#idk what to tell you their love is simple and straightforward and struggle free | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dottie-wan-kenobi · 4 years

Text

song lyrics I use to characterize Dick Grayson

This is definitely not everything (& I would love to do more) but it’s also Extremely Freaking Long so. Many thanks to @zitkaplushie for chatting w me abt this! I would love to hear your thoughts/additions/etc. If u disagree w any of these, feel free to debate w me but please be civil!!

— OVERALL:

Drag Me Down by One Direction: okay there are tons of parts that fit but this line is the best: “I've got fire for a heart / I'm not scared of the dark / You've never seen it look so easy”

I think this one is kind of straightforward lol but. The first line kind of tells me that Dick is passionate, and feels more with his heart than his head. The second line is just kind of a tongue in cheek thing like obviously he’s not. And the third one is both Dick’s confidence and also that it’s just TRUE. He makes things look easy, all kinds of things. It’s just a fact.

High Hopes by Panic! at The Disco: ugh this has such good lines but this one: “Mama said / Burn your biographies / Rewrite your history / Light up your wildest dreams / Museum victories, every day / We wanted everything, wanted everything”

So I think “Mama” thru to “dreams” ties back to him becoming Nightwing, or going through different identities and kind of letting himself go with it to an extent. Like he doesn’t let it hold him back. The rest of it, like...that’s just Dick’s superheroing career. “We” in this case could be him and Bruce, him and the Titans, him and Damian, etc etc

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson: um. the whole song. the whole thing. buuuut one line I’ll analyze will be: “I don't wanna be left behind / Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies / I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react”

“I don't wanna be left behind” - he knows this feeling well already and doesn’t want to relive it

“Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies” - he has like no civilian friends in canon, and even then he’s always lying to somebody about something. There aren’t many people he can be truly close to and open with, other than like Donna and Roy and Kory

“I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react” - idk, when I see this it makes me think that he’s just lived this life that isn’t exactly normal and he recognizes that

Birds by Imagine Dragons: this one makes me so sad but: “I know that / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, I hope to see you again / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, so fly high, so fly high”

So obviously Dick has lost a lot of people important to him over the years, either because they died or DC said XYZ and Dick’s relationship no longer has any rights, but. This is how he would feel about that. Grudging acceptance, hope to see them again, wishing them well.

Dance Monkey by Tones And I: I had to. “I said, oh my god, I see you walking by / Take my hands, my dear, and look me in my eyes / Just like a monkey I've been dancing my whole life / But you just beg to see me dance just one more time”

I’ll mention this later on, but I think that Dick projects an image a lot of the time that isn’t what he’s really feeling. This ties into that - I think at certain points in his life, he just gets exhausted and wants to take a break, but he can’t. He feels like everyone is counting on him, either to do this or that, or keep up this appearance. Sometimes they really are, and sometimes it’s pressure he’s putting onto himself!

Icarus by Bastille: tbh this is a song that I think applies to most if not all of the batfam, but for Dick, this is part of it that I like: “You put up your defenses when you leave / You leave because you're certain / Of who you want to be”

I prefer the version of canon where Dick willingly decides to stop being Robin, but even in the way that he gets kicked out, this tells me that he’s steeling himself for whatever may come, and that he’s sure of his actions.

Stars by Grace Potter: now THIS one is freaking sad. “All those times we looked up at the sky / Looking out so far, it felt like we could fly / And now I'm all alone in the dark of night / And the moon is shining, but I can't see the light.”

Again, he’s lost a lot of ppl!! I usually think of this song as him referring to his parents or Bruce after he “dies”, but it could apply to anyone really. And these lines in specific just make me think that he feels lonely without whoever it is, that he’s not in a good place.

Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd: "Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself / Follow your heart and nothing else / And you can do this, oh baby, if you try / All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied"

Okay so maybe I hc that the Graysons were very much so free spirits who rubbed off a lot on Dick. But with that aside, to me this is Dick being determined to live a happy life, and knowing it’s going to be a struggle at times. “You’ll find yourself” and “if you try” are things that I think Dick keeps close to mind. Like, maybe he doesn’t know everything right now, but he will. He’ll figure it out. And he can get through anything if he just pushes through it.

Weight In Gold by Gallant: “I’m pulling my weight in gold / Call me anxious, call me broke / But I can’t lift this on my own”

I’ve already mentioned this but Dick has a lot of pressure on his shoulders, like all the time. And he’s also someone who reaches out to others, which is what these lyrics are saying. He’s aware when he can’t handle the pressure anymore and can admit it to himself. (I don’t think this fits him ALL the time, I mean it just doesn’t, but. Sometimes.)

Tears Of A Clown by Smokey Robinson: I really fuck with the idea that Dick is, still, an entertainer. that + the pressure he’s under = “Now if I appear to be carefree / It's only to camouflage my sadness / In order to shield my pride I've tried / To cover this hurt with a show of gladness”

The word “camouflage” stands out to me because I think sometimes the way he hides parts of who he is is to protect himself??? Dick can also be a prideful person, who might not want others to know that he’s been hurt by something they’ve done.

The Show Must Go On by Queen: relatedly,,, this whole song fits him perfectly. but to do something not related to smiling: “Show must go on. / I'll face it with a grin. / I'm never giving in— / Oh—with the show. / I'll top the bill, / I'll overkill. / I have to find the will to carry on with the show.”

This ties back to him hiding his real feelings, of course, but also it speaks to how he doesn’t do things by half. This makes me think about being Batman, about how he won’t give in to the pressure, will push through and keep going and uphold his dad’s legacy as best as he can

Pumpin Blood by NONONO: “It's so magical feeling, that no one's got a hold / You're a catalyst to your own happiness you know”

This goes back to my thoughts that Dick has this mindset that if he keeps going, keeps putting in as much effort as he needs to, then he can get what he needs. It’s also kind of those moments where Dick realizes that where he is is good, like being Robin, but it’s not great, and it could be great. When he decides to stop being Robin, it’s like he’s thinking, “I could be happier, and if I want that, I need to do it myself.”

Rocketeer by Far East Movement: this song fits in a lot of spots but. “Here we go, come with me / There's a world out there that we should see / Take my hand, close your eyes / With you right here, I'm a rocketeer”

Overall imo this is a shippy song but this lyric specifically could be Dick and anyone at all -- he’s the kind of guy who reaches out to others, who would enjoy showing people new things. I also think the last bit kind of speaks to how he can feel better and more empowered when he’s not going through things alone

I Want To Break Free by Queen: “But life still goes on / I can't get used to, living without, living without / Living without you by my side / I don't want to live alone, hey / God knows, got to make it on my own / So baby can't you see / I've got to break free”

This goes back to a few things. For one, I feel that when he feels held back or held down, he’s VERY aware of it and doesn’t like it, and wants to have his freedom back. Another one is, considering all the people he’s lost, it’s like...he doesn’t want to live without them but there’s no choice, he has to. And finally, I also think this is to Bruce, like he’s feeling like he could do and be more if he weren’t being restricted by Bruce

Teams & Friends, Ships, Family, & Bruce under the cut!

— TEAMS & FRIENDS:

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy: there’s a reason why I named my fic after this lol. “When Rome's in ruins / We are the lions / Free of the coliseums / In poisoned places / We are anti-venom / We're the beginning of the end”

I think that Dick really does enjoy superheroing, and that he’s proud of himself and those he works with for being courageous, kind, and helpful to the world. In his more positive moments, this is what I feel like he’d think of his teams and their impacts.

Home by Daughtry: I’ve always thought of this one as a batfam song but tbh I think it works better as a Titans one. “Well I'm going home, / Back to the place where I belong, / And where your love has always been enough for me. / I'm not running from. / No, I think you got me all wrong. / I don't regret this life I chose for me. / But these places and these faces are getting old, / So I'm going home.”

The way I interpret this is like...he DOES love Bruce, he does love the batfam, but ultimately when he thinks about home he thinks of his friends. This is kind of him talking to Bruce, at least in the second half. Another reason why I put it here is that there’s another lyric in the song that says, “I'm going to the place where love / And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.” In the batfam, as zitkaplushie said, love isn’t conditional or anything but it IS exhausting. It takes a toll on them. Love with the titans is just easier.

— SHIPS:

Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae: Dick is bi like this song and this line describes his at-times tumultuous relationships: “It's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender / An emotional, sexual bender / Mess me up, yeah, but no one does it better / There's nothing better”

He takes comfort and strength from his relationships and sometimes that’s good, hence the powerful/tender part! But in all his relationships, not just his romantic ones, it’s (sometimes) easy for people to affect him

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Celtic Thunder: this fits all of his ships imo: “When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be / I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you / And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream / I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you”

He’s just a sappy boy who is in love. That said, I don’t think these feelings would overtake him!

— FAMILY:

Losing My Religion by R.E.M.: I read this heartbreaking fic recently that dealt with how Dick hid his feelings from EVERYONE and no one noticed anything was wrong, really, except Cass. so. “Every whisper / Of every waking hour / I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you / Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool / Oh no, I've said too much / I set it up”

Dick is more open than his siblings, but he does still hide things, especially from them. The line “I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you” makes me think of Dick trying to take care of his siblings, whichever way he can

This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by Kishi Bashi: “Home is where I want to be / Pick me up and turn me round / I feel numb - born with a weak heart / I guess I must be having fun / The less we say about it the better / Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing”

“Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing” - this reads happier than it’s sang but I do think it describes the more positive side of the family dynamics!

You’re Not There by Lukas Graham: this one is abt (all of) his parents :( “I only got you in my stories / And you know I tell them right / I remember you and I, when I'm awake at night / So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time”

There are times where the deaths of his parents & Bruce (and Alfred) weigh heavily on him, and that everything he does is kind of continuing on where they left off, or doing something they didn’t have time to do. I think he would tell his kids stories about them and that he would try to be as true to them as he can be. And then of course, “So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time” is kind of his relationship with his parents after they die

— BRUCE:

(I gave him a separate section bc I have a lot of feels abt them okay??)

The Ballad of Dick Grayson by Crafty McVillain: there are actually a lot of songs abt Dick Grayson, but I picked this one bc of this: “Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you / I'll take on the world, I will fight for you / But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you”

This is abt when Jason takes on Robin but I like to look at this like:

“Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you” - this is when Dick first comes to the Manor, and when he’s first becoming Robin. He’s struggling and Bruce shows him a way to cope. (is it healthy? lmao)

“I'll take on the world, I will fight for you” - this is just...any time really lol. Dick is loyal to Bruce (to an extent) and will fight alongside him, will do almost anything for him

“But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you” - then this is how it feels when they’re broken apart for the first time, when they aren’t getting along and it’s just a change from the past few years, and Dick doesn’t know what to do about it

Let You Down by NF: “Feels like we're on the edge right now / I wish that I could say I'm proud / I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down”

“I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down” - this could be pre-emptive, Dick kind of thinking that no matter what he does, he’s most likely going to let Bruce down

Like how Bruce is always that 8 year old who lost his parents, Dick is always who he was the first night he went out as Robin, desperately wanting Bruce’s approval

He wants the approval and hates that he does, it feels like it holds him down

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac: “Listen to the wind blow / Watch the sun rise / Run in the shadows / Damn your love / Damn your lies”

When I read these lyrics, I think about Bruce and Dick when they’ve been arguing, having a quiet moment (the peace after the storm, zitkaplushie said), kind of reflecting, and Dick just thinks, “I want you to love me but I want you to stop lying to me.” Or like, “your love comes with your lies and I don’t know if I can handle that [right now].”

