#idk theres nothing else to say really is there

[when-did-this-become-difficult]

me livestreaming the ohio senate in the minutes leading up to a vote that will determine whether or not gender affirming care is outright banned for minors: this is the bad place

"It also prevents doctors from prescribing hormones, puberty blockers or gender reassignment surgery before patients turn 18" per the Cincinnati Enquirer.

#j.2023.all #ohio #us politics #wow cool another new flavor of hopelessness amidst the enshittification of everything!!!!!! we love to see it!!!!!!!! #'parental rights' except if your kid is trans then no rights for you. #i kind of want to do the usual tumblr thing of imagining creative violence to let off steam but it does nothing i think. like it doesnt eve #do anything for me in these circumstances i just feel that dread of #we're in that part of the horror movie where we're watching people get picked off one by one #i have no weapons to speak of. cool #im watching this woman's face twist with emotion as she talks about trans suicide rates and i think she knows what i know #which is that she may make a valiant effort but it will mean nothing #and tomorrow the sun will rise and the legislation will have passed and the world will be a worse rates #and in ohio that suicide rate will tick up #and #idk theres nothing else to say really is there #this winter of 2023 has been really a uh. a time of political participation for me which is not unique #but what sets it apart is that each time i engage #the feeling of uselessness increases #the more i do things to try to help the more i sense that in fact it will all come to nothing and that the loss has already been secured #maybe really all i can do is either end of the spectrum. either get in there with the protesters or double the soup kitchen efforts. #because this democracy shit is severely not working #on the things which we need the most #the most basic. the most basic shit #sure yeah we kept abortion and all the clinics werent forced to close #but quite frankly what good does that do a trans kid who isnt pregnant #no im serious idk how much more of this i can handle #biden got some green funding through the inflation reduction act oh cool but literally what good does that do to the kids getting pummelled #from every side with starvation infection trauma and actual bombs. nothing. they don't care about that at all #and i dont know...if i can pretend to myself that i should care about that at all #im watching this guy read out the senators last names now

[feline-evil]

Dethvanity is really funny to me conceptually as an episode because you can see how little they had to make the characters insecure about for the bit. They swing for obvious lowblow choices with Pickle' baldness and Nathan's weight and even those require some suspension of disbelief because ok. Sure. Nathan '(said extremely proudly) never skipped a meal in my life!' Explosion is insecure about being a big man now. Nathan *guy who everyone thinks is smoking hot 99% of the time* Explosion is a tiny bit larger than usual and is insecure about it now. Lol. Lmao even.

But anyway then we hit Skwisgaar and Toki and there's like NOTHING to swing for, you can see them going uhhh ok Skwis doesn't sleep he probably drinks a lot of coffee, and Toki? Shit, what does Toki have to be insecure about with his looks. He's perfect, he's adorable, he's ripped. Um. FUCK IT, HE'S DOING NOTHING BUT EATING LEMONS. WE GOT NOTHING, WE GOT NOTHING, JUST GIVE THE BOY CITRUS FRUITS.

WOE 🍋 BE UPON YE

I'm sure i could make some smarter points about the attempts at applying vanity in this ep and how outside of this and a few other moments i do actually like that the show rarely takes pot shots at things like Nathan's weight, but you see Nathan has shirtless scenes in this one and so my intelligence is impeded when all the blood rushes out of my head and into my-

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I LOVE TOKI'S LEMON EATING CHALLENGE HES ON IN THIS EP. BABY YR STRANGE AND PECULIAR #pickles being insecure abt balding is funny too. my man has chosen a hairstyle that is actively making that worse for himself #buddy if u didnt have whiteguy dreads impromise yr hair wld be healthier. but we love u for yr octopus swag anyway <3 #also hi nathan dont listen to the tv listen to me you look great. hi hello. im unsheathing my sword to cut down anyone who makes u feel bad #EVERYBODY IN UNIVERSE IS A COWARD. ITS BIG BOY SEASON. COME GET U ONE #dethvanity isnt in my list of favs i think most its humour is rlly easy lowballs but i find it funny for reasons outside of that #which is namely the show trying to make charavters insecure abt things when they absolutely are not any other time lmao #trying to find things to make skwis and toki insecure abt but theres NOTHING. ITS RLLY FUNNY #listen. putting my hand on everyones shoulder. lets not ignore the elephant in the room this show is uh #OFTEN VERY FATPHOBIC. so its no bastion of rep just cuz it doesnt take all the pot shots it cld at nathans body #it still does take some and theres plently of fatphobia outside of nathans character #but i do like that nathan is a bigger guy and outside of a few eps thats just treated as smth fine! its not remarked on outside of those! #and i think his body is drawn really well and i like that hes permitted to be sexy and to be like. seen with his body out just as much #as like anyone else in the band. like yeah duh nathan explosion is sexy in universe ppl are rocking with this. AS THEY SHOULD BE #idk like i say. not denying the show its fatphobia just saying i like how nathan is treated and portrayed a lot of the time :]

