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stalkiwi · 2 months

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All my friends are laughing at something, happy about it, joyous. I remain neutral, merely observing the scene.

"Why are you not happy?" one turns to me, noticing my expression.

Because I don't get it, I reply.

"You just don't care about us."

I may not get it, I understand that it's making you happy. And it's what matters - I'm glad to know my friends are happy - I explain.

"You don't show it - you're lying." they blame me.

I struggle to show it. But it doesn't mean that I do not care - I simply cannot express it.

"You're always acting like that around us. Just tell us if you don't like being with us." they growl.

But I don't understand. I am myself around my friends. Isn't it a proof that I am comfortable to be with them?

"You're always silent, you act different, you make no efforts for us, you're not polite, you don't dress well, you don't smile - you really look like we're bothering you."

Should I be someone I am not? Am I being appreciated for who I am? Or for who I am expected to be?

"Don't you know social codes?"

Social codes make no sense to me. No matter how much I am being explained them. I ask nothing to anyone, I expect nothing about anyone, but to be respected, and I respect them in return.

"Respect is about making an effort to be agreeable around us."

To me, respect is to understand everyone is different, and to accept it - to not force them to step out of their comfort for you. That someone refuses to dress in an elegant way or to spray perfume when they visit me is not a message to tell me that they do not like me. It means nothing, in fact, to me.

"Don't you see you're making our lives worse? You're disgusting, you're needy, you're unpleasant."

Then why staying with me? If I am ruining your life by simply existing, then you should not be around me - it's what I say.

"But we care about you!"

I appreciate, but the "me" you care about is not who I am. I'm sorry.

#vent #text post #autism #today I hanged out with friends and I felt like a stranger #this is not what they told me exactly but more what I understood in how they treated me #I am used to it. I am used to being told all these things #but I can not understand them no matter how much I wrap my head around it #why does it matter? why should I adapt to other people?#I ask nothing to nobody #yet everyone asks something to me #I just wish to be with people who will let me be who I am #WELL! not a funny post at all. just a text idea I had in mind #I like that I did not used “” around the replies. Because these are things that I can't say in front of anyone. The words are stuck #it's just a snip of the mind of an autistic person when they are in “society”#I can't get it. I will never be able to get it probably. It's stupid to me #“social codes” are a form of hypocrisy to me. dishonesty. an act. a red flag. I will never be able to judge anyone based on it.

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voiceofsword · 1 year

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every1 that voted rinne as worst husband is so wrong... its literally canon that he cares SO much and fakes his insane persona hes just awkward and embarassed when he gets noticed

i have so many things i can say about this but im really bad at words but theyre stewing around in my brain explodes

what were your thoughts?

i do agree with the ones that mention niki haha those are true rinne is absolutely smitten but the ones that say its like. because hes rinne amagi. and others thay were probably filtered out by the OP... people that either didnt read the main story or just dont want to look further lmao

(cracking my fingers) okay. this may or may not be long. i fear you have struck a bit of a nerve with this (NOT YOU but just as like. a general statement. i feel like u dont know what ur asking. but that is ok)

this whole thing might seem really aggressive at times bc this situation did get me a little heated... plz keep that in mind going in! AGAIN IM NOT ANGRY AT YOU ANON ILY AND THANK YOU FOR ASKING you just happened to ask abt smth i feel very sourly about – not the poll itself but the answers to it – but i tried to be as. tactful as i possibly can while talking abt this

overall im very disappointed in a lot of the answers given for the voting so ive stayed off twitter almost all day today and yesterday. i fear like with stuff like this a very silent population of eng side shines through, the one that specifically Doesnt actually engage with the story and goes off fanon interpretation. look, im not saying its necessarily a bad thing. but when it comes to stuff like this, where people grossly mischaracterize a grand majority of charas or narrow them down to be the butt of a joke, or use it as an excuse to be plain racist/ableist, i feel like people really need to reassess where all of this is coming from. like. not rinne, but KANAME couldnt even be included because the answers used for his votes were, in their majority, apparently ableist, and op (definitely in the right, i think this was the right choice to make) chose not to post at all because they feared the qrts would be just as bad. because for some reason people seem to think that because they're fictional characters that being ableist is somehow ok, that saying they would "pull the plug" on charas like him and eichi is fine because theyre not real people – as if there werent disabled or chronically ill people in this fandom, in every fandom, or hell, around you?