Numb by Linkin Park: “I've become so numb, I can't feel you there / Become so tired, so much more aware / I'm becoming this, all I want to do / Is be more like me and be less like you”

There’s this moment in canon, before he even gives up being Robin, where he’s acting just like Batman, hunting down criminals with a single-minded ferocity that has his friends legit concerned for him. I can’t remember exactly what he felt about it when he kind of snapped out it but these lyrics remind me of that. He doesn’t want to be like Bruce, he doesn’t want to be Batman, and especially as a teenager, that last line is big. Overall it also fits when Dick IS Batman, and he feels like he’s kind of being swallowed by everything that it is

The Archer by Taylor Swift: okay I’m sorry I can’t pick between these two: “I've got a hundred thrown out speeches / I almost said to you” and “And all of my heroes / Die all alone / Help me hold on to you”

There are a lot of things Dick doesn’t say to Bruce over the years, or things that he wants to say but doesn’t for however long until he can’t hold it in anymore or it’s the right time or whatever. Ultimately that line just tells me that their relationship isn’t one with great communicating

“And all of my heroes / Die all alone” - Bruce ‘dying’. “Help me hold on to you” - Batman when Dick is him. Or it could be about Dick’s parents, and then Dick trying to keep Bruce alive as Robin/Nightwing

#dick grayson #dick grayson meta #meta #dc #batfam #robin i #nightwing #my meta #sorry for all the OC tm today #im feeling manic lmao gotta do something #got sooooooo long #I FORGOT THE TITLE FUCK DKHFJKSH

46 notes · View notes

minijenn · 6 years

Text

Water Pines: Dead in the Water (Part 1)

AHAHAHAH OH FUCK THE ANGST TRAIN IS HERE And yeah lemme just warn ya’ll that this one? Is fucking ANGSTY and SAD as fuck. So... if ya aint into that you probably won’t like this one cause there’s like, no fluff to be found here whatsoever. But yeah anyway, for those of you who don’t remember what Water Pines AU is all about cause we never talk about it around here anymore, its basically the AU where Dipper makes an ill-informed deal with Bill that results in him literally switching places with Lapis, so he gets turned into a gem and stuck with Jasper while Lapis is freed and turned into a human. Imo if you need more info on it (and wanna see some art I drew up for it way back when) feel free to check this out. And finally, I should inform you that this is a two parter and idk when I’ll actually get around to writing part 2 but I got burnt out trying to make it one part so yah, basically what ya see is what ya get until I eventually write the second part. And so with that stupidly long explaination outta the way, let’s get onto the PAIN!

Dead in the Water (Part 1)

“Ya know, Pine Tree,” Bill casually continued his appeal, an appeal that Dipper had no intentions of taking seriously, though out of morbid curiosity, he halfheartedly listened nonetheless as he watched the laptop continue to steadily tick down. “What happened to Water Wings is just plain tragic, it really is. I mean, just think about it: she’s locked down there at the bottom of that grimy lake, having just a grand old time duking it out with Stripes and spending every waking moment in an endless sea of misery and torment and its all—your—fault!”

“Don’t remind me…” Dipper muttered despondently, guiltily glancing over at the pile of photos of him and Lapis. Reminders of peaceful, happy times that only existed in the distant past now, times that certainly would never come to be ever again. Unless…

“But as ‘sad’ as it all is, kid, I could fix it all up for you, nice and easy!” Bill quipped, his tone as bright and deceptively cheery as ever. “And luckily for you, I’m willing to let you off by only asking for something small in return; in fact, you won’t even notice the difference!”

“You still haven’t bothered to tell me what that ‘something’ is, by the way,” Dipper remarked, sending the dream demon a distrustful glare.

“Huh, guess you do have a point there,” Bill shrugged. “Alrighty then, what I want from you, Pine Tree, is something sooooo easy that I’m sure you won’t even have time to think twice about it once the deal is sealed! And that something is… drumroll please!” At this, the demon snapped his fingers, materializing a self-rolling snare drum out of thin air before making his supposedly daunting proclamation, which ended up being not so apparently daunting at all. “I want you to stay out of my way!”

“Wait… what?” Dipper asked, largely caught off guard by this confusing request.

“You heard me, kid!” Bill said succinctly. “All your ‘mystery hunting’ this summer has gotten you way to close to some answers that you shouldn’t be finding, cause if you did, it’d just about ruin everything I’ve been planning for centuries now. But instead of coming up with some sort of cockamamie scheme to, oh, I don’t know, hijack your body and use it to destroy that journal of yours before flinging your empty skin off the water tower or some hypothetical screwball plan like that, I decided I’d save a whole lot of time and effort by cutting this problem off at the source! So all I’m really asking here is for you to put the breaks on all your little investigations and let me have my fun. See? I told you it was something simple!”

“Hold it so… you… just want me to stop looking into the mysteries of Gravity Falls?” Dipper frowned, still bewildered by how straightforward this all seemed. “And that’s… it?”

“Well, that’s mostly it,” Bill shrugged nonchalantly. “There’s… another small little tidbit in this contract too, something that’ll make sure you keep up your end of the bargain.”

“And… that something is…?”

“Aw, come on, Pine Tree, you don’t want me ruining all my surprises, do you?” Bill asked coyly. “Let’s just say you can expect a bit of a… change, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it eventually! Plus… at this point its just about your only sure-fire way to dredge poor Water Wings up out of both that fusion and that lake. After all, you don’t even know if that dusty old laptop over there could even help anything at all, so why not go with the safer route? I’m sure if she were in your place, Water Wings would do the same thing for you—oh wait! She basically already did by trapping herself down there with Stripes. Don’t you think its about time you returned the favor, kid?”

It was, it really was, and this was something Dipper had felt from the very moment he realized that Lapis would be trapped in that lake possibly forever if nothing was done to rescue her. And up until now, that was an effort he hadn’t found too much hope in, his spirits dropping every time he so much as thought of the blue Gem, struggling and suffering all because of her clear, devoted dedication to him. Dedication that Dipper largely felt undeserving of, for he knew he hadn’t really demonstrated it towards her in return. And yet… now he could, in such a simple, easy way too. True, he loved investigating the boundless, incredible wonders to be found in Gravity Falls, and he knew with every one he uncovered, he drew closer to unraveling the entire mystery that was the town and its baffling strangeness. But at the same time, Lapis had become one of the best and closest friends he had ever come to know in the short time that they had together. Her sacrifice for him alone was proof enough of that. And it was a sacrifice that Dipper felt more than ready to honor by making one of his own, if only it meant that they could finally be together in safety, happiness, and freedom once more.

And so, that’s exactly what he did.

Dipper saw no point in exchanging any more deliberation on the matter as he watched Bill extend a hand out in offering, unnatural blue flames sparking around it. He hesitated, only briefly, upon remembering the dream demon’s warning that there was another element to this purposed deal, but from how he had made it sound, it didn’t seem like it was anything too drastic or important. And even if it was, then certainly liberating Lapis from her longtime prison would make whatever that unknown addendum was worth it.

Right?

“So, Pine Tree? Do we have a deal?” Bill asked almost goadingly, calm in the assurance that he had his young, unwitting pawn right where he wanted him.

Keeping his manner steady and resolved, Dipper only nodded, taking in a deep breath before he carefully met the demon’s hand and shook it, solidifying their bargain once and for all. “Alright, fine,” Dipper said sternly as he looked to Bill rather coldly. “No more mystery hunting. Now fulfill your end of the deal and save Lapis.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Pine Tree, I already got that one covered!” Bill exclaimed with a mischievous chuckle as the flame encompassing both their hands suddenly grew brighter. “But in the meantime, there’s still the matter of the other half of your end of things…”

“M-my… wha-” Dipper barely had any time to get anything out before his voice caught in a startled gasp, his eyes growing wide and his body still and rigid as he felt a sharp pain course through it. In fact, so great was this pain that it ended up completely incapacitating him, to the point that he couldn’t even cry out for help or for a release from it. In a way, it almost felt like all of his cells were violently tearing apart, or better yet, that they were burning, glowing even, but in the worst way possible. Amidst this torrent of unstoppable agony, he hadn’t even registered the dream demon’s incredibly amused and sadistic laughter ringing in his deafening ears, nor did he notice the pale white light ripping away at every part of him, effectively disintegrating him until there was nothing left at all. His consciousness was the last thing to fade away, but before it did, the last thing he heard was the triumphant teasing of the demon who had so easily tricked him with a promise that had ended up resulting in what must have been his own complete and utter destruction.

“See ya, Pine Tree! Hope you enjoy your new digs! Oh, and be sure to send Stripes my best! I’m sure she’s just gonna love to see you!”

The very first thing Lapis felt before awakening was a stark, sudden beating inside her own chest. In fact, the sensation was so strange and alarming that it only seemed to quicken, to the point that it ultimately ended up tearing her right back into consciousness. She let out a gasp, her eyes opening wide as she felt the air fill in another part of her chest, the beating continuing rapidly as she found herself in need of even more air, which she took in heavily as she tried to make sense of what was happening to her.

Despite her effective hyperventilating, Lapis was able to focus enough to notice that whatever surface she was lying on wasn’t anything remotely similar to the darkened, drenched, despair of Malachite’s mindscape that she had grown so accustomed to over the past several weeks. Instead, the surface below her was hard yet warm, crisp, red light pouring in from an unseen source and illuminating a wooden ceiling above her. Disconcerted, Lapis slowly began to pick herself up to get a better look around, though she stopped short upon catching a glance of her arm. Her pale, fleshy, not blue arm.

“Augh!” Lapis cried, grasping her wrist as she glanced over the rest of her form. The usual blue coloration of her dress was apparently no more, replaced by a mix of navy, orange, and grey, and upon pulling a lock forward, she found that her hair had somehow turned a shade of chestnut brown. “W-what… what is this?” she muttered to herself, her brow furrowing as her breathing and the beating in her chest gradually slowed to a normal, natural tempo.

She didn’t have too much of a chance to wonder what had happened or where she was, however, before she noticed something lying on the ground right beside her: a blue and white hat with a tell-tale print of a pine tree on it. An article Lapis immediately recognized, to the point that even picking it up and holding it close made her ache with both regret and with a curious sense of hope as she took another look around.

“D-Dipper?” she ventured, her voice small at first, especially as she failed to find the boy anywhere in the immediate vicinity. “Dipper, a-are you here?” she asked again, feebly rising to stand only to find herself strangely unsteady. All the same, she clung onto the hat, a spark of terror and dread filling her as she realized this place, whatever it was, was surprisingly bereft of Jasper. Regardless to the bizarre alteration of her form, certainly she had to still be part of Malachite, which meant that her orange adversary couldn’t be too far, right?

Lapis shook her head, steadying herself as her expression filled with resolve. If she was indeed still Malachite, and if Dipper, of all people, had managed to find his way into their incredibly toxic mindscape, then she knew her mission, above all else, had to be to protect him from Jasper’s wrath and bring him back to safety. Which meant that her starting step in doing so had to be finding him first.

And so Lapis picked herself up off the ground, her footing initially unsteady as she had to get used to being solely in control of her own form once more. Even so, she wasted no time in checking just about every single nook and cranny the room had to offer for any further sign of Dipper’s presence there, only to find none at all. As a result, an even deeper sense of worry filled her, one that was more than enough to prompt her to set out beyond the boundaries of the room to check elsewhere in the hopes of finally reuniting with him if nothing else. However, as she tentatively opened the door, she ended up reuniting with someone else entirely.

“S-Steven?!” Lapis gasped, her eyes wide as she caught sight of the young Gem standing right outside the door.

Startled, Steven gaped back up at her, his hand held up ready to knock on the now-opened door as he tried to make sense of exactly who was standing before him. “Uh… do I know you?”

“Of course you do!” Lapis exclaimed as though it was obvious, despite her new appearance. “It’s me: Lapis!”

“L-Lapis?!” Steven’s jaw practically hit the floor as everything connected for him, but sure enough, it did make sense. Save for her oddly familiar but markedly different coloration, the woman before him looked exactly like the blue Gem who had trapped herself at the bottom of the lake several weeks ago. “Wha—I don’t understand; how did you even get here?! When did you and Jasper unfuse? And… and why do you look so different?”

“Wait, wait, hold on, what?” Lapis shook her head, her eyes wide with surprise. “I… I’m not fused with Jasper anymore? But… but I thought…”

“Well… I’m pretty sure you’re not since you’re here,” Steven pointed out. “But what I wanna know is why you look like that. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were a human!”

