#i will always associate blue with sander but when it comes to actually personality he's way more of a yellow | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

satsukidoodles404 · 2 years

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*Cackles loudly*

Here, take an unholy idea.

Sander Sides + Sans Au

Sansder Sides.

Well, either that or for the sake of shortening things to make it easier on us simple minded human beings, I'm calling it.

Sau Sides

This is most definitely turning into a tag B)

If this is already an idea, this is my personal take on it.

I don't have all the roles worked out yet, but I am absolutely open for anything. Just know that I already have a few sides that I already decided upon that would fill some of the roles.

Logan = Error

You can NOT tell me that this does not fit! Error not being really in to the "Complicated, icky emotions" thing, always being a smart Aleck know-it-all when it comes to his opinions and thought on things, being completely biased when it comes to his opinions and someone else's, claiming to be in right until the facts are laid and him having to sit there and suck it up. Also works in with Error whom used to be a Geno, who was a Scientist and very big-brained. Also works in with the many associations of Logan being a bit of a robot (used in many angst logan fics where the sides saying that he does not have emotions, in which I call Falsehood on those claims.) And Logan being canonically lenient towards technology, in which Error kinda fits in with being a corrupted piece of code that ended up in the Anti-void, aka an "Error" *monotonously laughs*. Totally not because they're both my comfort characters. That's completely absurd!

Roman = Ink

Creativity. Yup, that's it. That's my reasoning. Jk, I feel as though as they're similar in many aspects in character. Both known to being selfish, biased when it comes to reasoning and their own opinions. Does things when it brings them enjoyment, and me liking the idea of them both being major drama Queens. (undoubtedly canon for Roman, unsure about Ink though. Most likely just going to be a little Ink headcanon.) A little reminder is that this is all in my state of opinion of all the characters I mention, some being headcanons. But most Canonical.

As for the other sides, I'm thinking of Nightmare as Virgil? Either him, or Janus for Noot noot. Patton? Possibly Blue or Dream. Though Blue seems like a good fit... Eh, still thinking about it. These are really undecided, but if any one of you guys have an idea on roles, and a really good reason then it will be greatly appreciated.

Who's Thomas? Well, Thomas :/ as a skeleton..? (just Sans with a steven universe shirt and Thomas' personality, lmao–) Speaking of Personalities, is their personalities going to be the same as their original, or the same as the Sander Sides official? It's going to be a fine balance between both, as well as the potential of them not being similar to either Canonically at all. Considering different situations, scenarios, people filling the shoes of these roles, and overall development of how they change throughout it. Can't promise everything to be the same, but I can promise to make it interesting. :)

Is this just going to be a bunch of random fun skits and references of the original Sander sides or is this going to be an actual series following the Sander Sides timeline but with many personal twists, plot and lore?

Answer to that is: Both

It will at first just be skits and references until I go on to delving deeper in to their personalities, plot and using numerous of headcanons and Sander sides what if's to be made canon in this Au/Verse. Just a fun little thing for my self, so I don't at all mind any ideas and Suggestions for all of this.

Also, random question. Should they have the same outfits as the Original Sander Sides, Or should I make them their own original outfits that still fits the role they hold? Ex: Ink/Roman Regal/Artsy clothing style, Error/Logan Light/Dark academia, bookworm nerd vibes. And etc.

Am I thinking of making this a serious thing for myself? Maybe, still have my own Aus to worry about, As well as the ones I'm Co-owning, as well as getting better at natural poses and backgrounds which I struggle with.

Are there going to be Ships? No, Knowing both fandoms they'd have an entire war on the said subject. Specific Heights? Nope, as someone who's been many fandoms for a majority of their life, I'd know that there will be some who'd have their own opinions on height. So I'll just do the classic, They're all the same heights schtick. Humans? Nope, Skellies knowing that everyone will have their own opinions on looks and Nationalities of characters.

This AU/Verse idea is very personal to me, considering these Fandoms have been with me and helped me grown over the course of the years since they were created, even through my process of, "Adultery" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (sksk, meant Adulthood if you didn't get the reference–). Will I be fine with fan art, skits and etc. on this? Absolutely, I'd just like credits to this specific idea. I know full well that I'm not the only one with this idea, but this is still my personal take on the idea, so therefore it's still mine in a way. Though I take no liberties in Originality on the central idea of a Sans Au and Sander Sides crossover.

Will I end up making a seperate account entirely on this idea? Most definitely if people actually like this.

If this idea of mine manages to get a few people interested in it, then I will cry–

Oh- and take a quick Logic! Error in logan's outfit, and he's keeping his red owl glasses because yes–

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fearfilledvirgil · 4 years

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Stargazing Lovers

Summary: Virgil was having a disaster of a day. That somewhat changed when he went for a late-night walk, bent on stargazing.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of death, mentions of insomnia/all-nighters, anxiety, intrusive thoughts

Word count: 4330

Pairings: analogical, platonic moxiety

A/N: this sprung from a word association game with @lovecrazyjennybear! She co-wrote it with me. and yeah hi hello im still alive hope y’all are too

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk

~•~

Rain. Virgil loved it when it rained because of a multitude of reasons. When it rained, the sky was cloudy, and that meant that the bright, ever-blinding sun was gone. It was cold when water poured down from the sky, which meant that Virgil could wear his hoodie without any questioning. The sound of the rain pouring down on the roof and window were a comfort to him as well, which meant that his anxiety was at ease. Lastly, the rain produced a particular smell after it drenched the pavement, which was another great comfort to him about rain. Rain meant something to Virgil, and he certainly didn’t mind walking in it. He didn’t mind getting wet, getting cold, because that was just another reminder that he was, indeed, alive.

One thing that Virgil loved doing when it rained ever since he was a kid was jumping into puddles. Due to his anxiety that someone would be watching him and make fun of him for it, he didn’t do it often anymore. This didn’t completely stop him, however. Any time he knew there was no one else at home, he would go into the backyard and find the biggest puddle he could and jump in it.

Another reason he didn’t go jumping in puddles anymore was that he rarely wore his rain boots in public. He loved them, but they did nothing to help his anxiety. The black boots his best friend Patton got him had small purple rain clouds with lightning bolts coming out of them. They were a great match for Virgil’s personality, but not for his desire to not draw attention to himself. Virgil would only wear them out in public if he were out with Patton, as his rain boots were a generic bright yellow with a light blue clasp and sole.

Luckily for Virgil at this very moment, he was home alone, and the rain was pouring down harder than ever. He wanted to go and let out his childish side, but he couldn’t find his rain boots anywhere. He looked in every closet, cupboard, nook, and cranny to find the rubber shoes, but he was unable to. That fact alone made a weight of guilt settle in the pit of his stomach. Patton would be devastated if he found out that Virgil had lost the boots he gave him. The two always wore their rain boots out when they were together and it was rainy or wet. Virgil didn’t want to let him down, but here he was, unable to find what he was looking for.

Being the only person in the house that cared about cleanliness, he was usually the person who did all the cleaning. Virgil liked a clean house because an uncluttered space made his anxiety calm down. When he knew where things were, he was happy, but he currently did not know where his rain boots were. Therefore, he was not happy. Virgil didn’t understand where they could have gone. As mentioned, he was the only one who cleaned, so someone else wouldn’t have moved them anyway.

He knew that his anxiety would not help him in finding the boots. Virgil also knew that doing something repetitive like cleaning would help him relax enough to start thinking logically. He looked around for something that needed to be cleaned and noticed a couple of dishes still in the sink. With a sigh, Virgil got to work on making sure they were spotless. Once that task was complete, he felt calmer and level headed, so he began thinking of the last place he had seen the boots.

From what he could remember, the last time he wore them was when he went for a walk in the rain with Patton. Walks with Patton lead to puddle splashing, which usually leads to muddy boots. Where do muddy boots go? The garage. With that unclear memory in mind, he decided to attempt to find them in the garage.

After at least two hours of searching, Virgil found nothing. He looked everywhere in the garage from the high racks to the low crates. He could not, for the life of him, find his rain boots. At this point, Virgil had no motivation left to continue to look in the garage. The sun had probably set a while ago, so it was even colder in the non-insulated garage than before. To top that off, it wasn’t even raining anymore. Tired, stressed, unmotivated, and guilty, Virgil decided to retreat to his bathroom with his towel in hand.

With a sigh, Virgil turned on the water until it was nearly scalding hot. He then stepped into his shower, knowing full well that he would spend more time contemplating than actually showering. It was easy to with the water cascading down his back, and the darkness smothering his eyes. Virgil couldn’t bear to turn on the light, not when (in combination with other things) the night was so beautiful. He loved the night, the dark, so he reveled in it. The dark was where even he couldn’t see his own flaws.

After the water grew cold, Virgil stepped out, wrapping himself into his towel. Once he made it into his room, he noticed the clouds that once had covered the sky were no more. Without the heavy cover, the stars showed themselves to be shining brightly in the night air. Even though the puddle jumping was a failure, it didn’t mean he still couldn’t try and enjoy the day. The anxious boy could almost hear Patton’s voice in his head, saying that one bad experience doesn’t make an entire day irretrievable. Changing into black sweats, a black shirt, and his hoodie, Virgil made his way outside and towards a hill near his house to practice some Astronomy.

When he reached the peak, however, there was already someone there.

The person’s back was facing Virgil, clad in some sort of dark collared shirt. The figure turned around in an instant, probably in response to Virgil’s footsteps on the grass or his breathing that was becoming heavier as the seconds ticked on. The whites of the hoodie-clad boy’s eyes were astoundingly exposed, unblinking irises expanding tenfold at the star-lit face of the intruder of Virgil’s safe place.

The first thing that Virgil saw was the glint of the moonlight reflecting off of glasses. His first thought was of Patton, but when the light faded, Virgil tensed.

It was Logan. Logan Sanders, the biggest nerd who was top of Virgil’s class. The boy who never got below 95% on any assignment; the seemingly friendless tutor who no one ever saw outside of anything academic in nature. Logan, who usually was seen wearing some kind of formal attire, whether it be only a tie or up to a three-piece suit. This was the boy who expressed his few and far between emotions with his catchphrase “falsehood” screamed at the top of his lungs. Normally the accusation used to that caliber happened during a debate when someone would present a lie as factual, knowingly or otherwise.

Honestly, this guy was strangely calming to Virgil when he wasn’t fuming at other’s stupidity during an argument. He was calm, at least from a distance. Virgil never fully interacted with him before, keeping Logan and anyone else at an arm’s length. But Logan didn’t look down on people for not knowing something. He didn’t barrage people for not having the same understanding as him, instead helping the person see the problem clearer. He was a Logician, working on facts but never discarding emotions and experiences.

Virgil swayed on his feet, realizing that he had been staring at Logan for too long to be socially acceptable.

“You were in my Astronomy class last year, weren’t you?” Virgil blinked when Logan broke the silence. Logan took a small step closer to Virgil, tilting his head in curiosity.

“I… uh,” Virgil stuttered out, internally cursing himself. He made his feet take a half-a-step closer to Logan despite the churning in his stomach. He swallowed the lump rising in his throat, trying to ignore the tension in his chest. “Yeah.”

Virgil clenched his jaw, disappointment in himself growing for how lamely he ended that pathetic excuse for a sentence. Logan seemed to notice this with a blink and a relaxing of his shoulders.

“Logan Sanders.” Logan offered his left hand gently, keeping it relaxed and pointed downwards slightly. Virgil was grateful for the fact that his other hand was still in sight.

“Um. Virgil,” His left hand shakily escaped from his hoodie pocket. Virgil almost wanted to scoff at Logan introducing himself, as if they didn’t share a year-long course together the year prior. Then again, Virgil had no idea how people usually introduced each other. With a harsh blink and a cringe in on himself, the uneasy boy registered that he didn’t give his last name as Logan had. “Virgil Casey.” The two hands met in the middle of the space between the two of them, and clasped together gently for a handshake.

“Salutations, Virgil,” Logan released Virgil’s hand, taking a step back. One foot was still facing Virgil, but the other was pointed toward a telescope that Virgil hadn’t noticed before. His body was half facing the other boy, yet still slightly away from him. “I suppose you came up here to look at the stars as well?”

Virgil nodded, putting his hand back in his coat pocket. “If you would like, I’d be willing to show you some constellations.” Logan blinked at how fast Virgil’s head snapped upwards from its downward position at his words.

“I know some,” Virgil’s voice hardened as his words cut defensively.

“I didn’t mean to say you don’t know any,” Logan’s voice was low, the vibrations from his words a soft hum. Virgil didn’t notice that he walked close enough to Logan to appreciate the cadence of his voice. “I was merely asking if you would like to be shown some more?”

“Oh. Um. Sure?” He didn’t mean the last word to be a question, but that’s how it came out. Forever unsure of himself, Virgil frequently made statements sound more like questions. It was one of the many things he disliked about himself, come to think of it. Virgil wrapped his arms around his torso, clawing his fingers tightly around his jacket sleeves.

Logan motioned to his telescope in a way of invitation, nodding his head toward it with the gesture. “I have this positioned to be able to see Apus.”

Virgil’s feet (not clad in his rain boots, something that still made his stomach turn) moved without his consent until they stopped in front of the telescope. He glanced away from the man beside him, settling his eyes on the telescope. “To see what now?”

“Apus. It is the exotic bird, or the bird-of-paradise, in the sky. Its name is Greek for ‘without feet’ because the Greek people once believed the bird-of-paradise did not have feet.” Logan took half a step back from his machine, allowing Virgil to take his place in front of it. It was a beautiful device, the most beautiful that Virgil had ever seen. The base color was black, the metal dark yet shining in the starlight. It had accents of dark blue it seemed, though it was difficult to tell in the dark. There were also silver linings on the telescope, pulling everything together into beauty.

“Oh my fucking god,” Virgil stepped up to line himself with the telescope. He let some of his anxiety go, wishing upon himself smoother emotions. “You are such a nerd.” Virgil leaned in to look into the telescope.

“Roman seems to enjoy calling me that,” Logan commented, more to himself that to Virgil. While Logan and Roman weren’t exactly friends, they did have a friendly rivalry going in their English class.

“He’s a prep who rules the school. It’s almost like it’s ingrained into his DNA or something,” Virgil didn’t look away from the telescope, enjoying the star shape he’d never knew existed. “Any other stars you wanna show me?”

Logan enjoyed Virgil’s enthusiasm at learning about space. It was something he knew plenty of. The two continued to look at different constellations long into the night. Virgil sometimes asking to know more information than Logan first gave on a particular group of stars. Before either of them knew it the two had talked until it was nearly morning.

Logan was the first to notice the time. “I will definitely need to correct my Circadian Rhythm seeing as it is 5 am.”

“Fuck, is it really?”

“I would not lie about that. It appears that I need to return home in order to get ready to go.”

Virgil squinted his eyes in confusion. It was now early Saturday morning, so where did Logan need to go to? “Where are you going if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My family is taking a day trip to the museum.”

Virgil looked at him. “Well I think you’ll have fun. Especially since you like the history and science stuff.”

“I agree it should be enjoyable.”

The two waited in silence for many moments more, both reluctant to leave the hilltop. Unbenounced to Virgil, Logan was apprehensive to leave. He didn’t want to leave Virgil–the boy who yelled and hissed and hit back but shook with fear once it was over–alone in this secluded place when it was still nightfall. Virgil didn’t want to leave because of a similar reason, but also because of the time. In about an hour, the sun would rise, and seeing it’s rays slowly but surely peak over the horizon from way up here was the most beautiful thing that Virgil had ever seen.

That is, not counting that look in Logan’s eyes when he’s rambling about something he particularly enjoys.

“Are you coming?” Logan’s smooth, if not tired, voice pressed in through Virgil’s ears, causing him to remove his eyes from the horizon. The other had already packed up his telescope and was seemingly ready to leave the hilltop. Virgil’s heart plummeted. He was the reason he was still here?

“It’s a little early to leave, isn’t it?” Virgil said under his breath. He still didn’t want to return home. If he could, he would live the rest of his life inside this one moment.

“What do you mean?” Logan asked.

“It’s just… The sunrise is always a wonderful thing to see. The way the sky slowly changes colors from the darkness of night to the bright color of the morning is breathtaking,” He turned to look back at the skyline. “Don’t you want to see that?”

Logan just looked at Virgil for a few moments. He could see that Virgil truly loved the idea of watching the sunrise. It was also clear that Virgil didn’t want to go home, at least not yet. Why? Logan didn’t know, but he couldn’t leave the other boy up on this hill alone. With a quick look at his watch, Logan decided he could stay until the sunrise and not be late for the family trip.

“That does sound pleasant. I suppose we should stay for it.”

“Wait. Really?” Virgil asked

“Yes.” Logan put down his telescope case to further prove his point.

“Thank you,” Virgil started out, taking a deep breath before shifting to get comfortable sitting down on the grass. “When it’s past 5 am, there’s really no reason in going to bed anyway. Getting sleep messes with being able to sleep the next night so…”

“I take it you have sleepless nights often, then?” Logan countered as he sat down next to Virgil. Very close to him, Virgil noticed instantly. “That cannot be good for your health.”

“I try to avoid it, but it’s bound to happen.” Virgil put his arms around his knees, going silent as the faintest peaks of sunlight started to slide over the horizon. The sunrise was early today, he supposed.

The light was fascinating. It crawled slower than a snail’s pace, but it still lit up the sky as it did so. It grew and grew, creeping up and out of the hills with every passing moment. Soon, the grave the sun made for itself was opening wider, allowing a sliver of the sun to be shown. The sky had taken a golden hue near the horizon a long while ago, the gold rays of light infecting the dark navy sky and bringing it to life. It was a painfully slow process, but as Virgil watched it in silence with Logan by his side, he could never have asked for anything more.

