#if anyone at all interacts w this post i'm putting it back up but positive comments appreciates bc i'm a leetle scared off

[tashacee]

I am almost certain you've gotten this ask before, but I cannot find it for the life of me, so

Mask!Wild does Untarnished

I don't think it would work exactly the same, since Untarnished!Wild is post-TOTK rather than BOTW, meaning the Shadow needs to find new and exciting ways to traumatize the Bean. But thinking about how he would interact with the First in exactly the same way (First starts crying about it (just like me)).

HKJGJHGJHFGH EXCITE

I've done an Aspect meets Untarnished but not the Bean. Oooooh this is gonna be so sweet.

Spoilers under the cut for Untarnished!

When Wild first hears Wind's tale of a ghost, he is ... shocked.

Not that ghosts are real - he knows that intimately. But that one could be stuck here, on the Surface, alone, for so long? That he cannot move on because his own people, the ones who he defended with his life, shunned him?

Wild can barely abide it. He lies awake in the small domitory that night, unable to get the thought out of his head. His room, like all in the academy, is private, so he has his mask off and is running a hand over his scars as he lies there, thinking.

It- it's not quite the same. But Wild knows something about giving everything to a people, only to be- to be shunned. He's still not completely convinced that Rhoam's words to him were unwarranted but... he thinks he might be able to understand.

If nothing else, Wild knows what it is to be lonely. He wouldn't wish that on anyone.

So he sneaks down that first night, mask strapped tightly in place, wearing an extra, long robe over his normal baggy tunic to try and hide the worst of his destroyed body. Whoever this ghost is, he doesn't need to see that. Frankly he could probably use better company than Wild, but that's what he's got.

From the First's point of view, the door to his little room opened again and a lantern lit him up. A figure stepped into the room, a boy, thin and scrawny, with a mask on his face. The First had seen him before, with the others who came earlier. The boy in the mask hung at the back of the group and tried to be as unobtrusive as possible, signing when he had something to say. If it hadn't been for the mask, the First may not have noticed him at all.

But here he was, dithering in the doorframe, shifting from foot to foot.

"Wind said you were lonely." he signed at last, and then made a squeaking noise. "S-sorry." he said out loud. "I don't know how well you know sign, I- sorry."

he came forwards, carefully setting his lamp on a table to the side and looking cautiously in the direction of the First's stool.

"My name is Wild." he said, and his rough voice was barely more than a whisper. "I- I'm sorry for intruding. It's just- W-Wind said you were lonely. I thought I could... keep you company? He said you liked stories so I thought I could maybe- maybe tell you mine."

The First felt his heart swell with affection for this nervous, kind boy. The kid clearly hated being at the centre of attention, but here he was, for his sake, standing up and talking. The First wished he could say something to him, anything to put him at ease, to tell him how grateful he was.

The boy - Wild - dithered a moment more before sitting down and beginning his story. A prophecy. A world preparing for Calamity. A battle and a downfall. A death - Hylia, the boy had died -

And then a resurrection. The boy didn't say, but the First was certain that whatever the mask hid was because of whatever injuries he sustained in death. And what was more, the First was positive that some vile, wicked person had put a fear into Wild of being seen.

He would like to meet this person. Just to talk, of course.

Wild still falls asleep in the room. Wolfie still comes and recovers him. The first is grateful, and asks Twilight to thank Wild - and to tell him that his presence is valued. Always.

-

Wild's trial in his own era is largely the same. He goes to his own grave. He fights the beast that killed him. Some of the nuances change but the end result is largely the same. It's - it's harrowing for him. He hasn't destroyed the Shrine yet in this AU so it's still there, coffin and all, and he feels sick the whole time.

And, when he fights the guardian, a stray spark from its beam burns his mask off. His brothers, at this stage, have all seen his face before but that's of little comfort when the battle is done and Wild is trembling, having faced down his own death and lost his last vestige of protection.

They have to have a BIG cuddle pile after that, and Wild fishes a spare mask out of his slate.

-

Back in Sky's era, when it comes to visiting the First, Wild is a regular, especially when they discover that Time's mask can be used to see him.

Wild is... nervous about this at first. To put one mask on he has to remove another. Will the First be angry at his lack of trust if he turns away to do so? And whatabout the inset on the inside of his mask - should he put one on Time's just for now? So that he can speak?

In the end he needn't have worried. The First is patient when he turns to put the mask on, even if it takes a while to put the temporary rubber ridge on the inside. When Wild turns back he's shocked to see a kind, patient face smiling at him, and the First signing how glad he is to finally meet him properly.

And yes, okay, Wild cries. But like. He does that a lot at this point, anyway.

-

Towards the end, when the sword is recovered and preparations for the funeral are underway, Wild continues to visit. Then, one day, as he goes to put on the mask of truth, he pauses. Glances at the chair where he knows the First sits. Swallows.

"I-" he chokes out. "I hope i don't offend you."

And this time, when he takes off his mask to put on time's one, he doesn't turn away. He lets the First see the ruin of his face, even if it terrifies him. When he puts the mask of truth on after, trembling, and looks up, the First is smiling at him.

"Thank you for trusting me." the First signs. "I am proud to have you as my brother."

-

The rest proceeds as before. The battle with Demise. The funeral. The Passing and the True Dream.

The First Link always hold's a special place in Wild's heart, and the next time he returns to his own era and makes offerings to the dead, he is among those he remembers.

#it me #replies #my writing #mask!wild #untarnished #finding family

[that-wizard-oki]

How did you start doing jobs for kingsisle?? I'm trying to break into the industry as an artist, and I have no clue how to approach potential employers, even just for commissions 😭😭

Hey! So I actually work full time with KingsIsle as a character animator- my job year round is to make pets, mounts, mobs, npc's move :D

How I got started here is kind of a wild story. I had been wanting to reach out to KI about possibly interning with them post-graduation- I had a few people I semi knew at the company, and knew I'd have a good portfolio piece to show them from my senior thesis project. However, three days before graduation, a friend from KI msg'ed me that KI was doing summer internships, and asked if I was interested. I spent the next 3 days building my portfolio website/resume & sent it to my friend. A month and two interviews later, they accepted me! Once my internship was drawing to and end, they were able to offer me a full time position.

My #1 piece of advice for folks trying to break into the industry: MAKE CONNECTIONS. NETWORK. Obviously having dedication and building your artistic skills (whether that's character design, animation, story boarding, etc) is a huge part of it- like you can make as many connections as you want, but if you don't have a decent set of skills/a portfolio to back you up, then you might be out of luck there. But I cannot understate the importance of networking.

So, how do you make connections/network? My advice:

-I know everyone can't afford it, but going to an art school/college is a decent way to make connections- not just with teacher's who have worked in the industry themselves, but also with your future artists. Heck, I've been seeing younger artists like myself start their own studios. You can defo still make connections w/o college, but I just wanted to note that.

-Interact with artists/folks in the industry online. comment on their posts, ask them genuine questions. Most folks are happy to answer questions or give portfolio advice.

-Mentorships are a great thing- also something i see offered on twitter a lot. Some studio's like dreamworks have "internship" like programs where people who have recently graduation or are looking for a career change can apply to and learn from. I'd follow companies you're interested in via linkedin, or visit their websites to see if they offer things like this

-Also!! Participate in anijams, gamejams, art swaps, zines- these are all great ways to connect with fellow artists online. My college has an animation club that does anijams twice a year- which is a GREAT thing to put on your resume- it shows collaboration, dedication- things you need to be open to when working in the industry.

-I'd also say that trying to narrow down what you're really passionate about doing (for me, 3d animation just fit my heart the best) and learn more about it. Watch youtube videos, follow tutorials. Practice your anatomy, do gesture drawings from life, draw as many hands and feet as you can, lol. All things to help strengthen your skills! Consistency is key!!

I know that's a lot of info, so I just want to reiterate something: I've been at KI for about a year and a half now, and I am still just as passionate about this game as I was beforehand. That passion is one of my greatest assets. WANTING to do what I do for work makes working a lot easier, and produces a better product. If you have a passion, a drive to do something, you can do the damn thing. Making connections/being consistent as an artists can feel wildly overwhelming. But it doesn't have to be. You're worthy of sharing your art and ideas with the world, and people want to hear them. Baby steps! Start small. Heck talking to me already gets your started with networking :D

Hope that wasn't too rambly/answered some of your questions anon. Feel free to inbox or dm me if you wanna chat more- goes for anyone reading this :)

#oki answers a thing #anon

[raayllum]

yeah my bad, honestly forgot that he was half asian (I have not interacted w the show or fandom in a while, so thats on me tbh), but I definitely agree with your input. I know that Callum is the main character, so he’s going to get more love and attention, same as Rayla, especially since Rayllum is the main couple (not dissing on them or the ship ofc) but it really upsets me when I look for art/fics of Ezran he’s either A) with Callum or B) in the background of something Rayllum related and in fics i rarely ever see solo fics of just him, he’s either in the background of rayllum or being their therapist or something like that

TDP has done a good job when it comes to portraying their characters of color, and its nice to see POC in positions of power for once (Harrow, Ez, Janai, Anaya, Kasef, etc), I just wish that the fandom as a whole would do the same thing yknow?

I’ll get out of your askbox for now, but this was definitely something that was weighing on me for a while lol

Omg you're all good! That's actually why I've run two Ezran Appreciation Weeks (although I still need to finish my fics for the second one, but life got unexpectedly super busy) and why I use the tag Ezran centric for fics that well, focus primarily on him and his relationships, rather than him being in a supportive or background role. I still wanna write a fic about him and Janai (maybe I can work it into a speculative S5 piece, since it seems like maybe we'll get to see them on screen together, and they had a Lot of parallels in S4).

But yeah there are definitely people in the fandom who aren't open to critique in how they treat Ezran. I once pointed out that hey, most of the time when his character is incorrectly tagged in a post, it's almost always in relation to his brother. Did not go over well, but I don't really care. It was still worth saying (and hopefully people will think a bit more thoughtfully about it too).

We could definitely all do more; I do my best to put dents in it when I can, but with varying degrees of success I'm sure

List of Ezran focused fics for anyone who wants em! (to the dashboard, i know i've missed some, so please feel free to add 'em)

Ezran appreciation week day 1: animals

3 shot collection on AO3

Ezran dealing with possessed Callum (post s4)

Opeli & Ezran drabble 1

Ezran & Rayla oneshot

Opeli & Ezran oneshot + future oneshots

Chessmaster Ezran oneshot

i hope i wake up young again: Soren is the “best crownguard,” ten years in the making. Ezran&Soren, 3.7k

if i am the king: then you have to let me go.“ Ezran and Corvus make their way back to Katolis, times three. 3.2k

ezran contemplates viren’s death

ezran and ethari’s first meeting (pre s4)

will not be denied: Per the monarchs of old, King Ezran is visited by Lady Justice in a dream. 1.5k, Ezran centric

can my eyes rest: otherwise known as how many autistic Ezran headcanons can I fit into one ficlet

Other relevant tags perhaps: autistic!Ezran, let Ezran be messy, chessmaster ezran, ezran's council, ezris (for ezran/ellis) and ezran x aanya, ezranedit

Upcoming Ezran projects:

Canon divergent Ezran & Kasef focused oneshot

why is it a monster: Ezran finds Aaravos' mirror first.

Ezran oneshots/drabbles about missing Rayla during the timeskip; feelings about his mother's death; bonding with Ibis in 3x09; etc.

Aforementioned Janai&Ezran parallels piece

great responsibility: Modern AU. Ezran gets bit by a radioactive spider. feat. Rayla as his boxing trainer and Callum as an overprotective big brother while he becomes the superhero he's destined to be

#ezran #tdp ezran #thanks for asking #anonymous #in regards to #like the two main characters introduced in S4 were both men of colour #terry (we support trans wrongs) and karim #and it's like. they deserve way more than what they get #i should write more terry & haven't written canon karim yet either i need to get on that

[wackus-bonkus-maximus]

I'm curious how you perceive Luka in the show. I love what you've been doing with Luka in "one does not love breathing", with accentuating personality traits that we've seen evidence of in the show - Luka lying to Marinette about not knowing Ladybug and Chat Noir's identities, and not speaking up in Ephemeral about knowing Chat's identity, even though it was pertinent to Ladybug's plan (I wasn't too happy about that plan, but it's not relevant here), seem like the inspiration for Luka's whole "stay quiet about what I know because if I rock the boat it could cause harm" stance in your fic. The show didn't really make it clear why Luka made those decisions, but through your Luka's actions, I can better see what might have been going through Luka's head in the show.

My own feelings towards Luka have always been... frustrating. He's a nice, kind guy, no doubt, with most of what we saw of him in seasons 2 and 3 were just him being selflessly enamored with Marinette, but without any of the negative feelings that I'd normally expect from anyone who's pining over an unrequited love. I can sort of see why he was popular for that - he's about as unproblematic of a dream boyfriend as you could get - but I just couldn't look at his depictions and reactions in the show and make him into a full person, with his own thoughts, feelings, problems, and complex internal emotional world, especially since he mostly seemed to exist for Marinette. The big standout during that period that helped to develop him further was that 30 second cameo where he interacted with his sister, since it showed his feelings and interactions with someone else he cared about.

I did get a lot more from him in season 4, with him being frustrated and hurt about Marinette vanishing on him all the time, even if he still took it insanely well. I loved seeing that he can have negative feelings for his own sake, not just for Marinette's, and that he has some emotional baggage of his own, with his mom refusing to mention who his dad was. I still have struggled with understanding him at times - like trying to figure out what he was thinking that prompted him to directly lie to Marinette when she asked him whether he knew hers and Chat's identities - but they do show some more complex character traits, even if I'm not completely sure of what they are. Though I like your idea of what character trait prompted him to do that.

