dfwemelie

[dfwemelie]

December

Literally forgot to do this the entire month. Oh well

[dfwemelie]

AHH IM EXCITED

EMELIE I FINISHED YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT

GHALA SAYS YOU'LL LIKE IT BUT IM NERVOUS ANYWAYS

[dfwemelie]

November 🍁

Nov 1st, I broke up with Allon and now I'm gonna get chickfila with Adam and play apex with Julian

Nov 2nd, I got my braces done again. I got purple. Apparently I found out that I might be getting them off in like 2 visits which is really exciting.

Nov 3rd. Allon got extremely drunk yesterday and said this

I feel so fucking bad. I broke up with him cause I realized I need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with anyone else. It breaks my heart hearing that hes heartbroken about this. After him sending that Austin facetimed me and asked what was going on with us. I told him and he praised me for doing it. He said :the fact that you're taking time out of being in a relationship and dating Allon to better yourself and be happy is completely okay and I'm so proud of you for it." That made me start crying hearing that. Austin was drunk too but he could tell by the tone of my response that I was crying. He wasnt as drunk as Allon. He also told be that i should just ignore him for the night since he was drunk. It hurt but I did it. I really regret breaking up but it had to be done.

I actually forgot about this all month so I'm just gonna do a long ass rant lol. So yeah, I broke up with Allon cause I wasnt happy with him and that kinda turned into a whole ass mess cause his bestfriend Austin thought I was a bitch for a day but everything is good now. Then on November 16 Adam and I officially started dating even though weve been basically dating since the 7th. Adam makes me so incredibly happy. I dont think I've even been this happy in a long ass fucking time. I'm scared I'm gonna fuck up but he keeps reassuring me that even if I did, we will work through it and not break up. I'm hoping to be with him for a long time. On November 23 we went to the Renaissance festival together which I was extremely nervous about cause I had to meet his parents and I've never done like an event with a boyfriend before but everything went great! I met the parents, we had a great time, got stuck in 1 hour traffic on the way home, hung out then he dropped me off home. It was honestly so fun and I'm glad I spent the whole day with him. A couple days later he met my mom and that turned out great too. She likes him and thinks hes funny and cute. Also I officially dropped Gage this month, I'm tired of his bullshit and I realized that we were never gonna end up together even if we were both single. Our relationship was too toxic for my mental health and I needed to let go. Once I dropped him, I felt this giant weight lift off my chest. It felt good. Also November 5th I got caught drunk at school from my teacher Mrs.Langley.This was before the happiness shit so I was still going through alot. Mr.Sheilds took me to the nurse 8th period and alchohol tested me and it came back positive. Then he took me to his office where him and Mrs.Reeves searched me to see if I had anything on me. Luckily that morning I drank the rest that was in my backpack and Kelly and I wash out the bottle and took off the tag so no one could trace us. Since i didnt have anything on me it didnt go on my permanent record but all my teachers still knew. I sat in his office for the rest of school and he called my dad which really fucked me up. He genuinely terrifies me. So once I got on the bus to go home, I turned my location off and went to the last bus stop and walked to the park. I didnt get off my bus stop which was the first one. My parents and family kept trying to call me for hour and hours. My dad even threatened to break my phone and call the police. I cried alot that day. While I was there Adam and Kaylie helped me and i appreciated it. Adam even called me in the middle of his tutorials for 10 minutes to make sure I was okay and tries to help me.

These are some memories I dont wanna forget. The first one is a hate video someone made about my tiktok. Btw that tiktok has 300k+ views and 50k+ likes which I'm excited about. I've gotten alot of nice comments and people supporting me

[dfwemelie]

Happy Thanksgiving Whores

[dfwemelie]

I saw Kaylie do this about Ghala so I did it about Adam

1) Describe them in 3 words

Sarcastic, funny, sweet

2) Their favourite style of clothing

Dont really have a specific style, he wears alot of hoodies which I like stealing

3) What mannerisms do they have?

Hes very sarcastic and also has this kinda weird tone to his voice I have picked up on. I've also picked up on his humor too

4) Do they play an instrument?

Lol no

5) How did you meet/become introduced to them?

We have history and culinary together but also have alot of mutual friends

6) Favourite thing they’ve ever said/texted/messaged?