and lets not mention tatsumi and people blatantly misinterpreting his christianity as something he would force upon others – first of all, western christianity does not apply to tatsumi. at all. i understand that people might find it easy to just associate him with that and make "haha, he would make me convert" or "haha he would be a homophobe" quips, and obviously its not necessary to have extensive knowledge on kirishitan history in japan and how they are, to this day, a minority that was persecuted for a lot of japan's modern history. LIKE, EVEN FROM HIS DIALOGUE IN ANY STORY.. when has he given off that impression? cite your sources, he's literally one of the most inclusive and accepting charas in the whole cast! not a prejudiced white christian middle aged mom...

i think that if you absolutely must reduce a character to tasteless jokes, stereotypes that arent even funny to begin with, and you refuse to even read the source content at all to correct yourself, you really need to think about how you engage with any media, not just enstars. if you want to look at the pretty characters just say that! but dont be like this, and don’t speak on things you don’t fully understand as if you did just to make a point or be funny!

OKAY RINNE SORRY LOL i hate it. i hated all of it and judging by the ratio many people seemed to dislike it as well (god bless!). if you havent seen it i wont link it bc tbf i dont feel like looking at it again (peace and love) but the answers summed up are like "oh he would steal my money" "hes selfish and would take stuff from me and not gaf about my wellbeing" "hes married to niki already" the last one being the only one i agree with. and it makes me think about a lot of issues with how a good portion of the fandom sees rinne. ive seen a lot of people read rinne in bad faith, regardless of whether theyve read main story, hot limit or any story rinne is in. and i dont get it, genuinely. YES he can be upsetting! he can be an asshole, he can be rude, he DOES steal money from niki! but these people neglect to see or mention that he gives it back and then some. they fail to talk about how he spends a lot of his time trying to make niki see his self worth!! since hiiro was BORN he's been trying to get him to understand that he's deserving of love!! that YES he can be a dick but ultimately treats crazy:b and his friends with love and wants what's best for them! these are the same ppl that think he's abusive or something idk i can only assume. like yeah rinne has a carefully crafted persona where hes a complete dickhead and ig some players cant really bother to see past that act

unfortunately rinne himself is built on a few harmful stereotypes of ainu culture irt the drinking, being portrayed or viewed as more 'uncouth' by other characters, etc which is why the initial more explicit ties to ainu culture were removed altogether from his and hiiros design and background. it is understandable, which is for example why it's not really my place to say whether he can be interpreted as ainu or not, and even so, i try not to rely on those aspects of him because it still veers into sensitive territory. and its an unfortunate part of his character, but undeniably, rinne amagi DOES drink, (he's one of the only characters in main cast of drinking age anyway) does partake in harmful behaviors, but fsr suddenly that means hes nothing but a drunkard, to a lot of people. when reading rinne you really have to take these things and ofc, consider that theyre relevant to his character, but it's not all there is...? in the slightest..? there used to be a tweet thread explaining this link further but it's either been taken down or the account has been locked. either way, just a bit of googling goes a long way. i'd rather not go into too much detail here because i don't feel informed enough beyond pointing these issues out, and i personally feel like it's not really my place. if anybody wants to add onto this post to cite more specific sources please feel free

he's such a fun loving, cunning, caring guy who helps people get jobs (dance of the white tiger), who volunteers to play with kids at a daycare (asobi), and wishes so badly to become an idol and grant everyone the same opportunities if theyd like to be, as well (main story, sudden death SUDDEN DEATH IS MY FAV STORY AFTER HL BUT THE TL IS DOWN....SORRY. but i really really think it's one of the most important ones when it comes to rinne's character and motivations. also if u can read it in app it's even better bc it's voiced and theres a line where he's like "oh this guy's [niki] is engaged to me" when talking to kohaku's sister AND HE SOUNDS FULLY SERIOUS TOO....)