Anyway, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on what makes Luka tick in the show. I don't see many of analyses of him that I agree with - either they're overly negative and ascribe some form of malice or abuse to his actions (which is nonsense, Luka doesn't have a mean bone in his body), or they're overly positive, and put a spin on his actions as being more wholly virtuous than I think is warranted (like the whole "he sacrificed his honesty in Wishmaker because it would freak Marinette out if he answered her question truthfully, he's so selfless, only thinking of what's best for her" thing).

*cracks knuckles* buckle up breathers and breatheren, it's luka analysis time.

to start off, the show doesn't do the greatest job with consistency. sometimes its own characters will be ooc, especially marinette and adrien. in dearest family, she despairs over stealing galette when she's never had an issue with it before, and adrien dates marinette without telling her is identity in cat blanc (something i really don't think is consistent with his character but w/ever). if you see an inconsistency in my analysis of luka, it might be because of the show's flawed depiction of his character.

that being said, i knew the minute luka learned ladybug and chat noir's identities and decided to do NOTHING that he was an enneagram type 9, just like me. way to put me back on my enneagram shit again. I even have him typed as a 9 in my miraculous enneagram post if you're interested in that.

i liked luka fine in the show until wishmaker, when they finally gave him potential. he then became one of my favorite characters because he became interesting. you look at him on the outside and you see a guy who's easy to get along with, understands everyone's points of view, and will lend a listening ear when you need him. these are what make him such a nice person and probably why everyone in the show likes him. i mean, marinette broke up with him after lying to him for quite some time and still didn't tell him anything, and he comforted her with a hug because he could tell she was going through it. after wishmaker, it is very clear he is afraid of rocking any boat he's in because he's actually really afraid of causing conflict. for luka, conflict = separation (exemplified by his parents' relationship), and if he is separated from people he cares about, he will be alone.

luka is someone who is always trying to make connections with people by understanding them. he likes to listen to everyone's "inner melodies," which i think is just lukaspeak for comprehending people in depth and seeing their perspective. i truly think he gets stuck in other people's perspectives rather than his own, as evidenced by how he refused to speak up about ladybug's plan in ephemeral and how he gently guided marinette to adrien by telling her "knowing the whole other side of someone helped me love them more." it's my opinion that luka thinks he's less important than the people he cares about, and so in a sense "goes to sleep" to his own wants, needs, feelings and opinions. this is why he doesn't tell marinette and adrien the truth in the show, and what i expanded on in odnlb; luka really just did not know what to do, and before he knew it six years had gone by, and he didn't know silence could be so dangerous.

a lot of people said they "forgot" about luka in odnlb until chapter 7, when he was facetiming adrien. i actually really really loved that because it was just so LUKA of him to be forgotten. he doesn't think he's important compared to marinette or adrien, and so he talks to them about their issues and ignores his own need for growth/action. luka's sin is sloth, which might sound like the least harmful of all the 7 deadlies but which i think i've shown can be extremely sabotaging to others and to himself. it's also a character trait i've not seen portrayed too often, but whenever i do the characters are really interesting. those of you who don't have this issue will easily think, "all he has to do is SPEAK." well, that's literally the hardest thing for him to do! because if he does, he's going to rock the boat and lose connection, and that's the thing he's afraid of most.

this was a great ask, @flightfoot! i love all your questions but this has been my favorite so far!

#one does not love breathing #odnlb #odnlb discussion #luka couffaine #miraculous ladybug #enneagram type 9 #lmk if you guys want more analyses on different characters #i'm so ready to give them #i could go on and on about this for hours but i'm cutting myself off #ywc

[phantombanquet]

Blue Lock - A long interview with Tasuku Kaito, who plays the role of Meguru Bachira!

Date Released: February 6, 2022

Translation by: phantombanquet

We bring you a long interview with Tasuku Kaito, who plays the role of Meguru Bachira! The interview is full of interesting topics such as his impression of the original work, the appeal of “Blue Lock” and Meguru Bachira, and so on.

Please take a look.

“What are your impressions of the original work, and what are its highlights?”

Tasuku Kaito: It is a kind of work that draws you into the development of the story and keeps you turning the pages. I used to play soccer myself, so there were a lot of things I could relate to, like the necessary thinking needed in order to play soccer, and the play style of the players. I thought that it was an “egoistic” youth sports manga, with each scene making my hands sweat from the plot twists.

After all, I think the point of interest is “ego”. The appearing characters are aware of their own weapons, polish them, and aim for the goal with the will to not lose to anyone. The most appealing aspect of this work is the bare “ego” that says: I'm going to do it, not someone else.

“Kaito-san, do you have an 'ego' yourself?”

Tasuku Kaito: It's striving to finish what I've decided to do until the end. I think no one can beat me in regards to that, and I don't want to give that up. I don't want to compromise on anything because if I do, I won't continue to grow, so I think this is the part of my “ego” that I don't want to lose to anyone else.

“Could you please tell us the charms of Meguru Bachira when you play as him?”

Tasuku Kaito: I think it’s charming that he goes ahead on his own. It’s a bit difficult to push forward with your goal in a situation where someone is holding back. There were times where I found myself hesitating in certain situations, so I find Bachira’s egocentric attitude charming.

Besides, Bachira doesn't think of difficulties as difficulties, but rather, he enjoys it. Usually, when a wall blocks my way, I think in a somewhat negative way like, “what should I do...”, but in Bachira's case, he treats difficulties as a positive thing, and it's amazing to think that he has that kind of instinct to figure out what he should do to climb over the wall in front of him.

“What do you keep in mind when you play as Bachira?”

Tasuku Kaito: This character has plenty of scenes where he is lively, but I have low energy, so I usually tell myself: “This scene (involving Bachira) is set in a fun setting, so let's wind up the tension!”. I try to give importance in sympathizing with his feelings.

During the post-recording, Director (Tetsuaki) Watanabe-san and Sound Director (Fumiyuki) Goh-san gave me advices like, “Bachira is a high school student, but has an innocent, childlish side, so it's best to not keep a strange appearance for him,” and “Why don't you try acting as energetically and innocently as a young boy having fun?”, so I play as Bachira with these in mind.

“Bachira has a lot of scenes involving Yoichi Isagi, but did you have any previous meetings with Kazuki Ura, who plays the role of Yoichi Isagi, before the recording?”

Tasuku Kaito: Personally, there are several famous seniors, who are like heavenly beings to me, that also appear in this cast, and I think we have to value a part of our feelings and passion for the characters we play, so that we won't be at a disadvantage. Since Isagi and Bachira often interact together, we both talked about how it would be nice if we could borrow the hearts of our seniors, put together our feelings into the drama, and give it our all while we grow alongside each other.

“Are there any characters that are similar to you, or any characters that you admire because they are completely different from you?”

Tasuku Kaito: I have a strong negative-like side myself, so, in a way, I think I am similar to (Aoshi) Tokimitsu. He also has a very negative attitude, so I could really relate to his worries and how his mind works, which he doesn't show. (Laughs)

I guess the character that I admire is (Shoei) Barou. I think it’s cool how he gives importance to his own pride, pushing forward on his own path and sticking to it until the end as a king, regardless of what anyone else says. As a man, I really admire the way he shows off his sheer strength. And as the story progresses, Barou’s overly helpful and a little bit of his mischievous side also comes out; I think the gap between that and his usual attitude is one of his charms.

“Lastly, please give a few words to the fans for the release of the TV anime.”

Tasuku Kaito: The original work is intense, entertaining, and well-known. It is the kind of work that allows you to feel the growth of Isagi, Bachira, and every single character. While I perform as Bachira, I am also growing as I encounter challenges one at a time. I am recording the anime alongside the performances of my seniors, feeling every day that the anime will be as “egoistic” and breathtaking as the original work. I hope you look forward to its release.

Thank you for today!

The “Blue Lock” TV anime is scheduled to air in 2022.

Further information will be released at any time on the official website and official Twitter (@BLUELOCK_PR)!!

Please also check out Meguru Bachira’s character PV released on YouTube!

▼ Meguru Bachira Character PV

Original Interview

#blue lock #bllk #bllk translation #bachira meguru #seiyuu #kaito tasuku #phantombanquet #phantombanquet blue lock

[unproduciblesmackdown]

april autism acceptance month posting, the musings of (going for Self Acceptance as well) from the desk of milo unproduciblesmackdown....

mostly just having reflected on like, huh, might be that By And Large one is more nonspeaking than one thinks....that i've Been like "well sure in person i'm usually markedly Quite Quiet but also secretly a mile a minute chatterbox." like already aware of factoring in the Quietness in terms of like, generally always having been in everyday situations where i don't Want to talk. which also means being aware of like, someone the other day was talking about how the ""normal"" approach (which is not even simply Non Autistic, just the "ideals" in any sense that are Not That, yet positioned as such, to the disempowering Othering of others/anything else) is that verbal exchanges are often nigh exclusively about coming into it with some Goal in mind and just being dead set on that exact inflexible outcome / the other person's input can probably really only get in the way of that. used to be asked How Was Work by family and if i answered in the accurate negative would be told how it wasn't that bad actually; then why even ask. nowadays i know i'm virtually only spoken to to say something At Me; the other day frustrated by this & had an "exchange" where, when being [Talked At] for a sec, didn't really verbally respond at all, which was not considered a wrench in the proceedings in the least, as i expected........relevantly as well, i'm v aware of Talking becoming markedly more difficult if drained &/or stressed (or, w/immediate relevancy, the Talking being especially miserable atm, causing that exhaustion/stress w/high efficiency). that somewhat more Freestyle "normal" communication can include "you have to speak to acknowledge another person's presence, or its hostile" and that speaking is the especially Hollow Scriptathon of things like, getting hit with the "how are you [misgendering]" which, absorb the punch of misgenderment, gear up for Speaking which also is already "wrong," too much delay, remember that you never answer How Are You with how you are, and sometimes just not Pretending to answer and just repeating the question is not particularly more negatively regarded than any other way you approach it

musing on the [it's all bizarre but definitely getting shit for being audhd / nonbinary] childhood / first twenty yrs of life mysteries, like, well when being lectured as it were, which was nothing if not an intensified hollow scriptathon (see: the perfectly harmonious resonance in "how you navigate existing around an abuser" and "how you navigate existing anywhere but expressly personally friendly/safe spaces, being autistic") too demeaning to be borne, where it would be wrong to not make eye contact, then making forced eye contact (and learning how to just like, approach it as a [go through the motions] detached thing) was also wrong, it was wrong to not seem distressed and also to seem distressed; and it's like oh yeah back then & even now i can be as Stressed as anything but there's always a shift where if i make myself Talk i may cry like immediately, which i virtually never do out of otherwise being unhappy/stressed. there's how one of my most genuine friendships in elementary school (the autistic time as well of: many/more friendships from all public school times were other people Deciding we should be "friends;" sometimes this being like, the friend In Charge, and then: me, conveniently) was one where i don't think we actually Spoke. may not be a typical neurotypical thing. there's also the fact our being Distracted by interacting, that is, [not talking] during not even a lesson where the stakes were like "you haven't put this sheet in your folder at the exact time Instructions demanded you to, no sooner or later???" was punished more dramatically (and individually. classic) than i ever saw anyone get for Being Distracted / Not Paying Attention or certainly for talking. very nd of me for that too; like the Especial disdain teachers would have if i Was talking and too caught up in the exchange to notice it was supposed to be the quiet times now, which of course was wilfull disrespect for authority.....like oh but believe me i have that too lmfao, and these instances do not counter it. f for my friendship with jacqueline b/c we weren't allowed to sit next to each other and the disproportionate/extraordinary qualities of the response made it so it was hardly clear we were even allowed to interact at all, for all intents and purposes. great

certainly verbality at all can be a whole challenge too overall, but w/focus on the speaking....truly the mile a minute speaking / voluminous writing of things Happens, but it's sure when i get to talk About something, and the High Motivation boost of [whatever's being talked about] is quite necessary b/c it sure still takes effort lol....This is taking effort, to be sure. meanwhile there's also the damper of like, people's Disinterest / Dismissal meaning that just b/c you talk doesn't mean anyone hears you, to an extent it's nigh literal lol, beyond double empathy problem misunderstanding (plus that: ppl know they don't have to understand, &/or can choose to (pretend to) misunderstand / know they don't get it, but don't have to) there's also just like, not bothering to process what you say; being the one talked over like you weren't saying anything, lack of any response at all like you weren't saying anything, someone else cutting in and you may as well no longer be here / nth wheeling in any group. the times i've had to say something which needs a response / to be absorbed, and fighting for my life doing so / reiterating like half a dozen times / repeating this later, multiple times, b/c i know someone may give you the "politeness" of Looking At You / nominal spoken stock responses, while not absorbing it / forgetting it after 5 sec..........to be sure, times i've had an extensive, specific, belabored exchange (plus alllll the extra effort to emphasize Amicability in it) that got such responses, only to have it later clear they didn't actually absorb the point they'd apparently gone "right, okay" to. times i've [that] and then 5 min later had the person i'd talked to come over to be like "oh did you say [the thing i said to them]" only b/c some third party had overheard and actually processed it, then in turn had what They conveyed to that person i'd talked to actually listened to; had "i am once again asking" agonies multiple times over months & months only eventually fulfilled, spontaneously, by someone else entirely....

