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#i want someone to tell me im in the wrong and that friends give in for each other

muwapsturniolo · 3 days

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✯𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐀𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬✯

IN WHICH... i explain my fav songs of the month and how they match with the triplets.

WARNINGS: sex is briefly talked about but its nothing really.

𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐆𝐎 ☆ 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐈 𝐅𝐓 𝐉𝐓

I want to start by saying why this is one of my fav songs at the moment. I love Doechii THE BITCH ALWAYS SERVES CUNTTTTTTTT!!!!! this song just does sum to me, it makes me want to go to the ballroom and vouge and do five death drops in a row! the beat, the lyrics, THE MUSIC VIDEO! it reminds me sm of Azelia Banks (that hoe so problematic it's not even funny anymore) and i love it!

now on to why i think this song is perfect for nick

an alter ego is basically a persons second face/persona that we don't see until it's time for it to come out. and one thing i think a lot of people in this fandom forgets is that WE DON'T KNOW THEM! we as viewers have this image of them in our head based off of what they let us see through a screen, and nick doesn't let us forget that. he has stated many times that most of our opinions are wrong (them not being friends with people, la vs Boston debate etc.) and i think that's important.

I'm not saying nick has an alter ego or is two faced,but he is a leo man and them mfs headstrong! and that's what this song breathes!!! it gives a headstrong bad bitch that nobody can say shit to!!! THAT IS NICK!!! NICK ALWAYS PUTTING US AND OTHERS IN PLACE AND ITS NEEDED!!!

"NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH THESE HOES AINT PHASIN ME. NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH BOO BOO BITCH YOU DEAD TO ME" nick does not let this fandom phase him fr. he does wtf he wanna do when he wanna do it. of course he loves us and appreciates us, but he not with our bull shit!!

"UNFAZED UNBOTHERED UNFUCKWITHABLE BITCH, WHY BOTHER?" a lot of people like to sit up here and run they mouth saying nick is so bothered, and he cares too much about what people think. LIE!!!!! YALL JUST DONT UNDERSTAND HIM!!! HES UNFAZED WITH THE BULL SHIT, IT DON'T BOTHER HIM FR!!! HE FINDS THE SHIT FUNNY! HE LIKE MAKING YALL TALK ABOUT HIM BUT HE DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YALL START WITH HIM AND HIS FAMILY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

"IM THE PROBLEM, IM THE VILLIAN. I DONT SEE THESE HOES IN THESE RICK SHEILDS, THROWIN DIRT ON MY NAME AND HE GON HIT STILL!" people love to make nick the villain when he isn't!!! some people fr never had somebody tell them how it is and they just run with the narrative that someone is being mean when they not!!! he not being mean, he keeping it a buck fifty with yall!!! and tbh he don't care if yall see as the villain cuz why? he still got more money than us and we never gon be on his level fr.

@thenickgirl had to let ppl know to stop messing with him!!!!

𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐈'𝐒 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐒 ☆ 𝐁𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄

i want to say this before i start. BEYONCE PUT HER WHOLE MF COOCHIE INTO COWBOY CARTER OMFGGGG!!!! IM SECRECTLY A WHORE FOR COUNTRY MUSIC SO I REALLY FEEL LIKE SHE MADE THIS ALBUM FOR ME!!!

OK LET'S GET INTO IT NO DOJA!

this description is going to be a bit different from Nick's and Chris's because I'm focusing more on the vibe of the song. the whole premise of this song (in my opinion) is two lovers just loving on each other! idk why i get big Matt vibes from this song😭 maybe because i love the idea of Cowboy Matt (before anyone say anything I'm making a Cowboy Matt series! it's already being written!) and yeah i don't have to say much more on that topic.

like yall know when Matt be smiling and giggling at his phone in car videos? i could already imagine his girlfriend sending him a pic of her ass in the new jeans and he just-

lemme stop before i write a whole separate fic for this song.

