#i say that now but we'll see how i think when i breakdown really bad again

[thereapersgambit]

For a schemer, Annabel's schemes haven't been that successful.

After reading this web series a few times, I was starting to see a pattern. Things aren't really going in Annabel's favor and her favor wasn't any better before her death either. I'll start out with what we knew about her in her life. She was going through her third social season which was coming to a disappointing end simply because it was ending. Her breakdown tell us that much. She longed for a much freedom as she could get for as long as possible. Until she met Lenore but more specifically Leo, who I would assume plans to get her out of the situation which ultimately leads to both their deaths.

And now, their both in the limbo between the land of the Living and the Dead. And now the new plan…is the old plan. To get out with Lenore. Now that I think about it, Lenore really is this woman's world after all of this. Lenore is probably supposed to feel like her source of hope and without her there the act that she constantly puts up will be for nothing. I mean after basically killing her old self, shedding her role in society (the only thing Annabel has to feel safe until Lenore) as a woman to free Annabel. She exceeds her expectations exponentially. Lenore is what she could never be and it seems like that's why she loves her a lot.

But I digress, This plan of hers to be on opposing sides and pretend to be enemies while also setting her own group against each other never has seemed to go very well to going horribly bad. But I'll start with the opposing sides. The morning after the Maze put their plan in effect of the being enemies. When Lenore points out that no one in her trio manifested but still passed, Annabel makes a remark about her not following the assignment. This was supposed to further establish the gap between Annabel's team and Lenore's but to Anna's (and even Prospero's) surprise, Ada speaks up and admits that she's impressed by Lenore's group.

This paired with that "ally ship" Ada tried to build with Lenore wasn't the best for Anna's plan either. Morella certainly wasn't making it easier for her either but Montressor took care of both of those.

Her next plan to have the Spectreless students lose didn't go as planned was directly because of Lenore which causes her scheme to have Duke eliminated quietly backfire because of Lenore's wish. This drives a hug wedge into their relationship. Moreover, if Duke manifests and gets out of the wall, it would get much worse for her scheme if they expose them in some way. This is where I saw a pattern. And lastly, the big plan to escape the Academy.

Let me start by saying this: Annabel doesn't know what the fuck she's getting herself into. Lenore has more valuable information than Annabel Lee has. And it's all because of the Raven. Remember when Lenore asked Anna what her plan was after her escape and she was like "I don't know, love. We'll figure it out." No the fuck you won't, sit down. Lenore knows they wouldn't be able to last 10 minutes out there because they would be devoured. Which she hasn't said to her but still calls her out on how foolish that mindset is for her.

I just wanted to point out that all the effort that Anna's putting into this isn't going that well at all but if anyone has a conclusion that they can put together eloquently, I'd be glad to read it because I'm tired.

(Also, I'm not saying that she has to win all the time but what I am saying is she needs a different approach to planning. It has to involve Lenore but this divorce arc is going to make it a lot harder.)

#lenore nevermore #annabel lee whitlock #nevermore webtoon #white raven #nevermore webcomic

[kitkatopinions]

The rwby writers have this style of writing that I find somewhat hard to describe, that's like... They'll write a couple of moments where the characters all but turn to the camera and announce 'this is what you're supposed to think' but then they don't actually bother with writing the characters to actually be that way. Like the rwby writers writing Yang and Blake to announce that they are protecting each other, but instead of trying to write a relationship where neither one of them is overly protective and neither one of them needs protecting, they write Blake to constantly act like she needs protecting and they write Yang to be overly protective of her. Or, the rwby writers have the cast of characters announce how much they care about each other, but do things like have some of their mains barely talk to each other in nine seasons, or have their characters not react with much care when Ruby is having a breakdown and say nothing when a like forty year old man screams in her face that she's responsible for all bad things. Or announce that Cinder is Bad at Teamwork and Needs to Learn to Play Well With Others despite the fact that she worked with a team like a well oiled machine without breaking a sweat in the first three volumes, and then the writers announce that she has Now Learned Teamwork By Watching Ruby while they have Cinder demonstrate the opposite by killing Watts and trying to kill Neo right after they'd only just teamed up for no reason outside of her massive ego.

Then when people point out 'but that thing they said doesn't reflect in the rest of the story, it's not well executed so it just feels out of nowhere and kind of like the characters are just wrong and/or delusional" fans will then point to the billboard moments where it's announced what we're supposed to think and be like "are you ignoring the canon moment where it was announced to us what we're supposed to think? Seriously, do you guys even watch the same show!"

It's like the writing equivalent of a boss having a couple 'employee appreciation days' a year where they act super generous and friendly and grateful for everyone's hard work, but for the rest of the year they're not a good boss and don't treat their employees with respect. But then you tell your coworker "our boss sucks and doesn't treat us well" and they point to the employee appreciation days and are like "what do you mean, he said he does right here." The rwby writers will often have big moments where they write the characters to announce 'this is how I am' or 'this is how our relationships are' or 'this is something that happened in my past' or 'this is how I feel now' - or they have big moments that are essentially the equivalent of that - without doing the work to make that part of their actual character, character dynamics, or influence their choices, or anything. It really leaves the show feeling contradictory because the thing that they're showing you on screen might be directly contradicted by the characters or the narrative of the story just seeming to announce the opposite. You can't actually trust that natural consequences for things will occur, or that what we're told in one scene will ever matter again, or that the way characters behave outside of these big billboard moments is going to matter at all, or that the characters with good relationships will be treated like they had good relationships and vice versa for what feels like clearly bad relationships, or any of that. You can't trust anything in rwby because at any moment you'll see a banner that says 'Sike! What we wrote into the story that you've been seeing with your own two eyes actually is going to be contradicted with this random statement we're going to have a character say, or this random out of character thing they'll do, or we'll just have the characters take a scene to act like what we've just established isn't what we just established. Team RWBY saved Haven (ignore the part where the school closed, all the hunters in the city and the headmaster are dead, and the kingdom is left almost entirely open to the Grimm.) Yang hates lying and secret keeping (ignore the part where she lied about Raven and then kept secrets purposefully.) Blake feels like she needs to be a bridge between the human and the faunus (ignore the part where that has never once been a spoken or even imo implied motivation behind anything she does.) Penny isn't allowed friends (ignore the part where she attends parties with her friends and is put on jobs with her friends and Ironwood constantly let her be around her friends and how she literally calls the Ace Ops friends and how she's literally speaking to her best friend Ruby when she announces that she isn't allowed to have friends.) Penny's first real choice was to ask Jaune to kill her (ignore that she was constantly making choices herself right from her first appearance, like specifically running away from the guards watching her repeatedly, confiding in Ruby, throwing her in a dumpster, explicitly saying she asked to be able to join the Vytal Tournament, telling Ruby she had decided she wanted to stay at Beacon...)

Dang it, this post is already kind of longish but I was going to make this post about Taiyang! Aw heck, okay, I'm gonna post this and then make a different post about Tai while linking this one. Basically to summarize my point here, rwby is an incredibly inconsistent show with the habit of having big moments that supposedly contradict the rest of what we see, but what really actually happens is that it leaves their characters feeling tbh like they the characters are just wrong a lot.

#rwde

[kichimiangra]

Tell me more about "Daddy I'm a Zombie"?

Oh. FUCKING. BOI. Don't get me started on Daddy I'm a Zombie!

...

...

...

Anyway we'll start with this google doc I wrote like ten million years ago when I was Spurgburgering out over this and decided to rewatch the movie and write down what happens in every single scene:

(It's not written in a format to explain shit to people who didn't see the movie though)

and THEN I bitch!

