#i think i probably could kill a person

[senzanomeor]

so i just finished the secret history by donna tartt half an hour ago and i just hopped on tumblr to ask yall is it okay that i found majority of the book highly relatable? you know. ha ha. or?

#because you know #the college im currently attending and chose #was because it was prettier than the other one #and my therapist once told me years ago that aesthetic matters to me a lot if im ready to base important life choices on it #and i just remembered that as i was reading this #because back then i thought what she said was dumb although she was right #and this book #but anyway #i think i probably could kill a person #if pressed i guess #so now im wondering if everythings all right with me #or have i just absorbed henry winter into my personality for a while #as you do #the secret history #donna tartt #post

[vaguely-concerned]

there are a lot of daddy issues to go around on DS9 in general, but odo, bashir and garak are really in their own special little fucked up 'what am I but wrought in my father's image' club

#star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #odo #julian bashir #elim garak #(I personally think we should put their dads in a cage match and let them kill each other. tain would probably win #but we could just shoot him after he claimed that victory. I Would Like To See It) #the triumvirate of bad dads to karmically oppose the sheer power of good dad vibes benjamin sisko has #specifically dads who Cannot and Will Not allow the healthy individuation of their sons into whole separate people #apart from what their father's hands have shaped them into #where that is one of the first things sisko accepts and realizes he must allow jake to do right at the early seasons #the bad dad club boys seem more specifically forcibly held in place to serve as mirrors for their fathers #and have to find ways to break away from that in more or less graceful ways; breaking off more or less important parts of themselves #to do so #dr mora seems to have a 'oh fuck.' moment where he sort of realizes what he's done #but the sympathy that gains him from me is hm. neglible lmao at least tain is basically fully just a monster #what's your excuse mora #I haven't met bashir's dad properly yet but I've seen enough to suspect I'm not going to be very charitably inclined towards him either

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Peeped the horrors

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #a-qing #xue yang #A-qing went 'there are horrors he is committing and I am going to peep them' and then faced horrors that she could not fathom #The fact she sees the evidence first hand but it genuinely is too much to handle is a lovely tragedy that betrays her youth #It is interesting that she clearly does have more knowledge than the lay person about cultivators and night hunts (possibly from xxc?) #she does mentally call out xue yang for using the right terminology (betraying his 'no one important' façade) #but corpse poisoning is...well....probably not something she could have known about #so instead she has to encounter this horrible and suspicious event and justify it to keep herself sane #Ah....that's not going into the really interesting ambiguity of xue yangs targets #the people he kills specifically slandered *all three of them* #Was it just for himself? Was there a sense of protectiveness over his two blind companions? #I don't want an answer. I love that it is ambiguous #And oh man. having the noble XXC do the killing is so deviously evil. What a loaded chekov's gun. #you know xxc is gonna have a breakdown over it *when* he finds out. Its all a matter of timing #ok ok funny tag time #I think little apple and xy should meet up so they can swap arson tips. Truly the power team nobody wants. Not even them. #they would fight to the death and little apple would *win* #EDIT: HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUE YANG

[non-un-topo]

All it takes is a wee little nightmare to make you too scared to step foot outside for fear of Bad Things happening, like it’s an omen lol

#also it is p o u r i n g outside and it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to commute to campus #i'm a good little student but sometimes i just can't be assed #esp with all the crazy stuff that's been happening on public transit and on my campus for that matter #i'm just getting a bad vibe today [insert empath meme here] #warning for me complaining about a graphic nightmare!!!!: #had a few stress dreams(?) last night but one particularly violent one in which a woman got run over by a streetcar-- #--and the paramedics were moving people along but i accidentally got a really good look at her and it fucked me up #she looked like she was just sleeping peacefully but i could only really make out the top half of her body #probably because the bottom half was... yeah. #i think i also had another dream that i was being hunted by a sniper?? and they had called my cell and were threatening me + my folks? #and another one where i had to hide some children from... i don't really know what. some dangerous person who wanted to kill all of us #but the kids wouldn't leave me even though i begged them to. #yeah just a normal collection of dreams for me. literally ugh. #i don't even think i'm stressed in my life rn?? #not any more than normal lol

