#i realized its just because nikolai's is way more dramatic

[bajablastable]

2 little guys.gif

#bungou stray dogs #bsd nikolai #bsd sigma #bsd #im sorry to sigma for being ass at drawing him. #sorry to nikolai for always forgetting to color his damn gloves. #sorry to fyodor as well. his hat scares me. #it looks like theyre swaying at different intervals and it was confusing me because i was sure it was .30 and then #i realized its just because nikolai's is way more dramatic #anyways these were mainly just testers because i havent animated hair in forever #outside of vtuber models so i wanted to mess with it a little.

[arillusionist]

reaction to the last 3 eps of s&b - im doing it all at once bc i wanna get it over with considering im gonna be rlly sad watching these knowing we'll never get a real ending.

also YES i was heartbroken over the cancellation even tho i hadnt finished the show. im emotionally attached to the books okay!! leave me alone

oh this is the hallucination scene i've heard too much about

the fucking BUTTERFLIES

bye not wylan's overly dramatic ass

"a village boy cut in half by a plow blade" isnt that literally what happened to kaz's dad

"hope is an illusion. a lie" hes such a kaz ripoff

oh i didnt think tolya had a hallucination i've never heard anyone talk about it

whos blood is that im gonna guess tamar

why am i so smart like

if they rush jesper's developement with one hallucination im gonna be mad

what happened i cant tell. he better not have rejected her again or whatever ugh theyre so cute tho

WOW i love how they always go from established relationships to some angsty kanej scene.

love how he doesnt stare at her lovingly or shit hes just fucking glaring she knows her man fr

oh never mind the soft voice is crazy

uh ya i didnt want to make assumptions until now but making inej's hallucation about kaz was Not it.

like in a way ik its about how she wants consent but its mainly so she can leave kaz at the end of the show kaz kaz kaz its always about kaz

this is why we needed the spinoff they couldve FIXED it

"erm they shouldnt have done it wrong in the first place" how righteous of you unfortunately im too emotionally attached to the characters so i wish they had another chance

ok bad choice aside her realizing its not real bc she knows kaz could never be like that or even try is kinda heartbreaking!! 🙂

oh hell no did she eat the fucking butterfly i thought it was the petal at first 🤡

"if you have no one left to fight for" and then cutting to inej aaaa

no the way his eyes softened and the way inej stroked his face w her thumb ... and then he realized

okay thank god cuz for a second i thought the crows were gonna js be dead the entire episode

hes the firebird what the fuck?? (sorry chat i havent finished r&r yet)

why does that kinda downplay malina like knowing that they're meant for each other cuz of destiny or some shit

then again they never had to fall in love just find each other they did the romance part on their own

where tf is kaz

oh what the fuck. this scene is so messed up (Talking abt the one where the darkling is holding baghra)

my laptop's screen time is almost up so i must pause unfortunately. i could watch on my phone but thats boring so

uhm so its been 3 days have i been stalling?? maybe 🙂 can you blame me??

is that old guy her husband?? uh

seeing kaz smile for more than a fleeting one second is so unnatural

oh my god oh my god is her whole speech about love not being a weakness gonna make kaz realize something

wow okay they did rush jesper's development with one hallucination

toyla is the #1 wesper shipper fr ‼️‼️💪🏽

"someday someone is going to sweep you of your feet so hard" haha nikolai

"me and my "slab or fur" will be far away, off the map, deep in love" uh babe i hate to tell you this..

not kaz shaking his head at wesper as if hes not the reason theyre together 💀

see here they go butchering inej's character again!!

like. in the books she realizes she needs to let go of kaz because she finds her purpose - hunting slavers. in this she just realizes it because of some fuckass hallucination which was about him Why Is It Always About Him

cant tell if im slightly relieved that they cancelled the spinoff because they might have ruined her more or more mad that they cancelled it because they couldve fixed it

i am eating the malina angst up 🗣️🗣️(not bc i dont like them i do like them thats why i need them to be sad. all my favorite ships need angst)

ooh he knows he knows abt mal

next episode except i have to sleep so im probably gonna watch like 2 minutes of it. but i'll try to finish this and the last one tmrw because the more i delay it the sadder i get about the cancellation though my brain wants me to believe otherwise

she (the tidemaker girl idk her name) looks so ready to punch him like yeah girl me too

help the grin on that one girls face when he says kill the king

ok 2 minutes r over so bye

and im back its only the next day also the deleted footage oh my god im on the floor?? plus the fact that it got "what business" trending on twitter with 33k tweets is so fucking funny to me

anyways.

bye i jumped when the darkling showed up in mal's room why do the smallest fucking things always scare me

oh ya theyre cousins. alina has a type huh

mal would kinda get along with inej i can feel it!!

wait whos the arm for also david is lwk smooth wow

they keep mentioning the crows but WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY its been almost 20 minutes 😐

why that is the only tamar and nadia moment all season like not that i was expecting more from netflix but Still

oh thats the last line from the book (i havent finished r&r yet but i skipped to the end as i do with every book so. lol 💀)

omg matthias i kinda thought he wouldnt show up again

oh god i feel like this show has such a lighting problem sometimes

its bad enough that i have no idea whats going on in general

INEJ

INEJ I MISSED YOU

she gotta stop bowing down to alina she is as much of a saint

did they kill off david and genya wtf

i have to pause for a bit bc my laptop needs to charge also i still have no idea whats going on

back

no theyre (david and genya) alive yay 🙏🏽🙏🏽

what the fuck is he doing

oh OHH now theyre killing him off. how could they do that to genya

the other crows are here FINALLY

when ur entire onscreen developemnt is literally 5 minutes 😍😍👍🏽👍🏽

no i will not stop being salty about jesper. fuck you

"well if you dont die we dont get paid" shdjfk

zoya inej nina the friendship i needed

wow what a beautiful and touching moment. it feels anticlimatic but okay 🙂‼️😐👍🏽‼️💪🏽🤡🗣️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️😭🙏🏽💪🏽🗣️

oh nvm. i keep forgetting this isnt the last episode

is that a giant CROW

lol of course it isnt

okay now its the last episode :')

"yes my man! oh we havent actually put a label on it" bye that is so jesper of him

oh. wow. she actually did it.

at least inej and zoya are being badass MY GIRLS ‼️‼️

"let me be your monster" stop being such a kaz ripoff please

FINALLY. his villain speech was taking too long

did she use merzost :(

tolya's random ass burst of poetry 💀💀

HE SEES HER

he literally cannot take his eyes off of her

I CANT. I CANT. THEY WANTED TO HUG SO BADLY YOU COULD SEE THE RELIEF IN THEIR EYES KAZ ALMOST SMILED

but she would never know what it was like for him to see nina pull her close watch jesper loop his arm through hers, what it was to stand in doorways and against walls AND KNOW HE COULD NEVER DRAW NEARER

im sick. theyre so sick for this and knowing we'll never get a chance to see them even hold hands. i cant 🙂

they way she moved towards him then moved back killing myself thnx

"five of cro-" bro predicted the ending of ck

not the malina angst too is this show trying to kill me?? i think it is

"i'll claw my way to one. if he'll let me" IM TELLING YOU!! TRYING TO KILL ME

HE LOOKED AT INEJ

SHES HIS HAPPILY EVER AFTER IM SO DONE IM GOING TO THROW MY LAPTOP ON THE FLOOR 😭😭😭😭😭😭

did they kill off david or not omg

i love how the crows just started walking away they were so eager to get out (except nina's lingering glance at zoya)

oh. oh hes going to be to be sturmhond

see hes so much like inej they both leave to the seas to find themselves outside of the person they love because they want a life for theselves and freedom

i reached the text limit imma make a new post

#sab reaction

[manikas-whims]

for quick headcanons: soc ships proposals

these are simply my take, you don't have to agree. and if you wanna add something, reblog and do add your own spin :3

⚠ Warning ⚠ Long Post.

WESPER

• Since their anniversary as an official couple is coming up soon, Wylan decides to propose.

• But he realizes planning isn't exactly his best forte and seeks help from none other than Ketterdam's best schemer Dirtyhands himself.

• Kaz is flattered but even he is weak when it comes to the matter of hearts. He still agrees though, provided Wylan invests a bit in his newly brought club around the Lid. Wylan agrees.

• So Kaz simply asks Wylan to bring Jesper with him to the Fifth Harbour on the day of the event. Wylan is suspicious but he agrees in the end.

• Wylan manages to keep Jesper busy by portraying as a model for Marya's next painting, just so he can go out and pick a ring.

• When the day arrives, Wylan asks Jesper to meet him at the Fifth Harbour by 6 bells.

• Jesper being bad at dates doesn't remember if its because of some special occasion. So he decides to keep it safe and buys a bottle of expensive alcohol.

• When Wylan and Jesper arrive on time, they're both too shocked to speak, their mouths wide open.

• Kaz being Kaz has got the whole harbour decorated in traditional Kerch and Zemeni colors for the duo. There's fairy lights hanging all over, varying cuisines that Jesper has never seen in his life before and a band hired to play throughout the night.

• As they walk in, they spot Nina speaking with Colm Fahey who got invited earlier on by Kaz and Inej gave the man a lift on her Wraith as she herself didn't want to miss two of her favorite people's proposal.

• Jesper is slightly worried because of his father's presence, even more worried because he believes today's supposed to be some big event that only he can't seem to remember.

• Matthias is standing with a Priest and he comes over to congratulate Wylan & Jesper.

• The pair is very confused and so Matthias quirks his brows and tells them: "Brekker said you're getting married."

• The bottle of alcohol in Jesper's hand drops and Wylan is stuttering, unable to form coherent words. He finally yells: "This isn't what I asked Kaz!"

• Kaz finally shows up, Inej at his side. Everyone's staring at him and he shrugs. "What? Too much."

• After a few minutes of yelling and chaos between their squad, the situation is finally calmed down.

• Wylan rummages out the ring from his pocket— a golden band with their initials 'W+J' engraved in it along with intricate patterns. He looks at Jesper. "So amongst all this extravaganza, if I tell you that I want you to adore my stupid face for the rest of our lives, will you?"