“A human?” Lapis scoffed, crossing her arms. “Don’t be silly, Steven. I may not know how I got separated from Jasper or why I look like this, but if there’s one thing I do know, its that I’m still a Gem. See?”

At this, she turned around to show the young Gem the stone on her back, only for Steven to let out a stunned gasp at what he actually saw there. “L-Lapis…” he muttered, clearly shocked. “Your Gem… it… it’s gone!”

“What?!” Lapis frantically reached both of her hands to her back, feeling around desperately for her familiar teardrop-shaped gemstone, only to feel nothing but smooth, warm skin where it should have been. “H-how… what happened to it?! Where did it go, I-” She stopped short with a gasp, her eyes widening even more in a dawning, almost sickening form of realization. “N-no way…” she whispered, absolutely shaken by this revelation as she pressed her hand against her chest, only to feel what could only be a heart hammering away underneath it. “I-it can’t be… I… S-Steven… I think I really am a human…”

“B-but… how did you just turn into a human like this?!” Steven asked, just as frantic as Lapis was over this alarming news.

“I don’t know!” she exclaimed, running a hand through her now brown hair. “One minute, I was keeping Malachite chained to the bottom of the lake, and then the next I woke up here and found-” Lapis interupted herself once more, remembering that she had much more important things to worry about aside from her shift in species as she glanced down at the hat still tightly trapped in her grip. “Dipper…” she whispered before hastily placing a firm hand on the young Gem’s shoulder. “Steven, where’s Dipper?”

“Wait, you mean he’s not in there?” Steven frowned, glancing past Lapis and into the otherwise empty attic. “That’s weird… Mabel sent me up here to find him, so… maybe he’s in another part of the shack? He’s been working really hard lately to try and find a way to save you, so I’m sure he’ll be really happy to see you!”

“H-he’s been trying to…” Lapis trailed off, letting out a sad sigh as she held the hat close to her chest. “Oh, Dipper…”

“H-hey, I’m sure once we find him, he’ll be able to help us figure out exactly what happened to you,” Steven reassured upon noticing Lapis’ obvious melancholy.

“R-right…” Lapis nodded in absent agreement, following after the young Gem as he led her through the rest of the shack. The two searched diligently for Dipper, with Steven claiming that it only made sense that he’d be somewhere in the building since that was the last place he had been seen heading to. And yet, despite their best efforts, neither of them managed to find him inside the shack whatsoever, leaving Lapis in a rather distraught state as she was filled with both dread over her new form as well as over Dipper’s whereabouts, which by all accounts, seemed to be completely unknown.

With their search of the shack completely exhausted, Steven and Lapis agreed to check outside for Dipper, just in case he had ended up slipping out of the house without anyone noticing somehow. And yet, instead of finding him, they managed to run smack dab into his twin instead as she was heading into the house carry a high-piled basket of sock puppet supplies, which was easily knocked out of her hands the moment her and Lapis accidentally collided.

“Hey!” Mabel huffed, disgruntled as sock and craft supplies spilled all over the floor. “Steven! What’s the big… idea…?” She trailed off, her jaw dropping as she watched the familiar figure beside the young Gem start to pick herself up off the ground to stand once more. At first, Mabel thought she was seeing things, because certainly there was no logical way she could be here like this; but sure enough, it seemed to be true, as completely unbelievable as it seemed.

“No way…” she muttered in amazement as she stared at the former Gem, her mouth gaped in awe. “Lapis?!”

“H-hey, Mabel,” Lapis greeted, offering the girl as much of a smile as she could, though it was clear her primary concern was still with finding Dipper. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“It sure as heck has!” Mabel exclaimed, still completely awestruck. “How are you even here? And how are you all humany? And most importantly, does Dipper know? Cause if when he sees you he’s gonna freak out. I’m not even kidding, he’s been driving himself crazy looking for a way to save you and-”

“I-I know,” Lapis interjected, glancing down somewhat remorsefully upon hearing this. “Steven already filled me in. But we are looking for Dipper, if you’ve seen him anywhere.”

“Not since we-” Mabel quickly cut herself off, a worried look crossing her expressions as she looked down to the scattered sock puppets on the ground below and remembered the rather harsh words her and her brother had just exchanged only just a few moments prior. Words that, in light of Lapis’ sudden, unexpected, but still miraculous reappearance, seemed incredibly petty now, especially on her end of things. “Uh… never mind,” she said quickly, pushing several of the sock puppets away with her foot as she dropped her basket. “W-why don’t I help you guys look for him? Three heads are always better than two after all.”

“Are you sure, Mabel?” Steven asked with a frown. “I mean, your puppet show’s coming up really soon and you still have a lot to do to get ready for-”

“Eh, the show can wait for a sec,” Mabel interupted with a somewhat forced wave of her hand. “After all, I… I…” she trailed off, not particularly wanting to bring her bitter argument with Dipper up in front of Lapis, especially since said argument had largely centered around the former Gem in the first place. “I really wanna see the look on Dipper’s face when he sees you again, Lapis!” she intercepted, being both truthful and dodgy all at the same time. “Now come on, let’s go find him!”

“Right,” Lapis nodded firmly, crouching down a bit, almost as if she was anticipating something. Steven and Mabel looked to her in confusion when nothing did end up happening, something that confused the former Gem even more, until she stole a glance behind her and let out a startled gasp. “M-my wings!” she cried, distraught as she stood properly. “W-why can’t I summon my wings!?”

“Uh… probably because you don’t have a Gem anymore,” Steven informed gently. “Humans can’t fly, Lapis. Well, at least not using water, that is.”

Lapis shook her head in disbelief at this, grief filling her expression over the loss of something she had always treasured so much. Her wings provided her with freedom, with a chance to escape to safety in an instant if the need arose. But now, they were gone and she was tethered to the ground, anchored almost just as much as she had been with Jasper at the bottom of the lake. The only difference now was that she was at the very least, no longer trapped within a prison of her own design with a cellmate she would have just as rather shattered than let survive. All the same, her lack of wings only added onto the several disconcerting discoveries she had made since awakening in her new human body. A worrisome change that she hoped could at the very least be eased upon finding the one she had given almost everything up for until now.

Since searching by air was out of the question, the trio split up, investigating the immediate woods around the shack on foot. Though Lapis was unfamiliar with the area, Steven and Mabel made an effort to venture out a bit further, their own respective concern for Dipper starting to rise upon catching not a single sign of him anywhere. From there, they decided to check in up at the temple, Lapis keeping her distance outside as the kids asked if any of the Gems had seen Dipper around, only for all three of them to offer sympathetic no’s. It was only after they decided to join in on the search themselves that they discovered Lapis and her now human condition, something that aptly shocked all three of them, though the former Gem had no interest in garnishing any help from them, except for when it came to looking for Dipper. As minutes turned into hours, Mabel decided to make a tough call and postpone her puppet show, knowing that, for the first time all week Gabe Bensen could wait; her brother was, by all accounts, apparently missing. And after putting him on hold all week for her own selfish pursuits, she wasn’t about to rest until she made things right, found him, and apologized for the lack of support she should have been providing him with all along.

As the sun began to sink across the forest, the Gems insisted that the kids finally check in with Stan, all of them hoping that he at the very least had some sort of clue as to where Dipper had run off to. The conman however, was simply quite surprised to hear that his nephew was missing alone, making it quite obvious that he was just as clueless as everyone else. After calling up Soos and Wendy, a rather sizable search party had been formed, one that forged on late into the night and stretched as far as the town boarders itself. And yet, despite their collective, valiant efforts, Dipper never seemed to show up anywhere, much to everyone’s immensely growing concern. It truth, it seemed as though he had disappeared completely out of nowhere, leaving only his hat behind, which Lapis hadn’t let go of since the moment she found it in the shack’s attic. Speaking of the former Gem, what struck most of the others as odd was that her sudden appearance seemed to perfectly coincide with Dipper’s abrupt disappearance. There was no question the two events were connected, but as to how and why, no one had the slightest clue. Even Garnet, with her future vision and all, was unable to foresee them locating the missing boy anytime soon. Still, that didn’t mean they were going to give up hope so easily; Lapis and Mabel in particular were both insistent on continuing the search until Dipper was found and brought home, safe and sound.

And yet in the midst of foraging through the darkened forest in the very late hours of the night, Lapis soon discovered another aspect of humanity that she had previously never experienced before: exhaustion. With each passing moment, it seemed as though her pace grew slower, her eyes grew heavier and her focus drifted away altogether, to the point that at one point she almost tripped over Steven, who was every bit as tired as she was. Upon realizing this and detecting the same sort of fatigue from Stan, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy, the Gems concluded that they would continue looking for Dipper while all of the humans headed home to bed so that they could be better rested up to help in the search tomorrow. Of course, there were protests all around concerning this as all of them did indeed want to find Dipper as soon as possible, but once Garnet put her foot down on the matter, there was no arguing with her about it.

And so everyone save for the Gems headed home for the night, their hearts equally heavy with worry and dread. After a healthy round of convincing and bribing Stan on Mabel’s part, Lapis was allotted to stay at the shack, with Steven sleeping over as well since the Gems would be out for the rest of the night. Together, the pair fashioned a makeshift air mattress bed for the former Gem to sleep on, though all the same she still really wasn’t quite familiar with the process of “sleeping” to begin with. Being a human was, at least from her perspective, a rather odd experience as a whole. Only just a few hours ago did she “eat” for the first time, with her first meal consisting of something Steven called “the bits” that he got from Gravity Fries downtown while they were searching around there. To Lapis’ surprise, she actually enjoyed the snack quite a bit, though she was somewhat anxious when Steven and Mabel informed her that eating was something she’d have to do regularly now that she was a human.

In fact, the reality that she was no longer a Gem but rather a human on its own was enough to keep her lying awake in bed even after Steven and Mabel had already fallen asleep. In the full moonlight streaming into the attic room, Lapis stared at her hand—her now flesh-covered, pale, human hand—as she let her thoughts wander. How did something like this even happen? How had she been torn away from Jasper and put here, of all places? How long was she going to stay like this? Was it ever possible for her to return to her original form? And most importantly, the question that had been largely plaguing her all day, even about her own concerns about herself: where could Dipper have gone to? The former Gem couldn’t deny that her now human heart ached whenever she thought of the mysteriously missing boy, the boy who, even during her own self imposed imprisonment in the lake, she had missed so very much each and every day. Lapis couldn’t deny that she wanted to see him, probably even more than she wanted to be a Gem once again. As far as she was concerned, thoughts of anything else other than finding him and bringing him home could wait. To know that he was safe and sound and where he belonged would be more than enough to set her worried mind at ease. Which was why, as she slowly drifted off into her first fitful, fretful slumber, the last thing on the former Gem’s mind was the warm reassurance Steven had offered both her and Mabel just a few hours prior. A reassurance she hoped more than anything would come true:

“Don’t worry! I’m sure we’ll end up finding Dipper tomorrow!”

Except they didn’t. They didn’t find him then, or the next day, or even anytime in the days or weeks after that.

And when they finally did find him, he was in the last place any of them had ever thought to look.

Earlier…

A flash of blinding light sparked from the depths of Lake Gravity Falls, completely filling its empty surface, though no one was around to see it. Likewise, no one was around to see the tiny, squarish blue stone drop into its murky waters from seemingly out of nowhere, sinking lower and lower, down towards the bottom of the deep lake on its own accord. For a moment or two, fish occasionally flocked to it, investigating the odd, dully shimmering gem until, out of nowhere, light began to explode from it, scaring the sealife away as a small humanoid shape began to form around it. The light took on a bright blue pigment as it began to define its previously amorphous form, with clothes and features taking shape as the gemstone found its place upon its forehead. And, with another flash of solidifying light, the radiant glow disappeared, once again sending the lake depths in obscuring darkness and leaving a small, singular figure floating in its place.

