#i'm not saying i don't make friends with people in fandom ever

[vex91]

Baek Harin - Heaven in hell

Pairing: Baek Harin x Female Reader

Fandom: Pyramid Game

Requested by: Anonymous

Request: im new here and Lokey in love with ur writing could I ask for harin x reader but the reader is grade F and harin just be crazy ASF like I'm talking girlie is threating you with your life and shit lmao (smut I'm begging also G!p harin if you're comfortable)

🛌I'll use this emoji every time I'm post an anon just so you know who's at the crime scene

Summary: Grade F was the worst thing that could happen to you... or so you thought, until you met the worst nightmare imaginable in person.

Warning(s): Smut, 18+ content, G!P Harin, Cursing, Smoking, Unprotected sex, Mentions of burning skin with a cigarette etc.

A/N: If a psycho then why hot? Thanks for requesting <3

3rd's POV

The sound of a whistle made your blood run cold, you instinctively looked at Suji who immediately got closer to you in order to help you if things went south. Looking to the side you saw Dayeon walking over to you smirking with every step, you started imagining everything she could do to you despite the whole class being there and watching.

"Unfortunately I'm not the one in charge of having fun with you. Harin is calling for you, if I were you I would hurry there, she doesn't seem too happy"

You weren't sure if you won lottery or lost it because as much as you were happy that Dayeon left you alone, you weren't too keen on seeing Harin. Suji noticed that when she pulled you to herself "You don't have to go Y/N or I can go with you" You appreciated how much Suji worried about you as your best friend, she hated that you were in grade F because it gave Harin a free pass of harassing you and she already was all weird with you before.

"It's okay, I'll be back" You squeezed her hand reassuringly and left the class, Dayeon's laugh at the back sending shivers down your spine.

Harin was waiting for you in an empty classroom that no one ever uses - one of her bright ideas as she wanted to have a space where she could played with her favorite toy in peace without any interruptions. The moment you walked in a strong smell of cigarettes hit you. Harin's eyes immediately wandered over your whole figure before she gestured you over. Not wanting to argue you did as she told you.

"I wondered why you took so long" She said as her free hand went to your hip "Now we will probably miss class because you're so slow" Dayeon was right about her being in a bad mood, the tension in the room felt suffocating as she put the cigarette she held near your mouth "Are you also gonna irritate me like the rest of these fools?" You quickly shook your head at her question, too scared to say anything bad.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Her eyes bored into yours as she waited for your move. You slowly opened your mouth and let her put the cigarette as you took a drag from it. She took it back with a satisfied grin and watched you exhale the smoke, coughing. Harin's grin only widened as her hand started lowering to your thighs, massaging them "I knew you were better than everyone else in this class, you're way more fun to be around" You gasped loudly when you felt her cigarette making contact with your skin, she quickly covered your mouth as she repeated the action on your thigh, burning another part of your skin.

She smiled at the way you struggled against her in pain before she dropped the now extinguished cigarette to the trash. She looked at you innocently as she said "I love when people are competent, are you?" You could only nod with glossy eyes because what else you could do? If you won't do what she says, she could make your life a living hell, even more than now.

"Quiet huh? Well you're right, it's better if you use your mouth for better use anyways" She pushed you down in front of her and freed her cock from her boxers. She looked down at you, putting her dick near your mouth and smearing it against your closed lips "Come on, you know what will happen if you start misbehaving. You're lucky you never saw me really angry before" You hated how calm she sounded while saying all of that to you. Finally having enough waiting she pushed it in your mouth, forcing you to suck it.

Her hand forcefully pushed your head up and down, causing you to not being able to keep up with her thrust but you quickly managed to start sucking her on your own. Your tongue licked all around her cock as she kept your head bopping on her. The silence in the room kept being interrupted with the sound of her groans and curses under her breath. She finally came with a particularly hard thrust and forced you down more to swallow all of it, nearly choking you but Harin didn't care, why would she anyways?

"See? You can do something useful when you want to" You mentally scoffed at it, as if she didn't forced you down on her cock the whole time. Before you could even say anything back to her, she changed your positions, she pushed you up and sat you down on the desk while she got in front of you, already pulling your panties off. She dragged her finger against your clit, smirking at how wet you were "You look so sad but deep down you're just as fucked up as I am because you clearly like it with how wet you are, so wet that I don't even need to prepare you to take me well" Harin laughed mockingly at you as she slapped your clit with her cock a few times before pushing in harshly making you gasp loudly again. Her hand quickly covered your mouth.

"You really want someone to walk in and see us like that? You're really fucked in the head and so fun" She laughed again before pulling out her phone and starting recording her dick going in and out of you "Since you're so dirty, I'll record everything well for you" Harin's hand squeezed your boob through the fabric of your shirt as she continued thrusting into you mercilessly, the sound of skin slapping resonated throughout the room as she fucked you roughly.

You hated how much you actually enjoyed her cock, you felt embarrassed of yourself for liking the way she treated you despite also wanting to get away from her. Maybe the fact that you can't run away from Harin and her twisted desires made you enjoy it, you weren't sure but you felt ashamed of your body for meeting her every thrust.

"I'm gonna cum in you and you're gonna take it all like a good girl, I know you want me to anyways, you're a slut for my cum after all" She whispered in your ear as she covered your mouth again, her thrusts became faster as she soon released all her seed into you, forcing you to stay close to her in case you wanted to pull away.

You wouldn't anyway because you knew that you had to let Harin do anything she wanted with you and you couldn't stop it. That was your life after all.

#vex writes #🛌 anon #pyramid game x reader #pyramid game reactions #baek harin x reader #baek harin #baek harin smut #pyramid game smut #smut

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Fandom's Takes On Trauma Are Terrible And Here's Why: brought to you by terrible Coriolanus Snow and Anakin Skywalker discourse

I've been on the verge of making this post for a while now, but I kept not doing it because this might be a bit of a hot take and I don't like offending people. However, I've been growing increasingly annoyed with the perception of one specific character type so lets see how much my dumb opinions stir the pot this time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. This will be focused mainly on my current main fandom: The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes, as well as Star Wars. You'll see why. Now, I need to make it clear that I'm not judging anyone for their opinions on characters for any reason. In no way am I insinuating you're a bad person for having opinions different to mine or that you’re not allowed to have them. What I am saying is that fandoms have some frustrating and frankly insulting beliefs around trauma and those who survived it, and I'm gonna talk about it because I want to get this off my chest. With that said:

Y'all don't understand how trauma works and it annoys me

As stated in the title, I'm writing this because of the Coriolanus Snow discourse, specifically regarding whether he's a good or bad person. Lets rip off the bandaid straight away: He's a bad person. There's no question about it, Snow is a vile human being. And he's one of my favorite characters because of it. He's fantastically written and hands down one of the most realistic, viscerally terrifying yet utterly pathetic villains ever. And what I hate about the TBOSAS fandom more than anything (aside from how some of them treat the actors) is the way they take away all his agency in the story. But I'll put a pin in that because I have a lot to say about him and instead start at the beginning of my growing frustration with how fandom perceives trauma (feel free to skip through this post, I'll label my sections in case you don't wanna read this whole thing). There's two sides, and both are equally stigmatized and wrong. So lets start with the more obvious one through the lens of Anakin Skywalker.

The Star Wars Fandom's Weird Relationship With Traumatized Children Behaving Like Traumatized Children

So Anakin Skywalker AKA Darth Vader is pretty explicitly a Bad Dude who's done some Bad Things. Bro committed genocide, ain't no getting around that, except... It's a little more complicated. Sure, he did all those terrible things, but a lot of people take that to mean he was always a horrible monstrous big bad in the making who was destined to become the galaxy's worst nightmare. That's missing the whole point of the prequel trilogy, because those movies essentially serve to explain all the reasons for Anakin's descent into villainy, and he had surprisingly little hand in it. Growing up into slavery means he not only has a warped view of the galaxy thanks to all the horrors he's witnessed, it also means he lacks the teachings Jedi younglings get when they grow up in the temple. He was pawned off onto Obi-Wan who had only recently been knighted and was in no way ready to raise a child, and became "friends" with Palpatine who fed him all sorts of lies to manipulate him into becoming little more than an attack dog. Not exactly ideal circumstances for a child in their formative years. Did Anakin shirk the Jedi's rules? Yes. Did he do dumb stuff? Yes. But he was a traumatized teenager, of course he's acting out. When he massacres the Tusken Raiders, it's Padme Amidala who reassures him it was the right thing to do. He felt guilty about it, so this idea that he's some apathetic monster from the second he's born is dumb. It's not that Anakin was born wrong, it's that the people around him either failed to help him go down the right path or were actively trying to push him down the wrong one. Anakin never fully grasped the Jedi's ideals, because the person meant to teach him just wasn't equipped to do so. If he'd had someone to teach him how to get a hold of his emotions, distancing himself enough from them to make the best possible decision and helping him understand the importance of letting someone go when you have to, he wouldn't have fallen to the dark side the way he did.