• Jesper is wide eyed and has that kinda dubious expression because Wylan has managed to surprise him yet again. So he just tries to collect himself and goes, "Ofc! I already told you I like your stupid face."

• They hug and kiss and everyone cheers. Nina proposes an after-party with waffles.

• Kaz suggests they could still get married cause we know he's secretly the biggest Wesper shipper xD

Thankfully Inej drags him away.

• The actual wedding takes place a month later and yes, Kaz is the wedding planner. Kuwei is that uninvited guest..:)

HELNIK

• Nina keeps joking about wanting Matthias to propose. But she doesn't realise all her meaningless teasing has actually spurred him into action.

• He's secretly making plans and has only told Inej and Wylan about this because he knows Jesper will end up babbling. And Kaz is the last person he wants to take help from.

• He needs a place and proper timing. Inej takes up that task on herself and somehow convinces Kaz to let them use The Crow Club for just one evening.

• Wylan helps Matthias in purchasing a custom ring with a heart-shaped ruby. With his newly acquired mercher title, Wylan’s got connections with the best jewelers in Ketterdam. Marya also tags along cause she believes they'll need a woman's opinion on this.

• So on the day of the event, when Nina is coaxed into wearing the best replica of a Ravkan Kefta and brought into the Crow Club by Inej, she's excited but also wondering whats up.

• Wylan is playing some romantic melody on his flute.

• The whole club is lit by candles and as the members of Dregs part slowly, at the end is Matthias in replica of traditional Fjerdan garbs (another courtesy of Kaz).

• Nina's eyes keep growing wider and she's at a loss of words when Matthias bends on one knee. "Nina Zenik, will you be the beguiling Drusje to this mighty Fjerdan till the end of time?"

• There's tears in her eyes and she looks around everyone. Wylan is smiling, Inej gives a nod, Jesper gives a thumbs up and winks, even Kaz's eyes flash somewhat in approval.

• She looks back to the brave blond soldier she fell for. He must've planned for them to be unified in their own lands' traditional clothes. She smiles, already tearing up. "Saints Matthias, I'm supposed to be the one full of surprises." She messily wipes her eyes and mumbles, "I..will."

• The whole Dregs break into a roar of cheers as Matthias glides the ring on her finger. Marya is clapping her hands in joy.

• Rotty yells from somewhere in the crowd, "KISS HER YOU PODGE!!!" And Matthias tilts his face down. The newly engaged couple share a passionate kiss.

• Their wedding takes place in a Ravkan forest. King Nikolai himself decides to give his blessings (in disguise ofc). Zoya and Genya are there too.

KANEJ

• It will be super vague. Like Kaz and Inej's relationship is built more on silent gazes and fleeting touches. So they've got this unspoken thing going on. They both know they're each-other's but never actually address it.

• Inej has returned from another of her sea adventures and taking a short break in Ketterdam. She's casually sitting by Kaz's window, feeding the crows while he works on his papers.

• He glances at her, mesmerized by the sight of her glowing skin in the evening sun. Her long hair (free for once) sways due to the wind as she peacefully smiles and looks out at the city.

• He just speaks out of nowhere, "Inej?"

She turns her head and looks at him, the smile never leaving her face. "Yes Kaz?"

"Do you want to tie the knot?" he asks.

The smile immediately leaves her face and she frowns, unsure about his words. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

• He puts his pen down, passes a hand through his hair and huffs out a breath.

"I'm saying my dear Wraith," he starts, methodically taking off his gloves and then joins her at the window. He offers his palm and she gladly places her own in it, her eyes somewhat expectant. Kaz quirks his lips slightly and continues, "would you like us to exchange vows and make it official?" He squeezes her palm and gestures between them.

• She's stunned for a moment because between the two of them, its always her initiating any sort of new action— a hug, a kiss,..making love. And it has taken them a good amount of years to reach this level of intimacy without triggering the other’s traumas so its even more shocking that Kaz asks her first. A small part of her had even wanted to propose him some time in the future but now he's clearly beaten her to that.

• "Inej?" Kaz rubs the back of her hand, "if you don't want to—"

"NO! I do!" she says hurriedly before he can take it back and he breaks into that crooked grin of his, fishing out a simple silver band with a single black feather atop it, its end pointy like a knife.

He smoothly slides it onto her finger and they exchange a gleeful smile.

• After a few minutes he goes, "So like..do you want to do this my way or yours?"

And she's confused so he explains. "If its your way, we can have a traditional Suli wedding, whatever your people do and take your parents' blessings."

He adds a dramatic pause later, "If its my way, I'll just ask Specht to put our names on a marriage document and be done with it."

She rolls her eyes.

• In the end, Inej tells the other Crows. Jesper wiggles his brows, teases Kaz but also gives him a big hug. Wylan is surprised but also happy. Matthias is slightly displeased at the holy bronze girl for letting herself be charmed by this notorious demjin. But he does believe that the two belong with no one else and congratulates them.

• Nina takes it upon herself to plan the wedding and decides it should be a Suli one. She wants to see Inej draped in red. But also wants to see Kaz out of his fitting suits for once and in traditional Suli clothes for men.

• Mr. and Mrs. Ghafa find their son-in-law quite odd but give their blessings happily because there's no one else who'll be more suitable for their lovely daughter.

.

Send your SoC Headcanon requests via asks

SoC Masterlist

#kanej #wesper #helnik #six of crows #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #soc headcanon

[writeblrfantasy]

excerpt from acogs: agathon

been a while since yall have seen acogs content, hm? this has to be one of my favorite pieces of it, certainly one of my favorite backstory pieces. i'm so endlessly proud of this part and i just. ahhhh. please enjoy nikolai's innocent childhood bisexual love <3

wc 2100

When Nikolai was ten, he met a boy.

He had brown skin and golden eyes, and the wonder in them could’ve only been matched by Nikolai’s own. His hair never seemed to lie smooth, no matter how much he pushed it down, contrary to Nikolai’s, which always stuck flat to his head and forced his tickly bangs into his eyes. It still does.

He carried the sun around with him, captured pieces of it in his eyes, infused its warmth into everything he touched. Nikolai heard the sun in his laugh, saw it reflected in his smile. In his confused, cagey, ten year old heart, he understood he was around something special.

Agathon, that was his name. Agathon. So smoothly it rolled off the tongue.

He and his family, all seven of them, arrived in Nikolai’s town with their canvas covered wagon, their camels—this was when Windcarpets were less trusted than they are now—and right into Nikolai’s heart. They came from a remote village on the Urkon-Cairic border, a family who made their living from weaving rugs and clothes.

Nikolai was interested in them the day he saw them, but he always thought they paled in comparison to Agathon. His parents were kind to Nikolai, always offered him honey cakes and tea when he visited, and Agathon’s siblings shared their toys. Agathon’s eldest sister taught him to play the lute.

But Agathon…oh, Agathon.

Agathon took to Nikolai immediately. His first words to him were, “You have spots on your face!” which Nikolai later understood to be the light smattering of freckles that appear across his nose in the summertime, put there by the sun.

He and Agathon spent their days talking about everything and nothing, as ten year olds did, racing each other through the long grass to the west of their desert town. Where the Pelia ended on the north side, at the edge of the village, they would drink and dip their feet and shriek when the water was too cold.

In the winter, on the rare days when the cold rains came and they all had to go inside, Nikolai would beg his mother to let him stay at Agathon’s house until she gave in. The two of them slept side by side under layers of fur that only got used once a year, for occasions like this.

Agathon’s father would read them stories by the fire. Nikolai’s house didn’t have a fireplace, and he was always fascinated by this one. Those were the soundest nights of sleep he ever had, his head nearly buried under fur with Agathon’s hair in his face, his father’s soft voice lulling him to sleep. Nikolai took to calling him Father for a while.

Nikolai rapidly felt himself falling into something he was too young to know. All he understood was that his chest seemed to be expanding every day, a little more, filled with a little more sunlight and warmth every time Agathon laughed at one of his jokes.

Nikolai didn’t ever want to say goodbye to him at the end of the day, he wanted to stay for dinner and stay in Agathon’s room, sleeping on the floor by the fireplace if it was too hot for the furs. They would stay up all night talking and waiting restlessly for morning to come, where they could wander farther than their parents knew and would’ve never let them go had they known.

His mother never invited Agathon to their house, but that was okay. Nikolai didn’t want her sourness, her constant scolding bringing darkness to the light in his chest. One touch of Agathon’s hand and he swore he could fly into the very sun that beat down on them every day.

Nikolai once pressed his lips to Agathon’s cheek on impulse, no self-restraint so young, and he remembers the swoop in his stomach before Agathon turned his head and smiled at him with all the warmth in the world. Nikolai didn’t know what it meant, but he knew enough to sigh in relief and accept it when Agathon grabbed his hand. They ran through the grass field together that day, instead of a race.

And then, like most things in his life, his mother ruined everything.

That’s not something he realized until he was much older and she was dead. Hell, even recently, thanks to Katya, he’s been examining her ghost differently. Agathon was the first in many, many incidents she stripped away his privacy, his privileges, down to the way he thought about himself and his desires. Everything became about pleasing her just enough to keep her off his back.

Nikolai had been working up the nerve to tell Agathon how he felt for a few months, because even then he knew that sort of thing wasn’t always met kindly, when his mother broke the news. They were moving, going north to the capital city Thiria, leaving the town he’d lived in his whole life. Agathon wasn’t coming with them.

It would take a year, his mother said, but she would establish herself and her ideas enough to get her son elected by the community as queen. Nikolai had never had a day of sword training in his life, he couldn’t be a king, a fighter, but he had a silver tongue. He would be a queen.

The clever system of choosing queens and kings in every Actium country puts a pressure on the person to be worthy of the throne. If they are both a good diplomat and a good fighter, they choose whichever label they like best. If they are neither, they should not be on the throne. How simple.

