#idk if I have ocd but still | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pinksilvace · 11 months

Text

I really do wish that the Owl House had managed to stick with its original goal of being subversive for so many reasons, but right now I'm thinking about the finale again and how Belos was framed as a downright evil dude. A lot has already been said about this decision, from how it hurts the development and arcs of multiple characters to how it neglects a lot of the subtext that made Belos such an interesting villain to begin with, but it also just generally falls into common tropes from a character design standpoint.

Belos is designed, inside and out, in such a way that ensures the viewer KNOWS he's the villain based on pre-existing stereotypes prevalent in media. He's not young or conventionally attractive; I've seen fans go so far as to call him ugly because of what is essentially a skin condition. Season 3 confirmed that he has OCD and psychosis. The curse is shown to give him some sort of chronic pain (+limited access to relief medication, which loses effectiveness [note that Eda will likely always have access to elixirs while the same can't be said for Belos and palismen]). He has a foreign accent. He was given a rough childhood (that the audience is expected to disapprove of) to "explain" how he got to where he is.

Something about it feels really rotten. He's a villain, no doubt about it, but a lot of his traits - many of which are heavily stigmatized - are not present in any other cast member (the closest I can think of is Hunter, who has facial scarring and undefined trauma symptoms potentially (?) including psychosis [the big difference here is that Belos is shown to have had episodes repeatedly while Hunter was shown to have one moment of non-possessed hallucinations for what looked like the first time]). It would have been nice to see a show shooting for subversion not use such commonly villainized attributes for the villain, or at least, for the villain and only the villain. It especially stinks considering how the showrunners pressed the message that he's evil through and through.

#the owl house #“but English accents aren't stigmatized in the US” okay but it still denoted him as an Other compared to the American main cast #“he wasn't confirmed to have OCD” he literally did what he did because of scrupulosity #toh critical #philip wittebane #emperor belos #yes I am once again sore over the stigmatization of OCD #I fully believe that there had been other plans for his character before the shortening #potentially including a different ending (this is PURE CONJECTURE)#but the way that season 3 treated him made it seem like the show just... stopped caring?#idk man when you build up a character a certain way it's nice to at least see some follow-through #belocd

128 notes · View notes

akajustmerry · 5 months

Text

anyways forgot to tell you guys that after YEARS of asking my doctors to get me assessed for adhd I finally had the appointment with the psych and they're referring me to a different psych who specialises in treating inattentive adhd which is what they suspect my diagnosis is. I cannot even speak how relieved I am that I haven't been imagining feeling like this!!! but also I'm trying not to feel crazy about All The Things Wrong With Me™

#idk it's silly but I feel like I know ppl who have gone through way worse trauma than me and it just feels embarrassing...#to have not gone through anything so awful as what others I know but still need so much like I feel like I'm taking resources or something #like when the doc said so yeah you have ocd depression and anxiety and probably this too I'm like but WHY

36 notes · View notes

miammey · 11 months

Text

Ok, last night I was thinking. Tecchou’s tendency to match same-colored foods could be an obsessive compulsion (this is coming from someone who has obsessive compulsions)

#idk if what I have is OCD specifically #the website I use for therapy sessions only has it listed a obsessive compulsions #but I still think it fits #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs manga #bsd hunting dogs #the hunting dogs #bsd tecchou #tecchou suehiro

61 notes · View notes

grimweathers · 1 month

Text

hey anyone else sick of crying about the News and World Events

#also idk i think my ocd is getting to me in this regard #i have been spending money fairly regularly on esims and gofundmes and bail support etc #but since my bank account is not literally at zero dollars after paying rent/bills my brain is like.#you still technically have money and you're NOT donating more?? you're keeping it for yourself to what. get takeout?#and then it's just 'you're a bad person' on repeat until i donate #then there's a break and it starts all over #okay typing this out makes me see that it is in fact my ocd lol there's no 'idk i think' about it #river talks

19 notes · View notes

peachdoxie · 7 months

Text

It's really frustrating that I took an entire year off from my PhD program in order to get help for my mental health problems, only for none of the treatments I tried to really make a difference, so instead of coming back with a renewed sense of vigor and ability to progress, I'm having to work on my dissertation while being even more burnt out and still dealing with many of the same problems that caused me to take a year's leave in the first place.

#anecdotes by peachdoxie #i run out of funding in spring so like idk what I'm going to do if I don't finish in time #no suggestions pls im just venting #I'll figure something out if it comes to that #it's just really frustrating #i should have sought treatment for autism in the first place instead of for ocd #because I'm still skeptical that that diagnosis is correct

21 notes · View notes

soccerpunching · 8 months

Note

⚡️ zanark 👀

I'M SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO ANSWER THIS!!

