#i think they're from not sleeping and from stress

[entitled-fangirl]

I hope I do.

Barty Crouch Jr. x Potter!reader

Summary: The reader wants Barty to meet her parents. He could not be more worried.

Warnings: cursing. Daddy Crouch issues.

A/N: This was based on an ask!

Masterlist

................................................

"I think you're overthinking this." Y/N stated.

Barty Crouch Jr. had been dating the beloved sister of one James Potter for over a year. 

Although she had been placed in Slytherin, nothing had changed in her family dynamic between her parents and brother.

Sirius and Regulus found themselves a little jealous.

Y/N reached out and grabbed Barty's hand from across the Slytherin table of the Great Hall. "Trust me on this."

Barty took a breath. "But I'm no angel, darling."

She leaned back with a small laugh, "They'll like you because I like you."

He nodded, but his mind was far from eased.

…

Regulus sat at the foot of his bed while half-listening to Barty's rant.

"I mean, her friends? Sure. Her brother? Yeah. But her parents? Parents… they're…" he paused his pacing in thought.

"Hard to please?" Regulus finished.

"Yes! Hard to please." He continued his stride back and forth. "The stress of pleasing your own parents is more than enough. But the parents of your future wife?"

Regulus' eyebrows furrowed, "Maybe don't start your introduction by saying she's your future wife."

Barty sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "You're right. You're always right. But, do you get what I'm saying?"

The youngest Black sibling nodded his head, "Especially if they're anything like James. Bloody annoying and brass."

Barty's eyes widened, "I didn't even think of that. Surely they're not horrible if Sirius is over there constantly."

Regulus shrugged, "He's just as thick headed as Potter."

The two laughed as his clever quip.

The laughter settled and the two were left in sudden serious silence.

"It's just," Barty sighed. "I already know I'm not good enough, especially for her. Blimey, she could have anyone in the world, and I was fortunate enough to be chosen. I already see that, Regulus. I can't take her father reminding me."

Regulus quit fiddling with his tie to look up at him, "That's what this is about? You're going in thinking they've already made up their mind about you?"

"It's Fleamont Fucking Potter! How could he not?"

A long sigh left Regulus' mouth as he stood up to get ready for bed. "You look the Dark Lord in the eyes every meeting, and you're scared of the Potters? J…Just talk to your girlfriend. I'm not qualified enough for this shit."

Barty didn't get much sleep that night.

…

"Stop messing with your jacket. You look fine." Y/N reprimanded as she fixed his jacket.

Barty's eyes were wide as saucers and his breath was shallow.

Y/N thought it was kind of cute.

"Is there… is there anything I need to know?" He asked quickly.

"Anything… what?" She asked confused.

"Any weird rules around the house? Any traditions? Anything I could do wrong?"

Y/N's eyes looked at him like he had two heads, "No."

"I mean that seriously, love. Any topics off the table? Does someone have a wonky eye I shouldn't stare at? You have to give me somethi-"

"Barty!" She laughed out. Her hands rested on his chest. "Take a deep breath. My parents will love you, alright?"

Regulus had a point. How could he look at Voldemort and feel nothing, yet two middle aged parents had him running for the hills?

"Are you ready?" She asked.

He nodded as he took a handful of floo powder. "I'm ready."

As he threw the powder down, the two disappeared in flames.

Their bodies appeared in the fireplace of the Potter Manor.

James was seated on the large sectional, and his heads snapped up at the sight. He smiled, "There you are. I was worried you two were too busy snogging to join us."

She took a deep breath and rolled her eyes, "Do you ever mind your own business?"

He shrugged, "No, not really."

"Where's mum and dad?"

He pointed his head over towards the kitchen.

Y/N grabbed Barty's hand and pulled him to the kitchen.

As they rounded the corner, Barty finally saw the faces with traits his beloved girlfriend had inherited.

And wow, was it now obvious to him how well the two Potter siblings resembled their parents.

"Mum. Dad."

The two fully turned and their faces lit up. Euphemia grinned and quickly walked to her, "Oh, hi, sweetheart!"

Barty wasn't used to such excitement when your own kids walks into a room.

Euphemia embraced Y/N tightly before pulling away to look at Barty.

Fleamont had leaned against the counter happily watching the exchange before his eyes too, found the boy.

Y/N turned, "This is Barty. Um… Mr. Crouch's son."

Fleamont's eyebrows raised at the mention of Crouch.

