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rosanna-writer · 4 months

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we said hello and your eyes look like coming home (18/?)

Summary: A canon-divergent AU where the bond snaps for Rhys on Calanmai, Feyre unwittingly accepts it, and Fire Night magic proves to be more transformative than anyone bargained for. Feyre drags a mate she hardly knows out from Under the Mountain, then puts him back together as war with Hybern approaches. Warnings: dubious consent, canon-typical sexual violence, canon-typical violence Rating: Explicit Chapter Word Count: ~5k

Content warning for the aftermath of a massacre and preparation of bodies for burial in this chapter. Some dialogue is pulled directly from A Court of Mist and Fury, and the poem quoted in this chapter is Tithonus by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

On a lighter note, shout-out to @thesistersarcheron for beast Rhys tongue inspo and to @popjunkie42 for all her Feysand poetry thoughts <3

Read on AO3 or you can find the eighteenth chapter below the readmore.

Rhys halted, taking in Mor's news. "Who," he said, and I hadn't known such utter rage could be conveyed in a single word.

I set the paintbrush down and stepped closer, feeling sick. If the priestesses were anything like the ones I'd come to know at the library…

At that thought, both our anger surged down the mating bond, and it felt as if my chest had been set ablaze. There had already been too much senseless violence Under the Mountain.

"We don't know," Mor said. "Azriel is investigating now."

Rhys began to pace. He'd hidden his wings to avoid them dragging on the floor when he'd sat with me, but shadows rolled off his shoulders as they appeared again, almost involuntarily.

But his voice was still soft as he said, "Does he have any initial theories?"

"You know Azriel—he won't say until he has enough information in hand to be sure. Cassian is pissed, though. He’s convinced it must be one of the rogue Illyrian war-bands, intent on winning new territory."

The rest of the Inner Circle must have heard this news first, then. I watched Rhys carefully for a reaction, unsure if that was how things were typically done. He didn't seem any more agitated than before, and I took that as a positive sign.

"I'm worried he may be correct."

"What are your orders?"

"For tonight, there's nothing to be done in Illyria that we aren't already doing. I'll discuss everything with Cassian in the morning. Mor, you and Amren will assist Azriel with whatever information-gathering he needs done. Be ready to field questions from other courts as news spreads. I'll inform Clotho myself and handle incoming correspondence."

Mor's eyes slid to me, and I nearly jumped—she'd been so focused on Rhys that I'd assumed she'd forgotten I was there. "Cesere is within the Night Court's borders. It falls to us to handle this alongside the priestesses," she said, obviously for my benefit.

"How can I help?" I said, fully expecting to be told to stay out of the way.

"The priestesses at the library will need assistance. Our kind bury our dead as swiftly as possible and keep watch until funeral rites are complete. It will mean something to have you there, Feyre, even if you're only comfortable sitting through the service as a representative of my Inner Circle," Rhys said.

There had been no similar sense of urgency among the mortals. When my mother died, there had been a wake, and for several days before her burial, our house had been full of friends and family paying their last respects. I wasn't surprised to hear things the fae did things differently.

For a moment, my mind flashed back to the sight of Tamlin carrying the bloodied corpse of a Summer Court faerie out of the manor. Tonight would be more of the same. And Rhys was giving me an out to avoid the grisly work if I couldn't stomach it.

I didn't hesitate. "I'll do whatever's necessary," I said. If the priestesses needed me to spend the night digging graves, I would.

With one last promise to keep Rhys informed, Mor winnowed away, and there was nothing left to do but head to the library. Before long, Rhys had left to make arrangements for increased security at the other temples, and I made my way down to the spare rooms near the dormitories to help in whatever way I could.

Merrill, a silver-haired scholar I'd once overheard terrorizing a research assistant, was organizing the efforts and barked out orders at me. I rolled up the sleeves of my tunic and got to work.

The carnage turned out to be exactly as horrific as we'd feared. And in Prythian, a land of immortals, there were no morgues or funeral homes. The gore, the obvious evidence of violence…for many of the priestesses, it brought back too many dark memories for them to even approach the bodies.

I choked back bile as I wiped tear tracks from cold cheeks and scrubbed dried blood from every body part imaginable. Gently, I slid soiled nightgowns and torn robes from stiff limbs and replaced them with shrouds. It was difficult, with the extent of some of the injuries, to create any sort of illusion of peaceful repose; whoever had done this hadn't made these deaths quick or painless.

As we worked, the sisters took turns singing prayers. I didn't recognize the language, but I sensed that it was ancient, the tune slow and mournful and in a key I'd never heard before. Down here, surrounded by the red rock of the mountain and no windows, the repetition was the only thing marking the passage of time.

Eventually, all the bodies were laid out in neat rows—too many rows, the scale of the devastation laid painfully bare. Each was clean and covered in a white linen shroud, ready for burial. For a moment, I just sat with the heavy awareness that each one of the bundles was a life—a world, really—that had been snuffed out. So much loss, just to loot a trove.

Rhys hadn't exaggerated when he'd said the fae moved quickly—as soon as the work was finished, I followed the rest of the priestesses towards the sanctuary for the service. I hadn't expected it to be so soon; one of the sisters caught my look of surprise and gently explained that according to faerie traditions, the soul was in a state of confusion between death and burial, and it was cruel to let it linger like that any longer than absolutely necessary.

The sanctuary was a massive cavern, full of dark wood pews surrounding a plain dais at the center. Though about half of the mourners finding their seats were priestesses, all in their identical pale blue robes, faeries from Velaris were there as well. The news had spread, then.

There were more prayers and singing in that strange, ancient language. No instruments, only voices that echoed in the cavern, beautiful yet melancholy. A candle was lit for each slain priestess as their names we read out one by one.

Unable to follow it, I stood and sat in time with everyone else and allowed my mind to wander. The bond had been quiet—presumably, Rhys was busy but otherwise fine—so I took in the assortment of faeries who'd come to pay their respects.

Perhaps it shouldn't have been such a surprise, but I recognized a few of them. Evelyn, the priestess who'd been teaching me to read, had nodded hello, and I spotted faeries I'd seen a few times in the library or out in the city. I doubted every single one of them knew any of the victims; this was just the community coming together.

That thought made Velaris feel a bit more like…home.

And though Rhys hadn't said it outright—and seemed so intent on not pressuring me that I doubted he ever would—I wondered if attending a vigil like this was something expected of the Lady of the Night Court. Since we'd decided to keep it a secret, we hadn't spoken about my title at all. Or any obligations that came with it. My lack of understanding of the situation when I accepted the bond didn't make me any less of a High Lord's mate, though.

My family's money had run out when I'd turned eleven—my sisters had been the ones raised to be ladies. They'd been the ones expected to someday be the wife of a rich, powerful man, to run households and host balls and busy themselves with charity work that made their husbands look good. I was just the hopeless, half-wild heathen.

Rhys loved me, had confidence in me like no one else, and I doubted I could ever be a failure in his eyes. That wasn't true for the rest of Prythian. I didn't take representing him lightly, especially not for something like this.

Before my thoughts could spiral any further, the funeral ended. The bodies had been winnowed to the graveyard, and there was nothing left to do. It was the middle of the night when I headed towards the townhouse.

I reached down the bond for Rhys as I walked, careful not to startle him. The thread between us went taut anyway, and I could sense that he was instantly on alert.

I didn't even give him a chance to ask if something was wrong I'm fine, home soon. Do you need anything else from me?

Go rest while you can. I've sent Azriel, Mor, and Amren to do the same.

But you aren't? I wouldn't let him talk around it.

I am High Lord, and some things can't be delegated.

For once, he didn't sound arrogant, just matter-of-fact. There was no point in attempting to mother-hen him out of finishing whatever he was obligated to complete tonight, so I didn't bother. I sent a pulse of affection down the bond, assuming that was the end of the conversation.

But he added, None of us liked the thought of you in the townhouse alone. Mor is there.

I was so unused to being looked after that I almost asked why anyone would be concerned. But Mor had mentioned them all being duty-bound and overprotective on my first day here, so perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise.

And at least it wasn't Amren babysitting me.

Something pleasantly warm crossed the bond, along with the strange sensation of a soft kiss pressed to the back of my mind. Then Rhys's shields went back up, and the rest of my walk home was uneventful.

Mor was in the living room when I arrived. At first, I'd thought she must have just been waiting to make sure I'd gotten home safely, but before she'd turned around at the sound of my footsteps, I'd noticed the empty wineglass and the way she'd absentmindedly pressed a hand to her lower abdomen. And then I understood—I wasn't the only one who was better off with company tonight.

I'd never asked about the scar I'd seen peeking out from the waistband of Mor's pants on days she wore something that bared her midriff. She would have covered it if she'd been ashamed, but…it seemed private. Some of the priestesses laid to rest that night had been ripped open in the same place, and I could guess what weighed on Mor.

But still, she brightened immediately at the sight of me, the light coming back into her red-rimmed eyes. I sank into the chair next to her.

"It was good to finally see you painting earlier," she said, voice warm.

I shrugged. "It was just a decoration, not something on canvas or paper. It doesn't really count." Flowers on a table were a start, but it wasn't quite the same as capturing an image that had plagued my mind or using paint to express a feeling that words couldn't.

She nudged me with an elbow. "It was also the happiest I've ever seen you. That counts for something too, you know."

For a while, Mor and I talked about nothing consequential. We both needed it. After everything we'd witnessed, it helped to pretend for a while that nothing was wrong. It made the violence feel more distant, enough that I was able to fall asleep when we both went upstairs, even without Rhys back.

My sleep was fitful, but each time I woke, a caress of talons against my mind—and once, loud purring and a wet scrape against my shields that would have made me think I was being groomed by a cat if it weren't for the forked tongue and rustle of feathers—relaxed me enough to drift off again.

It was nearly midmorning when I got out of bed, the latest I ever managed to sleep. I sensed that Rhys was nearby, and I followed the bond down to the kitchen, where I found him sitting at the table, head in his hands and wings drooping. He didn't look up at me.

"How bad is it?" I said, lingering in the doorway. It was late enough that he must have already spoken with Cassian.

He rubbed at his temples. "No definitive answers. I'd hoped there would be proof that this was nothing more than rogue war-bands that can be put down. Whoever it was knew what they were doing and covered their tracks. It could still very well just be Illyrians…or an act of war."

My blood ran cold. I knew it was foolish to think that killing Amarantha had ended the danger—she had been connected to Hybern, and Rhys and the rest of the Inner Circle had already discussed the possibility of opportunists taking advantage of a weakened Prythian after fifty years of Amarantha's rule. But something about Rhys putting it so plainly suddenly made it hard to breathe.

Before I could say anything, Rhys continued, "This needs to be dealt with swiftly, so I've moved up my visit to the Court of Nightmares. I'll go tonight, take tomorrow to plan. Cassian, Azriel, and I will hunt down the war-bands that are hiding out in the forests."

I knew Rhys—the security of the Night Court was at stake, so he'd find a way to push through it, even though I doubted he was ready to face the very court Amarantha had modeled hers after and his wings were still weakened. He'd tear open as many wounds as he needed to keep his people safe.

But perhaps…I could make sure he didn't have to.

I crossed the room, standing next to the chair and looping an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. He curled a wing around me and hid his face in my shoulder.

"If war comes, we'll face it. Together," I whispered against his hair as plans formed in my mind.

He said nothing, too overwhelmed to do anything but tug on the bond. I held him like that for a while, and with my shields firmly in place, I considered how exactly I'd lighten those burdens for him. Neither one of us was alone anymore.

"Have you slept at all?" I said eventually.

He sat back, tipping his head up to look at me. "No. It's—"

"Then go rest, Rhys."

"Is that an order?" Something sparked in his eyes, and I could have sworn amusement had crept into his voice.

"The point of this visit is to show your face in the Hewn City again. You need all the beauty sleep you can get."

His lips twitched—not quite a smile, but close to it. My hand had been resting on his shoulder, and as he stood, I let it trail down his arm. He interlaced our fingers, and for a moment, just from the way his eyes went soft as he looked at me, I was sure he was about to ask me to come to bed with him, risk of slashing talons during a nightmare be damned.

I would have said yes. And even if he never asked, I still had half a mind to follow him upstairs anyway, just to give into the feral, protective instinct to keep watch while my mate slept.

But Rhys didn't ask. Instead he pressed a kiss to my knuckles and said, "Make sure you eat something."

I knew what that meant. "I love you, too."

He squeezed my hand once, then winnowed upstairs. For the next few hours, I could feel through the bond that he'd at least managed to catnap before he had to leave. I had things to do as well, but I wouldn't let Rhys sleep in an empty house, either. And I did need to eat. So I paced the townhouse restlessly with food in hand.

Then once Rhys left, my first order of business was making my way to the House of Wind.

I could have asked him to bring me there—and probably saved myself the trouble of climbing ten thousand steps again—but for now, I didn't want to tell him exactly why I wanted to go. As I climbed and climbed, I hoped my assumptions about who might be in the training ring were correct.

And they were. "Is everything alright, Feyre?" Azriel said, without turning from the target he was sinking a dagger into.

"I'm fine," I said, and at the very least it was true that I wasn't in danger. "I wanted to speak to you."

"Now?"

"Yes. While Rhys is busy." That finally got Azriel to drag his attention away from target practice. The way his gaze swept over me was an obvious assessment, as if he was cataloging all the information he found at the sight of me. I didn't mind. When Azriel didn't say anything, I added, "I think I should come with when you go to Illyria."

I'd half-expected him to immediately tell me no, that it was too dangerous. But Azriel tipped his head to the side and asked, "What makes you say that?"

I sat down at the edge of the ring, more grateful than ever that Rhys surrounded himself with the type of people who'd hear me out. Azriel sheathed the dagger and sat down beside me.

"I know I can't take on an Illyrian, and I'm not stupid enough to try," I said, choosing my words carefully, "but I'm concerned it will be difficult for him if we're separated again so soon after….everything. You and Cassian will need him to focus, and he can't afford to make a mistake and appear weak."

Azriel was silent again, clearly mulling it over, but I couldn't read much of a reaction from him beyond that. It was unsettling to consider much that impassive face could be hiding. If I didn't trust already him, I would have nervously blurted out all of my thoughts right then and there.

"It's an angle to consider. Is there…something you had in mind to do while you're there?"

It was a valid question, though I hadn't expected Azriel to ask how I intended to ensure I wasn't a deadweight so tactfully. And at least I had an answer prepared.

"Let me hunt so the three of you can focus on the task at hand instead of trying to feed yourselves or carry rations. You'll get done faster."

Azriel raised an eyebrow. I was ready to remind him that I was still a competent enough tracker to avoid anyone in the woods I might not want to run into. My muscles tensed almost involuntarily, my body preparing for a fight.

But instead he said, more gently than I'd ever heard him, "Tell me why you really want to go."

I stared out at the mountains in the distance and thought about what to say. Even though I knew there was nothing to be ashamed of, it was still difficult to find the words. Azriel just waited, patient as ever.

"I need to be outside for a few days straight. After— After being stuck in that cell, I just want to be able to pick a direction and run, somewhere there's so much space that I'll tire myself out before I find a single building."