also that, when i Was able to having amicable, comfortable, in-person exchanges, my ""small talk"" friendly engagement to nonhostilely acknowledge someone / have an exchange involves Verbal Bits (running gag for Dinnermaking Convo to pretend to be on iron chef, and all named chef geoff, for example) or Nonverbal Ones (entering one's peripheral vision and dancing until acknowledged, to be funny, or ignored, also to be funny) or even simply that the amicability can come from other people, in spite of it all, by just not interpreting my operating while being myself and not constantly going out of my way to try to expressively reassure someone i'm friendly to them being met with [people just not deciding they hate me and/or i am beneath them] like, some great times lol. friendships where we didn't Really start talking for eons, and i go "guess people gotta be patient" like well sure lol. and then they gotta like how i Do interact

and the next bit of "can't believe you keep learning; realizing things" is just going like "ohh wait, was thinking of one's inherent value within a framework of [noninherent value you can so totally Bootstraps Earn we swear]" lol like....even in terms of like "nd people are the backbone of your fandom" type things like, well yeah they are; and that "sometimes people think it's neat that you can draw" like yeah it is and sometimes they really are; but that it's like, but Forget It re: thinking of that like "well so that Makes Up For [being autistic] as it might usually negatively impact socializing by 'normal' standards" like, to hell with making up for anything. i like to post about interests and draw about them and it's fun when people enjoy them and it can be fun to Talk About something / interact through that; it's not like "ableism: over" nor making up for anything, and what can really come of thinking it has to be Valued by how it might make other people see You as more inherently worthwhile yourself than they otherwise would've, right. i'm like "well i don't always express myself xyz ways but at least i do in other ways i suppose" but end the sentence before the But. i'm not As Good(tm) As Allistic through the [expressing myself] i do through drawing, and that's fine b/c autistic ppl having talents people value isn't the antiableism key lol. next i can be [tfw autistic ppl try to go Above & Beyond at work to "make up for" being autistic] or employers being like "hey maybe hire autistic people" not to be Inspirationally Inclusive in theory or whatever but b/c it's like, they'll be exploitable / valuable as exploited employee. like how autistic people get fired or burned out and then it's like whoops, we need like 5 new hires to replace them; who wasn't promoted, paid, or recognized as doing 6 ppl's work. everything being [popularity contest] actually. not to say Posting For Fun is the exact same as formal job lmfao nor randos like employers; but essences remain, see: that resonance with [reacting to abuser's attention] behavior and [interacting with randos out & about, trying to be deemed Friendly Normal Correct enough] behavior. the throughline that people won't regard you as having inherent value unless they regard people as having inherent value, on principle

i do have peak success like, an art post is very tl;dr billboard for Your Existence lol. and then if people are interested enough in whatever brand of [saying shit] i do? probably promising start to whether interactions with me won't be [their interest is exhausted within a day] lol. find some fellow nd people by crossing paths via interest, which is a Talk About Something thing. and even then, of course, you're not guaranteed friends with every other nd person. Spontaneous Alignments, everyone's friend....while at this juncture it's like, hmm, maybe i Am actually not like. theoretically interested in [i want to have new friendships] lmao. thinking about what they're supposed to be? what i could even think of them hypothetically being? invokes no [i want that] feelings. thinking of someone else saying, in a different context, how he doesn't think anyone's Guaranteed any kind of companionship, which i agree with (vs. ppl talking about it like Bootstraps Merit like yes you can Deserve a romantic partner, and Deserve friends too, and a general appeal/likability/personableness will be concomitant w/a Deserving person); thinking of someone else talking abt, in a different context, how her experience being racially othered means she just doesn't end up liking being around people at all / prefers being alone. the first guy talking about how he doesn't Preclude new relationships but he also approaches w/deliberation like, navigating being content being alone. thinking abt stuff talking about [autistic ppl who want romantic relationships] that mention ppl having to go ahead and work on being okay with the idea they may very well never have one. the questioning of [relationships] and [community] in a consciously political context; what's it mean for someone to have Relationships, be in a Community, would that be Required of them for them to deserve / get to expect to receive [xyz] that everyone theoretically would. thinking of relationality as acknowledgment of the realities of ways things, incl people, affect each other, the results of that

that's about all lol might "ideally" be more nonspeaking than i gave myself credit for; only shifting towards "i give myself inherent value on principle and can only be regarded as having inherent value by others Also on principle" like no [bootstrapping earning shit] as a way to also see value in what i do either lol

#extremely delayed BaDumTsh yesterday like ''oh yeah that fanbase that Was smallish for several years that i Was generally active in and Was #trying to socialize in b/c it seemed like the thing you do?'' like yeah i knew i could barely bring myself to talk in an overall groupchat #(b/c i don't like real time exchanges usually; hadn't really talked directly much w/many of the people in it lol) and i also know that this #trepidation was interpreted as ''well they were invited but guess they don't wanna participate'' lmao like classique. which in turn is like #yeah now i'm really loath to just pop in lol. and say something for a [oh shit did salsa kill someone's parents] effect #and i also already knew that there were like two or three Other groupchats for that fandom i was not at all privy to over the yrs lmao #but yesterday it was like ''oh that was a general groupchat everyone was in? yeah i never even heard of that one lmao'' #which if The Person Reading This is who told me: do not be embarrassed lol it is Extremely Irrelevant emotionally #like i Already learned from those experiences [yeah i wasn't in the gcs] and [yeah i was peripheral socially] and [yeah i always felt kinda #out of place / agonized Trying to socialize More / Right b/c it was just clearly: gonna be like that lmao] #like being that backbone of a fandom ndly or being that [your posts are approved] contributor: you're still a rando; still autistique w/it #never ''made up for'' anything and would never have #shoutout to us second graders becoming friends through spontaneous indoor recess lego parallel play #enough of a: #long post xoxox

[jangyeevns]

sorry if this is old new also u don’t have to post this but one of my first discord rp experiences was w zelda & fleur and they literally made me feel like a villain for a whole month bc of their lack of communication + blocking me but then fleur unblocked me and kept joining my rps (to snoop and vaguely try to plot and act like nothing ever happened) so i’m glad u and others have been saying stuff cuz these people seriously made me feel like a menace to the rpc 💀

i'm definitely gonna answer because when don't i have something to say? LMAO

i can't speak to the zelda claims that have circulated since i've never interacted with them myself, so this is strictly an issue with fleur for me. i wasn't villainized until i got in the way of one of her potential endgames for her muse, in fact we were friends beforehand, but i look back on what we would talk about and can only feel pure disgust because i was a villain then, at least in my mind.

what was said at that time will never see the light of day because i ( and the other mun she befriended in our three way dm ) deeply regret fuelling her spite, jealousy and manipulative bullshit and don't care to have her use any receipts i have to suit her narrative or harass these muns even further, and i hate having the knowledge that i allowed her any influence over my judgment of others, over a lot of things actually. it’s not something i have to disclose necessarily as most would hate to put themselves in a negative light, but it’s to show not only accountability for what i myself participated in ( it was giving mean girls 2 vibes . calling it the og would inflate someone’s ego i’m sure ), but also that i have been on more than one side of fleur's fury and don't care to have others deal with it, end of.

... except not, because this is gonna be a whole rant FJSKGKDK

you are most definitely NOT a villain if fleur of all people claimed that you were back then, when she was in a position of authority and has famously used being an admin to her abusive advantage. i'm so sorry you've been on the receiving end of her god awful behaviour, but you're in pretty great company if i do say so myself 💅🏻 i can imagine it's difficult for anyone with that kind of history with another mun to have them in their own groups time and time again, especially when her behaviour has never strayed from the basic m.o. she's outed herself for ( by being a pathological liar in Everyone's dms ), but i hope this allows people to take a step back and consider the possible façade those like fleur will don to gain the attention and approval they so desperately crave.

at this point, receipts aren't necessary for me to believe someone, because i know what i've been through and my truth, as well as the experiences of a handful of other muns that correlate to everything that's been discussed this week – most of it we discussed months ago, so it tells you how easily you can find people in the community who've had a fucking bizarre encounter with her and how insane it is that it took this long to bring it into a more public space. you are valid, your stance is more than justified and if you get rude ass anons for deciding to call her ass out? don't mind her sheep ( and fleur disguising herself as one ), they don't know any better even at their big ages.

the gaslighting and harassment are out there now, and while i'm sure she'll still creep up with her new discord and attempt to do as she always does, i would assume other muns will be more vigilant moving forward and that's what matters most to me in all of this; sure, i'm being petty as fuck when she's brought up or when she invades my boundaries that me blocking her should've made VERY obvious, but my concern lies with the other muns she could manipulate, terrorize and use to her heart's content. they don't deserve to deal with that shit nor should we pipe down just because it bothers others, 2023 is the year of accountability and people can either join the movement or fuck right off 🤷🏻‍♀️

#.. okay i went Off #and for what? idk but i said what i said anyways gkdkf #glad you felt like you could come forward like this though !! we need more people to speak up in these situations #answered.

[solarcas]

okay so I made this fanart of cas in lingerie back in february which I did post back then, but it got like. Almost no notes so I felt weird abt it and deleted. BUT i'm still actually kinda proud of it from a technical view point like the shading is very *chef's kiss* so should I repost in like. The name of pride

#would anyone wanna see #would that be anything #if anyone at all interacts w this post i'm putting it back up but positive comments appreciates bc i'm a leetle scared off #lingerie mention

[kerie-prince]

change of pace

Fred Weasley x Slytherin!reader

requested: (@pinkdevile) hey bae, can i request a one shot or headcanon about fred being whipped by one of ron classmates that is a non-pureblood slytherin and kind of prodigy in magic and how would he react to her being a typical dry slytherin and being a prodigy and good at everything?

summary: What happens when a red lion who lives in the moment falls for a green snake with plans for her future? Romance, of course.

a/n: stereotypical, yes but i had fun writing this :) also, i know my posting schedule keeps changing, so sorry about that 🥺 i got lots of requests (thank you guys SO much!) and i'm trying to not make them all sound the same. i'm looking up synonyms and all that stuff lol

(gif cred)

You were the least Slytherin person in your house. But maybe that's made you even more of a Slytherin. Your traits were that of a typical member of the house of snakes. No, you weren't a rude bitch; you had ambition that rivaled that of a Gryffindor and it wasn't even one of their traits. You aimed for the stars and your pride proved that you could do that and more. You are the best witch of your class, and maybe even your school.

And it was this reputation that caught the attention of someone who is quite the polar opposite. You were calm and collected. He was a wild card and unpredictable. Fred Weasley had his eyes on you and was going crazy for you. It all started when one day, he was with his friends and brothers in the Great Hall during lunch when you had walked up to Ron and Harry, “Hey Ron, were my notes able to help you?”

“Yeah, loads. Thank you, Y/N.” Lee was in the middle of a conversation with his best friends when he noticed Fred wasn't responding to anything he was saying. “Mate, you okay?” When you walked to your table, Fred scooted closer to his younger brother, “Dearest brother, how are you?”

“What do you want?” Ron saw right through him. He knew when Fred wanted something from him, just like now.

“Well I’m offended that you would assume something,” Fred held a hand over his chest with a fake offended look on his face, “can’t a person ask about the well being of his baby brother?” Ron had a deadpan expression and Harry was laughing at Fred’s exaggeration. “Fair enough. Who was that?”

“Who? Y/N? She’s in mine and Harry’s class, why?” Ron had taken a large bite from his turkey leg.

“What’s she like?” Fred inquired. Ron thought about it for a minute, “Dunno, she’s pretty quiet.”

“If I didn't know any better, I’d say that Freddie here fancies someone,” George teased. The surrounding friends laugh and point towards Fred. “I don’t fancy anyone. I’m just asking a simple question.”

Hermione and Ginny later joined the group. “What’s all this fuss about?” Hermione questioned.

“Fred’s asking about Y/L/N,” Harry caught Hermione up to speed. “Why? You’re not thinking of doing anything to her, are you?” Hermione started to scold the older boy.

“Why is it that you lot always think I’m up to no good,” Fred sighed.

“Because you’ve never been up to any good,” Ginny teased her older brother. Fred rolled his eyes and turned back to try and find you at your table. You had a couple of friends with you and a small book in your hand as you ate. Fred was determined to get your attention somehow.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

You sat in the library by yourself. You had spent the majority of the afternoon grading first years’ papers for Snape’s class and working with Hermione and Katie on a project for Ancient Runes. Giving up your weekends to study wasn't all that bad. The feeling of being on top was rewarding.

It was funny; your parents had stopped caring about your grades all together because they already knew what they were going to read. Not that they weren't supportive or proud of you. At family gatherings on your father’s side, he loved seeing the looks on his relatives’ faces when he boasted that you were the best student at Hogwarts.

But they have told you on many occasions that it wouldn't kill you to have at least one E. They wanted you to be able to have a normal teen life and have fun. Go to parties, get in trouble every now and then. You assured them that you were fine and all and even believed it yourself. You never had interest in breaking the pattern you had set.

The library was nearing its closing time and you packed your things. When you walked out the grand doors, a tall figure came in front of you and nearly knocked down all the books you carried. His hands caught whatever you couldn't hold before it hit the floor.

“Sorry about that,” you looked up at the towering boy. Your breath slightly hitched at the sight of his attractive face. His cheekbones were defined and his skin looked soft. You didn’t realize that you were staring, nor that he was also staring at you as well. Finally, he spoke up and handed you the book he was holding for you. “I believe this is for you.”