Now that that's done and out of the way, this film has a very interesting concept... or at least interesting to ME! It's effectively "The Wizard of Oz" but with Zombies. Now this is also probably just a me-problem, but I feel like the most satysfying structure to a wizard of oz style story is like so: -Protagonist has an issue in their mundane life

-gets isekai'd to a fantastical world and meets fantastical counterparts to those in their mundane life

-by helping those in the fantasy world the protag recontextualizes their mundane problem and gains the insight of how to solve it before returning to their mundane world (Often in a "It was all a dream" ending)

This film kind of does this. We have Dixie having the worst day of her life i guess before a tree branch bashes her head in and kills her, waking her in the fantastical Zombie world. Most of the people she meets along the way are clearly expy's of people from her mundane life;

In life her friend Julia friend breaks up with her and is dating the red headed boy (Ray) that Dixie had a crush on, while in death she has Isis who wants nothing more to be her friend like a touch starved golden retriever and also doesn't get along with the red headed Gonner who romantically adores Dixie, thus making 0% chance of stealing him from her.

Piroshka is clearly multiple characters, including Dixie's bullies and possibly her unseen step sister with the way Nebulosa adores her(?)

Vitirol the Wandering Zombie uses the same character model (And I think voice? At least in english I think) as her father and his Hippie aesthetic aligns with her view of her father as a passive hippie.

One of the only things we know about Dixies mother is she loves her plants, especially her Bonsai trees and Nebulosa is first introduced pruning a Bonsai tree. etc.

And when she finishes her adventure and gets back home her problems get better via (?)The lesson she learned on the adventure(?)

Nebulosa and the stories moral is easily two of the biggest issues I have in this film.

The recurring moral of the story is "You get back what you put out, like a magnet" which is basically a different way of saying "What goes around comes around". That is to say the moral that Dixie must learn to solve all of her mundane life problems is to put out positive vibes and your friend will refriend you, your bullies will stop bullying you, you parents divorce will... I dunno stop the bad vibing? But this moral is rather disconnected to the Zombie world plot. Even worse so using that moral insists that Dixie herself is her own worst enemy, and the narrative seems to confirm that as by the end of the film she stops being a miserable twat and in the sequel we see that things have really turned around for Dixie, even befriending her bullies, having other friends, making up with Julia and befriending Ray, has a better relationship to her parents, and is even running for class president! All in all changing her mood and outlook DID solve her mundane life problems!

The issue with this though is that her opponent in the Zombie world, the hurdle she has to overcome to get home and back to her life is Nebulosa, the character clearly coded as her mother. Her realtionship to her mother in the first film is strained but mostly exists as floating ideas. Her mother is the one who gave her the films magguffin; the Azoth, though it never explains where SHE got it but this connection to her mother seems to be important as it was the last gift she got from her before her parents divorced. Near the beginning of the film she is supposed to be visiting her mother but shows disdain for the idea, and finally at the end of the film she seems to have gotten over it as her mom picks her up from school and she smiles getting into the car saying "Hi Mommy" with a cheerful tone. What ever issue she has with her mother is solved but I don't really know what that issue is or why Nebulosa represents her mother when she spends the early part of the film interacting and blaming her father for her shitty life, meanwhile her father is treated as the force of good, the Wizard if you would, within the fantastical world.

The plot about Dixie's Primary issue should be her strained relationship with her mother if Nebs is to be the mother's counterpart, while if we want the moral to be "Dixie is her own worst enemy, sabotaging herself with her bad attitude about literally everything, then the opponent Dixie should have to face is Dixie herself, as such Nebs should be Dixies own counterpart instead.

A lot of this film also feels like it's just putzing around with talking head scenes while trying to get to that confrontation. Unfortuantely Dixie and Nebs are just... completely disconnected in the story. Nebs and Dixie don't even come face to face until the final confrontation. In fact after her last scene in the first graveyard Piroshka doesn't interact with the heroes either aside from Gonner, and later Dixie just one time. It often feels like there's no Hero-Villain synergy there aside from Nebs telling her minions to bring her the Azoth, and Dixie having that.

On top of THAT Nebs evil plan is just... the worst. She is colelcting all the Zombies in the Zombie world to brainwash them and then use the Azoth to open a portal to send them back and just... spread her evil. We don't know why

Wouldn't it have been a more satisfying ending should Dixie use the Azoth's power to open a portal, only for her and Nebs to get sucked in together. The portal takes them to the point where Nebs died, perhaps she died a cruel unfair death that she herself caused allowing Dixie to tell herself the moral to Nebs, that she was her own worst enemy and had she just done xyz her life wouldn't have been shit and lead to a shit death. She gets through to Nebs and the old bitch steps out of the portal,s safe zone stepping back into her life before she died to try and correct the results. Dixie is sucked back out into the void and then wakes up back to her own life and chooses to follow the advice she gave Nebs, and then among the people she researched from her 'dream' she also see's that Nebulosa managed to turn her life around before dying with no regrets, as such no longer returning to the limbo that is the Zombie world.

Wouldn't that be better than just Nuking the bitch?

Also there's a SEQUEL film and Nebs is at least a little more active as a villain but still how the fuck did she survive getting nuked????

Some of the world building loses me as well. The zombie world seems to be a different world itself but Isis is afraid of the farmhouse because there might be mortal humans there but... this can't be just... zombies hiding among the normal mundane world because of the big plot point of finding Vitriol by the old Egyptian cemetery. Are there just Egyptian cemeteries in Spain??? And also Zombies just chilling around? And Also Neb's evil lair is the fairgrounds from the beginning of the film but the surroundings look different so this has to be the ZOMBIE WORLD counterpart of the fair right??

Now I'm gonna rant about Gonner

Gonner had a lot of potential to be the roguish love interest. He's a cool pirate, he has a backstory where he didn't want to be a pirate, but a poet instead, he's got some anithero vibes because he secretly works for Nebs so that has a lot of delicious "OH NO THE BETRAYAL!" dramapotential but like.... He's such a little bastard. I think that him stealing the Azoth from Dixie and giving it to Nebs because technically that would keep Dixie safe is a good drama mindset but then when his girlfriend is chasing him around with her axe and trying to kill him for cheating on her and wants to know why he just says "Eh, she's hotter than you." and that's it. No better person or shit like that? Petty little bastard. This is then made worse in the sequel in the most egregious way. When Dixie seemingly might be grabbing herself up a human boyfriend he feels betrayed and returns to his ex, Piroshka who is just fucking super forgiving considering her got her killed in the last film and I'm okay with this this is perfect setup for SOME KIND of drama! Either Dixie realizes she pushed Gonner away and the yummy drama fills the belly OR Gonner realizes he made a mistake and tries to return to Dixie's side but is caught by Nebs and is now a hostage! TWO POTENTIAL ROUTES FOR DRAMA! The film does neither of them he just walks over back to Dixie's side like "sup?" Dixie literally didn't even know he switched sides like wtf you had the perfect drama setup and you fucking wasted but literally doing nothing with it!

The sad part is the worldbuilding is also bland and a LOT of the scenes are just talking head exposition scenes, some of them jumping rapidly between team Dixie and Team Nebs while the two never really cross. It actually can be an exhausting watch because Oh look they're walking and talking again. A lot of tell, not show and that makes me mad because the concept of Wizard of Oz but with colorful Zombies sounds so good it's like my jam but the Story is so unfocused and disjointed that it feels like it was passed back and forth between two writers who wanted to write different things and ignored what the other wrote and then sent it to the animators so any concepts brought up just don't get pushed far at freaking all!

And that's it for my rant. I literally ocd'd over this film just not doing anything with the tools it had while being a concept I enjoyed that I started YEARS AGO on and off of an "Original the character" fix it fic story where I just take the concept and work from there but that's off in the void until it figures out what it wants to be when it grows up

#kc rambles #kc answers stuff #Daddy I'm a zombie #daddy im a zombie

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Thoughts On Negative Feedback About TBB

Spoilers for TBB Season 2

So once again I am going to give some thoughts on some Bad Batch opinions I've seen floating around on Twitter. Just like last time, I want to preface this by saying that I mean no disrespect to the people who wrote these posts, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I actually agree with them in some way but we'll get onto that.

