#it required like. an onion. an egg. a spice. a vegetable. and we dont have that

[yelloworangesoda]

i hate the food situation at my house so much for the love of god. theres only so many times a man can eat ramen with nothing or tuna with nothing

#theres no fucking. ingredients. theres nothing to add. i used to walk around my kitchen trying to look up stuff to make with what we had but #it required like. an onion. an egg. a spice. a vegetable. and we dont have that #and something about me. idk what it is idk if its me or my dads fault but i cant ask for it. i cant. i think part of it is bc i need the #ingredient for my one thing and then. it goes bad and its my fault and i feel bad #i hate my food situation so much. my dad makes this food in the microwave that he knows i dont like or eat. but if i make something else he #gets offended like thats not fair #and i feel bad for complaining bc i should just get a job and buy my own food but im not gonna do that bc im not gonna get a job. #i have trust fund money. like a decent amount from when i was hit buy a car #i should move out of state like right now. and live off that and when it runs out. ill just lay in the street i guess. i hate my life so #much guys its not funny. idk what to do. theres no fixing this theres nothing i want to do and nobody can help me bc theres no solution #everyone ignores it bc theres no solution to my problem. im never gonna be happy. its never gonna be worth it #nobody wants to tell me thats life suck it up or die bc they know id rather die by a mile. im so embarrassed of my stupid life im such a #failure. i want to kill myself bc i dont want to work like how pathetic is that. thats so stupid. i dont really say it to my parents bc they #would just laugh at me. or yell at me. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do. i find myself hoping i get in a car accident and die #anytime i go out. i hope i dont wake up in the morning. i hope something bad happens and its not my fault so i dont get the blame i just get #the benifit of not having to do this anymore #god thats so. dark. its how i feel. #its getting to the point where i dont feel like i should say im not gonna kill myself at the end of these. im still not yet. but it feels #like a yet situation. like its gonna get to the point where i start trying again. #im still not there yet though. please dont… well idk what happens so suicidal adults. call the police on me. my methods arent any more #refined than they were when i was 14 trying to drink. nail polish. #simons spouting #vent :( #suicide //