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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #400

“it’s an age-old story: the first will be last, and the last will be kings / the small will be great, and the great will be weak”

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom; I thank her every time she cooks for me/us, and I really do mean it. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Somewhere around a month. What was the last thing to really surprise you? My brother has a fiancee and is having another son! :') Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Idk about anything notable. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. What is the last thing you had a craving for? A donut. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes. What was the last thing you felt like you wasted money on? It's so rare that I buy things with my own cash that I really don't know. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? Venus' terrarium on my own. Mom has to help me with buying it. What is a recipe you’d like to try to make for yourself? I don’t cook, so. What goes through your mind when you look back at old photographs of yourself? More than anything, I get sad over how much weight I've gained. I was so healthy once upon a time. It also just makes me miss my childhood. What was the subject matter of the last email you sent? I believe it was about setting up an appointment with my therapist. How do you get your news? Facebook articles, really. What do you think about lizards? I love them! I was that kid that always tried to catch them when I saw 'em. Now I just observe because I don't want to terrify them by trying to pick them up. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No, but sure, I'd do it. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The time I received morphine, it did jack-all for me. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm... I would say Azeroth from World of Warcraft, but too much shit goes down, ha ha. Perhaps the top of the temple in Shadow of the Colossus? So long as I could have someone I love with me, I'd be in Heaven. Although... I doubt there's WiFi there, so I might drop that answer, lmfao. I really don't know. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Day. I need the natural light of day sometimes, and if I wanted to sleep, I could just find shade. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Fantasy. Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s one thing that you wish was real? Friendly dragons, haha. Is there anything (show, comedian, etc.) that you constantly quote or make references to? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even remember almost any of them. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, sometimes. I genuinely don't mind her. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? I'm torn between the violin, harp, and piano. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, by a year. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? A lot, actually. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? I have these tictacs I keep in my purse in case of a dry mouth. Medication makes me have that severely, and my psychiatrist recommended me to always have a hard candy available to suck on since it forces salivation. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? My younger sister, badly. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They're all dead, but they lived in far away states. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? None. It's a bad idea to keep chips in this house, haha. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Well, I was born with dirty blonde hair like my dad, but my hair is thick and more similar in color now to my mom's before the cancer completely drained the color. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH MY GOD LA;KSDJFAKLWJE I DON'T KNOW I LOOK AWFUL IN EVERYTHING. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Teared up, yes, multiple times. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but that's the extent of it. If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point in my life, I don't really know. I kinda find myself leaning towards no. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman sure does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? I want to say that was the night before I was getting my tattoo redone. Do you own any flip-flops? Yeah, considering they're like... all I wear, ever. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) It was the only lucid dream I've ever had and I'm not complaining about it lmao. Have you ever had a dream that upset you or made you cry? Oh I'm sure. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Not to my recollection, no, and I don't believe you should ever adopt that mentality and say that to someone. Do you own a laser? No. Is there anything you like to put on a sandwich, that some might find odd? Nah. I do enjoy a layer of potato chips on some sandwiches, like ham and cheese, but I know that's like an actual thing some people just like. What colour are the shoes you wear most often? They're black flip-flops. When was the last time you were required to put on a mask? In the morning when I go to the TMS office. And what colour was the last mask you wore? It's one of those normal blue and white medical ones. The last time you were in a queue, what were you waiting for? To see the woman who would give me my APAP mask. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes, Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? None for the first shot, but my second shot bruised badly and I felt seriously shitty the following day. I was perfectly fine afterwards, though. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Sara has an AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING voice. When was the last time you wore make-up, if ever? What shades/colours? I don't even remember, but I'm sure it would've been black. What is something that seems popular, but doesn't interest you personally? Fashion, various TV shows, etc... Are you clumsy or graceful? I am STUPID clumsy. Like it's just ridiculous. Do you like gloves? I like fingerless gloves. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did as a kid. Do you ever say "OMG" in person? No; it's a random pet peeve of mine, "Internet talk" irl. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Dad, no idea. Mom, uhhhh. Not "mad," but "annoyed" probably better fits how she felt about me leaving the heating pad I use for my cramps on the floor. Do your pets have favorites? I'm definitely Roman's favorite seeing as he is my literal shadow, and I'd assume Venus trusts me more than anyone else, but realistically, she's in contact with almost no one else, so. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? The first guy to have the title of "boyfriend" was Aaron, and I broke up with him 'cuz I just wasn't as romantically into him as I thought I might be. It was puppy-dog love, and I feel I knew that. My first *real* boyfriend was Jason, who broke up with me because my mental illnesses began to affect his wellbeing. Which I now accept is fine, but he seriously coulda gone about things differently... When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Late into my teenage years; idk the exact age and don't feel like doing the math. Teddy kept peeing on the bed to where it was just unrecoverable and needed to be thrown away. My current bed is comfy enough. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? My absolute favorite was digging tunnels in the sandbox, pretending to be a meerkat. The only trend I ever created, haha, seeing as my classmates got into it with me, allowing us to make huge tunnel systems. It was really cool. I also liked playing 4 Square (which I now don't even remember the details of) on the basketball court. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driver's ed instructor and the guy who was on the same route as me. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? N/A Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any as pets? I'm picky with dogs. I like interacting with any dog, but I don't plan on ever owning another. I don't like how hyper they can be, and I prefer more independent pets, like cats. Basically, I'll be hyped to meet a random dog on the street and give it some loving, but I don't want to take it home to be my own. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No. I cannot stand elitists. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? And I hate gatekeeping in fandoms even more. There are varying intensities of "being a fan," but regardless, if you like something, congratulations, you're a valid, "real" fan. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I don't pay attention to this, honestly. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? I'll wear either, but without is way more comfortable. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? God no. What length do you like your shorts to be? I don’t wear shorts. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Warcraft, but not because it was bad. I've talked before how in the theater, the orcs' voices were just so fucking baritone that I couldn't understand almost ANYTHING they said. Kinda ruined the experience for me. What was the last disappointing book you read? Don't recall. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Very rarely. If I do, they're mostly of animals being silly. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Probably Dory, but idk. There's WAY too many options to fish through.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''this is the kingdom'' by skillet

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1114

survey by dishwallafied

WHO was the last person...

you spoke to, in person? I think it was my sister, like earlier at 1 AM. She was the last person apart from me to head upstairs for bed.

you called? I tried calling our internet service provider’s hotline to inquire about our lost connection last weekend, but all I got was a useless automated message saying they’re on top of all concerns and will be addressing ours soon, which did not make any fucking sense because I didn’t get to report my issue anyway. Their social media was virtually useless too, and my dad had to physically go to one of their offices last Monday to settle the issue.

that called you? My phone’s not near me at the moment (omg a rarity) but it was the delivery person for Reggy’s croissants. GPS has always hated our street and has never been able to identify it, so whenever anyone in the family makes a purchase for delivery we’re bound to get a call or two from the rider assigned to our order to ask for directions.

you texted? It was the same delivery guy. He had tried to call me but I was in a meeting that I couldn’t get out of, so I explained to him I could only text. I also gave him a Waze link containing the exact positioning of our house so that he could set it up on his phone.

that sent you a text? I think it was just my mobile services provider sending out some random promotional text. Idk, I never open those.

you kissed? Gabie.

that kissed you? Also her. I don’t plan on kissing anyone new any time soon.

you yelled at? I haven’t recently been in a situation where I’ve had to yell at anyone...I do slightly raise my voice a lot on video call meetings just so I’m sure everybody on the call can hear me. That’s the closest I’ve got.

that yelled at you? My mom, when she was being a real drama queen about MY money a couple of weeks ago.

you watched a movie with? I watched it by myself, but I remember calling my ex for comfort because the movie was a little scary and creepy. I also remember how bothered she sounded that I was calling her, as if I was a huge burden, so...there’s that. Y’all do me a favor and be with someone who gets delighted when you call instead of making you feel like you’re a waste of space okie?? Good

you ate dinner with? My family. My dad laksa for dinner, which was perfect because I had been watching 2 Days 1 Night yesterday and the cast members kept eating ramyeon, which made me develop a serious craving for noodles all day.

you were in a photo with? I think it had been a family selfie. My family and I were about to leave the accommodation we stayed at in Tagaytay, and my mom wanted a final photo in the living room before we stepped out.

you took a photo of? My employer sent out heart-shaped red velvet cakes for all of us for Valentine’s Day, so I took a photo of it with Cooper in the background to share to the work group chat. I definitely did not expect any goodie sendout considering I never viewed Valentine’s as a special day even when I was still in a relationship, so it was a nice surprise to receive.

you went to a concert with? Oh my Paramore show was a solo date. Gabie did come to the arena with me and I also drove Denise, Erycka, and Leigh, but the three of them settled for a different section somewhere farther out given how they already did VIP seats for Paramore’s previous concert in 2013. It was my turn to have a front-row seat and since I didn’t know anyone who was as big of a fan as I was or was willing to shell out ₱7,000 for a VIP seat, I went by myself.

you lied to? I think it was Bea, my manager? She scheduled a quick call last Tuesday just to do a check-in with me, and she was asking how I was. Of course I had to tell her I was doing fine, which is never completely true for a lot of people, I think. I didn’t want her to ask me to open up anyway, so saying I was fine was the easy way to go.

you invited somewhere? I recently saw a music clip of a certain song that’s played a lot in bars, so I tagged my entire college barkada telling them we should go back to TK soon, at least when the lockdown and the pandemic subside considerably.

you dated? Gabie.

you dumped? It worked the other way around.

you rejected? I mean, I guess I technically rejected the girl Mik told me was interested in me. We never met since Mik refused to tell me her name or show a photo, but I informed him I wasn’t planning on talking with anyone soon so she can stop thinking I’m available.

you held hands with? Angela.

you hugged? Andi, before they got out of my car since we were parting ways for the evening.

you let cry on your shoulder? This hasn’t happened in a very long time. Most likely Gabie, but this would’ve been around at the start of 2020 when we could still see each other regularly.

that let you cry on their shoulder? Figuratively, Angela and Andi.

you bought a gift for? I got a weekend accommodation for my family, but it was really meant for my dad for his 50th birthday.

you wished a happy birthday? Hans.

that disappointed you? I was more annoyed than disappointed, but it was some random Fil-Am who was being ignorant at the Subtle Filipino Traits Facebook group. That community gives me a huge migraine most days because of Fil-Ams who continue to romanticize the ~beauty~ of the country whilst completely ignoring the socio-political trainwreck here, but the group is kind of the place to be for Filipinos so I can’t see myself leaving it either.

that stayed over at your place? They didn’t stay over for the night but Angela and Hans did a surprise visit to my house a few days after Christmas.

that let you crash at their place? Gab. I used to always crash at her place when I’ve had a few drinks.

that made you angry? Idk man, can I give Mark Zuckerberg as an answer? HAHAHA I went on Facebook first thing today and the first thing I saw was a Facebook Memory, and it was a photo of me and Gabie at Athenna’s birthday party four years ago. I got irritated at first until I remembered that we were both tagged in the post, which means it would most likely show up on her feed as a Memory as well. Just to humor my petty ass, I kinda hope the memory would make her sad, wherever she is; but otherwise seeing the Memory pop up didn’t make me sad or bothered anymore so that’s a win for meee.

that complimented you? Leah, my employer’s CEO. She did a check-in call with me recently to get to know me better, so one of the first things she asked was a list of the clients I handle. I happen to be in the team that works with the company’s more big-league clients, so once she heard the brands she told me I must be a good enough worker to be assigned those clients. It meant a lot and it still does.

whom you complimented? Bea. I just let her know how helpful she’s been with me considering I’m a fresh graduate on her first job in a work-from-home setup in the middle of a global pandemic.

you thanked? A supplier I’m currently in contact with, for work.

that thanked you? The said supplier thanked me back.

you saw, in person? My sister.

that bought you something? Dad bought siopaos for us yesterday.

that made you laugh? The cast of 2 Days 1 Night, from when I was watching the show last night.

that you said you loved? I don’t remember. I think it was Kate since she helped me out with a favor.

that said they loved you? Hannah.

you flipped off? I haven’t whipped out the finger in a while, come to think of it.

you made a silly face at? Not a person, but Cooper.

that drove you somewhere? Dad was the driver for our Tagaytay trip.

WHAT was the last thing you...

touched? Aside from my keyboard, my vape pen.

threw? Cooper’s bowling pin squeak toy. He’s gotten a lot better at catching things with his mouth, so I’ve been throwing it a lot at him to continue training him.

ate? A caramel croissant.

drank? Coffee.

found stuck in your teeth? Haven’t had this happen to me in a while.

cooked? I’ve never tried cooking anything.

baked? Idk, maybe cookies 873984732842 years ago.

threw away/tossed out? The packet for the sauce that came with the siopao my dad bought.

bought? I made a purchase for 20 bags for a work thing, but only because I was assigned to do the whole correspondence with the supplier. My manager was the one who sent over the payment when the purchase was confirmed.

sold? I don’t think I’ve ever tried selling anything before.

took a photo of? Cooper hahaha. I had been dancing to a song and he was staring at me.

were frustrated with? Our internet provider when they cut off the connection last weekend.

broke? I’m not sure if I can say I broke it, but the adaptor for my phone charger finally gave up on me the other day. I’ve taken to borrowing my sister’s for now, since she says she “doesn’t use it a lot” anyway.

spilled? Some drops of coffee spilled out of my mug when I dumped several ice cubes in it.

tripped on? Kimi. He follows me evvvvvvverywhere, so I bump into him at least once a day.

kicked? I’m not really sure.

put batteries in? Haven’t had to use batteries in a while, either.

turned on? The Bluetooth on my laptop.

turned off? The electric fan last night since I found it loud.

wrote? Other than my answers to this survey, I’ve also been talking with Angela this morning over Messenger.

wrote on? Other than my phone/laptop, my journal.

cleaned? My glasses.

stuck up your nose??? My finger when a nostril itched recently.

WHERE was the last place you...

dined at? Ramen Nagi.

ordered something to go? I don’t do takeout deliveries, but the last thing I got for delivery was banh mi and iced Vietnamese coffee last week.

bought something? Facebook Marketplace.

cried? In the living room. I came across that viral video of a guy proposing to her girlfriend at a Taylor Swift concert, when he knelt at the exact moment Taylor sang “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring” from Love Story. It was such a sweet, classy, non-cringey public proposal and I allowed myself to be swept away by the cheesiness of it all, haha.

felt uncomfortable? Dining room table. I was sharing a story to my parents about work involving a guy and my mom asked me if I had a crush on him. My dad kind of snorted and said, “Her? Crush on a guy?” which told me he knew something was up re: my preferences lmao. They’ve never heard anything from me yet, so that made me feel awkward and I most especially didn’t want my mom to catch on to the question and suddenly put me in the hot seat.

drove to? Other than back home, I last drove to UPTC.

had an appointment at? Google Meet, hahaha.

went on vacation? Tagaytay.

hung out with a friend? Andi and I went to a Korean barbecue place at UPTC (again), but we also drove to UP after just to revisit the good old days of being in campus.

bought clothes? H&M in Feliz.

spent more than you had planned? Ramen Nagi. I had a couple of add-ons in my meal and I didn’t know their service fee was going to be quite high, so my final bill ended up being slightly more than the budget I planned out for that day.

saw a band/singer/musician perform? Late 2019. My ex and I stopped by a jazz bar and there was a live band playing.

WHEN was the last time you...

told someone 'I love you'? Last Friday.

cried? Last night.

laughed? This morning. Cooper was being silly around me and my dad, as always. This time he was unusually behaved when we let him out, and the bizarreness of it all made us so unsettled we ended up laughing.

left your home? Last Sunday. I might go out later, too.

drank a soda/pop? Early last year. There was Coke being served at an org event, and since I felt thirsty and there was no drinking fountain around I just said fuck it and drank the soda.

made your bed? Last night when I left my room to settle in the living room.

visited a doctor? May last year.

went to the emergency room? Other than when 23 years ago when I was born, I’ve never been brought to the emergency room.

kissed someone? September.

hugged someone? Mid-January.

prayed? Six years ago. Or maybe five; I can’t really tell when exactly I made it a point to stop for good.

worked out? Around a week ago. I’m thinking if I should keep at it or if I should just stop, seeing as I’m not willing to give up my favorite foods anyway lmao.

made a phone call? I tried to make a phone call to our internet provider last weekend.

answered a phone? The other evening when the landline rang.

had an argument? Two weeks ago, instigated by my mom as usual.

played a video game? I think 2-3 weeks ago when I got in the mood to play the Switch.

played a card game? Safe to say at least a couple of years ago.

played a board game? November when we suffered a power outage for two days and had nothing to do at home.

rode a bike? LOOOOOOOOL March. The lockdown had just started and I made plans to learn how to ride a bike, but those plans fell through as soon as they began.

fell on your butt? This doesn’t happen often.

took a shower? Last night.

took a bubble bath? I can’t even remember anymore; this is a rare occasion for me.

watched TV? I last watched a TV show in general last night, but I last watched something on an actual television last Sunday when my family watched a Sunday mass livestream.

saw a movie at a theater? December 2019.

ate fast food? I got Bonchon for my family last December, if I remember correctly. My dad had done a huge favor for me and I asked what I can do to repay it, and he said to just buy dinner for the 5 of us for that evening.

ordered a pizza? Last month.

made someone laugh? I’m not sure if I had made her laugh in real life, but Angela and I had a humorous conversation over chat earlier this morning.

sang? Few minutes ago.

played a musical instrument? Absolutely no clue.

read a book? Couple of weeks ago when my employer sent me this book on PR that I was asked to read in preparation for my meeting with Leah.

drove a car? Last Sunday.

went swimming? Think it may have been my Nasugbu trip with Angela, Sofie, and Gabie back in August 2019.

got a sunburn? Idk man, when I was 8? I stopped getting sunburns as I got older.

went to church or temple? The last Sunday in March before the lockdown started.

went shopping? I did my final around of Christmas shopping last month for friends I still had to give presents to.

drank alcohol? Sometime last month after my work shift, following back-to-back meetings with my least favorite client.

smoked a cigarette? Feb last year, I think. I don’t buy cigarettes of my own and I’m also a lot more watchful of my cigarette usage, so I haven’t been able to smoke since I haven’t been around a crowd who does. I mostly vape.

threw up? I last felt like throwing up back in May, but I haven’t actualy thrown up in at least a couple of years now.

had a headache? Just this Thursday.

had a cold? No idea.

had the flu? It wasn’t strictly the flu, but I was last sick in May.

had your hair cut? March last year.

dyed your hair? Never done it.

laughed so hard that you cried? It’s happened in at least the past couple of weeks, I’m sure.

#survey #surveys

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saybees · 3 years

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Some rather personal and tmi stuff, but I feel like I need to get it out somewhere and I don’t have anyone I really feel I can talk to about this now. It’s very long.

I’d like to start by saying that if you’re reading this please don’t tell me to just dump him. It isn’t that simple and it just isn’t helpful to say that to me.

So Jon and I have had issues in the past with porn. Jon has a porn addiction. I didn’t discover this until maybe a year into our relationship when I walked into the bathroom one day and he was watching porn and masturbating. At first I was more shocked than anything and didn’t know how to react, but it quickly turned into feeling really hurt.

I tried to talk to him about it and told him that it bothered me that he was doing that and it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and our sex was too boring for him. It made me feel so inadequate that he had to go somewhere else for that stuff. He didn’t see the issue with it and because porn has become so normalized in our society and he has maintained that he doesn’t understand why it’s an issue for me, despite that I have explained to him many times that it really bothers me and makes me feel shitty. It feels like cheating.

Eventually I asked him to leave the bathroom door open when he goes in there because I didn’t really trust him. That didn’t stop him, however, and he continued to masturbate to porn in the bathroom even though the door was cracked open. I caught him and was really upset. It hasn’t happened again since I caught him with the door open.

I can’t even count how many times we have had this conversation/argument. It just hurts a lot and I really am so tired of having this talk with him. I asked my therapist that I used to see if I was being unreasonable and she said I wasn’t. She fully agreed with me that I wasn’t asking too much of him to stop doing it.

He doesn’t do it at home anymore, but I’m pretty sure he does when he’s at work. He’ll take a washroom break and very likely will do it then because he accidentally let it slip recently that he still masturbates. He tried very hard to redirect and I pretended I didn’t notice, but it’s been eating at me.

It wouldn’t bother me so much if he didn’t have a porn problem. I just feel like he doesn’t find me attractive or sexy. We don’t have sex very often at all and I pretty much always have to initiate it, which reinforces those feelings that I’m not what he wants. I don’t feel sexy enough or pretty enough and I’ve always had issues with feeling like I have an ugly face so this really makes it worse.

He used to follow lots of Instagram models, but has since unfollowed a lot of them, although there are still two at least that I’m pretty sure are Instagram models. Their accounts are private and I’m not going to follow them to find out what’s up. I’ll only hurt my own feelings even more than I did just going through the list of people he follows on Instagram.

I know I should talk to him about it again, but I am just so sick of having this conversation with him. Neither of us want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to because he feels guilty about it (obviously, since he has been hiding it) and I don’t want to talk about it anymore because the whole thing just makes me feel so terrible.

There was one incident where Jon had downloaded Tinder behind my back and he was showing me something on his phone when a notification popped up and it turned into me feeling like he was cheating and I cried and then he cried and it was a whole thing. He deleted it and hasn’t done anything like that since, but he didn’t include on his profile that he was in a relationship and wouldn’t give me an explanation as to why and he just wouldn’t say much other than that he wanted to make friends and talk to people, but it was just horrible and traumatic for me and for some reason I let him convince me that he was genuine and I stayed, although I really question that decision sometimes because it still deeply bothers me and I’m not entirely convinced he wouldn’t cheat on me after that. I just have a very hard time trusting him after the Tinder thing and the porn stuff. And I just feel like we didn’t really get to the bottom of that whole issue, but it feels like it was too long ago to talk about it again despite that it still bothers me.

I know we have to talk about it more, but I just don’t want to fucking do this anymore. I’m exhausted.

We might be moving to a different place in town here at some point and if he does end up buying another house I’m going to have to talk to him about this and if he isn’t willing to give up porn completely then I won’t be moving with him and I’ll stay in our current rental and we will be done because I know I will not be happy being with him for the rest of our lives if he can’t quit porn and I’ll always have to worry about it.

I did some googling and found countless articles of women (and others) saying they felt shitty that their men/partners watched porn behind their backs. So many other people who feel the same as I do and have been damaged by this kind of thing. It’s good to know I’m not alone in this, but it’s so terrible that so many people feel like this. It hurts a lot.

I’ve done some light research on the negative effects of porn and it really does seem to be very harmful, particularly for relationships. And I know he has been watching porn since he was very young, he’s talked to me about it before. I do truly believe porn is incredibly harmful and it is FAR too easy to get access to it. I feel like porn has hurt our relationship and our sex life a lot.

