#idk. anyways something something these three have a similar way of dealing with things by bottling it up until they no longer feel it

[harvestmoth]

heres my one page thesis on why hinomori mafuyu real

#back on this again. apologizes but the newest event hit me across the face #they found her in a wet cardboard box all alone… #also all of l/n call her babygirl its just that mafuyu only knows this from kanade who in turn has only heard honami say it #anyways heres my thoughts on the hinomoris and why they should get to keep mafuyu #uh. #so everyone knows how mafuyu has the mask she puts on yea. but i dont really see people mention how shiho and shizuku. also have that #in different but still similar ways #with shizuku putting on a perfect act where shes always smiling for her idol job and as to not worry her friends and shiho #while shiho puts on her act of not caring and pushing everyone way so they dont have to deal with her or the people who target her #so as we can see here. they both put on a mask and are self sacrificial about it for the sake of others #mafuyu does that too but instead of doing it for her friends and those that actually care about her. she does it for her mom who does not #idk. anyways something something these three have a similar way of dealing with things by bottling it up until they no longer feel it #do you get me #do you understand what im on about #if not idk i might be making it all up i havent had a chance to watch all of the events and ive been kind of skipping around on them #like watching the newer ones first which is probably not the best idea #okay im done now i just want others to see the vision and do my work for me #project sekai #mafuyu asahina #shiho hinomori #shizuku hinomori #oh last thing. shiho and shizuku absolutely beat up asahina its what they all deserve #asahina mother i mean. not mafuyu. they beat each other up in the losing at card games way while they beat up asahina mom with a steel chair

[shoccolatine]

Do you feel comfortable with writing stuff about mental health issues. Like, MC being depressed due to a mission going wrong or something similar and hiding it from Zayne while they spiral deeper into it until he catches them doing something bad - like idk, self-harm, looking up suicide methods, something like that. Gender neutral reader would be great <3

If you don't want to write this for any reason, feel free to ignore my ask :)

mission failure.

⚘pairing: zayne x gn!reader

⚘summary: after one too many failed missions, you reach a breaking point. zayne comes to your aid. ⚘tags: sfw, 2nd person POV, gender neutral reader, mental health issues, self-esteem issues, depression, suicidal thoughts, non-descriptive/implied self-harm, mild descriptions of morbid thoughts, hurt/comfort, angst ⚘word count: 2k ⚘a/n: thank you so much for your request, i hope i did it justice! this was a very interesting write and i enjoyed it a lot. i tried to be as delicate and vague with the s/h descriptions as i could so as not to trigger anyone, but this fic still deals with sensitive content so please be safe and take care of yourself! much love 💜

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

This was it. You just couldn’t do anything right.

Another hunting mission had gone poorly. The third in a row, now. They do say all good things come in threes, but could the same be said of misfortune? It certainly seemed so. The first two mission failures had been played off as flukes, but this time…

You made the long trek back to Headquarters with the weight of a tail dragging between your legs, bearing a few cuts and bruises to show for it. Beside you was Tara, who was not quite so worse for wear and, although disappointed, didn’t quite seem to share the same sentiment as you. After all, she hadn’t been the one to let the Wanderer get away. Again.

“Hey, don’t look so down!” she says, in her usual cheerful tone. She pats your arm in an attempt to be comforting. “Can’t win ‘em all, right?”

You give her a look and a frown. “I mean, we should, shouldn’t we? It’s our job, after all.”

“No way! Those Wanderers were tough! I’m amazed we got as far into the Zone as we did!”

But we lost our main target, you thought, yet you held your tongue. There was no changing Tara’s mind once she was set on something. This mission was above her level, anyway, but with every other Hunter either stationed elsewhere or taking a well-deserved break, and Xavier being unreachable as usual, all you had was each other. It had been up to you, as the higher level Hunter, to uphold the team morale and guide you both through a successful mission. But lately, you just kept falling short. Even the most straightforward of missions went awry. Just what was happening?

The entrance doors slid closed behind you as you and Tara headed upstairs for the debrief. Your heart pounded with every step you took. Three failures in a row… Jenna was going to fire you for sure. She might as well do it now, to make space for a newer, better Hunter to take your place and finish your missions properly.

Instead, what came of your debrief was the offering of a week-long break. "Time off to clear your head and refresh," Jenna had said with hard concern, but it might as well have been an arrow to the chest. Just fire me now and get it over with, you thought. Stop wasting everyone’s time and resources and find someone else.

You didn’t need a break. You just needed to be better.

Getting better, however, came with a steep demand you placed upon yourself like a vase upon a pedestal, delicate and teetering. If Jenna wanted to give you another chance, then you would use this week to return to peak performance. You would train, and train, and train, until you were sure to succeed at every mission she threw at you. It was flawless. You’d be back at it in no time.

But as soon as you got off the train and back into your apartment, all you wanted to do was sleep. 

And sleep you did. You slept until you couldn’t think of those missions anymore, and when the thoughts inevitably returned, you slept again.

“You’re not eating enough,” Zayne said during your following check-up later that week. He stated it so matter-of-factly, like he did with any other diagnosis, never looking up from his computer as he typed something. You never knew exactly what. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a break right now?”

“How do you know that?”

“Word gets around,” he said, the beginnings of a smile etched on his face. You didn't like the idea of people knowing things like that so easily. People sure do like to talk... Zayne's hazel eyes lifted from the screen and over at you. “You need to take better care of yourself. Now is as good a time as any to catch up on your body’s needs.”

“I’m fine,” you snapped. Sometimes Zayne needed to mind his own business. Wait, but he was your doctor, and one of your closest friends… What was the matter with you? You really needed to go back to bed and stop being such a nuisance. 

Maybe it’d be better if you got out of his life, too.

You met his questioning expression and the heat of your response drained out of your face. At that, you decided you didn’t want to wait for a reply. Whatever he wanted to say to you with that curious expression of his, you didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t deserve to hear it. You quickly left his office and never looked back. If he called your name as the door to his office slid closed behind you, it went unheard.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

5 missed calls.

Your phone screen blares the message in your face, blinding against the darkness of your room and blurry against the tears that threatened to fall, that had already fallen, that fell and dried and fell again. Your fingers itch to reply, to call him back or send him a text, but what’s the point? He doesn’t really care. He’s probably just going to scold you for leaving your appointment halfway and being childish and not following doctor’s orders and being rude to him.

Not only have you messed up your job, you’re messing up your relationships now, too. When will you ever stop? Can’t it ever stop?

Your phone buzzes and lights up in your fingers as your ringtone sings into your sheets once more. It’s him again. Doesn’t he know when to quit? You watch his name as it waits idly on your screen. It gets tired of waiting, as it always does, and finally disappears. You sigh as another hot tear slips down your cheek.

Something new happens this time.

1 new voicemail, your phone screen reads. You start to slide the notification away, but against your better judgment, and before you can talk yourself out of it, you give in, tap the notification, and listen. 

The line is silent for a moment, and part of you hopes he gave up and left you nothing.

Finally, after what sounds like a throat clearing, he speaks.

“Hey, it’s me,” Zayne’s voice comes through the speaker. It’s got that usual muffled crackly phonecall texture laid onto it, but it sounds enough like him that it feels like he’s right there with you, underneath the blankets. “Are you alright? …Listen. Whatever it was I said, I didn’t mean it. You know that. I was going to ask if you wanted to get dinner, but you left so suddenly. Call me when you’re able?”

The silence creeps in again, and you can almost hear him consider saying something more, can almost see his expression as his thoughts thunder in his brain but refuse to leave his lips, but then there’s a click, and the call ends. The robotic voicemail message drones monotonously about saving the message, and halfway through, you hang up, too.

The back of your throat clenches and burns, and you barely fight back a sob as it wrenches itself out of you. Zayne was worried about you. You made him worry. You thought he was mad, you wanted him to be mad, but he’s not. He cares about you. Why…?

You dig the heels of your palms into your eyes, as if you could push back the sting of tears that rush, hot and salty, from your bloodshot eyes. It hurts, and you start to see flashes of bright white stars under your eyelids, but it’s better than succumbing to the pain in your chest. Your heart shares a galaxy with the stars in your vision, a dying star that’s fizzling out, or maybe even being consumed by the void of a black hole. How morbidly comforting. You suddenly want to rip it out.

You wonder, just how difficult would it be to separate the Aether Core from your still-beating flesh…?

You try to shake the thoughts from your mind but they hold fast. Throwing the blankets off of your body, you leave your room hobbling like a zombie, make a beeline for the kitchen, and pull open a drawer.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It’s late at night when there’s a knock at your door. A slight rap of the knuckles. A sharp one, two. Once, then twice, and on the third knock there’s another sound, too. A rattling jingle. And it’s times like these when you curse yourself for giving Zayne the extra key to your apartment.

He calls out your name as he steps in. You barely hear him. You’re not sure if it’s because he’s far away, or speaking quietly, or if you’re just that far gone into your own thoughts that everything else around you is muted.

