#sorry this was an essay i just had lots of thoughts

[cfr749]

Initial Thoughts on Chenford in 6x07

All right... I'm feeling... a lot at the moment, so just sharing my initial reactions before seeing anyone else's. I'm sure my feelings will evolve. Also this turned into a GD essay and I'm sorry.

The Good

Grey acknowledging that Lucy was going through a lot ABOVE & BEYOND the break up. I just wish he'd mentioned the shooting, too. Lucy deserves to be more than her relationship with Tim and I need to actually see that in the future.

Lucy laying out 2 key things in her conversation with Grey - how easily Tim walked away and that he had no right to make that decision for her

Prior to the last scene (see The Ugly below), I thought Tim's interactions with the therapist were reasonably well done; if only therapy was that easy in real life lol

"You've always got a home with me" - I loved this final scene between Lucy and Tamara. I don't really have feelings either way about Tamara at this point, and this still hit me right in the heart.

Smitty's poll made me laugh, but also another solid indicator that these writers / producers do in fact really enjoy laughing at the expense of the fandom and shippers (which, whatever, I don't care that they do, I'd prob do the same; but it does irk me when people act like these writers should be worshipped because of all the things they "give" us)

The Tim

"I'm not depressed. I broke up with her."

"I was her TO." Not her friend, cuz god knows Tim has yet to deal with the fact that he started banging his former Rookie I suppose.

I dunno whether to put this in The Good or The Bad at this point; it depends on where they take it, so instead Tim gets a section all about why he's a dick.

To be clear, I do not like that Tim is a dick. But I actually do kind of like that it is very clear TO THE AUDIENCE that Tim is being kind of a dick. Do I still think people will bend over backwards to defend him? Of course they will.

From my perspective, I love Tim, I understand that he thinks he's doing the right thing, and has lots and lots of trauma. I've never seen Tim as a character that magically healed at some point between Seasons 1 & 5 (please see his storyline with his dad, his ongoing issues with UC work and unwillingness to confront or deal with them, his feelings about therapy historically, his inability to dump Ashley, etc. etc.). He's never been perfect and he doesn't need to be.

All of those things are true. None of those things give him a free pass to be kind of a dick. He still has to take accountability for how he treated Lucy (which, to be clear, was like sh*t).

The Bad

Lucy being petty AF with the invites to Tamara's dinner - let her be ANGRY, but give me villain Lucy over this dumb sh*t.

Lucy having no one other than Grey to talk to.

Others acting like Lucy is actually kind of pathetic (why do these writers love sh*tting on her so much? girl could not be down and kicked any harder at this point) -- Celina / Nolan and the double dumping crap, Lucy thinking Grey paid actors and him telling her she was out of her damn mind

The last interaction between Lucy and Tim. I am so angry for her. I needed to see that from her, but instead it felt kind of like her being dumped / a kicked puppy all over again. We got it, thanks. What's next? Lucy being incredibly happy with the hottest man on earth? I'm here for it tbh. Lucy plotting Tim's murder? Also here for it at this point. LOL.

The Ugly

I could not hate the implication of that final scene with Tim and the therapist and the door shutting more. There was ZERO reason they couldn't have had him show up during the day, and it actually disgusts me that they are pushing this line again, but especially with Tim. I am literally NEVER this dramatic, but in this case I really hope they did that to just get a reaction, because if anything were to actually happen between Tim and the therapist, I'd be 100% done with this ship and show as would a whole lot of the audience (I think). If I kept watching, it would only be to see Lucy be absurdly happy without Tim.

Well, what'd I miss? What did y'all think?

#chenford #the rookie #the rookie spoilers #see lana ramble #no one tell the writers that women can have storylines that are not about BABIES

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

#911 #buddie #anti bucktommy #i guess?? #i dont know #i dont know what to tag this and just hope i dont upset anyone #anti tommy kinard #again i guess #but not really?? #let me know if i need to add any tags:)

[strawburry01]

Pinball Wizard

Summary: Soft lil one shot of you and your boyfriend Angus playing pinball

AN: Fluffy fluff and chill stuff sorry I'm all over the place, but life sometimes be life-ing for the good and the bad. I had someone over and left tumblr open and when I tell you I've never lunged across the room faster to shut a screen....

You stood over a pinball machine, brow furrowed in frustration as the ball once again slid right through the middle of the two paddles. You swore under your breath and hit glass, losing another dollar to the machine. You were waiting for your boyfriend Angus to meet you here after his exam, trying to take his mind off however he scored. Unfortunately you had not planned for him to take so long- or for you to lose so many quarters in the process. You sipped on your bottle of Coke as you leered at the machine, as if it would do anything. Angus was the one who was good at these sorts of things, and you swore he was somehow rigging it everytime. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t sort of into it though watching how serious he got when he leaned over the machine, usually crossing one leg behind the other to get optimal positioning. Ever since you convinced him to start wearing accessories like your rings and necklaces sometimes he’d become a lot more confident in his looks. He always was adjusting his coat sleeves or collar just so people noticed. You’d heard about his time before college and knew he had always been stuck around pretty pretentious people- going to one of those schools where he needed to wear the same uniform as everyone and go to mass everyday twice a day. Personally you would’ve set the place on fire, but he always lied and said he was an angel of a student, to which you would always punch his arm at. College was different, college was better. You were studying chemistry and working a few lab jobs around campus, mostly cleaning beakers and pipetting for hours on end, and he was studying history, working to become a professor eventually. He always said he wanted to teach at Yale or some other Ivy League, but you could see him being a good high school teacher. You’d broached the idea to him once when you were both high and talking about the future, but he got quiet and ended it by saying he’d never be as good as his history teacher. 