I almost told him that I didn't want to sit behind in Velaris and wait for Rhys to come back, but that seemed cruel, all things considered. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Az rub his thumb along the spot on his hand where the scarring was the most obvious.

"I know the feeling," he said quietly. I started to respond, but he added, "You can't scream in Velaris, at least not without scaring the neighbors. But if you ever need to…let it out, I'll show you the empty places in the Illyrian Steppes."

Azriel knew. Just like with Mor's scars, I'd never asked about his, but whatever had happened, he'd been confined in the dark once. I hadn't realized it—I'd come to him first because he'd supported me trapping the Suriel on my first day in the Night Court.

"Thank you."

"You haven't brought this up to your mate, have you?"

There was no accusation there. Azriel's voice was even, and I had the sense he was just…gathering more information.

"Not yet. I wanted to see what you and Cassian thought first."

A single nod. "Prudent."

"Do you think it's a good idea, then? For me to go?" I said, once the silence stretched on long enough that it was clear he wasn't going to elaborate.

"It's worth discussing. Even after the frenzy, mated males are…volatile."

Azriel shifted awkwardly, tucking his wings in tight. And I understood—I didn't particularly want to discuss the mating frenzy, either. Especially not with someone who was more or less family. But after the way Rhys had growled at Cassian over me, we were right to consider what those instincts might mean, whether being apart or potential danger in the woods was a bigger risk.

I thanked him again and got up to leave, but the sound of Azriel's voice, midnight-dark and more stern than I'd ever heard it, stopped me in my tracks. "Where do you think you're going?" I turned, and Azriel had already gotten up from where he was sitting and unsheathing another blade. "You climbed ten thousand steps to get up here, so make it worth your while and work on your knife skills."

Azriel had earned that reputation as a hard bastard. Even today, I wasn't going to get out of training.

And if war was coming, I'd need all the training I could get. I took the knife and got to work, if only for a short lesson.

When we finished, Azriel flew me to the townhouse, and Rhys wasn't back yet. That was fine—there was still more I needed to do. The chances of a nightmare were too high that he'd share a bed with me that night. But he needed sleep, and he'd said that I smelled like safety.

I was used to hiding my scent, not spreading it. With the glamour on me, I wasn't even sure my idea would work, but it seemed worth a try, even if it did make me feel faintly ridiculous.

I dug my clothes out of the laundry and tucked them in the corners of Rhys's room. When I'd hunted, I'd kept a specific set of clothes for the woods and washed them as infrequently as possible, minimizing the scent of laundry soap. If it worked in the forest…maybe it might work here.

Then I hesitated, just for a moment, to touch the bed. Before, I'd only ever ventured into his bedroom when Rhys had a nightmare, and I couldn't quite shake the feeling that this was somehow a violation, ridiculous as that was when there was an unbreakable thread connecting our souls and my bite marks made him preen.

I pushed those thoughts aside and crawled under the covers. Trying my best to be thorough, I rolled around and rubbed my hair against both sides of the pillow. I repeated the process under both the sheet and the duvet for good measure, then made the bed and spent some time on top of it.

I hoped it was enough. I doubted we'd take a sleeping draught tonight; being difficult to rouse if there was another emergency was too much of a risk.

By the time I finished, it was getting late, and I wasn't sure now was the time for Rhys to come home and find me waiting in his bed, even if it was…tempting. I filed that thought away for another time.

I was still restless—too long without anything to do, and I found myself thinking of the slain priestesses again, the sight of mutilated bodies flashing across my mind again. In search of another distraction, I wandered back to the living room and looked at the bookshelves lining the walls. I'd never paid much attention to them before. But apparently Rhys considered them mine too, and perhaps there was something worth copying for handwriting practice.

I pulled the book with the most cracks in the spine off the shelf, idly wondering if it was his favorite. I'd ask, but…misplaced shame still made it difficult to talk about reading. Still curious, I flipped it open to a random page and struggled through what appeared to be poetry.

The woods decay, the woods decay and fall,

The vapours weep their burthen to the ground…

I scowled and put the book back. Years of hunting had been more than enough decaying woods for a lifetime, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know what a burthen was.

I tried another book and found more poetry—Cauldron, how much of it did Rhys read? But the words were shorter, which I felt better about, so I found a pen and paper and brought the book to the roof with me. The full moon and the light of the stars and Velaris were enough to read by.

I didn't pay much attention to what the poem was about, just focused on copying the letters as neatly as possible. Something about the work and sitting under the stars was strangely meditative.

But I didn't relax completely until I heard a soft rustle of wings and turned to see Rhys landing a few feet away. Something inside me settled. Perhaps some of my restlessness had just been the mating bond railing at him being away, even for only a few hours.

Rhys nearly always looked elegant, but for the Hewn City, there wasn't a single speck of color on him. There was no sheen to the fine black fabric of his suit, no embroidery like he often favored, just cloth so dark it seemed to gobble the light, buttoned up to hide his tattoos. The night itself clung to him more tightly than usual.

His grip on his power was still a bit looser than usual, and though it was faint, I felt familiar darkness reaching for me.

I watched his feet touch the ground, the movement far more graceful than the last time I'd seen it. For a moment, I just savored it—the wingspan, the promise of death in just the way he carried himself, my blood singing in answer to the darkness rippling from him.

I almost didn't notice the ebony crown. He'd never worn one in front of me before.

"Is there magic keeping that on your head," I said, "or did you have to learn to fly without it falling off?"

He snorted. "Hello, Feyre."

A flick of his wrist as he sank into the chair next to mine, and the crown disappeared and the top button of his jacket loosened itself. His gaze landed on the open book and notepad in my lap. Before he could ask about it, I said, "How did it go?"

"I didn't have to make an example of anyone, so as well as could reasonably be expected," he said, rolling his shoulders with a pinched expression on his face.

No violence, then. It felt like the first respite in a while.

We sat on the roof and talked for a while about nothing in particular, a silent understanding passing between us that we both didn't want to feel enclosed or alone. I summoned up the courage to ask about the books downstairs; my visible relief at the lack of dirty limericks Tamlin favored made Rhys snicker and tell me the awful verses were still a mercy compared to fiddle music.

Until he'd spat those last two words like a curse, I hadn't realized I'd put enough distance between myself and the Spring Court to joke about it. Despite everything that had happened in the last day, I felt…lighter.

Exhaustion still settled over both of us as we'd talked, and in just the set of his shoulders and wings, I could see the way being underground had taken something out of him. It was an early night.

As I slid into bed, I was tired enough that I'd nearly forgotten what I'd done in Rhys's room earlier. But his voice floated into my mind, as if a night-kissed wind carried it through the crack in my shields I'd left for him.

Feyre darling…

"Yes?" I said aloud. He'd hear it from across the hall.

Do I want to know what you were doing that involved rolling around in my sheets and leaving your socks for me to find?

My cheeks heated, and even though couldn't see it, I rolled over and hid my face in the pillow anyway. "Tonight might be another bad night. I thought my scent might help. Because I can't…"

For the length of a heartbeat, the bond lit up with gratitude. Then there was a dip in the bed next to me, and Rhys's arms were banding around my chest and pulling me to him. He'd winnowed right to me.

"You are impossible to stay away from when you're being brilliant," he murmured against my hair.

I nearly asked him to stay. But I knew it was hard enough for him to let me in enough to see the aftermath of a nightmare, and that was when there was no risk to me. He didn't say it, but…I suspected he was only holding me until I fell asleep.

I twisted in his arms so we were face-to-face, then kissed him gently. "It won't always be like this. The bad nights will be behind us eventually."

He sighed and let his head tip forward until our foreheads were touching. I closed my eyes and let my breathing slow, warm and comfortable. We stayed like that for a long time, until he finally winnowed back to his room.

I scooted over to the warm spot he'd left, already aching for him. It would still be a while before my thoughts stopped racing enough for me to finally drift off, but Rhys didn't need to know that. I'd pretend anything at all to give him peace of mind.

Sleep finally claimed me as his side of the bed went cold again.

#feysand #feyre archeron #we said hello and your eyes look like coming home #if you're wondering about the chapter title feyre uses her socks as a feliway diffuser for rhys in this one

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bethanydelleman · 1 year

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Fanny Price do become overshadowed by Elizabeth Bennet, Emma Woodhouse and sometimes Anne Elliot by Austenites...Do you know why? (Using your current professional experience in neurology - did I remember it correctly 😅)

I think this has far less to do with neurology and more to do with projection.(which is a concept I've learned reading Jane Austen not in school)

Readers want to be Elizabeth Bennet (I believe). They want to have a sparkling wit and the courage to put men with then thousand pounds a year in their place. They want to be the life of the party. And I don't blame them, I would love to have the ability to be witty on the fly, it's rare! I'm barely witty in hindsight.

I see this admiration/projection for Elinor Dashwood (ability to stay polite in the face of imbeciles), Anne Elliot (peacemaker), and sometimes Emma (devoted daughter) too.

But a lot of people dislike Fanny Price, Emma Woodhouse, and Catherine Morland. So many people call Catherine stupid, Emma cruel, and Fanny judgemental and weak. Fanny is of course, not weak, she just is very, very careful when picking battles. If she's convinced she's right she'll hold out basically forever. And as for judgemental, Jane Austen is very honest in Fanny’s thoughts, but Fanny rarely gives these thoughts voice. I think most people have similar negative thoughts about people they dislike.

Catherine is not stupid, she's naive and maybe people just really dislike remembering that they were once naive too? I think Marianne Dashwood hate comes from the same source. At 16/17, I also thought that 35 was ancient and heavily romanticized love. Marianne makes me laugh because I don't mind remembering how silly I was back then. Catherine shows a lot of growth during the novel as well, so I don’t know why all people take away is her ignorance.

Emma is interesting because even Jane Austen said no one would like her, but I think we are meant to see that she is very kind, while also making mistakes. Emma is devoted to her father, very accomodating to her guests, and even her plans for Harriet come from a basis misguided of kindness. There is a lot to like in Emma, but she is also very flawed.

So to sum up my theory: people want to be Elizabeth especially, but also Elinor Dashwood and Anne Elliot. People do not want to be (or remember that they have been) Fanny Price, Catherine Morland, or Emma Woodhouse (mostly), and so they dislike those characters.

I have no idea if this is correct, but that’s my best guess. I’m not even sure this is a fully coherent thought. Anyway, when I read Mansfield Park I don’t really imagine myself as Fanny, I just want to jump in and give Fanny hugs. But I don’t imagine myself as Elizabeth Bennet either, I just want to jump in and give her a high five. And then tell her that Wickham is a big fat liar.

See why don’t people appreciate how perceptive and discerning Fanny is? I don’t get it!

#question response #or at least attempted question response #jane austen #fanny price #mansfield park #elizabeth bennet #pride and prejudice #but also all the other heroines #I do not get the Fanny Price hate #She is an abused and neglected child doing her best not to get crushed #hugs for Fanny

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wild-moss-art · 10 months

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hi moss! I hope you are having a good day!! I was wondering if you were willing to share how you convinced a doctor to yeet the uterus :O are you scared about having a major surgery? (I am, as always, having The Thoughts.)

<3 I hope you're having a good day too! It is a long story and kind of personal but I'm happy to share bc I know that it's really difficult to find info on, and if anyone has questions you can feel free to dm or send an ask. Gonna put the story under the cut.

First of all, I live in america and this will all sound very american lol.

In the interest of not burying the lede, my working theory is that I have endometriosis or adenomyosis; these are notoriously difficult to diagnose. Endometriosis is only diagnosable through a laparoscopic surgery and adenomyosis is literally only diagnosable through getting a hysterectomy and having the tissue biopsied. If you don't want a hysterectomy, you can't get an official diagnosis.

Now to the backstory. I think my medical history and experience advocating for myself medically had the most impact on being approved for this procedure.

I have been on hormonal birth control since I was about 13 or 14 practically as soon as I hit puberty I had debilitating periods. I was missing a lot of school and obviously this didn't look good for my parents, so I was put on the pill, and later when I was older I switched to IUDs. The birth control basically put a bandaid on the problem, and the IUD eliminated my period altogether.

Near the beginning of this year, I started to have a lot of pelvic pain that I initially thought was a UTI. I went to the doctor who kept telling me I didn't have the bacteria for a UTI, and basically sent me home with some antibiotics anyway, which didn't help. They did not test for any other problems. I ended up switching doctors due to insurance purposes, but was also put off by the care I'd received.

When I went to the next doctor, they were actually willing to run tests. This doctor and every other doctor I've seen since initially insisted I must have an STD. A panel was run, and I was fully clean for STDs. I was referred to a urogynecology specialist, as my main symptoms at this point were pain(which they do not care about- didnt even put it in my file) and difficulty urinating(this symptom I believe is the only reason I was able to get a referral to a specialist).

While I was waiting for my urogynecology appointment(they were pretty booked out), the pain got worse, like a lot worse. I was also having more and more hormonal symptoms like heavy acne. I was able to move my appointment up but ended up going to the ER. At the ER, I posted about my experience which I can link if you'd like but I'll include the relevant info. The doctor hadn't looked at my age on the file and initially DENIED testing because I was "too young". He came back later and approved it, because he actually looked at my fucking file. From this point on I've been livid and ready to fistfight every doctor Ive seen.

I was at the ER for like 10 hours and got a CT scan, which showed all the inflammation in my uterus and little in my bladder, which was when I began to realize that the bladder issue was just a symptom and not the problem. The original doctor was off duty toward the end of my visit, and the new doctor came in for briefing when she mentioned they needed to run an STD panel. I told her I'd had one about a week ago that was fully negative. She said "I need to go talk to my supervisor."

Ultimately, I was released from the ER with a prescription for extra strength ibuprofen and a referral to a gynecologist. They said my IUD was stabbing me internally, and needed to come out. They did not take it out at the ER.

At this point, it was time for my urogynecology appointment. At the appointment, I told them about my ER visit and asked if they could take my IUD out. They said they didn't really do that there, but after I showed them my CT scan results, they did it anyway. I felt a lot better, immediately. They were helpful and awesome, but said that they mostly treat bladder problems, which was clearly not what I had.

I didnt feel fully better though, because hormonal birth control keeps endometriosis and adenomyosis symptoms and pain at bay. The pain has gotten gradually worse, but it's not longer quite as sharp and stabbing. I've been doing a lot of research about these conditions thanks to a helpful tumblr mutual, and I believe I have adenomysis. I'm not sure whether I have endometriosis.

I followed up on the gynecology referral from the er; I am really happy with this clinic so far. They are the ones that offered the hysterectomy. In my initial appointment, I mentioned that I was not on birth control and wanted to be sterilized. They asked if I wanted birth control in the meantime. I said no(I believe this helped).

(as an aside. Another reason I believe I was offered what I was is that I am married. When I listed my partner as an emergency contact, they specifically mentioned that I did not take his last name. I believe this says something about our relationship to doctors. I know often they will ask for the husband's permission in this scenario; however, they did not even bring him up beyond the last name thing.)