Upon regaining some sense of cognizance and feeling, the very first thing Dipper did was abruptly open his eyes, taking in a sharp gasp the moment he did, only to inhale a large mouthful of water instead of air. As panicked and disoriented as he already was, his first instinct was to panic at the thought of drowning, flailing about as he floated just above the lakebed, neither rising towards the top nor sinking to the bottom all the while. It was only as he unintentionally ended up taking in more water that he noticed something both relieving and alarming; he wasn’t drowning. In fact, it seemed as though he was somehow able to breathe within the water just as easily as he could breathe air.

“W-what the…?” Dipper trailed off, whispering to himself as he began to curiously touch his throat only to stop short upon stealing a glance at his hand. For a brief moment, he thought it was simply a trick of the incredibly low light surrounding him on all sides, but upon a second glance, he realized that his hand was indeed somehow strangely blue as opposed to its normal pale pigmentation. He was quick to discover that everything else about him was some varying shade of deep blue too: from his skin, to his clothes, to his shoes, to even his hair as it covered what he found to be the most disconcerting of all: his birthmark. While it was usually mostly unnoticeable considering he kept it concealed so well, Dipper couldn’t hold back a soft gasp of surprise as he realized he could actually feel the copy of the constellation on his forehead, smooth and solid and almost… stone-like to the touch.

For a moment, Dipper took pause, his hand floating away from his birthmark as he tried to make sense of exactly where he was and what was going on. Surrounding him all around seemed to be a vast aquatic void, with only the occasional deepwater fish, plant, or sunken canoe to be spotted anywhere nearby. With nothing visual to go off of, the most Dipper could do was think back to how he might have ended up in a place like this when, as far as he knew, he had just been in the shack’s attic just a few minutes prior. The last thing he remembered was his own exhaustion amidst his endless attempts at trying to decode the laptop’s password, but that was it. He couldn’t recall falling sleep, which meant that there really wasn’t any chance of this being some sort of dream. Even so, he couldn’t help but feel as though he was missing an important piece here, a piece that, if he ended up actually remembering it somehow, could quite possibly explain both his unknown location and his bewildering condition at the same exact time.

However, instead of finding that missing piece, he soon found something, or rather someone else entirely. Or rather, they found him.

“YOU!” The outraged shout boomed across the lakebed, scaring off any fish that was even remotely in the vicinity. Dipper, on the other hand, froze up completely, his eyes going wide as the massive shadow of a Gem he had hoped to never encounter again fell upon him. Yet before he could fearfully spin around to face the vicious warrior, she did the job for him, unexpectedly grabbing him by the arm and wrenching him around roughly. Dipper had only a moment to register the thought that such a maneuver could have easy broken his arm entirely as he glanced up and shuddered with unconcealed alarm at the fact that he was now somehow face to face with none other than Jasper herself. “I know you,” the orange Gem growled, scowling fiercely at him all the while. “You’re her favorite little human pet, the one she wouldn’t stop thinking about while she kept me chained down here! So why are you here? And where is she?!”

“W-who?” Dipper dared to venture, his voice much smaller and more frightened than he had hoped it to be. “Lapis?”

“Who else?!” Jasper snapped hotly, her already inescapable grip on his wrist tightening. “Up until a few minutes ago the two of us were fused, just like we’ve been for weeks now. And then all of the sudden you show up and she disappears! What’s going on here?!”

“I-I don’t know!” Dipper answered truthfully, confused just as much as he was terrified. In fact he was so disoriented that he barely even registered an essential part of what Jasper had just said, namely that her and Lapis had been fused. Which meant that, even though it was really beyond all sense of logic, they weren’t fused anymore. “I was just-”

“Quiet!” the orange Gem barked harshly, giving the unfortunate boy in her grip a violent shake. “I don’t know where she thinks she gets off, just running off after everything she did and leaving you behind to-” Jasper cut herself off, her confusion with the unfolding situation seeming to grow as she noticed something that only seemed to anger and disgust her even more. “What is that?”

“W-what?” Dipper tried to glance up at whatever it was Jasper was pointing at, only to find that she was oddly referring to him. Or rather, to his forehead.

For a moment, Jasper didn’t answer, opting to finally relinquish her tight hold on Dipper’s arm only to suddenly grasp his chin instead, still effectively holding him in place as she swept a bit of his hair up to find something that made her gasp in clear shock as she finally let go of him altogether. “You’re not a human!” she exclaimed, obviously baffled as she continued sending him the same bitter glare as before. “You’re a Gem!”

“Wha—no, I’m not!” Dipper countered, though he still lifted a curious hand up to his now tangible birthmark, wondering if Jasper might have somehow confused that for a gemstone somehow. But then again, his now oddly blue coloration, his strange, newfound ability to breathe underwater… both of these things seemed to speak to the contrary. Which in and of itself was an alarming possibility he didn’t even have time to think about as Jasper continued, apparently growing even more incensed by the second.

“I get it now…” the orange Gem growled coldly. “The little game you and her have been playing… the reason why she wanted to protect you so badly that she decided to trap me… You’re a Lapis Lazuli, just like her!”

“N-no!” Dipper tried to protest, knowing that such a claim was completely preposterous. “I’m-”

“Let me guess…” Jasper continued, her feet firmly planted on the lakebed as she marched closer towards him. While Dipper had the wits about him to wisely float backwards out of her immediate range, he was still largely too engulfed by fear to make a real escape attempt. “You two came out of the same Kindergarten, didn’t you? I know you Lazulis like to travel in flocks. So when she got stuck on this backwards planet, you were the only one of her kind still left around to take care of that mirror she was trapped in. Then, when she flew back here to warn you that we were coming, you tried to hide yourself by shapeshifting into that weak, pathetic form you’re in now, just like Rose did! But it didn’t work, because I’ve got it all figured out now...”

“No, y-you really don’t, trust me,” Dipper tried to clarify, though of course, in her ongoing anger and thirst for vengeance, she was hardly listening to him.

“And… since she took so much from me… and now that I know just how much you really mean to her…” A sly, almost sinister smile crossed the orange Gem’s face as she stood essentially towering over him menacingly. “I think its only fair that I return the favor and take something from her…”

Dipper didn’t even have a chance to ask what she could have meant by this before she suddenly latched onto his arm yet again, wrenching him upward before, surprisingly, spinning him around with almost a flare of what could have been mistaken for grace. She relinquished her hold on him for just the slightest second and in that second, he did all he could to try to swim away, only for her to pull him back down by his ankle before he could really make any progress at all. Once she had him back down, she began swiftly spinning them both around in something that almost seemed like a dance. And it was as Dipper realized this, that he realized with a burst of apt panic exactly what Jasper was trying to do.

“W-wait!” he cried as Jasper’s smug smirk only deepened at his obvious fear. “Don’t-”

“Go ahead and beg all you want, Lazuli,” the orange Gem hissed with a hateful sneer as she suddenly dipped him low, just as she had done with Lapis on the lake shore weeks ago. “I begged too, for weeks on end, in a futile attempt to escape her,” Jasper’s grin only deepened as the gemstone that was in the place of her nose began to take on a bright white glow. “But it never worked; if she had her way, she was going to keep me trapped down here forever. All because of you!” Dipper gasped in growing alarm as the same sort of glow began to pour from his birthmark, or, as he now realized with a sense of sickening shock, his gem. “Well now its your turn to see what that’s like. I hope you enjoy it, because just like she said, I’m never letting you go!”

With this final, fierce proclamation, she roughly pulled him towards her, a blinding light enveloping them both. While Dipper’s past experience with fusion was extremely limited, he knew that both times he had formed Stepper with Steven had felt absolutely nothing like this. With Steven, the act of fusion had felt warm, calming, even welcoming, even if the initial aftermath had been largely tremulous and uneasy. But with Jasper, fusion was anything but those things. It was like she was throwing him into a tight cage and throwing away the key. It was like she was anchoring him, weighing him down to the bottom of an ocean that, even with the ability to breathe underwater, he would surely drown in. It was like—no, it wasn’t like, it was her trapping him, locking him into something he wanted no parts of and desperately wanted to escape.

Which was why, even as the eventual fusion gained its form, it was screaming, half of it crying out for release while the other half simply laughed vindictively. As a result, their sharp-toothed maw split cleanly down the middle as their form solidified, resulting in two mouths, two sets of eyes, and six sets of arms, two of which acted as legs. Most everything about this fusion was monstrous, yet familiar, their coloration a mix of mangled, sickly greens and their build bulky, awkward, and uneven. Their white hair was a wild, untamed mess, their skin markings garish and garbled, and their newly-shared mind a complete and utter disaster as they both were forcibly plunged into its darkened depths.

As for the fusion themselves, they hardly faired much better as they were still caught in a chaotic flux of sadistic satisfaction and horrified anguish over the realization of the awful monster they had become. “Augh! L-let me go!” they screamed through one of their two mouths, their voices mangled together and uneven yet nightmarishly unified all the same. “Not a chance! Not until you see just how much she made me suffer because of you!”

At this unhinged declaration, the fusion, out of sheer desperation alone, reached up to the far off surface of the water far above them, hoping they could somehow breach it and alert someone, anyone to their horrific plight. Unfortunately, before they could even get anywhere close, a sudden chain, composed entirely of water, rushed up from the lakebed, latching onto both of their wrists and keeping them anchored heavily down to the ground itself.

“N-no! Stop! Please!” they begged, not even bothering to hide how outright terrified they were by this seemingly possible, absolutely miserable turn of events. “I-I already told you! I’m not a Gem! Hmph! You really are stupid if you think you can fool me again!” they sneered, yanking the chains back to force them down even more. “If you’re ‘not a Gem’ then how did we just fuse? I-I don’t know! I don’t even know what’s going on! P-please, I just want to—Ha! You really think I care about what you want?! The only thing I care about is making both you and her pay for what you both did to me! B-but I didn’t—QUIET!”

The fusion gasped as an entirely new set of watery manacles suddenly latched around both sets of their feet, pulling them down until they were basically tethered to the lakebed itself with no hope of escape whatsoever. “I’m done listening to what you have to say!” they barked harshly, so caught up in their lust for revenge that they didn’t even place any second thoughts or concerns with the other, absolutely panicking half of their ruinously shared mind as they essentially drowned him in the darkness of their fusion’s hatred altogether. “She might have tried to protect you, but she failed. You both failed! Because from here on out, you’re not a Lapis Lazuli or a human in disguise or anything else anymore.” At this, one of the fusion’s mouths leered into a sickening smirk while the other one quivered in pained whimpers, heartbroken tears starting to well up in two out of their four eyes as they began to sink, quite literally, into their unimaginable fate. “The only thing we are now is Malachite. So get used to it; because as long as I’m around to keep us together, that’s something that’s never going to change.”

The first few days and nights were, simply put, completely unbearable. True to her word, Jasper kept Dipper, and by extension, the newly-recreated Malachite tightly chained to both bottom of the lakebed as well as to the murky, inescapable depths of their now forcibly shared mind. And from the very moment his unexpected, nightmarish imprisonment began, Dipper wanted nothing more than some form of release from it. A release that seemed like it would never end up coming.

In fact, if there was any one word Dipper knew he could use to sum up his still relatively newfound existence as Malachite, then that word would be drowning. Largely because a majority of his time seemed to be spent doing exactly that in just about every sense of the word. He seemed to always in a state of constant drowning; drowning literally in the toxic waters of Malachite’s dark and desolate mindscape, drowning in the mire of hatred of the Gem who had cruelly trapped him in the name of her own vengeance, and drowning most of all in his own crippling, crushing fear that he’d never be able to escape, a fear that only steadily grew the longer it went on for.