Some kid next to you shrieked, snapping you out of your thoughts. 

“Hey hon,” Angus said, appearing next to you, plucking your bottle out of your hand and taking a sip. The circles under his eyes were darker and his voice was tired.

“Exam went that good huh?” you asked as you watched him finish the bottle of soda. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and sighed as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, setting his head on top of ours.

“What gave it away?” he gently laughed, feeling his chest rumble under your cheek as you squeezed him back. He smelled like old weathered books and cigarette smoke. He pressed his lips to your forehead before breaking away and running a hand through his mess of curly hair. “Alright give me some quarters I need to forget that essay,” he said with a small smirk as he tried to reach into your jean jacket pocket for quarters. He grabbed a handful of coins from your pocket and spun to the pinball machine you’d been opposing for the last few rounds. 

“Good luck with that one babe,” you grumbled as you moved to the right side of the machine, leaning against the wall with your hands tucked behind the small of your back. Angus laughed looking down at the lit up board.

“We’ll see about that,” he quipped, the blinking lights of the game lighting up the features of his face. You can only watch in silence as he somehow expertly flicks the bumpers racking up 100’s, 1,000’s, eventually 1,000,000’s of points. 

“How are you so good at this?” you asked from the sidelines, shaking your head. 

“I’m good with my fingers?” he answered without missing a beat or looking away from the game, to which you responded with a gentle smack to the back of his head. He only smirked. “Hey you would know right?” he added, finally drawing his eyes to meet yours. 

“Oh shut it Tully,” you sneered as you pushed yourself off the wall to go get another Coke. Before you could get far you felt his hand wrap around your waist and pull you back. He nestled you right between himself and the machine, holding his hands over yours on the sides, resting his chin on your shoulder. 

“You’re going to make me lose the game Y/N,” he mumbled into your ear, still laser focused on the game, pressing your fingers in to hit the bumpers for him. 

“What if I throw the game for you?” you threatened, hitting the bumpers with your own volition a few times before the ball reached the bottom again. Angus took the second to pinch your hip which caused you to yelp.

“I suggest you don’t try it,”. You smiled to yourself as you settled back, leaning back into his chest as you felt his arms reach out over your own to continue playing, “good girl,” he murmured into your ear as he quickly pecked your cheek as he continued to play.

The fact that this was your life now- the fact that the nerd that sat in the back of the ancient Roman civilizations class was now wrapped around you- STILL more focused on a damn pinball game than you-

“High score,” he muttered under his breath as the screen in front flashed yellow and blue. Sure enough somehow he had really just gotten the high score. 

“Good job babe,” you laughed as he flicked through the letters to spell out your name on the scoreboard.

“Couldn’t have done it without my lucky charm,” he smiled as he placed a kiss on the top of your shoulder before pushing back from the machine and stretching his arms above his head, lifting up the hem of his shirt in the process. Your eyes couldn’t help but wander down to his exposed midsection, a small bit of his tattoo peaking out, “enjoying the view?” he asked as he caught you in the act. You felt your face go red as you tried to open your mouth to defend your way out of this one, but you knew it was hopeless. 

He smirked and pulled you in by the belt loops until you were chest to chest with him, wrapping your arms behind the back of his neck. He was a strong proponent of PDA, and you for once didn’t mind it in a relationship.

“Think I can get lucky again tonight?” he said as his lips brushed yours. You pushed onto the toes of your shoes and kissed his lips, leaving him wanting more as you sunk back down. You slid your hand on top of his jeans, touching his skin under his shirt causing him to suck air in with anticipation.

“I think it’s both of us getting lucky,”. 

#angus tully #angus tully x reader #dominic sessa #college au #the holdovers

[capn-twitchery]

I love your ocs but I fear I am a bit out of touch with some of their lore. how much does Grace know about the red honey fuckery?

thank you sm!! :D♥︎ don't worry--i'm not sure i've actually spoken about this a whole lot!! (plus my lore is scattered around random posts like a ransom note. imagine being organised, couldn't be me)

for context: the two of them are a ridiculously slow slowburn bc neither of them know how to talk about feelings, they go in different directions a lot, twitch's response to Having Feelings (or anything) is to disappear to zee. everything takes forever. there's a summary of their timeline here if you want it !!