Anakin did terrible things, but blaming it on him just having an evil heart shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how people's environments change who they are. A life in slavery, where he was not allowed to have anything and risked losing what he held dear at any second with no control over it likely caused him to be very possessive of what he held close to his heart once he did have some control over what he kept and lost. Shmi died because he wasn't there to protect her (in his head), so he clung to the people he loved so he could save them the way he couldn't save his mother. Palpatine actively groomed him, if you think that didn't have any effect on him I don't know what to tell you. Throughout the war, he constantly lost people he was close to. That control he had slowly starts to fade as Ahsoka leaves and he starts having dreams about Padme dying. He does everything to save her, only to find out she betrayed him (in his mind, a thought quite likely influenced by PTSD as well). I can tell you that believing one of the few people you trust has betrayed you can make you act very impulsively. Anakin made an impulsive decision and regretted it for the rest of his life. He wasn't born a monster, the world turned him into one.

However, that does not excuse his actions. It explains them and spreads the blame to more people, but his actions are still his actions. Anakin separated himself from his past because of all the pain it brings him, and in doing so he did a lot of bad things. And he still needed to face consequences for those actions, even if the events that led up to them aren't necessarily on him entirely. If he'd gotten therapy, he wouldn't have choked Padme to death. Possibly he wouldn't have attacked the temple. But he didn't, and he did all those things trauma or not. I have major issues with the way some Anti-Anakin parts of the Star Wars fandom insist on ignoring or writing off his trauma, but that doesn't mean I'm absolving him of all guilt.

An explanation is not an excuse, and that sentiment brings us to the reason for this little rant:

Coriolanus Snow's defenders have a habit of infantalizing trauma survivors and I wish they would stop

Oh Snow, how your amazing character completely flew over the heads of most of your loyalest fans. I'm joking, obviously, but also... It's not exactly wrong. Now, I need to make this clear: I'm not insulting Snow fans here. I'm kind of one of them (I hate his guts but I love how he was written, it's a love hate relationship). However, the way people talk about his trauma... I'll be honest, it's kind of sickening for reasons I'll talk about later after getting through the technical(?) stuff. Where the way people view Anakin disgusts me, the way people treat Snow disturbs me. Because people view The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes as if it's some typical tragic villain backstory that humanizes and in some ways justifies who he became, to show what changed him from a normal person into a monster. It's not. It actually shows that Snow has always possessed the traits that made him the monster we know from the OG series. What it does is explain why specific things were so important to him and how he grew to lose all redeeming qualities, letting the worst aspects of his personality grow and take over until it's all there's left of him.

What made Snow do stuff like poison political adversaries and constantly beat down the districts so they don't rebel? A thirst for power. A thirst he's always had, born from the feelings of entitlement he held thanks to his family's previous status. He deserves that power in his mind, so he'll do anything to get it. Power, control, and influence are his driving motivators. It's at the back of his mind throughout TBOSAS, and by the time he becomes a gamemaker it's the only motivation he has left. Those traits, the things that pushed him to do what he did, they were always there. There was just more stuff to cover it up. Stuff that fell away with time. Snow is a terrible person, but people pretend he's some poor misunderstood baby who just needed a hug because... why? Because he has trauma. And that's the root of the problem. Does he have trauma? Absolutely. He survived a war, he lost his parents, struggled through poverty while being raised by propaganda from the Capitol and was arguably groomed by Gaul. Sound familiar? It's kind of like Anakin. Horrible childhood filled with loss, less than amazing figures raising him and grooming. Except people use the opposite argument for him which is equally wrong: he's traumatized, so we cannot blame him.

Yes we can.

Trauma does not justify your actions. It might explain them, but you are still accountable for your own actions. Snow murdered people, starting with Bobbin, and every single time it was his choice to do so. It doesn't matter why he made that choice, because he still did it. He ruined countless lives and ended nearly as many, both directly and indirectly. No amount of trauma justifies that. I've seen people claim he's just an anxious young boy who's a poor victim of circumstance, and anyone who doesn't believe so is simply unable to separate the actions of an 80-something-year-old from the 18-year-old, but... No. That's one of the most braindead takes I've ever heard, I'm sorry. Snow hadn't committed the crimes of his older self yet, but the behaviors he shows in TBOSAS are the ones that led him to doing so later on and ignoring that is just stupid. I don't need to judge Snow based on his later actions to call out how fucked up he was in TBOSAS. Again, he chose to murder several people and deluded himself into believing he was justified. That's what makes him a great character. Bad people always believe, on some level, that they're doing the right thing. It's fascinating. But people take his words at face value when he says he's doing the right thing, and the whole point is that he's wrong. He's lying to himself. Because that's what people do sometimes. Snow's family was knocked off its throne, and Snow clung to the idea that the districts are beneath him and at fault to cope with that. He deluded himself into believing Gaul's dumbass theory to justify continuing the games.

It's the exact opposite of Anakin Skywalker: Trauma is relevant, it does inform your perspective on the world and your actions, but it does not mean you can do no wrong. Snow had every chance to be a good person: Knocking Bobbin out or running away instead of murdering him, joining the rebellion with Sejanus, staying in district 12 with Lucy Gray and being honest with her. But he killed Bobbin. He fucked over the rebels and got Sejanus killed. He lied to Lucy Gray and destroyed any chance he had with her. Every chance he got, he threw into the fire without hesitation. Anakin leaned into being a bad person to forget the past, Snow chose to be one because it benefitted him the most. Neither of them are excused because of their trauma, their descent into villainy is simply explained. You know why? Because both of them created new victims. Snow was complicit in the murder of hundreds of children before becoming responsible for thousands more, he killed people with his own hands and ruined several lives over the course of TBOSAS. All that pain he caused isn't erased because we can explain why it happened. Even at 18, Snow has many things he should be held accountable for. War, being an empoverished orphan, being groomed, none of that nullifies the shit he's done. People who say Snow's just an anxious, young, traumatized boy are one side of the horseshoe theory of the myth of "the perfect victim". The "Anakin's Trauma Should Be Ignored Entirely" crowd are the other side. Which brings us to...

It's all horseshoe theory

To conclude the analytical part of my post, I'll bring it back to what I briefly mentioned in the intro to all of this. Agency. That's the running thread here. Both in cases like Anakin and cases like Snow, the fandom takes away all agency a character has in the story for the sake of justifying one's feelings about them. Anakin was born a monster and he was always destined to be evil. It wasn't the trauma, it wasn't the events of the story, he's just bad. On the other hand, Snow is a good person who was made to do terrible things by his trauma. It's all the trauma and nothing else. His bad childhood caused him to be this way and it has nothing to do with his own worst personality traits. See the connection? In both these instances, the characters had no influence over who they became. With Anakin, nothing could've had any influence because he's just born wrong. With Snow, it's everything around him that shaped him into who he was. Both scenarios completely ignore the character and focus on external factors to explain everything. One demonizes trauma victims by saying those that went off the rails are just bad people and there's nothing to be done about it, the other infantilizes trauma survivors by saying they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions just because they have trauma and it's only when they're older and should know better that we can bring consequences down on them.

Victims of trauma should be held accountable, though. The only thing the presence of trauma should change is what kind of accountability. Merely locking them up won't change anything, they should receive help to work through their problems while residing in a place where they cannot hurt anyone else. Including themselves. That is what acknowledging trauma is useful for. But this? This is doing nothing but stigmatizing trauma survivors even more than they already are, and I hate it. And you wanna know why I hate it? Because I've been both sides of this horseshoe, and it nearly got me killed.