"YOU CALL ME PRETTY LITTLE THING, AND I LOVE TO TURN HIM ON." matt would deff call his girl a pretty little thing. she would be blushing and kicking her feet an ion blame her!!! and i too would love to turn him on!!

"BOY ILL LET YOU BE MY LEVI JEANS SO YOU CAN HUG THAT ASS ALL DAY LONG" matt would not resist looking at his gf ass and he would deff walk with his hand in her back pocket!!

"SO HOP OUT THE PHONE AND BRING THAT SHIT ON 'CAUSE IM GOING NOSEDIVE" matt the munch. pussy drunk. hurry tf up and bring your ass to him cause he bout to eat you out for hours!!!

thank you for coming to my ted talk on why Cowboy Matt is my fav and i need Matt eating me out ASAP!!!

𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓 ☆ 𝐋𝐈𝐋 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐒

I PROMISE IM NOT ONE OF THE FANS WHO LOVES SKIES CUZ OF CHRIS!!! I WAS LISTENING TO SKIES WHEN LIFE OF A DARK ROSE DROPPED!! i truly loves skies cuz his music just takes me back to the era of SoundCloud and i was actually happy lmao.

onto the topic.

now, i didn't pick this song cuz chris loves skies, i picked it cuz i feel like to a certain degree, it matches chris perfectly!!! lust doesn't have to mean sex, it could be towards money, adrenaline, etc.

Although Skies does talk about sex in this song, i think he's saying that he's lusting after money and the adrenaline that comes with fame and success, but he's lacking the love that was once there and he's lusting for love as well.

i think that relates to chris's whole being. he's constantly spitting out ideas and created his own brand to chase the bag, chase his dreams. i lowkey like to believe chris is an adrenaline junky. not in a sense of jumping off cliffs or anything, more in a sense of just doing stupid shit like fighting with his brothers and suggesting crazy plans.

idk if my description of this makes any sense i just can't put it into words so imma do the lyrics and try to explain further.

"GET IN MY WAY AND TRY TO BLOCK ME IMMA SHOW AGRESSION" this could be towards a person or himself. I'm not saying chris is money hungry, he's just about his bag. he wouldn't like for anyone, including himself to get in the way of making his dreams come true and if they do, i think he gets a bit hostile. it could be him cutting them off, or simply just distancing himself for a bit. if it's himself i think that's when he gets sad and beats himself up. he said it in a few videos that he becomes hard on himself, or he gets sad before bed and i think that's why.

"GOT NO REGRETS, I MADE MISTAKES, BUT I LEARNED FROM MY LESSONS" this lyrics speaks volumes for chris!!!! i feel like it was said by him that he doesn't regret things he's done in the past or experienced, but he's glad he's learned from them. i think all of them are big on "life's a lesson, learn from it." he doesn't dwell too much on the past, it's done and all he can do is move past it and learn to not make the same mistake with people or opportunities.

"DON'T BE ACTING STARSTRUCKED EVERYTIME THEY SHOW YOU LOVE." this could be towards friendships or relationships. it's no secret LA is full of fake people but it's honestly everyone at this point in time. i think chris realized that at some point. just because people smile in your face and act nice don't mean the friendship/relationship is real. people always want something, and its not always love, it could be sex, money, and or fame. it doesn't surprise him anymore. i think that's why he stick to who and what he knows, especially in the relationship sense.

i think imma do this every month, this was fun lmao. tell me what yall fav songs are atm!!!

TAGLIST 🍑

@bernardsgf @bernardsleftbootycheek @blahbel668 @mattfrfr @gdsvhtwa @sturniolo-aali @lily-loves-struniolos @kynda-avery @causeidontlikeagoldrush

@st7rnioioss @carolinalikesthings @mattslolita @suyqa @xxloveralways14 @pepsiimaxx @judespoision

