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inkblackorchid · 11 months

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What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 1)

*deep breath* Hiiiiiiii.

After sitting on this for ages, I finally decided to make the Crow post. And because this ended up getting stupidly long, I decided to turn this into part one of two, maybe three, we'll see (which I honestly should have done with the Aki posts too, but oh well). So let me quickly make it clear what I'm about here: This analysis is not meant to convince people who hate Crow to change their mind. It is also not meant to dissuade people who love Crow from doing so. Instead, I wanna look at how Crow was handled during the show (up until the end of the DS arc for now, I'll dive into the rest later) and give my own take on why he developed the way he did and turned into such a polarising character. Also, disclaimer, despite the fact that I'll be making an effort to analyse things objectively, I am a mere human and obviously not the one and only expert on all things 5Ds. My only claim to knowledge here is that I've watched 5Ds several times now, love the show and its characters deeply, and like to think I have a decent amount of media literacy. Also, I take no responsibility for the length of this post. Despite me splitting things up, it's stupidly, exhaustingly long. Like, very, very long. So. Let's hop to it, shall we?

Before I get into the meat of things, there's one more thing I would like to get out of the way: I know plenty of people, even now, so long after the show ended, would answer the question of "what happened with Crow, anyway" with something along the lines of "well Blackwings got so popular" or "well Aki's VA got pregnant so Crow stole her spotlight" and I need to burst some people's bubbles here because no. Neither of these things are true. Nor is the infamous "well Crow was meant to be the main villain", actually! And I could go into all of that here, but that would be a whole post of its own for each topic, and luckily, someone else has already done all of that work. I direct you to two posts over on Reddit from @mbg159, who did an absurd amount of digging to comprehensively disprove two of the 5Ds fandom's favourite scapegoat theories:

No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, and most certainly not the boss of the dark signers.

No, Aki being sidelined and suddenly having less presence in the narrative than him was not because her VA got pregnant.

I really don't want this to come off as an "assigned reading"-thing, but it is so, so important to keep these things in mind when looking at Crow, and honestly? I'm just tired of these rumours at this point. It's been 12 years since the show ended, we don't need to keep believing this nonsense. And the posts linked above aren't crackpot theories or anything of the sort—they provide sources all over and all of the links still work. If you still can't be bothered to read them (they are long, yes), then at least take away this tl;dr: Crow allegedly having been planned as a villain doesn't work because there is no evidence that supports it, and both his spike in screentime being caused by the Blackwings' popularity and him "taking Aki's spot" because her VA got pregnant make zero sense because they simply don't match up with the production timeline of the show. It is literally impossible for either of these things to be true. (And believe me, I am as mad as anyone that Aki got shafted, maybe even madder than the average fan, but if it doesn't add up, it simply doesn't add up and there were no regrettable outside influences, someone just actively made shitty writing decisions and that's that.) So please. It has been 12 years. Forget this stuff. Ditch it. Let it die. Because I'm not here to spin conspiracy theories, I'm here to analyse the writing of the show as best I'm able. Okay? Okay.

Now, for the good part. Shall we start with some facts? Let's start with some facts.

Crow is introduced to the audience in episode 30, shortly after the dark signers arc kicks off. And considering that he later ends up as one of the main characters, arguably even the third most important character in the show after Yusei and Jack, this immediately stands out. For reference, the rest of the signer group is introduced within the first 14 episodes of the show. Even Aki, who is the last signer to be introduced, takes less than half the number of episodes Crow does to finally make her debut. And I don't think you could blame anyone for finding this weird. 30 episodes, even in a show with a relatively short episode length like 5Ds, is an absurd amount of time for a protagonist to get introduced. As for how he's introduced to us...

We get the gist of his character pretty quickly. He's a daredevil, he's used to flipping sector security the bird (pun not intended), he's got a soft spot for kids, and he knows Yusei well—well enough for the two of them to tag-duel some security officers almost immediately after not seeing each other for an undefined amount of time, which, if you know anything about yugioh, says it all.

(Pictured: two lads getting up to Shenanigans.)

There is history there. These two know each other's decks. They know how each the other plays. They can work together immediately and seamlessly. This is a big deal. Aaaaannd... It immediately begs some questions: If this guy knows Yusei so well, and they are really close friends, why the hell is he only showing up now? Why wasn't he helping Yusei put together his duel runner? Why didn't he help him stick it to sector security at the start? Why weren't they in contact?

The thing is, the show never really answers any of that. At least not properly. We can only read between the lines as to why Crow wasn't with Yusei from the start. (At least in-universe. Irl, it's easy enough to guess that Crow was not there at the start of the show because the writers at first didn't think they'd be putting this side character Takahashi originally came up with into the show.) Which brings me to the Enforcers. (Side note: As a sub watcher, I know the Japanese name is Team Satisfaction and I know Kiryu's catchphrase works a million times better with that name, but "Team Satisfaction" will always sound like a boyband name to me and I like to mix and match the sub and dub names based on what I like better on an individual basis anyway, please bear with me.) And before I properly open that can of worms, I feel the need to point something out: After Crow made his debut in episode 30 and got the opportunity to show off his duelling a bit during episodes 30-31, we are immediately introduced to Kiryu/Kalin at the end of episode 32. What this means for Crow is that he has zero backstory at this point and his character had zero time to settle. His only tie to the main story, as far as the audience is concerned, is that he's Yusei's friend from however long ago, and aside from that, he's only got two other things going to endear him to viewers: 1. he stands up to sector security (whom the first season did a pretty good job of establishing as pigs) and 2. he cares for abandoned children. He gets a "Save the Cat" moment and a tie to the main character, and that's it. Just to put that into perspective, we know the most important points of all the other signers' backstories by that point. Jack and Yusei's deal is made obvious to us within the first five episodes; the twins, though the narrative largely only spares them breadcrumbs, anyway, at least have that bit about Ruka/Luna having been in a coma at one point and having a connection to the spirit world shown during episodes 18-19; and though it once again takes Aki the longest to reveal what she's all about, we at least have a good idea of why she is the way she is by episode 24, and we get the icing on the cake of her traumatic past during the narratively excellent duel in episodes 40-41 (no, I will never shut up about how much I love this duel). Plus, she arguably has the most complicated backstory, so it's no surprise that it takes longer to reveal. But here's where the Enforcers come in again.

(And here we see the arguably most deranged rat bastard of a man (affectionate) in the entire show. But hey, at least he has an exquisite sense for dramatics.)

