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rebeltarot · 3 months

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FUTURE SPOUSE ➕ VDay Special - Love Letter from your Future Spouse

“I was, and I remain, utterly and completely and totally in love with you.”

[3 piles] ・ [5 decks] ・ [29-39 cards for each pile] ・ [letters, quotes, songs]

Hello friends! It's almost Valentine's Day, and I am so excited to share this Special with you. What are your plans for this Valentine's Day? Are you spending it with a cherished person, your friends, or are you your own Valentine this year? Definitely let me know. I love holidays that bring people together which is why I dedicated a reading for it. Enjoy.

Painting: Diana and Cupid - Pompeo Batoni (1761)

Helpful Links: How to choose your pile ➕ Request a reading

18+ only - This is not a blog for minors. Warnings: Some piles have sexual innuendos.

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 01 ➕

Disclaimer: All Tarot readings on this blog are meant for entertainment purposes only. My Pick-a-card readings are based on my knowledge of the tarot and my intuition. Tarot is a divination tool and should not be considered a replacement for medical or professional guidance. It is not intended to be used as such, and any choices made in response to my readings are your own responsibility. All interpretations are speculative, and whether you believe in it is your choice. Readings are for self-reflection purposes only; take what resonates, and leave the rest. My readings are timeless unless stated otherwise.

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

B, L, A, I, N, E, H, blank, 11:33, 11

Quote: Even if the stars fail to shine and the moon refuses to light up the world, I know I have nothing to fear. I have my guardian angel to look after me, care for me and love me forever and always. I love you!

Song: Love Me More - Sam Smith

LOVE LETTER FROM YOUR SPOUSE

Cards: Dear, Always by your side, I want to start a family with you, I am open to compromise, I have an offer for you, I am lost without you, It was always you, My nerves have been getting the best of me, Yeah nah, We have known each other in other lifetimes, I left because you told me to, I was in denial, You have so many choices and options, Make space for it, dance with me make me sway, I like it like that, destined, you cam to me at a time when my heart was selective, I'm a slave for your love, You don't own me, I don't wanna play no games, New beginnings, Feminine moon, Childhood, Wealth, Support, Ego death, Tower moment, Crush, Evil eyes

Hello, Pile 01, and welcome to your reading. How are you spending this Valentine's Day? Your spouse has a message for you, enjoy!

Dear Pile 01,

To us, distance is nothing. You’re right here in my heart, and I love you more than ever. It's impossible to put into words how much I love you or to describe how you make me feel, but that doesn't stop me from trying. You are my home, the person I trust with everything. There is no one else I would rather start a family with. It could just be you and me, or mini versions of us as well. I am more than willing to compromise with you because, at the end of the day, you are all I need and want. And I am not embarrassed to say that I need you, because I do. You, to me, are a want that turned into a need. There is no going back after knowing you. I can't possibly deny myself the magic that is loving you, so I have an offer for you, and that is my love, my devotion, and my forever. It could all be yours; you just have to say the word. I am lost without you, and there is just no one else who could even compare. It has always been you. You. You. You. Lately, my nerves have been getting the best of me. Could you tell? Did you feel my anxiety? I hope not. But if you did, I find solace in our connection. Your energy feels like home. It's like history has threaded us together and made us one. I know you. And I have known you for lifetimes. I apologize for having left you. It wasn't easy, but I respected your wishes. Honestly, I was just so afraid of your rejection that I cowardly believed you when you said I should go. I was in denial. It's intimidating to see how many people see what I see in you. How many other people are willing to risk it all for you! I can't claim to not understand, though, because here I am doing the same. Your light and your energy are just impossible to ignore and unsee. But I am working on myself. I am actively making space for you and us.

There is just no one who does it like you do. Your energy and your eyes compel me to do things I had never considered before. You are the only person—no, angel—that can ever make me sway. For you, I'll second-guess everything. For you, I'll leave everything. And I like it like that. I wouldn't change it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You have so much power over me, but I trust you. You could do anything you wanted and ask for the world, and I would give it to you. But I know that, despite everything, you will never hurt me. No, you would never take advantage of me. With you, I am safe. And with me, you are safe. We are destined, my love. There is no way around us. When we met, I was selective with the people in my life, but you just made your way into my world effortlessly. Like it was nothing. Like there wasn't any wall built around my heart. It's as if you have always belonged. And you are right; you have. I am a slave to your love. But although I am bound to you, I am still free. There is nothing about you that makes sense, and simultaneously, you are the answer to every question I have. I want to be crystal clear with you. It's you. And I have no intention to play any games or make our journey any harder. You don't have to prove yourself to me. You are enough just the way you are and exactly as you come.

I want a new beginning for us. I dream of a fresh start with you. You are my counterpart, and we are connected in every realm possible. I feel you, always. I understand you, always. I feel honored to see every side of you, and I am so blessed to learn about the wonder of the world that is you. You are a person who is so rich and abundant and so full of life that I just can't stay away from you, ever. I want to help you and support you through everything. For you, I would take on the hardest challenges and the scariest obstacles out there. If it helps you, soothes you, or even puts a smile on your face, there is nothing that could stop me from jumping without being afraid of falling. I am there for you, always. I am around you every second of the day. Because, darling, I love you. I would die a thousand deaths for you. Whatever you need me to do or whatever you need me to be, just say the word. Nothing will ever tear us apart. I love you so much that even Cupid is jealous.

Always by your side, your future spouse.

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 02 ➕

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

P, E, N, T, T, O, O, C, 11:40, message/dm, sirens

Quote: I want to drown with your lips, in the ocean of our kiss.

Song: Lemonade - Internet Money, Gunna, Don Toliver, NAV

LOVE LETTER FROM YOUR SPOUSE

Cards: My dream come true, With all my love, I respect you, Let me hold you, I am absolutely in love with you, I am coming trust, I am healing my broken heart, You light up my life, Love is not fair, I have been distracted, Yeah nah, We have known each other in other lifetimes, I am lost without you, I was always you, I talk about you a lot, You are too far away, If I follow you I could lose everything, We are from two different worlds, Clarity of mind, You make me want to do better and try harder, You like me mad you think it's funny, I hear your messages in songs, Baby would you ever want to be my girlfriend, You touch me like no other, Sexual energy, Who do you love, Follow me into the dark break up a piece of your heart, I'm facing my truth, Do you want me the way I want you, Masculine Sun, Trust, Helplessness, Clash, Unwanted change, True love, Power, Child:wounded, Trauma, Confession

Hello, Pile 02, and welcome to your reading. How are you spending this Valentine's Day? Your spouse has a message for you, enjoy!

My dream come true,

I want to get drunk in your skin, as it glistens drops of love, pouring from our sin. You are the essence of life for me. I respect you. Your thoughts, your ideas, your words, your willpower, and your intelligence. All of you! I am yearning for you; please, just let me hold you. I am absolutely and irrevocably in love with you. Darling, soon. Soon I'll be able to hold you, touch you, and breathe in your scent. I am coming; trust me. There is nothing that would ever be strong enough to keep me away from you. I am healing myself so I can be there for you wholeheartedly. My heart was broken before, but for you, I'll risk another heartbreak. For you, I'll even risk my life. Because you, my dearest of all, light up my life, my entire world, even. Although love might not be fair, when it comes to you, I'll give up everything without asking for anything in return. Lately, I have been all over the place and distracted, and I apologize. Although that is true, and although I am healing and hurting; my mind, my heart, and my energy, all of me still can't stay away from you. We have known each other for lifetimes. You are no secret to me, and I am no secret to you. Without you, I am lost. You are my guiding light, and you are the sole reason why I am finding my way back to myself. You are my only motivation and my only inspiration. It was always you, my love. There is no confusion here. No matter our pasts, it all eventually leads to us. That is the only logical conclusion. The only thing that makes sense. You and me. I talk about you often, you know. I tell everyone and everything about the wonder that is you. But you are still so far away from me. Following you could cost me everything I have. You and I are from two different worlds. Worlds that are not compatible. And although it's everything I have known thus far, I will abandon it instantly. I will sacrifice everything so I can be with you. Because you clearly do not understand that everything I have had is just a fraction of everything that you are. I am not losing. With you, I am only winning. So no, I am not sad about it. And no, I will never regret it. This is something that I will never question, and believe me, I'll make the same choice over and over again. With you, there is no confusion, no doubt, just clarity. Wherever you are is my home.

You make me want to do better. You inspire me to grow, to change, and to open myself up and be vulnerable. I am an intimidating person, but to you, that means nothing. You just laugh when I get mad because you think it's funny. And because you trust me. My god, your trust is just as sweet as honey. It's worth all the gold in the world. It's worth all that I have. We are connected, always. Even if I am not in your life right now, I can still hear your messages. You are in everything that surrounds me, but especially in the songs I hear. You are in the lyrics that capture my attention and in the melodies that move me to tears. It was never hard for you to reach my heart, because for you, there are no barriers. With you, I am open and vulnerable. Would you ever consider being with me? It's a silly question, right? But will you be my Valentine? forever? Until we both lose our breath and beyond that? Everything pulls me toward you. Like a magnet, I always find myself around you, touching you, kissing you, and pleasing you. No one heats me like you do. One simple touch and I am a puddle, water bending at your command. I have never experienced such an attraction before. I am a composed person, hardly shakable. But it takes one single look—the tiniest microexpression—and I am ready to go. I am ready to worship. Who do you love? Is it me? Will you choose to spend the rest of your life by my side? I am aware of other energies. And I have to admit that it startles me. It scares me. The slightest possibility of losing you instills fear within me that rattles my bones. Nothing, absolutely nothing, in existence puts me in as much fear as the idea, the tiniest thought, of losing you. Are you as deeply in love as I am? I want you to be. I want to touch your heart as much as you touch mine. I want to make your body ache for me as much as my body aches for you. Let's get entangled in our passion and stay here forever. I want—no, I need your love. Do you want me the way that I want you? When you are in love, in true, deep love, there is no way around facing yourself. And I am facing my truth right now, so I can be the best version of myself. You don't deserve any less than that.

I want to be strong for you. I want you to be able to rely on me. I want to provide for you. Your trust—it's the only thing I need in this life. No, your love. It's my life elixir. I am helpless without you. We're just like fire melting into ice, and I love the way that we collide. I'm pitch black, drowning’ in your light, and you are the only one who can put me in my place. You are the only person who can set my whole world on fire. My equal. And I would not have it any other way. I know that our paths to each other lead through loss and tears. You have to let go of something to be with me, just as I have to let go of everything to be with you. It's a change that neither of us asked for, but if it leads us to each other, if it leads us to true love, isn't it worth it? You are so breathtakingly powerful. A force to be reckoned with. The entire world trembles to see your beauty, your power, and your intelligence. You are the only person I trust, the only person who will ever know me for everything that I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's all yours. There is no point in hiding it; you see through me so effortlessly.

With all my love, Your future spouse

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 03 ➕

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

S, U, R, E, B, E, U, I, blank, 11:47, sirens

Quote: I want to make love with my tongue, and whisper kisses, through your mind, until your body comes, undone- Body language.

Song: LAW - Yoon Mirae, BIBI

LOVE LETTER FROM YOUR SPOUSE

Cards: My cherished, Devotionally yours, I don't think I ever truly knew you, I left because you told me to, I hold back because I don't want to be rejected, Other opinions have clouded my vision, I don't want to lose you, Definitely, My surroundings don't approve, I need more time, I was a fool, We are too different, I'm ready, I think we should slow down, It's ok to feel feelings, I hope we can love through the pain after the honeymoon fades, I wanna marry those eyes, Sexual energy, I don't understand, You don't own me, Baby would you ever want to be my girlfriend, don't be scared I ain't afraid, Love making, Judgement, Surprise, Withdrawal, Tower Moment, Support, Privilege

Hello, Pile 03, and welcome to your reading. How are you spending this Valentine's Day? Your spouse has a message for you, enjoy!

My cherished Pile 03,

If there is a parallel universe, I will fight through the stars to find you. Darling, I don't think I ever truly knew you. I don't think I will ever truly know you. You are the entire cosmos, ever-changing, and it will take lifetimes, if not forever, to discover everything that makes you you. I am sorry that I left. I turned away from you and us because you told me to. And I hold back because I don't want to be rejected. Losing you once has nearly broken me; I don't think I'd be able to survive another time. There is so much noise around us. There are so many opinions and so many views that have clouded my vision. I am confused. I don't want to lose you. ever. I exist, so I can live on a planet graced by your presence. Just knowing that you are alive and well keeps me going, and it makes life worth living. Your presence humbles me to the point where just breathing the same air as you feels like a blessing. There are people in my life who are jealous of our connection. People who do not approve of us being together. I need more time to sort out all the thoughts in my head. So many doubts have been planted in my mind that I need space to clear out the clutter that clouds my vision. I was a fool. Such a fool! I regret hurting you. I loathe that I was the cause of your hurt, the cause of your tears. We are so different, yet we get along so well. I am ready for you, darling, but I think we need to take things slow. Rushing into it will only hurt us. It's okay to feel your feelings. Love, true love, evokes so many emotions in us. It makes us feel deeply, and it makes us hurt deeply too.

I hope that we can love through the pain, even if our honeymoon fades, even once you take off your rose-colored glasses. Your eyes. Oh my god, your eyes. I want to marry them. You bring me to my knees with your gaze. I have never met a person before who had me in a chokehold like you. I don't understand it, and it confuses me. When you look at me with your beautiful and hypnotizing eyes, I'll say yes to anything. Whatever you want, it's yours. You don't own me, not yet. I am not yours, and you are not mine. But would you be my forever person? Would you marry me? I know it feels like a big commitment, one that might scare you. But it doesn't scare me; it never will, because I trust you. I yearn for you deeply and passionately. I imagine us making love. I imagine you, naked, looking into my eyes and screaming my name. Don't judge me, please. I just can't help it. The pull you have on me is just as surprising for me as it is for you. I might be withdrawing right now, but it's because I need to collect my power and my energy, so I am ready for the change that is you. For the new beginning and world that you promise. I want you; I crave you. It's primal. I want to support you, I want to be strong for you, and I want to earn the privilege that is your love.

Devotionally yours, Your future spouse.

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

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bluetimeombre · 4 months

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──•~❉᯽❉ Third times the charm

Tom and you met over zoom whilst auditioning for your roles in the ballad of songbirds and snakes. Instant attraction and the chemistry was off the charts, everyone could see it, even you two fools. In every interview you did, as co-stars, as best friends and finally, as a couple…

(from me: hi, sorry, I’m dying for Tom Blyth content so I made so myself. I can't bring myself to write y'/n so i'm just going with 'you.' But I wrote it so you're british, oops. This is also to make up for choosing timmy in the 'call it what you want to' series, for the tom girlies, enjoy!)