He might have called only once, or a dozen times, by the time he reaches your room and spots your hunched figure on your bed. He says your name again, and this time you do hear him. 

You meet his gaze, steeled with concern, and immediately regret it. 

He sees you, really sees you, and all at once your façade crumbles once more. He approaches the edge of your bed, and you turn your eyes anywhere but at him as you brace yourself for impact.

“What are you doing?” he asks, but he already knows the answer.

Zayne grabs your wrist. Yet, his touch is gentle—firm enough to grip you, but soft enough that you could pull away if you wanted. You don't. You’re far too tired to fight anymore. You continue to stare at the floor with teary eyes, but there is resignation hanging heavy on your shoulders, like a wet blanket. Zayne takes your silent compliance as an okay to pull you along with him down the hallway of your dimly lit apartment and into the bathroom.

He sits you down on the toilet. The light clack of the lid hitting the porcelain beneath from your sudden weight seemed to jolt you awake a bit; your eyes refocus and follow his movements as he shuffles through the medicine cabinet. He pulls out a few things and then returns to tend to his patient.

"Hand. Here," he says as he holds out his own. You offer yours, and he meets you halfway. He always does. He’s as meticulous and calm as always as he cleans, disinfects, and wraps your wounds, ever the doctor, but there’s a certain softness in his motions that you’re sure he reserves for only his most cherished patients. 

Only for you.

The thought rolls a warm wave over you, the once wet blanket that had been dragging you down now fresh out of the laundry and wrapped carefully around you, cozy and hot and certain. There’s still a bit of damp spots here and there, but those will also dry in time. And you know Zayne will still be here when that time comes.

Your thoughts are broken when long fingers drag against your cheek, wiping away yet more damp spots and fanning through your shining lashes.

“You need to take better care of yourself,” Zayne says, repeating his words from earlier that day. Was that really only today? This day was lasting a lifetime. As with before, his tone holds no ice. You regret snapping at him when he was only trying to help. He must feel your tension, because he puffs a breath out through his nose just then, and the warm air tickles the hairs on your forehead. He places a kiss there, the barest brush of his lips on your skin. He pushes your hair back with long warm fingers, tucking a strand behind your ear. “If you need help with that, I’m here. Always. You need only ask.”

Later still and he’s tucking you into bed and giving your forehead another gentle kiss, making you feel like a kid again. He’s surprisingly good at that. You don't know how he does it.

Zayne follows you under the covers, and leaves you an open invitation to snuggle against him, if you wish. You gratefully accept, tucking your head under his chin as he envelops you. He’s very careful not to apply pressure to your bandaged skin. 

Right before you fall asleep, he whispers a promise of breakfast tomorrow, and dinner, and whatever else comes next. A promise of staying, no matter what.

#soft zayne is best zayne #change my mind (you won't) #love and deepspace #zayne #zayne x reader #zayne lads #l&ds #l&ds x reader #fics

[rocksanddeadflowers]

something I've been thinking about is how interesting it would be to see the goblincore/gremlincore/corvidcore type aesthetic to evolve into an actual subculture. obviously for starters we should change the name bc anything ending in -core just doesn't sit right with me? unless of course it becomes that "placeholder name turns true name" sorta deal but ANYWAY.

main three key elements I've noticed that tend to make up a subculture is: style/outfit presentation (the optional part), belief system, and music genre(s).

style and presentation: (like what you wear), that part is already obvious if you ever followed the aesthetic at any point. (it was trendy for a time I think, is it still trendy? bc idk if it is but that's not stopping me from loving it.) basically wearing majority earth colors like browns and greens, stuff like hobbit-esque cloths or sweaters and stuff. definitely LOTS of nature based themes or just wearing weird trinkets. gotta go for that "creature directly out of the chronicles of spider wick" type look you know?

with the clothes (and often interior design I've noticed, which my entire bedroom would probably fit the aesthetic actually) one thing I've noticed for most who are into the aesthetic is there is a LOT of DIY. also going out and collecting things you find (anything from mystery trinkets to dead bugs and sticks and rocks, which I grew up doing and would call myself a tinker bc I made stuff out of what I found very often).

belief system: I feel like, above all else, beliefs commonly held among people in this aesthetic is to respect and be in nature, as well as do not waste, reduce and reuse. a lot of environmentalist like stuff, as well as seeing and respecting the beauty of nature, from butterflies and flowers to dirt and corpses. I don't have a solid concrete answer for belief system, but hopefully that sums up my view on it.

music genre: folk/folk punk, fantasy DND type genres, and nature based lyrics and vibes. from my experience and digging around, there's less artists who catch the vibe of this aesthetic all around (bc that's not what they're trying to do), and moreso having a couple or handful of songs that fit so very well. unless of course it's a genre of music that is enheritly matching to this aesthetic.

anyway, I'm not great at explaining the music aspect of it, but I feel like if it's magical and yet sorta punk-like that can work. no limits here yet, I have a playlist on my youtube that definitely pushes the boarders but who cares? the thing has celtic woman and httyd score on it. I just think if this evolved into having music for the genre (idk if we could call it a music based genre since it didn't start that way but I mean overall having a genre of music dedicated to this aesthetic-turned-subculture) it would be really interesting to hear what comes of it.

circling back for a minute, I feel like punk comes hand-and-hand with a couple of things here, but specifically mainly eco-punk. like diy, reduce and reuse, etc. as well as the music, while not deeply punk still feels like it would have a punk undercurrent.

I also think this could parallel well with goth, with the dark romantic sorta stuff. the music and belief system having love and adoration for the strangest and darkest aspects of nature, similar to goths seeing beauty in the darkness and creepiness of the world.

if anyone actually read this I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on my little rant (suggestions for bands/musicians and similar subcultures/subculture parallels are very encouraged) bc I grew up doing pretty much everything within this aesthetic long before I knew it was a thing or maybe even before it was a thing. that isn't meant to be gate keepy. I mean that when I found out just how many other people liked and did the same things as me, it was just so cool. so I just really wanna talk to people about this and I think something like this aesthetic could easily become a subculture one day.

#i am ALWAYS open wanna talk about this style in general #nature based stuff is very important to me pls feel free to reply or reblog with literally any positive points #goblincore #gremlincore #corvidcore #crowcore #nature #alternative subcultures #alt subculture #goblin aesthetic #goblin vibes

[munsster]

I just rewatched 10 Things I Hate About You and can’t stop thinking about Billy x a reader who is similar to Kat (Idk if you’ve watched it, if not then just ignore this) but could you do any headcanons or anything for this?

10 things i hate about billy hargrove

A/N: i fuckin love this movie and i love miss kat stratford and her hot grungy bf

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader, 10 Things I Hate About You AU

Warnings: 10 things i hate about you AU, fluff, enemies to lovers, pet names (doll), fem!reader

the story the headcanons

dustin, lucas, and steve are 100% the ones trying to set billy up with you

at first it was dustin and lucas trying to befriend max

then realizing they’d have to distract her scary ass brother

“i heard he smokes 10 packs a day” + “didn’t he just get out of jail???” + “no way, all he did was break some guy’s leg” “dude, he’s gonna murder us” + “i heard he has a chainsaw collection. and it’s stored right next to his hunting knife collection” + “dude… he’s gonna murder us”

THEN realizing steve is acquainted with him

and, finally, realizing steve has other connections

like you, for instance

clever, stubborn, and most of all: distracting

turns out, you and billy already know each other!!!!!

also, turns out, you and billy already hate each other

like fr loathing, foaming at the mouth, seething sexually charged hatred

so when dustin bribes steve into bribing billy into dating you, it doesn’t go so well

(“you think i’m fuckin’ stupid, golden boy? there’s no chance in hell—” “actually, i think you’re a loser and… i have a debt to repay” “so you think $30 is gonna convince me to take some shrew on a date?” “fine, i’ll give you $50” “$100” “$75. and if it goes well *sigh* i’ll give u the $25” “one date?” “yup” “deal”)

so now he’s got 75 bucks in his pocket and a cigarette between his lips and his sights set on you

you’re right outside the music room perched on an amp with a stratocaster in your lap

and you KNOW this asshole stalks up to you and flicks your amp off WHILE YOU’RE PLAYING 🤬

oh and he lays it on thick, he is working for that extra $25

“hey, don’t i know you?” + “shit, you sit in front of me in history” + “sooooo… how ‘bout that mrs. click, huh—ow, jesus” + “play nice” + “so… you know any whitesnake?” + “c’mon, doll, how ‘bout you let me take you to a party friday night—lemme guess, not your scene, right?” + “what..? you want a drag?”

he is definitely being too nice to you

so you tell him to scram and he gets all defensive and oooooH he is fuming

dustin and lucas are watching from behind a tree or bush or something and they just *facepalm*

and max like BEGS steve to pay him more and steve is all like mumblegrumblebrbrbrb i already paid him

but steve gets PISSED at billy like “give me my money back if you’re not even gonna try”

and billy scoffs like “hey man, i’m tryna work a miracle. shit takes time”

then he finds your car in the lot after school, leaned against the driver’s side like

(“nice car. y’know, you can bum a ride with me anytime.” “as… radical as that sounds, i prefer riding in cars that don’t smell like smoke” “hey. the camaro’s a smoke-free zone, doll face. keepin’ it clean just for you” “bite me” “don’t have to tell me twice”)

at this point the three stooges—dustin, lucas, steve—and max decide to do a little digging

and actually????? you and billy are scarily alike

same music taste, hang out at the same places, hate the same people

it’s a wonder nobody thought of this sooner

so steve keeps giving billy advice like “she goes to that one really weird place with the loud music on thursdays so go and… try to look nice, alright?”