The sun was up. It was now shining brightly just over the horizon. It hurt to look at now, but that wasn’t stopping Virgil. He still didn’t move.

“Is there,” Logan paused, swallowed, and shifted so he faced Virgil. “Is there a particular reason you haven’t departed yet?”

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed instead of giving a worded answer. He turned away from the cloud-obscured sun to look at Logan.

Logan’s lips were pursed, eyebrows tighter than before. It was odd for Virgil to see, especially since the boy’s face had been relaxed for the entirety of their night together. “You wished to see the sunrise. That seems to have ended several minutes ago yet you haven’t made any attempt to move.”

Virgil shifted to put his hands under his legs, sitting on the shaking fingers. “It’s just... peaceful up here.”

“It is.” Logan needlessly adjusted his glasses. There was a pause, then, slowly, “However… I believe that there is another reason.”

Air heavily released from Virgil’s lungs, blowing out of his nose as his body deflated. Even after only a night spent together, Logan was able to read him better than most others. Not including Patton (who’s gift of rain boots he had lost and hadn’t been able to find). He wasn’t sure that he could tell Logan the many reasons why he didn’t want to go yet. There wasn’t a specific one, really, but rather a list of anxieties weighing Virgil down to the hilltop. “Mom’s out of town on a business trip. I don’t enjoy being home alone.”

“And your father is out of town as well?” Logan’s voice barely lifted at the end, as if it were more of a statement than a question. That was a reasonable, logical thought. Most people assumed that their peers still had both parents, especially at this age.

Virgil’s eyes broke away from Logan’s form. They wandered back to the sky, then fixed downwards at his thighs. “My dad…” The words were heavy on his tongue. “He died a few years ago.”

His father’s death was a sore subject. It was something that he never talked about, even with Patton. The two had met after his dad’s passing, so Patton never knew Virgil with both parents at his side. Virgil was certain that Patton was still under the impression that his dad died when Virgil was a young child, not a struggling teenager.

Silence rang out into the night as if Logan was at a loss for words. He probably was, considering the odd breathing pattern coming from him. It sounded as if Logan was opening his mouth, then closing it again, several times. “I, well... I apologize, Virgil. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t know, Logan.”

The silence that had begun after Virgil revealed something personal persisted for longer. It wasn’t an uncomfortable, stifled silence like before. Actually, the silence was nearer to the comfortable calm when they watched the sunrise. However, after a fair few minutes, Logan broke the stillness. “Unfortunately, I do need to return home.”

Virgil’s head reluctantly straightened up, slowly turning to nod in confirmation. He hated that the wonderful time had to end. A squirming, crawling emotion slithered in his chest. What if he’d never have such an amazing, peaceful night again? And with someone was smart and kind as Logan? There would be an uneasy sense of finality in walking home now.

It felt as if the air knew that this was something that would never happen again.

Logan picked himself off from the ground, moving to grab his telescope case. Unbeknownst to Virgil, the blue-clad boy was deeply lost in thought. The previous night was one of the most pleasant and calming that he’d had in a while. The hilltop was perfect for watching the stars, which he knew. What Logan didn’t understand until then was how nice it was to find someone who was as passionate about astronomy as he was.

“Virgil?”

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed in response.

“I was wondering if you would like to join me up here again Sunday night? Or considering it is nearly six in the morning, tomorrow night. We are due for an eclipse and while they are very pleasing to see with the naked eye, they are absolutely astonishing to see with the telescope. And it allows you to see some of the stars that are positioned closer to the moon you cannot normally see due to the brightness.”

Virgil’s eyes widened at the invitation. Logan–intelligent, seemingly friendless Logan–had invited him to spend more time with him? This couldn’t be the same Logan he knew from school. He had to be possessed or overtaken by a ghost or something. There was no way that he’d want to spend time with anyone, let alone someone who was such a mess.

Noticing the panic that gathered in Virgil’s eyes, Logan reached out his free hand to gently touch Virgil’s shoulder. The action made the anxious one jump, tense, then relax in the span of a few seconds. He never would have considered that someone like Logan would want to touch someone like Virgil. Logan’s hand remained on top of Virgil’s shoulder, just under his hood.

“I enjoyed spending time with you, Virgil,” Logan offered a twitch upwards of his lips along with a softening of the lines around his eyes and forehead. “Our shared interest and easy-going interactions make me want to see you again.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Logan didn’t seem to mind that he had to constantly reassure Virgil of his anxieties. “I didn't realize that the night had passed because I enjoyed spending time with you. It’s rare to find someone with so much passion for something. You clearly love astronomy and wish to learn as much as possible. It’s refreshing actually.” The small smile never left Logan’s face.

Without realizing what he was doing, the anxious boy had wrapped his arms around Logan in a hug. When Logan didn’t initially return it, his thoughts started to get the better of him. He tensed, arms stiff but still around the boy who was practically a stranger. Why did he do that? Why did he think that was acceptable? Virgil probably just fucked up a good thing, didn’t he? Logan was merely being kind and he went and did something like that? He was such a dumbass.

Thankfully, a microsecond later, those anxieties were pushed aside slightly when he felt arms wrap around him. “Sorry,” Virgil said softly, wondering how that much of Patton had managed to rub off on him that he’d do something like that.

“It’s quite alright. I was just not expecting it.” Logan’s hands smoothed across Virgil’s back in a star pattern, as if he were drawing the shape. It was comforting, but the familiarity made tears begin to prick at Virgil’s eyes. His dad used to do that when he hugged his son.

Virgil blinked heavily. He tightened his grip on Logan, bunching the fabric of his shirt in his fingers. That level of hug lasted only a few seconds before Virgil loosened his arms. Both began to pull away.

“I guess, goodbye then?” Virgil mumbled, voice slightly wetter than he would have liked. It was slightly choked up, but thankfully Logan didn’t comment on it.

“It seems so.” Logan pulled his hands completely away from Virgil, their fingertips brushing for a moment. They stayed there, staring at each other, for a moment too long. Virgil cleared his throat, and Logan swallowed. His lips were turned upwards ever so slightly. “See you here tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Virgil shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. They were tingling for some reason that most definitely wasn’t anxiety. His mouth upturned into a smile to mirror Logan’s. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” Logan echoed with a nod, then leaned down to pick up his telescope case. Virgil didn’t know when he had put it down. Both took a few steps away from each other with shuffling feet on the damp grass. Logan’s mouth parted, then quickly closed without further words. The four-eyed boy turned, let his feet begin to carry him away from (Virgil dare say) his newfound friend, before casting his head backward one last time.

The view he witnessed was incomprehensible.

Virgil stood just at the edge of the hill, teetering on the brink of disaster. The dim lighting of newborn sunlight didn’t allow Logan to see Virgil’s face in its entirety, but he perceived the most noticeable details. He looked calm, standing next to doom, face soft and blissful with the smallest of genuine smiles gracing his lips. The wind had picked up at some point, allowing the dark locks of the anxious one’s hair to float just so. His unzipped jacket was fluttering in the breeze as well. Jingles of the tiniest variety sounded from the zipper clinking against metal. The sun, partially blocked by clouds, shown vibrantly from behind. The rays that escaped the warmly colored sky protruded out from Virgil as a hollow of light.

“Goodbye, Virgil.” Logan found himself saying, breathless.

“Bye, Logan.” Virgil tipped his fingers off his forehead in a salute, his smile infinite in the sunlight. Logan turned away once more, his own smile growing exponentially, feelings in both of their chests swirling swiftly at the days to come.

#Analogical #virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #analogical fanfic

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artsybi · 4 years

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A Sanders Sides Realization

So, color theory in Sanders Sides. Alright, so I’ve been thinking again (dangerous, I know) and I came to a realization. So, in DWIT there’s a throw away line from Thomas as a response when Logan says that Remus and Roman aren’t black and white, Thomas says: “but the Duke and the Prince literally wear the black and the white.” Or however the line goes, and that got me thinking about colors and color theory in general, and I have come to a realization: Color theory in Sanders Sides! So, I’m an art person, so I’ve seen a lot of color stuff, and I realized that in the beginning there are no opposing colors in the cast. So, for non-art people, opposing colors are colors on opposite sides of the color wheel, (I won’t put examples here because I have examples for later). So, in the beginning among the main cast (not including Thomas bc he doesn’t have a color) there are two shades of blue and one shade of red. (Patton, Logan, and Roman respectively) later on we get one black that later changes to purple (Virgil) and all those colors (except black, but that is temporary and is technically the absence of color, so my argument really still rings true [also most black clothing is really red or blue, if left in the sun it will bleach out so]) are right next to each other on the color wheel. None of them are opposing colors, which can’t be a coincidence, because if Thomas hadn’t duplicated blue for both Patton and Logan then there would have been one pair, red, purple, blue, green, which opposes red, but no, instead blue is used twice and the “Lightsides” have no opposing colors among them. In fact, we don’t get an opposing color until CLBG when we get introduced to Deceit, who’s dressed in yellow. Yellow opposes purple on the color wheel. Deceit opposes Virgil. (I could also bring up the differences in their styles here, Virgil is very casual in his hoodie and jeans, but Deceit is always dressed to the nines, but I won’t, this is about color). This is interesting for a lot of reasons, namely because it’s said over and over again that Deceit is another part of Thomas’s self preservation, just like Virgil, yet they oppose each other. This is reflected over and over in their dynamic, in fact, the earliest example of this is in the Analogical debate episode, before Deceit is even introduced. (Seems an odd point to bring up, but bear with me here). Namely because of a quote I’ve thought about a lot in general, when Logan says to Virgil: “Aw, what’s the matter Anxiety? Are you afraid that your silver-tongue will land you in second place?” And Virgil’s response is to hiss at him. I bring this up not because of Virgil’s explanation “I do that when I start reaching my limit with stupid questions.” But because of Logan’s specific choice of words here, Logan is the most articulate side. (His tomato joke is a good example here). He has a wonderful vocabulary, and he decides to call Virgil “Silver tongued” a phrase often associated with a liar. I’m not saying that Logan is calling Virgil a liar here, he probably means the other definition of just having the ability to talk your way out of trouble, but Virgil, being not only anxious but also quick to jump to conclusions, does think that’s what Logan is saying, so, he hisses at the association with Deceit. Another good example of this is in the first Asides vid, when Deceit comes in and takes his hat back from Roman he’s not doing anything but Virgil still hisses at him, Virgil doesn’t like Deceit, and can’t see eye-to-eye with him, despite the fact that they have the same goal, stopping Thomas from getting unnecessarily hurt. None of the other sides are quite as defensive at the sight of Deceit, I’m not saying they agree with him, but Roman spends almost all of SvS straight up flirting with Deceit, Patton and Logan both seem to not mind him that much, Logan had a problem because he was left out of the trial, not with Deceit himself, and Patton seems civil with him most of the time, but Virgil clearly despises him. Yellow opposes purple, and Deceit opposes Virgil.

The next example we get of an opposing color pair comes in DWIT with Remus and Roman. What’s interesting about this specifically is that, as Thomas brings up, they literally wear, black and white, as well as green and red, another pair of colors that oppose each other. Green opposes red, and Remus opposes Roman. (Here I could bring up the fact that their outfits are actually very similar in ways that Deceit’s and Virgil’s aren’t, they both wear a ‘royalty’ costume/outfit of sorts, and their sashes are even on the same shoulder, they both carry medieval weapons and they’re both creativity. But I won’t because this is still about color). This fact doesn’t need to be hammered out in their dynamic quite as much as with Virgil and Deceit as we get it straight from Roman himself at the end of the episode: “Looking at him is, kind of like looking into a funhouse mirror that shows me exactly what I don’t want to be.” (Paraphrasing) Roman is “Good” creativity, and Remus is “Bad” creativity. Green opposes red and Remus opposes Roman.

We already know there’s going to be an orange side, whom will oppose both Logan and Patton. It’s my theory, based on color theory, that the orange side will be illogical, likely much like Remus is, and, not emotionless, but will probably act in spite of any and all emotion. Opposing both Logan and Patton, two near opposites as it is, will be an interesting place to fill, but I feel like if anyone can pull it off, it’s Thomas.

Thats all! Have a nice day/night and don’t forget to Stan Thomas Sanders!!

#sanders sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #color theory #sanders sides theory #fan theory #i had this thought at 3AM last night so if its not coherent thats why

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mochasandwords · 4 years

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Hello, Dolan!

Heyo, it’s me again! Yes with another AU! (I need to stop...) I’m still working on my Greater Beings AU and a one-shot I’m debating on doing, but my school is putting on Hello Dolly and this idea came to me. I want to do more of these, but I don’t know which scenes to do more of. I will definitely be taking suggestions if anyone has a preference!

Dolly Levi= Deceit (Dolan) Lyre

Horace Vandergelder= Logan Vattel

Irene Molloy= Roman Monarch

Cornelius Hackle= Remy Hiatos

Minnie Fay= Emile Falloppio

Barnaby Tucker= Virgil Turnus

Ambrose Kemper= Remus King

Ermengarde = Patton Bennet

Ernestine = Wade Sanders (Wrath)

Words: 1818

Pairings: Intruality, platonic Sleepxiety, implied Logince, implied Loceit

Warnings: death mention, kinda mean rich person? Idk let me know if I need to add anything!

Logan sighed and rubbed his eyes, moving his glasses as he did so. The sound of his nephew sobbing next to him was preventing him from working. He stood up, turning to look at Patton.

“How can I be expected to work with all that bellowing in my ears?” He asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

“I can’t help it, Uncle! I love Remus King!” Patton cried, tugging at his light blue dress.

“And I say you’re too young to be in love with anybody!” Logan said, groaning. He had fallen in love way too early in life. While he had loved his wife in the ways required of him, the two never truly connected. Logan was gay.

His wife had died a decade ago, and Logan was finally ready to try again at love. That did not mean Patton was ready though. Logan did not want his nephew to jump into love as he had.

“I’m not too young! I’m seventeen, and in another year, I’ll be an old bachelor!” Patton stomped his foot, and Logan tried not to crumble under Patton’s puppy-dog eyes.

“Well, I forbid it! And stop crying near the store windows!”

“I can’t help it! I’m unhappy!” He announced.

“Then by the stars, you’ll go and weep for a while in New York! Now go upstairs and start packing your trunk, and don’t get any tears on the lock! It was just oiled!” Logan called after Patton as the young man rushed upstairs, still crying. Logan sighed and sat back down at his desk. He hated being harsh on Patton, but he followed his heart too much. Remus King was a painter and brash man. Logan was afraid he would hurt Patton. Intentionally or unintentionally. He turned his mind to New York, where he and Patton were going soon to meet Logan’s fiancé: a hat maker named Roman.

“Speaking of being away….” Logan muttered, stomping his foot three times, “Remy! Virgil!” A muttering came from the basement, and a few seconds later, the trapdoor to the basement opened and two men emerged. Both wore brown pants and a white shirt and apron. Remy’s apron was black while Virgil’s was a pale purple. Remy was the taller and older one, he was also the more experienced one, having worked with Logan longer. They were both hard workers, usually. Virgil went into anxiety attacks when he did something wrong or Logan raised his voice too much. Remy worked late and ended up falling asleep during the day. Logan tried to tell him to leave when his shift was over, but the man wouldn’t let himself be convinced.

“You stamped, Mr. Vattel?” Remy asked, voice gravelly as if he had just woken up. His sunglasses were slightly askew but still hid his eyes. Logan suppressed a sigh.

“I did. I have news for you both. As you know, I am going to New York this afternoon to march in the Nineteenth Street Association Parade. What I haven’t told you is when I come back, you’re going to have a paramour.” Virgil’s green eyes grew wide.

“I-I’m too young Mr. Vattel!” He stuttered. Logan groaned.

“Not yours, Virgil, mine! I mean,” he turned to Remy, “I’m getting married again. And in honor of that occasion, I’ve decided to promote you, Remy, to chief clerk.” Remy’s eyebrow raised.

“And what am I now…?” He asked, slightly sarcastic.

“You’re an exhausted fool, that’s what you are. And I’m promoting you from exhausted fool to chief clerk. Any more questions?” Logan stood up and held his hands behind his back. Remy yawned slightly.

“Yeah, actually.”

“What?”

“Does the chief clerk get one evening off a week?” Remy asked. Logan paused and took a deep breath.

“You already have that, Remy. More than one, in fact. You refuse to take them. So no, you’re not getting an extra one. Now, get back to work, your break was over a while ago. And don’t forget to put the lid on the sheep dip.” The two went to the back of the store to work, Remy saluting Logan as he left. Logan ran his hand through his hair and decided to get some fresh air. He walked outside of his store and stared at the small town around him. A band marched by, playing a familiar tune.

“Three cheers for femininity! Rah! Rah! Rah! – Rah! Rah! Rah! FEM-ITY. / And in the winter…” They sang. Logan snorted at the misspelling of femininity and watched as the band continued on. Clapping from next to him caught his attention and he turned to see Mr. Dolan Lyre. The man he had hired to find Logan a husband.

“Amusing, aren’t they? Though I do not like the hidden message of women being more maids than wives…. Anyway, a thousand congratulations!” Mr. Lyre greeted. He wore a yellow button-up blouse with a black, long skirt and a black hat that had black lace that covered half of his face. A golden necklace with a snake charm hung around his neck. Logan’s stomach did a summersault but he pushed it off.

“What?” He asked, bringing his mind back to Mr. Lyre’s mismatched eyes. One hazel and one green.

