#i want to go to college 2 study math and then do math every day the rest of my life while i play dnd with my friends n draw in my free time

[wall-e-gorl]

Lays on floor

#holds ava midnightburger and trillian hitchhikers guide to the galaxy #id pay so much money to have you two talk space #an astrophysicist who got to go (and is delighted by what shes learning) and one who missed her chance (and threw it all away*) #*- in mostly harmless #god. i want to do math so bad #i want to go to college 2 study math and then do math every day the rest of my life while i play dnd with my friends n draw in my free time #ive been fighting with myself over it for ages now. what do people with math degrees even do. does it pay well? can i live alone off of it? #and still play dnd and draw? #if it doesnt i should do something more reasonable and reliable of a job. like what tho. i wanted to be a lab tech. welder is the opposite #option #but math... i just like math so much #me and my lil cousin calculated how many titanitcs would fill the unvierse a few weeks ago. it was a huge number. x.xxx to 10^80 or smth #ridiculous like that #i dont want to get a whole math degree and the only thing i can use it for be teaching. i am an awful teacher. #(this is related because trillian has a math ans astrophysics degree. its why im laying on the floor #people hate math so much and yet here i am yearning for it like i assume allo people yearn for people) #auogh

[dolldefiler]

Masterlist

Other

10K announcement + hand pics

I MELT AT NECK BITES

I bow down to polaroid girls

New hobbies

Face reveal #1

Face reveal #2

Guiding others to a treasure I don't possess

Me on most days

I'm part of the cool kids

5k announcement

Girls with chokers are so hot

Pretty girls blow my mind

100 announcement

Somnophilia/ Intox (inc. rape variants)

Drugging a girl over time

She's a people pleaser

Netflix in bed or a violent, drunken rape?

You're so beautiful, I need to fuck you even when you're tired

Filling the void in your heart and date raping you

Incesty, icky somno fucking (reallly icky)

Waiting for you to fall asleep

Fucking my sleepy sister (incest obvs)

Your brother drugs and fucks you (incest)

Drink as much as you want (incest again lol)

An older man using you while you sleep

Daddy's going to slip a sedative in your drinks one day (incest)

I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night

Incest/ Incesty/ 'Daddy stuff'

Marrying my daughter

You can call me dad

Manipulating my older sister into bending over

Fucking my little sister while our parents sleep

Seducing my grown up rape baby (mentions of rape)

Reclaiming my daughter on her wedding night (cheating technically)

My sister brings me fresh pussy every week

Daddy's going to knock you up

Teaching my sister to fuck and letting her drink my piss

Teaching you to grind on a plushie I've gifted you

Your parents disciplining you

Daddy cheering you up after you've been cheated on

You've become so good at sucking my cock

Where do you feel your daddy issues?

Daddy's going to give himself grandkids

My dumb little whore's fucked up her college grades (misogyny)

Daddy wakes you up and fucks your lewd body

You can take Daddy's cock in your ass

Good parents will always fuck their daughters

Can't fit these into existing categories exactly

Reading my posts in school

Stalking my blog with a hand pressed against your pussy

You want to be your boyfriend's sextoy?

Keep track of the orgasms while I overstimulate you

I love the duality of a woman (wholesome praise/ degradation mix)

Making a girl lewder by covering her face first (misogyny/ dumbification)

Stretching out your asshole to my gross words (degrading)

I tracked you down to a club (manipulative/ possessive)

Having you clean up your mess while we study (kind of degrading)

I'll brutally fuck you the way you deserve

Claiming you in front of my friends (exhibitionism/ possessive)

The only god you worship is me (religion)

Someone's on the other side of the door (exhibitionism)

Grooming a (legal) teen (icky icky language)

The right sort of maths in your head

Happy birthday! (degrading language)

Old people fucking (really wouldn't recommend reading this)

A foray into the incel mindset

A virgin needs her holes used

You're not allowed gangbangs (possessive/ obsessive)

The first step in turning my partner freeuse

My harem of women competing for my attention

Reclaiming you (possessive/ obsessive)

Trad wife (misogynistic)

The perfect mutually toxic relationship (rapey)

How I'd make my sub earn her collar

Two women restraining you

Don't hide that gross porn you're watching from Daddy

Gaslighting fun #1

Gaslighting fun #2

Mind fucks are amazing

Teaching maths

Manipulating you with soft, sweet words

#masterlist

[anna-does-a-fandom-thing]

nothing serious.

professor! anakin skywalker.

a/n: hiii! so, @fuckmyskywalker came up with the idea for this concept, and I've decided to write my own fic on it! LOVEE me some starwars boy. But put him in a SUIT?? drool worthyyy.

tw!: smut. lots of smut. ahem. p in v sex, sort of breeding kink? it's small but it's there. use of the name pet!! unprotected sex! do not attempt! dumification kink? also miniscule but there. big big sir kink. Anakin loves asserting the fact that he's the top here.

Disclaimer: 18+ only please! I'm not responsible for the media you consume as an adolescent!

description: Attending the most sought after university definitely was the best decision you'd made regarding your college career, but one perverted professor almost makes you want drop out entirely. Anakin Skywalker, was in no short terms, egotistical and a hard-ass. At least that's what you knew, so why is he asking to see you after class?

Ah, Corscuscant University. One of the most popular STEM universities in the country. The same STEM university you attended. Being a biology major, it was a no brainer for you come here. When you arrived as a freshman Corscuscant felt like your dream school, but like every dream, reality had set in. Your painful reality was Anakin Skywalker; your math professor. Professor Skywalker was one of, if not the most attractive man you had ever seen. He knew he was good looking, too. Almost every person in school had a crush on him, one of those people being you. That's not to say you didn't find him annoying as hell, but you could appreciate a good complexion when you saw one. Despite his good looks, it didn't change the fact that Anakin Skywalker was an egotistical hard ass, whose courses were next to impossible.

It was easy to ignore his big mouth and jabs at any poor soul unfortunate enough to get a question wrong in the beginning, focusing on your studies and logarithmic equations. However, as the class began to get more difficult, your counselor started suggesting attending his after school lessons. Something you couldn't be bribed to attend. But alas, hell hath no fury like a college counselor.

The good thing about Anakin's tutoring is that it's only on Fridays. The bad thing, is that it's a ghost town most days. if he's lucky, Anakin might get 2 or 3 students. So by the second semester, it became just you and him.

Anakin Skywalker was now aware of your existence. He was aware you sucked at math, and he was probably aware of your attraction to college professors who made even Pythagoras hate math. So now here the two of you were.

Just earlier that morning, you'd been notified that the tutoring had been canceled, so your plans for the evening were to go home and sleep. But, before you can walk out of the classroom, Professor Skywalker calls your name. Leaning against his chair, he looks at you piercingly. "Come to my office as soon as possible. We need to discuss your grade in my class."

"Yes professor. " You stuttered, sending a questioning glance to your friend. You walked towards Anakin's office, knowing he'd already be in the room. You hesitated to enter, dreading whatever miserable information he had to bestow upon you, in private. You noticed while peering into the room that he's got a paper in his hand. 'please don't be mine,' you pray.

Once you entered, you moved to stand in front of his desk. "Are you free to stay awhile? I have some questions about your last exam." He says, seeming relaxed. You DID have plans, no, you were not free. Ugh. You guess you can't deny your teacher, so you nod politely. "Great to hear." He says, motioning for you to walk around the desk.

Anakin rolls out his seat, and moves to stand. Now standing in his personal bubble, per his suggestion, you fidget with your hands. "So, what about my exam? Did I fail it, sir?" You start to get worried. "No, no, nothing like that. You actually made top of the class once I graded it." Anakin praised. "I'd actually like to offer you some extra credit."

Anakin motioned for you to take a seat on top of his desk. "What kind of credit?" You asked, now level eye level with his chin. "Just some extra course work and a few more sessions in the week." Anakin shrugged, almost distracted. You hesitated, "I suppose I can, uhm, do that." Anakin smiled at your stutter. He placed his hand under your chin and lifted it to meet his eyes. "You're certainly obedient. I like that." You felt your brain screech to a halt. "Excuse me, what?"

Is Professor Skywalker hitting on you? This has to be a dream. You look up at him, and lo and behold, he's staring right back. He looks hungry, like you're a delicious piece of meat. "You behave when and how i tell you to. Has anyone ever told you that's attractive?" Anakin clarifies, placing both of his hands on desk, trapping you under him. You bristle at his statement. "Sir! that's inappropriate!" Anakin just laughs, and leans in. He says, quietly, "That's alright, pet. It's only inappropriate if someone finds out. I don't intend on telling a soul."

You feel your nose subconsciously scrunch up in confusion. "Pet?" Where did that come from? "You're my little teacher's pet, aren't you? It'll be our little secret." Anakin places one hand on your thigh, the other further along the desk to prop himself up. You can feel his hand wander to your hip, and you're not sure you want to stop him. You didn't know someone's hands could feel that good, with his feather like movements. You're about to let him continue, until you remind yourself that you didn't lock his door. Anyone could walk in.

"Wait, not here. Someone will see." You try to push Anakin away, but he grabs your wrist to restrain you, gently. "Yes here. I can't stop myself." Anakin ducks his head below your chin, and places butterfly kisses along your throat. You hold it in, but you want to moan at his touch. Anakin pulls away, "I'm going to give you your first extra credit assignment. Answer these 3 questions."

You try to focus on his words and not the pooling heat between your legs. "Yes sir." You're pretty sure Anakin noticed you squeezing your thighs together like no tomorrow, and he's just saying these things to rile you up. He quietly moans at your obedience. "Good girl, keeping doing that." You look at him, "What, calling you sir?"

Anakin nods, giving your hip a squeeze. "Yeah, baby. It means you know who's in charge here."

Clearing his throat, Anakin begins. "Now, question one. are you aware of how tempting your body has been to me?" You can feel your cheeks lighting on fire. He's certainly been bold. "N-no sir."

"That's okay, beauty, I'll show you. Question two: will you let me kiss you?"

Oh fuck. You knew that was coming. Oh well, you only live once. "Yes sir." As soon as the words left your lips, Anakin had cupped your cheek, pulling you into a passionate kiss. Anakin was a good kisser. You'd figured that was probably true a while ago, but now? To feel him? It was overwhelming. He pushed against your mouth, using one hand to lift your leg against his hip. Using the new angle, Anakin deepened the kiss causing you both to moan against each other.

You can feel Anakin get more and more aggressive in the kiss, to the point he's pushing the desk a little. You pull away from him for a moment, causing him to chase your lips. "Anakin.." You start, but he cuts you off with a growl. "Who, pet?" You should've expected that one. "You, sir. You're pushing the desk apart." You correct yourself quietly, murmuring your concerns into his ear. Anakin frowns in thought before donning a sultry grin. "I've got a better place for us to continue, dear pet." Before you can question him, Anakin wraps your legs around his waist and takes your mouth in a kiss. He lifts you from the desk before walking towards the couch in the corner of his office.

You yelp as Anakin gently throws you onto it, and you're once again locking lips.

"Mm, sir.." You moaned into his mouth, feeling him crawl on top of you. Anakin smiles, looking down at such a pretty sight. "Such a good girl, pet. You gonna spread f'me?" Anakin tapped your thighs, and you pulled them apart at his request. Anakin settled himself between your legs. "For the last question, pet," Anakin pulls up your skirt and hooks his fingers into the hem of your underwear. "How badly do you want me to fuck you?" Feeling your heart speed up, you replied shaking, "So badly, sir. Please."

"Good girl. you've earned yourself an A+." He rasps, sitting up and undoing his belt. Craning your head, you watch as Anakin unzips his trousers. You almost gasp when he pulls out his dick. You're not even sure you can take him, with how large he is. "It's alright, pet, no need to look scared." Anakin cooed, kissing your jaw. He lifted up your skirt, and pulled on the hem of your underwear. Discarding them, you were now bare for his eyes to see. "We'll go slow, baby." Anakin reassured you, lining himself up with your entrance. Gently as Anakin could be, he pushed into you. Whimpering, you felt tears well up in your eyes. It was both painful and overwhelming, and you instinctually pushed at his chest. "Relax, little pet, relax." Anakin grunted, already being squeezed like a balloon waiting to be popped. Anakin finally bottomed out, after what felt like forever. It felt so good. "Tell me when, darling." Anakin refused to move until you gave him a sign. Taking several deep breaths, you nodded. "No, pet. give me words. Use them, baby."

"Please, sir."

"Please what, my girl?"

You knew Anakin was getting impatient, but you were so overwhelmed with pleasure it was hard to form words. You him growl in your ear. Feeling his hand touch your soft flesh, Anakin gripped your waist and moved without warning, "I'm not going to wait anymore, little pet." You couldn't help but let out a guttural moan. Holy shit. He was so big, and you've never felt so filled in your life. "Sir..!" You cried, pulling him down and kissing him. Anakin begins to kiss you passionately, pressing you into the sofa. His mouth meets yours in a loving and desperate kiss as he starts to move faster, causing your loud whining to be muffled. If you weren't blissed out, you'd die of embarrassment at the lewd noises the two of you created. Anakin, on the other hand, loved it. Feeling him speed up, you pulled away from his mouth and almost screamed. You knew you were close, and you told him so. "Sir, please! Close, close, please.. mm," You were practically crying from how good he felt. "I know pet, I know." Anakin replied, grunting when he felt you squeeze him harder. "God, keep squeezing and I'm gonna burst, baby, fuck."

Hooking his hands under your thighs, Anakin lifted them onto his shoulders, pressing you in half. The new angle made your insides burst with pleasure, making you scream. "C'mon pet, you can do it." Anakin encouraged, hitting all the right spots harder. "Cum for me baby, cum all over my dick, yeah?" His words sent shivers through your spine, and your eyes rolled. It was too much. The coil in your tummy snapped, and you finished with a moan.

However, Anakin didn't stop. Despite your release, Anakin moved even faster. "No, no, sir! I can't!" You cried, already overstimulated to high heaven. "Don't be selfish pet, i know you can do it," Tightening his grip on your thighs, Anakin grunted over, and over, and over with every thrust. "Don't want my cum, baby? huh? Don't want your teacher to fill you up till you're full?"

Too fucked out to use your brain to respond, you squeezed around him again. It was too much for you, and now, the last straw for him. Letting out an animalistic growl, Anakin buried himself as far in you as he could, bottoming out fully. Your tummy felt so warm, being painted with his load for what felt like forever to you.

He collapses on top of you, panting softly. "Such a good girl f'me, baby. M'so proud of you." He coos at you, still out of breath from the intensity of the moment. After a few seconds, Anakin lifts his head and chuckles. "Poor thing, too dumb to respond to me?" He gives your thigh a gentle squeeze. You whine at his teasing, pouting at him. He leans to your ear and whispers, "Don't be shy, baby. You did so good f'me."

#anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker imagine #god hes so hot

[whore-era]

collage!ellie x reader hcs? <3

a/n: im gonna assume u meant college!ellie so HERE IT GOES just for you anon friend <3 sorry for how short it is kfkdkkd

tlou 2 university: college!ellie x reader headcanons <3 18+

i have a feeling ellie is either a biology major, engineering major, or a physics/astrophysics major (cuz our girl loooves space), meaning she's extremely intelligent and does very well in class!! she's always answering the professor's questions, taking notes, paying attention. when you struggle with any science/math related subjects, she's ALWAYS willing to tutor you. but, this doesn't mean she's just gonna give you the answers, she's gonna make sure you actually learn and study, even using any means possible — like having you strip off a piece of clothing every time you get an answer wrong and making it a fun time for the both of you.

when you have important projects/papers/quizzes/exams to do that day, she'll make sure to send an encouraging message. don't get me wrong, she always does, but on especially important days like these, she'll always make sure to send an extra special one <3 'good morning baby! you're gonna fucking KILL this chemistry exam babe! you worked your ass off and you're gonna do amazing and get the highest score ❤️ i love you my smart girl let me know what you get when you're done' 'ty els <3 i love you most babe ! i'm abt to start talk to u laterrrr 🏃🏻‍♀️'

ellie will always fulfill her girlfriend duties and walk you to and pick you from classes! even tho she's always a tiny bit late because your class was all the way across campus from hers, but she wants to make sure you're protected and safe so she doesn't care either way! and she'll always carry your books for you, making sure you don't strain or 'hurt' yourself (her words not yours). "els, i have two, capable working arms!!" you whine, as she takes the textbook off your hands, "and so? what if you get a muscle spasm? or you sprain your hand?" she retorts, "by a two pound book?" ellie shrugs, "the possibility is never zero, babe."

when ellie has a project or an essay to work on, it'll be a little difficult to reach her as she gets in the zone when she's working. you'll probably send her some texts throughout the day to check in on her, but as the day progresses you'll find yourself worrying and thinking about stopping by her dorm with dinner because you already know she hadn't ate all day from being cooped up in her room typing away:

you - 9:30 am: els! just got out of class!! gnna go get some lunch w jesse :) hope ur doin okay <3

you - 11:45 am: miss u babe hope ur work is coming along great !!!

you - 2:21 pm: havent heard from u......kinda worried....hope u have been eating n staying hydrated missy >:(

you - 5:56 pm: ok i'm On my way! to ur dorm rn w/ dinner i already know u haven't ate yet n ur gonna feel my wrath

you - 5:56 pm: ignore that extremely enthusiastic On my way! it autocorrected im still mad at u

hearing the booming pounding on her door, ellie takes off her earbuds and walks to the door, opening it. to her surprise, you're standing there, take-out in hand, and a grumpy expression gracing your face. "do you know what time it is? have you even ate yet, ellie williams-miller?" ellie grimaces at the sound of her full, government name leaving your lips. "i'm so sorry, babe. i was working all day, i didn't even realize how much time had passed 'til you showed up," ellie mutters, her stomach grumbling on cue. you hand her the take-out from her favorite spot on campus, and she graciously takes it from your hands. "you better be thankful you have a very caring and worrisome girlfriend, els," you say, "i really missed you today." a smile curls on ellie's lips, "i know, baby. here, let me take a little break from my paper, and i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

and that night, ellie was extremely thankful she worked on most of her paper, as she completely disregarded anymore work as she decided she'd rather fulfill her appetite by eating you out instead. leaving her take-out cold and untouched. but hey, she held her part of the deal and indeed made it up to you.

that was also how 5 papers ended up taped up against her dorm-room door, complaining of the 'fucking loud ass moans' the morning after.