I've seen some main points going around (and some slightly less common ones) so I'm going to break those down. But one of the running themes I see through a lot of opinions is this idea that this season has introduced a lot of plot threads that don't seem to have gone very far. Now I understand where this is coming from but I don't want to get too sidetracked by this because at the end of the day, we still have 6 episodes left and there will be a good chance that things will become more relevant by the end. Saying that, I do understand the frustration that comes from an interesting plot thread being dropped and then hardly (if even) addressed for multiple episodes.

But let's get more into the breakdown.

What's Happening With Cid?

Now this is one I can understand the frustration of because I'm still trying to wrap my head around why the Batch still choose to work for her. I can understand if they see it as their only option, but she's been untrustworthy from the beginning and it's getting worse this season, even if she hasn't appeared as much.

The Batch aren't stupid, we know this, but they still don't seem to be addressing the fact that Cid is screwing them over and has been doing so the whole time. Especially since Ep 10, where they were faced with an entire group of people being manipulated by their employer and no-one in the Batch went "oh hold on, this scenario seems familiar". Employers screwing over their workers to keep more profits with very little concern for their welfare? I wonder where we've seen that before.

They've even addressed the fact that Cid is untrustworthy multiple times this season and yet none of them seem to be doing anything about it. Also, that whole thing from Millegi about Cid having a dark past and not being one to trust? When are we going back to that? I assume that it'll be covered in an episode like "Tipping Point" if them realising that they can't work for Cid leads to them joining the Rebellion (remember, this is just a theory).

But why has it taken the Batch so long??? Cid has been untrustworthy from when she first appeared in S1. Is it really going to take until Episode 14 of this season for them to actually do anything about it?

Like I said, for them it may be because they see this as their only option, that without this they have nothing to live on, but I totally understand how frustrating it is to see them being manipulated like this over and over again and have nothing be done about it.

Episode 10 Goes Round in Circles

I do kind of understand this one as well. For me, this ep didn't really add a whole lot and there were some interesting plot ideas that could have been addressed that weren't. But I'm not going to pile on it too badly because I also understand that this episode was supposed to be a breather and it's always unlikely that every episode is going to be incredible. So I'm just going to touch on what I've seen other people saying.

The main complaint I've seen about this episode is that it doesn't really give us any development with anyone. Tech has some moments of just being Tech (although one of his lines from the end is another point I'm gonna touch on), Hunter is just his usual self, Omega is being Omega but it's not really adding a whole lot, and most of Wrecker's dialogue this episode was him growling at people (some more lines would have been great).

I think a big part of why this isn't working for people is because some of the other episodes (including Ep 9) have been very emotionally driven and this one just falls a bit flat in comparison. Not every episode is going to end up being really deep and complex though so I can understand why the creators have done this. But I also don't think that there's anything special enough about the plot of this episode to make up for it.

I've already touched on the whole "manipulative employer" thing so I'm not going to go back over that, but one of these other ideas I saw people bringing up was how interesting it could've been for the Batch to talk more about their lives as soldiers, especially when faced with a bunch of children who have been manipulated into thinking that the people they work under actually care about them. The Batch were raised to be soldiers by Kaminoans, meaning that they didn't get a chance to really be kids (key message throughout this season) and these workers have spent their childhoods being manipulated into thinking that they're doing a good job and are being cared for because of it.

I do think that it would have been an interesting narrative to delve into and maybe would have given the episode more weight. But it would have also been quite heavy for a "breather" episode.

Selfish Batchers

This is an interesting point that I didn't necessarily clock onto while watching the episode but totally got it when I saw it on Twitter.

At the end of the episode, Omega is talking about how there are so many people in the galaxy like Mokko and like the Empire, to which Tech responds that there are also a lot of people out there like the Batch (i.e. people who can help others). Except this line feels a bit arrogant considering the fact that in this episode (and I don't want to sound like a hater here) they literally did the bare minimum.

They didn't go in to try and save the miners, they went in to get the Marauder back. The kids were just helped in the middle of that. Tech almost acts like they saved the kids when really, if they could've avoided going anywhere near Mokko they would have. Killing Mokko to save the miners wasn't in the plan, he was just getting in the way of them escaping. And really I think this is interesting to talk about because a lot of what the Batch does is for their own self-gain. We know this. But it's interesting to see that that hasn't necessarily registered with them.

I don't have an issue with flawed heroes, but so far the Batch are yet to acknowledge this flaw. The Batch are constantly portrayed as heroes, which in some ways they are, but labelling them as heroes because some people happened to be helped when they were saving themselves is a bit odd. Omega is the only one that actually asks the kids what they're going to do next. The guys are just happy the ship is back.

It's interesting that aside from Omega, the only person who has very clearly shown a desire to help anyone but himself is Echo, who left.

Once again, this may become a part of a realisation for the Batch later down the line and they are driven to join the rebellion. But really, a lot of the "saving people" that the Batch does is because it happens by chance (like in this episode) or they get paid to do it (aka some of the missions they do in S1). It's slightly odd that they are constantly lorded as heroes (and somewhat see themselves that way) when a lot of what they do is with selfish intentions.

(I didn't expect to write that much in that section. Oops.)

Focus on the Batchers

This actually ties into something I was going to make separate post about so I'm just going to drop it all in here!

One of the complaints I'm seeing is that some of the Batchers don't feel like they're getting much development this season, mainly Wrecker and Hunter. Now obviously this is interesting to me because these two are really the only ones who got much attention in S1.

One of my biggest gripes about S1 is that it felt more like the Hunter & Omega Show rather than The Bad Batch, so I actually like the fact that we've been given more focus on the other Batchers this season. Really, the focus feels a little more spread out in some episodes, rather than every episode seemingly revolving around either Hunter or Wrecker.

But I can understand where some of the frustration is coming from. Personally, I actually prefer Hunter this season but that's because giving the other members some time to grow has given us a chance to see how they all influence each other and where Hunter plays into all of that. It feeds into the idea that they're a team and not a bunch of stragglers following around this one person.

I do wonder how much the disappointment comes from the fact that we got so much Hunter in S1 that any less than that almost feels like nothing. Sure, I don't necessarily feels like there's a whole lot of growth but I think there have been some really interesting moments with Hunter this season, like Ep 5 giving us a chance to see his growing insecurities about Omega no longer relying on them as much as she once did.

Wrecker has also had some time to shine this season, but I do agree that it would've been nice to see him have some more dialogue in Episode 10. Him being reduced to mostly growling at people for a chunk of the episode was a little tiring after a while. He can be scary with words!

Really, I'm not totally mad about this but that might be because Echo and Tech are two of my favourites, so I'm just glad to see them getting some more love this season.

Although I feel like this entire debate over whether characters are getting enough focus does suggest that there's a struggle to give every character their due focus when they're all together.

Hunter vs Echo Conflict

Finally onto the last point!

This is one that I actually kind of agree with and I think it has something to do with what we were teased before the season came out.

Echo's goodbye was obviously very moving and there seems to be decent number of people that agree that it was a good episode. But some people felt like there should've been more of the Hunter-Echo conflict before that happened and I partially agree. Personally, I think that the little details throughout each episode help indicate what Echo is thinking and where he's planning on going. Little looks at Hunter, brief comments on certain missions, it all makes sense that he was going to go.

However, I do agree that there wasn't as much of the actual conflict between Hunter and Echo as I expected. In an interview before S2, the creators said that there would be a lot of conflict between Rex, Echo and the Batch and this gave me the impression that we were going to have more actual disputes than we did. Other than the spat they had in Episode 1, there hasn't been as much back and forth between Hunter and Echo as expected. They clearly have different ideas of where they want to go but it's more a conflict of interest than actual conflict.

I don't think it helped that Echo didn't do a whole lot for some of the episodes. We were told that Echo would be given more focus this season and that his disagreements with Hunter would be at the forefront of that. But then he disappears for 2 episodes and doesn't do a whole lot in Episode 5. He's got some more stuff in Ep 6, but the conflict isn't really addressed a whole lot there and then he leaves in Episode 8. And I find it a little odd that they specifically mentioned Rex as well. The Batch don't really have conflict with Rex. Sure, they don't go with him, but that isn't really what I'd call conflict. It feels like we were promised more conflict than we got.