ANYWAY to answer:

tl;dr summary: most of the time, nothing! eventually, more than anybody else.

so, for most of the time, grace knows absolutely nothing. nobody does, really--twitch doesn't tell anybody, they don't want to talk about it, nobody sees their face at all.

as far as anyone knows, including grace, twitch's bad memory, lying & inconsistent stories are just a personality quirk. and they get sick sometimes, they just need bedrest & won't be available for a few hours, a day, a couple of days. nobody is allowed to see them.

grace remains mostly unaware for a long time--he has inklings that something is up. once he gets to know twitch better, he can tell they're not themself sometimes. but prying would push twitch away, so he just offers help, if they want company, for their headaches the surgeon mentioned. he'll leave the cabin door unlocked, just in case.

he has no idea how bad the "headaches" are until it's happening right in front of him, once they're close enough for twitch to trust him to that degree. he has no idea why it's happening, but he knows twitch doesn't want to tell him, either. and when they're sobbing in his lap, pleading for something he doesn't understand to stop, begging him to help them tie a blindfold because they don't want him to see their face, it's not exactly the time to pry.

it happens a few times. it never gets easier, and it never gets any clearer. it's not til after grace leaves for the new sequence and comes back that he finally sees their face uncovered. he doesn't connect any dots-whether that's because he genuinely just doesn't make the connection, or because twitch doesn't want him to make a big deal about it, who knows!

while he was gone, twitch starts connecting some dots: something's weird with their memories. they don't know how to process it. they bring it up subtly, ask grace if he knows anything about red honey, and maybe he can figure it out himself. he tells them he does, he learned about it during nemesis, in the palace cage gardens. it still haunts him, sometimes, the prisoners with their crying, the suffering the hollow looking eyes-

the eyes.

everything clicks all at once-twitch's eyes, their headaches, the memory issues, the inconsistencies, the lies. it only gets worse when twitch tells him they're starting to wonder if the memories are all theirs.

oh, god. how could anybody do that to them? who did that to them? but twitch doesn't want him on any kind of revenge mission, they don't even think they remember where the cage garden was, and they don't want to try either. he settles for comforting them the best he can-but what can anyone do to help, really?

at the very least, trusting someone enough to talk about it is a huge weight off twitch's shoulders. grace can help them try to figure out what's going on with their memories, it makes them better at talking to each other. it's not easy, but it helps twitch to move forward-slowly, but surely

#sorry this was an essay i just had lots of thoughts #being so normal about them as always #i hope it's legible i am sleepy but i wanted to answer >:3 thank you so much for giving me the excuse to ramble hehehe #it always means a ton♥ #inquiries #solreefs #londonmusings #grace #twitchery

[fluffydice]

A major problem I think people run into when looking at terusai that might make them dislike the ship is that if you don't have an understanding of their development throughout the series, the relationship is going to seem overly shallow. Teruhashi and Saiki are not static characters, nor are they simple. Both of their growth comes from learning that they are just humans at the end of the day. Teruhashi genuinely starts to like Saiki (and all their friends) because she realizes she's not above it all like she originally thought. Saiki is attracted enough to gasp, but only when she shows this true self of hers! If you stick them together when they're still in their early characters, of course it's going to seem forced. Learning to let characters grow, especially in comedy animes, is hard for a lot of people, especially when it's not an 'in-your-face' kind of thing.

#i'm not really a terusai shipper but i can't stand the slander of it #particularly teruhashi slander because that's what a lot of people default to if they're not arguing saiki as completely romance repulsed #that's a fine headcanon all the more power to you #but when it starts getting misogynistic toward a literal teenage girl? people act like she is the devil but she's just a fucking girl man #i think her and yumehara really encompass that broad spectrum of being a teenage girl #they're friends because they both get the other and also are both freaks because they're girls under social pressure #shoutout to asou for representing teenage girls who are just freaks of nature and insane and obsessed i love them #i had more thoughts and points to make but i'm so brain fried sorry #genuinely it all comes back to the fact that sometimes people don't get what they're not spoonfed in media #saiki k #fluffy writes an essay

[playtwewy]

Thinking about Doki Doki Literature Club after replaying and also with the now added context of knowing more about Tokimeki Memorial from that almost 6 hour video review of it and i think its so good to take the way tokimeki diverges you to other girls while in pursuit of the "main" girl and turn that into a horror story about that girl being so unattainable that the game gives you no option to be with her despite her being the "main" girl. In Game, she is presented as the end goal, the one route that should be the end all be all of the game if you play it right. But the game will never let you have a chance with her. And when she realizes that, she tears everything apart, breaks the game and manipulates the other characters in pursuit of her own route.

But then to the player, the real player, they are only ever playing a Monika route. She is the only finished route in the game. She is the "main" girl of the story. You have no choice. Because DDLC is exactly like Tokimeki Memorial in that you have to meet and talk to the other girls, have them fall a little bit in love with you, but instead of Monika being impossible to romance, she is the ONLY one you can complete. She is the only one you truly get to know and understand. She is the only one you can choose to be with forever if you want. Just her. Just Monika.

In the narrative of the game it is the horror of a character not only realizing they're in a game, but the futility in trying to break free from their role as unattainable. But for the player, or at least for me upon replaying, the horror is in the knowledge that you only have one route, and the tragedy that is at the end of it.

