#i wish I was more experienced with this stuff

[itsticklishme23]

🌸 NEST post incoming… 🌸

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” ✨

Wow… I don’t even have the words to express the gratitude, bliss, and surreal feeling i have to have met all of the wonderful people at NEST. Thank you to everyone for the best time and for making my first NEST so unforgettable! I’m so sad I had to leave early, but the time I did get with everyone was BEYOND beautiful!! I met so many amazing loving people, the respectfulness and kindness (and bullying AHEM 🙄😜) I experienced from you all is just absolutely special and beyond any group/community I’ve been apart of. A HUUUGE thank you to the incredible organizers for creating such an amazing event. To my old and new friends: I LOVE YOU BIG!!

I know this is a kinda late NEST post hahah and I’m sure one day I’ll make a post of all the fun stuff that happened, or maybe I’ll keep some of it as memories between us, but I just absolutely had to make an appreciation post for the people that made it so special because that’s what it’s all about for me 🥰

~ firstly a huge thank you to @spiffytickler for being an amazing friend and the whole reason I even made it to NEST in the first place!! Seriously wouldn’t have even been there without you, and I’m so grateful to you, my dear friend ☺️ plus your pep talks and protector/“mother hen” energy was so appreciated, and I adore you ❤️

~ and of course the beautiful and sweet @yourlittlettoy with your illuminating presence and your sweet lil gifts just make my whole heart smile!! How did I get so lucky to know you let alone have a bestie in you!! ❤️❤️ I love you forever!

~ getting to meet and spend time with @kusugurihime was an absolute pleasure and joy, you’re such a sweetie pie! I can’t wait for us to reunite 🥹❣️

~ a huge thank you to @mister-ttt for being the sweetest friend, the best bidder HEHEH and just having a heart of gold, and being an amazing protector. Even though we met at NEST you’ve already easily become one of my favorite people and I see a sweet friendship blooming 🥰

~ getting to finally meet @toadallytickles was also a cherry on top!! Your kindness and attentiveness to your friends helps me see the sweetness in your soul and I’m grateful you extended that same sweetness to me, and I can’t wait to see you again ☺️

~ @puzz-ler we finally got to actually hug and have an amazing time after years of being friends, and you’re easily cementing your bestie status too 😂🫶🏾 as sassy as you can be 🙄 lol but you’re still great and so generous with your kindness, which I forever appreciate 🖤

~ and meeting @ticklita literally made my whole weekend that much better bc you’re such a sweet, kind, precious lil strawberry 🍓 and I can’t wait to visit you and see you again!! 🥰

Plus many, many, many more that would probably take up your whole page for miles hahah i wish I could tag every single person who made nest special! But I promise if I didn’t tag you, you still mean a lot to me. And simply put, I’m already dreaming of reuniting again with you all with massive hugs and cheek kissies soon 😘💋 I can’t wait to see you all again, and I hope everyone who went had a truly amazing experience. If we met and didn’t get each other’s info to keep in touch, please feel free to message me and connect! The giggles, laughter, teasing, bratiness, jokes, silliness, love, and just the right amount of “mean-ness” were perfect hehe. My lil subby lee heart is full and missing you all already ❤️

#me #tickle community #nest #good times with great friends #so sorry for the long post 😭 #I love y’all!!

[fixing-bad-posts]

Just stumbled across your blog and I just wanna say that it's really refreshing to see someone with similar views to me out there, and someone not afraid to acknowledge when they believe they've not got enough experience on something to weigh in either way. There's not really much of a point to this post, but you seem cool and I like your content. Keep up the great work :)

thank you so much!

you've got me wondering which of my views you approve of haha—like did you read through the entire "i am opinionated" section of my pinned post?

but to your point about not being experienced enough to weigh in on everything, like, of course!! imo, it should be more common on the internet to just stfu about stuff you don't know about. so i try to practice what i preach in that regard <3

this was such a lovely ask to see in my inbox, well wishes to you, anon <3

#ask fbp #anon ask

[catboy-dummy]

I know it’s probably because it’s the first time it happened but I feel so stupid for not having a limits page. Could’ve prevented it from happening and having to shut down my scene.

