#idk i’m just feeling Emotional and Tired

[ariesinterlude]

⳽atᴜrᥒ r͟e͟t͟u͟r͟n͟s͟ ⠀✧ ⠀ ㅤ*̩̩͙‧͙*˚⁺‧͙ growing tired of this reality + vent

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

 𓍼 i’m trying to be positive about a lot of situations that are going on in my life but i’m feeling rather overwhelmed and negative, i know when it’s like this it should prompt me to ultimately ignore the 3D but how? i can’t seem to get out of my head..

 𓍼 i just like i’m a burden to the people i associate with and it’s over the little things they get mad at me? it makes me feel like i’m constantly saying or doing something wrong but idk because at the same time i’m like what is it? i can’t express my emotions towards these people bc they don’t listen to me and only get angry at my words which prompts me to get angry as well.. they make me feel like a monster.

#random thoughts with arie #shifting #shifting antis dni #reality shifting #shifting blog #shifting community #shifting diary #shifting methods #shifting motivation #desired reality #shifters #kpop shifting #shiftblr #newjeans dr

[xjustakay]

hmmmm

#feeling very. Hm. #idk like #Tired to my bones rn #and some of it is fandom and some of it is Life #but i think i’m gonna turn anons off for a little while #bc i’ve liked some of the interactions lately but some of them have also been…… #well yk #i’ve deleted a number of them too bc i just don’t have the patience #but like i’m overwhelmed enough as it is with life #i don’t feel like coming on here and being overwhelmed with weirdness or downright meanness too #so yeah #idk i’m just feeling Emotional and Tired #so if you try to send anons and find you can’t sorry ig #just haven’t felt Great about the way people have been talking to me #or treating talking to me as a means to use me for shit either bc that’s also happened in the last few days :) #so yeah that’s all #shut up kay #maybe deleting this later idk

[merildae]

A hug would fix so many of my problems rn

#feeling very alone recently #a fair amount of my irl freinds just evaporated when I started my medical transition #and aside from that I’ve been very clearly struggling but it seems like no one is close enough to me to really grasp the seriousness #of my emotional state #like I’m falling apart at the seams and trying to ask for help but everyone is just like #“but you’re good tho right? #idk I just want someone to give a damn. I’m so tired of having to solve every problem all by myself #I just want someone to lend a hand or even just be a shoulder to cry on without making me feel like a burden

[teabookgremlin]

emotional tonight about the line “says she knows she lived through it to get to this moment” from graceland too

i’m in such a happy fulfilling place rn and i have so much in my life that i’m looking forward to and i have friends i adore and i’m working with dogs and i’m studying animal science at a school i love and i have someone amazing that i’m dating and i’m just so happy. like yeah i did live through it to get to this moment, there’s a reason 15 year old me fucking dove into recovery with everything she had and it was to get here and to get to where i’m gonna be in the coming years.

#idk feeling sappy and emotional and just yeah #that song just hits me every time i hear it #i was gonna wait til i hit 5 years of recovery in june to make a post like this #and i’ll make one again #but rn just feeling really happy and grateful #and i’m also tired which is just making me feel more intensely

[larry-hiatus]

.

#I’m so tired of being the way that I am dude #I’m sensitive and fragile and emotional about fucking everything #I’ve been pulling away from my friends the past few months so that they don’t have to deal with it #but now it’s just being put on my online friends #and I hate it so much #I don’t know how to change #I don’t know how to not get upset over so much #sometimes I feel like I’ve come far and other times I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all #it’s so frustrating because it makes me so paranoid #do people dislike me because of this? are they talking about me? am I just a burden that people tolerate? #I just want to be fucking normal lol and I don’t know how #I’m too autistic and just a huge baby about everything all the time #I’m so stressed and overwhelmed about so much lately #but I can’t just keep using that as an excuse #do people just roll their eyes when I apologize because they’re tired of it and know it will happen again? #I want to just hide away #so that people don’t have to deal with me #and it sucks because I’m not saying all this to be like woe is me please feel sorry for me please reassure me #I’m just getting my feelings out #now is a great time for my schedule to be changing to not allow for regular therapy lol #idk man #I don’t know what I’m doing anymore

[rosicheeks]

😭

#I just saw this TikTok and I was gonna post it but idk how to do it properly #it just comes up as a link and I want the video :( #so I’m just gonna talk about it #CAUSE NOW IM ALL EMOTIONAL WTF #it was a video of a golden retriever husband coming home after work #the first thing he does is walk in and say ‘hello gorgeous’ and while he’s kissing her he throws his stuff on the counter #and wraps her up in a big hug #and it was just nonstop compliments #and they were hugging and looking into each others eye #and they’re like ‘I missed you’ #I’m TOTALLY NOT CRYING WHAT DO YOU MEAN 😭 #at the end he’s like ‘can we cuddle and do nothing please I’m so tired’ #well that made me feel things #super duper happy for that random couple #but like #uhm #where is my golden retriever partner 😤😤😤😤😤 #shut up rosie