@ivonchetooo1239 @imaslut4kehlani @that-general-simp @m4stermindd @itzdarling @gigisworldsstuff @adoreindie @braindead4l @pettydollie @chrissgirlsstuff @alexis007 @ratatioulle @yamamasjumpercables @luv4kozume @sturnioloslurps @kqyslyho3 @j3tblackt3ars @ilovestarz @lustfulslxt @soimightlikeoldmen69 @tastesousweet @slut4sebastiansallow @whicked-hazlatwhore @stasiesturn @loljackwasfat @nicksmainbitch @ninacutebee16 @mayhem-72 @sturniolosmind @breeloveschris @mattslolita @mattsivy @guccifrog @hysteria-things @mrssturnioloo @koris_009 @patscorner @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @nickuniversity @luverboychris @thenickgirl @riasturns @imwetforyourmom @junnniiieee07 @realuvrrr @milasturniolo @fwskullz @hearts4tatemcrae @mattandchrismakemewett @chrissystur @canthelpit0 @strnilo @demistyles @junovrsmp4 @heartsforchrisandmatt @maryx2xx @vecnasnose0 @freshsturns @xxsturnxx @pettydollie @crimsoncorpse @sturnssmuts @sturniolovoid @m0r94n

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seosracha · 3 days

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Hi again! Now that ik you do song based fics, i must share my idea with you cause i love your writing!. I was wondering if you'd do a fic for ZB1 Hanbin or Zhang Hao (whichever you think fits this best!) based on the song "like you want me to" by Lyn Lapid where reader believes they deserve someone better than them! <3

୨୧⸻ like you want me to - SUNG HANBIN

genre: angst NOTHING MORE😂🔥🙏 , oneshot

pairing: sung hanbin x gn!reader

wc: 0.6k

authors note: hi nonnie I just want to tell you IM OBSSESED with this song now and also sorry for being lazy and not doing this req 😆😆 anyways requests are open if anyones interested!!!

You’ve been dating Sung Hanbin for around 8 months now.

He was everything you ever wanted in a man; kind, caring and wasn't afraid to show his love for you. He was also gorgeous, a smile always decorated his face so perfectly, never allowing you to stay mad at him for long periods of time. He touched your mind and heart so beautifully and delicately.

That's how he always was. At least at the beginning. He'd be so proud to show you off to his friends, not afraid of being bullied by them for it. He'd take you out practically everyday, glad to even have the oppurtunity to be near you.

And even as embarassing as it was to admit, Hanbin was your every first. You had never been the one to initate romantic interctions with people, and he was the one who truly showed you what it means to love someone deeply.

So it was hard to accept the fact that he no longer was the Hanbin you fell in love with.

You wished you could go back to the moment he changed. You kept blaming yourself for it, wondering where you went wrong, why was it never enough. If only you knew the exact thing, the exact day when the switch flipped inside of him, maybe you could find a way to fix it all.

You gave him the world, and would give him more if you ever could. Some part of you didn't want to accept the fact that you did deserve better, because the short moments when you’d see the old Hanbin peek through his new persona, kept you in place.

Maybe he had noticed, trying desperately to keep you around, but it was all so fake. It was all so incredibly fake, cause it'd never last.

And you never wanted to ruin the one afternoon you’d occasionally have together, bringing up issues in the midst of a moment you so rarely were a witness of. He’d show up at your house, and even though you knew you shouldn’t come out, thinking that maybe he’d finally understand, still, somehow your heart found a way to open that door.

You knew you were hurting yourself by doing this. You knew that the longer you continued lying to yourself, the harder it would get to let him go. You needed much more than he could possibly offer you, and yet still you found yourself opening that door, replying to that message, and answering that call.

Your friend had told you she had seen him with someone else last Wednesday.

You should’ve realized you needed someone better a long time ago.

How come it took so much fights, lies and harsh words for you to finally realize your worth.

And even though Hanbin was practically perfect, you knew deep deep down that even with a spark, it doesn’t mean it’s gonna light.

You loved learning knew things, absorbing new knowledge, and the one thing you learned so quickly was how to love him.

So you hated the fact that'd you'd never learn how to stop.

You may have loved Hanbin, but he’d never want you like you wanted him to.