──•~❉᯽❉~•──

' How well do the stars of Ballad of songbirds and snakes know each other? - Vanity Fair. '

Tom, you and Josh sat together in the Vanity Fair studio. While Tom kept his cards close to his chest (literally), you and Josh waited anxiously. You were sure you would win though, even Josh was sure you would win. Tom and you had spent almost every day together all year. People in the studio- who had only caught a ten minute glimpse of your friendship- knew your souls were made together.

'First question,' said Tom, pulling the cards back further. 'What is my biggest fear?'

Josh slapped his knee in frustration and you slumped in your chair, laughing to yourself. You must know, surely. 'Mine is gonna be, probably, a little bit more shallow,' said Josh before you could even make a guess.

You rose your brows focusing on a specific point on the floor. 'Shallow?'

Tom rested a hand on your shoulder, giving it a squeeze. His lips were tilted in a fond smile at her concentration. 'You ok?' he laughed, 'you know this- you've got this.'

'No, I do know this, you've told me,' you say.

'You've told her?' gasped Josh.

'I've probably told you!' said Tom. He seemed completely absent minded over the fact he was still holding onto your shoulder, massaging it gently.

'Ok, I think it's- ironically- snakes. That's my guess.' Finally, you breath and cross your legs over.

'Interesting. Josh?' he asked, taking his hand from you. (Maybe eagle eyed fans would see the way his hand flexed at his side, just under the chair. And maybe twitter would blow up with the Mr Dracy like move.)

'I was gonna say mountain lions.'

You and Tom laughed. 'That's more shallow?'

'In what way is that more Shallow?' Tom laughed.

Josh gesture wildly to you. 'I thought you were gonna say something more conceptual.'

'Oh sorry,' you apologise.

Josh leant back on his chair. 'Yea, you should be.'

Tom finished writing on the card. 'So, it was my childhood fear, which I've obviously gotten over but it was-' he turned the card, revealing his scribble. 'Snakes.'

'Yes!' you cheered. 'I knew it!'

'I think it's because I used to watch a lot of Indiana Jones as a kid and because he was afraid of snakes, I think it transferred on to me,' he explained.

'Makes sense,' you shrugged.

'Cool people are afraid of snakes,' Tom agreed.

'And mountain lions,' added Josh, causing your cheeks to heat up with laughter. There was probably nobody who could be so nonchalant in how he makes you laugh.

'Point to you!' cheered Tom, holding up his hand. Quickly you high-fived him and held his hand for a flickering moment before moving on.

'What is my go-to karaoke song?'

You were safe to say, gob-smacked. You swivel in your seat, eyes wide. 'You have a go-to karaoke song?'

He stares at you, just as shocked at your surprise. 'We all do.'

'We do?' you asked. 'Then what the hell is Josh's?' you turn to him, curious.

'9 to 5, Dolly Parton,' he said, seriously. But even that got you cracking up.

'I expect one of you to know this,' said Tom, scribbling his song choice.

'Oh, no pressure then,' you said.

'We went to karaoke all the time.'

'Yes but I don't remember all the song,' you fold your arms over your chest, chewing down on your lips.

'Oh no,' Josh hunched over and you pat his back, mumbling to yourself. 'I feel like- I wanna say it was some punk-rock thing.'

'Do you want a clue?' Tom offered.

'Yes!' Josh.

'No!' You.

'Ok, not then,' said Tom, deciding.

'Wait, no, that's not fair,' Josh complained, 'I want a clue.'

Tom shrugged, holding out his arms. 'Boss said.'

'Yea I don't know why I said that,' you laugh, still thinking. You remember him singing to you, in your trailers or hanging out on set. He or you would strum a guitar and sing together. But karaoke?

'Mambo number 5,' Josh announced.

'Mambo number 5,' Tom checked.

Your brows scrunched up. 'That's punk rock?'

Josh looked at you, then remembered what he was saying. 'No, i'm gonna change mine to all the small things.'

'Ok, your guess?' asked Tom, nudging you.

'Oh I don't know,' you shrug, 'Sexy back, Justin Timberlake.'

'Close!'

'I was close?' you gasp, jumping up in your seat.

'It was,' he shows the card. 'Senorita, Justin Timberlake.'

You and Josh laughed together.

'I don't think I ever heard you sing that!' Josh argued.

'We definitely did, definitely.'

Josh shook his head, body shaking with laughter. 'I don't think I even know the words to the song.'

Tom shifted in his seat, changing cards. 'That's the point of Karaoke, they're up on the screen'

You turn to him, face screwed up and holding onto his knee. 'That's not the point of karaoke babe,' you said solemnly. It was a joke between the cast, how often you called people babe. As a brit. Sometimes you even said it in a Gemma Collins way.

'Anyway, half a point to you!'

You fist pump the air while Josh complains loudly. Whilst bickering, Tom moved on and had to repeat the question.

'What is my favourite mode of New York transportation?' he asked.

You chuckled to yourself, rubbing your head. 'That is the funniest question ever.'

Tom scoffed, his lips curling up. 'How is that a funny question?'

'I've just never known transportation to come up in one of our conversations. Imagine meeting someone and being like 'hey, guess what? my favourite mode of transport is...''

Josh laughed at the hurt look on Tom's face and your own sarcasm.

'Oh yea, what is it then?'

'Your motorcycle,' you said obviously.

'Well, you knew it didn't you,' he pointed out. The two of you bickering like a married couple. Even the crew behind the scene were blushing at you two and laughing.

'I didn't get to guess!' erupted Josh.

Tom and you laughed, holding onto each other and apologising to him.

Josh leant back in his chair, throwing his leg over his knee. 'Ok so motorcycle but i'm gonna go the extra mile and say- I think it's a Honda.'

Tom calmed down, wiping tears of laughter before showing the camera his answer. 'It is motorcyle but Josh is wrong, it's not a Honda so the point goes to you.'

You pat yourself on the back while Josh looks into the camera.

'This is what happens when you give 110%. Is this the example we want to set?'

Tom rests his hand on your back, un-consciously rubbing it. 'Ok so, point to you and Josh gets ... three quarters of a point.'

You nod your head. '75%. Have you got any points?'

Josh glared at you. He then noticed Tom's hand resting on your back. 'Why are you comforting her? i'm the loser.'

You clicked your tongue, pushing him. It was lucky you didn't notice how Tom blushed, turning back to his cards and made a mental note to keep his hands to himself.

The three of you continued down the questions:

'If I weren't an actor, what profession would I be?' Tom

'What are you? writing down a novel there?' You

'You'd definitely work with mountain lions.' Josh

'For some reason I want to say Fire man but that's not it.' You

'What is my coffee order?' Tom

'Oh, I know this, it's the same as mine. Josh, you know this?' You

'Of course not.' Josh

'What is my biggest pet peeve?' Tom

'So many things come to mind.' You

'Am I a grumpy old man to you?' Tom

'Tom has always been so relaxed and easy going, go ahead and put a point down for me.' Josh

For the next question, Tom looked pointedly at you. 'I really hope you get this. What is my hidden talent?'

Josh looked seriously at Tom, only suddenly playing the game. 'I think I know what mine is.'

'I think you should both get this,' he said, writing down the answer.

'Whistling,' you guessed simply.

Tom quipped his lips at you, head moving slightly.

'Well, I was also gonna say whistling,' Josh smirked.

Tom laughed. 'You're so full of shit.'

'I said it first, you're good at whistling. You can whistle like a disney bird,' you said, trying to win more points in flattery.

'Thank you.'

You looked into the camera. 'Tom's actually going to be playing a bird in the new Snow White movie with Rachel Zegler.'

The boys laughed.

Tom nodded, turning around the card. 'The answer is whistling.'

Josh and you shake hands and Tom started to show of his whistling skills, the familiar tune of the hunger games and holding up three fingers.

'I was- that made me nervous,' said Tom shakily.

'Yea, you were shaking,' you said.

Tom reached out for your arm, before remembering before and pulling back. 'I know, did you see my lip quivering.'

'I was nervous for you.'

'Yea, yea, yea,' agreed Tom.

Josh pretended to get out of his seat. 'I should go, i'll leave you guys to it.'

You pulled him back down while Tom moved on, asking the couple final questions. It ended with you earing 6 points, while Josh was at a lousy 2.75. But then, it was yours and Josh's turn to 'flip the script' on Tom. If he got them wrong, you guys got the points so you'd made sure to chose difficult questions.

You just hadn't expected Tom to know everything.

'Tom.'

'Yes,' he stared intently, ready for anything.

'What is my dogs name?' you smirked, thinking he wouldn't remember. Since you were on set and then traveling for press your dog was staying with your family and Tom had only met him once or twice.

'Easy. Padfoot.'

Your brows dropped and you turned away, pressing your lips into a tight line.

Tom nudged you. 'Did you think I wouldn't get it?' he asked and his jaw-dropped when you nodded. 'Of course i'd get it, I love your boy.'

'What the hell is a Padfoot?' asked Josh.

'It doesn't matter,' you waved of, trying to distract yourself from blushing. You really didn't think Tom would get it, would care enough to remember.

'It's a Harry Potter thing,' explained Tom. He stretched out his arm so it held onto the back of your chair. Not touching, right.

Josh asked his question. Tom got it right again and you were looking down at your card, wondering if it was hard enough for him.

Tom watched you set the cards down, tuck your chin into your chest and put your hands behind your chair. 'Oh no,' he chuckled.

'There is a piece of jewellery that I always wear. Now obviously i couldn't wear it whilst filming, but I had it kept in my trailer. And after we wrapped it went straight back on. The question is what piece of jewellery is it?'

Josh was laughing and trying to guess himself while Tom panicked. Every day for a year he had been around you. He'd had lunch with you, hung out in your trailer, you'd nap together and laugh together. He's seen you swimming in nothing but a lovely swim suit. He'd held your hands and you guys had even worn each others rings. How could he not know? He was beating himself up about it, all the while you smirked at him. Tom could almost excuse the fact of being a shitty friend to see how giddy it got you.

He tried to peek behind the chair but you shifted. 'Ok I don't think it's a ring because you change up your rings a lot.'

'Ok,' you hum.

Tom pulled at his lip. You weren't hiding your ears so it couldn't be an earing. That's when he remembered. Tom clicked his fingers. 'It's your locket! and it's gold!'

You sit up straight. 'How?!' Tom immediately looked to your neck- or maybe it was closer to your chest- where your locket dangled just under your shirt 'Well, I think we know who knows each other the best!'

──•~❉᯽❉~•──

Some months later, about eight, you and Tom were back at a quiz. The two of you were starring in different things. Tom's series which he stared in, 'Billy the kid' was having it's third and final debut while you staring in a adaptation of 'Malibu Rising' by Taylor Jenkins Reid for Apple Tv.

' The BFF test! ' - Glamour.

'How do you think we're gonna do?' asked Tom.

'That's not even a question Tom, we're gonna do great!' you threw a thumbs up at the camera and Tom copied you with a grin.

'Let's do this shit!' he yelled.

The crew behind the camera gasped and laughed while you hunched over, chuckling. He realised his mistake, how he wasn't supposed to swear and put his hand over his mouth.

'I am so sorry,' he apologised. Only when you caught your breath did you stand up and hold onto him. His arm wrapped around you back, holding you too.

Eventually, once you two had regained yourselves, you were asked how well you think you know each other.

'Pretty well,' you said.

'Very well,' Tom corrected.

'Very well it is, very well it is,' you said.

The crew behind the camera asked when you first met.

'Over zoom,' you said.

Tom nodded. 'it was a chemistry read for hunger games. Coriolanus and Lucy-Grey. You sang an acoustic version of Silver springs and I watched.'

'And the rest is history. Inseparable ever since,' you smile, swaying side to side while Tom watched with a fond smile. 'But seriously, it was a very lovely moment and since then, i've had a best friend in Tom.'

'Aw,' he said, throwing an arm around your shoulder and drawing you in. 'I love this girl,' he told the camera.

Eventually, once the two of you were finished with the introductions they had you stand opposite each other with a small notebook and pen. Your task: to write a compliment about each other.

Tom was already writing down his, page being filled up quickly. 'How much time you got?'

'Done,' you said, closing your notebook.

Tom looked up. 'What?'

'I'm kidding,' you assured him at his shocked and maybe slightly hurt face. 'How are you writing so much?'

'I have a lot to say about you.'

'Sappy.'

'Shut it, you love it.' Tom was focused on writing down, getting all his thoughts and a thousand unsaid words on page. He couldn't tell how you watched him with a smile and a shimmering glimmer in your eyes, but fans could, and they'd deem it the look of love.

After a moment longer of writing, you finished, looking at him. 'Ready?'

Tom finished his sentence and nodded. 'Ready.'

'Ok you go first,' you say.

'No, you go first,' he insists, the two bickering over each other. 'Ladies first.'

'Age before beauty,' you say.

Tom rolled his eyes playfully but held up his notebook. 'This is- this is nerve racking, woah,' he says, laughing.

'No, I know. I'll turn around if that helps,' you go to turn.

Tom grabs your arm. 'No, don't-' he cleared his throat, let you go and started to read. 'You are incredibly talented, that's the first one. Your acting, your voice, it's unbelievable and every time I watch you at your work, i'm in awe. As well as that, you are so dedicated to your craft, whether it's flying back and forth for your movies or not giving up until you've nailed a scene, you just- you give 110% every time and it's inspiring to watch. Not only do you make me want to be a better actor, but a better man-'

He read from his notebook, flicking through the pages as you watched, mouth covered and tears welling up in your eyes.

'You're insanely intelligent, you have such a unique style that is so you. You give confidence to others and always bring the best out in them. You're witty, you're hilarious, absolutely hilarious, I don't laugh with anyone the way I laugh with you. And you are just the most beautiful girl in the world.' Only when he had finished did he look up and see you wiping your eyes.

'Christ,' you mutter, turning away as the crew laughed.

Tom wrapped you in a bear hug, laughing and rocking you back and forth. 'You're not suppose to cry.'

'How can I not?!' you mumble into his chest. 'Ok.' you took a deep breath, calming yourself before standing back from him and looking down at your own notes. 'Well mine just seem so rubbish now,' you joke toward the camera.

'Tom. You're a talented actor. One of the most talented i've ever met, or ever seen. Watching you on the hunger games, I mean, I was speechless half the time. You're the kindest and sweetest man I know. It's no secret i've always said, men, they suck but you, you changed that. You, single-handily restored my faith in men,' you say, creating a laugh through the studio and him. 'Er, i've just listed compliments, funny, caring, talented, gorgeous, beautiful, so-so hot- I mean, the list goes on but it's not gonna be anything like you gave me.'

'It's perfect, thank you.'

You gesture to him, looking in the camera. 'He's a gentleman.'

Your next task was harder, looking into each other eyes for one minute.

'Is this gonna be like, a staring contest,' you wonder out loud as the two of you already keep your eyes on each other.

