What would they need to do? Say? Prove? Would they have to prove anything? Genuinely interested in how you see that playing out
it’s complicated because i think her reasons for feeling unlovable are pretty complex—in contrast to cinder, whose fundamental problem is just that she’s never been treated well and consequently just can’t conceive of the possibility at all, salem Has experienced genuine unconditional love (from her daughters, from ozma in the beginning) so she has, at least, an idea of what that’s Like…
the problem is that a) ozma ripped the rug out from under her, b) she’s never stopped raking herself over the coals for what happened to the girls, and c) salem has also spent her whole life being someone else’s justification for killing people—her father executing people who were kind to her, then later murdering her would-be rescuers; the gods butchering the planet; ozma’s centuries-long crusade to get rid of her.
it’s overt in the text that salem blames herself for the divine massacre, she wouldn’t have been circumspect about the rebellion out of fear that ozma would reject her if she didn’t feel guilty and ashamed, and likewise her behavior in 6.4 suggests that salem considers her temper to be something dangerous that she needs to control, and the shot composition connects this to the moments before the duel with ozma, again implying that salem feels she is at fault for the deaths of her children. i will not be remotely surprised if in future volumes it turns out salem also believes that the blood her father spilled to punish or “protect” her is on her hands.
the point being that i don’t think there’s anyone on the planet who HATES SALEM as much as salem hates herself, and the locus of this self-loathing is guilt. we see this manifest in her treatment of cinder too—salem reacts to her own realization of how much she cares about cinder by being mean to cinder because, i think, deep down she sees herself as a danger to anyone who gets too close.
so i think for salem to accept that someone does or even could love her is less a question of what they’d need to do to prove it—she can tell when people lie, after all—than surmounting her immediate knee-jerk reaction, if she cares about them even a little, to make them stop. like, gestures at midnight, salem can bring herself to say things like “you deserve so much more than i’ve given you” to cinder only after . literally torturing her.
her belief that she’s unlovable arises from a deep conviction that she not only doesn’t deserve to be loved but is actively dangerous to love; so i think she could believe that the feeling is real, or at least that the other person thinks it’s real, fairly easily, but she’d see it as self-destructive and try anything she could think of to push it away or retreat from it if it refused to budge. & the key to getting through that is just patience and understanding, and also probably dealing with the very real existential threats reinforcing this feeling because it’s, frankly, not irrational for salem to feel this way as the lone survivor of a genocide that was explicitly committed by the gods to make her suffer. anyone she cares for and anyone who cares about her really is in danger of divine retribution, and that situation needs to end before salem can even begin to actually heal. so narratively it happens in tandem with the shift from fighting salem to confronting the god of light with salem.
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i didnt put this in the notes on the actual fic because its quite a long story, but i wanted to talk about it somewhere so ill do it here
my fic, Banter or Bullying, is based on an actual interaction i had with some of my close friends who i live with. our friend group has that dynamic where we all make fun of each other, but one person in particular seems to take the brunt of it. he gets made fun of more often and more harshly than other people seem to, despite being a lovely person (albeit with a few annoying habits, but everyone in this house has some, including me. thats just part of being human.)
basically, i was having a meltdown in my bedroom. i forget exactly what it was about, i think i was just having a bad time and something sent me over the edge. i find that distraction is the best technique to comfort me during a meltdown, so i went downstairs to see if anyone was in the living room and could take my mind off things for a bit, and this particular friend was the only one in there. he was sitting on the couch playing like. a star wars video game. it was like a military tactics simulator or something. idk, not really my thing.
i sat down next to him and he could see i was upset, so he offered to put the game away so we could talk about it but i was like no thanks can i just watch you play? so he said sure, and he let me sit with my head on his shoulder while he explained everything he was doing in the game. i didnt understand most of it, but it made me feel better just to sit with him and listen to him talk
then one of my other flatmates walked past, and she was like oh no hes trapped you in an explanation of his star wars game, blink twice if you need help, etc. and that upset me because i was like, no, i like spending time with him, hes making me feel better right now and actually being really nice to me, and you're just being mean for no reason, acting like im being held against my will or something
and i may be projecting, but i feel like spock gets treated a very similar way, especially by mccoy. it hurts my heart to see an autistic coded character be treated the same way as my friend, and the same way as a lot of neurodivergent people i know when they try to talk about their interests, or even just exist in a way that makes sense for them, and they constantly get negative comments about it.
so i wrote that fic as kind of. a way to express my affection for my friend, and also for spock. and to stick up for spock the way i did for my friend in that moment. no one deserves to feel like their friends dont care about their interests, or even that their friends dont like spending time with them.
i guess, moral of the story, if you have a friend that gets made fun of more than everyone else, make sure to check in with them every once in a while. ask if they're actually having fun when you're bantering with them or if it is hurting their feelings. and if you ever think a joke is going too far, say something. its nice to know that someone is in your corner
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Inktober 2022, Day 13: Kind.