But I still feel like I shouldn’t have received that anyway without any prior startup. Idk just kinda felt like a thwack to the face. I know it probably wasn’t intended to and I’m just overly upset. Just kinda rambling because I just feel like an idiot.

#dummy rambles #delete latter #like really delete later #idk #probably just gonna try to post/reblog for a day or 2 #need a small reset after that #not good at handling these things at all #plus I wasn’t expecting it so that just #yeah #i wish I was more experienced with this stuff #just feel stupid

[crunchchute]

Sam and Max if they were cool /j

#sam and max #crunchchute art #my art #somehow this shitposty art piece made me emotional while drawing #i miss highschool and my friends and just going on school trips and stuff listening to shitty scene music like botdf #and playing the songs on a phone close to our ears or sharing an earbud on the bus #and being fucking cringy and shit man i wish i experienced more of that #perhaps i wasted my teen years on stress and worrying so im dressing like this now to make up for it #i know you wont see this D and im sorry i was being awful to you sometimes but i liked teasing you as if you were my sibling #i really miss those times. and i know i could always reach out to you but you moved on and im still stuck so i wont. but im thinking about #you from time to time! and the little fun we had back in hs. i really felt like i could be myself when hanging out with you #and i thought about you making this piece. me as max u as sam that would fit lmao #<- hes getting sappy missing the idea of his friends 10 years ago that only exists in memories now because everyone except him grew up

[theminecraftbee]

you know, there are a lot of posts about how transitioning as an adult is like going through puberty all over again. and I’m not medically transitioning (at least not yet, maybe one day), so I don’t know if I ever expected to exactly experience that. after all, my hormones are at normal adult levels for someone on birth control. but no, some of the stuff I experience does make me feel like a teenager awkwardly becoming an adult again, actually.

see, I’m attending a friend’s wedding, and I need new formalwear for it (protip: it is generally frowned upon to wear a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding, and that’s the last formalwear I purchased). and I just… really didn’t want to wear a dress, so I went to go get a suit. and I didn’t know how to get any of the required clothes for it and had to have a salesperson help me figure out how dress shirts work and nervously stood there while getting shown how to try stuff on and it really did feel like I was a lost teenager, despite being, you know, almost twenty-six.

but also: I own a three-piece suit now! it’s grey! it looks pretty good on me! I even got a blue tie with bees on it! so it was worth the temporary embarrassment of suddenly realizing I don’t know how men’s formalwear sizes work and, oh god, why are there so many variations of “white dress shirt” what does this mean.

and I figure as I very slowly work up the confidence to be out more irl there will be more and more moments like this, and I’ll lament the fact I didn’t do all this stuff as an actual teenager, but as weird and scary as it is, so far, it’s been worth it.

#also shoutout to the salesperson both at the suit store and the department store #they were VERY nice and reassuring and the woman at the department store wished me luck which was very sweet #I was. very obviously nervous social anxiety is a bitch #I kept being like ‘I’m so sorry I don’t know how this works’ but I never had anyone teach me so I must give myself grace #anyway more personal than I normally am on this blog but I’m excited and also figure someone out there probably relates #just. late milestones. thing I keep experiencing both because autism and because not cis #suddenly realizing ‘oh most people figure this one out as a teenager’ #milestones are bullshit anyway #anyway some stuff needs to come in and then be hemmed so no pictures yet but #suit……

[booasaur]

Special Ops: Lioness - 1x02

#specialopslionessedit #special ops lioness #special ops: lioness #cruz manuelos #sol bobby #laysla de oliveira #jill wagner #special ops lioness 1x02 #aaliyah x cruz #femslash related stuff #I don't actually think aaliyah is super experienced at all this #but I do think she's been using the ''for the boys'' excuse for a while :P #also I gotta say...bobby is hot af #that little smile at the end :o #I absolutely wish there was more of her #right now she's gotten so little to do #or be

[crescentfool]

does anyone else want to stick these two in the same room together or is that just me... i simply think they are adjacent in vibes... (+a bonus thing???)

get u a fictional guy that makes you feel like this... seeing these guys just evoke a Similar Kind of Brain Chemical and Response. Help Me.

also have bonus yosuke doodle featuring the same brushes used here...! from january 23rd, lol.