'I hope not, my eyes sting already,' says Tom. For a moment, the two of you are just there staring at each other. Your hands behind your back, his at his side as small smiles play at your lips.

'Your eyes are so blue, christ, i've never just stared at them like this before,' you compliment. 'Add that to my list.'

'Are you crying? You look like you're going to cry again?' asked Tom, peering closer at you.

'That's just me, i'm always in a state of verge of tears.'

He laughs, but keeps his eyes open and on you. After a minute, you two finally looked away, rubbing at your eyes. 'I think we were having a staring contest then,' he said.

'Yea, yea, yea, my eyes hurt.'

There was a couple extra challenges, trying to say the same word at the same time (you guys failed every time except last where you both said 'hunger games') and to mirror each others move. The last one, is a trust fall.

'Send it!' Tom pretended to fall back immediately as you lunged to catch. He didn't fall but laughed at your readiness. 'Send it!'

'Stop!' you yell.

'Ok, for real this time, you ready?' he asked, holding his arms over his chest and glancing back at you.

'I'm so scared!'

Tom looked at the camera. 'Why are you scared? i'm the one falling!'

'Ok, on the count of three,' you say, holding your arms out.

'Are you counting up or down?'

'Down. Ok, three... two...one!'

Tom fell back and you held him up, pushing his back. The two of you stumbled a bit causing Tom's eyes to widen, but you had him.

'You are heavier than you look,' you say. 'All that pure muscle.'

Tom struggled back up and then it was your turn. 'On the count of three?' he asked, arms out.

'No!' you whine. 'I hate this!'

'Trust me. Don't you trust me?'

You have your hands tucked to your side. You look into the camera. 'This is gonna send me right back to therapy.'

Tom laughs behind you but reaches over to hold onto your shoulders. 'C'mon, you can do this, i'll slowly ease you back.'

You squeeze your eyes shut and purse your lips, stifling a hum. 'That's cheating.'

Tom tuts, 'No it's not: now-' gently he held onto your shoulders and-bending at the knees- he gently eased you down, until he was crouching and until you were rocking on your heels. You took a deep breath as he held you back up. Your arms were still over your chest as your body wracked with a laugh.

'That was so dumb.'

Tom still had you in his hold, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you in.

──•~❉᯽❉~•──

A year later and finally, the fans dreams came true. When the video was released, fans went crazy, thinking it was fake or a mashup of clips put together. Instead, it was true. A very real video of the two of you doing a 'couples quiz'.

'Hello!' Tom waved at the camera, before gesturing between the two of you. 'We are here today to do the-'

'Couples interview!' you finish. 'Years in the making it would seem,' you added, slapping your cards over your knee.

Tom looked at his cards. 'What is my first name?'

'Tom Keir Blyth,' you answer easily, 'not Thomas. Against popular contradiction.'

He laughed, knowing you'd call him Thomas to annoy him if you ever bickered. 'Not Thomas.'

'Call him Thomas and he'll break up with you.'

'That hasn't happened!' he told the camera, whacking you playfully with the cards a you sat across from him. 'Ok, moving on, where did I grow up?'

'Birmingham,' you say, in your best Birmingham accent.

'What was my fist film role?' he asked, smirking at the question.

You sigh, throwing your head back. 'Ok so... I don't know if it was your very first one, or maybe it was like, the second or something but you were in Robin Hood, and you played feral child number three.'

'That's exactly what I have on my card,' he said, showing it off to you.

'I'm the best girlfriend,' you sing.

Tom laughed, marvelling at you for a moment before moving onto the next question. 'Oh ok, where was our first kiss?'

You shrug, thinking it obvious. 'On set.'

Tom looked back down to his cards. 'Oh yea, I should've specified- our first kiss like as a couple, or just not on set.'

You laugh. 'Ok, cool, I was gonna say, that's an easy one. So of set, I guess, it was my hotel room. In New York, yea.'

'See, I had down-'

'You had something else down?' you gasp, leaning over in your chair.

'Yea. I had it down as the picnic, when you came to see me on set of Billy,' he explained. He remembered the day fondly. You and him, riding horses into the sandy terrain, taking a picnic down and one of his breaks and rolling around the blanket, laughing and digging fingertips into each other. Lips clashing in the heat of sun.

'But we- ok fine, that was our first kiss.'

'We did, kiss in the hotel room, you're right,' he insisted.

'No, but if you're counting first kiss as a couple then you're right, the picnic.'

'No you should still get the point because that kiss does count.'

Your exchange could've gone on forever if someone behind the camera hadn't spoken up, saying how adorable you two were, causing blushes from both of you before he moved on.

'What is my favourite thing to bring with me when I travel?' he asks.

'Me,' you say, without faltering.

'Correct!' he chucked the card behind him.

'Was it actually?'

Tom nodded. 'Yea. Well number one was you and then the second was my motorbike key.'

You roll your eyes. 'Of course it was. Thank you for putting me above the key at least.'

'Always, darling, always. What is my favourite jacket to wear?' he asked.

You thought about it, carefully and for a while. 'You don't have many but I'm trying to think which you wear the most.'

'I think you'll know it, you should get it.'

You raise your head to the ceiling, taking it more seriously than probably needed. He concentrated on you, wondering how hard you were thinking. 'The thing is- i'm thinking practicality. So like, that would be your motorbike jacket. But the one that I see you in most, and that I wear the most, is like your long, black jacket?'

'I had my motorbike jacket down, so half a point.'

'It crossed my mind!' you defended.

'It did, yes. So 50% of a point.'

You laugh. 'Not 75%.

'Who was my first celebrity crush?' he asked.

'Me,' you answer sarcastically.

Tom rose his card, covering his grin. 'Do you want to try again?'

'No,' you say. You knew what it was, you were taking the joke from him.

'Please?' he asked quietly.

You laugh at how wide his eyes were. 'Your first celebrity crush was Jennifer Anniston, ok.'

'Correct. But if I knew you back then, it would've been you.'

'Thanks, babe.'

'Ok, so I feel like you got pretty much every one of them,' said Tom, tucking his cards away.

'I feel like I did too, how ready do you feel Tom?' you asked.

Teasingly, he leant over, showing his forehead. 'See that? not a sweat. I've got this. Gimme some.'

'What are my dogs names?' you ask.

'Your oldest one is Padfoot, your youngest, the puppy dog is Moony.'

'Correct. Easy one. Ok, next, what is my favourite city?'

Tom's face dropped. 'That got harder so much quicker.'

'What? I thought this was easy.'

'Yea but it's between two. London or New York.'

'Well you've got them. I'd say right now it's New York though. Just because you're there,' you say jokingly.

'We're such a good couple.'

'The best. Lightning round. Favourite food?'

'Pizza.'

'Yes, favourite taylor swift album?'

'Folklore.'

'Easy. What is my favourite bag?'

Tom paused. 'It's a tote, your tote. Is it your waterstones one?'

Sadly, you shake your head. 'To be fair it's a new one i've got, it's my 'I heart new york one.'

Tom groaned. 'Of course it is, how did I not get that? I was literally with you when you brough it.'

'I have it with me today.'

'You do! oh my god, quickly move on before I get annoyed at myself.'

'Oh ok,' you grin down at the question and then pull a face, wondering yourself.

Tom watches, laughs and puts his hand on your knee, squeezing it affectionately. 'Are you alright? what's going on?'

'No, sorry, i'm just thinking about how to word this,' you pause and then, almost as if you weren't aware you were doing it, you hold onto his hand and ask the question. 'What is my favourite thing that you wear?'

Tom's expression matches your puzzled one. 'That I wear?'

'Yes. And I want you to take your time, think about it because you know it. And if you don't get this, we might be over,' you tell him.

Tom's jaw drops and he leans back in his chair, thinking. 'Don't say that!'

'Ok, it was a joke, sorry. But you do know this.'

Tom looks down at himself, but it was a new shirt and there was nothing special about these pants. The shoes were nice but you'd never cared for shoes. He checked his rings. You liked rings and you especially liked his rings but that couldn't have been it. 'Oh!' he almost kicked himself for not getting it sooner. 'Is it my- is it the necklace? he asks, pulling it from under his shirt.

'Yes!' you cheer, throwing the card over your shoulder and reaching over to high five him.

'I've never been so stressed in my life,' he laughed.

'So the necklace-' you start to explain to the camera as tom holds it out proudly, showing every crew and every camera as you laugh and smile at him. Never had you felt so in love. 'The necklace he wears all the time is the initial from the first letter of my name, just like-'

'Just like the Taylor Swift song,' finishes Tom, knowing how much you love it. Even now, you're smiling with teary eyes.

You had not brough it for him, but on your first anniversary Tom surprised you with it. You cried, wept. It was the first time you felt truly seen.

'I think you should sing it,' prompted Tom.

'I'm not singing it!'

'Go on! I love your voice!'

'No!'

'For me?' he asked.

You roll your eyes but don't really sing the song, you more say it: 'I want to wear his initials on a chain around my neck, not because he owns me, but because he really knows me, but obviously, it's you wearing mine so...'

'Thank you for watching our couples quiz!' Tom waves to the camera.

'All in all I think we're couple goals, yea?' you check.

'Oh, absolutely!'

And the show was all done, with you two waving. But the camera's didn't turn off quick enough to catch how Tom held your hand and kissed the inside of your palm.

Yea, absolutely in love.

#coriolanus snow #the hunger games #tom blyth #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth imagine #tom blyth fanfiction #coryo #tom blyth x you #fame dr #tom blyth x yn

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sunflower-lilac42 · 3 months

Text

✧ 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 || brock purdy ♔

summary: after a devastating loss, brock feels this emotional toll on him, weighing down on him. and y/n is the one who helps him through it.

warnings: the super bowl ('23), the chiefs (mentions), sad brock, sad

publish date: 02/12/24

notes: you all wanted this and that's all i'm going to say. jk um, i cried a lot while writing this. there tends to be a little trend of hatred towarsd the chiefs but um you should've expected that. you're welcome. (don't worry, there's fluff at the end bc i can't control myself) | add yourself to the taglist ➺ taglist! (i don't have an nfl right now but maybe i'll add one in the future)

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Her heart broke as soon as the Chiefs got their last first down, but in reality she knew from the moment that Moody had to kick the field goal that the game was over. She had hopes, of course, for their defense, but she knew. She had wished she was at home, able to turn off the TV to hide the disappointed look on Brock’s face, but she couldn’t. She grabbed tightly onto Kristin’s hand, tears glistening in both of their eyes. The two watched in mock horror as Hardman caught the ball, Chiefs fans erupting in cheers.

Niners fans sat, or stood, in shock as the people around them hugged and laughed with one another. They felt numb, eyes completely unfocused from the scene in front of them. Some fans ran their hands over their faces, through their hair, and under their eyes. Some fans stared angrily at the Chiefs fans, they had no right to win.

Kristin wrapped her friend into a hug, unable to stop her tears as well. Y/n had been with Brock through it all, through high school, through college, through his draft, through his rookie season, through everything. All she wanted for him was to win this game. He didn’t deserve this, he had done nothing to prove himself time after time again, and now he was going to be shit on because he didn’t make a third down conversion.

She pulled away and toyed with the band around her finger, their anniversary date engraved on the inside. Her hand moved to her necklace next as she stole a glance down at the field, feeling the outline of the 13 on her fingers. Brock was walking off the field and she couldn’t see his face but she knew what it looked like. It wasn’t a face she liked to see, it made her cry silently at night while Brock slept next to her or if he was across the country.

She hadn’t felt so infuriated when they announced who the Super Bowl MVP was, she wanted to yell at all the Chiefs fans around them, tell them that it was just a bit of dumb luck. She wanted to scream at them for thinking that they were everything when they weren’t, for thinking about no one but themselves. She had come from a family who experienced heartbreak in sports like no other, did they know how that felt? To watch their team lose? To watch the love of their life lose and think that he wasn’t good enough? Listen to him deteriorate himself with thought after thought? Did anyone stop to think about the players, their families, their fans? She wanted to scream at fans who didn’t care about the game, the ones who were there to see Taylor and her alone. She wanted to yell at the fans who mocked the niners, the ones who cursed at them, the ones who gave them shit. She wanted to yell at everyone and everything.

Tears streamed down her face and not once did she even attempt to wipe them off. She walked with Kristin out of the suite, holding each other’s hands in support. She could feel people’s eyes on her but she couldn’t care less, was she not allowed to be devastated for her fiancé? She knew Brock wouldn’t want to see her right now, he was too caught up in his own thoughts. She waited patiently outside Allegiant Stadium, hands shoved in her jean jacket Kristin had made for her.

When she noticed Brock walking towards her, she made sure that she stood strong, not letting him see how upset she was. He reached her in a matter of five seconds, instantly bringing her into a hug. She felt her shoulder dampen, sighing internally. He didn’t let out many tears, just a few, before he pulled back and wiped his eyes, “You ready?”

She placed a frown on her face and nodded, reaching for his hand, “Hotel, home, dinner?”

“Hotel please.” He gripped tightly to his hand and they made their way to a hotel room they had booked. They didn’t want to stay with the rest of the team no matter the outcome of the game.

She drove to the hotel, knowing how Brock got when he was angry or upset. His left hand was attached to her left, not letting it go for a second besides when they got in the car. Her gaze shifted between him and the road, trying not to crash in the meantime. Every time she snuck a glance at him, he looked sadder than before. She could see him fidgeting with some of her rings that she had on along with the bracelet he had gotten her when they won the Championship.

When she pulled into the parking spot, the two stayed there, sitting in silence. As the minutes passed, she started to get nervous about how the night was going to go. If she was going to be able to get him to take a shower, to eat, to sleep. She heard him sniffle, it was quiet but still audible for her, You wanna go up?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice to talk. They once again detached their hands for a brief second before they reconnected. As they entered the room, she realized how much of a mess she left it in the morning. She went to apologize but Brock locked himself in the bathroom. Then she heard the shower turning on, the water hitting the floor. She could only hope that he was going to be quick.

She changed out of her game clothes into one of the outfits she brought for lounging around. She listened as Brock showered, the water calming her nerves a little. She didn’t turn the TV on, didn’t put music on, just sat and stared as she waited. A couple of minutes later she heard something fall, and ran to go see what it was, “Brock, honey, are you okay?”

She got no response back and she sighed, attempting to open the door. He must’ve unlocked it from the time she walked away until now. She walked in and saw Brock curled up into a ball on the ground, his suit still on. She wrapped him tightly in her arms, not wanting to let go. She buried his head into her shoulder, placing his hands on her arms that rested around his shoulders and on his chest. His sobs were violent, mumbling incoherent words and noises.

If her heart could break anymore it would, she thought it could’ve shattered right there and then. His breathing grew heavy, unable to control it anymore. He clawed at her arms as a way to let her know it was hurting, “Hey, I’m here. It’s okay, baby.”