His mouth moved, but you were so distracted that it didn't occur to you he had actually said anything until you saw him looking at you expectedly. “Oh, thank you.” You started heading towards the dungeons when he jogged towards and stopped in front of you. “Aren’t you in the same class as Ron?”

“Yes, how did you know that?”

“I saw you talk to him the other day,” he told you. “I’m Fred.” He reached to shake your hands but then pulled it back when he remembered that your hands were full at the moment.

Ah, so this is Fred you thought. You've heard of him, who hasn't? Years of being at Hogwarts, tales of him and his equally devilish brother creating havoc around campus have traveled from one student to another. How you two had never seen one another until this point was surprising. It’s not like Hogwarts was a large school, but it wasn't small either.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.” You nodded your head towards him to replace a handshake. Ten seconds of silence caused you to walk past him and return to the path to the dungeons. “W-wait!” Fred called out.

He stood in front of you once again, one of his hands positioned in front of you to block you from walking past him again. “Would you like to get a butterbeer tomorrow?”

If there was anything you didn't like, it was being put on the spot. And another thing? Your routine being disturbed. Your Sunday was all planned out. Helping Sprout with her greenhouse to earn extra house points, tutoring some younger years, and getting a head start on your homework that wasn't even due for another week.

“I’m sorry, but no.” You gave him an apologetic smile as you walked away. Once again, he ran in front of you but this time merged with you and actually caused all of your books to fall.

“Merlin, I’m so sorry,” he bent down to help you pick them up. Fred usually isn't this clumsy or nervous. He usually charms his way through anything, but he was becoming like putty out of nowhere. “Okay, well what about Honeydukes next Saturday?”

“Sorry, but no again.” You started walking away for the nth time and turned around to look at him for the last time, “Please don’t follow me again.” And you were gone. But did this mean that Fred gave up on any chance he had? No. Far from it. If anything, it gave him reason to want to try harder.

He walked all the way to the Gryffindor house and luckily found Hermione studying in the common room with Pavarti and Lavender. There was a spot open next to her and when Ginny was about to take the spot, Fred grabbed her arm and pulled her away to steal the seat.

“Um, excuse you, I was going to sit–”

“Tell me everything you can about Y/N,” Fred interrupted his sister.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

He had tried to learn as much as he could about you. Fred learned that you had the top grades. Much like Harry did, you had learned the Patronus Charm before not only before your own class, but even Fred’s charms class. Your dad's a wizard, and your mum's a muggle. But most importantly, you were a picture perfect student, and although you didn't have any apparent hobbies, you picked up just about everything with ease.

A couple of weeks had passed and every other day, Fred had made any type of excuse to come see you.

‘Oh, my next class is in this direction’ It wasn't.

‘I like that book, too!’ You were, in fact, not holding a book but your personal journal.

‘Funny running into you here!’ It was in the Great Hall during breakfast.

Now, you didn't hate these interactions. They didn't do anything to your routine, and they were actually cute attempts to get your attention. But you didn't think you had any time for anything else. Or anyone else.

“You should give him a chance, Y/N/N. Live a little. I think the top student can take a bit of time for herself at least once,” your friend Millicent advised. Astoria agreed with her, “He’s cute~.” You slightly blushed in your book and pushed their arms away.

“I’ve never been on a date before,” you whispered. The two girls looked at each other confused before turning back to look at you. “Huh?”

“I’ve never been on a date before!” You flinched when you realized your voice was louder than intended. Your friends laughed when you looked towards the Gryffindor table to make sure Fred didn't hear you. He was talking to his friends, so that meant he didn't. Only he did, but felt your eyes on him so he pretended he didn't.

“So this is the perfect reason to go out with him! Go ask him out,” Millie pushed. She was persistently tapping on your arm until you eventually stood up. You took a deep breath to gather confidence and walked towards the table of red and gold.

When Fred's eyes met yours, you turned around and walked out of the Hall. He stood up from his seat and chased after you. He kept bumping into people, including Filch in the hallways. Filch yelled for him to stop, but of course Fred ignored him and kept going.

Momentarily, he lost you in the crowd of mixed color robes until he saw you sitting by yourself on a bench under a tree. He walked towards your direction and asked you with his eyes if he could take the seat next to you. You scooted down more to let the tall boy sit down.

Neither of you said anything for a few moments. You fiddled with your fingers on your lap and he stared up at the sky. “Nice day, innit?” Fred started the conversation. “Yes, it is.”

“Good weather to go walking around Hogsmeade” Fred tried one last attempt in asking you out.

“It would be,” you accepted.

He let out a sigh in defeat, “I know I ask a lot, but maybe just this once– wait, what did you say?” You looked up at him and smiled for the first time. His heart skipped a beat and the butterflies fluttered about inside.

“I’ll go with you.” He was so excited that he jumped up and did an air punch of victory. You laughed to yourself and when he looked at you, you had an eyebrow raised. He blushed in embarrassment and scratched the back of his neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Promptly at 2 in the afternoon in front of the Slytherin dorms. Don’t be late,” you stood up with confidence. You walked back to the Hall to tell your friends, cheeks warmed and ears blushing. “So?” Astoria asked.

“It’s just a date, that's it,” you sounded nonchalant about it, but the smile on your face said differently. You were excited for your day with Fred and for all, unpredictable adventures to come.

A much needed change of pace.

—

requests open!

#fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #requested #requests open #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x slytherin!reader #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x y/n #harry potter imagine #fred x you #fred x reader #fred x slytherin!reader #fred x y/n

[indimlights]

✨Merry christmas Cille✨

To: @birthdaysentiment 💛

-> From: @indimlights (Rodrigo)

Hi Cille! I guess it's up to me to kick off this "little" surprise but I don't even know where to start...

I remember really well the first time I saw a post of yours, I was still lurking back then and the moment I read it I felt so many things, things I don't know how to describe and that I never thought words could make me feel and I knew, I just knew that I had to see more. Fast-forward a couple of hours I knew your blog by heart, I had looked at so many of your posts and every single one was as amazing as the first one, as touching as the first one and as deep as the first one.

The meaning you put on words still gets to me every single day, you have such a way into them and don't even get me started on your music analysis. The moment I read the first one I was mind-blown! The things you catch, the connections you make between the music and the scene, the way you describe the scenes, it makes me go back, relive the moment and feel everything I felt the first time I watched it and all this just by... reading your words! If that doesn't tell me how amazing you are with them I don't know what will.

From that day I always wished I could talk to you, get to know the person behind the words, behind the masterpieces, behind the blog because you seemed like such a sweet person and now... After some time, I got that chance and I'm so happy I got it. You are everything I thought you would be and 1000x more, you are sweet, caring, smart, loving, wise, joyful and so supportive to me and to everyone in this community! You always spread love and that's so important and so nice of you to do, the way you write essays in the tags for everyone's posts just shows that! It's such a simple thing but means so much.

And I'm not even mentioning how talented you are with non-written posts because those are on another level aswell, I mean you always surprise me with your ideas and creativity and just knowing that whenever I come here I will have some sort of attack waiting for me just keeps me going and I love everything you do so much.

I'll never be able to thank you enough for being so welcoming when I barely knew anyone and for making me feel so much more comfortable here! Getting to know you better and to share this experience with someone like you has been a blessing and I wouldn't change any second of it, thank you for everything you have done and for always being so sweet to me. I don't understand what I did to deserve all that but that just shows again how wonderful you are.

I'm wishing you a merry christmas! Surrounded by everyone you love and that makes you happy because you deserve that and so much more, please never change, never stop being like this, a special and wonderful person. I hope you enjoy this surprise :) Have a wonderful day Cille 💛

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-> From: @remy3010 (Remy)

Hihi Cille❤ I love your blog so much especially music analysis! I just fall in love with your music analysis since your first posts.

For me whose mother tongue is not English, it takes a while to read but I'd love to. Because these articles deserve more people to see (including me)！

I have read every article of yours, the content touches me all the time. (Sometimes I have a lot of words want to tell you, But I don’t know how to speak in English..sorry🥺so I give❤ and reblog)

Anyway, thank you for writing beautiful words and sharing with us! I hope you can keep this passion forever, and everything go well. May you have wonderful days my friend ❤

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-> From: @franboos (Francine)

hi bb cille,

wanted to tell u that i love u blog and the time u put into analyzing stuff is shhshdhdhdhd. queen shit. u seen so genuine to talk to idk, i get those nice, non judgmental, relaxed and cool vibes from u. lmao. pls stay on tumblr for as long as u can cuz i love ur posts. u notice such little things in clips from wtfock, like u have a very detailed eye miss hehe. i really want to get to know u more cuz i really think we could vibe v well together, and that’s on perioood 😌. i hope u have a great great day while reading this queen. never stop what you’re doing cuz ur great at it. i love you !!

many kusjes and knuffels*,

fran

(*knuffels means hugs but also stuffed animal in dutch, did u know that? otherwise now u do, nice isn’t it)

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-> From: @dagcutie (Pauline)

hey hey cille!!

I must admit i’m very much a fan of you and your blog

first of all, your posts? chefs kiss!! i mean your music analysis are amazing and so on point, your photo edits are always perfect and the colorings are so beautiful, your long text posts 'drabble/headcanon style' are so cute and always makes me so soft and emotional...

your love for black and white? that’s a big yes!! anyways everything you do is perfect!!

also can we take a moment to appreciate your person? i think we can and we must do it..

you’re always so supportive and kind, all the nice tags you let under peoples creations are so sweet!! I also could cry about how cute you are always leaving lovely messages to people inbox or coming randomly to them to say something nice.. you’re the most beautiful soul and a blessing for this fandom!! please never stop being you!! ily a lot, sending you all my love and i wish you an amazing day<3

knus og kys til dig💛✨

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-> From: @allee-sander (Tanya)

Cille, you are an amazing person. you are so kind and loving. every time i see you on my dash, my face lights up. you are a literal angel. you are loved and appreciated, never forget that.

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-> From: @tsjernobyl (Emma)

Cille, you are a genuinely kind and loving soul who's just on this site to talk about the things you love and spread a little joy and everyone can tell that the moment they go onto your blog. i've seen you be nothing but lovely to everyone you interact with and it's a real honor to be mutuals with you and interact from time to time. You are always one of the sweetest and most supportive people here, and i hope you feel that love flowing back to you at all times because you always have my warmest wishes and love!!!!!

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-> From: @dreamaur (Ann)

How does it feel to be so cool and sweet and supportive??? I love you and your mind and how you see so many details and capture them so well with words,,,queen keep going with your top tier analysis and text posts that make me emotional everything single time

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-> From: @annonymannonym (Alice)

Where do I even begin ummm ... well words may not be enough to describe such angelic human being that Cille is but today is about her *about you Cille* !♡! Honestly I’m so so happy and honoured and so grateful to have meet and know you and come along your blog and your amazing posts and edits , let’s s not forget about the masterpiece that your analysis is cuz I live for every single one of them ! Always so on point and touchy and so so emotionally, they give you a whole new perspective and point of view and helps you connect with the person that goes throught those feelings , helping you understand so much deeper the feelings and the emotions he experience in that right moment( so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking your time and writing these it really shows how much passion and love you put on making these! they absolute helped me to understand and feel much more the meaning behind all these little moments you captured so so well and wonderful ! ) You’re always such a blessing here so lovely friendly so goodhearted and sooo on ... < insert here all the good compliments in the world > cuz they all applies to you ! Know that you’re so special and such a light a sunshine wherever you are and go , you always spread so much positivity and good energy and love and compassion and you support every single people your way comes along with and you shown so much respect and love and understanding ! Always with a wise and thoughtful mind and with the right words at you using them with so much care and mining fullness ! And your blog i love love love it the b&w aesthetic and your love for it owns my heart !! I adore your posts so much ( or ramblings or thoughts as you may call them but know they are so so much more than that its a way of yours to express yourself and open up and pour every feeling you experience and many people found themselves and feel with you , I find myself in them and resonate with them every time ! ahh and your tags that you write in every post are sooo sweet and cute i could read them all day long just coming on your blog and read them makes my day so much better ) they are such a good way to brighten your day and they put a smile on my face whenever i see you on my dash truly a blessing to have you here! Never forget how unique and special human being you are and every one who has you in their lives are very blessed to have you ! Never change being this beautiful inside and out but most importantly inside ! literally a tresure your soul is and must be protected at all cost so take very good care of it ! Don’t forget to always do what makes you happy and gives joy and peace and just you know that good feeling you have in your chest and heart whenever you do something you love and like with passion and joy. I could say so much more but maybe I’ll repeat myself cuz there are never enough compliments to say about how wonderful person you are! you deserve every single one of them ! I really meant every word i said from the bottom of my heart and know that i really apreciate and love all you do and I’ll be here to support you anytime! You deserve the absolute world and more!! love you Cille! ♡ Okey bye✿

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-> From: @robbesdriesen (Bianca)

Cille ~ such a lovely presence to see on my dash always!! Your support towards everyone in the fandom is more than appreciated and so is your love that you continuously aim to spread <3

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-> From: @happilyinsane (Dharaa)

Hey Cille 💕

Just wanted to say that I think you are really sweet and lovely. I see you everywhere on the tumblr. Wanna thank you for keeping this fandom alive during the drought and keep us entertained. I see your tags on people's posts and I always feel like you are so kind and sweet to spend your time appreciating people's work. Doesn't matter if its a photo or an edit or whatever. You are so nice to pay attention to everyone individually. You are such a good friend/mutual, always appreciating and sliding into their asks and just making their day a lil bit better. You definitely bring so many smiles on our faces. I am sure everyone is very thankful to have you in this fandom, I know I am.