#fe3h #sylvain jose gautier #persona 4 #yosuke hanamura #crossover #lizzy does art #umm... hi.... (looks away) this is cringe but i am free. what is life if not to draw your favorite characters together on the same canvas #for the record i do not intend to conflate these two as the same character because they are NOT #'lizz. what on EARTH do you see in these guys.' you know. i wish i could answer that. (actually. i can.) #experiencing both of these characters sent me into an absolute spiral of denial when i realized that i enjoyed them #Words Hard but Basically i think its fascinating how both sylvain and yosuke have like this happier front that they project outwards that- #masks the struggles that they don't want others to see... and while both of them do cringe shit thats incredibly stupid #both of these characters have shown themselves to have like?? actual braincells? (re: yosuke at the start of p4 + sylvain support convos) #granted the kinds of themes and messages each of them is meant to convey varies bc of the setting and stories they are in #the sylvain + yosuke pipeline.... oh also i think the fandoms tend to rationalize both of their behavior towards women as like. #a closeted bi case. it's kinda strange to me why they overlap in certain ways hm hm... #but its just so funny to me that like. idk. they're both unbearable. they irritating for a reason /s #i should really draw these two more often (in like separate illusts) they are so fun i love their color schemes and designs it sparks joy #ok ok god i had a lot more to say about that than i thought oops. um. yeah. i learned how to draw for stuff like this. worth itTM

[leqclerc]

Do you have some sebchal recs? I try to look on ao3 but I barely find any, so I imagine most of their fics are more old

Hello! ❤️

Interestingly, I find myself having the opposite problem. I feel like the fandom - and, by extension, the interest in Seb/Charles as a ship - has grown exponentially since 2020. I think there's like forty pages of published works on ao3 right now. Which might not seem like a lot, especially when compared to other juggernaut ships or fandoms, but considering the fact that there were maybe 3 when I first looked up the tag... 😳 Anyway, over time I've kind of figured out what I like and what I don't like in relation to the ship, so these days I tend to be more selective and pick through to find what really speaks to me, what really knocks my socks off, if that makes sense. 😂 We all have different tastes, both as readers and authors, so different people will gravitate toward different things. Not everything scratches the itch, basically. TL;DR: it really depends on what you're looking for and what you like. 👀

That being said, here are some of the fics that made an impression/that I find myself coming back to:

Canon/Canon Adjacent (aka still set somewhere in the realm of F1):

postcards from places that miss you by streetlightsky T | 15,108 words ↳ Seb wanted to leave quietly. That was the one thing he had asked above all else. Or, the one where Seb retires, but Charles refuses to let him disappear. -> I honestly recommend pretty much anything by this author ⭐ immortality on their faces, night at their back by wintrs E | 16,147 words ↳ Sebastian had always wondered about Charles—but maybe he’d known the truth all along, and he’d just never let himself acknowledge it. no flowers, no flashbulbs by superoxide E | 10,736 words ↳ Sebastian frowns, without thinking. They’d both ridiculed the idea of some kind of staged paparazzi friendliness when it had come up. He wonders what has turned Charles around on the idea so suddenly. (Charles has a plan to improve their image; Sebastian is less convinced.) see you falling by redpaint E | 3,653 words ↳ “I can’t— There are no words. No words. I just need to get this out of my head, okay? Before you go.” -> I honestly recommend pretty much anything by this author, especially the 'conflict resolution' series for that 2019 feel⭐ those who miss each other by sionisjaune E | 8,401 words ↳ Charles’s phone is burning a hole in his pocket. This is something he should be filming, but he doesn’t want to. He thinks he shouldn’t, for some reason. He thinks he can keep this encounter for himself. + bonus: (yes I'm sharing my own fic shhhh) been a long year by ssilverarrowss M | 7,123 words ↳ The days stubbornly march forward. Sometimes it feels agonisingly slow, and sometimes it feels like everything is moving too quickly, like Charles is going to blink and all the time he’s spent with Sebastian will be in the rearview, gone forever.