Barty felt like he could puke.

Here it comes.

"Oh. I see. Lovely to meet you, Barty."

Barty was so lost in his own mind that he barely registered the outstretched hand of Fleamont Potter. He blinked and reached out to shake it. "The… The pleasure is mine, sir."

Fleamont let out a small laugh, "Please. Just Fleamont is fine. I hate formalities."

Y/N turned to Barty, "That's where James gets it from, if you couldn't tell."

This actually made Barty let out a small chuckle.

Euphemia found her place next to Fleamont. "Our girl has said so much about you. I feel like we know you already."

That's weird, Barty thought. I don't feel scolded at all, yet.

Perhaps it would happen later.

…

Barty pulled out the chair for Y/N, who let out a small thank you, before he found his place next to her.

Though the table was large, he didn't feel intimidated as he sat there.

It was a nice change.

Fleamont sat at the head with Euphemia at the foot. Barty and Y/N sat together on one side, and James on the other.

Fleamont broke the silence, "Where's Sirius?"

James shrugged, "Washroom, I think."

Y/N's head shot up, "I didn't know Siri was here."

Fleamont grinned, "Oh yeah. You said the boys are coming over later, didn't you?"

James' grin matched his father's, "After supper, yes. We wouldn't miss watching the Quidditch Cup for anything."

Y/N sighed at turned to Barty, "It's just them yelling for four hours. Except poor Remus."

"Hey, Remus is fine." James butted in. "We feed him. He's not mistreated."

Y/N smirked, "Sure. That's what he tells you."

James cocked his head, "Oh really? And what? He tells you things?"

Y/N matched his energy, "Unlike you, he talks about his feelings."

Although there was bickering, no one raised their voice.

In fact, they seemed to be having fun.

Barty was slightly confused.

His eyes flicked back and forth, once moving to their parents.

The two rolled their eyes but held the widest grins on their faces.

They actually… could bicker for fun?

Sirius strutted in, "Sorry, Mum. Didn't mean to be late."

Euphemia smiled, "You're just fine, love."

Barty's eyes widened. Mum? He called her Mum?

His thoughts were interrupted by the continued argument.

"Remus doesn't have feelings!" James rebutted with a knowing grin.

"See? Now you just sound ridiculous!" Y/N laughed.

Sirius found his way in, "Hey! Remus is a ball of steel that lives off of sheer spite. Don't let him fool you!"

Y/N scoffed, "He's the most sensitive of all of yo-"

The two boys began to rebuttal at the same time, causing their voices to overlap.

"No, that's not true"

"Remus is heartless"

"You don't know him like we do"

"He's playing you for a fool"

Barty let out a small cough, and the entire table went quiet.

Sirius finally acknowledged his presence, "And why are you here, exactly?"

It wasn't rude. More, inquisitive.

But Barty took it the wrong way.

His head cocked to the side challengingly, "What am I doing here? What are you doing here? What? Was James allowed to bring his boyfriend, too?"

His eyes grew wide and his mouth closed as soon as the last syllable was uttered, like he didn't know who said that.

He ruined everything.

How could he ever show his face around her family again?

As he began to spiral, Sirius' mouth slowly formed a grin.

And he laughed.

The entire table broke out into a fit of giggles.

Even Euphemia covered her mouth to hold back.

James laughed until he thought he would fall out of his chair.

Fleamont's laugh came out in a boom, much like James'. 

And Barty sat there in confusion.

He just couldn't comprehend what was happening.

Sirius wiped the tears that had fallen in his laughter and sighed, "I'll fucking give that one to you, Crouch. Merlin, you're much funnier than I thought."

And cursing was allowed?

There really were rules Y/N should have told him.

…

After dinner, the family was gathered around the muggle TV James had begged them to buy. Of course, it was enchanted to play the quidditch games.

Fleamont and Euphemia had their respective chairs.

All four marauders took up half of the large sectional and Barty and Y/N spread out on the other half.

Well, Y/N had.

Barty was uncomfortably stiff in his seat, but Y/N had taken the liberty to rest her head on his lap, and lay out on the rest of the couch.

And no one had thought twice about it.

Eventually, her legs grew tired and she sat up, "I'm going to fetch a drink. Need anything, Barty?"

He looked away from the TV to her, "No. No, thank you."

She nodded, brushing her hand across his shoulders when she passed by.

She had left him alone with them.

What does he do? What does he say?