For our anniversary one year I even did a boudoir shoot by myself at home and made him a little book with sexy photos of me and gave it to him and he said he loved it, but he hasn’t looked at it since I gave it to him. That’s a real punch to the gut.

There was one other incident where our one friend, a lesbian, sent him and a few others a snapchat video of her making out with another girl that he used to hang out with when they were younger and they weren’t wearing tops (this girl is wild and does all kinds of stupid shit when she drinks, which is all the time) and he saved it for later. I found out because she had called him crying because someone she sent it to recorded it and sent it around to other people and everybody found out about it and this other girl had a boyfriend, but anyway he told me what was going on and he went to pull it up to show me, but she had deleted it and he told me he had saved it. I asked why and at first he lied and said he saved it so she could see it later and maybe think about what she had done, but I saw through that pretty quick. Eventually he admitted to me that he had fantasized about a threesome with those two girls and that’s why he saved it. This was not too long ago. Like late 2020. I was mad and needed some time to think and told him we would talk about it, but eventually I just told him that I didn’t want to have this discussion again (which I shouldn’t have done because I let him off the hook basically) and that if he felt like he needed to hide something from me that should be enough to know he shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. With that he said okay and we never talked about it again.

I just feel like I’m putting a lot into this relationship and he isn’t being considerate of me here. He makes excuses as to why he feels like he has to get off all the time and that it helps him wake up in the mornings or that he functions better once he’s done it (untrue, he functions the same no matter what) and it drives me up a wall that he will choose that over having sex with me?????? Like, hi hello I am a human woman(adjacent) and I am willing to have sex with you literally whenever you want!!!!!! And you’ll still choose watching porn and jerking off instead??????????????????????! Yeah, I totally feel like you want me. I totally feel loved and feel like you find me attractive. Yep. You watch porn of women who are a million times more beautiful and sexy than I will ever be and they do things I could never do or just don’t want to do and you’ll choose that over ME and tell me that you do think I’m attractive and sexy and that you love me, but you hardly actually prove that to me.

He doesn’t call me pretty unless I basically ask him to, which sucks because if I ask for the compliment it doesn’t feel real, but if I don’t ask I’ll never hear it. He is quite affectionate with me generally, cuddling up and stuff, holding my hand sometimes when driving, that type of stuff, but I almost never hear him, unprompted, tell me I’m pretty.

I don’t know, it just really bothers me and of course I have to be feeling like this right in the morning when I have a ton of school work I should do. I just feel really sad now. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. I don’t know who to go to for advice. My best buddy Ryan is having kinda the same issue with his girlfriend, but they both watch porn (they don’t live together like Jon and I do) and she has been feeling insecure about Ryan’s porn habits, but she also watches porn and I know they had a talk about it all the other day, but I don’t feel like it’s any of my business to ask how it went or anything because it just straight up isn’t, but Ryan is who I have primarily talked to about this whole thing and he’s been very sympathetic to me about it and idk I just don’t know what to do or who to turn to. The last time I talked to my therapist it was about this whole thing and she basically told me to do my own research and that she didn’t have anything else to say to me about it (because we had talked about it multiple times) and that felt really shitty and like I wasn’t allowed to still be having this issue so I stopped going to her and haven’t seen anyone else since.

I love him a lot, I really do, and we get along really well, usually, but this just hurts a lot and I know I should never have put up with as much as I have. I should have set more boundaries and been firmer with them. It feels so fucking bad that he’s done this time and time again and gone behind my back with this shit and I keep talking to him about it and it keeps happening.

I’ve mostly avoided talking about this here because it feels so personal and gross and like I shouldn’t talk about it (that’s that Christian guilt). I hate that society makes sex and related issues to be such a dirty topic and that we can’t talk about it because I feel really alone and shitty about this. I try to push it down and ignore it, but it’s so hard to do and I’m just really sad...

#personal #this whole thing makes me feel so fucking bad #i'm really sad rn #this whole thing makes me so anxious and i just don't want to deal with it at all anymore #but i know i need to because it'll just keep eating away at me if i don't deal with it

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bookscoffeeandracoons · 4 years

Text

366 Days Reblog Challenge April 2020

Another month is already over and in these messed up times I’m even more grateful for all the amazing work by these amazingly talented writers! So without much more rambling here are the fics that i’ve read and reblogged for @beccaanne814‘s 366 Days Reblog Challenge. And thanks again to @beccaanne814 for the wonderful banners!

Happy reading!

01. Patching up by @petals-sunwards

Clint Barton x Reader

Warnings: mentions of blood and injury, a little angst and fluff

Prompt: Can you go a single day without accidentally hurting yourself?

02. A Good Suit by @portals-to-a-new-world

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY!!, Some language, Mentions of being tied up, Oral (male receiving), uhhh I think that’s it tho

What? I have to give a massive massive shoutout to @bakerstreethound for the idea: {So have a later night party at the enterprise (can be for Kirk’s birthday, but let’s say you and Kirk are on bad terms so you don’t go to the party) you stay in your room tussling with your body pillow to make up for Bones absence. You wake up to find him sitting on your bed wearing the suit he went to Kirk’s party in.} Love, you’ve absolutely slaughtered me in this process but oml was it worth it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it <3

03. A Bad Boy by @portals-to-a-new-world

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Warnings: Listen. We all know I’m a slut for suits. So you can bet your ass this is as smutty as all hell. That being said, semi public almost smut, language, being tied up, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it yall), oral (male receiving), mild choking, dom!reader, listen it’s straight filth kay? Kay.

What?: Bones doesn’t want to go to a random 1920s themed party, so Y/n offers him a challenge. Smut ensues. (Sequel to A Good Suit.)

04. One Night In Vegas by @avengerscompound

Tony Stark x F!Reader

Warning: Talk of sex, aftermath of drinking and drug use

Summary: You wake up in a Vegas suite with Tony Stark wearing the biggest diamond ring you’ve seen in your life. The two of you then try and piece the night together

05. Your Prince, My King by @official-and-unstable-satan

Loki x Reader

Warnings: Dominant Loki. Language. Mentions of insecurities and mental health. Degradation and praise. Bondage? SEX Oral (Male and female receiving) and ACTUAL SEX ETA: Orgasm denial/delay (cause that’s apparently a warning? Didn’t know. Sorry) Odin in general. Loki. Reader being snarky and short tempered. Insecurities. Mentions of trauma. Language, probably. Bad writing? Idk what to put here, really. I’m bad at this. Smut. Mentions of smut. Actual filth. Out of character characters, probably. One day I’ll stop apologizing for my writing. I’m working on it.

06. Surprise by @mermaidxatxheart

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Swearing. If you think I missed anything, please let me know.

Summary: You try to get away with something, but Bucky catches you in the act.

07. drive-through by @evanstarff

(i must have missed something here beause i can’t get to this fic anymore. @evanstarff seems to be gone. I’ll still leave the fic here, in case anyone knows if @evanstarff maybe has a new blog or something, please let me know!)

08. Scabulous by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of past injuries, poor feelings about body image, scars

Synopsis: Bucky is unwilling to undress in front of you because he hates his scars. Turn out he isn’t the only one with scars.

09. Skin Contact by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Series Warnings: Angst, smut (hand jobs, vaginal sex, fingering), PTSD, mentions of past torture. Superpowered Reader.

Synopsis: While on the run in Romania you come across a man who has a past very similar to your own. When the people pursuing him track him down, you assume you will never see him again.

10. Mind Control by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Series Warnings: Angst, smut (vaginal sex, oral sex), PTSD, mentions of past torture. Superpowered Reader.

Synopsis: While on the run in Romania you come across a man who has a past very similar to your own. When the people pursuing him track him down, you assume you will never see him again.

11. CRUSH by @petals-sunwards

Clint Barton x Reader

Warnings: none, pure fluff and kisses

Written for @stuckonjbbarnes‘s 250 Writing challenge. My prompt was ‘You know, I’m really good at telling who has crushes on who‘ and I had a blast writing it.

12. An Exquisite Kind of Pain by @redgillan

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: read it and you’ll see

Summary: Steve’s in love and that’s the problem.

The five times Bucky saved you…

…and the one time you saved him

by @buckysknifecollection

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Series warnings: some mild swearing, mention of dangerous situations, death mention, injuries, mentions of men objectifying women; other than that - toothrotting fluff.

Summary: You have a special bond with Bucky. He’s more than your best friend, your partner in missions, the person you care most about. He often saved you from uncomfortable situations, always ready to protect you, but sometimes, you are the one who did the saving. A series of drabbles.

13. Part 1

14. Part 2

15. Part 3

16. Part 4

17. Part 5

18. Part 6

19. Ink on his heart by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Bucky Barnes x TattooArtist!Reader

Warnings: Tattoo experiences, a couple stories about war. Some swearing. Mostly lots of feels and fluff.

Summary: Here’s how Bucky Barnes got a haircut and then decided it was about damn time he controlled his own destiny - starting with a bit of ink.

20. Friends in Training by @until-theend-oftheline

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Sam and Bucky are giant children

A/N: This is a drabble request written for @jewels2876 : How about this with Sam and Bucky? “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both?"

21. Right Where You Are, That’s Where I Am by @corneliabarnes

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Angst, allusions to violence and PTSD, fluffy ending

22. Looking Up by @avengerscompound

Clint Barton x Reader (kinda)

Warnings: action, canon-typical violence, Clint’s naked and a very proud boyfriend.

Synopsis: Clint’s day was looking up. His girlfriend slept over for the first time. He’s pretty sure she’s a Jedi. He was having a nice bath. So how is it he’s now running down the street naked from gunmen?

23. Distant Connection by @abovethesmokestacks

A Bucky x Reader drabble series based on this post

Summary: You happen to be in the office when the email is sent out, you get Trip from IT to help you set up the VPN you need to be able to access company systems from home, you rifle through all of your folders and then just dump all of them in a box. It’s a surreal feeling because you are essentially cleaning out your office. As if you’re losing your job. This will be fine. You send an email to your project collaborator, someone named Barnes, suggesting a first video conference call on Monday before you log off.

This is fine.

Chapter 1: This Is Fine

Chapter 2: Introvert Olympics

Chapter 3: Business As Casual

Chapter 4: Jeremy Bearimy

Chapter 5: Toilet Paper Confessionals

Chapter 6: Netflix And I Have No Chill

Chapter 7: Social Dumbassing

24. Assemble: Bucky Barnes by @official-and-unstable-satan

Bucky Barnes

Warnings: Language, Bucky struggling a little with the whole idea. I think that’s it.

Summary: James Barnes remembers. He remembers the words. He remembers their meanings. He remembers what they made him do and he fears them. Even after he was ‘fixed’ by Shuri, he feared them. So, someone suggested he learn to love the words by associating the ways they could help him instead of hurt him.

25. Request for the “Until We Meet Again Series” by @sgtjbuccky

Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Warnings: a little swearing,

Request: Omggg I have a idea for “until we meet again What if the reader loses her memory and goes to the Avengers because that’s the last place you remember is being, and then like they tell her about herself and they end up finding the prodigies or sum YASSSSS I LOVE YOUR STORIES 😝

26. Audiobook of Love by @nerdy-bookworm-1998

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Summary: Steve and Bucky are missing their best girl while on a mission, but she has a special surprise for them.

27. Sore Loser by @squirrel-moose-winchester

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warning: Fluff, Gambling (is hustling money considered gambling?), Some Crack, Dean being Petty.

Summary: Y/N learns a few new tricks and hustles Dean, the king of pool, out of all his money.

28. Best Laid Plans by @suz-123

A Falcon and Winter Soldier TV Fic *obviously this is NOT spoiler heavy as the show has not even been filmed yet*

Warnings: None really, just my usual casual cursing and sassy soldiers.

A/N: So, there was a post on here that went around yesterday about a plot theory as to what Zemo was going to be doing to tear these guys apart in their future TV show. Naturally, I was livid with this stupid idea and, naturally, I used the magic of fanfic to fix a problem that may or may not ever actually see the light of day :D

29. Major Crush by @redgillan

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Explicit Language, Dirty Talk, Groping

Summary: Laser Tag brings out Steve Rogers’ competitive side and Reader loves it.

30. Count on It by @team-iron-wannabe-man

40’s!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Y/N isn’t too impressed with the Infamous Sergeant James B. Barnes, however Bucky is definitely interested in her.

______________________________________________________________

That was all the fics I’ve read for the Reblog Challenge in April! A big THANK YOU again to all the writers! This time would be so much more difficult without all your work!

For the readers: if you search my blog for the tag #fic rec you’ll find even more to read!

Stay healthy everyone and lots of love to you all! ❤

Back to main Masterlist

#becca's reblog challenge masterlist #becca's reblog challenge masterlist april #becca's reblog challenge #fic rec

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shewritestheblues · 5 years

Text

The Elevator Bae | Chapter NINE

Chapter NINE - PART ONE

EIGHT

Erik Stevens x Black OC (Phoenix)

Word Count: Idk. 5k... I think.

A/N: I didn’t want this chapter to be too long, so it’ll be broken up into two parts. | Song lyrics referenced are not my own. They are from Mila J x Friend Zone. ** Major S/O to my good sis @liyahshaeking for helping me figure out how I wanted to start this and proofreading this for me. You are a Gem! and reminder: this is my side blog and all further chapters and other fics will be posted from this page.

Erik’s face beamed with joy as he looked at his phone. Phoenix had just sent him a mirror video, showing off her bright, red bikini. She whips her box braids off of her shoulder, revealing a familiar gold chain around her neck. Music was playing in the background and just before the video ends, Erik spots one of her friends dancing behind her, photobombing her video. Without a second thought, he saved the video before playing it again, making sure the sound isn’t on. But that wasn’t enough for him. He needed to see more of her. He bit his lip as he shamelessly goes right to Phoenix’s instagram. Ironically, she had just uploaded a group picture with all of her friends on the beach. Each of them looking perfectly tanned as they glowed under the sun. They were cute, Erik could admit that. But his baby girl was the cutest. He used his chubby thumbs to zoom in right on her. The smile she wore, made his heart flutter. She was happy. Her being happy, made him happy. Just as he was about to tap her profile picture to get caught up with her story, a voice brought him back into reality.

“Damn, E! She’s cute.”

Erik was suppose to be hanging with ‘the boys.’ They were currently at TJ’s house smoking, talking shit and playing 2k. Well… that’s what everyone else was doing. Erik was currently, laid back onto TJ’s couch, cuddling with his phone. He was so caught up in Phoenix’s video, he didn’t even realize that he was the topic of the shit talk. TJ, Mario, Ken and Ken’s girlfriend, Stephanie, who was deemed ‘one of the bros’, were going in on him. Without even noticing, Stephanie had made her way behind Erik and was watching as he pretty much drooled over Phoenix.

Erik whipped his head around to see Stephanie leaned over the couch, watching his every move. His nostrils flared at how comfortable she seemed behind him.

“Do you know what privacy is? Damn!”

His friends burst into laughter causing Erik to realize that this was a set up. Stephanie was chosen to spy on Erik to see who in the hell was on his phone making him grin and cheese like a kid with a grade school crush. He glared at all of them as they fell over.

“Y’all childish as hell.” he says, shaking his head.

TJ walks over to Erik, sitting next to him. “So is this a new one?”

“Mhmm. I ain’t never seen this one before.” Stephanie chimes in.

Erik cuts his eye at her. “Why does it matter?”

“We’re just trying to find out which one of your hoes finally got you stuck.” Mario says from the kitchen.

“She ain’t a hoe, so watch your fucking mouth.”

Stephanie continues to lean over the couch, scrolling on her phone. She was able to see Phoenix’s IG name from when she was towering over Erik’s shoulder, watching him examine her latest upload. She was currently scoping out Phoenix’s page. “Where you find her at, E? She looks like she has morals.”

Confused, Erik looks at Stephanie. “Fuck you mean?”

She holds up her phone, displaying a selfie that Phoenix had on her page. TJ snatches the phone and starts looking through the pics, prompting Mario and Ken to join.

“Damn, E! She’s nice.” Ken says.

Erik tries to take Stephanie’s phone from them but TJ grips it tighter to stop him. “How the fuck did you even find her page?”

Stephanie laughs, “I peeped it when you were zooming in on her ass.”

“I fucking hate y’all.”

“You need to be plugging me with one of her friends.” Mario says, licking his lips at some of the group pictures Phoenix has with her friends. He points to Camren. “She looks like she needs me.”

TJ shows Erik who Mario is referring to and Erik sucks his teeth. “She gay. She doesn't need or want yo’ ugly ass.” He reaches for the phone again. “Are y’all done?”

TJ moves back quick, giving Stephanie her phone. “How long you been fucking with her?”

Erik doesn’t respond. He sits there looking forward. His face is blank. He’s annoyed that they now know about Phoenix. He wanted to keep her to himself for as long as possible and now they know. Now, they would be asking about her. They have her social media info and knowing Stephanie, she would reach out to introduce herself. She was always ignoring boundaries. A part of it is because the guys were her only friends. So, when one of the guys had a new lady friends, she would insert herself, trying to make friends with them. This has happened to Erik three times now. But of course, those girls were just fuck buddies. This was Phoenix. Big difference.

“Aw, it’s her birthday?” Stephanie says from behind him. Erik looks back to see what she’s talking about.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m watching her story.”

--------

Phoenix and her girls had made plans to go out to dinner at a local restaurant. They were all in their rooms, getting ready. Music is blasting through their villa home as she slipped on her navy blue, floral romper. She unwrapped her braids and put on Erik’s gold chain. She figured she’d give it back after her trip since it seemed to go with all of her outfits. Applying some mascara and her Fenty highlighter, she just needed to decide on what shoes to wear. Wedges or Sandals. She picked up both pairs of shoes and heads up the hallway to see what her friends would think.

Peeking into each of their rooms, she notices that they are all missing. In true Phoenix nature, her mind takes her to the worst case possible. They were kidnapped and killed and because the music is so loud, she didn’t hear a thing and now she has to escape before the killer gets to her. She tiptoes down the marble stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible to listen out for anything going on downstairs.

Suddenly, she hears movement coming from the kitchen and the music stops. Phoenix is internally freaking out. She stopped in her tracks to peek around the wall and releases the breath she was holding when she sees Ava’s back, standing at the kitchen island. She walks in, shoes in hand. Tiana was the first to see her and yells, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Queuing Ava, Mica and Camren to start yelling Happy Birthday at her and popping a few confetti cannons. Big silver balloons hung over them, spelling out BLUE 28. Phoenix’s heart is glowing through her chest as she smiles so big at her friends. Her eyes begin to water when she sees a cake on the counter. “Oh my God. Y’all didn’t have to do this. This is Camren’s trip.”

Phone in hand, recording the entire thing, Ava grabs Phoenix with her free hand to hug her. “Did you really think we weren’t gonna do anything for you?”

“This is both of our trip.” Camren adds.

Phoenix hugs and thanks each of them. Mica pulls out a tiara and a Birthday Girl sash, putting them on Phoenix. “You look so pretty.” She looks down at the shoes that Phoenix is still holding on to, “And wear these.” She points to the sandals. “You’re getting fucked up tonight. You won’t be able to walk in those wedges.”

“SHOTS!” Camren yells. Ava lines the shot glasses up and Tiana fills them up that they overflow.

One shot. Two shot.

“Let’s go eat.” Phoenix says. The car arrives to take them to the restaurant and they go. Her birthday was the only time Phoenix would eat steak, so she ordered the biggest one they had. As they enjoyed their food, they drank drink after drink and had three more shots, each. With liquor pumping through their bodies, the women were hyped and ready to move their bodies. Mica lead them all to the dance floor on the other side of the bar and they danced. The natives of the island danced with them, cheering them on as they twerked on each other. A few native men joined them. One in particular noticed the tiara on her head. “It’s your birthday, love?” he asked.

His accent intrigued Phoenix. “Yes it is.”

“How old are you?” he smiled. His teeth were the purest white. His skin was a beautiful mocha. He whined his hips with hers as they danced and talked.

“I’m 28.”

“Can I show you a good time for your birthday, Ms…?

“Phoenix.”

“Oh, Phoenix. I like that.”

Phoenix nods in approval. The mystery guy motions to the DJ and a new song begins. The man places both hands on Phoenix’s hips, bending her over and grinding on her to the beat. He turns her around, picking her up.

“Oh, bitch!” Mica yells eagerly, recording the pair. Ava cheers them on. When the song was over, Phoenix’s covers her smiling face in embarrassment, walking back to her friends.

The mystery man then sends each of them another round of drinks on him. They raise their cups to him in gratitude. They continued to dance on each other.

-------

Ava did her best to stay awake to make sure they made it back to their villa safely. The rest of them were knocked out. Mica would come to every few minutes and then pass out again. The sound of a phone vibrating, stirred Phoenix. She sat up, digging in her bra for her phone.

INCOMING CALL ERIK

“Hello.” that one word was slurred.

“You got me fucked up.” Erik’s voice boomed through the phone.

“Erik…” she dragged his name like a song, “Hey babe.” Mica’s head snapped up when she heard his name. Phoenix can barely hold the phone up to her face so she puts it on speaker, not at all expecting what was coming next.

“Don’t fucking babe me when you down there showing yo’ ass. Who the fuck is this ugly ass nigga you letting feel on yo’ ass?”

“What?”

“Oh you wanna play stupid now? Like you don’t know what I’m talking about?”

“Is that Erik?” Camren lifts her head from the car window, “Tell him to shut up.”

“WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?”

“Erik. Relax.” is all Phoenix could get out.

“Yo’ ass need to relax. Letting random niggas fuck on you.”

A group of voices is heard from Erik’s background. “Is that Phoenix? Hey Phoenix.”

“Who is that?”

There’s a pause on Erik’s end.

“Hello? Erik. Who is that?”

“Nobody.” his voice is now low compared to before. Almost like he’s whispering.

Mica rolls her eyes. “Can this nigga go find something to do? We’re busy.”

“I can find something to do, alright. I’ll fly down there right now and drag all y’all thot asses back here and ruin all that shit. Think I’m playing.”

“Erik…” Phoenix calls to him.

“Let me see you dancing with another nigga, Phoenix. I promise you that’s yo’ ass.”

That was all that Erik could get out before Phoenix’s phone dies. She stares at the black screen for a moment before putting it back into her bra.

-----------

The next morning was rough. As the women sat and ate breakfast, Phoenix sat with her plate on the floor next to a plug to charge her phone. She didn’t remember her phone dying but when it turned on, her heart dropped. Four missed calls from Erik and six text. He had never blown her phone up like this before. What happened last night? She thought.

Erik: Phoenix! Answer yo’ fucking phone.

Erik: Yo’ shit better be dead.

Erik: On Bast, I will fuck you and that nigga up Phoenix. I’m not playing.