As far as backstory for Crow is concerned, the Enforcers drama initially revealed during episodes 33-35 is as much as we get for him after his introduction. His later duel with dark signer!Bommer/Greiger during episodes 51-53 offers a bit more, but more on that later. First, I want to preface this by saying that I don't think it was a coincidence that Crow and Kiryu/Kalin were introduced so shortly after one another. Because at this point in the story, I think Crow's main role is to add a counterweight to Kiryu/Kalin. To Crow, whatever happened with the Enforcers was evidently not enough to break the friendship between him and Yusei—they're still close and get along well. And then we have Kiryu/Kalin—for him, whatever happened with the Enforcers was a big deal and he's more than a little resentful about it, to the point of wanting to murder Yusei in revenge. (It is also noteworthy that this is the first thing that ever calls Yusei's character into question, because here is a guy who evidently knew him well once and absolutely loathes him, and it's clearly not because of his Satellite upbringing, his marker, or any of the stuff the other antagonists up until this point hated him for. Yusei fucked something up here. Big time. But let's not get sidetracked.) So, what does the Enforcer drama tell us about Crow, anyway? Frankly, not much. We learn two things: One, same as Yusei and Jack, Crow was all for the "liberating Satellite"-thing at first. Two (and this one's way spicier), unlike Yusei, he had the guts to ditch Kiryu/Kalin when it became clear he was willing to go too far. He was even the first to do it. (And I'd argue that if Crow hadn't walked away, Jack wouldn't have, either, but the relationship between these two is a whole other funky can of worms.)

(I love how Yusei grabs him like a naughty cat every time Crow gets worked up.)

The thing is, I wish I could say this tells us something integral to Crow's character, but looking at the rest of the show... it kind of doesn't. Implicitly, it shows us that he draws the line somewhere, and where people he loves doing absolutely insane things is concerned, he does it sooner than Yusei. It's just that this is never brought up again. And as far as his introduction is concerned, this, the first dark signer!Kiryu/Kalin duel, and him rushing to get Yusei to Martha's on his runner is the last we see of Crow for a while.

(For the love of all that's good and holy, why on earth did he deposit Yusei on his runner like that, shrapnel-stab-wound-side down?? Did he pull out the biggest piece of shrapnel before doing this? How did Yusei's legs not drag on the asphalt? Why did nobody think to tie something around his stomach to slow down the bleeding? Ok I need to calm down I'm overthinking this)

After this bit, the signers are pulled centre stage for a while—which was to be expected, for one, and also seems like the right call, writing-wise. After all, they're the ones the audience expects to save the day. As far as viewers are concerned at this point, Crow is just Some Dude who happens to be good friends with Yusei. We've had characters like this before. Hell, the opening episode of 5Ds introduced us to a whole four of them, and for all we know, Crow could have a first been intended to be precisely that, just another Satellite side character, who just so happens to have ties to the Enforcers-debacle that the others don't.

However. Where the writing for Crow as a character, especially considering where he ends up later, is concerned, this looks like less of a smart move. Because the "set-up" (if you can even call it that) to make Crow a protagonist later is... shaky, to say the least. And I'll be frank with you, I'm pretty sure this is because Crow was intended to be neither a dark signer nor a signer (which the Reddit post about him I linked above also proposes). In other words, it was never meant to be set-up in the first place. Considering how the show developed and turned him into a protagonist later, though, I can't help but wonder how Crow could have been written differently to make him actually slot in well with the rest of the signers without stepping on many people's toes. But before we dive into hypotheticals, let's continue looking at what they did with him first.

We see him between episodes 30 and 35, and then he briefly poofs out of existence until episodes 43-44 where he... mistakes Yaeger/Lazar for a dark signer and has a duel with no outcome against him, which only barely serves to keep him relevant.

(The face of a dark mastermind, servant of an ancient, immeasurable evil. Truly.)

Though him outmanoeuvring the vice director despite all the data he has on him shows him to be a cunning duellist, it feels a bit like a throwaway episode, like the show saying "oh yeah wait don't forget that this guy's also there". Crow exists in the narrative—and gets to duel, which sets him apart from Yusei's other Satellite friends—but he does nothing to advance the plot, despite getting whole episode segments dedicated solely to what he's currently getting up to. He's just kind of there, and it doesn't help to set up any of what comes later, except the idea that he can and will fight a dark signer if he finds one, maybe. But the thing is, Crow vanishes after this duel. Literally.

(Run, bird boy, run! Or, uh... drive?)

And look. The way this moment looks? With the black fog literally catching back up to Crow on-screen? And with what he says, swearing that he won't die here, which is strikingly similar to how the other dark signers refused to die, swearing themselves to revenge instead? I get why people thought this would be the moment Crow died and turned into a dark signer himself. But the thing is, even without all the hints pointing to Goodwin instead of him from the start (Goodwin speaks about being willing to sacrifice Satellite within the first ten episodes, the condor is literally on his shirt, ffs, and the corresponding geoglyph is shown in the background when he talks about the Nazca Lines, I am not making this up), Crow becoming a dark signer makes zero sense because it doesn't fit his character. He has no motivation to become a dark signer, because the dark signers ultimately aim to destroy Satellite. And even with what little the audience knows about Crow at this point, it is crystal clear that Crow would never destroy Satellite, not to speak of sacrificing the children he cares for to summon an Earthbound Immortal. It simply doesn't work, because his character doesn't work like that. Crow is deeply protective of Satellite—as his devotion to making it better during the Enforcer days shows—and he is even more fiercely protective of the kids he takes care of. Destroying either or both to turn the world into a literal hellscape instead goes against everything we've seen him say and do up until this point.

However, this is where we have to address the refrigerator in the room.

(Ah yes. The fridge for Crow. The fridge for Crow that was there from the start. The fridge that Crow totally had the time to curl up and hide inside of. The fridge specifically for Crow. Crow's fridge.)

Every time I watch this moment, I don't know whether to laugh like a maniac or heave the biggest sigh of my life. Even when you're being extremely generous with the show and its writing, there is no getting around the fact that this is as though someone wrote DEUS EX MACHINA all across the screen in bold, red letters. And again, I get why people thought this was the moment where the writers decided to do a 180 and turn Crow into a good guy instead of a dark signer due to the popularity of his cards or whatever. The production timeline still doesn't add up, but I get it. And cards or no cards, you can tell that someone made an out-of-left-field decision in Crow's writing for this moment to exist, because the way things were going for him before, purely based on visual evidence, it looked more like he was going to be another victim of the ominous black fog here, for someone (presumably Yusei) to have an angsty moment about later. (Or, hell, perhaps somewhere around this point, they decided that the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin would be a 3v1 turbo duel, which Aki, despite being a kickass duellist, categorically couldn't participate in because she doesn't have a license at this point! It could have been as simple as that.) To contextualise this, between Crow vanishing and him reappearing here, 7 whole episodes pass. He vanishes in episode 44 and reappears in episode 51. His saving grace is that all the duels in between canonically take place within the same night, which is why it's technically not unrealistic for him to be stuck in a fridge for a few hours. Technically. Ok, but what does he reappear for? Well, to have his very own dark signer duel, of course.

(Not pictured: Bommer's hilariously large runner.)