The part where I talk about my Tragic Backstory(TM) to explain why this bothers me so much

This'll be a little heavy, so while I'm not gonna go into detail I advise you to please be careful. If you're not in the headspace to handle talk about actual real life mental health issues, feel free to stop reading here. I'm putting this at the end for a reason. If you really wanna know why people's perspective on Snow disturbs me but don't wanna risk getting triggered, skip to the last bold line in this post.

Without going into detail, I've dealt with some pretty big mental health issues throughout my life. One of them is PTSD, so believe me when I say I understand that trauma can heavily influence one's actions in ways even they don't understand. But I had to learn the hard way that there's a difference between explaining and excusing. I used to believe that, because of my previous experiences, I was entirely justified in doing what I was doing. Kind of. At that point, I didn't know that what I was experiencing was PTSD, but I did feel justified in my actions the same way Snow does. I explained every bad thing I did away and wrote it off as nothing or sometimes even as a good thing. Granted, I never did anything as big as committing murder, but I don't live in a country as dark and horrible as Panem so we'll chalk it up to that. As I grew older, I started to recognize the ways in which I accidentally hurt the people around me, and eventually had the realization that my past does not in fact justify the pain I was causing people entirely uninvolved in what happened to me. They had nothing to do with that, and shoving all my pain onto them the way I did was wrong. My view of myself pivoted to the other side of the horseshoe. If I'm not justified, am I... am I bad? Am I evil? Am I just born wrong?

I don't know how to explain this to anyone who hasn't gone through this themself, but that is a horrible feeling to have. To feel like you're just bad and there's nothing you can do about it... It kills something inside of you. A hope, a will to keep going and keep trying. Why bother when you cannot be fixed? I've lost the will to live at two points in my life, and that was one of them. And now I get to see both of these mentalities be repeated by dumbasses who don't understand the first thing about trauma. It's... not fun. It's grating and aggravating in a way I can't accurately bring across with just my words. It makes me wanna scream and laugh hysterically until I cry.

Here's the thing: I relate to Snow, and the way people perceive him disturbs me on a visceral level.

As I said, I justified my own bad behavior the same way he does. I convinced myself I was a blameless poor victim who had no hand in their actions. But just like Snow, I did. Not nearly as much as I would have liked, but I did. I learned to control the defensive mechanisms my trauma gave me, and I grew from it. Seeing people defending Snow with the same arguments that kept me from ever getting over what happened to me, crying out that he's just traumatized so none of it's his fault... it disturbs me. Because they're outsiders who should be able to see the pain he caused others and realize that nothing changes the fact that he did that. But they don't. They're me, without any of the personal stakes that kept me trapped in my own delusions. It's all just fiction, and I know that, but it hits just a little too close to home for my comfort. It's a little too raw and a little too real for me to just let it go and move on again like I always do.

I'm sorry for the rant, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I guess I hope you find something of interest in here that made it worth reading? Have a nice day 💜

#fandom doesn't know jack shit about trauma and I hate it #I've seen too many terrible takes to let this go I'm sorry #I just can't anymore #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #the hunger games #10th hunger games #hunger games #thg series #coriolanus snow #coryo snow #anakin skywalker #sw prequels #darth vader #star wars prequels #palpatine #sheev palpatine #dr gaul #volumnia gaul #trauma #childhood trauma #trauma survivor #fandom discourse #fandom thoughts

[nova--michael]

How the My Little Pony Fandom ruined my mental health (long rant(/essay?))

TW: sexual themes, gore, trauma, self harm, suicidality

I will go in-depth in alot of sensitive topics, please proceed with caution

I got into My Little Pony when Season 2 aired. In 2011, I was 7 at the time, 2nd grade. English isn't my first language, I didn't even know other languages were a thing. That is until I got access to the internet. We had a family computer that I used basically daily. I mostly drew on MSPaint and played Animal Jam. I was a happy little girl at the time. Eventually, I discovered YouTube. Which became my new obsession. I consumed content like an addict. And eventually, I stumbled upon My Little Pony, where people uploaded whole episodes. The first episode I watched was "Fall Weather Friends", S1 E13. I was hooked instantly. Bright colorful Ponies! It reminded me of the Fillys I collected. So I consumed more. Was able to find a playlist with all episodes in order. The only thing is, they were in English, which I didn't understand. But I didn't care. I wanted my magical colorful ponies! So I watched it and had an overwhelmingly fun time. It was "Bridle Gossip" S1 E9 where the language just...clicked for me. I can't explain it, but it felt like I suddenly could understand almost every word and my English knowledge expanded from there. Which was a yay for me, because now I could watch my colorful Pony cartoon and actually understand what they were saying. It gave me a big heads up when we started learning English a year later in 3rd grade. I never learned English in that class, knowledge wise I already knew what I needed and was very far ahead of everyone. All thanks to My Little Pony.

But I think it is also the start of when everything went downhill for me.

I explicitly remember holding paper in front of the screen to trace the Mane 6's outfits from the episode "Suited for Success" S1 E14 with a pencil. The show made me really get into art. I drew My Little Pony left and right, and it eventually led me to DeviantArt, which I still have fond memories of. I found out that people made original characters. So I did so too. One of my first ever character was "Starshine" which I still love dearly and sketch when I'm bored. But this also led me down the Brony Fandom rabbit hole. Once I realized people made their own My Little Pony content it was over. I literally obsessed over fan content. I consumed everything that the Fandom could offer. And when I mean everything, I mean Everything.

I don't know what the first gore or nsfw content I consumed, I really do not remember. But it was ultimately this content that shaped me or....better say traumatized me that still affects me to this day.

Just like many people in the Fandom, I found out what "Cupcakes" is. A creepy, gore fanfiction that was about Pinkie Pie dismembering Rainbow Dash and turning her into Cupcakes. One of the many fan content I consumed but I remember this being one of the first experiences I had with gore. I watched the original video from ocarinaplaya. I was, I had no idea what gore was. But it was MLP, so I watched it. And this was the first straw that altered my brain. It was like a car crash, i couldn't look away. The way Pinkie tortured and cut up Rainbow Dash. And I consumed more. Smile HD, Cupcakes SFM, My Little Paradox, Pony.MOV, Lil Miss Rarity, My Little Amnesia, Elements of Insanity (that I still unironically love to this day), and so much more. You name it, I watched it. Things like Elements of Insanity and Cupcakes SFM all led me down the SFM rabbit hole. SFM = Source Filmmaker. When I see SFM models of the MLP characters now, I swear I get flashbacks. Because through SFM I found sensual MLP content. Of course, not all of SFM was sexual or gore. Some masterpieces like Doors, Fluttershys Dream, The Walk, Remembrance, Nightmare Night, all are so good.

But of course with SFM came very...sensual MLP content. Ponies kissing or Making out or even going as far as almost having sex. And something changed in my brain. I started to...actively search out these videos. Rarijack, TwiDash - Hearts and Hooves Day, Appledash, those freaking Fart and Vore videos. I watched it all. I don't know what I felt at the time, I don't remember or more so I don't want to remember. All I know is that I started to seek them out. Like actively searching for it. Which also led me to non sfm sensual content. Twilight Sparkle Pantsu, Friendship is Benefits, Concerning Pegasi, Fluttershy gets BEEPBEEPED in the Maze and infamous Banned from Equestria.

Remember I was a child. 9-10 at the time. And 99% of these videos didn't have any warnings. Nothing. And even if they had a warning 80% of those were joke warnings.

I consumed alot of My Little Pony porn and gore in my childhood. Unrestricted Internet access traumatized me to no end.

It was Banned from Equestria which had changed a lot for me. Because I found out that it was a game. An actual game you could play. And I sought it out. I played a lot of Pony games too, especially the ones on the very old Hasbro website. But Banned from Equestria was almost too easy to find. I found it on a website mainly for bad porn games. And it had a category that was purely for My Little Pony. I just went to search for it. I only needed to type "mlp porn games" and it was instantly there. 2 clicks is all that it took. Yes, the website is still up sadly. That website led me down another awful rabbit hole of My Little Pony porn games. Again, I was 10, I had no idea what porn was. Or sex. But it was this (and a separate event that happened in my family) that taught me what it was. And again, I searched for those things actively. And played those games religiously. By 10 years old I was a freaking porn addict. Not even gore (which I developed PTSD from), but Porn was the thing that caught my attention. I also learned what masturbation was thanks to that. And I did just that. I masturbated almost on the daily. Found my Mom's toys, stole them, and used them. Now, masturbation isn't a bad thing by any means. It's good to explore your body and what makes you feel good but I was just an innocent kid...