When I met with the doctor for a tubal ligation consult, we talked a bit about the procedure and what other symptoms I was having. I also got an ultrasound that showed inflammation in my uterus(as well as a medium sized cyst on my ovary. lmao). He said the tubal ligation would not help my other symptoms. When I mentioned my CT scan, he actually left to go look at it, returned and immediately asked if I wanted kids. When I said no, he told me he could give me a hysterectomy.

We went over some details; just a hysterectomy is a pretty non invasive procedure and doesn't even require an incision. He mentioned that it may or may not fix the whole problem(it would fix adenomyosis which only affects the uterus, not endometriosis which affects other organs) but that it's pretty complicated to remove the ovaries because it's a more invasive procedure and basically I'd have to be on hormones to simulate menopause for a really long time(I'm only 27). So that is an option, but it's better to just see if the hysterectomy fixes my problems.

The surgery is in 10 days from now and I have my intake consult on tuesday. I plan to update cause again, I know not a lot of people talk about these experiences and it would have really helped me to have known more going in. I really cant wait, I've basically been bedridden, cant exercise, can't stand for long periods of time, not much at all. I'm lucky my livelihood is sitting on my couch drawing.

Finally, I believe that it is possible that they wanted to sterilize me due to my mental health history. I am in ongoing treatment for my mental health, and have particular diagnoses that I do not disclose publicly. You can message me if you'd like to know this information.

#ty for the ask <3 #im sorry this is so long lmao. it has been a lot #I do feel all this is relevant though. I don't think I could have just rolled up to my general doctor's office and asked for a hysterectomy #nor do I think I could have rolled up to the gynecologists office and asked for one without the history #im not sure how to tag this so that people could find it if they need to lmk if anyone has suggestions #moss is sick as in cool but also as in sick

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stormyoceans · 6 months

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Random but I'm sorta convinced that in next episode day will go to the doctor and then the scene in the trailer will happen when they tell him that his sight is starting to gradually decline again and that he's at risk of being completely blind so mork is going to take him out to get day's mind off of that and console him (the whole "I bring my lovers here when they're upset") and that the hug happens at the end when day breaks down... Idk why I'm doing this to myself or you tbh, I'm probably wrong

IN THIS HOUSE WE WELCOME AND APPRECIATE ALL KIND OF THEORIES (except when they're about someone dying, we do not put that kind of energy into the world here) SO IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE GONNA END UP BEING RIGHT OR WRONG IM STILL DEEPLY GRATEFUL YOU DECIDED TO SHARE THIS WITH ME

especially since this was actually one of my original theories too!!!!! when the last twilight twitter account first shared this picture i thought this was possibly going to be a confession scene, but then the trailer came out and gave us that small glimpse of day resting his head on mork's shoulder and mork hugging him, which immediately made me think about mork trying to comfort day after learning that day's sight had started to deteriorate even further, just like you said. i was honestly fully convinced about this being the context of the scene until last friday, but after seeing the preview for episode 5 i have to admit im no longer so sure, mostly because i feel like the prospect of completely losing what's left of his sight is what's gonna lead to the songkhla trip and we know we're a couple of episodes too early for that

my current theory is that meeting august again is what's gonna upset day because it's gonna make him think about what happened during and after that last match they played together, about losing his sight and shutting himself off from everyone, about the guilt he probably feels towards august for leaving without a word (and how he would have rather had august believe he left for the states than tell him the truth). i feel like mork is gonna try to get his mind off of it until day feels like talking about it and eventually day is going to, telling mork about what happened and how he can't bring himself to face august (and maybe we're gonna have a flashback of that scene in the trailer with day destroying his room and cracking the glass on the picture of him and august)

IT'S HONESTLY ONE OF THESE TWO THEORIES IMHO AND CONSIDERING THEY'RE BOTH EQUALLY DEVASTATING ALL I KNOW IS THAT IM GONNA CRY REGARDLESS

#BUT ALSO I DID NOT EXPECT THE CHANGING ROOM SCENE TO HAPPEN IN EPISODE 3 SO I FEEL LIKE ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN AT THIS POINT #ANYWAY. hope my english wasn't too awful and once again thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!!!!!#i will always gladly listen to your theories so please feel free to do that whenever you want!!!!!#hope you're having a wonderful day!!!!! 💜#last twilight the series #m: ask

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animefu · 7 months

Text

Pokémon Horizons - The Sudden Turn (Part 2)

Characters: Amethio, Friede, Liko, Roy

Pokémon: Sprigatito, Corviknight, Wattrell, Fuecoco

What happened earlier:

"I actually didn't want to imagine it... But now that I think about it again... It would definitely be a possibility... !"

~~~

Roy started to feel very uneasy, after the young Pokémon Trainer heard Friedes words about the possibility, that the Explorers really might could've kidnapped Liko and Sprigatito. But... He just didn't want to believe that!! Friede noticed Roy's tension and gently touched the boy's shoulder. "Roy... Is everything alright?" he asked a little bit out of concern.

He then woke up from his train of thoughts and looked up at the adult. "I'm fine.. Just... Just the idea, that Liko could actually be in danger... I'm so worried... What if, something worse happens to her? I would never forgive myself for that!! She is my best friend after all, so is Sprigatito ... " re replied, while his voice was clearly shaking throughout his words.

The Rising Volt Tacklers leader now carefully grabbed both of the child's shoulders, so he could look him straight in the face. "Roy, listen to me... I fully understand, what must be going on with you right now... I'm just as worried about Liko and Sprigatito, as you are, do you understand?..." he sighed briefly, while he showed off a slight chearing up smile.

"Liko is so brave, she cares about others, about us, Sprigatito and even other Pokémon. She has shown extreme courage in many difficult situations, which is exactly the potential, that makes her so unique as a Pokémon Trainer. So please don't worry. We'll find her. I promise." Friede continued.

Roy listened to him carefully, then took a deep breath and exhaled afterwards. Fuecoco did the same. Well, like the trainer, like the Pokémon. Now the boy's eyes were determined and full of confidence again. "You are absolutely right, Friede. We will definitely find Liko and Sprigatito."

"There you go, that's the Roy as I know him. I like you much better that way." he said with a satisfied smile and briefly patted Roy's head, whereupon he had to giggle slightly.

"And what should we do now? If the Explorers have really kidnapped Liko, they could have disappeared with her to God knows where! Or worse, maybe they're already out of the woods with her and we won't even have a chance, of finding her and Sprigatito at all!" he now said and paced up and down thoughtfully.

Friede watched him and now scratched his chin thoughtfully as well. "That would be possible... But let's assume, that the Explorers really kidnapped Liko... Why didn't they come to us immediately? That would at least be my first intuition, to kidnap someone first and then blackmail possible relatives afterwards, so that this kidnapped person is released unharmed... No, there has to be something else behind Liko's disappearance. Especially, since I already know Amethio very well and even, if he is still after her pendant... He would never even dream, of kidnapping Liko like that, without informing us afterwards! That just doesn't suit him, I'm absolutely sure of it!" he said now and was already pretty convinced of his theory.

"Hmhh, now that you put it like that... Yes, that actually makes sense. However, we still don't know, where she could be. Wait, maybe there is only one possible explanation. It could be, that Sprigatito possibly ran deeper into the forest and away from the original path, whereupon Liko followed It. Maybe she got lost on the way and now can't find her way back out." Roy said then, while awaiting Friedes answer.

"I know, I'm already thinking. First of all, we should actually search the forest first then. Maybe, Liko really got lost there somewhere, while she followed Sprigatito." he suggested, to which Roy gave a nod of agreement.

"Got it. I think it would be the best, if we split up then. That way we might have a better chance, of finding a clue of, where they are." said the young trainer and immediately released Wattrel from his Pokéball. "I'll keep an eye out further south, you further in a northerly direction." With that, the young Trainer went into the corresponding direction of the forest, like Liko and Sprigatito had probably done before.

As Friede looked after him, he now took his Rotom phone out of his jacket pocket, to inform the rest of the crew about Liko's sudden disappearance. Finally at last...

~~~

Meanwhile, Amethio had been flying on his Corviknight for several hours over the thicket of the forest, through which Liko and the rest of the Rising Volt Tacklers had previously passed, to get to her grandmother. It had already started, to get dark and there were gray clouds in the sky, which were a sign of a rain shower, that was about to begin. The young teenager was still completely confused by, what had happened before, that he didn't really knew, where exactly he was actually going. Or rather flying.

While he was thinking about this, his mind kept flashing back, to what had happened earlier, when he had found Liko so badly injured near that cliff. When she almost was about to fall down from it... This specific situation had literally left him in a state of shock. And when Spinel revealed himself and admitted, that he was the one, that had intentionally hurt the girl including her Pokémon, just to get Likos pendant... And not forgetting the fact, that his rival hadn't shown neither a sign of shock, nor hint of remorse, or even regret at all... That moment had thrown Amethio completely off track.

His gaze fell down onto Liko again, who he was still holding in his arms, so that she couldn't fall, since the two of them were at least several meters above the ground on his Corviknight.

The young trainer was still unconscious. Only now did Amethio fully realize, how terribly she had actually been mauled. Just like, he'd seen before, the young girl had suffered serious injuries from the now obviously reckless attack by Spinel's Pokémon.

For one thing, she had a profusely bleeding wound on her stomach and another, not quite as large, wound on her left leg. While this may not have been as extreme, that didn't meant, it was any less worrying. The Explorer Admin knew, that these wounds had to be treated as quickly as possible, especially the one on her stomach gave him pause.

But first they had to find somewhere, to stay out of the heavy rain, that had now started, so that the two of them wouldn't catch a cold. Because that particular thing was actually also true for Amethio right know.

At that moment, it didn't matter at all, that he was part of an evil organization or even the fact, that he usually wasn't the kind of person, who openly showed his emotions and feelings to others, but always tried to hide them as best as possible. No, this time it was different... Completely different...

However, he pushed that thought aside for now, as he and Liko still needed to find safe shelter from the rain. And Liko's injuries had to be treated immediately. Even, if it ultimately meant, Amethio would be the one, to take on the task. Tch, how on earth did you get into this situation after all?! he thought to himself, while keeping an eye on the unconscious girl in his arms.

After the teen had been flying around aimlessly for several hours, he slowly ran out of patience and told Corviknight, to land between a few trees, that belonged to the same area of forest, in which he had suddenly discovered Spinel before. "Corviknight, return." he said, as he recalled his second Pokémon and let its Pokéball slide back into his left pocket.

He then took Liko back into his arms and, as a precaution, put Sprigatito back into its Pokéball as well. Because, it would be a bit difficult for the teen, to carry the seriously injured girl and her Pokémon at the same time.

So he continued, to stamp with her through the rather muddy ground of the forest, when, after a good bit of walking, Amethio finally discovered a cave. This should be enough, to keep both of them save from the heavy weather outside. At least for now. He immediately went straight inside there with Liko still in his arms, so that both couldn't get any more wet. His hair alone was already very wet and partially stuck to his face, due to the extreme rain.

After he had penetrated a little deeper into the cave, the teen finally stopped and carefully laid Liko down on the slightly sandy ground, to briefly sort out his thoughts.

How should things continue, now? Amethio could hardly inform Friede or other members from the Rising Volt Tacklers to say 'Hey, just that you know, I found the girl injured near a cliff, after I suddenly saw my rival, while I was following you, because, I still want to get the pendant.' Seriously, how stupid would that sound?!

But for better or for worse, he HAD to do something, if he didn't want to get into any further trouble with his colleagues or even Gibeon himself. Because, he really couldn't use that too. He sighed a little out of frustration, but then, first of all wrung out his wet hair, before the teen sat down next to Liko and leaned himself against the cold stone wall.

He exhaled deeply and then looked back at Liko and, at the same time, at her wounds. That's right, now it's coming back to him. She still needed treatment. Amethio lightly slapped his forehead. He almost forgot the reason, why he had actually fled here with her. Even, if it wasn't his intuition in the first place.

The young silver-, and gray-haired boy let out a brief hiss, but then finally carefully leaned over the quiet girl and, at the same time, extremely carefully pulled the white T-shirt about halfway up her waist with his hands covered in black gloves. This gave him a better view of the gaping wound on her stomach.

Only now, when he took a closer look, Amethio realized, what fatal consequences Spinel's ruthless and yes, one could even almost classify as cold-blooded action, had actually brought to light.

There was a wound in the girl's skin, which was linear but slightly curved from the top of her belly button to the left side of her waist. Fortunately, the bleeding had stopped, but still... It just looked unbelievably terrible.

Amethio had to, even if he was actually unaware of this, swallow. He had seen a lot of injuries in his life before, but this?! This was definitely on a completely different level, but nowhere, near a positive sense. But the teenager could think about that at another time. Treating Likos injuries was the first priority right know.

Now Amethio started, to ponder a bit, because, he didn't know right away, whether he had any bandages with him. Nevertheless, he reached into both pockets of his trousers and surprisingly found a small roll of gauze bandage, as well as a few cotton swabs and even a bottle of disinfectant. Well, apparently it was sometimes really practical, to have something with you in case of an emergency.

Then he quickly shook his head. Enough of that Amethio, you better concentrate! the teen reminded himself and went back, to taking care of the injured girl.

First he took some disinfectant, which he applied to a cotton swab and used it, to carefully remove the light dirt, that had probably previously accumulated in the wound. Then he took off one of his gloves and smeared some ointment on the wound, which he had also found in his pocket, and lastly wrapped the gauze bandage around Liko's waist about three to five times. With that, the main step was already done.

The last thing Amethio did, was disinfecting the smaller, less extreme wound on her leg and wrapping the gauze bandage around there too, but not as often.

After he had finished with that for the time being, he finally let Sprigatito out of its Pokéball again. The Grass Cat Pokémon was probably worried about its owner too. At least that's, what the teenager assumed, but basically that's how it had to be, right?

Shortly after the little cat saw 'light' again, the first thing, that happened was, that it's big eyes instinctively fell on Liko. It immediately made a slightly frightening sound and already imagined the worst, when it saw her lying there motionless, so it let out a quiet meow and carefully nuzzled its head against Liko's palm. Although the girl still didn't react, her body temperature was still within the appropriate range. Thank God!!

However, after Sprigatito turned around and suddenly saw Amethio, it again took an attacking stance and hissed slightly aggressively at him, just like it did with Spinel back then. The Explorer Admin wasn't particularly surprised by the Pokémon's reaction though.

He was more or less the enemy after all, as he had already tried several times, to take Liko and thus her pendant into his possession. Luckily so far unsuccessful. So he could definitely understand this current behavior, wich was actually entirely justified. At least in this current moment.

But there was no time for that, now. "I know, you think, I'm the one, who hurt her so badly. I can't blame you. But right now, I have other, more important things to worry about. Believe me, I just wanted, to help your owner. You can scratch my face later. But please... Trust me for now, at least for a while."

'God, you sound like a complete idiot, already talking to a Pokémon, like if it's your best friend or something. Great, Amethio. Really outstanding performance!' he heard his mind talking to him once again and let out a big snort of air. Then the teen carefully held out a hand to Sprigatito, to appear a little more trustworthy, he hoped. "Temporary Truce for now?"