After he’d be elected, his mother would buy herself all the fine clothes and indulge in all the food and get all the attention she’d lacked in her lonely life. Nikolai was merely an instrument. Which is exactly what happened.

It’s an accident that as he grew up in the throne, he started to care about Urkon and the people who brought their problems to him every day. When he learned about the ticking time bomb in his front yard, the one that wouldn’t ever explode but always had a small chance, he breathed through it and went on.

He grinned and bore the knowledge, at eleven, twelve, thirteen, that Urkon was so much more than his little western village and Agathon’s old home. He dealt with farmers who needed a land dispute settled, ambassadors from the west and east and north, he had servants waiting on him, silk and velvet, stuffy city air.

He goggled at just how much his mother didn’t care, but how much effort she put into pretending.

He has risen from nothing, as they all do, to luxury and power, bringing with him an unconscious air of the inexplicable magic that stems from the Staarenclock. From the cerulean diadem that drips from his hair while he sprawls on his throne, to the shining black paint on his fingernails, to the jewelry that rests on his neck, he attracts, he seduces, disappoints.

He’s never tried, and until he was queen, he never noticed. When he did, it became a tool to sate his momentary desires, a temporary fix for his long term ache, a way of fooling people. No one believes a pretty queen is capable of anything.

Good.

Nikolai doesn’t remember much from after his mother’s bombshell announcement, which is partly good. It’s a lot of gaps in numbness and anger he can never get back, and she’s not around to fill in the details. He remembers holding back tears so many times with Agathon, not wanting to ruin their last precious weeks together.

Nikolai went kicking and screaming. He doesn’t want to know how he looked to the villagers, to Agathon’s family. He remembers the tears running down Agathon’s face, the gold fading at long last from his sunshine eyes. Nikolai’s mother was dragging him away, he was no longer close enough to touch him and shudder through the warmth seeping into his skin. Just the knowledge that he no longer could made him ache for it all the more.

Agathon was screaming for him, too. The pair of them must’ve been the most dramatic thing the townsfolk had ever seen, acting like they were dying. Nikolai remembers the agony on Agathon’s mother’s face, the effort it was taking her to hold her son back from running to Nikolai again. He broke free anyway, sprinting toward Nikolai and tripping over himself.

They were locked in each other’s arms for one last time, ugly crying into each other’s shoulders. “I love you,” Nikolai said, as he had seen Agathon’s parents tell each other while they cooked side by side, laughed, shoved each other playfully when bickering. He knew it meant something. He knew it meant everything.

His mother picked him up and carried him on her shoulder the rest of the way, but he watched Agathon mouth it back.

He only had a year with Agathon, but being ripped away from him was like reaching into his chest and pulling out an artery. He had never known pain like that. He told his mother over and over that first year when she was working her way up in Thiria that his heart wouldn’t stop hurting, he missed home, he wanted to go back.

Of course, he didn’t miss the town that much. Thiria was intimidating, but there was so much to do, always something to occupy him. The one thing he missed more than anything in the world was Agathon and his sunshine smile.

As a child, his feelings were so much rawer. He didn’t bother repressing them because he didn’t know how yet, and his mother wasn’t deep enough yet in her madness to teach him to.

Two years later, when he was queen with his mother the real queen behind him, while he tried and failed every day to buck off her hold, he met Saige.

He had forgotten and moved on from Agathon somewhat, of course. He learned from both his mother and practicality that he couldn’t spend all day crying in bed and begging to go back, threatening to steal a camel or a Windcarpet when he got truly desperate. Agathon wasn’t in his head every moment of every day, but he took one look at Saige and it all came back.

The day he met her, he had heard nothing about her but the king who had been put through hell and needed no one but her war of vengeance, and she heard nothing about him but the queen whose mother always seemed to be there.

The day he met Saige, he got his mother to leave them alone for a while. Looking into her brown eyes, her little smirk, her friendly smile, a little piece of his chest ached, but in a different way than it did for Agathon. Hers was the ache after a dislocated joint snapped back into place. Hers was the stretch in the morning, an ebbing headache, the ache of waiting for a healing wound to finally close over. Something that punched the breath out of you, but in a way that was right. Like it was supposed to happen.

The day he met her, he heard Agathon’s parents in her voice, bickering, shoving each other, watched her move and saw them bumping hips as they did the dishes together. He saw Agathon mouthing his final words to him when she spoke.

He’s never told her this, but Saige healed him. It only got better after that day. After stumbling, falling, she guided his feet and helped him find his footing. She did not replace Agathon, because that would be a disservice to both of them. Nikolai found space easily in his heart for her. It was as though she had just been waiting to move in to the space he had prepared for years.

He loves her. He would burn down the world for her, as he hopes she would do for him.

He doesn’t tell Kayani that, however. He skims over the depth of his feelings for Saige—he’s at peace with them, he has nothing to be ashamed of, and he’s pretty sure she knows, but it’s for them. Not Kayani, not anyone else. Not that.

When Nikolai’s done, Kayani is still watching with rapt attention, a bit of shock. He looks up at the moon and inhales. He didn’t realize he’d been rambling so long. Saige is still asleep, thankfully.

“Did you ever try to find him again?” Kayani asks.

“No. It was never the right time, even after her death.” He thinks of it, now. Trying. But the thought makes his chest ache, so he puts it away.

acogs taglist (lmk to be added/removed) @magic-is-something-we-create @inkflight @spencer-nyx @writing-is-a-martial-art @ashen-crest @wisteria-eventide @nikkywrites @denkis-phone-charger @myhusbandsasemni @lynolord @ettawritesnstudies @golden-apple-s-blog @chazzawrites @pen-of-roses @47crayons @wickerring @sleepy-night-child @florraisons @faithfire @croctears @inkovert @kait-writes

#writing #Lila’s wips: acogs #writeblr #fantasy #fantasy wip #my fantasy wip #my wip #bean's excerpts

[litttlesilkworm]

Chicken and Beets 

Dear Comrades,

Here is another entry for the Chernobyl New Year Challenge 2021: a recipe + a bit of a story to go with it. The story turned out more than a bit sad, I must confess 💚💛💜

This project shares a common ingredient with our delightful collaboration with @alyeen1 on Valoris-themed cocktail recipes - beets! Check out our cocktail post if you haven’t gotten a chance yet!

As @alyeen1​ has pointed out in the cocktail post, the idea with using beets comes from the fact that there is an untouched plate of boiled chicken and beets on Valery’s desk as mentioned in the Ep. 3 script:

We can, indeed, see the plate in the foreground in the frame below:

I wanted to imagine a little riff on this detail in a form of a scene that would take place later - in Moscow, not long after Boris and Valery come back from Chernobyl for good. It is New Year’s Eve, and Boris is having Valery over at his apartment to celebrate the arrival of 1987 together, just the two of them.

For the story and the recipe (and a picture of food), please click below!

Content warning: food/appetite, canon-consistent sad themes (”5 years”).

@shark-from-the-park @elenatria @drunkardonjunkyard @green-ann @johnlockismyreligion @borislegasov @owlboxes @seaweednpeanuts @attachedtofictionalpeople​ @gwinny3k @kylos-scarf​ @scarlettestar​ @the-jewish-marxist​ @cinemaocd​ @natasharedfox​ @ignalina-c0re​ @potter012​ @stellan-pip-69​ @art-is-a-malady @antonellachan4567 @hereliesnils​ @sunset-and-periwinkle​ @thegreenmeridian​ and everyone else!

“Something smells amazing, Borya,” Valery exclaims as he steps into Boris’ palatial apartment. He carefully sets two large white cardboard boxes, both tied with a string, and a canvas bag with bottles of champagne on the floor of Boris’ spacious hallway, and takes off his fur hat. 

Boris is wearing a white shirt with rolled-up sleeves, black trousers and a red checkered apron. The heat of the kitchen has given his face a very appealing kind of sheen, a few errant strands of gray hair have fallen on his forehead, and his smooth cheeks look flushed. He seems excited about something, as if he has a secret that he is itching to reveal - but has to hold off on it for some only known to him dramatic timing.

He looks so attractive that the sight of him quite literally takes Valery’s breath away.

In the very next moment, Boris dives for his lips with a precision and determination of a hunting hawk. The tone and pitch of Boris’ contented hum, the way he holds Valery, the way he runs his fingers through his ginger hair as it crackles with static electricity, the way his thumbs rub circles on Valery’s cheeks, rosy from the biting wind outside, all tell the same story. It is a happy story, Valery knows. The one about how much he missed Valery, and how grateful he is to have Valery’s love, and how pleased he is to greet him here in his warm home, on this New Year’s Eve, and how he has prepared a surprise, and how much he’d enjoyed the process of preparation, and how excited he is to reveal it.

They part eventually, smiling, breathing “happy-new-years” into each others’ mouths. 

Boris’ gaze falls on the packages Valery carefully carried from Yeliseevsky market down the iced-over sidewalks. 

“You’ve brought champagne, wonderful! And dessert-” 

“I couldn’t decide between eclairs and the Napoleon, so I got both,” Valery says shyly, feeling his face getting warm. In reality, he got both because both looked so tempting to him. He is the one with a sweet tooth.

“Remember the box of frozen eclairs I found in the freezer at the restaurant at Polissya?” smiles Boris.

Valery nods enthusiastically. A good memory.

“It was the first thing I’ve seen you eat at Chernobyl like you actually had an appetite! It was a relief to see you excited about food. Do you remember what they used to feed us from the mobile kitchen?” Boris asks as he helps Valery out of his coat, shaking the snow off it. 

“Yes,” Valery says with a bit of dramatic shudder. They are like two soldiers reminiscing about the shared misery of a foxhole, Boris and him. “Pikalov’s unit has the best chemists and engineers in the Soviet Union - but not exactly the best cooks.”

Boris laughs heartily in agreement. “Remember what they used to serve most often?”

“Hmmm?” Valery cocks his head to the side and looks at Boris quizzically. “Boiled chicken and beets?”

“Right!” exclaims Boris. “Chicken that tasted like cotton balls.”

“And the beets! They must’ve boiled them all afternoon - they hardly had any color left in them,” adds Valery.

