#i'm not crying you are (the tl;dr of this post)

[recitedemise]

𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿. This lengthy headcanon will refer to canon dialogue from mostly Gale, sometimes others. Reader's discretion is very much advised. There will be in depth explorations into grooming, emotional abuse, heavy manipulation, and suicide.

First, let it be said that Gale, a mortal man, will always be the powerless one in his dynamic with Mystra. Of course, nearing forty years of age, he remains entirely responsible for his own actions, his own foul blunders and every hurt he'll cause, but it's important to remember who formed much of who he is: his goddess, his deity, and egregiously, his lover.

Mystra is power. Mystra is possibility. She knows what sway she holds over her Ioyal, vulnerable, and entirely mortal followers. In all ways that matter, they are but lambs she can steer and herd as she sees fit. She knows they can't deny her, and knows they'll never want to. Gale's sheer servitude and complete devotion; to the very quick of his bones, she lapped them up.

Gale: I was just... practising an incantation. Player Character: No, there's more to it than that. I know devotion when I see it. Gale: What can I say? She's—she's Mystra. I can't describe it, the need I sometimes feel to see her - to draw the filaments of fantasy into existence... Mystra is all magic. And as far as I'm concerned, she is all creation. Player Character: I didn't realize the depth of your devotion. Gale: Magic is... my life. I've been touched with the Weave for as long as I can remember. There's nothing like it.

Gale, orb in his chest, doomed to be eaten by the very thing he loves the most, still speaks so reverently of the goddess, of his lover that has left him to die. He conjures images of her memory—and she is all the while forgetting about his.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rasheman. While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth, I thought it born of caution after some catastrophe of wizardly men-folk of old. Now, I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm?

Tales of Mystra's treachery spreads far, leaving those familiar waters surrounding Gale's tower in Waterdeep. They whisper her name, afraid to utter it one time too many, suspecting, perhaps, that she'll show in their mirror like some Faerûnian Bloody Mary.

Talent rouses Mystra. She can see who uses the gift of the Weave and feel them, sampling whatever delight sings their veins as they pull from her domain. Not unlike a spider, she'll follows every tremor that strikes her as just a sliver more profound; and Gale, a prodigy, plucked the Weave's web to so garner her focus. And like some black widow scurrying, she surged down that ripple to prey on a boy. There, Gale, so impressionable, was just a mite older than twelve whole summers. He sat so stunned, beholding Mystra as she lured him into the cradle of her Astral domain. Bathed in her magic, pleasantly coddled within that glittering cosmos, Gale felt blessed in a way he'll struggle always to recount, no word, no language, fit to describe it. He felt chosen. He felt seen. And potently, to a child, he felt loved. Now, imagine a child experiencing something like that. Imagine what they'd think, how brilliant they must be when stood beside the rest. She told him he was gifted, made his heart swell not unlike a child's appetite for praise. She knew what she was doing by offering these morsels, by preying on a child's most delicate mind, and Gale, child prodigy, was already so awash in the idea that his value was in magic. Unfortunately, Gale, susceptible, had no way of squirming out of his goddess' grasp.

Reality: She's laid down the seeds to creep into his heart. When he's just old enough—seventeen's sufficient, she thinks—she stakes her claim and makes him hers.

Gale: My virtuosic talent once caught the eye of the goddess of magic herself, Mystra, who named me her chosen and her lover.

Gale is stunned when she takes him to bed the first time. (Is this really happening?) Mystra claims his mouth in a kiss, taking everything she knows he offers so willingly. Mystra, of course, is not so stunned.

Dream Visitor: An elder brain... one of the cruelest and most powerful creatures in existence, enslaved by mere mortals. Gale, tasked with Mystra's missive to sacrifice himself: This is it... I must do as Mystra commands.

Gale has worryingly low self-esteem beyond his magic. As already explored, his entire worth as a man hinged on and was built entirely off his talent as a wizard. He fought tooth and nail for any crumb of affection Mystra would offer his way, something she only gave him at all seeing his gift as a child. He wants her forgiveness. He desires it genuinely. He believes so firmly that he has wronged his goddess, buying into the idea that sacrificing himself will right his wrong. She holds such dominion over him, making him reduce his confidence in himself into a mere, trifling pittance; after all, she wasn't just his lover, but the patron deity he prays to. And regardless, Gale is a people pleaser, his initial acceptance of her missive coming as no surprise.

After all, Gale, at times, goes to incredible lengths to appease his audience. This habit, compulsion, impulse, whatever you want to call it, is a quality that was relentlessly exacerbated in his relationship with his immortal paramour. He wanted to content her, felt all he did was never enough, for as a matter of principle, he was oceans, leagues, and entire galaxies beneath her. Gale figures: well, how can a short-lived dalliance satisfy a god? He had to make her happy. Indeed, he'd done everything she'd ask. He'd bedded her how she liked, kissed her how she wanted, and of course, even said those words she'd said tasted best. She was his lover, a lover that never tended to his own needs and pleasures, and he fooled himself into thinking that's enough. He won't bend backwards for everyone, mind you, but if you're of the ones he would, he would stop at nothing to make you happy. After all, people pleasing is a way to keep oneself safe, a trauma response to sidestep discomfort, and though it achieves only a direly tentative peace, when that is all you've been fed, you will pursue it.

Gale did not want to lose Mystra; he couldn't bare the sting of it. And so, when Elminster visited him, Mystra's call for his death offered oh so callously, Gale, heartbroken, felt that part of him kick up. He couldn't endure the guilt, was so hungry for a chance to let his weighty heart breathe, even if it meant dying in the process.

At least this way, he'll finally do something right. At least this way, Mystra will forgive him, and all his friends will survive.

Gale: After I was afflicted with my condition, I locked myself in my tower for an entire year. I was inconsolable, wallowing in my self-inflicted tragedy. I'd given up on myself.

As a byproduct of people pleasing, Gale, too, is all too quick to accept all guilt. He self-deprecates, gaslights himself to a venomous degree, and twists his reality in so cruel a way as to make him the villain Mystra'd led him to believe. He self-flagellates himself, the first one in the world who will throw Gale of Waterdeep a mental punishment. Mystra's a goddess, after all, seen as utterly faultless, and twined so tightly with a being so mighty in esteem, Gale slipped into the role of the guilty often. When tied with anyone with grandeur like this, so immeasurable in their own self worth, it's important to keep in mind this: you are nothing but a prop in which to fulfill their ego. Gale was not Mystra's, not by a long shot. Rather, Gale was a tool, simply her mortal extension.

And he took every blow meant for her... a common and terrible habit for many people in imbalanced, ego-fueled relationships.

Gale's life beyond her wasn't something that interested her. She took most of Gale's devotion, manipulated his life to be her sole mantle of attention, for Mystra is not a goddess that shares very happily.

Indeed, long before his self-imposed isolation, this jealous deity did well at keeping him isolated.

Player Character: Picture kissing him. With tenderness. Then, with passion. Gale: I... I didn't think— Narrator: You perceive quick-fire embarrassment, trepidation, and finally... elation.