“I am undeserving of your kindness… Thank you.” - Lunafreya
#luna… you’re one of the kindest persons in this game#if anyone deserves someone’s kindness it’s you#inktober#inktober 2022#inktober2022#ffxv#final fantasy xv#ff15#final fantasy 15#lunafreya nox fleuret#gentiana#shiva#square enix#sylleblossoms#kind#my art#fan art#traditional art
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Hiiiii how have you been love bug? (Please tell me if your uncomfortable with that term since you are non-binary and they/them I’m not sure what nicknames you are uncomfortable with it’s just what I call my friends and just a nickname I have for people in general🫶🏻🫶🏻 ) so I’d like to to request farah with a adhd reader who is hyper forgetful and sometimes has meltdowns ( as someone with adhd)🧡🧡🧡
Hey! I'm fine! Bought some more yarn for my leftover blanket today, which I'm excited to work on! And don't worry, I think love bug is really cute! I don't mind most nicknames, but thank you for being considerate, I really do appreciate it! Hope you're doing well as well ^^
I don't have ADHD, so I don't know at all what it's like for someone with it! I had to do some research on it, so I don't know if these are actually viable methods of helping, but I tried! Please do correct me with something that might help and I'll add it in this post afterwards! I hope this is enjoyable to you regardless! Thank you for the request!
Farah with a Reader with ADHD
Farah doesn’t particularly know a lot about mental illnesses. She may be traumatized, yes, but that doesn’t mean she ever had the time to research any of them. So she’s definitely not the best person to go to when it comes to things like these, but she tries, even if she can’t always understand everything that’s going on. You’re suffering, and that’s enough for her to know she should do something to help you.
You being this forgetful may be a cause of concern for her, though. It’s not every day she meets someone who forgot what they did five minutes prior. It’s especially concerning when it’s something important, though, like seeing a doctor. Although she may be worried for you potentially developing something as severe as dementia eventually, she’ll try to push her worries aside and help you to the best of her abilities. If you ever need reminders, she can help you. Farah remembers and retains things very well, she’s never had any issues with it since she had to in order to get by. If you need to remember something, she’ll remind you a few times a day. You have an appointment? Don’t forget about it tomorrow, I’ll tell you again then. However, she’s also a big fan of post its and will write down whatever it is you may need and place it somewhere she knows you’re going to see it. I know, out of sight, out of mind, but she’ll also text you and have you make reminders on your phone for important things so you don’t forget. Won’t get mad at you for forgetting your anniversary, she can see that it’s hard for you to remember things and won’t yell at you or anything either. However, she will mention that it was your anniversary, or maybe her birthday. For the most part she just wants to spend those days with you, if she can, and will thus remind you. Again, you don’t need to feel ashamed for forgetting, she’ll tell you that it’s quite alright and that you shouldn’t worry. She’s patient like that.
If you have a meltdown in front of her, she definitely would not know what to do at first. Depending on what kind of meltdown it is, she’ll react differently. If it creeps up on you, slowly making you irritated, then she’ll ask you what’s wrong. Regardless of your answer, she’ll ask you how she can help you, if you would like to be left alone or if you would like to take a small break in any way. She gets it and she’ll get you away from whatever is stressing you out so you can slowly recharge. If you really do want to be left alone for a while, she will comply, but will knock on your door to check up on you every once in a while and will bring you some food as well. Farah just wants you to be well, so she’ll take care of you how she thinks might help. Food is always good, food usually helps her, so she hopes it’ll do the same for you as well.
If it’s a sudden meltdown where you don’t know where left and right are anymore, then she’ll get you away from everyone else at first. While she can’t imagine what it’s like for you, it likely isn’t very pleasant for you to be crying and screaming in front of other people. Hoping that you trust her, she’ll try to ground you, asking you how you’re feeling, what you’re feeling and how she could help you. What happened is also another question she would ask you. Again, she won’t really know what to do on her own, but she tries her best. Farah will talk to you in a soothing tone and try to distract you at first so you can calm down a bit. Whether it be cracking a joke or asking you about your top five favorite reptiles. Even if you can’t answer her properly, she’ll just reassure you that it’s okay, that everything is just bad in this moment and that it’ll pass. She’s with you this entire time and won’t leave you unless you want her to. Asks you to breathe a bit with her. In all your time being together, she’s likely learned a breathing technique or two that might help you.