"how'd they even know it was us?" ellie queries, reading over the complaints. "oh wait, it says here 'please tell your girlfriend to keep it down. she was screaming your name all night. thank you for reminding us who lives in dorm 114.'" needless to say, you were red as a tomato and it gutted you to leave her dorm, feeling everyone's eyes on you as you walked down the hall.

let me know if yall would like more college!ellie hcs!! <3

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie williams tlou #the last of us #the last of us ellie #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #tlou #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie x reader hc #college!ellie williams

[kimberly-spirits13]

What Dick is Like During Exam Week

bruce wayne x batmom

Is it normal for two college kids to adopt a small child

• No

• But that’s besides the point

• You and Bruce are at the circus when it all happens that night and immediately decide to take Dick in

• Since you’re both over 18 it’s legal and that’s just what it was

• Dick has some abandonment issues I think we can all agree on this

• So when it’s time that the two of you are off at school, you’re either letting Dick tag along, or texting and calling him a lot so that he knows that you’re alright

• Exams are his least favorite thing about you two being in college

• You can’t communicate in any way with him for 2-3 hours at a time and he hates it

• There’s no telling what might happen during a math exam

• When you study, his either doing his own school work or sitting in your lap

• It makes him feel like a cool college kid when he’s doing work beside you and/or Bruce

• Even if that work is coloring in a justice league coloring book with his 120 pack of crayons with the sharpener

• His bed time schedule gets really thrown of during exam week since he’s not taking any naps or anything

• He’s always up late with you and Bruce after patrol since he wants to make sure that everything is going well

• Draws you pictures to keep you motivated

• When he thinks that you’re getting stressed he just piles into your lap and demands cuddles

• He sweetheart really

• If you and Bruce decide to head somewhere for a snack, you best believe that Dick is coming

• “Dick do you wanna-“ “YES OF COURSE”

• No privacy at all

• Dick is probably with you till you fall asleep in your’s a Bruce’s room so by the time you’re done studying for the night you just tuck him in between you two since you’re too tired to take him to his room

• Dick’s not complaining at all

• Dick also really likes to help quiz you if you need it

• It kind of frustrates him when there’s a really large word that he’s having trouble with

• You have to help him sound it out and then it’s not really quizzing is it

• When it’s finally exam day- bless this poor child

• He does not want you and Bruce to leave for so long where you can’t talk to him

• Of course he’s got Alfred but mom and dad #2 are leaving for an extended about of time with no contact

• You have to make a deal with him that you’ll FaceTime him with Bruce after every exam, text him before you take the first exam, and tell him that you’re coming home

• The four of you go out for pizza and ice cream after all of the exams are finished

• Rest for a week and then you, Bruce, and Dick head to Disney for a week to give Alfred a break

#batfam x reader #batfam imagine #batfam quotes #batman x (hero) reader #batman x fem!reader #batman x batmom #batman x y/n #batman x you #batman x reader #bruce wayne x fem!reader #bruce wayne x y/n #bruce wayne x you #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne #battinson x y/n #battinson x you #battinson x female reader #battinson x reader

[cryptidfuckery]

Hey so you don’t have to reply to this but I’ve been having a career crisis lately and considering other vocational paths. One of these careers just so happens to be hair. I was wondering if you could tell me what made you want to become a hairdresser?

Ohhh this might get long but

First things first my mom is a hairdresser. Me becoming one wasn't a case of "I'm going to take over my mom's business" because she's been a sole proprietor booth renter for probably over 30 years now. She doesn't run a salon with other people under her, it's just her and her clients. If I worked under her I would have just been taking money our of her pocket.

But my mom being a hairdresser definitely influenced me! Getting to watch her work and own her own business my whole life helped me understand exactly what to expect out of the industry, and what I would have to do to be successful.

But me actually deciding to become a hairdresser started with me being absolutely miserable in my third semester of college. I loved studying sociology, but school and I don't mix well. I also realized that while I loved what I was studying, I didn't have any real interest in the professions usually associated with what I was majoring in. (Didn't want to do any kind of counseling, hate math so no stats work, research was the most enticing but too close to how school works and I Know would have been Miserable ultimately)

So one day being absolutely miserable and stressed around finals I sat myself down and forced myself to think about what the next 5-10 years would look like. I realized that if I stayed in college it would be to finish, find a job in my degree, then eventually when I have the time and money again I'd go to cosmetology school. (At the time I thought I was going to be a makeup artist. Holy shit fuck that noise. Not for me.)

And it just kind of clicked for me. Why am I spending all this money on a degree i (while I loved) did not really want? Especially when I could finish cosmetology school in under a year with less money than 2 semesters of college would be? Especially since you can start making money directly out of cosmetology school and continuously build after that as you gain more clients.

My final advice is this. There is a hairdresser for everyone and there are clients for every hairdresser. Genuinely the best thing you can do is be yourself and the right people will find you. And then they'll give your their friends, who like you too because you're their kind of people. And you get to choose absolutely what the fuck ever you want to specialize in. You can do exclusively color. Exclusively cuts. You can choose what style of cutting and coloring you want to learn from and you can completely switch that in the middle of your career. You can exclusively do texture treatments (perms, keratins, etc) if you're okay with so many chemicals in your body and bad smells! You can specialize in rat haircuts, which I honestly might try to do. (I have not done one yet. Someone let me do a rat haircut on them. Please. Rat haircut.) You can do everything! Also don't forget barbering!! Whole different school with different subsets and specializations, but many many cosmetologists cross over into both as well! I plan on eventually also acquiring a barbering license so I can truly be a one stop trans chop shop (mainly so I can offer my trans girlies clean shaves between electrolysis/Lazer appointments (iirc one can and cannot. I cannot be fucked to check rn)

So. Yeah. I think trades are absolutely the way to go right now in this economy. We provide services that everybody wants or needs, from hair to plumbing to carpentry to welding to auto mechanics to nail techs. There will always be a broken toilet, an oil change, a haircut needed.

Watch out for pandemics though. Woof.

[junkissed]

finals season

day one of junkissed's svt seasons greetings event

member — tutor!seungcheol x student!reader genre — fluff, mild angst, hurt/comfort ?, college au  word count — 2k synopsis — getting a degree isn't easy. fortunately, your tutor that you maybe have a crush on is here to help. warnings — frat president!cheol, mentions of math (yes this is a warning), mutual crushes but they’re both kinda idiots, friends (?) to lovers, really awkward confession scene oops, there's 2 screenshots at the beginning bc i wanted to! notes — lowercase intended; honestly idk how this happened i promise the rest won’t be angsty like this sjdgkfs it was supposed to be cute but then my brain just kept chugging so. um enjoy !

one reblog = one snowy frat party

you sigh and stand up off the couch, wrapping your scarf around your neck. as much as you hated doing math, you always seemed to jump at the chance to study with seungcheol. the weather had made you reluctant to leave the comfort of your home, but the promise of coffee (and your unfairly attractive tutor) was more than enough to lure you out of the house for a couple hours.

even though your major had almost nothing to do with math, you’re still required to take so many credits of the subject to meet your requirements.

you shrug on your coat and grab your backpack in the dark, shoving your laptop and charger in with notebooks and folders. turning to take one last look around to make sure you aren’t forgetting anything, you shut the door quietly and lock it.

the lady working the shift at the front desk smiles and waves as you walk through the lobby of your apartment complex. “where are you headed?” she asks, setting down her nail file.

“tutoring,” you say, pulling the strap of your backpack higher up your shoulder.

“ooh, that hot guy that comes through here every thursday?”

you giggle. “yeah.”

“well, good luck, baby,” she grins, giving you a very indiscreet wink. “have fun with you man!”

“no– we’re not together,” you explain, feeling your cheeks start to heat in embarrassment. not that you don’t want to be together. you don’t even know if he’s single or not.

“not yet! you never know!”

“i’ll see you later,” you laugh, walking out the front door with a wave behind you.

seungcheol’s house is on the other end of campus where the fraternity houses are. it’s not a far walk, but with the snow still coming down heavily you decide not to risk showing up at his door looking like a total mess. so instead of walking like you usually do, you wait at the bus stop outside your apartment, rushing to find a place under the overhang with a crowd of other students waiting to get to class.

fifteen minutes later, you step off the bus, trudging through the quickly growing piles of snow on the ground up to the door of cheol’s apartment.

it’s only friday afternoon, but lambda phi epsilon is already gearing up for whatever party they’re hosting this weekend. you can hear faint music playing from one of the houses across the street. you wonder why cheol, the current president of the frat, isn’t over there with them, but you don’t dwell on the thought.

you smooth down your jacket and check your hair in the reflection of your phone screen, then take a deep breath and knock twice.

the door swings open immediately, revealing your tutor dressed in his… pajamas. you almost choke, your eyes falling to his flannel pants and collared pajama shirt, the top buttons undone revealing an expanse of smooth skin. the material looks soft, so soft, and you have to physically restrain yourself from reaching out to touch him.

“hey! come on in, it’s cold out there,” he smiles warmly. you snap back to attention, drawing your gaze back up to his face.

“thanks,” you manage, stepping inside. “you look, um. comfortable.”

“i love the snow,” he explains. “perfect weather to stay inside and get cozy for the weekend.”

you raise your eyebrows. “you’re not going to the party later?”

“no?” he questions. “why, are you going?”

your cheeks flare. “no, i’m– work,” you laugh awkwardly as the entirety of the english language disappears from your brain.

he smiles. “cool. you can stay as long as you want, then, i don’t have plans. we can work until you have to leave.”

“sounds great,” you squeak out.

oh, it’s gonna be a long night.

but the night isn’t as long as you thought it would be. it actually goes by pretty quickly, once you sit down and start working. as distracting as seungcheol is, you’ve really gotta learn these concepts before your final.

after many tutoring sessions you’d already figured out that cheol is insanely smart, but it never occurred to you before just how smart he is. not only does he understand the material, he understands it enough to explain everything in a way that makes sense to you— something your teachers could never do. everything just seems to click in your brain when he tells you things like why the angle of elevation is below the shape and not above it. hell, he’s even made his own practice problems for you that aren’t in your book, and after hours of teaching you get them all right, all on your own.

“try using this equation,” he says, gently nudging your elbow.

“huh?” you realize you’ve been staring at him and you whip your eyes back down to the workbook in front of you, embarrassed to be focusing on him and not the actual reason you’re here.

what is the reason you’re here? you wonder, your mind wandering. you went to the math department and signed up for a tutor, and a week later you met him in a private corner of the library to get help before your exam. and after a while, you started meeting him at your apartment, because your sessions ran long after the library had closed for the night. and now you’re sitting in his living room, contemplating every life decision you’ve made up until this point and wondering how the hell you ended up studying triangles with him in his pajamas.

he calls your name again, and you turn your head to look at him. but when you make eye contact, you suddenly feel the overwhelming urge to cry.

“do you wanna stop for now? we’ve been on this for a while, we can switch to something else if you want,” he asks. his eyes are full of concern at the sudden way you’ve stopped responding.

how did you end up falling in love with him?

“i… i think i should go home now,” you choke out. your throat feels like it’s closing up from the effort it takes not to burst into tears in the middle of his house.

“oh,” he says quietly. “are you sure? i have more practice problems for you, here, you can take–”

“why are you so nice to me?” you say abruptly.

he pauses. “i– what?”

“our study sessions go way past the hour set by the university, you make practice problems for me, you invite me to your house in your pajamas. you don’t have to do any of that. you get paid no matter what. why?”

his gaze shifts around the room, from the workbook still lying open on the table to the posters on his wall behind you. “i’m sorry about… this,” he says finally. “we can meet in the library again if you don’t like meeting here. and i would’ve changed, if i knew the pajamas made you uncomfortable.”

“it’s not the pajamas,” you whisper.

“sorry?” he says, not hearing you.

“it’s not the pajamas,” you repeat, louder this time. “it’s you. i… i don’t think i need a tutor anymore,” you say.

your vision begins to blur with tears when you hear him say softly, “okay.”

you grab your things and pack your backpack in record time. cheol holds the door open for you as you shrug your bag onto your shoulder.

“i’ll, uh, talk to the tutoring advisor and tell her you don’t need help anymore,” he says awkwardly as you rush out the door.

“goodbye, cheol,” you say, and turn down the steps to leave.

the sound of the door closing quietly behind you is what finally breaks you. tears stream down your face, burning your skin in contrast to the freezing air.

the snow had stopped while you’d been in his house, slowly turning into slush. you plop down on the sidewalk, not even caring that you’re sitting in a puddle of dirt and ice. not only had you just lost your free homework help, you’ve lost a friend who might’ve maybe been something more, if you hadn’t panicked and run off at the first thought of him.

your nose starts to run and you cry harder, wiping your nose against your sleeve, but it does nothing. you sit on the curb outside in the cold for so long you start shivering, but you don’t have the motivation to get up. a part of you doesn’t want to leave, and you don’t know why.

without the extra practice from cheol, you’ll probably bomb your final, which means having to take even more classes for even more credits next semester.

you hear a squeak behind you, but you don’t look back. whatever it is, it doesn’t matter.

“are you okay?”

a familiar voice calls out, and you force yourself to turn around.

“i mean, you don’t look okay,” he adds. “you’re sitting in front of my house, in the snow.”

you hadn’t even noticed it had started to snow again. “oh.”

“do you want to come inside?” he asks gently.

“no,” you answer immediately, but the cold is starting to get to you. “yes.”

he smiles, and just that makes you feel better. he moves out of the middle of the doorway, leaving room for you to come inside.

you stand up, trying to wipe the snow from your backside, and walk back into his house.

a pot of coffee is already steaming on the countertop, and he pours a mug and hands it to you. “why were you sitting in front of my house, in the snow?” he asks after a moment, giving you a minute to warm up.

“i don’t know,” you admit, sniffling. he hands you a tissue. where did he get that?

as you start to calm down and take in your surroundings, you notice he’s changed into jeans and a sweater.

“you didn’t have to change,” you say quietly.

“i know,” he says. “i, uh… i decided i’m going to the party later.”

“oh.”

“yeah.”

the tension in the room is almost unbearable, but you purposely ignore it, bringing his mug to your lips to drink with shaky hands.

“what did you mean, ‘it’s me’?” he says finally. “what you said earlier.”

you swallow. no running away this time.

“well. um. because you’re too good. at everything.” you close your eyes and sigh. “you’re good at math and you’re good at tutoring and you’re a good person.”

“oh?” he asks cautiously. “is that… a bad thing?”

“i don’t know,” you say,. “i don’t know. you’re too nice to me. i can’t figure it out.”

he smiles, and his hand moves at his side, as if he wants to reach out and touch you, but he stays put. “i–” he swallows. “i think you’re really great. and nice. and i wanted to, i guess, get to know you better. that’s why i suggested meeting outside the library. and why i help you so much. because i do want to help you, but, uh…” he trails off, staring at his feet. “i also want more than that.”

“you do?”

he looks up at you nervously, waiting to see if your reaction is good or bad.

“i also want more than that, i think,” you say quietly.

"do– do you wanna stay for a little while?" he asks, glancing out the window. "it's started snowing again."

you smile. "yeah."

his face brightens. "we can order food or watch tv, or– we could keep studying, whatever you want," he says shyly.

"i thought you were going to the party?"

"nah," he grins. "i’d rather stay right here.”

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#svthub #seventeenweeklyarticle #🌃 : june.writes #❄ june's winter wonderland! ❄ #scoups fluff #scoups imagines #scoups scenarios #seungcheol fanfic #seungcheol fluff #seungcheol angst #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #svt angst #svt scoups #svt fanfic #scoups x reader #scoups x y/n #scoups x you #seungcheol drabble #seungcheol x you #seungcheol x reader #m: scoups #g: seventeen #c: fluff #c: angst

[cock-ainee]

I fucking hate my father. I despise him. I hope he dies and leaves me, and my mom the fuck alone.