He's in the Potter Manor with all four of the marauders and the Potters. By. Him. Self.

He let out a sigh.

"Everything alright, son?" Fleamont asked.

Barty's head snapped to him. Son?

Did he just say Son?

Oh, fuck. He said Son.

He just stared.

James reached over and elbowed him.

Barty snapped out of it. "Hmm?"

"He asked if you are alright, mate?"

"Oh. Oh. I'm just fine. Long day, is all."

Fleamont nodded with an understanding smile and turned back to the TV.

Barty was too lost in his thoughts to hear them cheering at the next goal.

…

Y/N smiled widely as she sat on her bed, "Well, I'd say that went fairly well."

"I don't want to do it anymore."

Her face fell, "What? Do what?"

Barty's mind was racing as he stood barely out of the doorway. "I can't do it."

She tilted her head, "Barty. Talk to me. What?"

His eyes were staring out of the window across her bedroom, "I don't want to be a death eater anymore."

Her eyebrows raised, "Oh." She wasn't sure what to do in that moment. She wouldn't push him. It was his decision, but she was too curious for her own good. "Can I know why?"

"Your father likes me."

She nodded in confusion, "He does."

"That's why."

"You… You don't want to be a death eater because my father likes you?"

He nodded as if it was obvious.

"Okay. Um… a follow up on that?"

Barty broke from his trance to sit on the bed next to her. "My… my father isn't like that. I'm always underachieving in his mind. But… I feel like I couldn't disappoint your father."

She shrugs, "It would be pretty hard to."

Barty's jaw clenches in thought, "If we ended up even close to as happy as your parents, I'd be the luckiest man in the world."

Now it was her turn to be lost in thought. "Really?"

He nodded. "Your parents love each other. And they love you. And James. And even James' friends for some reason. I want that."

She smiled and ran a hand through his hair, "Then we'll have it."

He smiled too and gently kissed her.

She pulled away with a laugh, "Regulus is going to be upset."

He pulled her closer with a grin, "Ah, he'll be fine."

Their lips connected again.

…

"Going so soon?" Fleamont asked.

"Oh, yes. He has to be up early tomorrow, dad." Y/N said with a smile as she walked Barty to the fireplace.

Fleamont nodded and walked to them, "I'm glad you could come over, son. I hope I get to see you around more."

Barty smiled widely, "yes, sir- uh… yeah. I believe you will."

Her father's smiles widened, "Great." And he disappeared into the kitchen.

Y/N had to practically push Barty into the fireplace cause he was so lost in thought. She placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'll see you Thursday?"

He nodded, "Of course."

She grinned and stood on her tiptoes to place a light kiss to his lips. "I'll wait until then."

He smiled, "Goodnight, love."

James' head peered around the corner with a teasing grin and a dramatic tone, "Goodnight, darling. My one true love! I wait in agony until I see your face again-"

He was interrupted by Remus' hand yanking him back into the kitchen.

Y/N let out a sigh. "You'll get used to that one day."

Barty smiled, "I hope I do."

…........................................................

#fanfiction #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr #barty crouch imagine #barty crouch jr imagine #barty crouch jr fanfiction #david tennant x reader #david tennant fanfic #david tennant #marauders #the marauders fandom #the marauders fanfiction #the marauders era #the marauders #james potter imagine #james potter #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #fleamont potter #euphemia potter

[robyn-i-guess]

gerrymichael enjoyers and writers i want your opinion 🎤

ok so i have this au fic for gerrymichael where it's college au, and it's a like the whole bad boy/good girl (minus the fact they're both boys, and even that's questionable)

basically, gerry is stereotyped due to his more alternative looks and everyone assumes he's probably doing illegal things or just sleeps around a lot

meanwhile michael is the head of student council "goody two shoes" type, who most are sort of aware of but don't know anything about

gerry thinks about michael. a lot. he sees them in the halls for only a few seconds a day but thinks about him for a lot longer. hallway crush vibes. and when they get put into a painting class together, suddenly they have an opportunity to meet, and gerry is freaking out a usual amount. (there's more to the whole plot but that's just the beginning bit)

putting a short lil concept thing under the cut

Gerard Keay does not know Michael Shelley.

The only reason he knows their name is because they're in the student council, meaning it's not uncommon for their name to be said during school events.

He has only seen them in hallways, passing by in a rush while holding papers or books that always seem like they're going to fall out of their hands. Even in those moments, most of what Gerard is able to catch is a blur of golden curls and eyes that are ridden with exhaustion.