Once your meltdown is over, she’ll be very gentle with you, especially if she can see you’re beating yourself up over it. You really shouldn’t feel ashamed for something that you can’t help, it’s not your fault. If you feel especially down, she’ll give you a kiss on the forehead and get some ice cream with you. Something like a meltdown seems exhausting to her. While she doesn’t want to seem like she’s rewarding you for having a meltdown, she does want you to be kind to yourself afterwards, that’s what the ice cream is for. And if you don’t want ice cream, then some berries, fruits or a small snack will suffice as well. Either way, she’s there for you the entire time until you feel better.
#cod#cod x reader#farah karim#farah karim x reader#I didn't think anyone at all would notice or remember that I'm non binary#I don't really mention that fact as much as other things but it makes me happy that some people do pay attention!#also love bug is a really cute nickname! your friends must be very lucky to have someone like you in their lives!#again I don't have ADHD I only have schizophrenia and there doesn't seem to be too much of an overlap among them#so I really don't know what it's like to live with ADHD but I get the forgetfulness#I have so many reminders on my phone and on small paper notes it's incredible#I also journal every day so I don't forget what I did during the day. that's one of my best habits yet#but yeah I'm also the kind of person who can't remember what they did five minutes ago and it's so very frustrating#sometimes I wanna look something up on google only to forget five seconds later what it was#sometimes retracing my steps helps me remember but not always unfortunately it's very annoying#but we are just so very strong for living with our mental illnesses!!#being mentally ill is exhausting and I can't think of any positives either#I know it may seem hard at times but it's important to be patient with oneself. I learned that the hard way#so please do be kind to yourself anon! you deserve it! you seem like such a nice person!
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"Ah, Nik, wait!"
Nikolai turns back around at the sound of the Captain's voice.
"You're going to make me miss my flight," he pretends to complain, not able to keep himself from smiling.
Price rolls his eyes. "You're the one flying your flight back home."
Nik chuckles. John looks annoyed, but clearly it's not directed at him if him relaxing in his presence is to be believed.
"Anyway, I won't keep you long, I just need you to teach me how to say something in Russian."
There's a terrible idea rising in Nik's mind. He tries to ignore it at first.
"There's this guy, he's a fucking asshole and I'd like to tell him to go fuck himself in his native language."
He nods distractedly at Price. But it would be the perfect moment... He leaves right after that, after all... And John wouldn't understand right away, he'd have time to go hide somewhere.
"Right," he clears his throat and smiles at Price. "I can do that, sure. Repeat after me, try to remember the words : я -"
Price squints his eyes in concentration. He looks so fucking cute that Nik could die.
"Ya -"
"влюбилась"
"Woah, okay, vl...vlyoubeelas?"
Nik's smile is growing. "Good," he says, voice lower. Swears that John's cheeks are redder than they were before. Interesting. "в"
Price frowns. "Just 'vv' ?"
"Да. And finally, тебя."
"Tyebya."
Nik's heart is starting to beat a bit faster, apparently just now realising what he was doing. There's no going back now.
"Now the whole thing : я влюбилась в тебя"
John's brow furrows more in deep focus. "Ya vlyoubeelas vtyebya."
Damn, that makes Nik's cheeks warmer and his smile wider. He knows that Price doesn't mean it, doesn't even know what it means, but if that's all he's going to get, he's going to cherish it inside his heart.
He isn't sure John will want anything to do with him when he'll look it up, after all, he hasn't survived this long by having too high hopes. His smile softens and he nods at his friend.
"Not bad. Remember the words."
Price huffs. "Of course I'll remember the words. Now go, wouldn't want you to miss your own chopper back home."
Nik laughs and shakes his head as he turns around and walks to his helicopter. He stops before climbing in, turns his head back towards the Captain.
"Oh, and John, don't actually tell him that, he has no right to hear it."
He knows Price well enough to know that he's sighing right now, but he's too far to hear it.
"What did you even teach me?" He asks in a jokingly tired voice.
Nik grins back at him. "You'll have to look it up, зайчик."
