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yeartwentyeight · 3 years

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Year 27, Day 366.

Birthdays have always been difficult for me. It has recently occurred to me that I have a fear of aging and as I think about turning 28 in less than an hour, I can’t help but think about the fact that ten years have already passed since I turned 18. I am almost certain that’s not possible. When I was 18, I had the expectation that by the time I turned 28 I would be married, own a house, and perhaps be planning for a child. As it turns out, I am married, I do own a house, and I have loose (okay, not that loose) ideations of starting to try to get pregnant by the end of summer. So sure, maybe it is possible that it’s been ten years since my 18th birthday. In just a year I will officially be the age that my mom has joked about being for just about as long as I can remember. That can’t be helpful for her story, not to mention the fact that I have a sister who’s seven years my senior. Sorry, mom. Cat’s out of the bag.

My 27th year managed to check off a couple milestones on my internal to do list. I got married, bought a house, lived through a global pandemic...ya know, pretty standard stuff, especially the pandemic thing. I even decided to begin grad school. Pandemic aside, I was blessed with a lot of really wonderful things during the past year. So many people commented about what a great year this has been for me and how I’m “thriving”. I guess I’ve also managed to put on the right mask for my 27th year.

As it turns out, a year full of seemingly good fortune and blessings is difficult to enjoy when you're numb from depression, panicked about life not being just right, and consumed by anxiety. The year in which I appeared to be “thriving”, I was doing just the opposite. I’ve dealt with anxiety from a very young age and experienced bouts of depression on multiple occasions, but this was different. As per usual, I thought I could figure it out and take care of it on my own. I pushed on while the pressure built. I thought going to grad school would somehow halt the intense feelings I’ve had of being stuck for so long. Making the decision to pursue a master’s degree on a whim seconds after a panic attack wasn’t one of my better ideas (shocking), but that’s a story for another day. As my mental health worsened, I grew more anxious, irritable, and exhausted. On Christmas Day, I snapped. It took a full on meltdown, locking myself in the living room while having a panic attack, trying to destroy the Christmas tree, and getting caught by my husband and mother in a pile on the floor among broken Christmas ornaments to realize I could no longer handle it on my own. The mask I was trying so hard to wear perfectly each day finally fell off.

As I sit here and reflect with only 5 minutes left of my 27th year, I’m at a loss. I don’t know how I should feel or how to feel at all, really. I’ve never been all that great at emotions and the numbness I’ve felt all year certainly doesn’t help. My birthdays aren’t only difficult because of the fact that I’m aging, but because of the unrealistic expectations that I have for absolutely everything in my life. Somehow these expectations have a way of bringing out any emotion I do have and it’s never positive. Birthdays have never been a big deal for me. I don’t even necessarily want them to be, and yet I am always left feeling let down by the end of the day. I don’t know what it is that I expect and why I let it happen every year, but I’m going to try something different this year. As I watch the clock strike midnight (happy birthday to me), I am choosing to make a conscious effort to be aware of any expectations I have for the day and to let them go. I am choosing, instead, to reflect upon my 27th year, its important lessons, and to check off a newly added milestone to my internal to do list.

I guess my 27th year was beautiful in its own way. I am thankful for the experiences, the wonderful people in my life, and the very messy roundabout route that led me to the realization that I no longer want to live this way. I spent the 366th day of this crazy year furloughed from work and as a grad school dropout. I slept (very poorly) until 9, got ready while listening to the podcast “The Hilarious World of Depression” (this episode featuring Jameela Jamil, much love), and joined my best friend as she looked into leasing a new car from the local Honda dealer. We enjoyed soup, salad, and breadsticks for lunch at Olive Garden and then napped on the wildly comfortable sectional in my living room. I had my second (ever) meeting with my therapist online and made dinner for myself and my husband. I curled up on the couch with my husband until he eventually stumbled off to bed, half asleep. I watched the first couple episodes of “Emily in Paris” and then took a shower. On paper, today was nothing exciting, and yet for the first time in such a long while, I feel like the day was in its own way, just right.

I don’t know what I am meant to do in this life and I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I do, however, know that I want to be happy and that I can’t keep doing the same things while expecting different results. I am trying to recognize the beauty in simplicity and in the little moments. I am going into my 28th year with no expectations but instead, with a feeling of optimism. Today was a good day. I know that for a while I will likely have more “bad” days than good, but a few bad days don’t make for a bad year and they certainly don’t make for a bad life.

Take active steps toward improving my mental health: check.

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tillidontneedfantasy · 4 years

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‘Future Nostalgia’ - Dua Lipa REVIEW: Changing the game through timeless pop.

