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vaguely-concerned · 7 months

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Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

#the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #ianthe tridentarius #augustine the first #pyrrha dve #palamedes sextus #this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate)#the locked tomb meta #the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though.#of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world #utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there #and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea #when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter #it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level'#she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him #because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing #to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after #IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival #ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god #gaining nothing at the cost of everything

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spacedace · 1 year

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Haunted by thoughts of an AU i don't know enough Batman/DC lore to write where instead of bent on revenge, Jason comes back obsessed with a need to make sure no other Robin (or any BatKid) faces the fears and horrors he faced and absolutely he will not let any more Robins die. (AKA writing prompt for whoever is interested)

He still comes back to Gotham, still takes over Crime Alley as Red Hood, but he never reveals who he is. He's just this new mystery vigilante that sticks to Crime Alley and uses more violence than Bruce would like but is always, always *always* there to look after the kids.

Red Hood becomes the over protective big brother of all the younger BatKids, showing up out of no where whenever a fight starts getting dicey to kick ass and keep them safe before shuffling them off to whatever of his safe houses is closest to get them some snacks and do a check in on how they're feeling/doing.

He makes sure Tim gets some sleep and isn't burning himself out. Has some heart to hearts with Steph about their similar childhoods. Sets up a safe quiet space for Cass when she feels overwhelmed. Drags them all off to Dr. Thompkins, gently bullies them i ti getting therapy, helps them with homework, things like that.

He avoids Bruce & Dick generally- too painful - but Red Hood is always there to have their backs, even if he never sticks around long afterwards.

When Damian shows up things get a bit weird. Damian knows him from the League, but won't say who he is. Red Hood seems to have a way with him and manges to treat Damian like the kid he is without Damian blowing up or getting angry about it.

Jason nips Damian's idea of killing Tim in the bud before it gets past the initial planning stage and slowly manages to get the two to some kind of understanding.

He actually sticks around to talk to Dick & Bruce after fights longer than a few seconds and gives advice on how to work with Damian on his issues. Some of the distrust starts to go away for Bruce after that, he starts trying to pull Red Hood into the fold, Dick helping as much as he can.

And Jason is so tempted to tell them. Make the reveal, face his fears and go *home* finally.

But then Bruce dies.

And Dick has taken up the cowl and made Damian Robin and Tim is left drifting, so sure that Bruce is still alive and Jason looks at it all and how close they all are to shaking apart and thinks "I'm not losing anyone else"

He talks to Tim and works with him to try and find Bruce and keep the little bird as far the fuck away from Ra's as possible. Tim takes the mantel Red Robin in honor of his adopted big brother Hood when the dust finally settles.

And when The Heretic comes for Damian, he finds that he has to get through the living tank that is Red Hood first. He doesn't, in the end. Jason swore he'd never let another Robin die and he'd reshape the universe with his bare hands if that's what it takes to do.

They all get on the same page finally, they work together and get Bruce home and well it's not like there's a better time to let them all know he's back.

#red hood #jason todd #batman #dick grayson #tim drake #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #damian wayne #bruce wayne #batfam #batkids #Big Brother Red Hood AU #fanfic writing prompts #i really need to read more batman/dc stuff so i can actually write some of this stuff #just love the idea of Jason coming back and just wanting to keep everyone safe #he's still angry but now its at the world for doing what it does to all these kids #and instead of taking it out on his family he takes it out on anyone that would try to hurt them

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crispywizardtale · 4 months

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loverofpiggies · 1 year

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sorry if this is weird to ask but-- ive been seeing ppl nonstop say that it was cannon that Error is a bratty bottom and I gotta know if this is true or if ppl just spreading misinformation?

This is so funny and I adore it

technically the more I can make fun of Error the more canonical it can be

Truth be told I havent wrote Error in a long time, but my actual canonical idea of how he is, is he's a man child shortlet

But honestly at the end of the day? I'm okay with however people choose to write him for the most part, have fun!