In fact, the only times Dipper didn’t feel like he was drowning were the rare occasions when Jasper, for whatever reason, decided to dredge him up to the surface level of their forcibly shared mindscape. The orange Gem only ever did this for the sake of antagonizing her unfortunate hostage, by giving him a glimpse of the sparse rays of light that shined through the surface of the lake far above them, light that offered the elusive promise of hope and freedom. Promises that, Jasper would all to quickly remind him, he would never achieve again as she always ended up dragging him back down to their cripplingly cold subconscious, never even allotting him a single moment or inkling of any sort of control over their twistedly fused form whatsoever. In fact, he was lucky if she ever even let him have a word in edgewise against him, always callously brushing off all of his fierce, sometimes downright desperate attempts to fight back or resist against her. And yet, for as much as Jasper’s vengeful cruelty was starting to wear him down more and more, the worst part for Dipper by far, was that he essentially had no idea how he had even ended up in this seemingly unending waking nightmare to begin with.

In the agonizingly long stints of lonely drowning he had to endure, the question of why he was there at all was really the one Dipper was really able to grapple with. As chained as his hands were, he wasn’t really able to reach up to his forehead, but as far as he knew, there was a gemstone there, a gemstone that, by all accounts, apparently made him a Gem. The fact that he had been able to fuse with Jasper at all was proof enough of that, as disconcerting and alarming as the very thought. And yet how exactly he had somehow changed from human to Gem and wound up in the lake in Lapis’ place was a complete and utter mystery to him, one that, he believed if he could figure out the answer to, then perhaps he could begin to puzzle out how free himself from his current, miserable plight. The only problem was, he had no idea where to even start.

That is, until the day the normally lonely, dark corner of Malachite’s mindscape he now called home received the very last visitor he could have ever expected.

And what a surprise it certainly was for Dipper when, amidst floating miserably and silently in the dreary, empty darkness, a sudden sadistic, familiar cackle echoed through the water, sending heavy ripples throughout both it and the newly-turned Gem trapped within it. Ripples that turned into outright shock as a certain triangular demon suddenly materialized quite out of nowhere before him.

“Well, well, well, look at you, Pine Tree!” Bill exclaimed in bright greeting, startling Dipper quite a bit by his abrupt appearance. “Turns out you don’t make that shabby of a space rock after all, if I do say so myself. You’re still pretty shabby overall though; guess some things never change, even if your species does!”

It took Dipper a brief moment to break out of his relative alarm, but when he did, he was still rather baffled by his new, rather unwelcome ‘guest’ all the same. “B-Bill?! What… what are you doing here?”

“Aw, come on, kid, isn’t it obvious?” Bill asked, only for Dipper to shake his head in continued confusion. “Seriously? You don’t remember?” the demon pressed, almost surprised by this fact before letting out an exasperated groan. “Hmph. Guess I should’ve figured that suddenly having your entire human DNA rewritten into nothing a bunch of solid light molecules would scramble your brain up a little bit. Well, it would if you still technically HAD a brain anymore! But if you’re still in the dark (which you definitely seem to be right now) then let me refresh your memory for ya, Pine Tree!”

Surprisingly, true to his word, Bill did just that with a simple snap of his fingers, one that sparked a brief, bright glow in Dipper’s gemstone and instantly filled him in with flashes of everything he needed to know. He saw himself, human and free from the fused oppression he now knew; he saw Bill, cheerfully rattling on about some kind of ‘deal’ that would help free Lapis from her own dire straits; and finally, he saw himself accepting that deal, desperate to finally rescue the blue Gem who had done so much to rescue him, he saw himself shaking the demon’s flaming hand, he saw himself disintegrating into nothing but pure, formless light, he saw Bill somehow compress that light into a deep blue stone, one in the very same shape as his own birthmark. And finally, he saw the demon carelessly drop that stone into Lake Gravity Falls, into the very spot where it would be easy, almost inevitable for Jasper to find him and force him to fuse with her.

And just like that, he finally had it all figured out.

“Y-you!” Dipper gasped, pulling back away from Bill as much as he could with his arms and legs still changed as they were. “You did this! You’re the reason why I-I’m… I’m a Gem, and why I’m here, and trapped with her and-”

“Yeah, yeah, kid, no need to waste any of our time reiterating what we both already know,” Bill remarked, clearly not taking the new Gem’s apt anger seriously.

“Why?” Dipper interjected before the demon could get any of his callous remarks out, largely since he was seething with so much raw fury over how Bill had effectively turned his entire life upside down altogether. “Why would you even do something like this?!”

“Because its hilarious, Pine Tree!” Bill laughed unapologetically. “Or wait, guess I can’t really call you that anymore, seeing as how you’re the new Water Wings and all! See what I mean?” With another snap of the demon’s fingers, Dipper’s gem glistened briefly once again, though this time, a wide pair of rather elegant aquatic wings, almost identical to Lapis’, unfurled from its spot on his forehead, catching him off guard quite a bit, though the somewhat embarrassing sight only elicited even more twisted amusement from the sadistic demon. “Ha! And just when I thought this couldn’t get any more priceless! I don’t know why you look so cross, ‘Water Wings’! After all, I’m sure you’ll catch some great headwinds with those beauties, huh?!”

Dipper only offered the demon a hateful glare before glancing fretfully up at his new wings, ones that he tried to force back into his gem, though despite all of his mental straining, he had no such luck, much to his ever growing frustration with his situation as a whole. “T-this wasn’t our deal, Bill!” he shouted furiously, a part of him realizing he probably looked quite ridiculous with his watery wings coming out of his forehead, though he hardly cared.

“Oh, see, that’s where you’re wrong, kid,” Bill said. “See, I seem to remember you promising to stay outta my way in exchange for freeing your friend. But that means that somebody had to take her place, and since you wanted to save her sooooo badly, I figured you’d be the perfect fit!”

“But you never mentioned anything about turning me into a Gem or about Jasper forcing me to fuse with her!” Dipper countered hotly. “In fact, you hardly mentioned anything at all! I didn’t know anything about what I was getting myself into because you lied about it all! This isn’t fair which is why I’m calling our deal off. Change me back and get me out of here, Bill, now!”

“Aw, sure, I’d be more than happy to do that for ya, ‘Water Wings’,” Bill remarked, though his tone darkened somewhat as he pressed a bit closer to the new Gem. “Giving you back your boring old human meatskin would be a piece of cake! Of course… you do know that means that everything will go back to the way it was before. Which means… Water Wings—or I guess I should call her Pine Tree now—has to come back here to Stripes too, right?”

“W-what…?” Dipper took pause at this, his eyes widening at the alarming implication. “What… what do you mean? Where is Lapis anyway? What did you to do her?!”

“Well, I put her in your place, duh!” the demon quipped, pointing down to his flat form as it depicted an image of Lapis herself, surprisingly completely human, sitting sandwiched in between Steven and Mabel. While there were hints of worry in all three of their expressions, they still smiled to one another, their happiness only growing as the former Gem hugged both of the kids close to her, clearly relieved to be free and with them instead of trapped and alone. The very sight of finally seeing a genuine smile on Lapis’ face after so long stirred something warm up inside of Dipper, and even despite his own horrific circumstances and the fact that he couldn’t be happy there with her, he still couldn’t deny just how glad he was to finally see her released from the nightmarish prison he now found himself trapped within.

“Y-you… you turned her into a… a human…” he mused, his voice almost a whisper as he continued staring at the depiction of Lapis with a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Ya got that right, kid,” Bill remarked evenly. “I gotta say, the shift from Gem to human was probably a bit of a downgrade for her, but hey, at least she’s finally outta this unending hellhole of pain and misery, huh? Then again, I guess she won’t be for too much longer since you’re so deadest on getting outta here yourself and forcing her back in, right, Water Wings?”

Dipper practically froze as Bill once again extended his hand out to him, blue fire licking at it as he offered him the promise of freedom, safety, and normality yet again. A promise that, by all accounts, as much as he wanted it, he knew he couldn’t take. Not when Lapis had already suffered languishing imprisonment for so long. Not when she had sacrificed almost everything she had just to protect him. Not when she was finally free and happy and living a life she never really got to enjoy before. True, Dipper did miss his own freedom; he missed Mabel and Steven and Stan and the Gems and being a human and even Lapis herself. But as much as he wanted all of that back, as much as he wanted his very life back, he knew that taking it back while taking it all away from Lapis would be nothing more than selfish, especially in light of how much she had given up for him before. And though the thought of being locked away in agonizing solitude with no one but the carelessly cruel Jasper to keep him company was nigh unbearable to him, Dipper knew that he had no choice but to endure it. After all, if Lapis was willing to go that far for him, then it was only fair that he return the favor and do the same for her.

“N-no…” he finally sighed, looking away sadly as he thought of all he was giving up. His family, his friends, his future… all of them would now only be a distant dream he’d never be able to have anymore. And even despite his righteous resolve, that alone was more than enough to bring a tear to his eye. “I… I can’t… As long as she’s safe and happy out there, then… then I’ll stay down here, like this…”

“Forever?” Bill pressed with almost twisted curiosity, clearly reveling in getting his way in the matter.

“F-forever…” Dipper muttered in defeat as that tear finally fell, knowing that, just like that, he had sealed his now hopeless fate, once and for all.

“Well, if you say so, kid!” the demon quickly pulled his hand back, taking Dipper’s seemingly only chance for freedom along with it. “But just so ya know, from here on out, there are no more take-backsies! Which means you’re pretty much stuck in here with Stripes for the long run!”

“Yeah, I… I know…” Dipper acknowledged quietly, looked down at the chains that would now keep him bound and trapped for the rest of his existence, however long that might be.

“Then I guess that’s that!” Bill concluded brightly. “Ya know, it really is a shame, Water Wings, that Pine Tree will never get to know just how much you’re giving up for her here. But oh well, with that new short human lifespan of hers, its not like she’ll have way too much longer to feel guilty about it. Unlike you, kid; you get to spend the next several millennia hanging out down here with Stripes. Who knows? Maybe by the time she decides to let you out, some of the people you love and care about will still be around… Nah, I’m just kidding, they’ll all be long dead and gone by then! Ha! This can’t get any better, can it!? But, I guess if you don’t have any further need for my ‘services’, then I’ll just be taking off here. See ya, Water Wings! Oh, and have fun spending the next few thousand years as a lonely little prisoner inside of a grotesque, hulking monster of a Gem fusion! Like always, I’ll be watching you!”

And, without sparing another word to the hapless new Gem he had so cruelly deceived, Bill disappeared, leaving Dipper alone in the dark depths of Malachite’s mindset once again, a prison that only seemed even more suffocating as he realized he had just condemned himself to being confined to it forever. And as that realization sunk in more and more, his aquatic wings finally dissipated in his growing despair, his eyes welling up with more and more tears that he was powerless to contain as they came out in heartbroken sobs.

Though Bill had told him he’d exist practically forever, Dipper felt as though his life might has well have ended right then and there. Because now, as a result of his own haste and foolishness alone, he’d never again get to experience anything but the empty darkness currently surrounding him, he’d never know anything but Jasper’s senseless burning hatred and cruel punishments and torture. He’d never again get to feel the warmth of the sun or breathe in the fresh morning air or even exist as his own being, his own person outside of the monstrous fusion he now was. He’d never get to hang out with Steven or Connie or Stan or even any of the Gems again, never tell any of them just how much they all meant to him. He’d never get to see Mabel again, to make amends for their final argument or take back the heated words he regretted so much now more than ever. And perhaps worst of all, he’d never get to thank Lapis for her sacrifice, for taking on the immeasurable burden he had now accepted in her stead. He’d never get to keep up his end of the promise he had made to her, that they would be safe and happy and together once again. He’d never get to do any of that, and he only had himself to blame for selling it all away in a moment of pain and desperation, two things that would now only accompany him forevermore.

Because now, he was just as Jasper herself had said; nothing more than a prisoner, a piece of the monstrous Malachite and all that they entailed.

And, from then on out, that’s all he ever would be, for the rest of time itself.

Or at least, that’s what he thought.

It took almost a month for any of them to finally discover where Dipper had been for so long. And when they did, it was in the least expected, and most alarming way possible.