And so, cheated out of love, so reduced in his value as a man and lover both, suffice to say, Gale's slow to believe he can ever be loved. That's what happens when you're with someone so cold, consistent only in their infinite lack of respect. Gale looks at fondness, and he feels—confounded, to be sure. He thinks, is this truly mine to have? He doesn't know what to do, is nearly forty in game, and despite having lived decades devoted to one relationship, he feels, at the same time, entirely out of depth. To be frank, he greets it with embarrassment, like he's been caught red handed with something not his at all. He's like a child caught rummaging with his hand in a cookie jar, all this isn't mine to enjoy, not mine to indulge in, but he thinks, startled, but god, do I want. He wars with disbelief, uncertainty, and need, and in so many ways feeling utterly starved, with just a glimmer of affection, he falls fast into love.

Scenario: (And if properly romanced, it changes his world.)

Gale: In her (Mystra's) likeness, I used to read a thousand stories. She was beauty, wisdom, elegance, power... she contained universes. But now... it is hard to see any redeeming qualities in a lover who condemned you to death. I'd much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness and feeling... No god could ever compare.

He says it with sincerity. There is such wonder, such love, and such awe in his eyes. He makes the act of kissing him feel like you've just reached into the trenches to but pluck him soundly from his ruin and despair. You think, Gale Dekarios, how unloved have you been all this time?

Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command… none have loved me so purely before.

The answer is: entirely.

For so long, Gale thought love was simply being chosen. He knew nothing of being favored for the quality of his character, to be cherished and accepted even in those ways he fumbles and lacks. Again, his needs were seldom met, often treated with utter indifference by Mystra herself, and to meet someone so eager to treasure him, dote on him in a way his heart, his body is somberly new to, raptures his spirit and captures his soul. He's seen for who he is. He's... loved, desired for his silly quips, his easy smiles, and his growing affections. He bares himself to them, and in turn, they cradle his heart like something entirely precious. Gale thinks this has to be dream. He says, at times, you are more than I deserve.

Scenario: (But sometimes, he hopes too strongly and loves too greatly. As it always does, then, like he's once more wanted too much, he watches something beautiful slip right through his fingers. Of course, Gale Dekarios. Of course it does.)

Player Character: I didn't know you felt so strongly, Gale. Gale: Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach... but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn't enough.

They don't love him anymore. It breaks his heart. He hurts so much, so profoundly and deeply, and he doesn't realize that he breaks their heart in turn.

Unable to ever voice his feelings with Mystra in any way that amounted to much, Gale's a tendency to wallow, expressions coming off as potentially 'guilt-tripping' and even, on occasion, passive aggressive. Firstly: Gale NEVER means to manipulate emotions, and he's no intention of twisting anyone's arm, either. Fact is, Gale, never taken seriously when he'd bared his vulnerabilities to the Mother of the Weave, can end up saying just a little too much. He feels very deeply, and for most his life, seldom had an outlet for these weeping sentiments. He sometimes lets slip raw words and oftentimes heart-wrenching expressions; all the same, it's not so pitiful as to shepherd an outcome, but rather, is a gesture taken by a man so desperate to be heard. It may feel like scheming, but the truth is far, far greyer: feeling as though he's no right to share the depth of his heart, Gale simply lets it geyser out in a way he can't cork up. In ways he doesn't realize, he's adapted to this ache, passively reacting so his feelings can at least be seen and recognized—no matter how pitifully unwhole. With someone who values so little his thoughts... well, when he slips into these moods, one can hardly feign shock.

Situation: (And if no one shows him trust and tenderness, any true care in his character or worth, Gale gets swallowed up by how wronged he was.

He thinks: Let me be a god. Let no one hurt like me anymore.)

Gale: They only want us to serve them, pray to them...and ultimately, to die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to? I could make that happen.

Gale is not above anger, and as stated, he is not above pettiness; however, more than that, he is not above righting himself whatever wound he was struck. Gale, if not offered much by ways of affection, understanding, is made to believe that one idea that's lived growing in his mind: Gale Dekarios is far from sufficient; he has to be more. He has to be better. Gale, in such an unkind ending for himself, sips too desperately—and perhaps greedily, too, but desperately serves as a far better word—at that idea that he needs power. And so, wresting the Crown of Karsus for himself, he spites Mystra in his own way, becoming a god he feels is leagues better than she will ever be. Damn her thoroughly. Damn her ego, her power, and her endless indifference. He will serve the people, protect them, and in ways Mystra never could, better the world.

Situation: But as a god, he loses all sense of his kindness. Humanity. All who loved him leave him, and even Tara spurns the image he's become. With power, he's gained the respect he thought he always wanted... but in turn, he lost in even greater measure all the love he's known.

Endnote: But healing, knowing to forgive himself and knowing he's deserving of care simply for being Gale Dekarios will remain, always, the best path for him.

#HEADCANON. #Oh... anyway. This. Was. A lot. #And it was a lot for me mentally and emotionally to write. #So much of this hit home. #Gale isn't perfect. He can be petty and immature—a byproduct of not being all too good at venting his frustrations when #it gets to a point. He has very bad self esteem. He is not forgiving of himself and is too forgiving of Mystra. #He endured FOR DECADES the cold indifference of a goddess he called his lover. #I know people dog on him because he's a grown man with these hurts and traumas and responses #but just because his trauma manifested in ways you don't find palatable or hot or sexy #doesn't mean they aren't scars left by trauma buddy!!! #And quite frankly that bit about God Gale sounding vindictive and angry #yeah! SOMETIMES people who have so cold and uncaring and belittling a partner #end up angry. You shoved someone into a corner and hounded them for SO LONG. Don't start crying when they rear back on you and bite #I have a deep connection with godhood Gale. But obviously a healed Gale that finds love and acceptance in himself is so much healthier. #I'm rooting for you Gale (always). #So much of this was typed up with a lot of first hand experience so... to say this was a Gale exploration #as much as a way to navigate my own trauma is an apt one. #No two tales of abuse are alike of course. Gale's experience isn't my experience. But I can sympathize a great deal. #TL;DR: This meta post means a lot to me. K. Thanks.

[our-future-is-up-to-us-2]

ok so Narcos update

I just finished S2 E4 like 5 minutes ago AND I AM IN SHAMBLES

I am in so much pain rn this stupid TV show has me feeling tight and clawing at my walls and two seconds from LOSING MY MIND

If you haven't watched Narcos yet like me, spoilers under the cut.

OK FIRST OF ALL

At the beginning when Steve was trying to catch that guy (I believe it was the Prisco brother) AND THEN HE LOST AND GOT SURROUNDED AND PEÑA JUST WENT "ALRIGHT GET IN THE CAR" i was like "damn Steve really had him so close but ok"

The shit with Maritza and Limón like :(((((

I knew I could trust Limón because he was good to her from the beginning but just omg the way she kept resisting and then she fed the info to the DEA and THEN...