My parents never found out. My Mom eventually caught on I stole her toys but never did anything against it. Nor did she educate me. She let me do my thing. So I basically masturbated daily, sometimes more than once. What being horny was, was something I didn't even know. I only knew I wanted to do this because is saw my colorful ponies do it.

But these porn games made me spiral. I lost so much of my childhood innocence through this. I spend most of my childhood and early teen years (I started puberty when I was 9) by watching porn, playing porn, and the occasional gore. It has twisted what sex even was for me. The whole concept was ruined for me. To this day.

Throughout the next years, I learned more about porn, and went through many different rabbit holes. My Little Pony Porn, actual porn, Furry Porn, it didn't matter. If it was Porn, I consumed it.

I would also blame this addiction was the reason I became/am hypersexual.

And now, over 10 years later, what changed?

Nothing. I have grown so disgusted by Sex, it's why I'm AroAceflux now. I know. Hypersexuality and AroAce? Pick a struggle. But I'm serious. I consume a lot of Porn to this day. Masturbation had died down but it still happens occasionally. The people I follow on Patreon mainly do nsfw content. Hell, I was on Nsfw-twt a few years ago too.

Porn has ruined my whole mental state. It's scientifically proven that subjecting children to porn and gore at an early age can severely damage their development and I think I'm no exception.

My mental health has been very bad since 2016. I started to cut myself frequently and get suicidal. I still carry scars to this day and I do blame a lot on this addiction. I've been self-harm clean for about 3 years now. I was severely suicidal again in 2021 where I almost killed myself has it not been a friend calling the cops i still struggle with being suicidal to this day though, despite having finished therapy.

I also struggled with a lot of identity stuff at the time. I have it figured out now and am openly out as a trans man by a lot of people in my life. And I have an amazing support system now. But I never really had the opportunity to talk about THIS. How the My Little Pony Fandom ruined my mental health due to the content that was created, without any content warnings. I say I also developed my PTSD from this.

Obviously not just that, it was a lot of trauma family and school-wise wise that made me develop PTSD but I also will blame these types of MLP content for this as well.

Now, I love the Brony fandom. I still do. So many people I have met who are in this Fandom are so incredibly nice, but the awful stuff just stands out even more. This was an innocent kids show about colorful ponies and the magic of friendship. Many children with unrestricted internet access watched it. And watched this type of content. The Fandom should have been a lot more critical about the type of content that they post

I know I'm not the only person that was subjected to gore and porn. Many children from 2010-2017 were traumatized by this type of content. And I wouldn't be surprised if many also developed mental disorders because of it, whether it be Depression, PTSD, Hypersexuality, etc. Many of the young fans are scarred

And we still are

And we are still trying to heal as young adults

Hell, I'm turning 20 very soon, and I still struggle so hard with my mental health and the scars I got in my early childhood and early teen years.

I should've spend those years so much differently

But I didn't and know I'm left to pick up the pieces.

I hope this shines some light on the cruel side of the Brony community, I recommend Raymundo2112's video "The SINS of Bronies", it goes also in-depth about the psychological effects of children being subjected to porn and gore

Please be careful what children consume on the internet.

Now

I apologize for this length, I just wanted to talk about it

I'm open to any questions that may come up, and I'm sorry for my irl people who see this

Thank you for reading, it means alot

#mlp fim #my little pony #mlp g4 #mlp #my little pony friendship is magic #rant post #personal #mental health #brony

[not-poignant]

You have a very broad readership; do you still, like most ao3 writers, use writing as a way to make friends? If so, how do you manage both to make connections and keep from uncomfortable parasocial engagements?

(admitting: I like your work a lot, I have a similar interest in writing trauma and recovery, I would like to befriend you, but I don't want to bother you bc lots of people want to be friend with writers they like and there's no way you'd have energy for all of them!)

Hi hi anon,

So...this response might be disappointing, but I didn't use fanfiction writing as a way of making friends. That's not why I started, and it's never been the reason for me to be in fandom.

(Thoughts about friendship and stuff under the read more, it's pretty personal so no obligation to read. The TL;DR is I am bad at friendship and I also am not like 'most AO3 writers' (is that really why most AO3 writers write?) in the sense that I never wrote fanfiction as a way to make friends and it's very weird to me sometimes that people actually do this as a motive).

When I turned up in fandom, it was a very private experience for me. I didn't know anyone else locally who shared the same fandom/s I do. When I shared fanfiction on Livejournal, I did so to complete strangers who I never got to know better, or to people who were already friends through other interests.

I've never gone to fandom conventions (there's few here, and I have severe social anxiety. By the time I thought about going I was in my late 30s, and just felt like I'd be too much of an outsider even among fellow outsiders - again, I shared almost no fandoms or ships with anyone I knew locally, and no one I'm friends with / know in person reads my fanfiction). Fandom was always an incredibly isolated experience for me.

When I joined AO3, it wasn't with a view to making friends. I was extremely burnt out, I'd quit my previous job as a professional artist because I couldn't see a way of making the income work out, and I just wanted to write a very angst-filled story that would help me deal with my loneliness which I didn't see as something that would ever change. Writing about a character who's experienced centuries of loneliness was like 'cool, yeah, I'm gonna write about him.'

I did end up making friends, but it was kind of by accident! And not all of those experiences were positive. One person in particular became quite toxic and cruel towards me, and I experienced my first kind of encounter with...I guess what I would call the uglier side of fandom life and also just friendship and relationships. It took me a long time to recover from that experience (and to learn what emotional abuse is), and after that I shut down and stopped kind of making friends on the internet.

I have made friends through the writing since (they're usually the mutuals I also have on Instagram, or here, or people I've DMed in Discord etc.), but I haven't really sought it out actively and I think anyone who knows me well enough that we've private messaged a few times, also knows that I'm quite aloof and reserved, and that I will engage quite deeply sometimes but then disappear for a few months (or years) re: communication, which is a remnant of a period of time where I used to get sometimes 200 Whatsapp messages in 5 minutes from someone who expected me to be accountable to her every second of every day when she was awake and wanted me to be.

On top of like, severe social anxiety + PTSD, and being very reserved in general, I would also say I'm very time poor. I don't have much time for the friends I already have and care about. I often view myself as quite a poor friend, who is not good at starting and even worse at maintaining connections. I'm also very private. As in, I will happily tell the world I have PTSD. But I won't tell my friends in a private conversation when I'm having a bad night, and I don't give friends many opportunities to connect. Even with really close friends, this is an ongoing issue that I'm working on.

So as for befriending, that's extremely sweet of you anon, but who I am in my personal life is sometimes very different to like... the way I can respond in comments or to anons, because it's actually easier for me to talk to strangers sometimes than it is for me to talk to friends, lol. I honestly think some of the people I consider my friends don't even know that I do, because I don't really behave like one. I chat online regularly to one person only, and one other person intermittently (and they're a romantic partner) and that's it. Everyone else I chat to pretty rarely in DM. But I do turn up in the Fae Tales Discord every day.

I don't actually think lots of people want to be my friend, tbh? Not in a 'woe is me' way, but simply because I think some people do grok that kind of... polite distance or that sort of warm 'I care for a lot of people but I am also quite personally walled off' kind of way. The good news is a lot of the folks in the Fae Tales Discord also share a lot of interest in writing trauma and recovery, or have those experiences, and I know a lot of good friends have been made within the like...faedom itself. A lot of neurodivergent, trauma-focused folks have met each other through this writing, and it's really cool seeing the different friendships that have sparked up between people. There's a lot of extremely like... skilled, talented, interesting people that I've met through this job, who I admire, respect and want the best for, and am very happy to talk to.

But yeah I'm a bit difficult to befriend, anon, and that's been an ongoing thing all my life, tbh. But it did specifically get worse in fandom because of some early fandom experiences when I started out in Rise of the Guardians fanfiction.