Because when, after another long night of combing the surrounding area near Gravity Falls for any hopes of finding him, Dipper began to suddenly and inexplicably appear in Steven’s dreams, Lapis, Mabel, and the Gems all pressed him to keep going, to look further for the longtime missing boy who had seemingly vanished without a trace. And it was only as Steven found himself dropped into a vast, shadowy teal ocean, one that’s bitter cold water seemed to carry a feeling of mournful agony and hopeless suffering to it, that he finally, finally found Dipper. Though the state in which he found him was anything but relieving.

He floated amidst the seemingly fathomless ocean only a few feet away, his head hung and his eyes closed in an expression of complete and utter beaten exhaustion. Though what concerned Steven the most upon a first glance wasn’t just the fact that his entire coloration was now inexplicable shades of dark, deep blue; rather it was the thick, watery chains locked tightly around his wrists, ankles, and even his neck, all keeping him secured tightly in place, for whatever reason. Something that wasn’t going to continue for too much longer if Steven had anything to do about it.

“D-Dipper!” the young Gem cried, launching himself forward amidst the water he could somehow breathe in. This call was surprisingly enough to rouse Dipper from whatever stupor he was in as he weakly glanced up at Steven, letting out a gasp of shock to see anyone other than Jasper for the first time in what felt like years.

“S-Steven?” he asked, immediately perking up with both surprise and with oncoming fear as he glanced up anxiously. After all, in light of his self-imposed isolation here, he could have never expected Steven of all people to show up, though seeing such a friendly face hardly relieved him now. “W-what are you doing here? No, wait, how did you even get in here in the first place?! D-don’t tell me she-”

“W-wait, hold on, where is here, Dipper?” Steven asked, not hesitating to get the most important details first. “Is this where you’ve been for the past month? If it is, then you have to tell me where we are so we can finally come find you!”

“…I-it… its been a month?” Dipper asked, eyes wide with disbelief upon hearing this disconcerting news, one that almost brought tears to his eyes as he realized just how long he had been a prisoner for. “I-I’ve really been trapped here all that time?”

“Trapped where?!” the young Gem insisted almost desperately, placing his hands on Dipper’s shoulders in an attempt to shake him out of his rattled revere. “Dipper, please, you-”

“S-Steven!” he suddenly interrupted, fear filling his expression even more as he looked back up to his friend. “I don’t know how you got here, but you have to leave, now, before she realizes you’re here! Please, you can’t be-”

“Before who realizes I’m here?” Steven asked, confused. “Dipper, you’re not making any sense. I-I just want to help you, which means you have to tell me what’s going on. A-are you hurt? Who’s trapping you here? Why do you seem so scared?”

Dipper hesitated, flinching away out of genuine anxiety as he stole yet another glance upward, as if he was expecting something to emerge from above. Yet all the same, he forced his very apparent dread aside to finally try and offer some concrete information as he met Steven’s fretful gaze once again. “S-Steven, I’ve been-”

Before he even had a chance to finish, however, Dipper was suddenly lurched upward by the chains binding him, and despite a brief bout of resistance against this force, he was ultimately powerless to keep himself from being pulled up sharply by whatever was above him. “D-Dipper!” Steven cried, acting on instinct as he lunged forward to grab onto his friend’s ankle and keep him weighed down, though that hardly did anything except pull him upwards as well.

“S-Steven, what are you doing?!” Dipper exclaimed in immense panic as the young Gem continued to hold on. “You need to let go! If she sees you, then she’ll-”

“N-no! I’m not letting go!” Steven insisted, tears starting to well up in his eyes that were reserved solely for the friend he had been morosely missing for so long now. “I have to save you!”

“Ugh, you don’t understand!” Dipper shot back, somewhat frustrated with his persistence. “You can’t save me! I’m not-”

Once again, he was cut off as they both finally surfaced above the water, essentially landing on top of each other as they collapsed together upon its somewhat solid, dark surface. As breathless and worn as both of them were, however, neither of them had much of a chance to recover as they were joined by a new figure altogether.

“Alright, what’s with all the noise down there?” Jasper growled to her unfortunate captive as she marched over to him, her expression set in an unsavory scowl as she practically towered over both Dipper and Steven. “I thought I told you to…” The orange Gem suddenly trailed off, her eyes widening with shock as she noticed the young Gem in particular as he slowly began to pick himself up off the ground. “It can’t be… Rose?!”

“J-Jasper!” Steven sucked in a sharp, frightened gasp as he quickly stood, unquestionably afraid of the fierce Gem warrior who had nearly killed him in their first encounter. However, before Jasper could take another step closer to him, her approach was suddenly halted as none other than her own young hostage who had rushed to stand in between her and Steven.

“Leave him alone!” Dipper shouted defiantly, refusing to let Steven endure anything remotely close to the same kind of abuse and torment he had been going through for the past month. Unfortunately though, despite his selfless resolve to protect the young Gem, Jasper was, as always, much stronger and much more in control than he could ever hope to be. A fact that she easily proved as, with just a simple nod of her head, another burst of water shot up from the ground, one that formed something of an aquatic gag meant to silence Dipper as it latched onto him and covered his mouth. At the same time his other chains all tightened oppressively, keeping him essentially locked in place and helpless to do anything but watch in horror as Jasper sulked ever closer to the aptly frightened Steven.

“You stay out of this, Lazuli!” the orange Gem shouted back at him quite threateningly as the young Gem backed away from her apprehensively, especially as she turned to him with a triumphant grin. “And as for you, Rose… I don’t know how you got in here, but am I ever glad you’re here to see this. You thought you could take my Diamond away from me all those years ago? Well, look! I’ve taken one of your ‘Crystal Gems’ away from you!” Her twisted smile deepened as she motioned to Dipper, who was still trying his best to pull against his restraining chains, though of course, it was to no avail at all.

“Y-your… what?” Steven asked, completely confused amidst his ongoing fear. “I-I don’t understand! What are you doing to him?!”

“I’ll tell you what I’m doing,” Jasper sneered haughtily. “I’m getting even with both you and with her,” she nodded back to Dipper once more, who was only able to shake his head in worried warning to Steven, trying to beg him to get away while he still could. Something that, unfortunately, the young Gem didn’t understand as the orange Gem continued. “When Lapis disappeared and this one showed up in her place, I figured it was only fair that I make her suffer every ounce of suffering she put me through because of her! So I figured the best way to do that was to give her a taste of Malachite first hand…”

Steven couldn’t help but gasp in disbelief, his eyes wide with worry as he looked back to Dipper once more, who only looked away from him in shame out of the deal he had made, one that he wasn’t even able to properly explain for himself thanks to Jasper. “Y-you… you fused with him?” the young Gem asked with dawning horror. “But… but how? He’s not even a Gem! You can’t-”

“Ha! You really think I’m gonna fall for that tired old trick again?” Jasper scoffed, stepping over to Dipper and wrenching his chains even tighter as he pulled him towards her. “If she’s not a Gem, then what’s this?” Once again, the orange Gem roughly brushed her captive’s hair aside to reveal the stone fixated to his forehead, a sight that left Steven completely floored from the very moment he saw it.

“D-Dipper…” Steven said, his voice soft and sad as he looked to the new Gem, finally piecing everything about his ongoing mysterious absence together; and the picture he got once he had, was anything but comforting. “Y-you and Lapis… you guys… you’ve been-”

“Enough talking,” Jasper huffed impatiently as she roughly shoved Dipper aside to focus her attention back on Steven. “You know, Rose, I wanted to finish you off in front of what’s left of your pathetic army. But since you’re already here, I might as well make the most of a perfect opportunity. At least you’ll have one member of a captive audience around to see you in your shattering moments…”

It was clear that Jasper was taking quite a bit of sadistic pleasure in the obvious fear as was causing Steven, especially as she towered over him, her heavy helmet summoned and ready to land a brutal blow upon the defenseless young Gem before her. And yet… before she could throw her helmet down, something completely unexpected happened instead.

In an instant almost too quick to notice, a sudden burst of water lashed out at the orange Gem, latching itself around her neck in a thick, bulky chained manacle. Jasper lurched back, startled as more chains began to wrap around her wrists and even her legs until they managed to pull her down to the watery ground altogether. “W-what?!” she gasped, shocked as both her and Steven glanced back to none other than Dipper. His own chains and even the gag were completely gone, replaced by orbs of water that seemed to control Jasper’s chains entirely as they surrounded his tightly clenched hands. But what was by far the most surprising was his expression: fierce, outraged, and absolutely hostile as he struggled to pull the orange Gem back away from Steven and towards himself instead.

“I-I said… leave him alone!” he shouted as he threw his hands down, brutally shoving Jasper back down into the depths that were usually his prison. It was easily the first time he had ever had any semblance of actual control of Malachite’s mindscape, which was why he was left in slight shock as the orange Gem disappeared, leaving him and Steven alone and relatively safe, if only for a moment.

“D-Dipper…” Steven began rather breathlessly as he slowly began to approach the new Gem. “T-that… that was… are… are you really a Gem now?”

The most Dipper could do as the young Gem posed such a question was let out a small sigh, averting his concerned gaze once again as he instead looked to the water now surrounding his hands. “Steven, I-I-” Suddenly, he was cut off as his hands were pulled sharply downward, clearly by Jasper trying to work her way back up to the surface once more. Which of course, meant that there wasn’t much time before Dipper knew he’d be pulled back down in her place, with not a single soul to relay what could very well be the last message he might ever be able to get out. And so, he wasted not a single moment in telling the young Gem everything he could in what little time he had left. “S-Steven, listen to me!” he said, his tone serious and intent even as Jasper continued trying to pull him back under and herself back up. “I made a huge mistake b-but there’s no way to undo that now. Right now, I need you to get out of here a-and tell both Mabel and Lapis that I’m so sorry for all of this! I didn’t know things would turn out this way, but like I said, I can’t change that anymore, so… so I’m just going to have to stay here… l-like this…”

“What? No!” Steven cried, horrified by the very thought of Dipper keeping himself trapped in such an awful state. “Dipper, you don’t have to stay here! We can—no, we will help you! T-the Gems, I’m sure they can figure out a way to split you and Jasper up and then we can-”

“No, Steven!” Dipper insisted somewhat harshly. “I can’t leave. Because if I do, t-then Lapis has to come back here and be trapped with her all over again a-and I can’t do that to her, Steven, I can’t! She’s already been trapped enough!”

“But what about you, Dipper?!” the young Gem pressed almost desperately. “You don’t deserve to be trapped like this either! Lapis wouldn’t want this; I know she doesn’t! She wants you to safe and at home and with her! T-that’s why you have to let us help you. We just want you back already; everyone misses you, Lapis misses you, I miss you! S-so just tell me where you—or I guess where Malachite’s at and we can come and-”

“Just stop already, Steven!” Dipper shouted fiercely, clearly struggling to focus on keeping Jasper anchored down at this point. “Like I said, you don’t get it! I made this mess, which means I have to deal with it, alone! I don’t want anyone else getting hurt because of me!”

“But-”

“Just let me do this for you, Lapis!” Dipper suddenly snapped, yanking Jasper’s chains tightly in anger before he realized how he had misspoke. His eyes were wide and pained and filling up with oncoming tears as he looked to Steven once more, reaching the agonizing realization that this was perhaps the last time he’d ever get to see him. A fact that barely seemed to barely matter and matter more than anything at all, all at the same exact time. “I-I mean… I didn’t…”

“Dipper…” Steven said sadly, reaching a shaking hand out to his suffering friend. A hand that he made no attempts to take as he pulled away in both grief and shame.