CARRILLO. GUYS. CARRILLO. I LOVE (STILL DO) HIS CHARACTER, HOW EVERYONE FEARS HIM, HOW HE GETS TO LAUGH AROUND JAVI AND STEVE BUT HE'S STILL THE MOST BADASS GUY FR FR AND NO ONE QUESTIONS HIS AUTHORITY (except when he got exiled sure)

AND THE REPEATED LINES ABOUT BULLETS AND PABLO SHOWED NO FUCKING REMORSE (which is valid on his part) BUT IT STILL MAKES ME SAD

That scene was executed perfectly tho and that's what made it worse

OK OK OK AND THEN (YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I'M NOT DONE)

The different reactions between Javi and Steve

Bc my boi Steve has been pent up about a LOT OF SHIT. Bro... That helicopter push event with Gato killed his soul... and then calling Connie but not having her around (or Olivia for that matter) and then the chase with the Prisco brother and THEN THE CHERRY ON TOP IS CARRILLO'S DEATH.

And it made me so so so sad that Steve Murphy boi just went and repressed everything AND DRANK HIS DAYS AWAY and finally cried it out to his wife (which confuses me too??? Why did she leave at the start of the season, only to come back so soon? She could've just- Stayed??? Huh?)

AND THEN JAVIER PEÑA

The guy who casually went and got the info outta Maritza, went out of base when they weren't supposed to, and spread the information that Pablo Escobar was getting targeted, thanks to Limón. AND THE SURVIVOR'S GUILT.

THE SURVIVOR'S GUILT AND THE BLAME THAT HE LIVED WHILE CARRILLO DIED. THAT HE SURGED THAT MAN TO HIS DEATH. And everyone telling him that it's not his fault just makes it so much worse and SOBS...

#ava rambles #narcos #s2 ep4 #spoilers #narcos spoilers #javier peña #steve murphy #horacio carrillo #i'm not crying you are (the tl;dr of this post) #i have a lot of feelings and have expressed them thusly #via the damn hellsite #SJSJSJSJSJS

[3bagshotrow]

middle-earth dashboard simulator

🏵 hobbitc0re Follow

pippin was 29 years old???

🏵 hobbitc0re Follow

he should've been at the green dragon

( 420 notes )

📸 daily-middle-earth-photos Follow

#gates of argonath #argonath #amon hen #middle earth landscapes #photographers of middle earth #travel #dark academia #lmao pls reblog this i almost fell out of my boat taking this photo

( 79 notes )

🦢 elfposting Follow

my hungry ass could never travel with lembas

( 9,839 notes )

🐟 sojuicysweet Follow

.

#the entitlement i see on this site sometimes is disgusting #y'all will just post about having easy access to lembas when we can't eats hobbit food??? #we must starve??? #vent #do not rb

( 3 notes )

🗡 shieldmaiden Follow

CALLOUT FOR GRIMA WORMTONGUE

I've talked a lot about this already on this blog, but I want to have everything collected in one post so next time some dipshit with a white hand icon slides into my inbox to call me a liar I can just link to this post. tl;dr grima wormtongue has been poisoning my uncle and the land of rohan for the past few years, and here are the receipts:

Keep reading

( 38 notes )

🧙‍♂️ bignaturals Follow

i stg if one more of you tells me I should've sent frodo on the eagles I'm asking iluvatar to take me back

( 1,930 notes )

📖 booknerdofbree Follow

recent read: there and back again: a hobbit's tale by bilbo baggins

I thought this was SOOO fun and cute! I'm usually not into rpf but did anyone else think there was something between bilbo and thorin? 👀 I can't be the only one who saw it. but the ending made me cry my eyes out.

4.5/5 stars

#booklr #there and back again #bilbo baggins #recent read #dark academia #light academia #book review

( 12 notes )

🌲 elvenking69 Follow

who up mirking they wood

( 58,274 notes )

🐛 manofsirith Follow

wtf the new king of gondor just bowed to these four random short guys?? everyone else bowed too and I just went along with it lmao 😅 am I missing something????

#this is right after he sang a song and made out with some hot elf chick #truly the wildest coronation i've ever been to

( 85 notes )

🥵 firstagebaddiebracket Follow

ULTIMATE HOTTEST FIRST AGE BADDIE TOURNAMENT FINALS!!!!

🔘 haldir-deactivated30190303

here y'all go again pitting two bad bitches against each other

🌀 aragornsbigtoe Follow

🌊 helcaraxebaby Follow

everyone who voted galadriel is a kinslayer apologist #luthiensweep

( 4,271 notes )

🔥 beaconboi Follow

fuck my job so much. everyone manifest an attack on gondor so I can finally warm my fingers on this beacon fire.

🔥 beaconboi Follow

by eru this can't be happening

( 38,386 notes )

#please clap #lotr #lord of the rings #silmarillion #dashboard simulator #post simulator #mp

[myname-isnia]

When I was waiting for my turn during the oral exam two weeks ago the supervisors started asking everyone what hobbies they had and what they were into, and when I said I draw they asked me if I did art lessons. I said no but I used to and didn't really elaborate because I don't know these people and don't want to be here, and they said "What, just lazy?"

And look, I don't really like that word because it's been used to describe me literally all my life, but in that situation I just shrugged and said "I guess" because it was easier than trying to explain that the quickest way to make me quit something is to point out my mistakes

It's stupid, I know it is, but I genuinely can't handle the smallest of criticisms, even if they're deserved. I wasn't praised a lot growing up so now every time I make the smallest step in the right direction I need excessive praise so I don't discourage myself. And I hate this trait about myself because I come across as nothing more but a needy child who throws a tantrum when she receives even the smallest bit of criticism in the nicest wording imaginable.

Even a gentle "this part of the drawing feels a bit off" or "maybe you should change the wording here" can set me off, and it's so fucking ridiculous but considering my already awful relationship with my creations... I can't take anything but a kind word without getting upset

#tl;dr – tell me I'm doing something right way more often than you think necessary because I have literally 0 self esteem #idk why I wrote all this lmao. I'm just bored at grandma's again so I rant bc otherwise my thoughts will get to me #since I can't cry while my grandma is right next to me I can make sense of my own thoughts instead of getting hysterical straight away #so... yeah. I lost my train of thought #hysterics bad. writing out my thoughts good #post over I'm done

[zorobae]

The One Piece live action is really great! I couldn't help but binge it all in one sitting. I'm really awed and kind of relieved ngl.

There are changes to the story of course, but major scenes are kept nearly one-to-one to the manga. Most changes are fine, others are questionable, some are even better imo. Like giving Nami and Kaya more time together? I loved that. More importantly, the characters are very much the same characters we know and love. My Zolu heart is especially happy. I absolutely adore Iñaki and Mackenyu as Luffy and Zoro. Mind you, I was disappointed at first that they didn't make Zoro follow Luffy as soon as he did in the manga (I'm pretty sure I've made more than one post about how much I love the way Zoro joins Luffy) but the way Zoro vowed to follow Luffy forever at a later point in the story was totally worth it. They made quite a big deal of the wound that Mihawk gave Zoro which I really liked. Also, we got a scene where Luffy straddles and hugs Zoro which literally made me fall off the couch in shock/joy lol (it took them 912 chapters in the manga to hug!). I also really appreciate how much sweeter they've made Sanji so far. He's flirty but not in the same overbearing way as he is in the manga. And knowing that Taz did all of his own stunts made his fighting scenes smh more impressive to me. All the fighting scenes looked great actually.