[deityofhearts]

I really wanna find picture frames for my post cards but finding some that are cute and like that the post cards fit into is so hard

#deity dialogue #idk #lately I’ve been thinking if I can move out with lex and kane soon I’ll be happier and better off #but I’m so far from being able to do that and it makes me want to cry #it feels like the goal is getting further and further away lmao #I’m just so tired of everything being so hard and costing so much #moving wouldn’t fix everything I’m still an emotional wreck who fails at relationships but like #I’ll have a more peaceful home life and my own room and for the first time ever I will be able to decorate my own space as I’d like #and that sounds so lovely but so fuckign unattainable #I just wanna cry tbh #anyways I’m going through my post cards again because it makes me happy to look at them and think of how I’d decorate a room with them

[consulaaris]

love in the little things 

shepherds of haven (@shepherds-of-haven​). red antiqua / f!MC (rhiannon vasi). ~1.3k words. 

.

Every time Rhiannon thinks she’s got her life under control, something comes back to bite her. Change has always felt a bit like a threat— she finds herself uncomfortable, out of her depth. She likes things to be predictable and people to be kept at an arm’s distance. 

Red… is a complication. 

She can’t bring herself to say it’s a bad thing, though, having her old friend around these past weeks. Even when he inadvertently storms through the walls she’s spent a decade building like they’re made of paper— and when every moment she spends with the other mage reminds her of why she’d fallen for him all those years ago. 

He'd asked her to meet this morning on their shared day off, so here Rhia finds herself standing wrapped in a warm cloak in the courtyard of the Shepherds’ compound, gray eyes blinking blearily at being drawn from her bed so early. 

(If it were anyone else, she’d have told them to chew on rocks. ) 

It’s fairly empty of other Shepherds so far. Mist clings to the top of the tower, and the quiet, cloudy start to the day has Rhia feeling especially drowsy. She’s half entertaining the potential of leaving Red a note and retreating to the warmth of her blankets when she sees him enter the courtyard and instantly perks up. His height and shock of scarlet hair make him easy to pick out, and though she’d grumble if asked, Rhia can’t deny that her heart flutters at the way his handsome face lights up when he notices her waiting. 

“I got these for you!” Red calls out in lieu of a greeting as he jogs over, and he’s a little out of breath as he hands a little paper bag to her, holding it like some precious thing. 

After an instant of surprised hesitation Rhia takes it, curiously unfolding the top and peering inside. Within lay two fresh strawberry pastries, their fruity, buttery scent wafting upwards from the bag. Her mouth opens in a perfect “o”, because she recognizes these treats, from her favorite little bakery halfway across Haven— the one she seldom goes to, because it’s so far away, and often everything but plain bread is sold out not long after sunrise.  

She’s still trying to calculate just how damned early Red must’ve woken up for this when she hears him shifting in front of her.

“If you don’t like them, I can get a different flavor.” Red rubs the back of his neck, laughing. Though his posture is relaxed, he’s buzzing with an energy Rhia can’t quite put her finger on. “And they might not be warm anymore, since it took me a while to get back here—” 

“No!” Rhia blurts out, before realizing she’d interrupted him, and her face flushes “No, no, I— they— these are my favorites. They’re perfect.” 

She knows full well she’s rambling now, but the broad smile on Red’s face is enough to light up a room and she can’t quite bring herself to care. 

“I remembered how much you loved strawberry pastries at the Circle, and figured you still might.” 

All of the air flees her lungs in an instant, leaving Rhia feeling a bit like she’d been tossed into a freezing lake. For all she’s done to try and convince herself that she hadn’t mattered, that her childhood friends were better off without her and that she’d be a long-forgotten memory, he… Red had remembered. Such a small detail, but she feels the truth, the genuine affection behind the gesture. That had to count for something. 

Her breath, catching in her throat, feels like the sting of an affection that lurks so deep and raw within her, Rhia thinks she might burst from it.

(A pain, too, in equal measure.)

It takes a split second to collect her composure, but even so for a moment all she can muster is a quiet, emotional, “Thank you.” 

And then she does something very, very stupid. 

Rhia impulsively throws her arms around Red, pulling him tight in a hug just like he’d done with her the day they’d reunited. And when his arms wrap around her in turn, warm and comforting, she tries not to think too hard about how right it feels. Tries not to think of how Red’s all-too-familiar scent of juniper and ink reminds her of the things she’s never going to be able to have. Most of all she tries, desperately, to convince herself that none of this pity— that he’s not mourning the person she used to be, doing this because he feels he must (because Red would, he would, and as selfish as Rhia knows she is, she can’t bear the thought). 