There’s almost a two hour wait before the next set of messages.

Erik: Philly.

Erik: I’m sorry baby girl. I shouldn’t blown up on you like that. I know you wouldn’t be down there on some crazy shit.

Erik: Just call me back.

He’s sorry? Really? Phoenix’s palms grew hot reading the messages. This screams red flags for her and she’s not with any of it. Her thumbs moved quickly texting him back.

Phoenix: Wow Erik. You are really full of shit. Don’t you ever crack open your lips to talk to me that way. I’m not one of these basic bitches that you’re use to fucking with. I won’t deal with any of that kind of disrespect. Keep your stupid ass sorry because I don’t want it. Do me a favor and don’t call or text me. Leave me alone.

Phoenix figured Erik would still try to contact her after that, so she proceeded to put her phone on airplane mode. If he wanted to be this way, he’d have to deal with the consequences of it. She slammed her phone down, gaining the attention of her friends, sitting at the table. They watched as she joined them at the table, sharing a few glances. They could read the frustration all over her face. She silently added more food to her plate and angrily stabbed her fork into her waffles as she ate.

“Is everything okay?” Ava asked.

“I am done with Erik.”

---------

**the night before**

After more stalking of Phoenix and her friends pages to see what they were doing on the trip, Erik sees a video of Phoenix and the mystery man on Mica’s page. He stepped away from his friends, into the kitchen to call Phoenix. Although the kitchen wasn’t secluded from them at all. He planned on being rational about the situation but when she answered, his emotions took full control and his mouth started moving faster than his brain. Barking out, “You got me fucked up,” which drew the attention of his friends sitting just feet away in the living room. Hearing how her words slurred, he knew she was drunk but that didn’t stop him from continuing to lash out.

His friends, not realizing the seriousness of Erik’s feelings, yell out, “Hey Phoenix.” Erik snarls at them, getting the message through to them that right now isn’t the time for their bullshit. When Phoenix’s phone hangs up on him, his rage reaches a new level for the night. He calls her again and again, reaching her voicemail. His thumbs smash his keyboard sending her messages. Not receiving any responses from her, he decides it’s time for him to leave. He begins storming out of TJ’s home. TJ follows behind him.

“Aye man. E!” TJ calls out to Erik as he approaches his car in TJ’s driveway. Erik turns around without saying a word. “What the fuck just happend?” TJ continued.

“Nothing. I’m good.” Erik tries to avoid this conversation. He opens his car door, but TJ closes it shut, prompting Erik to glare at him.

“Do I look stupid to you? How long have I known you?” TJ asks.

TJ and Erik grew up together. They both lived in the same building before Erik’s dad was killed. TJ was his closest and only friend after that. He was the only person he stayed in constant contact with during his stay in foster care. Erik would sneak out most nights and stay with TJ and his mom at their place. These two ran the streets together until Erik went away to school and the NAVY. They were like two peas in a pod. TJ knew Erik better than any person on the planet ever could. He knew when something was wrong with his friend.

Erik stood there between TJ and his car. He had nothing to say, but at this point, he knew TJ wasn’t going to let it go.

“You know you tripping, right?” TJ continued.

“I’m tripping? Nah, fuck that. She’s tripping! Letting some nigga be all on her like that.”

“E! C’mon man, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.”

“You acting like she was fucking the nigga or something.”

“She might as well had been.” Erik stepped closer to TJ, bringing them eye to eye.

“See man, that’s your problem.”

“My problem?” Erik cuts him off, “What’s my problem, huh?”

“Just snapping for no damn reason. You’ve always done this stupid shit. Shoot now and ask questions later. That shit might work out on the field but that’s now how shit works in real life, E. You’ll run that girl off just like you run damn near everybody else off with that shit.”

Erik kissed his teeth, “Man, fuck on.”

“I always told you that you needed to calm the fuck down. It’s gon’ come back and bite you in the ass.”

“Oh, I guess Kayla leaving your bum ass made you a relationship expert.” Erik spat.

Kayla was TJ’s ex. They were together for five years until Kayla broke up with TJ about six months ago. TJ was always putting work first and cheated on Kayla while doing so. When she had enough, she left and never came back. The breakup was still fresh for TJ, so it was a low blow for Erik to bring it up.

“Yeah, E! It fucking did.” Erik could see the anger in TJ now. He had triggered him. “I fucked up and now I’m not trying to see my nigga fuck up his own situation. I ain’t never seen you act like this over no female, so clearly you like her. But honestly, I wouldn’t even blame her for getting rid of your dumb ass. You got too much baggage.”

Erik was done listening to what TJ had to say and started getting into his car. This time TJ didn’t stop him, he just continued to talk.

“Go ahead and walk away. Just like you always do. You can never face your shit, Erik. You can’t run away from your demons.” he shouts as Erik starts his car and pulls out of his driveway and driving off.

Erik raced through the semi empty streets of LA. It was pretty late so not many people were on the road. He dipped in and out of lanes, making his drive home a quick one. He entered his penthouse and headed straight to the bathroom, stripping out of his clothes and getting into the shower. The video of Phoenix dancing with another man playing in his head over and over followed by TJ’s last few words to him. You can’t run away from your demons. He stepped out of the shower and laid his bare body across his bed. As if a wave of calmness rolled over his space, he suddenly felt… foolish. He knew he overreacted. He replayed the nights events over to see where everything went left. He sent Phoenix another text, apologizing before closing his tired eyes and drifting off to sleep.

-----

When Erik woke up the next morning, he hadn’t received anything from Phoenix. Was she pissed? Was her phone still dead? Every kind of scenario possible ran through his mind. He barely got through his morning workout because of his overthinking. He would stop between sets checking his phone for any new notifications, even though his phone wasn’t on silent and would alert him if he had any. He decided to turn his phone off, leaving it in his bedroom while he locked himself in his office to work.

Hours had passed before he finally stepped back out of his office. The urge to check his phone hit him immediately after stepping out of his office, but the sounds of his hungry belly forced him to head downstairs to the kitchen. He took his time cooking up some salmon croquettes and cheesy grits. He picked around at his food. He needed to check his phone. He traveled upstairs to grab it and watched the apple sign glow as he made his way back down, sitting back at his kitchen counter. His phone came to life, with One New Message: Baby Girl and a missed call from TJ. He didn’t even bother to think about calling TJ back. He slid open the message from Phoenix.

Heat began to form in the pit of his chest as he read her message over and over. His thumbs hovered over the keyboard, trying to think of something, anything to say back. But she made herself clear: Do me a favor and don’t call or text me. Leave me alone. Not able to come up with anything to redeem himself, he decided to do as she asked and leave her alone. He closed the message and locked his phone. Erik finished the rest of his food, put on some fresh clothes and headed out the door.

-------

Phoenix and her girls rented some ATV’s for the day and spent the day exploring. They shopped at some small shops and got food at a local cafe before returning back to their villa. They all had been tired from partying the night before, so this night would be spent chilling and relaxing. As the night came to an end, everyone headed to their rooms to get some rest.

Phoenix laid in her bed for what felt like hours, trying to fall asleep. She flipped her pillows countless times to feel the cold side, she tossed and turned, and she even tried to count backwards from a hundred. Nothing worked. She reached for her phone and for the first time since that morning, she took her phone off airplane mode. Her first action was opening her messages and tapping Erik’s name. She just stared at her last message to him. Not knowing what to do, she exited out and tapped her IG app. She scrolled and scrolled, liking a few pictures until she found herself mindlessly tapping through Insta Stories. She stopped when she got to Coby’s story. He was in the studio and playing a snippet of a beat and it sparked an idea in her. “I need to write.” she whispered to herself.

Phoenix got up and pulled out her trusty notebook from her luggage. She wasn’t supposed to bring anything work related with her but she knew at some point, inspiration could hit her. She dug into the bottom of her purse for her airpods and headed downstairs. She made her way outside into the backyard of the villa. The pool lite up blue and she found a comfy spot on one of the cushioned chairs. Popping in her headphones, she turned on a beat and let the music sing to her. She closed her eyes, feeling the warm, midnight breeze and hummed until she found the words.

Ride these hips like some handle bars // Do it on top of the car

No matter baby, I don't care // We can fuck anywhere

She sings as she writes her lyrics in her notebook.

-------

Mica stands in the dim kitchen, with the refrigerator open, looking for something to snack on. Nothing looked appealing but her sleepy mind made her believe that if she stared long enough at the food that maybe something tasty would just appear on the shelves. As she stood there, she heard the faint sounds of a voice. She closed the door of the fridge, trying to listen to where it was coming from. Her eyes followed the sound and she spotted one of her friends sitting outside. As she walked closer to the cracked open, sliding door she could hear very clearly now, Phoenix singing. She listened as Phoenix sung to herself. But what really caught her up were the x rated lyrics. How could someone so innocent be singing like this.

Now see normally, I do not do this shit // But ooh, I'm so ready to do your shit

Throw it back for ya cause you know the deal // When I hit ya back with that Netflix and chill

Mica stepped outside and started walking toward Phoenix. Naturally, as she walked, she didn’t make a noise. Phoenix having her earbuds in and eyes closed, she didn’t notice when Mica sat down in the chair next to her.

Let me tell you how I want it // Tell you just the way to hit // when you tryna push up on it

“Sounds like somebody missing that D.” Mica laughed, adding emphasis on D.

Phoenix jumped so hard, one of her earbuds fell out. “Oh my God!” She grabs her chest, feeling her heart pound. “What the fuck, Mica?”

“My bad. I ain’t mean to scare you.” Phoenix took deep breaths trying to calm her nerves. “Why are you out here though? You ain’t scared a lizard will pop out and attack you?” Mica continued.

“I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to be by the water and I actually never thought about a lizard or any other creatures popping out, but I am now though.” She rolled her eyes, peaking over her shoulder. When she looks back at Mica, she finds Mica grinning at her. “What?” she asked, with a bit of attitude.

Mica shakes her head. “Oh, nothing.”

“Mica… why are you looking at me like this?”

“I peeped your lyrics. Yo’ ass can’t sleep because you’re probably due for a dose of dick.”

Phoenix rolls her eyes. “I’m not due for anything. It’s just a song.”

“Girl, bullshit! All of your music reflects how you feel.” She watched as Phoenix anxiously bites the side of her mouth instead of responding. “It’s okay to admit it Phoenix.”

“There’s nothing to admit.” she snaps. “I’m just writing music.”

“Yeah, about getting your guts ruined by Erik.”

“Erik ain’t ruining shit.”

“Okay. Now you’re just lying.” Mica moves closer to Phoenix, snatching her notebook from her. Phoenix gives a small fight for it but Mica’s small frame is strong and she blocked Phoenix’s attempts to get it back. Mica read through the lyrics. Her eyes growing big as she realizes something. “Oh my goodness. Im tryna take you out the friend zone,” she reads. “You and him haven’t done the do, but you want to. You still want Erik to be your man.” she gives Phoenix a mischievous look.

Phoenix’s face heats up and tries to hide it from Mica. Mica jumps up and squeezes into the same chair as Phoenix. “Can you chill before you wake everybody up?” Phoenix says, covering her face with her t-shirt.

“I knew you were blowing smoke about being done with his ass earlier.” Mica snatches Phoenix’s t-shirt down from her face. “C’mon girl, talk to me. You ain’t let him break you off?”

Phoenix shakes her head no.

“Has he tried? Have you tried?”

“We’ve almost… like twice, but both times he stopped and said he didn’t want to.”

“Why?” Mica asked.

“The first time was after my show and we all went to In-N-Out. He walked me to my door and dropped the bomb on me that he would have to leave like the next day for work and be gone for two weeks. He didn’t want me to think he was having sex with me only to disappear.”

“Oh, like he did Sydney?”

Phoenix cut her eye at Mica. “He didn’t have sex with her.” Mica threw her hands up in surrender, motioning for Phoenix to go on. “And the second time is when he got back from his trip and he said he wanted to do things the right way and court me because he’s never done it for a woman.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean? He’s never actually dated a woman?”

“Nope! He’s never had a girlfriend. Just fuck buddies.”

“Hm.” Mica sounded impressed. “I’m going to need him to teach me his ways because I don’t really want these niggas. I just want the dick and that sounds perfect for me.”

“Mica!”

“What?”

“You know damn well you want Jimmy to be your man.”

“Aht! Aht! We are not talking about Jimmy right now. We are talking about you and Erik.” Mica pokes Phoenix’s chest.

“Actually,” Phoenix says matter of factly, “We’re not because there is no more me and Erik.”

“I get why you’re mad at him. I do! But I definitely think y’all can come back from this. From what you just said, I don’t think he was trying to be a disrespectful, wild nigga. If he’s never had a girlfriend then he’s never had those moments where you see the person you like, talk to someone else and your brain is all telling you to be heartbroken and you get that weird feeling in your chest. He overreacted, yes, but that man likes you, Philly! Maybe he didn’t know how to handle the thought of someone else knowing you the way he wants to know you.”

Phoenix bit her lip in thought. Does Mica really have a point right now? Mica was never the type to vouch for any guy. She was proudly Team Fuck These Niggas. So, this was new for Phoenix to hear from Mica. Mica grabs Phoenix’s face, looking her in the eyes. “I’m not saying to text him or nothing like that because it’s Fuck These Niggas for life. He should definitely suffer for talking to you like he lost his mind. But when you’re ready to talk to him, let his ass have it and make sure he knows that if he pulls that shit again, you will block his ass and go on like you never knew him. Once he bows down to you and kisses your feet for forgiveness, you snatch his soul.” Mica smiles which causes Phoenix to smile and Mica kisses her forehead.

“One problem, sis.”

“What?”

“I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“The dick.” Phoenix whispers.

“Are you serious?” Mica laughs.

“Yes. Stop laughing at me.” she pushes Mica off of her, causing Mica to slip from their shared chair. “It’s been a long time since I did that.”

Mica catches herself and swiftly moves her body into the other chair. “I completely forgot that you’re a born again virgin. I would be scared too.”

“You don’t understand, Mica. I really don’t think I even remember what to do with a dick.”

“You want me to give you some tips?”

Phoenix nervously looks at Mica. “Tips? From you? I don’t know about that.”

“Fine! Lay there like a sponge then.”

“Wait, I don’t wanna be a sponge. I’m sorry. Help me.”

Mica hands Phoenix her notebook and pen back. “Open a fresh page and take notes.” Phoenix does what she is told and waits for Mica to begin. “Okay! Let’s start with oral. How you suck a guys dick is how you set the tone. Wait, you’ve given head before right?”

“Um, once. It wasn’t that bad.”

“Girl,” Mica palms her face. “I’m sure it was terrible.”

------------

Phoenix followed Mica’s advice on letting Erik suffer. For the rest of their trip, she didn’t text or call him. In fact, she kept her phone on airplane mode the majority of the time and never posted anymore pictures or videos on her Instagram. That didn’t mean Erik didn’t see what she was up to. He had no shame in checking in on Ava, Mica and Camren’s pages. He tried to see what was on Tiana’s page but her page was private. He needed to show Phoenix he knew he messed by handling their situation like he did. The fews days of them not being in contact, he had plenty of time to think about his actions. With Phoenix returning soon, he needed to figure out a way to get her back.

He sent a message to Shawn.

Erik: Aye man, this E.

Shawn: What’s up bro.

Erik: I need you to do me a favor. Give Coby my info. Tell that nigga to hit my line.

Shawn: Bet.

---------

Jetlag was creeping up on Phoenix as she sat in the backseat of her Uber. They had landed safely back in Los Angeles and she was headed home. The sun was setting and Phoenix took a beautiful picture of the sky as it glowed pink and orange. This being the first photo she uploaded to her InstaStory in days with the caption, no place like home.

Just as she hit upload, Erik watched as her picture popped up at the top of his screen. Seeing the photo confirmed that she’s home and his plan is set to start any minute now. He sat on his couch, waiting patiently for her to get to her apartment.

Tags: @purple-apricots @abeautifulmindexposed @lostennyc @tip222u @janelledarling @lushloaded @chaneajoyyy @thadelightfulone @raysunshine78 @toniilaney @purpleskiesxhopefuldreams @elaindeereads @lyniya @liyahshaeking **If anyone would like to be added, let me know:)

#black panther #erik stevens #erik killmonger #killmonger fic #the elevator bae #erik x phoenix #erik x black reader #erik x black oc #shaebewriting

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super-btstrash-posts · 4 years

Text

Fighting part 2

*Seokjin*

You had been staying with your best friend for two weeks now and Jin has yet to say anything to you. The boys had tried to call and text you they had even showed up on your best friends doorstep tryin to get you two to talk it out. They knew that the both of you were hurting even if neither of you wanted to admit it. You for sure weren’t going to be the one to admit it. Your friend was at work so you were just lounging around the house considering you had taken some vacation time to have some time to get your thoughts together. You smiled giddly when you heard the doorbell ring. You knew that it was probably the pizza that you had ordered a few minutes prior. You walked happily to the door with your wallet in hand not thinking to check who was actually at the door. You gasped and tried to close the door when you saw Jin standing in the doorway. He looked broken, dark circles under his eyes and greasy hair. He also looked like he hadn’t eaten in a few days.

“What are you doing here?”

You ask, crossing your arms across your chest.

“I came to talk. To say that the past two weeks have been hell is an understatement. I was so so so stupid to say the things that I had and I’m honestly not surprised that you left. I knew that you would need time so I didn’t try to come right away. Can I please come in so we can talk?”

He asks, eyes slightly hopeful.

“Fine but you have five minutes and if I don’t like your answer then you have to leave. Also don’t think just because I accept your apology that means that I will just jump back into your arms. What you said really hurt and I don’t know when I will be able to come back from that.”

You say, slowly stepping to the side to let him in.

He nods and steps inside. You walk to the living room and sit on the couch with him on the other side giving you space.

“I’m really sorry about everything that I said. It was stupid to let my ex come back into the picture. It was even more stupid to invite her to our get together with the boys. I should have just saw that she wanted to ruin our relationship. She said it herself when I told her that we couldn’t talk anymore and what all happened. I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you when you said that was what was going to happen. I treated you like garabage and you didn’t deserve that. I don’t even deserve you but if you are willing to give me a second chance then I’m not going to complain. As much as I hate to admit it you were right and I was indeed very wrong about the entire situation and I would love for you to come home but I am not going to force you into anything.”

He says.

“I have to admit, what you said really hurt. I’ve thought about everything a lot the past two weeks. You saved me from myself and taught me how to love again. What kind of person would I be if I just forgot all of that? The boys have become my best friends basically family. I’ll come back home but it is going to take some time for things to get back to the way that they were before. You have a lot of making up for it to do.”

You say.

Relief immediately washes over his face and he pulls you into a tight hug.

“I won’t let you down Jagiya.”

He says.

“I know you won’t. Let’s go home.”

You say, smiling.

*Yoongi*

“Rapper Min Yoongi of BTS hospitalized after he collapses on stage due to exhaustion and malnutrition.”

You dropped the bowl that was in your hands and it shattered against the floor some of the shards cutting your feet. Your best friend ran into the room.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?!”

She asks, gently ushering you to sit onto the couch.

You don’t answer her question as you were to busy trying to wrestle your phone from your hoodie pocket. You immediately dialed Namjoon’s number.

“Hello? Ah, you saw the news. We tried to call you earlier but you didn’t pick up.”

“Is he okay?”

You asked, tears falling down your cheeks as you choke on a sob.

“He’s still sleeping right now. They have him on some light seditives to keep him asleep to let his body rest. They are going to give him a feeding tube later today to try to get some of the nutrients back into his body. The rest of the tour is postponed until he gets better. I know you are mad at him but he really needs you. We all need you. Guk is a mess. Your one of his best friends and I was hoping that you could maybe come and help us get him calmed down before they have to give him a sedative himself. Please Y/N we need you.”

He says.

You nod before realizing that he couldn’t see you.

“I’ll be up there as soon as I can. Seoul National Hospital (idk if this is even a place I’m writing this at 12 am I’m tired rip) right?”

“Yes. Floor two room 205. You’ll see the managers and the boys. They aren’t letting us in until after they install the feeding tube so we will still have to wait a little while but we still need you.”

He says.

“I have to get some things gathered up and then I will be there.”

You say.

You quickly say your goodbyes and rush to change and grab Yoongi’s favorite fluffy blanket that you had taken from the apartment two nights ago after your big fight. You make your way to the hospital and Jeongguk immediatly rushes over to you to wrap his arms around you tightly. You gently shushed him as he sobbed into your neck.

“Noona (lets pretend that you are younger than him) what is going to happen to hyung?”

He asks.

“He’s going to be okay. He’s strong and everything is going to be okay. I know it seems scary now but he is going to be back almost as good as new in a few days. Me and the nurses are going to take good care of him.”

You say.

“Does that mean that you are going to come back to the dorms for a while with hyung?”

He asks.

“Probably for a few weeks just so you guys can help me keep an eye on him.”

You say.

“So you forgive him?”

He asks.

“Yes Guk. I forgive him. I forgave him when it happened I was just hurt. I knew that he didn’t mean anything by doing what he did against my wishes. He just wanted to put on a good show that’s all.”

You say.

He nods and wipes the tears from his cheeks.

*Yoongi’s is getting really long so I’m going to end it here and make a part three for him 😅*

*Hoseok*

Fans had started to notice that Hoseok hadn’t been his normal cheery self during fan signs and concerts and were getting worried. He had tried to play it off but he knew that he couldn’t do that much longer. They were going to start trying to start rumors about something. Your relationship was public of course so that meant that would be the first thing that the rumors were about so he decided to address it during the concert ending.

“I know fans have been worried about me and I know I seem down. I am. Me and Y/N got into a fight and she has been staying with some friends for a few days for some space. I wanted to address this before any rumors started. Please don’t send her any hate because the fight was my fault and my fault alone and I regret the entire thing and I’m so sorry. I know this video will be sent to Y/N on social media so I just wanted to say that I am sorry and I’m going to do everything that I can to make up for the fight. I’m going to be coming by soon to talk everything out. I hope that you can forgive me.”

He says, a tear running down his cheek.

——————————————

You woke to thousands of notifications on your phone. You clicked on a link and it was to a video of Hoseok at the concert last night. You felt tears welling in your eyes when he started talking about the fight that you had. As soon as the video finished you heard the doorbell ring. You wiped the tears from your cheeks and went to answer the door. You knew that it was going to be Hoseok. He gives you a sad smile when he sees you.

“Hey. Can I come in?”

He asks.

“Yeah. I saw the video. Fans sent thousands of messages about it to me.”

You say.

“Yeah. I knew that they would. That’s why I wanted to address it before rumors started and they started sending you hate. This is my fault and I didn’t want you to be at the bad end of the fans rage.”

He says.