Probably the most praiseworthy thing about this adaptation are the performances. Even as someone who knows the Strawhat's backstories, seeing Mackenyu or Emily or Taz cry made me inevitably emotional, too.

One thing I didn't like is how much screen time was spent on Koby and Garp and well, just the Marines or other side characters in general. The Strawhats are what I'm here for and I'm pretty sure we coulda reached the Grand Line in 8 episodes if they hadn't "wasted" so much time on characters I don't care about. But tbf, I assume this is something that other fans might like; seeing more of the other side, so to say. The pay-off for that story line was a good one, tho, I'll give it that.

tl;dr: I would totally recommend the One Piece live action~

#one piece #one piece live action #one piece netflix #zolu #text

[purupurple]

so as you probably know, i've teamed up with moonsprout games and makeship to make squishies of characters my husband and i created for bug fables, tanjerin and cerise. so far, tanj is doing alright, but cerise is dragging behind. however, i'm concerned about if they'll be funded at all. i'd like to go over why its so dire that at least one of them achieves their goal.

so, i don't like talking about serious and personal stuff and i very rarely do it, but just a little over a year ago i had been hospitalized with no health insurance. thankfully i recovered quickly as it was just some sort of icky cold that turned into pneumonia despite my efforts in recovering as fast as i could. that being said, i live in america, and being hospitalized with no health insurance is a very bad situation and now i have debt. on top of that, i've had two unrelated ER visits later last year where i did have insurance, but they didn't cover everything (america, i swear…) so that's MORE medicical debt. not to mention my husband is still paying off a lot of student loans… so we've got our hands full. of debt, that is.

what i'm getting at here is that these plushies getting funded is crucial to help me pay off these medical bills and some more that are expected later on this year related to receiving mental health care, specifically from the process getting diagnosed for autism and/or adhd as well as being able to learn how to handle anxiety attacks. i would even be happy if just one of them was successful (poor cerise is lagging behind…) so i'm officially making this a cry for help. please, help us fund the tanjerin and cerise makeship campaigns! if you're not in a spot to buy even just one of them, then all i ask is that you share this post and tell your friends, families, and/or any other interested parties. both my husband and i very much need all the help we can get!

but i also made this post not just to go over our tough situation, but i wanted to let everyone know that there's now a gleam giveaway! it's a raffle you can enter by following the steps on the gleam page to get an art commission from the box art cover artist schweise and me, designer for the fruity bugs!

tl;dr me have big medical bills husband has student loans and me will draw something for the one who wins the gleam raffle so sign up for that if you're interested

please spread the word, and thank you in advance for reading! here's the links below

gleam page - tanjerin squishie - cerise squishie

#bug fables #signal boost #important #fanart

[tolkienbrained]

when i first heard about yoshiden i was like ok cool ship but it doesn't make much sense but THEN i started thinking about it and found and absolute goldmine.

first off, we all know or at least can tell that one of the main overarching themes in chainsaw man is the subversion of common shonen tropes (which fujimoto does wonderfully, mind you) such as "the perverted main character". denji is a subversion of this trope for many reasons which should be discussed in a different post but how wonderful would it be for the sex-crazed women-obsessed character to realize that, oh, maybe women aren't the only option and end up with a guy? i say bisexual denji rights. although to be fair it's true that so far there hasn't been any indication for this in the manga, i don't think denji is at the point where he has realized exactly WHY he's so obsessed with women (cough mommy issues and touch-deprivation).

linking that last point a bit with the Yoshiden Thesis™ we have the fact that a lot of his affection for makima in the first part was most likely linked to this deprivation of love as he grew up and possibly to his lack of a mother figure while he was growing up. and of course makima herself instigated this affection and knowingly manipulated denji. most women denji has known until now have used him, and hurt him in different ways (or just have been older women that shouldn't be messing with a sixteen-year-old anyway). in fact, the ONLY genuinely positive relationship with a woman denji has in part 1 is with power, and it's completely platonic. and it's not only women who have hurt denji, most people in part 1 (with some notable exceptions (aki and power my beloveds)) were not interested in denji, didn't want denji, just cared about chainsaw man and the chainsaw devil. yoshida is someone tasked with protecting DENJI and making sure DENJI gets to live a peaceful, happy life. he has shown a willingness to put up with denji's ridiculousness and has even seemed amused by it. it's too early in part 2 to honestly tell, but we could even say he cares about denji (or possibly will soon since fujimoto needs more characters to break denji's heart even more, fucker).

once again coming back to the "women-obsessed, sex-crazed" part, denji being deprived of affection made him grow up thinking that was the only way to show affection and love, possibly because of how media and society, in general, are very sexualised. a lot of his arc in part 1 was him realizing this isn't true, as shown in his relationship with power and aki. it would be a nice finishing touch to that arc for him to realize that not only are platonic affective relationships possible and just as important/fulfilling as romantic ones, but how romantic relationships also aren't just limited to women and sex by falling in love with yoshida.

of course all of this is talking from a fandom/fanfic standpoint. these are just the reasons why i personally love the ship and consume content on it, and i'm in no way saying "this is definitely going to be canon!!" lol. i went a bit off the rails here but i'm just obsessed with yoshiden rn.

TL;DR yoshiden FUCKS and would go greatly along denji's arc and the themes in chainsaw man.

EDIT: oh my god i just reread this and i mean fucks as in it's very cool not as in they're fucking each other i'm crying LMAO

EDIT2: seeing the recent chapters all of this is most likely going down the drain but i'm still shipping yoshiden idc

#csm #chainsaw man #yoshiden #meta #csm meta #cloudy musings

[arcielee]

I hope you're doing fine amidst all this drama. It's no surprise that my intuitions were proven right once again, and here we have Ange, crying on her blog about being doxxed while conveniently ignoring her own complicity in Bel’s racism. It's sickening that some people still support her behaviour. However I wanted to bring up this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/arcielee/748496384896958464/hey-everyone-i-know-its-been-a-dark-time-in-the?source=share

Weren't you also doxxed in Ange and Em’s groupchat? And now they only come to you when the dust settles after their mess with Bel. I'm tired of these women always playing the victim and never taking responsibility for their actions. We're all over it!

Hey anon. You are referring to this post that I made. I thought it best to respond to this before we return to some much needed healing and hydrating.

I mentioned that I was not going to speak on the subject again, but more information has come to light and there is something that has been weighing on me.

As I posted before, I found out that I had been doxxed. This was something that happened in the same groupchat that included Bel, Fae, Ange, and Em where screenshots had been shared. I learned about this prior to the post when Em reached out to me through a mutual we shared. She was very remorseful and apologetic for what happened, and she provided me with the unedited versions I needed so I could handle this at my local police department.