So, it is safe to say that he does not know Michael.

That fact only caused confusion to him whenever Gerard realized his strange excitement once learning that Michael would be in one of his classes for the semester.

It was an art class, one that he had picked due to him already being practiced is painting and drawing. He assumed it would be a fun class, or at least one that wouldn't be too stressful. However, when he had first walked into that classroom and saw Michael Shelley sitting at an area in the back, Gerard had assumed the emotion he was feeling was stress. He couldn't pinpoint why, it wasn't like he was intimidated by their status, but he couldn't shake the feeling of nervousness he felt when he accidentally locked eyes with them. He turned his head quickly in that moment, deciding to sit in the front of the room despite that not being where he'd usually prefer to be. Something about Michael sitting there made Gerard think twice about sitting in the back as he normally would.

The lecture went smoothly, it mostly being an introduction to the professor and what would be happening throughout the classes. So did the next, and then the next one after that. That didn't get rid of the feeling he felt, however, every time that Gerard walked into that room and attempted to avoid looking at the one with golden curls in the back. He knew he'd have to talk to them at some point, it was inevitable, but there was something about them that meant he was more nervous to talk to them than he usually would be. And he very much denied the idea that it could be caused by any... feelings he may have. Gerard ruled it as impossible, as he had never spoken to them, and he wasn't that much of an idiot to fall for someone he'd only mostly seen in hallways.

Michael wasn't one to speak up in class, and instead they'd work silently on any research on the history of art they may have been doing, only giving simple responses or nods when the professor would come around and ask how their work was coming along. When Gerard thought about it, he didn't really know what their voice sounded like because it was always quiet or unintelligible from their distance. That only made him more interested in talking to them.

That day never came, though, much to Gerard's disappointment.

They both went through that class without talking to each other once, and when Gerard left that room for the last time he couldn't help but feel like he had failed at some kind of goal. A failure that had meant he would be left with only seeing the elusive Michael Shelley in hallway rushes again, which annoyed him in a way he didn't understand.

He did talk to them one day, though.

(note this is old as heck lmao i've gotten better at writing since i wrote this)

anyways yeah. should i continue it or is it too basic idk, i want to write it for me but it would also be multiple chapters long and my "1k-words-is-rare-for-me" self probably won't bother to write it unless someone else is interested

#just want a consensus idk #if anyone has suggestions i will also take those #or if anyone wants to write it with me maybe.... :3c #(please i want to write a fic with someone it's fun) #anyways #yeah #very stereotypical. very american highschool vibes #realistically would be better as hs au but i don't feel right writing romantic interactions between minors for Clear Reasons #gerrymichael #gerry keay #gerard keay #michael shelley #doorkeay #robyn-i-guess

[vimbry]

jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:

the experience of having children and looking after them:

a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:

fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:

#tmbg #AND. I love it. #please feel free to add to this btw. I feel like there's more flansburgh examples but they're dropping out of my head #I've gone on and on about ''sleeping in the flowers'' already. so I won't repeat myself too much in the tags here #but I can also see how it's intended to come across as playful. like. #it's two people in love having a silly exchange between each other #I also like the little interlude from the nightlight's lullaby-of-sorts to the child to describing how it would make a really bad lighthous #''man it's a good thing I'm not one of those. I'm too small. if I did that then people at sea would crash and drown horribly hahaha #anyway good night'' #and actually re: nanobots. it only just occurred to me #I'd gotten 'newborn citizenship of the micronations'' being a verbose way to describe. babies lol #but is the start of verse about the actual birth of a child and getting so distracted by the preparation and stress #that you almost forget oh yeah. I have this kid now :) #and thinking about how even tho your worries around that are now over you'll focus instead on all the future responsibilities you'll have #how does something written in such a detatched way manage to be so sweet

[moonchild-in-blue]

Australian Rituals / Teeth of God Tour Bingo

Alroighte gwois, let's hear your predictions for the upcoming rituals. I *might* make another bingo (like on Wembley) - even if I don't, let's get them all in one place cus I think it's funny.

If you have something specifically for the Teeth of God Tour (because they are headliners and can do Cooler™ Fancier™ stuff) do specify. Same for strictly Australian Rituals. Some stuff may happen earlier (like when they debuted TMBTE and the new Espera masks), others may only happen on the Tour, so let's just put them all here and see what happens 😗✌️

Please reblog/put on the replies your predictions!! Whether serious or silly, please share!