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stellas-starry-stove13 · 2 days

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♥︎ • “In the dark or light, I'm right here.”• ♥︎ Akito and Rui x fem! reader (separate)

Dishes: Pancake and Soda candy

Drink: Strawberry sundae (dating)

Cuisine: Oneshot

Ingredients: Milk chocolate(?) (hurt/comfort) (not really)

Customer: @kanasakiis

Notifing: @akitosheart, a pancake has been made!

C/N: Um... Yes char just let her go into the dark by herself but it doesn't last very long... I feel I did something wrong but I tried my best and of course had to give a 'happy' ending so.. Here you go. Thanks for ordering once more though <3 oh, also they might be a bit short sorry, Im trying not to pressure myself like how i used to write, like how i nerfed from posting everyday to every other day

“Well, I think it's about time for you to go. My dad doesn't like when we have friends over after 9:00. I need to get some things done anyway.”

“Oh, okay.”

I watch her gaze out the window and into the starry night sky, before standing up from my desk chair.

“I'll walk you out.”

I state before walking beside the girl and sliping my hand into hers despite knowing it'll stay there for a minute only.

“See ya tomorrow.”

I say with a small smile as my lips drift to her own for a goodbye kiss.

“Bye...”

After a short amount of time, I head back into my bedroom, unbeknownst to me that my girlfriend is currently trembling in the dark without me by her side. I shift my hand to the doorknob before deciding against it after the sound of light knocking rings through my ears.

Did she forget something?

“Huh?”

“U-Um... Actually c-can you walk me home?”

I immediately notice the slight fear in her voice and body language and am unable to decline her request as concern for the girl forms on my face.

“Uh, sure.”

Stepping outside, I'm immediately met with the cool night air hugging my face.

“Are you okay?”

I ask, concerned for her, though trying not to show it.

“I'm sorry.... I just didn't want to walk home by myself in the dark.”

It takes me a moment to process those words, but after I do, a frown envelopes my face.

“Oh... Are you scared of the dark?”

“.....”

Silence finds its way into the atmosphere before I see slight nod from Y/N.

I sigh and grip her hand warmly, looking at her with a scolding expression as I lead her into the direction of her house.

“Just tell me that next time.”

“Sorry....”

Another sigh escapes my mouth as I shake my head once.

“You know.... In the dark or light, I'm right here.”

“Enjoyed the show?”

I ask, a cat grin slipping onto my lips as I stand in front of the girl, awaiting an answer.

She nods in satisfaction, causing me to let out a low hum before speaking once more.

“Well, I'm going to go help clean up. Feel free to help us, but I understand if you have to go home.”

“Yeah, I should probably go home now..”

“Alright. Goodnight, sweet pea.”

I pat her head lightly as my lips make contact with her forehead, a small and friendly smile crossed on them.

“Bye.”

I hum to myself again after watching Y/N walk away, my focus fixated on the task at hand. My face becomes more serious and focused though as I open up RoboNene's back, planning on making a small upgrade to the robot.

Only three minutes later, I glance by the lamp posts and see the familiar girl leaning against the post, as if waiting patiently for someone.

“Hm?”

With curiosity bouncing inside of me, I approach Y/N to ask of her actions.

“Y/N? I thought you were going home.”

“Oh, uh... I'll just wait instead, actually.”

“May I ask why?”

My eyes catch the slight parting of her lips before they watch it stick back together again.

“Um... Well I didn't really want to go alone... In the night.. In the dark...”

I remain silent, not expecting such an answer from her before nodding my head.

“I see. In that case, would you want me to walk you back right now? I'm sure the others don't mind cleaning up by themselves.”

“Oh, uh.. are you sure?”

“Of course.”

Without remedy, I take hold of her hand and lead her towards the exit of the bustling theme park.

I hum in silence as the cool night breeze envelops my face, leaving me with a warm smile.

“You know, you don't strike me as one who would be afraid of the dark.”

“? How did you..”

I chuckle at her cute look of surprise and pat her head with a smug grin.