“I know. The fans are really protective over you and really love you just like you really love your fans. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I really overreacted the other day and I see that now. I let my jealously get ahold of me. I know it’s just fan service.”

You say, biting your lip.

“No, you were right. I was getting a little too touchy with some of the fans. I have a girlfriend and it’s time that I started acting like it.”

He says.

You wrapped your arms around his waist.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Now how about we get you back home and then we can cuddle and watch movies all night. I’m in need of affection and I don’t think that the boys will complain this time. I think they were secretly ready to send me off to a ward somewhere until I was happy again.”

He says.

You giggle.

“Well that won’t be necessary now and let the movie marathon begin because I have a lot of cuddles to give dang it.”

*Namjoon*

As soon as Namjoon woke up he wanted to apologize to you but he was running late and had to be at the airport in under an hour to go film for Bon Voyage 4 and he wasn’t going to be able to do anything. He sighs sadly when he sees that you had packed his bags and placed them by the door before you had left for work that morning. He rolled his shoulders to try and work the kinks out of them before taking a quick shower and getting dressed. He had just finished blowdrying his hair when the doorbell rang. He knew that it was one of the boys coming to get him so that they could go on their trip. He walks over and opens the door to find Jeongguk standing there. Jeongguk gives him a bright smile.

“Ready to go?”

He asks.

“Yep.”

He says, quietly.

He picked up his bags and winced slightly when the weight pulled on his sore muscles. Jeongguk took one of the bags from him. Namjoon knew that he had saw the blankets and pillows littering the floor and couch but had decided not to say anything for his sake. They made their way downstairs and placed his stuff into the back. Namjoon quickly pulled out his earbuds and shoved them into his ears, playing music to try to drown out his guilty thoughts.

*Jeongguk*

“Is hyung okay?”

Jimin asks quietly.

“I think him and Y/N got into a fight and I think it was pretty bad because he was sleeping on the couch.”

I say, quietly.

“Aish, poor hyung.”

Jimin says quietly.

Hoseok looked up from his phone.

“Wait, wasn’t his and Y/N’s anniversary yesterday?”

He asks.

I pulled out my phone and looked at the date. Namjoon had to stay behind to work on choreography for the upcoming comeback. My eyes widened and then I softly nodded my head.

“Yeah. Hyung must have forgotten to call.”

I say.

--------------------

You sighed as you came home to an empty apartment. You knew that Namjoon and the boys had left that morning to go film for Bon Voyage. You tried to do some things to get everything off of your mind, but your harsh words and everything kept replaying in your head. You knew that Namjoon not calling saying that he would be late was kind of a good reason for you to get angry, but you knew that he was stressed with a comeback breathing down his neck. That’s what lead you to the BigHit building to talk with Hitman Bang about everything to try to figure out how to go and see Namjoon.

*since this one is also going to end up being quite long, there will be a part three*

*Jimin*

Jimin had spent the past three days since the fight calling and texting you. You were staying with your friends in Daegu. You had called them right after the fight and they had agreed to let you stay with them until Mark’s wedding the following weekend. The days flew by and Jimin had kept calling but you had turned off your phone to keep the fans from messaging you wondering why Jimin was sad and why you weren’t with him at the awards show that had just happened. Mark walked in dressed in his tux already as you were struggling to zip your dress. You were the maid of honor even though you would be surrounded by other guys when you stood up there.

“How you feeling?”

He asks.

“Nervous. What if I fall onto my face?”

You ask, as he pulls the zip the rest of the way up.

“Don’t worry you are going to have someone walking down with you. I’m sure that they won’t let you fall.”

He says, laughing.

You pulled the clip from your hair and let your curled hair fall around your shoulders. You were finally completely ready.

“Mark, you are needed at the alter. We are going to be starting soon.”

Mark’s best friend, Jiyong says, poking his head into the door.

He nods and squeezes your shoulders.

“Are you going to be okay in here by yourself?”

He asks.

“Yeah.”

“The others are just next door. Your escort will come and pick you up soon.”

He says, dropping a wink before walking out of the door."

You wait, fiddling on your phone for a while. You knew that you would be one of the first to walk in so you waited for the music to start. The music started and then there was a knock on the door. You get up, being careful of the floor length gown that you were in and slipped your heels on before opening the door. You gasped when you saw Jimin standing in front of you.

“What are you doing here?”

You ask.

“Mark called and explained everything. I’m so sorry for everything. I should have believed you but I was selfish and stupid. Can you please forgive me?”

He asks, holding his hand out.

You sigh and take it gently squeezing.

“This is your one and only last chance. You accuse me of cheating again and then not listen to the explanation that I give you then when you walk out the door you can keep walking because you won’t be coming back into my home.”

You say.

He sighs and nods.

“I admit that I overreacted badly. I should have listened to you better, but I didn’t and for that I’m sorry. Now lets go and enjoy this beautiful ceremony that you and Mark spent ages planning.”

He says, looping your arm with his and going to get in the front of the brides’ maid line up.

--------------

again, this one is getting quite long so I will be making a part three for it as well

*Taehyung*.

You sighed as you looked up at the ceiling of your childhood bedroom. You had decided to go back to (y/h/c) to stay with your parents for a while. You didn’t have an apartment to stay in at Korea and you couldn’t keep staying with the boys at the dorm considering you and Taehyung had technically broken up.

“Y/N dear, there is someone at the front door looking for you.”

Your mother says, peeking her head into your bedroom.

“Who is it?”

You ask.

“I don’t know but he is really tall and has blonde hair. He was wearing one of those dusk masks that you know who would wear so I didn’t get a good look at his face.”

She says.

You sigh and roll out of bed. It could be one of the boys sent here by Taehyung or something. You walked downstairs and took a deep breath before entering the living room. There sat Taehyung, dressed in the slightly pink shirt that you had accidentally made pink in the wash. He looked up when you walked into the room, his eyes puffy and lined with deep purple circles under them like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He immediately jumped up and rushed to your side. He pulled you into his arms and buried his face into your neck.

“I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. In fact, I don’t know why I yelled at all really. I actually like the shirt like this much better. I guess I was just stressed out from work and took it out on you, which wasn’t fair to you and you definitely didn’t deserve it. I hope that you can forgive me, but I will understand if you don’t.”

He whispers, breathing shaky.

“Taehyung, I was never mad you know? I was just upset because you insulted me and I am still hurt but I understand. I know how hard working you are and I even called Namjoon to look after you while I was away because I knew that you would take this out on yourself. I forgave you weeks ago but I was waiting for you to forgive yourself. I still love you and that will never change, but I would really like for us to be able to talk things out like proper adults next time. We were both too worked up from working all day and we said some things that neither of us actually meant and that is hard to come to terms with. I’m sorry that I got so upset with you and stormed out. You didn’t deserve that.”

You say, playing with his hands that were in between yours.

“I wasn’t angry at you. I was angry at the world that day. Nothing was going right and apparently that one little mistake made everything that I was holding in explode. In fact, our manager has given us a break. We have a few weeks off and I decided that we should go on vacation. I got us tickets to Paris where we will be staying for about two weeks and then we will finish up our vacation in Japan.”

He says.

You grin and hug him tight.

“That sounds amazing Tae!”

You could see your mother smiling from the corner of your eye. You knew that she had been the one to call Taehyung and ask him to come.

*Jeongguk*

Jeongguk sighed as he plopped down in the chair closest to him. He stared disheartened at the blood coming from his foot. He called over one of the makeup noonas and they were quick to go and find the medic. He had been practicing his dancing and had gotten distracted thinking about the fight that happened between the two of you. A few days after the entire thing happened, he had found the laptop that had been delivered to his dorm. He felt so guility knowing that you had spent the money that you had saved for college up on something that wasn’t all that important. You had worked so hard to save the money up, walking to work, eating cheap gas station ramen, working two different jobs, the list went on. You were the only thing on his mind right now. He knew that everything was crazy right know but you were all that he could think about. When they told him that he had to have stitches, he put on a brave face when in reality he was scared. He wished that you were there beside him but instead you had traveled back to your apartment in Deagu while you were spending time apart. Namjoon came over and sat down beside him.

“Are you going to be okay with going out on stage tonight? They aren’t going to really be able to give you much for pain unless you decide to sit this one out.”

He says.

“I’ll be fine.”

Jeongguk says, looking away.

“Do you want me to call Y/N?”

He asks, quietly.

“She wouldn’t care.”

He mutters under his breath.

“She would care Jeongguk. She calls to check on you all the time. She deserves to know before she finds out from social media. That would make it that much worse on her.”

he says.

Jeongguk lets out a heavy sigh but nods. He knew that his hyung was right. You would rather find out from one of them than the internet later.

*Y/N*

You looked at your phone in confusion when you saw Yoongi’s name flash across the screen. You quickly answered it and was met with his concerned face.

“What’s wrong Yoongs?”

You ask.

He sighs and sniffles a little.

“Jeonggukkie got hurt. He was practicing and he accidentally kicked a chair. He is okay but he is going to have to have stitches. We just wanted to let you know so that you wouldn’t freak out when you saw it on social media.”

He says, looking down.

You couldn’t help the tears that fell down your cheeks.

“This is my fault.”

You say, not meeting Yoongi’s eyes.

“It’s not your fault. Jeonggukkie told me about the fight. He feels really bad and I know you are at home right now but he really needs you. He doesn’t show it but he is beating himself up right now pretty bad because of what happened.”

He says.

You sigh and wipe your tears.

“I wish that I could come, but I can’t. I haven’t been working and yeah.”

You say, fiddling with your fingers.

“Namjoon just bought a plane ticket. He sent it to your email. It’s for a flight in about an hour. You will get here before we get on stage. Jeongguk is going to need your support even if you guys aren’t on the best of terms right now.”

He says.

“Thank you for calling and telling me Yoongi. I really appreciate you guys calling and letting me know before it went on social media.”

You say.

He gives a small smile.

“It’s nothing really. Now you get your clothes packed so that you can make your flight on time.”

He says.

------------------

*A.N.* there is going to be a part three to this one as well. I get a little carried away and don’t wrap them up in time so yeah

#bts imagines #bts reaction #bts fanfic #kim seokjin #kim namjoon #min yoongi #kim taehyung #park jimin #jeon jeongguk

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idkhyuck · 4 years

Text

Fallen Leaves- Fireflies Pt2

SO THIS IS GOING TO BE A FOUR PART FOUR SEASON SERIES. fireflies was summer, Fallen leaves will be Fall and There will be a winter/christmas then spring version. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

HERE’S PT1 if you haven’t read it https://idkhyuck.tumblr.com/post/186835769930/fireflies-nct-dream-fanfic-pt1-i-couldnt-shake

OT6 DREAM BESTFRIEND!READER Y/N is still struggling with her feelings for Chenle a few months after the Camping trip. An opportunity arises for her to tell him. Does Chenle feel the same way I woke up and reached for my phone. “We’re home in a week pack your bags!!” from Jisung to our group chat.

“huh?” i sent back, Then he sent back the video of him and Chenle in Shanghai “still not getting it.” i said “you’re going on a trip with Chenle

“WE ALL ARE!” Jaemin said “We’re going to Shanghai!” He said

“WHAT?!” i sent back just as my phone rang with a FT from Chenle “WHAT?!” i answered it, my voice cracking because i was still half asleep

“no need to be that excited.” I hear Renjun in the background.

“shut up.” i groaned into the phone.

“we leave the day after we get back.” Chenle said with his big smile on his face

“What i have to buy my ticket.”

“already bought.” Chenle said.

“for real?!” i asked

“Yup.” He said smiling at me “go to sleep. you look tired.”

“I’m just waking up. Shut up.” i said sitting up. “good luck tonight.” i said “RENJUNNIE FACETIME ME AFTER THE SHOW! I NEED TO BRUSH UP ON MY MANDARIN!” i said hopefully loud enough for him to hear.

“Fine.” he said followed by “ah this girl it never ends.” in mandarin

“hey!” i said “i got that!” pouting into the phone

“good!’ he said as Chenle threw a pillow at him.

“We’ll talk more about our plans later. okay?” Chenle asked

“yeah of course”:

“k. see you soon.” He said then he was gone. I laid back down. Wow, our trip was finally happening.We talked about this for years! Chenle has had dreams about it It was finally happening. I thought back to the last time we talked about it. It was on the camping trip Renjun had wanted to go out and look at the stars by the lake before we left the next day, Chenle and i tagged along everyone else was at the camp relaxing. It was fine Renjun spent the first bit talking about the sky and constellation and usual Renjun stuff then he fell asleep.

I went to shake Renjun’s arm but chenle’s hand on my shoulder stopped me, i turned to him. He was looking at me with sparkly eyes

“Let him sleep for a bit.” he said then laid back and patted the spot beside him on the blanket. I shifted over away from Renjun and sat beside Chenle Hugging my knee looking down at him “He’s gonna drive back he’s probably tired.” he said i nodded “It really is beautiful.” chenle said with a sigh as he placed his folded hands behind his head. He looked so grown up, His chest was getting broad. The little bit of muscle in his arm. His super sharp Jawline. I couldn’t help but think back to the night after the lake and how he felt so warm against me as we shared a towel as we walked back to the camp. I blinked the thoughts away and looked up at the stars.

“I’m so glad we did this.” i said “i’ll never forget this trip.” i said

“Lets hope we can do Shanghai soon.” he said then there was a flash and a click of my polaroid camera. i looked down to see him holding it towards me. I couldn’t help but smile. “you need to be in the pictures too.” he said i could tell he was blushing even in the moonlight. His pale skin was so light.

“What will we do in Shanghai?” i asked him.

“We can eat, We can play games. We can go to the parks and play basketball.” he said. i looked down at him

“take me on the boat?”

“We can do the boat.” he said “you’ll love the view. It’s so pretty.” He said smiling at me. i looked away and back up at the sky

“I can’t wait.” i said. “Do you miss it often?” i asked him

“sometimes.” he said “but i get so busy, i don’t have time to be homesick. and like when i go there i get homesick for here.” he said quietly “it’s a never ending cycle. My heart is in two places and i’m perfectly okay with that.”he said “i want to experience it with you guys so like it kind of puts and end to that separation of the two things that mean the most to me.” he said.

“I get that.” i said “it’d be nice to see all the things you talk about.” i said “get to know that chenle a bit.” i said

“YOU already know me though.” He said.

“I know.” i said smiling at him “i’m thankful for that.” I said as i laid down beside him with a little space between us.

“You think you’re future girlfriend will hate me?” i asked him

“nah. if she does, she’s not worth it.”

“CHENLE!” i said half loudly so i wouldn’t wake Renjun elbowing his arm “She could be you’re soulmate and still hate me.”

“We’re friends. Anyone in my life has to accept that.” he said “fan’s too.” he said

“fan’s scare me.” i admitted. “I think that’s why i like it here so much. No one even knows us. knows you guys. no staff constantly watching, No need to be on my best bahaviour like in school. No need to be careful in public. just us being us.” i said

“It’ll be like this in Shanghai too.” he said. ��My house is safe.” He said patting my arm. i felt my arm hair stand up and goosebumps form and hoped he didn’t notice.

“That’ll be nice.” i said

“Home is kind of my safe place.I’m able to separate this a bit more.” he said waving his arms “Like yes i was famous there and i had the whole career but like this is so much more than i ever imagined it could be.” he said “And it’s only starting.”

“You were meant to be a star.” i said to him

“ah.” he said waving his hand at me.

“i’m serious.” i said “We’re just little tiny stars all in the universe and you’re one of the ones that shines bright like those ones.” i said pointing up hoping he’d giggle at my cheesiness. a small laugh and a shove later i continued, i could feel him blushing beside me. “all of you guys are meant to be doing what your doing. so incredibly talented and hard working. Chenle. you debuted in 3 months.” i said “you’re amazing.” i said turning to see him looking at me. “I’ll always be your biggest fan.” i said

“you were our first.” he laughed looking me in the eye his eyes lit up. I honestly though he was going to kiss me. My heart was kind of starting to race.

“and i’ll be your last.” i said quietly, pulling my eyes away sitting up so i could breathe normally Idk why we have this insane chemistry all of a sudden. “I can’t wait to see your safe space.” i said to him as he sat up and hugged his knees. He passed me my camera. I took one of him sitting there. he started protesting, causing renjun to stir and wake up.

“how long have i been asleep?” he asked

“a few minutes.” Chenle lied “Let’s go back. It’s late.” renjun still looked at his clock confused. i looked down at my phone, at least an hour had passed. wow it didn’t feel like it. I wonder why Chenle lied about the time but i didn’t want to think too much into it. We made out way back to camp chenle and i falling into sync behind Renjun who led the way back. I’d sneak glances at him as he walked. he would smile at me and look away. I often thought about that night and wondered if just maybe he liked me too.

I looked out the window as we landed. We were finally in Shanghai. Staying at Chenle’s house for two weeks. The boys fresh off tour needing a break. We were going to eat dinner at Chenle’s place his mom as here getting everything ready for us. tomorrow we’d go out to eat and go to the theme park Him and Jisung went to last time. We all excitedly got our bags at the airport. Again no staff, it was weird. I was able to sneak through the airport in seoul with them. they put a black mask on me and a huge hat and put my hair up. i walked between Jeno and Jisung so i wouldn’t be too visible. The bodyguards escorted us to our plane and left us on our way. i’ve never been in that kind of pandemonium before. and this was for a private schedule, I didn’t even want to think of public schedule. Flashes and flashes of cameras. Trying to get close. I just looked down the whole time and kept pace with the boys. once on the plane i was able to breathe. I don’t know how they did that. It was so freeing being in the shanghai airport with them no staff, no fans from what i could tell. No camera’s We made our way out to our car.

“it’s so cool!” i said to chenle who sat up front.

“it gets better!” He said. He spent the whole ride telling us random facts about all the places we passed. He’s really taking on a leadership role in the planning of this trip and it makes my heart swell. We pulled up to his house and his mom was already cooking it was all you could smell when you walked in and it was amazing. We all said our hellos and made our way up into the rooms they had set up for us. We all played rock paper scissors to decide who slept where. Jaemin, Renjun, Haechan and I were in the spare room while Jeno and Jisung got to sleep in Chenle’s room. There were bed mats for us to us and blankets and pillows.

“This will be so much comfier than the camping trip.” i said as i laid out on my mat.

“I was sore for a week.” Haechan said as he placed himself in the middle of the room.

“I don’t know why mattress pads didn’t cross our minds while shopping.” Jaemin said as he shoved his bag against the wall behind him. We all slowly made our way into Chenle’s room. We all played around with all of his things. I sat on the Piano Bench beside him as he played the piano he had in the corner of his room. He was playing the softest most beautiful melody. I forgot the others were here until Haechan sat on the other side of him shoving us over and me off the bench

“My turn.” he said i steadied myself and went over and shoved him over as he was playing making him mess up his song.

“We need to go to a gaming cafe here.” Jeno said as he laid on the bed he made on the floor.

“We can do that.” Chenle said as he got up from the bench. He turned on his TV and we flipped through the channels. Chinese TV was so different yet. I struggled to pick up on the words and i had been studying with Renjun for the past week. We ended up leaving it on some Cartoon we’ve all seen at least 100 times since childhood. We played with a deck of cards for like an hour while listening to music. Chenle’s mom called us down and we were all so impressed with the spread of food she had out. I’ve had dinner at Chenle’s house before so i recognized some of the dishes but some were new to me and i was so excited to try it out. I brought my polaroid to dinner and held it up asking chenle’s mom for permission she nodded and i started taking pictures of everything. The food, The boys making thier plates. Chenle’s mom looking at us all proud. I sat down with my plate in front of me. i didn’t know where to start, it looked so good. We all dug in and ate while talking about all the things we wanted to do tomorrow. It as late and by time i was done eating i was ready for bed. i thanked Chenle’s mom and took my pictures and went up to put them in my album i looked back at the ones of the summer. Us on the camping trip. My favourite is the one i took of chenle the night we were by the lake. I turned out so well, i could never find the one he took of me. it must have blew away when we were cleaning up our campsite. I put all my new ones in my album.

“we’re gonna play for awhile. wanna join?” Jaemin asked as he came in and grabbed his pajamas from his bag

“I’m exhausted and full.” i said “i’m going to go to bed.”

“night!” he said as he walked out into the next room. I took out my jammies and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. i washed my face up and put my hair up. I made my way back out to the room and heard the boys yelling and playing. I fell asleep fast the night out of exhaustion from the excitement

“I wanna do it!” I said excitedly looking up at Chenle as we stared at the Rollercoaster above us.

“are you sure?” Jeno asked, i nodded and grabbed both their hands and went to stand in line. Jeno pulled his hand from mine to grab his phone out of his pocked but Chenle left his and I liked it. His hand was warm in mine and as much as i enjoyed it, i pulled away to turn and look at the line in front of us. The rollercoaster boomed above us and i jumped

“You’re not scared already.” Jeno teased from behind me. i turned to glare at him. It wasn’t long before we were locked into the potential death trap. My heart was kind of racy as we started rolling out onto the track. We zoomed a few times i didn’t mean to scream but i did. I looked to see Jeno laughing beside me and Chenle having the time of his life on the other side of me. I was clinging to the restraint for dear life. We neared one of the peaks the coaster started slowing, inching closer to the top, my heart really racing now in my ears. i looked out at how high we were. I could feel the tension in the air as we climbed slowly my stomach dropping with each inch. Chenle must have sensed my fear because suddenly he as taking my hand in his. my heart racing for a whole new reason now when suddenly WHOOSH!

“AHHHHH!” was all you heard as the coaster whipped us around the track, My eyes were buring at the speed, My hair a mess behind me. The wind hitting my face so hard i was sure my lips were flapping. The rest of the ride was a blur of zooming around and up and down and all i really cared about was the warm hand holding mine. I unintentionally squeezed a few times. He would squeal from beside me and we’d laugh but he never took it back. When we came to a stop i didn’t want to let go but he was pulling away to undo his straps. i did the same. My head was kind of spinny, and i felt so incredibly high on life. The adrenaline in my veins pumping like crazy. I hopped up and went running

“JAEMINNIE! THAT WAS AMAZING!” I said as i ran up behind him hugging him. He pulled me around front and held me at arm’s lenght

“Are you sure? did the ride knock you out?” he asked shaking me around laughing.”How many fingers?” he asked holding up his hand. i shoved him off as Haechan, Jisung and Renjun approached us with drinks for everyone.

“You guys are missing out!” Chenle said as he took his drink from Jisung. Jisung looked at it as it took off again shook his head no. We all started walking again. The park was pretty empty today. I think it was because school had started and it was fall. It was a really nice fall day, Sunny warm. i didn’t need a jacket. The sun not quite as high as it used to b but still shining bright. We ate at a hotpot place before we came here. It was so good. It was mid afternoon.