“I said congratulations, Mr. Vattel! All New York is buzzing with the news that you’ve practically proposed to Roman Monarch. The streets are lined with eligible young men prostrate with grief. All my congratulations and sympathy-.”

“Sympathy?” Logan asked, fully turning to Mr. Lyre.

“Did I say that? A slip of the tongue, that’s all. No, I’m delighted with the happy news, after all, he wasn’t easy to unload – by that I mean you know what people said. Although I for one never believed the rumors, no, I didn’t.” He hummed, placing his hand on Logan’s arm and guiding them to sitting on the steps that led to Logan’s store.

“Rumors? What… rumors?”

“Oh, nothing to be upset about, Mr. Vattel. I mean according to all known facts, his first husband passed on quite naturally. It’s just that he went so sudden…. A few spoons of chowder he made special for him and well…. But it could happen to anyone. No, there’s no truth in it. Though, just one word of advice, Mr. Vattel: eat out!” Mr. Lyre chuckled at his joke. Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Now hold on, Mr. Lyre, you mean to say that Mr. Monarch-?”

“I mean to say nothing, Mr. Vattel. Just friendly advice. Keep away from the chowder. Oh! By the way, he’s just ordered his wedding gown, beautiful; you should see it – black! Being a hat designer you’d think he had more taste.” Mr. Lyre stood up and brushed off his skirt, “Well, as I said before, rest in… I mean, may guardian angels watch over you both. Particularly at dinner.” Mr. Lyre muttered, a hint of resentment in his eyes. He started to walk away, but Logan scrambled to his feet and grabbed Mr. Lyre’s arm.

“Look here, Mr. Lyre. You introduced me to Mr. Monarch, and rumors or not I intend calling on him this afternoon as arranged!” Mr. Lyre pulled himself out of Logan’s grip. He seemed to stiffen slightly, but the lace was covering the part of his face that was toward Logan, preventing him from seeing Mr. Lyre’s eyes.

“Very well, Mr. Vattel, then there’s nothing more for me to do but go back to New York, after I finish my other errands of course, and tell the other man, the heir, not to wait….” Logan froze and walked in front of Mr. Lyre, stopping him.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. Well, a word. Heir.”

“His name?”

“His name? Um… Sanders? Yes, that’s it. Wade Sanders.”

“…A lovely name.” Logan hummed. While he was rich, he could always use a bit more. Especially to find Patton a good school and a proper match. Patton would need the money as well as a second parent.

“Picture, if you will, hair as shiny as a newly minted penny… eyes as big as round silver dollars… skin as soft and mossy as an old greenback. Age 36; weight, a hundred and eighty-six -. Now, I could arrange for you to meet this Thomas this very afternoon.” Mr. Lyre said with a slight smile.

“I don’t have the time, Mr. Lyre. I have to bring my nephew Patton to New York this afternoon until he forgets a certain Remus King!” Logan sighed, remembering his previous plans for the day.

“I could do that with you, Mr. Vattel.” Mr. Lyre said, moving a bit closer to Logan, “I know just how to handle such things.” Logan felt himself gulp.

“I’m marching in the Nineteenth Street Association Parade after.”

“Well, what an amazing coincidence. Mr. Sanders has been chosen to ride the float for the parade. His mother was a Cash you know.” He spoke that last part quietly. Like he was sharing a secret. Logan bit his lip then nodded.

“Alright, Mr. Lyre. I’ll meet Mr. Sanders at the parade, but I still intend on paying another meeting with Mr. Monarch first.” Logan said, voice unwavering. Mr. Lyre pulled back abruptly and turned to Logan’s store and home.

“Oh dear, what races you make me run!” He sighed, “Very well, Mr. Vattel! I’ll meet you on that bench in front of Mr. Monarch’s hat shop at two-thirty as usual.” The two walked into the shop together.

“One more thing, Mr. Lyre. Suppose I decide against Mr. Monarch and I don’t like Mr. Sanders either?” Logan asked quietly. He didn’t know what pushed him to ask, but something had forced it out of him. Mr. Lyre paused from grabbing Logan’s hat and coat from the coat rack.

“Well, I happen to have one more name on my list, Mr. Vattel. A name I know as well as my own, but let’s not go into that now.” He handed Logan his hat and helped him into his coat, “It’ll come up by itself all in good time. Don’t you worry about it!” Mr. Lyre patted Logan on the back and started to push him out of the store, “Oh! But wait until you see Wade, Logan! A vision! A dream!” Logan chuckled.

“All right, all right. I’ll leave it up to you. I’m trusting you, Dolan.” He smiled. Mr. Lyre smiled softly back.

“You can, Logan. Patton will forget about Mr. King and you’ll find your husband all before the end of the day.” He announced. Logan tipped his hat and walked out of the store. He hadn’t even gotten a few feet when he heard Mr. Lyre start to sing.

“Yes, it takes a man… to bring you the sweet things in life.”

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@queer-sprite hey girl you wanted to read this when I was done?

#death mention #ts logan #ts emile #ts deceit #ts roman #ts remus #ts patton #ts remy #ts virgil #ts wrath #intruality #platonic sleepxiety #implied logince #implied loceit #hello dolly #CaffinatedWords

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citylightsbooks · 4 years

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5 Questions with Megan Fernandes, Author of Good Boys

Megan Fernandes is a writer and academic living in New York City. She is the author of The Kingdom and After (Tightrope Books 2015) and the new book of poems, Good Boys (published by Tin House). Her work has been published or is forthcoming in the New Yorker, Tin House, Ploughshares, Denver Quarterly, Chicago Review, Boston Review, Rattle, Pank, the Common, Guernica, the Academy of American Poets, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency, among others. She is a poetry reader for The Rumpus and an Assistant Professor of English at Lafayette College. She holds a PhD in English from the University of California, Santa Barbara and an MFA in poetry from Boston University. She reads from her new book Good Boys with special guests at City Lights Bookstore on Tuesday, February 25th.

***

City Lights: If you’ve been to City Lights before, what’s your memory of the visit? If you haven’t been here before, what are you expecting?

Megan Fernandes: Of all the places I’m reading this Spring (and it’s probably not politic to say this), I am most excited to read at City Lights. I’ve never been, but I understood at a very young age that the bookstore symbolized possibility, spontaneity, digression, lostness, community, etc. As a teenager, I read a lot of Beat literature, my favorites being Dharma Bums, In the Night Café, and everything Ginsberg. I was compelled by their portraits of America’s expansiveness. And I also just think as an immigrant kid not born in the USA, the Beats gave me some sense of American geography. I went to Colorado for the first time last year and I had this memory of my first impression of Colorado as a place described in On the Road. When traveling across the country, I often have Ferlinghetti’s feverish, twitchy, carnivalesque poetics in my head. I also think in this indirect way, Beat literature shaped some of my thoughts around feminist thinking as I was conscious of my orientation as outside certain privileges of the “male, womanizing adventurer” often romanticized in Beat lit. I had to interrogate what it meant to feel intimacies with Ginsberg and Duncan who were destabilizing masculinities and cultural logics of hate.

And so what I learned from City Lights and Beat lit is really something about the relationship between myth-making and counter-culture communities. I’m understanding the truly expansive network of the movement in so much more detail right now while reading an advanced copy of a fabulous new book called The Beats: A Literary History by Steven Belletto.

What are you reading right now?

I’m reading a book called Dapper Dan: Made in Harlem, co-written by Dapper Dan himself and my good friend, Mikael Awake. It’s a history of Dapper Dan’s iconic work in fashion, of course, while being really intimate. And it’s just as much a history of his family’s internal dynamics and, through his family, New York City at large. In particular, 1970’s NYC is so vividly, brilliantly wrought in this book.

There’s this one section where Dap is at Iona College at a lecture on protohistory and the professor, a Czech immigrant, tells the class that “In order for man to have survived during those ancient times… he must have had powers that he doesn’t have now. The only people that could possibly still have these powers today are the black and brown people on the planet” and when Dap hears this, he is transfixed. He says: “This is one of the most esteemed scholars at Iona College telling a packed lecture hall that black and brown people were the only ones on the planet who still had spiritual powers. How come this was my first time hearing about that? I looked around. I was the only black student in the class. I wasn’t tired anymore. He had my full attention… I said to myself, This is what I need to know. This is how I need to formulate myself.” I’m loving how the book captures these intense moments of transformation. I love that word choice: formulate. What poetic agency is modeled in that word? I needed that word the moment I read it.

Recently, I’ve also read Samiya Bashir’s Field Theories and Edgar Kunz’s Tap Out. Samiya wrote this legitimately weird and imaginative book that feels like it’s made out of the time-space continuum. Some cosmic materiality is really showing up in that book. I remember this line: “A body. A zoo. A lovely savannah. Walls of clear, clean glass” and I’m just on a ride with the musicality of her shifting assonance. Plus, I know that writers like June Jordan and Toni Cade Bambara are operating influences/specters of the book and you can feel that energy. Edgar’s book is more narrative and quieter, but so devastating. I sort of get what makes his speakers tenderize if that makes sense. I think it’s the same phenomena that tenderizes me, too.

Some of my favorite novels of recent years includes A Questionable Shape by Bennett Sims, The Small Backs of Children by Lidia Yuknavitch, Sonora by Hannah Lillith Assadi, and very recently, The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead.

What book or writer do you always find yourself recommending?

I think Jean Toomer’s Cane is the most beautiful book of the 20th century. I remember just being blown away by its call and response, the repeating imagery of sun and smoke and pines. That book is so stunning. Other astounding work that I always recommend includes Mebvh McGuckian’s Captain Lavender, Anne Carson’s The Autobiography of Red, Evie Shockley’s The New Black, Franz Wright’s Walking to Martha’s Vineyard, Eleni Sikelianos’ Body Clock, Jorie Graham’s The Errancy, Bhanu Kapil’s The Vertical Interrogation of Strangers, The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats, and Galway Kinnell and Hannah Liebmann’s translations of Rilke. Those are my hard-hitters. Those books are why I became a poet.

What writers/artists/people do you find the most influential to the writing of this book and/or your writing in general?

You know, I collected poems while I was writing and editing this book. And I think those specific poems created a kind of constellation around me, almost protective, that kept me writing. Some of those poems include “The Long Recovery” by Ellen Bass, “A Matter of Balance,” by Evie Shockley, “What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why” by Edna St. Vincent Millay, “I am Not Seaworthy” by Toni Morrison, “Becoming Regardless” by Jack Spicer, “A New Bride Almost Visible in Latin” by Jack Gilbert, “To the Young Who Want to Die” by Gwendolyn Brooks and many, many others. Definitely O’Hara as well. He never leaves me. The most important poem of that little self-curated archive is Frank Bidart’s “Visions at 74” where he writes: “To love existence / is to love what is indifferent to you.” I remember reading that line and just losing it. I have been guided by so much of Bidart. And maybe my book is a little bit about how to sustain rage in the face of that which is indifferent to you, what cannot love you (both personally and abstractly). How do you sustain rage so as to not fall into despair?

I also listened to a variety of music while writing and editing. A mix between contemporary sad kid hip-hop, old school jazz and blues, gospel, 80’s bands, pop culture queens, 1970’s hypnotic modal vamp, classical Spanish guitar, electronic pop, really pretty varied. A few names that come to mind: KOTA the Friend, NoName, Vince Staples, Travis Scott, Miles Davis Quintet, Bessie Smith, Sam Cooke, The Knocks, Solange, Archie Shepp, Pharoah Sanders, Alice Coltrane, Big Mama Thornton, Miriam Makeba, Kamasi Washington, Thompson Twins, Misfits, Bowie, Talking Heads, Tears for Fears, Cher, Whitney Houston, Portishead, Goldfrapp, Memphis Slim, Dinah Washington, Alberto Iglesias, Gustavo Santaolalla, Holychild, Blood Orange, etc.

If you opened a bookstore, where would it be located, what would it be called, and what would your bestseller be?

My grandpa played violin on a ship that sailed between Tanga, Tanzania and Goa, India. I never had the chance to meet him. He died when my dad was sixteen, but I always thought about what that journey might have looked and felt like, its many hardships, but also the wonder of gazing out at the sea playing strings. For that reason, I’d love to open a bookstore that focused specifically on Indian Ocean diaspora and sold books exclusively by authors working, uncovering, or investigating the literature of that oceanic rim. I think there is something rich in thinking about books not necessarily focused on nation-statehood but thinking more about a kind of social-imaginary with a literature that is messy in its conceptualization and crosses, migrates, misses, and mythologizes across many cultures over generations. You could have sections on food, underwater exploration, piracy, long-distance intimacy, trade routes, empire, transnational feminism. I like the idea of a bookstore that is anti-genre and instead, organized by associative thinking and imagination. It would be a logistical nightmare. You would never find what you were looking for, but you might find something you didn’t know existed.

So yes, I’d vote for a little homegrown network of bookstores in India, East Africa, and actually, maybe one of them in Lisbon which is a city that has a long (and problematic) history with the Indian Ocean. I’ve spent a lot of time in Lisbon the past eight years of my life, spending time visiting family and researching the history of the Portuguese empire especially as it relates to my family history (my folks are third generation East African Portuguese colonized Indians). I have a lot of conflicting homelands which is a way of saying that there are times when I feel like I have nothing but a rootless present. That’s something I investigate in my work, that weird (a)temporality. And I’m drawn to the particular light of Lisbon which is quite unusual. I’d call the bookstore “Malaika” which means “Angel” in Swahili and is the favorite folk song of my parents who grew up in Tanzania. I like the idea of a bookstore in Lisbon with the name in Swahili run by a Goan-Canadian-American woman. That’s the world I grew up in… one of multiplicities.

#Megan Fernandas #City Lights Bookstore #Tin House Books #Good Boys

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hiddendreamer67 · 5 years

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Tiny Mer!Sanders Angst Pt. 11

Part 11 to a story based on @secretglittersauce‘s tiny mer!sides angst prompt. Okay, just for the record- I personally do like cats.

Potentially triggering content: injury, depressive thoughts, death.

Check my reblog for links to the previous parts.

The situation Logan found himself in was not ideal. Unfortunately, this human seemed just as patient as his last owner. Every splash, every attack, all of it earned nothing more than the occasional slight frown. Picani would occasionally even chuckle at Logan’s actions, mentioning how his behavior was “almost cat-like” the way Logan made messes out of spite.

Cat-like. Logan recoiled from the expression. He wanted no association with the furry beasts that continuously prowled throughout the human’s home, leaving no corner safe. Already Logan’s tank had been transferred to nearly twelve separate locations, each more remote than the last as Picani’s way to try and give Logan some privacy from the cats.

However, it was no use. Doors, high shelves…nothing short of a proper lock could deter the felines from their one true goal of getting their greedy little paws on him. Logan could see it in their carnivorous gaze every time the large mammals got close to his glass prison. So far Picani had come to the rescue every time they so much as swiped at the water, but the human seemed content to let the cats wander at a distance for Logan to get “acquainted” with them so long as Picani supervised.

Logan cringed. The idea of becoming acquainted with such a creature was almost laughable. Siding with a predator? That was mere foolishness. Logan did take a little joy in knowing that the Cats were not so lenient as Picani about his splashing. Logan was quick to jet a wave in their direction if one wandered too close, which would cause Picani to notice their intrusion and take the yowling beast away.

There were three of these furry abominations that Logan had to keep track of, and despite himself Logan had begun to learn their names. First was Prince Charming, a very huffy creature that seemed more content to loom over Logan whilst it strut around, asserting its dominance and displaying its well-kept fluffy coat. The second was a female named Marie, a calico cat whose interest made Logan nervous. Thankfully she was more timid than the others, and could easily be dissuaded by a splash to the face, sending her running off meowing forlornly.

The real problem was Stitch. A Russian blue with more curiosity than could possibly be healthy, Stitch was known for getting into trouble. The cat never thought of consequences before stealing Picani’s food or jumping onto electronics or pushing glasses off of counters. Stitch refused to be dissuaded once he made up his mind about what he wanted.

And Logan was positive the cat had decided he was next on the list.

“Alright pretty kitties, that’s enough playtime.” Picani stood up, looking around at the three felines who had the run of the living room. Logan could practically sigh in relief. His body always felt so tense when the cats were nearby, as he had to be on high alert at all times. Though Logan appreciated the fact Picani did not allow him to become cat chow, he was wise enough to not depend on the human for his own protection. Logan had to be able to fend for himself.

“Get out of here, you frolicking felines.” Logan waved them away, watching Picani corral them all into his bedroom. Whenever the human left the house he would lock the cats in there, giving Logan a few brief hours of piece. These were the only times Logan could actually sleep, as often Picani forgot to lock the cats up at night.

Logan shuddered in memory. He had had too many close calls in the dark. Now Logan was afraid to sleep at night at all, terrified he would miss the few warning signs that could save his life. Instead Logan confined himself to these brief naps. As such, Logan was often quite exhausted. Bags had begun to form under his eyes and Logan wondered if that was perhaps a permanent change.

The blue mer nestled down at the bottom of his tank, finding the plastic gravel as uncomfortable as always. But, given his state of exhaustion, Logan found it quite easy to fall asleep. He drifted off, thankful that he was not gifted any dreams. Lately anything his subconscious came up with was unpleasant, but with reality being what it was this was not surprising in the slightest.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Logan groaned, pulled from his sleep far too early by a tapping on his glass. Spotting the furry paw tapping away at his enclosure, Logan was instantly awake. He looked up at Prince, who seemed content now that Logan was awake. Logan glared at the preening cat, watching their tail curve around the edge of his enclosure as Prince Charming circled the tank to show off, now not giving him a second glance.