Mine are:

One of the Vessels (Vessel or ivy OR Espera!!!!) singing onstage with Oli

Kangaroo/koala headbands / Aussie Explorer hat

EUCLID (more for Teeth of God but wouldn't be surprised if earlier)

The Apparition (PLEASE)

The Summoning pushups will return

Older song throwback (please please Sugar or Jaws. TNDNBTG for ToG)

Outfit change for the Vessels (only cus i think Australia is quite hot now innit? poor iv will MELT in that jacket)

NEW VESSEL JEWELLERY

This one I'm not super confident/keen on BUT new Vessel mask with Antlers (more likely on ToG but who knows)

#I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE RITUALS AAAAAAA IT'S RIDICULOUS #i kinda hate that because of timezones they will be playing during the day (for me) rather than later at night but!! #it means we can at least gather round in the evening and react together #cus lord knows how many full nights of sleep i sacrificed during the US rituals #actually yeah now that i think about it it *IS* better this way #ignore my earlier tag then i am thinking out loud #i need at least one picture of the crew with koalas. Just one #i know the girlies are there already so i'm assuming they are ALL there #(one of the Esperas posted on her stories. calm down guys i am not doxing anyone) #do you think they are doing fun Aussie stuff 🥺 trying vegemite and milo and petting koalas and fighting roos 🥺🥺 #wait but Adam is not there yet. maybe her photo is from last year. or maybe they're all arriving at different times idk #i just hope they are not stressing too much and are having fun and healthy 👍 #i will get SO emotional hearing Vessel fully recovered on stage again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 #ANYWAYS I RAMBLED TOO MUCH OMG SORREH #if you reached this have a little snack for your troubles 🤲 🍊🧃🍬 #sleep token #sleep token teeth of god tour

[testing-reblogs]

Get real!!!!

#what if i #boy who struggled so hard with making it simple enough for me to comfortably recreate but also i love adding pointless things ill forget so #see how long it takes for me to completely forget to draw the second smaller pin on the jacket #heavy metal core who is definitely very much a core and not a turret thats just convinced everyone that they're a core nuh uh #one day ill think of more ways to making my turret android designs more distinct from cores bc rn they kinda got the Octoling treatment #which is technically different species but the differences in base appearance are actually pretty minor like its just the suckers and eyes #but im not gonna stress myself over it but its something ill get to whenever i feel like it #unfortunately i had a stomach ache so ended up sleeping until 4pm then getting to play games with my friend gave me motivation at 11 pm #i should really just write how my day was in a separate post bc i talk a whole lot <3 #heavy metal core #heavy metal core aperture tag #portal 2 #aperture tag

[daz4i]

everyone wish me luck with 1 falling asleep soon 2 waking up at 7 am 3 making it through my doctor's appointment bc i have a feeling she's gonna yell at me

#i tend to skip meeting with her a lot bc i always get too stressed or forget to get my tests in time #(it's my endo doctor so they're supposed to be every few months) #i do perhaps wanna ask her abt hysterectomy tomorrow tho. unless i get too overwhelmed and start crying and forget. as i often tend to #(she's not mean. like i heard stories from others where she was mean to them and i think she's comparatively gentle with me) #(...she does really want me to get therapy tho oof. but i mean so does my psychiatrist. and social worker. and parents. and friends. and-) #ANYWAY took my trusty sleeping pill i hope it hits soon 😔 i'm stressed #(<- gets stressed about not sleeping enough. thus becomes too stressed to sleep)

[idunnowhattowriteheretbh]

I got watercolour brainrot-

Jesus fucking christ I love this

The pic quality is bit goofy but I still love this

Very proud of my self

I'm going to finish it with pencils and I'll update this later

+sketches

Up left- this was the first idea that got into my mind but then declined it

Up right- the sketch I chosed as ref for the final piece

Down left- silly sketch of meme I found on my phone

Down right- sketch I didn't like so It's not finished

Close up of up right

Anyway I'm going to traumatise the fuck out of my characters cuz I have to write the stories I have in my mind