Doxxing is frightening. When I returned to Tumblr back in 2022, I enjoyed the anonymity of it all, how I was able to blatantly be some dork who swooned over silver haired fictional characters with my kindred spirits. Seeing myself tagged in the post mentioned above, seeing those original screenshots with my legal name and my private, personal IG on display rattled me to my core.

In this chat I learned that not only had I been doxxed, but it was also mentioned about the animosity that stemmed from lies being shared without being validated. The TL;DR of the situation is that Bel and I shared a small server together. I was warned about her behavior by Ange and others, but at the time Bel had been nothing but kind to me, so I ignored it. Then Bel left our server and went to Ange and Em with some false narrative about me and some others. Despite how I was warned me in the beginning, she accepted what was said without thought. This resulted in me being blacklisted and harassed within the HotD fandom.

This was and continues to be an ugly ordeal. We are finally seeing that worst things happened in that same chat, which is why I was wary to even bring this up again.

But I do feel I should remind everyone that doxxing is the act of providing personally identifiable information about an individual or organization, usually via the Internet and without their consent. [x]

And this is what happened to me.

I did not want to do a super detailed post about it; I understand the insanity of it all since we literally came to this hellsite for a show about some incestual family that rides dragons. But the only way for us as a fandom to move on is to acknowledge what happened and those who were affected by it before we can move forward to create a safer environment for everyone who is a part of it.

I truly believe that we can and will do better. 💜

#hotd fandom #just a reminder #to stay safe and keep yourselves protected

[byler-4-life]

Here's the full version of my post from yesterday. If you want a tl;dr check that out instead, but it won't have all the info/evidence of this one.

So few of these thoughts are exactly original, but I haven't seen them strung together in one timeline like this. Doing so makes all of El's behavior from Volume 2 make so much more sense in my head. So at first you might think I'm just recapping stuff, but read until the end (there are one or two original thoughts that are mine). If you do you might just be convinced of one thing - El now knows, or at least highly suspects, that Mike and Will have romantic feelings for each other.

So first point we all know. In El's letter to open the season, she says Will is doing a painting, and he won't let her see. She assumes it is for someone he likes at school (maybe a girl, she says).

Next, the big M*leven fight in Ep 3 where El finally brings up the fact that is bothering her - Mike can't say "I love you" to her.

Third, we have these now famous pics of El drawing the "Piggyback". They represent Max, El, and Vecna in the drawing. But thanks to the amazing cinematography, we can also see that the girl can also represent El, and the two figures together to the right are Mike and Will.

There's no other reason for them to shoot this scene through the window like this. And, to further solidify the point that the girl in the drawing is El, we get this shot:

In this, we see actual El covering up the drawn girl, but the two stick figures are still visible. From this perspective it looks even more like a "thought bubble" coming from El's own head. And I think that means that right now, at this very moment, she's starting to have thoughts about Mike and Will together. She's starting to sense that something is strange.

So why? What would've caused her to come up with these thoughts between the time they rescued her, and the time of the above scene? Well, there's really only one thing that could've changed. She must've seen the painting in the van. It's not a big leap. She didn't even have to see the contents of the painting. All she had to do was notice it was in Mike's possession. Remember, she thought Will was painting it for someone he liked. And now Mike has it. So...gears are beginning to turn.

So, I know it's a popular theory that El was going to break up with Mike at the Surfer Boy right before they're interrupted by Argyle. While that's possible, I'd like to put forth another theory.

El knows something is up with Will and the painting, but she doesn't know what. Right now, El isn't mad at Will or Mike, she's just confused about what is going on. She wants to ask Mike why he has the painting, but doesn't wanna do it in front of everyone. So she waits until they have a moment alone. And I think THIS is what she's going to ask about in the pizza shop before they're interrupted by Argyle. It's the first time they're alone and have time for a private chat. At this point, I think she might suspect Will likes Mike, but doesn't think it goes the other way. But, Argyle interrupts, so her questions are going to have to wait.

Next we have...sigh....THAT monologue. So picture this. In Episode 3, El bared her soul to Mike, telling her how much it hurt that he didn't tell her he loved her ever. That he couldn't even write it. She's broken down crying, begging for him to do it. And what does he do? Deflects, blames other people, and still doesn't say it. So now, she's in a fight for her life with Vecna, she's losing, everything is going wrong. And all it takes it one line from Will and suddenly Mike is spilling his emotional guts out?

He wouldn't do it for a crying, sobbing El. But just a nudge from Will and Mike is saying all the things El thought she wanted to hear from him. And in that moment I think everything clicks for her. She knows. El doesn't move the needle for Mike, not in that manner. It's Will. El wasn't able to coax those words out of Mike. But Will did. Easily.

And so I think THAT is part of the reason we don't see El talking to NEITHER Will nor Mike the rest of the season. And that's the reason she side eyes BOTH of them in this scene. You can tell she's annoyed, look at how she closes the door.

Remember, Will asks Mike if she's said anything. And all of what Mike tells him about what El said, about Brenner telling her she wasn't ready, and her thinking he might've been right. That all came as news to Will. He didn't know that and reacted angrily. But the fact that he didn't know does confirm one thing.

That means El is not talking to Will either during the two days! This is a stark change from how emotional and close they were during the reunion in the desert. Yes I know she's upset about losing and upset about Max, but those are the times you need to lean on people close to you. And if it wasn't going to be Mike, I would've bet money that it would be Will who she went to for support. Those two had grown so close since living together. But no, she for some reason is ignoring both of them. And I think that reason is she's starting to see what Mike and Will's relationship really is.

To be clear, I don't think El is going to be truly angry with them. I think she was heading towards splitting with Mike anyways. But I think she is a bit miffed right now. She doesn't understand why Will was able to draw a "confession" out of Mike while she wasn't. I think once she learns about how deep their love is for each other, and realizes she doesn't feel that way about Mike, she will be supportive. But for now, I don't think it's unfair of her to be confused and a little upset.

(pic creds @yuriberryva)

(vid creds and partial inspiration from this very informative post from @theonebyler)

#byler #byler theory #long post #El KNOWS

[whip-laaaaaaash]

tl;dr this is a mutual aid post. I'm a queer, disabled nonbinary person facing loss of housing after removing my coparent's abusive mother from my home. Above is cat tax. I know everyone's struggling right now and I'm not asking anyone to put themselves out, just hit the reblog button if that's all you're able to do!

Hi! My name's October and in November 2023 my coparent and I had to remove their abusive mother from our house. This has been a long and incredibly difficult process that has also resulted in a roughly 60% loss of income, and our car which is... monumental. This coupled with the fact that I broke my arm and am a gig worker has basically decimated us.

We've been making it work the best we can but we're now reaching a point that necessary medication has run out and we can't afford to get it, I'm pretty routinely going four and five days between meals, rent's behind, shit's hard and I need help. I am currently setting up a gofundme but in the meantime this is my cry for help. Every resource we have is being allocated to keeping the kids taken care of, and we're falling through the cracks.