This is the first time we get to see Crow actively contributing to the larger plot, and in light of where he ends up later, I think this duel does a world of good for him. Firstly, it offers us more backstory (though still less than for the other signers), establishing why Crow's so attached to his orphans, why he's so close to Yusei, and throwing in tidbits like how he learned to read from duel monsters cards. It's "Save the Cat" moments all over, and it also does two other things well: For one, this is the only dark signer duel we get where both parties technically have the exact same goal—revenge. Bommer wants to avenge his hometown, Crow his kids. This duel, more than anything else, shows us that Crow could have become a dark signer—in a world where doing so didn't also mean destroying Satellite and killing his kids. Plus, it's the only duel against a dark signer we get that is fought and won by someone who, at this point, is not a signer. And this is especially important to me because it supports themes the show already began establishing with Rudger/Roman Goodwin and continues much later with Team Ragnarok and the likes: Fate is bullshit, the future is not set in stone, it is determined by what we do here and now and we have to fight to make it better. Therefore, contrary to what "fate" would dictate, Bommer/Greiger is not beaten by a signer. He's beaten by Crow. This is an extremely solid bit of writing that 100% supports the show's themes. (Arguably, this duel might have been even more solid if Crow hadn't actually turned into a signer, because him as a non-signer who stayed a non-signer would have been an even bigger "fuck you" to fate than him becoming the replacement fifth signer later.)

And, well, we know where Crow ends up after that. Seeing as he's been freed from fridge-prison and seeing as Aki doesn't have a runner yet, but the final boss duel is set up as a turbo duel, he joins the fray next to Yusei and Jack to fight Rex Goodwin. And the only thing this duel does for Crow character-wise is bring the whole Daedalus Bridge story full circle.

Which. Let me swing back to that for a second and put on my extra big nerd glasses because wouldn't you know it, I'm a greek mythology nerd and when I hear the name "Daedalus", I perk up like a dog that just spotted a piece of ham.

(Pictured: The least OSHA compliant bridge in the world, probably.)

So. As not to derail this with greek mythology, the short version of the Daedalus myth, as far as it's relevant here, for people who don't know it: Daedalus was a famed architect of Crete, who (among other things) built the labyrinth that kept the Minotaur imprisoned. What he also built was a pair of functional, sort-of mechanical wings held together by wax (because he needed to make a quick getaway at some point, but let's not go there). And he had a son: Icarus. Who famously donned the wings his father built and flew too close to the sun, which made the wax holding the wings together melt, causing him to fall into the sea and die, leaving his father to grieve.

I don't think it's hard to see how the Daedalus-Icarus story connects to the bridge. The Daedalus bridge is named after the genius inventor, reaches into the sky towards the sun, and our mechanical wings in this case are the wings attached first to Rex Goodwin's duel runner and then, you guessed it, the Blackbird. This would lead us to liken Rex Goodwin, of all people, to Icarus, then. And I'd argue the comparison works, too. See, the reason for which Goodwin actually built the bridge at first is left completely up in the air. We know that Crow believes a version wherein the "legendary duellist" wanted to build that bridge to reunite Satellite and the city—and the thing is, for all we know, that might be true. Goodwin never contradicts it, he only claims he was doing it to "oppose destiny" (read: follow Rudger/Roman's plan to take his brother's mark, assemble the signers and fight and win against the dark signers instead of having someone bear both a dark signer and a signer mark on themselves).

(Since when does becoming a dark signer make people swole, anyway? Where was that beef when Kiryu became a dark signer?)

Perhaps along the way, he thought he might as well reunite Satellite with the city, since things were already going to hell there. (Before he became director, which I find very interesting. Did the city decide immediately after the explosion that Satellite was contaminated and needed to be isolated or some such? Were efforts made to reunite city people with their relatives who might now have been stranded in Satellite? Did MIDS, hoping to cover up their mistake, lobby for cutting the Satellite off from the city? Was corruption involved? So many questions...) Or perhaps he simply built the bridge for himself, to get back to civilisation in order to follow his brother's plan and everyone else just interpreted it differently. It matters little—the only thing that matters is how Crow sees it. To him, building the bridge was obviously an attempt to reach the city, despite how hopeless things in Satellite seemed, and Goodwin's final ditch effort to jump off the bridge and "fly" on his duel runner was an act of defiance that turned him into a legend. Most importantly, both these things connect to freedom for Crow. Freedom from the misery in Satellite, freedom from sector security, and arguably, freedom from destiny. But then Goodwin tells him that all building the Daedalus Bridge and jumping off it did for him was teach him that destiny is inevitable. And Crow calls bullshit, because of course he does.

And I'd argue this is even more of a reason why Goodwin works as Icarus: He jumped off the bridge (flew too close to the sun), fell and lost his arm (the wax melted and he crashed into the sea), and ultimately, that fall completely changed his outlook on life and turned him from a (possible) hero into a villain (he "died", metaphorically speaking). This led to him now confronting every hopeful, younger person with the outlook that fate cannot be altered unless you're willing to sacrifice your very humanity itself. And there's Crow, a non-signer partaking in a "destined battle" only signers are supposed to be part of, calling bullshit on all of that merely by breathing.

(Bird boy is angry, watch out)

This moment could have been exemplary to emphasising the show's later themes (and I think to those who love Crow, it is), yet, at the same time, I understand why some people think the writers fumbled the ball with his introduction and role in the plot and cast of characters too much for it to hit as well as it could have. There is also the argument to be considered that the whole Daedalus Bridge-thing, though it might thematically fit Satellite, feels like it could have been written in solely to prop up Crow's character and give him something to clash with Goodwin about. Which, you know. I can't refute that, really. It might have been. And the timeline on Goodwin's shenanigans as the legendary duellist is a bit wonky, too, unfortunately—after all, we know only that the Zero Reverse happened 17 years before the show's start, when Yusei is only a year old. Crow's story would then lead us to believe that Goodwin, after somehow surviving that explosion, stayed in Satellite long enough to see it start turning into a floating heap of junk. (Which means this either happened very quickly or it took him a good few years to start building the bridge; both options have some logisitical issues.) Then he builds the bridge, gets cornered by security, jumps off, and... Then what? He looses his arm (but somehow manages to hold onto his brother's??), somehow makes it over to the city anyway (wow, he must be a great swimmer), then... manages to get hired by the public maintenance bureau somehow, only to climb the ranks at record speed and become director within only a few years? (Or did he meet Iliaster first and they somehow helped him climb to the city's political top?) It's all rather nebulous, and does suggest that Goodwin was not originally written with this bit as part of his backstory in mind. But can I prove that? Nope. Might also just be another instance of the writers fumbling the ball, despite having a solid story outline.

At the end of the day, Crow closes out the dark signers arc by establishing himself as a part of our team of heroes—which is, of course, strongly emphasised by him receiving the dragon's tail mark, while the dragon's head switches over to Yusei.

(The Crimson Dragon, probably: Oh, sod it. Fine, the other guy went batshit and you actually helped. Here's your mark. I'll get you a dragon later or whatever.)

Now, I know this in and of itself was already a polarising moment for people—and the funny thing is, I know that even some people who like Crow hated this moment. And I can see why. Crow's whole thing during the latter half of the DS arc up until here was that he was the only one taking part in the destined battle who was decidedly not destined to be a part of it. He was repeatedly spitting in fate's face, and as I mentioned, this could have been brilliant to throw some weight behind themes the show later brings up again. So in terms of character writing, this moment might have undermined Crow's character, rather than supported it, because it feels like less of a reward and more of a "gotcha": If you're extra uncharitable, Crow suddenly isn't the guy who defied fate and fought for the future (does that ring a bell?) anyway, he's the guy who was supposed to become a chosen one anyway and, like Yusei during the start of the Fortune Cup, simply didn't have a visible mark yet. However. There is also the bigger picture to consider. Character writing aside, Rudger/Roman Goodwin dying would have had a rather sizeable impact on the story, had nobody else become a signer in his stead—because there are supposed to be five signers and Rudger/Roman dying would have seen the group short one chosen one (and short one dragon, but we'll get to THAT can of worms in part two). So, to add my two cents for a minute, I don't think adding a new signer was a bad idea, per se. The execution of this move, however...