“Never underestimate a director's observation.”

“....”

I watch her avert her gaze from my own, seemingly embarrassed.

“Don't be embarrassed, sweet pea. Everyone has their fears. Besides..”

I tilt her chin towards me.

“Wether in the dark or light, I'm right here.”

#project sekai x reader #project sekai #akito shinonome #shinonome akito #akito x reader #shininome akito x reader #akito shinonome x reader #rui kamishiro x reader #kamishiro rui x reader #rui kamishiro #rui x reader #kamishiro rui #♦︎ ~your dish has been served~ ♦︎

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levi-dayne · 2 months

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silly little vent in the tags

#i really miss him and it's not fair how much i gave to him every day when i had to beg for attention back #i don't get why this always happens #it's every single person every single time #and they always tell me i was the best person they ever dated and i made them realize what being loved feels like or whatever #but i always end up more damaged #it feels like people think the way i love is like an apology from the universe that they can just take all of without reciprocating #instead of another traumatized person with feelings also trying to get what they give #it's so exhausting and frustrating i just want to love someone that loves me back #and they all say they do and tell me how great i am but they never listen when i communicate what i need and i have to beg #and they expect praise for the bare minimum #i asked him what he does for me and he said 'i was there to support you'#do you want a medal?? you SHOULD support your partners and your friends #and they all acknowledge that when the roles are reversed #what really fucks me up about it is when i see how they treated their exes #why not me?? what did i do wrong??#and they say i didn't do anything and that i was the best but no one acts like it #im so fucking tired of this it hurts so much #like i know for a fact my other ex legitimately saw me as his reward for persevering through rejection #when can people start seeing me as an equal to them that also wants to be loved and valued and needed?? it's not fair #people keep taking advantage of me and how caring i am towards them and it sucks #im losing hope once someone DOES treat me right i won't even trust it #personal posts 😌✨️✨️#tw vent

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buppypuppy · 5 months

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#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear

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alasy · 9 months

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advices are welcome because i ✨dont know anything anymore✨

#this friend of mine is the sweetest #we always got along even though we're very different #in the way that im a very closed off person i dont like social media and i will not reply to texts and its nothing personal its just me #he on the other hand is very talkative. loves showing affection and has like 3 different podcasts and he's friends with literally everyone #long story short he graduated and moved cities it's been 3 months #also i went through a very bad depressive episode and im still crawling out of it #he says im distant and its not because the lack of texts but because there isnt a way to communicate with me #i say im depressed and its disappearing is nothing new and he knows this. that all im asking is time #he says he's anxious and has abandonment issues and that his love language is words of affirmation #i say i was never a person that says much from the beginning and listed all other things ive done and sacrifice myself for him #he says he understands and he feels loved and cared for by me. still his love language is words of affirmation and he needs it #it feels like a demand even though he keeps saying it's not #he says there's nothing wrong with me being an overall absent person and that the problem is with him #his insecurities and words of affirmation is the way out of it #and i dont know what to do anymore #i want someone to tell me im in the wrong and that friends give in for each other #but everyone keeps saying this is not okay and i dont know i understand where he's coming from #i just .... im so tired #'ik you said you dont have energy but do you see where im coming from?' left a bad taste in my mouth #idk my heart is heavy im so exhausted and i wish he had read that damn text i sent him carefully and not rushed to replu #reply*#how can a person respect your boundaries and still cross them and then no it's actually you misunderstanding?#aita #personal

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autisticlee · 11 months

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it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!

i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"

why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)

ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!

this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!

why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.