#asks and answers #personal #pia on fanfiction #tbh the idea of writing to make friends #is very strange and even a bit offputting to me #not that other people do it like i'm happy for them if they do #but it's just so far apart from why i started #i like making connections with my writing don't get me wrong #and i love meeting different people #but fandom was never a very social experience for me #to this day i hate discussing fandom headcanons with other people #and i don't like a lot of fandom meta #i always feel like i'm in fandom #and that i contribute to fandom #but in a very satellite / outsider kind of way #that's why i find it so easy to bounce from fandom to fandom once i'm done with a fic #i'm not saying i don't make friends with people in fandom ever #i'm saying i don't really make friends *in general* #and when i do those people often have no idea they are a friend because i'm not #very connected on a regular basis

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Ngl it's weird finishing the Knuckles tv show and going to tumblr about it only for people (even who I consider bigger name fans) who also watched the entire show to claim that it "confirmed Knuckles Wachowski"

Like

I'm sorry

Did you somehow miss the part in the last episode where Knuckles had a whole montage of hanging with the Whipple family and Wade and saying "home" or something?

#sonic the hedgehog #knuckles series #knuckles the echidna #knuckles 2024 #knuckles whipple #sonic movie #knuckles 2024 spoilers #knuckles series spoilers #fandom wank #Sorry do you just think that this entire show was a sidequest so Knuckles could go back to the Wachowski house and be their kid now like #nothing ever happened? #In the show where episode 1 clearly showed that Knuckles couldn't mesh with the household and that Sonic considered him a roommate? #This place was not home for him. The show was about him finding home. How is the Wachowski household Knuckles' home after he had an epiphany #that his home was with the whipple family?? #Ah wait sorry how could I forget. Sonic fans are just used to absorbing canon with a toothpick and picking the parts they like and then #claiming their headcanons for filling in the gaps are canon #Only the things they personally like are what happened of course #Sorry for being salty I'm just annoyed. Like you can have whatever headcanons or fanon you want. Heck I loved all those 'maddie is knuckles' #mom' comics and whatnot. I'm not even saying we have to interpret the media the same way. But Knuckles having a montage and calling being #with the whipple family 'home' happened. That happened. #A friend and I are running a bet that most people won't acknowledge that it happened unless Sonic movie 3 shoves it in our faces #The universe tests me every day by having put me into Sonic fandom. It is a constant test of one's soul not only to exist in proximity of a #community who you often disagree on big points with‚ but to watch a bunch of loud people claim things are canon but only accept textual #evidence when it serves them. Or to explain a little better #to watch a fandom try to build an 'accepted idea' of what canon is like that becomes so divorced from actual canon that you get people #saying that it's canon and ignoring anything that doesn't fit it because 'writing bad anyways' #Like guys please I am grasping your shoulders. If you don't like canon just say 'fuck you I'm going to make content of this because I think #it's better'. You don't have to assert that everything you believe is canon and ignore when it's not #i just be ramblin

[maddy-ferguson]

when people who like seasons 1 and 2 better explain why it was better they always lose me when they say "the characters were what mattered the most the supernatural plot was basically not that important it was ALL about the characters" like...that's just what YOU were more interested in not what was happening in the show? like wdym the supernatural plotline wasn't that important in seasons 1 and 2. saying that it was more balanced or more subtle i get but saying that the supernatural plot wasn't THAT important and that it's not what made anyone love the show is a blatant lie

#and like i say: brf slt #and i've seen people say this many times on many occasions i'm not even exaggerating. or making anything up #and i've been saying this for. a year and a half. minus two months. when volume 1 came out someone tweeted 'what the duffers fail to #understand is that no one watches st because they care about the russians or whatever. people watch st to see a ragtag group of kids be #nice to each other! to see a lesbian and a man with nice hair be friends!' and i said i agree with this at like 60% the 60% being ofc that #i hate the russia stuff we know this. but like. as much as i like the relationships between the characters if there's no life-threatening #things going on for more than a few dozen minutes...then i don't really care like that would be another show. (this has been a constant #i was not as into the show or the characters as i am now when i said that like volume 1 was my first time watching the show #since 2019. and it's a constant because it's still true) like that's literally what fanfic is for. or other shows. #and plenty of people watch stranger things for the russians or whatever i was actually surprised when people were ranking the subplots i #saw quite a lot of people put russia in their top 2 i was stunned. it was mostly older people older people meaning anyone who was 22 in #the past. i'm kidding but like idk people who were like 40+ and also guys? idk. like there's actually an audience for that my bad you guys #(not my bad i will always be a russia in st anti. because i hate it.) #my point is. no that was actually it. i just don't get it wdym people don't like the STORY plenty of people do. in the fandom especially i #totally get focusing more on the characters and being more interested in that i literally never talk about the supernatural plot and i #really like the characters yk and i understand when people say that they enjoyed the distribution between character things and supernatural #plot things in s1-2 more but saying that the supernatural stuff was like an afterthought and that no one actually cares or cared ever and #that it was never important is? like i get where they're coming from but also...no #and i get doing the 'if you don't take it as literally the monsters and supernatural plot things mean this and that for real life and for #the characters' i think it's very fun but like. if you don't like the genre and ignored it for the characters...?that's not really on them #i worded this like my joyce and bob post from july i hope you like it. the first sentence only #wait i actually didn't. just realized. false advertising sorry #saying this as someone who likes seasons 1 and 2 better too that goes without saying

[killadelphias]

thoughts.......................

#admitting to a lot here but I'M TIRED. the implications!! ugh whatever.... #observations after being made aware of certain happenings in fandom spaces. state of the union i suppose. #yeah. sucks that often i'm concerned about leaving a like on certain posts or a kudos on certain types of fics for fear of the wrong person #seeing it and deciding to call me out. as if i'm some influential blog! what does it matter? but hmm. some fandoms are lame asses over stuf #there are good authors & people i'm friends with who have insightful takes and posts. and talent! but i'm a coward. because of the content. #and i feel like a fraud when i talk about being against censorship & say 'do what you want'. clearly i'm lacking since i feel hesitation. #i wish people could mind their business. & either not be so repressed or force repression on others. can't we all just get along? #it really wasn't like this maybe 5-10 years ago. more towards 10. i hate what happened to fandom so much. #why am i admitting this now? maybe to force myself to speak up if i ever see harrassment in the future. #because i never spoke up in the past and i feel shitty about it. #people might even be talking about and making stuff i'm not actually interested in but i don't think it matters!! #it's all fiction and fandom and genuinely mostly harmless. leave people alone???? maybe???? #i just want to leave nice comments on my friends fics & to other good writer's works that might have a higher rating ok?? #and not face a 'saw you at the devil's sacrament' situation #which in itself is hypocritical but i still don't want to face it! i just want to be left alone!! good writing is good writing!! ahh #i could make another blog but why? i have nothing original to say i just want to not feel judged for giving a like or leaving a comment #end scene.

[remylong]

ventposting with a character url is so funny like she would not be saying all that

#i guess it's also because of this particular fandom #bc i associate it so strongly with my friends/writing/blog & most of the cool fun things that have happened to me/that i have accomplished #which are i guess like. the good parts of me? #that like writing for it/thinking about it/having a fandom url for it when im treating the people around me so horribly #makes me feel like. idk. a little bit sad and a lot bit sick #like i'm ruining the last good part of myself #which is insane because it's a not-that-great podcast from 2020 it's literally not that deep but 2 me it's always been more abt the ppl #like. i dont know. i hope i haven't ruined this place yet. i hope i haven't hurt the people here as much as i've hurt others. i hope #(and this is going to sound stupid because the people in question will probably read this entry but it's true) #that the people here still have reason to like me. #even though i don't really deserve it #i guess i just want there to be some place in the world where i can pretend not to be selfish and cruel and sinful and pathetic #a chronic liar a worse procrastinator a corny writer a terrible friend a worse student/employee/whatever #which is of course undermined by the fact i am writing this on this blog! online! publically! instead of in a diary no one will ever see #but i feel like my blogs have always sort of been an extension of myself? more now that i have my irls/name/face on here and the whole #I Prommy I Won't Ditch This Friend Group This Time(community note: she is going to ditch the friend group as soon as it becomes inconvenien #sometimes it feels more real than my actual body that exists in the world #so i guess if i put it down here it makes it. like. real right? like it makes it carry a little bit of weight that spiralling doesn't #whatever. this is going to make me unemployable for the rest of forever LOL #also the autocompleted tags r going to jumpscare me forever #sorry i couldn't tell any of you this to your faces btw and had to like. myspace 2008 vaguepost it #what can i say i just love to yap

[running-in-the-dark]

starting to realise that damn maybe there really is just something fundamentally wrong with me

I have more dumb shit to say about it but you can only have 30 tags?? that's some fucking bullshit. anyway tl;dr: fictional characters not real, I'm depressed about it, I'm a mess my life's a mess everything sucks, I'm crying, life sucks. I've got issues.