[designernishiki]

it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now

#I think on another level he was sorta saying like ‘hey kiryu. you’re making it extremely clear that you don’t trust me and my intentions #and I’ve been trying to show you- over and over again- that I’d do just about anything for you and your safety #but I can’t just let my mask fall off in front of everyone- I need to keep up the unpredictable morally grey wildcard act for both my sake #AND yours. because disguising my helping you as crazy random violent outbursts and weird stalker behavior #is the only way I CAN help you. do you think it would go over well with shimano or literally anyone else if I was outright helping you out #of the kindness of my heart and fondness for you? stop being so fucking dense and look past the crazy wacky nonsense for a second and #maybe you’ll realize that all I do at the end of the day- really- is help you and put my own life and reputation on the line for you. #I am an honest guy when it comes to my real values and when I told you I wouldn’t let anyone kill you unelss it was myself- I meant it. #I’ve taken a knife and a bullet for you now. can you REALLY not see through the act yet? am I REALLY that unpredictable when you think about #it?’ #that was a longer explanation than i intended but. it was difficult to put into words #I basically feel like it could be read as him implying kiryu shouldn’t backstab the people who put themselves on the line to help him #and/or pointing out that he’s never actually done kiryu dirty and has stuck to his word protecting him in the ways he can #trying to say yeah all this is a crazy act and all but when it comes down to it you Can trust me #it really makes sense when you think about it that he’d have to help kiryu/show affection towards kiryu in unpredictable convoluted ways #at that point in time because. I mean. there’s a reason he was the only person who showed up to welcome kiryu when he got out of prison #and that’s because A) he sticks to his word and his loyalty to people he cares about and B) no one else had the balls or the batshit insane #mask to wear to ward off anyone asking real questions like majima did. because ANYONE associating themselves with the supposed #patriarch-killer was a HUGE NO-NO at the time. someone important showing up for kiryu and welcoming him back outright could’ve caused #all-out warfare probably. except majima. because majima was dedicated and smart enough to use his widely-feared wildcard persona #(that everyone tended to view as incapable of having any Real agenda to worry about) to his And kiryu’s advantage #does that make sense??? I feel like it makes a lot of sense if you get it to click in your head #kazumaji #majima #kiryu #yakuza #kiwami 1 #yk1 #rambling

[brittlebutch]

actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored

#N posts stuff #like even if you think alex was lying throughout the entirety of season 2 and he was waiting from the Moment jay showed up #JUST to kill him (Which again i don't think makes much sense when he could have killed Tim & Jay immediately instead of #breaking Tim's leg. anyway) EVEN IF alex spent that whole time lying it doesn't actually change the fact that he would have at least #been Pretending to Ask For Help and if he wasn't lying then he was Literally Asking For Help and it doesn't Actually matter #what intention Alex had because the text is Ambiguous about Alex's honesty during season two; what isn't ambiguous is the way #other characters (specifically Jay) respond to him; like yeah - S2 Brian/Tim were never in one million years going to help Alex with shit #so sort of any argument that brings up Tim as someone who asks for/offers help is borderline meaningless in this era of the series #Jay had the 'opportunity' to help Alex (and i'll get back to that in a sec) but DIDN'T - Jay wasn't Interested in actually offering Alex #'help' bc Jay is ultimately curious about Answers and 'Offering Help' and 'Getting Answers' are two Wildly conflicting goals #Jay thinks Alex has answers and when Alex doesn't Offer these 'Answers' to Jay on a silver platter Jay gets pissed off and paranoid #and starts Stalking Alex bc he thinks it's 'Suspicious' that Alex won't give him the Answers (that Alex probably doesn't Actually have) #ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue #that individual character choices could have made a difference in the way this series played out - specifically wrt Alex #because EVERYONE in this WHOLE series are being affected by influences outside of their control ; including Brian Tim and Jay #so it's silly when people are like 'if ALEX had just made a different choice For Himself this could have all been avoided' WRONG. #bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly #the comics proved he even failed with Jessica - like MH isn't a horror situation where you can kill the big bad #'getting help' is a meaningless argument - what would successfully helping or getting help even look like? anyway. #the sub argument of this post is that Alex's biggest 'sin' is that he doesn't perform emotions the way other people want him to #like Alex is a character with a kind of flat affect - instead of LOOKING scared or grieved he LOOKS bored or angry #and everyone judges him based on that - so Alex is 'Suspicious' he's 'Lying' he's 'Guilty' but all of these deductions are predicated #on the belief that Alex isn't reacting to his circumstances the way a 'Normal' person would - so it MUST all be an act and so he's guilty #so everyone treats him like he's guilty until the end of season two when he's like 'Fuck it FINE i'll be guilty then' and so it goes #not a self-fulfilled prophecy but being Cornered Into a prophecy and then Blamed for it - SAD. anyway

[hopefullystillliving]

You ever get lulled into a false sense of security during the first two thirds of a kid's movie that's good with a serious plot but mostly a pretty fun time, only to have the entire final third tear your heart out, chew it up and spit it out, crush it into even finer paste beneath its heel, and add the fine powder your ribs have been turned into by the sledgehammer it whammed you with as a seasoning?