#sorry for writing like an essay i just had thoughts haha #it's not that deep but man it is to me. #i love this game a lot tbh nothing will ever be like the first time i played it lol #protag.txt

[avspol]

soooo i was thinking about avdol again and i feel like he has spent a lot of his life being needed for something. his entire role in stardust crusaders is functional: he provides the others with knowledge about tarot, stand powers and egypt, and the only reason he’s involved in the trip (and the narrative) is because he’s helping joseph (and i think to an extent his entire relationship with joseph is anchored in avdol's role as almost a mentor archetype)

so throwing in a bit of speculation here, and the fact that avdol is clearly driven by a strong sense of morality and duty to help those in need, i imagine that part of his self-worth is based on how useful he can be to people. it’s also visible in the way he presents himself - his entire ‘image’ as a responsible and wise individual could link to his desire to perform to the high standards he’s set himself, so that other people can trust him and rely on him. 

but then polnareff comes along. unlike everyone else in avdol's life, he makes it clear from the very beginning that he doesn’t need avdol - quite the contrary. he rejects any advice or help that avdol offers (because he’s very self-reliant - or at least believes he is - and misinterprets avdol’s concern as being overbearing)

for avdol, who has spent most of his life in the role of mentor and basing his relationships around his usefulness to others, this is going to be not only frustrating but also presumably something of an existential crisis. initially it's going to be difficult to navigate a friendship (or. ummm you know. gay love !) with polnareff. because who is he if he’s not someone to be needed? how is he going to show polnareff that he cares about him if polnareff doesn’t want to rely on anyone?

the thing is - polnareff doesn’t need to need avdol. he wants him to be around simply because he enjoys his presence, and likes him as a person - not because he wants him to do something for him.

over the course of stardust crusaders, i think avdol begins to understand this. eventually he can let his guard down around polnareff, as he no longer has his image of functionality and usefulness to maintain. he's wanted rather than needed for once. because polnareff isn’t expecting anything of him: the only thing that polnareff wants from him is himself

#well hi. avdol essay #mostlyy just thinking out loud here so its pretty speculative #like i know a lot of this is araki just. using him as a plot device but i want to think about him. ok #just. what if avdol was loved for who he was. what thenfnsksmd.dndfjd #sorry if any of this does not actually make sense i wrote most of it in a literal fever when i had covid #I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THE JOSEPH/AVDOL RELATIONSHIP TOO #touched on it very briefly BUT i think theres stuff going on there. not all of it necessarily good #with like...the way joseph treats avdol in general . yknow. however #discussion for another time #WELL ANYWAY if anyone else has thoughts on this or avdol in general pls send an ask or smth i do love to talk about him #extra essay in the tags i guess. unwell #muhammad avdol #avpol #stardust crusaders #meta #izzy.txt

[ruffgem]

a lot of my teachers this year have randomly complimented me on my writing even when the class largely has nothing to do with it and tbh??!??! it's really nice and it makes me want to write more?!?!?!!?!?!

#i thought i was bad at it but i think it's just bc i had to write so many academic essays that i stopped having time for creative writing #but i was shocked today because i had a one-on-one with my painting teacher which was basically my final #it wasn't even a crit just a talk basically about my painting #and i had to submit a write-up in advance about what i learned through the process of that class basically #so anyway when i got to the one-on-one the first thing he did was thank me for the write-up and he was like 'clearly you love writing' #'you're a good writer' #and i was like what!?!?!??!?!? #BECAUSE #im not trying to brag SERIOUSLY but i wrote it really fast and i didn't think it was that crazy #but it meant a lot coming from him because he's probably the most articulate and insightful teacher i've ever had #and also he like has a degree in english LOL #and he said i was a storyteller... so anyway..... i almost cried in the club immediately #well anyway. top ten moments #also my art history professor who i deeply respect wrote a very thoughtful comment on my work today to tell me that she thinks #that i 'have a true talent for written visual analysis' and to 'take her word on it' #BOTH OF THESE MOMENTS?? IN THE SAME DAY?!??!!?! #sorry for 18 paragraphs of bragging but i was truthfully floored #i am always floored when people compliment my writing because lowkey i am hugely insecure about it and feel like i can't articulate shit #like so insecure i cant even write lyrics for songs im like 'i have nothing to write about' man stfu just make shit up its called FICTION #anyway.... #top ten days of my life

[roger-paladino]

making that WF video was like. reminding me how much and how deeply Mo cared for Lee it hurts soo so so bad

#If I had one main critisism of the series its that the arc between them didnt feel completed #Like Mo doesnt get a good death and Lee had a breakdown over it but only on twitter #where up to this point most if not all of what was said on twitter was also said in video descriptions and videos themselves #I do think how Lee acts in the start of s3 is a reflection of how Mo and to an extent seans deaths had affected him. we know that a lot of #that change was actually because of the speaker and the time he was captured by the family #I just think Mo should have been able to have his own send off rather than it being tacked onto Seans death #which completed his story #(I have my own feelings about sean but thats not what this post is about) #as well as being able to get more personal moments with Lee after Mos death sort of how we see some of how Mo was coping with assuming Lee #was dead (it was badly) #anyway I could write a comprehensive essay post but ranting in the tags will do bc only #I care about these two <- insane #I could make several posts about characters from WF i do wish it was finished #its not a perfect series by any means but I do very much love almost everything about it #its kinda like. the perfect length and speed. its good if you want something interesting and bite sized that isnt a time sink like emh or mh #okay im done for real now sorry I have a lot of thoughts and no one asked by I need to speak #.txt

[etoilebinaire]

I've been meaning to ask for your thoughts about Rasha and Alistair but I somehow wrote it down as "Rasha and Zevran" and now I'm curious your thoughts about both variants. at first glance, Rasha/Zevran are a clear nOTP since Rasha is so paranoid and Zevran could very well be an assassin sent after her a la DA:O scenario... but would they be so incompatible? if Rasha knew that Zevran is an assassin from the start, wouldn't there be something... comforting in that knowledge?