Alternate Universe:

scenes from an american artist by tetrapod M | 9,389 words ↳ Excerpt from an interview with Charles Leclerc. August 1974. Q: How did it all end? CL: The way all relationships end, I suppose. Inevitably. flesh of my flesh by charlotte_stant E | 4,749 words ↳ Sebastian, still smiling, tilts his head and looks at Charles speculatively. “Can I take you for a drive, Father?" he asks. "To continue our conversation. I find myself in need of… spiritual direction.” Charles ought to say no, but he doesn’t even consider it, not really. Sometimes falling is like that: as easy as opening your mouth and saying “Yes.” the language of another world by redpaint G | 2,568 words ↳ Charles is sent down from Oxford (drunkenness, absenteeism, behavior unbecoming of a Balliol man) and becomes the research assistant to a botanist who is doing fieldwork in the Shetland Islands. and VASI to guide you in by anonymous T | 1,375 words ↳ Nobody at the tiny Aeroporto di Maranello Enzo Ferrari can figure out why and how the runway lights manage to stay on through the night—long after curfew and long after the last worker has left the premises, taking the main ops key with them. However, newly promoted Captain Charles Leclerc of floundering charter airline Ferrari Air knows the answer to that question. He just won’t tell it to anyone. Ever. the tools to rebuild by astronomical_light T | 22,645 words ↳ After months of stagnating in his recovery following a high-speed crash, Charles gets referred to a specialist clinic tucked away in the Swiss mountainside that feels as much like a high-end wellness retreat as it does a physical rehabilitation program. He doesn’t have many expectations going into it, but he knows one thing for sure—he definitely wasn’t expecting Sebastian.

Seb/Charles feat. other pairings:

stringe il cuore della stella morente by partywitharichzombie E | 14,634 words ↳ The announcement is almost poetic in its sweet simplicity: a photo of Daniel, aged three, the cavallino rampante a stark contrast against the white of his oversized t-shirt, radiant grin as disarming then as it is now. No caption. None necessary. (Daniel signs with Ferrari for 2021 and beyond. He hopes he and Charles can avoid ending up in a scenario of assured mutual destruction.) high speed weekend survivor by babypapaya T | 18,608 words ↳ Formula Student is a student engineering competition held annually in the UK. Student teams from around the world design, build, test, and race a small-scale formula style racing car. (in) clover by tetrapod T | 5,895 words ↳ “I was thinking we could take the boat out,” Charles said. spacetime invariants by distressedgremlin M | 6,615 words ↳ Lewis arrived midway through the season of dust storms. Sebastian met him on a shabby starport that barely clung to the atmosphere of a frozen-over planet, the only one within forty light-days’ distance that the dust did not reach.

#replies #anonymous #fic rec #sebchal fic rec #hope this helps! <3 i might make a more reblog-friendly standalone version later 🤔 #also bear in mind i've not been super active on ao3 for the past [checks watch] few months for a variety of reasons #so im not 100% up to date on the happenings in the tag esp in relation to the newer stuff #might also make a non-sebchal f1 fic rec list at some point bc im totally open minded re: fics about pairings i dont ship myself #if the writing is so good it makes me bite my fist and yell abt how i wish i could write like that sjdkflghdfk #if it hits the spot it hits yknow #ALSO thank god for the tumblr drafts auto save feature (which is new? i think? idk first time i've experienced it anyway) #bc of course i accidentally hit some combination of keys that close d the draft just as i had written up a whole ass section #the panic was real but it auto saved. well done tumblr i guess 😭😭

[robinsnest2111]

thinking about that one dream I had about a vampire, a werewolf and the grim reaper being roommates and all flirting with the same guy (who the vampire found in the city at night, kinda lost and confused, wearing only a flowy little white nightgown, and brought home with him)

#my dreams were so much more pleasant and way less nightmarish when i lived in my apartment #back to constant nightmares and insomnia since i moved in with my parents again. #wonder why that is. is it the mold in the walls slowly poisoning me again? the trauma i experienced at my parents' hands in this house? #both? something else entirely? we just don't know lol #anyway wish i could dream about stuff like this again.....