[cringefaildiaz]

I think my major issue with the finale (and s6 overall) is that Buck had SO much going on, 5 different thematically similar internal and external conflicts, and I don't feel like the show did nearly enough to weave them together or show the progress of them onscreen.

I have no idea why Buck was no longer scared to "pick the wrong couch again." I know why he was interested in Natalia specifically, but not the bigger emotional picture of how/why he got over this emotional hurdle.

I have no idea how he's changed since the lightning strike - they told us he has, but what's actually going on in his head? I have literally no idea.

I don’t know what kind of growth he experienced via the donor baby. I know he decided he could be donor-not-dad from the get go, stuck to that throughout the pregnancy, and then had a wistful moment gazing at his progeny. But that doesn't really feel like a big emotional moment when he's been saying it's not his kid for 8 months.

I know he started the season wanting more professional responsibility and ended it taking charge when the 118 was in danger, but I don't know what skills he acquired in the interim to allow him to do it successfully. I don't know how he feels about it. I don't even know if by the finale he still WANTED to lead. It was fine enough payoff, but it certainly wasn't an "Eddie suiting up in Mayday" kind of payoff.

I know his coma dream taught him Lessons but I don't know how they're reflected in his real life?

Compare how his arcs this season played out to Hen and med school, or Eddie and dating and I think you can see the massive deficiencies in Buck's season. And I'm totally aware that they need to leave things open so they have somewhere to go next season, but all of his (many, many) storylines having such a lack of emotional depth is a real bummer.

I think it would've been magnitudes better if he had really struggled on screen with the donation, so that moment of him handing the baby off to Kameron would've shown some real growth. A single conversation about him needing to not be scared to live because he DIED as an explanation for dating again. We sort of half-got a lot of these things - Buck telling everyone Kameron was pregnant and the onesie, Buck at the cemetery saying every day is a gift - but they didn't really commit to any of it, and they certainly didn't give themselves the time to flesh all of it out. All in all, for a very Buck heavy season, I don't feel like I know Buck any better, and I know he's made some steps forward, but only because they told us he did. I really would've liked to see the emotional journey to get there.

#obviously I have not gone back and rewatched the season in full so idk if this thought process will hold up #but i really feel that they gave him SO much to do that he kinda wound up doing nothing #and while yes a lot of things may have to happen offscreen on a show like this #i feel like his storylines required so much inference on very little content #and then in the end the show went 'this is what this plotline was about :)' which is. not very satisfying at all #I really wanted to feel satisfied with Buck handing off that baby. #but 'guy who's fine just being a donor having a moment with his offspring before giving him to mom' is like. not very poignant lmao #sliding the writers a note that says 'show don't tell' #i think these are my last critical thoughts on the finale cuz theres not much else to say #911 spoilers #911 fox

[sonknuxadow]

my take is that sonic generations is a good game i like it and its fun to play but it doesnt deserve to be hyped up as one of the best sonic games . sorry.

#i swear its only considered one of the best because classic sonic is in it because the game is just so Nothing #like the gameplay is good but its not enough to make the game stand out and theres not really anything else there that does #the levels arent bad but theyre also not memorable because theyre all taken from existing games #which i KNOW is the whole gimmick of the game. but still. #like when i think of city escape i think of sa2 not generations. when i think of rooftop run i think of unleashed not generations. #and the story feels nonexistent too . maybe not everyone cares about the stories of sonic games but i do #how many people even think about sonic generations ever actually . #i always see people go ''yeah generations is the best 3d game'' but never see people talk about the game other than that #like man maybe some of the more poorly received games are flawed but at least theyre actually memorable #(i say some of and not all because with most of them i can see why they wouldnt be for everybody even if i dont think theyre bad #but i cant see it with unleashed . unleashed is my beautiful perfect son who i am protecting from all criticism) #like generations is a fun play . especially if youre feeling nostalgic . but idk i dont think its one of the best not even close