I hate how he makes me feel fucking worthless even though he's the one that ruins my whole life. From the beginning to start. I hate how for the most of my life, i felt like what he does to me is normal. That every kid is forbidden from watching stupid fucking tv (TOTALLY), that every kid gets yelled at and hit all the time. It was just a few years ago that i started realising that what he does is seriously fucked up. For me it's just another shitty day, but if someone "normal" knew what was going on their brain would fucking explode. It's been quite a lot of time since he's been regularly beating me up, but i don't know if what he does now isn't even worse. It's not like i take anything he says really to me, but it just frustrates me so much that i'm getting mentally abused even though i've done nothing wrong. His constant complaints about my weight (made by a bastard who's fucking obese) and hearing that i'm stupid, useless and other shit are driving me insane.

Lately my mom said something about my cousin passing the matura with 100% from math. It was during diner. What did that dick say??

"if (...) ate all this she'd pass that too"

Yeah??? Maybe i'd have a chance to pass with such a score if i studied, instead of overworking my ass off for nothing. Because nobody pays me here. They just demand i work 24/7 instead of giving any attention to school and still do good. It worked in primary school because i was just smart. But i'm in fucking high school, and i should study if i want to even just pass the fucking matura. But what can i do, when after i come back from school i immediately go to work, and when i actually get back home i'm exhausted?? Totally?? Even worse on days off of school. I sometimes overthink, thinking that I'll never get anywhere, i won't pass those stupid exams. And yk what?? Matura is useless on it's own. I'd have to go to college to actually get any job qualifications. But i'm not fucking planning to. I'm done with all this crap. And i wouldn't make it. I can't even talk to people, because i'm fucking afraid, how am i supposed to get a job.

And even if i get one, how am i supposed to last. My back hurts so fucking much already, and i'm always sore somehow. I've worked since i was a kid and that's already taking a toll on me. I'm worn out.

I don't even know how he can sleep peacefully, knowing he's ruined a person. That his own kid hates him. That his own kid wonders why she was even born, and what has she ever done to be born where she was. That his own kid wants to kill herself. I don't know how tf he doesn't feel guilty.

My older stepsis moved away as soon as she turned 18. She always hated me, because her and mom had to move to our house when mom got with my mother. I always hated her too, we were fighting a lot, but i guess she understood she's not the only one, and that i'm suffering exactly the same thing. We're on good terms with each other. At least that's good.

I want to leave, but i can't. I can't tell anyone about this, or there will be a huge drama, probably i'd get taken away from my family, and i don't want to be dependent on anybody, because as soon as i can i wanna get away as far as possible. I just need 2 fucking years, I'll be an adult and finish school if i'm lucky enough. If i pass this year. I probably would, if not for math. But my teacher is nice, i should be able to do something about it at least.

Do yall want to know who you're talking with though? You're talking with a person who slept outside, or snuck in trough the window because she's been to afraid to open the front door while walking into the house. With a person who hid from her father because he was angry. A girl who got judged for every single thing she did

When i see or hear other dads, who are supportive towards their kids i want to cry. I just wish i was born into a normal family, and felt loved.

(i'm putting that "for adults" thingy because i don't want my post to be immediately visible, like, i think what i just said was cringe but i needed to vent a lil even if nobody listens)

[livsworld-ndstyle]

save the date

tomorrow.

2/26/24.

save the date.

at least for me.

i have the meeting which i mentioned a couple of posts back and i’ve been scared for it. AND ITS TOMORROW!?

also why is there a big gap in between save the date and the word tomorrow?-

also i digressed a lot teehee!

second period. 8:32am. i’m so mad that it’s immediately after february / president’s day break, even though my past meeting dates, which i have memorized, have been in a similar timeframe.

this year - 2/26/24

last year - 3/1/23

the year before last - 3/21/22

but anyways i have to miss spanish class for the second year in a row!! my spanish teacher is gonna flip, im in a college level and college credit bearing spanish class and its the second highest. we’re prepping for the national spanish exam, which is a standardized spanish exam that i have taken in years past.

last year i got bronze, the year before last i got an honorable mention. this year i want silver and next year i want gold to show progressive improvement.

some other patterns i’ve noticed with my meetings is the teacher and class they choose that i should miss

10th & 11th: missed spanish, chose my math teacher to be the general education teacher.

8th & 9th: missed social studies/global, chose my english teacher to be the general education teacher.

6th & 7th: missed support class, chose my social studies teacher to be the general education teacher.

so i’m highly convinced there’s a method to the madness.

anyways now i’m going to go into depth of each of the invited teachers.

if you remember this pic:

yes i have this picture somewhere in my favorites album, it’s easier to access that way.

also on the doc it has my real name (cuz liv is derived from olivia) but PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME OLIVIA. ty.

person #1: the chairperson/psychologist

if i get any testing done within the triennial period, like how i did my freshman year, i would get pulled out to take a variety of tests. i remember being so mad when i realized my IQ from grade 4 is the same as it was in grade 9, and i’m in the above average range for VSI.

which is insane. i used to be below average for VSI.

VSI, or Visual Spatial Index, is a subtest in the WISC-V tests for an ability to evaluate visual details and understand visual-spatial relationships to construct geometric designs from a model. (Child Psychologist AU).

the link to that article ->

also i don’t live in AUS, but this is the best definition on it.

2. my math teacher, also my favorite teacher! she recommended me to take two math classes, which is a shock even for me and also i love her so much because it’s fun to see her teach and her teaching style brings so much joy to my life and i can’t wait to see what the rest of the year has in store.

the only part i’m worried about, well, maybe two things.

general ed teachers have to take notes on me leading up to the meeting…and i don’t know what’s contained in these notes she’s written, so yeah that’s one. also, i told her that if she ever sees me distracted., she can redirect me — i guess i have never realized just how much i do get distracted until she tells me to stay on task when we do group work!

pretty much every group i’ve been in with my friends (so like clover, daniela, and meredith) we’ve been told to stop talking about other topics, and the only reason why is because im there.

clover & daniela normally work alone, together, without meredith and i and they’re super productive. they talk AND get work done.

meredith & i are the opposite. we work together any chance we get when she doesn’t pick partners and while meredith and i work we both distract each other.

the only annoying problem is, every time i get redirected from talking to meredith, we are always talking about a math problem.

when i got redirected with clover and daniela, we were distinctly talking about a different topic…!

3. my case manager/special ed teacher:

well i think she has a plethora of things to say about me. but like a plethora of GOOD things. because im a great student. i have a 92 in english and she’s the coteacher so it works out perfectly for me! :)

plus my writing is super strong, i wrote a 507-word response for english when it was supposed to be 5-7, and my other english teacher wrote this lovely comment!

you don’t have to read the whole thing, especially if you haven’t read the great gatsby.

but my english teacher gave 7 perfect scores on this assignment so of course i’m so proud of this.

4. my guidance counselor

even though i just saw her for my junior meeting, i know she also has a plethora of good things to say, so im not worried about her input.

5. my speech teacher

worried- i have not gone to speech in a while, either because my case manager hasn’t sent me my speech schedule and because i use the period i have speech to finish any tests so my teachers don’t hunt me down in the testing room…which HAS happened.

6. also not mentioned, at least on the document, but my other general class teachers get an email the monday of and have to write like 3-6 sentences on my progress in their class.

the other 3 blurred people are my parents and i., but i don’t want information out there on my parents on tumblr.

also i accidentally blurred the location. it’s supposed to be a video conference, but i told the committee to make it in-person and now both my parents are coming so yay!

anyways this is a long post but i hope you enjoyed! i wrote this at my local hairdresser 🤗

im gonna prob post after the meeting, so like period 3 or 5 or even 9 about what went down in a new post.

thanks for reading :)

ps if you’re still there, i’m gonna make a new style where i use the quote text as a header for my posts.

bye now! :)

#neurodivergent #actually autistic #i don’t know what to tag this #actually neurodivergent #school #autism #learning disability #asd #autism masking #low support needs

[61below]

I’m both a gifted kid and the kid that was kicked out of the gifted program for being a chaos gremlin* and then had multiple years of teachers Decide(tm) that I was being a troublemaker for kicks, and then have to listen to constant shit. Like one time we had a test on naming all the world’s seas. I actually fuckin studied for that one (because I love Categorization! You gotta be able to put everything in its box!) but partway through I realized the teacher just put everything as question 1) A. question 2) B. question 3) C. ‘Neat pattern!’ I thought, but I also didn’t trust her to start a pattern like that without twisting it up in the end to play Gotcha, so I answered them all based on the right name, not by knowing the alphabet. I finished before everyone else. She picked it up and in front of everyone (!) who were still working (!!!!) she said something like ‘I see you figured out what I was doing.’

Instead of, you know, acknowledging that I was doing what teachers are supposed to want: answering tests correctly.

Tldr, I got into a real dark place after years of that shit. Why keep putting effort into shit if it is only EVER going to get thrown back in my face? Thankfully by the time I got to 7th grade and started having one teacher per class instead of one teacher per day, I was able to have less exposure so they didn’t build up as much animosity. I didn’t graduate top ten, bc FUCK math, but I did finish 12th in my class, I did go on to a good college, and I did get a good job. But seriously, fuck every single one of those teachers who treated me like I was evil incarnate bc I couldn’t behave like everyone else.

* I didn’t get diagnosed autistic til I was 33. Now to be fair idk if my school ever did talk to my mom to encourage her to pursue a diagnosis back then, but this WAS the 90s in middle America and I WAS a girl, so it’s equally likely they didn’t even consider it.

#meanwhile in minnesota #autism brain screeches like a gremlin #what were my crimes?? I stim. I hum. I sway. I have echolalia. I didn’t understand how to wait to respond. #my short term memory is garbage and I have awful auditory processing issues BUT at the same time my long term memory is fuckin stellar #so they say a kid who would routinely forget basic things like homework or instructions they just read but somehow score 100%s on tests? #(for every subject BUT math 🔪) #idk if they thought I was cheating or if they just didn’t think about me beyond ‘actual terror in the classroom’ 🙄🫠🙃 #teachers do deserve more credit but Jesus fuckin Christ we also do need to address how many teachers Do Not Like kids

[natalie-the-writer]

Hey y'all! So, I had this idea running around in my head for a long time. Well, the basis of it. I started talking with @0perfectimperfections0 and it became a whole lot more, though I've been keeping most details a secret....

This is the longest story I've ever wrote for this fandom and it's only part 1 of 2. It's just above 15,000 words, but please don't be scared by the number. It was neccessary. This is a human AU, not really connected to my other story 'Multiplication and An Idea,' but it's not needed to understand this. Just be aware he's friends with the other main characters of the movie after some emotional times (that aren't depicted in the other story). Other characters are from @0perfectimperfections0 story 'Backstitch.' Hope you enjoy!

Discovery - Part 1

'This is not how I wanted to spend my Friday night,' Lou thought, muffling his coughs with his sleeve as he pushed a box with his foot. More dust flew up and he blinked, letting out a little sneeze. The sixteen year old shook his head, dropping down to his knees and opening the box full of books. He was here because he'd been three minutes late home from "study group" with Nolan - it was really watching a movie on the couch after a hard day at school, Nolan's mother, Rachel, covering for him with his own strict mother. The clock in the living room had been slightly off. When he realized, he'd rushed home, struggling against the freshly falling snow and wind, but it hadn't been enough. His mother, Lillian Greyson, had been waiting at the door when he came in, a list of chores already in her hand. He wasn't to go to bed until he was done.

It was nearing midnight now, the single light bulb in the attic providing enough light for him to move around. After doing the dishes, vacuuming every room in the three story house, mopping the bathrooms, dusting the living room shelves, and folding a few loads of laundry, he was hungry and tired. He hadn't been allowed dinner. His mother went to bed hours ago. He would sneak down to the kitchen and get food if it weren't for the security cameras posted in most rooms of the house. Darian, the butler and one of three non blood parental figures, wasn't even there to sneak him food, off on a well deserved vacation with his wife and daughters.

Lou sighed, moving book after book to the nearby empty shelf. He was to unpack all the frogotten boxes in the attic and move the stuff to shelves or, if it was big enough, settle it neatly along the wall. He'd been there for thirty minutes and honestly, he was making good progress, but his empty stomach was twisting and his eyes were growing heavy. The previous night, he'd stayed awake studying for the two tests he had the next day (pre-calculus math and college biology), so he was already tired. He didn't let Nolan know though. The rare time he got to spend with one of his best friends should be spent awake.

After unloading another few boxes, he took a break by sitting against the wall, eyes shut as he breathed in dust-filled air. He reached up his chest and expanded the collar of his suit, struggling against the stiff fabric in the heat of the attic. It was freezing cold outside, a forming snow storm in mid November above New York, and he yearned to step out for a moment. But no. He had to finish this.

Lou rallied his strength and went to stand only for his leg to collapse underneath him. Yeah, he needed sleep. Rubbing at his eyes, he went to get up again. His toe met something hard. Perplexed, he looked down. A piece of board was sticking up an inch, dislodged by his foot. 'Huh.' A part of him worried he'd get in trouble for breaking the floor, but the other part of him urged Lou to move the board further. Maybe it was an act of rebellion or maybe, for a second, he wanted to feel like he was in a movie, searching for clues in the grooves of a broken house. There was nothing to find, but it was fun to follow his imagination. That was why he liked acting so much.

The board came up more. Barely three inches. He slipped his hand inside, feeling around. Nothing. Of course there was nothing. It was just his imagination-

His fingers met paper.

With his heart running a million miles an hour, he grabbed onto the object and gently tugged on it, lifting the board as far as he could. The paper came lose and he pulled his hand out, revealing a very thick envelope. He let the board drop, tilting the newfound object in the light. It was open with no postal stamp or address. Just a plain envelope on the outside, but inside... With hesitant fingers, he reached in, subconsciously listening for his mother to come up the stairs. Several smaller envelopes came out, all open and marked with an address for Chesapeake, Maryland. The papers were all yellowed, some frayer than others. Why would they have letters from Maryland? Why would they be hidden under a board?

Anxious and a little excited, he found the oldest looking letter and pulled out the page inside. Old notebook paper. He unfolded it, immediately noticing the date on the top.

March 16th, 2006. Over sixteen years ago. Roughly seven months before he was born. Very old.

His eyes scanned the contents. Certain words caught his eyes and sent his heart stopping. He backed up to the first word, reading more carefully.

'My dear Lily,

I hope my letter will find you in a good health, despite our circumstances. I don't understand what you've done or why you did it. I loved you so much, still do, but you won't answer my calls. You left me in the dead of night. My heart is broken. All I can hope for is a response. Please, my darling, come back and let's fix this. Whatever I've done, I can fix it. I've tolerated and gone through everything to keep you with me, fought for you, but you left me. Please, respond. At least let me know you are alright.....'

The letter went on with pleads and rambles to his mother. To Lou's mother. A man so desperately in love that Lou couldn't understand it. What did this guy see in his mother? She must not've been a vile woman her whole life to have a guy falling over her. To top it all off, it was signed with 'I sign this with all of my love.' No name.

Wait.

Sixteen years ago. Seven months before his birth. He would've... Lou would've been... His mother was pregnant with him by that point. Could this be... his father? The writings of a man long dead?

Lou had asked about his father a few times during his childhood. When he was younger than ten, she would brush him off and tell him to go somewhere else. When he did ask after Father's Day at ten years old, she told him that his father was a mean, selfish man who died not long after Lou was born. When he was twelve, she told him that his father wanted nothing to do with him, meaning she and Lou had her maiden last name. When he was fourteen, he got caught trying to find out his father's name on the internet and got yelled at for that. Grounded for two weeks. He never asked again, afraid of upsetting his mother further.

He'd always wanted to know a little more about his father. Even if he left them, he wanted to know why. Now the answers were in his hands and the man who once wrote those words didn't sound like a man who hated his mom.

Attic forgotten, he looked to the next letter in the stack. Slightly less weathered. Maybe they were in order. He did a quick count - eight letters. He unfolded for the next date. Only a month later.

'Dearest Lily,

I won't come looking for you if you don't want to be found. I won't come to you if you don't want me to. Your last letter was enough for me to know you were alive, but there's no explanation. Why did you leave? It may sound cliché, but my heart hurts to find you. To at least know why you left me. Things weren't good, but that didn't mean we couldn't work it out. Let me know what to do and I'll do it. I'd do anything to have you back.'

Again, there was no name. Just 'I sign this with all of my love.' He sounded love sick. How could he hate his mother? Her story was unraveling in front of him and a million questions moved through his brain. He carefully put the letter aside and grabbed the next one.

Just over a year later. Lou was about six months old. Not yet had the letters given an inkling of knowledge about his existence. The thought made a pit settle in Lou's stomach.