“are you sayin’ i don’t look nice, harrington?”

“NO. 😐” steve likes to rethink all of his life choices sometimes

anyways, billy goes, of course, and he spots you immediately

and you look hot

you’re dancing up by the stage, and even the bassist is making eyes at you

if he didn’t think you were a bitch, he probably would’ve bought you a drink by now

he’s also wearing a shit ton of cologne because he got nervous he prioritizes smelling good 🥰

and he looks down at the little piece of paper steve gave him and labeled ‘USE IN CASE OF EMERGENCY’, so he opens it and it says “say ‘can i have your number because i lost mine’ and then make a cool face, the ladies love that one”

jesus christ, harrington, how did you ever get laid

then you’re blowing past him in your miniskirt and boots headed for the bar, so he follows you and leans up next to you

(“you come here often?” “do you?” “you kidding? this is my favorite spot” “yeah, right. now, if you’d excuse me, should be getting back to my—” “aw, come on, doll, let me hang around. i’m good asshole repellent” “is that because like repels like?” “har har”)

despite your resistance, he’s right

this place is a breeding ground for weirdos, and you were actually kind of glad that billy stuck around

that and he didn’t dance with anyone else the whole night, even if he wasn’t exactly dancing with you either

he stayed close, but he knew he’d get chewed out if he touched you

it was nice to have—

a friend??? you’re not sure that’s what this is, but having someone is better than having to look out for yourself all of the time

and at the end of the night, he walked you to your car after realizing you were drinking water the whole night

“yunno, my offer for tomorrow night still stands.”

ah yes the party

and you get in your car like “good to know😶”

he’s about to walk away when you roll down the window and say “pick me up at 8”

ohhhh you better believe he’s smirking to himself the whole way home

billy calls max at lucas’s, telling her to ‘keep herself busy tmrw’ because he’d be gone

max hangs up and bolts to the living room to tell the three stooges (who have been joined by mike and robin):

“BILLY’S TAKING HER TO THE PARTY TOMORROW—YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?????” “moviE NIGHT AT STEVE’S HOUSE!!!!” “NO!” “YAYYYY”

anyways, this date-not-date has him all palms sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy

Nervous with a capital n

he pulls up, walks to the door (a first, he’s the honking type), knocks, and is pretty much floored when you open the door and slam it behind yourself

“oh hi.”

and you half smile like “oh hi”

and he is alarmingly close to you, but you are determined to keep your arms/body about half an inch from his chest while he just

blink blink

stares down at you

“are you… feeling okay?”

he SNAPS out of it

“feeling fine. let’s go” but he definitely had that glazed over, pale but also sweaty and feverish, lifeless flu-gaze just then

true to his word, his car actually smells…. kinda sweet

vanilla somethin-or-other. some kind of baked good. you can’t really place it all too well. pancakes?

DOESN’T MATTER 😟 were u really just thinking about how good his car smells???

embarrassing 😳 for u

all the while he is just about ready to implode while tripping along behind you into the loud ass party

you’re gorgeous

and lost immediately

you roll your eyes when a pretty cheerleader runs her fingers through the curly ends of his hair and coos his name sweetly

you’re out of sight when she plants a kiss on his cheek, and he unceremoniously shoves her away

he gets that treatment all night

people are suddenly obsessed with him?????? god 🙄

by the time he actually finds you again, it’s two hours later, and you’re watching cartoons in the living room in some guy’s lap leaning against him like—like ?? i dont know but GOD billy could die right there

you’re just giggling to yourself, suddenly tame and half-lidded and pressing yourself against some stranger in a dark room with a red solo cup in your hand

“alright, doll, time to wrap it up, it’s gettin’ late” “no it’s not. why do you care?” “cmon, i’m playing chaperone, let’s go” “nuh-uh—”

and then sideburns over here goes “think the lady can speak for herself, buster” and that’s pretty much billy’s last straw

it’s no secret he has a talent for physical altercations with assholes, so he manages you off the guy’s lap before yanking him up by the collar and laying him out on the floor

just wailing on him really, and you’re slurring out some curses to yourself, trying so hard not to watch but billy is undoubtedly stunning

even while yk beating some sicko up

“alright, let it go!” tommy shouts from the back of the crowd that inevitably formed when someone yelled fight “billy, come on”

and he uses his sleeve to wipe at his bloody nose before tilting his head back, grabbing your hand, and jetting out the back door

“the hell wh—just happened?????” …. you are three sheets to the wind i am afraid

“leave it. i—he was… dunno, you’re gonna be mad no matter what i do so”

and you stop on the sidewalk by his car, tugging his hand and impulsively—drunkenly, gently, coyly, with your lip between your teeth—reach for one of his loosely wound curls

“that guy was pretty weird anyway” your eyes go wide, and he chuckles

“let’s get you home”

“it’s like ten??????????”

“so you’ll be asleep by, what? eleven?”

“better race home then.”

you slump into the passenger’s seat with a—for lack of a better word—sauced smile

not all there, googly eyes, half drooling, it’s a sight

and when he glances at you, you’re staring back at him and it makes him nervous

he finally gets you tucked into bed, sitting next to you with a sigh

“you always get shitfaced at parties?”

“you always abandon your date at parties?”

“touché.”

and he just messes with your blankets, making sure you dont throw up on yourself while you’re still awake

“you’re bleeding. riiiiiiiight”—you poke his temple and he hisses—“there!”

“got it, dollface. thanks.”

“noo problemo, billy-o. heheh.”

he snickers and shakes his head, finally standing from the bed and flicking the lights off

“gonna be alright, sweetheart?” you nod “alright. i’m gonna trust you on this one”

and JUST as he turns to leave—

“billy?” 🥺

its sososo soft and he whips around like “YES!!”

and you pucker your lips

and GOD

as bad as he wants to, you’re too plastered for a goodnight kiss

and this night doesn’t exactly warrant one either

admittedly he had been a shithead

maybe next time

he pecks your cheek quickly before heading home

oh and now you’ve got a Grudge

you do not speak to him. you do not look at him. but try as you might, billy hargrove is really hard not to think about

not with the longing glances you catch him giving you or the way he tends to linger around wherever you are or the way he calls your name as you storm out of the gym

and then he FINALLY starts leaving you alone

no glances or shouting or longing

but homeroom, friday morning, one week after the incident (if you can really call it that)

*tap tap* “is this thing on”

over the loud speaker???? that’s definitely billy’s voice, and you have to laugh at the shrill screaming of the woman who takes care of attendance in the background

“good morning, hawkins high, this one goes out to someone i should have apologized to a week ago. hey,”—he doesn’t say your name, but your entire class swivels their heads to look at you—“if you’re listening, i’m sorry, about last week and i’d like to take you to prom if you’ll have me. and if this announcement isn’t convincing enough then…..”

everyone seems to hold their breath in anticipation of his next words

oh but what comes next is so much better than that

“without you…… there’s no change—”

he’s singing. he’s singing over the loud speaker to the entire school.

and your homeroom riots.

there’s howling and cackling and someone shouts “billy’s down bad!”

you cover your face but you cant hide that smile from a mile away

“my nights and days are gray”

he couldn’t have picked a more embarrassing song, and you’re relieved when the principal bursts in to the office

theres muffled shouting while billy tries to croak out the next line and then a manic “sorry, hawkins high, this is your principal. we formally apologize for the—”

“there’s no place for lovers in this world thanks to hard asses like you” billy grumbles from the background

then there’s a fumbling and an expletive and a short and high-pitched tone to signal the end of the announcement

you find billy at lunch, and his buddies hoot and holler when you grab his wrist and tug him away

“what the hell did you do that for”

“you”

“yeah i got that”

“well?”

“well what?”

and he gives you this look like he’s lying in wait for an answer

and you soften and let go of his wrist: “that was stupid”

“but you liked it” he shrugs

“yeah”

“so…… is that a yes?”

“yeah—just…. yeah, alright? but don’t do that again”

“i wont”

“promise?”

“i promise”

“thank you”

and his nose scrunches because before you can walk away, he catches you by the hand and taps his jaw and turns his head and you roll your eyes

“whatever”

but you kiss his cheek anyways

and then like ten minutes later, steve find him and slides him a fifty like “dude, that was solid, i cant believe you pulled it off”

but billy shakes his head and crumples the bill back into steves hand like

“nah, don’t need it”

and steve’s eyes r so wide like…… ogey…. what just happened

and then cut to saturday—prom—and billy is like FREAKING out, he did his hair all nice and spent the money steve’s been giving him on renting a tux and buying a corsage and boutonnière for the two of you

“ay, mallrat, here”—and he hands max a $20–“get lost for a couple hours, alright?”