But perhaps she is still the same, in some ways. Maybe even the ones that matter. 

The bag of little pastries still gripped in her hand can attest to that.

When she pulls away, face flushed crimson, Rhia pushes back a few strands of dark hair that had escaped from her braid. Finds herself staring at the ground, at rough cobblestone that’s suddenly far more interesting than the pair of pretty green eyes focused right on her— though she’s unable to refrain from peeking up at Red through her lashes. 

“I’ll take that as a sign you like my surprise,” Red says, lightly, but he can’t keep the dazzling grin from his face, nor the slight flush from his tanned cheeks. There’s a softness in the way his eyes crinkle at the corners— a tender expression that makes her chest ache with the force of it. 

“This is how you used to look at me,” she wants to say. But Rhia’s a coward and always has been, so she keeps her mouth shut. 

Instead she raises an eyebrow at him imperiously, trying to pretend like she hadn’t just bared her heart for him to see. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Even after all these years, he can read her well enough to know she’s teasing. Red laughs, brushing his fingers lightly against her arm, and not for the first time Rhiannon wishes that he weren’t so easy to love. 

Instead of saying anything further she opens the paper bag, mouth watering at the sight of the pastries, and plucks one out— before tilting it towards towards Red in silent offering. 

Red merely laughs, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “No, they’re both for you. My treat.” 

Rhia purses her lips. “It’d be no fun to eat them alone.” 

“You’ve never shared your pastries,” he says mildly.

“I do with you.” 

A pause. 

Red’s eyes widen slightly. 

The silence lingers a moment, something both tense and soft between them. It says too much and not enough all at once, but it’s as honest as she can bring herself to be in the moment. 

It’s Red who breaks the quiet, as his lips curve into a gentle smile. “If you insist.” 

He agrees to take the remaining treat only on the condition that she take the first taste of her own— and that, she has no qualms about.

Rhia’s burning cheeks slowly fade as they chat and nibble on their breakfast, walking the streets of Haven near the compound. The conversation between them flows as naturally as it ever had, and if there’s a few topics she avoids, Red doesn’t seem to mind. They’ve got years of catching up to do, to learn each other all over again; but it’s easier, the second time, to fall back into familiar patterns and inside jokes. Still, something in her begs for more, more, and no matter how much Rhia thinks she can’t bear to hurt him the way she’s hurt everyone else she’s loved, she can’t quite stamp down that flicker of hope.

But her heart is full; and with the taste of the berries and powdered sugar sweet on their tongues, laughing together about the crumbs coating Red’s face, Rhia accepts that this has to be enough. 

#shepherds of haven #shoh #red antiqua #rae writes #oc: rhiannon vasi #otp: rhiannon/red #smth smth love through acts of service and sharing of food and idk man it’s 1am i’m feeling a thing #wrote this entire thing in a daze this evening so if it’s bad pls don’t perceive me too hard shjdjdj #i’m just feeling some emotions abt them #esp after last month’s chp 8 update #also have i mentioned i hate tumblr formatting. this is so much pretty on the doc #*prettier i’m tired and not retyping that LOL #but yes. very early reunion pining let’s gooooo

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

Oh to be like everyone else who can doodle him nonstop but i sadly cant bc idk how to draw noodle body

#and also for some reason i haven’t figured out his face much? #like by that i mean i never know how much of the cartoony/stylization i need to push #or how to convey an emotion with just the line eyes rip #IF ANYONE WHO IS GOOD AT DRAWING HIS BODY/FACIAL EXPRESSIONS HAS ANY TIPS ID LOVE TO HEAR? #My snatch IS good I’ve got a grasp on how to draw him and his facial expressions good #It just feels like that grasp isnt as tight as I’d like it to be? #If that makes sense??? #Idk like I said If anyone who’s good at drawing noodle snatcher has any good tips lmk like if you need references for how I draw him #If you have any tips for how to improve #Bc like I said mine IS good I just feel I need a bit more practice with how his body and face work and stuff ig #Grace post #LIKE THERES A REASON I MOSTLY EVER DRAW HIM AS SNICE #that and I mostly like to doodle later timeline or angsty stuff with him so it’s usually snince by default in those drawings #SNINCE* I’m tired ok lmao

[coldvampire]

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#plagued by thoughts and emotions. #man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m #not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up #retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow #so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk #idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp #it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too #I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do #I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head #I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what? #I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore. #and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last #I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed #anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now #and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first

[skhardwarevers1]

feeling heavily confused at five in the morning

#????? There’s no color emotion today #Which is bad for me cuz I for one like to know how I feel and put a bunch of words on it to describe it #Makes me feel better n stuff #But I csnt do that if I don’t know how I feel !!! #Maybe I’m just. Like tired cuz I just woke up #Idk this concludes the Sikada has been up for five minutes and is already complaining rsnt #S.K thinks