“You barely touched that food anyway. I was worried you will start wasting away. You would have a few bites if me or Nikolai were eating with you but if you were left alone with your calculations - forget it...” Boris waves his hand. 

“That’s not true!” Valery exclaims, indignant. “I ate what everyone else was eating!”

“You know, after you told me that isotopes don’t go into butter, I’ve taken to buying slabs of butter from the few villagers who had stayed behind. I would put buttered bread on your plate as you worked late into the night in your corner of the suite. You would finish your piece without noticing it and then I would slip you another one. After I fed you five or six of those I could be content and go read my Pravda.”

The revelation catches Valery completely off guard - he recalls the buttered bread, yes, but he truly, honestly never realized that Boris had been slipping him an entire daily calories’ worth at nighttime. All he remembers is his papers, his calculator, his logarithmic ruler, his aching neck and a constant crushing sense of dread that he might be completely, irredeemably wrong with his projections.

“I know you’ve never noticed,” Boris tilts his head and looks at him softly, crinkles gathering around his laughing eyes. He reaches to squeeze somewhat disoriented Valery’s shoulder, shaking the younger man back and forth gently. “But I knew that I got you fed, and that was good enough for me.”

Something beautiful and sad rises inside Valery and spills into a mist of tears in his eyes. It’s not what he wanted or expected of himself this evening, but he can’t help it.

A tinny voice deep inside him, like a small radio hidden under a thick pillow, scrapes at him in its metallic, nagging cadence - this won’t last, you fool. This - all of this - won’t last. You’ve seen his radiospectrogram, you’ve seen yours. Your bones are chock-full of strontium, both of you. Your leukocyte count is starting to look bad. He’s got that new cough whenever he lies down, and it doesn’t seem to go away. 

Every time Valery hears that cough is like a razor to his heart. 

“Please don’t take him,” he thinks now as he lies awake during oh-so-common for him sleepless nights, with his face pressed to Boris’ broad back, listening to the soft sound of his breath - the amazing sound of life that is dearer to him than his own. 

“Please don’t take him,” he says to someone he doesn’t know how to talk to, to something he isn’t sure exists beyond the electrons orbiting the clumps of protons and neutrons. Beyond the quantum uncertainty. Beyond the cosmic void. 

After he knew the cough was here to stay, he seemed to have adjusted his nighttime bargain. “Please don’t take him first.” 

The vision of Boris in his red apron blurs and trembles in Valery’s eyes, sliding slightly sideways and downwards. He blinks the veil of tears away, wiping his eyes with his small hand so he could see his love clearly again.

“You look so handsome tonight, Borya. And I love you so much,” Valery says softly, a wet sound escaping his throat. “So much.”

“Valera,” Boris wraps his arms around him in an attempt to quiet whichever emotion is roiling his lover, grumbling softly near his ear, “do you know what it meant for me to take care of you in the midst of all that... madness? It kept me together, too, you know - loving you. And you look amazing in blue.” 

Boris’ hands slide down to stroke Valery’s plump sides clad in a soft blue sweater vest as he says that.

"Thank you,” Valery closes his eyes and breathes, soaking in the comfort of Boris’ touch.

“I want to dance with you later tonight,” he mumbles into Boris’ shirt. 

“Yeah,” Boris answers softly into his hair. “Yeah, that would be good.”

Boris’ arm is around Valery as he leads him into the living room, where a holiday table is set next to an enormous New Year’s tree adorned with a red star and coated generously with silver tinsel.

Valery has been saving space in his belly all day and is now finding himself, in fact, very, very hungry.

As Boris shuttles back and forth between the living room and the kitchen with bowls and serving platters, Valery fusses with the wires of the champagne bottle, looking worriedly at the chandelier. 

“I’ve got Olivier salad, red caviar sandwiches, oh! - pickled mushrooms, so good,” Boris recites proudly. “And for the main course... you wouldn’t mind if we had chicken and beets tonight, would you? Like in the old times?” 

He pauses for a proper dramatic effect. The look of momentary dismay on Valery’s face must be so comical that it makes the older man laugh out loud. 

“Don’t worry, love - it’s the good kind. This one you wouldn’t want to pass up,” says Boris, beaming, and proceeds to fill Valery’s plate. “Eat, Valera, eat.” 

The winter winds are wailing hard outside, but here in the warm living room the air is filled with the clinking of cutlery and Valery’s delighted humming as he devours Boris’ creation. Even the nagging metallic voice in Valery’s head seems to have quieted down to an indecipherable murmur, as if tucked away behind a thick wall somewhere. Really, he can barely hear it at all.

                                                          * * *

Recipe: Chicken Delmonico + Warm Beet Salad with Pears, Gorgonzola Cheese and Walnuts

For the chicken, I followed Emeril Lagasse’s excellent Chicken Delmonico recipe exactly (just the chicken, not the mushroom part), except that I didn’t make my own spice mix the way he suggests, but instead combined store-bought cajun spice mix with salt in a 5:1 ratio.

The key to this recipe is to be generous with the seasoning!

For the beet salad, I did the following:

Ingredients:

6 medium-sized beets

2 large ripe pears

⅔ of a cup of walnut halves and pieces 

⅔ of a cup of Gorgonzola cheese crumbs

Extra-virgin olive oil

Lemon juice

Salt and pepper

1. Scrub the beets with a brush, rub with olive oil and wrap in foil. Roast in a 350 F (175 C) oven for 40 min, then let them cool until you can comfortably handle them. Peel the beets and chop them into ½ inch-thick slices, set aside.

2. Toast walnuts in a 350 F oven for 6-7 minutes, chop, set aside.

3. Peel and chop the pears into slices similar in size to your beet slices.

4. In a large mixing bowl, combine beet and pear slices, toasted walnuts and Gorgonzola. Add olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper to taste, and mix well. Enjoy!

#chernobyl #valoris #chernobyl new year challenge 2021 #valery legasov #boris shcherbina #cw food #cw appetite #valoris fanfiction

[orangesrotting]

Zoya fidgets with the necklace at her collar, a thin gold chain that is all she has left of her mother. It is less of a nervous gesture, more anticipation, and it has been years since she has set foot in this old town. It has changed a bit but not to the point of unrecognition. The cobblestoned path remains the same however, and Zoya is pulled into a reminiscence from her high school days, walking down this same path to the coffee shop on Main Street. Her caffeine addiction still remains but she doubts the coffee from the city is nearly as good as the one from here.

Her breath puffs out into a cloud of moisture and Zoya watches it dissipate. She cannot say she has missed the biting cold of this town but she has grown accustomed to it, something she hasn’t lost even though she hasn’t set foot here in years. It is nostalgic, and it brings a soft smile to her face.

It’s been close to ten years but the high school is still the same. A massive red brick building, covered in spray paint from what the school board had deemed “vandalists''.  Zoya thinks the paint is nice, however, unlike the board, who believe it has marred the school’s exterior, when really it is really quite beautiful. There is a mural of a piano and notes flowing from its keys, and one of a locked heart seeped in darkness. It keeps the school alive, in her very respectable opinion. 

She hears a crackling of leaves behind her and turns to meet a very smug grin, one that she has not expected to meet, one she hasn’t seen in years. “Didn’t expect to see you here, Nazyalensky.”

Nikolai Lantsov.

She does not reply, instead glares at him, mustering all of her get-the-hell-out-of-here energy she has. Zoya has not seen her former next-door neighbor since she went to college and she would have very much liked to keep it that way. But Lantsov shows no notion of leaving, instead he leans against the giant oak tree in the courtyard. “I’m hurt, Nazyalensky,” he continues, mock-wounded. The hurt in his voice is so exaggerated it is comical, fitting to his personality. “You come all the way out here and don’t even visit?” 

“And why on Earth would I do that, Lantsov?” She lifts an eyebrow. She hates that she has to look up to him, given that he was very, very tall and Zoya was, well, not short per se, but tiny by comparison.

His hand very dramatically flies to his heart, and she remembers their high school production of Hamlet, starring none other than the blonde-headed idiot in front of her. It is a pity that the death scene had only been an act. “I’m wounded, tsaritsa.”

And there it is- his childhood nickname for her, a name that she has been called over swing sets and over family dinners pretending to be civil. Zoya suppresses the urge to laugh, but Nikolai picks up on it anyway and gives her a grin that would have melted the heart of any other person. It does not melt hers (she has to deny that there was a corner of her heart that twinges in something akin to endearment seeing the look upon his face). She rolls her eyes, and he picks himself off the ground, brushing dirt that has gotten on his trousers. “Why are you so dressed up?” she asks wryly, finally taking note of his gray suit. 

His all-too-familiar smirk reappears. “Why, only for you, Nazyalensky.”

·☾·

Zoya rummages through her suitcase, silently cursing Genya for telling her to wear something “pretty”. The redhead herself is lounging on Zoya’s bed, red-varnished nails glinting in the afternoon sunlight and her large wire-rimmed glasses sitting atop her playfully messy curls. To anyone who didn’t know her, the look would be casual but Zoya knows that every aspect has been carefully done, though the glasses were likely going to go before they met Genya’s fiance David. 

“Why don’t you pick something yourself?” she asks drily. Genya lifts her head to look at her with appraised eyebrows. 

She adjusts her glasses so they are now framing her deep amber eyes perfectly and joins Zoya to look at her suitcase in distaste. “Well, clearly it seems you are unable to function without my help. How ever do you live without me?” Genya huffs playfully. Zoya resists the urge to make a face at her.

“Luckily, that is a circumstance I will never meet,” she says primly instead. 

“You should be grateful for it, my darling Zoya.” Zoya will never admit it, hell, she’ll deny it a thousand times, but she silently agrees. 

·☾·

Zoya has nearly forgotten the taste of good food, food that is not merely edible but food that is enjoying to eat. It is one of the (now that she thinks about it, many) downsides of living in a large city. Perhaps it is the homesickness she has always denied herself, mixed with a little bit of nostalgia, but it feels like the best dinner she has ever eaten. 