don't get me started on people who dumb him down as if he wasn't one of the most clever characters in the game. and unknowingly, people that continue to make rinne's character out to simply be a gambling flirty drunkard who doesn't know how to control himself, as if there weren't other facets of him – they lean into stereotypes, bordering on racism, even if its not malicious or theyre not aware. and it makes me so sad. a lot of the time these interpretations are spread around and then liking characters like him becomes some sort of moral debate, esp in current fandom (which is one of the reasons i think this stereotyping? happens? b/c ive found that fandom sometimes has the tendency of grabbing characters and mischaracterizing them so BADLY that liking them makes you a bad person..? not necessarily villains either! i promise it's okay to just dislike characters without making stuff up!)

that aside also suggesting he'd be an awful, neglectful spouse is simply incorrect. i very firmly believe that if rinne is devoted, he will drop every vice, every pretense, to make the other person happy. he's Like That in the story and towards niki because they keep tiptoeing around the subject but the second he gets an inner monologue, or is truly being genuine, you can tell he would do anything for him, if niki would just let him. to say that rinne isn't capable of being a good partner because he'll treat you badly or not care about you just proves to me that you're not reading any scene he is actually in. if rinne loves you, romantic or not, he will go big or go home. read hot limit btw

im not about to pull the story caps out no wait yes i am lol rinniki4ever ✌️

these arent in order bc i had to scroll up like 2k pictures because i take caps of this game every time i blink. i was considering adding hiiro caps, to show his dedication to him as well, but given that this is for like a marriage poll id rather not. either way he cares about his family and loved ones a lot. read chapter 155 if you want to know the exact scene i was thinking about/referring to while typing this

um ok (breathes out) im fine now. theres things i didnt address because it's 1 am and i want to go to sleep. congrats kuro on getting #1 most marriageable tho u deserve it KURO NUMERO 1 CAMPEAO DO MUNDO 💯💯💯🔥

#im not tagging this with anything else #im sorry if i sound snobby or just. idk. mean at all. it isnt even a matter of media literacy anymore its more like #sometimes interpreting stuff on such a surface level and having to make jokes out of everything is not the best way to go #especially when the jokes are harmful/offensive. you dont really see this behavior outside of eng fandom #this isnt meant to be scolding i just wish people understood!!#but like if people say something is offensive rather than just doubling down...listen? please #im not an authority on enstars obviously i havent caught up on anything non alkakurei since like 2018. these are just my thoughts #if you read all of it i appreciate you :)#its not that serious. unless youre being purposely ableist and or racist which in that case it is that serious #mimthinks

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spirking-and-smirking · 9 days

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Me when i remember im not a grown man

Me when i remember everyone sees me as a girl even my friends because they cant help it because even tho they except and love me nearly all of them (or atleast the cis ones) cant see past the fem appearance and they do the thing where they try to affirm me by saying "the right things" but it feels fake and awkward and i just want it to be real i just want to be real. and i get to the point where i cant even remember my own personality because im trying to please everyone.. but that's probably more autism related and idk why i would try to please everyone because

*stops because im not gonna allow myself to call myself an asshole bad person etc*

Anyway i hate self improvement wdym lucie you're not gonna call yourself bad names? congrats