And maybe that's the issue here. We set our expectations too high. We had all this time to concoct an idea as to what was going to happen this season and then it didn't do that. The bits that did address the disagreements were good, but did we maybe hope for more than we were ever going to get? For me, I feel like the interviews were a little bit misleading, but that may just be because I set myself up to expect more.

This may be another thing that gets addressed later on but I'm not entirely sure where more of that conflict is going to come into play. Maybe Rex, Echo and the Batch teaming up to help people like Crosshair but still being at odds? I don't know. I'm not sure where that bits going tbf.

Concluding Thoughts

Overall, I think that there are some interesting points that have been made about Episode 10 and the series as a whole. I definitely think that it's going to be a collection of opinions that people may disagree with here or there but that's the nature of the show. It's interesting to see what people think.

A lot of it may just be a case of having to sit on it and see how the entire show pans out because at the moment we still have 6 episodes to go. But it'll be interesting to see what points of contention will be addressed/sorted. I also think a lot of it is down to expectations. People set their expectations too high and now that they're not being met, it's influencing their enjoyment of the show. I also want to add that I am saying that as someone who has also had to put their expectations aside to truly appreciate some of the episodes.

This show isn't perfect, but no show ever will be. Personally, I prefer this season to the last, but I do still have my issues with it here or there. I'm curious to see where people's preferences end up by the end of the show.

#another long one #I really should write these after I've done any work because this is a good way of procrastinating #I spent like an hour on this #oops #if only I was this productive with uni work XD #anyway enjoy this ramble #star wars #the bad batch #the bad batch season 2 #the bad batch season 2 spoilers #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers

[emeraldthelynx]

Infinite

I think Infinite is a really cool character. When I played Sonic Forces, I think my only real complaint with the game was how short and easy it was. Everything else was really amazing! And Infinite was such a cool character with so many nuances, heightened by the lyrics in his self-titled theme. A lot of people seem to think he's just an angry guy who hates Shadow and started a war for no reason. And then the fandom puts him through therapy.

. . .

Let me explain why I think Infinite is a cool villain!

First of all, he's got a backstory the player becomes a part of in Episode Shadow. Shadow has been ordered to hunt down Infinite's mercenary squad (probably by G.U.N., although the scriptwriters probably didn't realize that.) He takes down the rest, then takes on Infinite. Up until this point, Infinite has been invincible, he was feared, he had power. Then Shadow breaks him instantly. Instead of having a moment of self-reflection or brooding, Infinite denies that he has a breakdown. He hides his face and it's almost like that the mask he wears is a sign of his 'rebirth.' So he's a tragic villain! He's still a bad guy, he was a bad guy before everything Shadow did, but Infinite becoming scared and vulnerable actually makes him sympathize with the audience.

Secondly, this guy is a real threat! If Eggman hadn't reeled him in when he did, chances are Infinite would of taken him down as well with his illusions. He literately tricks the brain into hurting the body while manipulating reality to his every whim. He doesn't need to have contact with his opponents to hurt them, which is more than can be said for a lot of Eggman's plans. He materializes Sonic's hardest opponents, Shadow, the perfect rival to Sonic, Metal Sonic, a machine who believes he's the real Sonic and will do anything to prove it, Chaos, the literal embodiment of Sonic's worst fear, and… Za…vok? (Sorry, Zavok works more as a Mario villain than a Sonic one. He's ruthless, we'll say that, yeah.) Excluding Zavok, these guys have been real threats to Sonic when they were separate, and Infinite puts them together. He breaks Tails. He makes the world believe that Sonic is dead for six months. Again, more than most of Eggman's plans have done.

Third, the dynamic Infinite has with the Avatar character. Both of them were reduced to trembling, fearful people. But Infinite hid away, and the Avatar chose to fight despite his/her fear and eventually overcame it. Infinite's theme literately sounds like he's taunting the avatar, hitting it especially hard with the line "it's only me and you, who is gonna save you now?" Infinite sees the avatar as the person that he was before putting on the mask, and likes taunting them. Do you realize that he's trying to hide his own fear by attacking the Avatar? And it makes him even more scared as the avatar stands up again and again which he could not do.

Fourth and final, his design and theme song?! That mask, the Phantom Ruby, the Persona-esque logo on the bottom of his shoes, that is a lot of effort put into this design to really sell the character! (As a side note, I know barely anything about Persona. Could somebody who's more familiar with the series tell me if Infinite embodies any of the Persona traits?) His theme song is really amazing. It embodies everything in his character. Do you realize that this was the first time there was a character theme in this style since Silver's theme in Sonic 06? Sure, we got cool things like Knight of the Wind or lovely tracks like Speak With Your Heart, but we did not get a full-blown character theme. Infinite is telling the audience (Avatar) who he is, everything about his power, how he's the one in control, but at the same time, you can hear him trying to convince himself of everything he's saying. (Especially with the line "this is an illusion, open up your eyes.")

I'm going to say it now that I got more happiness from playing Sonic Forces than I did playing Frontiers. The music was great, I actually felt like I had a world to save, and the avatar was really fun to design and use. I think if SEGA used a style similar to the Adventure games where each character (Sonic, Classic Sonic, and the Avatar) each had their own story segments, made the game a little longer, and fleshed out the story a bit more, Sonic Forces would of been one of the best Sonic games that came out in a while. I might make another post later that specifies those ideas a bit more, but for now, enjoy my rant about Infinite.

#lynx's rambles #Sonic #Sonic Forces #Avatar #Infinite

[dangerpronebuddie]

hi!! you said in tags on a recent post that they were foreshadowing something happening to eddie! could you pls tell me when you thought this, as i’m intrigued lol

Hello anon! 🥰

You're going to think I'm delulu by the end of this. If you don't already lol 😅

For starters, 9-1-1 loves playing the long game when it comes to foreshadowing. Eddie's shooting and the lead up to his breakdown started in his first episode.

I mean, we had "I've just done it while people are shooting at me is all" in 2x01 and "At least nobody's shooting at us" in the crossover. And! Eddie's insistence that the universe does not scream.

All the military related accidents and the entirety of the Shannon arc and 3x15 and... pretty much everything that happened to that poor man lead to his breakdown.

But the foreshadowing for what I thought was going to happen (which didn't 😕) started in 4x14 with none other than the legal guardian conversation.

I mentioned that I thought something was going to happen to Eddie and/or Chris. Like with the shooting, whatever that something is has been building for a few seasons.

Now, I love the legal guardian thing. There's so many layers to it, not to mention how they look at each other through the whole thing. It's a declaration of love. However! It's also a bad omen.

Eddie Diaz, Mr. Prove To Me Something Is Real And I'll Believe It, keeps jinxing himself. Even speaking the will into existence is a bad idea™. These writers don't normally bring something up and then forget about it. And I would say making your best friend the father of your child if you aren't there is a pretty big thing to just leave hanging!

Eddie didn't even plan on telling Buck about it until the shooting. He waited an entire year??? For something that important? In short, the writers included it for a purpose beyond an aborted love confession.

Anyhoo. That's sign one.

Season 5 we can put aside, because it was a whole other thing.

Season 6 was where the most foreshadowing came in. I think it all really started in 6x07. Even Eddie, by the like third(?) accident Felisha had, commented on the fact that he might be cursed. At the end of the episode, at the beach, he gets a call from Abuela. The framing of that shot (I really wish I could make gifs right now. Thankfully I found a set) shows Eddie in focus with Chris at the forefront. As Eddie asks "what does she say about my future?" in regards to Abuela's curandera, the focus shifts to Chris. To me, that meant something would happen to Eddie and have the guardian thing come up again.

Then, in 6x15, Eddie and Chris go to see Shannon (I thought that was really nice, btw, it was sweet). Then his mother is pestering him to come visit. He talks to her twice I believe (haven't rewatched that episode in a while, the cemetery scene haunts me 😅). Anyway, when he talks to her at the end of the episode, he says "we'll figure something out. Okay? We got time."