He read the next five letters quickly, sitting on his knees on the floor. It was mostly questions and proclamations of love over the next two years. Sometimes, there were mentions of sent money. He talked of his love for her mostly, but there were little details that Lou read three times, clinging to every little bit of information he could get about his father. He loved the beaches and lived right near Chesapeake Bay. He liked history and ran a doll business. He celebrated his thirty eighth birthday when Lou was two, making him fifty-two now. They were occasional comments and descriptions, like he didn't want to stray too far from talking about Lillian. The letters were only a paragraph or two, pouring out love. He mentioned once in a letter that he wasn't the best with talking about feelings. Lou could relate.

Lou was three on the second to last letter. He knew the end was coming. Knew his father died not long later, heartsick and desperate. He drew in a breath and with shaking hands, reached for the last letter. It was whiter than the others. Quite a bit lighter. He folded open the top and took out the paper, unfolding it. He took another breath before reading the date.

October 9th, 2017.

The air was knocked out of his lungs. He read it again, afraid it was a trick. Five years ago. Five years ago wasn't just after Lou was born. Five years ago he was eleven, learning piano. Holding his breath, his eyes moved down to the salutation.

'Hello Lillian.

I haven't mailed to you in a long time. I don't know if you have noticed or will even recieve this letter, but I want you to know something.

It wasn't until twelve years ago when I met my now wife Shannon that I realized how toxic our relationship was. I did everything in my power to please you and it still wasn't enough. You always wanted more. You were never satisfied with just having my love. I don't know what exactly made you run out that night, and I do hope you live alright now and have found your own true love, but I can't help but think it was destined to happen. If you hadn't left, I wouldn't have spent near four years in grief for our relationship. I thought you were the one I let slip away. I was mistaken. Now I am in a healthy, loving relationship and understand that we would've never worked properly.

I really hope you find fortune in your life as I have found fortune in mine because along with a wife, I gained a step son and two more daughters. I hope you have found your life's calling as you always hoped you would. As I always hoped for you. I hope you found love in the best of ways. I hope your life is fulfilled. This will be my last letter. I just felt I had to send my last regards to you and close the chapter of our time properly, even if it's only for myself.

Signed,

Henry Louis Everett.'

Henry Louis Everett. Louis. They shared the same name. Could he be named after him? Could this man be his father? His father, who, as of five years ago, was alive?

Lou's heart thundered as he held the letter to his chest, carefully hugging it. He could have a step mom. Three siblings. He might have family other than his mother and friends. On shaky legs, he got to his feet, folding the letters into his suit pocket and pressing the board back in place. A quick glance at the clock proved it was nearing 12:30 in the morning. He still had a few more boxes to go and if he was caught leaving without being finished, he would be metaphorically killed and literally grounded. With more speed and accuracy than his tired body should've been able to manage, he unloaded every box, mind swirling with so many thoughts that the task was forgotten. His father was alive.

After one in the morning, he turned off the light and crept his way down the steps to his room, already devising a plan in his head. There was no way he could wait for the perfect moment. It was the weekend, no school to miss, and he had to meet this man, one way or another. Even if he was grounded for a year, he had to do this. The teen pulled out his phone that was, by some miracle, not confiscated like he thought it would be when he was caught. He couldn't take it with him, not with the tracker on it, but he could anonymously look up a bus schedule that could get him to Chesapeake.

There was a bus at six thirty in the morning not far from where he was. The alarms that went off if he went outside during the night cut off at six because he had to get to the early morning study group at school. They did the same on weekends because who in the world left a six for no reason.

Lou had a reason.

He dug into the back of his closet. Concealed behind some boxes of old textbooks was a hoodie he once managed to sneak in. It was dark blue and well worn, a gift from his butler friend, and would serve well in his risky adventure. He grabbed his school bag, chucked out the contents, and put the folded hoodie in it. He followed it with a roll of money he had been able to save over the years. Six hundred dollars should be able to get him there and back with food. He threw in an extra pair of shoes, a set of gloves, and a scarf, then stuffed the whole thing under his bed. With the cameras, getting snacks was a no go. They'd let his mother know he was sneaking, possibly waking her up with their notifs. He couldn't risk it. He would also have to go out through his window because the camera above his room wasn't working, meaning he could get out without triggering alarms as long as he was careful.

He also couldn't risk taking his phone. With the tracker on it, he'd be found quickly. He had to leave it.

"That's a problem for the morning." He muttered, setting a near silent alarm for 5:55 in the morning. He'd get roughly four hours of sleep. It would have to do. He crawled into bed, tucking himself under the blankets and staring out the window, thoughts a jumbled mess as he slipped toward a restless sleep. Was he really doing this? The ultimate act of rebellion?

The real question was how he couldn't do it. How could he ignore that his real father may be out there? If he slipped up and his mother found out his plan or that he found the letters, he'd be locked up in the house more than before. He couldn't have that. He couldn't do it. He needed to find his father. See if he might actually want him. Somehow.

Lou fell asleep and dreamed in fragments, jumping from friends to his mother to what his father could look like.

_________________

The alarm went off far too soon, but Lou pulled himself out of bed, quickly silencing it. He listened a minute. No footsteps seeing what he was up to this early in the morning. Good. His mother didn't typically get up until ten or eleven, sometimes noon, giving him time to get well on his way. He slipped the hoodie on over his rumpled suit, tugged on his shoes, and slung what was left of the bag over his shoulder. Now or never.

He texted his friends in the group chat: Don't worry about me.

It was vague, but it would have to do. They would worry anyway. He turned it off completely and hid it under the bed mattress, then climbed on top of said mattress to the window over his bed. With silent movements, he turned the latches and slid it up, letting a sharp gust of cold air blow in. New York City in the winter time. Cold. He shivered, pulled the hood over his head, and slipped out the window. The camera outside his room had been broken for three days with no one coming by to fix it. They were going to fix it today.

Tough luck. He was already gone.

He landed on his feet in the snow and shut the window. The storm was still brewing, falling snow quick to cover any tracks he made. Lou carefully went through the camera blindside so not to trigger any motion detection notifications, eventually slipping down the street and out of sight. He yanked on the gloves soon after and put the scarf around his neck, keeping in as much heat as possible as he marched his way down to the bus station. He reached it with a few minutes to spare and studied the map a moment. It would be a good four hours before he reached Chesapeake, maybe more with the snow.

He bought a long distance ticket for forty bucks. The half awake clerk didn't question a teenager going such a long way, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there. Lou got on the bus only a few moments after it pulled up, showing the ticket to the driver and sitting in the third row. Three other people got on and the bus took off down the road in the opposite direction of his house.

No turning back now.

'Am I really doing this?' He asked himself as he settled in for the long ride, backpack in his lap and looking out the window. A sliver of fear slipped down his spine, sending his heart racing. He'd never been anywhere besides school, his house, his friends' houses, and the rare restaurant. He'd never been by himself except on the walk home sometimes. He'd never been anywhere outside the city limits and yet here he was, going all the way to the bay of Maryland. Was he wrong to do this? Was he in over his head?

Then he thought about all the things his mom did to him. She made him feel the need to always be perfect and that no matter what he did, there would always be another step to go. That he would never reach perfection in her eyes. He could make all the good grades, do the best performance, and it still wouldn't be enough for her. She barely wanted him to have friends, just 'study partners.' When she found out he went to a movie with Ox after a study session, she threatened to get his father fired because he worked for her uncle. Lou wasn't sure she could do that, but he wasn't about to let it happen on the slightest possibility. She wanted him to stop being friends with Ox, but Lou knew he wouldn't take that as an answer and it would be torture for them both. So he said some mean things to Ox, pushed him away until he found another group of friends, and Lou was left alone. It was only because Nolan found him crying in a bush near the school that anything was fixed. If that hadn't happened, as embarrassing as it was, he would still have no friends and be locked in that cage. He likely would've never found the letters.

His mother's wrath went beyond just his friends and his perfection. Lou couldn't go anywhere without her approval and some kind of supervision. He couldn't have any food remotely bad for him and punishments often included skipped meals. He couldn't go outside to walk around because 'he'd get sick.' Lou had a weaker immune system, but he thought it was from not being exposed to the elements. His hair and clothes always had to be perfect. He could only wear uncomfortable suits or the school uniform during the day.

And another huge issue? He couldn't ask Mandy out on a date. He couldn't go anywhere so he couldn't take her anywhere fun that she deserved. Heck, he didn't know what was fun around there, but she would know. She could direct, he could pay, they could have fun - except for the fact that his mother was in the equation. She didn't know Mandy as anything except a fellow studying student, but if she knew her lower income family and the fact that her single father worked for the sewage plant, they would never see each other again except at school.

He wouldn't put it passed his mother to pay teachers to watch them and keep them separated.

All of the thoughts against his mother made his blood boil. Everything he couldn't do that everyone else could. The standards he was getting exhausted of even though he was conditioned to follow them. His back straightened up every time she walked into the room. He couldn't relax in her presence. He didn't remember the last time she hugged him in a way that wasn't for appearance in front of ther friends. Had she ever? The thought only strengthened his resolve. His butler acted more like a parent or uncle than his own blood mother. He could only hope his blood father was different.

If he was his blood father. It was the logical conclusion, but he worried he was pushing his deep want into it. Would if his mom had another guy? Would if another, unknown man was the real guy and Lou was about to jump into the life of a stranger?

'I have to get answers.' He thought, closing his eyes briefly. 'I'll never be satisfied if I don't.'

So he stayed on the bus as it continued on to Maryland, shivering in the cold that entered through not completely sealed windows and the door whenever it opened to let someone on or off. He tried to sleep. Failed. He never could sleep well in anything moving, but his building anxiety was making his already jacked up sleep schedule worse. He woke up every few minutes to a little bump, someone talking, or his own thoughts. He switched buses halfway to Maryland as routes ended, barely getting there in time with his sleep haze and the slick snow covering the ground. The storm was growing heavier as the hours ticked by - a freak storm. Just his luck.

Lou checked his watch again as the second bus came within an hour of Chesapeake Bay. Almost ten. His mother might not've noticed his disappearance. When she does, she'll call his friends' parents. They'll likely already know of his disappearance due to his cryptic text and the wall of them he hasn't answered. Of course, they could've already called and woke his mother out of desperation.

Genuinely, he felt guilty. Very guilty for leaving his friends and the people who felt like parents to him, but he couldn't think of anther way around it without the risk of his mother finding out. It was then or maybe never.

A small part of him - the same childish part that hoped the man he was heading to really was his father - was guilty for leaving his mother on the small chance she really worried about him.

'Call it payback for the pain she's caused me.' The vengeful part of him hissed. 'Let her feel a portion of how bad I've felt over the years.'

He slept on and off for another thirty minutes, ignoring how his stomach whined for food. He hadn't eaten since school lunch the day before. Couple that with lack of sleep and he was feeling pretty crummy, but adrenaline and determination kept him moving forward. If there was anything Lou was good at, it was working under the worst conditions.

Finally, it came to his stop. The closest one to the address on the letters. He got off, took a deep breath, and as the bus drove off, he took a step forward-

- and promptly slipped on a frozen piece of sidewalk, landing on his back.

"Not the greatest start." Lou grumbled, getting back to his feet and side stepping the puddle. His torso and right ankle twinged in pain with movement, but nothing major. He'd live to see tomorrow anyhow. As he brushed himself off, his eyes surveyed the area. Eleven o'clock in the morning, the area should be buzzing with movement, but the unique weather conditions meant there was no one to see his barassing fall or ask directions to. "I guess the first step is find someone." He muttered, very aware he looked like a crazy person talking to himself, but it helped to calm the panic of being in a brand new area where nothing was the same.

He moved slowly down the desolate sidewalk, hands tucked in his pockets and scarf tight around his neck. The letters were secure in the inner pockets of his tux, hidden under his hoodie layer as well. He couldn't afford to lose them.

After several 'sorry, we're closed' signs, he ran across an open coffee shop with an older barista who was happy to give him directions and a small coffee. Despite his gnawing hunger, he couldn't stomach anything else. He thanked her, tipped the jar with a ten dollar bill, and made his way east, reading street signs and taking turns until he ran across a place called Sunshine Neighborhood. A place that was so close to the water he could hear it sloshing against the beach, wave after wave beating sand. Despite the winter wind, he could smell sea salt through his stuffed nose.

Every step was carefully constructed to avoid ice. The snow had slowed down a little, flakes drifting over him. One landed on his nose, making him shiver harder and wrap his arms around himself. He'd never been exposed to the elements so long. It felt as good as it did bad. He watched children play in front yards, building snowmen or having snowball fights with some parents watching from the porch. When Lou passed, they watched him like a hawk, as if he was a criminal sulking the streets. He'd never felt so... wrong. Like he was a bad kid.

'I did leave my house.'

But it wasn't a home.

The address said it was house number 27. The further he got into the neighborhood, the more the houses were separated by a bit. They weren't mansions, but they weren't simple townhouses either. Two to three stories depending on the house, nice porches, and he'd seen one or two with a frozen water fountain in the front. They weren't opposing, cold buildings, but warm, cozy looking places with winter decorations outside. Some were decked out to the nines with Christmas decor, the picture of a happy and joyful place.

A snowball nailed him in the back of the head, sending his already wandering-minded self into a snow bank face-first. He coughed, slowly pulling himself to rise.

A hand appeared in front of his face. "I'm so sorry!" He looked up into the face of young woman with a sheepish child standing at her side. "Please forgive my daughter. She thought you were her brother with that hoodie on." After a moment of hesitation, Lou took the offered hand, allowing himself to be pulled up to his feet.

"It's alright." He attempted a smile and succeeded, finding it easier with kinder eyes on him. It wasn't a show stopping one he could give on stage or an overconfident dazzle, but a smile that felt right on his face. The woman smiled back. He nodded to the girl. "Nice throw."

"Thank you." She muttered, a little grin spreading across her face.

"Your welcome." He glanced down the street. "Ma'am, you wouldn't happen to know where house 27 is, would you? The Everett house?"

She blinked, then smiled. "I do. You're not far. Go about another ten houses and you'll hit it. You can't miss the Christmas tree and little snowmen outside. Their daughters have been playing in the snow all morning."

"Thank you." He started to move away, but the conversation wasn't over.

"I'm actually not surprised you know them. You look like a younger version of Henry, before he went grey." She chuckled, unaware of how Lou stopped, tensed, and held onto every word. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were his son. Are you related, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Uhm..." He looked back over his shoulders, glancing between her and the girl. "...possibly." Dumb answer. His dumb brain was short circuiting. Her face changed a little as she processed his words, eyebrows drawing together, and she opened her mouth up to say something else. As rude as it was, he cut her off. "Thank you again, ma'am. Have fun outside." He scurried off down the street at a faster pace, frigid air feeling spicy in his lungs as he thought of her words.

If I didn't know better, I'd day you were his son.

Unknowingly, the woman, whatever her name was, had risen and calmed his anxiety in a weird balance. If he looked so much like Henry, then there was a higher chance he was his son. But if he was Henry's son, would he want a walk in teenager with a bad past, terrible real social skills, and a mother who broke the man's heart? Most people wouldn't take him, would they? Would Henry?

'Don't get ahead of yourself, Louis. You don't know if you're related. Think logically.' He told himself, but it was hard to think logically when your heart was pounding and you were coming up on your possible father's house. Indeed, there was a giant Christmas tree out front, barren and mighty, standing at least ten feet. There were several two to three foot snowmen in the yard with lopsided carrot noses and twigs for arms, imprints of little footprints the only signs children had been there.

Lou reached the edge of the cobblestone pathway, his feet an inch from the first step. He had to use Ox's counting method to calm his breathing, nodding to himself. "Now or never." He whispered to the air. The teen started up the stairs - halfway up, he dropped his backpack and pulling off the hoodie. It was colder without it, but it would be easier to access the letters faster and maybe one of his mother's lessons would work: Presentation is key. He was told he looked good in a suit, even a wrinkled one.

With his hoodie, scarf, and gloves neatly folded and placed in his backpack and hands straightening the suit as best he could, he pulled one bag strap over his shoulder and prepared himself. Less clothes meant he was shivering harder, the winter wind invading his clothes and skin. His hair was far from perfect, and he ran his fingers through it, flipping half to the side in some semblance of style. The wind knocked it back down. Whatever. He couldn't do anything about it.

One foot in front of the other, he counted his way up the steps and then to the door. The Everett household was three stories, rustic looking with modern touches. The windows were big and detailed, lights hung from the rafters, and the porch held empty flower pots and a wide swing. He could hear the ocean sloshing louder. They weren't far at all from it, possibly just beyond the enclosed property fence of the entire neighborhood.

At the door, he straightened his back and shoulders, hand shaking as he raised it up to the middle of a fun, ornament covered wreath. The looser bits and pieces suggested it was handmade, unlike everything that his mother would have when hiring someone to decorate their house for Christmas, and it brought a brief smile to his face.

His hand hesitated halfway through knocking. Was he really going to ask for this door to be opened? To just walk into their lives and bring up questions they hadn't thought of? He'd be throwing their lives off track for a little bit or for the rest of their lives. (Maybe he was overreacting, but this wasn't exactly normal.) Dragging in one more deep breath and holding it, Lou knocked three times and stepped back.

One second. Two. Three. Four. Five.