I know we haven't interacted that much but thank you for sliding into my asks and giving me an opportunity to interact with you. You are the sweetest, baby. And I hope you like this whole thing that Rodrigo is doing, because you definitely deserve it. Keep lighting up our dashes with your posts, pls. Ilysm 💕

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-> From: @alwaysaneverland (Sarah)

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-> From: @theflowerisblue (Lola)

Cille! You’re such a present part of the tag! You’re always interacting and posting and I love reading what you have to say. Your music analysis are so interesting and I also think you’re really funny! I love your black and white aesthetic and most of all I love how supportive and positive you’re towards everyone!

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-> From: @fvae (Fae)

hi cille!! I'm really glad to have met you through this fandom and I hope you like the surprise!! I loved to read your song analysis because they're always on point and well thought of👌 💯  and your edits!! *chef's kiss*

sending you lots of love and hugs 💕💖💫

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-> From: @embeddedinmybrain (Tasfia)

Hi Cille! You are just a ray of sunshine!! And you are the sweetest and kindest person here. I loved following through with your wtfock music analysis posts bc everything you felt is exactly what I felt. They made me really emotional!! And of course I (and Sarah and Fae) appreciate your tags for moyo season so much. We wait for them and we read them to each other and we just love seeing your reactions to it. Your edits are incredibly amazing too and I love the colouring in them. You are just an amazing sweetheart and I’m so glad to know you 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

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-> From: @veerledejaegers (Soph)

Cille, you are very friendly and sweet, always insightful and seem like an incredibly lovely person that i hope i can get to know better ❤️(also love the black and white aesthetic)

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-> From: @sanderxrobbee (Semri)

Cilleeeeeeeeeeee loml!!!! Merry Christmas to you! I genuinely wish you all the best and I hope you get to spend all the holidays in the best way possible! You’re such a blessing to this fandom because you’re talented in every single way, whether it’s your writing or your godly Photoshop skills, oh and let’s not forget your dedication because you’re there all the time to brighten our days and make us smile. I haven’t known you for long, but I truly love and appreciate all you do and I’m grateful that you always take the time to compliment everything and everyone. You have no idea how much it makes me smile when you say my gifs are good because I’ve yet to learn a lot, but you are seriously one of the biggest reasons I haven’t given up the second something got too complicated. Where am I going with this? No idea. Anyway, I adore the fuck out of you and I’m happy to take part in this “project” because you really deserve all the love in the world. Once again, happy holidays!

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-> From: @hopelessromanticvirgo (Elene)

Talking about you Cille is making me always so emotional but I will try my best not to burst out from love and emotions. You’re one of the sweetest person here and I will never get tired of saying that.

We haven’t talked that much directly but I don’t need that to know you’re one of the greatest person here, I just know that for sure. I’m also sure about it because I can see the way you treat people? Even speaking about your tags? Like you take the time out of your day to make sure everybody gets love and everybody gets attention. You make all of us smile and I adore your tags on my stories. You can’t even imagine how many times I have reread your posts about it, like I crave it, I’m in love with it, it makes me feel so happy and so loved and I’m certain that everybody else feels the same way too. You always know how to make everybody’s day better and how to make them feel special.

And please, don’t even get me started on your posts! Your song analysis. Like I know I’ve told you this thousands of times before but I don’t care, I’m saying it again! The way you pictured and described all those songs and scenes!!! Like wow! I’d always reread your posts about that one specific scene after rewatching the season countless of times. (And you also did so many scenes!! I’m in awe and I’m emo from just thinking about it)

Watching clips were different but reading them with lyrics were a whole other thing. I just felt so connected with the whole story and scenes when I’d ready your posts. And connect scenes with the music and it was the best thing ever. Sometimes I still go back and reread some of my favorite posts of yours. I never get tired of it.

And you’re so kind and so sweet that I could write essays about it! Such a blessing to this world! I just love you a lot okay? Everybody needs somebody like you, somebody who shines from kindness and love and people around you must be so lucky who get to meet you everyday and talk to you!

Thank you so much for everything you do, for being you and for making my day better and making me smile every time you reblog my posts or every time I just see your username on my dashboard! It’s such a small gesture but means so much!

Thank you for existing, babe! I hope you’re gonna have a wonderful day! And I’m sending you the biggest hug and my positive vibes! I hope a smile never leaves your face! And I only wish the best things up onto you! I love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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-> From: @itubainaretro (Esther)

Cille, my queen!!! Hi, sweetheart! Just dropping by to say that I hope you’re having a good day, despite the situation that the world is in, and that you’re feeling happy, loved, cherished and warm today, because you’re you and you deserve to feel all the best feelings in the world! I wish you all the happiness in the world and that all your wishes come true too, because you sure deserve it! Thank you for being this amazing, inspiring, talented and sweet person that you are and that I’ve come to know a little bit in the past few months! I know we don’t exactly talk that much, but I want you to know that I love seeing you, your beautiful edits and your extremely heart warming “moments that live in my head rent free” posts on my dash daily! They all really make my days! Thank you for sharing your posts with us and making this fandom (and the world, honestly) a better place! You’re amazing and I’m really glad I pressed the follow button the day I did when I started following you! I hope this little message makes you smile today, babe! Best wishes and lots and lots of love,

Esther (itubainaretro) ♥️

PS: don’t forget to hydrate yourself, wear a mask and stay safe haha xxxx.

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-> From: @driesendotkom (Marie)

Dear cille,

the reason i‘m writing this is to simply say thank you. thank you for being such a stable part of the fandom. every time i go into the tag i know i will see you there and it makes me smile every time. i can’t tell you how many hours i spent reading every one of your song analysis. even now a year after season 3 ended i find myself going back to them now and then to reminisce and relive those moments all over again.

i also want to say thank you for being such a kind and welcoming person. you care so much about the people you are close to. you are so easy to talk to and you make the people around you feel comfortable instantly. you brought a little bit of hygge into my life and one more time i want to say thank you 💛

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-> From: @driesenrobbe (Becca)

my dear, sweet, cille! you never fail to make me smile and im beyond happy that we became mutuals! im sure i’ve already said this a million times before but you really do have the biggest heart and i couldn’t thank you enough for all the love and support you constantly share to everybody in the wtfock fandom. plus the talent you possess... girllllll i love seeing your edits and reading your posts (honestly your mind is just wowowowow, it’s on a whole other level of incredible and i hope you know just how wonderful you are). also the way you always write entire essays in the tags of other posts... like you really do take the time to make everyone feel so welcomed and loved, and I’m sending you an infinite amount of love and appreciation in return! you really are the sweetest, most caring person who deserves all the happiness in the world, an actual ray of sunshine! i hope you know how loved and cherished you are, and that good vibes are always being sent your way. Many hugs and kusjes, ilysm!!!! <3

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-> From: @mijnlief (Eline)

Dear Cille,

This year has been a weird one, but I do know that it has also been one of the best because of meeting you. In such a short time we became so close, and I am so grateful to have met you during these weird times. We are so alike in many ways and I love that so much. Our Skype conversations are my favorite and the essays you send me about my writing and just about me being me always make me feel happy and loved. You are the kindest and most generous person ever. I hope you know how special you are. I am so proud of you for everything you have achieved this year and for choosing yourself in situations where it got hard to make a choice in the first place. I know I tell you that everyday, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again right here. I hope this post makes you smile, because you deserve that so much for just being who you are. You bring happiness to all of my days and I can’t wait to hug you one day soon when everything in the world calms down again. I love you lots! 🧡 Eline

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-> From: @onzeziggy (Laurien)

My sweetest Cille, where do I even begin? I suggest we should just begin from the very beginning and I’m sorry in advance if this is going to be a long, sappy text! But now that I have the chance (shout out to Rodrigo) for saying everything I want, I’m not able to tell you how long this will take.

So Cille, I still remember very clearly the first time I saw your account appearing on my dash. It was a music analysis from one of the songs from season 3. I was so amazed by it, because I could imagine how much time it takes to make it and observe every little detail in a single clip. I immediately fell in love with the concept of it and one week later, when you posted another one, my mouth dropped to the floor. Another music analysis? From the same person? Who is she and how do I become her friend? After that second post, I immediately started following you and became your little fangirl. I don’t lie when I say I was waiting every week for a new update of your incredible music analysis nor when I say I loved every single one of them (and still do). I know I already said this a million times, but your words of telling what was going on in every clip, about the emotions present in them, and how the music blended all of it together… No one, and I mean no one could have done it any better! I will forever be grateful for those posts and I want to thank you once again for wanting to share them and your talent with us!

After the music analysis adventure, your picture edits catched my eye. I love them so so much and I also took some creation of it for making some myself. Still, I was this little fangirl, knowing your name is Cille, but also wanting to know so much more about the person behind one of my favorite blogs. And now, during this hiatus, I can say I’ve got to know you and I couldn’t be any happier about it! Starting with little comments in each other’s tags, having little chats in the comment sections to screaming about a possible drawing of Robbe from Sander on their one year anniversary. And look at us now, reblogging almost every post and writing essays in each other’s tags hahah! Honestly, it keeps me alive during these times and I’m so glad I can do this together with you! I live for your attacks! Aaaah now that I’m talking about an attack, the fact that you have a dimples post ready is making me so excited and I think about it every day! We both know what’s important in love and life and that’s Robbe’s dimples! But this right here shows once again what an amazing sweet person you are! No one on here has ever done anything like this for me before, so I can’t thank you enough for this and all the other things you did and still do for me! And the privilege I have to be able to call you my friend warms my heart <33

I’m going to end this with a little quote Robbe wrote in one of his Instagram posts. When I read it again a couple of days ago, I immediately thought of you and what we’ve been through together the last few weeks :’)) Once again, thank you so much for everything you do for me and for everyone here in this fandom and being the amazing person you are! You deserve the whole world for it!

“Sometimes it’s like we just met yesterday, but other days it seems like I already know you my whole life, I love you Cille!” <33

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I hope you enjoyed this💛 If you didn't know this community loved you yet (and I don't think that was possible), now you definetly do.

Extra: I'd like to thank once again everyone that took part it this surprise, you are all the sweetest for taking some time to write this and to help me with it! Thank you so so much✨

#Surprise! #Cille this is the least you deserve #but I'm so happy I got to do this #with the help of all this sweet people #I'm wishing you (and everyone) an amazing day! #and never forget that... #we all love you!

[h0lygh0stlings]

Super random and I know I'm spam posting but!! I wanted to post this small little drabble I wrote up the other day based on the episode 1x09 of Dexter. Its super short and mostly about my Oc and their interactions with Rudy; some other canon characters overall. I hadn't really ended up using it for any roleplays or anything, and I didnt post it anywhere in the end really s o I felt it would be real wrong of me not to post, and share. 

A little brief summarizing--, Galv is my Oc and headcanons to be a slight longtime family friend of the Morgan family, more so Debra, and they're a forensic pathologist for Miami metro in training. Except. They have alot of secrets hidden up their sleeve, and they're a constant nervous, anxious wreck. I wanted to write something to develop them more, and such and i had way, w a y too much fun writing this honestly. I hope everyone enjoys! If anyone thinks I should write more of them/continue this pleaseplease let me know and I will!

You can read more about my Dexter Oc here!🖤🔪

Dexter had always been Rudy's main focus, his main target and the only thing keeping him around Miami almost entirely. Yet little had he'd known that he would come across, and meet someone who would bring upon the same curiosity and the same selfish, desperate need that his own brother did in a way for him.

Except, it was different. Far different.

Galvin had certainly been a peculiar  individual, distinctive in their own way. Odd. They had been A friend of the Morgan's for a hot minute, mainly because of his sister being a cop-in-training and one of Debra's closer friends. Both, being raised in a police-based family. Both, having fathers who had been on the force merely different states. John, most definitely not being from Miami, let alone florida. 

Their presence, had been unplanned on the small road trip that had taken Dexter and his girlfriend across town for the week. He had ended up tagging along in hopes of offering support, although merely just annoying the male Morgan sibling in the slightest bit. That, and if he had to be honest, the blonde needed to get away for awhile. Get some fresh air, some space. If-- fresh air was equal to the musty, dust filled air that surrounded the home him, and the others were left cleaning up. He didn't mind it, if anything more so used to it from his own experiences in the past. Just like Rita, he had tried to view it with a slight more positive perspective, and some time to enjoy themselves even if the situation wasn't the brightest. 

Things had been..awfully tense for the soon to-be forensic pathologist. The offers to join Miami metro, his studies, looming over his shoulders. The a c c i d e n t. John had been known to keep his emotions to himself for the most part, terribly quiet and a nervous, anxious wreck over all. Shy, and timid. He had been desperate to leave home for some time, just for a few days even but he'd scored the whole week with them and that had been more than enough. 

Some time to breathe, and study whilst helping them out. 

Until--, a second guest had shown up out of nowhere. Debra, and-- her boyfriend. Rudy. She was a practical firecracker, irritated with Dexter over something yet trying to offer her support. It wasn't something he wouldn't complain about usually, yet he was sweating buckets. Anxiety was rolling off of him, and coming and going in slurred waves. The home that h a d been dusty and ever so vaguely vacant, had became a little more full. 