Anyway Nimona was great, 10/10 would recommend, I was crying on and off for what probably totaled 20 minutes of tears.

#hopeful rambling #nimona #cw graphic #i think that's probably the right tag for that description #anyway yes im a little late to the train but i was waiting until i could watch it with my dearest #my takeaway is that they should put a content warning on it for trans people especially bc you will feel punched in the face #that allegory sure can trans. #i think i related to it in a different way than most people #bc being genderqueer yeah nimona going im not a girl im just myself hit home but im not *trans* #so i think i actually ended up projecting onto balistar as someone who deeply loves a trans person (different ways obviously) #being told 'yes you can rejoin the society you betrayed you aren't like *her* you arent a monster everything can go back to what it was #you can be one of the good guys if you reject the freaks' #but they betrayed you first and the good guys aren't good and how things were is worse actually than saying i love you i see you im with you #to the freaks and the monsters who will accept who you are unlike the society that never will always keeping you to an impossible standard #of never being yourself #so yeah the religious/societal prejudice trauma was very felt at some points #and i grieved for nimona not because she was me but because she was my dearest and she was a friend #and she was a thousand people i will never know who decided it was better to die as yourself than be killed as someone you aren't #and didn't have a person to say im sorry. i see you. #anyway. yeah im still crying. altered my brain chemistry is mild i think it rearranged my organs punched a hole in my chest and i thanked it #nimona spoilers

[waitineedaname]

I could pick a million different things that make me emotional about the kageyama brothers, but right now I'm thinking about ritsu reflecting on the original ???% incident during the final arc and how part of the reason he was so hurt by it wasn't just the actual physical injury or the trauma of the incident itself, but also the fact that shigeo wouldn't fucking talk to him about what happened. It's extremely likely that ritsu has been lying about what happened that day ever since it happened, like he probably told his parents that same lie about the bullies hurting him and shigeo protecting him, and the only other person who would know the truth is shigeo, but shigeo started shutting him out after that. I get the impression that before, they were the kind of siblings who told each other everything, which is why it hurts so badly that shigeo shut down so much and stopped letting his brother in, especially when ritsu is just a kid dealing with the weight of a lie like that to protect his brother. Idk, it just puts ritsu always being like "you know you can talk to me about anything" in a different light

#mp100 #ritsu kageyama #wow another sol post about ritsu??? who could have expected this! #I just rewatched episode 11 and I am feeling so many things #ouuughhghgh kageyama brothers they plague my every waking moment #idk it just recently occurred to me that ritsu definitely didn't tell their parents what actually happened #bc they would probably treat shigeo differently if they knew he had almost killed his brother and several teenagers #so ritsu has been dealing with the weight of that lie since he was NINE. THAT'S SO YOUNG TO TAKE THAT ON. #and he just wanted to talk about it with his brother! the only person who might understand! but shigeo wouldn't let him! #they hurt me. I am going to explode. #i was just thinking about something that always kills me in fanart #which is injured kid ritsu and teen shigeo #like. dealing with the guilt of hurting your kid brother like that #and it's especially painful when injured kid ritsu is shown forgiving him #AUGH. #so yeah I was thinking about that too much and now we're here

[heyitslapis]

I wonder if Abby even realizes that her penance for what she did to Joel was to BECOME Joel.

#she probably never understood what could bring a person to kill so many just to save one person #she didnt understand why her dad wouldnt want it to be her on that operating table #until Lev & Owen she didnt have that. she'd never felt that unconditional irrational love & protectiveness for anyone #by the time we see abby at the end of the game i think she understands. at least i hope she does #by the end nothing mattered to her except for protecting Lev #she didnt care that Ellie was there. she didnt care that Ellie wanted to fight/kill her. she just wanted to keep Lev safe #with Owen too #she didnt want to admit something was still there but it was #Abby probably wouldnt have gone to the theater if Owen (and probably Mel) were still alive when she returned from the Island #if Owen were still alive Mel probably wouldve stayed with the WLF & Abby wouldve gone to Santa Barbera #idk i just smoke & have a lot rattling around in my brain #abby anderson #abigail anderson #abby tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #emma rambles #food for thought