You mean the Rasha that ended up with the Iron “nice to meet you im a qunari spy btw” Bull?

(this is the perfect ask thank you so much, a lot of rambling under the cut!)

Just kidding Rasha and Bull were outright hostile towards each other until they were convinced the other wouldn’t kill them on sight anymore and even then they wouldn’t be friendly until months later and they wouldn’t even start to trust the other a little bit until after a big yelling match after the entire demands of the qun nightmare. They got themselves caught in an enemies to colleagues to friends to lovers pipeline, even if the start was a bit one-sided. And I think it would be very similar for Zevran and Rasha. How to put these thoughts on paper. Zevran and Bull are essentially the same person. Listen. They are. The only real differences is different spy training (crows vs. ben hassrath) and that Zevran is younger. I’ll try to describe Rasha’s thought processes a bit because it’s important to get an understanding, but please know that I don’t think they’re healthy etc it’s just that Rasha is not dealing with things well </3. Ok so, three points about Rasha that need to be mentioned: First of all. Saying you’re an assassin/spy/whatever does NOT help. It only means that if you’re upfront about that you’re hiding something much worse. Rasha will find out if you’re an assassin/spy/whatever either way, you don’t have to tell her, you don’t get brownie points for telling her, she will not trust you more, she would have found out either way. She sees through that attempt at gaining her trust immediately. Second of all. Rasha is probably too morally and dutifully bound to kill or send away help if it offers itself. Would she kill Zevran if he was unconscious at her feet after a failed assassination attempt? Only if she didn’t allow herself a chance to think about it. Would she recruit someone from an order trained to assassinate people in her position if she knew that person would be an asset for the inquisition? Yes, if she was confident she could keep an eye on them, even if she would sleep worse for it. If anything, Rasha hates bad resource allocation and management and the inquisition needs all the help it can get. (also.. divine intervention because I as a player would never send a character away) Third of all. Rasha has incurable “I can fix them” disease. She’s an ass and it will take her forever to get over herself and not be mean to someone she doesn’t trust, but once she does.. She applies all the therapy that she doesn’t get to other people god bles. It’s all Shokrakars fault anyway. SHE was the one who got the ragtag group of tal-vashoth together (the Valo-Kas, Rasha’s old mercenary group from before she got dragged along in the inquisition, Rasha didn’t exactly join that group voluntarily but she somehow got stuck there) and THEY all needed therapy and Rasha was somehow the one person most equipped to deliver said therapy. Something about deflecting and being an outsider but still having somewhat of an understanding because of her parents also being tal-vashoth. You don’t need to trust people to still want to help them.

So all of that combined. With Zevran. Spoilers: I do think they make a great match but how it would happen truly depends on how and when and in what context they meet. - If they just happen to be near each other but not interact, Rasha would probably sniff him out as someone who’s a bit too keen on their surroundings, assume he’s an assassin sent to kill her and destroy the inquisition, and leave. This is her thought process with most strangers.   - Do they meet à la DAO after a failed assassination attempt and Rasha was a target? Zevran is dead, she would cut his throat, end of that. UNLESS her brain caught up with her instincts and she thought about it for a second. Then she would interrogate him, find that he’s very willing to give up whoever hired him, be annoyed at his flirtation attempts, and then accept his request to let him live and join their group. She’d absolutely 24/7 keep an eye on him and not eat food that was in his vicinity and have a constant guard on him and generally be awful. It wouldn’t be fun for any of them, but at least Rasha would have a focus for her paranoia, Zev would live, and their group would have another person to fight alongside them. Resource allocation. Zevran is pretty honest about most of his experience as a crow, and one would think there’s some comfort in that for Rasha. However, him being honest could also be a lie and then it’d just be a manipulation technique to get closer to her and let her get her guard down and she will not fall for that!!!! So her paranoia would get in the way there. The real comforting thing about Zev is that his go-to technique does not work on Rasha. She isn’t moved by flirtation and it’s pretty clear that that’s Zevs usual manipulation/deflection/distraction. I don’t think Rasha would lower her guard around him for a second.