She kissed his head, moving one of her hands to run through his hair. He shook his head, not believing a single thing. When he had regained a bit of control he whispered out to her, “It hurts, y/n/n.”

She had to hold back tears, blinking them away as quickly as possible, “I know, sweetheart. It’s okay, we’re okay. I’m right here with you. You don’t have to do it alone.”

Eventually, his breathing evened out as he clung to her, listening to her heartbeat. When she heard the way his breathing regulated, she ran a hand over his chain, the one that had her initials on it,”I’ll always be here for you, okay?”

He nodded before she spoke again, “You want me to shower with you?”

“Please.” His voice came out desperate and a little squeaky from the crying and lack of use.

She helped him up, taking his suit jacket off and hanging up in the closet of the room. When she came he had already discarded the rest of his suit, handing it over to her.

✧༺✎༻∞

After Brock had slipped his sweatpants back on, they both sat in the bed, covers pulled over their legs. Y/n looked through her phone for restaurants nearby, “What do you want to eat?”

He shrugged, not particularly hungry at the time. He knew that she would give him a hassle if he didn’t say anything though, “Pizza?”

It was simple enough, both of them liked it and it was an easy thing to find. She nodded in response, going to place the order. They watched whatever was on TV, avoiding anything to do with football entirely. However, with it being Super Bowl Sunday there were no other sports on besides reruns. So they found a crappy TV show to watch, both of them criticizing it as they ate their pizza.

As the sun went down and darkness settled behind it, they lay in bed Brock asking to hold her. She agreed happily, whatever would make him feel better. His right arm flung over her as they laid on their left sides, his hand tracing patterns into her forearm. It was silent for a while, they could both hear the AC blowing softly.

Brock’s mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts. The good ones were primarily outweighed by the happy ones, not allowing him for even a second to be happy with his girl in his arms. He couldn’t help the thoughts that told him that he wasn’t good enough, that blamed him for the outcome of the game, that told him he shouldn’t be in the NFL, he was just a fluke.

He tightened his grasp on her as the thoughts kept coming and coming, “Brock?”

“Hmm?”

“What are you thinking back there?”

“Nothing.”

“Uh huh, sure. Now what’s really going on?”

“What if I am just as everyone says? What if I am just a pretty boy football player? A fluke? It’s my fault, it’s all my fault. I failed, y/n. I failed myself, I failed the coaches, I failed my teammates, I failed their families, I failed the fans. I failed you.”

She couldn’t take it anymore, the weight that he was carrying was unnecessary, it was too much for him. He did everything he could and more. She turned around, facing him as she looked dead in her eyes, “You listen to me, Brock Purdy. You are fucking amazing. You shouldn’t care what anyone else says, because you know what? They don’t matter. They don’t matter now and they won’t matter when you’re older.

“I get that everyone was banking on you to lead them to a victory and you led them to the best of your ability. You can’t blame yourself for the defense not holding them off, you can’t blame yourself for any penalty that may have happened, and you can’t blame yourself for not getting that third-down conversion. You did your best today, Brock, and I am so so so proud of you for that.”

“But what if my best isn’t good enough?”

“Isn’t good enough for who? For me? For Shanahan? For the team? You are good enough, Brock. You were the fucking 262 pick and you made the Super Bowl in your second year. You had 1387 yards in 9 games for a rookie. You had 4424 yards this year! And just in the regular season. You are the fifth overall quarterback right now, you know how fucking amazing that is. You are beyond believable, Brock.

“And this might be harsh but so what you didn’t win this year? It’s your second year and just making it this far was incredible. Yes, it would’ve been cool if you won and got MVP but you have so many more years to do that. It might not be today, it might not be next year or the year after that, but one year you will go out and win that because you deserve it.”

Brock’s eyes watered, caught off guard by her speech. He couldn’t even think of how lucky he was to have her at this moment. The way she had memorized his stats, the way she knew how he felt before he even knew, the way she was able to comfort him when he thought there was no coming back from it.

He kissed her head, “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

He reached for her left hand and twisted the ring on her finger, “I can’t wait to marry you.”

They shared a smile and then she was pulled in tighter to him, “Thank you.”

“For?”

“For always being there for me. Through high school, college, the draft, rookie season, everything. You mean so much to me, more than you would ever know.”

#sunny lune writes #brock purdy #san fransisco 49ers #nfl #football #brock purdy x reader

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atanx · 2 months

Text

James Somerton's "A Measured Response": A Measured Response

so I watched a reupload of the video because idk i like to torture myself. and i took a bunch of notes:

“I tried to be a voice for every member of the queer community, but that was a failed endeavour before it even started.”

what a strange way to say ‘I tried making it seem like I’m the only queer creator and stole from and actively harmed people in the queer community. knowingly. purposefully. and when I was called out in the past I tried to hide it.'

“I'm a cis, white, gay man. No matter how much I try to be a good spokesperson, I can never really, truly, understand the life experiences of other, far more put upon, members of the queer community.”

so of course I stole and hid work from the people I can't understand, gutting it of their personal experiences and refused to redirect my audience to those people so that they can enrich themselves and hear about issues pertaining them from someone who actually does understand.

“...one of the reasons I used their own words. But I should have made it clear that that was what I was doing.”

BITCH YOU STOLE. YOU GUTTED THEIR STORIES OF MEANINGFUL PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. YOU WEREN'T USING THEIR WORDS TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND YOU WERE MILKING THEM FOR CONTENT AND DEPRIVING PEOPLE OF ACTUAL, SOULFUL, MEANINGFUL ARTICLES AND BOOKS AND DOCUMENTARIES AND VIDEOS THEY COULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING INSTEAD.

“Being a cis white man I thought I might win over some people who otherwise wouldn't listen.”

Yeah sure. Because racist transphobes are going to be watching your badly plagiarised gay film analysis.

“I would also like to apologise to Jessie Gender, who is one of the kindest people I ever met. Through my hot-headedness, I drew her into this anger spiral.”

‘through my hotheadedness.’. shirking responsibility onto an ‘ingrained personality trait of yours’ I see.

if you are so honestly sorry for being an asshole to Jessie why don't you fucking apologise to her directly? privately? not as a way to boost your own fucking image??

he's trying to earn good will by complimenting Jessie Gender “oh he knows to compliment an awesome person we have that in common I guess he can't be so bad after all” fuck you I recognise your strategies and it's gross to drag Jessie into this like that, she spoke out against you and you are trying to imply some sort of friendship or something between you. okay I cannot UNDERSTATE the way he tries to make it seem like they are close in some way and sort of drag her onto his side that's so fucking despicable. as far as I know Jessie Gender does not have a relationship with him of any kind?

once again bringing up death threats I see. obviously death threats are shite and anyone who threatens the dude in seriousness or harasses him will not see the light of heaven as Hbomberguy said but IN AN APOLOGY YOU DO NOT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU THAT'S MANIPULATION

also blaming the police for not clarifying a situation in a timely manner - the police are a flaming pile of garbage and I hope the institution explodes but NOT SAYING ANYTHING WAS YOUR CHOICE. THE POLICE DIDN'T MAKE YOU DO SHIT THERE

the problem isn't that you tried to “create a channel where all queer people could be safe”, the problem is that 1) you are a misogynist 2) you yourself engaged in transphobic behaviour and 3) you also actively supressed queer people's voices. The problem isn't that you supposedly wanted a space for all queer people, the problem is that you tried to MONOPOLISE queer literature analysis. fuck, queer doesn't look like a word anymore I've written it too many times now

(paraphrased) “I should have been helping with making queer people's voices discoverable” this makes it seem like he just didn't do anything and not like the reality that he was actively trying to rewrite history and bury LQBTQIA+ voices under his steaming pile of garbage

also BLAMING YOUTUBE AND THE ALGORITHM FOR ‘PUSHING HIM’ because he's cis and white, like maybe they did, I certainly wouldn't be surprised, but that is not why other creators suffered, a large part of that can be attributed to James Somerton stealing their work without any acknowledgement whatsoever apart maybe if they are lucky, a “based on” in the credits or their name flashing on screen for half a second.

“I should have done more to share the voices of other queer people” THAT IMPLIES YOU DID SOMETHING. YOU WERE ACTIVELY WORKING AGAINST THAT YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT-

“it was just my dweam to be a youtubew and when my videos gained twaction i felt pwessuwed to make mowe vewy quickly and that's why they wewe so shit uwu” fuck off you weren't pressured into shit you just wanted to make money and that's why you were a content mill

“early on I thought that crediting authors in the opening credits alone was enough” what about the times YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT??? YOU'RE MAKING THIS SEEM LIKE THE DRAMA IS ABOUT YOU CREDITING PEOPLE WRONG WHEN ITS ABOUT YOUR SYSTEMATIC THEFT AND OPPRESSION OF THOSE YOU CLAIM TO MAKE VIDEOS FOR AND ABOUT AND THOSE YOU CLAIM TO MAKE A SAFE SPACE FOR. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WATCHES YOUR VIDEOS?? WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU CAN'T JUST PLAY IT DOWN

not him using Hbomberguy's example of the DEEP CUTS: SOCIETY AND QUEER HORROR video and claiming he credited all people in the opening scene when Hbomberguy highlighted he DIDNT EVEN CREDIT MOST OF THEM FUCK OFF ARE YOU DELUSIONAL HOW DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS

I think I'm going insane this all seems so blatantly fake. he brings up the evil queens video and how he asked Sean Griffin, retroactively, permission to include his work in the video. and he shows a ‘screenshot’ of an email Griffin allegedly wrote to thank him for putting him in the title-card and that he thinks it is ‘a very thoughtful video’. only the text of the email header, such as Griffin's name, the RE:, and the To: is a lot smaller than the ‘text’ in the email, which leads me to believe that the below text is edited in some way. And with how hard James is trying to rewrite history, it wouldn't surprise me if he literally rewrote the email or cut things out to present himself in a more positive light. obviously I can't prove that the email is fake but I'll just say that I think the likelihood is very high that it is.

the way he says this also implies that he asked for permission after he made the video but hadn't published it yet. which is also blatantly false.

again trying to waltz off responsibility on nick, saying he was much more interested in production and implying that nick did all the writing .

“nick and I had both grown up poor so when I lost my job in 2021 (approx.) we of course were desperate and turned to producing videos even quicker and plagiarising the fuck out of all of them! but we can't help it we were both poor as kids!” fuck off, you weren't poor when plagiarising every-fucking-thing, this was in “the second year of COVID”. obviously if they really did grow up poor that sucks, and that's why we should eat the rich and redistribute their money. not plagiarise people who partly are poor or not financially cushy and manipulate thousands of people into believing you are the only queer creator.

also milking his mom's cancer. if you were really that worried about your financial situation, one would think that you would get an actual job for security and not put everything into your youtube career that is unstable, especially considering you've already done a lot of plagiarism and have no intention of stopping. “oh I plagiarised because my mom had cancer QAQ” that is so digusting to use a person's medical condition like that.

“i have memory issues because of a head injury i suffered as a child and that's why I plagiarise badly. see, I copy pasted the text with the intention to rephrase it later but forgot.” that would still be fucking plagiarism if he'd done that, also, if he's so aware of his memory issues and how they lead to him plagiarising, why didn't he try to work around that? leave himself notes? or tell nick to remind him to integrate actual proper credit and citations before uploading a video? mark the plagiarised stuff in the document with like highlighter or so when you're pasting it in?? oh but he didn't do all of that because he has ADHD. now, ADHD can be debilitating, but he says it's recently diagnosed so it must not have caused a lot of problems for him so far, so it's probably not severe and even if it is, it doesn't excuse him not crediting people properly. stop fucking hiding behind things ‘you can’t change' because if you truly can't you probably shouldn't be doing this in the first place.

“my mom really wanted me to make a movie with her life insurance but that wasn't paid out so I decided to crowdfund it. i planned to underpay the actors so hard it was under union wages. we got more money than we were expecting and upgraded to wanting to film a feature (final girl) but i didn't want to start working on it until the campaign was over for some reason that totally isn't me just wanting to exploit people for money!”

I'm not gonna go into the Telos stuff but he tries to explain it by claiming it was very unorganised and that's why they constantly ran into issues and that's why nothing ever got done and they were JUST about to start doing stuff when the Hbomberguy video released. You know what, I can believe it, although I am very doubtful considering all James ever does is lie. Idk.

once again trying to excuse his plagiarism with needing to pay two rents and thus needing to make more videos for more sponsors and not having the time to not plagiarise like please. i don't believe that they were in that dire need of money and if they were - just get a fucking stable job and put youtube on the backburner.

also once again trying to make it all about him by once again talking about his suicide attempt and death threats. like. no one should suffer through that kind of mental anguish but honestly I cannot bring myself to feel sympathy for this man. and i see this as an attempt to gather pity points.

“nick worked very hard on these videos other three years and it's unfair to [them] (james says that they're non-binary but doesn't indicate their pronouns anywhere? and in the beginning he uses they/them but later only he/him so idk what their pronouns are but it seems like they/them is at least part of their pronouns so i'm just going to use that) that they all got taken down” well y'all shouldn't have fucking plagiarised then. let this be a lesson maybe and don't fucking show your face on youtube again!

he is fucking relaunching his channel. like james. this isn't something you come back from. no one will ever be able to trust you ever again and you don't deserve an audience. he claims all the revenue will go to Hbomberguy's fund but we have no way to verify this. we have no way to know just how much he makes and how much of that is actually going to the fund. i don't trust him with any money. which is why i watched a reupload rather than the original. he's also releasing a new video he claims is entirely by him. like?????? don't???????

he also might not relaunch his existing patreon but he's still making a new one.

he claims he will “work his ass off” to make non-plagiarised videos. like that isn't “working your ass off” that's the bare fucking minimum. I really want to trust him. and I want to believe he'll actually try to do better. and maybe he will. and i believe in second chances, even for someone as despicable as him. but throughout this video he has continuously tried to play down what he did. tried to make excuses for everything. and that's why i am not going to give him a second chance. if he can't even admit what he did i don't trust him to not do it again. and i also just plainly don't want to endorse a person making such arguments.

also, he plugs his fucking new patreon right after this.

“this video is not about me promoting myself. it's about me apologising.” the only fucking person you actually ‘apologised’ to is Jessie Gender.

James Somerton: makes a billion fucking excuses. Also James Somerton: “These are not excuses. There is no excuse for what I did.”

this entire video was just a publicity stunt. he tries to humanise himself and repair his image. this is just a tool to be able to continue on and continue making money.

he also still claims the disney video was based on the Celluloid Closet and he credited the author and ignores that this wasn't the only author he fucking plagiarised in that video. he is trying to reduce his plagiarsm to incorrect crediting and mistakes and that is disgusting.

the least he could have done was mention by name out loud every author he plagiarised and what work he plagiarised. not just say “uuuh i'm sorry to everyone I plagiarised QAQ”

#james somerton #hbomberguy #james somerton a measured response #atanx.txt

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ghouljams · 12 days

Text

Ranger Danger; It's only stalking if they can't see you.