Have a nice day/night

#lmao #i need sleep #artists on tumblr #my art #hehe #doodles #traditional art #weeeeeeeeeee #oc #watercolour art #watercolor #art wip #the sketch took me around 1 hour and the colouring part also around 1 hour but i think it was 40 minutes #im glad that i managed to make the character look more masculine because i have troubles drawing masc characters #I was lately drawing quite a lot of fem characters and I need something different plus I need some practice #and drawing is helping me to get rid of the stress i have from school #new school new place new faces #and I'm not used to czech school system #private schools have they're cons 🥲 #I should sleep more too tbh #found out it's hard for me to concentrate if I didn't sleep enough #which is bad because we are constantly writing notes #but it's not bad tho #the school is nice and some teachers are nice

[izzy-b-hands]

im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just

it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)

#text post #god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again #in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps #makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now #gonna sleep eventually #i think lmao #im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better #that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something #no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that #my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it #he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances) #and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year #i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND #and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live #that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me #he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off #where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself #if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao #i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine #gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings #find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try #forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others

[sealovinq]

i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)

#xelle.txt #i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl #i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group #i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite #and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends #my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with- #-them either #i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too #that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because- #-of my inability to stay consistent #also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway #honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless #to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before #the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol #there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!! #and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader #which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present #anyway #hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working #lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out. #this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS #imma sleep now 😭 #idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do #goodnight everypony 🫶 #vent tw #rant tw

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand. #which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing. #the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

[morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy]

I have a migraine 🤪

#incoming vent sorry about it #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #life sucks and im so over all this shit #it's literally been the what like year from hell #so my mom almost died this time last year and there's been all kinds of fun ptsd like symptoms from that and then my dog died and then #everyone got covid and then i got a sinus infection because i can't do anything normal #now last week i was thinking about what i need to talk to my doctor about and I'm thinking about my symptoms and mom's like that sounds like #lupus which is what my mom has and now I've been so super stress sick and I'm just trying to chill and relax and my estranged family member #is trying to work their way back into our lives and throwing a fit cause we won't let them because they've threatened and tried to kill us #all on multiple occasions and i know the threats are going to start up again and I'm worried that this time they're serious #i know this is either going to go one of two ways and they're going to try to kill us or themselves and i just i don't know #i don't know what to do about it because we don't have any proof of these threats written down because they've all been verbal #my family doesn't really know what to do either but i know the getting a gun conversation is going to come up again #and then I'm going to have to outwardly admit that I'm not stable enough for that shit and then everyone's going to freak the fuck out and #ughhh god i just can't deal with this shit anymore it's all bad and it all fucking sucks ass #oh and I'm trying to give up for the day and go to bed so I'm looking for YouTube videos to keep my mind busy and someone i follow #is having to live post that they're trying to keep their friend from committing suicide because the friend turned it into a public thing and #the yt is trying to reassure everyone and it's just all too much #I'm too on edge I'm too triggered or whatever i don't know what the fuck to do anymore i just want to go to bed and sleep until everything #is magically better. also i have three publishers breathing down my neck for this book but i haven't been able to write in months because of #all of this shit and then i had the bright idea of starting a writing blog i have NO CONTENT for and just FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #i just want to go be a fucking snap under the ocean im done fuck all of this being a human fucking sucks and I'm exhausted #oh and also my brother for randomly offered a job I've been trying to get for fucking years so ✌🏽😁✌🏽 that's also doing great things for #me i am super proud of him though cause he's working his fucking ass off i hope he takes it cause if not i will punt him into the sun #but anyway I've had it officially! so good night tumblr stay classy #izzy speaks but i really shouldn't

[just-slightly-chaotic]

<3

#don't mind me i'm just very sleepy and sleepy me is worse than drunk me #sleepy me has no filter and ranges from giggly idiot who loves everyone and everything to sappy and sad dumbass #and today is sappy and sad i guess :( #i've been like a ball of anxiety the entirety of june but these past three days have been super bad #i have to move and god i have so much stuff #and no car #and none of my friends have cars #and they're helping me move! of course they are. and i really love them for it and they're amazing #and i'll be living with a really good friend from now on and it's going to be amazing #but moving is so stressful! tomorrow i need to really go through my stuff #and i'm homesick i think #like normally i'm fine?? but then it's like the second i buy tickets to go home i become super homesick #i miss my brothers so much #anyway i should just go to sleep and stop thinking #i'll move all of my stuff one way or another because i don't have a choice and i'll see my brothers in literally just a bit over two weeks #i need to stop being silly #and also go for a walk maybe. touch some grass and look at some trees #tomorrow i'll climb to the main tourist attraction here that i won't name because that would be doxxing myself #and walk around in the park there