The little Grass Cat looked very skeptically at this gesture at first, but then finally settled down after a little while, after it realized, that there was actually no point, in not trusting the Explorer Admin. What he said was true. Liko's health took priority for now. At some point, the Pokémon stopped hissing at Amethio and finally, but still very carefully stepped closer to the young boy's outstretched hand and nestled its head against it afterwards with a slight purr coming from it's throat.

Amethio sighed a little with relief and, with a slight smile on his lips, scratched the cat behind the ears, until it finally fell asleep snuggled up to its Trainers feet. He then collected some wood, that was lying around in the cave and used it to light a small fire, so that it wouldn't get too cold for the three of them. Because it wasn't quite clear yet, how long they would actually stay in this location, as long as the rain and the thunderstorm, that had now occurred as well, hadn't stopped.

At some point, the teen began, to yawn and laid himself down next to the glowing wood, before soon falling into a deep sleep. After all, everything had already been turbulent enough today. And who knew, what would happen next...

To be continued...

Sidenote: Um yeah, I thought, I would end this work with this Part, but then I said to myself, no maybe you could expand this even further. I'll probably write a few more Parts, but we'll see.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this Part as much as the first one. If that's the case, please write your feedback and opinions into the tags or glady reblog this post.

Have a wonderful evening and we will see or rather read each other very soon in Part 3 of:

'Pokémon Horizons - The Sudden Turn'

Love you guys!!! :) :) :)

#amethio #pokemon horizons #fanfic #liko #sprigatito #professor friede #roy pokemon

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sir-yeehaw-paws · 1 year

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idk this is maybe gonna sound random but i think kaz was involved with the great msf bbq of 74. skull face knows him pretty well and he easily could've pinned everything on huey. there's evidence for him killing strangelove yeah but none for him allowing the attack.

I don't think it sounds all that random, anon. It's a theory I've come across before. I believe either on Youtube, or Reddit. I can't recall particularly which exact place though, so I apologize for that. I can understand to some degree that theory being possible, and I haven't given it enough thought myself to speculate. I've also seen it theorized Kaz is also responsible for the second outbreak, but again, I haven't looked deep enough into that alternative theory personally to give it too much weight.

(And people have pointed out the whole 'he's already working for Cipher too why not do something else' but I don't know personally that I agree there, per se. I don't think the story explores Kaz working for Cipher well enough to where I can build up headcanons about his mindset there-outside of what we are given. But I can't discount why people theorize he's further treacherous as a result).

Personally, as far as Huey goes, he's absolutely guilty for Strangelove, but there's some deliberate (I think anyway) ambiguity as to whether or not he knew 100% for sure that the inspection was a fake. There's evidence to suggest he knew all along, but I am not fully convinced at all times. I imagine he is, but. IDK. I think the story is written for us to ask questions. (Or I'm giving it too much credit, I genuinely cannot say)

I will say though, I personally can't see Kaz having any motivation to facilitate the second outbreak. Even if he did work with Cipher back in the MSF days, Diamond Dogs was largely started by him. He was the one putting in the work to restart Mother Base-he just had a lot of trouble getting any recruits because he didn't have Big Boss's influence, and thus few wanted to follow him (as he tells it). His personal phone call with Zero also implies they are very much not on friendly terms whatsoever. He later describes his relationship with Cipher as 'parasitic'. Now, how reliable a narrator Kaz is I can't tell you, but I really don't think he's a traitor during Diamond Dogs era. Does this add possibility to him being guilty for the original MSF attack? No, but I also struggle to find motivation there. If he was still angry at Big Boss for his less-than-consensual recruitment, there's several other ways he could've gone about it. He was the second in command at MSF too. I feel like it's a pretty hard sell for Skull Face going up to him and say something like 'Hey, work with me to blow up the base and people you've grown attached to.' Skull Face was (I assume anyway) also slowly distancing himself from Zero by this point. Whilst that doesn't happen in full til later, Zero wasn't responsible for the MSF attack. That was all Skull Face, acting alone without Zero's approval. Yes, he's using their banner, XOF, but this was probably the first true sign to Zero that Skull Face had gone rogue (the second being Skull Face attacking Zero with the parasites).

But back to Kaz. the man's as much of an opportunist as the rest of them, but I genuinely don't see what Skull Face could've offered him in that moment to make 'attack your base' appealing to him. Too much loss without enough gain, at least to Kaz. What would be the pull? What would've been appealing enough for Kaz to take a risk like that?

Could be wrong tho! I mean, this is all theories and headcanons after all. I'm not an expert.

#asks #answered asks #kazuhira miller #huey emmerich #headcanons #thoughts posts #mgs #mgsv

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justagalwhowrites · 9 months

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I was on AO3 attempting to finish Beskar doll (I read 3 chapters) when I got the notification that you posted a new one-shot. I couldn't get it pulled up fast enough! It was amazing just like everything you write.

I also decided to reread Yearling. I told you I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it until I got answers. So here are some thoughts.

1. Chapter one was really sad. I read it thinking of how scared she must have been not knowing what was going on. I couldn't imagine having to kill someone I love like that to save myself. It was also sad because it really gives a glimpse into who Bambi was before she was Bambi. She was a totally different person back then. I'm sure living through the end of the world would change anyone but for her, it was so much more than that. I want revenge against everyone who even thought about hurting her!

2. I absolutely love the fact that you wrote Bambi to be bisexual. It was a sweet story but I hate that Marisa just left her though. Although, I'm not really that upset about it because now she has Joel.

3. I found more breadcrumbs! If the breadcrumbs are what I think they are there were a few in chapter 8 that I missed. I think that was the chapter. It's the one where we learned about Marisa. I'm pretty sure I'm on the right track with my theory. I'm also pretty certain what I was wondering after chapter 9 is true.

4. Dear god, you love angst! I mean we all already knew that but I didn't realize just how much angst there was until I read it all together.

5. It's funny to me how things just hit differently in a slow burn. You find yourself being so damn excited that they touched even if it's accidental. Then when she asks him to hold her she may as well have asked him to fuck her. It was THAT monumental. I think I'm more excited for them to have their first kiss than I was for the Lavender fuckening!

6. Yup, you're definitely going to be at the top of every best seller's list there is one day. You can't convince me otherwise and I will have signed copies of ALL of your books, damn it!

I'm not going to apologize for rambling this time because you said you liked it. So just remember you asked for this! 🤣

HI BESTIEEEEEEE :D

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OK HERE'S MY INSANELY LONG REPLY

Break because the reply is SO DAMN LONG lmfao

Yes, chapter 1 was sad. I love who Bambi is now but I also love who she's trying to get back to. We see parts of her every now and then - like when she was full on about to brawl with Simon for hurting Ellie for example, all her banter with Tommy for another. I think, eventually, she's going to reach a point where there's more of who she was before along with the parts of her that have changed or sprung into existence with her trauma. But as she becomes more and more comfortable with Joel - and Jackson and humanity in general - we'll see more of chapter 1 Bambi.

BISEXUAL BAMBIIIIIIIII! I love this character in part because I feel like she really does contain multitudes. She gravitates toward a lot of stereotypically masculine things - like breaking horses - but also LOVES the feminine - like women rockers and romantic movies. She kind of exists all over this spectrum and likes it that way. She feels most at home in her Levis and a button down and cowboy boots but, before she figured out how to effectively rebel against her mother's beauty pageant wishes, she won pageants because she can fully look the part all glammed up. Her horse experience reflects this, too, doing both bronc riding and trick riding. We'll see more Marisa - and other women in Bambi's life - in flashbacks too :)

Some of my most explicit breadcrumbs were in chapter 8! There was one where I was like "this is almost fully telling people what this is" and no one has mentioned it to me yet. I'll point out the big things in the reveal chapter, though!

I AM SUCH A SLUT FOR ANGST it's a problem. Thanks for putting up with it lmfao (also, it's gonna get REAL ANGSTY for a while too)

And OMG I'm LOVING how the small intimacies feel with this kind of a slow burn. Because it's not so much like will they/won't they longing kind of stuff there's so much tied up in it all. Any kind of intimacy - especially physical intimacy, not just sexual intimacy - is such a huge thing for Bambi. For literal years, the only touch she had was cruel. That is a lot of conditioning to undo. I think it's hard for her because - as I think you can tell from the flashbacks especially - she's always been a physical person. Her love language would probably be physical touch if I really thought about it, so feeling like she needs to be physically disconnected from people to be safe while also desperately WANTING touch so she can feel loved are these warring drives inside her. Right now, the safety need is outweighing the need for love with everyone BUT Joel. Maybe Ellie, too. She, at least on some level, wants to be the person who would walk up to a coworker who had been blatantly checking her out, tell him she'd fuck him and then do exactly that. I will say that, because of how physical Bambi is as a person (in just about everything, she really feels most herself when she's using her body) that, once the dam breaks with more explicitly romantic/sexual intimacy (which is getting close to happening with Joel) the rest will come rather quickly. That need for love and physical touch is going to overpower the safety need real quick.

And AHHHH BESTIE!! I sure hope so! I'm going to try to get off my ass and query Ace this week and see how it goes. Fingers crossed for me?

Thank you SO MUCH for all your rambles because I love them every time! And thank you for being here and for reading and always being so kind and supportive and lovely and wonderful. You're the best <3

Love you!!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #kit answers #send asks #yearling

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raedacted · 2 years

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since these never ended up getting used, i thought i'd share the music i wrote for devil town by my friend @rebelpeas!

under the cut are 4 out of 6 tracks i composed from scratch, as well as some notes on my process for writing each of them. obligatory spoiler warning for devil town; i will be talking about some of the themes and plot points from the fic!

also, i'm not a professional or anything; this was my first time ever doing anything like this! i'm just really into music and like to pretend i know everything!! so apologies if i use some music theory terms incorrectly

(super long post incoming haha)

Devil Town Theme Concept

this was the very first track i wrote for the project, but i ended up not liking it very much and wanted to rewrite it, which is why i have it labeled as a concept. i threw this together in about 2-3 hours one night when i found out there was a concept for a devil town game. i desperately wanted to work on it with the group, but i'd convinced myself i had to prove i had something to offer. and so, the theme was born!

the first idea i had was a motif for quackity. quackity's arc revolves around the notion that he is cursed to never leave his hometown. he tries time and time again to escape, but is always pulled back to where it all began no matter what he does.

you can hear this in the melody that the guitar plays at the very beginning.

the first note of the melody starts on the root note, or "home" note, of the chord (g minor). then, it raises to the minor third (b flat), only to immediately fall back down to g. the melody continues to rise little by little, but always returns to the home note.

the bass also follows this pattern, never being able to fully deviate from the root note.

another subtle way i tried to convey this theme was by writing the track in 6/8 time. this allowed me to write the melody in a dotted eighth note + sixteenth rhythm. it gives the sense that quackity is trying to leave for as long as he can, trying to hold on to whatever new location he traveled to each time the melody rises and gets a little further from the home note.

the second melody we hear is the motif that represents time is a circle. much like quackity's curse of returning home, time is doomed to repeat itself over and over. i planned to use this motif a lot throughout the game's soundtrack, as it's one of the central themes of the story. ultimately, i ended up going with a different melody, but here's the one you hear in this track!

Tension/ Searching for Karl

this one is my darling beloved. i adore it so so so so much.

i originally wrote this track with the purpose of having it play whenever a particularly tense moment came up in-game, but after playing around with it more i decided it would fit best in the scene where the group is searching for karl in the woods.

there's a ton of stuff to dissect in this one because i love it when music reflects the story and i cannot control myself

first off, the pulsing eighth-note rhythm you hear in the bass was intended to be what you hear whenever shit was about to go down. it's a very simple musical idea that can be played around with in a ton of different ways!

my plan was to introduce it in its own song, which would be a "mood" track that plays during tense moments, in order to make the player associate that musical idea with a feeling of apprehension/ anxiety.

then, i would incorporate it into "situational" tracks (which would be a song meant to play only during a specific scene) like this one. because the player has already connected that theme with stressful scenes, they're likely to feel anxious before the dialogue even starts.

in the fic, the woods are viewed by all the characters negatively. they all see it as being not quite right; there's something wrong with it, but they can't figure out what. i really wanted the soundtrack to reflect this as well, so i originally planned for the woods to be the only location in which a synth was the main focus of the track. (of course i was using a free music notation software so all of the instruments were synthesized, but whatever, shut up) this also extends to anything associated with the woods, including the voices/ the egg, the mines, badboyhalo, etc.

speaking of the woods, this here was intended to be its theme! (yes, i really tried to give a theme to pretty much every element of the story including the locations. i know.)

(also, the notation is a beat off from the recording because the synth was wonky)

and now for my absolute favorite part of the track, the motif for the voices!

gonna be real, i Do Not know what this chord is called! pretty sure i just slapped a couple of notes together and moved one of the notes around in half steps until i got something that sounded creepy and vaguely dissonant. but i ended up really liking it and it's become my favorite thing about this soundtrack!

by having the synth fade in and out quietly in the background, it simulates the voices calling for techno, occasionally getting louder in his head before backing down once more.

the synth used for this chord was supposed to sound like human whistling, which i thought is perfect for having it symbolize the voices! it sounds vaguely human and obviously not at the same time.

near the end, the guitar finishes its melody on a simple octave + fifth chord, but it has an augmented fourth on the bottom.

the fifth (a) and the augmented fourth (g sharp) are a half-step away from each other, which creates this really nasty sounding dissonance and makes it sound like the musician made a mistake while playing.

this was done so the player still feels as if something is off about the location/ scene, and they haven't reached a satisfying resolution quite yet

The Mines

i'm going a bit out of order and talking about the track for the mines before i get to my favorite one!

as you can tell, this was the location track for the mines, which would have played near the very end of the entire game. my goal with this one was to create an atmosphere that really fit the spookiness of the mines and the situation that put the characters there.

the track opens with the same chord that "Searching for Karl" ended with (to give it an instant unsettling vibe), followed by a super super low note. this low note was really just meant to reflect the fact that the characters are deep underground. (fun fact, the instrument that plays the note is a sitar that i pitched wayyyyyy down)

immediately afterward, we get this unusual bouncy rhthym in the bass marimba (which i also pitched way down for the purposes of the track):

this rhythm and instrument was meant to simulate the sound of wooden support beams creaking under the weight of the earth (remember this, it will be important later)

afterwards, we get a couple of callbacks to earlier themes, like the chord + synth i used for the voices, as well as that tension motif i talked about in the last track.

then, the voices motif comes back again, this time with the top two notes of the chord descending in half-steps. this reflects the fact that the characters are descending deeper into the mines, and also that the voices are pulling techno further and further.

we then hear this melody play on top of the tension motif and the sound of the wood creaking:

remember how i said i ended up using a different melody to represent the idea of time is a circle? that's this.

along with the ascending and descending melody, it also crescendos and decrescendos similarly to the voices, giving it the sense of an endless loop.

on top of this melody is a high-pitched percussion instrument that hits on the third beat of every measure. (according to my soundfiles it is something called an "agogo".) this was meant to simulate the sound of pickaxes striking the stone as miners extracted coal.

the rest of the track isn't anything special, just some more generally spooky vibes and repeating a few ideas we've already heard at the beginning.