If you can help at all, and frankly if you need video edited or know anyone who does, I would really greatly appreciate it. Even a reblog, any kind of a share could be life changing right now.

My ca$happ is: $gourdwitch My coparent's paypal can be found here

#signal boost #mutual aid #fundraising #donation post #help post

[capn-twitchery]

I love your ocs but I fear I am a bit out of touch with some of their lore. how much does Grace know about the red honey fuckery?

thank you sm!! :D♥︎ don't worry--i'm not sure i've actually spoken about this a whole lot!! (plus my lore is scattered around random posts like a ransom note. imagine being organised, couldn't be me)

for context: the two of them are a ridiculously slow slowburn bc neither of them know how to talk about feelings, they go in different directions a lot, twitch's response to Having Feelings (or anything) is to disappear to zee. everything takes forever. there's a summary of their timeline here if you want it !!

ANYWAY to answer:

tl;dr summary: most of the time, nothing! eventually, more than anybody else.

so, for most of the time, grace knows absolutely nothing. nobody does, really--twitch doesn't tell anybody, they don't want to talk about it, nobody sees their face at all.

as far as anyone knows, including grace, twitch's bad memory, lying & inconsistent stories are just a personality quirk. and they get sick sometimes, they just need bedrest & won't be available for a few hours, a day, a couple of days. nobody is allowed to see them.

grace remains mostly unaware for a long time--he has inklings that something is up. once he gets to know twitch better, he can tell they're not themself sometimes. but prying would push twitch away, so he just offers help, if they want company, for their headaches the surgeon mentioned. he'll leave the cabin door unlocked, just in case.

he has no idea how bad the "headaches" are until it's happening right in front of him, once they're close enough for twitch to trust him to that degree. he has no idea why it's happening, but he knows twitch doesn't want to tell him, either. and when they're sobbing in his lap, pleading for something he doesn't understand to stop, begging him to help them tie a blindfold because they don't want him to see their face, it's not exactly the time to pry.

it happens a few times. it never gets easier, and it never gets any clearer. it's not til after grace leaves for the new sequence and comes back that he finally sees their face uncovered. he doesn't connect any dots-whether that's because he genuinely just doesn't make the connection, or because twitch doesn't want him to make a big deal about it, who knows!

while he was gone, twitch starts connecting some dots: something's weird with their memories. they don't know how to process it. they bring it up subtly, ask grace if he knows anything about red honey, and maybe he can figure it out himself. he tells them he does, he learned about it during nemesis, in the palace cage gardens. it still haunts him, sometimes, the prisoners with their crying, the suffering the hollow looking eyes-

the eyes.

everything clicks all at once-twitch's eyes, their headaches, the memory issues, the inconsistencies, the lies. it only gets worse when twitch tells him they're starting to wonder if the memories are all theirs.

oh, god. how could anybody do that to them? who did that to them? but twitch doesn't want him on any kind of revenge mission, they don't even think they remember where the cage garden was, and they don't want to try either. he settles for comforting them the best he can-but what can anyone do to help, really?

at the very least, trusting someone enough to talk about it is a huge weight off twitch's shoulders. grace can help them try to figure out what's going on with their memories, it makes them better at talking to each other. it's not easy, but it helps twitch to move forward-slowly, but surely

#sorry this was an essay i just had lots of thoughts #being so normal about them as always #i hope it's legible i am sleepy but i wanted to answer >:3 thank you so much for giving me the excuse to ramble hehehe #it always means a ton♥ #inquiries #solreefs #londonmusings #grace #twitchery

[pinkeoni]

The Perception of Will Both In & Out of the Show

Right now I'm working on a whole post dedicated to looking at how Hawkins views Will, and something that I've noticed is how this in-universe perception is reflective of how the audience views him as a character.

Will the Crybaby vs. Will the Villain

tl;dr for a post I haven't even posted yet, but my assertion is that generally the town has two modes for how they see Will, prey or predator. He's either the sensitive, weak "fairy" who is assumed to be the target of violence based on these qualities, or he is the predatory "Zombie Boy" who is going to spread death and disease to the rest of the town.

Many of the critiques levied against Will's character from fans after season four was "all he does is cry!"

And in the same breath, after it was revealed that Will was going to be the focus for next season, the claim about Will's character was "he's going to be the villain!"

So Will is both the overly sensitive crybaby and at the same time, somehow going to be the villain of the final season.

I do think that GA opinion is actually more diversified then people give it credit for, so it would be inaccurate of me to say that this is widely agreed upon amongst fans of the show, although both of these statements, especially that of Will’s villain arc, did go around enough to be mentioned in articles about the season.

Starting with Will's sensitivity, it is one of his character traits. It's important enough for Joyce to mention this when describing him in episode one. Noah often gives Will really big reactions with weepy eyes and a quivering lip— he's a feeler!

Some push back against this critique of character, especially on here, was sometimes met with “But Will doesn’t cry that much! He’s tough! Look at this scene he knows how to shoot a gun!” which is kind of missing the point. It’s not that Will isn’t soft and sensitive, it’s that being soft and sensitive isn’t a problem.

The villain!Will claim, while maybe a fun idea for fanon material, seems to grossly mischaracterize him. Will, from the constant mistreatment he has faced, will turn vengeful and join Vecna to become a villain alongside him. You mean the same Will Byers who told D’Artagnan that he wasn’t going to hurt him? That Will Byers is going to seek revenge?

I don’t think that any of these takes are intentionally trying to be this way, but there is a subconscious undertone of homophobia coming from both of them. It’s a bad thing for Will to be soft and emotional, but he’s also going to become the vindictive “big bad.” The prey or the predator.

There seems to be a refusal from some fans to view Will in a hero role

This I can’t really fault them much for. I had a good back and forth with an anon awhile ago who stated that if the audience does not perceive the story as being Will's or Will as a main character, then this is a pitfall from the show. Which I agreed with. If the show is failing to communicate something, then this is a fault of the writing of the show. (I did, however, offer a counter argument to a claim they made saying that the show did not offer any substantial proof of this at all, in which I said that Will being the center in the first season was a good piece of evidence among some others)

I should note that I say "hero" but I don't mean this in a masculine way, just that Will is going to be the one to save the day, be that in his own way. He doesn't need to "man up" in order to be the hero.

El, for good reason, is seen as the hero of the story. If the next season is supposed to revolve around Will now, then he must either be A) A victim that El needs to save or B) A villain that El needs to defeat. (I made a post about El and Will's roles next season here)

This isn't always brought up, but a lot of the times the love triangle is talked about in relation to this because it goes along with the underlying homophobia. If Will is the focus next season and he is also the hero then there's an implication that he may be successful in "getting the guy" so to speak, just going off of typical narrative tropes. If El is the hero and Will is either the victim or villain then he either A) is saved by El and, out of gratefulness to her, is able to accept that that he won't have Mike and is able to accept the two being together (which wouldn't make sense considering this is the position he is already in) or B) El defeats the evil gay boy who is after her man, putting him in his place. These people can't seem to wrap their head around the possibility of Will getting the love interest in the end and El, still important to the main plot, ending up solo and it being a positive for both characters.