Refer to my earlier statement. Eddie keeps jinxing himself!

The entire episode, there was something ominous about it. The old lady, "we're all gonna die alone," Shannon, etc. It just felt... eerie, I suppose.

I expected the season 6 finale to satisfy the foreshadowing. I heard they rewrote the ending thanks to them not being sure if the show would be picked up by another network (THANK YOU ABC!) Anyway. Something tells me that the original plan was to severely hurt the fathers on the team. Chim, Bobby, and Eddie were all in serious danger.

The time jump at the end kinda sucked. To me, the finale felt a little... discombobulated. I think that maybe, even though 911 doesn't do this, they intended for season 6 to end on a cliffhanger. Any or all three of them could've still been in danger or clinging to life when the episode ended. It would've been more satisfying, honestly.

Anyway.

I just think they hinted a little too much at this. It could be that it just hasn't happened yet and there's still more foreshadowing to go. Maybe in season 7, Eddie could be missing and presumed dead or injured badly enough to have Buck step in for Chris (in a much more concrete parental role.)

#911 #eddie diaz #s6 #s7 #ask response #anon ask #i kept finding little details to keep piling on but I resisted!

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

So if the answer is behind door number 2 and some evil scientist really did find them after they came through, it'd probably make the most sense if they came through unfrenzied but disoriented enough that they were captured fairly easily, and then had something horrible inflicted upon them, which triggered a frenzy, right? Or would a frenzy like that come only from rift distortion fuckery, and they came through frenzied but someone managed to tranq them. In the first case a spontaneous frenzy might help them bust out right after if happened, but if they're already frenzied it might make it harder for anyone to actually do anything to them.

I feel like that might make things too convoluted though. Them being dropped off near or in Nimbasa but accidentally being frenzied from passing through the rift seems like it'd work best. The question then would be, why were they fused when they came through. Easiest answer would probably be they were in one of the distortion bubbles when something went horribly wrong and they ended up being taken back along with all the other displaced pokemon. Second easiest might be that Ingo was given the chance to go back home, and Lady Sneasler wanted to come too because that's Her Guy, but the rules were that only one could come. And she's like, well luckily we have a solution for that! And they go through together and have the bad luck of it affecting her badly.

Poor Emmet is really going to have his work cut out for him here, though. First he's gotta figure out what this thing is, then he's gotta realize it's his brother (both of which he'll only be able to do once Clamberclaw is calm enough for Ingo to take the reigns), then he's gotta... take him home? Take him to a pokemon center? But to do that first he's gotta actually get them out of the train where they've only just calmed down because it's safe and familiar, then he's gotta get them out of the crowded subway station without Clamberclaw freaking out again or anyone getting too good of a look at them (especially if he's paranoid that some evil scientists might be out looking for their escaped experiment), then he's gotta do the same but in a crowded city this time until he gets them to wherever he's taking them. (Then he gets to have his breakdown once they're safe and asleep lol)

And that's too say nothing about his emotional journey here. Like, yay his brother is back and alive, oh no he's this bizarre creature now, oh shit what if he had been taken and was being experimented on this whole time, oh God how is he gonna get them out of here, yay his brother is back in a safe place where Emmet can watch over him, yay apparently this is a reversible thing and he's not actually fused together with this pokemon forever, oh no he's not going to separate anytime soon because he needs to make sure Lady Sneasler isn't gonna go on another rampage and also this is new and scary for both of them and it's comforting to not be alone in it, oh shit apparently Ingo doesn't remember anything of his life here including Emmet. He's gonna have a hell of a time of it.

Meanwhile, Clamberclaw is super tired and in pain, but actually doing sort of okay otherwise. Because even if Ingo doesn't actually remember him, Emmet is like, the person he trusts absolutely to keep him safe in his vulnerable state. Which is a lot to put in Emmet's shoulders! But they're not really in a position to be making any big decisions on their own in their state. In this they're just going to have to put their trust in Emmet.

oof the idea that they went as a fusion to game a "one person only" rule... it brings to mind, like, people outsmarting a god in a game of wits and so it gives them a horrible and dramatically-ironic curse as divine retribution. oh you think you're so smart, figuring out how to bring a friend with you? we'll see how much your smarts help when i inflict you with DIVINE MADNESS

(not that arceus/giratina necessarily did this on purpose, but)

the other thought i had as to why they'd be fused at all is that sneasler was about to kill ingo in the middle of a rampage and it was the only thing he could think to do to escape. like she had him pinned so there was no running, the only option he had was to reach back out and fuse bc now she can't attack him anymore, can she? and now they're staying together for the same reasons as before, bc sneasler's holding on in the frenzy and/or ingo doesn't want anyone else hurt, etc.

probably the easiest way to get them out safely is to either take the train, or just walk down the tunnels to a further-away, less-populated station, and then go around the long way to wherever their house is, avoiding the most densely populated areas of the city. (this also means clamberclaw gets to ride the train which they'll probably enjoy <3) however there's also the fact that they might have quickly evacuated some areas when clamberclaw was rampaging through them, which could open up paths too

&then yeah, emmet... :c he's gonna try so hard to stay calm where they can see, bc they really desperately need that and if they think they're in danger there's the very material side effect of potentially reactivating Panic Mode and causing a bunch more destruction/having them go running off into the city again. but that doesn't mean he isn't on a fucking rollercoaster here. his brother's alive! and doesn't remember him! and has possibly been trapped in an experiment-torture-hell for who knows how long! and is stuck together with some mystery pokemon! and that duo has been pushed to their limit and is now in dire need of rest if not medical attention. once he doesn't have the anchor of "ignore everything else we need to make sure ingo's safe and okay" he's gonna lose it

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #anonymous #warden fusion au #and then the positions get to be reversed while ingo looks after him now...

[pantsaretherealheroes]

with the obvious caveat that everyone is entitled to their own feelings about it -

i don't think connor and his wife's explanation for why they wanted to ask buck to be their donor, or buck's decision to say yes to that big decision is bad writing. It feels like deliberately showcasing that a) these people are feeling a bit desperate, and without being cruel, connor might know best how to appeal to buck. he and his wife clearly have a reason for going to a guy a connor hasn't seen in three years (pandemic or no, pretty wild) for something so personal, and not just going to a sperm bank (financial? moral? who knows)

buck saying yes 'absolutely' tracks with where he's at right now. he's a giver, and been known to think he's doing the right thing when it's totally the wrong thing for him. telling your girlfriend you love them and later asking them to move in is totally normal and great - if that's how you really feel and what you actually want, which it wasn't for him.

I don't think this is going to work out for him - I think he's going to be disqualified somehow, but the point of it (like the point of him kissing lucy, a plot point that personally worried me until I saw what it was actually in service of) is probably to be a catalyst for either a breakdown or a breakthrough on his self-worth, his life, who values him for more than the sum of his parts.

but i guess we'll see

#i'm a buddie cynic i don't believe it will happen this season #but at the same time i cannot picture where else they're going with this that will be in any way meaningful #introducing some rando new love interest isnt going to feel different or like growth or a breakthrough #but recognising the love you already have in front of you?? that's growth.gif #so i guess i hope i'm very much proven wrong #buck x eddie #911 #evan buckley

[benjamin-peter]

That time at summer camp...

[PART ONE]

Dear diary...

Saw this journal-type book at one of the bus stops on my way here, and decided to buy it. Been a long time since I kept a diary, but I figured it could come in handy! Y'know, in case something stupid happens and I lose my memories all over again.

So. Camp Weehawken. I wouldn't say watching over kids is my ideal job, but Grace invited me, and I didn't have anything better to do this summer. The first few days? They've been... something, alright.

The staff cabin is ginormous. Seriously, I think there's more staff here than kids. Couple of Grace's friends are here too, which is fine, I guess. I remember Esther from the beach, she seemed nice enough. James seems oddly familiar, but he's pretty quiet, so it's hard to pinpoint why exactly. Som is... Eh. He's still glaring. Don't know what I ever did to that guy. My breakdown last time I saw him was barely noticeable, if you ask me.