Logan rubbed at his eyes. It felt far too early to be awake, but Picani must have come home early.

ScreeeEEECH!

“What was that?” Logan gasped, whirling around to see Marie experimentally scratching the glass surface. Logan pressed his hands desperately to his ears, the ringing becoming unbearable as the noise echoed all around him. With a last ditch effort Logan splashed at her with a flick of his tail. The water did not get as far as he would have liked, but at least she stopped using her claws.

Where was Picani? Why was he permitting the cats to get so close? Logan tried to get a glimpse of the human through the crowd of fur, but was quickly distracted when an intruding limb entered his tank. Logan shrieked, darting to the other side of his tank. Stitch meowed at him, swiping again and again into the water with those razor-like claws, undeterred by the fact it was getting wet. Logan dodged this way and that, only to prove too slow as he felt the blades nick into his skin. Logan let out a cry of his own, clutching at his side where a faint pool of blood had begun to form in the surrounding waters.

It seemed the cats were not satisfied with his pain. In tandem they began to push at the small tank, and Logan paled as he felt his enclosure begin to shift near the edge.

“No, no no no!” Logan cried out, once again frantically looking around for the human, but Picani was nowhere to be seen. A horrifying thought entered Logan’s mind. Was Picani not home at all? Had he forgotten to lock the bedroom door? Logan tried desperately to remember if he had heard the tell-tale noise before he fell asleep, but his mind came up blank.

With another jolt the tank was halfway off the table. The gravel had begun to shift, the first indicator Logan’s enclosure was now tilting. Through the gaps Logan could see the floor so far below. Logan tried to scramble away from the edge, but it did little good when the glass wall behind him continued to be pushed along. In fact, Logan’s movements only seemed to rile the cats up, causing the glass to move faster.

And then, Logan felt that dreaded pull as the bowl began to fall. Logan screamed, spilling out with a rush of water so he was truly in freefall. The mer had only moments to register his coming demise before he crashed into the carpeted floor.

Shockingly, Logan had not perished in the fall. Not shockingly, it was still unpleasant. Logan groaned, feeling some spare pellets slamming into his back as they came tumbling down. He ducked further into the carpet, covering the back of his neck as the tank finally landed and shattered above him. The remaining water splashed over Logan’s scales and one of the glass shards pinned his tail fin down, eliciting a whimper of pain.

A chorus of celebratory meows was heard, followed by the excited padding of feet as the three felines fought to race down from the shelf fastest.

“PICANI!” Logan cried out, looking desperately in the direction of the door. Surely if the human was home he would have heard all this clattering, right?

But no one came.

Logan coughed pathetically, already beginning to feel lightheaded from the lack of water as he glanced wearily up at his captors. Their grins did not bode well for Logan. Indeed, seconds after he noticed their fanged smiles, Logan felt his body get batted to the side by a paw. The mer let out a scream, feeling his tail fin painfully rip as he was forced away from the glass shard that had pinned it.

Now nearest to Marie, the female kitten began to hit him back and forth between her paws. Logan became disoriented, twirling around and around as he began to feel painfully dried out. Vaguely he was aware of the fact that he kept getting passed around from cat to cat, nothing more than a plaything now.

They’re toying with me. Logan thought bitterly, tears collecting in his eyes. Just flaunting their victory. He would certainly meet his demise soon enough now, why did he have to keep suffering?

Logan grit his teeth, nearly biting through his tongue as one of their harsher hits scraped a pair of claws across his back. They seemed to like his reaction to this, as gradually the playful movements became more violent, less caring of their claws.

The cats, for some unknown reason, stopped their relentless attacks, allowing Logan to gain his bearings. He looked up, spotting the three blurry figures above him seeming to be discussing something in their little feline language.

The mer began to feel dizzy, his breathing getting shallower. Everything hurt. He didn’t want to keep going. He was exhausted. Every bone in Logan’s tiny body ached to close his eyes and just enter an eternal sleep. With every toss Logan had found the idea more appealing. What did this realm have left to offer him? At least in some sort of afterlife Logan had the chance of seeing his brothers again.

“Just do it.” Logan’s voice came out as a desperate plead, his gills shivering.

Stitch seemed to agree with this sentiment. He brought his maw forwards, gathering Logan up to rest between his fangs. Logan shuddered, feeling the sharp teeth aggravate his injuries.

I suppose this it. Logan thought, surprised to find he was scared. He didn’t want to die. How silly of him, especially since he asked for it. Logan closed his eyes, now just hoping it would be quick.

The last thing Logan heard before drifting off was the sound of thudding human footsteps.

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no-no-no-ahhhh · 4 years

Text

I'm having bad anxiety so I'm just going to answer these questions rn

Okay so when having anxiety I over think and I barely have any friends so I thought if using these questions to keep my mind off things and it kinda works it's also why some are long because I'm trying my best to think about other things then my stress. Maybe some of yall can try this if you want. Could help idk

Questions belong to @tr33-g1rl

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Soda cans

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

I LOVE chocolate bro

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Cotton candy because let's all be honest bubble gum doesn't even tast good so that just leaves texture and cotton candy dissolves abs you could always have normal gum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Some would say nice hard working smart and dyslexic but that's what they say not actually think

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I've never really had the soda bottles but for now Ig soda cans because I feel like it keeps it fresher then the plastic and plastic is bad

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Umm out of all these ig tomboy my style that I try to go for more rn is kinda like bille eyelash baddie style

7. earbuds or headphones?

Def earbuds cuz headphones if left on too long start hurting and squeezing my head

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows 100% I cant consum media for long (my anxiety)so cartoons are the best for me because they're usually 11 minutes and light hearted

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Hmm this is good question in my head summer looks so good ahh but I've never really had a sent for it cuz the past few years I've been in my room but I love the sun oh and you know when your about to go in the pool and you can smell the Clorox mixed with the sun block and that smell just smells like a soft nice energy and there is this one tropical sent havent really smelt it in years I remember the one time I got to smell it was in middle school in the girls locker room so ig it was a perfume idk if it was really associated with summer or it was just tropical perfume my mom could spray on anytime of the year

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Lol none I hated p.e I was also pretty tall at the time so people expected me to play but I just wanted to hide in the corner

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Well I don't really like breakfast that much I think food in the morning makes me nauseous but I have to eat it cuz I can't eat school lunch food cuz that shit is nasty but breakfast school food is 😉 so I usually get banana bread and good ass duch chocolate milk

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Por Vida is one of my favorite albums if that counts

13. lanyard or key ring?

I hate things being around my neck so key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Mexican candy

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The outsiders

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Your butt relaxing ig and not hunched over idk how some people do their work not hunched over like how do you see what your working on

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

These white Adidas with 3 halo strips and tan boots

18. ideal weather?

To wear you can soak in the sun but not have it burn you right when you go outside and kinda breezy not a fan of the cold and whatever weather that isn't effected by global warming is the best

19. sleeping position?

I always try not to sleep on my back cuz then they say that the demons come for you

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

I have a lot of journals and books to write

21. obsession from childhood?

My little pet shops, barbies, fnaf, teen titans, monster high dolls, beanie babes, never brats or the ever after high dolls cuz I had a fear of big heads as a kid

22. role model?

Em their are not many people to look up to these days but Quenlin Blackwell is even though she struggles with depression and seasonal depression she still is a qween love her

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

Hmm maybe amethyst one of the only ones I have

25. first song you remember hearing?

No idea

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Be in the sun

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Not have the seasonal depression come for me

38. lemonade or tea?

Lemonade bro tea is kinda weak and for BrItish blocks , but today I did have a bunch of lemons and they got me sick cuz I dont have a healthy balanced diet if anybody knows simple healthy recipes that have little to no cooking pls share

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

I've never actually have had lemon pie but I have been thinking about making pie. I've had peacon pie and water burger apple pie and McDonald's apple pie and I think another fast food pie but I can't remember the flavor. I know the other flavor exist because my mom order a different pie flavor from me once and she said we can both try each others. Maybe it was lemon. I think lemon tast is quit forgettable thow idk I always put other things on my lemon and lemonade has all that sugar and speaking of Britain I think they carbonate their lemons . But I think I've only had lemon cake 2 times , so if the cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

School is lame and that's on period pooh

41. last person you texted?

Umm this girl I barely know and I'm going to leave it at that cuz this story makes me kinda sad and worried and I'm answering these questions to avoid that

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Hmm good question , I think jacket because they are bigger and girl Jean's have the pockets different to make the booty look better and sometimes that leads to uncomfortable pockets and front pockets barely exit for girls and jackets sometimes have those secret pockets only you have assess too like the ones on the inside and jacket pockets are bigger

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

1. hoodies are good for when you dont have a bra on and they come with one BIG pocket and you dont need to worry about a shirt

2. Leather jackets are for cool kidz and carry a nice vibe and still thick enough to keep you warm , but you can't really get them wet I think so you can't wash em , but they can come with cool designs on the back but their better fitted on perfectly on a person and if you grow they just look odd on you then you have to buy another and that's not fun

3.Bomber jacket , it's a whole style but one I try to pull of but just cant do it well

4.Cardigans kinda umm not a fan but good if your wearing a dress that's shows your shoulders and you are insecure about that being shown. Remember when somewhere in the 2000s they told us that cardigans where so easy to put on and throw more into your outfit so people bought quit a few. I do

5.I feel like jeans jackets aren't warm enough maybe their more for the summer?

44. favorite scent for soap?

Hmm maybe something tropical or just those cool lavender ones that have oats that's cool I like oats in my soap

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

I hate sci-fi uhhhg and super hero kinda ties in with that so fantasy and when reading fan fic just sweet simple domestic fluff

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Hmm not sure but the shirt has to be soft. I only experience soft shirts like that few times in my life

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mexican cheese and blue cheese uhg and mozzarella with that crust, yum🤤

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? Errrum maybe a watermelon cuz they are very hydrated. Oh and watermelon with the big black seeds is better then that soul less watermelon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

None dawg I really need to find one but I do have a lot written down In a book

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Omg my aunt had some funny looking ass dogs I couldn't stop laughing. One of her dogs hate me tho now

51. current stresses? I dont want to talk about it cuz I dont want to worry but I was crying for more then 6 hours probably 8 when I think about it and then today as well and it's so bad I'm not even going to school

52. favorite font? I like the one kali uchis uses in one of her albums I think it's called fairy tell or something

53. what is the current state of your hands?pretty dry cuz I wash them alot and kinda long nails cuz of genetics

54. what did you learn from your first job?

I havent had a first job

55. favorite fairy tale?

Hmmm something with the tooth fairy

56. favorite tradition?

Idk holidays cuz I get school off

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Depression and I would say anxiety but no

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I dont have any talents

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Uuuuyg idk too stressed to really think that I dont even know what type of video game I would be in

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

nothing stressful maybe something calm like a farm anime, some light magic, pokemon things like that

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

I was never ment to live life like a sim - megan the stallion

62. seven characters you relate to?

Anybody with anxiety, kinda pearl from Steven universe, the nerdy part of dipper from gravity falls , Roman from sander sides if virgil too sense he has anxiety okay and that's all I can think of I think early I said I dont really watch media or stuff so yeah

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Gosolina kali uchis songs and bank account that's all I can think about rn

64. favorite website from your childhood?64. favorite website from your childhood?

Y8 brooo oh and there was Disney or Nickelodeon websites you know that show with the hands and they had the googly eyes they had a g as new for that loved it and for Disney they had zack and cody games on their website and it's not a website but the one thing on windows that would work without wifi you know and you could make cakes and give them faces and try matching the cards

65. any permanent scars?

One time a cat scratched me more the like 8 years ago and I can still faintly see the mark

66. favorite flower(s)?

The one that grows on the cactus

67. good luck charms?

I know a rabbits foot is one and 4 leaf clovers,and markipliers flannel. I sadly dont have any personal good luck charms

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

I don't want to talk about bad foods rn cut the cameras

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

idk I think I can vaguely remember every facts orgin that I know

70. left or right handed?

Basic right handed but my dad used to be left but then the school forced him to be right

71. least favorite pattern?

Anything 80s uhg that shit is disgusting and terrifying

72. worst subject?

Chemistry but I just got out of that so that's fun

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

People day hot cheetos and sour cream is odd but I like it . I would wat some rn but I think I got sick cuz of my poor diet so I'm not. Someone pls suggested simple easy foods for your girl who can cook

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

1 I am big baby

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I dont know

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Tater tots are good and fries

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk no green thumb

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Idk ig coffee

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Theirs a difference?

82. pc or console?

Console it's just simpler

83. writing or drawing?

Uhhheg ig drawing I'm bad at grammar

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcast, podcast are just more plans out then talk radio and talk radio is a morning thing and I'm not the biggest fan of mornings

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fairy tales mythology kinda ruff ya know

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies their just more sturdy and their is always normal cake

87. your greatest fear?

Tooo many things and I'm having an anxiety attack right now so like no

88. your greatest wish?

Well it's cute and all idk to live peacefully is one part the other parts a secret for now

X.o.x.o gossip girl ya know ya love me

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Umm maybe myself Idk

90. luckiest mistake?

One time my mom ordered a foam sord for my brother and a real one came. It was some anime sword

91. boxes or bags?

Bags cuz they look cute and you can take em every where with you. Disposable I would have to say boxes tho because its less damaging to the environment

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight is so warm and it fills something inside of me makes me feel cozy

Lamps are great for when sleeping and your scared of the dark

Fairy lights are cute but are they neccessary

Overhead lights are good for when you just need light in your life

Am I the only one who gets sad and sometimes cant clean if it's dark in the house?

94. favorite season?

Summer I think. I know it's harder for me to function in the winter cuz depression but then summer is anxiety sometimes ya know

95. favorite app on your phone?

Littetly no idea I don't really love/like the things on my phone if their more distractions or time wasters but I do love how I can search up useful things on YouTube to try to calm down my anxiety and I was definitely not a fan of tumblr at all but I kind have made it my safe place a bit

96. desktop background?

Well the computers my dad's so it has deadpool on i

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Barely 2 ,I am kinda a dummy sorry unggv

98. favorite historical era?

Well idk heehaww cowboys?

#trifle utters #misspelling because ya girls pretty stressed #im just trying to cope rn so dont cap on me

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theliberaltony · 4 years

Link

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Graphics by Ryan Best

With dozens of candidates trading endless jabs over policies like Medicare for All and systems like capitalism and socialism, this primary season has highlighted a growing divide within the Democratic Party about where it’s headed, both in this election and future ones.

But now that former Vice President Joe Biden seemingly has a lock on the nomination, he may soon be making overtures to other candidates’ supporters as he looks ahead to the general election. So what are the fault lines splitting Democratic voters? And is the Democratic Party as splintered as we think?

To answer this, I analyzed data from a survey fielded in November 2019 by two liberal organizations, YouGov Blue and Data for Progress, that asked 2,900 likely Democratic primary voters how favorably they felt about 13 politicians and organizations on a five-point scale.1 (Full disclosure: I am a fellow at Data for Progress.) Respondents were asked to weigh in on labor unions, Wall Street, the Democratic National Committee, the #MeToo movement, the Black Lives Matter movement, Ivy League universities, Facebook, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, centrist Sen. Joe Manchin, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, the Democratic Socialists of America and former President Barack Obama.

This question let me aggregate respondents’ favorability ratings to understand how someone who gives high ratings to Schumer might rate, say, Ocasio-Cortez. And by running a statistical analysis known as principal component analysis, I was able to identify the types of organizations and individuals that respondents tend to have similar opinions about. For example, if someone rated Schumer positively, they were also likely to rate Pelosi positively, and positive feelings about labor unions were correlated with positive feelings about the DSA. By linking people according to their shared feelings, I saw two clear poles emerge within the Democratic Party: the “establishment” and the “progressive left.” A third group also emerged, and while it’s not as clearly defined as the other two, it has some overlap with the establishment and tends to be more fond Wall Street, so I’m calling that “neoliberals.””

The establishment includes those likely Democratic primary voters who rated the DNC, Schumer, Pelosi and Obama highly, and as you can see, those who rated these establishment figures highly tended to be less enthused about the groups and individuals associated with the progressive left.

The progressive left gives high ratings to the DSA, Ocasio-Cortez, labor unions, Black Lives Matter and the #MeToo movement. As you can see in the charts below, this feeling more favorably toward these activist groups meant respondents were less likely to feel warmly about the establishment, and were even more unlikely to feel favorably toward Manchin and Wall Street. In particular, the data suggests a tight connection between Ocasio-Cortez and the DSA, which may not be surprising considering her membership in the organization, but her rise to national prominence and the fact that progressive respondents tend to feel positively about both her and the organization speaks to the DSA’s increasingly high-profile role in the party.

There was a third group, though. The neoliberal group wasn’t as clearly defined as the other two groups, although as I mentioned earlier, there is overlap with the establishment wing of the party. It is a bit more of a hodgepodge, though, in terms of what types of groups and individuals were rated highly (for example, the connection between rating Wall Street, the Ivy League and Manchin all highly is not necessarily clear), although it’s possible that the people in this group are part of a more affluent wing of the party. This group was also less likely to give favorable ratings to individuals and groups associated with the progressive left.

So who exactly is this progressive left that is polarizing to both the establishment and the neoliberal wings of the party?

Well, we know this wing of the party feels warmly toward ideologies like democratic socialism and supports political insurgents like Ocasio-Cortez, so they may find themselves at odds with party leadership.