And I can hear you yelling. "Rua/Leo should have become a signer instead". And yes. I get that, too. And yes, I know Life Stream Dragon was teased before Black-Winged Dragon was ever conceived of, probably. So yes, Rua/Leo should have become a signer earlier. The question is just where. Because the way this final boss duel is set up, nobody could become an additional signer before this point, it would have turned Rex Goodwin's whole shindig on its head. (Even though the duel against Dimak/Devack could have been a good opportunity to reward Rua with a signer mark early.) Arguably, making Rua a signer instead but letting Crow join the main cast anyway could have made for a stronger showing overall. It would have made the twins harder to sideline the way they were later. And it would have kept Crow's "piss on fate"-theme.

But. This is what we got. Crow got a fast-paced introduction, was quickly made as likeable as possible, had an unfortunate stretch of episodes where he vanished very suspiciously (what I wouldn't give to know what decisions were made among the writers in that period), came back to make a very strong showing against Bommer/Greiger and then participate in the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin, where he got to shove his fate-nonsense back in his face, too. A smooth character arc? Hardly. And with everything laid out like this, I get why he rubbed some people the wrong way. Similarly, I get why he's some people's absolute favourite, though. Both sides have a basis in canon. (But please, let's not justify either with decade-old production conspiracy theories, okay?)

To close this out, allow me to do my thing for a moment and imagine a 5Ds canon where Crow was handled in a way that allowed his character to shine more, and maybe not piss as many people off.

Imagine a Crow who was there with Yusei from the start, alongside Nerve, Blitz, Taka, and Rally. A Crow who was, maybe, angrier at Jack for leaving and stealing Stardust than Yusei was, and who was determined to help his friend get his dragon back. A Crow who still had his kids to look after, and who introduced us to the Daedalus Bridge legend way earlier, to establish it as an organic part of Satellite culture, and who maybe drops hints about the Enforcers earlier, too. And we switch back to him every once in a while as the Fortune Cup is going on. Maybe he's the only one who's slippery enough to outrun Yaeger/Lazar's people when they come to capture Yusei's friends in order to use them as blackmail against him. And he starts looking for them, and runs into Saiga/Blister, and learns what's going on over in the city. Maybe he tries to follow Yusei because all of it rings alarm bells for him, maybe he doesn't because he figures security will be too tight now that Yusei has escaped. Instead of them stumbling out of a container to find TV conveniently playing the Fortune Cup Finale, Yusei's friends are found by Crow, who gets them back to the hideout, where they all catch the finale with Saiga/Blister. (Optional: If we want him to stay a signer, maybe he gets a weird feeling while watching the finale.) Then Yusei's suddenly back and Kiryu/Kalin's introduction proceeds as we know it. Yusei's injured, but Crow sticks around for a little longer, leaving only once he knows Yusei's gonna be fine. Then he decides that he needs to take up arms against the dark signers, too, because like hell is he gonna let anyone destroy Satellite and sacrifice his kids. He can still duel Yeager/Lazar while Aki and Yusei are duking it out in the hospital and the signers learn what the hell being a signer means, it matters little. Maybe this time, he outruns the black fog—barely—and there's no fridge. And he realises that stuff makes people vanish. While the signers start their big battle, he races back to check on the kids and finds the same disaster we already know, and everything else from there on out proceeds as previously. (Except that maybe, the first time Crow sees Jack again, he has some choice words for him for legging it to the city and stealing from Yusei.) Whether he turns into a signer at the end or not is up to preference, I think.

Nobody has to be on board with this version, but this is probably how I would have adjusted it to make things less jarring.

For now, see you in part two.

#yugioh 5ds #crow hogan #ygo 5ds #5ds #rex goodwin #character analysis #yugioh meta #orchid rambles #oh sweet baby jesus this took SO LONG #AND NOW I NEED A PART TWO #BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS #god damn #it's very late at night here but I just Had To Get This Done #anyway take it #here it is #I'll try my best to work on part two quickly but I have no idea when I'm gonna get done with that

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koreanbibliophilegirl · 11 months

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Part three of incorrect quotes for my dsmp superpower AU wee woo

(Credit: Quotes are from ScatterPatter's Incorrect Quotes Generator!)

(At a restaurant)

Sam: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Ponk: Okay.

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Sam: Orange soda, please!

Ponk: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Hannah: Me too, strawberry soda.

Sam:

Niki: While I'm gone, Tommy, you're in charge.

Tommy: Yes!!!

Niki, whispering: Bad, you're secretly in charge.

Bad: Obviously.

Aimsey: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million primes?

Tommy, turning to Tubbo: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-a** house.

Tubbo: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Tommy: Good thinking.

Ranboo: I trust Tubbo.

Techno: You think he knows what he's doing?

Ranboo: I wouldn't go that far.

(After Techno offers to coach Benchtrio in vigilante-ing)

Tommy: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything that Technoblade does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

Ranboo, who works with Techno at the library: If Techno were to jump off a cliff, he would've done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Techno jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Tommy: You jump off a cliff!

Ranboo: Gladly. Provided Techno did first.

Foolish: Eret, what do IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?

Eret: I don't know, I love you, talk to you later.

Foolish: Oh okay then, I love you too. I'll just ask Tina.

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Bedwars please come to the front desk?

Purpled, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: (Points to Quackity and Punz)

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Q and Punz: We got lost :(

Purpled: I didn't even bring you guys here with me-

Foolish: I can't believe you live nearby, and you won't let anyone crash at your place.

Punz, desperately trying to keep his mafia status a secret from Foolish, trying and failing to come off as casually joking: You people already know too much about me.

Sam, who lowkey suspects Punz is mafia: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won't let any of us crash at your place.

Tubbo: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life.

Purpled: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Tubbo: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. B*st*rdous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Hannah: Edible.

Bad: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.

Skeppy: Three words.

Bad:

Ant: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Ponk: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the d*mn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

Sam: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Ant: Stop romanticizing the past.

Kristin: This is bothering me.

Velvet, abusing his Ghost Powers™️ and floating on his stomach next to her head: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Kristin: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

Tubbo: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Technoblade: You're 16 years old.

Tubbo: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

George: I slept for almost 12 hours, but I might still be tired, so lets go for 12 more just in case.

Sapnap: George, that's a coma.

George: Sounds festive.

Ponk, looking over Hannah's wing, ripped and shoddily sewn up years ago: How would you rate your pain?

Hannah, traumatized and emotionally scarred at the loss of something that had been taken for granted her entire life: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Sam: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!