#I love error and thats why I make fun of him #the only thing he wouldn't really do is touch anyone or cry #he'd get angry and vague post about whoever hurt his feelings #also the only true misinformation about Error is him being cool #its what he wants you to believe dont trust him!#cqchat #errorchat

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 9 months

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why doesnt wally just cut sallys arms off while she sleeps?

hey now c'mahn she's just a lil guy

Wally would never and i wouldn't make him. Nightlight!Sally protection squad - assemble!

#lights out wally would rather get torn apart than raise a hand to sally #there's a Reason he either hides from her or tries to calm her down instead of taking Drastic Measures #she's his beloved neighbor... he wouldnt hurt his neighbor thats so Un-Neighborly #and he wouldn't let anyone else do it either #he loves his friends so so much why would he hurt them... even if they dont feel actual pain its still a No for him #rambles from the bog #wh lights out au #like... wally doesnt really understand why itd be Wrong to do it #but he understands that its unpleasant to be 'hurt' and also he doesnt like seeing his neighbors Damaged yk yk #the Arm™️ is a tenuous exception #there's a reason he keeps it instead of sewing it back on right away.#he doesnt understand that keeping it is Kinda Really Fucked Up #his thought process behind it is 'well. barnabys not using it anyway and i want to keep him with me but i cant risk the rest of him'#wally: this is perfectly rational and well thought out #literally everyone else: THE FUCK IT IS-

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moeblob · 4 months

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im still very sick and lets just say it aint goin well.

(please let me be healthy soon)

#i couldnt think of anyone to draw of my ocs or fanart or whatever #so i just drew me staring into the distance with my really red nose from blowing it so much.#woe is me guys i hurt all over #and i messed up with pain meds because WHY do we have two different looking bottles of ibuprofen with different labels and pills #and then also tylenol off brand #i thought i was alternating between advil and tylenol but nah im just taking dose after dose #of ibuprofen yesterday and now im having chest pains which i dont think are related #but the breathing pains on top of my back pains on top of my wheezing and coughing throat pains are like please i need meds #i want to not be miserable by christmas #how have i been with my parents for like 4 days and all of them have been me being v sick

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mishapen-dear · 10 months

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thinking about the elections tonight... bad, cellbit, baghera, and forever are four candidates who are devoted to the island- more specifically, to the residents of the island. They care for the eggs, and they care for each other, and the way they exhibit that care through their primary presidential strategies is fucking fascinating.

Bad is who I watch the most, so I know him best. He's a classic mother hen. He doesn't like to take risks with the eggs, and he likes to prepare. If there's any sort of variable that could hurt an egg then he wants to control it. They have a stable relationship with the federation right now- it's not great, but they know the parameters. Don't trust cucurucho. don't follow cucurucho. send the eggs to NINHO every time there's a threat. the time of day changing means you need to run. Other than that they're p okay and roughly safe. But adding a president could potentially change everything. What if the president makes a rule that makes it easier to kill the eggs? And what about the way a president could cause tensions between the players to rise even higher? The dynamics of the island could change drastically. It's safer to neutralize that threat before it ever becomes a threat. It's easier to stop a war before it can start.

Baghera's primary concern is the way the election is designed to pit the residents against each other. All of them know that the Federation is a threat and she, like Bad, is focused on not letting them hurt more people. But, unlike Bad, she's less resistant to change. If the power is spread to multiple players rather than just one, it will be harder for the Federation to corrupt any one of them. Each time before the Federation has gotten to someone it's done so by isolating them. Felps, Cellbit, Jaiden- they've all spent a lot of alone time with Cucurucho. A council isn't just to consolidate the ideals of the island; a council would protect the players themselves. Sure, there might be disagreements and arguments, but they've had those before (and they're having them now!) and there's no reason to think they wouldn't be able to get through them again.

I hit a bit of a wall with Forever and Cellbit's pov here. Everything I know about their plans are from the debates and paraphrased discussions that have been translated here on tumblr, I'm going to talk less about their explicit plan and more about what the result will entail- a single president who takes responsibility for the island. It seems to me like they've recognized the presidential seat as the powerful opportunity that it is, and they want to take advantage of it. Here's some extra personal speculation but, adding rules, adding or removing mods, proposing public works, enforcing laws- those are just the abilities that are listed. Those are incredible opportunities to make the Federation take action, which is more than they've had before. We've seen before that the Federation isn't perfect; the Federation makes mistakes.