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[twilightarcade]

anyway newpost super quick last one for the night

#wordstag #awfully late ! #assorted news ; lost eatingchemicals' pfp apparently so he's stuck in christmas hell sorr y . do want to change it as it's not as readable #as id like but like. nothing else to change it to reallly #yeah i COULD either look really hard or use a new drawing or use a old drawing but that's too much work . the two are like #opposites anyhow but its so WHITE need less white I think. Ill fix that tomorrow #ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm embroiderin g this cat #sleepy still #the usual; #idk had less to say than I thought i did. im sure theres like a massive elephant in the room im not adressing

[reel-fear]

one day I'll go insane and release a 234 page essay on why I love Wheatley X GLaDOS so much and its underrated and Love as a construct [link] is the best fanfiction I've ever read as long as u stop reading After chapter 26 bc imo after that it gets a bit repetitive and jumps the shark a bit and if u see the tags u might understand KJNSDFGKJNFDSD

but the very basics of it, is it's that two very bad people with a ton of truama learning to become better via each other <3. Also its weirdly disliked by a lot of portal fans for being... Abusive,,, which is hilarious considering both Wheatley and GLaDOS are canonical abusers who may regret their actions by the end sure but are still on some level very abusive people to Chell. I think that's also one of the reasons I love Gladley just bc it doesn't feel like Chell has to get into a relationship with these two people that canonically I think she's absolutely had enough of dealing with.

#ramblez #portal 2 #gladley #wheatdos #they are t4t they are both bi they both dont identify as those things bc they have no idea what they mean #they are both awful people and they love each other so much they become better #they are both the victims of their own stupid actions and truama and got countless people killed- #they both hate humans/generally do not care for them #Im just saying the fandom sleeps on it hard. #and its the like the number one portal 2 ship for me forever nothing else even compares #GLaDOS was in love with Chell and she treated her awfully time to move on bitch #Chell doesnt owe either of them a second chance shes going off to lead her own life now good for her #Wheatley is the cringe fail malewife and GLaDOS girlbosses every day #Wheatley mansplains and manipulates and GLaDOS gaslights and gatekeeps- #I literally could write an essay on that fic btw its like literally my favorite fic ever #not joking at all its one of the best pieces of fiction Ive ever read #that fic got me through so much in life #its handling of abuse both in the past and in the present oh its so good but not heavyhanded but not so subtle its unaddressed #theres so many plot points in it I just want to disect and talk abt but I dont wanna spoil it here so AAAAA idk maybe for another post- #I also wanted to rant on how Wheatley is in fact an awful and really mean person and the fandom doesnt really address that a lot #but like I've said omg this post is getting long already for another time maybe-

[shepherdenjoyer]

I've been thinking to myself hey I maybe I should email this breeder, just bring up our potential interest in a future puppy and also I guess ask if they think their dogs could have the potential for assistance work, but first of all I might as well have never written an email in my life bc I have no idea how to go about this!!! And second of all, especially for the latter but I could always leave that out for the first time lol, if they answer negatively in some way I would likely not recover (I am not a well adjusted individual and rsd is a lovely little thing). I know myself well enough to know I would find it very discouraging and the embarrassment would probably also make it harder to contact them in the future 🥲

#not to mention i likely will be taking a somewhat unusual route since im not even sure PSDs are properly recognized here #like if i do end up training a dog for that (bc organization trained isnt an option) i likely will have some administrative bs to deal with #and being young and doing smth out of the norm never gets you good looks haha #im trailing off here idk what i was going to say anymore really #smth smth i mainly want to know how tf you go about emailing a breeder?? like what do u say #hi i like ur dogs. ummm. yea. have a good day #what should u mention in a very 1st email? what should u ask?? what should u avoid? #keeping in mind this is all for years in the future #if nothing else id like to meet their dogs at least since they're open to that w arrangements #i would be delighted to say the least #also the SD stuff : if other things align right i wiuld still 100% want a dog from them even if they wouldn't be suitable for SD work #+ theres at home tasks i would teach to probably any nd all dogs we have in the future lol #this is a mess of tags thanks if u read through all of it? i guess? #im going to sleep now #mine

[hartmannyoukaigirl]

people who are batshit insane bipolar narcissists who happen to take an unfortunate interest in religion: yeah like I get told off by my entire family because I won't stfu about how they're all going to hell. I can't believe them. or when I tell my friend the same thing and they insult me or call me too religious like I am literally stating facts?? not my fault it's god's 🙄 can't believe they're following religion wrongly and not like My Holy Interpretation and way of practice