Way too full, crowded more than ever. He loved Deb, she was the best of the best sisters and someone who made him laugh a lot, but in the situation where things were already frustrating and tense--. It was too much. Her attitude, and her anger that sometimes came from her at random, just barely enough to make him uneasy, and slightly regret coming honestly. Vulnerable. It made him regret putting himself out there, though he wouldn't of been doing anything different back at home. Perhaps dealing with his problems, instead of running from them if anything. He was simply anxious, far too anxious and barely able to contain it. Dexter, was too. Everyone sort of was, in their own little way. The whole situation was too much to handle.

It was slightly awkward in the old house, with everyone crammed in it stuck cleaning up decades worth of aging belongings, eating their take out food in spouts of hunger, ordered from the nights prior. Trying to keep themselves busy, trying to knock out the job and gather all the trash by the curb, by trash day at least. A house, that had been Dexter's fathers, who was no longer. Eerily, the whole place was a bit old fashioned looking, quiet. 

It was nice, relieving in a way that it was already awkward over all, and not entirely his doing- though still hard to handle. Still hard to bear. Easy to lose himself in his own thoughts still, which he had tried desperately to leave behind in Miami when they'd gotten into the car. 

There was a certain thickness,a heaviness in the air. An uneasiness, that wouldn't leave him no matter what he did, or what he kept himself occupied with to keep himself busy. Amongst the couples and the heaps of trash, and soon-to-be thrown out belongings, Galv was a little bit out of place to be there. Sticking out almost, like a sore thumb. Putting out the obvious--, that something was off, no matter how much he kept himself distracted by the garbage. Trying to hide it, eagerly. 

Rudy, and Galv hadn't met much before, though it didn't mean the dark haired male didn't know n o t h i n g about him. He had his own way, his own habit of snooping--, s t a l k i n g to get those tidbits himself. Anything he could find on him, he knew. Where he lived, that his sister went out for coffee with Debra lots; Where he studied. The accident, and and where Galv made his mistake. If the male would've gone into his home, and done his own, personal digging it wouldn't of taken much to find the clothed discarded in his closet, the b l o o d on them. 

Hidden, but not for long. How he was born in blood, but only different--later on, in his own way, by mistake. That he was like Dexter, he was like h i m. After spending so many hours, weeks, y e a r s hunting and searching for his brother only to find out he was exactly like him, he had never expected to find someone who would bring upon the same interest. The same curiosity. Someone else, just like him he'd thought. Everything the ice truck killer did, was kept to himself and his own little secret among his many others, much like the frozen treat of a industrial freezer he had, in his very own apartment kitchen. The male had many things hidden up his sleeve just as he did, many.

There had been times where him, and the dark haired Moser sibling had ran into each other at the Miami Metro office, with him either dropping off some paperwork he finally managed to finish, or trying to score something from the foot truck out in the parking lot below. It was brief, shy if anything. 

He had always sort of viewed Rudy as a goof a tad bit, a little weird which had suited Debra's loud self perfectly, they were a definite match in a way. If only Johnathan k n e w. The blonde always thought he was so charming, and sweet with the most handsome of smiles; a prosthetic doctor he'd heard, who had helped with a case as of recent. Little did he know, the male had his eyes on something else. Someone--else. 

His presence had been A surprise upon the female Morgan's sudden arrival at the old house, almost too much of a surprise, if anything. All the more stares, eyes on him it felt like even though no one, not a single soul was staring. Simply, John was a little paranoid. When the others had arrived, he hadn't known really what to do, nor what to do with himself. 

Offering a smile, a wave of his hand maybe and n o t h i n g more. In a way, at first it had almost seemed like he'd been A v o i d i n g Rudy, just as he was with Debra the past few days. Telling by her exclaimed 'why haven't you been answering any of your sister and i's calls, you bozo! the blonde pathologist hadn't been talkative as much lately. No, he had been ignoring them. Completely. Hoping that it would be enough to avoid and steer away from him, while he tried to think and work things out.

--- 

It had been a little later in the week and later into the evening, darkness surrounding the residence outside and the house--feeling hollow and gutted, empty almost after a long, couple hefty few days of hard work and hauling trash bags around. The empty home, looking sad in its own way with nothing left really but the residents, the strangers that resided in it who had torn it down from its current state. Things were still as tense as ever, and they were planning on heading home soon in the next few days or so. Debra, still trying desperately to work things out with Dexter about everything, about Harry and his lies. He had felt sick in a way over the hours, the days. 

Trapped it felt like, even though he had been the one to take it upon himself to tag along. He had felt-- exhausted, and yet he still found it hard for himself to sleep. Not with everything that'd been going on, and certainly not on the dusty, and stuffy recliner chair he was stuck sleeping on. The others, splitting between the couch and the bed. It seemed whenever the others slept, he was left lying awake. Unable to sleep, unable to manage. 

The nightmares, the things he's forced to see all too real. Too much for him. His thoughts constantly running and unable to slow. It was impossible for him to score a couple of hours even, but he had grown long used to it. Or at least, he had been trying to grow used to it. Just as he'd been trying with so much else. Trying to--, forget, to just smile, and keep on acting normal for once. As if nothing was wrong.

That evening, had been another evening he couldn't manage to sleep. He couldn't manage much of anything. Tossing and turning,  turning into defeat. An extremely worn, sleepy blonde had found themselves rubbing their face, and trying to wrestle the blanket that was around him. Restless, fighting the nightmares that tried to haunt him endlessly. Every night, worse than the last. It seemed even getting away from home, getting soem fresh air for awhile did nothing for him. Absolutely nothing. "---!-" 

He had awoken with a jolt, and had stumbled away from his chair, over towards the kitchen with his face in his hands. A kitchen that was now vacant, bare. "God-" He mumbled, a tremble in his tone. In his touch, as he shifted open the fridge and peered in for something to drink. Something, anything. That, or he was bound to make himself a stale, cold cup of coffee. Right then, he had thought he was the only one up that early, in the morning, yet he had been far from it. As he moved around daintily to fix himself a cup of old, rancid coffee. 

Bitter to his lips but better than nothing, the sudden presence of someone hovering in the doorway and dim-lit morning sun, startled him as he had taken a sip. "O-oh--" Galv had jumped, freezing up in their spot like they always did, before letting out a small little huff past their lips finally, and glancing to the side. It took a lot to muster for him to look up, towards the other. Their fingers drummed around the glass mug resting in their hands, and they held it neatly close to them.

Anything to distract him from the reality, the factor in front of him. Confrontation, conversation. "I-I'm Sorry,.. you-... startled me a bit Rudy..what're you doing up so early?--" He spoke, a hint of his accent residing in his voice; sleepy. If anything he was sure the other was asking him the same thing, even if he was bound to not want to answer. Not honestly, at least. John couldn't, he could barely be honest about a n y thing and everything. That was the truth. He tried, it was just hard. Not after all that'd happened. "I didn't wake you, did I? Sorry-..if so.."

#[Zoey's writin' Shenanigans] #Rudy cooper #dexter morgan #Dexter #[wOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT A WRITIN PPOSTTT #[i dont think ive really shared my writing on here outside of my amino works or on my rp sideblog aCK #[i was so proud of this though i had to share it!! #[any criticism or anything ofcthe such on it is 100 percent welcomr and I'd love to hear it if so! #[i just really been in a vibe with my Dexter Oc lately and of.. . of course i got thst rudy cooper brainrot as always hnnn n #[you guys already know the drill😔 #[let me know if i need to tsg any triggers or anything! #dexter oc

[blanket-hole]

Im calling this the faberry files cos I feel like a spy when I'm really just very gay

This is just basically timestamps of every faberry moment I could find as I was rewatching season 1-3. I don't know if anyone wants to see it but I just put it here cos why not. I wasn't really planning on posting it but here we are so it features my gay ass commentary. Anyway there u go.

gay ass looks-

-1x04- so far I’ve seen a gay ass look Quinn gives Rachel at 35:36

-1x05-39:50-not that gay but a little bit, also long

-1x09-43:02 she looks so adoring

-1x10-during endless love

-1x11-9:37 voiceover is mean but just look at those eyes and tell me I’m wrong,34:00 she literally looks so adoringly I can’t

-1x12-10:41 pretends not to see her only to look straight (or not) at her

-1x15-35:02 they’re even talking about love at the time and sitting weirdly close for enemies

-1x16-41:30 

-1x20-43:06 I can’t really see where she’s looking under those long ass lashes but I think when Rachel does that little giggle she stares at her while smiling, might just be Faberry goggles tho

-1x22-9:05 I think thats like the cutest smile my little gay heart, 14:23 Quinn is fully checking her out rn like not even subtle they’re on stage

-2x04 16:12, 41:48 at Rachel singing

-2x07-23:19 that could in no way be regarded as a platonic look of enjoying the song, especially since its just started 

-2x09- 43:04 part of dog days but its just so cute them holding hands also weird since they are still meant to hate each other lol

-2x10-6:03 this could just be my Faberry goggles but im counting it :D, 31:20 staring at Rachel while she looks sad

-2x11-11:04 could be at puck but she was looking at Rachel before when they were further apart so imma take the w also Diana looks really cute in this bit

-2x16- 4:27 is being kinda mean but also the way she looks at her <3<3<3 :DD also 5:21 if u don’t want to wait through a bit of a scene and the look then is suuuuper gay, 43:17 she looks so proud of her girlfriend :DDDDD

-2x18-52:49 she looks like such a proud girlfriend in this bit

-2x21-1:29 its only a quick look from Quinn tho

-3x06-28:26 Quinn gives Rachel the GAYEST lingering look at the end of the song (unless my eyes deceive me but I don’t think they do cos I’ve checked like 3 times :DDD)

-3x07- 25:00 this is possible the outright gayest look from Quinn ive ever seen, its during one of the songs but I had to put it in

-3x08- 41:10 the look of joy on Quinns face when Rachel touches her shoulder is just pure gay energy

-3x14- 17:27 ‘for the rest of my life’ looks at Quinn, ffs just get married already, 24:07 she literally bites her lip like wth how is this not canon

-3x19- 39:08 kind of but Quinn looks really happy when he says Rachel Berryand its so cute

Scenes together-

-before I had this idea- the “eavesdrop much” talk, and a couple of other things e.g. the ru Paul scene and the sweetie scene. 

-1x05-41:59 during somebody to love weird foot tap thing

-1x06- 18:34 gay ass looks as well, 22:58

-1x07-21:45, 28:53 (the you obviously have a lot you need to express scene), 32:07 they just get wierdly closer for no reason

-1x09-26:09 not much but still

-1x13-3:06, 11:01

-1x15-34:18 sitting really close together next to each other when they’re meant to not like each other?

-1x20-5:42 they also sit really close and a bit of gay staring

-2x02 35:40 (on left of stage next to mike) they’re seen really close and talking, 38:55 standing unreasonably close and also in weird positions for a conversation, 31:28 Quinn looks really sad when Rachel sings to Finn (could also be a Fuinn thing tho so idk)

-2x04 28:11

-2x08-9:44

-2x13- 30:51

-2x14-8:19 its shortcut the level of gay panic on Quinns face is enough for its own spot

-2x15-0:03 how closeted is it to be the only two in the celibacy club fighting over a guy that neither of them want or need lmao I just think its really funny

-2x16-9:31 the level of gay panic on racehls face when she says she’s right is just a mood, 22:27 I think this is  a scene about miscommunication and Quinn blatantly states that she thinks Rachel is much better than Finn and that she believes in her I have a lot of feelings about this scene but ill leave it at that

-2x17-16:20

-2x18-2:38 not much tho, 10:53 they’re being civil and touchy feely also leads into pretty/unpretty, 21:50 when it pans to Quinn it makes it seem like it would be a Fuinn jealousy scene but she doesn’t look jealous at all just a bit sad i think she possibly is worried about Rachel and while she understands (which is why she’s helping) she wants her to feel beautiful in her own skin sorry if I read a bit too far in lol

-2x20-29:42, 33:12, 35:30 I love how finn last episode said Quinn was so closed off with her feelings and then this scene like maybe she can be herself around Rachel idk

-3x01-10:57 Skank Quinn fully checks Rachel out as she’s leaving in this scene also right after a scene where she said she’s not interested in the boys

-3x05-22:55 talking about finchel tho

-3x08-0:00, 21:54, 37:48

-3x11-14:28,20:00 is also a gay ass look but shes talking to Rachel so I put it here

-3x12-13:09 she only taps Rachel tho

-3x13-15:43 Quinn is acting like the stereotypical ‘gentleman’ and its very Faberry canon esque, to put it the best can

-3x14-34:28 this scene I just can’t the way Quinn lights up when she see her and her voice softens a bit and what she said this is the gayest scene no-one can explain it it a hetero way just ahh

-3x15-10:28 they’re holding hands :DD

-3x19-31:48 

-3x22-23:12 those tickets cost so much money I swear they should have been way better friends after high school pft, 40:15 Quinn looks so proud of her girlfriend

Possible scenes, could be just drama-

-1x09-29:27 could be at Rachel

-2x10-12:40 kind of about being sad about Finn but could be jealousy?