#I don't want to be dead #I want to be alive but. not here. there's nothing that could happen in my actual life that would make it good enough to be worth it #I feel so fucking pathetic and gross and broken but the only people I want to be with are fictional #I can't even do the fandom thing and make friends that way. I don't want to talk about them. I want to be with them and nothing else #I'm just. stuck here and I'll never be happy and there will never be anything that I want as much as that #it's so. fucking. pathetic #but like what is there in real life. what could happen that would be good enough. I'll finish uni one way or the other. I'll get a job. #maybe we'll be able to have our own house someday #and then? what then? #it'll happen over and over again. I'll fall in love with these fictional worlds and these fictional people and it'll break my heart every #time again and again until I die #there's nothing else. there's nothing that I want. nothing in real life will ever feel that good because. obviously it won't. it's real. #it's not perfect it's not made up by me specifically to be everything I want #I can't rewrite the same scenario over and over again in my mind until he says exactly the right thing to make me feel better #I'll never have these perfect friends or this perfect guy or this exciting but safe life because it's. just. not real #I just #I don't know how I can keep doing this #I'm so tired #I can't keep feeling like this #it feels so fucking bad #how goddamn embarrassing is it to be an adult in your 30s and just. lie in bed sobbing until you fall asleep because your fucking fictional #crush isn't real and your fictional friends aren't real and you'll never know what happiness feels like #because it can't even get close to the fucking joy you feel when you think about them. it's everything #it feels so fucking good just for a moment and you need it over and over again but you know you can never have it #I'm driving myself insane #genuinely insane. #to the point where every time it gets worse. every time I get these feelings I feel higher and lower than ever before #it feels better and more intense and more amazing. then I realise I still have to be here. I still can't go away. and it feels like dying. #every time a part of me dies. #it's so fucking silly. I know how melodramatic this all is. oh wahh life is so boring and I'm sooo sad over these fictional people I'm gonn

[davlucies]

remember when imbalance came out and people managed to be upset griffin handled dav's perspective about cycle 92 & his relationship with lucretia with sensitivity, nuance, and realism

#imbalance #discourse wank #i'm still upset about this... people don't ever explore/care about how dav thinks/feels... all they care about is hating on lucretia #this was such a moving thing to hear articulated too... imagine saying you like dav but not caring what griffin says about/as him?? #bc you'd rather see the sole canon woc vilified and insulted.. and all the complex moral and interpersonal issues in canon glossed over #i mean if my headcanons had been jossed more aggressively in imbalance maybe i'd be upset but idk. it's just more angst/meat to write abt!! #think of it as a good fun creativity-inducing thing!!! come write emotionally complex dav fics that engage w canon!!! please..anyone.... 🥺 #there is so much interesting there & it's the worst feeling being alone in thinking that... and having no one to write for & talk to.... #i miss when fandoms were fun & creative and like a positive thing. just liking the characters/story and chatting & making stuff about them #i still remember when imbalance happened and someone got mad at me for being happy about it bc of course... of course. it's a taz fan! #i couldn't even be happy about imbalance with anyone because my harmless ship is so bad and weird to every single taz fan! cool!! #they're fucking friends! he regrets not supporting her and letting her voice be heard! he thinks he shares some of the blame for it all!! #sorry but you can personally dislike a ship without collectively & baselessly gaslighting me that it's abusive bc of what you're projecting #i'd daresay after 100+ years of friendship davenport nd lucretia love each other deeply despite everything..imbalance propped that up a lot #but you don't even wanna write or read about that do you... #dav having emotionally grounded and complex thoughts and feelings? not in this fandom. lucy being treated kindly? banish the thought... #also davlucy is CUTE. they're nerds. they're hardworking and devoted to saving lives and to their friends. they care for each other !!

[yousaytomato]

Y'all learn the word parasocial and then think you're immune to it. You are not. You have no critical thinking skills or self awareness.

#i am not vagueing anyone in particular but this is about ofmd and i am pointedly not putting it on my sideblog #this is about taika lol. like. god. #he makes neat art. he is attractive man. he is smart and funny. #you do not know anything about him. he is not your friend. #he has done many bad things. he will continue to do many bad things and you will be forced to either #publicly cancel him. or. pretend that you dont see his bad actions or that they don't matter #let me tell you now. theres a secret third option where you can just be normal about it from the start #is he a horrible person? probably not #is he perfect? definitely fucking not. #y'all pretend to this but in reality i can tell that you dont #and the backlash is going to be worse than ever whenever it happens because yall wont be normal about him now #I'm making less posts about this than i was at the start of the fandom #because im both jaded to it. and also less invovled in general #and it applies to a lot of people but GOD #at the same time do i think we should be scrutinizing every move of people who have had to fight to get where they are? #especially people who aren't rich white folks born to people within the industry #like obviously not !! and I'm not trying to do that either #it doesn't have to be - microscope on everything they do to try and find the fuck ups #and it ALSO doesnt have to be #microscope on everything they do because they're perfect and everything they say is so good and funny #actually it can be neither of these!!! #im scared of discourse and I'm not in the mood but. man #ajkda i read this back and fully it's incomprehensible....aaaaand post! #to be clear. nothing particularly has happened i mostly just keep seeing that quote again and again #where he says. i hate social media now. all i do is look at fan art! #and in the back of my mind i can't help but be like. look at fan art....and like j*hnny d*pps post... #and again! I'm not angry at anyone having fun with it but damn #but i really only try to follow people with critical thinking skills and i still see stuff close to worship #and I do it too sometimes probably! or atleast engage with it! it's fun to not be thinking about the ways in which people are probably #terrible all the time! like that's not healthy either! idk. i dont have the answers. I'm figuring out how i feel as i type it helps i think

[yourthirdparent]

how is jason both an older brother figure and a father figure? good question. have you ever played obey me

#unfollow me rn i'm hyperfixating #i won't share content about it other than this post but i can't promise i won't randomly hop in the tags of a post and mention a character #but if i say lucifer it's referring to my friend luci i do not give a shit about the obey me character and will never mention him #not tagging fandom or character #sorry about all the tags rip #allfatherly guidance #also yes i know there are. issues with obey me. i've played the game. i've seen the problems. i'm hyperfixating anyways #whatever i'm practically a pjo blog you guys are familiar with media with Oddities c'mon #also to that one person who follows me who's dni includes obey me fans i'm so sorry #bonus pologies for tags tag #also i will elaborate on what the fuck this means if asked OR if i feel like it #bonus BONUS pologies for tags tag woah #i cannot shut the fuck up wow #still into jj though! if i make original posts or reblog any fandom content it will probably still be about him #i will come out of my shitty demon dating sim induced haze if i see him he's more than just a character to me he's like a person #it's like how i'll reappear from the woods if i hear my children calling my name yk #wow i literally don't shut up i should make a tag for when it gets this bad so people can block it so tumblr will warn them of my tags #or so they don't have to see what i rambled about for so long it needed a tag ever again #i want it to be a reference to this post actually but like so stupid that nobody who knows this post or even the context would get it #so not even i'll get it later #so uuhhhhhh block uhhhhhhhhhhh #the devil is the father of fathers and brother of brothers and god is satan's chippering son #← block that one that's for if i ramble on for like 20 fucking tags like now that's my shut the fuck up god tag #literally just block it and never read the rambling it's not worth it the post wouldn't be worth it #i should make a pinned post just to tell people to block that tag #could explain anything about who i am (probably should considering i haven't even officially posted my name) but no #it's just gonna be like ↓BLOCK THIS TAG↓ and the only tag is that #actually i'm gonna make that pinned. first i have to figure out how to pin a post

[furrysmp]

congrats to everyone that is still following me after I saw I had way too many followers to not have at least one antisemitic person following me, the fact that you don't think I murder children for fun is truly a comfort

