#im not supposed to be here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

frogmanfae · 3 months

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I'm in the waiting room for an audition right now and everyone else auditioning is warming up and I literally feel like a disgrace for even taking my violin out of its case

#im not supposed to be here #yike #symphony

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spirking-and-smirking · 5 days

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Me when i remember im not a grown man

Me when i remember everyone sees me as a girl even my friends because they cant help it because even tho they except and love me nearly all of them (or atleast the cis ones) cant see past the fem appearance and they do the thing where they try to affirm me by saying "the right things" but it feels fake and awkward and i just want it to be real i just want to be real. and i get to the point where i cant even remember my own personality because im trying to please everyone.. but that's probably more autism related and idk why i would try to please everyone because

*stops because im not gonna allow myself to call myself an asshole bad person etc*

Anyway i hate self improvement wdym lucie you're not gonna call yourself bad names? congrats

🫠🫠🫠🫠😭😭😭

HOLY SHIT I REACHED TAG LIMIT IM BONKERS

#its bed time #i go sleep now 😕😕😕#lucien talks #and sometimes i hate all my names because i can not be contained i can not be contained by a name but the name becomes your brand and every #one has there impression of you that they think of when your name is said #and the impressions people have of you cling to the name and they cling to the name and weigh it down until its a stranger #and i was not ment to be put in a body. not any body. im not saying i wanted to be amab im saying i dont want to have a body #and i do not hate my body. i just dont want one im not supposed to be here im not supposed to be here #and i do not hate my mind but i do not trust it and i wish i knew my soul because i think then i would be free and i would just be light #light.. like my names mean #i was ment to be light #im not supposed to be here #and i know i sound incoherent and insane but i was not made for this. there is more there is more there has to be more #please understand please tell me i dont sound insane please tell me.this is fine and i am fine and i am loved please #and please know that while i started this rant with something about gender it truly has everything to do with just being perceived and #truly not really about gender #that i can never explain me and noone can ever truly know me and there's no special telepathy #and you love me so tightly but we will be completely understood #and thats all anyone wants #that is all anyone wants #*you can love me so tightly #and i dont know why i feel so alone no matter how hard everyone tries to love me #these friends i know so well!! and love and they love me! but there will always be an aspect of superficiality #and it cant be helped #but gosh i love i love i love #and i love too much for this body #let me be light #and i dont want to be remembered for they what if they remember the body what if they remember the superficiality #what if they do not remember the light

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walleeli · 8 months

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Having acne in your mid-twenties is sooooo fucking cool. I feel like I don’t deserve to exist in public spaces.

#just bought new makeup #after having worn next to none of it for literal years because it makes me feel fucking awful to look at myself #but i got a job and literally a single day of being in front of people with my face as is made me want to actually disappear #its fucking brutal out here #im like if a girl was a horrible horrible monster that existed outside the bounds of human love #im like if an animal only ever earned the right to die alone in the dark #new job plus im on my period plus my skin is purging because new acne treatment #i want out of my fucking skin so bad i want out of my life #im not supposed to be here #‘no one is ever gonna love me oh my bus is here’ etc eTC #anyways.#<3

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thehealingsystem · 4 months

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TODAY SUCKS SO MUCHHHHHHHH

#I think I'm gonna have a horrible week. judging by yesterday #I kinda just wanna....leave #I don't know why I try to make myself exist #everything is a distraction #I think I should probably just leave tumblr #im not supposed to be here

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atmothart · 1 year

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Jon he's really trying here cut him a break

(tumblr crunched the resolution of this comic a lot rip)

#dracula daily #hello im back from the void with shitty dracula doodles #i actually drew this last year but never posted it #here it is now though #count dracula #jonathan harker #Drac reading the english bradshaw guide is still one of the funniest moments in Dracula to me #i know it is supposed to show how he's planning to infiltrate england and appear local #but it really does just come across like he picked it up in a panic and pretended to be reading it when Jonathan came back into the room #and being the weird guy he is thought reading train schedules was really normal behaviour #bram stoker's dracula is a romcom #re: dracula

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b1ttersweet-dreams · 28 days

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where the line between me and you blurs

#ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #v2 ultrakill #ultrakill fanart #v4v #y2r1 #not sure which cw to add here #i mean there are organs but no blood and also too many wires to really notice anything right away #also i have no idea what this drawing is supposed to mean honestly i just blacked out and came back to this on my canvas #im being so brave rn

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lilybug-02 · 19 days

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Patience and responsibility....that's a promise....right?

Part 27 First || Previous || Next...

--Full Series--

An exorcism? In my family-friendly Deltarune? It's more likely than you may think. The backgrounds here were very interesting! Much more complex than how I usually do them (especially that computer).

Player POV:

Feral energy.