Eventually, I do think they’d exchange assassin techniques and Rasha would be intrigued (and disgusted) by how the crows work. They would bond over being dual wielding bisexual assassins who deeply regret some of their kills. Remember, nr. 3, Rasha does have incurable “I can fix them” disease and she’s all for leaving oppressive regimes so she would absolutely encourage Zevran to leave the crows. It wouldn’t be until she can smell Taliesens blood that she actually entertains the thought of trusting Zevran, but you know, small steps. (I’m assuming, btw, that Zev wouldn’t try to assassinate Rasha unless he was still with the crows no matter the timeline here. This isn’t necessarily DAO with Rasha as warden but what a thought that is. Sten would still be in that cage. Rasha and Shale would be unstoppable together. Rasha would be like “we don’t have time for this there’s a blight to stop” every other mission while still trying to help everyone.) All Rasha’s friends are people who left the qun and are dealing with trauma from that so Zevran would fit right in. Again, they would bond over regretting past kills and I think in convincing Zev that he will have to live with that, Rasha would convince herself that she can live with it as well. Rasha’s true personality really shines through when she tries to help people, and it becomes apparent that she’s actually a kind person. I think that if you look at the bigger picture and her decisions, it already is apparent she’s quite compassionate but she surely doesn’t see it that way and on a small scale she’s usually not very nice, which is what people typically see. Anyway, I think Zevran is a good judge of character and would probably see through that all pretty quickly. Rasha wouldn’t trust him until after him leaving the crows, and even then it’d take some time, but I think they would get along very well after that. As I said, bisexual dual wielding assassins with a past they’re trying to not be traumatized from. Rasha still wouldn’t respond to flirtation because that’s just not her thing. But it very much is Zevrans thing and once Rasha realizes he’s maybe serious and he maybe IS offering she’d be like aight . And then she’d fall like a fucking avalanche. Listen. It takes her a LONG time to warm up to people, like a LONG time, but then it’s down in the deep and there’s no return. It’s like a switch in her brain and it is melted to the metal frame once it flips over. And then eventually Zevran would realize he caught feelings and freak out about it, around the same time Rasha would realize she caught feelings and freak out about it, and maker help the people around them. Zevran’s coping mechanism with being scared is becoming distant but Rasha straight up gets angry when she’s scared. Eventually she would see that Zevran’s scared, realize that she’s scared, and then be like “wait if YOURE scared and IM scared then who’s driving the bus”. She’d sit them both down and be like “there’s no use in us being scared of each other like this we should either be scared together or not be scared at all” and she’d be SO pragmatic about it that it would probably break any potential objection Zevran could think of and then they’d get together.

And they would be amazing together. They would be so annoying. They would call their weapons sexy all the time and do lockpick challenges that Rasha always wins and be SO loud and then deny all plausibility in the morning with a straight face. Rasha would suffer through Antivan poetry if Zevran suffers through Rasha’s spells where she overanalyses the seating arrangements in bars and accuses 5 seemingly random patrons of being shady (she’s right about 4 of them). They have at least 10 knives between the both of them at all times. They would be absolute menaces to their friends with PDA cause Zevran thinks that’s hilarious and Rasha would go along with it to see him smile. Also, Rasha would absolutely love destroying the crows from inside out and she’d excel at it too. No way she’s leaving that all to Zev. Rasha would do well in Antiva. Zevran would not do well in the Frostbacks. Rasha would obviously still get bouts of paranoia about everything including herself and Zevran and their relationship and I don’t think Zevran would know how to handle that and he’d just laugh it off, but if Rasha has any semblance of a support network she’d be fine eventually. Otherwise, they would work extremely well together.

- Do they meet during DAI where Zevran is an ex-crow and wants to help the inquisition? Then he’d be like any other companion and Rasha would be on his ass all the time and distrust him and take a long time to warm up to him (see point 1, Zev saying he’s an (ex) assassin doesn’t help). I think she’d test him a lot, see if he actually does just want to help without any agenda, see if she could sneak up on him without him noticing, see just how observant he is, see how much she could poke before she gets met with the sharp end of a knife. Again, flirting doesn’t work on Rasha so there go 80% of Zevs manipulation/deflection techniques. And again, they’ll eventually bond over being dual wielding bisexual assassins who are trying very hard to not let their past define them. Considering everything, Zevran is pretty well-adjusted so he would “pass” most of Rasha’s inane tests, then they’d hesitantly become friends and eventually they could grow close just like in the scenario above. TLDR: Rasha and Zevran are an OTP disguised as a NOTP just like Rasha and Bull. Rasha would be extremely standoffish to Zevran until he ��proves’ himself in her eyes and she feels she can trust him somewhat, and then she’d immediately fall in love. Rasha is actually very compatible with the very people she mistrusts the most. -----

That was most of it I promise. Rasha and Alistair is a lot shorter. They definitely wouldn’t match as well as Rasha and Zev. - In a DAI scenario, where Alistair is either king or warden, I don’t think they’d really talk a lot. Rasha would be impressed with his achievements during the blight/his reign as king, but that’s about it. In most scenarios I don’t think they’d catch each others eye either. - In a DAO-ish scenario, where they’re forced to work together and Alistair is around that point in his life.. Rasha would be somewhat empathetic to Alistair struggling with his family, and him missing Duncan, and him not wanting to be king etc. I don’t think Alistair would trigger her paranoia in any significant way. I mean, look at him. He’s kind and overly genuine and even if he does turn out to be dangerous, Rasha could easily kill him before he would even realize what is going on. I don’t think Rasha would be drawn to him aside from her “I can fix them” disease where she’ll try to make him deal with his family/Duncan situation better. They don’t really share a sense of humor and she’d think he was a coward rather than endearing (I am so sorry Alistair I hate to say it). I also genuinely don’t know if Alistair would like Rasha. If they had to work together Rasha would try to be nice. But Rasha can be a little scary with how easily she kills and how violent she is. Plus if he ever stops to think, he’d realize she never shares anything about her own family or past, which is kinda weird? And then he’d ask and then she’d make sure he never asks again by subtly but firmly threatening him. HOWEVER. Alistair has that great thing where he does fall for anyone being kinda nice to him. At least in case of the warden (it’s always a surprise for me when I accidentally trigger his romance please send help). So potentially he could develop a crush on Rasha? Now that wouldn’t go over well. She wouldn’t reciprocate, mostly cause Alistair is just not her type, but also because she wouldn’t believe his affection to be genuine. This is where her paranoia would play up again. Rasha would absolutely think she manipulated him into liking her (she didn’t) and overcompensate by showing him how much of a bad person she is (she isn’t). Like the rose scene in DAO. If he would’ve given a rose to Rasha with a spiel about beauty in darkness and how nobody is grateful enough for all her work she’d question his sanity. THEN she’d be like ‘oh no I manipulated this poor chantry boy into thinking I’m a love interest’, then she’d show him why she isn’t a love interest. Thing #4 about Rasha I realized while typing this: she genuinely believes she’s a bad person (even though all her actions tell differently, it’s her paranoia) and knows that she’s capable of manipulating people, and I think she’d be really scared of manipulating her friends and allies? Which is why she generally prefers to be friends with headstrong people who aren’t that susceptible to manipulation. Which is also why while her paranoia gets triggered around spies, she actually gets along with them very well because they have inside knowledge of manipulation so they have a one-up on her. Like, she might not trust them but she might trust herself more around them, if that makes sense. It probably doesn’t, Rasha’s way of thinking isn’t sensible anyway and I’m bad at explaining it. Anyway, I’m not saying Alistair has a malleable mind, but Rasha sure would think he does, and that would be enough to make her kind of steer clear of him.