“why?”

“‘m fucking busy—”

“with what? or… who?”

“get out”

dude max is doing a VICTORY DANCE on her way to lucas’ house because holy shit???? it worked??? and billy’s actually paying her for her freedom???? this is the life🤩

and billy knocks on your door, knowing he’s early as hell and over eager

what’s gotten into him. he doesn’t just do things like this. he doesn’t show up early or feel all tingly and actually pleasant. ever. for anything or anyone.

and god do you look beautiful. like youre glowing.

he opens the door for you and holds his breath when you pin his boutonnière on and holds your hand on the drive to the venue

“may i have this dance” he is putting the moves on

“you do know i’m your date, right?”

“doesn’t hurt to ask”

so you two dance together and then….

the slow dance 🥺

he holds you to his chest and PRAYS you don’t feel his heart beating wildly

it’s just. you look at him like he’s more than his reputation and more than the things he pretends to be, and he’s never received something as tender as that before.

and about an hour into the night, steve grooves over with a devious look on his face, butting in while you two dance together

“so this is what you spent all that money on? man, i would’ve given you more if i’d’ve known”

and billy’s eyes go wide because you’re SCOWLING at him like

“what money?”

“nothing, he’s—he doesn’t know what he’s talking about”

“billy? what money?”

and steve just backs away… 😟

“did he….. did he pay you to take me out?”

“no, that’s not—it’s not what it sounds like”

“yeah right. hope he paid you a shit ton, cause im a handful, right? god, i can’t believe this—i really hope he made this whole deal worth it to you.”

oh man……..

weeks go by

you brush him off and avoid him and sometimes don’t even show up to the classes you have together

but if only you knew

he feels so guilty and on edge and like he could punch steve in the face for being such a dickhead

then comes the final project in your shared english class

“can i present first?”

it’s you.

billy almost perks up until you look him in the eye and you do not look happy

“i hate the way you talk to me…”

(i’m not gonna rewrite miss stratfords iconic poem, but i will rewrite the first + last line for dramatic effect)

“but mostly, i hate the way i don’t hate you. not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all”

and you sit back in your seat, leaving billy feeling more dejected than before

he can’t help but look to his own little sister for help

“what are you, a sap?

“shut up, i need help”

“what’s in it for me?”

“i won’t say shit when you go over to your boyfriends house” he groans

“deal”

and he explains the whole thing and his shit luck and how he needs to get you back

“well how about special interests? maybe make up with concert tickets or a puppy or something—"

“got it. thank’s max” and he ruffles her hair and she whines about it but she’ll be fine

next day, you’re literally just walking to your car when you see a guitar leaned up against the door

and you 🫢

“surprise”

he comes up behind you, glancing over your shoulder when you grab for the teal mockingbird in utter silence

“how did you—wha—why did you—billy….”

“it’s alright, you can say thank you”

“you suck”

“i know”

and you look between him and the guitar with a grin “i love it”

“i know” and he sighs and pushes a hand thru his hair

“i never did it for the money. maybe at the beginning, but steve’s an idiot. i would’ve done it for free. you weren’t some thing to just conquer, and i shouldn’t have treated it like a game. i’m sorry, doll. and i’ll get it if you never forgive me. you can still keep the guitar”

he puts his hands in his pockets and looks away

but you just jab at his chest and grin like

“you can’t just do that, you know? and a guitar won’t make up for everything”

“yeah, i know, i know” he pulls something out of his pocket, mirroring your smile when he puts the small box into your hand

“that’s exactly why i came prepared with this”

“a ring?????? jesus christ”

“not one of those rings. its like… like a promise ring. but more like…. i promise not to be an asshole ever again.”

“i dunno billy, that’s a pretty big commitment for you”

“shut up. i’ll do it for you, dolly” oh and he’s cheeky with it, one hand on your hip and tilting his head to the side with a smirk

“oh and one more thing” he says, watching you slide the ring onto your middle finger

“mhm?” you blink up at him, but he’s gazing a little lower than the tip of your nose

he leans closer and closer, and you lean back against your car, lips parting as he smiles wife and kisses you hard

“been waiting to do that for a while now”

“well…….. what took you so long?”

masterlist

#oh to make billy hargrove nervous #villain steve era??? #stranger things #x reader #stranger things x y/n #stranger things x reader #fluff #billy hargrove #10 things i hate about you #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove headcanon #headcanons #x fem!reader #billy hargrove x female reader #enemies to lovers

[mcnotok]

okay so i live in a place where it's cold very like 80% of the year, including now and because it was really freakin cold today, it got me thinking about how the climates of undertale really work and that in turn got me thinking about how the bad sans gang™ would react to the cold.

so like first off, do monsters even react to the temperature changing. i mean undyne overheats in her armour when you enter hotland so presumably she does react to changes in her surrounding temperatures. but undyne isn't made entirely out of magic and bones and she likely is a little bit more human than other monsters since a really popular theory about her eye is that she got injected with determination.

but sans and papyrus are skeletons and live in snowdin and that place is constantly covered in snow. (side note: HOW THE FUCK IS THERE SNOW UNDER THE MOUNTAIN. like it could be magic but that's just weird especially considering the fact that waterfall which is right next to snowdin is a marshy grassland which if you know anything about that type of environment you know that snow doesn't really work, okay rant over back to the skeletons).

i've seen a few pieces of art and fanfiction that basically make it so the skeletons react to the cold like a human would; frostbite, hypothermia, ect... but thought is always like would they react that way. most versions of sans are wearing hoodies and shorts and slippers out in the cold and they seem just fine.

cross is wearing like sixty different layers but it's made pretty clear that his outfit is supposed to be a really embellished royal guard uniform so jury's out on him actually being hot underneath all the fluff.

my conclusion is that skeleton monsters are pretty resilient to the cold in general and that it takes a lot to get any of them uncomfortable when it comes to the weather.

so onto the headcanons.

i think that horror, killer, and dust would react to the cold in a similar way because they all lived in snowdin for most of their lives prior to getting hired/adopted into nightmares gang. i think all three of them would really enjoy the snow and the cold in general

horror would be a little more adverse to it because of the hole in his skull and getting water out of there seems kinda annoying to deal with. killer starts a snowball fight and immediately gets his ass handed to him by everyone else. dust just would sorta starfish into the snow and stay there for the whole day. he's like those huskies who just stay outside for as long as possible and when someone drags him back inside he's just laying on his back, covered in snow.

cross is interesting because he also technically grew up in snowdin but most of the universes that x-gaster put him into were on the surface and along with his fluffy coat and scarf i think he's less hyped about the cold. like with all the layers he'll be fine but if you take that from him and he's just outside with a turtleneck and shorts, he'll be shivering after like 15 minutes.

nightmare hates the cold. i've seen a few headcanons that involve his slime/sludge freezing and i think that's really fucking cool. nightmare would rather eat like (idk what nightmare doesn't like to eat but assume something icky) than go outside. if it's under like 35 degrees he's just going to stay inside. he also fucking hates the snow with a burning passion because if it melts on him it'll hurt (i'm actually not sure if the whole, nightmare is hurt by water thing is canon to dreamtale lore, but i think it's cool so i'm sticking with it)

anyways sorry for the long ask, but i got thinking a bit too hard and your blog is probably the thing that got me back into utmv

anyways i hope you have a lovely day!!

I hope this is how you pictured it :)

Ice/slushie consistency when cold nm my beloved

#my art #undertale au #utmv #dreamtale #dreamtale nightmare #dreamtale nightmare sans #nightmare sans #nightmare!sans #horrortale #horrortale sans #horror sans #horror!sans #killer sans #killer!sans #dusttale #dusttale sans #dust sans #dust!sans #murder sans #murder!sans #bad sanses #murder time trio #xtale #xtale sans #cross sans #cross!sans

[girlvinland]

Okay, sorry for more. But you know, it is funny to me how older gens say that millennials (and zoomers too bc they don’t seem to know the difference and tbh neither do we half the time apparently*) are perpetually stunted adult children or whatever when it feels like we’re the first generations to be more aware of how generational trauma has affected our entire families and are intentionally more careful with our decisions about marriage/children/dealing with our own trauma/etc. I don’t want to paint every generation or person with a brush, but idk. Like. I grew up with Gen X parents who got married and had me young and had literally no emotional regulation/would tantrum at the smallest things (which…they’ve gotten better about), yet they would go on and on about the entitlement of my generation and everything. I feel like I have more empathy for older gens with less choices (especially for the women and minorities of those gens), but I still don’t really get how people just kind of walked through life not giving certain things any thought. Like people who would beat their children and think nothing of it or blindly adhered to beauty standards that made no sense or felt like requirements to exist. I know societal pressure sucks but. I also don’t get it, and I do think that in some ways we are more easily able to question disparities now.