Kristin: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

Phil: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE

Techno, bleeding out and mildly delirious, attempting to joke: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially.

Phil, desperately: YOUR BLOOD TYPE.

Techno: Ohhh. B positive.

Phil: DON'T TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Techno:

Sam: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.

Boomer: No, it's my fault, I shouldn't have used my one phone call to prank call the police.

Ant: You kill people for money?!

Punz: I can explain!

Ant: And all this time I've been doing it for free like a chump!

Wilbur, who just came home: So what's for dinner?

Fundy, staring at the sourdough bread he somehow, SOMEHOW, burnt: Regret.

Niki, going over Tommy's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.

Tommy: Yes.

Niki: Okay... may I know what you create?

Tommy: Problems.

[Part 1] [Part 2]

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council--board · 1 month

Text

Status -> Stimboards: Open -> Doodles: Open -> Icons: Open

anons

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-> please refer to me as v2, pebbles or willoh. I use he/him pronouns and I'm aroace. I'm a french canadian user

-> interests for anyone curious. this updates from time to time

-> be patient with me if you send requests. I am tired all the time and I sometimes get too busy to work on boards

note: I can't work on anything that requires me to open wikis to get images if I'm on my laptop since the wiki lags. this just means I'll take a bit longer to get to some requests so you're welcome to provide me with an image [could just link it or send it via dms if you'd wish to remain anonymous in the asks]

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-> main blog is @willohthebug

-> I also run @ultrastim [ultrakill related] and @sliver-board [rain world related]

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-> anons are allowed to sign off with a name or emoji which will be recorded on a notes app + a post on here. I sometimes may ask for anons to provide pronouns so I don't accidentally misgender someone when talking about them

-> guide that I made to help

I will do: -> Original Characters -> Oc x Oc / Canon x Canon / Oc x Canon. I welcome ships -> Kin stimboard -> LGBTQ themed boards -> Animals -> Fandom characters [catified designs / your own designs are welcome!] -> Fandom specific -> Gift stimboard

Fandom Specific would be asking me to create a stimboard based off Undertale and not a specific character from the game

ships are only welcome if they're fine to do. if you ever see me do a ship board where it's problematic, please inform me and I'll get rid of it. I try my best to do research on canon x canon to make sure nothing is bad

I won't do: -> Spiders -> Soap Cutting -> Water Slime -> IRL people

I won't be recolouring gifs because it's a pain in the ass

Maybe: -> Bugs [it depends which ones]

-> this is a general stimblog! I do multifandom stuff and I'll allow pretty much anything

-> regarding fandoms: I don't care what fandoms you wanna request, I'll do the ones I'm comfortable with. I ask that you specify the fandom when requesting fandom characters so I don't get the wrong thing

-> requesting a kinboard is simple, just inform me it's a kin and i'll tag it. you're allowed to ask me to tell people to not tag it as id/me/kin if needed

-> " [character] x [character] " to me is a ship while " [character] and [character] " isn't one. you're allowed to specify ship or not in your request if needed but this is how I write them down. I don't understand people going " [character]/[character] " so it takes longer for me to do it

-> if you want me to use a specific image, I'll ask you to please provide it for me because sometimes it would involve me needing to hunt it down and I never find it in the end sometimes. I look at the wiki more than I try to look directly into the source [due to some sites not allowing screenshots yknow]. I will not accept fanart that isn't made by you without clear permission from the one who created it so I prefer if only official art was handed over

-> please be specific on your themes, you're allowed to not request any themes and let me choose everything but in most cases it takes me longer + me doing a ton of research

-> I do three characters max into one stimboard as more would look strange obviously

-> you can request multiple boards!! you don't have a limit, and you're allowed to request the same character[s] multiple times even if someone else already requested one

-> I'm allowed to change the theme around even if provided with specific stuff. I only change if I can't find a theme or if I think something else fits. I'm also allowed to deny any requests I'm not comfortable doing or that I can't do

oh what did you mean by [blank] in your posts?

sometimes I add in blurbs when I make my own posts while sometimes I don't

-> for my own benefit - I think this is clear enough but pretty much means the board was created for me

-> I know what you are - I know exactly who the anon is off anon as I am probably friends with them

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can you explain these tags?

-> #stimboard-logs - despite my new username as this is my original one, this is my general tag for anything I create -> #gabriels stimboards - only stimboards I create get tagged as this

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-> Stimboards: " hey could I request a Gabriel from Ultrakill stimboard with themes of wings, gold and swords? " can also be written as " Gabriel [ultrakill "

-> Ship stimboards: " hey could I request a v1 x v2 from Ultrakill stimboard? " can also be written as " v4v [v1 x v2 ultrakill] " -> if you write down their ship name, please specify the names separately for easier research

-> Kin stimboards: " can I get a Foxy from FNAF stimboard? this is a kin request "

-> Doodles/Icons: " can I request a doodle/icon of [character/oc] " doodles can sometimes be actual drawings instead of normal doodle if you request doodles/icons, I will obviously want to be given the ref of the oc

-> what are some requests you would deny?

anything that makes me uncomfortable to work on or if it's problematic in some way then I'll deny it. I also avoid anything that wants me using bright colours or if the character is really bright [which might just be me putting an overlay on it] since bright colours gives me bad headaches

-> is there anything you won't allow for themes?

spiders, water slime, anything on my " won't do " list really

-> could I make a blog inspired from yours?

you don't have to ask, anyone is allowed to make a stimblog. I might look at your blog if you do make one though and I'm aware of it

-> can I ask for this specific thing again?

go ahead! I don't mind

-> can you tag this for me?

yeah, sure. make sure to tell me if it's a cw or tw because I don't know the difference :[

-> am I allowed to request a stimboard for someone else as a gift?

YEAH!! please do, these are fun to make

#stimboard-logs #stimblog #pinned post #pinned

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bg-sparrow · 2 years

Text

Oh look, another website is hosting my works without my consent.

You guys, I TIRE of finding my works on websites I did not put them on. FictionHunt has pilfered 12 of my stories without my consent. Granted, I'll give them a little credit for not being the assholes that are NovelHD/NovelWW; they credited my pen name instead of listing it as "Anonymous" or another author, and there is a "source" link to FFN, but they have the text copied and pasted on their website. They never contacted me, never reached out to say "hey, can we share your stories on a website we're building?" I would have been cool with that.

But they didn't. So now I have to wonder if the people I found plagiarizing my stories on Wattpad didn't just lift them from sites like this instead of me directly. Again, glad they at least kept my name on them and have a source link, but I don't appreciate having to discover this by googling the summaries of my own stories.

My husband said that I should be glad that the story I want to tell and share is being shared; they're doing me a favor. And in this case, maybe I half-believe that. But because my stories are on NovelHD/ NovelWW where they can't be removed - where they're posted by "Anonymous" - I'm hurt. I'm hurt that this twisted form of "flattery" is so disrespectful of an author's time and talent.