Since there were plenty of counselors, I looked over the jobs available and went with teaching music. There's a bunch of cheap instruments in the activity cabin, and some guitars for the older kids. Dunno really what I'll teach exactly, but I'm sure I can wing it.

I'm also in charge of the campfire songs, which is kinda fun. Except, uh... I don't know how else to say it, but this place is weird. I mean. Not the place itself. But the people. I thought I'd gotten the hang of this whole universal nonsense, but no. There's kid with wings here? One with eyes like some kind of biblically accurate angel? Horns? Living dolls? Clowns????? It's... pretty wild.

Don't really have a choice but to deal with it. I really do need the money from this job, not to mention the fact that Grace would just pick me up and carry me back if I tried to leave. Besides, it's not like those kids can help it that they're weird.

And then there's this other thing. The Once-ler thing.

I know they're just people. Just guys who made a mistake. But every time I leave our valley and see those endless empty fields, I just... feel bad. Real bad. And now I'm here, and I have to talk to them.

When I was practicing earlier, one came over to listen to me play. He's younger than me, I think. He... was nice. Funny, too. Even if some things he said gave me a headache.

Grace said his name is Entre. And I know that name, even if I don't know the exact context. I think I looked up to him once. I don't know why I know that, but I do.

She's worried he'll start the apocalypse. I don't think that's something that can be changed, but we'll see.

I hope I'm wrong. And maybe... We could be friends.

#diary entries

[henrysfedora]

hi it's almost 4am and i have been sitting in silence for the past three hours and anyway i need to ramble about vito and his tragic war time okay

idk, it hit me after watching a war movie just a couple hours earlier how really tragic it must've been for vito. like firstly he's a paratrooper- this bitch flew into the warzone by plane, which is already a loud thundering piece of metal in the sky, this bitch also jumped out of a plane thousands of feet in the air into the muddy warzone below. you know the loud explosions, gunshots constantly going off around him, tanks, fighters, flamethrowers, stukas, like yeah i really believe those headcanons about vito having hearing damage and selective hearing. the moments vito would've been pinned down behind something with bullets constantly flying around him, explosions going off, mud hitting him, stone hitting him, blood hitting him, jesus christ how many tanks nearly ran him over.

this sounds so rude but i kind of wish we got to see how vito was affected by the war more throughout the game because we really only see his scars and from what we can only assume his change in behaviour and personality. how did an eighteen year old, twenty when he finally gets out (which is still fucking YOUNG) just seem to brush it off? and i only say this because 2K did JACK. we the fans have thought about a lot but in game vito's just, sad and scarred... bitch let me see the horrifying trauma he faces, let me see his nightmares, give me joe feeling guilty, give henry another reason to realise what vito's been through and how young he really is. make henry feel worse about lying to vito and bringing him in on the drug deal and causing him to go through another big shootout. make vito a little deaf, is he nervous when everyone always expects the best from him when it comes to firearms?

did vito ever have to hold a dying brother out on the field? how many times did he see someone lose a limb, or have their head shot off, or their stomachs torn open, or hear them cry for their mother, or see them bleeding profusely on the ground, how much time did he really spend driving jeeps.

like i think vito would especially be terrified of things with buildup, the sound of tanks eventually getting closer, the astronomical speed of planes that were quiet two seconds ago but now ear-shattering, especially stukas i feel like vito would be terrified of stukas those things are scary, they just keep getting closer and closer and louder and louder.

and how scared shitless was vito when he got shot? blood starts going fucking everywhere, instantly, like was he thinking about joe when he was trying as hard as he could to put pressure on his wound? was he convinced he was going to die? did he think about his mother, his father, francesca, and joe?? all of them? only joe? was he content or did he feel like he hadn't done enough in life yet? did he call out for his mother or did he just lay there quietly? how many friends did he have in the army, how many died right in front of him, how many left him alone, how many sacrificed themselves for him, how many helped him. how guilty did he feel when they saved him but they died after doing so, how guilty did he feel when he couldn't reach someone in time. he's always had it in him to be giving but is this a big contributor to why he'd sacrifice himself for his friends in a heartbeat because the guilt would be too heavy for him to handle if he couldn't save joe or henry.

LIKE JUST BREAKDOWN VITO and for gods sake someone give him a hug

like i know vito's our badass protagonist but did he really not cry while out in service? is it really not this bad was he having a good ole time driving his jeep around or what WELL WE'LL NEVER KNOW WILL WE 2K

#anyway i am so tired right now #and yet so sad #call me weird but i kind of wish mafia 2 was even more gory #like bitchhh make one of them hold the other while they bleed out on the floor telling them everythings gonna be okay #IM SAD MAKE ME SADDER #make them bleed #make them cry

[leafcabbage]

I guess we'll be getting more Dream at some point, but I would love to hear about his thoughts when Tommy was yelling at him about Ranboo! Like, did he realize how much Ranboo was struggling? Or did he see the signs but convince himself that Ranboo was probably fine? Or did he realize/care at all and is now coming to the uncomfortable realization that he really messed up Ranboo? (Technically almost killed them, but that's not solely Dream's fault and even if it was, I don't think he would realize it since Tommy described it as a month-long breakdown) (actually I'm not sure if even Tommy knows how bad it was at the end, with Ranboo basically reverting back to the hospital mentality of being tired and wanting to give up)

i mentioned in the last ask that there's gonna be a side fic about dream, but yes he definitely realized he fucked up during that. he absolutely did not realize that he was the cause of anything. it started out as him being kinda a dick, like, think hazing, making the new guy to extra work, he didnt plan to make ranboo do that much, but ranboo kept accepting more and more work, and dream had a lot of shit going on behind the scenes, and it was just easy to shove things off onto ranboo. and he had a lot of stuff happening in his life, and he took it out on ranboo because they didnt fight back and didnt call him on his shit. it wasnt like he was entirely unaware that ranboo was having some level of struggles, but he didnt connect that to what he was doing/saying/etc. ranboo wasnt really like... a person to him i guess? they were just someone who would pick up the slack and make things easier for dream. dream hasnt sought them out to make them do anything or whatever because he wasnt specifically trying to cause problems for ranboo, they were just there. and now they arent, so hes not gonna make them do shit

(i dont want any of this to seem like its ranboos fault for not fighting back or its ok that dream was so shitty bc of his situation, its not at all, thats just how dream saw it)

#cabbage answers #dont know if this makes sense lol #theres more too but brain died disease #anon #fic asks

[gleefullypolin]

Same on the anxiety! Knowing what's coming just gives me better enjoyment, I know some people think it takes away from the story but for me it lets me relax into the story and doesn't ruin it at all for me.

For sure, a lack of context and visuals is going to affect the interpretations we all make but I think there was enough info using the basics and without catastrophizing it that I think we have a good idea of the tone of it all currently.

I really want to see the Eloise bits and see how it goes further into the season but they can easily make us feel less sympathetic towards her if they wanted to. They did say that Peneloise was also a love story for the season so I think we'll see some good growth from both of them over the season. Her trying to keep the LW from him is truly big brain Bridgerton thinking.

Oh Colin. What a faker. 17 cities visited and he comes home with 2 brain cells fighting for 3rd place when it comes to actually finding himself and his friendship with Penelope. We're supposed to believe his anger at LW is about anyone else but himself? I don't remember him threatening to ruin her life until she pricked his ego?🤔 I did see that Anthony mentions that they had no idea where he was and hadn't heard from him so was he only writing to Pen? I don't think he expected anyone to so quickly to see through whatever persona he's trying to wear and it sets it up nicely for the season that he's pretending, gives him a depth of character for growth into himself into adulthood and his relationship with Penelope.

I do love me a good enemies to lovers! What a layered season and relationship this is going to be. Adding in the Kenebling of it all is definitely going to be interesting as he was so kind to her from the spoilers. It looks that timeline wise Colin gets down bad very quick but maybe has to come into his own and feel more confident in himself if he's going to get what he wants. Which I'm looking forward to seeing happen.