#THANK YOU for asking Karolina I was so so so so excited when I read this ask in particular #I had Thoughts about Zev and Rasha before. and you nailed it with your description #they seem like a bad match at first glance but theyre actually really compatible #zev and rasha would work very well together in every way. bull and taylor would be platonic but theyd be BESTIES #I could write an entire other essay about those two #this zev/rash/ali essay isnt coherent or anything its just me rambling for 2.5k words #but I enjoyed writing this a lot!!!!!!! Rasha my beloved Im so glad this was a chance to talk about her more #and while writing I could actually put to words what I already knew about her as a character?? #like writing it out makes it more concrete. and makes it easier to make connections etc #anyway im sorry this took me like a month you know how it is #thank you for your patience and your asks!!!! I love it 💕 #Rasha Adaar #dragon age

[birdy-bird27]

Man every year the Truman show ages like fine wine

#the truman show #Truman show #I feel teary eyed at the end #I’m not sure how to explain it #but man I can just eat this movie and get into the juicy meats #so much to analyze here #it can be a reflection of the human spirit #criticizing the entertainment industry and how it exploits people #all sorts of stuff I can jdut talk about #though I’m sure my thoughts are surface level there had to be really good essays on this movie #sorry I like to watch it every year I love it a lot it hold a soft spot in my heart

[meovelous]

Malear's va is really bringing the 'waiter at olive garden coming up to take an order only to get dragged into a family argument of 1000 yrs worth of self esteem and resentment to be a neutral 3rd party/therapist' energy

#'the somniel fell but didn’t know the bracelet loose. must be frustrating' was so fucking flat #he is so funny #fell xenologue spoilers #the storys kinda flat tbh #makes sense since its pretty short and they decided to focus the plot on 2 new chara instead of our evil friends #but the weird obsession on cramming a twist towards the end makes it so much more convoluted for no reason #like they're all dead twist was pretty good and evil nil was pretty obvi but the crammed in nil is actually rafal who took real nils place #and the mind control thing was just uneeded #like does the whole nil rafal rlly matter? especially if all the writers wanted was to have an inferiority complex plotline #real nil and nel are twins but rafal whos another non twin brother who just rlly looks like nil who had his own twin #like tell me that's not unnecessarily complicated #the mind manipulation is also not needed since again #the inferiority complex would've done the conflict on its own #nel also doesn’t need to know everything #like her knowing the everyone's corrupted twist is understandable but her knowing it was rafal all along just lessens the drama #and you cannot convince me mr 'i cant be expected to know the names of all my kids' sombron knew about the rafal switch #nel knowing mightve been unnecessary but understandable #but SOMBRON knowing?? #sorry for the long ass essay in the tags but i have a lot of thoughts #it wasn't rlly bad but i def liked the main story better esp when the best parts were about our evil friends giving hints on what their #world was like in a only a few lines in the chap they appeared in and special battle dialogue #honestly if the xenologue was gonna be that length it prob would've been better to have the new char as supporting ones #and not be the main plot #or just cut down on the twists have the nil/rafal or the mind manipulation not both #fire emblem engage spoilers #fire emblem engage art #my art #fe alear #fe nil #fe rafal

[noisytenant]

i think the world is so much more beautiful and safe-feeling when you think about the things that people find scary and confusing and uncomfortable and sit with them for a while.

i think a lot of us worry that we will be consumed by badness, corrupted in some way if we take the merest look, but i don’t think that’s how it works.

there are always more things cast in shadow, but my life is much better for not treating certain topics as untouchable on principle. i feel more lucid, in control, and generally “bright” for allowing my curiosity to take me where it leads. and in believing in my own ability to take care of myself and behave as a moral actor, rather than viewing myself as potential prey to a great unseen evil, i have been affirmed of my moral philosophy and character with a level of security i never felt before. i hope others can experience this liberation in their own ways.