He wrote I whole page that said over and over "I love Emelie Beane". A part of it is in my phone case

7) What do you like doing with them?

Cuddling and spending time with him

8) Their favourite colour

Purple

9) Do they keep up to date on pop culture?

Bruh no

10) Sweetest thing they’ve done for you?

He told me how much he loved me and cared about me and even though I'm gonna fuck up at some point, he wants to keep our relationship

11) Have you dreamed about them?

No

12) Have they dreamed about you? (if you know)

He doesnt dream lol

13) Can they dance?

No but it's funny when he tries

14) What does hugging them feel like?

Like the best feeling in the world

15) Your favourite thing about them?

Everything

16) Their favourite thing about you?

Apparently everything

17) Best memory of you together?

We went to his house after eating at chickfila and we just cuddled in his bed for an hour before he had to go to theatre

18) What are they like when they’re tired?

Monotone and cute

19) Could you imagine growing old together with them?

Honestly yeah

20) Could they imagine growing old together with you?

He has slightly mentioned it before so yea

21) What would an ideal date with them be?

I dont care what we do. I just wanna spend time with him

22) Are they competitive?

When he plays videogames yea

23) What do you do together?

Cuddle

24) Which smells remind you of them?

His cologne, the smell of it is on the jacket I took and omg I love it

25) Do they remind you of any music?

He introduced me to a song called Solo by Samsa and since I heard it, I fell in love with it and it has been one of my favorite songs since then

26) Could you tell them your biggest secret?

I think he already knows cause I rumor went around mentioning it

27) How do you greet each other?

He says "hello misses beane" a lot and we also call eachother a huge bitch

28) Could they tell you their biggest secret?

Yea

29) What makes you blush that they do?

When he kisses me I blush hella hard

30) What makes them blush that you do?

I told him how much I cared about him

31) Would you say you love them?

God what I would give to say that

32) Would they say they love you?

Already have

33) How long did your longest relationship last?

We never broke up

34) How long did your shortest relationship last?

We never broke up

35) Have you ever experienced true love?

Yes sadly and it broke my heart

36) Have you ever fallen asleep while cuddling with somebody?

I almost did with Scott and Adam lol

37) Do you like being in a relationship, or do you prefer to be single?

I like both but I'm really happy with Adam

38) Have you ever broken up with somebody?

Yeah

39) Has anybody ever broken up with you?

Teah

40) Describe your first crush.

His name was Cody, he was blonde and in like 2 grades above me and hella cute

41) Would you like to get married one day?

Of course! It's been my dream since I was little

42) Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love at first sight?

No tf

43) Have you ever been cheated on?

Yeah

44) Do you think it’s possible to remain friends after breaking up?

I'm friends with alot of my exs so yeah

45) If you had the chance to get back to your last boyfriend/ girlfriend, would you?

No, Allon is a great guy but I am very happy with Adam

46) When on a date would you go to a club full of people for the whole night or going to the empty beach alone for the whole day together?

Empty beach duh

[dfwemelie]

October☠

Song: This is Halloween-Citizens of Halloween Town

October 1st, its 12:04 and Apex season 3 comes out today. I'm super excited for it. Besides Juilan, I dont know any of my other friends that play Apex. Adam, Allon, and Eugene hate it but that's fine. I dont really care. I enjoy it and that's all that matters. Aiden has declared himself as my knew bestfriend and that makes me happy. Kaylie and I dont talk anymore so it's kind of a good change. Not saying I'm replacing Kaylie, I just wanna talk to Aiden more often. Allon and I are doing good. I miss him. He wasn't at school yesterday and womt be here today. Sucks but cant do anything about. I'll be able to see him tomorrow so its whatever.

Started off October as a semi-good day. I was sad about Allon not being here but hes coming back to school tomorrow and I'm excited. Jordan Hyman called me a hoe so that was kinda not fun but it's fine I guess. I slept from 7-9 and idk why. I was just really tired but not tired enough to sleep the whole night. Around 8 Allon texted me hes going to bed so I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow.

October 2nd, today's been a pretty good day. I got to see Allon and I was real happy about that. Gage and I are back to being close with eachother again. He makes me so mad but god damn I love him so much. I got my braces done again. They are dark blue to match my homecoming dress.