[leatherbookmark]

similarly the post where someone gets an anon asking them if you can see that someone's not a virgin just by looking at them, and op Expresses Disappointment at the state of sex ed the Youths™ are getting but like? i did read a novel as a teen in which the main character had sex for the first time, and there was a passage like "her mother knew what happened; a mother always notices such changes in her daughter" and i was like yo what the fuck. that's terrifying. also i went to a private catholic school so my sex family life ed was about satanists killing cats and children on halloween and condoms having suuuuch huge holes that everything gets through, it's much better to observe your SECRETIONS! and not about, yknow, sex, so

#like this is not to say i actually think you can tell someone's a virgin or not by their outward appearance* #but even i have heard the Facts such as that women who sleep around have dark nipples/big boobs/walk differently from virgins etc #and like. what is a doubting youth supposed to do? asking around gets results like the one mentioned above #*except that of course you can! the same way you can tell someone's a bottom because they use keysmashes a lot #and that someone's severely underfucked because they're touchy OR that someone's a master of sex because they're #self confident and flirty. confirmed science obvs #shrimp thoughts #life is incredibly stressing because people will act like Everything Is Connected. we hit it off because we're both pisces #you like sweets because you're innocent and childlike. this serious and competent character obviously only drinks espresso and whiskey #and obviously it's all just a joke! just a little wee jokie but it's so fucking scary? the person people see in me is 100% totally differen #from what i'm like in reality and i hate it! so!! much!!!

[diabeticgirl4]

I suddenly have an ant problem downstairs, and for the most part they've kept around my desk (a few months ago I accidentally left an open bag of candy unattended for a week whOOPS) except lately they've discovered I keep low supplies (aka candy) in my bed and since I've been having night lows lately I have candy wrappers everywhere and now I have ants swarming all over my bed and I'm crying 😭😭😭

#ignore me #maddie lifeblogs #I do not need this rn!!!!!! #I'm almost out of the diawhatever earth powder stuff and idk how I feel about putting that where I sleep #so my mom suggested white vinegar I think? #SO NOW MY BED SMELLS LIKE VINEGAR AND THE ANTS ARE STILL ALIVE AND I'M FILLED W REGRET #I literally had ant-related stress dreams for the first two nights after they invaded my bed. send help. #at first it was like 1-2 and like. ok as long as u stay away from my pillow u can be cool #now they're literally swarmed in my bed and I hate this 😭😭😭

[gatual]

I hope tomorrow my eyes are not swollen anymore bc Im supposed to meet a college friend from my old major and I haven't seen her in 3 years!!!!!!!! and I wanna look good for her :(

#I didn't talk abt it here but after I arrived from college I took a nap and when I woke up both my eyes were so terribly swollen it made me #worry but they're better now.. I think it's the stress + sleeping little and badly #but yeah;;; with this girl.... bro we used to be best besties like fr #did every college project together practically lived together I remember she had given me the key of her apartment bc I was there all the #time. sometimes when I arrived earlier than her I used to cook dinner so when she got home we used to eat and watch shows together #or I remember in rainy days going to cafes and working on archi projects on our laptops;;;; she's such a lovely girl #I was 'straight' atm but still somehow had a crush on her fkfbKdbsjfb v funny #but yeah;;;;; she meant so much to me and then I dropped college and we stopped talking ;; but then she contacted me again! #so we started talking again.. not like before but you know #I'm worried things could be a little awkward tomorrow... I've changed a lot since then #but also many things haven't changed.... I dont think I have a crush on her anymore kfbrjeifkfb but yEah anyway i #I'd really like to dress pretty and stuff tomorrow to see her c: SO I HOPE I'M NOT FUCKING SWOLLEN ANUMORE KFBRBR #and I hope the day is nice and there's nice weather and my cough is not so bad and yesyes #all that #goodnight ☺️ #🍒 #*wakes up worse* JSJSBWNEKEKKEJRNF

[travellermp3]

Changes Are Happening </3

#personal.txt #i think objectively they're good changes it's just scary #so many things are happening at once and my three brain cells can't handle it #but yeah #the biggest comfort has come from dad of all people. he told me 'i'll install that fucking door myself' the other night #which is weird out of context but whatever #anyway!! changes scare me and i don't know what i'm doing anymore!! #i know it'll work out in the end but right now i am just a jumble of stress!!! #and i need sleep!!!