But we can also use our survey data to look at how respondents answered a variety of socioeconomic, demographic and attitudinal questions. Given the warm feelings this group has toward democratic socialism and the rising importance of group identities in politics, I focused on analyzing characteristics of respondents who describe themselves as socialists. For starters, they were more likely to be male than female and more likely to be white than nonwhite. (Though identifying as Hispanic or Latinx also made it somewhat more likely that a person would say they’re a socialist.) In general, younger respondents were more likely to adopt the socialist label, as were those who endorsed left-leaning outlooks, like the idea that it’s unjust for a society to have billionaires while others are living in poverty. Many also said they had experienced sexual harassment, with 63 percent of women and 33 percent of men saying it had happened to them.2

Party loyalists were also less likely to identify as socialists, which could be a problem for Democrats if Biden is indeed the nominee — he will not be able to take this group’s support for granted and may have to make a special effort to win their votes in the general election.

There are also a few interesting places where I didn’t find much connection between groups or ideas. For example, although some of Sen. Bernie Sanders’s supporters have a history of attacking women online and on the campaign trail, holding sexist attitudes didn’t make an individual more likely to identify as socialist in this survey, suggesting that the group that’s lashing out may be a minority of voters who hold views similar to the Vermont senator’s.

At the same time, despite progressive leaders like Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez calling for a Green New Deal, there wasn’t evidence that individuals committed to clean energy or a federal green jobs guarantee were more likely to see themselves as socialists than those who did not support these Green New Deal policies. But this lack of coherent policy preferences isn’t actually that surprising; there’s a large body of political science research that suggests that broad identities and labels are much more meaningful to individuals than specific policy preferences.

And labels like progressive left and democratic socialist are the product of a very conscious movement that’s been years in the making. It’s not entirely a political movement either. The DSA, for instance, has been instrumental3 in shaping what it means to be a “democratic socialist” in the U.S., but it isn’t actually a political party. So even though individuals like Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez are often thought of as the vanguards of progressive left politics, it’s important to remember that think tanks like the People’s Policy Project and Data for Progress, media outlets such as Current Affairs and Jacobin, and the popular podcast Chapo Trap House have also played a role in shaping what it means to be part of the progressive left. Much like the Tea Party forged a transformation in the Republican Party, this new socialist wing of the Democratic Party is pushing for its own revolution.

But it’s not clear how strong the progressive left’s current configuration is. Movements like #MeToo and Black Lives Matter are well-liked within the progressive wing of the party, but leftist activists and politicians haven’t always prioritized issues of race, gender or sexuality. And in fact, in this survey, people who held racial biases weren’t really any more or less likely to identify as socialist. It’s possible, then, that the progressive left risks creating a less diverse movement, particularly as it’s already weighted toward white, male supporters. And that could be a problem if the group wants to win races in a party whose coalition is largely built on women and nonwhite voters.

For the Democratic Party as a whole, this growing divide between the establishment and neoliberals versus the progressive left is perhaps one of the most important challenges it will have to face — not only going into this upcoming presidential election, but also in elections to come. And already, we’ve seen that when the party establishment refuses to budge — as, for example, when it continued to back Rep. Dan Lipinski in Illinois despite his opposition to major Democratic planks like abortion access and the Affordable Care Act — organizations such as Justice Democrats are willing to primary “their own” (challenger Marie Newman beat the eight-term representative). This all suggests that if the establishment won’t willingly make space for ideas like Medicare for All and the Green New Deal, then a growing progressive left may attempt to make that space for itself.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #Shom Mazumder

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sonicrainicorn · 5 years

Text

A Beautiful Night

Part of the Berry Done AU!

Words: 4920 Desc.: It’s Logan’s first date after leaving an awful relationship. What could possibly go wrong? TW: Past relationship abuse

This was suggested to me on Ao3 and I thought it was a wonderful idea.

///

Logan Sanders may not have been as well put together as he made himself out to be.

The Date with Patton was drawing near and he didn’t know what to feel about it. Anxious, for one, but he knew he should have been at least a little excited. And he knew he was being more anxious than a normal person would have been. Anytime he thought about it, his whole body began to tremble, so he pushed it to the side to avoid thinking about it until the day came.

Not if Thomas had anything to say about it, it seemed.

In the week approaching the Date, Thomas became just as on edge as Logan. He asked Logan at almost every possible second if he was sure about going through with it -- if he was sure that this was right. In all honesty, he had no idea if this was the right move or not. He liked Patton, he knew that, but he also liked… Ah, well, Thomas only wanted what was best for him. The last time he ever went on a “date” he came back in, uh, less than ideal shape. That was something that both brothers remembered a little too well.

Anytime Thomas double (or triple, or quadruple) checked, it made Logan more and more anxious. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should just call Patton to cancel everything. Never speak to him again and continue to act like love was for suckers. But he couldn’t. Patton was so excited. So even if Logan was terrified he was going to go through with it because that’s what Patton wanted.

Though, perhaps, if he knew that, then maybe he’d force Logan to stay home.

See, Patton didn’t exactly know about Logan’s past experiences. He had suspicions of course (there’s only so much one can do to hide the signs), but he never asked. And Logan never told him. It might have been a bad idea to keep it to himself, but he couldn’t bring it up. A part of him was afraid that Patton wouldn’t want to see him anymore if he knew. Like a child that stops playing with a toy after seeing that it’s broken.

So once the Date approached, Logan tried to pretend that everything was fine. No, he was not freaking out, thank you very much. Of course, he wasn’t afraid. This was all fine. He could do this. He could handle this.

“I think Patton’s here.”

He couldn’t handle this.

Logan wanted to say something -- anything -- but no words came out. He kept his jaw clenched. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. No. No, no, no. Not now. Patton couldn’t see him like this. Patton was supposed to think that everything was fine. As soon as the front door opened, he bolted to his room. The movements felt mechanical -- an automatic reflex that he didn’t know he had. Which is why he found himself hiding under his blankets before his brain had time to catch up. Once it did, he felt like an idiot, but he couldn’t get himself to leave.

“Bear?” Thomas knocked softly on the door. “I’m coming in, okay? It’s just me.” He made sure to close the door behind him after stepping in. “Oh, Logan.”

Logan wanted to curl up at the sadness in his brother’s voice.

“If you needed more time you could have said something.” He sat at the edge of the bed. “You shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to. Do you want me to tell Patton to come another time?”

“N-no, I --” Logan took in a deep breath. “I can do this.”

“Are you sure?”

He wasn’t, really. But this was for Patton. “Yeah. Just give me a minute.”

“If you say so.” Thomas stood up. “I’ll let Patton know, but if you change your mind please say something.” Then he left.

Logan stayed wrapped up in his blankets. He felt like a child. Who else would think that hiding under the covers will make the bad things go away? He hadn’t done this since, well, the last time he was a child. He didn’t like to think about that day. He didn’t like to think about a lot of days, actually. Everything always seemed so difficult -- even in hindsight.

Eventually, Logan managed to gather enough composure to throw his blankets off. He made sure to appear presentable before leaving the room. If he could act like everything was fine then it would be.

Once he stepped into the living room he almost stopped breathing again. Not because of the fear or anything, but because of how radiant Patton appeared. Truly a ray of sunshine through a cloudy day. Everything about him was bright and colorful. Logan didn’t understand how anyone could continue to be so wonderful after going through life every day.

“Hey, Logan,” Patton chirped. “You ready to go?”

Logan forgot for a moment that he needed to respond. “Yes.”

Thomas walked them to the front door. He sounded a bit like a mother whose child was going out on their first date; he made sure that Logan knew to call him if anything went wrong, what time Patton had to bring him home, and other things of that nature. It caused a brief embarrassment spell to burst through the anxieties.

“I’ll have him back in one piece, I swear,” Patton assured. He seemed more amused at the whole thing rather than embarrassed.

“I’ll hold you to it.” Thomas smiled, but Logan could tell it was forced. “Have fun, don’t do drugs, all that good stuff. Be safe.”

Logan’s stomach dropped. He knew that part was meant for him. “Legally, we are adults, so we don’t have to heed to any of what you say.” Best to ignore it for now.

“Yes, but I am older than both of you. So I win.”

“That’s not how --” He sighed. No point in arguing -- “Yeah, fine. You win.”

Patton smiled at their antics. “We’ll do nothing but wholesome, good things. Scout’s honor.” He held up a salute.

“Uh -- it’s three fingers, Patton.”

Patton corrected it.

Thomas let a real smile seep through. “Alright. Now get out of here. I’m sure you have better places to be.”

The two left after a final goodbye. As they walked to the car together, Patton filled the silence with mindless chatter. Logan shoved his shaking hands into his pockets and listened.

Turned out, Patton would be finishing up his associate's degree by the spring semester. He was very excited about it. Something that normally took an average of two years ended up stretching out to almost four. He had family issues to settle that ate up most of his time in the beginning. He didn’t mind, though. It was important to deal with. But now he was almost done! He’d be a registered vet tech before he knew it.

Logan felt as if that profession was perfect for Patton. Vet techs spend more time with animals than veterinarians do. And Patton adored all animals. From snakes to kittens, or cows to dolphins, he loved them all. Logan didn’t know how he could love so much.

“Patton? What are we stopping here for?”

The two decided that their Date should be something simple. Just a movie. But this was not it.

Patton smiled. “Well, we have some time to kill so I thought, maybe, we’d spend it here.” If Logan didn’t know any better he’d think that Patton looked nervous.

“Yeah, but, why here?” Logan gazed up at the building.

“Um.” Patton fidgeted with his clothing. “I know how much you like to read -- a-and you like quiet. So I thought, maybe, you’d enjoy coming here. I-it, uh, it probably wasn’t very nice to assume. But I just kinda figured that, y’know, you’d like it. I mean if you don’t then we could go somewhere else.”

So Patton was a nervous rambler. Good to know. “Patton.” Logan turned to him with a smile he failed to hold back. He couldn’t believe that his interests had been taken into consideration. “This is perfect.”

Patton stared at Logan with wide, sparkling eyes. As if the stars themselves decided to shine for him personally.

That’s when Logan realized he was still smiling. He wiped it off his face and looked away, clearing his throat in the process. “Shall we head inside?”

Patton blinked a few times as if he needed to process the information. “Right -- yes. Let’s do that.”

Inside, there were few people. A couple of friend groups messing around and a few bored individuals wandering through the aisles for something interesting. Overall, an excellent condition to enter a bookstore under.

The two walked around with no destination in mind. If something intrigued either of them, they would stop to look at it (and tease the other a little bit if it seemed out of their normal aesthetic). Logan ended up having to drag Patton away from the joke books, however, and insisted that he not buy any of them. Because no, Patton, you already come up with enough of your own ridiculous jokes.

Patton conceded, much to the pleasure of Logan’s sanity.

They talked idly about life until Logan spotted something that made him cease listening. He inched closer to it, faintly aware of Patton behind him. There was a table of collectible books. It held hardcover books of stories from famous authors or famous classic tales. Including, but not limited to, The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe; Les Miserables; and a complete Sherlock Holmes. While those were interesting, Logan found himself drawn to one book in particular.

A light blue leather-bound book with the image of a little girl falling, a grinning cat, and a rabbit with a stopwatch. Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland & Other Stories. Logan took it in his hands, running his fingers over the smooth surface. It had a red ribbon bookmark. It was perfect.

“Hey, what’d you find?”

Logan squeaked and slammed the book back down where he found it. “Nothing!”

Patton blinked in surprise. He adjusted the strap on his backpack and eyed Logan up and down. “Alright…” He turned his eyes down to the table. “Alice in Wonderland? That’s --”

Dumb. Stupid.

“-- cool.”

Wait, what?

“I remember reading those in like fifth grade.” He picked up the book and turned it around in his hands, a faint smile on his face. “Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. I used to have the ‘Jabberwocky’ poem memorized at one point. I’ve never read any of his other works, though.” He turned the smile up to Logan.

Logan didn’t know what to say. Patton wasn’t upset with him. He didn’t drag him away or tell him that he shouldn’t still like children’s stories. He actually empathized. He expressed an interest in the same thing Logan did. Rather than putting him down, he put in his own experience to be relatable. Logan didn’t know how to handle that.

“Did you want this?” Patton lifted up the book for emphasis.

Yes! “No,” Logan rushed out far too fast to be natural. “I just -- I was just looking at it.” He tried his best to be nonchalant, but he couldn’t tell how well that was working out.

It appeared that Patton didn’t believe him. “Are you sure? Logan, I don’t mind --”

“Hey, look, more books.” Logan noped right out of there, his heart in his throat. He didn’t want Patton to convince him to get the book. He didn’t need it so, therefore, it was unnecessary to have. It was a silly children’s book anyway. He shouldn’t have shown interest in it in the first place.

He moved on to the next aisle but kept his eyes cast down out of pure instinct. He feared Patton would come around and yell at him for running away. Yet when Patton showed up, hands moving down the straps of his backpack, he didn’t do anything but smile. He didn’t even mention Logan’s odd behavior. He continued on as if nothing had happened.

Just in case, Logan kept silent while Patton talked. Patton was always good at small talk. He knew the right things to say to keep a conversation going -- even with himself.

“Whoa, this is pretty.” Patton backtracked to get to the book he saw. He picked it off the shelf to examine it further.

Logan joined at his side and almost gasped. Written in the Stars. A book about constellations, their facts, and their myths. As Patton flipped through the pages, a beautiful illustration of a constellation’s story could be seen. Their origin, location, and stars accompanied it.

“I’m going to guess you know much of this.” Patton glanced up to give Logan a smile.

“Not as much as you’re probably thinking.” Logan gazed down at the book. “There’s no way I could possibly know every single thing about all eighty-eight constellations.”

“I’m sure you tried.”

Logan scoffed a bit. He wasn’t wrong. “Back when I was delusional and obsessed with space. I even wanted to be an astronaut for a couple of years.”

Patton chuckled. “I know. Thomas showed me the pictures of you on Halloween.” He continued to skim the pages. “You were so cute and tiny --” he paused to glance at Logan out of the side of his eye -- “well, tinier. What made you want to be an astronaut in the first place?”

“Because space is cool,” Logan stated matter-of-factly. It made Patton snort. “There’s so much to see -- and I wanted to see it all. I wanted to be where few people get to be. It would have been remarkable to be there first-hand.” He continued to babble on about all the reasons his younger self wanted to see space. That dream died about as soon as he turned ten, but the passion for what once was still held deep. If he were to admit it, he was still a little obsessed with space. The vastness of it, the planets still yet to be discovered, what about that wasn’t compelling?

Wait.

Logan shut his mouth immediately. He started rambling. Patton only asked a simple question, yet Logan extended it far longer than it should have been. Oh no. Why would he do that? Nothing he had to say would have been interesting to Patton. He was going to get mad. He was going to yell about wasting time with useless facts. He was going to drag him away so no one could see what happened next --

But none of that occurred. Patton had his full attention on Logan, the book forgotten in his hands. He didn’t do anything. All he did was smile and look at him with those bright, caring eyes. The smile faded a bit. “Are you okay?”

Logan tried to find his voice. “Yes.” He shoved his hands in his pockets again. He didn’t say another word more.

Patton didn’t appear to be fully convinced, but he dropped the subject. “Well, I think it’s time to head out now.” He closed the book and put it back on the shelf.

As the two made their way to the front of the store, Patton stopped short of the doors. “Ah, shoot. I just remembered D asked me to get a notebook for him.” He gave an apologetic smile. “Wait for me outside? It’ll take like two seconds, I promise.”

Logan found it a bit odd but complied anyway.

The sun was starting to set, allowing the cool night air to roll through. Something about the night always comforted Logan. It seemed odd considering a main reason humans were able to evolve was due to a fear of the night and the things within it. But Logan didn’t see anything to fear. It was apart of nature. It brought about the stars and interesting animals and a comforting blanket.

Thomas and Patton might have felt a bit differently about it. They were both quick to be frightened. To them the night came with monsters and creatures at every corner; something ready to attack if even looked at or acknowledged. Logan knew, logically, that would never happen. Monsters didn’t wait until night to come out.

“Sorry about that,” Patton slipped his backpack strap over his shoulder, “let’s get going now, shall we?”

Logan found himself easing up the more time he spent with Patton. Anytime he feared he made a mistake, Patton never acted on it. He would just smile and change the subject until Logan decided to join the conversation again. It was different. Logan wasn’t used to such compassion or understanding. The only other time he got either of those was from Thomas. Though recently, that had become an overbearing protectiveness.

Part of him wanted to allow himself to enjoy it -- enjoy Patton without thinking something bad would happen -- but another part couldn’t stop being afraid. He had gotten so used to hiding. Hiding away from anything that could be perceived as even a minor threat. Hiding from emotions because they weren’t ever any good to him anyway. What would he do if he came out of hiding? He would be exposed -- broken pieces for everyone to gawk at and pity. He didn’t want to be pitied. He wished he didn’t have anything to be pitied for.

Logan tried to push down those thoughts in favor of listening to Patton, though if he were being honest, he didn’t even pay much attention to that. What he focused on was how much excitement Patton had and the way he radiated happiness. Like nothing ever worried him in his life. That’s something that always captivated Logan. Yes, Patton could be considered attractive, but that wasn’t anything he ever noticed. He only ever noticed the optimism. The eagerness. The sheer joy. While he couldn’t begin to comprehend how someone could be like that twenty-four seven, he found himself falling for it more and more with every interaction.

“Logan,” Patton called in a sing-songy voice. “Come back to Earth, Logan.”

Flushing in embarrassment, Logan blinked out of his thoughts to see Patton grinning at him at him in the dim lighting. They walked inside the theater without him noticing. “I may have, uh, forgotten to pay attention.”

Patton laughed a bit. “You're so cute, bumblebee.”

More heat found its way to Logan's face. “B-bumblebee?”