October 3rd, happy mean girls day and national boyfriend day. Not much happened today. I got breakfast. I took 2 tests and I'm pretty sure I passed both. They were both pretty easy. I've basically texted Gage all day. That's it lol

October 7th, I got my nails done and my homecoming mum yesterday for homecoming. I'm really excited idk why. Today was an okay day, nun bad or good.

October 8th, today was a pretty good day. I got a 97 on my chemistry quiz, not sure about my algebra one but whatever. At lunch Allon surprised me with a black teddy fresh hoodie and omfg I was so happy. I've been wanting one for ages and hes actually so amazing. Also after he gave it to me we hugged and he KISSED ME. We didn't talk about it or anything, just acted like weve dome ot before. Before the bell rang for 7th period he had to go to class and I needed to stay after so before he left we kissed again. Yeah yeah no big deal. Hes great. I dont deserve him. Tomorrow hes not gonna be at school or have his phone cause of this fasting thing and I'm sad cause I'm gonna miss him. Fuck I already do. Hes gonna be here Thursday tho so I'm happy bout that. Also friday is a half day and I'm excited cause I'm getting my hair. Then its homecoming and Michael's party. Very busy weekend.

October 10th, I cried 4 times today

October 11th, Today was a half day at school. I was in history for 2 hours. Adam jokingly told our teacher I needed to go to the bathroom when i didnt and I had a whole mental breakdown. I was laughing and crying. Then I went to english for 2 hours, it was normal lol. After that Meme picked me up and dropped me off at my hair Appointment. It went well. It's not that ugly ass green blue anymore. After that I went to Michael's house, which I just came back from, and I had alot of fun. It was a party for Hirams return and Dawson, kewann, Issac, and Cameron where there. We fucked around outside and watched Terrifier again. Cameron kept stealing my phone cause I kept stealing his butterfly knife Michael gave to him. I missed hanging out with Cam, we def have to do that more. Hes hella funny. Tmrw I'm not gonna have my phone or xbox until homecoming so that's gonna be fun. I gotta clean. My parents kept saying they are taking us somewhere tmrw morning which makes me nervous. Anyways, ima take a shower.

October 12th, Homecoming. Cried twice over the fact that Gage looked happy with his girlfriend. The way he looked at her killed me inside

October 14th, went to work with mom. Hated it. My legs itches.

Horny teenager things

October 21st, I like the pain. It distracts me from what's going on in my head

October 24th,

Dear Misty. I cant explain to you how much I loved and cared about you. You meant everything to me. My lil baby fire breathing dragon. I hope you are in a better place right now and I hope you arent suffering anymore. You will always be in my heart. I miss you so fucking much already. I havent had the heart to take you out of your cage since I found out. It's just too painful. I told my mom and she kept asking me if I was okay. I'm fucking not but I tried to keep it together and tell her yes. This fucking hurts. I havent lost a pet in 5 years, I forgot the emotional pain and torture it gives. You were one of the lights of my life. If there was an animal heaven I hope you found Meeko up there. He was my big thicc boy. I'm gonna miss you so much. One day I'll get a memorial tattoo for you. You meant so much to me. I'm sorry I wasnt a better mom to you. I love you baby.

Misteria Meine Jones Beane

Feb 28. 2018- Oct 24. 2019

[dfwemelie]

🎃Happy Spooky Season🎃

[dfwemelie]

I'd want you to go but if you dont want to that's fine

Big uwu energy

Should I go to homecoming?

I feel like no one would want me to go, I'm just a lone shiba

[dfwemelie]

September🍁

September 1st, hello September. We starting of this month ight. Not much happened today. I slept alot and I went to my cousin Jake's birthday dinner. Other than that I haven't done anything.

September 3rd, I woke up with the absolute worst pain in my stomach ever. Love my life.

I'm pretty sure Allon asked me out of a date. Omg. Okay

September 6th, I don't know anyone in my new chemistry. I wanna die. Thank you

September 8th, okay so yesterday I went on a date with Allon. Like an actual date. I've never been on one before so i was nervous. It was fun. We went to main event and went bowling and played games. Allon sucks at bowling. It was funny. Then after before I left he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes so now that's a thing. Its weird cause it still feels like we are just friends. Its gonna take me a bit to get used. I just got my nails done, they blue. After my mom finishes her nails we are gonna go get my brows threaded again.