#no bc. i am muslim and 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 its a struggle if not for my absolute convinction in god #man. honestly #i'll like a story and then come online or talk to someone else about it and they'll have the most absurd and obviously wrong interpretation #so of course something like this happens with something so important as religion. the vast majority of people are stupid no matter what #unfortunately #idk im not denying the quran either. i Really Really hate being delusional and denying whats Infront of me or whats otherwise #literally the truth of. everything #but yknow we are human... the truth is that we aren't angels who do no wrong and are perfect and we shouldnt treat others like that #like i cant fathom seeing someone do something even factually wrong and instead of trying to figure out the Core reason theyre doing that #or their feelings or their mentality #which are the cause and root of everything btw #you just insult them and call them names and say theyre better not practicing at all or FORCING THEM to do whats right #like idfc if the thing youre forcing them to do IS factually right I do not care youre ruining and tainting islam by your actions. #that mentality is so disgusting. to be the judge of someone and order them around #at the end of everything Everyone has their own opinion and choice #if you truly are convinced islam is right then you won't force your child to practice. your child will eventually practice by themselves #when they grow up! and realize how the world works #and if they dont then oh well. everyone is going to be judged alone and that's their problem yknow #it may be incredibly frusterating but ultimately cope #theres nothing right that will be right with yelling and fighting and screaming and force.

[unlimitedhorsepower]

i made preliminary plans to put my horse down in january today:( idk why im making this post i just want everyone to know about hippu and that she exists.

im so tortured whether its the right decision or not and whatever i mightve done wrong or not good enoug or if i should try something else and if the only person (the stable owner) i can discuss it with is right or not and its just way too much to explain lol

i feel bad about january too, because hippu was born during the summer, so to make plans to say goodbye to her during the coldest time of the year in the middle of the winter makes me feel sad. i wouldve at least wanted for her to go during the summer. but i suppose that only matters to me

heres some pictures i took of her today when i was keeping her company while she worried whether her buddy will also come in to the stable or not.

she looks so scruffy because shes changing into her winter coat. i called over to her and she looked directly at me and looked goofy.

shes my first horse and she will be my last horse too. someone laughed today when i said that (”thats what they all say, you always get a new horse”) but i know its true: its just too much money and time i dont have because im always so sick for no reason, its not even that i dont like horses or cant see myself loving a different horse as much, just the bleak reality im afraid.

once i wanted to be a pro equestrian, now were here, feels funny to think about.

#animal death cw - i guess. i dont know how content warning tagging works on tumblr anymore lol #for some reason my 2nd PC screen is on its last legs too and flickering etc lol #actually my life is going so much downhill. i dont even know what to say about hippu because i dont have anyone to talk to about her. #i dont know a lot of horse people and none i could talk about this and idk..ask for a different opinion or something. oh well. #im trying to make jokes right now but i barely even have the energy for that. im just really sad. #i genuinely feel like all ive done for the past month or something is cry and lately ive cried for hours every day. TMI lore about me lol #its just exhausting and theres nothing i can do about any of it. ahh... having issues with brain and money sucks so much what else can i say

[sonknuxadow]

It's so freaking hilarious that on Shadow's wiki page it says that he likes "nothing" (but the only other thing he likes is Maria)

on one hand its annoying that they just put "nothing" under his likes because there Are things shadow likes and i find it weird that theyre taking the like one or two official profiles that said he likes nothing as canon over the many times hes been stated to like certain things both before and after those profiles were made. but on the other "likes: 1. nothing. 2. maria" is kind of funny

#asks #tbh the way the sonic wiki is run can be really confusing at times #like this for example there Are things shadow likes you could make a list of likes for shadow. #but because he was stated once or twice to like nothing the wiki editors act like that cancels everything else out? #even if hes been stated to like certain things both before And after the profile that says he likes nothing was written #so you cant argue that those profiles being newer or older makes them more reliable #and theres definitely other cases like this of the wiki just not including certain information even if its very much canon and true #or said information being added onto the wiki and then taken off by some other editor #Idk its just weird