[sonknuxadow]

sorry for complaining about people getting fleetway super sonic wrong again but i dont really get the personality people give him thats like . silly goofy trickster type villain whos super manipulative and calculated and likes playing mind games and stuff . because from what i remember he was not doing much of that he just liked biting and scratching and killing and does it very impulsively also

#LIKE the big dramatic moment of him attacking sonic's friends and causing a bunch of damage #was literally caused by him thinking Hmm i think i will kill amy today. and then rushing to do it without a second thought #like this guy is NOT an evil mastermind he just takes over sonic's body and then beats up the first person he sees/thinks of #well i know the reason people get him wrong its because only like 5 people have actually read fleetway sonic #and the sonic fandom also kinda has a pattern of wanting sonic to have a messed up evil dark side #and taking the vague concept of either fleetway super sonic or dark sonic or werehog sonic #and making them into their ideal version of the sonics evil dark side concept even if it doesnt entirely fit #(could go on forever about how people do that with werehog . but this isnt about him. for once.) #fleetway super is probably the closest to what people want out of that sort of thing #but again theres still the issue of a lot of fan content involving him being made by people who have never read the comic hes from #and not really knowing what theyre talking about because of that

[the-unconquered-queen]

#playchoices #america's most eligible #choices ame #this legit has me thinking hard because of course I'd never be on that show but if I WERE how would I DO??? #I think I could put forth a respectable performance 🤔 #I'm not winning my fellow contestants over but I'd stay afloat by virtue of killing it on the challenges solely cause I'm hella competitive #to be clear though I don't think I'd be among the last to get eliminated. probably somewhere in the middle #like on personality they would've wanted me gone sooner but I did well enough in the challenges that I wasnt up for elimination for a while #of course like I said realistically I wouldn't even be there but that's not what the poll is the premise already means I'm competing so. #unconquered queries

[pendinganchor]

“we never see billy change his ways in canon”

because he dies saving all their lives?????????

#i don’t understand how antis can just completely ignore the fact that billy saved them #not even just el #ALL OF THEM #because if billy had stepped out of the way the mindflayer would have killed el #then turned and killed as many other as it could before joyce shut the gate #el cared about billy for 0.2 seconds and he used that comfort to fight off the possession and sacrifice himself #how the fuck is that not a redemption arc??? #all jonathan had to do was say ‘i shouldn’t have done that’ for nancy to be like ‘it’s fine’ #and all steve had to do was befriend a gay person #or do we just completely forget season one happened #tbh i think y’all choose to ignore it #and stop trying to defend lucas when y’all were probably the same people who hated on him in season one when he didn’t blindly trust el #see it’s the same where y’all think billy should have blindly trusted steve #why are y’all obsessed with blind trust??? #couldn’t be me #if i say y’all one more time i might start laughing wtf #anyway i just woke up and shouldn’t be getting this upset #userkarson #stranger things #billy hargrove

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family. #puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking. #tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night. #and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed. #they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just. #what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here. #but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then. #at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me! #but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always. #i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way. #hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think. #because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die. #im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

[mxdotpng]

i genuinely dont know how tales of the abyss did what it did because ive never had a game hurt me so much with like sixteen separate character relationships. all at once.

#.text #tales of the abyss #besides the fact ive (obviously) been thinking abt jade and luke #ive also been thinking about tear and asch. and how im disappointed they only speak like once to each other #because they. are like. so insanely similar it is. surprising to me they dont meet. #but tear in general is so underused. like. #tear. she doesnt want to kill her brother but she must. he is everything to her. but she knows her duty. #she is calm and collected on the outside even as she breaks on the inside. she is a soldier. she doesnt let her emotions #dictate her actions or her words. and she is kind. #and then. like. asch. he wants to kill his replica but he knows that he cant. his emotions get the better of him to the point that #he disregards everything about luke and paints him as the enemy. for as responsible and mature he is all of that #disappears the second luke is involved-- because his emotions control him. he wants to be kind but i dont think he knows how anymore. #i dont think they would get along but there would be an understanding between them. #with tear. understanding means kindness. if she sees herself in others or understands them completely. she becomes. so kind. #its almost shocking to see that side of her one moment and the stone cold soldier the next. #its a matter of what she allows herself to be #but i think with asch she'd become the opposite. because she sees too much of herself in him - unlike luke it is not #the good things. nor is it the things they could bond about. it is the fact that asch wants to kill the only person in the world #who is not responsible for what happened to them. and probably the only person in the world who could truly understand asch. #like i know tear says she believes some things must be done. including killing family. but i dont think she truly. truly believes that. #she is in anguish over having to kill her brother. so i think her seeing asch completely disregard and even attack luke at times #when it ISNT necessary. like it is with van. she would not be kind to him. #which is like. asch is really only Neutral at times - even with luke he sometimes cant keep telling himself everything is lukes fault. #besides being defensive. i think thats really the only thing he could be around that type of tear. #like a. 'you dont know anything.' type of deal. a quiet anger. not the loud stuff he shoves at luke or van #they are fascinating to me. #how would they act in my twinswap au................. #i wonder...