NCR Ranger!Gaz follows his favorite Courier.

Most people out in the Mojave know better than to fuck with couriers. Everyone wants the mail, and no one wants to get blacklisted. You were hired because you were a good shot, and unafraid of the various perils that traversing the wasteland brings. Which is to say: You don't need an escort.

You've tried explaining it to Gaz, tried to make him understand it, but he insists on following you through your route. He's not bad company, but it makes folks nervous having a ranger watching them hand you packages. Honestly if he weren't so easy on the eyes you might have tried harder to lose him. As it stands you just manage to convince him to wait outside of eyesight while you do business. Recently he's started trying a different approach.

"All the way to New California," You clarify with a raised brow.

"All the way doll," Gaz grins, "Easiest package you'll have to deliver, I even defend myself."

You eye him with suspicion. It's a long way to go, an even longer way back. You suppose you could pick up some packages along the way... You shake your head. "Can't afford it," you tell him.

"I can pay," He reminds you, "got plenty of money."

"NCR bills," You click your tongue, "not worth the paper they're printed on."

"Good with my hands," He tries, "better with my mouth."

"Yeah, you're a real smooth talker," you roll your eyes, "Don't need a mechanic, and as previously mentioned I'm takin' care of myself just fine." You pat the pistol at your hip fondly, well oiled and ready for action. Gaz hums, there's something in his eyes that says he wants to correct you, wants to rebuke your assertion, or perhaps clarify his own. He holds his tongue.

He's good company, but not company you're willing to risk your hide over. You've never had anyone watching your back, and to be honest it can be a little unnerving at times. Knowing Gaz is stationed somewhere far off with a rifle trained on you while you pass off bullets to a raider camp doesn't stop your skin from crawling. Like you said, most folks know better than to try and stop the mail from running. Even the raiders that eye you a little too appreciatively, and open doors wider for others to give you the same once over. It's the warning shot that startles you more than the swift smack to your ass when you turn to leave. You're quick to scurry off before the raiders decide that was your idea.

Gaz finds you miles down the road and hours later. His boots are bloody. You don't ask.

His hands are clean, at least, when you hand him a gecko kabob from the fire. You sleep better that night with him on watch, and the distant knowledge that any ill will those raiders may have had is dead. It's good you're such a deeper sleeper with Gaz around. You don't know the pride it inspires, the deep seated warmth in his chest to see the gentle rise and fall of your breathing, to hold his hand by your lips and feel the soft puff.

Maybe it's a little strange, but when you're asleep is the only time he can truly speak freely. The only time he can lean back and palm his cock to the pretty picture you make. He likes looking at your face when he does it, likes to imagine what you'd do if you woke up and saw him. You have to be the densest person in the Mojave not to notice he's got you on a short leash.

He would have you on your back screaming his name. He'd have you drooling in the dirt. He'd have your sweet pussy dripping with his come every time you made a delivery. Maybe having his spend rolling down your thighs would stop you from getting ogled every time you knocked on a raider's door.

"Fuck you 'til you forgot your name," Gaz grunts, "don't need to love me to come on my cock." But it would be better if you did.

#cod x reader #x reader #kyle gaz garrick #kyle gaz x reader #kyle garrick #kyle gaz smut #gaz modern warfare #gaz cod #gaz mw2 #gaz call of duty #gaz garrick #gaz x reader #fallout au #I think my favorite gaz is when he's a little fucked up #he won't touch you but that doesn't mean he won't do stuff near you #very important line in the sand #courier!reader #f!reader

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lordoftherazzles · 10 months

Text

My takeaway from the past 24+ hours...

There are so many of us that rely on ao3, whether you're a reader or writer. It brings us joy, it gives us an escape from the real world, and it lets us come together as a community to share stories and scenarios about our favorite fandoms and characters. The amount of posts I have seen on multiple platforms lamenting over the DDoS attacks is overwhelming - but with most of them comes a delightful cheer to the volunteers working to resolve this issue.

I've seen so many statements of praise for those volunteers, which is exactly what they deserve, and more. Can you imagine working for over 24 hours straight, on a volunteer basis, against something like this? They're the real MVPs, and I think our appreciation for them gets lost until moments like this rise.

With that said, here is my first real takeaway...

Don't bitch when ao3 does a donation drive. They work hard to keep the archive up and running, and with that costs money. Every server, every new addition or feature you want to see added to help make the site better, it costs money. The legal team that is defending fanfic authors??? MONEY. SO! DON'T! COMPLAIN!

I'm not saying you have to go out and donate your paycheck to ao3 - but I will say that, especially with this situation, if you can donate even a little bit to show your support, it means more than you probably realize, and even if you can't donate (which is totally okay), be kind to those who work on the archive. Send them kind words of encouragement, rather than flaming the archive because it's under attack - because yeah, I've seen people bitching AT ao3 for not working fast enough, or for it still being down. STOP IT.

My second takeaway...

Don't believe everything you see on the internet. Ao3 themselves have advised that the group claiming to take credit for this attack is to be treated with skepticism. And not only that, let's NOT automatically make assumptions about who is responsible just because of an organization's name. It's just a NAME, it doesn't identify a person's origin, background, etc. But I'm not here to dive into that much further. Point: I better not see any Sudanese hatred on my dash, or I will bite you.

My third takeaway...

Treat your fanfic writers with respect. We all now see first hand how much we depend on these stories. As I said above, for some it's an escape, a creative release, and a way to communicate with other people through similar interests. It's a beautiful creation, neither above nor below any other kind of literature.

Consider commenting, reblogging, kudos, anything you can to let the authors know you enjoyed and appreciate their works. Everyone is free to communicate in the way that suits them best, but every little bit is appreciated - as a fanfic writer myself, I can tell you that even a little heart emoji has made my day. It's like receiving a second kudos, and tells me that someone appreciated my efforts enough to give me a double thumbs up.

Any form of communication with the authors is appreciated. It lets them know that people are genuinely interested. We live in a world where INSTANT GRATIFICATION is taking over, but creations such as this take time. Talk with the authors, ask them about their wips, tell them they're doing a great job. Do NOT pester about "when are you updating next?" or the dreaded AI option - again, I will BITE PEOPLE if I see you doing this. Just...have some respect, show your appreciation, it's more than JUST FANFIC.

At the end of the day I guess this post is about being kind. Not pointing fingers or slandering people due to a name. It's about appreciating the things we do have, and not taking them for granted. Whether it's the brave cyber warriors currently fighting these DDoS attacks on the frontline, or the authors writing for not only their enjoyment, but for others too. Let's all respect one another, and show our support when and where we can.

HUGE THANK YOU TO THE VOLUNTEERS AT AO3, YOU ARE THE REAL MVPS!!!

#ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #razzy's rambles

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talaok · 8 months

Note

An idea for pedro and reader

They are in a relationship and live together. The reader is also an actress. She asks pedro to practice her lines with her. In the play, she is having a really long line, breaking up with the person ans leaving them... pedro can't continue... at night in bed they are cuddling and pedro talks about how he hated the feeling or the thought of the reader ever leaving

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x reader

a/n: ahh this is amazing how do you come up with stuff like this

"I know that face," he said, busting you immediately as you emerged from the bedroom.

He was sat on the couch, lazily half-reading something on his phone.

"what is it sweetheart?" he asked, as with a soft click, his phone went black

You bit back a smile "How do you know there is something?"

"Because you're very easy to read" he explained "Now tell me what you need"

"Excuse me? I'm not easy to read" you gasped

"No?" he asked rhetorically "Then what's up with the script in your hand?"

You glanced down at the papers between your fingers, feeling a soft veil of defeat land on top of you.

"Fine" you gave up, "Can you help with a scene?"

It wasn't unusual for you to run lines with each other, god only knows how many times he made you go through that scene from The Last of Us...

"of course" he nodded "What's it about?"

"Break up scene," you told him as you joined him on the sofa "I just feel like I'm missing something"

"What?"

"well I don't know" you laughed "That's why you're here"

"All right," he said, as you handed him the script.

"You just have to read the ones not underlined" you pointed to the paper

"Can do" he smiled, watching as you stood from the couch and ran your hands soothingly down your jeans.

"ok" you breathed closing your eyes for a moment to get in character.

Pedro took it as his cue to start

"baby I love you" he murmured as written.

"And I-" you stopped, your forehead creasing as if your next words physically pained you "I... I don't know if I do anymore" you spoke "I don't think so"

"what are you saying?" Pedro read again, his tone more clipped now, but you were too focused on your performance to notice the way his eyes had changed, had... saddened.

"I'm saying I don't feel that spark anymore, that-that I miss walking faster when I come home because I know that's where you are, that I can't remember the last time my heart swelled like it did on our first date"

Three long beats passed, before Pedro realized that was his cue

Something was happening inside of him.

He knew this all was fake, but a part of him couldn't help but wander on its own... sure it's just a scene now, but it's so real, people fall out of love constantly, and you- well, Pedro realized for an interminable, terrifying moment, that you weren't immune to it, that what was happening to Jeff in this scene could very well happen to him any day now.

He had always known he didn't deserve you, that you were too much, too perfect, too good, too kind to be with him.

And for the first time in a while, a dreaded thought crossed his mind.

What happens when she realizes it?

"Rose" he called, pulling himself out of his own thoughts

"I know" you sniffled, your eyes filled with tears now "I'm sorry jeff-I really am- I don't know what happened, I don't know what's wrong with me, I just know... I just know I don't love you anymore... I can't bring myself to anymore"

And that was it.

Pedro had to glance out the window to take his mind off of whatever was happening.

"It's perfect" he said, after taking a lungful of air "There's nothing missing sweetheart, you nailed it"

"but" you stuttered "the scene is not done baby, there's still-"

"I know" he shook his head, closing the script.

He didn't want that thing in his hands anymore

"But trust me it's perfect, you don't need any more practice"

"a-are you sure?" you asked, wiping away a leftover tear

"I am" he nodded "don't worry, you were incredible" he forced a smile "as always"

You grinned now "Oh well, if the Emmy nominee says so..." you considered, sitting back next to him "I guess I'm gonna have to believe you"

__ __ __

the rhythmic thumps of his heartbeat were the only sound you could hear from your place on the bed.

You were curled up against him, your head on his chest, and his fingers playing with your hair as his ability to emanate warmth better than any thermostat ever could, proved itself once again even on such a cold winter night.

"You've been quiet today" you finally spoke the thought that had been eating at you for hours.

He really had been.

When he didn't answer, you looked up at him, stopping drawing circles on his belly.

"Is something wrong?" you asked, wishing you could have had a clearer image of his face than the one the soft streetlamp from outside the window granted.

"No sweetheart, nothing's wrong," he said... but there was something in his tone that felt off.

You propped yourself up on your elbows to meet his gaze.

"You know, I'm not the only one who's easy to read..." you murmured gently, as your right hand went to stroke his pecs soothingly "You can tell me whatever it is, you know?"

A beat passed, and then two, as silence spread around the darkness of the room

"I know baby, it's just" he sighed "it's stupid"

"I'm sure it's not" you reassured him "and it's not like I haven't told you my fair share of stupid things"

He let out a weak chuckle.

"c'mon" you urged sweetly

He looked at you for a moment, before finally making up his mind.

"it's just- " he breathed "the scene you wanted my help with..."

"what about it?" you asked, after he didn't finish the sentence.

"I-It made me think"

Oh shit, your heart faltered, was he about to break up with you?

"That that could happen in real life too, you know?" he swallowed thickly "that one day you could stop loving me"

"oh"

"and the thought of you leaving... of- of not having you by my side anymore... it just- I wouldn't know how to do it"

"Baby" you whispered, "what are you talking about?"

"you're too good for me y/n, and I guess I'm just scared that one day you'll realize it and just... leave"

"stop" You placed a hand on his lips to silence his nonsense "Baby, that was just a scene from a play"

"Yeah but stuff like that happens"

"well not to us" you promised "You're stuck with me forever, pretty boy, whether you want it or not"

"but-"

"no" you stopped him "no but. Pedro I love you" you breathed "I love you so much it actually hurts sometimes. So no, I'm not leaving"

You could now hear his heartbeat even if your ear wasn't placed above it anymore.

he looked at you, really looked at you, and slowly you watched the doubts melt from his irids.

"thank you" he said simply, leaning closer to you "and baby…I love you more"

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colectingstrz · 3 months

Text

INCOMPATIBLE HARMONY

⤿ a beautiful passion of hatred driving a narrow pathway for foreign emotions and surging familiar ones.

𐙚 g: enimes to lovers, university au, fluff here and there, angst. wc: 10.6k w: one kiss and mentions of a parent passing p: Jay x f reader

𐙚 - like 70% proof read it’s so long I tried 😪

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ

Your mother always said, “Either kill or be killed,” and you regrettably learned the hard way. Life is not easy, and it never will be. You must work for your goals and eliminate any potential distractions, even if they are those you care about. Everything that matters is success. Yet with more independence and freedom of choice u start to crack a little straying further and further away from the motto showing weakness and vulnerability. Success no longer being your priority as you found your focus on a particular someone.

you certainly would not mind eliminating a specific individual , a pest.. a loud, foul mouthed, vile, obnoxious, beastly, filthy inconvenience such as park.

It's not surprising to hear Jay harbours the same feelings as you; it's almost romantic when you think about it. Two people with a passionate desire hatred for one another.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Unfortunately, your Monday became more dreary when you met him waiting outside your professor's door, whom you had intended to meet.

“What are you doing here” Jay ignored you and continued typing stuff on his phone. The sound of his fingers aggressively tapping on his screen bothered you. “Hello? You know it's rude to ignore somebody while they're addressing you.”

Finally, he raises his deep, dismal eyes to meet yours. “I'm so sorry your majesty I didn't like your tone” he said with a grin “what's wrong with my tone? this is how I always talk why are your..so dramatic” You crossed your arms, your tolerance dwindling as you endured this discourse.