“Can we please ride this?” I turned to ask them as they all looked at the carousel with varying degrees of disgust. “please?” i asked cutely

“ugh fine.” Jeno said as he walked towards the line

“never do that again.” Renjun said pretending to gag, I grabbed him from behind and said

“but i love Renjunie.” in the most disgustingly cute voice i could muster.

“AGH!” he said triyng to shove me off.

“Meanie.” i said letting go and reaching for Jaemin “At least Jaemin loves me.” i said standing beside him pouting as he put his arm around me. Renjun laughed at me and rolled his eyes and pulled me away from jaemin into his arms. He held me close to him as we made our way to the front of the line. and let me go as it was our turn to enter. I grabbed haechan’s hand and led him towards the horses in the middle. Jisung and Chenle followed and argued about the horse in front of me. We all chose horses on one side. Skinship with these boy was something i was so used to. What i was not used to was the new feeling i got from being cuddly and touchy with chenle. It was never this bad even with the other boys when i liked them. I know that’s just mr overthinking into liking him and that scared me. Like he obviously doesn’t feel it and i need to work on getting over him.

The ride started the soft music playing above us as the horses went up and down. I took my camera and took pictures of each boy on their horses. We were all having fun going around the carousel. this was the most carefree i’ve seen them in a long time. They worked so hard after we got back that summer to prepare for comeback. They still had their final concert for this comeback in Korea just before Christmas. I could tell they weren’t worried about work for once and just living in the moment laughing and teasing each other. I was so grateful they were able to do this. The ride went be all to fast. and we were back on our hunt through the park

“Let’s play some games.” Renjun said as we passed huge section of carnival games.

“This one first” Jisung said going up to a basketball game.

“I’m no good at basketball!” i postested.

“We can be a team.” Chenle offered, He was the best and we all knew it. i nodded at him. The rest of the boys all lined up at thier baskets me beside Chenle. he winked at me as the balls dropped. They all started shooting their balls into the baskets. Jeno and Jaemin we’re aguing over a ball that got away from someone. Jisung was really focused. Renjun and Haechan shoving each other trying to make the other miss. I turned to see Chenle had the lead.

“Come on!” i said cheering him on, He was trying really hard not to smile and keep focusing. The time was running out there was 5 seconds left he shoved a ball at me. I flung it. and watched it fall through the hoop as the buzzer rang. He still won without my help but he was excitedly screeching as we won. I could hear the boys behind me. “OH MY GOD!” I said turning to see everyone

“she actually got one in!” Jaemin said excitedly.

“I think you deserve this.” Chenle said handing me our prize. An orange dolphin.

“Aw it’s cute!” i said “Thank you!” I said looking up at him, His orange hair now fading. “Like you.” i teased him reaching up to pat his head and laughed as the boys all cackled behind me, him turning various shades of pink. ““Let’s do this one next.” I said pointing to a shooting game. We spent the next three hours playing games. We all ended up with one prize or another. Haechan got a small honey colour bear at one of the games and he gave it to me too. I clung to both of them as we sat down in the Food truck area.

“I saw a sign for fireworks.” Renjun said walking over with a cup of ice cream and sat beside me. I looked at him then the spoon, the him again. He sighed and shoved a spoonful towards me.

‘”We should stay!” Jisung said “it’s getting dark anyway.” A shiver ran up my spine. The Fall air now blowing in as the sun set.

“it’s gettting cold.” i said another shiver threatening to escape me. i looked around at all of them wearing long sleeve t-shirts not bothered by the cold.

“Well you should have dressed right.” Haechan said.

“it was so nice!” i said protesting as i turned down another spoon of ice cream from renjun.

“you’re cold?” Chenle asked as he sat down across the table with a plate of donuts. i nodded.

“give her your hoodie.” Jaemin said.”we don’t have anything.”

“oh yeah.” he said taking off his hoodie to reveal a tighter white long sleeve underneath. “here.” he said throwing it across the table.

“thank you” I said grabbing it and slipping into it. I hoped to god my face was straight;. It was warm like him, The sleeves long and stretched because he’s always pulling them over his hands.I pulled them over my hands and cuddled into it as i zipped up

“better?” Jeno asked as he stood up. “Let’s go get something to eat.” He said to me and Jaemin. I got up and followed beside him, He suddenly came to a stop once we were on the other side of the rest area. “do you like Chenle?” he asked. I was shocked. Maybe i wasn’t as good at hiding it as i thought.

“WHAT?!” i asked shocked. as Jaemin just gave me a look

“he knows.” Jaemin said.

“you told him?!” i asked him

“no he found out on his own.”

“tell him!!” Jeno said

“why?” i asked

“Because Jaemin and i think he might like you too.” Jeno said.

“you’ve discussed this.”i said flatly. staring at them as they both looked guilty

“I’ve come up with a tiny plan.” Jeno said

“oh god.” i said nervous for his tiny plan

“Okay so Chenle said he’s planning to take us on the city boat ride thingy because you asked. “i’m going to get the others to stay behind so it’s just you two!” he said “on the boat in the pretty city lights.” i blushed as he said all this “see i knew you’d like it.

“how will you get the others to stay. you won’t tell them right?” i asked him worried

“no i’ll suggests a gaming tournament or something at his house.” He said. I looked up at him unsure “it’ll be fine.” he said

“and if he doesn’t like me?” i asked him.

“Then you stay friends.” He said.

“WHY are you and Jaemin so sure we’ll remain friends through all of this.”

“Because You’ve like every single one of us and you’re still here and completely over it.”

“what?!” i said “not everyone.” I said looking down. “DOES Jaemin just tell you everything?! do you gossip in a group chat or something?” i said annoyed but half laughing. “:worse than old women.” i said walking away from him.

“Not everything.” Jaemin said from behind me, i sighed as i walked up to a place that sold american street food. I picked a hot dog and fries. The boys wouldn’t shut up about american hot dogs when they got back.

Chenle’s POV.

I watched as she walked ahead of us towards the firework viewing area. She was wearing my hoodie, And it looked so good on her. I’m kind of glad none of the other boys had a hoodie with them. I hated that i liked her like this. The first girl I get a real crush on and it’s her. I can pin point the exact moment. We were at the SM christmas party dancing, some slow song came on. She looked up at me through her lashes. Her eyes met mine and goosebumps formed all over my body.

“when did you get so tall?” She asked me. I’d grown quite a few centimeters that fall and she was just noticing. It made me happy. I left for China the next day and wondered if she still thought of me as a child. I brought her back that candy and i almost kissed her in that moment but didn’t because oh my god we were best friends. She was a whole year older than me. There was no way she could like me. but she’d tease me. I was still busy pining after her well into the summer. We went on our camping trip, I watched as she slept on Jeno’s shoulder on the van ride there. I hated that it made me jealous. I loved the moments we shared on that trip. Talking in the early morning while everyone slept. She had a crush on Haechan in the past so it wasn’t exactly like she was pining over me like she did him. But the Crush on Jeno surprised me. I would have never guessed. I learned that she had like both of them and it bugged me. I hated that i felt this way, Why did i have to have a crush on her of all people. Her perfect pretty smile Her kind eyes. Her soft hands that make my heart go crazy. You don’t fall in love with you’re best friend. I tried so hard to like other girls in school, At the office. even fans. Nothing could stop me at this point. I still have that picture i took of her of that night at the lake with Renjun. I always wondered if she lost it. She always looked so content flipping through her little albums. I loved when she took pictures of us.I hate that she can be so openly cuddly with the members and it doesn’t affect them but the moment she makes the tiniest contact with me my heart starts racing and i feel all warm and blushy. I wished i was better at hiding my blush because she thinks it the cutest thing.

“here!” Jisung said sitting himself down on the cement “This is a good spot.” he said patting the ground around him. I went and sat beside him. My arms were kind of chilly but i didn’t mind because she sat beside me and leaned her head on my shoulder. I tried my best to relax, I debated putting my arm around her but decided against it.

“I’m so tired.” She said hugging her dolphin tightly.I picked that on purpose. I died my hair orange this last comeback, and well a dolphin for obvious reasons. I wondered if she would pick up on it eventually. She lit up when Haechan gave her that bear, i wondered if she still liked haechan

“We did so much today.” Jeno said reading through a flyer he was handed a minute ago.

“I had so much fun.” she said “Thanks.” She said hugging my arm

“for what?” I asked

“for bringing us here” We had about half an hour before the fireworks, The guys sat there on thier phones. I scrolled mine too trying really hard to not overthink her relaxing on my shoulder. Her breathing was getting softer and softer, i heard a tiny snore and so did renjun on the other side of because he started tapping everyone to look over now the blush was really rising. They all started laughing in hushed tones.

“don’t move!” Haecan said quietly getting up. He stood in front of us and was taking pictures on his phone ,He went and sat back down giggling. I couldn’t help but laugh at them as they all gathered around his phone screen to look at the picture. She snored again causing them to lose their shit again. Jaemin took her polaroid from beside her and took one with that.

“you guys!” Jisung said looking at his phone as the picture from Haechan came into our groupchat “She’s going to kill you.” he said giggling. They were having their fun with this and ran off when a drink cart drove by. I decided they wouldn’t notice if i put my arm around her for a little bit. I slowly lifted it up to be behind her. i rested my hand on her arm. much to my surprise she snuggled into me. My breath hitched a little and i was worried i startled her. but she continued snoring softly. I don’t know how often i thought of this. Being this close with her cuddling. Her hair soft against my face, He breathing onto me. Her warmth consuming me entirely. Renjun was the first back from the cart. He was still laughing as he saw us.

“oh she really means business now!” he laughed as he sat back down “wake her up she’ll get scared if the fireworks start.” i shook my hand a little

“Y/N” i whispered close to her ear. it took everything in me not to kiss her forehead. “wake up.” he said

“hmm.” she said stirring “why?” She asked

“fireworks are starting soon! you can cuddle later!” Haechan said loudly as he came back. She shot straight up, i held my hands up i didn’t know what to do. A deep blush rose on her cheek and she looked absolutely adorable as she stuttered half asleep about not cuddling. She picked up the dolphin she had dropped and eyed Renjun’s drink. He sighed as he handed it to her to take a sip. the first firework went off. she reached for her camera started trying to take pictures of the fireworks that were coming up.

“Guys go stand there!” she said. “please?” she said then we all got up and stood in front of her with the fireworks going off behind us. she took three different pictures before someone who was sat behind us offered to take one with her in it. She came and stood in the middle between Jeno and I. She wrapped her arms around me. i couldn’t help but smile huge as i put my arm around her as the flash went off. the moment gone all too quick she ran back and said her thanks the lady and then sat back down with all of her pictures around her. We all went back. The fireworks were really beautiful. Jaemin said

“go stand there we’ll take some of you.” she got up and jaemin handed me the camera with a huge smile. i took it and watched her as she turned towards us making her cute little poses. i took a few. the finale was coming and she got distracted and turned around. everyone was watching the fireworks now. I took out my phone and quickly snapped a picture of her watching them. He face lit up, wrapped up in my hoodie, the glow of the fireworks behind her. God i think i might be in love.

Y/N’s POV

the first week has passed, We ate out more than i could ever imagine i was gonna gain like 20 pounds by time we got back to korea. We went to a few movies, and spent quite a bit of time at the gaming cafe. Jaemin and Jisung took turns letting me play with them even though it usually resulted in them getting killed. Tonight was our boat tour. Jeno has been setting his plan into action and i was freaking out inside the plan was for Jaemin and i to go shopping with Chenle. Then we we got back they’d be all gone so it’d just be us three then Jaemin would come up with a stomach ache last minute and stay home. We pulled up to the mall and made our way inside. The boys went to a few of their favourite stores before they finally let me shop for myself.

“We have an hour and a half before we have to be back.” Chenle said putting his new bucket hat on. i nodded and led them into a clothing store. I scoured the racks really quickly and found a dress i could wear that night. I called jaemin over quickly Chenle tried to come and i told him no

“for tonight?” i whispered to jaemin as he peered through the curtain. It was a dark floral dress that came just above my knees

“won’t you be cold?” he asked me

“i’ll get those knee socks.” i said pointing behind him

“don’t try and kill him all at once now.” Jaemin laughed i just pushed him out and changed back into my sweats.I mulled over that thoughts that chenle could see me in that way my cheeks warm. I had no problem being attracted to him. but these boys never talked about pretty girls or liking things like this, at least not around me all that much. I grabbed a pair of socks and we went to check out. we walked around for a little bit more and i ended up with some new make up.

“We’re leaving in half an hour!” Chenle yelled when we walked into his house. his mom walked in

“They went to the cafe about an hour ago.”

“what?” jaemin said

“yeah, they said that someone invited them to a tournament.”

“ugh stupid boys” i siad pouting

“You guys can still go.” chenle’s mom said “She really wants to see the boat. Take her.” chenle’s mom said in mandarin and he nodded

“we’ll have fun.” he said to me with a huge smile on his face.i nodded pouting a little for emphasis “go get ready.” he nodded at me and i ran up his stairs. once in the comfort of my borrowed room i quickly ripped tags and packaging off of my new clothes and put them on. The socks slouching over my knees just right i slipped into my boots and debated on which jacket to wear. i ended up opting for a sweater. there was a knock on the door. followed by

“it’s me” from Jaemin

“i’m nearly ready.” i said as he walked in, i was starting my make up. i kept it light but did a different coloured lip.

“k i’m gonna go camp in the bathroom til you guys leave.” he said “good luck, you’ve got this.” i was doing my hair when i heard him and chenle yelling at each other. Chenle was getting mad at him for being in the bathroom so long. “fine just the two of us then. We have to go.” He said “y/n! you ready?” He asked i could hear him stomping down the stairs

“coming.” i took a deep breath and went to take a look in he mirror in the corner of the room. I took another deep breath then made my way down the stairs.

“the car will be-” he stopped mid sentence as he looked at me. I swear he stopped breathing oh my god maybe he does really like me.

“huh?” I said pretending not to notice looking down to hide the blush on my cheeks. He looked down really quickly his cheeks started deepening in colour too as he played with the zipper on his backpack.

“it’ll be here any minute.” he said quietly as he slid his backpack on “Jaemin isn’t feeling good so he’s not coming.”

“Just us then.” i said

“yeah” he said “mom we’re going outside.” He yelled “be back in a few hours.” he said as he opened the door for me. The car pulled up and We got in. He sat in the back with me. “you’ve got you camera?” he asked me, i nodded “Mom made me bring blankets and heatpacks.” he laughed as he patted his backpack. “The boat ride itself is really short but the walk along the river after is my favourite part.” He said scrolling through his phone showing me the picture him and jisung had taken. “I’m kind of sad that the others couldn’t make it.” he said “but like also i’m glad i get to take you.” He said quietly “you and i have been talking about this forever now.” he laughed

“I’m excited.” i said “thank you.” i said putting my hand on top of his. he flipped his hand over and offered to hold mine. My heart was racing and i hoped he couldn’t hear it. I thought about when i’d tell him. it wasn’t long before we pulled up to the boat there we’re a few people already lining up and we ran over. “Stand there.” i said pointing to the sign I took a picture. he came an stood beside me. i watched him as he took tickets out of his wallet i thought i caught a glimpse of a polaroid but he shoved it down quickly and put it away. i just noticed that he had changed from our mall trip. He was wearing a black shirt with a denim jacket over and a ball cap. it was simple but he actually took time to change from his grey sweats he was wearing earlier. my heart fluttered as he took my hand and led me onto the boat. he told me where him and jisung were last time and said that we got the better spot this time. He smiled excitedly as the boat started moving away from the shore. I tried my best to hide the nervousness, he was seemingly unaffected by all this and i was obviously over thinking. He pulled me to stand in front of him. and he stood behind me not quite hugging me but leaning in close enough so he could tell me all the different building names and all the different landmarks we passed. I could feel his warmth radiating around me and i was glad for it. The wind was hitting my face alot harder than i thought it would. I couldn’t help the few shivers that escaped

“you cold? “he asked.

“a little i nodded. “stay close.” i said he pulled away and soon i was being wrapped in a blanket i grabbed his arms as he reached around front to keep him there i caught a glimpse of the bracelet i made him on his wrist. he sighed as he placed his head on top of mine and continued his tour guide spiel. I tried my best to relax in his touch, I was so incredibly comforting to have him wrapped around me like this. I thought back to the summer when we were at the lake, I still wanted to turn around and kiss him.

“you listening?” he asked

“hmm.” i said. he turned me in his grip and said

“back there...” but then trailed off as i looked up at him. I could see him swallow hard as our eyes met. He was going to kiss me oh my god He was leaning down his eyes closing. I closed my eyes tried my best to ignore my heartbeat going off in my ears. Out lips met, i froze for a second and so did he but at the same time we settled into the kiss our lips moving against each other gently. His breath hot and sweet, his lips soft against mine. My first kiss and it was with chenle oh my god this was happening. I slowly reached up and wrapped my arms around the back of his neck he moved his hand from my shoulders to behind my back pulling me closer into him.I had no idea chenle could be like this. Like it was still so soft and gentle but like it was not soft platonic touches or cuddling. Goosebumps were forming where ever he touched and i could feel myself warming up. tightly against him it was all too much i couldn’t breathe, reluctantly i pulled away and looked at him. His lips covered in my lipstick, his cheeks red. He took a deep breath in, I quickly pulled him back down to meet my lips again and we kissed a little less cautious this time. My heart is pounding in my ears, i only pulled away because the boat had come to a rough stop at the shore again.

“y/n..” chenle says looking at me worry evident in his eyes as he packed the blanket in the bag

“I need to tell you something” i said grabbing him by the hand, we both bowed to the boat attendant and I led him to a bench by a bush across from the entrance pier. i sat down first and dragged him down with me and quickly said “i like you.” i said looking him in the eye, the blush fading on his face finally the lipstick still smeared a little on his lips “a lot.” i said looking down.

“I do too.” he said quietly. “i mean i kissed you.” he said the blush coming back up on his cheeks

“I was actually going to tell you tonight.” i said looking down. “i’ve liked you for awhile.” i admitted

“SM christmas party.” He said to me

“you knew?”

“no that’s when i started liking you too.” he said his eyes meeting mine. i couldn’t help but laugh “what?” He asked

“We wasted over half a year.” i said

“i guess eh?”he half laughed “do the others know?” He asked

“Jaemin knew and i guess Jeno does too.” i said

“they set us up huh?” he asked. i laughed and nodded “okay. so you want to go on a real date?” He asked “i don’t really know how to do any of this.” he blushed laughing softly “i’ll take you to dinner.”

“i’d like that.”

“After that we can decide if this is really what we want.” he said. I was shocked at the maturity he was showing here.

“i don’t want to lose you.” i said “no matter what happens.” i said looking up at him and grabbing his hand

“you won’t.” he said reassuringly. “Come on let’s go.” He said standing up and leading me down the side walk. “Was that your first kiss?” He asked shyly. i nodded and felt my cheeks warm up, i handed him a tissue and pointed to my lips. He wiped at his and blushed as he looked at the tissue. “Mine too.” he said

“I actually wanted to do that for a long time.” I said quietly

“Me too. i almost did a few times.” he admitted. My mind flashed back to all the lingering stares we’ve shared this past year. I wrapped my arms around his arm and walked.

“i’m glad you did it.” i said

“Me too.” he said wrapping his arm around me. We walked down the sidewalk, He was telling me all the landmarks on the shore. It was as if nothing ever happened but there was a huge sense of relief in me. He knew, I knew. It felt okay. “you look really pretty tonight.” he said quietly

“ah, you’re adorable.” i said laughing. “i picked it just for you.” i said booping his nose and watched as the blush rose on his face.

“Like i picked the dolphin just for you.” he said booping me back he immediately cringed and i couldn’t help but laugh at him still the same old chenle. i looked down and thought back to that day, a whole week earlier, it felt like we’ve been here forever already and i loved it.

“it’s my favourite.”

“What about haechan’s bear.” he asked

“are you jealous?” I teased him

“psh.” he said shrugging it off. My heart was swelling god i just might love him. We made our way back to the car. he was showing me videos him an jisung took last time he was here. we talked and laughed the whole way home. When we got out of the car and before we went into the house he stopped me at the door and pulled me into him. He was so confident now “one for the road.” he said placing a small kiss on my lips, i couldn’t help but laugh as we were walking in. we were met with all the boys standing in the door way

“we were just gonna call you guys.” Jeno said “We won! We won a free meal at this huge restaurant. your mom said it’s one of the nicest ones in shanghai.” He said coming over to show the coupon.

“wow.” Chenle said “i can’t believe you guys ditched us.”

“But you had fun didn’t you?” Jaemin asked looking at me

“yeah! you guys the city is beautiful!” i said “i took tons of pictures.”

“now chenle’s been on dates with both of his best friends.” haechan said laughing as he came into the room with a mouth full of food. Jisung shoved him. “Wow you dressed up for once! i almost didn’t recognize you” haechan said looking at me. “People must have thought you guys were actually on a date.” He laughed i rolled my eyes

“i’m going to go change.” i said

“what no. you look good.” Haechan said as i started stomping up the stairs. “i was just joking.” he said as i heard the guys murmuring and slapping him. I walked into the room and wiped off my make up, i took off my dress and put on my robe

“i’m gonna shower.” i said walking out of the room

“k, we’re going to the convenience store. want something?” Jeno asked

“pick me something good” i yelled down the stairs as i walked into the bathroom. i really was kind of chilly so the warm water felt amazing, i washed my hair softly and tried my best not to think about how happy i was that chenle and i kissed. after i got, i went down and found chenle’s mom sitting on the couch in the living room. i grabbed my bag from the table i put it on and went to sit with her

“You having fun?” she asked me

“yeah.” i said “i had a really good time tonight.” i said as i sorted through my pictures.looking at the one i took of chenle unable to hide my smile

“That’s good.” She said with a smile i wondered if she knew how he felt. “chenle was really excited for this.” she said “i’m glad you went with him.”

“Me too.” i said showing her the pictures. She flipped through them smiling at them.

“I always worry about him.” She said “but i know he has you guys and i know he’ll be okay.” she said

“Thank you for allowing us to stay here.” i said “i can’t thank you enough. You do so much for us already in korea. and now here” i said “i love you.” i said cutely in mandarin while flashing her a finger heart. She laughed and gave me a heart back we actually got along really well from the beginning. She always made sure the boys took care of me.

“I’m glad chenle has you.” she said seriously “you and jisung mean the most to him. you know.” she said i nodded. just then the boys bust through the door laughing loudly as they walked into the living room. Jisung threw a bag at me i opened it and it was full of all of my favourite things

“we’re sorry for ditching you.” Jeno said “please forgive us.” Haechan plopped himself on the couch beside me and offered me a chip out of his bag. his way of apologizing i took it and he smiled at me.