On another note, I hate online warring stuff between Gen Z and Millenials (literally never experienced it irl). Apart from my own generation, I feel like Gen Z is the only other generation I feel understands me in a similar way because we both grew up as “digital natives” or whatever the term is, but also feels like we both had a balance with more regular life stuff too before being online 24/7 became completely inescapable. Idk I feel like there is more shared there and they get it if I talk about x thing vs trying to talk about x thing to the generations who didn’t grow up online lol. There are more overlapping touchpoints and interests. Not to sound like old man, but I do wonder what it’s going to be like for Gen Alpha as they get older. It sounds like kids in schools have a much harder time now with attention spans and behavior and I wonder if there will be a kind of pendulum swing when they get older that makes them want to pull back from being exposed to so much technology or if it will just keep going like it has been. It’s weird. And I know in practice kids and teens really are kind of always kids and teens, but can we deny that having tech everywhere hasn’t changed things somehow? Idk.

Anyway. Going to be an interesting day someday when all of the people who lived their lives pre-widespread Internet are no longer around and the rest of us are ancient relics of the past reminiscing about neopets or spotify wrapped or whatever lol.

*I kind of made this remark bc going back to work I realized that to a certain point I can’t tell ages well at all, and neither can my coworkers, apparently. I work with lot of people ages 23-45 and the people I thought were closer to my age tended to be mid-twenties and then three different times those same people thought I was 24-25 (which I’m not trying to humble brag about bc idc and there’s nothing wrong with getting older, but I think it’s more that I just sound and act in a way people don’t usually expect or something and less that I look younger or whatever. Maybe it’s also bc a lot of us spend a lot more time inside or wearing more sunscreen or. Idk man. I’ve heard people are showing fewer signs of “premature aging” bc of things like that. Put that in quotes bc again, aging is fine and normal). Then there is a lady in her late 40s I thought was early thirties bc she just came off as youthful or something. When someone told me she was almost 50 I was like huh wuh. So. Just saying I do get why people don’t know the difference lmao.

#by bug #I’m sorry for talking a lot rn. I am Caffeinated

[somecunttookmyurl]

So it’s not the same thing at all but I am also currently dealing with a ridiculous medicine-and-bureaucracy problem and I have no idea what I’m gonna do about it, so I feel your pain.

I got laid off in May and I just started a new job, but the benefits haven’t kicked in yet and won’t for a few weeks. I’m not clear on the exact date because I technically didn’t work full-time hours for the first two weeks during training and the offer letter has kind of vague wording about that. Meanwhile, my prescription for birth control needs to be renewed and I can’t go to my doctor because I’m currently on Medicaid, the awful government insurance that covers nothing, and fsr my doctor’s office doesn’t take it even though just last year their website specifically said they DO and I picked them out specifically because it said that (my bf has had Medicaid for years and I wanted us to have the option to go to the same place, that’s why I know this even though I had better insurance at the time). But I couldn’t find that page and I messaged her office to confirm and they basically admitted it had been a lie.

Anyway I really really like my new doctor and I don’t want to make my appt anywhere else. I spent so long picking out a doctor last year and it was the first time I was actually able to do that myself instead of one being assigned to me in one way or another.

But I only have enough pills for the next three weeks and I just KNOW even if I do get onto the new insurance before I run out, there’s no way it will be processed in time for me to actually make an appt and then pick up the prescription. (I can’t even BOOK the appt without proof of insurance.)

(I think I recently heard something or other about a new OTC birth control pill, and I haven’t looked into it yet but I’m not sure if it’s even available yet or sold near me if so. But even if it is, idk how to tell if it’s similar enough to mine that I can just switch over to it for a month with no problems. I would just ASK MY DOCTOR, but this is America and I can’t even do THAT without the right insurance.)

In THEORY I could go a month without and just be super careful, but I have no idea if that’s safe or what effects it could have or if I’d need to time it a certain way when I started up again.

Universal health care NOW.

girl i have universal healthcare and bureaucracy still finds a way to fuck with me none of us are safe

but if you're wondering it's perfectly fine to start and stop the birth control pill whenever you like. you just won't be protected from pregnancy until you take it for 7 consecutive days again

if you start it right at the beginning of your cycle it's 5 days but any other time it's 7 so really it doesn't matter just start it whenever and give it a week

(if you just happen to randomly miss a day then you should equally be careful for the next 2-3 days just like in general. psa for anyone who didn't know)

#the only effects (besides regaining the capacity to be pregnant) would be that like. #you will start returning to whatever your periods were like when you weren't on the pill. which is a process that takes time #so might initially be heavier or more irregular #and then when you start again you'll get whatever (if any) side effects you had before #it won't medically do you any harm but the lack of hormone suppression for the next few weeks and Actuallt Having A Cycle again might #make you a bit tetchy or pimply. you know. normal hormone shit #see ive had the implant for over a decade now so i only have to think about it once every 3 years

[littledudeholland]

Ok, some opinions i have about these two new episodes:

Dad beat dad:

i can finally see what people mean when they say the show is rushed and the songs come out of nowhere, that was REALLY apparent in Dad beat dad, like i was literally jumpscared by the first song.

Lucifer is... Well i expected him to be goofy and pathetic sure but he felt... Idk a little dissapointing? Idk i just thought he'd be more interesting i guess, really don't like how fast his arc with Charlie went.

Mimzy was there. She exists i guess. Expected more from her.

Finally we see how shitty Alastor can be, the show up until now didn't really give anyone a reason to dislike him, but the way he treats Husk i think is a great way to illustrate that YES Alastor is a piece of shit, and should be seen as a piece of shit, i'm not saying if you like Alastor(Like i do) you shouldn't, but just keep in mind that he is abusing Husk.

I liked the songs and i thought the feud between Alastor and Lucifer was pretty funny, but i think it came out of nowhere? Still really funny tho.

Also Alastor said fuck omg

Welcome to Heaven:

Wish we got to see more of heaven, it was a little too fast and i had to keep pausing cuz there was to much happening and i couldn't see anything.

MOLLY MOLLY IS HERE YEEEEEEEEEES MOLLYYYYYYY

I thought it was interesting how the extermination was actually a SECRET like holy shit??? That's really cool i loved that, it gives heaven a little bit of redemption potencial.

Also Lute is hot haha

Anyway Sera and Emily are cool but we barely got to know them and that made me really sad. They are suppose to be really important but i feel like the show didn't really demonstrated it that well? It felt rushed is what i mean

Vaggie being an angel is something everyone knew but like, idk the reveal was a little too early for me, if they had revealed that in the last or near the last episode it would be a little more impactful i think, tho i understand if they want to explore Charlie and Vaggie's relantioship more with this conflict.

Adam being doubtful of his place in heaven was one of my favorite things in the episode, i really like Adam he is such an asshole and i love how they showed this weaker side to him, like the reason he is doing the extermination is kind of an affirmation that he deserves to be in heaven, loved that

The last song of the episode tho... Not great, not that the song was bad, it just didn't feel earned. Also Emily switching sides so fast gave me whiplash like girl who are you why is the show treating it like this moment is a big deal? I don't know her at all, i don't even know what her role in heaven is

The hotel side plot was great, best part of the episode, i loved to see Angel getting better, also cherry bomb yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i love her sdsdhfuhsdufihbsdfbjhdsa

Sir Pentious liking her was such a surprise lol guess my Aroace headcannon went down the drain, i mean i still think he's ace(I have done something similar to what he was doing once so i know the struggle my guy)

HOWEVER i need to say i HATED the part where he said he'd have sex with everyone and got dragged into a room, that's like, so tasteless? Like guys you can't have an episode where a character is show being raped and abused on screen and the next episode make a joke about it with another character, that wasn't funny i really didn't like it, it made my expirience sour a little bit.

Nifty is cute i love her she's just like me when i'm drunk lmao

Also Angel and Husk babying her was so cute, i love these three so much sdfbshbdiufhsiuhfnahjifh

Anyway that's all, if anyone wants to argue about the points i brought up feel free to, i wanna know if my opinion on certain topics are fair of if i'm not seeing something

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #tw mention of rape #tw mention of abuse #hazbin hotel review

[somegiantmess]

Someday I'd like to draw some comic about my experience of becoming very aware and informed of the state of our planet and our living conditions (and how everything is tied with political choices at the end of the day).

All those feelings I can't explain would be easier said with just some doodled scenes.

It would also be my personal path through it. People live it differently, even if some things are going to be similar. But I've always been a ball of stress and anxiety; and as such, they're obviously part of how I live this awareness.

It's been three years, and every now and then I still find myself unable to share when I feel alone in this. When I'm facing daily life situations where there's a problem with what we're doing or choosing to do but I'm, like, the only one seeing/thinking about it. And there's the fear that if I say something, I'll be seen as the annoying, aggravating person.