My other zanark HC is that he has OCD, I had this hc since my second watch of chrono stone but it was something that im too afraid to say before like all of my disability hcs. For everyone with OCD, you are highly encouraged to kick me in the jaw (criticize me) if you find my words offending or ignorant (please point it out if im being insensitive).

i initially based this strictly on the way he talks and his catchphrase that he say a lot. it felt like it's something that he needed to do. something that he cant stop doing even if he wants to. but he does really want say it most of the time.

i hope this does not sound like im romanticizing intrusive thoughts (as someone who have dangerous ones) but i also think that what made him capable of miximaxing with a super typhoon is because he wasn't able to find a coping strategy that was able to help him through this (because he was in a prison). his intrusive thoughts were harder for him to manage... and became what they called his chaos in the series (which also canonically made it difficult for him to use his powers). i hope this was not ableist of me to say (but tell me if it is!!).

another thing, a bit unrelated to the hc i had above... not to bring zanakurou again on another zanark hc; but i genuinely believe that given that zanark had parents to raise him and wasn't given to a shit organization that puts kids in time warping prisons, he would have been just like zanakurou. with the chaos within himself strictly (and painfully/still unhealthily) managed for the honor and pride of his (chosen) family. he just gives me the vibes.

#i still have a few of these lightning bolt asks in my inbox to answer!!#thank you for this. idk if this was what you were expecting but i wish it wasnt insensitive or worded to be so #(ocd was another one of the topics i self-studied bcs i thought i had one too bcs of my intrusive thoughts)#zanark avalonic #inazuma eleven chrono stone #inazuma eleven #ie imagined by lore #halftime lore #avalonic99 #fandom ask game #*points at my masterlists* oh and that too. i thought i had ocd bcs i like doing those things

24 notes · View notes

pokotho · 1 year

Text

rb for more votes?

#i couldn't fit medical reasons but that was also gonna be an option #but i wanna know what the medical reasons are if those voters were comfortable sharing #so i sacrificed that option in favor of other(explain) because i wanted an explain anyways lol #cuz it could be a mental illness thing that they try to just avoid having thoughts like i could see that w ocd or ptsd #or it could be like a brain ailment thing like a stroke or a tumor or something congenital that ive never even heard of!#also curious where scizophrenics fall on this poll because that was what sparked the thought #cuz i have conversation thoughts with my imaginary friend but like... is that normal?#is it normal for me to have an imaginary brain friend #its like if i were the shoulder devil and i became human and he was the shoulder angel #so i have a shoulder angel but since i WAS the shoulder devil there isn't another shoulder devil #so its just shoulder devil (me) but as a fully sized human #and the shoulder angel is still on my shoulder #idk if that makes sense but anyways #poll

49 notes · View notes

iamthemaestro · 5 months

Text

I realize I think a lot about my life in terms of “maybe when I’m a boy…” my brother in christ. maybe you are an EGG

#idk. idk!#I’m not a Man. but I do resonate with Boyhood a lot #that’s the thing #I’m still nonbinary either way #but like. what kind of nonbinary. that is the question #and more and more it feels like Boy Nonbinary #but idk what to do about that. you’d think I would after like four years of being out to people #but I don’t. like what else can I change. I’ve already got the pronouns #I think I’m like… More Trans than I give myself credit for #(that’s a joke you can identify as trans however you want)#but my ocd brain is always like well you’re not trans you didn’t trans anything #which is not true but I mean it like. if I had the chance would I?#I might. but at the moment I don’t have the chance #so I’m just. confused #constantly #it’s exhausting #I don’t feel comfortable for the most part #also intrusive thoughts go brr right now I’m trying to Think #whatever tag ramble over #gender #mine

8 notes · View notes

pollenallergie · 5 months

Text

do people with adhd have special interests? do we do that? cause i’ve been in my free willy shark week marine biology era for a solid decade now and like shit has not changed.