“it’s okay.” i said “here” i said handing them the pictures. They all took turns looking at them and oohing and ahhing over the views. We talked about when we were going to go to the fancy restaurant. The boys replayed their grand win bickering over who got the most important kill. Jaemin told us of his nap. then we all slowly made our way to bed. i fell asleep that night the the orange dolphin a little closer than usual.

Two days had passed. Chenle and i had our date tonight, He didn’t sneak anymore kisses on me. Jaemin was so excited for me and i was actually really excited.

“you guys should tell the others.”

“maybe after we come back.” i said “we still don’t know if we’re gonna be together.” i said

“as if you guys won’t, you’ve been all over each other these past few days.”

“what! no.”i protested.

“Renjun literally asked chenle if you’re in love with him at breakfast this morning.” he said

“well i mean i am but jeez. it isn’t that obvious.”

“ah you’re too far gone.” He said walking out of the room. chenle and i were going to sneak away and then come back later, He told me to meet him out back at 4 and it was 3:55. I opted for leggings and a flowy shirt with a jean jacket tonight. I walked out of the room and down into the halls sneaking by everyone. Jeno and Haechan were playing a game on chenle’s TV Jaemin, Jisung and Renjun were just leaving for the store. Now was the perfect time to leave. i was walking out with my back to yard facing the door in case anyone heard. I backed into something and screamed only for chenle to wrap his arms around me and say shh.

“Sorry.” i said “ i didn’t think you’d be here yet.” I whispered.

“let’s go.” he said. his soft smile meeting his eyes, my heart was fluttering. You always hear those songs about two young lovers running off into the night.

The glow of the flourescent lights harsh above us. Chenle picked his favourite restaurant in all of shanghai for us to eat at. A tiny dive looking place just around the corner from his house. He didn’t bring us here yet. “i was saving it for you.” he said when i asked why he hadn’t brought us here yet.

“you still have my bracelet.” I said as i watched him play with his chopsticks and napkin.

“yeah.” he said blushing looking down. “I’m the only one.” He said “the stylists cut off the others but i’m good at keeping mine hidden.” he laughed “i also have this.” he said taking out his wallet he pulled out a polaroid. “From the night at the lake with renjun.” he said

“you’ve had it all this time?” i asked him. he nodded “i thought we lost it while packing.”

“look at this.” i said showing him his profile picture on my phone it was on of the polaroids i took of him during the camping trip. “you’re the only one with a picture. when you call you light up my phone.” i said. he laughed looking down “too much?” i asked

“no.” he said “I really like you.” he said “i hope you know that.”

“i do too.” i said grabbing his hand

“So are we going to try this out?” he asked looking down then up at me with his soft puppy eyes.

“yes.” i said he kissed me hand

“to seal the deal.” he laughed and just like that i had a boyfriend, my first boyfriend. The first love i’d tell me kids about someday was sitting right in front of me with the biggest smile on his face.

#Zhong Chenle #Zhong Chenle fic #Zhong Chenle imagine #Zhong Chenle x reader #NCT dream #Na jaemin #Lee jeno #Huang Renjun #lee haecha #Park Jisung #Chenle #Jisung #Renjun #Jaemin #Jeno #Haechan #NCT DREAM FLUFF

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thestuckylibrary · 4 years

Text

Group Ask 141

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Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

deathofmagellan said:

Hi i’m looking for a shrunkyclunks fic where Steve and Bucky are going to a parent teacher meeting but Steve is late, and the teacher says their daughter is telling lies because she’s saying her dad is Captain America? Thank you

Anon 1 said:

Thank you so much in advance for reading this-- I dunno why this is driving me nuts, but I can't find this one fic where either modern!Bucky or modern!Steve had gone to the Middle East for the war and thrown a grenade into a house on bad intel but when they went into the house it turned out to be a woman and kids rather than combatants; the author mentioned in the notes that they had gotten the situation from a WWII recollection. Would any of you know the story?

Anon 2 said:

What was that one where Bucky was with Hydra, but he had an imaginary friend named Steve?

Anon 3 said:

i’m looking for a fic where steve comes home from an avengers mission and bucky finds him in the kitchen collapsed against the fridge. he was trying to make food but he’s experiencing a kind of subdrop?? due to an Adrenaline crash. he keeps it secret from the team but when bucky finds him, he looks after him and realises he used to take care of steve before (like pre-serum days). i think he feed him some fruit too?? i’ve tried every search i can think of but can’t find it sorry.

Anon, absolutely-xantastic and spinningbear sent in The Care & Feeding of Steven G. Rogers by greenbergsays (oneshot | 8,067 | E)

Anon 4 said:

Hey I’m looking for a fic that I forgot that went smthn like Steve abd bucky falling in love pre war and Steve went to this gay bar pretty often and he met another lgbt girl who was his fake girlfriend to protect her during the war and after he was deposited in the future he found out she and Vicky’s sister were in a relationship and they were trying to debunk the media spin on Steve

Anon 5 said:

Hi do I’m looking for these two stories and idk if they’re on ao3 but I’m pretty sure and one is where since Steve has all of these problems his heart beat is irregular and one day it’s really painful and Bucky comes back and tries to comfort him. And the second one is where Bucky is a veteran and skinny Steve is getting sick but can’t miss Bucky’s christmas party? I think

Anon 6 said:

Hi! I’m looking for a fic I read a while ago but can’t find. It was mostly Bucky recovering i think. it started with Steve in the hospital and Bucky showed up and sort of kidnapped Steve and took him to his apartment because he remembered Steve. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t find it, and I’m sorry if my summary is awful. Thanks in advance though :)

Anon 7 said:

hi!! so i’m looking for this fic that is in an office setting, steve and nat work together and bucky is the newest employee and steve thinks he doesn’t understand english (i think he thought he was only fluent in french). steve keeps saying how he finds him attractive like right in front of bucky. thank u guys so much!!

Anon 8 said: (major character death)

hello! i'm looking for a post endgame/time travel fic where steve goes back and saves bucky after he fell but bucky is really angry with steve. bucky continues to fight in the war and gets killed by a bullet to the head when arguing with steve. i think the last scene implied that he gets resurrected though? thanks so much for all your guys' hard work!!

Anon 9 said:

hello! im unable to find a fic where the avengers get like,, tied up/kidnapped or something and the villain shows a video or vision or something of stucky having sex and everyone finds out Steve is a sub/bottom

fannishlove said:

Hi I am looking for a fic where Steve goes to settle down in a sleepy town. Bucky is from that town. There's little that sometimes come up to their porch. I am unable to remember the exact details but they do end up saving her. Can you by any chance help me find this fic?

mille-baci sent in The Settler by charlesdk (complete | 52,203 | M)

Anon 10 said:

okay so there was this fic where hydra clones bucky before he was about to die and his clone was a kid. later that kid found by nat and clint and peggy adopted him. it included trans!sam and the clone bucky's name was james carter he was a linguist. they hide him from steve for a while but steve finds out about him. one of james' bf triggers him with tws trigger words?? hydra reverses the wiping machine and james has 40s!bucky and tws in his head??? steve visits them there, that's all i remember

Anon and autonomygirl sent in Have To Put Him On A Shelf* by herecomesbucktofuckshitup (complete | 124,729 | M) */others

Anon 11 said:

I’ve been going crazy trying to find this fic I read a while back. It is alpha Bucky and omega steve. Bucky goes off to war and When Bucky returns he goes back to his house, the owner allows him to stay if he works security for them. He agrees and goes under the name ‘sarge’, he gets a room next to ‘grant’ who is really steve. I remember steve talking about being pregnant a few times and loosing the babies, eventually they get together and have a daughter and Bucky punches his dad in the face

ocean-babyblues said:

Hello! I desperately need help finding this fic, but the only thing I can remember from it is Sam talking to Steve saying "if you're going to wear a mask make sure its the one you want to wear/ make sure it fits." I'm sorry I know its vague but that line has been haunting me for months! Thanks in advance!!

Anon 12 said:

So I lost a fic a while ago and I know I first found it on here. I think Bucky was a Stark Industries employee and accidentally became friends with all the Avengers, and didn’t realize Steve was Captain America?? Hope you can find it, thanks!

Anon sent in Brooklyn Baby* by sprinkle_of_cinnamon (complete | 33,725 | M) *graphic violence

#group asks

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allyreactions · 5 years

Text

BTS reacts to their idol girlfriend on tour and fainting on stage

pairing: bts x reader

warnings: idk if its right or not but just in case, know that it mentions skipping meals and not sleeping well, idk if its eating disorders or mental ilnesses but know that it mentions that, there’s no implied death tho one of them may seem to have but it’s not like that ok i explained too much

genre: angst

a/n: this may turn much darker than i thought omg im sorry

no gender neutral

~~~~~~~~

kim seokjin

He never liked the idea of you going on tour. He had been knowing about the shitty way your managers were treating you. He noticed how your members would always receive praises while you only received criticism, which made you work harder. This involved staying until late hours rehearsing, skipping meals and sleep time to work on your choreographies. He didn’t want you to leave to Europe, mostly because when you were at South Korea, he could always check on you and stay with you. But now you were far away. He spent every day nervous, alert of his phone in case you wanted or needed to talk to him. One day Namjoon told him he was overreacting, that you were fine, you had your members and that they would help you. This managed to calm him down, put his phone down and left it at home to enjoy the only free day they were given.

He came back home late at night, a small smile on his face, glad that he could spend a day with his donsaengs. When he grabbed his cellphone, his expression quite changed, “23 missed calls” could be read on the screen. He quickly calling the owner of the 23 missed calls, your best friend and unnie.

“Seokjin-ah, where have you been!? I tried reaching you all day!” she cried, voice almost audible

“What happened?” he asked, fear obvious in his voice

“It´s Y/N...she fainted on stage a-and...” she sobbed, while Seokjin’s held his breath “....she isn’t waking up”

His heart stopped.

min yoongi

It was a problem. Your weight had been dropping every month, making your boyfriend worried. And worst thing was, he couldn’t tell you anything. He had tried, more than he wanted to, but you just wouldn’t listen. This was your first year as an idol, your band debuted with success yet your managers weren’t happy with your body. That got to your head, and your diets were reduced to almost a plate per day. Yoongi was used to these starving diets, and knew that cheating them was the worst a female idol could do. So he focused on staying by your side, and help you sneak some snacks in while your managers weren’t present. But one day you announced him your band was going to South America as part of their tour. His concern grew, because he could follow you to Japan or China, but South America was too much. He just swallowed, nodded and prayed you would be ok.

He never stopped messaging you, every day checking in, seeing how you were doing. But suddenly, you stopped messaging. He glanced at the clock, 2pm. He remembered the 12 hours of difference, it had to be 2am for you. He was about to give up, and hope you were sleeping well, when a message entered his phone with a ‘pop’.

[2:08pm] Y/N: Suga are you there?

What? You never called him by his stage name, it cringed you. Why were you calling him Suga? He didn’t wait to reply.

[2:09pm] Yoongi: I’m here, what’s wrong?

He could feel it, something was wrong. His jaw dropped to the floor and an annoying knot appeared on his throat when he read the next message.

[2:11pm] Y/N: I’m Yoonho, me and the group are at the hospital, Y/N fainted, she’s way too pale and can barely move. You’re her emergency contact, right?

jung hoseok

“Babe, you’re barely awake” you laughed a bit, watching Hoseok on your Face Time trying to keep his eyes open.

“I’m here, I’m here jagi” he replied, trying to smile, but you were right. He could barely stay awake. He had spent all day checking on you, trying to see if you were fine.

You had been feeling quite bad these past days. You had been working on your first soloist album, and you had wasted long nights writing lyrics and composing melodies. It was driving you crazy, but you needed to get it done. You too were barely awake, but spending weeks staying up late at night made you control yourself, you knew how to pretend you were fine. Something your career as a Kpop idol also taught you.You managed to convince Hoseok to go to sleep, so you could get changed and go to the stage, it was another night of touring with your girlgroup.

Hoseok woke up from what he liked calling a long nap to his phone ringing. Without thinking about it, assuming it was you, he picked up.

“Y/N~ jagi, I’m sorry I fell asleep” he spoke in his tired husky voice

“It’s not Y/N, Hoseok, I’m her manager” that made Hobi jump up and suddenly fully wake up.

“Why are you calling me from Y/N’s cellphone?” he didn’t measure his tone, too concerned to care

“Y/N fainted on stage, we had to carry her to backstage” he gulped, feeling tears on his eyes “She’s resting now but I supposed you should know” he added before hanging up, leaving Hoseok more concerned than he already was.

kim namjoon

He hadn’t been able to talk to you in days, and it was driving him crazy. I mean, you were at USA touring, he knew your schedules by memory, why could you never even message him? But, he had to understand. Your managers weren’t as easy on you as his were on him. So he had to stick to social media. Updates of you on Twitter were the only way he had to check on you. He knew you had been quite stressed lately, thanks to your tour. You would always skip meals and sleep less just to get it perfect, you were too scared to be judged by foreigners, so you had to get it right.

He was working on his studio, the beat mixer opened right next to Twitter, with your update fan account. He refreshed every minute, watching some videos fan were taking during the concert. He started noticing you were missing some moves, and look quite tired.He assumed it was the video, because you never acted lazy on stage. He continued refreshing, but nothing happened. No new videos, neither pics or tweets. Everything was too silent. That was until he refreshed one more time, and a long tweet appeared. He read it out loud, his voice lowering as he was reaching to the tweet’s end.

@Y/Nunnie tweeted: “Y/N’s body suddenly dropped to the floor. The music stopped and so did the other members, who then gatherend around her. Soonah (your leader) picked her up, with some help from staff members. The lights went off, and when they returned, the stage was empty, only one staff member remained, who stood in front of the mic and said: “due to health issues, Y/N won’t be able to continue the show, please understand”. I hope she’s fineee :’((”

Joon stood there, trying to assimilate the situation, before going crazy...

park jimin

He was mad, and oh god you hated it when he was mad. When he was this mad, he wasn’t cute, no, he was scary.

“Y/N, you heard me, you aren’t going to that tour” he pointed at you, the ugliest frown formed on his face

“Jiminie, baby, even if I wanted to, you know I can’t say no! I signed a contract, I need to go!” you tried calming him down, but it was in vain.

“Look at you, Y/N, look at the bags under your eyes! They aren’t even letting you sleep! How do they expect you can perform? And abroad!”

“Well...” you started, not knowing how to answer, until you found the best way “...how did you do it when you just debuted?” you crossed your arms over your chest, and watched as Jimin relaxed a bit, knowing you were right “....could you talk back to your manager, refuse to perform? Baby..” you sighed and held his hands “...I’ll be fine, I promise you” you pecked his lips and left with a smile, not sure if you were gonna keep that promise.

And you didn’t, Jimin realized while was boarding a flight to Mexico, where you were currently touring. Not a long time ago, he received a message, written by your friend and sent through your phone.

“Jimin, Y/N just collapsed while performing her solo song, I know it’s much to ask but she really needs you. Could you come?”

kim taehyung

(ok i love this little ball of sunshine so much it breaks my heart he would be so sad if this happened)

He really wanted to go with you. He even insisted on asking your manager if he could join your tour. But no is no, and he had to stick to that, despite not agreeing. He not only was your number one fan and wanted to support his favorite person in the world, but he also wanted to have a close eye on you. You had been acting quite weird lately, arriving late at home, waking up too early, skipping some meals. He even caught you crying once, alone at the bathroom in the middle of the night. He was very worried, he knew your new comeback was bringing you a lot of stress, but what was worrying him the most was the fact that you weren’t talking to him about it. He understood that stress, but you still didn’t tell him anything. But he wasn’t a pushy boyfriend, he was going to wait for you to feel like talking about it.

In the mid time, and since he couldn’t join you on your tour, he decided to watch every live broadcast fans were doing during the concerts. He didn’t care about quality, as long as he could watch his girlfriend perform like the queen she is, he was happy.

He was locked inside his room, headphones on and Twitter opened, with the live broadcast of your show at Paris. He had a smile on his face, his favorite song was coming and he thought you always killed it in the dancing. He prepared himself for the performance of his life.

But his smile starting fading off when he saw you weren’t dancing, just walking around. He knew the performance by memory, and knew that during touring that choreography never changed. I mean, he has been watching every live broadcast, he knew the schedule by memory. He got near the computer, eager to find out what was wrong. The smile came back when he saw you joining your members on the choreo.

“Oh she was improvising” Tae said out loud, even giggling a bit.

When suddenly you stopped dancing and collapsed coldly to the floor. He held on to the chair’s arm, mouth wide open and eyes nailed on your motionless body. Your members gatherend around you and tried to wake you up. Fans started mumbling, while the music stopped all of a sudden. Since you weren’t waking up, a staff member came in running and picked your body up, carrying it to backstage as fast as he could. Your unnie followed behind, always having your back, and not intending to stop now.

Taehyung immediately grabbed his phone with shaky hands, trembling lips and tears fiercely falling down.

jeon jungkook

Oh boy he understood every concern you had. Being both the maknaes of each of your groups, you both understood the hard work you had to do to show you were as capable and professional as your unnies or hyungs. So instead of telling you off whenever you practised too much, he would stay by your side, to teach you to recognize your body’s limits.

However you were quite new to the idol life, while Jungkook had his years at it. And now your first tour was coming and your worry grew. How were you going to go on your own without your boyfriend? Jungkook reassured you you could do it, you were strong enough to do it. With a little bit more of confidence thanks to your most beloved best friend and boyfriend, you left.

Little did you know, he was making you a surprise visit. Since you were touring at Africa, he could take a quick flight and susprise you.

He was ready, bag on one hand, and plane ticket on the other.

“I’ll be fine, hyung!” he smiled as he spoke to Jin “...she doesn’t know I’m going, it will be awesome! If I need anything, I’ll call you”

As he was listening to Seokjin, his phone started buzzing with another phone call.

“Sorry hyung, I have another another call, give me a second” as he handed the air flight assistant, he changed calls “..Hello?”

“Jungkook-ah? It’s Jaesung, Y/N’s manager. She...she um, she collapsed, we are attending her right now. Her unnie Mina told us we should call you, we believe that’s what Y/N would want”

His hands felt numb as a tear rolled down his cheek and his bag fell from his hand.

~~~~~~

OMG OK MY BEST REACTION SO FAR I LOVE IT HOPE U LIKE IT!

creds to owner of gifs

~Admin Anto

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ricebunni24 · 5 years

Text

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy • Harlee

Finally made this smut. Took ages. Idk why.

Warnings: Phone Sex, Masturbating, Dirty Talking(like a lot. sorry), Dom/Sub thing, and Ben wearing lingerie(whoops).

All mistakes and shit are all me. Please tell me where they are.

Thanks.

AO3 version :)

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

He had just started doing press interviews for Bohemian Rhapsody. Rami, Joe, and Gwilym had already been through a couple a few minutes ago.

And he’s has a raging hard-on.

He knew he should have never had looked at his phone in between them, he usually doesn't, but he wanted to check if Ben was doing okay in Paris for the new movie he was shooting.

Buzz

Ben sends a picture and a text on phone. Curious as Gwilym was he opens it and immediately regrets it.

Love of My Life

*picture*

bought a little something here at Paris ;)

12:55pm

The picture shows off his neck down wearing a pair of thin lacey white panties and black stockings with white lace trimming on top that went around his upper thighs.

Gwilym lets out a small gasp and immediately presses the bottom to lock his phone. He looked up to see if the guys noticed him in shock, but they were busy chatting to each other waiting for the next interviewer to come in. He then coughs to clear his throat, trying to make it so nothing had happened just now.

Jesus Christ. Why did he even look at his phone for?

He feels another light buzz from his hand. He knows he shouldn’t check it.

Love of My Life

*picture*

saw it in black too

*picture*

1:02pm

Gwilym feels like he is having an asthma attack. All of the air in his lungs got sucked out of him when the second image on his phone popped up.

Ben was wearing the same pair of panties but in black. He was wearing the same stockings also having black lace trimming. What was different this time was that the stocking and the underwear were connected by black garters.

Garters. Fuck.

He grabbed the water bottle that was on the side table next to him and took a sip.

Okay. Fine. A big gulp of water. His mouth was dry.

The second picture was the worst for the brunet. It was Ben, on his knees, leaning against arms that were in front of him, and sitting on some couch. The picture was taken from behind showing the roundness of the blond’s bottom. The pair fitting really nicely around it and another pair of garters were connected from behind as well.

Just the thought on Ben on his knees with the set on, waiting for Gwilym to get home just to pull the lacy pair aside enough to put his hard cock into him. Ben letting his high pitched moans out of his mouth and filling the room with his and Gwilym’s grunts as he thrusts into Ben. Seeing his cheeks red from his hand slapping them. Looking at his muscular back full of love bites and long red scratches all the down to his ass from Gwilym.

And no one else.

Brings him here. To have a full-on erection and a dry mouth.

He then proceeds to cross his legs and takes another drink from the bottle.

“Hi, guys! Nice to meet you all!”

The voice of the interviewer comes across from him. He quickly looks up and then down again at his phone and turns it off. The man puts his hand out to Gwilym and he takes the hand to shake it. Gwilym and the rest reply to the interviewer.

It’s been only three, two-minute interviews and Gwilym feels like its been six hours.

He just wants to text, call, whatever Ben back. He wants to tell him that he should have not been teasing the brunet like that so he’s hard throughout the whole press interviews.

“You good, Gwilym?” He hears his name and he looks over at his friends looking back.

“Uh yeah, I’m okay. I’m just exhausted.” He clears his throat.

“What did you do last night? Stay up all night?” Joe asks, smiling.

Gwilym remembers last night pretty well. It was very late since Ben was seven hours ahead of him and the brunet was wide awake. So awake, Ben and he were talking. Well. More than just talking. The brunet was stroking his cock while he was shamelessly dirty talking to Ben over the phone.

“Right when we get home, I’m shoving you down onto your knees and making you choke on my dick then I’m taking you right there. There on the floor.” He could hear Ben whining and mumbling ‘yes, sir’ on the other line.

He was huffing his name loudly on the other side of the phone just coming along with him.

This flashback only just made him even harder.

“Something like that, yeah.” Gwilym chuckles a bit back.

Then the next interviewer comes in.

His erection was no more at this point. He has opened his legs for a couple minutes relived just not thinking about Ben and his little underwear hiding his hard dick in them.

Jesus.

“And that was the last one, guys.” The agent stands up from the chair.

“Thank god.” Gwilym sighed. Grabbing his phone from his pocket. He unlocked it and the picture of Ben sitting (so pretty he adds) on the couch is left on it.

“I’m just gonna pretend I didn’t see that,” Joe looks up at Gwilym, frowning a bit. “but since when did you have a girlfriend?”

Great.

“Oh. Um. This-uh not very long. Maybe a couple of months.” Gwilym turns his device face down and stumbles his words talking to his friend.

“And she sends you those kinds of pictures?” Joe huffs.

“Yeah. He’s- she’s something.”