This seemed to catch Patton off-guard. “Did I say that out loud?” Even in the limited light, it became obvious that he was embarrassed after Logan nodded. “I didn't mean to. I just -- I was thinking it. You're so -- and I'm -- I just --”

“It's alright, Patton.” It felt weird having to be the one to do damage control. Then he added, almost as an afterthought, “You're free to call me that if you wish.” He didn't know if he could get any warmer.

Patton paused. “Cute or bumblebee?” He asked in a teasing tone.

“Don't push it.”

As they found seats for the movie, Patton revealed why he brought a backpack with him in the first place. Both his brothers had come over to help “sort him out” since apparently, they thought he was a mess and shouldn’t be allowed to choose his own outfits. Logan thought it a little strange that Patton let himself get bossed around by his younger siblings, but being a younger sibling himself, he could understand how easy it could be to boss around a child-like older brother. Other than that, D also decided to bake some cookies. Patton couldn’t bake to save his life, so D ended up doing all of the work.

“They’re mostly for you,” Patton muttered. The previews for upcoming movies were still rolling. “I think he wanted to make up for the last time you two saw each other. He still feels bad about it.”

Logan flushed again. That was… a bad day. Embarrassing, even. A silly little instinct that led to him running out of the house in near tears. “It’s alright. I just overreacted. He shouldn’t continue to feel sorry for it.”

Patton opened his mouth, preparing a counter, but closed it. He turned his attention back to the cookies. “Well, I think you’ll both feel better if you take these.”

“Aren’t you going to share with me?”

“I thought that was assumed.”

Once the movie ended, the two left with Patton chittering about how good it was. Logan held off on any comments (he’d never admit it was because he enjoyed seeing Patton talk so excitedly about something). Though as they walked, Patton cut himself off in the middle of a sentence. He gasped and grabbed Logan’s hand, dragging him in the direction that caught his eye.

Down the slope behind the theatre was a little park. A small jungle gym and a few swings were all that it held. Since it was a bit late, there wasn’t anyone else around. The streetlamp provided enough light to see in the tiny area, but not much beyond it.

“Swings.” Patton motioned to them with a wide grin.

Logan noticed Patton’s hand still in his own. “Aren’t you supposed to be a twenty-one-year-old man?”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the simple things in life.” He tugged Logan over to the swingset. When he let go, Logan tried to pretend he didn’t notice the loss of warmth. “So come on. When was the last time you ever sat on a swing?”

“When my feet didn’t touch the ground when I sat on one.”

“I’m sure your feet still don’t touch the ground.” Patton smiled innocently up at him.

Logan huffed and took the swing beside Patton in annoyance. “I’m not as tiny as you keep making me out to be.” He crossed his arms and glared at Patton -- though maybe it ended up looking more like a pout.

“Yeah, I know. I just like teasing you.” He stuck out his tongue for emphasis.

“You’re ridiculous.”

They continued to talk over little things. Like whether or not someone would be able to survive off cookies alone or the best way to get a dog to like you. Normal conversations. All the while, Patton swung himself on the swing. Logan decided not to. He rocked back and forth a little bit but didn’t let his feet leave the ground.

“Wanna see me jump off?” Patton asked, a child-like eagerness in his voice.

“I would prefer if you didn’t,” Logan responded. He knew Patton to be rather clumsy at the worst of times. Despite this, Patton continued to gain height with his swings. “If you get hurt, I’m not going to feel bad for you.”

“Aw, don’t jinx me, Logan.” Once the swing reached its high point, Patton jumped off. He stumbled a bit but managed to keep his footing. He didn’t fall face first into the wood chips. “I did it!” He threw his hands up and cheered. “I used to be so bad at that.”

“I’m going to pretend that I didn’t just hear you say that to me.” Logan placed his hands on his lap, smiling at Patton as he continued to exclaim how great that was. His antics made Logan’s chest full. A warm, pleasant feeling that sat over his heart. Who knew that something as simple as watching Patton be his silly self could make him feel so… happy? Not even when he was with him did he ever feel this way. Logan doesn’t even recall a time where he ever caused that sort of comfortable feeling. Maybe he never did and Logan was too blind and inexperienced to realize that it wasn’t supposed to work that way.

That when someone looks at you, you shouldn’t be relieved that it isn’t in anger again. That when you go out, you’re not supposed to feel like you’re on a tightrope. That when you’re in love, you shouldn’t have to ask if this is how everyone does it. Because that isn’t how any sort of relationship should work -- romantic or otherwise. Maybe it’s meant to feel like this. Light and airy and different. A good different that erupts in butterflies or melts like chocolate chips in cookies. It was nice.

This feeling bubbled inside him. It pushed up and up until it escaped out over his lips. A loud, bright tone that caused Patton to stop talking. Then Logan clamped his hands over his mouth, silencing all sound immediately.

Oh no.

He laughed. He shouldn’t have done that. Why would he do that? His laugh was annoying and loud -- Patton wouldn’t want to hear that. No one wanted to hear that. That’s why he never did it. If it ever came out, all he’d get told was how awful it was. By one person in particular, at least… And then he’d have to get shown why he shouldn’t do it again.

“Well, that was a pleasant sound.” Patton’s voice cut through Logan’s inner panic. His large smile didn’t waver.

Logan lowered his hands. “W-what?” He wasn’t getting yelled at. He wasn’t getting told that he shouldn’t make such ugly sounds. Patton’s words were genuine. No trace of sarcasm in his tone at all.

“Your laugh,” Patton continued. He once again gazed at Logan like the most precious thing had been sat in front of him. “It was cute. I should make you laugh more often.”

“I -- what?” He didn’t know what to say.

Patton simply continued to smile. “We should probably get going. I don’t want Thomas to come after me if I don’t get you back on time.”

Logan followed him back to the car, his face flushed at being referred to as cute twice in one night.

Upon arriving at the apartment, the two idled at the door. Neither knew what to say next, as it felt that some sort of final words should be said before they left each other’s side. Logan found it a bit ironic that now of all times is when Patton runs out of things to say.

“Hey, Logan,” Patton starts softly. “Are you lost?”

Logan quirked a brow. “Uh, no this is --”

“Because heaven is a long way from here.”

Logan snorted and put a hand over his mouth to hide his smile.

However, this seemed to encourage Patton to continue. “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe.”

“Patton --” Logan tried so hard not to start laughing.

“I know this is going to sound cheesy, but I think you’re the gratest.”

“Stop.”

“Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you I smile.”

“I swear --”

“I think that you just lost an electron because you are positively attractive.”

Logan let out a little giggle then pressed his hand closer to his mouth. He could feel how warm his cheeks had gotten.

Patton grinned at him, his eyes bright. “Yes! I got you to laugh again.”

Logan rolled his eyes and lowered his hand. He couldn’t completely wipe his smile away. “Goodnight, Patton.”

Patton once again seemed to be lost while staring at Logan’s smile. He snapped out of it once he realized Logan would be leaving. “Oh! Wait.” He slipped off his backpack and stuck his hand inside. It returned to his back once he brought out what he needed. “Here.”

Logan stared at the object in surprise. A blue book with a red ribbon sticking out of it. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Other Stories. He hesitated before taking it in his hands. This was his?

“I saw how much you liked it when we were at the bookstore,” Patton shrugged. His face had become bright pink, “so I thought I’d get it for you.”

“I…” Logan held it close to his chest. He didn’t pay any attention to how wide his smile got as he looked up at Patton. “Thank you.”

Patton stumbled on his words. “Y-yeah -- sure. No problem… dude.” He cringed at that and his face seemed to get red in an instant.

Logan laughed again. A small one, but this time he didn’t try to cover it up. For just this moment, he didn’t care about the consequences. Because right now everything felt too good to be true. Hell, maybe it was. This kind gesture could be a trap or a false sense of security. The wonderful calm before an inevitable storm that would leave him scarred. That’s what every part of him tried to scream at him -- except one. One little part thought otherwise. The part of him that was still easy to trust and quick to fall in love. He decided to let it win this one time.

He didn’t realize how close they had gotten until the door opened and they jumped back to put a normal distance between themselves. Thomas raised a brow.

“See, look. I brought him back in one piece.” Patton clasped his hands behind his back and gave Thomas a nervous smile. “Not a scratch on him -- and we’re on time.”

“I see that.” He still gave Logan a once over, however. “So were you two done out here or…?”

“Oh -- yeah -- totally.” Logan nodded in agreement. “I’ll just -- I’ll uh -- goodnight.” Patton began to back away. “I had a fun time, Logan.” He waved before disappearing down the stairwell.

Logan ignored Thomas’s questioning gaze as he stepped inside the apartment.

“So how was your date, bear?”

Logan stopped. He looked down at the book in his hands, a smile once again gracing his features. “I’d say it went pretty well.”

#bonus points to whoever guess where the title is from #anyway #this is cheesy #more angst than i intended tho #fluff #mostly fluff #happy ending i swear #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #logicality #berry done au

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janusthesneakysnakeboi · 6 years

Text

Florida Prep Host Club Part 1

(Ouran High School Host Club AU - but gayer)

Ships: Prinxiety mainly (for this part at least)

Warnings: Anxiety, panic attack, deceit mentions, self harm mentions (from a song)

Words: 1652

Note: This AU was based on a post @could-always-be-gayer-2 wrote and I jumped on it. Also I know Florida Prep Academy is a legit place, I didn’t realize that when I was writing this, and this has nothing to do with the actual school. This is also my first Sanders Sides fic so… yeah. (Song used (in bold) is Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued by Fall Out Boy). Enjoy! :)

Ok, first day was pretty good. I mean people stared at me, but what do you expect from these too happy rich kids who now share a school with someone poor, like me. I mean, I wouldn’t have been able to even come here had it not been for my academic scholarship. Speaking of, I should find a quieter place to study than that library - who knew, the place where you’re supposed to be quiet is probably the loudest place in the school. I didn’t know my way around Florida Prep Academy yet, but I guessed I’d be learning quickly. If this place is anything like my last school, I better start scoping out the hiding places now.

I put the hood of my hoodie over my head and turned on some music that always seemed to calm me. What can I say? It’s something about dark - aka “emo” - music that really kept my anxiety in check. I guess the screaming was it - too loud for any thoughts to enter.

I turned my music down as I got to what appeared to be a vacant hallway - I don’t even think I remember seeing any classes down here. I paused my music as I approached Theater Room 3, figuring if there were any theater clubs here, they’d be in the first 2 rooms. I pressed my ear up to the door, and couldn’t hear much of anything. So, I opened the door, and went to press play on my very old and outdated iPhone 5s - which was pretty much out of the 16GB of storage it came with in 2014, and only really good for music, messaging (not like I had anyone to message though) and internet occasionally - when I heard 6 masculine voices start to speak in sync, as if they rehearsed it millions of times already before I walked in. It took me a minute to process what they all just said, but when I did, I almost dropped my phone in shock.

“Welcome to the Florida Prep Host Club!” The six people I was faced with all said at once.

“Umm… What is this? This seems like a sad little club,” I mused, looking around and realizing it was just the 7 of us in this large theater room. The one wearing a crown - why? - looked really offended by what I had said, and I could tell I was going to get a dramatic introduction to this club or whatever I walked in on.

“I apologize, you must not be familiar with the concept of a host club. The basic premise of a host club is that lovely people, like me, who have way too much time on their hands volunteer to entertain even lovelier people, like yourself, who also have way too much time on their hands. This one in particular is rather special you see. As the prep school with the highest number of LGBTQ students, we took it upon ourselves when making this club that we would be very accepting of that community, and find most of our hosts and guests are in some way part of the community themselves.”

I felt my eyes widen in shock. How did I not know this was a rainbow school? You probably just expected everywhere you go to be Transphobia City, located in the great state of Homophobia. I didn’t realize the crown guy was still talking, until he was introducing the club members to me.

“Take your pick. We have the hard on the outside, soft on the inside guy, who also happens to be very gay, and bigender, if either of those strike your fancy,” when the crown dude spoke, a guy wearing a sweater and a yellow tie - probably a code for their gender identity of the day - waved awkwardly. “Don’t worry though, they are much less awkward once you have a conversation with them.”

“Wha-”

“Well, if you’re not into them, maybe the lovable, childlike one? Or how about the mischievous twins? Or the calm, cool, and collected, organized nerd over there? They may be straight, but they are very kind.” As he spoke, various people greeted me, and I tried to associate personalities with faces, until I realized I knew 0 of the 7 names I needed.

“Who even are you people!” I shook with nervousness, and became even more on edge when I realized I shouted at all these rich people who could end me in one second. I saw the “calm” one with glasses walk towards me, his blank, unreadable expression setting me off even more, and I broke into a run away from all of them on the far side of the room. I shakily tried to open my phone to put some music on when the shorter, “childlike” member came running towards me, slipping underneath a cautionary hand to race toward me. I panicked and, without looking behind me, I backed up rather quickly, and tripped on a cord that was probably either not plugged in or connected to microphones or something. To my misery, I fell back into a little table that had one thing on it.

Emphasis on had.

I heard a crash behind me and immediately curled into a ball, pressing play on a random Fall Out Boy album - the last thing I had open on my screen, and heard the title track to From Under the Cork Tree begin to play, and felt a cautionary hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see all the host club members looking on edge, but like this wasn’t unusual. They probably all pity you. Because they know you tr- written on my wrist says ‘Do not open before Christmas.’ We’re only liars- they are all lying to you. They just want you to have a false sense of security and hope. I mean it’s not like they have any pride flag- Then I saw it. The whole wall was covered in almost every pride flag imaginable. I look at the other wall, and noticed they are separated by gender identity and sexuality, so you wouldn’t be confused as to where your flag was. I looked to the left and right, and saw my flags. I smiled, and the person sitting in front of me smiled, realizing I had changed my expression from I imagine pure panic to a calmer one.

“Hi there. Are you okay? Are you feeling overwhelmed?” Patton’s voice was calm, trustworthy, nice. I smiled at him, and shook my head.

“I was before, but I think I’m better now. Thanks…” I bit my lip, looking away, embarrassed at myself for my actions. Patton helped me up off the ground, and when I stood up I remembered the crash, and looked behind me. “Oh no… was that valuable?” I turned around, and one of the twins was standing directly behind me.

“Oh no, it wasn’t extremely valuable at all. It was very inexpensive, barely cost us a penny. It also holds zero sentimental value.”

“Yo, don’t listen to them. They’re completely pulling your leg. But yeah sis, this was going to be auctioned off at the Grand Florida Auction for $420,000. That was just the starting bid.” The other twin with blue sunglasses on was now behind me, standing very close to the shattered porcelain. Seeing it all shattered and hearing the price for it made me wince a little.

“And, as you are so rich, we know you’ll have no problem paying us back. In fact, don’t even worry about it! I’m sure there’s no other way to repay us for that cheap glass you broke.”

“Hey, lay off! Give ‘em some time to get used to this all before confusing ‘im.” The sunglasses twin scolded.

“Now, if you would like my input, I would say that as we do not expect someone like you to have that kind of money, as you cannot seem to afford a school uniform. However, there are many ways one could repay debt.”

“Yes! Beautiful work my dear pocket protector! And I have just the idea. You are now officially the Host Club’s dog!”

Oh no, what did I just get myself into…

I nodded solemnly, and then the smallest one came running up to me again. “Yay!! I’m so glad you’re a host with us! Logan! We should all introduce ourselves!” And then I saw someone - Logan I would assume - nod.

“Ah yes. Maybe not all at once, as to not overwhelm our newest host more. However yes, I am Logan, they/them pronouns please. And yes, as mentioned I am a heterosexual, and feel attraction towards females. And-”

“- I’m Patton! He/Him pronouns kiddo, except on the rare days where I might ask you guys to use they/them, but those days don’t happen often.” Patton smiled at me, and I looked around to see everyone staring at me.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Then, I saw the crown guy come next to Patton, and smirk. “What Princey?” I sneered. I didn’t know what it was about him, but something didn’t feel right, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was going to- no, it wouldn’t make sense but of course, when does anything I think ever?

“Princey? I kinda like it. However, my official title is King of the Florida Prep Host Club, but you can call me Roman. He/him pronouns, por favor~” I would never admit that his wink had any affect on me at all. Never.

“So? What’s your name kiddo? At least tell us your pronouns, so we don’t upset you!” Patton spoke, and I shrunk into my hoodie, hoping I could disappear into the grey and black threads. “Oh, I’m sorry kiddo, are we overwhelming you again? Everyone, give the poor kiddo some space-”

“I’m not your kiddo. I’m no one’s kiddo.” I mumbled, turning to walk away. “I’ll be back tomorrow, only to repay my debt.”

Taglist: @could-always-be-gayer-2 @the-incedible-sulk @nymphaedoratonks @eatinglilies214 @side-for-sides

I’m probably gonna continue this, so let me know if you’d like to be tagged in the future!

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carldavidson · 6 years

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Graphic by Carl Davidson Right click on it and open in new tab to get a closer look.

The U.S. ‘Six Party System' 3.0: Revising the Hypothesis Again

By Carl Davidson

Keep on Keepin' On

"Successful strategic thinking starts with gaining knowledge, particular gaining adequate knowledge of the big picture; of all the political and economic forces involved…It's not a one-shot deal. Since both Heaven and Earth are always changing, strategic thinking must always be kept up to date, reassessed and revised."

May 30, 2018 - This statement above was part of the opening to a widely circulated article I wrote twice, about two and four years ago. With the upcoming November 2018 elections, it's time to take my own advice again and do another update. The strategic terrain is always changing, and we don't want to be stuck with old maps and faulty models.