Pop music is important. It distracts us, it brings us joy, it makes us dance, it attaches itself to memories forever. This is Dua Lipa’s blueprint for her sophomore release, Future Nostalgia. It’s there in the name; she wants her music to be everlasting, so that it can be branded with one of the fondest descriptors possible: nostalgic.

Quite an ambitious objective, but not surprising for 2019′s Best New Artist Grammy winner. There is great pressure that comes with such a title, but Dua has proved herself worthy of it on Future Nostalgia. She does not just want to be the best new artist, but one of the best artists, period. “You want a timeless song, I wanna change the game,” is the opening line of the album and title track. Luckily, we all win in this scenario; although the song itself might not be the game changer, there are plenty of tracks on the album that are game changers because they have a timeless feel to them, which is not something many of her contemporaries are doing.

Future Nostalgia’s only drawback is that there is not much lyrical depth; despite misconception, pop music can explore profundity, especially considering the subject matters of love and heartbreak, which are prominent themes of the album. However, I can accept and respect pop music that operates closer to surface level as well, especially when it’s done as well as it is on Future Nostalgia; I mean, I’m not complaining.

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “Don’t Start Now,” “Pretty Please”

Has there ever been a lead single as strong as “Don’t Start Now”? Co-writers and producers for the track include Ian Kirkpatrick, Emily Warren and Caroline Ailin, all of whom penned her excellent breakout song, “New Rules” (sans Lipa) in 2017. The song is split into three segments- verse, pre-chorus, and chorus- all of which sound distinctly different from the others, yet feel like such a natural equation. The bongos in the chorus and the later addition of a string section over the synths, leading to a full and rich final chorus just throw you for such an exciting loop, it is impossible to not have fun listening to this song. On top of the melodic genius of the song, its straightforward lyrical message is just as empowering as the music itself. “Don’t Start Now” is Dua’s expression of liberation from the pain of a heartbreak, and a warning to the breaker in question not to come crawling back when he sees how much she is thriving, and boy, is she!

Despite the enormous success of both “New Rules” and “Don’t Start Now,” Kirkpatrick and Ailin only work with Dua on one other track of the album, “Pretty Please,” and it should come as a surprise to no one that it is the next strongest song on the record. Penned alongside singer-songwriter phenomenon Julia Michaels and co-produced by Juan Ariza, “Pretty Please,” a track about needing the sweet relief of a lover, is one of the album’s few breathers. And in it, Lipa is asking for a breather herself: “when my mind is running wild, could you help me slow it down?” she asks, and then the song brilliantly does just that when she sings the next line, “put my mind at ease,” before returning to its original speed. There are other great musical tricks sprinkled throughout the song, such as a sound that mimics the feeling of the line “trickle down my spine.” The track continues to build musically but is never too much, it’s always just right.

WEAKEST TRACK: “Boys Will Be Boys”

She tried with this one. She really did. Look, I love a song with a strong feminist message as much as the next girl, but this one was just a swing and a miss. The first verse of “Boys Will Be Boys” starts off strong, quite accurately depicting the fear women face on a daily basis, the way we have to alter our behavior to keep ourselves safe. But with each verse, it feels less sincere and more contrived, with lyrics such as “in case you needed it mansplained” and “if you’re offended by this song, you’re clearly doing something wrong.” Additionally, it is an odd closer for an album full of fun pop songs; it’s possible it is there as a warning for anyone who might get to the end of the album and think negatively of how she asserts her femininity and sexuality in a way throughout that is universally accepted when men do the same. And while the intended message is indeed important and true, it lacks the necessary delivery.

THE IN-BETWEENS

The delivery on the lust-filled, dance-inducing tracks are much more effective. “Cool,” an incredibly infectious song about losing control around the person you’re into, experiments with Dua’s vocal abilities and range, with pointed squeaks at the end of her words and a gorgeous switch into her lower register at the beginning of the final chorus. “Physical,” the second official single, is an intense and wildly fun song that could work as the soundtrack for a long drive, a night at the bar with friends, or in a workout class. While the album very successful achieves sonic cohesion, it can sometimes get a bit tiresome; “Hallucinate” feels like it was made simply to be played at festivals, and although the lyrical sentiment of “Love Again” is nice enough it could have been a moment for a more subtle musical departure.