And those times when a situation or a topic makes me real uncomfortable, or even anxious, ecologically-wise, but it's transparent for the others; family included. They may have no idea that said topic can make me anxious, or maybe don't care so much, maybe they would even think I'm overdoing it with all this anyway? Again, I don't want to be the party boomer, so most of the time I don't say it and stay anxious on my own.

I think those are the worst. Sometimes my social anxiety may be harder to deal with than my projections for the future (which are still hard to imagine while we're not there, you know). Because if people, here and now, don't see the problem and don't see what needs to change to the level required, those projections are bound to happen, you know?

If we were all (or almost) going on the right path, it would open the way to hope. But having to talk to people, convince them, especially when the change needed may touch to some extent our personal lives/beliefs/dreams/interests? It goes not only into technical and science and datas talk, but also very much into political and personal talk. And that's terrible for me, who fear that people will hate me over the tiniest thing.

So anyway idk sometimes I just imagine the kind of scene I could draw about my most common anxiety in common situations. And that with this I could at least, idk, tell the people around me how I feel in some situations through a smoother, easier medium for me (and even maybe for them).

And at the same time, I would do better to use this time and effort to work on a (maybe) more useful project on those topics. That's probably the best choice to help myself in the end.

Yep I ranted about all that just to conclude that I won't do it (but at the same time who knows!)

#trs life #doing the things in my reach are the only things i can do #even if i dream everyday that this isn't true #eco-anxiety

[xaeyrnofnbe]

hmmmmm i continue to think about my bitb good ending au.

what if, after a while of traveling around to clear their heads, they settle down somewhere. maybe kian has a place in california. he may not have made it as a musician, but he did well for himself in other ways.

maybe they share a room because they’re too paranoid to sleep alone. maybe they share a bed, idk. though, it might be a bit of trouble to find a sleeping situation with enough space for all three of them + barc, since he’s there too. and he’s gotten used to rolan at this point and has stopped trying to maul him.

they probably keep to themselves for a while, but eventually they start rejoining society. sometimes kian puts on shows at little venues. not a lot of people show up but it doesn’t matter, because rolan and rand are there, and they’re his biggest fans in the whole world. hell, maybe they join in every now and then. the two may not be as musically inclined, but it is what it is. they have fun and they do it together. it’s not just them though, either. they start making friends, and after a while have their own little community.

it’s hard at first, but they make things work. and maybe a few years down the line, once they’ve all come to terms with what happened to them, one of them (rand) gets an idea. maybe what happened wasn’t a one-off thing. maybe it’s happened before, or maybe it’ll happen again.

and they do their research. they find out all they can about anything similar that’s ever happened, and look for disappearances and other strange unexplainable things for signs of something bad happening again, and they set to work.

back in galloway, they had defeated the queen/elder brain/heart and saved the town. they may have lost rand’s sister in the process, but her sacrifice led to enough good to make it worth it. and the most important thing is, they found out how to deal with these monsters. and now fast forward a few years, (they haven’t been back to galloway but they’ve gotten plenty of grateful letters and phone calls from the survivors. the town is rebuilding, and they may or may not be known as The Heroes Of Galloway. anyway,) they have to again. this time, on their terms. and they also may have very briefly used rolan as a bit of a guinea pig to test any potential weaknesses these bugs may have. (it was his idea, so it’s fine.)

so they gather up the friend group they’ve found wherever they’re staying, and they explain what happened. people are pretty freaked out when rolan reveals his less human features, but that’s more than enough proof that the boys aren’t screwing with them. and they gear up, and set out to stop new hives as they happen. and maybe they discover more extra-dimensional occurrences, and they do their best to deal with those too.

and idk maybe they become this wacky team of mid-thirties polyamorous monster hunters who protect people form monsters, and maybe even monsters from people sometimes. they write down everything they learn, too, since they’re not gonna be around forever. and maybe over time their group grows. and by the time they’re old and retired, there’s a whole secret organization doing the thing.

but that’s just an idea. maybe an offshoot of my good ending au. in the main version of it is this but they don’t start hunting monsters, they just vibe and recover. this might be cool too though.

#bitb good ending au #jrwi bitb spoilers #just roll with it

[after-witch]

I don't know if it's just me (hopefully not) that was rooting that Ollie stayed with The Smiling Man in Empty Smiles. Idk throughout the whole series he's been my favorite character, I always saw his character as this mysterious, scheming (and extremely fine) man?? i don't know what else to refer to him as, but he just seemed lonely in the last book. Especially when we figured he wasn't able to go into the funhouse with all the mirrors because he was always alone (and there was a high chance he was afraid to go in for it would show his true fear) anyways, do you think he was just trying to add Ollie to his collection of servants or?? opinions?

Spoilers for Empty Smiles!

No, it's not just you. The entire time my brain was just:

But I've always wanted characters to do the wrong thing in those types of scenarios with antagonists, because I find the hypothetical aftermath to be the most interesting part.

I knew logically Ollie wasn't going to say yes, and Coco wasn't going to say yes, but I'll be darned if I wasn't immediately wondering what if they did.

"anyways, do you think he was just trying to add Ollie to his collection of servants or?? opinions?"

We never get a clear answer and it's agonizing. I do think that his original offer, made the first evening he shows her around the carnival, was his attempt to make sure she can't "win" by being rescued by her friends. It was the easiest way out, to make Ollie herself agree to stay, therefore nullifying the original deal which would have given her friends a chance to save her.

Would she have been his servant if she agreed? I don't know... Assuming he wasn't hiding some tricky horrible Fate Worse than Death behind his offer, and I don't think he was since he did say she wouldn't get turned into a doll or scarecrow, I almost get the impression that she might have become someone like him in time?

Maybe he would have showed her around behind the mist, helped her explore, then eventually she might have the same tasks as he does. Not in any sinister way--like "mwahaha now you must do my job!"--but as a natural progression of being someone who exists behind the mist not trapped as a scarecrow or as a ghost who can move between the mist & regular world, but as herself. She would help keep the way open, too.

I don't think he would have turned around and like, forcibly turned her into a servant akin to the scarecrow or anything like that, though. It doesn't seem his style.

I think it's telling that the carnival car she was staying in had clothes that belonged to someone else. She's not the first person who has traveled the carnival with him. Who were they? Why were they there? Did they escape the smiling man (not something that happens often) or did he make them a similar offer--agree to stay--and they took it? Or did they turn into a doll, a failed escape? How many others have been in something akin to Ollie's position?

While I do think the original offers to stay were designed to make her give up leaving so he could win, I think Ollie was spot on when she wondered if he was lonely and he would have--in the end, especially after she made comments about "friends don't lie to each other at all" and he seemed affected by it--wanted companionship.

For instance, when he offered for the three of them to stay after they'd already gotten the keys, maybe partly it was "I am obliged to try to stop them" but I do think, in some ways, he would have been interested in having them stay behind the mist with him because they have proven themselves worthier than the countless other people he's tricked.

As for what would have happened to them, exactly... it's so murky. But perhaps it's best that way, we can come to our own conclusions.

#just imagining him butting heads with Coco though #their dynamic cracks me up #“save me from stubborn girls” I WEPT #smiling man #small spaces

[eli-elien]

1, 3, 4, 5, & 17

[Sorry that it's so many, I couldn't resist asking a lot xD]

1. Show your most recent wip

A ref for another oc for a friend's book

A young man who was ran out of his own kingdom at 13 by his family due to his cursed power: Rot. He lived on the streets ever since, the rotting scar growing more and more, adding bandages and cloth to hide them.

He finds himself afraid of intimacy for fear of killing others with just a touch and thinks of himself as a monster. The main character finds him endearing and slowly helps him accept this as apart of himself even if he doesn't like it.

3. Least favourite things to draw?

mmmmm mechs and metals, funnily enough I love drawing weapons and armor but just can't deal with mechs esp ugh

that is why I love fantasy bc it usually don't have mechs lol also kyo and most shield hero characters bc holy shit they are so complicated esp that albino bitch

4. Favourite things to draw?

top 3 things would be Howl like characters (see what Elijah and William look like), environments esp greenery and skies, and expressions the way the eyes and how the nose crinkles when we're angry stuff like that very human and stuff :]

5. Anything you haven’t drawn yet but want to?

Animals in a less cartoony way I usually do also classical esqe paintings I always admired the way the skin looks so soft and how the hands looked esp regarding hands holding again the humanity within these paintings is so very mortally immortal idk thats how I'd describe it

17. What inspires you?

A lot, a lot and a lot of things. Could make an essay. Mind if I make an essay?

No? Eh you're still getting one lol

But I think life inspires me, humanity inspires me, my daily relationships even the smallest interaction with an acquaintance. It's love and the hate and the daily struggles and the tragedies we see in the world. And again at the end of the day it's love that inspires me.

And I know this is about paintings and drawings but writing is an art on its own.

And the things I want to write about are all of this including the grief of being human and the blissfulness too.

I'm gonna be real for a second and say this is also based off of my experiences with death and how I've dealt with grief especially since all three were different.

also just ye uh cw death and all that and it might go into some uhhhh ig traumadumpy territory but I promise it's related

One was of somebody that refueled my love of writing and making my own stories and he was honest to god my fucking hero and I wouldn't have gotten to where I am without him.