#I wish this was /s but no genuinely #Had 22 followers. Every time I reach past 20 at least one is antisemitic #I now have 15 followers #thanks for not hating me for being born in a country once btw #Like listen I don't mind if you mass reblog propal stuff. That's good #Just please make sure it's not the posts that talk about how israelis are all evil and want to murder everyone #And maybe reblog. One post about how there's a lot of antisemitism in propal spaces #And how you don't want to make the jews on your blog scared or uncomfortable over that #Just one post. It doesn't have to be praising israel bc fuck knows I hate our current government so much #But I see posts about how secular jews in israel are actually european colonizers roleplaying #And I think about how 100 years ago my great grandparents moved here #And how I'm genuinely scared for my sister who is visiting friends in the uk in a month #And how I'm scared for myself if I ever leave this country again #Because apparently me not wanting to die is controversial in all my political spaces #Except for pro israelis leftist spaces #And that's really sad #That I don't feel safe with yall anymore #Idk #I once joined a mcytblr discord server #The first day I'm there someone asks to “censor i/p” and gets the response “just don't look at the vent channel” #So. I looked. #Not a single person in that server cared enough to say “but it's not all israelis” at the people raving about i/p #Like people out there saying I on a personal level would be happy to murder people because of where I was born #I still get squirmy killing spiders that have rather painful bites. I could never hurt another human on purpose #And they just kept agreeing with each other in the most echo-chamber-y way #So. I left that server #And now I barely do mcyt fandom stuff because I'm scared of getting attention #I don't want attention on my blog or on me as a person #Because at least one in 20 followers will cheer if I get murdered #And that's fucking heartbreaking

[kowabungadoodles]

How to spot a (heart wrenching sad cat) Charity Scam

So I've been get a lot of requests for money in my askbox lately, from users I have never seen before! Usually sad cats, sometimes gender affirming medical bills, a queer person being made homeless etc etc... and guess what? None of them are real! It's scammers who have learned how to work tumblr's userbase and prey on our general sense of community and charity.

Here it is, so sad! So tragic! But let's note a few things:

It's generic. They don't know me, I don't know them. it's addressed to 'friend', no use of nicknames or usernames.

Even the cat and the problem are generic 'little kitty' who has 'urgent needs'. This is not how real people talk, this is because this scam is being used over and over with different accounts a different 'cats'.

Praying (uh huh.)

Asking you to reply privately- This is so people don't spot the scam and point it out the mark and because if too many people posted replies to the same message it would beome really obvious that this is a scam. If they're looking for 'boosts' so badly, then why do they need you to reply privately?

Now that I'm suspicious, let's investigate.

Sent me an ask and then followed me! Sounds like they're just hitting up anyone and everyone, but even more likely they have a list they're working from.

(I get so many, I'm probably on a mail-out list a mile long, just being hit up for cash. Likely I fell for one of these once and got my name added to every scam list for miles, but oh well.)

So let's see if they're a bot or a real person!

The blog looks genuine enough, they've got a bio, a fandom etc. And it says they're an artist!

And of course there's that sad cat post, pinned right to the top, so I don't have to look any further through the blog for verification... Looks super legit, pics of the cat, pics of the bill... of course anyone can print out a bill and take a picture of it...

As I do scroll futher, it's full of reblogs making this look like an active user. So how can I tell it's not genuine?

Well, if they're an artist they probably post right? Doodles? Pictures? Let's have a look at their origional posts.

The fastest way to do this is by using an outside tool like Original Post Finder.

just type in the suspicious username and go...

Voila! As suspected, the only post this bot account has ever made is Sad Cat Post.

Confirmed: Scam. Do not give your money to these guys, it looks so real but they're just here to make you feel like a bad person for not handing over everything you can. Charity is wonderful, supporting friends is wonderful, but tbh save it for people you actually know irl/ mutuals you have an actual relationship with. Don't believe any rando who comes knocking!

Love and kisses, stay safe out there.

#scam #tumblr scam #I'm putting this in all the same tags the scam post uses #kitty mom #emergency #catblr #kitty help

[joycrispy]

One thing I love about Crowley --never stated, but consistently shown-- is that he is, at heart, an engineer.

I have a few different things to say about that. Let's unpack them.

As the Unnamed Angel, we see his designs for the Pillars of Creation are millions of pages long, comprised of cramped text, footnotes, diagrams, schematics, etc. It's very...Renaissance polymath, in the way it implies a particular intersection of artist and inventor.

Also: in the naked romanticism with which he views his stars.

We already knew he made stars, but in s2 we learn that he did NOT sculpt each of them by hand. He designed a nebula ("a star factory," he says) that will form several thousand young stars and proto-planets, and all --aside from getting the 'factory' running-- without him lifting a finger. We also learn that these young stars and proto-planets stand in contrast to those made by other angels, which are going to come 'pre-aged.'

...I'm reminded of Hastur and Ligur's approach to temptations. Damning one human soul at a time, devoting singular attention to it over the course of years or decades, and how that stands in contrast to Crowley's reliance on, quote, 'knock-on effects.'

Ligur: It's not exactly...craftsmanship. Crowley: Head office don't seem to mind. They love me down there.

Hm.

I'm also reminded of the M25.

The M25 may not be as grand as a nebula (sentences you only say in GOmens fandom...), but LIKE his nebula it's an intricate, self-sustaining engine that does Crowley's work for him, many times over. Again.

That's some pretty neat characterization --and so is the indication towards Crowley's disinterest in victimizing anyone tempting individual people. It takes a considerable amount of planning and effort (and creeping about in wellies), but in accordance with his design the M25 generates a constant stream of low-grade evil on a gigantic scale.

Cumulatively gigantic, that is. Individually? Negligible.

But no other demon understands human nature well enough to parse that one million ticked-off motorists are not, in any meaningful way, actually equivalent to one dictator, or one mass-murderer, or even one little influential regressive. That's the trick of it. Crowley gets Hell's approval (which he NEEDS to survive, and to maintain the degree of freedom he's eked out for himself), and at the same time ensures that any actual ~Evil Influence~ is spread nice and thin.

It's some clever machinery. And he knows it, too:

The Unnamed Angel and Crowley are both proud of their ideas.

(musings on professional pride, Leonardo da Vinci, the crank handle, and 'the point to which Crowley loves Aziraphale' under the cut)

In the 1970's Crowley gives a presentation on the M25, projector and all, to a room full of increasingly impatient demons. Maybe the presentation was work-ordered; the 'can I hear a WAHOO?' definitely wasn't.

Before the Beginning, the Unnamed Angel can barely contain his excitement about his nebula. Aziraphale manages a baffled-but-polite, "....That's nice... :)"

11 years ago, Hastur and Ligur want to 'tell the deeds of the day,' and Crowley smiles to himself because (according to the script-book) he knows he has 'the best one.'

(Naturally, his 'deed' has nothing to do with tempting anybody, and everything to do with setting up a human-powered Rube-Goldberg machine of petty annoyance. Oodles of 'Evil' generated; very little harm done.)

Hastur and Ligur don't get it, of course. That's also consistent.

Nobody ever knows what the hell he's talking about.

It didn't make it on-screen, but, in both the novel AND the script-book, Crowley was friends with Leonardo da Vinci. The quintessential Renaissance polymath. That's where he got his drawing of the Mona Lisa --they're getting very drunk together, and Crowley picks up the 'most beautiful' of the preliminary sketches. He wants to buy it. Leonardo agrees almost off-the-cuff, very casual, because they're friends, and because he has bigger fish to fry than haggling over a doodle:

He goes, "Now, explain this helicopter thingie again, will you?" Because he's an engineer, too.

(It is 1519 at the latest, in this scene. Why the FUCK would Crowley know about helicopters, and be able to explain them, comprehensively, to Leonardo da Vinci?

...Well. I choose to believe he got bored one day and worked it out. Look, if you know how to build a nebula, you can probably handle aerodynamics. And anyway, I think it's telling that this is his idea of shooting the shit. 'A drunken mind speaks a sober heart,' and all. He probably babbled about Aziraphale long enough to make poor Leo sick)

Apart from Aziraphale, Leonardo da Vinci is the only person Crowley has any keepsakes or mementos of.