They are sitting in the dining room of Lantsov’s house (though it really can’t be called a house, it is so large that Zoya, despite having visited it countless times, still gets lost. She, Genya, and David have dubbed it “The Little Palace”), and the affair is a mix of casual and formal. It serves as an early high school reunion of sorts, although most of the people present have kept in touch. They mingle regardless, and Zoya can hear laughter and the voices blend all into each other until they are nothing but white noise, fading away...away…

And then they are back again, blaring at full volume and it is too loud, too, too loud and her pulse is racing even though she hasn’t exerted herself. The transition is jarring. Her head suddenly feels like it is splitting apart, cracked down the middle and she is having one of the worst headaches of her life. She fumbles for her purse before realizing that she has borrowed one of Genyas’ for tonight, and none of her medication is in it. 

She curses vehemently. 

A part of her manages to pull together, however, and she is able to make it to the porch and sit on the swing hanging from it. A dry part of her notices that even the swing is fancy. Quite expectant of the Lantsovs, having everything in top quality. It was what they were known for, after all, being the richest people in the town. Though perhaps money didn’t buy everything, considering their relationship with Lantsov. 

Her headache, which had previously dulled a bit, is back in full force and distracts her from her thoughts of the Lantsovs. The pain is splitting, and once again the world feels like too much to handle. Voices from the front yard are rattling in her head like pennies in a glass jar, and quite unfortunately, Zoya’s head is the glass jar. She buries her head in her hands to try and dim the sheer volume of it all but it only helps so much.

Then there is a gentle tapping on her shoulder, and she believes the person is also attempting to speak to her but her head is such a mess she does not register the words. Zoya lifts her head and she is met with a pair of wide hazel eyes reflecting a lit chandelier. “Lantsov,” she attempts to grumble but the words are lost in the noise. He seems to understand what she is attempting to say, however, as he grins at her, that same grin she has seen a thousand times before, but it is somewhat charming in the moonlight. She blames it on her state of mind and not in any part on Lantsov himself. 

He sits what is an awkward distance away from her, clearly attempting to give her space while still being able to be there to check up on her. Zoya grudgingly gives him points for the matter. She looks at him, too tired to speak. Lantsov must be feeling exceptionally perceptive today because he understands her once more and gestures towards the Mercedes parked in the exceptionally large driveway. She nods, and he helps her up, albeit a little awkwardly. 

Her head is still fairly hazy but she seems to have recovered most of her senses. Lantsov lets her choose the music (which wins him more points though Zoya refuses to admit it) and his lips quirk up into an amused smile when he hears the heavy metal. “I didn’t think you’d be into this kind of stuff, tsaritsa.” It is the first thing he has said to her tonight and it is lighthearted, teasing. 

She studies him quizzically. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He shrugs, and Zoya arches her eyebrows. 

Lantsov very suddenly starts laughing. His hazel eyes are alight with mirth, and his laughter turns into very high-pitched wheezing. Zoya mutters a very colorful curse. 

“Lantsov for saints’ sake stop laughing, you're going to get us killed! What on Earth is so funny-”

“I just realized….I don’t…..know…..where to….drop you off……” is what he manages to get out in between bursts of laughter. At this, her lips twitch into the barest hint of a smile, and she is holding back inane laughter of her own. 

“Why didn’t you just ask, idiot?” Zoya’s voice is shaky, amusement and a hint of endearment evident in her tone. Lantsov gives her no answer, but a sheepish grin spreads across his face. She shakes her head mock-exasperatedly. “I’m staying at Genya’s.” It is an address familiar to both of them, so many high school days have been spent there. 

With the heavy metal blaring in the background, she lets her mind wander to other things, but her thoughts seem to always circle back to the idiot driving next to her. It is strange, she has not seen him in years yet he remains unchanged, the same irritating person she has grown up with. Though perhaps he has lost a little bit of what made him so irritating because looking at him now, she is feeling a little fond. Zoya can remember when they were children, he could always be found at her aunt’s house because he hated staying at home. She’d barely given him the time of day back then, but most of her childhood had been spent with him nonetheless. 

Reminiscing sends a pang of homesickness through heart even though she is here. Zoya is reminded of how much she loves this town. She wishes she had visited more often, and promises herself that she will visit whenever she can. 

The car stops in the driveway of Genya’s house. The headlights illuminate the door in stark contrast to the pitch-black darkness of the night. Zoya steps out of the car, and before she has the time to really think the invitation to come inside tumbles from her mouth in a breathless rush. “Would you like to come inside for coffee?” 

He grins. “Why, of course I’ll join you, Nazyalensky.” 

Genya, of course, is still at the Lantsov manor so it is just the two of them in the house. The first thing Zoya reaches for after slipping off her jacket is the coffee machine, which she shouldn’t considering that it is so late but it has become habit for her. “I see your caffeine addiction hasn’t left you,” Lantsov remarks, a smile in his voice though she doesn’t look up to check.

She doesn’t reply, being too busy with her coffee so he continues. “You know, I think you single-handedly kept the coffee shop running for two years. Half of what I was paid came from your orders.” To this, Zoya huffs, mock-offended, but she is smiling. 

She brings a cup for him too. It is red, with a small fox painted in gold. He takes it from her gingerly and winces slightly when his fingers come in contact with the surface of the hot mug. Lantsov takes a whiff and his nose wrinkles in distaste. “How on Earth do you drink this stuff?”

Zoya gives him a scathing look, and he recoils in mock fear. “Don’t you dare disrespect the coffee.”

Lantsov sighs dramatically. “Only for you, tsaritsa, only for you.” He takes a deep breath, plugs his nose (a gesture which Zoya does not appreciate and she glares daggers at him but he only winks in response) and drains it all in one gulp. Which is a mistake since the coffee is burning hot. 

“Idiot,” Zoya mutters but makes no move to help him. He has dragged himself into this situation after all, and she does not clean up the messes of irritating blonde imbeciles. 

His face does, eventually, return to a color that is not as red as the plastic cherries that the bakeries in the city place on their cakes. She has since then finished her own cup, but unlike him, through careful sips that she somehow does not choke on despite the overwhelming urge to burst out laughing. 

He stays longer than he should but neither he nor Zoya entertain the fact that it is very, very late. Hours have slipped away, spent reminiscing. It is nice to just sit here and talk and listen. There are an endless number of things that they talk about, ranging from old memories to their respective jobs. 

Zoya will deny it to her grave but she realizes she has missed him. 

She eventually tires, and when she wakes up, she is met with a Genya’s appraised eyebrows. She realizes that she has been sleeping on Lantsov’s shoulder. He has fallen asleep as well but she makes no motion to wake him.

Genya’s eyes gleam in triumph. “David owes me so much money.”

#[ yeah sorry idk what this is ] #[ too many ideas i think ] #[ but here's 2.3k words of zoyalai ] #usersana #usersultanah #userhannas #usertea #tusergrace #userishani #tusertiff #usersai #* #*fic #*writing #zoyalai #tnd #kos #lit #gv #grishaverse #gv fics #grishaverseonline

[sanktnikolais]

Godsent

A/N: i’m back to post another content kahsfkljas this is the beach scene Zoya vaguely remembered back in my mythology au 

Have a bit of fluff after than long angsty fic ;-;

Word count: 4244

The sight of his temple only brought another wave of headache to Zoya. It was much grander than what she had thought his supporters capable of, and she was starting to regret allowing it to be built. She couldn’t believe she let herself get carried away with a simple act of smiling. 

          Damn him and that smile of his, she thought in annoyance as she made her way to the path leading towards the side of the shrine. 

          It was warm tonight, and if it had been some other time when it was colder than she would have liked, she was sure she wouldn't have come here. She was still trying to understand why she agreed to go see him at this time. 

          His message had come abruptly in the fountain of her foyer just as she was leaving. The water had exploded from within, almost drenching her had she not stepped back immediately. And when she checked what the disturbance was, the words appeared in sand on the surface. 

          Come meet me at my temple, it said. 

          Not a request, nor a friendly invitation. 

          Zoya didn’t know whether to laugh or get insulted. Was he that bossy just because he was one of the higher gods? He must have forgotten who put him in his place when he came barging in her temple to challenge her. 

          Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to the construction of his temple, so he wouldn't have another reason to become more conceited than he already was. 

          Its location was on a cliff directly by the sea, a place where he obviously preferred the shrine to be built. If there was something that he thought highly of other than himself, it was the seas. 

          The seas can help us find peace, he always said, and Zoya was tired of hearing his voice in her head all the time. The non-stop rain he sent to her temple was already bad enough to irk her. But actually hearing him in her mind? Disastrous. It was a surprise that she had been able to stand being around him for five years without them having each other by their throats. 

          She finally rounded the corner of the shrine leading to the entrance, and that was where she spotted him gazing up at his temple. 

          Whatever flippant thoughts she had about him disappeared when she saw how content he looked. The lit torches on the pillars lit up his face, bathing him in a golden glow of the same color of his hair under the sun. For a moment, he didn’t look like the god of the seas she knew—arrogant, cruel, and overly confident. Instead, he looked like someone proud of something he’d done for himself, not because he was forced to do it. 

          An amused smile twitched on her lips. Even though he didn’t become the city patron, he was still happy enough to have something dedicated to him. Perhaps she should give him that small victory.

          He must have felt her stare at him because he turned to her in a blink, and she barely had the time to hide herself from staring openly at him. 

          Zoya immediately returned to her stoic appearance, mustering a deadpan look on her face. She wouldn’t let him have the chance to grin at her; it had a strange effect on her that was unbecoming for the goddess of wisdom. “What do you want, Nikolai?” 

          Nikolai feigned a hurtful expression. “In a sour mood tonight, aren’t we, Minerva?”

          “Who wouldn’t be if they were summoned in the middle of the night?” she said through gritted teeth. The urge to punch him in the face was strong, but she held back. “And it’s Zoya for you, Your Idiocy. We are not on Olympus.”

          “As you wish, Minnie,” he said. 