Dipper still wasn’t exactly sure how his new water wings worked, but even so, he somehow managed to summon them from his gem, awkwardly maneuvering them around himself to block himself off from Steven more than anything else, despite the young Gem’s persistent attempts to reach out to him. “I’m sorry, Steven, but… I’m not Dipper anymore…” he said coldly, his tears lost amidst the water he was trapping himself within as he felt Jasper inch ever closer to the surface, ready to overtake him at seemingly any moment. Even so, he did let out a sigh of both sadness and relief as he saw Steven begin to inexplicably vanish from their mindscape altogether just as Jasper brutally emerged back into it. Surprisingly enough, however, she didn’t immediately shove him back down as she realized exactly what his intent was. An intent that she only smiled cruelly over as she stood behind him, a hand gripped tightly on his shoulder as they proclaimed her vicious triumph, his broken defeat, and their twisted fusion, all at the same exact time in perfect, empty unison:

“We’re Malachite now…”

To be continued…

#universe falls #jen writes #water pines au #uf 3 year anniversary extravaganza #oneshot #angst #dipper #steven #lapis #jasper #bill cipher #gravity falls #steven universe #crossover #au #au week

27 notes · View notes

ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 8 | ”Being a muppet is a contagious disease. ” - Ali

omg so?! i need to do a proper long confessional and go through my thoughts because i just got like a tsunami of information but... jake lived?! and idoled out scott who i thought was gonna win?! hello?!? i'm so so so excited because now i get to work with jake and he is SUCH a shield, and me/him/autumn are gonna ride off into the sunset im manifesting it.

what the HELL is going on here first jake pulls out an idol (which i was JUST gossipping with jordan pines about him having it because i know just how he plays and would ya look at that!) i was so ELATED to read he did that, thinking ok, i gave him a fair warning those false beauties we're gonna get us all, and they voted him unanimously so surely he'll take one of them out and ... HE TAKES OUT SCOTT?? i dont even have time to process this bafoonery yet because here i am, minding my business, trying to watch micronesia to heal the hole in my heart left by w*nners at w*r, eating a piece of pizza and then BOOM we merge?? but oh ok! they said we get a nice little break, lemme not stress and go back to eating my piz- NOPE THERE IS SO SUCH THING AS A BREAK IN SURVIVOR GORL I SWEAR I PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO GET ONE BITE, I COULDNT EVEN ENJOY MY EXTRA CHEESE BECAUSE MY TELEPHONE IS BLOWING UPPPP people are spilling tea left and right, i probably dont even have time to write this so i gotta keep it short and sweet; the false beautys are really trying to slide in my pms and sing kumbaya and if they wanna sing with me, bring it on because they are not a songstress like i am, ill riff run and harmonize yall right off this island. PERIOD. ive been REALLY trying to play up this card where im just some dumb bitch, let everyone keep thinking im the mayor of boo boo the foolsville, but i know a lot more than i let on so catch the tea on that

i swear for it being our "day off" this sure has been the most work i feel like ive had in a hot minute first of all fuck the tomb but FUCK this pyramid even more the second it was announced i found the extra link to the slide puzzle on the blog within SECONDS but 1) i suck at slide puzzles and 2) MY COMPUTER CRASHED HALF WAY THROUGH IT SO I HAD TO START AGAIN. literally took me 2 hours to finish, so that was embarrassing, then much like how the tomb had questions, this pyramid has a hashi puzzle to solve in EIGHT MINUTES....which i dont even know what the fuck that is sorry to this hashi man i gave a good effort but didnt get it in time, so im gonna try again tomorrow of course but im sure someone who isnt a dumbass had better luck than me and got it so thats that on that ....also gorl some of these people aka kendall really got the audacity, she messages me today and is like IS JAKEY COMING TO YOU SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER oh gorl, if only you knew its ME going to jakey saying shit about YOU trying to get him against YOU, because your first mistake was trying to prepare an alliance to vote me out, your second mistake was running around telling everyone i have an idol, and your third mistake was making an enemy of jakey, now there's this angry jakey on the loose and im gonna just try to work my magic to tame him and keep him like a pet dragon on my side to get them out and then deal with whether i think ill be able to trust him going foward, but again, i know i voted him out last game so i cant rule out him trying to target me already, especially if somehow worst case scenerio people try to pick us off first for knowing each other also had a call with augusto which was.... interesting, look, i genuinely like him as a person even though i still feel some type of way about him turning fake on me, so i definitely want to maintain a friendship with him even if it's hard for me to just stomach talking to him because of how stupid he must think i am, keep your friends close but your frenemys closer!! then i just had a call with devon too which was also interesting because, i do like him as a person, but idk how to feel about it!!! after all of them lying to me in the beginning im already feeling PTSD and dont know if i can trust anyone, but he gave me some valuable information even more so just reaffirming them all thinking i have the idol which i know is a crock of bs because DAMMIT IVE TRIED I JUST DONT HAVE IT. I know amir has it, it's so obvious to me, maybe augusto?? but i think amir. apparently devon also just kinda said he think he could see the first vote coming down to me or jakey or even him which.......makes me really nervous, i wasnt planning on fighting for immunity at the auction i wouldve rather had an advantage of some sort, but i think with this cast, and the amount of intertwined relationships going into this first tribal, i want that immunity necklace and im gonna do my damndest to get it OKAYYY this game is going to drive me insane, i feel like ive been running my mouth TOO much and talking to too many people and am gonna get voted out for it but i also simultaneously feel like i havent talked to people no where near enough and, am gonna be voted out for it so ???buckle the fuck up ladies we've officially boarded the confusion express so im just gonna try and sit back and enjoy the ride ig

Welp we are on the bottom... shit. I'm going to be honest, this week has not been great for me. Like my real life is slowly going to shit and now my fake life has been screwed. Thanks Jakey... you dick. All is not lost, because out there in the distance is the iconic duo of Jordan Pines and Kendall Duffy AKA Sarah and Woo. You know, Sarah and Woo. That iconic duo in Cagayan. Remember that one time Sarah walked up to Woo and said "Sup I'm Sarah," and he nodded and said "Woo". And that other time they were sitting on the same log laughing at something Tony said? That is stuff of legends man. Okay so genuinely Jordan meant to say Tony and Woo but he accidentally said Sarah and Woo and now this is our legacy. The plan is to play it both ways. As this isn't going to be a simple Pangonging. Obviously a beauty is going to leave but before we all go, they are going to try to get rid of some of the brawns. The goal is that the beauty isn't me and the brawn isn't Jordan. I know you're legally not supposed to trust Jordan Pines but it's never really been the case for me? IDK maybe it's cause he always gets sniped before I betray him. Maybe it's cause the one time he voted me out it was cause I committed suicide by cop. But for the most part he's a realible ally. Also this would be a shitty and stupid lie right? Like he knows I don't have an idol, literally everyone knows that! Trying to get in my good graces is a terrible fucking idea, Jesus. Right now I'm just going to market myself and the others as a free vote. I know it's not realistic to get Augusto and Amir to the finals but it's all I really want. We've been through shit together. I don't want to be put in a position to get them out. I also believe that either Jakey and Ali has the idol. So this round I'm going to flush it. I'm not going to be able to get him out, I just need him to believe he's going to be voted out. He's a very paranoid individual, it shouldn't be too difficult.... I am not going home tonight. I refuse to.

youtube

okay so i haven't done a good typed confessional in a WHILE and i have thoughts. so i'm basically really frustrated with a lot of this tribe and i don't know how to vocalise it. but first the positives.. the fact that i have an alliance of me/autumn/jake brings me such a rush of seretonin, i love them both and i will fight my hardest to get the three of us to the endgame of this game. i think rn my goal final five is me/jake/autumn/adam/devon, adam because i dont think he is playing this game as well as he necessarily thinks he is, but i also think we have trust and he is someone who is scoop-up-able? and then devon i get good energy from him and his straightforward energy i'd like to see in the endgame. the rest however.... whew. well actually Liam is fine, he is sweet and doing his best. of the rest tho... hmm. kendall's energy doesn't quite land with me, her dry sense of humour doesn't really work with me ha so i feel like we are gonna struggle to gel as allies (especially since we are either side of the weird brawn/beauty divide). augusto is very chatty but its a lot of chatting for... the sake of it, like his social game is to just overwhelm you with lots of messages but its nothing of substance. amir i actually like!! he has me-energy, i would actually like him to stick around (he is a good shield too). duncan i am still sus about from premerge, but i'd love to mend that bond because i might need duncan?! tj and jordan both give snake energy... tj is suddenly back to being non-commital with me and it frustrates me, i wish he would like... talk to me KJLSADF. jordan is the same i always get weird energy from him and he was in that weird alliance during the swap and didn't tell me... feel a f10 boot for jordan ideally. honestly its just frustrating i feel like everyone on this tribe is so cagey and like just thinks talking a lot is social game?! and its... not. but yeah ideally first four merge boots: kendall, augusto, tj & jordan (tho the last two is open to consideration if they stop being shady to me KJSDFA).

I just got immunity in the auction and I feel like I wasted a chance to get some long term for my game. Because I wasn't going anywhere this round (I don't think), but like at least it prevented some other people from getting it which allows me some room to make a couple moves without too many repercussions. In terms of social standing, I truly think I have put myself in a good spot. Jakey and Jordan have both said they want me to be their number ones; Devon also has said the same and has told me that he holds the Double Vote. I know that Autumn and Duncan are both willing to work with me in our alliance with Jordan. Liam and I have bonded quite a bit. And I get good vibes from Augusto, Kendall, and Adam. So the big question now is, my target at the moment is Amir... how do I get him out? I need to break up Amir, Augusto, and Kendall so that I have a better chance of working with Augusto specifically down the line and hopefully Kendall as well. I have a feeling that Adam will push for one of the trio and the trio will push for Adam or Jakey, which should give me plenty of ammo to try and make that move. Correction to my last confessional... the trio can't target Jakey because he's immune. Suck it!

i really... really just got my second idol huh... i cant believe it. i bodied that idol hunt, i sat their trying like six hundred combos for the morse code, got that demonic tile and did that evil hashi puzzle... im so happy hehe okay so ignore my super jaded confessional from yesterday im back in again akdjfsaf im literally on a reign of terror doing harsh confessionals then apologising but askdjfafa we move. so yesterday was a real busy day, we had the auction, i called lots of people and... i got myself a little bit of bling. with the auction first, it was really interesting. i misunderstood the "idol block" so i snatched it up, but then it just blocks hunting for the idol versus playing one, but for my mental health am glad i have that. i also got the vote revealer, which was like a mid-tier thing that im happy to have just got a second thing tbh. then i had like six hundred calls kaljsdfas. i called with devon first, he is really sweet and we had a great talk tbh? i really like him and hope we stick together. i did then go on to have very similar conversations to the one i had with him, with augusto and amir, but i felt best about the conversation me and devon had tbh. augusto is sweet, and very social. like i'd prefer to vote him to kendall, but i like him ha and feel like we have a bond now. i think i could be a good number moving forwards (i wouldn't want him gone 11th/10th). amir is also very nice, we are calling tomorrow, and i just dont think targetting amir is in my best interest rn? like what's the end goal in doing that. so then right now. i think i want the merge vote to be kendall? i feel like if we let that trio slide, its scary, and i have a closer connection to amir and augusto of the three. i think then the brawn tribe can turn inwards, but im eager to push the brawn tribe like "implosion" until after that trio is taken apart (to the style of splitting up alex c/jones/mo from montenegro) also otherwise i got an IDOLLL, or rather my second hehe. i put in a LOT of work to get it, i translated morse code, i did a demonic hashi puzzle, i got the 2048 tile. i earned this idol and im very proud. now i have two idols so have such wiggle room. and i'm building bonds across the tribe... im not saying im set, but... im covered for the time being

okay so im a clown and got frustrated with jordan for telling jake he was hesitant to keep me in... jordan just told me he has been downplaying our connection to people like jake KJLSDAFA so i fully just bought into nothing.

i am starting to feel my standing in the game rise, like im building bonds... everywhere. like im starting to become set to go the distance because i have lots of lowkey social bonds and because im not overtly super strategic i dont think i seem as threatening.

okay so ideal merge bootlist: f4: me/autumn/jake/devon, adam (5th), liam/jordan (6th/7th), amir (8th), duncan (9th), augusto (10th), tj (11th), kendall (12th) and then at the moment the order i would vote for people as a juror (bringing this back from montenegro): jake > autumn > amir > jordan > duncan(?) > devon > augusto > adam > tj > kendall > liam because i think jake has already idoled someone, and to make it to f3 after that is super impressive. autumn is a queen, has real strategic savvy and will have made moves to get to the end. amir is very much like autumn and him making it to the end. jordan is an amazing player and tbh deserves a win. duncan is really in game-mode and id love to see him in FTC (what a role reversal), devon has a real rootable underdog story, augusto is a social king, adam needs to pick it up beyond just targetting beauties to get my vote. tj/kendall are question marks for me, and then liam i LOVE but he doesn't necessarily 100% want to be here so i would be tentative to vote him. but its crazy because i think: jake/autumn/devon/adam/liam/jordan/amir/duncan... all trust me to some extent that's... such a large portion of the tribe. so i need to be careful im not scorning people too much, but this is a real work-able situation i think ahh

Interesting development that both Kendall and Amir want/wanted to call and talk to me. I just finished talking to Kendall (she is so sweet, I enjoy talking to her!) and I definitely see an avenue where we work together, but I am concerned that there does seem to be a guard up, which I totally understand given that we haven't been on a tribe together. We both kind of mentioned that Liam has been flirting with the idea of asking to be voted out which gave me an avenue to not say that the name I would throw out is Amir. I do hope that Liam isn't adamant about going because I truly do care for him and want him to stay in this game. I picked up a great ally in him after the initial Brawn vote and losing him now won't be fun. It does dispel this Brawn alliance people probably expect to be happening, but am I at ease with Liam going to facilitate that? But if that happens, that delays the fight between Adam/Jakey against the trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall, which in fact would be good for me as it allows me to slide by for another week... ugh, decisions decisions. Why do I feel like this first vote could determine the rest of my game?