I get into a vicious cycle: I see my works in places I didn't put them, and I swear I'm going to stop writing. I vow to remove my stories altogether. But the problem is these websites will still have my work, and then I wouldn't have the timestamps on FFN or AO3 proving that I posted my content first. So, I always resolve to leave my works published so that if it comes to blows, I can show that I am the true author. And I can provide original notes for almost every one of my stories, but because they aren't verbatim to what is posted, I know that hardly matters in the realm of the interwebz.

My works are posted BY ME on FFN and AO3. A long time ago, I gave permission to a site called "moviefanficchains" to host my first fics, but never anyone else.

I know my stories will end up on other sites. I know that's how it works. I can't police it all. I know it's "just fanfiction", but it still hurts. I can't tell you how much my heart hurts for those who share their original works and have them stolen to be put on these sites; they probably rely on them for some kind of income whereas I don't. Yes, I enjoy sharing my stories far and wide and want them to be known. Just be courteous.

I don't know. How do you handle this stuff? If FictionHunt apologized, I might not mind having my stories hosted by them, but if they're going to be shady, I don't want to be associated with it.

It's just been five long months of dealing with plagiarism/ lack of consent with my works since I got back into writing. I'm tired. My motivation takes a HUGE hit, and the whole "what's the point" thing rears its ugly head. I'm obviously going to keep writing, and I'm going to keep calling people out on their bullshit.

I just needed to type this out so I can get back to writing. I only have six chapters left until I complete The Time Circuits Series - 72 chapters total across the five stories. And I am petulantly thinking about only sending physical copies of the ending to readers who request it at this point because that's how hurt I feel about all this.

Send hugs. And report assholes.

#fanfic #bgsparrow #ao3 #fanfiction #fictionhunt #stop plagiarim #fan fic #fanfic writing #fan fic writing #fan fiction #i'm so done #why are they like this #timecircuitsseries #i'm sad #don't be a dick #ff.net

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denimsnake · 7 years

Text

um so most likely countless people more eloquent than I have already said something to this effect, but I’d like to vent about it so whatever. here goes.

A lot of people compare the Confederate statues and monuments found across the Southern U.S. to Nazi statues in Germany (mostly to point out that we have statues of Confederate leaders, while they replaced the statues of Nazi leaders with memorials to their victims), and while it’s not an unfair comparison, it is a little flawed. See, the Nazi statues in Germany were constructed during the Nazi occupation. But the Confederate statues you see today were built decades after the end of the Civil War -- you know, the war that they lost. The Durham statue that was just torn down, for example, was dedicated in 1924. That’s almost 60 years after the end of the war.

Some of you, especially those outside the U.S., are probably wondering why a defeated enemy had monuments built in their honor decades after they were defeated, when the war was just barely within living memory. The cause is one of the largest and, honestly, most successful propaganda campaigns I know of, one which began in 1865 and continues its revisionist quest to this day. Of course, most of its adherents don’t know they’re promoting a lie; I’ve never had a history teacher say, “This is what really happened, but this is what people believe.” Most, if not all, of the history classes I’ve taken that cover the Civil War and Reconstruction actually perpetuate the myths.

The propagandists say this: The war was about states’ rights, not slavery. The Southern states were simply defending their honor, having had their way of life attacked by Northern abolitionists. The common soldiers in the Confederate Army were regular boys, spurred into joining up by a love for their state and a hatred of tyranny, who owned no slaves. Robert E. Lee was a genius, a brilliant tactician, who loved his soldiers but above all loved Virginia. Ulysses S. Grant was a drunkard, a bumbler, who only defeated Lee’s army through the use of brute force.

Like any good lie, it has its truths: If I were given to diagnosing historical figures with mental disorders, I’d say Grant suffered from PTSD, and he used a steady mixture of alcohol and combat to cope. Lee certainly did love Virginia, since he abandoned his nation in favor of his state. Most of the Confederate Army was made up of lower-class men and boys, and the Southern lower-class owned few slaves or none at all -- most of the slave population was located on plantations owned by the wealthiest Southerners. Certainly the concept of “honor” and the defense of it stuck around longer in the South than it did in many other parts of the country, and almost certainly many rebels did believe they were defending their honor. And certainly the war was over states’ rights, if only the states’ right to practice slavery.

The most insidious part of the propaganda, the part that draws people to it, is a careful application of romanticism to the facts. People love to romanticize history, especially the history of their family or area. Adding romance to one of the bleakest periods in American history allows people to feel better about it, and by extension feel better about themselves. Great-great-grandfather was an officer in the Confederate Army? Let’s rebrand that. How about: My great-great-grandfather led his men in the defense against foreign invaders who sought to bring about the destruction of their way of life. That sounds so much better, right? And over time, as people did this, even just in their heads, the Confederacy became synonymous with a struggle against a more powerful foe in order to preserve a way of life.

These bent truths certainly didn’t happen by accident; no, these ideas were planted in the heads of the masses by ex-Confederate officials or Confederate sympathizers after the war. The lax oversight that defined the early part of Reconstruction allowed them to spread their ideas, and then, after the sudden shift toward Radical Reconstruction in 1867, when white Southerners felt like their rights were being imposed upon, then the people really, earnestly, wanted to believe in these ideas, that they were right all along; that if owning slaves was morally wrong, then wasn’t the campaign of total destruction of all things military and civilian that was Sherman’s March to the Sea morally wrong too? Ought people not be angry about the lives lost, the property destroyed, the governments being forcibly removed and replaced with Northern conquerors? To the angry, disgraced people in the South, the “War of Northern Aggression” wasn’t over; they truly believed the South would rise again. And, in a way, it did. After the South was allowed to govern themselves, they immediately starting trying -- and succeeding -- to find ways to disenfranchise blacks.

The statues and monuments are historical artifacts, though not in the way most people might think; they’re not relics of the Civil War period, but rather evidence of a deeper, longer-lasting war against historical fact -- a war which is still being fought. The destruction of these objects is no more the destruction of historical objects than the 1864 sinking of the CSS Alabama by the USS Kearsarge was.

#mine #us history #history #acw #durham #i'll provide sources if anyone wants but i'm tired #and honestly i don't expect anyone to read this lmao #i haven't written an essay in a while why did i just write one for no reason #also it wasn't clear but i'm not for the statues' complete destruction #we should keep them around but in museums #so that future generations know what happened

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bluethecosmicbadger · 3 years

Text

Quiet. That's all that could be heard at the moment, save for the sound of a couple noisy crickets just outside the window. To be honest, Wilhelmina had thought the spider that had made it's home in the windowsill would have picked them off by now. Instead, she had to make due with nature's ensemble as her tired eyes scoured through every article clipping on her desk. 'Local Man Disappears', 'Cincinnati Barber Thought To Be Mystery Killer's Latest Victim', and other such titles popped out at the sleep deprived journalist as she skimmed through over and over again, trying to find any sort of details she might have missed before. Why on earth would she invest so much time and effort into this case? After all, police dropped it when they told her that they did all they could, but unfortunately they just couldn't find any leads. But they're wrong. She couldn't explain it, but they just had to be. Call it what you will–she's desperate, she's crazy, she needs to face the facts–she's heard it all before. She knew Nathaniel better than anyone! Even though the two of them had been divorced for a little over two years now, Nathaniel just wasn't the type to skip town without telling anyone, and she highly doubted anyone wanted to kill him. After all, her ex husband was always so personable. Although, even she had to admit that her former spouse did have his blockhead moments, but surely that wasn't enough motivation to kill him! No, there must be something else going on. Who'd want to kidnap Nathaniel and for what purpose?