#it happens every time!!!!!!!! i dont havw the spoons amd energy to keep giving these people every piece of me. theres nothing left!!!!!#people always tell me keep trying dont give up dont cut yourself off from everyone etc #but everyone cuts ME off so wtf am i supposed to do????? keep wasting energy and brain power just to let them keep doing it?!#its like if you spend a year carefully crafting a custom blanket for someone. putting in all your love and time and energy. give it to them #AND THEY SER IT ON FIRE AND WALK AWAY. NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HOW HARD YOU WORKED OR ANYTHING #that's what its like every time i try with people. it's a waste and i never get anything good out of it 😭#so why would it be wrong to protect myself by taking the part of the cold and unresponsive one for once? act like them instead?#no try or give someone much attention until they do like i always did and put in a ton of effort and keep it going?#if someone tries as hard as i always did then they must be good and worthy of keeping around and putting some effort into myself right?#ugh idk. i hate all of this and humans arent good at being good friends and im tired of trying to be one too #perhaps me not trying will make people think i dont care about them so they give up still anyway. well oh well #that means they didnt try gard enough and would have given up anyway. if i dont get attached or care much first then it hurts less #i know everyone tries to make me feel better by saying stuff like the right ones exist and my people are out there or whatever #but i will not believe it until i see it. because it's possible that is not true. it's possible i'll never have real/close friends #what then????? what do i do about that?? people love telling me i'll find the right people but no one steps up to try being that one #this all sounds doom and gloom but I'm just venting. in reality i just give it 3 tries.#if a person makes excuses or doesnt respond or doesnt carry the conversation 3 times on a row i will give up and it's their move.#if they dont come forward at all then we are done and i will never reach out to or speak to them again. if they want me they can prove it #lee rambles #autistic #autism #actually autistic #autism things #autistic friendship #friendship problems #loneliness #communication #cptsd #rsd #the fun thing about the cptsd and rsd combo is when people do these things i get hit with a wave if every past experience and relive it 🙃

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blueprint-han · 1 year

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did i make a mistake?

#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags #so yeah fair warning #...........................................................................................................................................#idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man #i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk #about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text #or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want #to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes #fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the #relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard #to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call #a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who #asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it.#i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt #think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was #again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy #who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him #and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like “oh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do that” i just. man i pictured so much out of my first #relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant #really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy #himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly.#theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house #has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place.#its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid #i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over #a relationship that has just been going for 1 week #theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of #which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a #long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i #ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog

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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years

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I feel like there's an obsession in me waiting to burst out, but so many horrible things have happened due to that, it's rotting in there. I'm worried.

#mine #yandere #yandere vent #im not even sure if i WANT to be obsessed. its all clouded up in my head nothing makes sense #like my immediate obsessions have migrated from all of them being romance to all of them being plain admiration #which is way way way way WAY better because then no one will think its as creepy. im not a creep. for the love of god #he was such a fucking liar. made me feel safe and then ripped everything out from under me.#OK ANYWAYS thats not the point of this post . i literally cannot tell what my feelings for anyone are anymore. i cant differentiate them #im just waiting for someone to ask me if i Like Him because ive been acting so attached to him but i couldnt give a straight answer.#i dont even know ! yes this vent is caused by a minor inconvenience. ok well its technically bc i wouldnt be able to hang out w him #i dont fucking want to be dependent on him i dont want him to influence my emotions this shit has happened so often it has to be over #still thinking abt the 'you think hes in love with you?? he doesnt even like you' post 💀#i dont know what my feelings ARE but i know theyre bad ausuaufjfjf i dont wanna be overbearing #im 'less annoying' in the sense i try to barely message him at all. like he doesnt care lol. he probably values me as a friend ig #not sure why im so torn up over this. i doubt we are compatible in the first place but i have the horrible obsession again #i dont feel a particularly strong emotional connection to him ig. like he is nice he is fine but im not insane yandere abt it #more just distressed dere about it –_– i mainly just want him to talk to me and tell me about stuff like thats IT #just respond to my annoying questions. its so sad that im desperate for the bare minimum :/#genuinely dont know if its a romantic attachment? i feel wrong if i imagine stuff like that. i dont want to be thought of as a freak again #i just want everyone to feel sorry for me!? but no one is gonna wanna hang out with me if im begging for sympathy all the time !!!#i just like his voice and his vocabulary etc a funny guy . but hes my friend so i feel fuckin dirty imagining even mildly romantic things #last time i did that i got called a creep <3 im physically unable to think of that anymore! it feels so disgusting!#im happy because i wont have delusional one sided romances anymore but also upset at the fact i cant imagine situations to make me happy #thats what regular teenagers do. they daydream abt crushes they have. but i cant do that. it feels so horrible #i wanna be like 'omg i love him<3' but i dont know if i do. i really dont know. i cant distinguish love #all my 'crushes' feel like broken watered down messes. they dont make any sense. i want clarity. i want to be healthy for once #i dont know if any of my feelings are real or long lasting ^_^ and if they were they have a 0.0000001 chance of being reciprocated #im not going to lose my mind over this strange feeling again. its happened so many times w so many different people #i ought to be used to it by now! i dont know if i will ever be able to truly be IN LOVE again. im not sure i ever was #💿