Dream Sequence

now THIS is my absolute favorite thing i have ever written. i listen to this sometimes and go "damn i really did that /egotistical"

per the title, this track was meant to play whenever techno had a dream involving tommy and the voices, and it is filled to the brim with symbolism and fun little details!

let's start with the actual arrangement of the beginning.

the synth being used here is the same whistle sound i used for the voices motif! that's because these notes are the same ones as the voices, the chord is just in a different inversion/ order

the music box was used so that you could distinctly hear what notes were being played and their rhythm since there was so much reverb

the reverb, the slow fade in, and the odd chord are all meant to create a dreamy/ floating feeling that reflects the way techno felt when having these visions

“Something winds around his wrists, up his arms, pulling him down. Not roughly; it’s more of a coaxing, not commanding. They call him. They’re gentle.”

“The walls are close around him, something is ever so gently dragging him down, and his mind is far from his reach, but he can’t bring himself to care. He’s tired. It’s warm here.”

“He stays there, not asleep but at rest all the same, and time drifts lazily by. That tangible grip around his arms continues to wrap around him, coaxing him further into the darkness, and he lets it. Why would he fight it? It’s not going to hurt him. They wouldn’t hurt him. He’s not truly himself, anyway - he’s them too, or they are him, and he’s safe here.”

my favorite fun fact about this track is that the entire thing is out of tune. the majority of western music is tuned to 440Hz, but this score is set at 425Hz, which is smaller than a half-step, meaning you can't play it on a piano and have it sound exactly like it does in the recording (unless your piano is out of tune). making it microtonal really helps to drive home the idea that, while these dreams are not necessarily threatening at first, there is something inherently wrong about them.

then we have the melody:

this melody is played by a piano in a high octave, which i did purposefully so it could be clearly heard through all the reverb

the notes being played here are taken from the "time is a circle motif". this reflects the fact that techno is not the first person to hear the voices. he is part of a cycle.

after the melody repeats, we get a sudden rhythm in the bass marimba

this is the same rhythm and instrument used to represent the mines!

this is meant to hint towards the fact that tommy is in the mines, which he was trying to tell techno every time the two met in one of techno's dreams/ visions.

then we get two cluster chords while the melody takes a break. these are all of the notes for the "time is a circle" motif smashed into one chord and transposed up one whole step (to better fit with the rest of the music).

there's not too much left after that!

the music grows louder and louder, with the bass becoming more prevalent and the synths drowning out the piano. then the whole track is pulled down to a b flat bass after so long of sitting on an e.

all of this goes along with the constant imagery of the voices "pulling" techno down, and letting himself be taken as they grow louder.

and that's pretty much it! i had two other tracks that i didn't care for as much, since they were just simpler version of some that i shared here. i had a ton of fun working on these and i'm really proud of what i came out with!

huge giant thank you to dee for writing such a banger fic and being so inspiring :)

#good lord this post is long #i genuinely spent 3 hours writing this lol #i get such major fall vibes listening to these tracks again bc that's when i wrote them #plus devil town is just a fall vibe #devil town #devil town fic #dream smp #dsmp au #music #soundtrack #composition #video game soundtrack #music analysis #raes runons

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chirpsythismorning · 1 year

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I hope I don't sound rude (I saw the theory you reblogged)... I just really hope that what we see in the show is not the consequence of Mike travelling back in time or that the whole show is like a big d&d game.

This is just my personal taste tho. I hope the lab is real, Henry, the lab kids and that tragic past are all real. And have always been real. I'm kinda sure we'll see time manipulation in S5. I just hope that whatever happens, happens as a consequence of what Henry is doing, now. Not whatever Mike did in S1.

When it comes to all the major theories out there (besides maybe byler which i'm 100% confident in), I myself don't subscribe fully.

I don't even subscribe fully to my own theories, and it's because we've got all the answers in front of us, but we're forced to piece together a story backwards basically.

It's more than likely all of us are right in small ways. I think that there is probably even a piece of truth hiding in most of the theories out there, and so when it comes down to me agreeing with this or that theory, it's less me being convinced and wanting it to happen, and more so me just adding it to the pile of:

OKAY. MAYBE. I COULD SEE IT. WE'LL SEE I GUESS.

There are definitely some theories I like more than others bc they feel strongly supported based on what I've found, and so there is an element of bias of course. In the case others hate those theories, they'd probably put those at the bottom of their list.

Currently I'm like 98.9% confident with birthdaygate, 66% confident in twelvegate (it fluctuates), 39% confident in lettergate, 14% confident in flickergate and the rest of the gates are either way lower or somewhere on the low end in between. But you'll notice none of them are zero bc I would be a fool to assume anything is impossible.

When it comes to that theory in particular, parts of it fit and make a lot of sense. Other parts seem like they could be hinting at other things and just fit there as well.

I wonder if this could be part of the Duffers nervousness over the ending of the show being disappointing for fans? The whole time travel theory in general is something a vast majority of fans hate, and the Duffers haven't really talked much on their end about time travel and the show all being a d&d game (why not talk about it...), which does make me wonder if they've planning on the ending bearing some resemblance to a revelation like that, and so then it would make sense for them to be defensive about it. They also might feel an obligation to really work hard in s5 to make it satisfying despite it being something we were convinced we didn't want.

I do agree that time travel/'it was all a d&d game' type theories create this paradox of everything we've seen essentially being pointless. Years upon years of story-building all for nothing. We know that there will be plenty of ga saying that about milkvan in s5 when byler is endgame...

Regardless of whether that theory is entirely on track with what will play out on the show, we are bound to have some things that occur next season that will force us to rethink how we thought about the show from the beginning. Whether that be specific moments/memories having more significance than we thought, or characters having different feelings/motives than we thought, there are a lot of different avenues with which someone is bound to feel cheated.

I do hope that it was all planned from the beginning? Or at least the core of how it ends was in their sights early on? That way we can hope that along the way they kept that ending in mind.

Though what makes this idea also scary is that those kinds of endings can also be quite disappointing for the majority. Think about How I Met Your Mother as one example. That show went on for years with the creators ending it in a way that made most fans feel kind of cheated. Despite them having the ending in their sites the entire time, they spent years making that ending unsatisfying, and they also made no effort to improve upon that ending when the time finally came, to at least match with the story they crafted along the way, instead they kept an ending that satisfied the person watching the pilot episode and basically fuck the rest I guess.

I would hope that whether it was all planned from the beginning or not, they would look at what fans are saying and at least take some of it into consideration. As opposed to just going with an idea they had back in 2015 and not expanding on it or changing it for the better.

The good news is they did come out post-s4 and admit that they did take into account some feedback and as a result went back to tweak s5 a bit. Let's just assume it was to expand on stuff the audience wouldn't have been prepared for if they didn't take that time to improve/expand upon it.

TBH I'm still in my own world with my own theories that sort of contradict that one you mentioned. If anything I respect it because it forces me to rethink my own hypothesis for whats to come. And that's changing every day.

Thanks for the ask!

#byler #stranger things #mike wheeler #stranger things theory #stranger things 5 theory #stranger things theories #st5 predictions #some theories i love bc they're just so epic #some theories are meh to me personally and in those cases i just move along #some I LOVE but i just don't think will happen bc i'm not fortunate enough to be blessed like that #some theories are way better than anything the duffers could think of #that scares me #but i do trust them atp #they've had a lot of time to plan for s5 and i do think they saved a lot of concepts to be explored for the last season #there's going to be a lot of stuff that's a long time coming that will finally be addressed #that on it's own is going to be satisfying to me

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acti-veg · 1 year

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1/2 First off, thanks so much for the blog! Super appreciate the resources & having a place to read some well thought out posts after encountering some of that classic bad-faith tumblr anti-veganism. Second, I was hoping you or one of your followers had advice on this-- recently I'm finding myself getting more and more angry seeing family members eat meat. I went vegetarian when I moved out ~10y ago, and I’m very lucky that they've been great about having veggie options for me when I visit.

2/2 Problem is they fully see themselves as progressive & even agree the animal ag industry sucks (not even just when I bring it up). STILL they keep eating meat. It’s frustrating because access to alternatives is not at all an issue, and I did this as a teen a decade ago. I read your advice for staying calm while advocating, but it’s not only about advocating, just seeing meat in the fridge already gets me worked up. Any advice for either chilling out about this or finally convincing them?

I had this experience with many of my friends for a long time. There is a particular type of person who recognises animal agriculture is terrible, often knows eating animals is wrong, but just doesn't do anything with that information. Personally, I find this the hardest type to deal with, because there is really nothing for you to argue or convince them of - they already know.

My own theory is that these people have everything that you need to become a vegan, except that illusive 'making the connection' moment. They know animal suffering is wrong, they know the meat on their plate is the result of animal suffering, but have really only connecting these two things in an abstract sort of way. I've been trying for over a decade to puzzle out what precisely causes transformative experiences like that, and it's not something you can really 'make' happen on behalf of someone else - it happens organically.

The best thing you can do is keep them engaged in these conversations. Keep talking about it, invite them to eat vegan food with you, invite them to watch documentaries, go to animal sanctuaries - they may well be open to the more positive aspects of veganism. Ultimately though, it's a process they'll need to go through on their own - all you can do is make sure they know that you're there as a resource if they do make that decision.

As for your own anger, there is no easy way around that either. The best I can advise is to try to channel that into positive action - whether that's activism, art, writing etc. You'll never stop being angry at injustice and nor should you, all you can do is try to direct it in the right way, rather than letting it make you jaded and creating barriers between you and your loved ones. Sorry I couldn't offer a clearer answer anon, but unfortunately I don't believe that there is one.

#ask #vegan #vegan problems #advice

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grapejuicegay · 2 years

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crazy theory time! Hello, I hope you don't mind me trying to formulate thoughts by clogging up your asks haha (sorry in advance, love your eclipse posts and you feel super approachable!) But I've been having Thoughts I was hoping to soundboard off someone. I've seen a lot of people mention that in the first trailer there was a glimpse of Akk going off the cliff. I'm pretty sure the show will have a happy ending so I tried not to take it too seriously. But, PT1

[...contd.] But after what they pulled with the imagined kiss, and all the times Aye has imagined (or relived?) Dika doing the same, I'm seeing that scene in the trailer WAY differently. Do you think maybe that's from something Aye had a nightmare about? More and more we've been seeing Aye push his own mission and intentions to the for Akk's sake (such as not exposing him as 'the curse') And more and more we've been seeing Akk despair with what's right and all the pressure and manipulation he's under. We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but never and outright lies about himself) and I think that's because he values the truth so much, maybe something he learned from Dika? He keeps asking Akk to tell the truth in more ways than one (the curse, Akk's feelings for Aye, etc.) Which brings me to my crazy theory... We've seen that Aye is so desperate to keep from losing anyone the same way he lost Dika, that he'd do just about anything. But I think that will lead Aye to do something totally against his original mission to keep from losing Akk at any cost, even if it means sacrificing himself. But that's going to mean Aye will lose himself in the process. I do think there's a HEA, so phew! But the pain for Aye ahead breaks my heart! :( Though, in good news - I think Akk will be the one person that can get through to him at a time like that. I think Akk will be able to bring Aye back with telling Akk the truth about how he feels about him (maybe a parallel of the "I love it when..." scene?). And if that's the case, I might burst into tears haha. Anyway! Thank you for entertaining my rambling! Hope it wasn't too much of a bother, and have a lovely day! :) ❤️

Hi anon!! Thank YOU for giving me a chance to talk about The Eclipse even more!

I agree, I’ve been thinking for a while that Akk going off the cliff was Ayan’s nightmare. But with the last ep establishing that the nightmare is a result of Ayan’s guilt that Dika died because they left him alone basically confirmed it for me.

We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but never and outright lies about himself)

I don’t know if you’ve seen this wonderful meta by @liyazaki but it goes over Ayan not lying and his thought process when his mother asks if he’s going to leave her too better than I ever could put it.

I hate the thought of Ayan sacrificing himself (hasn’t the poor boy been through enough) but I could see him doing it. I’m hopeful it won’t go that way for several reasons though!

The first is this clip from the eclipse special at 5:49 where Akk and Ayan seem to have released some sort of project together. I’ve convinced myself at this point that it’s them working together to expose Suppalo. I may be totally wrong but until the show tells me that explicitly, I’m hanging on to it.

And the thing is... I don’t think Ayan protecting Akk would go against his mission. His mission, as far as we’ve been told is, “I’m going to wreck Suppalo and they’re going to make up for the shit they did.”

The shit they did includes what they’re doing to the students, and includes the intense brainwashing Akk is under. Hell, Ayan’s even told Akk to his face that he’s never met anyone as brainwashed as him.

The really really beautiful part of their relationship for me is that the only secret there is between them is that Dika is dead. There are no secrets set up to break them apart for a last minute separation - Akk being the curse could easily have been that. No, they both know since the very beginning that Ayan knows that Akk is the curse. They’ve talked about it plenty, even.

And Dika being dead, instead of a traitor that left them to work at another school? I think that is something that would bring them even closer together, maybe even help finally convince Akk that maybe, just maybe, his school’s reputation isn’t the most important thing and that sacrificing himself for it doesn’t really help anyone.

I’m really nervous about how all of this is going to play out especially considering that there’s only 4 episodes left but they’ve given me no reason to not trust them so far

(I also still fully believe that Akk thinks the curse is real and him acting as it keeps it at bay and - not to trust the previews but - I’m hoping the next episode is going to address that)

Honestly, more than Ayan I’m worried about the road ahead for Akk. His entire worldview is set to be shifted entirely and not only does he have that to consider and where his morals stand in relation to that, but also his entire future. He’s constantly under so much pressure and keeping so many secrets I really don’t understand how he hasn’t fully crumpled already.

Not that it’s going to be easy for Ayan. Assuming he does get his revenge, he’s going have to finally process the grief of losing Dika outside of anger. Once again, he needs so many hugs. Just, constantly someone hugging him. Maybe people taking turns to do so while he’s busy clinging to Akk like a koala

AND A PARALLEL TO THE I’LL TELL YOU MY FEELINGS SCENE. If there’s any sort of variation on that, let me tell you I won’t be talking about it. Because I’ll already be dead. I’ll be found paused at that scene and it would be a happy way to go tbh. Idk about you but I’m not prepared (I need it now)

Thank you for your ramblings, I loved reading them! As you can see, we love rambling thoughts in this house 🥰🥰🥰

#and thank you for saying I feel approachable #skfjdkfjd i don't even know how to respond to that but pls know i'm blushing #tomorrow! are you ready!#(sorry it took me so long to respond i was thinking about it a lot but also irl stuff got in the way #the eclipse #the eclipse series #ayan protection squad #< i'm making it a thing now

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amethystblack · 1 year

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I am sorry. while I am convinced that the lgbt community will always remain a minority, I probably shouldnt have criticised you for the amount of lgbt+ characters you added to your game. its not like I had to pay money to play reborn. And I really dont have any problems with people being lgbt+. I guess I should have recognized that a work of art is always a reflection of the mindset of the artist and that there is value in that. even if I find some of it unrealistic or dont fully agree with it.

Thank you.