A part of him wanted to leave and pretend he was never there. Get away before he could cause chaos. He stopped himself, standing as tall as he possibly could. No turning back. No turning back. No turning-

The door opened to a woman with long red hair, fair skin, and a warm smile. "Hello, how can I help you?"

"Hello, yes-" Calm down, Lou. Focus. It's like a presentation. Be formal. "-are you Shannon Everett?"

"Yes, I am. And you are?" Her smile didn't drop as her eyes took in his suit. It must've looked a little strange - a teenage boy standing outside in the snow with only a slightly wrinkled suit on and a backpack.

His heart caught in his throat a brief second. He swallowed it down. "I'm Louis. Louis Greyson. I need to speak to your husband, if that's possible?" He turned up the boyish charm as much as he possibly could when freezing. His hands automatically clasped themsleves in front of him. "It's really important. I wouldn't be bothering you if it wasn't. I'll be out of your hair as soon as the matter is... resolved."

She gave him one more up and down look, but it wasn't one of disgust. More curiosity and maybe a little skepticism. Who could blame her? Lou certainly couldn't.

A shiver swept through him that he couldn't suppress and her expression changed in a moment, shifting into that of a worried woman. A worried mother like Nolan's mom when her children got into scrapes, mental or physical. "Oh where are my manners." She stepped aside, ushering him in with a hand wave. He followed obediently, happy to enter a warm house with a fire blazing in the living room fireplace. "Dear, you must be freezing in that." He thought about telling her of the hoodie and scarf, but decided against it, figuring that would be strange. However, he wouldn't have gotten a word in anyway. She took him gently by the shoulder and steered him to the sofa, kicking the door shut behind her. "Sit right here while I get you some cocoa." She rushed into the kitchen, leaving Lou alone to bask in the newfound heat for only a moment before she came back with a steaming cup of aforementioned hot cocoa. "Drink up, but careful. It's hot." When he nodded, tense against the edge of the cushion and overwhelmed by the sudden attention, she smiled and headed up the stairs. "Henry, honey! Someone is here to see you!"

Soon, Lou was left alone again, carefully sipping from the mug. It was wonderful. Not just the taste, but the warmth flooding through his veins. He hadn't realized how cold he was.

Quiet footprints brought his attention to a hallway on the other side of the room, hiking his heart rate back up a moment. Their kids. Of course it wasn't just the two adults in the house. In the moment, he'd forgotten about them. A pair of emerald eyes, the same as her mother's, peeked out around the corner at him, single braided blonde hair barely in sight. They met eyes and she hid behind the wall again. Lou waited with bated breath and mild amusement, looking into his cocoa as he listened to the girl slowly walk toward him. Soon, she was on the other end of the couch. He turned his attention to her, offering a gentle smile as he put the cup down. She couldn't have been more than eight, wearing a blue dress that went to her knees and carrying what looked to be some sort of fairy wand. "Who are you?" She asked, eyes wide and curious.

"I'm Lou, and who are you?"

"Momma told me never talk to strangers."

"Smart woman."

She studied him a moment. "But you are in our house so..." Her nose scrunched up adorably, clearly thinking. "... I'm Claire. It's short for Clarrisa."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Claire."

"You too." She tilted her head. "How old are you?"

"I'm sixteen."

"You're almost as old as my brother. His name is Michael. He's almost eighteen." She took a step closer. Lou forced himself to look relaxed for her sake, their conversation temporarily taking his mind off the reason he was here. Temporarily. "I'm seven."

"That's big." That's what adults said.

"Not really."

"Depends on who you are."

"Maybe." She said, then asked, "do you like to color?"

"Do you?" He countered.

"Yes."

"Then so do I."

She perked up visibly, a smile lighting up her face. "Good. Wait here." She rushed back around the corner. Lou waited for the girl, glancing around in case there was another surprise visitor. He could hear wife and husband walking around upstairs, voices muffled by the distance. His attention was brought back down to ground level when Claire came back holding a large pack of crayons and some paper. She put a sheet in front of him on the glass tabletop by his drink and the other beside it. "That's your paper." She pointed, placing the crayons in the middle. "Let's draw."

She immediately grabbed a yellow crayon out of the box and started to carefully move it across the paper. Lou's fingers hesitated over the box. "Is there... anything specific you want me to draw?"

"No, use your imagination."

He thought a moment. An idea flashed across his mind. "What's your favorite color?"

"Blue." She replied instantly. "Any shade."

"Blue is my favorite, too. And green. And purple." He said as he grabbed two blue crayons from the box, placing the lighter one on the table beside his paper. He started to draw, watching the girl out of the corner of his eye. She was sticking her tongue out the side of her mouth in concentration, making his heart melt.

"You have more than one favorite color?"

"The more the merrier sometimes." He put the crayon to paper, moving it in curves. Soon, he had the outline of a blue butterfly and was carefully coloring it in with light blue, creating shapes in the wings with dark blue and grey. So wrapped up in coloring with Claire, he didn't know there were two more people in the room. That is, he didn't know until a throat was cleared. His heart lurched as his head snapped up to see Shannon and... Henry. The man had nearly all silver hair with some bits of blonde remaining, a little bit of a mustache, and sharper jaw. His blue eyes were the same as Lou's and though his body was rigid with tension, those eyes were kind. He was wearing regular jeans and a green sweater, surprising the teen, but what exactly did he expect him to be wearing? A suit? In his own home? That's not what typical people did.

"Clarrisa, could you give our guest and I a moment?" He asked, sending his daughter a smile.

"Okay, Daddy." She stood up from where she'd gotten on her knees, hands clasped in front of her dress. "Can I leave my stuff here? So Lou and I can finish drawing after you talk?"

Louis placed his crayons in the box, standing to attention as Henry's eyes landed on him. Was he breathing? He had to be breathing. He better be breathing. He can't pass out in their living room floor. That would be a new level of embarrassing. Henry looked at him another moment, then to his daughter. "If he's here afterward and willing, you can finish coloring with him."

"Okay! Bye Lou!" She skipped off around the hallway corner again. Lou could barely utter a "bye" as he was left alone with the two adults.

"Alright, son." The man said, moving further into the room. Lou's heart could've stopped. 'It's just a term adults sometimes use for those younger.' He reminded himself, locking his knees so they wouldn't crumble. "What is it you need to talk to me about? Especially to be dressed in a suit with this weather. Frankly, you don't look old enough to be out of high school." He cracked a little smile. Lou tried to return it. Shannon slipped away to the kitchen, saying over her shoulder that she was going to start on lunch.

"Well, s-sir," He began, pausing a moment to try and control the nervous stutter. Not the time for nerves. It was like presenting in front of a crowd. Only the crowd might be your long lost father. "I came to speak to you about something very peculiar." Lou dragged in a breath and grabbed the letters in his pocket, pulling them out slowly. "More specifically, these. I found them."

Henry took the yellowed papers in his hands with his eyebrows furrowed, then the color drained from his face as he read them. "Oh." He muttered, slowly dropping to sit on the couch as he flipped through them. Lou stood awkwardly, trying not to wring his hands in his jacket and watching the man's reaction. Those were definitely his letters. "Oh."

"I'm so sorry for appearing like this, but... I needed to come here."

"I see." He said, looking up at Lou. "I understand."

All the blood rushed from Lou's head as he took in the words that were spoken with deep resignation. What exactly did he understand? Did he think Lou was his? Was he going to brush him off-

"I always did worry these went to the wrong house or got lost. I suppose she wouldn't stay in the same place for long. Once, the first time, I did revieve a letter, but it must've been a one time thing or someone messing with me." He sighed, placing the letters down beside the colored sheets on the table. "Well, thank you for brining them to me." The words were hollow, but the smile he attempted said more. Lou had to work to get his heart under control and thoughts together enough for a response.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but... you have the story a little wrong." Lou replied. The man tilted his head to the side, confusion blatantly evident. "The letters didn't go to the wrong house. Lillian Greyson is my mother. I'm her son, Louis Greyson." Henry's eyes were widening by the second, jaw working as if he was trying to say something. Lou kept going, words pouring out of his mouth. "I'm sixteen. The first letter dates back seven months before I was born on September 7th. I..." His hands dropped limply to his side as his head fell forward. This felt so stupid now that he was standing here with a dumbfounded man in front of him. "I'm sorry. This was ridiculous of me. I-I'll get out of your hair."

He went to grab his bag only to be stopped by Henry. The man's hands rested gently on his shoulders. Surprised, Lou slowly looked up. Henry was a good six or seven inches taller against Lou's five foot nine inch self. One hand moved and took Lou's chin with his index and thumb fingers, moving his face around a little. Lou let him, unsure of what was going on and frozen on the inside. Apparently, he found what he was looking for because he let go, taking him by both shoulders again. "You're my..."

"I don't want to push you into anything, sir. I may not be right. She could've been with someone else. I don't- My father was said to be dead. That could be true-" He reached up a hand to his hair to pull at it, unable to control the nervous habit. Everett moved it away and took him more firmly by the shoulders.

"We share the same nose, hair, and eyes. I've seen those eyes in all my children. There's no mistaking my grandmother's eyes. I don't need a paternity test or some court document." He smiled, a glistening sheen over his eyes. "You are my 𝑠𝑜𝑛, Louis." He was drawn forward into a bear hug that smelled of peppermint and ink. It felt completely safe, like the hugs of his friends, their parents, and Darian. The tension inside Lou released. He allowed himself to press against the man, his possible father, and a missing piece of his heart was finally filled. Emotions drowned out every concerned thought of what would happen next, where they would go from here, and he let himself get completely engulfed by the warmth of the hug by a man he thought would always remain a dead mystery.

Lou buried his face in his chest, fighting back the tears. As illogical as he knew it could be for someone to conclude another was their child without proper testing, another part of him warred that good parents have instincts. And based on Claire's behavior, he was a good parent. There was so much certainty in Henry's voice that Lou was completely compelled to believe him, hoping beyond hope that he was right and this wouldn't be taken away from him in the next week because a paternity test said otherwise. He couldn't take it.

After a long few minutes that made the whole ride there worth it, Henry took him by the shoulders again to look Lou over. The smile never left. "I knew there was something familiar about you. Now I see it so clearly." A tear slipped out the edge of his eye, dropping to the ground. "Oh, Louis, I'm so sorry."

"For what?" Lou asked, blinking rapidly to keep his own tears from falling. One matra he couldn't get rid of rang in his head - crying was a weakness. "And please, call me Lou."

"Lou," he started again, leaning down to be more eye level, "I very much believe you are my son and a test would prove that true. I've been out of your life for sixteen years. I could've been there." His voice sounded so pained it hurt Lou's heart.

"Don't blame yourself." He shook his head. "Blame my mother. I don't know why she did what she did. She told me my father died and wanted nothing to do with me while he was alive. That clearly was a man of her imagination, if what you're saying is true." He paused, spealing quieter. "I want it to be true."

"We'll... we'll rush a test, if that's what you wish, but I can tell my grandmother's eyes a mile away. They have a darker blue at the edge and a lighter center. A perfect shade mix. Even Claire, with her green, have the same shade variation."

"Anyone could have these eyes. This could be an entire coincidence." He folded his arms, glancing away with his mouth pursed in a thin line. He wanted to believe this so bad, but he was thinking... and thinking was clearly the enemy of emotional moments. They'd shared a hug. A hug Lou wanted to believe was the first of father and son, but he couldn't just let go of all logical thinking. He was made up of logic. "But... the dates line up. My mother may be... not the best, but I don't believe she would be a cheater. We... share a lot of appearance traits. You say I have the eyes of relatives and yourself." He ticked the list off in his mind. It sounded so right. Could he risk it? Could he believe it? His heart wanted to. His mind resisted.

Henry sighed. "Come and sit with me." He guided him to the couch, sitting them down beside each other. "I best tell you the entire story of your mother."

They talked for fifteen minutes. Henry told him of how he met Lillian almost eighteen years before at a party. They hit it off and developed a relationship. It was good at first, but quickly moved down hill, with his mother getting more distant and starting fights. She convinced Henry that he wasn't showing enough effort and love, causing him to shower her with more and more gifts. Nearing their one year anniversary, she took off in the middle of the night. The letter date was only a few days after it happened, and she barely ever left the house. There was never any sign of cheating, only distance and anger. When the story was done, Henry put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get a test to prove it to you. I don't need it. I know you're mine. I can feel it." He tapped his heart.

Lou fiddled with the cuffs of his suit, pulling in a breath. "Okay." He said. "Okay. I'll... I think I believe you. I would like a test though. To be sure."

He smiled. "Certaintly." He leaned back in the chair. "Now, Lou, I do remember that I sent those letters to New York City. How are you all the way in Maryland?" He raised an eyebrow. "And in a suit in this weather?"

Lou rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and decided to answer the second question first. "I have a hoodie in my bag. Scarf and gloves, too. I was just taught presentation is everything. I felt very compelled to be presentable for this type of conversation. My hair is usually a little better." He did a half-hearted gesture toward his shaggier curls. "As for the first part, I knew I likely only had one chance. If I waited for another day, my mother might have figured out I took the letters and read them. I might've slipped up and got myself grounded for the next few months. Maybe a year. Literally. The camera was down, no school, I had the shot. I took it." He stopped, ice running through his veins. "I ditched my phone in my bedroom so she couldn't track me. My friends are probably worried sick. Granted, my last text was pretty cryptic... oh I'm never going to get that phone back..." He ran a hand down the side of his face, leaning his head back against the cushions. His eyes closed on their own accord, giving himself a moment to think and feel how tired his body was.

"You can borrow my phone to call your friends. I'll get you another phone." There was a shifting noise and Henry was walking away. He came back a moment later, putting the phone in Lou's open hand. The blonde opened his eyes, fingers curling around the sleek little rectangle. The man's face had gone a tad paler with Lou's words, and now his eyes were narrowed in concern. "How much did you sleep last night?"

"Enough." The answer rolled off his lips easily. "Thank you."

"Hmm." The concern didn't leave. Lou ignored it. "You're welcome. I'm going to speak to Shannon about what's happened, alright?" Lou nodded, already dialing the memorized number to Nolan's mother. She'd be the most calm of them all and likely with some, if not all, his friends and on a madhouse search party for him. He watched Henry move to the kitchen as he put the phone to his ear. It didn't get through a full ring before it was answered.

"Hello?" Gosh, she sounded tired. Guilt reared its ugly head, and he cleared his throat.

"Hey Miss Rachel. It's L-"

"LOU!" He had to hold the phone away from his ear as she yelled into the phone, wincing. He put the phone back after a second, hearing a cacophony of voices fill the background. He recognized Nolan, Mandy, and Ox among a few others. "Oh my gosh! Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm perfectly fine." He smiled a little at their care, their voices warming that ice in his body. "I..." He had to phrase this right. "I swear I thought it through as best I could, erm... I'm in Maryland."

"LOUIS LILLIUS GREYSON!" He winced again for two reasons. One) he hated his middle name. A direct callback to his mother's name. Two) She only said his full name if he was in trouble. Boy, was he in trouble, but it was the good kind of trouble. Really. "What the heck are you doing in Maryland!?" The voices in the background picked up in volume at the question.

"I..." He might as well say it outright. "I'm meeting who is possibly my biological father."

There was silence from Rachel on the other end for a brief few seconds. He worried he broke her until she was moving, telling the others to be quieter and she'd explain in a minute. He heard a door shut, blocking out other voices completely. "Alright, Lou, tell me absolutely everything. Every little detail that you want to share."

When Rachel told you to do something, you did it. Not just because she was the sweetest woman alive and Nolan's mother, but because she was the type of person you didn't question. A wise woman one didn't go against unless they wanted The Eyebrow Raise. He told her everything. From the punishment of cleaning the attic (he skirted around the missed food detail), to the letters to taking buses all the way to Chesapeake, Maryland in a northern snowstorm that was fluctuating in severity. He told her how the dates lined up, what Henry said, and that they'd get a test to prove it. "That's every detail I can think of."

"Answer me one more question, Lou." She said after some silence. "Do you feel safe right now?"

He glanced toward the kitchen at where he could barely see Shannon's red hair, then at the hallway where Claire disappeared. His heart wasn't racing. The home was warm. He was out of the storm outside even if he was sometimes in a mental one. "Yes, I'm safe. I know I'm safe."

"Then I don't have to break every law to get to Maryland." She said, a little chuckle filtering over the phone line. "Could I talk to him? Your..."

"Possible father?" He deadpanned, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Yes. If I could. Then you can talk to your friends. They're all really worried, Lou. Your text didn't exactly give any peace of mind."

He sighed, slumping into the couch for a second. "I know, but my mother has probably already gone through my phone. I couldn't say anything about it without telling her. She's probably already figured out the truth about 'study sessions' since I didn't have time to delete the texts. What's she doing, by the way?"

"Raising a lot of heck, that's for sure. She's gone against me and everyone. She didn't call the police though. She's convinced you're hiding in one of our houses or nearby and will come 'crawling back.'" He could hear the air quotes. "I must admit, I didn't expect you to be out of state, but we didn't know what you were doing either. I know that you usually know what you're doing, Lou. You're not reckless. I hope you know what you're doing now."