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arledrone · 2 years

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i have very straightforward thoughts on the current situation going on and they consist of 'if you're criticised for something important then literally ‘x was not my intention but i can understand how it isn’t a good look and will do better’ and also 'you can criticise someone without telling them to kill themselves it's not hard to be a normal person' like these are not mutually exclusive concepts... i just think you're all too socially inept to interact with each other <3

#real talk with dani #you all know how stubborn and aggressive i am when it comes to this fucking fandom's #racism and colourism so i dont want to hear a Goddamn thing about how my stance seems strange and unusual to you #like if you cant take criticism without making a big fuss of it then yikes #and if you can't criticise someone without resorting to 'jokes' about telling them to kill themselves #also yikes #it is really Not that hard #anon off bc i dont want laizy's friends trying to yell at me about how she should've been coddled instead or some shit #and also don't need lonely teenagers telling me im evil because ive never had to resort to telling ppl to off themselves to tell them #tell them that they're fucking idiots when it comes to recognising racism and colourism #and that your Intentions do not make you above backlash of what the Impression you give off inevitably result in #i am taking you all to the dog park so you can relearn social skills #ive made my stance on this very clear in the past with a similar situation #aka the ce-meyers situation #and i am sticking to my guns #also apparently some of yall decided to OUT someone to its homphobic parents?????#(it/its are the pronouns used btw)#like what the actual fuck is wrong with ALL of you #touching grass is not enough you NEED to reincarnate into fertiliser in the next century

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chaos-coming · 2 years

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Ive spent an entire week at a field camp for my grad program and i am so sick of trying to make polite conversations with the rich white european professors who are the absolute embodiment of useless academics and snide european privilege. And the cohort is like okay, but half of them are super young and coming from wealthy privileged families and have very little understanding of how the world works. The other half are a more normal age but theyre a little conservative and really alcoholic and im tired of trying to be nonargumentative about the way they talk about certain things. These are so not my people not the students and not the professors. I dont regret moving to this country but it was not the right decision given the way im finding out this school is. It doesnt align with 90% of what i want from a grad program or place to live and if it hadnt been corona time i would have made different choices

#one of the profs keeps criticizing is for using cell phones during breaks when we are away from campus for a week during fucking finals #he wants to outlaw meat and wind turbines and he even used the ecofascist overpopulation in africa line #hes like half a step away from being a fascist primmie but all his expensive hiking gear is made of plastic #nobody likes him amd hes famous for failing students on purpose im soad o have to retake his exam i literally worked as a researcher #in this subject the test was just bullshit #im just tired and i miss talking to my friends and this week was mostly wasted time bc these academics are so petty and hate each other #so they refuse to coordinate anything and this course is taught by 4 professors in the woods #we were missing half the equipment and spend literal hours waiting around for them to figure out what we are supposed to do #which they wont tell us then they do this patronizing laugh when we get it wrong #and the phd students are really cliquey and a cpuple of them arent so nice theyre really conceited bc we are just doing masters #so the profs give them special treatment #just done get me home i need to talk to someone with decent opinions stat

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masochistikitty · 23 minutes

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man why does literally no one give a shit about me.