          She huffed in annoyance and stared at him incredulously. This was one of the times that she preferred him being the arrogant rival he once was, as she had enough reason to beat him up where he stood. It was like the god of the seas stole another’s persona and adapted to it. 

          But the ease in his demeanor made her wonder if this person in front of her was really who he was.

          “Are you done tormenting me? If so, then I am leaving,” Zoya said, already turning to the direction she came from. 

          Nikolai held out an arm. “No, wait,” he said, a pleading look evident on his face. He looked like a child whose candy was snatched away from their hand. “It’s been a long time since our dispute in this city but you have not come to see my temple yet.”

          Her eyes narrowed. “I do not need to see it.”

          “But I want you to,” he almost whined, and her thoughts of him possibly being a child came back to mind. He gestured a hand to the temple. “Well, what do you think?”

          Realizing that she didn’t have any much of a choice other than to leave, Zoya walked over to where he was standing to have a better look at the shrine, and she took in its appearance. The entrance must be at least fifty feet high, its roof supported by three huge pillars on each side. She wasn’t sure how long it extended at the back, but she could guess the main foyer could fit at least a thousand people. 

          And even without going inside, a huge statue of him by the other end of the hall could be seen. 

          It looked impressive for only a short time of having it built, she would give him that, but otherwise still plain. 

          “It could be better,” Zoya said before turning to him. “But alas, it’s only like any other temple around the city.”

          If Nikolai was insulted, he didn’t show it. He grinned, the one that reached his eyes and made them bright. His arms were spread wide. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” 

          She merely raised an eyebrow at him. He really was something else. “Mine is definitely better,” she countered with a sneer. “And besides, yours would not even be there if I hadn’t allowed it.” 

          “Guess I owe you my reputation, then?”

          “Obviously, so stop being a show off.”

          Then he winked, and she didn’t like the way it made her heart skip a beat. What had he done to her? “Only for you, dear.” His grin became wider. “Actually, it’s not even the best part.”

          Zoya stepped back, holding a finger up. “I think that is enough for tonight, I—”

          But Nikolai was already grabbing at her wrist. “Let me show you,” he said, and then he was dragging her along with him down the path. His hand was warm against her skin, the touch sending an unexpected thrill in her chest. He would literally be the end of her. 

          She had to break into a jog just to match up with his excited strides, and she was just too exhausted to berate him to slow down. After a few more moments of keeping up with him, they finally got to the edge of the cliff. 

          There wasn’t much light, but the full moon almost directly in front of them gave enough brightness for them to see the surging waves across the sea. The waters looked almost white against the moonlight, and if it was some time earlier in the day, Zoya knew it would be breathtaking.

          Somehow, she quite understood why Nikolai would always say that his favorite line of ‘the seas can help us find peace’. There was indeed something calming just by watching the tides’ steady movement, as if you knew that it would always stay in the same current and end up in the same shoreline. 

          “It’s not much at this time of the day,” he said, breaking the long silence between them. “I’d say it’s better during sunrise and sunset. But it’s still quite the view.” 

          Zoya hummed, gaze remaining focused on the sea. For some reason, she couldn’t look away. His love for the seas was probably starting to rub off on her. “It is a nice view,” she admitted, and she could practically see him grinning in her head.

          A beat, and then he said, “It’s not the best one, though.”

          She frowned. “What’s better than this?” she asked, turning her head to look at him.

          And he was looking back at her, his smile soft and eyes gentle. She furrowed her eyebrows, and it took her another few seconds to realize what he meant. All her thoughts seemed to  stop altogether, heat rising to her cheeks. She averted her eyes and looked down, only to see their hands clasped tightly together. 

          Her eyes widened. When did that happen? 

          Zoya quickly let go of his hand as if she were burned and stepped away, making Nikolai laugh lightly. She didn’t know whether to run off or throw him off the cliff, so she glared at him instead. But there was definitely no denying the erratic beating of her heart. 

          Damn him for making her feel things she shouldn’t have.

          And yet he only smiled back, even when she was expecting him to cower or challenge her glare with his own. “You will definitely be the death of me, Zoya,” he said, and she tried to ignore the way her name sounded from his lips. 

          I could say the same to you, she wanted to say. But it would be blatantly admitting that he had that much effect on her, in which, based on the still erratic beat of her heart as she looked back at him, was actually true. 

          She covered up her awkwardness with a huff. "Don't be dramatic, you can't die." 

          Nikolai laughed again. Was everything funny to him now? "Ever the realist, aren't we?" 

          "It is who I am, you urchin." 

          "I think that's the most adorable thing you've called me." 

          "Would you have preferred 'idiot'?"

          He shook his head, the grin never leaving his lips. "I would love any name as long as it is from you." 

          Zoya's heart did another weird flip. She was so close to bolting off or punching him. Or both. "Are we finally done here?" she said. If she spent another few minutes with him and his flowery words, she might do something that she would regret later. "Because I am needed elsewhere." 

          It wasn't technically true, but she knew she would immediately go to Genya after this. The goddess of love surely had something to say about this night rendezvous. Or whatever this was. 

          "Not yet," Nikolai said, grinning brightly. "There is still one last thing I would like to show you." 

          "How many 'best' things are left for you to show me?" She huffed incredulously. "You consider all these the best, anyway." 

          "A good point, but this is the last one, I swear." 

          Thunder rumbled in the sky, making him wince. Zoya had to stifle a laugh at his expression. 

          "Should have said 'promise' instead," she said in amusement. "You aren't allowed to pull any more antics now." 

          Nikolai chuckled. "I wouldn't dream of it." He paused, looking down at the cliff, before turning back to her with an open look. Her breath hitched in expectation. "Do you trust me?"

          Did she? After centuries of rivalry, had she come to trust him, even after only a short time of finally seeing him past his tough exterior? She had always been so sure of herself, but why was she having doubts now?

          I shouldn't, but somehow, I do. And yet Zoya grimaced and said, "No."

          She was expecting him to look hurt, but he actually laughed and gave her a knowing look. "That is quite a relief. I wouldn't want to disappoint you when I lose control over this." 

          Her eyes narrowed. "What do you—" 

          But her sentence ended in a squeal when Nikolai put an arm around her waist and abruptly jumped off the cliff. 

          Inappropriate words she wanted to scream at him came in her mind all at once, the rush of air sounding too loud in her ears. She clutched onto his neck and closed her eyes in panic. It was ironic, as they couldn’t technically die, but she hadn’t anticipated being hauled off the edge. She was so going to murder him later. 

          Zoya waited for the coldness of the water to hit them, but it never did. 

          They were suddenly on something, the chill only enclosing around their legs, and she finally opened her eyes to look down.

          A huge waterspout steadily moved around, keeping them afloat at least a hundred feet above the sea. 

          She let out a relieved breath. At least they weren’t plummeting down the waters anymore. The beating of her heart slowed down, and she huffed as she glared at a laughing Nikolai in front of her. The sight of him looking happy was definitely not the reason why her heartbeat picked up again.

          “I ought to strike you down where you stand,” Zoya growled. It would’ve been much more menacing if she wasn’t holding her arms around his neck. “Now I remember every reason why I used to hate you.”

          His laughter subsided until all that’s left on his face was a soft smile. “At least I know you don’t hate me now,” he said. Then he winked. “Don’t worry, if you ever get off balanced, I won’t let you fall alone.”

          “If you think your punchlines are going to make me change my mind from beating you up, then you have to keep on dreaming.”

          “Perhaps this would change your mind?” 

          Zoya raised an eyebrow, and slowly, Nikolai willed the water forward. The specks of light caught her eyes even before she could fully look at them. It came from the torches lined up in the sand by the cliff walls, illuminating the small beach hidden in between them. 

          “No need to look awed, my wise one. It’s unbecoming of you,” he said as he lowered them down to the sand.

          She kicked him in the shin the second her feet landed on soil. “I am still enraged, Nikolai,” she said, but there was no edge in her tone.

          Nikolai chuckled. “Go on, you can tell me how much you adore me.”

          “You conceited, feeble urchin—” Zoya tried to grab at his shirt but he had already backed away, laughing again. 

          He stopped at least several feet away, spreading his arms. “So, what do you think?”

          She raised an eyebrow and looked around. “Horrible?”

          “You wound me,” he said dramatically, putting a hand to his chest. “Well, I’d admit that it is not as flawless as I would have liked it. I only made this place a few hours ago.”

          He made this place? “What for?” she asked, a frown blooming on her face.

          Nikolai shrugged. “A hiding place,” he answered simply, looking up in the night sky. The moonlight captured the lines of his face, bathing him in a glow that made him look less the terrifying god of the seas than a cheerful and carefree person who had been hiding behind that divine identity all along. His next words were quiet, almost sad. “Somewhere I could be comfortable.”

          Zoya considered him for a moment, something in her chest not feeling right. It wasn’t as if he needed her to show him his place. What was even his reason for asking her to come in the first place? Certainly he had more people to talk with or bring here other than her.

          So why her?

          He turned to her again, the somber expression disappearing in a blink and the mischievous look returning. It was appalling how fast he could change the masks he wore. Who was the real him?

          “Worry not, dear wise one, you are allowed to come here,” Nikolai said with a grin. “You’re always welcome here.”

          Zoya raised an eyebrow. “I am honored,” she replied, mocking a curtsy. “But I’m afraid there’s no way down other than jumping off that cliff and swimming here.”

          He waved a dismissive hand. “I could easily make a path for you.”

          “Confident, aren’t we?”

          “Do you doubt me?”

          She chuckled darkly. “All the time.”

          This made Nikolai silent, a shadow passing across his face. Something twinged in Zoya’s chest. She wasn’t supposed to feel bad. It was what she always did—facing all things head on and being straightforward. Unlike him, she didn’t make things much complicated by going around with her words. 

          Ever the realist, aren’t we? His words from earlier echoed in her mind. She knew he meant it as a joke, and yet it was really who she was. She approached everything with caution and vigilance, calculated all the variables and outcomes. She liked the odds leaning to her favor; it was how she stayed at the top of her game.