[hermanunworthy]

yall does my lack of personal romantic experience Show in my writing 😭

#i sure do enjoy writing kiss scenes for someone who has never even experienced a kiss before #technically. #im so obsessed w the concept of romance and intimacy but my ass does NOT have the balls to do more than hold hands #but when i write i always have to pretend to know what im talking about anyways #not to start vemting but ive been thinking about my relationship w romance a SHIT ton lately and its all been really confusing and stressful #*venting #i wish it was easy to understand and participate in!!!!! #fun fact i was originally planning on posting all my fics anonymously bc i was THAT embarrassed about people seeing me write romance #im glad i didnt do that but i still get extremely nervous posting stuff #bc my brain will be like 'how DARE u write about those characters kissing. that is so shameful. everyone is disgusted by u now' #this is getting too venty bye #feelings!! scary!!!! #siren says

[silverwhittlingknife]

superboy: the man of tomorrow 1 spoilers

(it's just one panel but below the cut just in case)

memory identification: go!

#dc spoilers #memory identification CHALLENGE #okay so: obviously there's the 'waking up in cadmus' #the friends don't seem like a reference to anything - i mean ig it could be donna's death but i think they're just a generic memory #or possibly it's yj:dc and there's just nothing that actually happened to reference? #i think that's tara dying #and then the last one: match punching him?or is it superboy-prime punching him? #(to be conner is to be constantly getting punched by alternate superboys dsfdsfs) #anyway (despite this one angsty panel) this was fun and zippy #v. light-hearted and not a whole lot to it - looks like it'll be space adventure + punching-stuff #there isn't enough here to really hook me but the art is cute and conner's narration is bouncy #so if they keep putting it on the app i'll probably keep reading #i really wish. mm. okay WARNING RANT INCOMING this is kind of tangential and maybe it's just the comics that i pick up #but i feel like of the few modern comics i've picked up - a lot of them are very light on the characters having concrete problems #even problems as simple as 'getting bad grades in school' or 'have to lie to my dad' or 'need a job to pay the rent' #like. i feel like tim in robin '93 had concrete problems that couldn't be solved with a pep talk and 'you just gotta believe in yourself' #dick in nightwing '97 - same! concrete personal life problems that could not be resolved by a pep talk! #and i really miss. like. characters experiencing dilemmas or having to make trade-offs #and just generally i miss a bit more realism - like. conner feels unneeded. okay? so? #shouldn't he be going to school or something? why is costume-stuff top of mind? where are the authority figures/external forces? #i think these kinds of intensely-internal problems can work in non-visual fiction bc you're in the character's head BUT #comics are largely visual and everything with real emotional punch works way better if it's concrete things that i can see #anyway that's just my personal preferences though and it's not superboy's fault! #conner's never been a realistic character - he had goofy merchandising and was a kid celebrity and so forth #and although i didn't read his preboot solo i don't think he ever went to school there either? except in adventure comics? #so he seems very well-suited to plucky space-adventure #and i wish him the best. go forth and prosper conner!! punch those aliens!!

[obstinatecondolement]

My sister was saying "You should write that idea for a novel about [REDACTED] that you had a while ago for NaNo. I think that could be really fun" and I was like oh yeah! I remember we got a kick out of that one. And then, after a pause, had be like... could you remind me what the plot was again? Because litearlly all I could remember was that it had been funny At The Time and involved [REDACTED].

It was like when my mum reads a book and strongly recommends it to me the day after she finishes it, but can't remember any of the characters names or what happened, but it was definitely very good and I should read it so we can talk about it!

Except this was a story I made up myself and devoted not an insignificant amount of thought to, and then never committed any of what I came up with to the page because it was still early stages and I would "remember" what my initial ideas were 🙄

#fortunately my sister did remember enough that it kickstarted my brain and I remembered #but jesus christ... #how many perfectly good ideas have I squandered because I didn't think I would forget about them? #it's one thing not ever writing stuff I had ideas for because of y'know *gestures towards my general inability to follow through on things* #but actually forgetting ideas entirely feels much worse #I miss having an eidetic memory :( #but also I kind of wish I'd never had it because I never developed the habit of writing things down to remember them #until WELL into adulthood #because I'd ever needed to for most of my life #I just remembered every single word I had ever read or heard and almost every idea I'd given more than passing thought to in perfect detail #as a child I'd get so angry about people getting single words of quotations wrong or misremembering minute details of conversations we'd ha #because I *did not understand* that they weren't just being sloppy and inexact #and that they really couldn't remember things the same way I could #I really did not understand that other people experienced the world differently to me at that age #when they contradicted what I believed to be universal truths I thought they were trying to upset me or make me feel bad about myself #like when my friend agreed with my parents that apple juice was nicer than orange juice (when no one could *really* believe that) #I fully felt that as a betrayal #and thought she was implicitly co-signing my parents to hurt me #and that the subtext of the criticism was that I was evil and self indulgent for not resisting the wicked temptations of orange juice #and never even trying to be virtuous and subject myself to apple juice #which was obviously not as nice but was the more moral and 'healthy' (which was the same things as moral) choice #oh christ this has gotten away from me... #I hate being triggered by dumb bullshit that brings me back to weird esoteric traumas from my youth #can I please stop being triggered by such embarrassingly trivial bullshit for five minutes???