I have seen fans of another ship say that Polin is the one who says terrible things, etc, and I have no doubt that people have said something awful, but I haven't seen it and have only seen them say the worst sorts of things so far. I'm not sure what people think is going to happen with each season? I don't expect s4 to be Polin 2.0? Knowing now that they essentially give themselves an out in ep1 to have them out of the show for a little bit just might make people more insufferable I fear. Add in the promo tour? Jealousy makes people be the worst version of themselves at times.

Oh agree, I have seen some pretty bad takes on Polin as well. It's very reactionary in the tags, ha. I do think it's normal to love both but maybe relate to one side more than the other but some people act like if you don't specifically agree with this particular take that's one extreme or the other you're not a fan and never have been.

If I could just get a full breakdown of each episode I would have a lot less stress before May indeed. I know it's hardly more than 3 weeks at this point but still, we're suffering.😄

I’m one of those people who could read the entire synopsis of a story and then watch the season just so I could know which parts to be ready for but also know that the end is glorious and happy. I know others would say, where is the fun there, but WHERE IS THE FUN IN FEELING ALL UPSET AND WONDERING IF IT WILL BE FIXED AND WHEN? No thank you! I just want to know that for X amount of episodes I will be utterly crushed but by the end of 20 mins of a certain episode I will start to feel something warm back in my heart again. That I can live with.

I got enough out of the spoilers yesterday to not feel as nervous about Eloise but also I’m going to stay guarded. Because it could just as easily turn and piss me off again. LOL! They are young and say stupid things and I must remember that. They will hurt each other and I will cry just as badly as I will for the Polin of it all.

And yes, I truly am getting the “I put my big boy pants on” feeling from Colin. 17 cities. Wow good for you Mister. But what did you get out of it but a lonely heart. His family had no idea where he was, and he was off still writing to Pen…Lonely lonely lonely boy. His heart is betraying his mind. That was even in the trailer. Do you believe the heart or the mind. But Pen definitely went after his ego in her LW. He was hurt after the Marina stuff. But he is ANGRY now. He wants to ruin LW because she dare go after his character, his sense of worth. She is basically calling his bluff of who he is as a man. Because she did not dare do it to his face! I cannot wait for these two to drop the mask and let it out at each other because holy hell its going to be hot as hell.

It only feeds even more into this notion that Pen is the only person that truly sees him for who he really his. Not who he tries to be to the ton or to his family or other women, but who he is inside. The boy who has always wanted to have this purpose. And here she is calling him out to EVERYONE in society that he’s a fake who doesn’t even believe this newfound person he is himself. Girl is brave as hell to go at him like that but also…hiding behind LW to do so because she is angry at him and instead of telling him that to his face, she says “Ok bestie, I’ll let you help find me a hubby.”

Because it seems like she didn’t even need him for that! From what I read, she found Lord Obi Wan all on her own without his assistance at all. He seems to be the suitor that found her. And isn’t that just interesting all on its own. It puts the whole reason that Colin needs to be around her to bed right in episode 1. (I was slightly disappointed that Lord Obi Wan was already involved right at episode 1 but oh well band aid ripped off right away I guess)

It’s just so juicy all on it’s own because she’s obviously more angry than she let on due to the LW article about Colin and she needs to work through that obviously but now she is working on her anger while having this man who seems to have gravitated to her of his own volition and was nice to her for just being her and then Colin is over there being Colin (let me help you bestie) who also hates half of her and this sets up sooooo any interesting ways they can go. And I’m just so here for this.

And the fandom….well poo on them for not just enjoying the ride. You don’t want to see Polin, don’t watch. Watch the parts you want and fast forward the rest. No one cares how you watch! Nor do they want to hear about it. I just don’t get the reason to rub it in that you hate something. I know they are angry about the lovely promo tour and it’s unfortunate that last season didn’t get one because of Covid and it would have been lovely. The leads were very sweet last year and seem to be very good friends and Covid ruined a lot of good promos but that is not Luke or Nicola’s fault. But don’t shit on the show! Lol.

I myself am rolling in Polin (I needed to take my Flonase and almost lost conscious thought yesterday while trying to be out doing adult chores yesterday LMAO. At one point my husband said, just go back to staring at your screen dear, I’m sure those Bridgerton people will disappear if you don’t! And I’m sure he was right but I was not going to take that chance!

#my asks #wonderful people

[hav-vok]

cross posting from the wrong blog.

Oct 5

I'm not okay with my body image right now because I have to pack for Disney and the weather is warmer than I expected so I can't just hide in a big hoodie and I wanted to look cute but I just don't think I'll look cute or nice or anything other than a big fat blob of awful and I really don't want to ruin this with a fucking breakdown about how fat I am and how none of my clothes fit.

and the worst thing is I have no one but S to talk to this about. I have no girl friends I can't just pop up and say I feel like crap hype me up and help me find something fun to wear. I've never understood those scenes in coming of age films where the girls are all sat around in one room trying on each others clothes and doing each others hair. I never got that. I've never had anyone like that. I've never had a best friend that way. I've never even had a friend that way. not for 15 years.

half my life. half my fucking life I've not had friends to confind it and talk about this with and work through the trauma of societies expectations with. half my life. the half where it's mattered. no one cares as a kid. a little kid. but man as soon as you're aware of what this fucking world has its eyes on and what it deems is good and right and everything is it banishes as wrongs it's just traumatic trying to do anything else with that .

and now somehow I'm meant to have dinnerrmmmmmmsurbdn

I broke and nearly threw my phone so I dropped it and punched my leg lots instead.

I'm great. I'm good. I'm doing absolutely fine. about to go on the holiday of a lifetime apparently. what a delight.

Oct 6?

I keep opening and closing social media. like someone opening the fridge again to see if new food has magically appeared.

I realised that when I say friend, in most cases I think I should say acquaintance. because they're not friends. we were tied by a common place and most of our conversation rotated around that common place. maybe all I get are acquaintances. and I need to be okay with that level of relationship somehow.

Oct 8

so today I get on a plane for the first time ever and no matter how much I try I can't freak myself out about it which is good I guess. everything will be fine and it'll be so much fun and such a delight ✨

I'm sat in an airport waiting for a plane to arrive. it's ten minutes late which is wild but hey ho.

security was stressful and wild but nevermind I got through with only one misshap which for my first time isn't too bad.

getting random pain in my left toes though and knees hurt occasionally, and a slight headache which I blame on stress and stimulation.

Oct 12

so we'll Disney was a big ball of surreal crazy

idk why but mornings were not good for me. next time we go away like that I need to prepare for mornings better.

yesterday I felt quite bad, waves of sickness if I stood for too long, sharp pains in my stomach and guts. felt better if I sat for a while. didn't feel good enough to eat so I had a small yogurt, a few mouthfuls of lunch (cauliflower and pork mostly) and an apple when I got home. not lots of water either but I just didn't feel good. also got to experience a wheelchair for the first time ever, useful but not hugely.

feel a little icky today still but I'll try and eat nice plain foods here and see how it goes. Sam is out to work all afternoon so if I end up sitting in the bathroom then that's what happenes.

Oct 15

bs: weak+tingly hands, sore feet, achy hip R, little snotty, sleepy, weepy eyes, sore L shoulder

ms: flat, concerned about money this month

went to bed about 11ish last night, don't remember taking the hoodie off, don't remember S coming to bed, woke up a couple times during the night, once where the roof of my mouth was intensely itchy so I had some CBD , went back to sleep till S alarm at 8.40. 9.5 hours ish maybe ? obviously still tired from travel and Disney. but back at work today.

Oct 16

bs: mild cramps, can't tell if ovaries or intestines. L hand bad pins and needles during night, especially 3rd finger. sleepy

I was very snotty yesterday, and a bit coughy and had several long sneezing fits. I took some meds and went to work and it seemed to clear up. wondering if there's some dust or mould or something that affects me in my studio room. but it's so small and compact I don't really know how to go about changing that, since I have so much stuff. and things in this house get mouldy even in the warmer months let alone over winter when it's damp. oh to have central heating.