[pepprs]

crying again lol ok

#purrs #and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking #damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I #miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out #FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks #being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i #even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just #text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or #at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju #just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an #and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be #been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode #and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b #be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a #breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing #on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here #delete later #like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway #and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy. #retreat tag

[mars-ipan]

genuinely i don’t know how someone could meet a kid and decide children are horrid monsters actually. kids are so good

#marzi speaks #idk if i want kids myself but i am good with them #and i do love kids. once they get old enough to talk to you can have such amazing conversations #idk. who wouldn’t want to talk with the future? #i am probs thinking this bc i’m just finishing visiting my little cousins #and i have tried Very Hard to be the cool older cousin they can look up to and trust #and i’m proud to say it’s succeeded <3333 ough i love them they’re so sweet #it’s cute they’re shy. i was the exact same type of shy as a kid so i know exactly how to make them feel comfortable #but they’re creative and they draw and they like my drawings #and they’re at the age where they’re starting to explore their identities and because i am unabashedly queer i get to Know About It #and just !!!! augh i am filled with love. #unfortunately the older one is only an inch shorter than me despite being over half a decade younger than me #</3 curse of height genes #that’s ok tho. still little in my heart #i don’t want them to grow up ever they r so important to me #i’m very emotional abt it rn idk why. maybe i’m tired maybe it’s residual period hormones #i just love them so so much. i need to visit more #ok i’m not gonna cry but like . it was close for a second

[dykesynthezoid]

Deadly combination of two ppl living together is one person who never wants to make their mental illness symptoms somebody else’s problem, even when they really should be making it somebody else’s problem bc they need help, and the other person is someone who will not stop making their mental illness symptoms everyone else’s problem regardless of the consequences

#y’all I’ve HAD IT lmao #trying to be helpful and maintain boundaries at the same #time is exhausting #this bitch doesn’t even knock on my bedroom door before she walks in tho so wtf am I saying about boundaries tbh #like also I’m still not over having been parentification by her as a child so it’s like #sorry mom I cannot shoulder your new emotional burden today. I do hope you feel better tho #she always gets upset that I’m not willing to listen to her problems #read: she will walk up and just start venting for 40 min without checking in or anything #and if I get upset about it I’m the bad guy #she’s like well shouldn’t our relationship be equal #which actually just means why am I not willing to be her sole source of emotional support which. jesus #but also. like no you’re my mom!!! it was never going to be 100% equal bc you’re the parent! in case you’ve forgotten!! #also she’s terrible at listening to me talk about my problems so??? #but she says it’s bc I get offended too easily #which idk man she just says stupid shit when I’m upset and I get so overstimulated that it’s rlly easy for it to send me into a meltdown #I know I’m not easy to help sometimes like I get it! #I’m very aware #she just feels. so entitled to my time and space and energy and ALWAYS has. since I was a child. #but she seems to think shes p much OWED that bc she pays some of my expenses #idk man. I’m tired #vent #personal

[cunninghamchrissie]

having relationships w ppl of all ages is so important for both personal development and community and it’s esp important to look up to older women when you’re a woman yourself bc i’m sitting here on the verge of tears at my age bc i think i’m so old and done and then i remember the couple of friends who are older than me and i look at musicians i admire who are also older than me and it comforts me and reminds me i’m not running out of time

#text #inspired by me having a pic of myself taken where i look so much like my mom #and you can rly see the age on my face #and then opening tiktok and seeing florence welch (who’s older than me) who’s always looked older than she is #but whom i’ve always thought to be so incredibly stunning #idk if this makes any sense i’m tired pmsing and emotional #i just feel old and ugly and need to remind myself that maybe i’m not actually

[merriclo]

“we are bound by the same sins” is such a raw fucking line and i cannot remember who said it but it’s just so fucking good

#it’s 1:15 am and i am sobbing over this line #it’s the religious trauma #i’m breaking my rule of posting past like 9 pm 🏃‍♀️ #the quote hits so different when ur a closeted queer kid in the rural south #with friends who are also closeted queer kids in the rural south #i swear i walk into my school’s gsa club meetings and i can just feel the solidarity of ‘the same sins bind us’ #we might be different we might hate each other we might wish we never met in the first place but that all be damned the same sins bind us #the feeling when u see someone u hate A Lot going through it bc of transphobia and u just have to forget ur hatred and help em #it’s so weird bc like. now i’m the gsa vice prez. i’m one of the ppl that dozens of queer kids in a rural southern town look to. #that’s. holy shit. #ah i’m ranting in the tags again #it’s ok i can have some emotional vulnerability. as a treat. #i don’t get gushy often might as well let it be over a sick quote #sorry for dumping all this in the tags. lmao. #i don’t think anyone will see this tho (or actually read all of these tags) so that’s good ig #idk. i’m tired. good night. #uh oh clo’s talking again