September 12th, I'm 93.6% sure Julian likes me and ngl it bothers me. I'm with Allon and I'm happy with Allon. He 3rd wheels us in the library alot and it annoys me. But like whatever.

September 16th, sorry I havent done this in a while. Nothing has really happened. I took a nap and woke up at 8:20pm, idk how it happened but like yeah. I feel sick

September 18th, okay so todays been a shitty day overall but at the end it was good. Allom and I stayed up all night playing minecraft but we mainly talked. We talked about how the first day of school the first thing he thought of me was "wow shes hot" and I thought it was funny. Then we went on saying how confusing we were to eachother and how he started liking me. He kept making me blush. Allon said he wanted to have the type of conversation in person but I'm so glad we didnt cause my face would legit be bright red. I kept freaking out about all the cute shit he was saying cause it made me so happy. Hes so great. I'm glad I'm with him <3

September 21, Allon and I walked and skated around my neighborhood. I wasnt in the mood for skating but I'm glad we got to hang out. But omw back home we saw Gage and that completely killed my mood. I'm gonna give Gage his jacket back monday so wish me luck.

September 29, jeez it's been awhile. Yesterday I went to Jesse's house and we went to go see It Chapter 2. Most fucked up movie I've ever seen. I just finished homecoming dress shopping and I'm kinda excited for it this year. I dont know if Kaylir is going but I know Kelly is. I plan on getting absolutely fucked during it. Its gonna be great. Allon and I are doing good. No problems right now which is weird cause by this time in my other relationships we fight about something stupid. It's nice. I like not fighting.

I'll try to keep up with this more in October. I didnt talk about it but it's been a shitty month. I'm just excited for spooky season

[dfwemelie]

Dont be so harsh

My goal is to be a complete asshole

[dfwemelie]

♡Decided to change my aesthetic to make current favorite color, pale blue♡

[dfwemelie]

I'm not like you anymore

I've moved on

[dfwemelie]

God fucking damn hes hot

[dfwemelie]

.

UwU

#im like the complete opposite #i used to not like him #but weve been hanging out more #and we cool #oh how the tables have turned

[dfwemelie]

IM READY FOR SPOOKY SEASON!

[dfwemelie]

Friday thoughts of a singleton...

[dfwemelie]

August🔥

August 5th. I finally got my phone back from the cruise and omfg I wanna go back so bad. It was so incredibly fun and I met alot of amazing people. I met Gage, Taylor, Emma, Destiny, Dezi, Josh, Jacob, DJ, Andre, Adam, Daniel, Ty, Preston, Eddy, Aiden, and so many more people. It was such an experience and definitely the best birthday I've ever had. None of them are gonna read this but thank you to everyone who made my first cruise and my 16th birthday so awesome. I love and will miss everyone.

I got to watch Gavin today cause Sebastian has a eye doctors appointment which is not fun for me. I also have to get my school schedule today cause I wasnt able to on the 1st cause I was in Cozumel. I'm really hoping I get classes with my friends. I'll be upset if I didn't but itll be okay. If I dont I'll just be known as the quiet girl again.

August 6, I have to force myself to stop liking swedish boy but ngl it's so fucking hard. Hes perfect for me. God fucking damn it why does he gotta live so far. Why do I have to get so attached to people so quickly. I just get left in agonizing pain again and again. it's just a constant state of heartbreak. I hate this. I hate myself. He told me hes forcing himself to stop liking me cause he knows there is no way of us meeting. That really broke me. I keep saying it's fine but it's not. Why do I do this to myself. Why cant I just stay away from all of it like I wanted to in the first place. None of it matters anymore. I guess the only thing I can try to do is move on. I was talking to Parker about it and he said if he really did like me then he would try all he could to make it work. Ugh I just wish he could make it work. Hes not my cute swedish boi anymore, just a guy I met on tiktok. It hurts saying that but that's all itll ever be now. My tiny little sliver of hope that I had was incinerated by the flames of tragedy. I gotta move on. I dont wanna move on. I have to though. It hurts. Its weird not seeing his name as Swedish boi now when he texts me. He asked me to change it.