[taeyungie]

'you need to stay in contact with him no matter what' ah.. i'm not off to a good start. after the call he texted me and showed me a screenshot of my contact photo (he changed it to something stupid i drew long ago) but then i noticed he has my messages on mute, basically so he doesn't get my notifications. if i wasn't hurt enough, that made me reply very dry but he kept going & i just ended up not replying to the last one. i did a few hrs later but not a real response, just a meme cause i saw your msg, better than nothing i guess. i'm having a really hard time to pretend i don't want silence. maybe he'll try to do this until my birthday, and maybe then he wouldn't feel guilty having space from me too. just a guess. or he is trying to not have silence kill things. i didn't understand why he was saying the dumbest things. but he did just kinda break my heart so it was hard to pretend i was fine. i actually cried a lot after that call, which is why texting him was hard.

'you have to understand that he is just trying to be happy too' this hit the most. you're right, he even mentioned how he was still around when i was with my ex, as my friend. and i feel very selfish cause i don't know how i could do the same. i'm not good at hiding my feelings. he also mentioned something very hurtful i did to him because i was in contact with my ex and it just dug the point deeper. i can tell he's tired of waiting.

wow your story. i didn't think of it that way. in a way it's even more heart breaking. cause i'm reading this and it seems to reflect the situation so well. but even if i'm the 1st choice, i might be going too slowly to matter.

he was telling me, "who knows if i'll see someone, i'm busy with school, but i'm just telling you this because if it does happen then you'll know." then i said, well you said you were busy now and it still happened. reassured me he obviously cares for me deeply.. but at that point i kinda zoned out. it started to feel like i was being let down gently. i guess i didn't even deserve that from everything i did and said before :(

i'm trying really hard not to close my heart. it makes talking to him hard. idk how i should talk to him now. i don't think we'll be talking everyday anymore. but after that call, i really am going to try and do better for myself so i can feel comfortable to see him. i just don't know if it'll be in time but i'll try. & thanks so much for your thoughts/advice it meant the world 💜

i understand it's hard for you to talk, take your time okay? don't force yourself if you can't bring yourself to even pretend, it's not good for you. he probably really doesnt want to keep up a bad atmosphere around you, hence he's trying to loosen up things with talking about anything, and i think it's okay as long as he treats your discussion seriously while it's happening. about the muted messages - it's something that i even do myself, but listen to me please. maybe it's petty as hell but personally i get extremely overwhelmed and i overthink everything, i hate confrontation 🤷 I know it sucks but that's just who i am and I am /scared/ I avoid negativity even when it comes from people I love, so if i didn't mute messages from a person with whom i argued i would honestly go insane, because waiting for notifications from them would be the only thing i think about until we are not on good terms again (which can take a very long time sometimes) and i would have a breakdown with every single ping that my phone would make, thinking it's them and that i have to come back to confronting painful reality, when i wish the negative and serious conversations never happened to me. that's just how i am, maybe he is like this too. i don't see any other point in him muting you.

so as you noticed yourself he is aware of his position and of what you were exposing him to, his behavior makes sense, right? i know you are pushed against the wall right now, sweetheart... but i think it's time for you to choose what is most important for you at the moment, some things can't wait.

it's easier to have people around in real life than to keep up a relationship long distance or online, remember about that love. it's easier to create bonds when you see somebody every day, that's why he wanted you to know that it is the possibility if he meets someone, it doesn't mean he WILL purposefully look for it to move on from you, that's not it at all. i think you just have to give yourself some time to rest and then make a decision, honey. when you cool down think about everything again and be brave okay? he did NOT reject you, he just needs a strong sense of security and to be sure. give it all a few days, and don't give up okay? we have to fight for the ones we love.

#i'm glad i could be here for you 💖 #also.. if something between you two changes maybe in a week a month or even later... please come and tell me about it? #i want to be here for you whenever and whatever happens okay #anonymous #answered

[dumb-diary-shit]

mental breakdown caused by absolutely nothing.

calm down.

...

breathe in.

....

breathe out.

.....

alright

.........

alright. i'll be okay. just keep saying that. you'll believe it. you're going to be okay. you always do. breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breathe out.

....i'm fucking tired though

i know

i don't even know what happened

i know

they meant it when they said the body remembers

i know

i don't like remembering anymore

i know.

if you say you know one more time i'm going to fucking choke you

...

sigh. you know what? i know. i know that you know, because we're the same, we're me. i'm you. you're me.

yeah.

so i shouldn't get mad at you

right

because i know you just want to help me

that's it

and because it's no use getting mad at myself for shit i can't control

you're getting better at this self-therapy thing

but i'm frustrated

i can tell

and so are you

of course i am

i'm sick of my dumb body fucking freezing all the time and being scared and feeling like shit for NO reason

i'm sick of it too

but you are so mature about it

we're the same.

but it's not fair! if i remembered what went wrong then i would know what to avoid

maybe. maybe you can't avoid it.

that's WORSE. this is always just going to happen, then?

it could.

fuck.

but?

...but. what?

...but...?

...but...but i can...i can survive. i'll live.

go on.

this will pass.

that's the spirit.

and. and at the very least. i'm not hurting anyone anymore.

good. keep going.

i'm here. nothing bad is happening. i'm okay.

that's right.

but something bad did happen-

-it's not happening anymore.

can't i just be allowed to be sad?

you've been sad for too long. it's time to get better.

but i don't know how to be good again.

it's not about being good again. it's about being good next time.

...

my hands have a lot of energy.

...i should write.

but my brain can't really think.

...then i should draw.

but my eyes aren't built to see anything pretty.

then what do i fucking do

i can't hurt anybody.

but that's what i want to do. i want to hurt. i really really want to hurt something.

...this isn't going to be good for me forever.

this isn't good for me NOW. what do you suggest?

do what we always do.

punch a wall?

punch a wall.

...did typing it out help?

it helped.

right.

isn't it. isn't it weird. talking to me like this?

it is weird.

but it's all i have, isn't it?

it isn't. you're just scared of other people. i'm just scared of other people. you know they'll understand, you just don't know if they have the time to actually help you. i'm scared. i don't want them to ignore me. maybe i should just never ask for their attention at all.

we're scared.

we are.

but we won't always be.

we won't.

and we'll get scared again.

we always will.

...not forever. scared doesn't last forever, right?

no. no it doesn't.

yeah.

feeling good yet?

no.

i figured.

but i don't think my chest is going to collapse. and i think it's easier to breathe. and the sounds are fading to silence. i feel like i'm not quite here anymore.

you'll come back.

will i still be scared when i return?

who knows.

...i'll find out later. i'll enjoy this for now.

come back to your friends after all this

i will

they won't know what to do

they won't

but they'll open their arms anyway

they will.

does that make you feel good?

it does.

alright. just keep. thinking. about them. about things that make you feel good. wallowing in your misery is refreshing in its own pathetic way, but swim too far, and you'll drown. remember that.

i wish i drowned.

no you don't.

no, you don't.

remember. you and i, we're the same.

#log 001 #i had a panic attack and i don't really know why #this cleared my head #even by just a little.

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

It's so... Hard to hold on to life...

But... I try.

I have been trying lately, more than ever, to hold on to the little things that make this life a little less unbearable, and to ignore everything else...

And it's hard to ignore all the shit my mind tells me everyday... But I think I really am trying.

I don't know if life is worth it. And I know I won't think this way once I break down again. But this is how I feel at this moment, I guess...

#dear diary #personal #i say that now but we'll see how i think when i breakdown really bad again #worthless #empty #tired #useless #i want to die #i hate myself #i'm sorry #pain #alone #anxiety #self harm #suicidal #sad #depression #heartbreak #hurt #hopeless #kill me #lost #lonely #broken #numb #not good enough