The minutes slowly ticked by into hours, and soon her eyes started to sting. Wilhelmina allowed herself to let out a yawn, shutting her eyes for a moment. As soon as she did so, she heard what sounded like a voice break the silence behind her.

"Say, doll, you look like you could use some help."

"Oh, of course not. I—" and at once, she cut herself off as soon as she processed what just happened. "Hello?" She announced clearly, scanning her eyes around the room. "Why, hello my dear." Wilhelmina spun herself around, frantically trying to locate the source of the voice before her eyes locked firmly on the radio. "Don't be frightened. I mean you no harm." The voice told her. The young journalist cautiously approached the radio, leaning forward to examine it. Was she losing her mind, or was the radio...talking to her? Not like a prerecorded thing, but actually talking to her in real time? No, of course not. That would be impossible. "Well? Are you not going to introduce yourself, my dear?"

"Where are you?" She asked, a bit interrogative, to be honest. The man chuckled in response. "You're not going to find me anywhere in this world." He told her. "Oh, 'in this world'. Brilliant, what the heck does that..." She suddenly broke off into a giggle, dropping her head into her hand with a deep sigh. "I must be losing it! I'm talking to my radio and expecting it to answer me back!" She said, mostly to herself. "Oh, but I can answer you back. See? I'm doing it right now." By now, Wilhelmina had crouched herself on the floor along with her radio. She scooped the device up in her hands, inspecting it closely for anything out of the ordinary. Faulty wiring, accidental broadcast–anything that would provide some reasonable explanation! But she didn't even remember turning it on in the first place. "But that's–"

"–Impossible? Oh, come now, nothing is impossible!" Chuckled the man, and Wilhelmina couldn't help but roll her eyes at the comment. "Like I haven't heard that before...what did you say your name was?" She inquired. "Now now, you still haven't told me your name. That's very impolite, you know." Replied the man. The young journalist let out a sigh, but she agreed with no more snark. "Very well then." She cleared her throat. "Pleasure to meet you, random voice on my radio. My name is Wilhelmina Prescott." She introduced. "Now, may I know your name?"

"Why, I'm Maxwell. Charming to meet you." Wilhelmina could practically feel the man grinning at her through the radio, and it made her shiver unpleasantly. "Well, now that we've said our hello's to each other, how do you know I need help?" She asked, hoping to move the conversation swiftly on. "I've been watching you very closely for a while now, Ms Prescott." Replied Maxwell. "You've been spying on me?" Demanded Wilhelmina, searching around her home. "Where are you?" She asked. Maxwell simply laughed at her alarm. "I wouldn't call it 'spying' more like...observing from afar. Besides, I told you you'd never find me in this world."

"So...you're spying on me, is what you're saying. That's pretty creepy, you know. And what do you mean 'in this world'? Is this some kind of practical joke?"

"Why, Ms Prescott, how dare you accuse me of such nonsense? I happen to be a very dapper gentleman, thank you very much."

"That doesn't change how creepy it is, Mr Dapper-Gentleman!"

Again, Maxwell chuckled at her response. "You've certainly got quite a bit of spunk, Ms Prescott. How admirable." He remarked. "But allow me to humbly apologize for being, as you say, creepy. I only want to help you find your missing ex husband, after all." He told her. Wilhelmina snapped her focus back toward the radio. "How do you know about Nathaniel?" She inquired, leaning herself closer. She just had to know, and maybe she could prod this Maxwell for answers. "I told you before: I've been watching over you for a while now, and I want to help you. Trust me, my dear Wilhelmina."

"Trust you? I just met you, why should I trust you?" It was a perfectly sound question, at least in the journalist's mind. "Because I'm a friend of Nathaniel, and I can help you find him." Replied Maxwell. "I can give you the information you so desperately seek." He said, dropping his voice to a conspiring whisper. Wilhelmina gripped the small radio tightly in both of her hands. "What do you know? How can you help me?" She's been searching high and low, and she still hasn't found hide nor hair of Nathaniel Walker anywhere! She was almost beginning to think that perhaps her ex husband really was murdered or something horrible, but then suddenly this strange man contacts her through her radio and tells her that he has what she seeks...honestly, if she where to tell this to anyone, she wouldn't be surprised if they admitted her into a loony bin! A man mysteriously appeared on the radio and told her he could help her find her ex husband....what nonsense! Still, she was all out of option, and she had a funny feeling this Maxwell fellow knew that. After all, why wouldn't he since he's apparently been watching her?

"Alright, I'll bite. What do you know about Nathaniel?"

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't tell you that just yet."

"Ha!" Exclaimed Wilhelmina in disdain. "Why not?" She asked, cocking her eyebrow. Oh, she should have known there'd be some kind of snag! That's what she gets for trusting some voice! "Well, what am I going to get out of this little arrangement? I can't just give you something without getting anything in return." Replied Maxwell with an air of nonchalance. "This is hardly an arrangement, you're supposed to be telling me what you know about Nathaniel!" Snapped Wilhelmina, growing impatient and irritated. If he really had something of value to tell her why wouldn't he just cough it up already?

Maxwell clicked his tongue. "Well, if that's going to be your attitude about it then perhaps I'll just be on my way...." He informed smugly, and then he promptly went silent for a few moments. "No, no!" Squeaked Wilhelmina hastily. She couldn't just let this slip through her fingers! This was the first lead she's had on Nathaniel's disappearance since she's started tracking it! "Look, I'm sorry if I've been a little snappy, you have no idea what this means to me." She sighed, and once again she could almost swear she could feel Maxwell grinning at her through her radio. "Then, do we have a deal, Ms Prescott?"

"Yes, we do."

"Excellent...you've made a wise decision."

#don't starve #don't starve oc #writing #prose #don't starve maxwell #don't starve radio #writing prompts

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josephbr911 · 7 years

Text

Build Something!

As many of you know, woodworking is one of my hobbies (chores if my wife makes me do it). In the grand scheme I'd say I'm certainly an amateur, but I've still built things that I'm proud of. And whatever your skill level may be, it can be such a rewarding endeavor (not to mention a money saver). Anyone's who's relished in the sweet smell of fresh cut cedar or had their eyes open wide when they apply that first coat of stain and watch that grain come to life knows what I mean. It just makes you want to make more. Whether they're trinkets or decorations or furniture, my house or other people’s homes are starting to get littered with products of my wood shop (garage).

Whenever I build something new, I inevitably get asked from others one of two, if not both questions:

1. Can you make me one? (Quick answer: Yes, if you help out, supply (or pay for) materials, and provide the beer.

2. How did you get started doing this (and how can I start doing this)?

I'll use this post to answer question 2 and hopefully get you on the path of making some sweet sawdust of your own!

A. Get some tools and supplies. When possible, get power tools. Power makes the world go round. NOTE: I'm only going to list building tools and supplies. Finishing supplies is a whole other can of worms.