Gwilym opens the door out the car and thanks to the driver, rather quickly.

He couldn’t wait to call his boyfriend on the phone. He couldn’t wait to see his boyfriend in the pretty knickers he bought. He couldn’t wait to hear Ben.

Buzz.

Love of My Life

hey babe. you done?

I wanna play with you <3

2:56pm

He really couldn’t.

He takes the steps up to his hotel door and struggles to unlock it with the key. His hands are shaking. He shuts and locks the door behind him. Drops his keys onto the kitchen counter, rolls his jacket off his shoulder to hang it up on the coat rack and toes his shoes off next to the door then heads to the bed.

Gwilym taps a few on his cellphone, grinning.

Calling Ben…

Immediately he hears the ringing stop.

“Hello?”

“Hey, love. How you today?”

“Let’s just cut to the chase. I’ve been fucking waiting for you all day.”

Accept video chat?

Gwilym chuckles and clicks accept.

He sees Ben’s face and his head against the headboard. He’s biting his lower lip.

“Biting your lip huh? Already?” Gwilym’s little rectangle screen on the top right shows him smirking.

“Shut up,” Ben replies. “Wanna see?”

Ben’s camera moves towards the bottom of his torso. Gwilym could see his abs, pecks and his head.

Gwilym's starts rubbing the tent in his pants already half hard. “Lower.”

Ben smiles. Ben takes the phone and sits up. The brunet raises an eyebrow. “What are y- oh.”

The phone is stood up placed somewhere so you could see Ben’s whole body and his face.

And what he’s wearing.

It was the white knickers with the white lace trimmed stockings. Like the first picture, he sent Gwilym.

Gwilym’s mouth gaped open. A little stunned.

“You’ve seen a picture already. Close your mouth. You’ll catch flies.” You could hear Ben’s voice echo a bit.

Gwilym shuts his mouth close and swallows. His mouth dry. “I know. You just look prettier than in the picture, love.”

Ben stands up and walks in a sultry manner in front of the camera showing his whole body. “You like it?” Ben has his hand on his left hip. Ben’s white lacy knickers engulf his hard cock. Gwilym nods and rubs a little harder on his erection. “Wait. Watch this.”

Ben backs up from the phone to show even more of him on the camera. He then turns slowly. Finally reaching his backside, Gwilym can see Ben’s round bubble bottom. The knickers reach only a third of the butt and the rest slightly bulging out from them. Ben reaches around and grabs his bottom to shake it little. It jiggles. Gwilym lowly growls as he sees it bounce.

“You like that?” Ben asks. Waiting for Gwilym’s head to nod. He then grabs a hand full of it and lets go of it to smack it. He jumps and gasps. It creates a pink outline of his palm. Gwilym watches as it turns in pink, his pupils grow bigger and his irises have become a smaller ring around it. “Sir? Gwilym?”

“Do it again,” The brunet commands Ben with a groan.

He does it again on the other cheek and he hisses louder. Ben’s hand hits it harder. Hard enough that it immediately turns red. Ben turns to the camera and he can see Gwilym already has his cock out stroking it slowly. His fingers wrapped around it. “What are thinking about?” Ben whispers.

“You,” Gwil’s answers back groaning a bit. Ben rolls his eyes.

“What about me?”

“I just got to my home. I open my door and hear some moaning coming from upstairs. I walk up to see you on my bed. Face down with your bottom up. I’m quiet watching you stick a dildo in you with those knickers down to your knees. Once you got it in, I walk in and startle you. I go on the bed and I’m right behind you. Telling you that you are a good boy waiting for me and trying to fit this toy inside of you.” Ben is already on his bed stroking his hand above his panties alongside with Gwilym.

“Fuck, sir.”

“I grab the pretty knickers and pull it up. Back onto your hips. It, of course, fitting nicely back on.”

“Aren’t you gonna fuck me?” Ben whines into his pillow, but still loud enough to hear him.

“No. You are gonna show me you are good enough to get what you want so you pull down my zipper and suck my cock. You would do so well, wouldn’t you?”

Gwilym could see Ben nod.

“What?”

“Yes. You know I would. I would suck your cock so well.” Gwilym can see the underwear have a dark spot right in front of the underwear making Gwilym grow harder.

“Then I wouldn’t be satisfied until your lips are red and your eyes are watery and can’t take it anymore.” Ben takes the underwear and slips it down far enough to tuck it under his balls and gets his fingers around his cock.

“I would flip you around and onto your stomach. I would wait a minute to just look at your ass in these knickers 'cause it looks so damn sexy. I pull the lace aside and see the toy plug you up. It’s huge. God. I’m so proud of you trying to put it, but you need something else. Don’t you?”

“Yes. I want you. I want your cock.” The blonde’s fingers travel behind him and into his crack.

“I pull out the dildo and see you so open. Jesus. So beautiful. I take my hands and spread your cheeks wider. You know what happens next.”

“Uh huh,” Ben already has a finger in him to the knuckle.

“My tongue teasing you then into your heat. Opening you up, making it wetter just for me. All me. Your ass tastes so good. I could eat you all day like candy love, but you don’t have all day? You want me to fuck you? You want me to put my cock into you and fuck you hard.”

“Yes. Yes.” Ben has two fingers in and out of his ass. He wants Gwilym to say the words already. He wants him to fuck him already.

“Earn it.” Gwilym roughly says. He wraps his hands tighter around his cock. “You have to earn it.”

Ben knows exactly what he’s talking about and he’s not all above doing it just to get what he wants, “Sir. Please. I-I want you to fuck me. Please. Take me hard. Please. God. Your cock in me now. I’m your slut. I bought these knickers for you. Just for you. Please fuck me.”

“You are a slut. You are so naughty for sending me those pictures. I got so hard whilst talking to those people. I wanted to focus on the questions but all I could think of was you and those pretty lacey knickers. You are so much trouble. You hear me?” Ben whispers a 'yes, sir’ “I shove my dick into you not giving a second for you to adjust. I hear you whine high and loud for me when I thrust into fast. I want you to feel this. I want you to feel me all week. Walking around the movie set limping for me.” The brunet’s eyes shut knowing it was time. “I’m so close, love.”

“Me too. Fuck.”

“Every time I see you reach down to your dick, I’m going to slap it away. You can’t come yet. You are such a naughty boy. You understand me?”

“Yes, sir. Okay.” Ben hisses. He can feel him on the edge. Heat building up in his stomach.

“I pull out of you and see your hole red. Wet from my spit and I want to come inside of you. Fill you up full. I take the toy and plug you up again. My cum inside of you. I’m in you all the time now. Jesus. I’m going to come.”

“Please. God. Can I come? Please, sir?” Ben is pulling on his red tipped cock waiting for the word for his release, rambling his words. “Baby please?”

“Come for me, love. Show me that you miss me. All over those knickers. Come on,” Gwilym commanded also stroking faster along with Ben. “I love you so much. So fucking much.”

That did it for Ben. He came onto his fingers and on his white panties. He cries high and then bites his red lips. Gwilym also gets it on his hand and then huffing with his chest heaving.

“I love you too,” Ben responds minutes after they both release. The brunet smiles into the camera.

“I miss you so much. How long do I have?”

“Six more days. Six.”

Gwilym groans, “I can’t wait that long.”

“It’s weird. Usually, press tours don’t take that long. Why is that?” Ben questions.

“I don’t know. It is very confusing.”

Gwilym smirks, looking at his luggage all packed up then at the clock in the hotel room.

Waiting four more hours to get on the plane to Paris.

#harlee #gwiylm lee #ben hardy #gwilym lee x ben hardy #ricewrites #whoops #this is a little spicy #sorry

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dfwemelie · 5 years

Text

May 2019

May 1st, nothing really that special happened today. We made icecream in Culinary and Carlos got really excited cause their were sugar cones. Izzy ate the most icecream out of all of us and hes lactose intolerant so he was hurting afterwards.

May 2nd, I was really stressed out this motning cause I havent finished my dress for the Fashion show tomorrow and it was raining and thundering. I had to stay after school for Fashion till 4 and I stayed with Scott after that until 5:30. I like staying after with him. We just makeout and talk and get paranoid about cars passing by. I think today we made out for 25 minutes straight which is a new record lol. He tops himself every fucking time and it’s so hot. Like holy shit because makeout sessions ever.

May 3rd, today was the fashion show and I was really stressed out at first but I ended up finishing my dress. The problem was that it was extremely short so I kept having to pull it down so you wouldnt be able to see my shorts under it. Seth and Aj were their watching their girlfriends and both of them took videos of me and sent it to Scotty. He said I looked beautiful. I met Kelly’s mom and sister and they seem really nice. I havent ate since Chickfila this morning and I’m starting to get really hungry/hangry. I might make me food but idk yet.

May 4th, Lots of pain occurred today. I woke up at 7:35 to get ready for the Nami Walk. Once my grandparents picked me up we got to Chickfila and headed to the Sam Houston State Park in Houston. The walk started around 9:30 and we finished at 11 only because my meme and Mrs.Pat walk so slow. It was fun overall but my feet were killing me and the back of my left leg was hurting alot and idk why. After the walk we headed to Galveston to meet up with my family. We stayed at the beach for an hour then went home. I ate a little bit and took a shower and now I’m here. I’m currently watching Thor Ragnarok cause it’s the only Marvel Avengers movie I havent seen.

May 5th, Cincooooo De Mayooooo. I didnt really do anything today besides sleep. I woke up at 3am for no reason then fell asleep. then woke up at 7 then fell back asleep at 1 till 5. I dont think I will br falling asleep early tonight cause I’ve slept so much. Scotty got to drink a margarita and I’m jealous. Also Ghala and Kaylie are so fucking cute and I stan them sooo much.

May 10th, damn. I told myself I would do this more often, bitch I havent done it in 5 days. Let’s talk about yesterday, May 9th. Scotty and I stayed afterschool (nothing new) and he was sitting down and I was ontop of him and we were making out. This BITCH flips me over to the ground, puts his hand down my pants, and…yeah…not actually touching me, just through my underwear. I was very ShOoK by this but I didnt stop him cause it felt really really fucking good. Like I’m not complaining.(I hate the word moaning so I use cake) Lots of cake was happening and he end up getting a boner. He has actually been getting them since we first started staying afterschool and I didnt know lol. I almost ended up having an orgasm but cars kept driving by and I told him if I see a car then he has to stop. I’ve never ever gotten this close with a guy. Not complaining. While cars were going by we kept telling weird sex related stories to eachother. He told me how when he was little his parents used the word dessert instead of condoms when he was around. Then his older brother told him what it meant and he was shook. On his 13th birthday his dad said he had a surprise birthday present in his drawer that didnt get opened at his party. He asked what it was and his dad said dessert. There were condoms in the bottom drawer of his dresser lol. Scotty also told me that he has personally bought different ones to use for future purposes. Now listen, I know its gonna be with me. I want our first times to be with eachother. That sounds strange but I love him and I want to lol but not now. Scotty wants me to go over to his house on his birthday to meet his parents. He also wants his birthday present from me to be us doing it. I said that’s not happening for a long ass time cause it’s too early and I’m not ready yet, even though I want him to be my first.

Different topic lol. Yesterday we got hit with some really bad weather and it fucked up my sleep schedule. I fell asleep at like 9pm then woke up at 11 then woke up at 2 then stayed awake till 4:30 then woke up at 5 then work up at 11. Like wtf??

May 12th, wow get ur shit together lol, do this more. Its official, I will be going over to Scott’s house if I get my gas laws homework packet done. My mom thinks I’m going over to Kaylies house, I hope she buys it. Im extremely nervous about meeting his parents, I’m hoping I’ll make a good first impression. Ive never met a boyfriends parents before so idk what to expect. I sent Kaylie a bunch videos about me deciding on what I’m gonna wear. I’ve decided on curled hair, light natural makeup, my blue ripped Jean’s, and either a red or blue shirt. I dont know how to act ugghhh.

Today I went over to my grandparents house and it was okay ig. My cousin Coleson came over and I was excited about that. He is my favorite cousin by far. I played basketball and ate food. I also drove from their house and back twice and I did pretty good. I wish I could talk to Scott but I dont want to interrupt his time with his mom cause it is Mothers day after all.

May 13th, I feel sick sksksks. like a vomit kind of sick and I feel like my limbs are weak and they are kinda shaking. It’s making me scared asf. I hope it will go away soon. I dont like feeling like this cause it gives me really bad anxiety and makes me have anxiety attacks. I’ve been getting alot of anxiety and panic attacks since sophmore year started

May 16th, Wow I really need to start doing this more often. Yesterday was Scott and I’s one month and he made a really cute video and I love it so much. I am still super nervous about Sunday, for alot of reasons. First I gotta meet his parents and idk how im gonna do that. I don’t know how to act or anything. Also Scott said its a shoes off house and I don’t want them seeing the cuts on my ankles. I’ll try to wear socks that cover them, I mean im gonna have to since i also wanna cover my 2 ankle tattoos. Also Scott says he wants to have sex. I don’t know if im ready for that yet. I’ve been thinking about it alot, mostly what would go wrong. Of course we would use condoms but they are only effective 98% of the time. I’m mainly worried about if I am gonna get pregnant or not. I can’t get pregnant. My life would be over. I’m saying this now, which is very contriversal, I would have an abortion. Yes its a human person who probably deserves to live but I just cant do that. I cant be pregnant. I don’t want to focus on all the bad stuff about sex, but the good stuff too. It supposedly has alot of health benefits. I don’t know how to do it though. Like I know how, but at the same time I don’t. Ya know? I also think we should wait to do it but in Scotts words, “I don’t plan on breaking up with you ever so we arent gonna get the opportunity to do it for a long time. So why not do it now when its gonna happen eventually.” I think im gonna do it. Talking about it makes me feel less nervous and weve been talking about it more and more since his birthday is in like 3 days. I want to talk to Kaylie about it but im scared she might say its too early. I know shes gonna support me in whatever I do, but I still want her opinion on it. I also nervous about Scott’s parents or siblings knocking on the door while we are in the middle of having sex. Scott always has his door locked which is good for the both of us. I know his older brother wouldnt bother us cause he’s like a cool brother and knows whats going on lol. I hope it doesnt happen but it might, just might be his mom checking up on us. I think im ready. Im nervous, but I want to do it with him. Im not being pressured into doing it by the way. He knows that if i dont want to do it, he won’t try, we would do what we normally do afterschool, but in his bed.

I should probably talk about what has happened today instead of talking about sex lol. Nothing special really happened. Scott wanted me to go eat lunch with him and I said no. 1. I dont like school lunches, and 2. I don’t want to sit even remotely near Derek, and 3. I don’t eat lol. I kept telling him he should go eat and he said ok. I just layed down on a couch on my phone alone. Felt like old times, when I had no one to sit with so i just listened to emo bitch music. Good times, good times.

May 17th, I had to take out my nose stud for pictures in Journalism and my piercing closed. At around 10pm I repeirced it with a thumbtack in the wall. I put a part of an earring in so it doesnt close overnight and now I have to sleep like that till I can go to the mall tmrw and get some more.

May 18th, I went to the mall and got some new piercings. I got a black star, blue ball, black hoop, purple gem, silver star, and a skull. I'm wearing the black hoop right now since it's my favorite. The skull makes me look emo lol. I'm really nervous about going to Scott's tmrw. Wish me luck

May 19th, Ok so I just got back from Scott's house. When my parents dropped me off they wanted one of them to walk to the door with me. I legit begged them not to. They wanted to make sure at least one parent was home so Scott's mom went out and waved. She also said she was Scott's mom but I dont think my parents thought anything of it since they didnt say anything to me yet about it. I met alot of people like his stepmom, stepdad, mom, all his siblings, some of his cousins, aunt and uncle, grandmas, and dog. His step dad was really funny and made alot of jokes. His step mom and I were talking a bunch about how cute JJ Watt and Tom Holland is and Harry Potter. We had pie and a bunch of us went up to his room and just messed around. His older brothers Damian and Ralph were messing with us and it was funny. My mom decided to be an asshole and picked me up 30 minutes early. I wish I could've stayed longer but Aunt Mandy and her boyfriend James are coming over to watch some wrestling thing. I'm glad I got to see Scott on his birthday. He seemed happy.

May 21st, I texted my mom yesterday about Scott, how we are dating, and how I lied and said I was at his house meeting his parents instead of going to Kaylies house. I thought I would be in really big trouble since I lied but apparently I wasnt. When I went downstairs to talk to them they were just happy i finally opened up and told them something about my personal life lol. They didn't ask that many questions about him which is a good thing cause i dont like questions, they make me feel uncomfortable. They know hes getting his license soon so my dad said we are gonna have to talk about people driving me around, other than Michael and his mom. I think it's just gonna be about not leaving the state and just staying close by to our house. At least I hope that's what it's only gonna be about. Knowing them, they are gonna put a bunch of restrictions. I'm pretty sure they would also want to meet Scotty before he drives me anywhere. They are 100% gonna make fun of him for driving a mini cooper lol, I already do. I'm actually really nervous about him meeting my parents, both sets. Ik I was nervous about meeting his but I think I'm more nervous about him meeting mine. I dont know how anyone is gonna react. Gavin is gonna be all weird and would want to talk alot lol. Gavin likes Scott, I really dont know why. Makes me nervous just thinking about it.

I took Scottys keys in Journalism today lol. It was cool just carrying them around. Made me feel like I actually had my own car even though there is a keychain with Scott's name on it. When he was walking me to class he took them back and I got offended. That's all that's happened so far lol.

May 23rd, I cried myself to sleep last night. Lol what a great way to start an entry. Basically I felt like I ruin everything I touch and somehow I was gonna ruin my relationship with Scott. He tried making me feel better but it didnt really work. Anyways, today has been kinda an off day. I dont know what it is about today, just not a good day. Haven’t been in the best mood since last night, but it’s fine..im fine. Everyone has their off days and I guess today is mine,

May 24th, Yesterday Scotty was acting kinda weird so I typed him out a little paragraph to at least try to make him happy and all he sent back was "Love you too". I'll admit, it was a little bit frustrating spending all that time on that and getting a short response but its fine.

May 25th, I'm spending the night at Kelly's, well actually I already did. We went night swimming and it was fun. I woke up at 5am cause I was in so much pain and now I'm in even more. I just love bleeding internally and having cramps that make me feel like I'm gonna vomit. I tried looking for some aspirin or advil but I couldnt find any which is just so fucking great for me. Yeah anyways, I'm in alot of pain, feel like I'm go throw up, kill me to end my suffering

May 28th, wow yeah love procrastinating this lol. I had my Journalism and Child Development finals today so basically I did nothing at school. I accidentally stole Scotts key for the entire day and I was lowkey panicking cause I didn't know if I was gonna have the opportunity to give them back. I mainly played on my phone in Journalism. We judged the class Photo Safari and my group got 1st place in two of the categories and got 2nd overall. I was really surprised the portrait of me won cause I don’t think I look that great but apparently the yearbook staff thinks so. Thanks Avery :’) Our child development final was easy. We basically just had to write down about something interesting we learned and 3 jobs associated with child care. After that I got out a piece of paper wrote down everything I was thinking cause I cant actually say it or else I think people would hate me. But I basically wrote how I think Scott doesn't understand how I am feeling and my bipolar and depression and about an Instagram comment about something I really shouldn't be worrying about. Also I was writing on their how I am a stupid piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything in her life cause she is just gonna fuck it up anyways just like she always does. I got done with that and the bell rang. I went to meet up with Scott and give him his keys then he walked with me for a little bit before he had to go talk to his teacher. Seeing him makes me happy, one of the few things that make me happy in this cruel world anymore. My dad called me and told me I had to get all of my work done tonight or else I would get my phone taken away all summer. I just don’t have the motivation to do this or anything for that matter. I’m gonna fucking fail anyways, might as well just deal with it.

I don’t feel anything anymore. No pain. No happiness. I am simply just...here. Maybe that's why I do it. To feel something...anything. I don’t care if it gives me pain I just want to feel human again.

Anyways. goodbye. Ig ill see ya in the next entry if im not already dead yet.

May 29th, today overall has been pretty good. I helped Cameron, Drew, Kaleb, Cassie, and others on the Geometry final. Which basically means I gave them all the answers. Cameron was 2 rows away from me so I texted them to him. I also took my Chemistry final today and I already know I failed that bitch. My parents are making me go to summer school for it which is no bueno. After the last bell rang I got to walk with Scott to the back doors. I don't want school to him. I'm gonna miss seeing him everyday. Tomorrow is the last day of school which means it's Izzys last day. I already know damn well I'm gonna fucking cry. I don't want him to leave but hes moving so their is nothing I can do about it. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell him how much of an amazing friend he has been and that everything will get better in the end. I dont want it to be tomorrow.

May 30th, Last day of school and just as I expected, I cried...alot. I didnt have a chance to say goodbye to Izzy like I wanted which made me very upset. I actually liked going to school, just not the learning. Seeing all my friends was the only thing I looked forward to. Now I have nothing. Once Scott gets his license we will be able to hang out but I want that to happen now, not in like a month. I said goodbye to Avery, Kaylie, Carlos, and all my teachers. I'm gonna miss it. But hey, I'm finally a junior. 2 more years then we can move to California. Maybe I'll start looking forward to that. I have to go to summer school and I'm really not excited about that, I know alot of people that are going which kinda makes me feel better ig.

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sunflowerstrays · 6 years

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you make me laugh // mark tuan

anon requested this: Can I request a scenario where YN is got7s mark gf, and the member tease her because she is from England and has a British accent. If possible can you make YN like famous too, maybe like the lead singer of a British band, idk but yeah

mark tuan x reader.

words: 2k.

genre: fluff, crack.

---

Mark and you had been dating for two years now, but had known each other for the majority of your lives

And two say you two were inseparable was an odd phrase because you definitely spent most of your time apart from each other

but when you were together you were joined at the hip, refusing to spend time apart

and because of this you spent a lot of time with the other got7 members

who all loved you to death because you definitely brought the best out of Mark

but your adorable British accent also humoured them to their death beds

the worst case that has ever happened with your voice was when you had all gone out for a meal to celebrate the success of got7′s new album

and you had tried to reply to a savage comment from Yugyeom about your new music style

but your voice had cracked as you had turned slightly shrill and this meant that the British accent messed up all the Korean pronunciations

and you’d never seen seven boys laugh quite so much in your life

to the point that even Jaebum, who could often keep a stone facade and remain stoic in these situations couldn’t control himself and was red in the face

you had just hidden your face in Mark’s arm as he patted your thigh and laughed hard with his friends

that incident aside

the boys mostly loved your accent

they thought it was absolutely adorable and wouldn’t change it for the world

even if it meant that when they arrived in England they would do their best to butcher the accent

just like they were doing now as the met you at the airport

because you were the lead singer of the British band, The Sun

and were kicking off of a week of stadium performances tomorrow night

and somehow this lined up perfect with some of the boys holiday time, so they had decided to come and visit you on some of your tour nights

and experience “British culture, the very best of it” ~ Youngjae, 2018

little did they know that British culture mostly consisted of rain, awkward smiles with strangers on the subway and an unhealthy amount of tea

yet as you stood at the arrival entrance for international flights you were beginning to think this whole plan was shambolic

because Jackson was pointing out a million things to Yugyeom and Youngjae, speaking the English name for it, but doing so in the worst accent possible

and you could here the old couple beside you muttering about how annoying today’s youth were

“y/n!”