Thank you Technoblade for inspiring me and alot more people.

It was indirect and I didn't really know him know him, yknow I was just a fan and yet it hit so badly and it still does and just man grief just it never disappears and I can't put it into words yknow

Another was a figure from my childhood, somebody like Techno who I really looked up to and I wish to this day that he got to see me grow up and I could see him and remember him before he got sick and just its a grief of wanting to go back and spend as much time as I wished with him, he was sorta a second father to me

The last and most recent is someone who couldn't control themselves and needed help but the state didn't give it and bc they didn't get the help it ended up hurting the people around them too, tragic and painful and its just so fucked and really fuels my hatred for the state

Anyways after all of that I wanted to write and draw, create something to put all of my feelings about death and grief and my continuing love for life even if it can be shit into something so I wrote Reverie of The Axe Hero and have come up with similar ideas about the struggle of being plainly human

And I think once I'm done with Reverie I think I'll finally heal from this grief, and it may not ever disappear, it never does; but I'll be able to move on. Sorta my own stages of grief if you will.

#ask game #asks #ye I was Real for a sec ok time to go back to goofy anime and hannibal posts

[hismercytomyjustice]

I FEEL I JUST HAVE TO CLARIFY I HAVE A REALLY WEIRD RELATIONSHIP WITH TWILIGHT OKAY.

I read the first book when I was in high school and highly recommended it to my friends, who also enjoyed it. In my defense, we were all 16/17 at the time.

Yes, I have always had a vampire obsession

Then I distinctly remember reading the second book when I was 18 because I read it after my grandma passed away in March of 2007 (just before my birthday) and I was really struggling with losing her.

It took me a bit to realize Bella was hardcore hallucinating Edward. Up to that point I think I’d assumed he was like…idk telepathically communicating with her or something. And then I realized she was jumping off a cliff just to “see” him.

I was dealing with the first major death in my life that I could comprehend. And I got SO ANNOYED at Bella being this dramatic over a boy. Like, girl, move the fuck on.

So I stopped reading the series. Because 18 year old me just could not handle that level of nonsense. At first I had connected with Bella because I was grieving and it was reassuring to see a fictional character going through something similar. I was also in the midst of being hardcore parentified (heyyy therapy!) so I related to Bella on that level too. But then Bella just got too weird and over the top for me with her extreme Edward withdrawal, so I bounced.

Then the first movie came out in 2008. One of my college roommates (E) at the time wanted to see it. She was a major Twilight fan. Me and my other roommate (Em) went with her and a friend of hers to see it. I remember swinging by Hot Topic along the way and there being a bunch of Twilight merch.

Then the movie. I thought E’s friend was going to kill us. Em and I were laughing so fucking hard. It’s not a comedy, but by god it was to us. We also went to the second movie when it came out, hoping for more of the same, but it just ended up being a bummer and I fell out of Twilight again.

Cut to a little while later. Idk exactly when (2009? 2010?), but Facebook Flair was a thing. Poking, too.

I LOVED Facebook Flair. I spent a lot of time finding Flair I liked. And then Twilight, of all things, kept popping up.

I was extremely confused. Twilight was old news to me by then and I had no idea it had become so popular. Baffling.

Intrigued, I decided to do some googling to see what else had happened in the Twilight universe.

Then I started reading about Edward biting a baby out of Bella.

I thought this had to be fake. Like, what in the actual fuck???

NOPE. It was real. It was around then I finally dove back into the series and finished reading it because I had to know what the fuck was going on with this unhinged shit. I also finished all the movies too, though I think the last three I watched on DVD.

Curiosity satisfied, I had a moment of “well, that happened I guess.”

But then Twilight just kept lurking beneath the surface.

Idk if I got sucked back into it or not pre-covid. During the lockdown though, I was really going through it (just like everyone else, hey repressed trauma) and was seeking solace.

I got big into audiobooks then, mostly of stuff I’d enjoyed as a teen. I wanted familiarity and comfort. I was also struggling with getting back into reading after major burnout as an English Major. So I listened to the Twilight audiobooks and the new Midnight Sun audiobook.

I’d been on Stephanie Myers’s site back in the day and had seen the snippet she’d released for Midnight Sun where Edward was thinking about WD-40ing Bella’s window so he could creep on her at night more easily and thinking “my god, it’s gotten even more unhinged somehow.”

ANYWAY. I think that’s around the time I actually started to enjoy Twilight. Delving back into it, I was struck by just how unapologetically self indulgent it was. It reminds me of fanfic in a way. Stephenie Meyer created her own little world and was getting to do deeper dives into it because she had a big enough fanbase that was all too happy for more.

It’s an odd little series. I remember all the hate it got for years (especially in the writing convention circuits I attended) I’d argue because the main demographic was teenage girls and the world loves to shit on what teenage girls enjoy. I’m not saying Twilight is perfect by any means (there’s a lot of fucked up and problematic stuff surrounding it). But for what it is, what it does, it’s very successful.

I think part of its success comes from the timing. It came out alongside Harry Potter and The Hunger Games and mainlined the romance the other two only had in the background. And it does self-insert dramatic star-crossed-lovers teenage angst extremely well.

I also think Meyer is a better author than she tends to gets credit for, that people are too quick to attribute her success to fanatical teenage girls who will “read anything”. Tbh though, idk if it even still has that level of stigma and disdain nowadays.

I think the movies are really good for what they are too. You see a blue tinted screencap and you immediately know you’re in the Twilight universe. They follow pretty closely to the books too (minus the last one’s big fight scene), and the actors are all perfect for their roles. I’m also a big fan of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (we stan a bisexual icon). I think they’re both incredibly talented actors who just happened to get their big break from these weird little movies.

Nowadays when I’m indulging in Twilight, it comes across to me as a bit campy. I think that’s where its charm lies for a lot of people now. I absolutely love the memes and the reminiscing about how batshit crazy the series and movies are.

So, yeah, this is a really long winded way of saying I have a complicated relationship with Twilight.

I should probably also add I don’t judge anyone who genuinely loves the series specifically for the love story. I’m just not one of those people.

#i have a weird relationship with twilight okay #twilight

[ritual-misery]

18-10-2023 🎧

yesterday was very up and down 💀 and i knew it was gonna a mess the second i forgot my earphones at home. those shits r my lifeline. riding the bus in silence was torturous

anyways. yesterday something happened that hasn't happened in a while... i got gendered as female. usually, where i am now in my transition, i'd say i get gendered as male 99% of the time. ages vary; usually people think i'm some 13 year old LMFAO but chemically i am 13 so i mean... there u go. but nonetheless they read me as a guy

but yesterday was different. it was after my last class of the day and these girls started talking to me about the material and whatnot. then we went to some public event thing happening outside and as we're sitting there i get called "she" when one of the girls says something abt me to the other one. i thought, maybe i misheard. but then they started talking about the traits they hate in guys... then i was called a baddie... sooooo 😭

honestly i feel nothing about it. maybe a bit awkward cause eventually its gonna come up that im actually a guy. and its gonna be weird. but it kinda made me think. like yeah, i get gendered as male a lot, but honestly im still pretty androgynous. i have no facial hair yet, my face is still kinda round, i wear earrings (non-feminine ones), and i'm short. so someone could easily read me for a girl as much as they read me for a guy. i notice that when i do get misgendered, it's usually by girls. other guys always gender me right. the rare times i'm read as female it's usually by a girl. curious as to why

but nonetheless it happened. and it reminded me that i have a long way to go in my journey. and that i shouldn't get too proud and think that i'm mr. unclockable all of a sudden. i have some time to wait before my face changes dramatically or i grow facial hair (although im trying to get my hands on some minoxidil), but there are more areas where i can masculinize as i wait. like working out and doing different things with my hair. i'm gonna try and style it different because i feel like it makes me look so feminine and it bothers me lmao. it's this overgrown mullet thing, and the process of growing out the sides is making me want to go bald. in my deluded brain i feel that if i finally grow out my hair long it'll actually help me look more male? cause it'll cover my face and make me look a little older (i feel that lots of young boys have short hair while longer hair would indicate maybe an older guy? idk 💀)

it's easy to get discouraged, i think. i found my mind saying, "a cis guy would never have to deal with something like this." but then it occurred to me that i'm not a cis guy. i'm gonna have different experiences in life than one, and i shouldn't use the average cis guy's life as a marker for mine. it'll just leave me unsatisfied and feeling like a failure when i've failed nothing. i gotta focus on myself and what im doing. i'm not cis so my life is not gonna be similar to that of cis people's. and that's not a shitty thing

oh and here's my second problem. i ran out of testosterone. i'm with this specialized doctor right now and he's very hard to reach out too. long story short, the next time i see him is in november... i ran out of T last week. today's my shot day, actually. so i'm concerned. i know that nothing monumental will happen to me over 3 or so weeks, but the only thing i really don't want to happen is my period returning. which it surely will. so now i have to do a final hail mary: at the very beginning of this, i got a prescribed vial that i wasn't able to receive because of a problem with insurance. there's a chance that the vial is still sitting in the pharmacy now. will i probably have to pay? yeah. but i mean.. what choice do i have. i would rather pay and take the T than wait three weeks and have my body go through crazy mood swings and my monthly returning from the shadowy depths. so i'm about to call the pharmacy and see what they say. at least i can try. it's been one year, so the doctor is going to give my prescription to my family doctor to have him deal with it (special doctor only handles patients for one year), but my fam doctor will probably ask me to give it to someone else. so i should start researching some endos in the area

alas. weird life, weird events. today i got no classes and i'm gonna try and get stuff done. there's minimal things i need to do for school, so non-academic tasks are getting prioritized. ESPECIALLY my workout. it's been way too long, and i'm trying to get all buff now so when summer hits i'm chilling. plus it's winter coming soon so what else am i supposed to do lmao. also gonna try and buy some stickers to decorate my laptop today. very whimsical and fun ofc