          But when it came to him, all went astray. Nikolai was her biggest uncertainty.

          Zoya waited for his rage, for him to turn into his true form and challenge her to a duel, just like she did the night before their standoff in the city. If she were honest, she preferred that possibility. Because she wouldn’t have to question herself for feeling something for the god of the seas after several years of being in peace with him. They had three centuries of bad blood. 

          What were those years of serenity compared to the long time of hatred and rivalry? It was only plausible. 

          But when Nikolai smiled ruefully instead of lashing out like she had wanted him to, she had never been so ashamed of herself for neglecting this possibility. 

          “Fair point,” he said with a sigh. He gazed up at the stars again, eyes soft, and a small smile twitched on his lips as if he remembered something fond. “If you look back, we really did fight for quite a long time.”

          Zoya opened her mouth to say something, only to close it again when she had none. She frowned, more to herself than being unable to think of a reply. She had always been sure of herself. 

          She was still lamenting in her thoughts that she hadn’t expected his next words to her. “Dance with me,” he said, holding his hand out.

          Her thoughts stopped altogether, and she looked at him in bewilderment. What?

          Nikolai raised an eyebrow. “Has the goddess of wisdom lost her ability to speak entirely?” 

          A lot of thoughts crashed into her mind, but when she found her voice after a while, she said, “There’s not even a music.”

          He stared at her for a second. Then he laughed, rich and deep, and Zoya knew to herself that she would like to hear it more often. “I’ve got it covered, dear,” he said, approaching her and taking her hand. She didn’t make a move to stop him, his skin feeling warm against hers. “Just don’t step on my feet.”

          Whatever embarrassment she had was replaced by her usual annoyance for him. “Ever the infuriating one, aren’t you?”

          “Only for you, dear.” He winked, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. 

          Zoya sucked in a breath, not used to having someone near her, but she reluctantly put her arms around his neck. He smelled of the seas and something like home. She found herself leaning towards him more. She rested her chin on his shoulder as Nikolai began swaying along with the tune he was humming. 

          In that quiet moment of peace, nothing but the soft sound of the lapping waves and his humming could be heard. Everything was perfect, almost too perfect, until his voice went off key.

          “Where did you learn that?” Zoya asked, pulling back just enough to look up at him.

          Nikolai furrowed his eyebrows like he was trying to remember. “From the townspeople,” he said, sounding a bit pleased with himself. “Is it good?”

          She scoffed. “Atrocious.”

          “Just as I intended.” 

          “Can’t you just send a pod of mermaids to serenade us?”

          He seemed to consider this for a moment, and then asked, “Do you want me to?”

          Zoya blinked back in surprise. “You are really willing to do anything, aren’t you?”

          “I could even stop the tides for you,” he said like it would be the easiest thing in the world to do. But considering his nature, maybe it was. 

          “Why would you?”

          “Because frankly, you seem to doubt my powers.” He paused, sighing. His next words came out in a whisper. “But I hope you do not doubt me.” 

          She was taken aback with the sudden change in his tone, and as well as the flash of hurt in his eyes. And yet along the lines of the pang in her chest came a spark of irritation as well. It wasn’t like he had done anything bad to her in the past several years. But considering their history, she had every right to doubt him, and the other way around.

          They were already past their dark years, but there was no denying that hatred towards each other was what drove them forward once. 

          “What is this really about, Nikolai?” Zoya asked the question that had been bothering her since she agreed to come here even when she had all the reasons not to. “Why the sudden message in the middle of the night? Why did you want me here?”

          Nikolai was silent, their movements stopping as she waited for his answer. There was a conflicted look in his eyes that made it seem that he was going to war with his thoughts, but after a moment, he replied, “Because I want to be with you.”

          His answer had her floored, and she was left to reel with the intensity of the sudden shiver that bloomed in her body. Her heart felt like it was about to leap out from her chest.

          “I want to be with you,” he continued. “Have been wanting to for years now. I have no ill intentions, I swear to you, we’re already way past that. I just want you to see through the worst part of me that you had known for centuries. I want to prove to you that I am not that person anymore.”

          He smiled ruefully. “I know it’s strange. After being your rival for a long time, I didn’t anticipate feeling something for you that wasn’t hatred or insecurity. So when those emotions turned to calmness and warmth, I knew it was over.” He paused, huffing a laugh. “I never thought I would fall for anyone. And yet I did.”

          Zoya was still overwhelmed with everything that she just heard. She was sure that she had been gawking at him with mouth agape the whole time, and if it was some other moment, she would be conscious of how she looked in front of anyone. 

          She blinked. “Nikolai, I—” When she found that she had no further replies formed in her mind, she shook her head. “I—I don't know what to say.” And she did. She hadn’t seen all of this coming. 

          Nikolai reached a hand up to her face, his thumb caressing her cheek softly. “You don’t have to say anything, dear,” he said. “All I ask for is a chance. Let me be with you. Let me be your strength when you feel like you have nothing. Let me love you.”

          Her eyes stung, and Zoya felt the walls around her heart coming up again. Love was irrational; she had witnessed mortals go mad because of it. More often than not, it was love that was the main reason for their own doom. And yet, they still continued to seek it. That’s what she couldn’t explain no matter how she looked at it.

          But thinking back on the past several years they were together, she had developed a soft spot for him, even when he was often annoying. He was a ray of light and smiles for her, especially during her brooding times when her people demanded too much of her presence. 

          And she would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel anything for him.

          Maybe she could get hurt by letting this emotion take over. Maybe she could be happy with him, knowing that he was willing to be with someone as stubborn and tenacious as her. 

          It was all a mess of maybes, but looking at him now, with his heart on his sleeve, Zoya realized that it was worth the risk.

          He was worth the risk.

          With a small smile, her hand that was behind his neck came up to his cheek. This was one of the rare times that he was at loss for words, but she found that she didn’t mind one bit. She acted upon impulse instead, standing on her toes and pressing a chaste kiss to his lip as if to seal a promise. It was only brief, a ghost of a breath, but it was enough to send warmth throughout her body. 

          Nikolai was looking at her with half-lidded eyes as she pulled away. There was a lazy smile playing on his lips, and when he dove in to kiss her deeper this time, Zoya finally let herself fall.

          Perhaps they could have more stolen moments like these in the near future, where it was only the two of them in their own small world. 

***

And they did.

#zoyalai #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky #king of scars #more gods and goddesses au KLHASFLKJAD #bc im trash what's new #technically this is the beach scene in the vague memory in my prev fic #i owe y'all some fluff after that angsty one #and also bc i need it #my writing #i also have another content for the role swap au #will post soon HEHEHE #have this for now

[voyage-of-the-basset]

how I, an unqualified person, would have written the SAB screenplay

so we are all talking about how this was the most perfectly cast show ever but they really should have kept the storylines separate, as SOC and SAB really have nothing to do with each other. I, however, would like to propose a compromise, and also challenge Netflix to create a time machine and go back in time and do what I tell them to do. ANYWAYS

SEASON ONE of SAB should be SAB and ONLY SAB. No Crows. Okay. One Crow. It’s Nina. She’s at the Little Palace for long enough to meet Alina and make us all fall in love with her before Zoya gets kicked out for attacking Alina and Nina joins her to go on a merry quest to whereverland. During this time, we get to see regular SAB scenes, however, I propose that there’s the underlying tension of the knowledge that jurda parem is becoming a thing, which would dramatically change the course of the war during this time. The Darkling wants to get ahold of it to make himself and Alina more powerful. They do! not! know! how addictive it is yet! 

Nina is kidnapped during this time by Matthias. They’re off doing that scene.

The show takes its’ course as it does, minus the Crows, but after the grand reveal of the Darkling actually being Batshit Evil, we get a little scene of him having a meeting with a bunch of people, one of which is bitching about how somebody stole his Del Kappel painting. He tells them to get him some jurda parem. It’s at the Ice Court. Somebody says “I’d hate to meet the motherfucker genius enough to get into there and crazy enough to try” (but. a better line) and we get the fadeout to a cane tapping along the streets. End season. 

SEASON TWO would bring us back to Nina, who is in Ketterdam after a week of desperately trying to free Matthias, unable to return home after the reveal that the Darkling is actually Batshit Evil, and not knowing how to help her country but desperately wanting to try. We’re finally introduced to Kaz and co. in the scene that we get at the beginning of SOC, because it’s a badass perfect scene to be introduced to them, and Nina is eager to help. The only real change in this storyline is that Van Eck is sorta working for the Darkling.

Alternating between the Crows and Alina, we get to see how Alina is now a little bit traumatized by the dark, because the events of the Fold have fucked her up a smidge. Because of this, she loves her light more than almost anything else. Just loves it. Her power makes her so happy. This is relevant for *angst* reasons. The events here stay pretty true to the book, except we also see the tensions in Ravka rising because of the threat of jurda parem. Maybe fights are even more impressive now because some of the Grisha are on it. We get to learn that their stores of it are running out though and we really really need Kaz to be successful. 

Spoiler: Kaz is successful. But then Van Eck is a Giant Prat and we end up falling into season three. Also, because this is a tv series with a limited number of episodes, Inej probably won’t be kidnapped for time-saving reasons. Sorry, I know, we won’t get the “I’d come for you” scene. 

SEASON THREE starts with Alina in her weird cave place thing idk it’s been awhile since I’ve read the books. However, Nikolai is gone, travelling with Zoya and Genya to Ketterdam because there’s chaos happening in the streets and he needs to be there to get the parem since they think it’ll be the only way to get Alina’s powers back after her fight with the Darkling. However, the rest of the events unfold similarly to the books, bringing the viewers back to Ketterdam in time to see the chaos sequence that is the entire book (minus Kaz’s kidnapping). We get to see Nina become the Queen of Mourning, and watch Van Eck’s downfall. 

However, the ending is slightly changed. Matthias lives, because his death was stupid and useless and we’re not dealing with that again. Nikolai and co. take Kuwei and the jurda parem back to Ravka, though their interest is in undoing the effects of the parem, rather than dealing it out to Grisha. On their way, they intercept Alina and co. on their journey to the firebirds, and Kuwei tells Alina stories about Shu Han, since she’s curious about her origins and also I, personally, want to know more about it since we really don’t see much in either of the series. 