“No... today your tone seems more boooorish” you raised an eyebrow at his strange choice of words; you had no understanding what he had just said, which irritated you even more. You despised the way he used sophisticated vocabulary as if he were from 1985. “Do you want to purposefully mislead me? What do you think because you use fancy phrases, you're better than me, you antiquated freak”

Jay grinned. You despised it when he smiled because it felt like he was mocking you, it made you feel little, and you despised every moment of it. “Intentionally yes I'm glad to see it's working it brings me joy to see u distressed-and confused when I mess with ur little narrow minded brain maybe if u spent ur time reading rather than selling ur self out at party's every weekend you would actually know what im saying half the time”

You close your eyes sighing loudly as you try to compose your anger. He was wrong so wrong

Jay smirked as he recognised he had won. Picking up his bag, he approaches you and gently pats over your shoulder, “What's wrong? Can't bite back? Better luck next time, love.” Before you could respond, he walks away, descending down the corridor, leaving you to throw an internal fit as you accept your defeat.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

“Are you coming to Jake's party tonight? It's at his beach mansion” you shrug as you begin to gather your belongings from your desk. “I'm not sure... with this approaching test, I need time to study.” Yujin rolls her eyes, grasping your arm in a plea “Pleaaaaaaaaaaseeee I don't wanna go by myself it's just one party it's not going to ruin your perfect 4.0 GDA!” you lightly break free from her grasp, “correction it's GPA.. and stop clinging onto me like a leech I know damm well u have plenty of other friends if I don't come it's not the end of the world” She groans.

“What if it is the end of the world! your my best freind I want to go with you w..what if I pass out ?? What if I.. uh.. get lost” she blurs out nonsense and you watch in disbelief shaking your head, preparing to turn and leave.

“Park Sunghoon is comming by the way”

You come to a halt in your tracks, slowly turning around. “Really?..Are you saying that only to get me to co- “yes! Really, he's back from France now; there's no way he'll miss Jake's party.” You sigh deeply, pondering whether a single male who is cute is more essential than your future. “I'll think about it.” Yujin smiles, grabbing you in an embrace and showering you with thank yous as if you answered yes (deep down you know it was a yes as well), before she swiftly leaves for her next class.

What you felt for Sunghoon was like a disease, slowly devouring you from the inside out. You've been pinning for him since your first year of university, and you thought it was just a crush until it wasn't. Now, a year later, your feelings have grown stronger. You would do anything to be in the same space as him-not to talk just to admire from afar You were a woman of many words, but in this instance, Sunghoon was different. It's as if you lost the basic mechanics of communication when talking to him; it's too embarrassing to go through again, so you avoid it at all costs and prefer to admire his features . Even in group setting with your friends you keep your conversations to a minimum.

And, of course, evil forces decided to flirt with and entice you once more by bringing not just Sunghoon but also his pest of a friend Jay into your presence as you make your way down the hall to your next class.

“Oh hey y/n it's been a while” Sunghoon smiles as he embraces you cheerfully. “Oh..h..hi umm how was France and the skating Ice- um, I mean ice skating,” you mentally leaped in front of a bus and ran yourself over 76 times because of the idiotic mistake you just made in front of him. “The ice skating competition was good I should hear back in about a week if I've qualified for the semi finals how have you been?” He looks at you intently and quietly, waiting for your response, while Jay silently notes every element of your expression. Both of their stares made you feel little uneasy, as if you were a vase on display in a museum, attracting a lot of attention. You felt your palms start to sweat.

“That's great to hear! Um.. I've been alright just p..preparing for exams right now.” You give him a constant smile, attempting to distract him from your inability to pronounce a simple basic ass word. “Yikes, midterms.. Hope you do well-Oh! Are you going to Jake's party? Or are you going to study? Parties weren't always your thing” Just as you open your mouth to speak, a rat joins in on the conversation despite the fact that he was not invited.

“Sunghoon it seems you've been gone a while she loves parties I see her at them all with that yujin girl I'm sure she won't miss this one will you y/n?” You glare at Jay, directing your focus to him, and imagine all the horrible ways you would torture him for ruining a moment with your crush. “I'm sure she can speak for herself, and trust me, Jay y/n is not a party girl... well, I have a class to go to, so maybe I'll see you at the party,” he smiles one final time before walking away, leaving you and Jay in solitude.

“Do you lack basic manners? Why are you entering into a conversation that has nothing to do with you? He was talking to meeee the last time I checked, and your not y/n.”He shrugged, “My manners are perfect, thank you very much, and I'm open to adding my two cents wherever I want to; all I did was state the facts.” You roll your eyes and reposition your back to hang over your shoulder.

“Facts? Stop acting like you know me Jay, you don't. You're not my friend, you're not my anything. Stay out of my business and my life.” You leave him as quickly as you spoke, bumping your shoulder against his as you storm down the hall.

Something you said right then must have touched a chord, since Jay's mood plummeted for the rest of the day.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Parties are just mobs of people, the perfect place for germs to hibernate and circulate like wildfire, with loud music that bursts your eardrums, piles of sweaty bodies, and excessive amounts of alcohol. You don't see what Yujin sees in this type of activity, but the show must go on, and it's too late to back out now.

Deeper within the mashion are Jay, Jake Sunghoon, and Jungwon, who are playing pool round after round. “Sunghoon, did you find any hot French girls or what?”Jake asks, peeking over to see Sunghoon as he effortlessly knocks down two of his targets into the hole. “Ice skating pre occupied me.. plus I still like her”

Now that Jay has disconnected from his talk with Jungwon, his ears immediately peek up at the sound of Sunghoon's crush, and he listens in curiously. He rarely discusses such topics, especially after his heartache with his ex Chaewon.

“Her? Omg bro it’s been monthhhhs” sunghoon sighs “I know.. but she’s just really pretty and kind I really want to get to know her more this year” Jake laughs placing a hand on his chest “ get to know her? Last year you barely held a conversation with the girl u need to work on your game if u wanna bag a girl like y/n”

Jay lifts his brow in disbelief and confusion. Sunghoon liked you. Considering the millions of girls he could have picked. Jay was completely baffled. Great distress surged over him. He became so outraged that he could no longer bear to listen to the discourse. Jay turns to the pool table, leaving a perplexed Jungwon in the middle of his sentence.

“Do you like y/n? Really, dude? Raise your standards.” Jake's mouth drops agape at his comment, and Sunghoon crosses his arms. “Yeah, I like her, and what about it? I think She's a great girl, what's it to you?” Sunghoon now turns to Jay, looking him down. The mood in the room shifts, and Jungwon, who is watching from a distance, becomes anxious about what is going on.

“It's nothing to do with me I'm just looking out for you as a freind she's not a good person” Sunghoon doesn't say anything for a time and simply stares at Jay. “Maybe u haven't had a good experience with her.. that's your opinion but I've had good with her and I'll stick to my opinion thanks for the concern bro” Sunghoon turns, grabs his drink, and leaves the room.

Jay gulped, grabbing the edge of the pool table firmly in rage. How could Sunghoon not realise what an awful person you were? All he wanted was to look out for him. Again, everything is always your fault. Jay groans as he steps outdoors, leaving the manshion.

He walks outdoors on the sidewalk, trailing his feet. He stares ahead to the shore, watching the clam ripples of water. He groans and walks on, but he comes to a halt when he notices you coaching against the wall with your head down.

He immediately becomes enraged again; it was your fault he was out here, and it was your reason he got into a fight with Sunghoon. He comes up to you talking this opportunity to throw a dig “so much for not being a party girl look at you here all drunk and wasted outside on the floor no self composure what so ever”

He waits, but your witty retort never arrives. He lifts his brow lightly, bending down to shove you, but is met once more with the presence of stillness. Jay feels an awful discomfort in his gut. He bends down to get a closer look, only to find your eyes closed and your hand grasping your chest while you breathe extensively.

“Y/n?… Hey y/n” he holds your shoulder trying to urge a response. “t..to many..” he moves his head closer angling his ear towards you “repeat that for me” you muster all the strength in your body to speak “c..claustrophobic..I’m..clau..” Jay hums in realisation.

He thinks quickly on his feet sitting down on the concrete, reaching for your hand and replacing the one on your chest with his own. “Listen to me right now. I need you to breathe in and out slowly, with 3 seconds in between, okay? Can u do that for me” you weakly nod, obeying his directions.

Each time you did, he would lightly sweeze your hand in encouragement, giving you reassuring “well done’s”and “your getting there's” the whole affair felt strange to you. He was really pleasant, calm, patient, and caring towards you. It was rare for Jay this came out of nowhere, but you didn't question it and accepted it with open arms because you needed it.

Shortly after you find your self calm. But the lingering feeling of jays eyes on you as the two of you sit in silence was uncomfortable. You find your self subconsciously looking down to your feet playing with your fingers. “So.. your claustrophobic I never knew that” you shrug still looking down “well yeah.. it’s not a big deal anyways” he hummus “seems like a pretty big deal if it weren’t for me you would have passed out”

You roll your eyes “no I would have been fine this isn’t the first time I topically do this alone no assistance needed park” Jay humms again his hand reaching to cup your chin forcing you to raise your head and look at him. You were shocked at the sudden contact and the way his hand felt so warm againt your cold skin. “Well..um are you okay now looking at your face you seem it” he then used his hand to turn your head slightly as he analyses your face. “I’m..I’m fine thank you”

A tingly feeling perks within him but he shuts it down nodding removing his hand from your skin. The absence of warmth had you feeling cold again but you brushed it off. Jay suddenly stands up dusting dirt off his back and reaches out his hand to you “come I’ll drive you home I’m assuming you woukd rather not go back in there” he raises a brow you nod hesitantly accepting his hand as he wraps it around your firmly.

“My car is about a 10 min walk are u fine with that? Well doesn’t matter if ur not we still have to walk regardless just letting you know anyway” you laugh a little feeling the sense of familiarity again this was more like jay. More like the jay you knew more like the jay you were used too. Yet that feeling in your stomach didn’t leave.

“Don’t do this again” you raise a brow “pardon?” Jay turns to you “going out in the dark at night in some alley by yourself something easily could have happened to you and no one would be there to save you” you roll your eyes “I know u don’t actually care about what happens to me stop acting like you do plus.. I was close to the beach house I would have been fine” jay sighs shaking his head “belive it all not im not a horrible human being your a girl and that make sure automatically vulnerable alone at night im just warning you love”

You humm “just save me next time then” you finnaly turn to look at him awaiting his reaction as he silently looks at you not saying a word. You quickly look away now feeling awkward regretting your exsistnce.

“Pay me I’m not playing superman for free”

Now at the car it’s mostly silent but a comfortable silence never in your life would you think you would be in jays car having him drive you to your dorm but life is full of surprises isn’t it. Soon you arrive home giving him a Short and firm bye before heading to your door.

Little to your knowledge even once you have entered your dorm Jay remains in his car watching you until he sees the lights shine in ur room confirming you have settled.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Studying was supposed to be peaceful and quiet, but all of that was disrupted the moment you invited Jake to join you.

You wouldn't call him a nuisance, but he was more distracting than anything else. Every 4 minutes, he'd start chatting about strange stuff, and when he wasn't talking, he'd be toying with your hair or poking your check unless he was performing some random asmr with his pen. Sometimes you wish you could just duct wrap his mouth so he would stop talking.

“Jake... please I'm really trying to focus here you know I have an exam soon” he looks down as if you had just rejected or something it made you feel a little bad “Fine.. if you want me gone just say that!” He crosses his arms and looks away, and you sigh, rubbing his shoulder, “It's not that it’s just you talk too much, I need quiet... on second thought yeah, leave, we can hang out later.” You sigh and Jake's mouth opens wide at your unexpected change of direction, huffing silently as he turns to go.

Peace and quiet has made a comeback

You smile to yourself as you study, but as usual, your tranquilly is short-lived when you hear the loud smack of a book beside you. Looking up, there's no one but jay. You raise a curious eyebrow; hardly one visits this section of the library unless a friend tags along, and you've never seen Jay here.

“What brings you here you don't come here this is my space” Jay ignores you, bringing out his laptop, iPad, and any extra papers. “I've come here to study obviously your not the only one who has exams here and last time I checked your name isn't plastered anywhere here so this is everyone's space,” he smiles and returns to getting his stuff.

You groan, your gaze returning to your laptop to drown him out and remain focused. However, that was difficult to do given how fiercely he was looking at you.

“Um, is there a reason why you keep looking at me like that? It makes me uncomfortable.” Jay's eyes stay hanging on yours. “Looking at you? what is it a crime to look at another human being? Arrest me.” He rolls his eyes. You shake your head, closing your laptop and giving him your entire attention.

“Your looking at me like ur going to eat me alive I don't like it please direct your eyes Literally anywhere else” Jay chuckles, moving his head closer to the point your noses would almost just almost connect . “Maybe I should eat you so I don't have to hear your nagging every day. I'll devour you whole nice and slow..how does that sound?”

Unbeknownst to you, a flush rushed across your ears, to which Jay saw with a wide grin. “That's!..that's really inappropriate, Jay. You can't just say things like that to a woman.” He tilts his head, leaning closer. His hot breath stimulating your exposed skin.

“I didn't mean it in that way get your head out of the gutter you.. naughty girl tsk” he paused for a second before starting again “plus I don't really see you as a woman” you raise a brow in disbelief and offence.

“So you’re gay?”

He then abruptly moved back. “Gay? Don't make such a misleading statement; I'm really attracted to women.” You smile slightly, seeing this as an opportunity to twist him even further. “But if you do not view me as a woman, you must see me as a man? And you want to devour this man whole, don't you? Nice and slow Don't worry, your secret is safe with me,” you giggle, covering your mouth from laughing so hard as you watched the dread drown out his face, which turned pale.

“Shut up you’re always so loud and wrong you really think I like men?” You nod “this conversation is proof right here of the Jay is gay statement” Jay places his fingers gently squeezing his temple in vexation. He didn’t appreciate being accused of liking men when he clearly is straight and didn’t like that it was you out of all people.

But

Suddenly he felt the need-the urge to prove it to you he wanted to show you just how wrong you were he wanted to put you in your place and shut you up. So he did just that

Jay leans over in a matter of seconds, one hand behind your neck, the other yanking on your lanyard, forcing tight proximity as he slams his lips against yours. If someone walked in right now, they wouldn't believe their eyes. You didn’t belive it yourself.

His lips brushed against yours, softly and carefully, like you were fragile and he was scared to shatter or harm you. His lips graced yours like butterfly wings, just long enough for him to inhale your breath, feeling the warmth of your skin in his palm as he pulled you in deeper, and the flavour of your strawberry lipgloss lingered in his head, driving him insane.

As soon as it started it quickly ended as you somehow snapped back into reality and roughly pushed him for you. Not wanting to meet his gaze you turn hastily packing your things and leaving as quickly as possible. Leaving a stunned and confused Jay alone in the library.

You slide your back down the wall of an empty corridor, like a dramatic main lead In a teenage drama attempting to regain your calm and gain a grasp of what happened just a few seconds earlier. Were you crazy--or was he crazy? Why did he kiss you, and why was it so long? Most importantly, why did you like it? You loved it You smacked yourself to recover your focus. Choosing to disregard this portion of the day as if it never occurred so that you can sleep soundly tonight.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

After ten minutes of overthinking your life choices in the lounge area, the bell rings for lunch. You grab your phone and text Yunjin to come meet you as soon as possible. She soon appears and sits next to you. You had intentions of telling her but you couldn’t bring yourself too

“What's so urgent that you nee- you having a bad makeup day?” You lift your eyebrow “What?” “My makeup is fine, what do you mean?" she shakes her head, pointing to your lips. “Not your entire makeup, just your lip makeup, it's all smudged.” Flickers of the kiss swarm in your thoughts, making you nauseous.