#cod mw#captain john price#cod nikolai#nikprice#prikolai#nikolai just has the kindest eyes ever they look like a baby cow's eyes#and he has a very nice smile#i love him#anyway#i'll go back to ghostsoap content in a bit i swear lmao i also have a ghostsoaproach thingy in the works because bug boy needs love#also i've checked on ao3 and the number of nikprice fics is horrifyingly low that's a crime#and yeah i gave price a praising kink it wasn't on purpose but i think he deserves it#i think he'd be a mess if nik held him and praised him for all he's done and he couldn't escape the kind words and just had to soak them in#cause i don't think anyone except his gay bestie laswell regularly tells him he does a good job#like gaz and soap and even ghost are all looking up at him with stars in their eyes and they definitely think he does a good job#but they don't directly tell him even if he does know they think that#& tbh if nik looked at me with his kind eyes and told me kind things i'd cry imagine if he does that to someone he loves and who loves him#qsjfqiohgqksjfqo#if you want to know who in these games i think has a praise kink i can tell you#alex for sure i'm convinced he was flustered during all his missions in mw 2019 (also has a calling people sir/ma'am in the bedroom kink)#price apparently but only if it's by someone he considers an equal in rank and experience#bc then he'd know the person knows what they're talking about and isn't just talking nonsense#soap but he needs to be made to feel like he deserves it or he just cries because he has *issues*#ghost sometimes when everything gets too loud; but he generally prefers to give praise than receive it bc it can feel too raw#i think rudy has a giving praise kink tho like alejandro is pretty normal about praise but rudy loves drowning him in it until he's soo red
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i don’t know who needs to hear this but good men do exist, they are soft and gentle and respectful, they hold you when you cry and pet your hair and place gentle kisses over your whole body and learn every little thing they can about you and strive to keep you safe and be a friend as well as a lover and they treat everyone and animals with respect and don’t say misogynistic sexist racist phobic things and they sing with you loudly in the car and let you braid their hair as practice and say i love you without you having to say it first and express their love for you in front of everyone and they look at you deeply and support your every decision and lowest moment and wish nothing but greatness for your health and mental betterment and treat women and men and all with such kindness. good men exist, good men deserve the same love and respect and kindness and support that you would give to anyone with a good soul. good men understand, and they will always be here with genuine hearts
#thoughts#felt it needed to be said like#just because one celebrity finally shows everyone that good men exist unapologetically#they are all around us and deserve to be seen and appreciated#good hearts calling out to good hearts#men have bright souls and a gentle disposition if you don’t keep your eyes closed just because you had a bad experience with men#like yes men can suck and be awful but so are women and so can be anyone#and while i am thankful pedro pascal is showing what good men look like let us not ignore the fact#that he isnt the only one#he just happens to be famous and now in the public eye and obviously is someone men should strive to be#but some men are already that wholesome and giggly and soft and kind and genuine and i want to acknowledge them#i love u bois#bunni speaks
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I get so infuriated when people reduce Jason's ultimatum to "trying to force Bruce to kill someone to prove his love". The dishonesty of it. Remove all context from the situation and make it sound like an insane inhumane choice. I can do that too actually. Batman is a rich kid who whales on poor and mentally ill people instead of going to therapy. He colludes with cops to bypass due process and collect evidence illegally. He creates child soldiers and makes them into canon fodder for his obsession. It sounds pretty indefensible when you remove every single context and convention that makes a story work doesn't it? Almost like you're only willing to extend the in-universe rules to the rich white manbaby and not the child whose death he was responsible for, huh?
Also? Moral absolutism is harmful and egoistic. You shouldn't kill people, not even criminals, of course not. But that doesn't mean refusing to kill in any situation whatsoever is the moral choice. There's a difference between killing to protect and killing to avenge. Between killing an active threat who will definitely escape and slaughter a family and killing one who is safely contained. Any rule that's taken purely prescriptively and without regard to the individual context of the choice is simply dogma. Especially if the role you have voluntarily taken on requires the willingness to do whatever it takes to do your fucking job. That's why morality isn't fucking black and white.
That's the crux of it for me; why I take this defense of Batman's choices so personally. I don't trust people who see the world in such a black and white way (this includes Jason, who is exactly as myopic as Bruce, but happens to be right about the Joker imo. Fortunately he's a fictional character and also a kid who has not yet had the opportunity to grow, unlike Bruce). I don't trust people who think morality is about a set of correct judgements rather than the process by which you arrive at said judgements. I don't trust people who won't fucking choose. Inaction is complicity, bitch. The consequences of your choices exist and fall on other people regardless of your refusal to take responsibility for them. Bottomline – if your version of "mercy" results in the death and suffering of other people, maybe consider that you're the villain of the story.