So Liam still wants to be in the game, which is good. I can easily work with that. Yes, I feel awful telling Kendall I thought the vote would be Liam, but now that he seems to want to be in the game, I think I can work with Liam possibly staying. I still have to wait it out and listen to what some others think, but I may be back on the board of going for one of the trio. I know Jakey wants to do Kendall, but I don't want her to go just yet. Eventually, yeah probably, but I do want her here.

Whew merge merge merge. Tonight is the first night to play my legacy advantage, i could block a vote but honestly im probably not going to. Id be pretty caught off guard if i was the target tonight and I think id rather let it fester to an idol, whether for me or someone else later tha depends on my game play. Last night was the auction and boy did jordan win big, i got a whole vote steal that im pretty sure no one knows about. I created a believable (i think) lie about what i bid on and spread and thankfully adam came out the gate with a super fact checkable lie about the auction so i think most of the heats on him. For the vote it could be a beauty butpart of me really sees liam going home just cause people are so scared of how many brawn are in the game, and like thats fine i can deal with that. I am slowly building my relationships to the point where i can get the ball rolling enough to do some damage. Ive been biding my time in the shadows for most of this game, but Jordan Pines is about to rise!

this round is what we call a mixed bag like the auction? hated that girl. I saved my money and all I got was a drawing like sis this is the Survivor Auction not an actual auction ;-; but other than that, I’ve felt really good about how I’ve been playing? Like always, I’m trying to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone want me as a date yknow? Currently, I have my main allies (Amir, Kendall, Devon) but others (Autumn, Duncan, Ali, Jordan, Jakey) have expressed that they want to work with me which is cute! I don’t know who to trust tho ngl but yay? My main priority is getting my footing in the game this first round and hopefully getting out a Brawn. The main two I want gone from the Brawns are Liam M and Jordan Pines. Liam M is the easier sell and I don’t mind that, Jordan Pines is someone I want gone soon though. I also want Adam gone if at all possible sometime soon but we shall see!

i take it back jordan and duncan can go again...? literally like both of them preach up and down that we are gonna work together, then pull shady stuff like saying me and adam are a duo in their alliance chat of gremlins with love of my life autumn and professional robot tj?! literally just because y'all linked up at swap and think you are gods gift to alliances doesnt mean me and adam are a duo? i just talk to him and actually give him a chance in this game unlike like... 99% of this cast. now i cant really defend adam at all or people are gonna try and snap my neck? which sucks... adam was in my endgame but because i see him having a losing finalist arc versus me being a duo with him. so that sucks but well. it just reconfirms to me that i have to trust autumn. which is not hard because i literally love her sm and i want to see thrive in this season. so i am praying it works out. this cast continues to prove that being a muppet is a contagious disease.

im absolutely LIVID right now.... i dont even know where to begin ?? let's start with this: are we playing SURVIVOR or are we playing america's next top CLOWN?? because based on how silly all these people are it doesnt seem like survivor. this is my 3rd time playing this game, and never once have i ever made it to a merge where .... every single person wants to just settle on one name since they're the "easy" vote.... and yet that's all im being told with people wanting to vote liam?? at this point i hope the plan is to vote ME out and everyone is just telling me liam because i dont want to play the game with a bunch of feeble minded school of fish who have no backbone. first of all everyone has wanted to do nothing but play that ANNOYING ass "ooh its been quiet i havent heard a name yet" game for the entire day. We're 3 hours before tribal and all the sudden everyone wants to sing kumbaya and vote for liam??? because he's not around, which guess what it does make him an easy vote but....this is survivor why would you EVER vote that person off in the merge right away, he can literally go next or any other time. I refuse to sit back and just conform to it, ill probably end up having to, but im gonna try to push what to ME makes the most sense, not only for myself but for everyone... to get one of those 3 false beautys out. I've been going to a lot of people and basically saying "Let me break it down for you: one of them 150% has the idol??? and thanks to the suvivor auction, and based on what ive gathered from people they probably have advantages too.....why waste this vote being "easy" because then next round....they're gonna know it'll be one of them and so......they're gonna play all their shit and take someone out, and i absolutely reserve the right to laugh at whoever it is because theyre an idiot and didnt want to wake up and play the game (unless it's me of course oop) I've approached, jakey, autumn, duncan, jordan, ali, devon, tj, pretty much ANYONE who has a brain to just state the obvious.....its stupid getting liam out. literally the stupidest and quite frankly downright embarrassing move to make for a group of players of this caliber. and you know what responses ive gotten? "oh its too soon to rock the boat" "we have to get one of those brawns out" "yeah we just have to go with the brains on this one" ??? too soon??? at merge??????? to play the game of survivor??????????? at this point im about to try and just tell liam with the very slim chance that he has an idol and can use it on himself because how am i supposed to try and play the game of survivor with people who dont want to play its frustrating. **update as i was writing this i just had a call with jordan pines, im not as mad anymore after smoking weed with him for like 20 minutes ahfdd but its BORING LIKE WAKE UP PEARL LETS PLAY SURVIVOR...i probably made a big mistake pushing those 3 to as many people as i just did but whatever hopefully it at least planted seeds with people and people actually try and approach me in the future rounds with that idea again in other news, the auction happened and i got the power to go to the prejuror island and plead my case with them regarding this next vote, no one was even there so that was lovely i felt like i was talking to myself so nothing new there, i peeped connor was online but didnt have anything to say when i showed up, much like how he never had anything good to say in the game and that's why he was voted out, but ANYWAY. im pissed i made a case to them to vote for amir and now no one will even make the move with me. I also bought a challenge advantage which i wanted MOSTLY so i could just tell people thats what i got from it because to me i suck at challenges anyway, so it shouldnt paint as much of a target on my back and i want people to know i dont have one of those really scary ones (and i also want to keep making people think amir or kendall has something good), but ali did confide in me he has the vote reveal which made me trust him a lot more, and i dont plan on revealing to anyone what he told me so anywho, tribal is NOT gonna go my way tonight, i tried to make a move but liam is unfortunately completely unsaveable because he's not around even though i do like talking to him personally, i opened the door to people and it just got slammed in my face but in this game you have to learn when to drop it so im hoping i dropped it fast enough to not be a future target because people could still very well vote me out next because they'd be taking out the only real beauty left!

tj, jordan and duncan are all going home as soon as possible. they really think they are slick and they are not. they think they can badmouth me, my game and my position and it wont get back to me. there is a word for it and it is clownery. one of them is going to get to stepping really soon. maybe jordan.

also i cant be too mad at liam because im voting him but i wish it wasnt like this. well. what can you do. if he plays an idol im playing mine.

Now that we're told the right day... Well, it looks like most people are back on the Liam Train, and damn I really don't want this move to be made. Like, yes, it will set me up well moving forward: less "Brawn Alliance" hype, more battles between Adam/Ali vs. Beauty Babes, and a decent amount of social mobility for me. But this just feels like a giant waste and I don't know how to stop this at this rate.

youtube

First of all: YAASSSSSSSS WE LOVE MAKING THE MERGE!!!! I’ve gotten over my Scott grief and actually am pretty content with him out of the game since he was a big contender to win it all. The time I’ve been able to spend talking to people has been amazing and I feel like I genuinely have a good relationship with everyone on the tribe besides Liam, which is why I’m happy to see him go. He’s a really nice guy but he’s not adding anything to my game. I expect the vote to go 11-1-1 tonight. I could always get idoled out or blindsided and that would suck but you try your best and do what you can! I think I have EXCELLENT relationships with Amir, Jordan and Autumn and that’s like the kingpins of each group so if someone comes after me hopefully I’ll hear about it one way or another. I need to get my head out of Amir’s ass though, I’m most excited to play with him and we called for literally 2 hours and 50 minutes yesterday. I’ve always thought he was cute and intelligent from when I was in the community before and I fangirled getting to play with him. I like to think I’m in a good position in this game so far, we’ll see as the game progresses. One last thing? ADAM!? SIS?!?! EVERYONE IS AWARE YOU LIED TO THEM! YOUR ASS IS GOING HOME NEXT! PERIODT!! (Hopefully I’ll be here to help vote you out lol

Well, here we are? This is where my game was MADE back in Guyana, however, I clearly don't have a solidified alliance I am willing to take to the end at this stage. We have 5 Brawns, three former winners, a person I voted out in Guyana, two people that voted me out, and a person I tried voting out last round all still in the game. Still, I am going to make the best of it. In the short period of time this game has provided, I have been able to make REALLY solid connections. Not all of them are 100% genuine, but the hope is that they're enough to gain trust and information that I can use to advance my game.

if i go home tonight im gonna lose my marbles

youtube

so basicallyyyy jakey is gathering intel from the other sideand apparently theyre all scared of me, grow up??? im literally harmless wtf

HOHOHOHOOGO WHO WANTS SOME TEA ? SO DUNCAN SPILLED THAT back long ago on original hathor, remember when I was losing my mind thinking aj ratted everything to Adam It was THE TRUTH and I’m glad aj has been dealt with. It’s what he deserves .

adam thinks hes so fucking slick running around telling everyone i gotta go and that i have the idol, and then messaging me in my pms trying to call and have a "tea-spilll uwu" when hes just going to use that against me anywayyyy honey u arent as smart as u think u are, and when the time is right, you're getting crucified ADAM CAME TO ME TO BE LIKE "FUCK JAKEY WON IMMUNITY" and im like "ik :( " and he runs to jakey and goes "THE RATS ARE MAD U WON" mark my words if im leaving this game i will blow him tf up on the way out

these people are all rats ALLIANCE: Threats R Us members: jakey ali autumn Source: jakey ALLIANCE: (name unknown) Members: Autumn Duncan TJ Jordan Source: Autumn so autumn ratted on an alliance to me and not the other, which lets me know that she is far more invested in Ali that she is in Duncan. Working with Duncan is not going to save face with autumn, i have to treat her as a separate entity and work with her genuinely if i want safety from ali, like she sold duncan tj and jordan down a river to me so fast i love her so much, i want to work with her but i have to see how far it goes people i want out : adam tj liam ali jordan but rn ill settle for anyone but me cuz no one is talking to me

devon wanted to talk real quick and tellin me that there was a whole ass plan started by adam to get me out, like say the vote is kendall but actually vote for me, and the plan was entertained by brawn, also i told jakey i have the idol, and jakey told me ali has 2 idols a vote reveal and an idol block

#BackWithVengeance

0 notes