You quickly get out your mirror attempting to fix it.

“Jay can I ask you something?” Jay nods as he takes a bite out of his sandwich “you smell unusual today” Jay raises an eyebrow, causing Jungwon and Sunghoon to focus on Jake's words: “Yeah, I noticed you smelled kinda fruity today, like... starberries” Jungwon continues, causing Jake to nod in agreement, “I don't smell like that; you're probably smelling something else.”

Unknowingly, while Jay continued to eat, seemingly a little concerned by the claims, Sunghoon discreetly watched Jay, his gaze fixed on the faint hint of lipgloss on his lips.

“Oh my gosh... look at his lips, there's lipgloss. You must have had some action before lunchtime,” Jake wriggles his brows, elbowing Jay. He gulps uneasily, caressing his lip and instantly recalling what he had done; he closes his eyes in regret. “Unless…ur gay? Or something I don’t discriminate ” Jake patted his shoulder

“I knew it I knew u were gay” jay now shoots his head up at that voice your voice as you and yunjin approach his table. You and yunjin were freinds with the rest of jays freinds and sometimes would eat with them though yunjin would limit interactions with jay as by her words “any enemy of my friends is an enemy of mine”

“Jay is gay?” Sunghoon laughs and finally joins the conversation, “Jay and gay, that rhymes!” Jake yelled earning some looks directed at your table Jay simply scowls, “Shut up, both of you.” Jay stands up and grabs his bag and sandwich before leaving. You sighed with relief as he went; sitting directly opposite him seemed wired after what had happened.

It appears that both of you failed to sleep well that night, so you spent it studying to pass the time, while Jay spent it twisting and turning in his bed, extremely upset and ashamed by his irresponsible behaviour. He wishes he could go back in time and prevent it from ever happening.

However, the burning sensation in his chest could not be ignored, and the taste of your strawberry lipgloss lingered on his tongue. He closed his eyes, remembering the taste and feel of your soft lips on his.

The next day was difficult, primarily because you had a council meeting, and of course the vice president had to be Jay, and you the head sadly had a private meeting every 15th, which left you two sitting in an office in silence

“Sooooo..” You spoke but no other words left your lips “should we reschedule this meeting at this rate we will make no progress if you can't even look me in the eye” you grimace a little

“Maybe if a certain somone didn’t just pull up and force themselves onto me I could look them in the eye” you whisper slightly folding your arms turning away. “Force? I didn’t force myself onto you it was mutual” you raise a brow “was it how?”

“You kissed me back and even added your tongue a little; you were clearly into it and wanted it- “shut up please” you placed your fingers on his lips, shushing him before he could humiliate you any further. “Can we change the subject I’m begging” Jay wanted to say more, but judging by your tone and look, he held back.

“Sorry” now, for the first time since this meeting began, you choose to look him in the eye “it was wrong of my to just kiss you out of nowhere I didn't respect your boundaries and I apologise” stunned, you remained silent for a moment before answering “thank you Jay” you smile a little for a split second before it fades away, not wanting to smile for too long because it's Jay after all.

He nods “can we like.. forget this ever happened” you don’t know what it is that you felt then but it was unsettling. You gulped it down agreeing with jays words. “Then let’s start this meeting then”

After a long 30-minute meeting, you and Jay split ways. You go to the library again because you have some free time and run into Sunghoon along the way. You consider many options for running. It's too late; he's already noticed you and invited you to come over.

“hi Sunghoon,” he smiles, waving, “hi y/n, so... do you have any free time right now?” You said, with a nod, “wanna come watch me practise at the rink?” You nodded again, but this time with too much enthusiasm, like a dog. You were embarrassed, but it was difficult to contain your excitement.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

It was chilly. Fortunately, Sunghoon, being the gentleman he is, offered you his puffer, and even though you declined it 15 times, he insisted on forcing you to put it on and zipping you up. The attention in this situation felt good.

You stared in admiration as he skated; he was truly in his element, doing what he does best. You were captivated by how beautifully he swirled and twirled. You hoped you could watch him every day if your schedule wasn't so busy. Interrupting your little display, Yujin texted you.

Yapper: me and the guys are comming over the the rink to ice skate do you wanna come with?

Me: I’m already there? I’m watching Sunghoon practice :)))

Yapper : ARE U LOT ON A ICEY SKATEY DATE? ARE WE INTERRUPTING

Me: NO. He just asked since I also had a free you guys can still come it would be fun I’ll let Sunghoon know

Yapper: if you say so 👀 and btw your bestie is comming

Me: shut up you know dam well he’s not my “bestie” call him that again and I’ll block you

Calling out to Sunghoon, you step down and stand at the edge so he can hear you. “The others are coming down to skate by the way." Sunghoon nods. “Is Jay coming?” You're confused as this was such an unusual and precise inquiry to ask; he should just assume he's coming. You wanted to question further.

“Why are you asking? Is there a reason he shouldn't come?" Sunghoon hastily shakes his head, “I was only wondering—“why? Did something happen?” Sunghoon shakes his head again, “no, I just want to know that's all,” you humm, not believing a word he says. It's times like these that your psychology major comes in handy it was obvious he was lying to you. “Jay is coming”

Soon after they arrived, as you had previously briefed Sunghoon, he prepared and distributed everyone's skates. Jake eagerly put on his skates, excited and ready to go and followed Sunghoon towards the rink. Even when Jungwon and Yujin joined, you still struggled to put on your left shoe.

You attempted to fit your foot in again but failed. You were ready to give up and just watch instead.

“Are you gonna cry over an ice skate?” He teased triggering your frown “No!..this is just really hard” you turn back and try to put it back on for the fifth time. Jay rises up and crouches down in front of you, keeping the shoe in place.

“What are you—“helping I'm helping you, dumbass I'm holding the shoe in place so you can put your foot in, go on.” You comply, pushing your foot in with ease. Before you could reach down to tie the lace, Jay beats you to it, tapping your foot lightly once he's finished. “Thanks” Jay hummed as he turned to leave. Realisation came over you immediately, and you grabbed the hem of his jeans. “Wait, I don't think I can walk on my own. Just help me to the entrance” Jay grumbled, carrying your body up with ease.

“I'll just hold your hand the whole way and bring you to Yujin alright” you agreed, and he now held your hand in his, and you felt the warmth again, just like that night. You didn’t want to let go. Though from afar a pair of flaming eyes watched the scene unfold

“Come on Sunghoon I'm showing you my spin!” Jake yelled as he dragged Sunghoon's arm, diverting his attention. Despite this, Sunghoon cast glances at you and Jay as you entered the rink hand in hand, like some corny couple, and clinched his teeth in anger.

“This is so scary!” Jay glances at you, “You haven't done this before?” You shake your head. “No... this is all new to me, which is why I couldn't do my other shoe properly.” Jay now turns to you, putting your other hand in his. “Do you want me to show you something? I won't let go; don't worry, I'm not the evil creature you see me to be” his comment makes you chuckle “you sooo are if there wasn't any witness I'm so confident you would let go and leave me to fall” Jay rolls his eyes and begins to skate backwards slowly. “w..woah there What are you doing!? What if you bumb into someone! And then boom I fall have an accident and crack my head open and blee-“shh..clam down love im a pro.. I know exactly what im doing now watch and learn newbie”

Jay effortlessly glides backwards, occasionally whirling the two of you in a circle, abruptly changing from fast to slow and slow to fast. It made you a little disoriented, but it was entertaining. Soon, your freinds took notice.

“ I never thought I would see jay and y/n that close to eacother with out any violence involved” jungwon said with a smile “same.. when i look at them now it's kinda cute don't you think ?” Yujin seems complexly clueless of Sunghoon's crush on you: “uh.. nahh, I don't see it”Jake rushes in and shuts off that particular issue, mindful of Sunghoon's facial expression. Jake quickly skates towards the two of you and splits you up.

“Hey guysss y/n I wanna show u somthing come” Jake takes your hands, replacing Jay's warm ones with his chilly ones and yanking you away from him. You felt empty again, and you weren't sure why.

After approximately an hour of ceaseless skating, the others left for ice cream, but you, Jay, and Sunghoon decided to go to study. It felt odd walking back to campus; you could sense the tension, as if you knew something had happened and wanted to know more.

Before u had the chance to bring it up Sunghoon departed calming “something came up” leaving you and Jay alone. It was silent but a comfortable silence you kept talking glances at Jay really only because he kept talking glances at you he seemed he wanted to say somthimg so you gave him the green light

“I know u have something to say don’t be a pussy” Jay chocked on air at the sudden directness “well.. if you say so then please just here here me out when I say this but I really need something form you it’s kinda last minute but your the only option I have” You nodd urging him to talk “my mom is hosting one of her business events but during it she wants to set me up with a daughter of one of her brand partners but shes..she’s I can’t stand her really and..I was wondering-hoping actually if you can step in just for tonight as my temporary date so my mom doesn’t set me with her…??” Jay closes his eyes expecting the worst yet you say nothing he opens your eyes to observe you

Your countenance gradually changes, and you burst out laughing, “Jay, I never took you for the funny type, oh my..” Jay doesn't find any of this funny and frowns “I'm being serious y/n” you glance at him and your face slowly lowers as you realise he is genuinely serious “ well first of all, I don't wanna be dragged into y'all's rich people drama before they assassinate me in my sleep or some shit” Jay throws his hands in the air “no!..no this is real life not some tv show bs your overthinking this nothing bad is going to happen its just one night stop being dramatic!”

“I am not finished. Second, you don't really like me, and I don't really like you, so it makes no sense that we act like a couple. Third, I'm sure someone else would be better for this... you're not all that dumb, so no way I'm a contender.” Jay sighs, recognising that convincing you will be more difficult than he expected. He lays his hands on both shoulders and shoots you with an expression of great desperation.

“I can't ask anyone else; it's this night, and I'm running out of time. You're the only person I think can handle or tolerate my mother. I really need this, please. I'll do everything, give you anything, just do me this one favour.” You place your finger on your chin and tap it, trying to prolong this moment enjoying every second of jays expression. You glance into his yearning stare. “Hmm, I don't know..” Jay holds your shoulder more tightly than previously. “Please y/n you owe me I've helped you 2 times now this is the least you can do for me” you let out a sigh giving in “sure give me 50k” Jay opens his mouth in surprise at the outrageous quantity.

“Oh that’s not..” you sigh “you said anything this classifies as anything your rich aren’t you? You’re basically a walking bank! this should be nothinggg” Jay sighs “fine..but only after you have gone I’ll send it to you understood” you nod “if this is what its like to have a sugar daddy..then I’ll gladly come to every event can you imagine? 50k per event I might as well drop out of uni and start travelling the world” Jay chuckles at your imagination he found you amusing.

“I think I'm a bit young to be a sugar daddy plus I would never willingly wanna spoil a brat like you someone like you needs discipline” your smile dimes kissing your teeth you pinch his arm earning a groan

“What makes you think I want you to be my sugar daddy!? I'm not a brat, and I don't deserve to be disciplined at all, especially by someone like you. Take your own advice.” Jay hums, “You want to discipline me? Didn’t know you were into that” He smirked, leading you to glance away. “Why are you saying it that way!..You're so weird Jay, this is why you don't get any girls because you're a fucking creep.” He laughs, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

“yet your going to a fancy event with this creep tonight aren’t you?”

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Another thing you didn't expect was Jay to be in your dorm room, just you and him. Jay had bursted in pushing some bags into your chest.

“What's this?” He rolls his eyes. “Are you blind?” It's obviously shopping bags full of clothes and shoes. Use your common sense...anyway, I chose this outfit out for you, so go and wear it; the party is in an hour.” You grumble in irritation, going to the bathroom to change.

You would have preferred that instead of parting ways after the conversation, he had informed you of the timing so you could have begun working on your hair and makeup instead of turning up to close to the time where you were in your lounge wear

After getting ready, you come out and present yourself to Jay. It was a long wine-colored green dress shoulder less showing your collarbone. The sleeves ended at your wrist, slightly flared. It embraced your curves, trailing down to the floor and encompassing your body--in a wonderful manner. Jay matched it with gold earrings that flowed down, a simple necklace with a diamond in the centre, and low heels. Jay hummed in fulfilment, looking down at you from top to bottom.

“How do I look?” Jay nods, “You look good, so good I'll turn straight for you.” You smile and laugh at his comment. It seemed he did have a sense of humour. You excuse yourself shortly rushing to do your hair and makeup while Jay is getting ready in your room. Shortly after, you emerge, stunned to discover his finished look.

He was dressed in an all-black suit with a black turtleneck, which wonderfully highlighted his features, particularly his jawline. You didn't want to acknowledge it, but he looked great. You subconsciously ogled at him, and Jay smiled proudly. “You like what you see love?” You shake your head, “Meh, it's fine I guess.” Jay grins to himself at how quickly you denied, as if your mouth didn't water at the sight of him. “Well then let's get going wouldn't want to be late now would we”

Soon you arrive. Jay comes out and opens your door, assisting you out of the vehicle and locking it behind him. He rests his hand on your waist, but he soon removes it. You turn to him “Can I put my hands there? Are you okay with that?” You nod gently, reassuring him. He places his hand back there, confirming to you the warmth you didn't realise you were missing. It made you feel at ease.

You both walk in while Jay greets all these people you don't recognise. To say you felt out of place is an understatement; you were dressed appropriately, but you didn't feel the part. Soon, a woman appeared, and from her appearance, you could tell she was Jay's "scary" mother, his words not yours.

“Hello, my lovely boy. Oh! And who could this be? Jay smiles and pulls you closer, “This is my date y/n.. and y/n this is my mother.” You bow and smile at her. “hello it's lovely to meet you Mrs park” His mother looks you over, looking for flaws to criticise you for. She stiffly smiles, but you know it's not genuine. “Hello there dear.. it's a pleasure to meet you. What do your parents do hmm?” You gulp.

Clearly, you and Jay did not think this through; you had not prepared anything, so you simply stated the truth. “My father was a senior clinical psychologist and my mother is a paralegal” she hums as she takes a sip of her drink. “So your parents aren't doing so well,” “ah.. what a same” you wrinkle a brow, “pardon? What do you mean by that, Mrs. Park,” she shrugs.

“A psychologist? Might as well have been a doctor, far more money, and a paralegal, was it not enough to not just be a lawyer, maybe she failed law school? I guess.. everyone has to find a means to get by."