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

#update for my friends here #(and then I gotta go read aristotle lol) #I'm doing ok. I think maybe I've made some friends here. particularly a couple of girls on my hall who have been very kind to me. #wish my emotions would come back and be normal #and by 'normal' I mean not just random crying whenever I try to sit still and think for a few minutes. #there's so much happening. my heart is pulled so many ways. I'm not sure how to resolve any of it. #and I'm aching for resolution. #but I think God is trying to show me how much more I still haven't done or experienced #even though a lot of times I feel like I've lived all of life there is to live and there's nothing left anymore. #I wish I had more trustworthy people in my life who are older than me and can help speak into this experience. #I need to call my parents and siblings back home. I miss them. #I keep questioning my decision to come here. maybe I should've stayed home. #I don't know. maybe it's all an exercise in trust. #I'm still afraid most of the time I think. I wish I could put that fear to death. I wish I could just lean back and trust. #everything just moves so fast. #if any of my post-college (undergrad at least) friends would like to give me tips for slowing down and being intentional with life #and relationships and stuff #during this phase of life--I am extremely open to hearing about them! #love you all <3

[bunnihearted]

the desire im capable of feeling for a person is insane like i rlly cannot see any other way my life could go that i'd be happy w unless im by their side in their arms :((

#genuinely idgi. w my other crushes i daydreamed but i didnt wanna get close to them rlly. this is more than a crush how does it work #r u supposed to go crazy or am i a freak #i mean like.. idk!!!!! idk anything im so confused!!!!!! #all i know is that when i wake up their my first thought. when i do anything during the day i wish i was w them doing those things #when i go to bed i think of them #every thought i have i wanna share w them. it feels good nd nice to share everything w them #it's exciting to talk abt my boring fkn day. it's exciting to listen to details of their borinf day #like thats music to my ears. everything. i want. when i think of watching a show i want to know what they think of it #when i come across a movie my 1st thought it hmm wonder if theyve seen it #when i come across various ideologies nd stuff im like hmmm i wanna discuss this w them #it's all them them them them! #im jealous of the air they breathe the ground the walk on. those things get to be so close nd im so far away #i dont know #cant.. imagine. i mean maybe to other ppl #being in love and loving someone is .. idk. i've never experienced it before so idk anythinf #im just... so.. dizzy #i cant focus on school even if im like yeah wow im gnna go homeless if i dont do my homework lmao #i cant read my books or watch shows bc i keep pausing nd being like ok but what if WE were in this position #well. maybe. im ??? is this what love is? or am i too intense? should u be able to function anyway? idgi

[nomaishuttle]

i do fr need to work on differentiating between "actually middleclass" and "doesnt live paycheck to paycheck" lmao bc that is something i struggle with... obviously ik i have more in common with like. even somebody whos fr middleclass disney vacations every year. I know i have more in common with them than i do with bezos but god at least i dont have to see bezos being annoying in front of me every day KJANDJKLNLJD