[shadow-dracat]

I don't need a screen reader, but I've tried TalkBack. Partially because I want to know how it is to use a screen reader so that I can make things more accessible. Partially because I might need it later in case something happens. Partially to try and see if I can use my phone in any situation I'm not able to look at it.

so far I have the following observations:

1.) TalkBack reads the three dots weirdly. Instead of saying "dot dot dot" it says something like "symbol of talker: 3". I might not be hearing that correctly;

2.) slashes in places of "or" are a bit hard to parse, better to actually use "or";

3.) usual app layout is hell to navigate. particularly because of all the elements you need to scroll. I've only tried Discord and Tumblr, but I'm guessing others are similar. I do not know if the apps actually have a more accessible layout, but they certainly didn't say anything to me. I don't know if this is a skill issue, but I do think I miss a lot more;

4.) it actually has a bunch of quirky controls. I don't think it's accessible to people with motor issues, maybe there is no way a regular phone would be able to be. (you'd need more physical buttons. which should be a thing actually.) anyway, sometimes it mistakes me swiping to the next item as me clicking things in the middle of the screen. that is annoying. probing your screen isn't the easiest either;

5.) searching "screen reader" in google play didn't get me anything better. (and I thought there would be better things. maybe I didn't look as properly). There was one app that only teaches you TalkBack gestures. There was also a google read mode thing but idk if it provides much interactionable stuff, I didn't get it to open quickly and then I didn't try again;

6.) screen reader is a good way of checking your messages for typos;

7.) you can type only with TalkBack and a google keyboard, but that is super slow, get another input method;

8.) just tried starting it with the volume buttons again, didn't press at the same time, that's annoying when it happens;

9.) oh yeah I totally forgot. If you're using several languages regularly, you're going to have to deal with TTS reading things in another mode, resulting in a language being read with a barely understandable accent. If you have UI in one language and posts in another? Posts in different languages? Too bad, be ready to switch a lot or indure the TTS accent.

Overall? Needing to scroll sucks

#my post #shadow rambles #screen reader #sighted #don't want to clog the tags here #if you have good screen reader recommendations please send them my way #I want to be able to use my phone without looking #text

[leo-selfship]

Okay so I feel the need to talk about my last post about Ba’al and I, and the mention of morning sickness, but this post will have discussions of pregnancy, infertility, endometriosis, discussion of the option of abortion, and miscarriage, so tread lightly. A lot of this is dealing with my own hang-ups on the subject but some of it is a holdover from the series long X Reader fic I’m writing and I can’t turn my Writer Brain off - which is to make everything The Most Dramatic Thing Possible. There a lot of similarities between the fic plans and what happens in my self ship verse, with very few differences.

I feel kind of bad for including mention of it in a crack post for shock value but

  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But IDK I’m in my head today about it so i feel like talking about it. Very, very long post.

So I’ve established that my S/I and Ba’al were stuck on a planet for three years with only each other for company, and that’s where they fell in love - but they also decided they wanted children as well - at least, Leo did, and Ba’al took to the idea with enthusiasm. There was a certain lack of purpose and drive they had, stuck from everything they ever cared about, and, well, a lot of the reasons that Leo didn’t want children back on Earth turned into positives when there’s only one other person there.

So Leo got pregnant, and then there was an accident where Ba’al’s host died and she was injured, so she became his host.

Okay so that’s a change of plans, but nothing they couldn’t handle.

And then like two weeks later they got saved by SG-1, and there was the whole debacle of trying not to be outed as, you know, Ba’al’s host, and I can talk about the Big Ruse in another post, but that goes on for around a month before they finally get away from the team on an off-world mission, but not without arousing a Great Deal of Suspicion.

So they retake Ba’als forces, with Leo fronting the whole time due to the fact that if Ba’al takes control it’s instant miscarriage bc that’s just something the show established for some reason? Anyway they get the original host’s clone out of cold storage so they can go back to kind of normal while they figure things out, think of a plan to get Leo home to Earth without Ba’al being taken b the NID for being a Goa’uld, not to mention the fact that Leo is still pregnant.

But nothings normal because he’s a system lord again, but this time he has a fucking moral compass about it and that makes the beef with the other system lords even worse, and Leo’s like “Hey maybe now’s not the right time to have a child,” so they have a frank and open discussion about it, but nothing’s really decided yet, when one of Ba’als more fanatical attendants hears and is like “But Ba’al’s a god? And surely, killing the child of a god is sacrilege and not to be permitted, I must serve my lord faithfully, there’s no ay he would want this to happen” and a bunch of other bullshit and strikes a deal with one of the lower ranking Goa’uld under Ba’al’s domain, and slips sleeping drought into Leo’s afternoon tea, and secrets her away while Ba’al is handling something else.

and so Ba’al freaks tf out and has to find her, but before anything else he pauses for a moment and is like.

She would probably want her friends on the rescue party.

So he actually swallows his pride and asks SG-1 to be on the rescue mission. Another very Drama-filled few scenes wherein Daniel goes Apeshit.

Anyway the rescue is happening, it’s all dramatic, and the team is working their way through the base, but Religious Zealot plans to make an escape through a different route, and she realized before that the only reason this man cares in the first place is because she’s pregnant (which she still feels extremely conflicted about) and she’d rather be home without a child than being forced to have a child in captivity, and as soon as this guy pulls a knife on her she’s like “jokes on you” and stabs herself with it.

Remember, this is the self-insert that says “Suicide is always an option” when she gets taken for information, so...

But it works, and he drops her like hot coal.

Dr. Frasier is forced to do an emergency hysterectomy when they get her back to Earth - and Ba’al follows the team through without hesitation, even knowing he’ll be imprisoned immediately. He doesn’t care, at this point they’ve promised each other their lives so in his head hes like “Im not going to leave my wife” even though under no set of traditions are they actually married (thus the actual wedding much later)

Anyway cue Massive Depressive Episode for Leo s she comes to terms with everything, and between the stress of everything that just happened and the threat of her ‘husband’ being taken away to a place where she’ll never be able to reach him...

Her best idea is to ask to be his host again.

That way, they won’t get transferred - General Hammond won’t allow it. They’ll be kept in the SGC and at least be given a chance to vouch for themselves.

And even if they were, at least they would be together.

Ba’al sees how desperate she is, and agrees.

---

So like, this is heavy stuff, but also really cathartic for me.

Last year, I had to make a choice between the Potential to have kids, ever, and a life with significantly less pain.

I had endometriosis and adenomyosis,  both of which effect primarily the uterus, and I’d been struggling with it since I was 14. I went to online school because I had surgeries in the way of classes.

I was twenty two last year, so that's eight years of my life that I spent in much more pain than I should - with a grand total of seven surgeries in that time span, even before the hysterectomy. Most laparoscopy, but one was a horizontal cut across my lower abdomen (laparotomy), which still leaves me with a large numb patch where the nerves haven't healed yet.

Afterward, my doctor had told my mom “She never would’ve been out of pain.”

It was the right decision. I know it was. I was overjoyed, I celebrated the chance to yeet my sea-urchin ass uterus into a biohazard bin.

Because the amount of inflammation and pain I had was unreal. My life has improved so much since last summer I can’t regret it, not for the life of me. But being forced into that decision at all, let alone so young, kinda fucks with your head, right?

Like, I never really wanted kids, but now the thought that I can’t makes my insides twist. It’s such a weird thing to feel, so conflicted and yucky over losing something you’d never really wanted in the first place, but... idk.

Making my self-inserts, reader characters, and OCs go through hell is cathartic. It helps. I’m not sure why, but it does.

There’s a certain parallelism, between Leo choosing what she did to break free of an impossible situation, at the cost of the potential of a child, and what I chose. Not the same by any means, and much more traumatic, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  it helps more than just having her go through what I did 1:1 for whatever reason.

The only thing I feel bad about is mentioning it in the crack >_<

#personal #ok to rb or respond #s/i: sg-1 #tw: pregnancy #tw: miscarriage #tw: chronic illness #tw: mental health #tw: abortion