#also a child deserves a parent that will kill to protect or avenge them#that is the fundamental of being a parent#i'm not saying it's on you as a parent to go kill a drunk driver that ran over your kid#although honestly I couldn't find it in myself to blame someone who did that#i'm saying that if the choice is between your child and the unrepentant serial killer that murdered him#you are obliged as a human being and a parent and a protector of the innocent to shoot that motherfucker dead before anyone even has to ask#i am flabbergasted that this is something y'all want to debate with me#if you're not willing to kill to protect your baby you're worth less than shit to me sorry#hell I'll kill to protect anybody's baby#speaking as a person who abhors violence and is against any kind of punitive justice in real life#''jason todd fans support capital punishment'' oh fuck off#jason todd#anti bruce wayne#bat meta#spite waffle#jason todd meta
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want to physically shake dan and tell him cringe does not exist it's not real stop being mean to a kid who was actually really cool
#like!!!! i get it it's a joke its not that deep#but it IS it's that kind of self deprecation that affects your perception#and its not cool or edgy to bully someone who was just trying their best and he knows better than anyone that teen dan didnt deserve it#also teen dan was the gender envy blueprint for millions like bro you won you got to be a hot emo who turned into a hot adult
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going crazy about kaz brekker hours
#HE'S JUST *screams into a pillow*#Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her#and every time he tries it life delivers a right hook into his solar plexus and knocks him to hell and back#and time and time again he is made to come to the incorrect conclusion that being vulnerable and soft and caring about anyone ever#is a mistake and a weakness that he isn't allowed that he doesn't deserve#and his only way of getting what he wants and keeping the people he loves safe is if he becomes something that can't love them#like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings#and he can only love them if he kills the part of himself that loves them. like COME ON MAN#i'm literally unwell about this kid (KID HE'S FUCKING 17 LET HIM LIVE)#someone sedate me (well actually don't i need to start reading CK tonight)#Kaz I Am Ruin And Ruination Brekker#and it's so tragic because he has come such a long way during SoC and when Inej asks him to be hers you know he can't do it. he would like#to but he's unable of it like his walls are still built up so high.#and it's fair of her to ask because she needs that and keeping her always at arms length is not viable of Kaz but also that's all he can#currently give her. that's his all and it's not enough and my heart is breaking for them ohmygod#they make me think so much of felonies love square I'LL EAT GLASS#okay. anyway. finished six of crows. i'm normal about them.#mia's reading
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hey, what happened to the left believing in second chances? what happened to the belief that if somebody's tangibly doing better, they deserve that chance? you guys realise how common problematic beliefs were when the internet was younger? like, when gamergate was a thing? not that long ago? you guys realise most people on the internet are not from the same moral background as you? you guys realise keeping people out who have changed their beliefs, is only going to discourage more people from doing better? are you guys crazy? why are y'all bringing moral purity into this? it's a powerful thing to recognise things you've been taught were wrong & to then move away from it, especially when you're in a community around it either irl or online. being in a community is such a powerful force in most people's lives. not everyone had the perfect background & not everyone had access to being as educated on social issues as you did. it's fine to personally not forgive someone's problematic history & not interact with them, but to actively exclude them from the cause? get off your high horse, you're harming the movement by gatekeeping it to those with a perfect moral background.
#this is in response to a post i saw on here a while ago#“how do u even fall into those beliefs to begin with!!!” some people are raised by very shitty people next#yknow grifters who spread misinfo arent just talking into the void. they target a demographic that is ill-informed#idk i grew up in a household that never quite grew out of the cold war & when i was introduced to the internet when i was little#i was groomed by someone on the right & though i didn't hold any explicitly racist or homophobic beliefs or anything (mixed family household#& queer myself)#i was still problematic & stupid!#i know my Capitalist Era™ ended when i was 13-14 & that's Young but idk a lotta people believe the wrong things bcs they're stupid#or never questioned influences growing up before it spirals out of control#if someone shows genuine change they deserve a chance. the very system we live in is one that tries to convince ppl it works & to keep ppl#from knowing its crimes. so yea if it's working as intended a lotta people aren't gonna have Flawless beliefs i'm sorry#i feel like a lotta people who'll just exclude anyone from the left if they have a problematic history they've grown from are younger & need#to work thru their own special kind of puritanism#you don't have to like someone but you're helping Nobody by excluding those who've changed & tryna rile up ppl against them
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