[oatbugs]

ok so heres what happened

#basically we went on another date. idk if u guys remember but the first date actually went rly well but for some reason i felt Nothing like #there was literally nothing wrong and everything went perfectly i showed her around london etc i was just like. idk i felt. friendship #not much more. anyway so for this date i went to manchester (they came all the way to ldn for me last date so its fine its fair) and she #showed me around etc and it was like. rly rly good. like genuinely we did a lot and talked a lot..and like. theyre rly rly good at art etc #like they carry pencils and their sketchbook w them everywhere and they draw ppl and scenery etc that they see + find interesting. #and like we talked. a lot . but at some point they looked at me a lot and i was like whats wrong and she said youre really beautiful and id #love to draw u . which was rly sweet...and also she said she loves watching me watching things. bc we went to a gallery #and then a book shop. BTW THE BOOK SHOP. ok so we were walking and there was like a random staircase upstairs and a sign saying book shop w #nothing else on it outside and we went upstairs and it was like a rly small but rly. cosy? interesting? book shop and there was this guy w #a rly rly pretty face and a long coat typing and there were like 20 poetry books next to him. some of them were lovesongs from the persp- #ective of a satanist and i asked him if the book was his and he said i guess . i bought an unlabelled book for £1 #ok just realised it would be too long to type the full interaction but istg i felt more abt this guy than i did abt her and i DONT KNOW WHY #like literally theres nothing wrong things went great i just dont. get it?? like. maybe i need her to be more interesting. but i feel #like thats not a valid reason. anyway she clearly feels more abt me than i do abt her but i also kind of implied previously id be ok w #exploring being more than friends etc but now im like. done exploring? like i dont think i can feel romantically abt her idk..but am i just #being dumb but also is it unfair to her if i say nothing. anyway i bought love poetry we walked around a lot + bought bubble tea + we both #had 5% to make it back home w. also went to cute cafes and vintage places etc etc #ill write abt the bookshop guy later maybe. anyway whats wrong w me why cant i just like smn normally. i have to make rice and #head off to archery now bye

[chesedelhim]

hm

#fire.txt #i dont usually put my vents on tumblr but good gd if i have another place to be rn lmao #today. is a day for getting fuckall kinds of drunk. and eating sushi #and i am going to do nothing else. its not a good day. its really not #idk man. its been 7 years. thats. a lot to put down #and i dont have a spot for all of it #im not mad at him. im not even upset at him. it just. hurts. my arms are full. idk #im just #idk. idk. im still processing it. #i woke up at like 9am and was just impulse checking my phone #i cant....say i didnt see it coming. kinda #i knew we had been growing apart i just. guess even when you get that vague sense of it all it can still blindside you #and gd it'd just be a fuckin lie if i said it didnt hit like a truck #idk. im watchin comfort medias. playin pz. watching blake sleep. waiting for the waves to end. idk. idfk. #i have to update the chart. im thinking about anything but this and yet nothing but this. idk #i want to go back to bed but i absolutely cannot sit still enough for that id just go mental instead #theres. a lot to chew on. ive been shaking for an hour. idk. im gonna go do something else.

[yelloworangesoda]

i hate the food situation at my house so much for the love of god. theres only so many times a man can eat ramen with nothing or tuna with nothing

#theres no fucking. ingredients. theres nothing to add. i used to walk around my kitchen trying to look up stuff to make with what we had but #it required like. an onion. an egg. a spice. a vegetable. and we dont have that #and something about me. idk what it is idk if its me or my dads fault but i cant ask for it. i cant. i think part of it is bc i need the #ingredient for my one thing and then. it goes bad and its my fault and i feel bad #i hate my food situation so much. my dad makes this food in the microwave that he knows i dont like or eat. but if i make something else he #gets offended like thats not fair #and i feel bad for complaining bc i should just get a job and buy my own food but im not gonna do that bc im not gonna get a job. #i have trust fund money. like a decent amount from when i was hit buy a car #i should move out of state like right now. and live off that and when it runs out. ill just lay in the street i guess. i hate my life so #much guys its not funny. idk what to do. theres no fixing this theres nothing i want to do and nobody can help me bc theres no solution #everyone ignores it bc theres no solution to my problem. im never gonna be happy. its never gonna be worth it #nobody wants to tell me thats life suck it up or die bc they know id rather die by a mile. im so embarrassed of my stupid life im such a #failure. i want to kill myself bc i dont want to work like how pathetic is that. thats so stupid. i dont really say it to my parents bc they #would just laugh at me. or yell at me. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do. i find myself hoping i get in a car accident and die #anytime i go out. i hope i dont wake up in the morning. i hope something bad happens and its not my fault so i dont get the blame i just get #the benifit of not having to do this anymore #god thats so. dark. its how i feel. #its getting to the point where i dont feel like i should say im not gonna kill myself at the end of these. im still not yet. but it feels #like a yet situation. like its gonna get to the point where i start trying again. #im still not there yet though. please dont… well idk what happens so suicidal adults. call the police on me. my methods arent any more #refined than they were when i was 14 trying to drink. nail polish. #simons spouting #vent :( #suicide //