In the earlier versions, I suggested setting aside the traditional ‘two-party system' frame, which obscures far more than it reveals, and making use of a ‘six-party' model instead. The new hypothesis, I suggested, had far more explanatory power regarding the events unfolding before us. Some critics have objected to my use of the term ‘party' for what are really factional or interest group clusters. The point is taken, but I would also argue that US major parties, in general, are not ideological parties in the European sense, but constantly changing coalitions of these clusters with no firm commitment to program or discipline. So I will continue to use ‘parties,' but with the objection noted. You can substitute ‘factions' if you like. Or find us a better term.

For the most part, the strategic picture holds. The ‘six parties', under two tents, were first labeled as the Tea Party and the Multinationalists under the GOP tent, and the Blue Dogs, the Third Way New Democrats, the Old New Dealers, and the Congressional Progressive Caucus, under the Democratic tent. In the second version, we had three ‘parties' under each.

First and most important for us on the left was the rise of Bernie Sanders, who showed far more strength than imagined. The second was the dramatic and unexpected flowering of Trump and rightwing populism on the right. Both of these, from different directions, challenged, narrowed and weakened the dominant neoliberal hegemonic bloc, which spanned both the GOP multinationals and the Third Way Democrats. It saw the Blue Dogs disappear and the Tea Party divide into Rightwing Populists and Christian Nationalists. Now here's the new snapshot of the range of forces for today, (including a graphic map). The two main changes are the re-emergence of the Blue Dogs, due to the recent three-way breakup of the Labor-Liberal center bloc, and the powerful growth of the Rightwing Populists under Trump. Starting from the left upper corner of the map:

The Rightwing Populists. This ‘party' has mushroomed via the Trump candidacy and unexpected 2016 victory. Trump, an ‘outlier elite' in his own right, is now directly connected to the Robert Mercer family fortune, the 4th ranking billionaire funding right causes. For example, the Mercers keep Breitbart News afloat and funded the career of Steve Bannon, former Trump ‘strategist' that took him to victory in the last stretch. Now along with Breitbart, Fox news is the hourly mouthpiece for Trump's war against the mainstream ‘fake news' mass media. Trump and his allies are waging political warfare against the ‘Deep State.' This is actually a contest for a new ‘America First' nationalist hegemony against the neoliberal globalists under both tents, the GOP Establishment and the Democrat's Third Way. This also includes the ‘intelligence community,' with a long list of Trump-targetted CIA and FBI ‘corrupt leaders', of which FBI director James Comey was the first to fall. ‘Corruption' was their refusal to pledge loyalty to Trump personally, like an old-style Mafia boss.

Trump also has a strong alliance with the Christian Nationalists (Mike Pence, Betsy DeVos, et al), and the DeVos family (Amway fortune), which represents another billionaire donor to the GOP right. Devos's brother, Erik Prince, has also massed billions from his Blackwater/Xe firms that train thousands of mercenaries to serve as ‘private contractors' for US armed intervention anywhere.

Where these two blocs under the GOP tent grew in strength all during the campaign, the Establishment Neoliberals divided a dozen ways, and they were defeated with some humiliation one by one. After the primaries, they were much weaker and were left with the choice of surrender, voting for Hillary Clinton (HRC) or staying home.

Trump's reach under the Dem tent to form an alliance with the Blue Dogs was more tactical. It stemmed from his appeals to ‘Rust Belt' Democrats and some unions on trade and tariff issues, plus white identity resentment politics. The economic core of rightwing populism remains anti-global ‘producerism' vs ‘parasitism'. Employed workers, business owners, real estate developers, small bankers are all ‘producers', and they oppose parasite groups above and below, but mainly those of ‘the Other' below them—the unemployed (Get a Job! as an epithet), the immigrants, poor people of color, Muslims, and more.

Trump entered politics by declaring Obama to be an illegal alien and an illegitimate office holder (a parasite above), but quickly shifted to Mexicans and Muslims and anyone associated with ‘Black Lives Matter.' This was aimed at pulling the fascist and white supremacist groups of the ‘Alt Right,' using Breitbart and worse to widen their circles, close to Trump's core. With these as ready reserves, Trump reached farther into Blue Dog territory and its workers, retirees, and business owners conflicted with white identity issues—immigration, Islamophobia, misogyny, and more.

Trump's outlook has deep roots in American history, from the anti-Indian ethnic cleansing of President Andrew Jackson to the nativism of the Know Nothings, to the lynch terror of the KKK, to the anti-elitism of George Wallace and the Dixiecrats. Internationally, he combines aggressive jingoism, threats of trade wars, and an isolationist ‘economic nationalism' aimed at getting others abroad to fight your battles for you, while you pick up the loot (we should have seized and kept the oil!).

All this has set up the Rightwing Populists, aligned with Christian Nationalists, in a bid for hegemony over Establishment Neoliberals. So far, Trump is making gains, and the November midterms will bright to light the new balance. Trump's successes, however, also contain his internal weaknesses: the support of distressed white workers. At present, they are forming a key social base of his victories, assuming they will get lush jobs or rising 401Ks of the ‘Make America Great Again!' promises. The problem, however, is that Trump has not implemented any substantive programs apart from tax cuts. These mainly benefit the top 10% and create an unstable class contradiction in his operation, one bound to surface as promises are unfulfilled. His white supremacist demagogy and misogyny has also united a wide array of all nationalities of color and many women and youth against him.

The Christian Nationalists. This is a subset of the former Tea Party made up of several Christian rightist trends, that has gained more coherence with the election of Mike Pence. It's made up of many who are simply conservative evangelicals. A good number, however, are theocracy-minded fundamentalists, especially the ‘Dominionist' sects in which Ted Cruz's father is active. They present themselves as the only true, ‘values-centered' (Biblical) conservatives. They argue against any kind of compromise with the globalist ‘liberal-socialist bloc', which ranges, in their view, from the GOP's Mitt Romney to Bernie Sanders. They are more akin to classical liberalism than neoliberalism in economic policy, and thus stress abandoning nearly all regulations, much of the safety net, overturning Roe v. Wade, getting rid of marriage equality (in the name of ‘religious liberty') and abolishing the IRS and any progressive taxation in favor of a single flat tax.

This is a key reason they attract money from the Koch Brothers, while the Kochs hold Trump and his populists in some contempt. As mentioned above, they also have some access to the Devos fortunes.

Effectively, Christian nationalist ‘prosperity economics' amounts to affirmative action for the better off, where the rise of the rich is supposed to pull everyone else upwards, so long as those below also pay their tithes and pull upward on their ‘bootstraps.' They do argue for neo-isolationism on some matters, but favor an all-out holy war on ‘radical Islamic terrorism,' to the point of ‘making the sand glow.' They pushed for moving the US Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem and ripping up the Iran nuclear deal. All this is aimed at greasing the skids for the ‘End Times,' the ‘Rapture, ‘and the ‘Second Coming' in the Middle East. With Cruz, Pence and Devos as leaders, they have become the second most powerful grouping under the GOP tent, and the one with the most reactionary platform and outlook, even more so than Trump.

The Establishment Neoliberals. This is the name now widely used in the media for what we previously labeled the Multinationalists. It's mainly the upper crust and neoliberal business elites that have owned and run the GOP for years, including the quasi-libertarian House ‘Freedom Caucus,' the smaller group of NeoCons on foreign policy (John Bolton and John McCain), and the shrinking number of RINO (Republican In Name Only) moderates. The Establishment also favors a globalist, US hegemonist and even, at times, unilateralist approach abroad, with some still defending the Bush-Cheney disaster in Iraq. Their candidates were Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio, but when both of these collapsed under fire from Donald Trump, their voice was reduced to that of John Kasich, governor of Ohio. Kasich presents himself as a pragmatic, pro-worker neoliberal, a difficult circle to square. But he had the NSA/CIA's Michael Hayden and many from the ‘Intelligence Community' in his camp near the end. When Kasich was defeated, some went over to Clinton. Under Mitch McConnell's smothering wings, most are riding out the Trump vs ‘Deep State' storms in silence, as best as they can.

This is a big change. Previously dominant in the GOP and anchored on Wall Street, the Establishment forces were seriously weakened by both the Rightwing Populists and the Christian Nationalists. It's possible they could be pushed out entirely, but a lot will depend on the results of Robert Mueller's investigations and the outcome of the 2018 mid-term elections. They could purge a weakened Trump and rebuild. They could try to form a new party with neoliberal Dems. Or they could join the Dems and try to push out or smother those to the left of HRC's grouping.

Now let's turn to the Dem tent, starting at the top of the graphic.

The Blue Dogs. This ‘party', while still small, has grown and gained some energy. This is largely because the United Steel Workers and a few craft unions decided to ‘work with' Trump on tariffs and trade. The USW got firmly behind Connor Lamb for Congress. Lamb's narrow victory was won in a Western PA CD in a rural and conservative area, but with a good number of USW miners. Now that the earlier gerrymandered lines have changed, however, Lamb has to run again in the new 17th CD, which is Beaver County and part of Pittsburgh itself, where Trump has less support. Support for ‘Medicare for All' is strong in this area. Lamb claims to favor it but claims it's unaffordable for now. This is a sore point for a good number of left progressive Democrats. They're likely to vote for him, but put their energies into working for better candidates running for legislative seats in Harrisburg.

The Blue Dog resurgence may not last. On one hand, the DNC Third Way gang currently loves people like Lamb, and want to see more candidates leaning to the center and even the right. On the other hand, Trump is unstable on tariffs. If he doesn't follow through on those he has put out as proposals, and folds up on major infrastructure plans save for ‘building The Wall, the unions involved may turn against him.

The Third Way New Democrats. Formed by the Clintons, with an international assist from Tony Blair and others, this dominant ‘party' was funded by Wall Street finance capitalists. The founding idea was to move toward neoliberalism by ‘creating distance' between themselves and the traditional Left-Labor-Liberal bloc, i.e., the traditional unions and civil rights groups still connected to the New Deal legacy. Another part of the ‘Third Way' thinking was to shift the key social base away from the core of the working class toward college-educated suburban voters, but keeping alliances with Black and women's groups still functional.

Thus the Third Way tries to temper the harsher neoliberalism of the GOP by ‘triangulating' with neo-Keynesian and left-Keynesian policies. But the overall effect is to move Democrats and their platform generally rightward. This had been Hillary Clinton's starting point in her campaign. But caught off guard by the Sanders insurgency, she adopted some positions, at least for the sake of campaigning, from both the former Liberal-Labor bloc and the Congressional Progressive Caucus. She kept her ‘Rainbow' allies with her this way.

Now that HRC was narrowly defeated, the Third Way's power in the party has diminished somewhat. Its labor alliances have weakened, with unions now going in three directions. In terms of the current relation of forces in the party apparatus, the Third Way about 60% of the positions but still controls the major money. In California, for example, the Regulars kept control of the state party committee only with extremely narrow margins over Bernie supporters. The key test is the November midterms: Who will inspire and mobilize the much-needed ‘Blue Wave', give it focus and put the right numbers in the right places? The measured moderates? Or the insurgent left? This brings us to the last of the six ‘parties.'

The Social Democrats. This is a better description than simply calling it the Congressional Progressive Caucus, as in the first version. I've also taken off ‘Rainbow' from the second version because this term is more fairly shared with the Third Way, which has kept the older and more pragmatic voters of the rainbow groupings under its centrist influence. And as before, the ‘Social Democrat' title doesn't mean each leader active here is in a social-democrat group. It means the core of the CPC, PDA, WFP and Our Revolution platforms are roughly similar to the left social democrat groupings in Europe.

This is made even more evident with Bernie's self-description as a ‘democratic socialist' in the primaries, where it only seemed to help. It must be noted, however, that the platform is not socialism itself, but best described as a common front vs finance capital, war, and the white supremacist right. This is true of groups like Die Linke (‘The Left') in Germany as well.

Finally, there is the dramatic growth of the Democratic Socialists of America due to their wise tactics in the Bernie campaign. They went all in for Bernie but also lost no opening to make themselves visible. Now with over 32.000 members which chapters in every state, they are winning a few local and statehouse races. They are now a player in their own right.

This is all to the good. The common front approach can unite more than a militant minority of actual socialists. Instead, it's a platform that can also unite a progressive majority around both immediate needs and structural reforms, including both socialists and non-socialists. Apart from winning many state primaries and 46% of the Convention delegates with a positive, high road approach, this party is now noted for two things: first, the huge, elemental outpourings of young people, mainly women, students and the young workers of the distressed ‘precariat' sector of the class, in elemental risings of millions after Trump took office. Second, its organized character, with groups like Our Revolution, Indivisible, and the Working Families Party added to this dynamic and growing cluster.

What Does It All Mean?

With this brief descriptive and analytical mapping of the upper crust of American politics, many things are falling into place. The formerly subaltern groupings in the GOP have risen in revolt against the Neoliberal Establishment of the Romneys and the Bushes. Now they want hegemony. On the other hand, the Third Wayer are seeking a ‘restoration' of the Obama coalition, with its alliances with the Keynesian Labor Liberals, while co-opting and controlling the Social Democrats as energetic but critical secondary ally. The Sanders forces have few illusions about this and don't want to be anyone's subaltern. So they continue to press all their issues and policies of a common front vs finance capital, war, and the white supremacist right, building more organization and more clout as they go.

This 'big picture' also reveals much about the current budget debates, which are shown to be three-sided--the extreme austerity neoliberalism of all three parties under the GOP tent, , the 'austerity lite' budget of the Third Way-dominated Senate Democrats, and the left Keynesian, progressive and social democratic 'Back to Work' budget of the Social Democrats and the Congressional Progressive Caucus. The 'Keynesian Labor Liberals' are divided, though they often holding decent programs as positions. But looking for side deals with Trump at the same time may not turn out too well.

We have to keep in mind, however, that 'shifting the balance of forces' is mainly an indirect and somewhat ephemeral gain. It does 'open up space', but for what? Progressive initiatives matter for sure, but much more is required strategically. We are interested in pushing the popular front vs. finance capital to its limits, and within that effort, developing a 21st-century socialist bloc. If that comes to scale in the context of a defeat of the right, the 'Democratic Tent' is also likely to collapse and implode, given the sharper class contractions and other fault lines that lie within it, much as the Whigs did in the 19th Century. That demands an ability to regroup all the progressive forces there and on the outside into a new 'First Party' alliance, one that also includes a militant minority of socialists, which will be able to contend for power.

An old classic formula summing up the strategic thinking of the united front is appropriate here: 'Unite and develop the progressive forces, win over the middle forces, isolate and divide the backward forces, then crush our adversaries one by one.' In short, we have to have a policy and set of tactics for each one of these elements, as well as a strategy for dealing with them overall. Moreover, take note of warning from the futurist Alvin Toffler: 'If you don't have a strategy, you're part of someone else's strategy.' Then finally, as to tactics, ‘wage struggle on just grounds, to our advantage and with restraint.'

To conclude, we still need to start with a realistic view of ourselves as an organized socialist left. Save for DSA, we are quite small as organizations, but now we can see we are swimming in a sea of millions open to socialism. What can we do now? If you can see yourself or your group honestly working to achieve DSA's stated program, by all means, join and make them larger. Or set up Jacobin / In These Times Reading Groups in your living rooms and unite socialists with them. Join or start PDA or WFP chapters everywhere, use base organizations and broad 'Third Reconstruction' alliances and popular rainbow assemblies to build mass mobilizations and defeat the GOP in November.

With both socialists and Rainbow progressives, start at the base, focus on city and state governments, and expand the Congressional Progressive Caucus. You rarely gain victories at the top that have not been won and consolidated earlier at the base. Most of all, in order to form broader and winning coalitions, you need organizations of your own to form coalitions and alliances WITH! Seize the time and Git ‘er done!

Carl Davidson is a national committee member of the Committee of Correspondence for Democracy and Socialism, a DSA member in the Steel Valley, an activist with Progressive Democrats of American in Western PA's 17th CD, and a LeftRoots Compa. The views expressed here are his own.

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twinkiplier · 7 years

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AntiSepticEye: Explained

Alright, I’m going to sit down and clear up anything and everything I can think of about Anti right now, so I don’t end up random-spamming for no reason and hitting my post limit again. This is going to be long, but I want people to read it, so hang tight.

What do we know about AntiSepticEye?

- He is an entity that shares a body with JackSepticEye. - He has proclaimed his purpose is to take over Jack’s channel. - He was named by the community, not by himself. - He alludes to drawing power from the community noticing him. - He has taken over Jack three times now. - Each time has been slightly different, for different reasons. - Each time, he has taken over something new that belongs to Jack. - He has knowledge of, and interacts with, at least one of Jack’s other Egos. (Doctor Schneeplestein) - Doctor Schneeplestein, and himself, have both alluded to him being an outside entity that gets inside a person’s brain to take control. - Jack, on multiple occasions, has referred to him as a demon. - He has explicitly stated that he has killed Jack. - He wears different clothing than Jack; specifically dark green hair, a black tee shirt, and gauges. Occasionally has black eyes or one ‘septic’ eye (green/blue). - Always has a slit throat. - Prefers to speak/type in glitched Zalgo text. - Has associated himself with childrens’ laughter.

So what does this mean? What is AntiSepticEye?

Many have speculated that Anti may in fact be a demon whose sole purpose is to kill Jack and take over his channel. But have you noticed how he acts?

- Giggles almost incessantly. - Twitches and glitches. - Smiles almost constantly. - Makes broad movements, sometimes violently. - Points a knife at the camera. - Holds a knife to his own/Jack’s neck. - Reaches towards the camera. - Directs all speech towards the camera. - Whispers in the background.

How he speaks?