By working with the Federation, by making them take action (in a semi-controlled, semi-predictable way) you open them up to more opportunities for them to fuck up (while benefiting you). And, maybe, one of those fuck ups will be the key to taking them down. Maybe they could reopen ender chests. Maybe they could open the nether. Maybe they could learn why the Federation is holding an election in the first place. It's possible to do all these things with Baghera's plan, sure, but that's not a guarantee and, if someone like Bad is on the council, there's absolutely no way to be sure it would get done. And, if there's a council, then that opens up everyone on the council to the Federation's wiles. If there's just one president, then that's where the Federation's focus will be. By using a single person to build a relationship with the Federation, they only risk that single person. By electing ministers instead of a council, they can ensure that the island residents' needs are being heard while placing the federation's focus on that one person. A point can be made that they've done that before- with varying results. like kidnapping. selling your soul. etc. But! overall, I think they've gained more than they've lost by singling out one person. Because of them, we know that Cucurucho can't be trusted. We know that the Federation has a series of tunnels underneath the island. We know that the Federation not only has some sort of cryo technology, but had some unknown reason to use it. We know that there was another person working with Cellbit to take care of Felps (theorized to be ElQuackity), so we know there's at least one more Fed that isn't Cucurucho + blank-faced workers. There's been risk, but there's absolutely been rewards. This is just a very long meandering way to say that their plan to sacrifice Forever to the presidential seat reminds me very much of Cellbit's plan to sacrifice himself to the federation. They're saving their friends by potentially damning themselves and I, for one, think that is cool as hell.

they all care about each other so much. bad's plan means taking on no more risk. baghera's plan means spreading that risk evenly to stand strong together. and cellbit and forever's plan means taking the risk onto themselves so they can reap the rewards for others. am i reading too much into things? no this is tumblr and this smp is about LOVE and i really genuinely think that their election plans are a fantastic example of just how much they love each other

#qsmp elections #qsmp #qsmp analysis #again i haven't been following cellbit and forever's exact plan too closely but i've gotten the sense that their pushing of public works is #just to get people to vote for them and the true reason they want forever to be president is to infiltrate the federation #if that's not it tho feel free to let me know i'd love to know these cubitos reasonings #but with my interpretation i like the silly little extra headcanon of mr cell “sold his soul to the cops” bit #subconsciously sacrificing forever to the feds and pushing him into corruption #which ALSO makes the forever-killing-cellbit-to-kick-him-out-of-the-running plan Even More Tasty #'what if i let you kill me. what if destroying me destroyed yourself. what if i have already destroyed you on purpose and you forgave me #now what if i dont mean it when i do it again'#if anyone wants to examine the other candidates (or these same ones) and figure out how their election strategy is an example of their love #please do #i don't know enoguh about the others #but i know that gegg is love-turned-grief burn-the-world-down #and foolish is love for Item. love for cloud. love for being a silly #i don't know etoiles' plan for if he gets elected but i know he also deeply loves the island and the residents #him and his security <3 and the care packages for new players <3 and the way he Craves Violence but absolutely refuses to hurt anyone who #doesn't deserve it. most guy of all time #personally i want foolish to win because i think it would be really fun #but i think that any of them (even the candidates i don't know) would be a Fantastic president #we're going to get some good roleplay any way it goes so ill be happy :3 #the only mechanic thing i want is for them to open the nether but that feels like a given for anyone so im not worried about it tbh #ty for coming to my tedtalk #hello if you're reading this tag. i see youre just as un-normal about these characters as i am. or you just like to read. respect either wa

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thebirdandhersong · 7 months

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I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around?#like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist.#i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me.#but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre.#i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year.#so i think i'm justified in being a little upset!#i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge!#the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community.#anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here.#i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do!#i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned!#i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers!#i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it!#i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