"I do. I promise. I wasn't sure at first, but I am now. I need this. I really, really do."

"I believe you."

He smiled despite her not being able to see it. "I'll hand the phone over." He stood and moved toward the kitchen, catching Heny's attention with a small wave of his hand. "His name is Henry Everett." He said, then moved the phone from his ear, speaking to the man. "My friend's mom wants to talk to you. Her name is Rachel." He passed the phone over and tried not to listen to the half of the short conversation he could hear, meeting eyes with Shannon in the kitchen. She looked a little pale, but she still smiled with bright eyes when he looked. It didn't look fake, unlike the smile his mom would give to literally anyone besides a select few. He wasn't on that list. He offered her a small smile and nod back before the phone was handed back to him.

Lou spent the next fifteen minutes back on the couch, assuring all his friends (with him on speakerphone) that he was fine, not dead, and knew what he was doing with going to Maryland. He explained the whole situation and that he was about to call his mother. Lay it all on the line. Burn a bridge or build one. Of course, he had their support - after being told to never ever disappear like that on them again. ("I will personally come find you and put some sense into you." Ox, his longest friend, had said above everyone else, getting echos of loud agreement from Mandy and Nolan. Nolan's little sister, Moxy, was quick to follow up that she would drag him by the ear and not ever want to sit on his shoulders again. Mandy threw in her own threat. Lou wasn't sure who he was scared of more.)

"We'll be a call away if you need us, buddy." Ox said. Lou knew the green haired teen was smiling that soft, supportive smile he always had when a friend was in need.

"Yep!" Nolan added.

His heart felt warm and tingly, chasing away some of the anxiety that plagued him. The phone call with his mother was getting closer by the second. It wasn't going to be pleasant. That he already knew. But how bad could it be with him so far away? "Thanks, guys. I'll call you in a while."

"Sure thing." Mandy said. She sounded closer to the phone. "Be careful, Lou. Stay safe, okay?"

"I will. I promise." That little fluttery feeling swirled his stomach at her voice. "Bye everyone."

"Bye Lou!"

He didn't want to hang up after having his friends so far for so long, but he forced his thumb to slide across the screen, ending the call. The blonde dragged in a breath, returning to the number pad. Call his mother. Most people would say that was easy. With his mother, nothing was ever easy. He elected to wait until Henry and Shannon were back. Not because he was stalling. No. It was the best choice. They needed to be there in case his mother said something. At least, Henry did. He wasn't sure how Shannon felt about him yet. He was another kid. A kid she had nothing to do with and was birthed from an old love of her husband. She had no reason to want him here. She welcomed him into her home beforehand as a stranger. Now he might be her husband's son.

'Focus on one thing at a time, Lou.' He told himself as the two adults came in from the kitchen, hands linked together. That had to be a good sign. 'Mother first.'

They dropped hands when they reached the couches so Shannon could sit across from him and Henry could sit in the seat beside Lou. Why did they separate? For his sake? Great, another thing to feel bad about. His foot tapped against the ground as he waited for what they had to say, entirely not expecting what came out of his possible father's mouth.

"That Rachel woman has been very good to you." Henry said with a breathy chuckle.

"What do you mean? She has, very much, yes, but why?" He hadn't expected those words to be the first out of the man's mouth.

"She threatened that I better 'take care of her baby' or she would come up here and put me in the ground herself. I already planned to, but I definitely don't want to die before I get to know you. She was nicer afterward, but the threat was clear. Mama bear at her finest." He winked at his wife, earning a wider smile than the nervous one she had. Was Lou making her nervous? Her hands were clasped in her lap, her back straighter than most would hold themselves, but she still smiled at Lou when her eyes landed on him. Was it real or fake? He was beginning to doubt his earlier assessment. Would if she didn't like him and was a really good actress about it? His mom could pretend to like people she complained about.

Lou wouldn't put it against Shannon to not like him. He was intruding on their lives in a catastrophic way.

"Yeah." He attempted a smile. That was easier to do when thinking about Rachel's care. "She's always been amazing, ever since I've known her. She lets me stay at her house a lot when I can and covers for me with Mother."

Henry turned, leaning his side against the back of the couch so he was facing Lou. "Speaking of your mother, when do you want to call her? You don't have to if you don't want to."

"It's not a matter of wanting to, sir. It's about needing to. Even if I didn't call her, there'd be no way I could show up like nothing happened. It would be best to tell the truth so I may actually see you again if you're proven my father."

"Lou, trust me." His face become more serious, smile disappearing as his eyes leveled with Lou's. "When a court proves you mine, there will be nothing on Earth that can stop me from seeing you."

Lou wanted to be warmed by the statement, and he was. He very much was, but... the thought of wrecking a family because he showed up kept moving through his head. He couldn't do that to them. "That means a lot to me, sir."

"Please Lou, call me Henry. Or Mr. Everett, if that's what you're more comfortable with."

"Alright... Henry." He recieved a smile at the name. He hadn't actually said it to him before, only in his mind. "I best get this over with." Lou started typing in the number with fingers that wanted to shake. "Should I... put it on speaker? I don't want anyone else to hear besides you two. If you would stay, that is." He glanced between them. "You don't have to."

It was Shannon who responded. "That's all up to you, sweetie. If you'd like us to stay, we'll stay. Unless you don't want me to, which is entirely understandable, all things considered."

Lou took a moment to process her words. Everything was up to him. He wasn't being forced to do anything or having choices made for him. They were his decisions. "I don't mind you staying, ma'am." She was a nice woman. When she spoke to him, she didn't use the voice his mother did - like she was talking to someone far younger and were insuperior to her. She talked like Rachel did. Sweet and caring in a way that wasn't superficial.

"The same goes for me as with my husband." She smiled. "You can call me whatever you're comfortable with, whether that be Mrs. Everett or Shannon."

"And as for any other prying ears," Henry drawled, glancing back over the couch at the concealed hallway. "Micheal is at his friend's house to finish a school project. He stayed over last night because the storm got unexpectedly bad and shouldn't be back for another few hours. Annie, she's the youngest, is taking a nap upstairs. And Claire should be in the playroom, unless a certain little girl is listening in...."

There was a sharp intake of air and a giggle followed by pattering footsteps heading away. Henry shook his head, half exasperated and half amused. "Now, we are alone."

The intrusion of a little girl didn't do much for Lou's nerves, but it broke some of the tension. He managed a smile. "I'll put it on speaker. I don't know what she'll say or do."

"We'll be right here." Henry assured, placing a brief hand on Lou's shoulder. Through the suit, he could feel the warmth of it. A warmth that wasn't just physical but also mental. Calming. He found the strength to press the call button.

Every waiting dial tone sent his heart into a flurry of anxiety and stress. What if she didn't answer? What if she did? He always had some semblance of plan when talking to his mother. In this situation, he had no plan, but at least he was hundreds of miles away where she could only use words.

The fourth tone came. Was she really not going to answer-

The call clicked in. "Who is this?" She demanded more than asked. Her voice sent a little shock of fear through his spine, but the two adults beside him made that fear a little more bearable. He gathered his will to speak as his mother pressed on. "Well? I don't have all day."

"Mother, it's Louis. I'm-"

"LOUIS LILLIAN GREYSON!" The sudden yelling made him almost flinch. Expected as it was, it was still unwelcome. "Where in the world did you run away to? You better get back here right this second. You're already grounded for the next six months. Not here by fifteen minutes and it'll be a year." He could feel her anger through the phone. If he closed his eyes, he was sure he'd be able to see it - her pinched face, mouth turned down, and clenched jaw.

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"And why exactly can't you, Louis?" Her voice turned dangerously calm. "You know the punishments when you disobey. Where. Are. You. I'll come get you myself if I have to." She huffed. "Those study group kids have been a terrible influence. You won't be seeing them again."

As always, anger curled in his stomach with her insult to his friends. Out his peripheral, he saw Henry's hand clenching on his knee, mouth set in a deep frown at the phone. His assuring hand remained on Lou's shoulder, pushing strength into him. Shannon's kind and concerned eyes offered solace from across the table. Lou drew in a breath. Now was the time.

"I'm in Maryland. Chesapeake, Maryland."

She didn't say anything for a long minute. "Why are you in Maryland?" Her voice had never sounded so unsteady. Most would assume it was because of how far he was away from home. Lou thought that she might already know the answer.

Another breath. "I found the letters underneath the board in the attic." He paused. No outrage. No words. Only silence. Dangerous silence. "I came in search of who might be my father who you said was dead. Mother," new vigor entered his words, controlled by honest confusion, curiosity, and desperation, "is he my father? Henry Everett?"

"Yes."

Lou sucked in a breath, barely feeling it as Henry moved his hand from his shoulder to drape his arm over his shoulders, holding the teen steady in his seat. The blonde's hand tried to tremble on the phone, so he settled it on the coffee table. He'd been told by Henry himself he thought he was Lou's father, but hearing it, a direct confirmation with no speculation? It was a bit like a punch to the gut. His mother knew. His mother lied. He couldn't had his father all along. "Why did you lie to me?" The words didn't tremble as the question tumbled from his mouth, demanding more answers.

He heard her pull in a breath of the speaker. "Louis, you have two choices. You either start home right this instant or I come up there and get you myself. The first option is better. You'll be grounded either way."

"What-" He shook his head, knowing she couldn't see it. "No, I'm not going back there. Not right now. I'm not." His heart was pounding rapidly, fingers clenching on the fabric of his pants. He was aware this was the first act of direct defiance again his mother, but he couldn't go. Not yet. He just found his biological father. She couldn't give him a day? "Mother, please-"

The steel was back in her voice. "Louis, are you disobeying me?"

Instantly, he wanted to shrink back. Fold his hands together and retreat so he wouldn't have to face her wrath. But the presence of his father stopped him. He wasn't alone. It wasn't child against parent. He could feel Henry's distaste, his anger for the woman on the phone, coming from his body. Possibly the only reason he wasn't not intervening was that his mother didn't know he was there, and Lou wanted to be the one to speak to her.

"Yes, I am." The fire in his chest put iron in his words. He wasn't leaving yet. She could wait-

"If you will not come back and would rather stay with that scoundrel of a man, then you are no longer my son."

His heart might've stopped, all of the fire gone and leaving him hollow. His body was frozen like the ice outside. He forgot how to breathe. 'You are no longer my son.' His mother could be mean and vile, but to... to disown him? He never thought... She had to love him a little, right? He always thought she did, somewhere in her heart, harbor love for him and didn't know how to show it. That everything she did, she thought she was doing in his best interest. It was a thought he could follow and take some small comforts in when he was lying on his bed, thinking in the middle of the night.

'You are no longer my son.'

She didn't want him to do anything but obey her. She didn't want him to know his father. She didn't love him.

He could feel his heart breaking.

His thoughts were in such a whirlwind that he almost didn't hear his mother as she continued to speak. Was he breathing? He couldn't feel it. Everything was numb with shock.

"You are not my son but a stupid, irresponsible boy who doesn't deserve what I've given him. You have no respect for me, after all I've done for you, and-"

"That is enough!" Henry broke in, grabbing the phone. His voice was full of anger that Lou could only flinch away from. Knowing it wasn't directed at him didn't help. Not when everything was... so much. "You will not speak to my son that way."

"Let me parent how I parent and keep your nose out of it, Henry-"

"That is not what a parent says to their child, no matter if they've done wrong or not. I've only known him for an hour and I already know he is one amazing kid, no thanks to you." The hand squeezed his shoulder again. "Lou-"

Shannon was next to speak up, standing from the couch. "Henry, he's overwhelmed." Her voice was calm, but the concern was clear. She came to his side, hand curling around his bicep gently as she knelt beside him. "Lou, honey, breathe. You've got to breathe. Henry will take care of ℎ𝑒𝑟." The anger in the sweet woman's voice wasn't missed, but she was quick to calm herself as Lou squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force air into his lungs. His mother was talking again, making him flinch, but she was cut off by Henry.

"I'll see you in court later." The reciever audibly clicked and then Henry was at his side again, and on his shoulder as Lou put his head in his hands, desperately forcing his lungs to work through the panic attack. He couldn't think enough to count. He couldn't-

"Lou," Shannon said gently. He was fairly certain it was her hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles through the fabric of his suit. He barely knew her yet she was already comforting him more than his mother - Lillian - ever tried, "I know it's hard, but you can breathe, sweetie. We'll get this all figured out, I promise." She took one of his hands from where it was trying to dig into his scalp and held it in hers. "I want you to breathe for five seconds, hold for three, and out for five. Can you do that?"

He managed to nod, not wanting to open his eyes yet. It was the same trick as Ox. He knew that. So why couldn't he do it by himself? Henry had his other hand in the next second, hand on his shoulder as the two adults, his father and step-mother, counted out the breaths for him. It took a few strained minutes of trying not to think and breathe, but he got his lungs under control. Sheepishly, he dropped his head down further, releasing his tight hold on the woman's hand. His hands were shaking. "Sorry." He breathed.

"Lou, you have nothing to be sorry for." Shannon said. Her hand slowly reached out and brushed his bangs away from his eyes, her head craning forward to peer at him. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I ran away from-"

Henry cut him off, taking one of his hands and squeezing it. "I don't think it's running away. I think it's 𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔. You had questions she wouldn't have answered, Louis." Somehow, his full name didn't sound so bad coming from him. "You would've been punished for those questions and you may have never gotten here. We might've never met. I might have never known you. I am so glad you came, even if it was dangerous. From here on out, it's my job, 𝑜𝑢𝑟 job," his head tilted toward his wife, who reached out and held Lou's other hand, "to protect you. Rachel protects you, your friends protect you, and we want to be on that list. Will you let us do that?"

There was another lump in his throat. His eyes burned with tears he refused to let out. After a second, he nodded. "Yeah." His voice was small, but the affirmation made Henry smile like Lou just gifted him the world. All at once, he was pulled into a hug by Henry. His father. There was no doubt anymore, not after the confirmation, and it meant the hug was worth more than the first one. Closer. The doubt couldn't cover his brain and sodden the moment because there was no doubt. Nothing. He pressed his face into the woolen sweater, fingers wrapping around the fabric tightly. His hands were still trembling. Another set of arms wrapped around him and Lou was squished between the two.

The tears slipped out, soaking into the sweater. The shaking followed and a sob managed to squeeze passed his walls. They held him through his crying, the hands petting through his hair alternating. He felt so safe, so... right that it didn't feel wrong to cry. He didn't feel embarrassed. Henry's hand moved up and down his back and by the way the man was shaking a little himself, Lou guessed he was crying, too.

When he had some semblance of control over himself, Lou pulled back a little, meeting the eyes of Henry. Tears traced down both their cheeks. His father let out a little laugh. "I'm so happy to have you here, Lou. I always thought I was chasing Lillian those years, but... I think I was chasing you. That piece I knew was missing wasn't her. It was you."

Lou sniffed, wiping at his eyes with his suit sleeve. His mothe... she would've scolded him for getting it dirty, but he did not care. Not anymore. He shouldn't. "I've always wanted to know my father. She said he was dead and wanted nothing to do with me."

"I can promise you neither of those things are true." His lips tilted up in a smile. His hands rested on Lou's shoulders again, an action that was becoming more and more familiar. Shannon remained behind him, one hand on his back. "Now, I'm going to call my lawyer team up to get a case started. You need to wear something different than this suit. I'm sure it's not comfortable."

"I only ever really wear suits unless Nolan or Ox lend me clothes..." Lou muttered. His heart was doing a weird flip at the thought of Henry taking Lillian to court, but he also didn't object to it.

"And who's choice is that?" He raised an eyebrow. Lou stayed silent. They both knew the answer. "I'm sure Michael has something old you can use until we get you some clothes for yourself."

"He sure does." Shannon stood gracefully from the couch, a soft smile on her face. "Come on, Lou." She took his hand, gently pulling him to stand.

"You don't have to get me clothes." Lou rushed to say as he was guided to the stairs, looking over his shoulder at Henry.

"I'm your father. I should've been buying you clothes for years." The words did not assure Lou. Henry's eyes softened. "It's fine, Lou. I promise."

Knowing nothing would deter the man, Lou sighed and followed Shannon up the stairs. The first room on the left was apparently his new... step-brother's room as that's where they went first. His step-mother made him sit on the bed while she dug through the closet, allowing Lou to look around at the new space. It was a mix of football and engineering themes posters, a jersey hanging on the wall above a green themed bed. The walls were a lighter grey shade, and, as with the rest of the house, dark wood covered the floor. Two bing bag chairs and gaming set (an X-Box? PS5? He didn't know the difference) were on the floor in the corner and another TV was across from the bed, sitting on a dresser. Other smaller objects filled the room, like pictures (to far for him to see clearly) and textbooks on a desk. Said desk was also covered in what looked to be machines - or pieces of them. Different tools hung on the wall above the desk along with some blueprints Lou didn't understand a tenth of. Another wall held a little cabinet full of trophies and metals.

"Here we go!" Shannon pulled some clothing items from the back of the closet, drawing Lou's attention to her. She came over with a folded pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt. "They'll probably be a little big, but they'll work for the moment. Michael is too big for them."