And like a few final thoughts as far as being unrealistic: - it's definitely less unrealistic than the concept of pokemon - one thing i didnt mention before is that in my day to day life i definitely feel like i know way more people who are LGBT than aren't, but that's almost certainly just the social bubble I've inadvertently created for myself. so it's not really a defense, but one could think of it as a realistic portrayal of a real subculture, i guess? - your final couple sentences are a fun point actually. i don't think i have a specific example to point to, but in theory, it sounds fun to me to explore the mind/world of someone who is just. you know, just a little bit unhinged. a little bit disconnected from reality. maybe even a bit of a fucked up little guy. wouldn't that be fun? i think that'd be fun.

anyway, i'm down with it, and I appreciate the reflection. cheers.

#reborn asks #ask ame

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jinmalos · 1 year

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id love to hear your thoughts on the teaser for wave 4

OK OK OK OK. I MEANT TO GET TO THIS SOONER BUT THEN I GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH SOME ZINES AND SOME OTHER PROJECTS. BUT, I just finished speedrunning the game for my sibling to catch them up, Future Redeemed comes out tomorrow, I am Not A Normal Person About This Game.

Spoilers below, not particularly thought out bc i've given myself a headache from finishing the game and sobbing my eyes out again as of 3 hours ago

I. Genuinely have a lot of thoughts and they've changed a bit since it was announced and the subsequent trailers we've had, as well as refreshing myself on XBC1 and XBC2 lore since then. I will start with my joke theory, For the longest time I had a joke that boiled down to "Alvis is Riku and he's really enjoying larping as a nopon rn." Why the fuck would that nopon know so much. NOW, I'm more in the "give me the name of your god you nopon piece of shit." who is this fucker loyal to. IS IT MELIA? IM P SURE ITS MELIA. BUT LIKE. STILL WHO TF IS HE. WHY DOES HE KNOW SO MUCH. WHAT HAS HE BEEN UP TO.

Also! I'm not actually sure how I'm feeling on this game being a prequel! I'm not fully convinced it is yet even though thats EXACTLY what it looks like. Part of me really wants an epilogue to the base game's story or at MOST something that is running concurrently. It's not that I dislike prequels, I LOVED torna i've genuinely played torna all the way through upwards of 6 times by now. It's just really enjoyable. I just kinda wanna know what happens...AFTER the plot. But I'm not gonna be DISAPPOINTED if it genuinely turns out to be a prequel.

Madly in love with A's design, I think someone may have transed their gender =w=

Jokes/wishful thinkin aside, I wonder if Ontos will be playing a role in this. Alvis claims to be from a long line of seers, I wondered if maybe the Processor that is Ontos has just been spitting out random entities and A + the mystery White Alvis are just consequences. I wanna know how Z ties into that. I also wanna know where everyone..IS. Like, where is Fiora or Reyn, or Pyra and Mythra, or even fucking Morag or Tora. No mention of them, so i'm curious to know...why. Shulk is clearly Shulk here, and Rex is clearly Rex, If they aren't part of the cycle there HAS to be an explanation as to how they're in Aionios and what happened to everyone else, right?

I'm excited to see what's up on that front though. I refuse to believe that Alvis has become evil, not because I think it's implausible, but just because i dont want that evil Alvis to be Alvis because his concept art is WHITE. My opinions on Alvis being DIRECTLY Ontos have shifted to being a bit more..flexible on the concept because of A and the revealed mystery character, but in my heart he's still directly Ontos and I hope the Shalvis Divorce Arc ends happily.

Wishful thinking, of course, is that i'd like to see the Trinity Processors reunited in some way, shape, or form. I love joking about Aegis Sibling Family Reunions/Learning Where tf Ontos is, but I'll admit the ending of xbc2 is a bit ambiguous on what exactly happens with Logos and Pneuma and how that relates to Ontos OR the continued existence of Pyra and Mythra. I'll actually be really sad if there's no way they can be reunited/bummed if something's happened to Pyra and Mythra as of a result of the ending of xbc2. I just kinda want Malos to get a minor redemption arc or st least know if the Logos and Pneuma cores of the Trinity Processor was relevant at all.

BUT YEAH. IM SO EXCITED. VERY, VERY EXCITED. I'm sad this is the end of the Klaus arc of Xenoblade/the Xeno series, but I'm excited to see where we go next! If this wave 4 dlc is even remotely as good as base xbc3, it'll be an excellent ending to such a good series!

#xenoblade chronicles 3 #xbc3 #xenoblade chronicles #xbc3 spoilers #xenoblade chronicles 3 future redeemed #this is incomprehensible but im so so sorry if its way too incomprehensible

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depressedhatakekakashi · 2 years

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KNOCK KNOCK BESTIE I'M HERE TO DELIVER ANGST

So. I was thinking. Sakumo, right? Failed mission, died, yadda yadda. However. What if he didn't die, but let anyone think he did?

Imma explain myself, I promise

I thought of this AU while in the shower, clearly the best place to get awesome ideas. I'm a supporter of the theory that Danzō used ROOT to sabotage Sakumo's mission and then started spreading rumors to turn the village on him, because Sakumo had the possibility to become a major thorn in Danzō's plans so he wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible

(Just like I think he had a hand on spreading hate against the Uchiha, but I digress)

Anyway. So. One day, Kakashi is at the academy and Sakumo is alone at home. He's miserable. He's seen how people treat Kakashi just for being the son of a disgrace like Sakumo, so what if Sakumo just dies? Then, surely, people will go back to treating Kakashi normally. Right? He's debating it, when there's a knock on the door and lo and behold, Danzō is on the other side with a speech at the ready about the way the village is treating Sakumo, faking to be on his side, and bringing a solution

To restore his name, he must die as a hero. Not only that, but he must work hard to help the village from within its shadows, where the village itself cannot judge him anymore

Sakumo is not entirely convinced, but no matter how little he trusts Danzō he has no reason or real proof to not listen to him, and Danzō? Danzō tries to sway him with a little bit of Sharingan

We know from Obito that the Sharingan can mind control people to some extent, in fact he does it with Yagura, the Fourth Mizukage, and while it can be broken (like Ao does when he realizes Yagura is under Sharingan influence), it can only be done if the control is detected

So, with great care of what Danzō says and a tiny bit of Sharingan help (not too much, or Sakumo might notice it), he slowly sways Sakumo towards faking his 'hero death' and joining ROOT afterwards, while Danzō promises full protection towards Kakashi and that nothing bad will ever happen to that boy, Sakumo's most precious person, and that the village will stop treating him wrongly solely for his father's name

Sakumo accepts. Goes on a mission with two ROOT agents who come back alone and tell everyone about how Sakumo fought until the bitter end and died to protect his teammates and to ensure that they'd be able to finish the mission and go back to the village safely, and since dying heroically is a sure way to be forgiven by everyone immediately (not that Sakumo did anything wrong and needed to be 'forgiven', poor man, but in the eyes of the village... Yeah), he immediately becomes a hero and a legend

Meanwhile Sakumo comes back a couple days later in the middle of the night, disguised and hidden in the shadows to not be seen, and joins ROOT to protect the village from its shadows. And Danzō keeps his word, more or less. No one treats Kakashi badly anymore (even though Sakumo has no idea Danzō himself was behind the majority of the rumors when they started, so it was oh so easy to stop them as well) and he does make sure that he's protected... When Sakumo's around. Meaning, when he does stuff like sending Kinoe to try and take the Sharingan he also sends Sakumo away on a mission so he'll never know, things like that to keep up the façade

And instead of the son of the disgraced White Fang, Kakashi grows up as the son of the fallen hero White Fang, fully convinced that his dad died a heroic death. And who knows, Sakumo might be found out later on when Kakashi's an adult

Thoughts on the idea?

I have so many thoughts. This is so cool and interesting!

Sakumo chooses to give up his freedom and 'die' for his village just so Kakashi can have an opportunity to live outside of his shadow. To not be the son of a failure.

Not even thinking about how his 'death' might affect his son because he'll have a better life, right? He'll be alright and everything will go better for him.

Kakashi still going through those major losses but having that sense of team work right away because his father died a hero for saving his team. Always trying to do his best to be the hero his father was and wondering how he keeps going so wrong because his teammates keep dying on him.

And Danzo being Danzo would probably find a way to twist everything that happens to Kakashi into being Hiruzen's fault. Convincing Sakumo that everything that has gone wrong in his life has somehow been Hiruzen's fault. Maybe even using Shisui's eye (after obtaining it of course) to really put those thoughts into Sakumo's head and make him even more loyal

Danzo uses Kakashi to control Sakumo more and more, and hating that Kakashi seems to have gained this independence and fierce will that Sakumo doesn't have. A strong sense of conviction that Danzo can't seem to break no matter how hard he tries.

Sakumo watches from the shadows as his son grows up and struggles, but never gives up. Never allows that darkness to consume him no matter how much life pushes down on him, and wondering if he could have been that strong. If he should have held on and kept fighting.

there's so many emotiosn to explore. Sakumo would have so many regrets about it all, but he can't do anything. He's dead. Long gone.

No one in Konoha would belive him if he came back

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acourtofantumbra · 2 years

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Pulling at the Thread of the Day Court and the Dawn Court Pt.1 - Alchemy & Other Realms

☆ All SJM spoilers: ACOTAR, CC, and TOG ☆

I might be putting this insanity out into the tumblr wilds, but trust that I do not think anyone would ever care to read something this long. Idk if my college thesis was this long. This is a literal invitation into how my neurodivergent brain works. Expect real a to b to q to wow we've just fully veered off the road... where are we even going? energy. If you get tired along the way — yeah, trust me that's normal.

So, I'm doing my first re-read of ACOTAR!! Tbh during the first go around I struggled with the OG trio (I DNFed ACOFAS multiple times lol) and it's been well over a year since I've read them. But recently, I binged every other SJM book/series. So during my messy reread I've been picking up on a lot. And enjoying it more! But there were two fleeting moments from ACOMAF & ACOWAR that caught my eye and led me down what will become (maybe) the longest fucking theory spiral. Like multi part...

Honestly? It's been so fun. My job is very soul sucking.

In short — nothing about this will be short lol — the thread I followed brought me to Helion, his Day Court, and weird connections to both the Thesan/the Dawn Court and one of ACOTAR’s many unexplored Faerie Realms. And some realms not in ACOTAR. I also take a look at both Helion and Thesan’s powers (as well as some others) that have me questioning... some unexplored "magic" from multiple worlds. Happy to call all of it crack theory, but I will be citing as much canon as tumblr's image limit allows. This is gonna be a long and winding road!

I always add books and page numbers (and try to add any other relevant citations) to the visuals/sources I use, so check those out if you need some extra info!

Color Key: spoilers, notes from me 2 u, important, important + links, mentioned later in the post, mentioned in another post of mine or in a future post

Day Court Powers and Dawn Court Powers

Alright, so the moment that caused me to spiral was a snipe from Lucien in Chapter 11 of ACOWAR. Feyre’s plan to GTFO of the Spring Court is fully in motion, but she's freaking out about Hybern weaponizing faebane. Breezing past that, Lucien confronts her about being a big ol’ liar whilst reminding her that he has other friends, ok?

So, two things: I was trying to remember who Lucien’s friend was and thought, Oh right, the ‘Master Tinkerer.’ The friend that made Lucien’s golden eye, which is itself magical.

But then I got caught up in a different question... Like hold up, what healing powers did Feyre use in this moment he’s talking about?

Because that's the main power of the Dawn Court that's canon thus far. Especially because Lucien is pointing out that his friend’s light and Feyre’s light comes from “the same power,” which he seems to know intimately, and their “light is identical.” At first, I was just confused because who is this non-High Lord person with High Lord power? And are we all cool with that or...?

So I flip back to ACOMAF to remind myself wtf we’re talking about here… which of Thesan’s — or the Dawn Court’s — powers did Feyre use in the Hybern/Cauldron event at the end of the book? A display noticeable enough that Lucien clocked Feyre's light looking familiar — perhaps because his mechanical/magical eye might have related functions.

As it turns out we're not talking about Thesan’s powers at all… we’re talking about Helion’s powers. Which might be why Lucien is intimately familiar with how the power works — for wholly different reasons... like having inherited Helion’s powers himself.

So Feyre breaks through Hybern's wards so she can get her sisters and IC out and reestablishes her bond speaking with Rhys, but notably she still can't feel the bond with Hybern's spell crushing down on it. But she pretends she's broken the "curse" Rhys has put on her to make her like him more than Tamlin...

Tamlin... my dude... no...

And while Feyre gave an Oscar worthy performance convincing everyone that her very nice Night Husband was evil the whole time, Lucien is suspicious as hell... and so is his eye.

Lucien knew Feyre was full of shit and with “centuries of cultivated reason” he might know about some other lies *cough* who his real dad is *cough*. But his mating bond with Elain has freshly snapped into place… so his priorities shifted, one could say, and doesn’t call Feyre out.

Ok, so where are we now?

Feyre used Helion’s Day Court power - his light and his cursebreaking/spellbreaking to take down Hybern’s wards so the Night Court could get her recently Made sisters out of dodge. Lucien clocks this because he has a friend in the Dawn Court with the same abilities and the same light and also maybe because he personally knew Papa Helion’s powers were being used.

Here's a post from whitewolf-ofdoranelle: detailing some evidence about Lucien maybe knowing the truth about Helion and his powers.

About Light in the SJM Multiverse:

It's becoming more important by the second!

We have many different shades that seemingly allude to overarching people/powers/plots. Most of the time when we encounter characters using or emitting light, they/we don’t exactly know where it comes from or how it works. Which is why so much of the understanding re: our shining characters is still just speculation at this point.

But we know it's for sure important with the introduction of the Starborn Line in Crescent City and the lore that connects Midgard and Prythian (tho the stories are not identical... someone is lyinggg). We’re building that knowledge more extensively as the multiverse comes into play.

For example, when Feyre glows after the mate-a-thon with Rhysand in the mountain cabin she wonders what court's light is turning her into a 100 watt bulb...

It very well might be a different light! Helion's light has been described as healing! Of all the glowy boys — Thesan is actually the glowiest and the brightest! Are they different? Are they the same? I really don't know!!! And I'm sorry if I've made you more confused now too. Tho I do delve into Thesan more towards the end.

A thought I've had re: Helion's kind of light (I'll get more into in another post) has everything to do with Pelias... and Helion's sensitivity to the Dread Trove.

In ACOSF, Helion has to have the IC cover the mask and physically remove himself from the area... no one else has this sensitivity (at least to this extreme) and all Helion has to say for himself is this:

It's worth noting that in Midgard they don't seem to have the same distinctions regarding light powers. Like... everyone who glows (minus Hunt) is Starborn?

In Prythian we have Dawn Court light, Day Court light, Night Court shadows and perhaps this (to borrow the Midgard term) Starborn light. Pelias, the controversial figure in the lore connecting P + M in the King Fionn and Theia story, is said to be a Starborn prince. But at every turn the Princes of Hel are quick to point out that Pelias' power and his light are nothing like Theia's — who is, by their claim, the true Starborn power holder — and her daughters'. They also say Theia's daughters have starborn and shadow gifts, but that isn't necessarily part of Pelias' skill set either... I'm lookin' at you Aidas.