August 9th, I went driving today and i did kinda good. I went on Birnhamwoods and i was scared but i did good. My mom doesnt know how to give directions. Other than that I've just been in bed all day again. I've been watching Jane The Virgin season 5 with Misty and so many things are happening it's great. Theres 5 days till school and I want to go back but I really dont want to. First I'm gonna have to see Gage and that's gonna be hella awkward. We havent talked since he blocked me like a month or 2 ago. I also have to give Scott his stuff back and that's really gonna hurt. I don't tell anyone but I still wear his jacket sometimes. I know it's bad and I need to stop but I cant help it. I cant help the fact I still miss him. But now I gotta give it back to him. By me doing that it means its really over. I guess that's how its gonna be now. Just over. I gotta ignore the fact that I loved him and he was my first. But now it's gone and I have to accept that. I'm just gonna stop trying ya know. Im tired of getting my heart broken. I just need to be alone from everyone for awhile.

August 10th, Yesterday I was playing with the boys and needed to switch the party from my phone to the xbox. My headset was dead so I asked sebastian for his charger cause I lost mine. He said no but I took it anyways. He knew I was gonna take it so he rat me out to my parents and told me to give it back. I asked if I could borrow it again and he said no. I was angry so I grabbed his headset and threw it on the ground, breaking it. My dad heard and ran up the stairs and started yelling at me. He told me to clean my room so I locked myself in the bathroom. They took my phone, xbox cable, and TV cable. My mom tried talking to me but I didn't say anything, only that I wanted my phone back. While everyone was distracted I grabbed pillows, blankets, markers, and my fan and slept in the bathroom as a protest. At around 1am my mom gave me back my phone and said she deleted everything. I was pissed. But I'm fine now.

I went driving today again. We went through benders and looked at the rich people houses. Must be nice not being broke. I also drove to Kroger which I was nervous about since there were so many cars but I did good. I even parked, not perfectly but in the spot. My dad felt bad about yesterday and got me Starbucks. School is starting up soon and I'm excited to see kaylie but that's it. Not looking forward to giving Scott his jacket back. I'm just gonna walk up to him, say nothing, and hand it to him. I'm gonna stop talking about it before I start crying again lol

August 14th,First day of school and I've already cried twice. Scott kept talking about how he broke up with me and how he feels bad about how he did it and regrets it. Then he asked me about Gavin was and I said he really fucking misses him, cause he does. Then the bell rang and I cried walking out. Other than that it was an okay day. Coach Clair remembered me and I was really happy about that. Also my son Jadon is in that class and that made me happy.

August 15th, I'm in chemistry rn and I fucking hate it. I don't think there are any juniors in here and it sucks. I feel like shjt that I failed this class. It wasn't my fault though. I really hate this. It makes me really nervous and anxious and emotional. I'm not gonna cry but I wish I could. Everyone knows eachother and I don't know anyone. I wish I was in Physics instead but i guess that's harder than Chemistry. Now I'm in level chemistry so its gonna be easier cause I struggled with how fast they were teaching.

Looks like I gotta reset my days clean tonight.

I met this guy named Allon yesterday. I see him everyday since he's in my culinary and he's also in my history and my English. He seems cool and is friends with Eugene. Culinary was fun today, we did a speed dating thing and it was awkward at first but once we got to talking to everyone it was easy.

August 16th, its Friday. School is done for the week. I was upset today cause they changed my history teacher and I loved him. Now they put me with this monotone teacher Mr.Horton. it's weird cause there is only like 10 kids in that class. I am now also in Livestock production and there are 12 student in there including me now. I don't know why some of the classes are so small, there are over 2,000 students at gohs now. In culinary we had to split up in groups and I went with Eugene, Allon, Adam, and Tamara. They are a really fun group. I almost feel bad for leaving Michael to be in a group with a bunch of people he doesnt know but he would've had to choose to sit with them or Eugene so I sat with them so he didnt have to. I had alot of fun. I already know culinary is gonna be my favorite class this year. Mrs.Langley says we aren't allowed to choose our groups this year but I hope she changes her mind. Allon seems really nice. I got his snapchat and we've been talking alot. He has the cutest fucking poodle ever. I see him everyday, not just cause of culinary but hes in my blue day English.