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mihamihoku · 1 month

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/cw dead animal

I- well, long time no see huh

Soo, I kinda went aside from the fandom and watching DetCo for months and switched my attention to the uni stuff and my own OCs, so there probably won't be much activity here aside from the reblogs for some time <:") Sorry about that

But I still wanted to show a bit of things I had in my files that I didn't get to finish or. Well. I'm honestly not sure if I ever get to finish them at all. This sketch back from autumn 2022 is one of those. I still really love this idea and how the composition turned out etc, that's why I wanted to show it to ya even if I never get to finish it <:)

I liked exploring dynamic between Gin and Shiho/Haibara, and in my animal/anthro AU I had an idea of like, Gin kinda seeing her as a pest after her betrayal of BO + like a hunt object. Not like literally seeing her as a rat, but acting and relate to her as that <D More like a metaphor I think

#cw dead animal #dcmk #dcmk au #bo gin #jin kurosawa #ai haibara #shiho miyano #ah yeah me drawing cute funny animals then BOOM--#okay im still kinda nervous about posting this wip but. . . hope you like it :")#also i don't ship them like. at all. but think that their dynamic is very interesting and I'm really curious about them #and their relationship esp before the main plot #i do feel it wasn't something healthy tho lmao #anyway- no offense to the shippers #also plEASE let me know if I should mark any other content warnings here I don't want to hurt anyone qwq

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sparkly-skies · 4 months

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@reserved-fruit thank you for the link to this video with Kris' heart ring (goes perfectly with Keep Me Grounded, Keep Me Calm, just saying 👀 do you like friends (Bojan and Kris) comforting each other and jokingly proposing while still being deeply serious about how important their friendship is? Go read this!).

Here's some screenshots to look at with me, why? Because I'm a touchstarved bitch and scream and cry at any sighting of physical affection. Thank you Bojan for providing enrichment in my enclosure.

Also this one. Because I see a mention of friends spending time together because they love each other and love spending time together, I scream and screech in missing my friends noises.

#i'm half convinced alistair has saved me on discord as touchstarved fuck or something #anyway. do these fuckers know how LUCKY they are to have their friends this close at any given time?#I spent 2 1/2 weeks at my parents' during christmas and I saw friends I think... three maybe four times #plus a visit at a friend's place across the border for two days #which i was very happy about! i was really happy about the times i did see friends!#but it also sucks that everyone's so busy with their own lives and responsibilites and whatnot that it's this hard to see friends now #plus that one friend who just doesn't answer anyone anymore. just TELL US if you don't want to see us anymore #that's okay. it would still hurt but sometimes a friendship has come to its end and that's okay even if it hurts. but don't just #ghost your entire friend group while still sending snaps and then not answering if we answer there #okay that turned into a rant #because like bojan in the shower with kris i am incapable of shutting the fuck up in the tags #go read that fic!#mine #joker out

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arco-irisi · 2 months

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I haven't been in the hlvrai fandom, like, active, and just watched the show all these years.

People, what the fuck happened?? Why there is so much controversy, why so much pressure and discussions?? Sincerely, genuinely, I don't understand

#hlvrai #Like l saw a couple of art and posts but that's it #I read well one fic then in the 2023.#or maybe it was because i discover tumblr too late #i mean. people are themselves and all that. but seing that some of them do woird shot that i barely understand??#i am not active in the fandoms. really. i just silently enjoy media and make small arts for group of close friends #so idk what everyone is talking ab. and when i want to find source #my brain hurts from the info #is there a fucking lore to all of it?#or should i continue to live in peace of not knowing something #this is my personal effect of the vacuole #when very interested and into media but I don't get in contact with anyone #or anything

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painted-lemon · 5 months

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i used to think that Orphan account was a real account. i would be reading Invader Zim fanfics in 2019 and think "wow this one was written by orphan account too? they write all the good ones." and then i would read some Be More Chill fics and be all like "wow there in this fandom too?" I joined many more fandoms and did not find this fishy until 2021.

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downydig · 11 months

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I feel silly saying this but sometimes I get tired of Talking! Like saying words! Exhausted or overwhelmed maybe is what the feeling is.