#ik i say i have audhd. and my therapist and i definitely think i do.#but my psychiatrist won’t diagnose me bc i am a woman and apparently this is still the 90s ig #so idk lately i’ve been having an identity crisis and being like… do i even have it??? if i can’t get a diagnosis??#like yeah this specific psychiatrist won’t diagnose me but i’ve been to other psychiatrists in the past??#so like if i had it wouldn’t they have caught it??#and like yeah my cousin has it but who knows he could’ve gotten that from his dad’s side of the family not his mom’s (my aunts)#idk big crisis over here #it’s also been like months since i last saw my therapist which is just not good…#but yeah idk if i have autism? and now i feel like shit for essentially diagnosing myself as being audhd based on like nothing #so now i’m just trying to see if all this shit that i thought was maybe autism is actually just my adhd or ocd #or just like a fun non-disordered quirk #also i am very embarrassed about the way i talked about autism on here when i thought i had it now that i’m not sure #like it feels very rude and offensive in retrospect #so i’m very very genuinely sorry for that #that just was not okay for me to do #i promise to be better going forward and i’m very sorry #pol’s diary <3

7 notes · View notes

biantianyang · 1 year

Text

While reading the blackwater arc I couldn’t help but notice a surprisingly clear allegory between the Venerable of Empty Words and OCD. Whether intentional or not, it was so prominent I wanted to write a (not so) little analysis about it. So let’s get right into it!

First: what is the Venerable of Empty Words? We get a fantastic concise description here:

“The Venerable of Empty Words draws power from fear in people’s hearts. With power, it manipulates its victims to realize its predictions and then makes new ones; the cycle continues until the person is thoroughly broken and their mind is lost to despair. The more unsteady one’s heart, the more disadvantageous their position; the more one has, the more one fears loss.”

To rephrase this in terms of OCD, simply replace “The Venerable of Empty Words” with “OCD.” Purposeful or not, MXTX was describing OCD very well here. If anyone reading doesn’t know what OCD is, considering how misunderstood the disorder often is by people who don’t have it, it’s not just a disorder where you wanna clean a lot. It is when a person may have unwanted thoughts & fears (which are ego dystonic I might add) that disturb the person with OCD. This then results in compulsions which come in different forms that the person may do in response to the obsessions in an attempt to be rid of them. For example, a person might fear they could hurt their family, so they’re unable to handle knives. This is a pretty basic and general definition/example.

OCD is also sometimes known as a doubt disorder. It draws from the doubt/fear in people’s hearts. It manipulates one’s brain into believing their intrusive thoughts. If one point of focus isn’t enough it could establish multiple new types of obsessions. Just reading “the cycle continues until the person is thoroughly broken and their mind is lost to despair” was like… ok holy shit bro that’s just what it feels like. The terror that the thing you fear most is true. Looping over until you can’t take it anymore. This definition of the Venerable of Empty Words also focuses on the heart, and in many ways OCD attacks what people value. “The more one has, the more one fears loss” a sentiment that can be applicable to things like violent intrusive thoughts surrounding one’s loved ones.

We also get to see a few examples of how the Venerable of Empty Words attacks people. In a general sense, it’s described as:

“If someone was happy, in their moment of joy, it would appear to dump a bucket of cold water over their head—a killjoy in the most literal of terms.”

OCD interrupts those who have it’s happy moments in their lives. It feels as if there’s never a moment of peace. OCD is everywhere. The very concept of the Reverend of Empty Words stalking Shi Qingxuan all her life wherever she goes, hiding in the shadows, lurking, matches the persistent fear OCD gives someone. No matter how hard you try, you can never seem to escape.

In a more specific example, the Reverend of Empty Words tells Shi Qingxuan:

“Just wait! Your closest family, your best friend—they’ll all die a disgraceful death because of you!”

Does this not sound like a blatant intrusive thought? There’s no reasoning why, but now you have a new fear that your loved ones are going to die. It isn’t just that her closest family will die either, but that they’ll die because of him. The person with OCD believes the fault lies with themselves. Thus the obsessions over this intense terror.

What follows are the compulsions. When Xie Lian gives an example of when he witnesses the Venerable of Empty Words attack someone he describes:

“The wealthy merchant jumped to his feet in a rage, set on catching the one who would say such a thing, but that person ducked under the table immediately and disappeared into thin air!”

The merchant is quick to get upset at the Venerable of Empty Words’ words. He lashes out trying to stop him, but fails. When you get an intrusive thought you do a compulsion to try to be rid of it, in an almost instinctual way. You want to focus on the horrible thought… how dare my brain say/accuse me of this! Get rid of it! But it still runs free.

This is because the way to get rid of the obsessions and thoughts are the same way you get rid of the Venerable of Empty Words. Xie Lian lists three ways to deal with the Venerable of Empty Words as:

“The first is to not let it open its mouth; cut it off before it can speak. This works in the moment but not in perpetuity, so you need to remain vigilant at all times.”

“Second, if it should speak, don’t let the subject of its curse hear. Anyone would be frightened to hear someone cursing them at the height of their joy, and that creature feeds on fear; it revels in it. The more frightened you are, the happier it becomes.”