Mandatory:

Wood -- Duh. I have found that all kinds of beautiful things can be made out of cheap construction timbers (knotty pine) with a little finesse. Birch plywood is great for large panels and looks beautiful with stain. MDF is also a great material for large panels, but you can’t stain it (gotta paint it), you better pre-drill your screw holes, and it makes a awful mess when you cut it. Cut it outside and wear a mask. Beyond that, you can spend as much as you want on higher end boards like poplar, oak, maple, walnut, cherry, etc... but prepare for a little sticker shock if you need several board feet.

Tape measure and speed square -- these will let you accurately measure out and mark cut lines. The speed square can also be used as a handy fence to make quick and straight cross cuts with a circular saw.

Hammer and rubber mallet -- uses of the hammer are obvious. The rubber mallet is very handy for "coaxing" tight pieces into place without marring them.

Safety glasses, ear protection, and shop apron -- self explanatory.

Clamps, clamps, and more clamps -- a woodworker can never have enough clamps. You can get a lot done with a variety of sizes of bar clamps, C clamps, and spring clamps. To save some dough, pick up the cheapies at Harbor Freight. I've got tons of them and they've served me well. Seriously, get a lot of clamps.

A supply of wood glue and nails/fasteners -- TiteBond II is the glue you want. Just always have some on hand. The fasteners will accumulate as you buy more for specific projects.

Cordless Drill/driver -- Any homeowner should already own a decent one. Bonus point if you pick up an impact driver. While not necessary, an impact driver makes driving large screws a breeze and makes stripped out heads a thing if the past. Once I used one I wondered how I lived without it. Of course with these tools you'll need an assortment of drill bits and driving bits. They can be bought in affordable kits. In my experience, Ryobi bits suck.

Circular saw or Jig Saw -- A circular saw (go corded to start out) is very versatile and can perform a variety of cuts... except curved cuts. A jig saw excels in making curved cuts in thinner materials and smaller, more intricate cuts (good for arts and crafts). I'd start out with a circular saw and perhaps add the jig saw as funds become available.

Power Sander -- Some may argue this is optional, but F that. Life is too short to sand shit by hand. Get either a pad sander or random orbital sander and a variety of sanding disks or paper. 80, 150, and 220 grit (or close to those numbers) should cover 98% of your sanding needs.

Cold beer and tunes -- what fun is working in the garage without a pop and Metallica in the background?

Optional:

Kreg Pocket Hole Jig -- I suppose this is one of the "optional" items, but seriously, just spend $100 and buy the K4 system. It is basically "wood joints for dummies". Ask anyone who owns one and they'll echo my sentiments. I wish I'd have known about it when I started woodworking. it allows you to easily fasten pieces together with a fairly strong joint while skipping complex wood joining methods. Buy it.

Miter saw AKA chop saw -- A chop saw will make fast, accurate, and repeatable cross cuts all day long. It can also make angled cuts (either miters or bevels, and both at once). Most simple 10" saws will cleanly cut up to 2x6s and 4x4s, but you'll need a 12" or sliding saw to cut larger pieces. I have a 10" and it's plenty for 95% of what I want to do. While very handy, I would not get only a chop saw and skip the circular saw. Get the circ saw first (it can perform more tasks) and add a chop saw when your ready.

Router and variety of bits -- a router is what can really take your finished projects to professional looking. While a router can perform many tasks, I mostly use it to put a decorative profile on the edge of pieces, like a table top. A simple round over or chamfered edge make your projects look finished. While you can buy a fire-breathing router with a table, I've been plenty satisfied with a "trim router" that accepts 1/4" collet bits. Getting a plunge base with it will further enhance its abilities.

Shop vacuum -- Cutting wood makes a damn mess. If you want, I suppose you could get by with a broom and dust pan, but a capable shop vac makes life easier. But which one? My answer is simple. When you're browsing the selection at your local Home Depot or Lowes, get the one that costs $100.00.

Nail Gun -- If you already have an air compressor at home (for filling tires, basketballs, blowing things off, etc...) you’re halfway there. I picked up an open-box 18ga brad nailer off of Amazon a while ago. It is awesome for tacking on small trim pieces and barely leaves a nail hole. Highly recommended if you can swing it.

Advanced:

Table saw -- while many say that a table saw is the heart of any wood shop, for most of us it isn't going to be an early purchase or practical. I've been fortunate enough to have anytime access to one thanks to my neighbor (thanks Lloyd!) and recently picked up a small one from a garage sale. They excel at rip cuts and are extremely versatile. With certain sleds and accessories, you can do almost anything on a table saw. But they can be pricey and can take up a lot of room. If you have extensive rip cuts that you need done but don’t have a table saw or they may be too big a task for your circular saw, ask the friendly faces at Home Depot or Lowes to make a cut for you. When you buy lumber you’re allowed two free cuts per, and you can usually sweet talk them into more. Just leave them a nice review.

Planer -- This machine let's you control the thickness of your materials. Very nice for if you're making a table top out of multiple boards and want to ensure they're all the exact same thickness, among other things. They can also remove surface imperfections and leave the planed surface clean and almost finish-ready. They also make one HELL of a mess. Use it in your driveway with your shop vac on hand.

There are of course more advanced tools you will see in professional wood shops, but I'm not trying to cover that full scope. This is for the hobbyist.

B. Get a plan. Some people are good at throwing caution to the wind and cutting wood and slapping shit together. I am not one of those people. Thankfully we live in the age of YouTube, Pinterest, and websites like Ana-white.com and rogueengineer.com . There are all kinds of plans and projects on these sources with materials lists, cut lists, finishing tips, etc... Even if the project isn't to your scale, you can always crunch the numbers and adjust to your needs. Brush up on your fractions. I have a little notebook where each page is grid paper. I like to sketch out projects to double check my measurements and make sure the math adds up.

C. Don't be afraid to make a mistake. You learn by doing and you learn from your mistakes. I get better with each project by learning from my previous mistakes. And for the most part, wood is cheap. Of course, by this I don’t mean throw caution to the wind when it comes to safety, which brings us to...

D. BE CAREFUL! Power tools are dangerous. Hell, regular hand tools can be dangerous. I have a few scars to prove that, but thankfully still have all my fingers. In my opinion, two tools you should have a healthy fear of are the table saw and the router.

E. A few tips I’ve learned over the years:

“A little putty and paint makes a carpenter what he ain’t”. A sander, some putty or filler, and some paint can fix a lot of boo boos.

A sharp knife is a safe knife. Too true. If you try to force work pieces against dull blades, you are greatly increasing the risk of something slipping and sending that blade into your fingers. Keep your tools sharp.

If you have access to some of the advanced tools like a planer and table saw, you can make good use of salvaged wood (just watch for nails!). For example, the trestle coffee table pictured towards the top of this post was make exclusively from wood I found behind a dumpster. That's right, I was dumpster diving.

Work with a friend or neighbor if possible. It will lessen the physical load, give you another set of hands, and put two brains together when trying to solve a problem. Besides, who likes drinking woodworking alone?

That's all for now. Have fun making sawdust!

-JR

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