- Speaks with confidence, usually in absolutes. It’s all mine. There’s nothing you can do. - Places blame for his existence on the viewers. This is all your fault. You just watched. - Talks almost always about Jack. You can’t save him. He’s gone forever. - Acknowledges social media. They all follow me now. - Talks about the others (Jack, Schneep, Chase) as if they’re less than he is, but also acknowledges that they’re precious to the audience in a way that he is not. - Talks about how ‘weak’ Jack is, specifically his body, and how that allowed him to take over.

All of this is attention-grabbing, it’s made explicitly to get us to pay attention to him, to Anti. He does everything in teasing trails, cliffhangers, hints and messages that get everyone talking about him and he seems to love it. But when things go wrong, he gets angry. He gets upset because he’s not receiving the attention he craves.

- I’m tired of pretending. - How many times must we... keep fooling around? Over and over, fucking circles! - I’m. In. CONTROL. This is MY world. - Has become upset enough to actually swear. - Shows extreme distaste for the mocking name of “Glitch Bitch”. - Lashes out some with his knife. - Talks much more grandiose than usual, especially about himself. - Stresses that he cannot be gotten rid of. - Thumps his chest, gets closer to the camera to stress that he is the center of attention. - Sarcastically uses the words ‘favorite boy’ in reference to his next victim, who is slightly unclear at the moment - likely Jack or Chase.

He hates that he has to pretend to be Jack for so long in order to wind up the perfect amount of tension to get everyone involved. He hates that he had to ‘go in circles’, that he had to wind down so that he could explode again. He hates that if he stays, the hype will eventually die. He absolutely hates that people are rooting against him, with their #septicsave tag and theories of how to destroy or get rid of him. He hates that the attention may be on him, but more of it is on his victims. He hates what his hype has become. That’s why he’s upset.

So did Anti kill Jack?

Jack himself said after Say Goodbye that no, Anti did not kill him. This, according to Anti, was him pretending. So you can see why people would be skeptical of the vlog after Kill JackSepticEye stating almost the exact same thing. Anti didn’t kill me.

The thing is, this is a vlog - there is no intro of ‘Top o’ the mornin to ya laddies, my name is JackSepticEye.’ This isn’t Jack. This is Sean. Yes, there is a difference between Sean and Jack, if you think about it he’s ‘in character’ for almost all of his videos. Same for Markiplier, for PewDiePie, for any other gamer that goes by a pseudonym or nickname. They don’t always act the way they do on camera in real life, because they’re playing a character and they’ve become comfortable in that.

So from this, we can infer that it could technically be possible for Anti to kill Jack. Because Jack is another persona of Sean’s. But did he kill Jack? Well, Schneep stated that he has almost lost Jack once before, and had to save him. We can infer that this incident took place during Say Goodbye, where Anti first took over, and Schneep must have saved Jack just after. In Kill JackSepticEye, though, it’s implied that not only did Anti kill Jack, but he also killed Schneep. We’ve seen, though, that Anti seems to be able to function perfectly well with Jack simply incapacitated. After all, if he hadn’t been killed during Say Goodbye, then what says he was actually killed during Kill JackSepticEye? Again, what Anti does is all for attention. If he really kills Jack, then he can’t ‘kill’ him again at a later date for more hype. Then again, with his frustration, he may have been forced to take drastic measures.

As far as we know, this is a ‘Schneeplestein’s Jack’ equation - Jack is either alive or dead, and we won’t know until Sean or Anti opens the box on us, revealing everything.

You didn’t answer my question. What is AntiSepticEye?

I know, you needed that information first.

It’s implied that Anti is a demon, yes, but what kind of demon? Some have speculated that he’s a Bill Cipher sort of demon, able to make ‘deal with the devil’ sort of trades, and that’s how he killed Chase. We have no evidence for this, but it’s a nice theory if you like angst. Another thought is that he’s not a demon at all but some sort of sentient virus that takes over a brain via the blood and corrupts it. Working off of the virus theory is that he’s able to take over electronics instead, although it doesn’t explain why he’s able to take over Jack’s body. These are all good theories, and mine is just one of them, but I think it has enough merit to warrant a read:

AntiSepticEye is part of Jack. Part of Sean, and his collective of Egos. He always has been. This would make it impossible for him to actually kill Jack without killing a part of himself, thus making his own form weaker. Why does Anti want to kill Jack? Because he wants to take over his channel. Why does he want to take over the channel? Because he wants attention.

But why does he want attention in the first place?

This is something I’m not sure anyone has actually covered, at least not that I’ve seen. Anti’s been constantly referred to as a demon, but if he’s part of Jack, then what does that mean? He’s one of Jack’s demons. His internal ones. In my mind, he’s less of an Ego like Markiplier’s, and more of a Side like Thomas Sanders’. He’s the embodiment of Jack’s greediness, his want for more attention and more views. It’s something that definitely helps him, likely motivates him to make sure he gets videos out and stays on schedule, but when left unchecked it does things like make hype over sudden, unexpected merch.

The thing is, Anti feels frustrated. He feels ignored because he tried so hard to make this happen, to build up to his grand finale of actually killing JackSepticEye, and the community ruined it for him by defending Jack, and Chase, and Schneep, and even the Egos he hadn’t even targeted. They made him upset by using the #septicsave tag, which by a large majority was used to separate him from the rest of the egos-- from the rest of himself. It was used to make him seem like an outsider, something other, something evil. They wanted to save the others from him, but they stopped caring about Anti himself.

The first time he surged, everyone was focused entirely on him. They drew fanart, made theories, but it was all about him and that’s what he wanted. He wanted to feel heard and feel like he existed because before then he’d never been noticed. Jack had never put him out there to be noticed. He loved it so much he appeared not too soon after, introducing Jack at PAX East. The results were still positive, but not so much so, and he decided he needed to step up his game and go into hiding for a whole lot longer than that.

But when he started back up again, the short burst of hype was filled with people saying things like, ‘he’d better not come back again’ and ‘I hate this’ and ‘just get it over with’. Like people didn’t want him to show up again. Like they didn’t appreciate him. And that’s probably what upset him the most, the fact that we didn’t seem to want him around anymore. The effect was multiplied when people started making assumptions about Chase, bringing him into the equation and shoving Anti further into the ‘bad guy’ role without him doing anything. That’s not what he wanted, he wanted the attention to be on him, not his supposed victims. And because he felt ignored, felt pushed aside and dismissed in favor of the more ‘important’ sides of Jack, he got mad.

In almost all of the pictures Anti posted, even where he’s smiling, he looks pissed. His expression is tight, less of a smile and more of a grimace or snarl. He’s not smiling at all in the other two, glaring into the camera. We made him angry, we didn’t give him the attention he wanted, and so he had no choice but to yell and scream at us, to make us listen. But we didn’t listen, we just yelled back and begged him to ‘post the next video and get it over with’. Not because we wanted to see him again, but because we wanted him to be done and go.

So he did. He never posted the next video. He went back to his Jack facade (or possibly let Jack go) and left us alone, because that’s the only way he’s going to get attention. And he hates it. He hates being excluded like this.

So what do we do about it?

I propose that the next time Anti shows up, if he shows up again, we give an overwhelmingly positive response. Anti is a little messed up in the head, he may be psychopathic or sociopathic to some extent, but that doesn’t mean he’s not looking for our attention, our approval. He’s always watching us, watching us watch him, looking at our reaction to see if he’s doing it right, if he’s doing what we want him to do.

If we give him loving responses, tell him how happy we are to see him again and draw fanart of just him, put the spotlight back on him, maybe he won’t be so upset. Maybe that’s how we apologize for hurting his feelings. For making him mad. We give him what he wants, and maybe he’ll see he’s just as important to us as the other parts of Jack are, and that he doesn’t need to threaten them get our attention. He doesn’t want to be Jack, he doesn’t want to kill Jack. He wants us to love him just like we love Jack. He wants the attention, the love and support Jack has, that Chase and Schneep and Jackieboy Man and Marvin the Magician and even SepticEye Sam have. He’s always treated as a demon or a monster, or some outside virus.

But he’s not. He’s part of Jack. And I think we need to show him that we understand that.

We love you, Anti. Please come back. <3

tl;dr - Anti is a part of Jack, and we need to love and respect him.

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #anti theory #jack theory #anti is finally explained #this took me two hours #this is just my theory #please don't yell at me about it #its because he's my kin and i want him to have the same love and respect we give everyone else #i feel really strongly about this #artorsomeshitididat3amwhilebeingstalkedbyantisepticeye

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what-even-is-thiss · 7 years

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My Sides

So… I saw people have been posting their own sides, and I’ve had sides planned out even before I joined this fandom, so I guess I’ll tell you all about the parts of my personality. I actually talk to them regularly. I find it useful. Where do I put this? The not sanders sides tag? Sure, I'll do that.

Inner critic/dark side of personality, Alex.

They/them, he/him or she/her pronouns, depending on the day. They’re genderfluid and the gender they have that day reflects what they’re representing at the moment. I named them after a character I liked in a Rick Riordin book that’s genderfluid. Go read Rick Riordin books you guys. They’re awesome.

Little punk rock bitch that dyes their hair, wears band t-shirts, and carries around a baseball bat to beat up the other sides. They’re always wearing red and black. A demigirl when she represents my gender dysphoria, a guy when he represents my social anxiety/self-hatred, and agender when they represent my sadness, and/or I need to get in touch with my dark side. They’re a lot easier to deal with when they’re like that and tend to be slightly less violent. Still really violent though. They tend to hurt me more than they help, but despite what it looks like, he is trying to help. But you’re not helping enough, Alex. Let me sleep.

Logic/Practical creativity, Rowan

They/them pronouns. Agender. I actually have a reason why I named them Rowan. First of all, gender neutral name. Second of all, I’m a huge Norse mythology nerd, and Rowan trees are associated with the goddess Sif, who is associated with the earth and keeps her husband Thor grounded. Rowan keeps me grounded.

They are a stage manager. They have a headset, a prompt book, and a pencil on their person at all times. Always wearing black because they’re wandering about backstage. They tend to come up with creative solutions to the problems that affect me in my everyday life and manage my time. Sometimes they fail horribly, especially when ADHD keeps distracting them. They agree with Logan about Data. Spock has too many feelings.

Positive emotions/ADHD, Robin

He/him pronouns. I named him Robin after the song ‘his friends are more than fond of Robin’ by Carly Simon. Not really a deep reason there. I just really like that song and it makes me happy. Positive emotions. Yeah.

He’s the big brother/best friend I never had. Dresses like a surfer, probably. Wears a lot of blue, just like me. He does a lot of good things like try to get me to love others unconditionally, but he also tends to forget about a lot of things and distracts the others from what they should be doing. He tends to be the one that inner critic enjoys beating up the most, but he always bounces back in the end. Also, I should probably mention I’m a pretty religious person, so he kind of represents my spirituality too. He’s that one kid in the church youth group that does everything and is much more vocal than me about how much he loves Jesus. Sings way too much. It’s getting distracting, Robin. Stop singing for like two minutes and do your job.

Daydream self/imagination, Jason

He/him or they/them pronouns. He’s my imagined self, so his gender changes as mine does. I’m genderflux so I switch between being a guy, a demiguy, and agender. I chose their name because Jason is one of my favorite Greek heroes, and Jason derives from a word meaning “to heal” and whenever I experience something sad or traumatic my imagination is usually what begins the recovery process by letting me escape.

Typical young adult fiction protagonist. Wears jeans and a t-shirt and has a sword for some reason. I don’t know where he got it. Maybe it’s best to not question. He can change his appearance depending on what I’m imagining that day. The young adult fiction protagonist thing is just their default setting. Wears orange t-shirts for some ungodly reason. He gets most of the writing done. If you like the fanfiction I write, they probably came up with most of the ideas in it. He’s also the one that wants to see everyone in high heels. Literally every real or fictional person ever. He really likes wearing high heeled boots. Yeah, this is where some of my more… Eccentric personality traits come from. He's one of those people that seems normal at first but just gets weirder and weirder as you get to know them.

Those are my sides. Thank you for reading all of that.

#not sanders sides #not ss tag #sanders sides #about me #thomas sanders

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chaoticpanenergy · 4 years

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ksdfghjkl @agnesandcecilia tagged me so here goes!!

Rules: answer 17 questions and tag 17 people you want to get to know better

Nickname: on tumblr i go by peregrin! after peregrin took from lord of the rings, my favorite character from my first serious fandom. <3

Zodiac Sign: virgo! i know nothing about the zodiac! what does virgo mean! one time i did the birth chart thing and like the first 4 or 5 things were all virgo and i showed one of my friends who’s actually a zodiac person and they just stared at me in horror and said “are you OKAY???” which, absolutely not but i doubt the zodiac has much to do with it, why do you ask, botany my pal. [for the record, please don’t get worried anyone, i am fine. mostly. enough. would be more fine if my parents would let me go to therapy but we’ll work on that one i guess.]

Height: 5′5″ (i was 5′4″ for the longest time and for some reason was super salty i never hit 5′5″ and then i went to college and somehow grew an inch my first year??? idk how that worked but regardless i hit 5′5″ and it matches and i’m happy now!!)

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw. people are never surprised to learn this. i think this means i am doing ravenclaw right.

Last thing I googled: “how many people zoom” - i was arguing with a classmate over the max amount of people our college’s plan can fit on a zoom call + i didn’t want to bother with enough words to make sense when i knew those words would get me the result i wanted. (for the record, i was right.)

Song stuck in my head: rn it’s gotta be “go the distance” from hercules. probably bc it’s one of the only ones on the roman sanders playlist thomas just released that i already knew. i am but a simple nonbinary that only listens to like 3 kinds of music and disney is one of them.

Following and followers: following 208, 58 followers! huh they both end in 8 rn that’s random and cool.

Amount I sleep: hhhhhhhng probably not enough lol. the last couple of weeks i was staying up until about 2-3am and then sleeping in until between 10 and noon, but now school is running again i’m heading to bed between midnight and 1am and getting up at 8:30. so. i don’t know how to do math i’m a humanities gay but,, however much that is? minus the like hour it typically takes me to fall asleep once i go to bed.

Lucky number: 29! it’s a prime number and also pippin from lotr turns 29 during the course of the book & he’s my fave character. plus i just think it’s a neat number.

Dream job: hmmm this is tricky. okay, dream life situation is to be a parent of some kiddos, be able to write my stories & hopefully publish them, and hopefully do graphic design work too—designing book covers is the ideal. so a job that involves/allows for those elements. idk lol.

Wearing: a red t-shirt with the logo of a writing club at my college that i’m an officer for, a red leather jacket i bought from the thrift website thredup last week, and black high-waisted jeans from american eagle (the only brand i have so far found that consistently fits me well). also socks and a green barrette (i have a side part in my hair on the left and it makes my hair fall in my face unless i clip it back) and gray fingerless gloves bc i get cold + overstimulated easily & the gloves help w/both of those things. i own like 5 pairs of these exact gloves it’s great. a watch on my left wrist with a mother-of-pearl type watch face & a narrow pink leather strap, which my parents gave me for christmas. my pocket is full of fidget toys.

aaaand bc i’ve been working on and off on this it’s now a whole different day! i’m now wearing a gray heathered tee with a big old heart on it in the nonbinary flag, a light pink & dark blue flannel from costco, and the same black jeans with a pocketful of fidget toys. also the same gloves & watch. my barrette is purple today! & i’m wearing dark gray slippers to keep my toes warm.

also i wear glasses every day, purple frames in a shape kiiinda similar to canon logan & patton’s from sanders sides.

Favorite song: ksdfghjkl this is harddddd uhhh “the wizard and i” from wicked never fails to make me have happy feels and a lil bit of like, good angsty feels, ya know? also “show yourself” from frozen 2 is a gem and queer anthem bc i’m queer & i said so.

Random Fact: i’ve been a vegetarian my entire life! meat as a concept seems very gross to me personally lol. i don’t really care about others eating it, though. not my body, not my choice (which is a great phrase in many contexts) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Authors: I’ve been a fan of Tolkien’s work since I was 5 years old. patricia c wrede is really great. the only works by leigh bardugio i’ve read are the six of crows duology but those were PHENOMENAL and contained the first straight ship a YA book has managed to make me ship in quite a long time (i would die on the spot for inej ghafa), so definitely would count her as a fave. i’m a pretty big harry potter fan but,,, ah,,,,, not so keen, let’s say, on jk rowling herself. tamora pierce is fantastic for whenever i’m in the mood for some classic Good Old FantasyTM. also a bunch of fanfic writers!! especially @/tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors [i am too shy to tag]!!!! laoft is INCREDIBLE and i’m a huge fan and i get SO EXCITED every time a new extra comes out. so much talent!!!!!

Favorite Animal Noises: ooh. hm. my parents are not pet people so i haven’t always been exposed to a lot of animals and can be shyer than i’d like to be of critters. kitties are very good. the lil “mrow” noise specifically. also birds can be fun.

Aesthetic: pastel blue, pink, purple, with silver accents and teal, aqua, and dark purple as secondary colors. space & dainty things, w/a little bit of soft nerdiness thrown in. essentially if ravenpuff didn’t have a specific color scheme associated with it. (fun fact, i wear so many bright clothes that one day i wore all black just for funsies and a friend of mine saw me and literally assumed a family member of mine must have died and i was in mourning. bc she was so surprised to see me not in brightly colored clothes. i could not make this shit up if i tried. if ur reading this, love u moon mom.)

aaaaaand i currently have too much anxiety to tag people & i’m gonna say that’s okay for now <3 but totally message me if u wanna be friends!! i will reply when i have appropriate levels of social energy <3

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