The problem with villain!Will especially is that, along with the fact that it relies on a mischaracterization of Will, is that there has to come a point where the villain has to lose and be put in their place in order for the hero to succeed. I see even fans of Will claiming that they want Will to have a villain arc because of everything that he's gone through. And yeah, Will has been through a lot and he has been treated unfairly by people around him, but he can't have a triumphant ending if he is the villain of the story.

I guess it has to do with framing. In simplified terms, Will, in some way, tries to fight for a better life for himself. If Will is the villain then he must learn to be complacent with the life he already has. If he is the hero, however, then he deserves and gets to earn this better life. If Will is the victim who is saved by El then he must learn to be grateful to her. Neither make sense for a story where Will is supposed to come of age. He has to be the hero and he also has to be one to save himself.

I want to say again that I'm not trying to use hero in a masculine sense, wherein I'm picturing a Conan the Barbarian or Rambo-esque buff!byers fighting in the Upside Down, but rather I just mean using his qualities that others deem weak as his strength. Will is the hero, just in his own way. @therainscene had a really great addition to a similar post I made while I was drafting this one. To quote a genius mind—

It's wild that Will is seen as weak, because he's the toughest motherfucker in the show -- not in spite of being soft and sensitive, but because of it. Being a sensitive gay boy in 1980's America is playing life on hard mode: he's punished for refusing to conform to traditional masculinity, both in-universe and by the audience, and his response is to doggedly continue refusing to conform. He's crying and throwing up the whole time he's doing it but he just keeps on doing it.

#sorry this is such a long one without pictures this time i just felt like rambling #will byers #stranger things #robin rambles

[sunnybearvampire]

hold on something just occurred to me while freaking out in the tags of another post. this post is for a very specific section of the go fandom that also watches dropout. hear me out.

there was a quote that suddenly came to mind when i was thinking about the breakup scene in good omens (the last one. i know there's been several.).

"does he love me more than being major?" - delloso de la rue (a court of fey and flowers)

and i kept thinking about how crowley knows aziraphale loves him when he confesses. he says We when talking about pretending. he knows. but he's still worried aziraphale won't reciprocate in the way he wants him to. and by the end of the episode, crowley believes that aziraphale chose heaven over him - belonging to the "good" side. that aziraphale wouldn't want him as he is, would jump at the first chance of changing him - to be deserving, to be forgivable, forgiven.

rue is always the more radical between hob and them. they call for the dissolution of courts - like crowley, they don't believe in sides anymore. this question is the vocalisation of their fear at the end of acofaf - yes, hob loves me, but will he choose me over the only place he's called home, even if he never truly felt like he belonged?

and let's be honest - aziraphale fucking hates being in heaven. he doesn't belong there, doesn't feel good there. he is mocked and put down repeatedly (much like hob, standing out in the goblin court, being fundamentally different from other goblins and wanting to change that - 'that was very honorable and brave' 'i know, i'm working on it')

yet, hob's loyalty to the goblin court persists until the final moments of acofaf - much like we see in season one of good omens with aziraphale. but both ultimately make the decision to follow their hearts and save the world for the sake of their love and happiness (and found family).

but while the romance between hob and rue is wrapped up with a confession and a marriage proposal (see me crying about 'you will never know a lonely day again, as long as i draw breath'), crowley and aziraphale don't fucking talk to each other. ever.

so crowley broke apart when he thought azira died and protected him again and again from heaven and azira threw a ball just to have an excuse to touch crowley and they don't know. they don't have all the facts. so we have a crisis that was resolved very quickly between hob and rue that is still plaguing them.

tl;dr: i make up parallels between my favourite queer couples. am sad.

#good omens #good omens 2 #dimension 20 #a court of fey and flowers #crowley #aziraphale #delloso de la rue #k. p. hob #ruehob #ineffable husbands #does this actually make sense? probably not.

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

I'm still very baffled at people who complain about lack of Izuku's POV, and it's not because I don't understand it; hell, every leaked chapter I keep thinking if we'll soon get an insight on his mind (admittedly, my patience has dwindled because of the previous fandom so that's 100% a flaw on my part rather than the story's pacing. In my opinion), but.

When you really think about it, our little freckled unreliable narrator here never actually gets introspective on anything personal- we get the "I gotta be stronger so others won't worry" "I need to save that kid who was crying" "I have to catch up so I'll be the best version of a hero I can be", but uh all that aside. Literally most times he's actually introspective is either to help someone with their own feelings or when he's thinking about. Well.

Point is I still haven't forgotten that door with a bunch of lockers in the vestige world. Or the entire "control your heart" narrative- which is one of the reasons I'm an advocate for "Final battle in the vestige world".

Because I wanna see that door being opened with all those raw emotions hitting him like the true tsunami he holds in.

For comparison, Izuku is like an outsider's POV of Steven Universe in SU:F; we can tell he's bottling it up, but "what" exactly and "how much" is the suspense, rather than the "when" he'll be forced to face it all, even if we already know some of the things he's keeping it in.

Because while both are a matter of time, Izuku has the added bonus of keeping it too close to his chest. He's stopped being a POV character long ago. Which now that I realize, could count as a subversion of the "everyday relatable MC"; because usually in most comic books, we know what makes a human a hero; but in BNHA; we're questioned: what makes a hero human? It's one of the reasons, I'd argue, Izuku's been getting flack as a protagonist: we're seeing a hero who needs to rediscover his own humanity, his individuality.

It's because he has put his own expectations of himself on such a high pedestal post-PLF, he only thinks now of what he can and should do, but we, as the audience, have known him as someone growing to be a hero while he accidentally forgets and confuses his origin. We're still seeing "the Deku who always does his best", but learned that's detrimental without the heart of Midoriya Izuku.

Personally, however, I'm patient. It's been a little fun because in a way, everyone else is getting an exercise on being the main character, and it feels like Izuku became a side one. That's actually not a bad thing: as he rediscovers what makes Deku and Izuku important to his identity, he regains agency to the story and we as the audience will slowly get back on his mind. BNHA's themes of identity are still prevalent; we just need to open that door beforehand. How or when, it's up to Horikoshi-san, but soon enough. I'm putting trust it'll pay off, the story has yet to make me regret it, bumps in the road and all.

TL;DR: I think Izuku's lack of internal thoughts since the PLF Arc is an intentional choice it'll pay off, and it's related to OFA's door; as it would make sense to the themes of identity and self discovery BNHA has, just involving the audience's reaction in a way. Especially because Izuku's a character who thinks he's worth what he can do rather than who he is. That said, the absence of these thoughts has precedents because Izuku is an unreliable narrator who doesn't really do introspections unless it's to other's benefit, hero-related or relative to his relationship with Katsuki.