Think about that, though. Aziraphale's bookshop is bursting with letters, paintings, busts, and personalized signatures memorializing all the humans he's known and befriended over 6000 years (indeed: Aziraphale has living human friends up and down Whickber Street. He's part of a community).

Crowley doesn't have any of that. It's just the stone albatross from the Church (for pining), the infamous gay sex statue (for spicy pining), the houseplants (for roleplaying his deepest trauma over and over, as one does), and this one piece of artwork, inscribed, "To my friend Anthony from your friend Leo da V."

To me, at least, that suggests a level of attachment that seems to be rare for Crowley.

...Maybe he liked having someone to talk shop with? Someone who was interested? Someone engaged enough to ask questions when they didn't immediately understand?

...Anyway.

There's also the matter of the crank handle.

This thing:

This is one of the subtler changes from the book. In the book, Crowley knows Satan is coming and, desperate, arms himself with a tire iron. It's the best he can do. He's not Aziraphale; he wasn't made to wield a flaming sword.

The show, IMO, improves on this considerably. Now he, like Aziraphale, gets to face annihilation with what he was made for in his hand. And it's not a weapon, not even an improvised one like the tire iron.

He made stars with it.

[both gifs by @fuckyeahgoodomens]

If you Google 'crank handle,' you'll get variations on this:

Crank handles have been around for centuries. Consisting of a mechanical arm that's connected to a perpendicular rotating shaft, they are designed to convert circular motion into rotary or reciprocating motion.

Which is to say they're one of the 'simple machines,' like a lever or a pulley; the bread and butter of engineering. You'll also get a list of uses for a crank handle, archaic and modern. Among them: cranking up the engine of an old-fashioned car... say, a 1933 Bentley. That's what Crowley has been using his for, lately. But he's had it since he was an angel and he's still, it seems, very capable of it's angelic applications.

Stopping time. For instance.

(This is conjecture on my part, but, I like to imagine that Crowley has the ability to stop time for the same reason I can --and should-- unplug my computer before I perform maintenance on it. Time and Space are a matched set, after all, and in his designs in particular, one feeds into the other.)

I know everyone has already said this, but: I REALLY LIKE that when he needs to channel the heights of his power, he does so not with a weapon but with a tool. Practically with a little handheld metaphor for ingenuity. One from long-lost days when he made beautiful things.

(And he loved it. Still loves it --he incorporated that metaphor into the Bentley, didn't he?)

Let Aziraphale rock up to the apocalypse with a weapon: he has his own compelling thematic reasons to do exactly that. Crowley's story is different, and fighting isn't the only way to express defiance. And if you've been condemned as a demon and assumed to be destructive by your very nature, what better way than this?

He made stars. They didn't manage to take that from him.

Neither Crowley nor Aziraphale are fighters, really --they have no intention of fighting in any war. They'll annoy everyone until there's no war to fight in, for a start. But between the two, if one must be, then that one is Aziraphale. Principality of the Earth, Guardian of the Eastern Gate, Wielder of the Flaming Sword... all that stuff. Even if he'd prefer not to, it's very clear that Aziraphale can rise to the occasion, if he must.

Crowley was never that kind of angel. He wasn't a Principality. He doesn't have a sword.

...And yet.

It's Crowley who protects. He's the one who paces, who stands guard, who circles Aziraphale and glares out at the world, just daring anyone else to come near.

In light of everything else I've said here, I think that's interesting.

Obviously part of it is that Aziraphale enjoys it and, you know, good for him. He's living his best life, no doubt no doubt no doubt. But what about Crowley? What's driving that behavior, really?

Have you heard the phrase, 'loved to the point of invention'? Well, what if 'the point of invention' was where you started? What if where you end up involves glaring out at the world, just daring anyone else to come near? What is that, in relation to the bright-eyed thing you used to be?

What do we name the point to which Crowley loves Aziraphale?

...Thinking about how an excitable angel with three million pages of star design he wants to tell you all about...becomes a guard dog. Is all.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #Crowley #Aziraphale #good omens 2 #good omens meta #unfortunately I do not have trains of thought #only long meandering strolls of thought #sorry about it #anyway tl;dr Crowley is a nerd #also I have a strange emotional attachment to the idea of 1500's Crowley... #...facedown in a pile of Mona Lisa sketches; drunkenly info-dumping about Aziraphale #and Da Vinci is just like. 'Ahhhh mio amico Antonio. You fucking simp.'

[daincrediblegg]

no you know what I'm going to scream about the stuff I talked about in the tags of this post publicly

I'm tired of the well-meaning "don't feel bad if your work only gets 20 notes your genius is what counts and do it for you!" bullshit. I've had a good handful of friends who have straight up DEACTIVATED in recent months because their work was not getting reblogged AT ALL. No, it wasn't from lack of not being well-liked, no it wasn't from lack of trying to make sure it was getting out there to the people they knew would engage with it. It was because no matter how much they were praised privately for their work, when push came to shove, absolutely NOBODY reblogged it and gave it the audience that it was due, and I'm tired of people shoving the "unsung genius" narrative as an excuse for it. Nothing excuses that. And the boop event really proved that.

because I know given the opportunity, indiscriminately pressing a button (sometimes 10 thousand times, as I did) is not beyond this website's capability. y'all loved doing that. and look at what it wrought. nothing but love and affection and happiness. just from a couple of quick clicks of a little paw button. sure. nobody knew who you booped but the other person (which is how likes used to work on this website, btw). there was an element of anonymity to it. but that is kind of the core of this website that no other social media platform still has: the ability to be anonymous. and hyper-curating a blog on here like you might on twitter or instagram to project an image is simply not viable. and hey. you wanna know a secret: literally nobody cares what you post or whether it goes with the "theme" of your blog or not. yeah. I know. CRAZY concept in this day and age. but literally. I myself have reblogged things that have had nothing to do with whatever I am currently fixated by and you know what happened to my follower count? not a damn thing. in fact, I actively try to reblog things specifically BECAUSE it's my friends who made them (even though I'm not always good at KEEPING UP WITH HOW MUCH THEY POST @prismatica-the-strange will NEVER GO UNRECOGNIZED by me).

And you know what fucking sucks? I have to deal with this too. surprise right? you ever wonder why I reblog fics or art I post like 20 times the day that I post them? do you ever wonder why I ask about tag lists and beg for asks all the time? IT'S BECAUSE EVEN I GET LIKE. 5 LIKES ON THE THINGS I POST. AND THE REST OF THE REBLOGS ARE MINE SO I CAN MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE WHAT I MAKE GET TO SEE IT. and I say that knowing that I'm certainly not an unpopular blog, or an unpopular writer. I know that people love the stories that I create. Hell, half of the people that I've talked to about lady terror have told me that they consider her to be canon (AND EVEN SOME!! THOUGHT SHE WAS!!! WITHOUT EVEN HAVING WATCHED THE SHOW! WHICH IS STILL SO SO WILD TO ME!!!) But especially in the last 4 years (which really dates this phenomenon), my posts, no matter how well received they've been amongst people I've talked to about them directly, I still go into the notes and at least half (often more than half) are MY reblogs to make sure people saw what I posted. and it happens every single time, and I can't tell you how much it crushes me considering that it used to be that I would be able to post it only once, and people would reblog it sometimes even HUNDREDS of times.

It's not about popularity. it never has been. it's not about anxiety. or shifting website cultures. even if you lurk, the simple fact is, that if you want people to keep making what you love. you have to reblog. your theme won't suffer because you reblogged a fanfiction that you really admire. your posting won't be ruined because you reblogged some fanart from someone in a different fandom. really. I promise. and if people do unfollow you for that? who needs em. followers come and go but you should NEVER have to cater to them. on this website it has ALWAYS been the other way around. lean into it. make it yours. put stuff you ACTUALLY WANT to be seen and that you love and appreciate on your blog. no matter how old it is, how new it is, no matter how niche or off-theme it is.

so please. if you really want to show your appreciation for someone's work? you reblog. it's really as easy as that. check the tags. add some when you reblog if you like. but please for the love of god reblog. it's as easy as booping and even more rewarding for the people who you reblog from. if you want to let someone know that their work is genius and appreciate it? show it. reblog. then DM them if you're too nervous to say what you want to say but not in a public forum. but for christ's sake. REBLOG.

#fanfiction #fanart #reblogging #boop