Anyway, I've toyed with the idea that perhaps Pelias' light powers, because Midgard lacks the distinction between light powers, could be Day Court-like. And it would make sense that the Dread Trove would ward against anyone in that lineage considering "Pelias wielded [Luna's] Horn until he died" (HOEB). JUST SOME THOUGHTS.

Check out this absolutely incredible (a comprehensive) theory post from @wingedblooms about the different kinds of light in the SJM Multiverse

But back to Lucien’s friend who has Day Court powers… who is she?

It’s Nuan! A character I was like, "She seems cool, can’t wait to get to know her.”

And then ACOWAR ended and we never heard from her again... womp. But, some might call this a loose end.

It's me. I'm calling it that.

Considering she played a big role in Lucien’s life (a former main-ish character with nothing but loose ends), provided critical help to win the war against Hybern, has a suspicious amount of power, technical skills, and connection to distant faerie realms we still know frustratingly little about… Nuan has nothing but potential! Welp, let’s get into it.

So remember how Feyre is like “What if everything I eat has faebane in it, wow that’s suddenly a huge problem for us right now on the verge of war?” And then Lucien is like, “You have my friend’s powers, you liar?” Coincidental? Cool.

When Nuan is finally introduced by name, she's shown up at the tensest High Lord meeting ever at the Dawn Court. Why? She wants to let everyone know she invented a cure for that pesky Faebane. Helpful!

There is a metric ton stuffed into her introduction and it's hard to even know where to begin, but I'll try.

Just know the “she looks kind of like Amren thing” is incredibly specific and out of nowhere.

Whenever SJM throws in an “oh, I just kinda thought that… strange” and “oh hm maybe i saw that person glowing like a 60 watt bulb but maybe not” etc etc etc… statements, they are always important. There are more of those moments to come and every series by her is full of these.

Anyway, ACOTAR has had 5 books (4 novels, one novella) and this comparison to Nuan is among one of the more specific pieces of the “who and what is Amren” puzzle we get. We’ll get to it, but we’ve got a mountain the size of Ramiel to dig through first.

Back to the Dawn Court scene: Being his usual discriminatory self, Beron aka the High Lord of Autumn is suspicious of Nuan’s miracle cure for faebane for because he's an asshole and a xenaphobe — we’ll come back to this. But she counters with her own commitment to protecting the fae from being poisoned and powerless. Go Nuan! It also seems like she's a very dedicated scientist, but that behind this science there is also magic. Makes sense when you consider the whole magical appendages gig she has!

Nuan monologues about the Mother aka higher power/god/[insert mystical lore here] situation who is suspect #1 in the whole “what are the gods?” conversation. The gods, etc. are known lore — which exists in different forms ACOTAR, TOG, and CC — and they're complicated enough to warrant their own massive post.

Anyway, Nuan explains that the Mother provides “everything we need on this earth.” Nuan simply needed to find what the Mother has provided Prythian to stop Hybern from “wiping out” their powers. Considering she applied this logic and it worked… seems legit... and important?

So yes, the way she phrased her scientific method struck me... and left me with so many more questions than I started with. Like what did you use and how did you do it and where did you find it??? What do you mean this earth?! I could keep going!!!!

However, her antidote can’t protect fae entirely because physical objects made from faebane will still have dangerous effects. Sounds like her compound is able to… dare I say… break the curse or spell of faebane? But if the physical object that makes fae vulnerable comes barreling at them… well that’s a whole different story. Kind of like how from the first scene I mentioned: Feyre could break the wards and the spell silencing her mating bond with Rhys, but she still couldn’t feel any of the physical effects of the bond with Hybern’s spell shutting her down.

Nuan, it seems, not only has Day Court-like powers as a person whose family isn’t from Prythian, or the Solar Courts, she can transform magic/power into physical objects - magical mechanical body parts and medicines, for ex. Kind of like less spooky Nesta sword versions of Made objects?

But this is apt considering she’s not just a tinkerer (a word that will always make me lol), but Thesan introduces her as an alchemist.

Let's talk about alchemy, baby

So let’s take an unplanned detour off the cliff of what tf is alchemy? VERY COMPLICATED is what it is! You may wonder where the heck are I'm going with this... patience my friend. Possibly somewhere... maybe nowhere... idk. Look, I said this would be long.

I promise we'll delve into actual historical contexts, but I'm gonna be real with you... I'm not a scholar, or a philosopher, or an archaeologist, or a theologian, or a chemist, or an anthropologist. I took courses on these subjects, but I just enjoy learning about this stuff/consuming content about it. Alchemy is very mysterious, very "lost to time," so it's hard to get it right. And just to keep it 100... my deepest and longest exposure to alchemy comes from a beloved manga and anime series. If you're like... "yup, absolutely not." Skip the rest of this post if you'd like... or skip ahead. To both fandoms... I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do. lol.

Alright, raise your hand if you too love the manga and anime series Full Metal Alchemist… If you’re not raising your hand, I highly recommend giving it a whirl. And maybe don't ruin it by reading any of this. If you think Kingdom of Ash has insane world building culminations and… pain... yeah FMA has that and emotional pain I’ve never healed from. *sobs* 10/10

Much like SJM and her use of universal mystical concepts and traditions, FMA also references much of the real history of alchemy and, by association, incredibly complex mystic religious principles. And what would ya know? Turns out FMA is a super helpful tool to explain/understand this very difficult subject.

So let’s take a quick look at the main character in FMA…

That’s Edward. He’s a rascal. He’s also an incredible alchemist who’s able to transmute — woefully basic explanation: turn objects from their original form into something else through the law of equal exchange — without a transmutation circle. That's a rarity among even the greatest alchemists. Because he can do this, at age 12, he becomes the youngest State Alchemist (he works for the government begrudgingly). Though, in the image above, that's Ed with a transmutation circle and hm... is that a star shaped rune? I digress.

You might ask... where is there an instance of a "law of equal exchange" in SJM's worlds? It might not be a perfect parallel, but... there's definitely something going on with give and take regarding magic. And that has major implications re: how much magic each world has (and how much the Asteri need to consume/wreck worlds for). I'm a broken record but... that perhaps will be its own post one day.

When Nuan talks about the Mother providing what that world needs... I feel like we're touching on something here. And as an alchemist, her work would be centered around this law of balance. Of course, we get absolutely no details from SJM.

But let's look at something we've encountered a bit more, like the Great Rite. Note: not my favorite magic tradition in these worlds... But it keeps coming up, especially where characters with mysterious pasts are concerned.

I've also made a post tying it in with Hunt from Crescent City and... idk... once I saw it, I can't unsee it.

First off, Lucien shakes off shadow hands multiple times talking about the Great Rite... please take note of that for a point below.

But we get reference of a tradition that must occur every year for their magic's cosmic "give-and-take." Sounds equal exchange-like.

High Lord becomes the Hunter (Hunt... is that you?) who needs to find the Maiden (Bryce is this what you guys are doing?) selected by the magic. Then they "couple" *sigh* and generate magic that's released back to the earth and all is well and magical for the coming year. Sure.

The Maiden has come up countless time in the references to the triunity or triple goddesses throughout ACOTAR, CC, and TOG (Also long and complicated - I am 100% doing a post on this). Short version: the triple goddess = mother, maiden, and the crone. Three-faced goddess. All the moon goddesses implicated. Witches and their goddesses... Persephone-like characters... etc. etc. etc. I'll get into it another time... this is my super bowl. But the Maiden has everything to do with the Mother and vice-versa, just as Nuan pointed out in her assessment of balance and magic within this world.

Outside of the Great Rite's Hunter and the Maiden ritual, Lucien says the rest of court takes a part in the night, "though it’s not the Great Rite, our own dalliances tonight will help the land, too" (ACOTAR, Chapter 21). Energy spent becomes energy reaped... even if they don't get the ritualistic title. Is this reminding you of science class and the first law of thermal dynamics: energy can't be created or destroyed it can only be transformed? It should.

It's notable that every Court has a Great Rite they must comply with to power the magic of the land, though we're only familiar with the Spring Court's Calanmai tradition. But in ACOSF, Gwyn mentions multiple times that when females "come of age" they can, and seem to be expected to, participate in the Rite. And we all know rituals with titles and milestones have never gone wrong for anyone... *stares in Crescent City* (The Drop). But also, we're seeing instances in both CC and ACOTAR where magic is waning... like the balance is off. Rhys tells Feyre that Starfall souls are less plentiful and well... we know the Asteri are over indulging in first light. Essentially, exchanges are not equal and there are traditions in place to keep them that way! What's changing? What does this mean?

The TikToker ahappyhermit posted her first podcast episode about Starfall and the dwindling souls and it's awesome. She's also got a lovely reading voice!

Back to FMA, transmutation boiled down also feels suspiciously similar to Aelin and co. drawing their wyrdmarks... something many SJM theories speculate will make a big return come CC3/ACOTAR5.

Alchemists even wear objects (clothes? yup! prosthesis? yup! fake eyes... eye patches? yup!) or have tattoos (Aelin and Bryce's world walking tats? TOG witches w/ the Eye of the Goddess tats?) with transmutation runes to help them attempt to do what Ed can do — transmute without crouching down and drawing out a rune.

In an attempt to try and spare you the full rundown of the science and magic of both alchemy and the world of FMA... there's gonna be metric tons of nuance I'm leaving out. The FMA fandom are effectively scholars at this point and I just want you ALL to know I know I'm watering some of this down.

Why can Ed transmute without a circle? It's really complicated, and important, but I'll do my best to summarize. First, it helps that, like Nuan, he has a metal arm - in FMA it's called automail, it's as complex as we've come to know Nuan's work is (albeit a little less magical), and basically he can do science faster/easier with it (I'm so sorry this would simply take too long to explain). And because *giant and complete FMA spoiler alerts across the board - like seriously I'm going to discuss all of the big reveals* he does some majorly taboo alchemy — resurrection of human life — that takes his leg and arm (and his brother's entire body, but not his soul leaving him as animated armor). Performing the taboo human transmutation opens a portal to the Gate of Truth. It opens, revealing a dimension of information which manifests as a shadowy void with several shadow-like hands coming out of it and a single large eye within. And this isn't just pure FMA canon, it draws inspiration from the lore of the Tree of Life.

Shadowy hands and something with a big eye watching you in a knowledge void? Hm... Let us turn to Nesta spiraling out and falling down the House of Wind steps and into her Making memories from the Cauldron. This does not include the MANY times characters, from multiple worlds, mention feeling shadowy hands (*wink* Dorian), but we saw examples with Lucien above.

The Cauldron kind of sounds like a big eye in a shadowy void that is perhaps a different dimension stacked with information, huh?

And what happens after Nesta's spiral? She comes to and realizes she's sparked and embedded her hand, and then handprint, in stone... which is also glowing.

Did anyone else find this moment/detail weird when they were reading? Cassian found it super weird!

Back to Edward, at the Gate of Truth, he meets a god, Truth. It's a whole thing. Insanely long story short, by reaching the Gate, Edward sees into the void that holds the truth of the universe. This allows him to bypasses the need to draw runes and instead channels the energy of alchemy/all the nature bending stuff he does by his own will.

Effectively, Ed seeing beyond the Gate allows him to break the rules of nature and freely wield a "different magic".

Interesting, because what Nesta has taken from the Cauldron seems to allow her to bypass the natural order of things too. No markings or weapons needed.

Throughout the series some (Illyrians) call Nesta a witch and refer to her different, powerful magic as unnatural. In fact, even the other magical beings of Prythian do not get her magic.

Hypothetically, and just pretend with me, Nesta could (she gave it back) do a kind of alchemy without the limits of nature/the laws of Prythian because she she took too much from the Cauldron/void of truth... it stands to reason that, much like using the wyrdmarks in TOG, that alchemists like Nuan are tapping into something totally different magic-wise. Like most High Fae have some magical capabilities, but the High Lords are usually the ones with the more robust skillset. Alchemy might be this secret link to why characters — multiple groups of high skilled/non royal fae/even humans in TOG — can display huge power... as well as create objects with incredible abilities like arms and eyes... and... Prythian iPods?

Helion might not have tinkerers like Thesan, but he does have piles of libraries and scholars... oh ya you can be I will be doing a post just on libraries.

Anyway so we've got some suspicious powers around, suspicious magic objects created for other purposes originally, and magical objects like body parts and medicinal powders. We've got multiple instances across worlds that implicate magic and cosmic balance... specifically that balance being off now.

Especially with magic being targeted (First and Second Light in HSOAB) as a deity food source - I think correcting the broken state of magic with alchemy could very well become... something. And I explain below an instance we already have seen where non-magical magic does just this in the SJM multiverse.

But in the next part of this theory spiral this connects (perhaps!) to Nesta and the Cauldron/Gate of Truth concept I outlined. Specifically, alchemists who see it and come back have taken too much from it. It comes at a great personal cost, but they have superior nature-bending abilities. The "great personal cost" thing is a TOG quote... just btw. Spoiler alert: witch mirrors

Ok, I promise just a few more comps using FMA and we'll move this train right along...

Finally, in FMA and alchemy seven is also big number and I get into some other instances in the real history below. There are seven Homunculi, beings with tremendous power who have their own agenda with a much bigger scope than what's happening on this sole planet/realm. And actually, there's a secret eighth Homunculus that's been hiding in plain sight for the whole show (like a secret 8th court?)... and ends up being the creator of the other homunculi... as well as being Ed & Al's dad (like said secret court being an origin point for all our favorite fae?). What is a homunculus? It refers to the medieval legendary concept of a being Made and brought into existence by certain means of alchemy and it requires the Philosopher's Stone (too complicated to even get into, but it comes up again in my Pt. II post). Also fun fact: in FMA, Homunculi all carry the mark of the Ouroboros... like that (witch) mirror in ACOTAR that people have been mighty suspicious of.

The Homunculi are aptly named after the seven deadly sins - pride, envy, lust, wrath, greed, sloth, and gluttony. Makes you think... Asteri are pretty gluttonous... Valg? Princes of the Pit? Angels? Scions? Some High Lords? Nesta? IDK?! Anyway, the Homunculi begin as villains and some change their allegiance along the way. But not all not all of them are inherently evil. Despite looking like the human characters/beings in FMA, "Homunculi are still aberrations of nature created by violating the laws of the natural universe, and as such, have no souls." It's complicated, but they're incapable of accessing the Gate of Truth or regular alchemic (read: magic) powers, because they lack souls. Some weird Valgy/TOG god/Asteri/can't get through a damn portal parallels, no?

Ok, that was still SO long, and I'm just gonna leave these many kernels of thought I have failed to really wrap up here... whilst staring into my own void... and catalog of all the characters and beings we've run into described as something else or Made or bred. I will spare you from the whole chimera conversation... FOR NOW... but I'm looking at all of the spooky murder pets our heroes have fought off... and truly every Asteri "experiment" being. Just know that.

Has Sarah watched this show? Dude, I don't know. But I do know that we both entered the world of fantasy via Sailor Moon. According to this post she even wrote wildly popular Sailor Moon fanfiction. So she has watched and loved at least one anime. FMA is wildly popular, has a rich fantasy plot that's a masterclass in world building with brilliantly researched foundations in global mystical traditions, and it's penned by a woman! So, no, I'm not 100% convinced she hasn't.