TL;DR to the TL;DR: We'll get Izuku's thoughts eventually you guys are just mean /j/j/j/j

#spider.posts #Midoriya Izuku #Boku no Hero Academia #BNHA spoilers #MHA spoilers

[azrielgreen]

I am genuinely so impressed by how you are juggling so many projects. What is your writing process like for that? I remember you sharing about how you romanticize the process but like how much time is given to each project? Is it based on where the dopamine leads you during the day? How do you maintain the discipline? How much of a project is mapped before you start drafting and editing? It is so hard to create and i just *genuinely* admire your work ethic so much.

Hi, oh thank you so much, that's really kind of you! So, juggling multiple projects is still new to me, I've only ever had 1 or 2 at once before but the last year has taught me a LOT about how to manage it, how to roll with the punches and the importance of balance.

TL;DR this became a ramble so I summarised:

3 hours a day

dopamine led but with consistent rewards in place

discipline countered with indulgent self care

embracing change and new inspiration

not comparing to others

making work space very pleasing and comfortable

trust you will do it because you've done it before

romanticise

stay open to the universe

you've never failed unless you give up completely - it's fine to miss a deadline, life is very short and it's better to be healthy, happy and inspired than burnt out and sick. take it slow, enjoy it, work when you can and reward yourself CONSTANTLY.

So, time wise, I will try to dedicate at least 3 hours a day to one single project and I'll try to keep it one project per week otherwise my head is all over the place. It's usually dopamine led as following joy is key to my energy levels, but I have also learnt the past year to discipline myself and adapt to a constant flow of creation.

I maintain the discipline by treating myself as wonderfully as I possibly can. I still and always will romanticise everything I do and make it fun; all frills, self indulgent and lovely. Having a space I love that's set up well is hugely important for me. My desk area is amazing now that I've worked on it for well over a year.

One of the best things for crafting discipline but not losing the joy is the THRILL of achievement. When I complete something, i feel amazing and that spurs me on. I cultivate multiple ideas as indulgently as I can and expose myself to a lot of new inspiration. If something doesn't work or feels not good? I give myself the freedom to change it up and the confidence to know that no matter what, it'll work out beautifully so long as I keep going because it always has. There were times during Touched I would CRY it was so hard to write and I was so distracted.

Knowing you can do something because you've already done it is an incredibly powerful little power up that I use often to give myself a boost.

But honestly, overall, I really do romanticise my life in general. I make beautiful things, I love what I write, I'm so grateful for everything and always open to new ideas and I never close myself off by comparing, doubting or clinging too hard to what felt good before. I give myself space to realise that I'm constantly changing and growing and that my writing reflects that which is SO exciting!! I think honestly, I'm my biggest fan. I hype myself, reward myself and treat writing like a blissful escape, which it is, even when it's 7 hours non-stop for a story I am very ready to be done with.

The most important thing about maintaining this level of output (for me) is giving myself space to mess up a little, to miss a deadline, to delay posting and not feel awful. 'You're Divine' is one of the greatest writing lessons I've ever learned, in that just because you can physically write 25k+ a week doesn't mean you SHOULD. Towards the end I had made myself very ill. I won't ever do that again. It's never a failure, unless you give up completely. Life is very short, it's difficult to feel inspired when you're hard on yourself. Treat yourself like the person you love most in this world. Be a little selfish, lean in where you're weird and praise it to the skies.

Thanks so much again!

Love, Az

💜💜💜

#askaz

[screeblees]

Haihaiaihaihi!!!! I reallllllllllllly like ur Angry Yan x comfort reader drabbles!!! I'm someone you'd call an absolute night owl, and maybe even someone with a big mouth. I'm always up for saying what I liek and fighting people I think are dumb. (Verbally. Most of the time.)

At night, (if the day hasn't beat my ass) I'm an insane lunatic who rambles to herself. think of me like a cat. very judgy one. (but if the day has beat my ass and I'm crying on the floor i'm just going to sleep in my tears) (jk no tears cowgirls don't cry/j)

TL;DR: I'm a bitch and I like to yapp, but I love going insane at night and talking and rambling like there's no tomorrow. That or I'm out cold like ice. There's no in-between. (btw kinda willing)

sorry i wrote this at 12:56 am and I am sick so I feel a bit silly nyahahah just a little nayahah

MEOWWWWW bounCES OFF YOUR walls very politely.

If you can't make sense of my gibberish please tell me and i'll rewrite it later when i feel more sane.

Hii!! Thanks so much for the ask (and for the very polite meows and wall-bouncing :3)!! I hope I managed to correctly translate your stream of thoughts <3

Angry ! Yandere Headcanons here !

Sorry it's been a bit since I've posted!! I get pretty busy this time of year so I've been writing where I can!

But please still send asks, I love receiving them!! :D

Find my Masterlist here !

Please enjoy!!<33

❥ Angry ! Yandere who cannot help but be in awe of you as he listens to your extensive ramblings of your topic of choice, the two of you have all the time in the world after all!

❥ Angry ! Yandere who was initially worried your talkative nature would be replaced with a shell of yourself when he first took you as his, but very quickly - as soon as you woke up, actually - that that would not be the case and found himself thrilled to hear your defiant words (he would soon teach you, but this was a great first step in your adjustment!)

❥ Angry ! Yandere who cannot find it within him to be made angry by your words, (almost) no matter what you say - at least towards you, other people on the other hand are an entirely different story - even with your extreme lack of filter, which makes him more lenient with you than he would in other areas (making back-talk your only real way to be defiant). Although this can change at the drop of a hat if his mood is already rough, that forgiving attitude being nowhere to be seen even with that usually tolerance.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who immensely enjoys not needing to punish you - it makes him proud that the two of you have come so far since he first brought you here - his moods are made even better by your chatterbox personality which supplies him a near-continuous source of peace, basking in it.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who takes great pleasure in the sound of your voice, especially when he’s falling asleep while you stay up for hours, long into the night. Your babble like white noise or pleasant rain sounds for him (and only him) to fall asleep to.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who doesn’t mind if you stay up late playing video games or working on a hobby - as long as you can sit on the bed with him whilst doing so as to let him sleep on or near you.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who minds immensely if you are the type to get up and move around a lot, needing to be up and moving not only takes the sounds of your voice move farther away from his ears but it stops him from being able to loop his arms around your waist or rest his head against you - this will only end in you being tied up and unable to leave him, which may be uncomfortable but he’s too busy cuddling you to sleep to notice.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who will put his foot down if he feels your staying up late is having negative effects. He’ll disallow caffeinated drinks and tie you to the bed at night but if you’re still unable to sleep then he’ll go straight to the sleeping pills to solve this issue, having zero patience to try any more methods which he feels will be unhelpful.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who loves the nights all energy escapes you (naturally, without the pills) and you are left practically passed out wherever you had decided to sit that evening, leaving you very pliable for cuddling without the rope or bindings in the way.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who feels pity for his Darling when the struggles of the day come crashing down a little too harshly, leaving you teary and unwelcome to the idea of moving from your chosen spot on the basement floor.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who either just scoops you up from the floor, depositing you on the bed and joining you for a cuddle-fest or joins you on the floor with some blankets and pillows, ready to get comfy where you are. He hopes to provide an ounce of the comfort you provide him by the hour just from being in your near-presence...

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