#bc its like this. i obviously have way more contempt for a billionaire. obviously. but ive never met an actual billionaire yfm. and i Have #met middleclass ppl and A lot not all but a lot. are so insufferable and ikkkk not all of them or whatever but like. i constantly got shit #for being poor from middle class kids and like. ik im supposed to be class solidarity with them bc were all poor when compared to a #billionaire but goddd fucking damn they make it difficult . ik its like well the upperclass Wants the lowerclass and middleclass to be at #eachothers throats bc it means they dont pay attention to the upperclass walking over the both of them. i knowwww. but i can multitask #major in hating rich people minor in hating the middleclass... #THIS ISNT RLY RELATEDFTO THE LAST POST AT ALL i just have a lot of like. complicated feelings abt classism basicallyy. #like. i wouldnt wish poverty on anybody it fucking sucks. but as a kid i did sometimes fantasize abt swapping lives with my classmates who #had more money than me Not even bc i wanted to live their life but just so they would like. see the apartments i lived in and see the room #i shared with both of my siblings (weeman didnt exist yet lmao) and just like. look in the fridge. bc i just rly wanted ppl to get it lol.. #there was this one assignment that was like. wants vs needs and ppl kept putting needs as like. A big backyard. vacation once a year. my ow #personal bedroom etc and ik they were kids but it was like. insanely frustrating to have these kids who had like. never had to live without #Wants. yk. bc then i would just write down like. food. shelter. water. thats it lmao i even had clothes as a want instead of a need. and #they were making fun of me bc my list was so short and its like . look man i have gone without these three things on multiple occasions. yk #and now i try to be like. its good that there are ppl who have never experienced that i dont want ppl to have to experience that especially #like. that was in 4th grade lol. i was 9. i shouldnt have been worrying abt bills and stuff and none of my classmates knew anything abt tha #and thats a Good thing they shouldnt have. but theres this selfish part of me that wishes they did KANDJNS bc its so insanely isolating to #have ppl like. interrogating you abt why your shoes are so worndown or why your winter jacket is too small yk. and you cant say 'my family #cant afford better/new ones' bc they dont even understand what money is. yk. IDK. im just very sensitive abt these kinds of things KANDNW.. #perhaps a bit too oversensitive at times but yk. im working on it and im working on not being spiteful abt it bc like. yes it was isolating #but it was a good thing that the kids didnt relate to it yk. kids shouldnt relate to that and i shouldnt have felt that way bc no kid shoul #im also Ik i bring it up constantly but im still so mad abt that time my friends heard me say Yeah i have to go to court against my dad nex #wednesday . and they didnt say anything and then one of them went Ughhh my dad wont buy me the newest iphone hes buying me the newest #samsung instead But i have an iphone app that i spent 50 dollars on that wont transfer !!!!!! and then she endedup getting the iphone #anyways. sry ikk its grudge and i need to let it go but im still peeved... brinn there are people that are dying . #and also now i know that like. a lot of the other kids in my class Did understand and were just like. posturing. yk. a few of those kids #were from the same neighborhood as me lmao i was just too autistic to realize we werent supposed to be honest 💀 but yes. sry for this like #manifesto i am just thinking out loud..... well not bc this is text famously a written form of communication but we all understand. anyways

[bugdogg]

if i ever seem brave for some of the stuff i admit on here, just know its cause idk how to keep shit to myself. i cower at the thought of judgement and then proceed to expose my whole ass to tumblr anyway, because i dont have a working filter

#tags are filled with worried rambling again #i hear a laugh track play whenever my anxiety flares up #im scared of what other people think of me which in itself is funny #ik others opinions of me arent an indicator of me being a bad person #other people arent gonna kno my whole personality from the stuff i draw #i fear judgement despite experiencing nothing but positive feedback on this site because i keep reading into the small things as negative #i know all this and still wither away in my shell knowing all this im saying is what id tell others if they were suffering with it #i walk in this circle and do it thousand times til i pass out from the exhaustion and later wonder y i was worried in the first place #i want to be able to say “who cares they dont know you” but ive been raised by people who spent almost every conversation- #with me basically saying they know me very well and know whats wrong with me and ive been raised believing everyone knows more than me #i worry of being so serious and actually genuine like this but this is how i like to be sometimes #stupidly thinking too much into things and laughing at myself for it and wondering why i would put myself down on something id encourage- #others to do #i worry about losing people because they wont like all of me but they wont know that unless they see the whole picture #i find myself disgusting w/ my thoughts and the things i wanna create but i dont think that of others and its strange #weird ass moment here..... #i had a really good day today got a job and finished my first tattoo #im happy right now despite the shit i just spewed #im figuring myself out for the first time in maybe years #i just wish all the hateful shit i absorbed over those years fades away soon #and i hope i stop caring so bad lol #anywayyyyy have a wonderful rest of your weekkk <3 if u read this