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Levitating”

Never thought I’d be such a fan of a song that uses the term “sugarboo,” yet, here I am. No track on the record quite captures the concept of “future nostalgia” as well as “Levitating” does, with its futuristic sounds and lyrics that I can imagine we will be singing forever (yes, even the “sugarboo” bit!). In every way, it perfectly encapsulates the pure elation that comes with meeting someone and feeling a heaven-made connection. Every element of this song makes it a necessary single choice: it’s extremely catchy, it has a perfect tempo for anyone of any age to dance to it, “yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!”s, and lyrics in the hook that are perfectly spaced out to remember and chant (”you! moonlight! you’re my! starlight!”). Bruno Mars WISHES he wrote it; it feels like a song for which everyone would get up at a wedding to dance for years and years to come. I, for one, will get up every time, at least.

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It’s impossible that Dua could have predicted while creating her album that this would be the state of the world at the time of its release. Many artists with new projects have decided to cancel or postpone their releases until further notice due to the COVID-19 pandemic. This is understandable for a myriad of reasons, from the inability to properly promote the work to feeling as if it just might not be the appropriate time. Although it might feel like there is little to dance about right now with the world crumbling around us, Future Nostalgia gives us reason, now and for the future, when we can hopefully look back and remember an album that provided us levity in our darkest hour. So stay indoors, facetime your sugarboo, and thank whatever the hell you pray to for pop music. Grade: 4/5

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I have been a casual fan of Dua since “New Rules” exploded on Tumblr in 2017, but not much more. However, I have a specific fondness for her, as my favorite client of all time was a huge fan of her shortly after, so when I listen to Dua it reminds me of her. I hope she’s loving this album and that it’s bringing her joy and comfort in this uncertain time. I’m a huge proponent for female pop artists and the meticulousness of their craft, and I think Dua has done an excellent job of taking constructive criticism and improving, utilizing her strengths in a way that blur out her weaknesses. The release of “Don’t Start Now” felt like a turning point in her stardom, and this album is the proof. I really would like to see some stronger lyrical work from Dua, as I feel there are little to no moments on the album where I feel impressed or particularly moved by any line, and although I love and support fun and light pop music, I think it’s also very possible to have upbeat pop music with much sharper lyrics. I think she kind of tried but the few times she did they didn’t quite land. If she had a couple of songs stronger on the lyrical front, this would have been a nearly perfect album for me. But for a sophomore effort, this is great. It feels like a nice breath of fresh air in a time that’s filled with anxiety-ridden gasps, and I’m grateful for it.

#dua lipa #future nostalgia #don't start now #cool #physical #levitating #pretty please #hallucinate #love again #break my heart #good in bed #boys will be boys #emily warren #ian kirkpatrick #julia michaels #new rules

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 4 years

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/karmic-tools-weekly-forecast-march-29-april-3-2020/

Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: March 29 – April 3, 2020

By Kelly M Beard

The video version of this forecast, as read by Kelly, is available here.

The Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast covers the current planetary transits which affect people in different ways and to various degrees of intensity. Take notice when it is a Personal planet (Sun / Moon / Mercury / Venus / Mars) interacting with a Social (Jupiter/Saturn) or Collective planet (Uranus / Neptune/Pluto). And pay extremely close attention when it is a Social planet interacting with a Collective planet because that means something *big* is brewing that will move large groups of people along their evolutionary paths. Tuning in to the energy and rhythm of the planets can serve as a useful *guide* as you move along your Individual Path. It also helps to understand your place within the context of the larger Social & Collective Story. Below, you will find out how these energies tend to manifest, as well as guidance and direction.

*NOTE* There are some days when there are NO CONTACTS (besides the Moon), please note that there are no missing entries, we just list the actual Activations of each week + the day they happen.

Weekly Forecast: March 29 – April 3, 2020

3/31 ~ Mars (energy, desire & action) ~conjunct~ Saturn (structure, responsibility & timing):

Any conjunction is an initiation and Mars rules ‘who you are’ and ‘what you want’, while Saturn rules your definition of reality and your physical limits. If you are feeling frustrated, you may need to clarify your desires more, then take tangible, practical steps toward them. Anytime Saturn is involved, it will depend on your personal nature, as some thrive on structure & good boundaries, while others buck the system and want to do it their own way (which causes its own types of conflicts in the world). Sometimes this energy manifests as action being restricted and the anger that follows. You can either be angry and feel restricted, limited and unable to move … or you can see this energy as an opportunity to define the right actions to take and strategically plan to take them when the Universe is more supportive. This energy requires us to slow down and double check The Plan (Saturn). If you proceed consciously, your plan has a better chance of success than if you were reckless & impatient (Mars). You may experience a blockage of some sort, whether internal or external. You feel this tremendous urge to move forward in your life but seem to find blockages and limitations with every effort. That is more likely your perception rather than the reality, so ask your Self if you feel inadequate to the task at hand or if you are dealing with some personal fears around this issue. Remember that fear is: False Evidence Appearing Real – so try to release the fear and reclaim your inner authority to create/lead your own life. If you don’t, your outer circumstance only becomes a reflection of your inner belief. You will attract criticism & delays and repel support & protection. Take your grand vision and figure out three small steps that you can take, even on this restricted level, that will still take you in the direction of your goal. Mars links up with Saturn every 2-years or so, so even though it is an initiation, you may be better supported for cultivating, planning, working behind the scenes, doing the detail work and foundational (grunt) work that is NECESSARY to support the grand vision when the time comes to fully express it.