Mark practically leapt from the other side of the room to your side, embracing you in the biggest hug and swallowing you in the smells of air-planes

you were too happy to see him to care that he was messing up your hair you had made such an effort on today

and hugged him back so tightly, wishing that in another universe, the two of you would have all the time in the world to spend together

because it had been almost two months since the two of you had last seen each other in person and you weren’t sure how long the next length of time would be

but for now you were just happy to see him back

following Mark was Jinyoung and Bambam, both of them screaming hello at you from the place were Mark had taken off

running at you at the speed of light before barrelling into you with the biggest hug

the couple beside you just anxiously shuffled backwards as they saw how big the group were, giving you the dirtiest looks

“British culture,” you introduced to the boys in Korean, making the three of them laugh hysterically

Youngjae and Jaebum appeared next, testing their English skills by making as much conversation in their adorably broken English as possible

which involved something along the lines of “Mark very excited to see you” and “how is this accent?”

you couldn’t help but tear at up how adorable Youngjae’s accent was, it was clear he was trying his best

then the three evil kids showed up, hugging you tightly and literally carrying you through the airport until Mark sulked that he wanted to hold your hand, and they dropped you before staring around at them

“so much British!” Youngjae had squealed as you walked past an over priced souvenir store that was drowning in cheesy British souvenirs

Mark had just rolled his eyes as the boys all wandered inside, asking you how to say a multitude of different things

ranging from bus to telephone box to Big Ben

and everytime you said something they would start giggling because of the accent, before trying to say it themselves

and you best believe Jackson and Bambam were having the time of their lives

eventually Mark and you manoeuvred the boys out of the store and towards the mini-bus you had had to order because the seven boys were a large number as it was, and with them came countless amounts of luggage

you sat in the aisle seat with Mark at the window as you drove through London to the hotel the eight of you were staying at with the rest of your group

who were all fairly excited to meet the boys

despite none of them knowing a word of Korean

the boys were trying to read as many signs as possible as you drove past, giggling to themselves like the children they were

but Mark and you were lost in your own little world

catching up on two months of not seeing each other by somehow cuddling in the cramped mini-bus and sharing inside jokes

or blushing deeply when ever one of the boys would call you two out for sharing a kiss

eventually the bus arrived at the hotel and this meant that the boys were all super hyped for a day touring London

the seven of them, as usual, were dressed to impress

meaning that amongst the young in their track suits and the professionals in their suits, they stuck out like a sore thumb with their heavily influenced fashion sense

but you didn’t really mind because hanging out with got7 was destined to make you stand out anyway

the underground was quite the interesting experience

with you holding both Mark and Youngjae’s hand at the same time, whilst Mark kept his eyes on Bambam and Yugyeom who were sat at the window waving at the strangers on the platform

and you almost left Jackson on a train into the heart of the city

but you showed them the classic tourist spots

and took them to your favourite small restaurant in the city where you had taken Mark the first time he came home with you

the whole time you were attached to Mark

and no matter how much Youngjae would tug you to look at the big bridges dotted along the Thames, Mark refused to let go

not that you were complaining because time spent with Mark was the most important thing in the world to you

eventually the day came to a close and you were heading back to the hotel

the six younger boys were deciding to find somewhere to eat after you giving them a long list of recommendations all day

but Mark and you opted for your hotel room and room service instead

once the two of you got there it involved changing into lazy clothes and cuddling on the bed

looking out of the open hotel window and just watching the world go by

and chatting about nothing

with the occasional make out sessions here and there

and honestly it was the best thing

because it made the endless months apart worth waiting out

because then these stolen moments in time were even more special to you

the second day of the trip was spent travelling around the city still, but you had to leave the boys early to go and practise for your show tonight

you were so terrified for performing not only because it was a stadium tour

but it was the first time you were performing in front of Mark live and the thought of disappointing him was what urged you to push harder

the girl group you were in weren’t the initially thought pop group that had been assumed of you when you had started

but rather you wrote all of your songs yourselves, and produced them, chose the music video design and created the dances

and had a much more chill and laid back vibe to your music

which is why Mark had loved your group even more because it was totally his style of music

and your voice sent shivers down his spine every time he heard it

tonight the boys were sitting VIP for you, but in a separate sections to save the risk of any fans spotting them

you could just see the seven of them chatting from the side of the stage before you were going to perform

and this made you even more terrified than you thought possible

but here you were and there was no sending them back to Korea now

the tour kicked off amazingly well

and somehow you managed to get through the first half of the show without messing up any lyrics or choreography, and none of your members had started their usual rants which was a huge bonus

during the half time break fans were given a chance to grab drinks and such whilst you changed backstage

but before you could run back on stage Mark had tackled you in a huge hug and was kissing your cheeks with watery eyes

“I love my talented queen of a girlfriend”

“Mark stop you’ll make me cry on stage”

eventually the security guards had to lead Mark back to where he was supposed to be sitting because you had like thirty seconds to run back on stage

the second half of the concert as well was incredible

and the group finished on a high note with fans cheering for you incessantly

and to say that the concert went well would be an understatement

Mark and the boys somehow snuck backstage to meet you and were wrestling verbally with the security guards to let them stay

and you just rolled your eyes and asked if they could stay

so they were all cramped into your dressing room whilst you had your makeup removed, chatting excitedly about the performance

and whilst you had to go next door to change they were still heard through thick walls

and when you were finally released into the night Mark refused to leave your side all night

even more so than usual

keeping you on his lap in the hotel room and kissing your head softly as you were falling asleep, knowing that you’d now have a whole week of this tiredness

not that you minded because you would do anything for Mark

and his wild band members

even if they were nuisances most of the time and dedicated all their spare moments to mocking you for your accent and girl group performances

---

oof idk if this is what you really wanted butttt it felt better to write it as a bullet list bc i could write a lot more if you know what i mean. however i hope you enjoy and i realise that i write so much for mark that it looks like he’s my actual bias rather than my biggest bias wrecker :)))))

requests are open <3

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1053

1. What did you do in 2020 that you'd never done before? Other than the obvious getting-a-job and other adulting stuff, 2020 was the year of my first cigarette, the first time I had to use eye drops, the first time I got sick for longer than a day, and the first time I tried my hand in embroidery.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t make any because I usually get tired of maintaining them after a few weeks. But idk, last night I had an idea that I want to try a new restaurant by myself every weekend in 2021. It’s very self-care-y which is what I need these days, and it’s definitely feasible now that I have my own money. Given my track record with resolutions I’m not expecting too much, but I still hope I’m able to hold out for as long as I can.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I know a co-worker became a mom this year, but I don’t consider myself close to her. We’re cool with each other, but that’s about it. Her baby is the cutest though.

4. Did anyone close to you die? One of my great-aunts passed away in April.

5. What countries did you visit? I stayed put here. It wasn’t like I could get on an airplane this year anyway. The Thailand and Vietnam trips are going to have to wait.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? Me back.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 10 (the start of the lockdown); August 2 (my university graduation); September 15 (the breakup and Angela’s birthday); November 9 (my first day as an employee).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being able to be strong enough to stay.

9. What was your biggest failure? Self-harm, or blaming myself.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yeah I got a UTI early in the year, which gave me a week-long fever. I’ve also gotten hundreds of scratches and play bite marks from Cooper since we got him in June.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My embroidery kits! I bought them on a whim and seriously doubting if I’ll ever enjoy it given my previous hatred for anything sewing/knitting; but I’ve already done two templates and I just ordered two more to do during the holiday break. I haven’t gotten much for myself yet because my first paychecks coincide with Christmas lol, but once the gift-giving is out of the way I want to get myself games on the Nintendo Switch, Airpods, and candles.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Andrew has been incredibly supportive and patient, and has stuck by me through the whole year whether I was on top of the world, stressing out over our thesis, or in my inconsolable black hole of sadness. No clue where I’d be without them.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Gabie, at least by August. I don’t know anyone who consistently let me down in the last 12 months.

14. Where did most of your money go? Christmas gifts for others; for myself, Starbucks coffee and pastries.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Graduating college and sharing my graduation photo with everyone. I remember also having been super excited to work on my birthday gift for Gab, which was to make a short video for her using iMovie (which I had never touched before until then). I was the best fucking girlfriend. Also, getting Cooper!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2020? Not sure. Music wasn’t a big part of my life this year. Maybe Why We Ever by Hayley Williams? I put it on repeat too many times in 2020.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? A lot sadder.

ii. Thinner or fatter? Said sadness made me lose my appetite and a whole bunch of weight by the latter part of the year. All of my shorts and jeans have gotten loose around my waist, so I’ve definitely felt the weight loss.

iii. Richer or poorer? I’m richer now, but only because I didn’t have a job before and I do now. My family’s finances have taken a blow due to the pandemic, though. I try to help by chipping in for the electricity bill, and buying my family nice food every now and then.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Love myself, appreciate myself, thank myself. All the self-love crap I didn’t think I deserve.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Tolerating bullshit I knew I didn’t deserve but kept going with anyway.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? We’ll be with my mom’s side on the 24th; having family come over to our place on the 25th; and will be going to my dad’s side on the 26th. Gonna be the most hectic three days ever and I’m PUMPED tbh lol. It’ll be the busiest we’ve been all year.

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2020? Meh, I just hated the times I made mistakes at work as I hate fucking up in general and looking bad in front of colleagues.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? I stayed in it.

23. How many one-night stands? No thanks.

24. What was your favorite TV program? The Crown was, until it got associated with painful memories and I had to put my viewing indefinitely on hold. My favorite show this year would be either Descendants of the Sun or Start Up; both are amazingly good.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don’t think so. I don’t throw that word around a lot anyway.

26. What was the best book you read? Bret Hart’s memoir was a fun read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Beach House and Chase Atlantic. ALSO, Twice lolololol

28. What did you want and get? My first job.

29. What did you want and not get? Commitment from the one person I asked it from.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn’t watch a lot of movies this year. I actually think I just saw one?? which is really unlike me; but it wasn’t a big year for film anyway. I have yet to see Ammonite, which I already think I’ll love.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 22 and I just stayed at home with family while my best friend and her boyfriend sent over sushi for me.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I got to keep my relationship, which I thought had been faring well until she abruptly pulled the plug on everything.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Casual and didn’t really evolve too much considering I didn’t go out a lot.

34. What kept you sane? Good Mythical Morning. I owe my life to them. And embroidery.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I didn’t develop a crush on him until this month lmaaaaaaao but Kim Seon Ho is so so so so so dreamy.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? The shutdown of ABS-CBN early in the year and the US elections.

37. Who did you miss? My friends in my org.

38. Who was the best new person you met? The people at my workplace that I ended up having a great rapport with.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: From a tweet I retweeted: “You keep bad people around you and make excuses for their behavior because if you decided to hold even one person accountable, you’d have to recognize the offenses you’ve ignored and accepted. You’ll realize how much you’ve invalidated your own pain to ensure the comfort of others.” It was a harsh slap in the face, but I needed to hear it.

#survey #surveys #yeah i'm angry in this one lol

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ummmhellobam · 6 years

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24 and clueless

Hello World

I think I just needed to vent or release some of this pent-up depression or angry that is literally weighing me down. So, this month, I turned 24. I should have been excited, but honestly, I am miserable. So first, things were going well, I got a new second job, was able to save money, and was able to buy myself some much needed me stuff. But I think, well I know, the misery came from the fact that I am 24 and I still live at home, am single (currently, I’ll detail more) and childless. I literally cannot get on Facebook or Instagram without someone posting that their having a baby or THEIR SECOND CHILD or getting engaged or married. It’s like did I miss out on how to have your life together class. I was in a relationship, sort of, well I was made to believe I was. There was this guy who I have known for 7 years and he isn’t really Mr. Perfect, but he was Mr. Charming and Confident. When we met, it wasn’t love at first sight. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, my best friend liked him, that whole teen rom-com drama. I eventually got to know him and there was just something about him that made me feel alive or at least how you feel when your high, so I’ve been told. Anyway, we did a thing, not sex, and things changed. He stopped being that guy who made me feel so amazing about myself and became the sleazy slime ball he is (still and current). But still I wanted him. I took every chance I could to be next to him, like saving him a seat in class or on the bus, trying to wear nice clothes, makeup, perfumes, so he would notice and compliment me. I mean anything, just for him to smile that big goofy smile that made my heart melt time and time again. We would have our moments, things I will not discuss, but they were are intimate hideouts and feelings that I knew we shared and was just not imaging, like our first kiss. Still to this day it was the best kiss I had ever had and all other kiss since have been compared to that moment. Eventually he graduated and I was left all alone. No one made me feel the way he did. I tried dating, but I just wasn’t into any of the other guys. He would text me from time to time. I loved those moments. But then I saw that he had moved on and then so I did the same. He texted me prom night, mentioning that he wishes he could have been my date. TBH I wanted him to be. He also mentioned wanting to be my first. Again, TBH I wanted that to. But we were just too far and on two different paths. So, came the time to graduate. I had a boyfriend who I lost my v card to, but tbh the whole time I was thinking of him. About how he would be gentle, he would probably take his time and we kiss and he would hold me and ask me if I was okay. He would have been a gentleman. Time flew by, I was in and out of relationships for the next three years, and he would always manage to pop up at the wrong time, always wanted to “talk” and then proceed to ask for nudes. It got old real fast. At one point, and I guess I was going through one of my many break ups and I was still living in the moment of when I thought I had a pregnancy scare and he said that I could come stay with him and he would take care of me. Yes, he really said that, how can I not fall head over heels for a guy like that. Well I told him how I felt, because I was tired of his talk then nude’s conversation and I just wanted him. So, I told him that I like him and he simply said I have a girlfriend. In that very instant, I felt my heart break. It was like some was literally tearing my heart in half and setting them on fire. I cried so hard, and it’s funny because my lousy ex at the time was trying to get back with me for the 100th time. So here I am crying over someone who only wanted nudes and having to deal with an asshole who had a picture of the girl he cheated on me with on his wall. If you can’t guess from reading this, my love life is straight fucked up, and that isn’t even the worse part, which I won’t get into now, maybe another time. Anyway, so another year passes, its summer 2016, I am finally free from the mess of my ex and haven’t heard from him in 2 years. I am sitting in my room, enjoy my independence, when I get a message. Like any person who get a message from an unknown number I do not know, I reply Who dis? He replied and my heart began to jump up and down, like it was trying to escape the loveless prison I sent it to. But my eyes nearly rolled out of my skull with disgusted and anger. We talk for a bit, you know the whole, how are you? What have you been up to? Etc. etc. etc. So, then he goes, can I tell you something? And I say sure of course be honest with me. And he was. He sent me this long text about how he missed me and missed our friendship and missed the way things used to be between us. He also mentioned that he was going off to the army because school just wasn’t gong how he wanted. I was in shook. I honestly did not know how to reply to such an emotional text. I replied that I too missed talking to him, that I was proud of him for doing something so courageous and brave and that he shouldn’t give up on school. I ALSO MENTIONED THAT WE SHOULD JUST WORK ON OUR FRIENDSHIP UNTIL HE GOT BACK, BECAUSE PEOPLE USUALLY MEET OTHER PEOPLE WHEN THEIR IN THE ARMED SERVICES AND THAT WOULD LEAVE ME HURT. I typed that like that because it is the very key to these upcoming life events. Anyway, he totally agrees with me, but he keeps saying that he wants me to be the girl that is waiting for him back home. And in my mind, that just sounds so wonderful and romantic and as someone who has devoted her life to rom-com, everything I could have wished for. Well-off he went, and then soon came letters. Letters from basic training that were so sweet, loving, and just so romantic. I used to take those letters everywhere. Those letters are what got me through long miserable shift and I just had to read them every night before bed and every morning when I woke up. He eventually got his phone back and then the letters stopped. It was okay because he would text me every chance he got and I would call and leave vm for him to listen to and then we had like apps where we would set dates for in the future for when he would come home. It was perfect, but then life. He eventually became more distant. I honestly don’t know what triggered it. Was is because I missed his graduation or was it because he was trying to work on things with his ex. Well the day came and then went when he would promise he would be home and then we could talk and just be a couple. He texted me days later and I was upset because I had my hopes et really high. Instead of apologizing, he left me on read, to which I sent a very long reply about him getting my hope up only for me to be left alone. He never replied back and time went on. I eventually throw away the letters and blamed myself for not being able to keep a man. I wrote out this long desperate letter about how I missed him and didn’t expect him to feel the same and I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me, that mainly I just wanted a friend. I sent it in March, the month he told me he would be deployed. He replied in April. I was at work when I got the message and then I nearly cried and screamed in front of a lot of people. He had sent this long message about being in Japan and how he was sorry how things went, he never meant to hurt me, and that he was trying to fix things with his ex and he shouldn’t have led me on if he knew that was going to happen. I was upset about the whole ex thing, but some stupid part of me read only the part about him being in love me with me and let that go to my head. So of course, he adds me back on Facebook and I am scrolling through his page when I see two things. 1. He is ENGAGED and 2. He came home in January. My blood was hot and my heart was like the titanic, just sinking down into a dark abyss. I literally just started at those two posts for hours before I impulsive messaged him about it, it being the engagement, not the fact that he was home and never came to see me, idk why I didn’t bring that up. Anyway, He was so confused and didn’t understand where I was coming from. I ended things once and for all. I told him that if he couldn’t see that I still had feelings, then we don’t need to be friends, because I will not be your sidepiece. I blocked him and didn’t hear from him until about June. He messaged me on snapchat, an app that literally just sat on my phone. He sent me a picture of all my letters that I had sent him. I didn’t know if I should have been impressed or upset. I went with upset. I sent a picture telling him that I moved on and he should do the same, that he should throw them away because I sent those letters to someone who I thought loved me. I didn’t reply back. I, being the weak and gullible person that I am, sent him another long text the next day, saying that I was sorry for coming off as a bitch and that I just think its best for us to not talk and just go our separate ways. He sends this jumbo, super long text, tell me how he is still in love with me, how his engagement was just a spur of the moment and he didn’t think it would last (turns out she was moving to el Paso) and other romantic and heart felt emotional confession that I had wanted from him. Well we talk and talked for hours and he even video chatted with me the next day and it was perfect. For a week, then the next week came and we got into one disagreement and one argument. He broke up with me, saying that he only wanted to be friends. How does someone go from I just want to be with you to let’s just be friends? Well I backed off and then again, He got my hopes up and then crushed them again, this time it was on my birthday. He was out clubbing, posting on snapchat some girl dancing on a pole and then goes on Facebook and says he is a in a relationship with some girl. My heart breaks and I just can’t take the whole, one minute he is calling me every Sunday telling me he loves me and he likes our weekly calls and then the next him and some white trash bitch are in a relationship??? Like what the fuck? So, I call him out on it with a long message bout how I feel and how it’s not fair how he keeps leading me on. At this point, we spent so much time not talking I was just becoming more and more depressed and I felt like I was back in a relationship with my miserable ex who would do the same thing of ignore me and then popping back up when it was convenient for him, And I told him that that was a deal breaker for me. Like I get we can’t talk every day, but somethings are better than nothing. He sends back that he is sorry that he never meant to make me feel this way, that he is not going to let me go without a fight and I guess to me that made it all better for the time. HE went back to ignoring me and at this point I was just numb. I didn’t want to upset or make him leave so I just bit my tongue and just stayed waiting by the phone. The holidays rolled around. He was extra affectionate and adorable. But when they were over so were we. I had enough of the ignoring and when I throw shade via snapchat he replied that he needed space and felt like I was forcing this relationship on him. At that point I just said okay and let him leave. A few days latter came the accident and it just seemed like my life was really in the shit hole now. He texted to make sure was alright, and then again, a few days later asking if I still loved him. I said that if he had to ask then I guess I was shoeing you just how much I loved you or that you just didn’t care or want to see. I also asked if he wanted to be with me and he flat out said no. So, I took that no and just came moving with my life. That was Feb 2018, we didn’t talk for the rest of the month or any of march or the beginning of April. At one point, I got a notification that he was trying to message me on snapchat back in march, when I got off work, but he didn’t send anything. I remember saying I am so done with that loser. April was a weird month because he started messaging me again, but I would ignore them, then eventually I would reply no picture just a simple hello, then I send one picture and the flood gates swing wide open. He starts messaging me about work and other like stuff and then he mentions about an army ball and just idle chit chat. Then one night he tells me that he misses me. I tell him that he is okay, and then we fight and it ends with him asking me to marry him. I say yes because…. tbh I don’t know why I said yes, maybe because I loved him, maybe because of the fear of dying alone, maybe because I wanted what everyone else had, I don’t know. And from April 2018 to Aug 2018, then were going fine, we talk almost every day, usually it was just a good morning beautiful message but I just remembered to bite my tongue and be a good fiancé. Eventually came his birthday, I wanted to send him a long heart felt message, but I kept it short and sweet. Then for my birthday I get a message from him that just says happy birthday. I cried. Here I was on my 24th birthday cry over a man who has put me through so much hell. So, I just ignore, I tell my self at least he sent something. I got another message from him a week later. It was a picture of him with the caption baby with heart eye emojis. I ignored it because I didn’t want to be left on read for a whole week. When I finally replied he left me on read. So, I messaged him if we were good. His reply, “Yes? I guess? I should mention that someone from the past has come back and things are going well for us… I wanted to smash my phone into a million pieces. I reply so there is no place for me then. And tbh I wanted to say way worse. I honestly don’t know what kept me from not finding out the girl and sending her all our messages. He then replies that.” There is always room for you, things just happen, I’m sorry” My heart was done, I was done, I had no words left. So, I wrote a quick message about being tired of constantly giving into him and him not understand that when you love someone you don’t hurt them and that I was never talking to him ever again. I also screen shot all out conversations about him always saying he loves me and how he was the one that asked me to marry him after I clearly said we need time apart. Then once he says the message I deleted me snapchat, unfriend him on Facebook and deleted my twitter (twitter is were I would also see his profile and back in august, one of his “friends” complain about her job and goes, Its life babe)

So here I am two weeks post 2 year break up, no more him for good this time. I just miss being someone’s significant other. I miss being in love. I miss him. Well this kind of helped I started this at 10:20pm and it is now 12:11am. Times flies okay until next time peace and love

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