So, is alchemy real? Kind of...

OK, I swear I'll focus now. So alchemy! There was a time when people believed it was real (from the ancient past to Isaac Newton who wrote a lot about alchemy and very real science). The way I have come to understand it, alchemy exists within the crossroads of science and mythology. It's even been considered a kind of witchcraft or spellwork. However, alchemy did either lead to, or exist along side, many important scientific laws and discoveries we still hold as truths/are taught today.

So... witchcraft, eh? We've had allusions to witches in ACOTAR, but we seem to be lacking the noted presence of such beings like we've seen in CC and TOG (though we still don't fully understand their powers across the board)... unless they're hiding in plain sight dressed as something else?

Interesting... no? I am far from the first to suggest the Made Archerons are witches (and Pt. II will have more witch talk and citations to great theory posts I didn't write). But hey, they could be alchemists too...

We know from Nesta's perspective in ACOSF that she absolutely took more than she should have from the Cauldron and she is using/making tools (read: swords) right and left. Plus, Mor's description sounds suspiciously like alchemy that's... gone rogue or without equal exchange. Also, more simply, everyone calls Nesta a witch (specifically the Illyrians) and she's cool with it. But that's could be because she revels in being scary and we love her for it.

Alchemy as word reveals much about it. Like most terms that have an "al" to start (algebra, algorithm, alfalfa, alcohol, almanac...) is an Arabic syllable for “the,” and we see it show up in the language of math and science.

"Alchemy was rooted in a complex spiritual worldview in which everything around us contains a sort of universal spirit, and metals were believed not only to be alive but also to grow inside the Earth... Historian Nevill Drury, in his book "Magic and Witchcraft," notes that, "The word alchemy is thought to derive from an Egyptian word, 'chem' or 'qem,' meaning black — a reference to the black alluvial soils bordering the Nile ... We know that the Greek word 'chyma,' meaning to fuse or cast metals, established itself in Arabic as 'al kimia' — from which alchemy is derived." Live Science

"Alchemists attempted to purify, mature, and perfect certain materials. Common aims were chrysopoeia, the transmutation of "base metals" (e.g., lead) into "noble metals" (particularly gold); the creation of an elixir of immortality... The perfection of the human body and soul was thought to result from the alchemical magnum opus ("Great Work"). The concept of creating the philosophers' stone was variously connected with all of these projects." Wikipedia

There's a lot going on there, but we're speeding right along. You can ask questions at the end of class. No, seriously ask them because I'm probably not gonna dig that deep here.

Alchemy has roots in many different ancient places and sprung up independently of one another.

"[There were] at least three major strands, which appear to be mostly independent, at least in their earlier stages: Chinese alchemy, centered in China; Indian alchemy, centered on the Indian subcontinent; and Western alchemy, which occurred around the Mediterranean and whose center has shifted over the millennia from Greco-Roman Egypt to the Islamic world, and finally medieval Europe." Wikipedia

As it turns out, Sarah and alchemy have a lot in common — they love mixing a matching the myth of many places into one magical tangle. There's a lot to unpack there and I wont get to all of it here... but I will try to eventually. One thing I will definitely touch on in another post is alchemy's connection to the God Hermes who keeps coming up in my research — he has many powers, but notably he's a world walker.

So from the quote above I'm gonna dive into connections with what we know about elemental fae magic, then we get back to Nuan and Alchemy's far reaching geographic history, and how that brings us to major questions marks around Helion and Thesan and their Courts.

Elemental Fae Magic vs Alchemy

So we don't know everything about elemental fae magic across worlds, but from the recent books and leading plots... we get a ton of focus on weapons (swords) being the biggest world connections (CC 3), Nesta forging narban blades, and Rhys explaining finally what this world is and what magic/fae used to be like.

Something new, eh? Something different?

As the LiveScience quote above points out, alchemy is magical, scientific, but it's also deeply connected to the Earth and laws of the universe. So elements play a big role and, you guessed it, we get the number 7 again (if you don't get why I keep referencing 7 I encourage you to take note every time the number 7 comes up in TOG, ACOTAR, CC because it's near constant):

"The elemental system used in medieval alchemy... consisted of seven elements, which included the five classical elements (aether, air, earth, fire, and water) in addition to two chemical elements representing the metals." Wikipedia

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of aether, here's an incredibly rushed explanation that's still somehow too long:

Aether has roots dating back to ancient Greece and means, "in Homeric Greek, 'pure, fresh air' or 'clear sky'. In Greek mythology, it was thought to be the pure essence that the gods breathed, filling the space where they lived, analogous to the air breathed by mortals. It is also personified as a deity, Aether, who is at times relates to Chronus, Erebus, Nyx, Chaos and Hemera (this is its own post) in traditional Greek mythology. Aether is related to αἴθω 'to incinerate', and intransitive 'to burn, to shine'."

Traditionally there are 4 elements - air, earth, fire, water. But in the Medieval Age (read: alchemy time), scientists concluded there was a 5th element. Aether was considered the material that fills the region of the universe beyond the terrestrial sphere. Unlike the four terrestrial elements that were subject to change and moved linearly, aether was a celestial element that moved circularly and had none of the qualities the terrestrial classical elements. Aether also is tied in quite often with light. And this is significant because light is notably how scientists (have — some theories since disproven — and currently do) measure distance and travel within space.

I find aether particularly interesting because, within the SJM multiverse, we have seen magic wielders display powers that would fall within the terrestrial elements (ex. Autumn Court's fire powers, Rowan's/Whitehorns' wind powers, House of Many Waters & Aelin's mom's water powers, etc.). But then we have these outliers whose powers work a little differently... perhaps more powerfully... specifically when we're talking about light and shadow. And with the allusions to burning, shining, and breath... we've got a lot of interesting Starborn connections. Also... travel within non-terrestrial spaces??? Come on now!

Back to Elemental Fae

In the ACOSF passage above, Rhys explains that Prythian Fae magic used to be more elemental — like the elements above. He also says their kind of magic could forge great weapons, just like Nesta who creates her narban blades... and a reminder that there are the 5 discussed elements and also 2 metals (we wont get into specifics here, but just... metals ok?) to create the 7 alchemic elements.

Tons here to analyze but take a look at TikToker chemicalrosie killing it on the analysis of elemental fae magic, weapons, and connections across the SJM worlds. She does most of the heavy lifting on this point (thanks Rosie).

In Crescent City we get more hints of elemental fae magic. In fact the Houses themselves seemingly represent these elements: House of Sky and Breath (aether? Also potentially air?), House of Earth and Blood (earth), House of Many Waters (water), House of Flame and Shadow (fire... also aether?). Under the House of Sky and Breath there are even beings called "Elementals," though we don't exactly know what an elemental is yet because their mentions are limited. Am I screaming "alchemists" into the void? Sure am. If they were elemental fae... wouldn't they just be called fae??? We do know they belong in the same House as angels, fae, and those blessed by major gods (which we know can give a magical or non magical being gifts of varying levels from TOG).

We also get mention of an Elemental War, which Lehaba mentions a distant relative sprite being involved in. Though that is sort of the extent of what we know about it (unless I'm wrong and feel free to tell me I'm wrong always).

We also get another depiction of elemental fae magic forging a weapon (refer back to that TikTok above if you want to delve into who this is and what it depicts in the multiverse).

So we're not gonna get too much deeper into elemental fae magic (tho let me know if you want further digging on this because my unhinged brain knows no bounds), but let me sketch my overarching point with this.

We have multiple points of reference within the SJM Multiverse where elemental magic and its noted difference to starborn/aether-like magic is being woven into this bigger world-spanning plot. Obviously, I referenced CC and ACOTAR here, but I could have dumped a ton of TOG references in here too (and will... later!).

We also have a multiverse with magic that seems... out of balance. We do not not know why all of these element-related mentions have been baked into the plot here and there. What was the Elemental War and why are magic abilities so different among Fae at the very least — and why are they different than they were before?

We also have metal/Made/superior substance swords linking our multiverse and being forged despite that not happening in a very long time. But now that Nesta has relinquished her stolen power back to the Cauldron... and we've got a world walker stuck in Prythian who may want to leave with one more sword than she landed with... seems like special weapon forging might be a useful skill. If only there was someone who could make magical metal objects without the powers of some spooky void or magical land decree...

Oh wait... we do have that person. And perhaps she also has a whole team of alchemists like her.

That's right folks... the last part... of this first part...

Back to Nuan and Other Faerie Realms

Oh my god this is so long. If you're still reading... I think we're officially betrothed? Idk. I love you.

Ok, so Nuan is described to us as so unique looking (look, I am not saying this is a great moment from SJM) she can only compare her to Amren... a [we have no idea but lots of speculation] being from another world.

Then we get a stark moment of xenophobia from Beron during the Dawn Court-High Lords meeting... because Nuan's parents are from a Fae realm called Xian. Xian is a faerie territory located somewhere in the Continent (I will speculate a ton below) that notably supported the loyalists during the war that resulted in the wall between the mortal lands and the fae realm. That means Xian was pro human slavery and that they ultimately lost. Nuan follows this up by reminding High Lord Asshat that she is as Prythian as his sons (let's go girl).

Beron's outburst also causes Thesan to jump to her defense because (that's his girl) his mom was from Xian... actually the majority of his court is from Xian?

ALRIGHTY THEN! Where to start?

So first off, just extrapolating from what we get in this exchange re: Xian... a place like most places SJM has not explained at all to us in that we know almost nada about it. If Xian supported the loyalists... and then they lost... and then a bunch of fae relocated to the Dawn Court in search of "a better life," we might (read: I do) assume that this was a territory south of the wall. Faeries, after the war, were not allowed to stay in the southern part of the continent.

Why do I find this interesting? Why have I spent 800 years getting to this point about an alchemist from Xian? Why do I even think alchemy is worth spending this much time thinking about when this is the only time we encounter it in ACOTAR?

Well, because it's not the only time we encounter it in the SJM multiverse.

So, in TOG, there are alchemists on the Southern continent who provide really important firelances to Aelin & co.'s fight against the Valg. A magical, very effective weapon that non-magical beings can use... and it's so impressive Aelin is relieved that her waning fire magic will be supported by such... firepower.

You know what else conveniently pops on the Southern continent in TOG? Healers and their Torre Cesme... Yrene Towers ilu. Isn't it just so coincidental that the Dawn Court's powers just so happen to be healing powers? And that in the TOG world there's an entire Fae healer community that relocated to the Southern Continent, bred healing powers into the mortal population, and then just... disappears? And also like are dead in crypts that are unbreakable for Valg related reasons, but I digress.

And something else that's fun is that Thesan and Nuan aren't even the only characters in that scene to get a cryptic allusion to a familiar sounding Southern continent that is notably... not one we've met via ACOTAR.

When Feyre describes Helion (it always comes back to him doesn't it?) in, yes, that meeting of the High Lords at the Dawn Court... I swear to all these freaking gods I didn't plan this! Anyway, she "all the sudden for some weird reason" starts thinking about a place her dad (feeling like I have to do a deep dive on Papa Archeron because the more I research not looking for him the more he pops up) visited as a merchant — south-eastern kingdom that sounds suspiciously Antica from Tower of Dawn. And we know when she thinks fondly of her father's merchant days she also always brings up spices... so there's that. (worth noting that this scene with Helion is BIG in my pt. 2 post)

So, obviously we get allusions to actual empires/places within these "different realms" in the SJM multiverse. Xi'an is the name of a real province in China (and has gifted the world so much food-wise and i'm sure countless other ways but I wont rest until I have cuminy lamby noodles asap) and the Khagnate/Southern Continent of the TOG world draws inspiration from the Mongol Empire (how I feel about SJM's... useage of these empires is it's own separate convo). It also includes a lot of the territories where alchemy sprung up independently and thrived that I mentioned before.

Sadly I'm out of images I can post (holy crap), so just... google it

Cool so we've got a lot of relevant territories covered here re: their SJM multiverse parallel.

Obviously Amren is the mystery that keeps giving and tons of people have their theories about her... and I guess SJM at one point said she's some kind of archangel... personally? IDK! Do I think it's strange, in my untangling of this curious maybe from another world territory population, that Amren... a being we know is from another world chose a Xian fae body? Yup! Especially because the southern continent, as we learn in Tower of Dawn from the Stygian Spyders (her handmaidens... which is what I thought Amren could have been, but that's not my theory battle I choose to fight) that there was a big ol' door/portal/whatever that Maeve walked herself and clique through. Hm...

Also, let us not forget when Nuan casually mentioned in her alchemic practice that the "Mother provides everything [they] need on this earth." What does she know that we doooon't?

And while I know I've wanted more, more of the other solar courts — I think perhaps they've been held back because they'll play an integral role in whatever happens next. I mean in addition to everything else Thesan's got a population of winged beings that sound suspiciously like Midgard's angels and Helion's got the only flying horsies (and libraries... I cannot stress how preoccupied I am with libraries in these worlds).

Re: Dawn Court... light-filled healers in TOG (specifically Yrene) play an essential role when it comes to the Valg (who we're not 100% are also the Asteri or Daglan, but let's say they're in the same fam). Yrene can "cure" the people the Valg infect and *the biggest of TOG spoilers* she kills the big bad Valg with her powers. But before she does that... Erawan (which will always just remind me of the fancy shmancy grocery store) wants to capture her and says her powers/what she can do goes far beyond what she understands... and... at the end of the day... us too... SARAH!!!

I will be doing a verrrry deep dive into TOG-world healers because every single page I read describing... like anything about them was making my SJM insanity senses tingle. We haven't spent a lot of time with Thesan and his powers, but we know Feyre's blood can heal others so... curious to see where that one leads.

But the other thing we've got in TOG is a lot of people of varying... let's call them heritages having varied power abilities... and even humans being able to use magic (like wyrdmarks). They've also got a god city and scions and I simply cannot spend anymore time going on tangents here, but know I only have more questions... no answers... help.

OMG we made it. To recap we've got: connections to other faerie realms (whether in ACOTAR or the multiverse which would implicate some world walking), we've got alchemists/alchemy, we've got healers, we've got two light wielding courts with some magic overlap and, and at the very least, magic irregularities. We've got gods all over the place. We've got... so many questions... but hopefully some thought provoking parallels!

If I had to make my very bold "conclusion" to whatever hellscape of a hypothesis this is it's that I do believe the Dawn Court and the Day Court have some mix and matching travel/world walking situations with the southern continent in TOG and ditto for that relationship regarding more elemental fae and Midgard. And with alchemy (that I really hope either exists in this world, manifests as just witches like babes I'll take it) acting as the connecting thread between the power balances of the worlds... idk I think we're gonna get some answers there. And I think perhaps they'll be very important to connecting the worlds.

Mostly... this is my plea to SJM to bring back Nuan! Tell us about the other glowing boys (Thesan & Helion).

Seriously, if you read any of this... thank you and just know I'm sending you a little virtual kiss. Ok, let's both go touch some grass now.

Pt. II is mostly written and coming to a tumblr near you soon.

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