August 18th, its 12:06pm and I just realized I haven't done my review for the last 2 days. I haven't done much. I've mainly been texting Allon and watching Netflix.

August 19th, I try to sleep away my depression. It doesn't work

August 20th, by far one of the worst things about grand oaks this year is the bus situation. There are way too many kids on each bus and they have to get more busses cause it's so over crowded.

Last night was okay, I played Apex with Eugene then after we just talked for an hour. He was the main person talking he kept saying he felt bad for talking so much but I told him I'm a good listener so it was okay. We talked about some deep stuff and we actually have alot in common. We both overthink situations and create random scenarios in our head that would never happen but like what if they did. I almost feel kinda bad about talking to Eugene so much cause Michael hates him and I consider them both of my friends. I've just known Michael for so long but I have alot in common Eugene. More than I thought. I've kinda been leaning away from Michael and from my friends in general. I feel horrible for doing it but I don't want to completely cut them out of my life cause they've been in my life for so long. I guess I've kinda just grew out of some friendships, mainly Michael and I's. Idk maybe I'm just talking too much and should just keep everything how it is.

August 22nd, okay so update. Derek hit me up and I'm like ew but whatever. Allon is making me watch pokemon and ngl kinda love it. My hair is curly. We stan. I feel sick but that's cause I ate a sandwich and kept moving around. Also my back hurts. I wanna die. I'm at the bus stop. Its humid. Ew. Gross. I hate myself. That's it. Goodnight.

August 23, I was kinda quiet in culinary today and everyone was very concerned apparently. I spoke maybe 10 words. I dont know the exact reason but it was mainly thinking about Scott and the fact I kinda feel left out alot of the time. I don't even know why I'm still thinking about him, maybe I should take the time over the weekend to try to stop thinking about him. I feel left out alot in culinary, and in life in general. Culinary cause I sit with all guys and they talk about things I dont really know. I dont feel like talking about it anymore. Goodnight

August 28th, not much has happened since I last updated. I played minecraft with Allon last night and it was pretty fun. He died twice and it was super funny. Before he left we talked about just life. How we've both given up on relationships in general cause we've been fucked over so many times. Which I think is weird cause I keep getting mixed signals from him that he likes me but he also thinks of me as a friend. It's weird. But yea he also asked me if I was gonna go to homecoming this year and I told him I would if someone asked me but other than that I probably wouldnt. Yeah and then he left and I cried myself to sleep cause i talk to my ceiling about how lonely i feel at night. Yeah that's it.

I have such bad luck with guys holy shit I hate myself

August 29th, I played more Minecraft with Allon yesterday. We played for 3 hours lol. It was really fun. We both kept dying in the nether and we also kept killing eachother. I still get confused on whether he likes me or not. So many mixed signals it's crazy. I forgot my chemistry notebook at home and I'm very upset about that but oh well. I get to see Julian today so that's gonna be interesting. I keep seeing Scott everywhere I go and it just makes me so incredibly sad. I wish it didnt but it does. I'm sitting next to Johan and it's very obvious he likes me. I feel bad for not liking him back but I cant help for the fact that I will only see him as a friend. I think the whole Scott thing is playing a part in it too. I dont wanna date Johan cause it means I'll be around him more often. I really miss him but I dont. I want him in my life but I dont. Ya know? I'm confusing myself. Carlos and his friend walked to my house yesterday to get his phone and wallet back. It was funny cause there was alot of lightning and thu der and Carlos got hella scared. My mom pulled up and we drove them home.

August 31st, ah the end. I've played minecraft with Allon all day except for when I went to Akashi. Lifes been okay. I still think about him alot but I'm getting better. At least I feel like I am. Hopefully. I know it takes time but fuck I'm impatient. I miss Kaylie. I like culinary. I've officially established a group. It's me, Allon, Eugene, Adam, and the occasional Ty and Tamara. It's great. I'm happy I've made friends. Also I have a new friend in fashion. I'm trying to plan ahead on outfits for the show and I already have my whole 5 outfits but I need my fashion sketchbook to come in quick cause I'm dying from not drawing these. Adam has concluded I'm addicted to vitamin water. This month was ight. Hopefully I get better next month.