🫠🫠🫠🫠😭😭😭

HOLY SHIT I REACHED TAG LIMIT IM BONKERS

#its bed time #i go sleep now 😕😕😕#lucien talks #and sometimes i hate all my names because i can not be contained i can not be contained by a name but the name becomes your brand and every #one has there impression of you that they think of when your name is said #and the impressions people have of you cling to the name and they cling to the name and weigh it down until its a stranger #and i was not ment to be put in a body. not any body. im not saying i wanted to be amab im saying i dont want to have a body #and i do not hate my body. i just dont want one im not supposed to be here im not supposed to be here #and i do not hate my mind but i do not trust it and i wish i knew my soul because i think then i would be free and i would just be light #light.. like my names mean #i was ment to be light #im not supposed to be here #and i know i sound incoherent and insane but i was not made for this. there is more there is more there has to be more #please understand please tell me i dont sound insane please tell me.this is fine and i am fine and i am loved please #and please know that while i started this rant with something about gender it truly has everything to do with just being perceived and #truly not really about gender #that i can never explain me and noone can ever truly know me and there's no special telepathy #and you love me so tightly but we will be completely understood #and thats all anyone wants #that is all anyone wants #*you can love me so tightly #and i dont know why i feel so alone no matter how hard everyone tries to love me #these friends i know so well!! and love and they love me! but there will always be an aspect of superficiality #and it cant be helped #but gosh i love i love i love #and i love too much for this body #let me be light #and i dont want to be remembered for they what if they remember the body what if they remember the superficiality #what if they do not remember the light

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yamineftis · 10 months

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Can we stop calling the Children of the Watch a cult? Pls we’ve been over this already.

The ones who have called them “zealots” and a “cult” in the series were obviously in the WRONG, doing so in mockery and disrespect. They are NOT a cult just because other characters think them covering their faces must be crazy cultist shit.

#the mandalorian #children of the watch #so annoyed ugh #din djarin #i wish there was this energy for the idiot nite owls who mocked din's beliefs but surely will stay put and be mercenaries bc their leader #didn't get the magic sword #SURE MAN YA'LL THE REASONABLE ONES #at least the children of the watch understood survival and raising their foundlings was more important #DO U REALIZE WE WOULDN'T HAVE DIN IF IT WEREN'T FOR THEM #terrorist princess bo katan was more of a zealot in clone wars but she's white so must be reasonable!#honorable warrior it's ok to conquer other small towns and enslave their people it's cuz they're mando <3 #but this group covers their faces and keep to themselves and they're the zealots #UGHHH

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endlessfuckup · 4 months

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I originally wrote after seeing a post joking about a very serious thing that happened to dan and phil back in 2012.

I wrote it because the post triggered some really upsetting memories for me. I had gone through that exact thing on a smaller scale and it ruined my life for a long time.

I was going to delete it because it seemed too far and too personal.

But, I think people should read it anyway.

imagine if you posted private thoughts & photos of yourself to a place where you are certain only you and maybe, at most, 20 or so people will see them-

its your only safe place...

now imagine if suddenly a lot more than 20 people find out who you are. like millions of people. and, despite your best efforts, they find what you thought was your most deeply hidden secrets.

oh shit...

your employers see them. your coworkers see them. your friends all know now. oh god your fucking family have now seen that. All of it sent to them by some of the many complete strangers that watch you online.

oh fuck nonono...

What do you even do? What do you even say? You have no idea who or how many have seen.

maybe everyone has.....

There is nothing you can do but try to minimize the damage being done. all by yourself.

its just impossible..

what feels like the entire planet is pointing, laughing, calling you slurs and telling you to kys

you seriously consider it for a moment...

you have to just go on silently pretending that nothing happened at all. Live. On. Camera. in front of the entire fuckin world

How the fuck would you feel?

#let those damn photos die please #sorry this isn't directed at any one specific #i feel like people just have zero understanding of how bad things got for dan here #like social media was far more interconnected than it is now #it took no time at all for everyone to collectively find out about all of this it was like watching a wildfire going out of control #this was a small part of a really heartbreaking series of unfortunate events around the time #dan has repeatedly stated how traumatic this time period was for him #please let these men finally have some peace and safety for once let certain things go into the abyss #just really wish people understood how it actually feels to be in this position #from personal experience #it fucking sucks it makes you feel so so bad about yourself and dirty and exposed it never leaves your mind #it was supposed to be safe..#in reference to d+p

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