"Thank you." He took the clothes gingerly and decided to ask one of the questions on his mind. "Does Michael play football?"

"Oh, yes. He's a quarterback for the Academy nearby. A good one, too. The team is in the playoffs, but they've had to postpone due to this freak weather. They'll play the last three games in December, if the weather permits." She smiled proudly.

"Oh, that's really cool. Is... is he into inventing, too?" Maybe he was asking too many questions, but with the knowledge that this was a part of his family, he wanted to know everything.

"Engineering, yes. I'm not sure if he's invented anything, but he's won competitions." The pride she had in her son was clear and it made Lou's heart squeeze. Maybe she could talk about him like that one day, even though he was only her step son. His mother never talked about him unless it was to brag to her colleagues. Even then, it was just a competition among rich parents on how successful their kids were - her accomplishments through him, not his own. "C'mon, let's get you to your room."

"My room?" Confusion colored his voice. She only smiled, guiding him out of Michael's room and down the hallway. She opened the last door on the left to a room, about the same size as Michael's, and themed in brilliant shades of blue. He entered, doing a little spin to take it all in - a bed, desk, mostly empty bookshelves, closet, lamp, dresser, television. He'd never had a TV before. "This is... mine?" He was almost hesitant to ask again, afraid it would all get taken away from him if he said anything.

"Yes. It's all yours and more." She put her gentle hand on his shoulder. "It was a guest room, but Henry and I talked about it while we were in the kitchen. This will be your room. We'll get it all fixed up how you like it, even if you're not here all the time. We'll have to talk to Rachel about school and all - get that figured out, but you'll always have a place with us."

He dragged in a breath, blinking back tears because he could not cry again today. This was the most he'd cried in a long time. "This has got to be strange for you."

"Hm?"

He gestured to himself, then around them. "Me. Everything. I'm... I'm a kid you didn't sign up to have." He hugged the clothes closer to himself, glancing away from her.

"Lou," her index and middle finger slid under his chin, gently probing him to look at her. He did. "I may not have 'signed up' to have you, and I definitely didn't expect this to happen today or any day, but I am very willing to take you. I'm not planning to be the evil step mother like in story books." She chuckled, pulling a little smile out of him. "You're Henry's son and, as long as you want to be, that makes you my son, too. It'll take a little bit of getting used to, yes, but I'm not going to let you go on thinking I don't want you."

For a minute, he couldn't find words, breath stalled in his throat. She wanted him. She was fine with him. "That means a lot. Thank you, Shannon." His eyes were watering again, making the world and her smile blur.

"I'll let you get dressed in here. Lunch will be ready in half an hour, and you can meet Annie, Claire, and Michael officially then, okay? Well, I guess you already met Claire, but it'll be under more official terms."

"I understand." He replied, nodding while trying to subtly blink away the tears. A flutter of combined excitement and nervousness ran through his heart, making it jump and his mind race. He was finally meeting his siblings. 'Will they like me?' He asked himself as Shannon left him to change. Lou locked the door behind her, slowly moving to switch from his hated yet normal suit to the casual clothes. The air around him touching his skin made him shiver. Was it really that cold? Quickly, he finished pulling on the clothes, feeling a bit strange in the slightly too big materials and bare arms. He grabbed his backpack where he placed it on the foot of the bed and retrieved the hoodie, sliding it over his torso to keep the warmth in. Better.

A knock at the door startled him. Tugging on his shoes, he did a half-hop toward the door. "Just a moment." He said, finally managing to get his stubborn left shoe on. The dress shoes looked a little out of place on the outfit, but there was little he could do about it. He opened the door, first seeing nothing until he looked down.

Claire stood in the doorway, holding a notebook and pencil set. She tilted her head at him, green eyes studying him. "I heard you, Daddy, and Mommy talking earlier." She said, causing Lou to involuntarily tense. "Are you my brother?"

"Erm..." He definitely didn't expect this. In all the commotion, he forgot Claire was listening in at one point. She must've came back. Deciding on the straight truth causing less problems later, he replied, "Yes, I am. Your half brother, actually."

She watched him another minute, unaware of how the blonde waited anxiously for her reaction. Finally, she smiled. "So, we're siblings? I'm your sister?"

Encouraged by the smile, he gave her one of his own. "Yes, we are." He knelt down again, as he had earlier, and held out his hand. "I'm your brother, Lou. Short for Louis."

She giggled, holding her materials in one arm in order to take his hand. "I'm your sister, Claire. Short for Clarrisa." She mimicked, giving his hand as firm a shake as she could. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too." He chuckled, some of the tension inside his muscles easing. He had a sister. Two of them. "What do you have there?" He nodded toward the supplies, thinking he already knew the answer.

Claire let go of his hand to walk further into the room, beelining for the desk. "Daddy said that if you wanted to, we could keep coloring after you talked. You're still here, so we can color?" She turned her big eyes on him and he couldn't say no to that puppy-dog face. Was this his life now?

"I don't see why not." He smiled a little, getting an excited laugh from the girl. The blonde came to the desk with her only for her to change her mind about where to draw, putting the paper and colored pencils on the floor. He followed her to sit on the ground and they resumed their coloring time from earlier. It wasn't long before he finished the butterfly.

"Finished." He stated, holding up the paper. She let out a little gasp, eyes lighting up.

"It's a butterfly! It's beautiful."

"It's for you." He handed her the drawing, letting her tilt it around in her hands. "You told me your favorite color was blue."

"It is! Thank you!" She put it to the side. "Hold on. I'm almost finished." She turned away from him to where she'd hidden her paper on her other side, grabbing the blue colored pencil he'd just finished using. A moment later, she raised her secret piece, the blank back facing him. "Close your eyes." He followed her orders, unable to contain a smile at her open giggles. The paper was placed carefully in his outstretched hands. "Open them!"

He opened his eyes to see what looked to be a portrait of a boy with blonde hair, black tux, blue eyes.... him? Was this a picture of him? "....what.." He struggled for words, not wanting to wrongly assume. He looked over the paper at her. "Who..."

"It's you, silly." She walked on her knees to come sit beside him, easily pressing her should against his arm. His sister. "See, your suit and blue eyes. Your hair is hard to get right because it's so wavy, but I tried my best. Do you like it?"

"Like it?" He asked, almost to himself. His eyes were watering again as he gave the girl a bright smile. "I love it! Thank you so much. You're so talented. It's amazing." She did seem to have a gift for art. The lines were harder, easier to discern, and the features were more prominent than anything he'd ever drawn facial wise - if he did draw. He couldn't remember the last time he drew, other than the butterfly.

"Thank you." She laughed. "Maybe it can be the first gift for your new room?"

"It definitely can be." He stood, discreetly wiping at his eyes as he went to the desk once more. There was a bulletin board above it and he took four pushpins from a little bowl on the side. "Can I do this?" He gestured to the board. She nodded, bouncing on her toes with his butterfly art in her hands. He put the priceless art in the exact middle of the board, pinning it at the very corners so not to encroach on any of the careful coloring. "Perfect."

"You're right in the middle."

"Yes, but that wasn't all I was talking about. The art is perfect and it's a wonderful gift."

"You're welcome. I love my butterfly. Her name is Belle."

"That's a great name." His heart was metling on the inside. She gave him another smile and then her arms were around his waist, hugging him. Surprised, he froze. "Uh..."

"It's nice to have another brother." She looked up at him, chin against his stomach.

Getting over his shock, he knelt down, giving her a proper return hug. She repositioned her arms around his neck. "It's nice to have siblings, including you."

"Do you have any other siblings?"

"No. I thought I was an only child until today." He chuckled nervously. "But I'm very happy to have you and I can't wait to meet Annie and Michael."

Another knock on the door brought Lou and Claire's attention to it. It opened and Shannon poked her head around the edge, smiling at the two. "Lunch is ready. Michael is back and everyone else is downstairs."

Claire grabbed onto his hand, pulling him forward. "Let's go, Lou!"

He smiled to hide his anxiety, carefully slipping by Shannon to follow the little girl. Time for introductions.

#fanfiction #lou uglydolls #uglydolls #fanfic #comfort #friendship #human au

[iwillmanagetheflashlight]

The Fancy Life

This is a new series my friend and I are creating. We will update every Friday!!! This is Chapter 1 : The Future

Pairing: Jensen Ackles (eventually) x reader

Warnings: Really none except Jared is an asshole a lot 😂

Let me know what you think and if I should post Chapter 2 later today!!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Y/N Padalecki was the youngest of five kids. Two older sisters and two older brothers. Y/N was a senior in high school, she had one friend, Jess, and no idea what she wanted to do with her future. They were sitting in the cafeteria for lunch when Y/N sighed, "Mom is asking me about what career I want to do again ... she wants me to join supernatural with Jar ... " Jess knew how much Y/N hated being overshadowed by Jared's fame and success.

"No you don't." Jessica didn't glance up from her book.

"Would you get your head out of that medical book for two seconds ? I'm having a crisis here!"

"These lungs won't color themselves. Anatomy is hard!" Jessica Marie Shepard was the only child of Mark Shepard.

Jessica sighed looking up. "You love photography, you love animals. Be a wildlife photographer."

She sighed, "you know none of my family approves of that ... "

"I know." Jessica ran her hands through her hair. "You could go into morgue school like me. Work with dead people."

"Ew. No."

Jessica laughed, but the smile fell from her face. "Are you prepared to see the boys this weekend?"

She sighed, her brother Jared and his best friend Jensen Ackles were coming home from filming for a week. "Not really ... but things won't change ... I'm always invisible unless it's about getting me out on my own after graduation..."

"Great. You can hide me from your brother." Jared had asked her on dates several times. But Jessica never felt anything more than just being friends.

She laughed, "we can hide in my room together ..."

"You're not going to be background this time around? I mean they are making an entire Renaissance fair."

"I don't wanna do acting ... they know that ..."

"I know. But you don't want to spend any time walking around the fair? Go shopping, see the animals. The shows. Ignore the filming."

"Can I take my camera?"

"Naturally." Jessica smiled. "Get some great photos of the fair."

She nodded, "and the animals."

"Always the animals."

She smiled. She groaned, hearing the lunch bell, meaning lunch was over.

Jessica slammed her 852 page book closed. "Damn thing won't fit in my backpack."

"It's a college course ... and too big ... " she giggled.

Jessica giggled. They finished the day out. Jessica noticed that the house was busier than usual. No. The boys were home early.

Y/N's breathing hitched as she pulled into the driveway, she had a 1978 Firebird , it was run down but at least it ran. "Fuck."

"I have a midterm..." Jessica looked liked she could cry.

"So do I...I have to be able to study..."

"Straight to my room. We make as little noise as possible."

"You mean mine?" They were at the Padalecki house.

"Mine. Yours. I'm on 2 hours of sleep and 3 Mt. Dews."

She chuckled, "4 hours and a shit ton of monsters here ..."

Jessica smiled. They managed in the front door. Alright. And up the stairs. It was easy. Too easy.

"Why do I feel like they are letting us think we are in the clear?" She was pulling her math homework out and setting it on her desk. She had a huge open concept room with a master bath attached. She also had a second desk next to the first that was for when Jess came over.

Jessica set her anatomy things down. "Because they are."

She groaned, "I don't need any more lectures..." just then a knock came to the door. "Do I have to answer it?"

"I got it." Jessica picked up her book and went to the door. She opened it and naturally Jared and Jensen walked in. Jessica smiled as Jensen kissed her forehead. She didn't acknowledge Jared. She went to turn as his arms went around her waist.

"Not so fast. " Jared said. He then looked at Y/N, "mom says you're still on this photography dream..."

"Yeah...so?"

"So, it's stupid!"

"No its not! I don't have to be famous and wealthy to live a happy life!" Y/N went to say more, but Jess butted in.

"There are plenty of people who make a life out of photography. You know how much Dad spent on my senior photos."

"Yeah ... but that's not Y/N ... have you even seen her work? It's not even that good..." he critiqued. Jensen was quiet in the corner, lips pursed.

"SHE HELP TAKE THEM!"

He scoffed, "in her dreams maybe. Look, Y/N. Just come work with us. We can secure you a spot and secure you a place to live and money. You can't keep pursuing this stupid dream of yours ... it'll never happen."

By this time Y/N had tears in her eyes, but refused to let them fall. "Believe what you want. I'm going to school for photography and I can stay on campus so I am not any of your guys problems..."

"No. I can't accept that."

"It's not your decision." She looked over at Jensen, her eyes pleading for his help. She wasn't sure where he stood on the subject though, she was simply desperate.

"Dude. Knock it off. You can have your opinions well and good. But KEEP them to yourself."

Jared seemed taken aback. "Even you have said it's stupid, Jen...literally last night we were talking about it..."

"You're not remembering the conversation are you. No. You were too busy on how to get Jess to say yes to you to the fair this weekend. I said it was stupid about all the photos you want to put HER in."

He scoffed, "whatever. Ruin your life then. Don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out." Jared stormed off.

Y/N's tears broke free, silently going down her cheeks. "I should..." she cleared her throat, "um, I got a big exam to study for..."

Jessica sighed looking at Jensen. "Usual?" Meaning when Y/N and Jared were fighting, Jay took Y/N and Jessica went to Jar.

He sighed, "yeah..."

Jessica nodded, gave Jay a hug and went to Jared's room.

He was pacing.

Jessica sighed, she caught his hand to stop it.

"What?"

"Fine. I'll let you be." Jessica turned and went to walk away.

"No. Wait. Please." He whimpered at the end. "Why is she so focused on photography? I can give her a REAL career, Jess!"

"But it is." Jessica turned, her eyes softening. "Its just none of you want to see it."

"Jess ..." He pleaded. "She has the legacy of actors and actresses in her family ... it's a family business."

"Saving people, hunting things. That's a family business. If she doesn't want to pursue acting, she shouldn't be forced."

"We just want what is best for her. You know that."

"So does she." They were now facing each other.

"So why can't she just accept it! She doesn't have to go wasting all this money she doesn't have at a college for a degree where she won't be able to pay the loans back. "

"Because it's her life and she deserves to live it!"

"But not when we have to cover the debt, dammit!"

Jessica flinched back from him.

He sighed, rubbing his hands up and down his face, "you need to talk some sense into her, Jess. She trusts you..."

"I can't promise anything..."

"Please...for the sanity of her family. She needs to realize she needs to just get this job and pay bills..."

"I can only try." Jessica didn't push as Jared slipped his arms around her waist. He hadn't even properly said hello to her yet.

He pulled her into a hug, he felt very tense.

Jessica sighed wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Please..." He whispered, "even you know it's better if she goes the supernatural path."

"Okay..." Jessica was tired of fighting Jared.

"Thank you..."

Jessica nodded. She felt his lips brush her forehead. They had one argument done. Y/N. Then there was the other one. Them.

"So ... I was thinking ... maybe we could hang out at the fair together this weekend?"

"You'll be filming all weekend. And I'm only in background."

"We will have time off."

Jessica nodded. "You know I'd love too."

"Cool."

Jessica nodded she went to pull away when he pulled tighter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jay settled down next to Y/N on the bed.

Y/N was staring hard core at her homework, but the pencil wasn't moving.

"Math is hard."

"The shittiest subject ... I'd rather be doing my photography ... my final is to make this huge masterpiece ... I'm gonna use the fair to do it." She gave a small smile.

"Put Jess on a giant horse. Rope some poor guy to be the strong knight. A+."

She giggled, "you wanna be my strong knight?"

"Im going to be put in fucking armor one way or another aren't I?" He was laughing by the end.

She smiled, "I could always take you away for some single shots as well ... if you're ok with it, that is." She added at the end, shrinking back into her insecure self.

"Of course I would be. They always turn out well."

She smiled, "at least someone thinks so ..."

"Im sorry they don't."

She shrugged, "I've never belonged in this family..."

"You have to live your life."

"But they want me to live THEIR life...I'm just so tired of it..."

"Then you have to MAKE them see. See what wonderful work you create."

"I've tried ... I've always tried to get approval from them with my projects and everything. Hell, the last time I showed them one my dad tore it to shreds in front of me. Since then I've kept to myself..."

"That's horrible."

She shrugged, "one day yall are gonna blink and imma just be gone...no note or anything."

"Better take me with you."

She chuckled, "you belong here with them ..."

"Eh."

"I can't afford to drag someone down the rabbit hole with me..."

"Don't worry about me."

"I promise you'll receive post cards from me ..." she whispered.

"I'd rather see it in person."

"Yeah, well ... like I said ... poof ... I'll be gone." She closed her math book and got up off the bed.

He sighed.

"I'm gonna go see if Jess wants to go for a dip in the pool ... wanna join us?" She always used deflection as a source of hiding her pain.

"Of course."

She gave a small smile, "sweet. Meet you out back in ten?'

"Of course."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N went over, walking in on Jess and Jar, "hey Jess, wanna go -" she stopped "whoa . Dude. Get off her." Jared suddenly stood back. "Come on Jess, we are going swimming. And no, I don't care about your final right now, let's go have fun."

Jessica sighed but followed.

Y/N ran back to her room so they could get ready.

Once changed they wasted no time getting in the water.