Even with people I really like, I still want them to talk to me but I wish I didn’t have to say anything sometimes. Like I could just listen to them and type or sign something!

I feel like I talk and talk and talk all the Time; I wish I could take a day to rest on it. I wish I knew sign better so I could still say things without hurting my head talking.

Is that strange? I know I’m good at masking and forcing myself to talk but how do I know if I really can choose to relax? Am I allowed to? Is that Bad?

I want to seem genuine when I say it. I’m worried it’s A Lie. Am I allowed to Not Talk for a Day? Is this BurnOut?

#rambling #I’ve had really bad times where I couldn’t talk at all because of tense feelings #but a lot of the time I don’t want to talk because it just feels better #I Worry I’m Not hurting Enough to say ‘Okay! No talking Today!’#does anyone else Experience this? Im Sure They do

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charlesemersonwinchesteriii · 10 months

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Rosaria Champagne, “Law of the (Nameless) Father: Mary Shelley’s Mathilda and the Incest Taboo” // Star Trek: Deep Space 9, 2x22 “The Wire”

#incest tw #RENT LOWERING GUNSHOT POST #''I never met anyone who relished a good interrogation as much as you did.''#and then we proceed to hear a story about how Garak preferred to stare at someone for four hours straight rather than interrogate them #and THEN we proceed to watch him try to interrogate someone and not be able to do it even when he literally doesn't even have to doanything #because the anti-changeling machine basically does it for him and he still can't even watch it happen #hm. hmmmmmmmmmm #''We're both getting sentimental in our old age.''#Fathers love to tell you you enjoyed it actually. and also you're basically a fellow adult really.#it's their favorite thing in the whole world #Starky's Original Posts #Star Trek: Deep Space 9 #watch these tags look stupid after I watch Broken Link or something. whatever I'm basking in them for now.#not sorry for posting this due to the fact that I wanted to do so. however I am sorry you had to see it.#god I looked up TDIC script for this and I cannot do it anymore #NO NEED TO PRETEND. YOU'RE FOND OF MILA. AREN'T YOU? YOU DON'T WANT HER HURT DO YOU?#SICKO TELEVISION SHOW I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL OF CARDASSIA TO GET EXPLODED BY ONE TRILLION BOMBS #GOODBYE

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muiromem · 1 year

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You know, it would be a LOT easier to explain to doctors where my pain is on my body

A: If the pain wasn’t in my BACK and therefore impossible for me to SEE or properly POINT TO with my short fucking arms

B: If every diagram of the human body available to me wasn’t made for TALL PEOPLE and therefore way harder guess where I should be pointing in reference to my own short fucking body

C: If the doctors examining me would just PUSH HARDER ALREADY. I literally have so much radiating pain, your fucking butterfly taps of “does it hurt here?” are NOT HELPING. You need to DIG IN THERE or I can’t TELL YOU WHAT HURTS MOST.

#really cranky tonight #and pissed about having chronic pain for THREE YEARS #and not a SINGLE DOCTOR can actually tell me what's WRONG #oh they want to give me drugs and physical therapy #and the PT only made me hurt MORE #but they didn't LISTEN #stop fucking trying to give me bandaid measures #when you can't even tell me WHY I hurt #and now I have to listen to my little sister #fucking moan and whine and have fucking drawing room anguish #every goddamn night #because she's been fighting a bladder infection #for a few months #bitch I was never ALLOWED to bitch this much #all I got was my mom getting mad at me #for being vocal #when there was nothing she or anyone else could do about it #so I had to keep my depression to my damn fucking self #god get a fucking grip

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good-beanswrites · 2 months

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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.

Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!

Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...

I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm

Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.

Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.

“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.

She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.

Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.

“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.

It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”

She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.

Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.

She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.

Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.

So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.

“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.

“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.

At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”

Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.

“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”

The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.

But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.

Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?

At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.

“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #amane and fuuta mentioned #i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk #i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that #anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0 #drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result #i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together #the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices #im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd #i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared #but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off #not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky #i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon #and *shes* the odd one out for craving company #then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else #i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles

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