-2x16- 34:47 could be about Faberry but is framed as finchel or fuinn

-2x17- 37:28 probably just finchel drama but still Faberry jealousy

-2x18-17:16 they say how they’re ‘fighting about Rachel again’ and Im putting it in idc about finchel :DD

-2x19- 23:19 more about Fuinn like always in this category but Faberry jealousy

-2x22-2:27, 3:29, 8:25 finchel/fuinn/faberry jealousy

Sitting really close when they’re meant to not like each other-

-1x15-34:18 

-1x19-32:33 

-1x20-19:16 in the scene Quinn kinda checks her out but then they stand really close so I put it here

-2x02 23:24 sits really close to Rachel when she dresses in her Britney Spears costume and in the scene Quinn looks like she’s purposefully trying not to look at her and at 29:20 Quinn chose to sit right behind Rachel again, 39:52 seen sitting right behind her again

-2x10- 35:03 standing really close when it would make a difference if Quinn stood anywhere else (e.g. next to her friends or boyfriend) I just think its weird lol

-2x15- 6:28 (before Quinn starts plotting against Rachel, they’re in celibacy club together but all they do is argue so its still a bit weird)

-3x07- 4:54

I dont know where to put this-

-2x17- 35:10 they kinda just look a bit nervous and small interaction I just wanted to add this because I thought it was cute the way they moved around each other idk

-2x20- 14:46 Rachel knows Quinns eyes so well she knows the flower and colour of the ribbon (also gardenias are for secret love which it would surprise me if Rachel already knew)

-3x04-20:26 Rachel isn’t sitting near her boyfriend or anyone she’s even really friends with its a bit weird that shed be sitting in the corner right next to Quinn away from the other chairs

Songs- Ive probably missed a bunch of these but I tried lmao-

-somebody to love

-halo

-ride with me

-no air

-keep holding on

-bust a move

-proud Mary

-crazy in love

-imagine- there is a gay ass look

-you can’t always get what you want

-dont rain on my parade

-my life would suck without you

-gives u hell

-hello goodbye

-like a prayer

-home(kind of)

-give up the funk

-any way you want it

-faithfully

-dont stop delieving 

-Empire State of mind

-ice ice baby

-toxic

-damn it Janet

-time warp

-sweet transvestite

-start me up/living on a prayer

-hot patootie

-forget you

-umbrella/singin in the rain

-I think I wanna marry you

-just the way you are

-ive had the time of my life

-Valerie

-the Dog days are over

-the most wonderful day of the year

-welcome Christmas

-heads will roll/thriller

-fat bottomed girls

-sing

-blame it on the alcohol

-tik tok

-do you wanna touch

-afternoon delight

-get it right

-loser like me

-pretty/unpretty

-born this way

-pure imagination

-New York New York

-Fix you

-last Friday night

-hit me with your best shot/one way or another

-I cant go for that/ you make my dreams

-I kissed a girl

-feed the world

-summer nights

-we found love

-gotta be starting something

-Im sexy and I know it

-stereo hearts (not technicaly but a lot of Faberry so I’m putting it in)

-fly/I believe I can fly

-heres to us

-its not right but its okay

-its all coming back to me now

-paradise by the dashboard light

-we are the champions

-tongue tied

-you get what you give

#faberry #rachel x quinn #quinn x rachel #rachel berry #quinn fabray #glee

[silver-wield]

Okay, as requested a few days ago, a Cloud and Aerith analysis. I feel like I've spent a lot of time in chapter 8/9 today lol 

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Cloti healthy disagreement 

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15) 

Clerith playground scene 

Cloti body language plate fall 

Cloud and Barret friendship 

Resolution scene analysis (A) 

Barret character analysis (chapter 13) 

Cloud character analysis (Honey Bee Inn) 

Cloud character analysis (Barret's death) 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time!

Okay, our delightful heroine (I will rein in the sarcasm, but Aerith aggs me when Cloud says no and she ignores him. No means no.) and our moody af hero have finally got done with the flowery side quests, kiddos, Rude and the giant hands of crash crash boom oops there's an invisible wall there minigame trip through sector 6 to reach sector 7.

Aerith says “let's take a break.”

Cloud says, “No.”

They take a break anyway.

(I've already done the slide analysis, link above)

Back down from the slide and it's time to go. Aerith opens up the underground link into sector 7 and we're venturing into awkward goodbyes.

So, we're starting with Aerith being chipper and cute with the quips. Standard stuff. It's possible she's feeling regretful they're parting, but I've said plenty of times that of everyone in this, Aerith has the best poker face. There's very few times she lets that mask slip and lets us see what she's really feeling and it's usually in times of intense stress. This isn't stressful, although she was feeling down a few moments ago while talking about Zack, so maybe that'll make her a little easier to read. For now, though, she's fronting like a boss.

Hmm interesting. He's definitely thoughtful here. So, I'm gonna have to put together some possibilities.

He's clearly mellowed his attitude towards her – he was proper stroppy at her house the day before, shouting and so on – so this isn't negative. We could say he started feeling more positive towards her through their interactions over the day or maybe when he saw the whole Rude bit and realised she's not quite what he first thought. Or it might have been when he saw her looking downcast about not high fiving or it could've been their chat on the slide that finally thawed him out towards her.

And Aerith's the same. Her smile falters just a bit and she can't meet his eye. Maybe she knows they have no reason to meet again or that her mother told him not to see her. We don't know for sure, but it's possible, otherwise why is she disappointed? She could expect to see him again. They could make plans. It could be meta!Aerith knowing that Cloud is probably better off not getting to know her.

Eugh dammit. Does anyone know how hard it is to analyse people's motives when you can't see their faces clearly? I bet this was on purpose, thanks Square.

I mean, having to go by the above data I've mentioned, they could both be feeling the same lingering regret intuitively. You know like how you just get the sense how someone's feeling? That.

Their poses are identical, and coupled with the slightly awkward intonation on “so” I'd look at this and say this comes across like a couple of teenagers who kinda like each other and don't know how to take the next step. You know, that kind of immature I have no idea what I'm doing with my life kinda deal. That's not to say it's romantic, especially not from Cloud. He's an awkward introvert. Aerith has no social skills. They're not friends and up until five minutes ago Cloud was annoyed af at her. That'd make for an awkward goodbye.

Aerith laughs, Cloud doesn't, and she moves aside so he can leave. Looks like the moment’s over.

Before going, Cloud turns back to ask if Aerith can get home ok. This looks like polite concern, which I'd expect considering they just came through an area full of monsters, mech and bandits. If Cloud wasn't concerned, I'd call him a douchebag. His eyes widen a little as he speaks, but it's not that same kind of expression he pulls whenever we're suspecting a visit from real!Cloud. This is SOLDIER!Cloud asking. 

(I've said that typically Cloud's eyes go very wide as a hint that his real self is reacting to things, but widening eyes on their own do not indicate real!Cloud. It's something about the way he does it that shows it's not quite right for the SOLDIER persona we usually see. I can't explain it properly, but it's likely something the devs have done to his microexpressions on purpose to differentiate between the two and without knowing exactly what I can't put a pin in it. All I can say is when it looks like real!Cloud is expressing himself and when it isn't because there’s a difference that I’ve picked up on.)

This is flirting. Plain and simple. Head tilted, little smile, crinkling eyes. She's amused and teasing him in a flirtatious manner and her dialogue backs that up, although at the same time the tone she puts it in also sounds quite matter of fact, like she's genuinely asking what if she wasn't ok? That likely does appeal to the protective SOLDIER side of Cloud. He wants to be known as the hero. Still not romantic.

That's what I like to call a shit-fuck-bollocks moment. The realisation he should take her back home and make sure she's safe, but then he's also got to get back to sector 7, and this is all SOLDIER!Cloud's debate. There's no sign of real!Cloud and there's a quick decisive result that he should do the right thing, which is why he says he’ll take her home.

This is nothing like in the honey bee inn later when you see the clear back and forth of his eyes darting around as he argues with real!Cloud about dancing to get Andrea's approval.

And Aerith laughs again because I think she's aware how ridiculous it is that he'll walk her back when he needs to get home. She was teasing the entire time, but it looks like it went over Cloud's head – colour me unsurprised.

I mean, there's no romantic undertone to her expression here. It's genuine amusement and I'd definitely say friendship towards Cloud.

Ah the image that certain people hang their hat on. Let's get this one done.

Aerith says she has a backup route for emergencies that's safer than the one they used. You can hear Cloud start to speak—- ask a question because the sound is a “W” -- then cuts himself off and smiles. That smile is a mix of bemused and amused. 

For anyone who doesn't have a stupidly large vocabulary and thinks those two are the same thing:

Bemused

adjective: puzzled, confused, or bewildered.

Amused

adjective: finding something funny or entertaining.

Cloud's bemused because back at the start of the collapsed expressway he literally asked if there was a better way and she avoided answering. So, he's caught her in a lie and what can he do about it? Nothing. That's why he's all "of course there's a safer route".

And then we're back in control and moving onto the next part of the game.

Conclusion:

Well, they're awkward. Both of them. Cloud is an introvert with mental issues and Aerith has no social skills and a terrible personality flaw in which she bosses everyone around and doesn't listen.

I wouldn't say they're friends, more like comrades. Cloud's still very resistant to her company even after she helps him save Tifa.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #Cloud Strife #Aerith Gainsborough #Character analysis

[whatwwwwwww]

Do you remember that post about loving your ethnic self? I don't know who else to posit this question to. I am white. A white gay american male. I feel like I have no culture, because evidently gay culture is dead, and white people don't have culture? And I despise american culture, I don't resonate with it at all. I feel like at the end of the day I don't have any roots. Is this something I just have to come to terms with? Or am I mistaken somehow?

hi! I don't remember that post. I'm gonna respond in bullet points

Culture

yea for sure, "American culture" is a shame a, a fabrication. "let's pretend that we're all one big family so that the citizens feel a fake sense of loyalty to one another" is literally in The Federalist Papers as a way to hold this empire together

it's a bunch of different cultures rubbing up on one another

the ways that a lot of white people interact with each other is deeply toxic and not at all conducive to life. I look to my family and I don't see elders I see adults with unresolved trauma who lash out at others

Whiteness

whiteness is both real and not real and it helps me to remind myself of that

like it's useful as a category because we live in a world with divided resources & power based on that

but the end goal is to make it a nonexistent social category

anyway yield to Black and indigenous ppl on that front

I think for white people it's important to put aside a portion of ur paycheck to give back to Black and indigenous, like, what u can. I see that as a way to counteract the work of what my ancestors did. it doesn't end there but it's a start (this is relevant to feeling whole and connected w ur ancestors). also see "Accomplices Not Allies"

Roots

I'm trying to connect with my ancestors and learn more about irish culture, as an ongoing side thing

when I see a sean nós dance my heart feels warm

if u think it would help you then you could commission @/soloveitchik to do some genealogy research. you've gotta come from somewhere

even if there's no way to find ur roots, then you'll make your own. you'll be an ancestor one day, what will you leave behind to ur kin? (I'm talking community, idgaf about biological connection or whatever) what will u make with ur community?

Land

At the end of the day we all come from the land

Figure out whose land you're on

I'm a settler. for the time being, until the United States of America. doesn't exist anymore lmao, and Lenape ppl have sovereignty of this land again, I'll be here, and i'll take care of it however I can. even if it's just a little bit. and then once Lenape ppl say "hey can you leave" then I'll leave, I'll go to Ireland I guess idk. and then I'll care for the land over there, until I return to it

Get to know some native plants

Community

idk I'm working on it

yea it takes time

Like yea I also feel marooned and it sucks. But we'll get through this. we'll heal ourselves and we'll work to remedy the damage some of our ancestors did, even if takes our whole life

So that's a bunch of my thoughts on the subject

If anyone wants to chime in or disagree with me on any of this feel free to do so

#long post #I've just gotta. speak with confidence and be open to being wrong ig

[traitor-boyfriend]

I just read your post about Stan and Kyle's relationship and I totally agree, but I was wondering if you might elaborate on what you mean when you said Kyle acts as a moral/ethical guide for Stan? I'm not disagreeing but I'd love to hear you talk more about it

sure!

kyle is obviously the most morally fixated of the four boys and i would say after about season four or so is when they really began to take this direction with his character. whenever something transpires within the group, kyle is almost always the first to disagree w whatever plot they (’they’ almost always meaning cartman) start brainstorming to keep themselves from getting into trouble, that they should instead own up to their mistakes and take responsibility and suffer the consequences that come along w it. rarely if ever does anyone actually listen to kyle and he’s cajoled into complicity but that doesn’t stop him from offering his disapproval at every turn in the name of wanting to do the right thing. the best example of this is ‘toilet paper’ where they tp their art teacher’s house for making them stay late; kenny and stan are immediately on board when cartman suggests it but kyle is uncomfortable w the idea entirely, and after it’s done he’s racked w guilt and is seen as the weakest link in all of them b/c of his compulsion to tell the truth. we get to see kyle struggling w guilt pretty often and the apex of it is usually when some outside force is preventing or coercing him from coming clean about whatever it is he’s done. though stan and kyle both shared the whole ‘gay little speech’ element in the very beginning, it’s pretty much been exclusive to kyle for the majority of the series -- kyle is the one to always explain what they learned at the end of the episode, to tie together the moral lesson you’re supposed to take away from it

because he’s a kid, kyle can occasionally be swayed out of his conviction if the consequences are great enough for him to be afraid of (this tends to be his mom). when butters’ gets the ninja star stuck in his eye in ‘good times with weapons’, kyle initially panics and agrees with cartman’s idea to kill butters and bury him in kyle’s backyard b/c he’s so petrified by the idea of his mother finding out what he was doing. but even then his moral center comes back around, even if he doesn’t follow through; he protests the idea of taking butters to a vet instead of a hospital and later tries to get rid of his ninja weapon and instead confess to what happened. in ‘crack baby athletic association’ kyle is outraged and disgusted by what he sees as cartman exploiting the babies born addicted to narcotics and wants to expose him, but he changes his tune after learning how much money cartman is making. so he eventually joins cartman but justifies it to himself as taking care of these babies, giving them opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise get, raising awareness, etc -- even though he’s in the wrong, kyle tries to view his actions through a benevolent lens in that what he’s doing -is- the right thing; that’s why it bothers him so much when stan tells him he sounds just like cartman. stan is seeing both of their actions clearly in the same vein, but in kyle’s mind, he’s incapable of conceiving himself being in anyway like cartman and has to further delude himself into seeing the positives of his actions. he goes as far as showing up in stan’s bedroom in the middle of the night to legitimize his actions, both to himself and to stan, because stan’s opinion of him matters so much that kyle can’t move past it unless he’s able to convince stan that he’s in the right. to his credit, kyle does try to rectify his actions with the ea sports deal and building an orphanage and whatnot. two wrongs don’t make a right, but that won’t stop kyle from trying.