These first two are the lesser effective ones. In the first, one can try to shut it up, but they aren’t fully rid of it. Trying to block out an intrusive thought sometimes might work in the moment but they’re bound to come back. An uncomfortable vigilant feeling remains along with it. Second, not allowing someone to hear the words is equivalent to not letting someone get intrusive thoughts, which sounds like just not having OCD to me.

The third solution is the best:

“However, if you pay no mind to however it tries to curse you or rain on your parade, then it can’t do anything to you. So, the most effective method is the third—surround yourself with happy occasions and ignore it completely. Let it choose to speak or remain silent, but forget everything it says. Make yourself stronger and continue down your path according to your own will, and not in accordance with the tragedy it predicted for you. If it can draw no despair from you, it will eventually leave on its own with its tail between its legs… Of course, it could still very well be lying low, waiting for its next chance to strike.”

Part of having OCD is accepting the intrusive thoughts that come to you. The Venerable of Empty Words/thoughts/fears may remain but you must learn to accept and not pay too much attention to them. To truly treat them as “empty words.” An extremely difficult task. And it doesn’t ensure that they won’t come back either. But you cannot wallow in it because that only makes things worse. That’s quite literally the obsessive part.

Xie Lian even goes on to describe the third method as such:

“Although the third method was the most effective, it was also the most difficult to accomplish. After all, who in the world could truly build such a heart of stone and feel not a single ripple of fear?”

Like yes!!! Who!??!! It’s an undeniably difficult thing to do. The reason why OCD is such a terrifying disorder is because humans do not have hearts of stone and do not live without fear. People with OCD are especially susceptible to this. Just as those who are described as “superstitious” in the novel are more vulnerable to the Venerable of Empty Words.

The Shi family tries something different from the three methods, although most similar to the second, by attempting to disguise Shi Qingxuan and be rid of the Reverend of Empty Words. Here we also have a more fantastical element where Shi Wudu can help his sibling escape the grasp of the Reverend of Empty Words by swapping her fate and getting her to the heavens. Unfortunately, people with OCD do not have this opportunity. And regardless, it doesn’t work for Shi Qingxuan at all. You can’t play dress up and run away from a disorder, you have to let the distressing thoughts come and die away.

As a bonus Xie Lian has a very interesting case. He manages the Venerable of Empty Words with his horrible luck.

“Either he experienced no happy occasions and [the Venerable of Empty Words] waited fruitlessly for years, or he had already grown accustomed to all the bad luck and suffered neither fear nor anxiety. His luck was so bad it defied the imagination of the Venerable of Empty Words, so Xie Lian thought nothing of its curses, and in fact treated them as well-wishes or daydreams.”

In some tragically comedic manner, Xie Lian has become OCD-proof. We can take Xie Lian as an example of someone without OCD. The Venerable of Empty Words/intrusive thought comes to him and he finds a way to defeat them by being like ok lol. sounds good to me! These thoughts can come to him and he can accept them and move on. Even though Xie Lian might be a special case where he can do this because things are naturally bad for him, his capability to move on at all is a huge feat for someone with OCD. And in turn the Venerable of Empty Words has no choice but to give up. To literally die of starvation. The intrusive thoughts leave him. He never has to obsess over them or have compulsions in response.

Shi Qingxuan also has a slightly different case considering He Xuan devours the Reverend of Empty Words as a part of his revenge plan which makes things more complex, but without a doubt she exhibits symptoms of OCD in the same ways I described before. She is a target of the Reverend and is aware of her own vulnerability towards it. Although she spends a good amount of time running away, when the blackwater arc crew set out to deal with it, she responds obsessive-compulsively upon hearing the Reverend of Empty Words speak.

Essentially, the Venerable of Empty Words is to its prey as OCD is to those suffering from it. Whether or not MXTX intended for this to be a little allegory to those with OCD I’ll probably never know, but I’ll be damned if the allegory isn’t there.

#ok WOW that was longer than i thought it was gonna be. a lot of quotes lol #but ive been sitting on this post for months.. over a year maybe lol #kinda funny that the venerable of empty words is better accidental ocd rep than anything else ive seen in media #still cant decide if i hc sqx as having ocd either but like the jinx bitch itself? ocd manifested!#actually sure she has ocd too <3 #if it means anything too: i told my analyst abt this and she was like wtf. they're so similar #tian guan ci fu #tgcf #shi qingxuan #xie lian #he xuan #b.txt #venerable of empty words #what else do i even tag this idk

37 notes · View notes