[mikcschmidt]

I actually have . Much to say abt the monty erasure but I fear I maybe just autistic and overreacting n he will appear in a dlc or something I just love monty so much n him being cut out of that gingerbread cookie ruin art was my last straw ((slash jay

#i just find it frustrating how monty is a new character wit a lot of potential to explore the mystery around why he is so aggressive n yet #its like hes justt #been completely written off. for glam bonnie. whos dead since the beginning of the sb era. #it just genuinely baffles me how they introduce a whole new character. tease this backstory n lore for him. and never finish it. #im personally a monty fan who does believe he probably killed bonnie but i dont think it was pure malice. bc thatd be so boring! #theres potential for sm more. i always thought his aggression could have been a result of the virus and he wasnt always that way. #not gonna fully get into my mini-theories and hopes but just. he could be so good if they'd give him literally anything. #hes such a wasted character 💔 literally one of the coolest designs too #im sorry gator they don't deserve u 😔 at least chica got like ... 2 mini games finally #bonnie is my second fav animatronic ever its just so annoying how he has literally 0 character of his own in sb n still managed to shove #monty. who has potential to be explored. just... out of the game lol #montgomery gator #fnaf

[gumiworth]

Sorta getting those ship thoughts rn thinking of ship scenarios. Theres one Krisnix scenario I think of that happens like, specifically near the end of the 7yg. Like I think there had have to have been a situation where Phoenix enters Gavin law offices(against Kristophs wishes) and just sees Apollo and/or some random receptionist behind a desk. I think either would be shocked to see Phoenix there he just goes up and asks where Kristoph is and they point to his office with a comically shocked face. Then he goes in where Kristoph sorta just goes “Phoenix what the fuck did you do” with some freaked out look while Phoenix walks up to his desk to look at all his expensive fountain pens. Then I think Phoenix just sorta mumbles the most incoherent thing and grabs Kristophs face(jaw?). But with the most. blank expression. Then they just stare at each other, like they love each other(but also definitely want to gouge each others eyes out). Again, they probably love each other but really weirdly. Meanwhile, Apollo/maybe some receptionist are just at the door trying to listen to as much as they can(they both kinda know that they know they’re listening in). Anyways Kristoph would sorta snap back into a nice superficial voice, loudly thanking Phoenix for coming and to “Leave this for later tonight” and to “Dont hesitate to call me!”. Phoenix just sorta laughs while taking those pens with him(to which Kristoph sneers at him for). As he walks out of his office he’d probably say something all gruff nd over his shoulder like “Thanks Kris, I’ll see you tonight”. They’ll definitely see each other tonight at the Borscht bowl club but it’ll just be less tense and more bitter. I think they’re just funny like that

#krisnix #phoenix wright #kristoph gavin #apollo justice #apollo definitely gossips about everything he sees tbh #I think hed go crazy over this #like the coming of age gay person type of crazy #Mr Gavins gay omg?? its ok to be gay is Mr Gavin is #meanwhile Kristoph is like homophobically gay #but made the most bitter exception for Phoenix #because Kristoph could have killed him #but he obviously had something #whether that something was still there or not is pretty cool to think about #I think by turnabout trump their spark definitely died out #but they still enjoyed poking at each other #and Apollo just sorta thinks theyre weird frenemies because on one hand hes got his mentor that he trusts and admires #then hes got this fallen legend thats oh so mysterious and could probably do no wrong #but he still thinks they were gay but doesnt know how to prove it #either of them would have turned their head to the side and dodged the question if Apollo even mustered up the strength to ask #but it definitely makes a good conversation starter for Phoenix when he talks about his love life #sorry for typing so much Im always restless and really wanted to say this #krisnix my beloved #ace attorney