Your rage must have been obvious. Jay gently squeezed your waist, rubbing it slightly. You couldn't tell if it was to calm you down or a warning not to overreact, but you moved on impulse. No one would speak about your parents, especially your father, who had passed away.

“Listen here..Mrs Park. I do not appreciate your comments regarding my parents' employment. As you seem to be unaware about, a psychologist is a very wonderful vocation. My father was the head of his own business and owned it; he worked in private health care. He earned a lot of money, more than enough to fucking survive…” you took a deep breath to gain composure “Oh! and for your information, I'm also studying psychology so that when I'm older, I can be as successful as my father-and just because my mother isn't in the spotlight of a law profession doesn't mean her work is any less important; she does all of the behind-the-scenes paperwork without the help of others like her , lawyers would have nothing to present in court. I’m sure you didn’t know that since your mindset is clearly limited”

Mrs park gasps and opens her mouth to inject but you cut her off “My mother makes a lot of money; she's not a billionaire, but she lives nicely and has raised me and my brothers comfortably, so do your research before you start talking down on jobs.” You handed Jay your drink and turned away to leave.

Jay's mother was taken aback because no one had ever spoken to her like that before. She was silent; you chewed and spat her out. As yunijin would say “you ate that girl” Jay was fairly pleased of how you stood up for yourself in the face of disagreements. One thing he liked about you was that no matter who it were, you held firm for what you believed in and never gave in to anyone else. “That insolent, arrogant brat! How could she!?” Jay turned to his mother. “She may be a brat at times, but she is not arrogant in general please stop from talking about my date in any unfavourable way, mother…” Jay quickly turned to walk after you.

You sigh as you step out onto a random balcony, embracing the chill. You lean on the edge, looking over the neighbourhood and gazing at the stars.

“The sky is beautiful isn't it?” You humm your eyes, not leaving what is in front of you. “Are you trying to flirt with me right now?” He rolls his eyes “maybe.. is it working love?” you smirk “if anything im turned off repulsed even disgusted it- “alright no need to over do it like I'm some creature who lacks in every ability to charm a woman” you look him in the eye “maybe you are? But one things for sure you certainly did not charm ms back there park. Neither your mother but that’s not the focus”

Jay's smile shrivels under the implications of your words, and he moves closer to you. “Listen.. my mother, like I said, she's scary, and it's hard to voice my opinions against her.” You cross your arms. “I get that, but she basically humiliated and billeted my parents. I know we're not close, but even if you said something or tried to stop her, I'd have appreciated feeling like im not on my own back there...you know? But I think I anticipated too much from you.”

Jay sighed. “What do you mean by that, and what are you trying to say? Trust me, I wanted to say something but couldn't bring myself to…” “ I'm sorry, I really wish I said something. I didn't like how she talked to you either, and I want to take accountability for that because she's my mother. I feel partly responsible, especially since I brought you here; it's my fault. I'm so sorry, y/n, and I completely understand if you just want to leave, you can I won't force you to stay.”

You turn and move approach him. You had no idea what possessed you to do such a thing, but before you realised it, you had placed a palm on his cheek, cupping it. “Honestly, everything is fine. I get where you're coming from. I don't know about your relationship with your mother, but if it's as difficult as you claim, I'll go with it. It's fine; I handled everything on my own rather well, didn't I?” You smile to yourself with pride. “I’m an independent woman after all”

Jay returned the same look, and if it hadn't been so dark, you would have noticed how bright his cheeks were at the contact of your cold hands “I like my women independent” he winked at you, causing you to quickly retreat your hand back using it to hit his chest “s..stop it” Jay smiles “would you believe me if I told you I stayed silent because I knew you were going to jump in so there was no need..haha” you flick him in the arm, making him yelp “don't make me change my mind park” jay quickly shook his head “just a jokey joke..” You smile as you move towards the door, “No worries then let's continue what we started”

The rest of the night went nicely; Jay's mother scowled at you the entire time, but never said anything, which you appreciated, and the meal was as good as you expected. “So this is what you affluent people do when you're bored?” he shrugs. “I suppose so.. I have these all the time” “How do you have time to prepare for midterms? Especially if it's 11 p.m. and no one appears ready to go home” you raise a brow awaiting his reaction “well... I make it work and quit interviewing me” you frown

“I am not interviewing you. I am only asking some inquiries. Can't a girl be curious?” he rolled his eyes, “you seem too curious for someone who doesn't like me”

“Well maybe I don't like you a little less than before” Jay raises an eyebrow, querying how you worded your sentence “Clearly, you visit the library, but not enough. Your sentence is grammatically incorrect nevertheless, I know how to decode the drivel you spew, therefore I understand you.” As usual, Jay had to find a way to irritate you. “If you understand me, you could have just said thank you and called it a night.” Jay laughs, looking at his watch.

“Like you said it's getting late we have class tommrow come on let's go I'll drive you home” you nod “loving the jays girlfriend experience it's a shame you have such as attitude for that I'll rate it a 7/10” Jay stands up with his hand against your back, guiding you through the crowd. “A 7/10? Come on, I treated you well tonight; I even gave you this lovely outfit and shoes, and I- “woah, woah, cool down, I was just kidding.. you've been so sweet to me today I’ve basically fallen in love with you at this point” you smile.

“Your in love with me?” You hum “I said basically doesn’t mean I actually am don’t get my words twisted I know how badly you want me and all..” you wait for his response yet all he does is stare at you with a look. A particular look you recognise, the look he gave you before he kissed you that day. Was he going to do it again? You secretly hoped he would.

“Y/n actually I- Jay! Is that you my favourite nephew I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Dispite the interruption Jay isn't sure what hit him, but he wanted to make you smile like that again and again, and he yearned for another time when he could be alone with you and do whatever he wanted.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

From that day onwards You and Jay were near each other more from the start. You studied together, spent your spare time together, and even greeted each other in the hallway. While you still had some arguments and words flung back and forth, they were less frequent and less sour and bitter.

“Jay Jay Jay jaayyyyyyy” he hummed as you poked his cheek. He felt the sharp agony of your acrylics scraping his cheque, but not wanting to upset you, he took the pain silently, allowing you to do whatever you pleased. “I've been thinking we should go out,” he shoots his head up. “G..go out really ?” You agree, “Yeah, there's this cool bowling place that opened about 15 minutes away from campus; we should go together.” Jays smile dropped as glad as he was to go with you, he was hoping it was to “go out with you,” if you catch the drift

But Jay was happy that you were happy and that’s what matters now. Your closeness to eacother was somthing Your friends soon all picked up on yet no one questioned it too much because they were relieved that everyone in the group was now on good terms.

But was that really the case?

What was supposed to be a relaxed atmosphere transformed into an uneasy, uncomfortable quiet. Jay Jake Sunghoon and Jungwon are present, but despite the normal cheerful environment, today no one speaks.

“So.. what's up guys..” Jake sought to break the silence but received no response. He sighs and sinks into the chair, succumbing to defeat. “Actually Jake..” Sunghoon answers “I wanna know what's up too” he speaks addressing Jake, but his eyes are straight on Jays, and Jay understands precisely what he is talking about.

“If you have somthing to say just be straight with me Sunghoon” he clicks his tongue againt his check growing agitated “what I can’t seem to understand.. is how you wanted me to stay away from her so bad because she’s a “bad person” yet all of a sudden your associating yourself with you even hanging out with her privately which you never did before..”

“Honestly I wish I could give you a straight answer for that.. but I can't really explain how I feel and I'm sorry for how I acted back then towards you about it I shoukd have just been true with my intentions” he said “then what are your intentions” Jay gulped, little nervous beneath his gaze, “I like her too, Sunghoon, and I think I always have..maybe ”

The room fell silent as Sunghoon's eyes ramined on Jay's eyes, twitching fingernails digging into his skin as his skin redness became sore. “I feel like such a fool.. my best friend has been lying to me all this time I knew it that day with the smell it was y/n's I smelled the same when I invited her to ice skate with me.. you've been lying under my nose this whole time kissing her doing god knows what with he for all I know! when I expressed my fucking interest in her!” Jay felt terribly awful for how it all played out. He wished things had been different, he wished he had never liked you or that sunghoon had never liked you in the first place, but it was too late.

“Sunghoon, I-“save it” he stood up, grabbing his bag departing. Jay gazed down with regret. Jake sighed and hurriedly stood up to follow, while Jungwon remained behind to check on Jay.

Straight after class you proceed to the lounge and in the corner you find Jay and Jungown. You approach them ready to say high until you catch on to the vibes. As you gaze at their looks bewildered, you pry

“Guys? Is everything alright?” They both glance at you silently. Jay says nothing at first but mutters a brief “I'll talk to you later” as he collects his things and leaves. Jungwon tags along, giving you an apologetic look as he departs, leaving you perplexed and alone to ponder your feelings.

Jay has distanced himself since that day. Perhaps you would have preferred not to see his face back then, but the you now dreaded it. He became part of your routine, something you looked forward to, and now it's as if it never happened. You waved at him in the canteen one day, he looked away, (ouch) the next you asked him a question, he got up and left, the other at the store he made eye contact with you and went into another section , you called, he declined, you texted, he was online but left you on delivered.

It's almost pathetic how badly you wanted to talk to him despite the fact that he ignored you every time, but you didn't want to give up; you had some hope that he'd ultimately talk to you, but he didn't.

Yujin was becoming concerned about your state; you stopped hanging out with the others at lunch, you didn't respond to the group chat despite being the most active, you stayed in your dorm most of the time and stopped going out with everyone, and when you did, you looked tired and drained this wasn't like you at all.

“What could I have done wrong yujin.. I don’t understand we were so fine like 2 weeks ago then boom ghosted” yujin sighed as she pattered your back in attempts to comfort you she truely didn’t understand either “I really don’t know.. it seems you guys were fine from what I saw maybe it’s a him issue”

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Now it's the 15th, the day you dreaded. You had no idea how you would deal with Jay, or if he would even show up, because he now appears to despise you. You felt your stomach churn, which was a restless sensation. Taking the deepest breath your body could bear, you opened the door to see Jay sitting with some papers and reading them. You silently step in, locking the door behind you and sitting a few seats away while bringing out your paperwork.

Silence. As you expected

But impulsively it felt like the one chance you had to receive answers and closure because there were no excuses for him to run away and ignore you. “Jay” he hummed, not looking up, “why are you ignoring me? Have I done something wrong?” Jay doesn't say anything for a moment but eventually says “no”

“Why am I getting silent treatment then? And look at me when I'm talking to you.” Jay sighs softly, looking up to meet your gaze, and immediately lowers in sorrow as he sees your expression. “I've been wondering for weeks what I must have done to irritate you.. but I can't put my finger on it. We were getting there, Jay and we were getting along..then you just cut me off out of nowhere. What was the point if you were just going to do this? You might as well have just let me live my life, but no you made things complicated.”

“I..I'm sorry” you scoff in incredulity. He's not sorry; if he was, he wouldn't have done this to you in the first place if he cared enough. “ If you were sorry, you would not treat me this way, or... is this the goal to make me like you so you can then mess with my emotions!? and make me feel like shit since you despise me so much? If so well done actor of the fucking year.. you fooled me for sure.” You shake your head standing up, Jay replicates your movement, reaching out quickly seizing your wrist.

“Hey... no, no, it's not like that at all! Please hear me out. I didn't want to handle things this way” you sharply, remove your hands from his grip. The warmth he once gave you feeling disgusting It's as if a switch went off in your head, erasing any developing feelings and replaced them with what you once knew.

“What? Want to mislead me again with your lies and restart the cycle? Cut it out, Jay, you've won! Are you pleased with your achievements? Are you satisfied? And to think I thought we could someday... well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? I don't want anything to do with you, Jay.” Jay was frustrated and scared, and he didn't know what to do. He attempted to convince you, but you refused to listen.

You turn to leave, ignoring his pleads. “Jay, if you know what's good for you, stay away from me right now. You've been doing so well lately, I'm sure it won't be a problem for you. Keep up the good work goodbye Jay,” you turn away, slamming the door behind you, leaving Jay to linger in remorse.

In frustration, he smashed his fists against the table, turning red. He was extremely angry. Angry at himself for being so dumb and small-minded; if he had just been honest with you, maybe things would have been different. Jay wasn't sure what to call it, but it felt like heartbreak more than anything. A wave of anguish overtook him, robbing him of appetite. He felt intense pain in his midsection, like if a shard had sliced through his gut. It felt like death, like despair, choking his body's breath and shutting down his brain effecting his ability to think.

With each passing day, you take another step away from him leaving him in the dark as he once did to you , roles now reversed he feels the same pain you did. despite his constant request and pleas that you show some signs. Your eyes show him distrust, and an averted stare.

“She's leaving today she didn't even say goodbye” Jake frowns and looks down as Jay strides into the room, reading a brow. “Who's leaving?” Jake and Yujin froze. “Uh.. no body jay it's nothing” he crosses his arms “tell me” Yujin keeps her mouth shut to keep her world safe, whereas Jake blabbers your secret under even the slightest pressure.

“Y/n! She is travelling for Canada today- her flight is at 8:45” Jake hurriedly covers his lips while Yunjin slaps him harshly on the shoulder “your so... useless,” she sighs in annoyance now looks at Jay "if your thinking of going don't bother there is no way you will make it in an hour she will be gone and wants nothing to do with..”

Yunjin halts in her sentence in shock as Jay speeds out his room you could practically feel the gust of wind from the speed at which Jay ran to his car. This was his last chance he had to at least try maybe now maybe now you would be willing to talk to him and sourt things out he needed and has been yurning to be in your Presence for so long

You sighed as you waited in queue to board your flight. Was this a hasty decision? Perhaps would it would improve your mental health 100%, especially since it was only for the rest of the academic year you needed this time for yourself. As you go through your playlist, you select a song and discreetly hum along to it, closing your eyes and immersing yourself in the music.

“Y/n!”

You were so engrossed in your music that you missed Jay desperately calling out your name as you made your way to the front, scanning your passport and pulling your bags closer to the jet. Jay worried and tried to get closer to you, but the airport was packed with people "y/n!" He called for you again.

But it was too late your figure was gone.

You wonder occasionally if you and Jay were actually incompatible , and how two wrongs may function together so strangely. Was your perfect harmony a lie?. Was it only temporary, or was it even there at all?-Or simply a thought you deluded yourself into thinking since you craving his attention so much.

You guess you will never know and neither will he.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ

ᝰ.ᐟ - note : after being gone for moths I’ve finnaly had the motivation to writeeee. This has taken me days hopefully you enjoyed and thank you for reading ૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა

@SOOTREEPEAR

#sootreepear #enhablr #en web #jay x y/n #jay enha #jay x you #park jongseong #jongseong x reader #jongseong angst #enhypen jongseong #jay fanfic #enhypen jay #jay enhypen #enhypen x reader #jay x reader #enhypen #enhypen fic #enhypen fanfiction #enha

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