#indexed post #Sorry if this is vaguely worded but it kind of refers to like everything #Just. Anything you think is scary and untouchable. Asking ‘How bad could it be? Is there an entry point to penetrate its monolithic status?’ #I can say specifically that like the severity and frequency of aggressive and violent intrusive thoughts— #which i have had for literally my whole life— #have diminished nearly entirely. Not to say i don’t have moral OCD but it is a lot more manageable and.. like… Nuanced. #It feels less like OCD is a malignant disorder upon me and more like a way of living and being that can be painful but also Okay #So yeah… Spreading the word… I mean I could talk about like strategies for doing this but also idk it varies. #Maybe someday ill finish my essays on such topics and publish them for real

[tramontane-fire]

when I was young, I read stories and articles by TCKs and people who grew up as immigrants, and their struggles and feeling ashamed of their traditions and culture and language in the pressure cooker of mainstream western society

And I just didn't get it, mainly because I thought it would be so cool to have something like that, to be the most recent iteration of traditions stretching back thousands of years, to eat food that your grandparents taught you how to cook, to speak a second language at home.

Or even to just be a native of a particular region of the US, where I live. To have pride in your Appalachian roots or your Ozark lineage, to trace your family back to immigrants who settled in Boston or New York or Chicago. To speak with a distinctive accent and regional slang, and have certain foods that just remind you of home no matter where you go.

Because I never had anything even close to that. Grew up in a white-bread cultureless suburban household, the child of a military brat and a person who moved around almost as much as I later would. My accent is an unholy matrimony of central/south Texas, the midwest, a bit of northeast slang, but I mostly talk like I'm on NPR because having an accent that fades in and out depending on who you're with and your emotional state and the weather is embarrassing. I like the south but I'm a vegetarian who's never touched a gun. I liked the midwest but it was surprisingly homophobic. I liked the northeast but the winters wiped me out. Everywhere I go, it feels like an extended visit, not home. So many change-of-address forms, so many new DLs, so many forwarded mail stickers. Never local, always visiting. Always a stranger, the patchwork quilt of a person with no past.

Hell, I never even know how to answer the question, "Where are you from?"

#life spam #random thoughts #i'm sorry if a lot of this reads as very white #i do not mean to make light of the immigrant experience #y'all face horrible prejudice #and I am well aware of that #this is just a sort of a dump of some thoughts I've had over the years #and one of those thoughts I had as I read #I think it was an essay by Amy Tan? #about growing up in the US as a Chinese American person #was that it was really strange that she was so embarrassed by all the chinese food her mom cooked #because it all sounded delicious #and if someone invited me over for a traditional dinner like that #i'd be stoked to share in their culture #because I have none of my own #apologies if I offended anyone

[keybladewieldernier]

You know, most of the time my fics rarely get read by a lot of people, which is fine, because once in a while I'll get a comment that says 'this is beautiful', 'I related a lot to this', 'You portrayed the characters so well/I loved how you interpreted them,' it's like....yeah

This is why I share fics, to see them resonate with people in the way it resonates with me. The amount of hits or kudos or comments doesn't matter, when at the end of the day it had an impact on someone. Even if it's just one person, that matters.

And I'll continue to share for that future one person.

#em talks #fandom #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 writer #anyway someone left an essay on a tbhk fic I wrote that had me crying as much as they claimed to have been crying aksfdla #like I was so nervous posting that specific fic and thought about deleting it right after I hit publish #so to see it resonate that much??? #idk man I can't do the fandom thing much because my anxiety is insane and so much of fandom these days feels like it's on discord #which sucks because that's like THE social anxiety hellscape for me #so I always feel so disconnected from it all that sometimes I wonder why I share anything at all #but then I get a comment and it's like #oh yeah for this #idk sorry for ranting I'm just feeling a lot rn

[wings-of-angels]

The executive dysfunction is going hard today 😔

#vent tw #I NEED TO WRITE TWO ESSAYS IVE LITERALLY ALREADY HAD 4 WEEKS TO DO IT #i have only just finished gathering the quotes for one of them #i havent even properly planned it out #cos i NEED to plan out an essay thoroughly otherwise i cant organise my thoughts well enough #uGGGHHH #brain static #i mean i dont NEED to plan it out #like in timed essays i just fuckin go for it cos i know i have to and its okay if its not perfects #but when i dont have that time constrait and anxiety its like brain no work #AHHHGGGGHGJGH #i should probably go to the library cos then i'll be in an environment i can better concentrate in #cos IK being in bed is not helping #but im tired and the library is 30 mins away #which yeah yeah isnt a lot but #the whole process of getting dressed. probably making a lunch to take with me. putting myself in the mindset to do that and go out. #then id have to walk back afterwards when im already rlly tired #sorry this is such a small task but it takes energy i dont have #and i either switch between being incredibly impulsive when i want to go out #or needing to plan it out and take time to accept them as my plans #and currently im on that second option #also i have sensory issues surrounding clothing #like idk im fine wearing different clothing outside most of the time?? but at home i cannot wear anything other than certain trousers #which are old and the colours faded and not outside trousers #and like idk i cant relax in other clothes #which i think is only a problem cos im okay with not being relaxed in public i am literally never relaxed #so thats just an added thing i dont notice as much #but if im at home where i want to relax then i cant wear certain clothes cos it feels unbearable #and rubs against my skin wrong like my skins crawling #my point being like.. i dont want to get dressed if i end up not even going out :///