#Syke! Chara has no idea how to do sh*t with Exorcisms #in a society where it's literally seen as a blessing of some kind. It is seen as unethical! Your hurting the silly little guy :(#Why is Azzy so hesitant with this festival??#WHAT THE HECK IS THE ANGELS LANDING DAY??? Azzy get over here-#without a soul?.....I dont know any creatures like that....plants maybe?#That is totally a knock off Mario cart and not a png I found online. DO NOT LOOK INTO THIS #Salt!? owo hehehe #I was very iffy on how much light I wanted here. I kept layering the darkness lmaoo. They kept the lights low in case Toriel woke up.#can you spot the everyman? ;)#hmm your not supposed to be able to read the computer....but I may make an update so people can actually see it?? I hate to leave it grainy #but im a little tired so thats maybe for tomorrow!#thank you all again for waiting so long!#deltarune chara timeline #deltarune chara timeline comic #bread #art #my art #chara #asriel #kris #susie

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localapparently · 2 months

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM DOKJA!!!

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barghest-land · 2 months

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ata tu corazón, mi amor, y arrástralo por la tierra

#this art hurts so bad #in a way i'd never be able to explain #also it just upsets me a lot because i don't like how i did it:(#idk how to make it better so i'm just gonna leave it as it is #and go to sleep good night #it was supposed to be cool and simple just like that #but in my eyes it's just missing everything and i don't know how to fix it #genuinely thought it was gonna be a good art but here i am oh well. that happens i guess #im sorry javier :(( i'll make more good art i promise #barghestland #art #artists on tumblr #rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #javier escuella

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dear-ao3 · 10 months

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i have a bad habit of everytime i get drunk i get 10x more leftist and start texting my partner about why we need to kill every nazi ever

#from katya #not a tag #im not supposed to get political here but i think if u think that hating nazis is too political....

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inkskinned · 9 months

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you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

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dizzybizz · 5 months

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KAEYA BIRTHDAY ??? ?? i love you mr alberich sir i love you oh so so so much.

uh dialogue for this one but more legible under the cut (and a messy ragbros page)

Klee: Kaeya! Come down here! Kaeya: Oh? heh. What is it, Spark Knight?

Klee: Happy Birthday! It is today? Right? I even double-checked with Albedo and everything but I don't know... Klee: It's a Calla Lily! You like those, right? Kaeya: I certainly do! Thank y- Klee: Oh. Klee: OK OK OK- Kaeya: Hm? Klee: Kaeya you have to promise to not tell Master Jean about this one! Kaeya: You can count on me to keep my lips sealed.

Klee: OK! Close your eyes- eye- and hold out your hands! Kaeya: Mhm! Klee: OK! You can open them! TA-DA~!

Klee: I made a bomb for you! It even has an eyepatch! He can look after you when I'm somewhere else. Take good care of him! Oh yeah- He explodes if you- Kaeya?

Kaeya: Thank you Klee! Thank you very much! Klee: You're VERY welcome Kaeya!

a lil ragbros too.... kaeya and his red siblings amirite (bursts into tears).. also i am so obsessed with chibi diluc saying "bring em in..."

#I LOVE YOU KAEYA #these were all drawn in the past two daysashhsdgg #i was originally planning on starting like at least a week in advance bc i wanted to do one big ambitious piece but that didnt end up happe #ing... instead he gets a little comic a bigger comic and a page and my undivided attention #genshin impact #kaeya alberich #kaeya #genshin impact kaeya #genshin kaeya #im putting em all in here f u #klee #diluc ragnvindr #ragbros #none of that kaeluc shit here alright thank you or go fuck off ok epic #my art #sona #these r all improvised. i went about the klee comic in the stupidest way possible bc apperantly i love making things hard for myself..#not like it was my fault- it was just supposed to be a concept for a finished piece and not turn into a little comic but i have no self con #rol clearly so now its here and i am jsut kinda sleepy sry #kaeya has been my genshin blorbo for over three years ok i needed to express a little of my feelings about him somehow #OK YAY ITS OFFICIALLY THE 30TH IN MY TIMEZONE SO I CAN POST THIS OK OK YEAH #HAPPY BDAY KAEYA AAAAAAAAAAAAA 😭💖💖💖#this entire post is just me sobbing over how much i adore him #is this the longest wall of notes from me yet.. idk but it might be #ok anyways i love kaeya a lot send me anything kaeya and i will love you forever and ever and i should really go to sleep now i think #... .kaeya 🥰🥰🥰

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biaswreckmepls · 1 year

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A moment of silence.

This isn’t usually what I post, especially since I’m not an Aroha, but I’m moved to tears to do this. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of Moonbin’s family and friends right now. My heart is truly breaking. Sua, Sanha, Jinjin, MJ, Rocky, Eunwoo, Seungkwan, SinB, Chanwoo, his family, we’re all thinking of you. I hope everyone respects their privacy and their need to grieve, and I also hope we are all able to celebrate his beautiful life and all that he was, and all that he gave to it. Kind, gentle, incredibly talented, I can’t imagine what could’ve happened that got him to get to this point. My foundation feels shaken to its core.

Moonbin-ah, I hope you know how much you were loved, and how sorely you shall be missed. You have left a beautiful legacy behind you, and yet it was nothing compared to all you could’ve done. You remain in our hearts and our memories. You were wonderful.