4/3 ~ Mercury (communication/expression) ~conjunct~ Neptune (imagination/spirituality):

This is a mixed blessing, but definitely an initiation either way. It can be miraculous for creativity, art or exploration. I like this one for a personal ‘conversation with God’, your Higher Self, your SoulSelf. As with any initiation, a completion must come first, and in this case with Mercury, it’s time to expand your thinking in some way – go deeper. Invite your Ancestors, Angels & Animal Guides to answer your questions and guide you at this time. Communing with them is much more supported than communing with the humans around you. So if you need to think about the mundane or confront someone about something which requires complete honesty from both parties, things could get a little hazy & confused thanks to Neptune here. There is always a veil to contend with when dealing with Neptune, but you have to know which side of it you are on so you are in alignment with the Nature around you (3D vs 5D). This energy tends to color reality, misleading you to think you are being perfectly clear in your communication or what you’re trying to express, while others are completely lost. It’s better to say nothing, rather than be completely misunderstood.

4/3 ~ Venus Enters GEMINI (until Aug 7th):

She is entering a zone where she will linger April 3 – Aug 7 and stir up the energy of that Area of Life for you. The last time she was in Gemini was July 2019, so I believe we received some clues back then as to what may need extra attention by now. Your other frame of reference is 2012, which is the last time she extended her stay with a retrograde. As she moves back and forth through this area, she is awakening us to new values & priorities where our ideas, thoughts, words, concepts & perceptions are concerned. We are going to be presented with wildly new & different choices and decisions to make so we want to take the next four months to research and review our ideas, thoughts & concepts. Some of the review will stir up how you magnetize what you think about and some will be assessing the actual value of your creative ideas and how they can serve & support others along the way too. I will be doing a 2-part Open House in April to introduce the new Venus Cycle, so stay tuned!

4/4 ~ Venus (values & priorities) ~trine~ Saturn (stability & endurance):

This is a smooth, easy energy that you can work with consciously and yield incredible, even tangible, results. It’s a good time to define your terms where relationships are concerned because you are really clear about your values & priorities, at this time. Based on your past choices & efforts, positive benefits & earned rewards are forthcoming. If you’ve avoided responsibility in your own relationships (public or private), then this energy can help get you back on track, with less pain & suffering than usual (when Saturn’s involved). If you can be practical about your own limits and realistic about what others bring to the table, then this energy also supports discussing forward movement, development or spiraling to a new, higher level in some way, as a team. Strategizing about the future, clarifying the vision of what will support & protect all involved and honoring the essence of life that runs throughout is deeply supported by these two getting together in an easy angle. Venus is also the energy of love & money, so it’s a good time to be objective and somewhat conservative where both your relationships & finances are concerned. With this interaction with Saturn, I would suggest outlining a reasonable relationship or financial goal for the next 3 – 6 – 9 – or 12 months.

4/4 ~ Jupiter (consciousness, learning & belief systems) ~conjunct~ Pluto (purification & transformation): (1 of 3: 4/4 ~ 6/30 ~ 11/12)

The highest possible expression of this energy is channeling your very passionate, intense energy into your Highest vision – Highest ideal – deepest personal Truth and receiving the fruits of such hard labor. There is power behind the current expansion and you are in a unique position to create your greatest vision or your deepest fear – it’s your choice. Both these planets force you to improve your Self, your life & your environment, usually stripping you of misconceptions and excess baggage along the way. This is a 13yr cycle, so you can reflect on how your life completely shifted 13 years ago? This is your time to choose to co-create, to cultivate & commit to expressing your infinite potential. Dig deeper, there is more to you than you give your Self credit for being. This is your chance to completely redefine your Truth & Purpose. The worst possible expression of this energy is to become obsessed by a belief, try to force others to your way of thinking, blow things way out of proportion, magnify the darkness and prolong your trip through the Underworld. Jupiter insists we learn from such excavations of the Soul. Your deepest Truth is surfacing at this time, is it based in fear or faith? Under pressure, whatever is inside, comes out. It’s time to decide if you are going to believe in positive outcomes and the ability to turn your deepest wounds into your most trusted, earned wisdom.

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