basically i’m just trying to fully highlight the extent of kyle’s dedication to being honest, being kind, being a good person etc. it matters a lot to him and it’s also touched on briefly now and then w regards to his being jewish -- that being a good person is important if not only for the sake of being a good person.

it’s not that stan isn’t concerned w being a good person or doing the right thing, but he has more of a selfish or self-centered impulse than kyle does. stan cares a great deal more than kyle of what people think of him and is more desperate to be accepted or liked by his peers, so he’s often subservient to the whims of passing trends and fads or following the crowd. this is a debatable point but i also think because of this stan is generally more prone to blatant egotism than kyle -- when he leads some kind of superficial crusade (’butterballs’, ‘scause for applause’, ‘bass to mouth’), it’s pretty plainly about himself and his own feelings whereas when kyle gets wrapped up in a similar power-trip it’s usually at least manifested/disguised in some cause greater than himself, even if it’s a self-centered one. 

i’m gonna touch on the examples i provided above briefly:

-butterballs: stan begins the anti-bullying campaign initially out of concern for butters but when he sees how highly his classmates regard him for taking a stand, it very quickly divulges into stan riding the high of peer approval w regards to the music video, making it seen, going on dr. oz etc. kyle is the only one who finds fault with it -- “don’t act for me, stan, really” is a really caustic but honest assessment of the situation on kyle’s end b/c he sees that stan is more concerned w how his efforts are being received and praised rather than helping butters. again highlighted by their interaction in the bathroom when stan insists his video needs to be seen by everyone and kyle tells him to put it on the internet for free instead if he feels that way. stan is dumbstruck b/c he doesn’t know how to defend himself b/c he knows kyle is right, and he cares more about accolades/profit more than he does actually making any kind of grand social change.

-scause for applause: my favorite example, i think. again, stan’s refusal to take off the bracelet starts as something personal to him and very, very quickly transforms into a selfish movement about himself, ‘stanground’, b/c he loves the positive affirmation he receives as a result. craig then accuses him of having lied, and stan berates him in front of everyone in a really acerbic manner and only fuels the fire that eventually brings him down. when everyone hates stan after finding out he actually did cut off his bracelet, kyle tries to nudge stan in the right direction by urging him to tell the truth, but stan only doubles down and tries to get everyone on his side again w a convoluted scheme to make it seem as if the whole thing was intentional. when this blows up in his face, again, kyle -- without judgement -- confronts him about having asked heidi to borrow superglue the week before. stan scoffs and i think he says something like “you’re still on that, dude?” and of course kyle is! why wouldn’t he be! he doesn’t want to see his friend dig himself any further a hole than he already has. 

-bass to mouth: everyone participates in the wikileaks gossip site at school but kyle; he’s the only one who has an outright problem with such an invasion of privacy, and stan tries to get him to lighten up. kyle remarks that it wouldn’t be funny if something about stan were written on there; stan responds flippantly that there isn’t, only for something about him to show up shortly after. cue stan leading the charge to find out who the site-runner is only for kyle to remind him during the meeting that, okay, now that it happened to you, it isn’t funny, right? 

not necessarily in the same vein of selfishness, ‘two days before the day after tomorrow’ is another great example of kyle wanting stan to do the right thing. after they destroy the dam, cartman and stan agree not to tell anyone, but when stan is confronted by the destruction his actions have caused with the people of beaverton being trapped in their flooded homes, he feels immensely remorseful. cartman sternly demands that he not tell kyle b/c kyle will obviously try to get him to confess to what they did. stan ends up telling kyle anyway to the exact result, advising him to let everyone know he’s responsible so the people stranded can receive actual help. cartman becomes irate when he realizes kyle knows, but instead of following his advice, stan tries to do the right thing in a roundabout way: rescue the people himself so he can “do the right thing, but still lie about it.” this doesn’t work and only serves to put the boys themselves in grave danger, and kyle pleads for stan to own up to what he did if for their sake only. he calls randy and comes so close to following through only to decide against it, to which kyle is visibly angry and upset with him. by the time stan does come around to telling the truth it’s too late -- everyone thinks he’s speaking metaphorically about breaking the dam instead of literally which leaves him frustrated.

there’s more examples of this, but kyle very frequently is the first one who tries to intervene when stan gets himself in more trouble than he can handle by trying to guide him toward what’s honest and what’s right. stan is often described as the everyman or the straight man of the group, and for the most part i agree with this -- stan himself is a very average kid. but i think it helps to also look at his family dynamic; he has no siblings he can really rely on as shelly is far too volatile, and though she’s shown some moments of genuine concern and care for stan (that i love and wish there was more of!) she generally holds stan with disdain and irritation. sharon is shown to love and care deeply for stan’s well-being but is also largely unaware of the extent of his problems as her hands are usually tied up elsewhere (and doesn’t receive enough one-on-one interaction with stan for me to really comment on how well she handles those problems). randy is a fucking mess and speaking as someone w a parent who was a functioning alcoholic as randy is, i can attest to how fragile and chaotic a relationship like that can be. randy is certainly no role model of decency. i mean, christ, there’s an entire episode based around the concept of randy teaching stan how to lie effectively wherein which he demonstrates ‘tells’ for stan only to exhibit them when he tells stan he loves him. obviously this is played as a joke, but stan notices this and is rightly upset. randy, as a parent and a person, is incredibly selfish, has no sense of boundaries, acts in his own self-interest, and treats stan like a friend instead of son -- not a very good friend at that. not that randy has absolutely no redeeming qualities, but they’re few and far between, and the rare occasion we see him genuinely try to help or bond with stan usually ends up in another wacky misadventure. my point being, stan doesn’t have a very strong support system within his home and thus has to rely entirely on his own will to guide himself.

kyle is one of very few who is really ever shown to expect better of stan, to want him to be better than he is, to want him to be better for the simple fact that he should want it for himself as well -- not so he can get anything out of it.

that was what i mean by kyle being a moral guide for stan and helping keep him grounded. sorry this became so long, but i hope this answered your question!

#south park #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #Anonymous

[thetwitchylife]

hey i'm trying to write a story about a character with epilepsy. i'm not epileptic so i'm trying really hard to make his (partial) seizures accurate but i also don't want to romanticize them. what are some first hand experiences w partial seizures/can you have more than one type of seizure/how would you want epilepsy to be presented in a book? ik that's a lot of questions but i want it to be accurate and not make the character a charity case. would writing an epileptic character be overstepping?

I’m delighted to get this question!  Getting info from folks who deal with epilepsy is exactly what authors should do.  Go you!

Advice #0.  DO NOT KILL THE EPILEPTIC CHARACTER.  FOR ANY REASON.  JUST DON’T.

1. Partial seizures describe a huge range of sensations and actions, so you can probably pick about four kinds of seizures that happen to your character. 

-Most folks have many kinds of seizures (like me) but putting the full range and variety of simple or complex partial seizures might be too much.  Check out the resources at the bottom of the page for more range.

-Realize that where the seizures originate will affect what kinds of seizures they have.  I don’t know enough about the brain to tell you what kinds of seizures come from what part of the brain, though.  Not a neurologist.  Go find one, and ask them!

2. If it were up to me, I’d see epilepsy treated kind of like its own character. A character has quirks and needs and an origin story, and they interact with other characters. Think about:

-When did epilepsy come into your protag’s life?  Were they born with it?  How much does it interfere with their daily actions?

- Where did it come from?  Was it the result of an illness, or a traumatic brain injury, or was it idiopathic (they don’t know, and probably never will know, where it came from)?  There’s a lot of anger and blame associated with each kind- whoever caused the TBI, whatever caused (or didn’t prevent) the illness, or directionless anger/self-loathing for idiopathic epilepsy.

-Is it controlled by medication, partially or completely?  A huge number of people never get their seizures completely under control, even with medication, implants, surgery, diet, acupuncture, or anything else they try.  But even when it’s controlled fully, epilepsy interferes with someone’s life.

-How many people know about this character’s epilepsy?  For a lot of folks, epilepsy holds a shit-ton of shame.  People with epilepsy used to be forcibly sterilized.  Epileptics were banned from marriage in Missouri until 1980.  How would you feel, knowing that people like you were considered a social danger?

-Is the character conscious during their seizures, or not?  Do they have any warning before their seizures?  (Realize that “auras” are often not just floating lights- they could be a flash of fear or nausea, or smelling gasoline/cat pee, or tingly finger, whatever, and not everyone has them.)

-Do they know anyone with epilepsy? Do they have any friends post-diagnosis? Epilepsy is fucking ISOLATING, especially because you can’t drive to see friends who live outside of walking/bicycling distance, and people can get real jumpy around you.

3. Stuff that has bugged me about books that have had epileptic characters, that hopefully you can avoid, has been:

-Not having the daily stuff mentioned- taking meds, or freaking out because you forgot them, or dealing with insurance, etc.

-Not realizing how important your doctor/neurologist is in your life. If you have a good one, you KEEP them. I have a long-standing relationship with my neuro.  She’s part-therapist, part-doctor, because for years I didn’t know anyone else with epilepsy, and she was the only person I could talk to about it.  (Family gets very distressed when I talk about SUDEP.)

-Glossing over how complex meds are.  Maybe they work, maybe they don’t.  Maybe your med levels fluctuate during the day/month, maybe they interact with diet or stress or sleep.  Just changing your meds takes over a month, and it’s the most stressful thing.  Nobody likes it.

-Making this about “God’s grace” or something.  Don’t even.  If I have epilepsy, and we’re talking about the Christin God, then God gave me these seizures.  Praying for God to take away my seizures is basically telling them that they screwed up.  Rude.  I tend to smile and nod when people tell me they’ll pray for me, then add their name to an internal list of “Morons to Avoid.”

-KILLING THE CHARACTER FOR THE ABLED CHARACTER TO GROW AS A PERSON.  DO NOT- I REPEAT DO NOT- KILL THE EPILEPTIC CHARACTER.

4.  Writing a character with epilepsy would not be overstepping.  It would be a breath of fresh air- we have so few stories that include us, especially ones where we live through until the end, and dear god I live for those stories.

5. There are two kinds of partial seizures: simple partial and complex partial.

Simple partial seizures are seizures where your character is aware of what’s around them.

Complex partial seizures are when your character loses consciousness.  Not convulsing or dropping to the floor, just blanked out.

Many people (like me) have both types.  In fact, I’ll usually have several simple partial seizures mixed with complex partial seizures.

My usual complex partial seizure is:

-I lose consciousness.  A few seconds later I regain consciousness, and my body is in roughly the same position, but during the seizure my body slumps down.  This is usually fine, but is hazardous while crossing the road, cooking, or carrying something delicate.  It comes with no warning.

-If I’m walking, then I keep walking, or I (semi-voluntarily) sit down.  I generally lose consciousness halfway to the ground.  I take my time standing up, because I feel very muzzy.

-When it’s a stronger seizure, I might wet myself.  Wicked embarrassing, but the right combination of meds can stop it from happening.  (It’s been months!)

-Afterwards I’m muzzy/foggy, cannot understand spoken language or speak, and have lost track of what I was doing before.  After a few seconds/minutes, it comes back.

-Every time I seize, I kick my right leg.  I didn’t know this until my roommate told me they’d noticed a “tell.”

My simple partials tend to be:

-I lose the ability to speak, lose facial expression, and open my mouth while blinking/closing my eyes.  Sometimes I can raise on hand to give the “hold on a minute” gesture.  I’ve been told that I look like I’m in pain- I’m not.  It’s just muscular contractions.

-My vision just cuts out- I can’t see anything, and I feel confused and muzzy.  When I see things again I’m clear enough to know that I’ve seized and tell folks that I’m fine, I just had a seizure.

-HUGE dizzy spells.  Like, grab on to the wall and close your eyes.  (I used to have these in college, it was intense.  I’m on better meds now.)

Keep in mind: All of these vary in intensity and length.  I might blank out for a millisecond, so the person I’m talking to doesn’t even notice.  (Happened with my neurologist once.)  I also might lose my awareness of anything outside my body for a full 30 seconds.

Also keep in mind: this is just me, one person.  My seizures are all language-centric  (The first thing to go is ALWAYS the ability to understand spoken language) because my seizures come from the part of my brain that controls language.  (One area in the left Temporal lobe.)

Talk to other people.  See what their epilepsy is like.  What traits fit your narrative needs?  And above all, DO NOT KILL THE TWITCHER.

And when it’s finished, tell us who you are so we can all read it!  I’d totally read Supernatural Fanfic if it included an epileptic character, and I’d extra-read an original novel.  

Resources: http://www.epilepsy.com/article/2016/12/2017-revised-classification-seizures

http://www.epilepsy.com/learn/types-seizures/simple-partial-seizures

http://www.epilepsy.com/learn/types-seizures/complex-partial-seizures

http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs999/en/