Y/N was happy to relax. "Hey Jess..." it was just them two outside in the pool.

"Jared finally got what he wanted."

"I'm leaving tonight ..." she said at the same time as Jess, "wait what?"

"I promised him a date this weekend."

She scoffed, "good luck with that..."

"Its one date not marriage."

"This is also my brother we are talking about. We both know he moves too fast. Always has."

"I know...."

"I'm not gonna be there..."

"Want me to go with?"

She sighed, "I'm thinking about not coming back..."

"Give it til the fairs over? I'll need you this weekend."

She sighed, "fine ... but only because I love you ..."

Jessica hugged her.

She hugged her back, then groaned, seeing both Jared and Jensen coming out.

Jessica dove deep down.

Y/N gave a small chuckle.

Jessica popped up in time for Jared to catch her.

They both did a bomb dive into the pool.

It was a fun afternoon. They played until dark. They were up at dawn to head to set.

~~~Meanwhile at a hotel~~~~~~~~~

If it was one thing Peter hated. It was seeing his friend distress. Nikolja (Nik) was going through a nasty divorce. "You know you could've said no to the filming." He sighed as they were about to land.

"I need the money, man..."

"We just finished game of thrones. You should've got like 1.5."

"Alimony ... I don't even get half of that..."

"Amber can't be asking much." Though Peter did know Amber well.

"She's being a bitch ... taking me for everything I got ..."

"I told you you shouldn't have married her."

"Yeah well ... we were young and dumb."

They got to hotel and who should be in the room. Why Nik's wife Amber of course.

"What are you doing here?" Nik asked.

"I came here to surprise you, silly." She got up and went to give him a kiss.

"We aren't together ..."

"Of course we are. We haven't signed anything final."

"We will in court here in a couple days...that's why I'm back in the states."

"Then one last hoorah. I'm playing the Queen in this whole filming affair this weekend. I'll need a valiant knight of course."

"Not interested."

"One last time. For me."

"Cut me a slack on the alimony and I will."

Amber pursed her lips. "Fine I'll let you keep 1 mil from that silly game of thrones thing."

"Deal."

Amber smiled and kissed him.

"By the way. It isn't silly."

"Oh come on. You're not telling me you actually enjoyed filming that."

"Of course I did."

Amber shook her head. "Come have a drink. Maybe two. We can take a dip in the hot tub."

"We will see. Let's start with a drink..."

Amber took his hand and lead him out.

He seemed a little uneasy.

"Relax love."

"Easier said than done."

"Its just like old times."

"But it's different..."

"How so? We don't have to divorce."

"No, no ... that's still the plan..."

"You don't love me anymore?"

"It's not that I don't love you anymore, Amber ... I will always love you . I'm just tired of the fighting and screaming all the time. I can't do it any more. "

She sighed. "We don't fight."

"Yes we do . See, that's your issue . You can't face things, you just push everyone and everything away. We can't talk anything out and when we do it's a screaming match!"

"Nik..."

"I'm serious ..."

"Then after this weekend, we go to counseling."

"Amber ... court is on Monday."

"Think about it. Nothing could possibly happen this weekend that would make this any worse."

"Depends on what happens..." He muttered.

"That's all I ask."

"We will see..."

Amber wasted no time getting a drink.

Nik sipped his, not wanting to let himself loose.

Amber leaned into him.

He did his best to not tense up.

They were there for hours.

Nik was finally relaxing, having long forgotten about his drink.

"See. You're happy."

"I'm relaxed. There's a difference."

She glanced up at him.

He was staring off into the distance.

Amber sighed.

"It's a peaceful night."

"It is."

"I'm excited for the filming this weekend."

"You always are."

He shrugged, "It's what I love."

"You're father wanted you to be a lawyer."

"Yeah well , my father sees how good I'm doing and finally accepted it."

Amber nodded.

He went back to staring in the distance.

Amber managed to convince him in the hot tub.

He sunk down, dipping his head under the water.

Amber watched him carefully.

He came up, shaking like a dog.

"You act like your 5."

He shrugged, "and what if I am?"

She smiled and shook her head.

He grinned at her.

She leaned down and kissed him.

He was taken back but leaned into the kiss.

Amber fell into his arms.

He suddenly broke the kiss, "I can't do this..." He started to get out.

"Nik..." but he had already gone.

He was in the bathroom with the door locked, pacing.

"Nik." Peter knocked on the door.

He slipped, falling and hitting his head on the counter, "For fucks sake!" He hadn't thought about how wet he was making the already slick floor.

"What in Gods name are you doing?"

"Well, I was pacing..." He reached over and unlocked the door, "now I'm on the floor bleeding."

"Unlock the door so I can help."

"I did..."

Peter came in and got him patched up. Luckily no concussion so he was good to go at dawn.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Let me know what you think!!! If I get enough response today I'll post Chapter 2 tonight !!!

Part 2 and 3 are also up on my page!!!

#jensen ackles x reader #supernatural #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen oneshot

[thedovahcat]

Gorillas and the Barely Touched Transference of Credits

Finally went over to the student login page to see what on my transcript counted towards GEs. Shockingly or not, only 4 classes out of my whole degree were transferable towards the GE’s.

On one hand I’m not too shocked, and on the other I sort of am. Looking over it again, I’m going to have to ask an advisor about at least one or two of them, any class I can get knocked off will be immensely helpful. What I really am bummed about is my Geometry class not transfering but...For the best really. I’m practicing maths right now so that will take care of that.

I’ll need to schedule that math-English-grammar assessment test thing soon, I took a practice test just to gauge where I’m at right now and I scored 80% so, not bad! Just gotta keep periodically doing it and re-taking it.

AND I got a 100% on my quiz and unit test for math today earlier this morning. Overall the day’s been pretty all right! I just feel overwhelmed at how much is happening so fast and needing to go from 0 to 100 with all these paper signings and preparings and what have you.

Dad asked me again today if I’m sure I don’t want to just put the money I’m spending towards my mental health assessment into college again, but I stood firm on that. I’m still really nervous that I’m going to be brushed off and told I’m as normal as they come. Cuz then it really WILL feel like a waste, but, talking with some mutuals really helps me a lot. They’re able to tell me what they know/offer advice and reassure that I’m not just faking all this for attention. It’s such a hard thing to grasp and now I understand why people struggle so much with it. This is all new territory for me so... yeah. It’s just wild.

FAFSA is kind of a bust this year because I worked two years ago but I expected that unfortunately, and no word on the scholarships yet. Money really frightens me right now but I’m absolutely against loans at the moment. I have enough to swing it but it’s going to hurt. Still, you put in a fair chunk of money going to school in hopes you’ll be able to make it all back and more later on.

I’m really nervous about all the studying that lies ahead. After counting everything I’ll be in CC for at least 2 years just plowing through GE’s, which will be nothing but busy work for me. That much I’m certain of. So...the next two years at minimum are decided for me, generally speaking. I don’t know, I still somehow feel like...a sense of dread about it. Like I’m wasting my time, but I’m absolutely -not!-. Mostly a big fear I have is by the time I get out of school and get into work, the pets are going to start keeling over just like when I graduated college and got my first job. I only got to enjoy a few months of that before everyone started like...dying to disease around here. Tato’s going to be 6 years old this February and I’m glad he’s doing well! Him and Riley are both being taken care of so much more carefully and more prompt..ly.. than the other two were. Not that we didn’t care, but we didn’t know! First time long-time cat owners and all. Now we’ve learned. I hope they’re both around for a long long time and get to see the days when I have a good job and everything is going well!

So there’s that.. Every day that goes by too I’m able to hide less and less in my video games and that’s really scary for me as well. Things are starting to ‘lose their color’ if you would, I’m just...bored. And I don’t want to be bored, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve talked about this kind of thing before. And like I’ve told myself, this is the low point right now, the preparation, the quiet. Once all this is set up and I actually start, things will be on the up again. They always are. I hope me and my friends are all in better places and still alive by that point in time certainly!

In some other minor, brighter news, I just have my new motherboard to recieve in the mail before I can start putting in the new parts into my computer! I’ve been needing to beef this thing up, it’s 7 years old now. And if I’m diving into computers, yeah, that was a necessary and good decision. Need to stop by Best Buy tomorrow. I should probably get a webcam.

So...just gotta wait for Wednesday mental assessment now! And see how I feel after that. I really really want to open commissions and right now I’m expecting to after that’s all taken care of! If I need more time to recover though of course. I’m going to give myself that time. Learning to give myself time away from things and forcing myself to preoccupy my time and attention with more important and usually often IRL things has been a learning experience. I can’t say I’m crazy about it, but... You gotta do what you gotta do.

Anyway! A little status report...a long status report. But, today things are OK. Thank god.

#math and gorillas

[patrick-muinonen]

Discovering writing

I feel like so many people have all these wonderful ways of discovering their love for writing and I thought I might just share mine for someone to read.

It was nearing the end of high school and I was closing in on the beginning of my final year. Believe it or not, I was a science and math student to heart and soul. I loved it. Mostly because all of the equations and necessary information came to me.

When it came time in between years to take a bridge course I had been anticipation, my nerves were at their end, stressed to all hell. Should the bridge course fail, there was no coming back. I'd have been too late.

Some time passed and I was midway through the course bridging the lower and higher math courses. I broke down. It was such an utter defeat as I sat in that room, looking at questions where no answers came. I was heartbroken and my confidence waned. As I sat in that chair, breaking out into a cold sweat, I realized that I no longer cared.

It was a snap of some invisible fingers. I realized it was not my heart I put into math, though I still loved science, it was my brain. I was good at it and thought that I should thus love it. Nope. It was tedious and took time, even knowing the equations, and the learning process was not enjoyable. Perhaps because of bad teachers originally, or some other random reason I could not even begin to come up with, but my interest was gone. There was no longer any novelty to the concepts like when I was first introduced to complexities that the mathematical world contained.

Knowing there was no way I would continue with math for the rest of my life, I left it behind, mid-test. I had been breaking down, so I obviously did not want to be sitting in the middle of the classroom waiting for people to notice me doing nothing. What's more, I had the confidence to stand up, literally, and admit to myself that I was not fit for the area of study.

The months that followed were filled with my trying to figure out what's next. As much as I wish I could say it only took mere days to figure out, I would not lie. I was struggling. It took time to come to terms with the fact that discovering interest for me that I would be able to dedicate my life too was not going to simply happen.

I backtracked, thinking of the already existing hobbies in my life. Reading came up. Reading was a core of my life, it still is. Reading filled so many hours that I would run out of books, taking the series I already read and reading them a dozen times each. Pendragon was one of my favorites growing up. I thought the concept of there being different worlds connected to our own to be so interesting. My love of Fantasy was spawned with similar such books and when the realization hit that I loved books, and then that I wanted to share that with others, I began.

I wrote through college, mostly for myself, as I attended an arts program. The program was the best decision I made, well, except for one other that I like to keep secret. Suddenly, freelancing! I launched on Fiverr, spent months working enormously hard to go above and beyond for each and every client. I did it. I made it. Money was coming in! It stopped. I did not lose my clients, they were still coming. I lost my account, with no way to get it back. I`d just landed two novella deals and I had no way of contacting them anymore. Sucks to be me but I never stopped.

I lost my Fiverr account at 2:30 in the morning. I stayed up for the next 2 hours to make accounts, posts, taking what I know now about freelancing and going to the next level. Within 24 hours, I had a book deal. Go me!

Now, nobody will probably read this, though I hope someone does. I want you to know, if you're in a situation where things are no longer going right, something changed or you simply are not having fun with what you do, take a step back. Choose that moment when you are not in a rush to progress in life and move away from it all. Think. For a week, a month, a year. Take that time for you and you will discover all the things about your needs that you had no idea about. Or you wont. You dont know but you should try if you feel a need for it. When you find it, own it. Earn it. Be it. Make your time bend to it. Don`t relax, because I know you can do it, though only when you try.

Good luck, find your clients, live with what you love. Freelancers or corporate slave, you have a right to love what you do. Love it to death.

#personal #story #life #fantasy #Dream #dreamjob #be your own person #beyourbestself #try #work #freelancing #freelance #risk #reward #earnit

[the-angry-nerd]

Thursday, May 16, 2024

I have been working. Very, very hard. I go to work and then do hours of other types of work. Most of it is to get me ready for the upcoming semester. I have a lot going on in the fall and I want to make sure I am prepared. I am very excited for what is to come. I have to get through the next few months. Even though I am working none stop I am still trying to make time for fun. However, I am not making time to be creative. I went to New Haven the other day. I have been craving Korean corn dogs so I went on a little day trip. Completely alone. Something about being myself and getting lost in my own world makes me nervous. I am not used to being that alone. Being at school and walking alone is different, it’s a college campus. The worst thing I have to worry about is a Chad.

I want to get to a point where I am comfortable traveling alone. I am so comfortable I can have my headphones on and take pictures as I walk around. I want to feel so secure I can walk more than 2 blocks from my car. I really want to make the most of my time this summer. It’s only May, but I want to do it all. I want to create, study, plan, etc. I also want to relax. I want to have fun. I have a lot on my to do list but I hope I can find an enjoying way to get it all done.

I started to study for the Praxis Core exam. That is probably the only thing this summer I am not looking forward to doing. Honestly it’s just the math section I am nervous about. So far it is not too bad. Pretty self explanatory. However, I am nervous it will start to get harder. I want a study guide for the test done by the time the fall semester starts so I do not have to worry about that on top of my classes. I am definitely playing the long game right now. I hope it will pay off, I know it will.

I have been neglecting writing in my private journal. I just do not have the inspiration to do it recently. I will get back in the swing of things soon.

One of my goals for this summer was to stretch every morning. I really want to take more care of my body. I know once I get it in my routine, it will stay there. However, getting it to be a regular thing is hard for me. I mean I just started brushing my teeth twice a day like 4 months ago. Now that I’m back home, I’m not even sticking to that. It’s crazy how a change in environment can cause a change in behavior. Everyone is asleep by the time I am ready to brush my teeth and go to bed, I do not want to wake them. This was not a problem in the dorms. Life being back is very different. I feel different here than I did before.

#book blog #neil gaiman #prose #writeblr #spilled ink #writblr #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writing #female writers #lesbian #sapphic #writer #writers and poets

[ahopkins1965]

What Does It Mean being Myself?

 

     What does it mean being myself?  First, I want to inform all of you that I was born on Thursday June 24, 1965 at 7:30PM.  My mother was gifted.  I guess that since I had a C+ Grade Point Average in School, I thought everything was well.

 

Second, I want to say that It has taken me a lot longer to do things.  For example, I did not do very well in math in school.  I did very well in all of my other subjects in school except math.  As long as I know how to count my money, I am fine.  I cannot say that because God has other plans for me.  I mean!!  I might have to attend school again.

 

     Third, I want to inform all of you that I have changed a whole lot.  My overall behavior has changed because I do not argue with other people anymore.  I have to literally resolve all of my issues with other people.  God has helped me a lot!!  I know that I am a person, who has above average intelligence.  My therapist and I are working on a No Medication Approach.  The reason why the therapist would only like for me to write down everything that is feasible for me.

 

Fourth, I love listening to music.  I love listening to music with a meaning.  I am saying that I like listening to music that makes me think about how I have managed to earn a College Degree in Interdisciplinary Studies and Social Work.

     Fifth, I want to inform all of you that I am very intelligent.  I am a person who do not like to argue with the next person.  I am doing the best I can to listen to God.  I will admit that I have been dealing with my own issues for the past 13 years now.  I know that it is not very easy having Schizophrenia and Schizoid Affective Disorder at the same time.  I have to be perfectly frank by saying that it has not been easy dealing with a mental illness.

 

     Sixth, I want to say that there are people who use vulgarity towards me.  I know that this is a very serious problem that affects millions of people worldwide.  I know that I am a person; who likes to listen to other people talk.

 

 

 I have been sad because my mother and sister passed away six years ago.  I really accept what people say.  However, if I say something in return, certain people do not accept what I tell them.  This is the reason why I prefer to be by myself for a while.  What does it mean being myself?  I want to inform all of you that I always listen to other people, more than they listen to me.

 

Finally, I want to inform all of you that I have had success in my life.  For Instance, I have written three books in my life.  I have written two books in one year.

 

 My mother is very proud of me for being the person that I am today.  Although I do not have any children of my own.  This is because my mother wanted me to have children before she died.  Mom and I used to talk at great length every single day.  My sister wanted me to go with her everywhere she went.  I miss both of them!!

 

In Conclusion, I want to say that I am still learning about life as well as the meaning of it.  I am a changed man.  I have been clean and sober for 33 years now.  I have been keeping to myself as of late because I have been spending time with God.  May 2, 1990 is my date of sobriety.  May 2, 1990 was on a Wednesday back then.  I went to treatment one month later.

I have a lot of physical problems right now.  I had back surgery last year before the Thanksgiving Holiday.  I have been having back problems for over 25 years now.  I have had too many health problems since Sunday July 25, 1982.  What happened on that day is that I had a Grand Mal Seizure.  Otherwise, I am doing fine.  Please keep me and my family members in your prayers.  Thanks!!