Later, during the Final Showdown, Alina realizes that she has to take the parem in order to finally overpower the Darkling. Kuwei already told her about what happened to Nina, and she knows that the flipside of being the Sun Summoner is to become another Shadowmaker (? I don’t actually remember what the Darkling’s power is called). Gaining powers over the shadows has been her big fear throughout this storyline, so it’s more of an ultimate sacrifice than simply giving up her powers, which is something she’s always wanted. So she does it, and destroys the Fold and also the Darkling. We get our happy ending. Alina and Mal finally decide to go see the world. Nikolai recommends they avoid Ketterdam. 

#shadow and bone #six of crows #crooked kingdom #in which i rewrite a screenplay because i think netflix was stupid and also wrong #the actors were incredible but the writing.... why.

[demonicowgirl]

okay finished rule of wolves and i have THOUGHTS..... of which i have gathered..... like sheep i have herded them together. so no it's not coherent. spoilers under cut so abandon hope all ye who enter here

okay….. deadass…… i think my favorite point of view was from the darkling LIKE?!?!?! me before starting this book: HAHA THE DARKLING IS GOING TO DIE FOR THE SECOND TIME!!!!! GET REKT!!!!! me after: His first soldiers were dead now. Lovers, allies, countless kings and queens. Only he continued on. Eternity took practice, and he’d had plenty of it. The world had changed. War had changed. But he had not. but seriously he’s so dramatic and the shit is he says is like. unhinged. i had a blast

zoya deserves so much love and peace and i knew she’d end up queen but this was…. not how i expected it would be. but more thoughts on that down the list

how is jesper going to show up for approximately 14 pages and manage to be the funniest character in the entire book. like he’s got probably 50 lines and each one fucking hits HOW DOES HE DO IT

mayu’s chapters felt very unnecessary and i would’ve preferred to just not know how tamar’s mission in shu han is going until the khergud show up for their ride of rohirrim/knights of the vale moment. maybe leigh wrote it that originally and it just didn’t work? because i can definitely see how insane it would read like all we know about khergud is that they hunt grisha and then all of sudden they’re…. helping ravka?!?!? like it would be really hard to pull off but idk i think all of mayu’s chapters were just. kind of sloggy and the surprise would’ve been fun during the battle

sorry but i still don’t know what the fuck an airship looks like. or what the fjerdan naval base was supposed to look like. the tech in this universe is truly mind boggling

kaz brekker is so in love with inej ghafa. god they make me SICK

okay nina’s storyline…… this is my biggie……………… sigh. okay. nina’s storyline was my favorite part of king of scars and so i was really looking forward to seeing what would happen here. and for the most part i was having a great time!! i love her and hanne (more than i ever got into her and matthias) and i was so excited for jarl brum to finally fucking die. but then the last few chapters. i’m so……….. okay talking about hanne being a trans character (i’ll be using they/them pronouns because it doesn’t feel like a settled issue especially since they talk about not wanting to *be* rasmus, just his body). it makes so much sense for their character and i had HUUUUGE vibes all the way back in kos and i could see it coming here in row. but the way leigh handled their “transition” (???) is not good. like hanne had to kill a cis man and take on his identity to transition and that is such a bad handling i think??? who approved this. but also from a narrative standpoint it GETS WORSE?!?! like how the fuck is hanne gonna pretend to be a PRINCE… what will they do about the king and queen?? and nina remaining mila…… it honestly makes me really angry. that nina would turn her back on her country and friends and family for a LOVE INTEREST…… like her storyline has centered SO MUCH about how much she misses ravka, and in this duology even ketterdam!! like we all realize that when nina focuses on missing waffles or blini *those are symbolic stand-ins for her friends and it’s easier for her to talk about missing food than missing her friends*. like we all know that. and then in the end she says you know what i can PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE????? and not just a random fjerdan woman literally someone who will be QUEEN OF FJERDA ONE DAY. like an incredibly public position that will put mila under a ton of scrutiny… more than her identity was created for! and nina literally acknowledges that if they got the real mila jandersdat’s friends and neighbors to look at nina they’d know she was an impostor. so what is mila’s village gonna do when they hear mila jandersdat is apparently back from noyvi zem and now engaged to the prince???? i think leigh chose an ending that just doesn’t hold up narratively and logically. like i want nina to be happy and find love but why does it have to be…. not as nina.

my other big gripe is the politics and international implications of everything that’s going on like…… ravka is engaging in some CIA-backed-coups-in-latin-america levels of diplomacy. like fjerda is not just going to have a secret grisha impersonating their prince and eventual king one day, but their queen will ALSO be a secret grisha and RAVKAN SPY???? if nina was ever caught do you know the level of international scandal that would cause??? how the fuck could zoya even let her go off and do this??? it would absolutely be grounds for war and i thought zoya and everybody were TIRED of war. speaking of ravka’s government. guys we LITERALLY DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A MONARCHY. like i was actually hoping zoya would become queen but like…. because she married nikolai. not because nikolai stepped down and she was appointed. like i was fine with the monarchy sticking around if they never even had a chance to contemplate alternatives but they literally say no………. we choose monarchy. besides the fact that the world is advancing and monarchies don’t last long in technologically advanced societies, zoya is going to have the most unstable reign because of the threat from the lantsovs. like nikolai’s parents are gonna go back to the southern colonies and just be like “our son ended our dynasty and put a grisha on our throne but that’s fine! we shouldn’t try to reinstate ourselves or anything.” demidov is fine with this??? he had a problem with nikolai being a lantsov pretender but zoya just starting her own monarchial dynasty gets no pushback??? like i know nobody wants to end the book/series on such a depressing note but like. a revolution and/or coup is staring zoya in the face. and yeah she’s the motherfucking dragon but um…… so was daenerys targaryen. and ultimately it really feels like the ending of game of thrones where a bunch of noblemen are gathered in one room and they’re like “we have the chance to change the course of our country forever so we will…….. START A NEW DYNASTY!” ….. HUH?!?!!? like when nikolai was like ravka will choose its leader! and the only people from ravka in the room are the landed gentry and peerage. like yeah ravka really got a say in this…. so no nikolai i actually don’t think the nazyalensky dynasty will last that long because with all the threats of being overthrown on LITERALLY ALL SIDES zoya may just decide to say fuck it and give the people democracy so it’s no longer her problem! or she just gets killed. so. anyways if the only known countries in this world are ruled by either 1. monarchies (fjerda, ravka, shu han) or 2. plutocracy (kerch) i can see why literally fucking everybody is moving to noyvi zem. like jesus i would too!

genya deserves so much better she has suffered so much and i know leigh needed to make the war have personal consequences BUT DOES SHE HAVE TO HURT GENYA IN THE PROCESS???? like she just doesn’t get a break. anyways i hope she retires from the triurmvirate and goes to live with alina and mal in keramzin because you know what. they were right. they were right to turn their back on literally everything to do with ravkan politics. genya go join them pls

zoya’s expression of grief and mourning… yeah. yeah that one hurt.

i know everybody’s talking about the potential of soc3 but actually i don’t want that! let the crows be in peace in ketterdam!!!! their biggest threats should be like. getting shanked in the barrel not whatever the fuck zoya will put them through. i hope kaz just ignores her letters and when the Queen of Ravka personally comes to his doorstep he reiterates that he’s RETIRED. and when zoya tries to pull the inej card she pops out from behind kaz and says “i’m on vacation with my boyfriend. we’re good!” LET THEM REST!!!!!!!

so yes these are my thoughts not all of them but many of them. i still really enjoyed it and think it was waaaay better than king of scars (not as good as soc & ck though <3). the problem is that the ending definitely colors your view of everything that's happened and if you don't like the ending... well. it's not even that i didn't like the entirety of the ending i mostly just hated nina's and the implications of zoya's. do not mistake me for a darkling fangirl!!!! anyways the writing in this was really good too and there were more moments that just HIT ME than in kos, which i think i just sort.... breezed through without getting hit in the face by a brick of a line. but this one has so many moments especially in zoya and the darkling's chapters that i'm just like OH!!!!! so that is why i leave you with this:

"Zoya, do you know why the Darkling lost the civil war? How Alina stopped him?" Zoya pinched the bridge of her nose. "No. I wish I did." "Because he always fought alone. He let his power isolate him. Alina had us. You have us. You push us away, keep us at arm's distance so that you won't mourn us. But you'll mourn us anyway. That's the way love works."

#rule of wolves #i need to get a tagging system together or something #but i'm lazy..... #grishaverse

[youremyonlyhope]

Thoughts on the Six of Crows Duology

Maybe it’s because this took place over a much shorter timespan than Shadow and Bone, but I feel like I could pinpoint all the plot points and the timelines of Shadow and Bone better than I can for Six of Crows. When I made my post about SaB, it was easier to remember the order that everything happened. I think that because SoC has multiple chapters covering the same period time from different characters’ perspectives along with lots of flashbacks thrown in, that it’s causing the order of events to be a jumble in my mind.

But anyway, Six of Crows was a dramatic and fun (well... not fun..) heist novel, while Crooked Kingdom made it its personal mission to destroy me emotionally. I loved every second of it but I don’t know when I’ll properly recover.

Obvious spoilers for Six of Crows trilogy, but also the Grishaverse in general. (Most of this was written at the end of June but not posted until now)

So I guess I’ll start with Six of Crows. Maybe I’ll do a paragraph for each part... I’ll probably give up on that pretty quickly but we’ll see.

I love that the series has Inej’s POV be the first of the Crows that we get and then she also gets to be the last POV of the Crows too. If I hadn’t seen season 1 of Shadow and Bone first, I’m not sure how I’d have reacted to Kaz’s ruthlessness or the world of Ketterdam in general. I also knew that the Kanej relationship would be insane amounts of pining and the pain of requited-but-thought-to-be-unrequited love, so I was sort of shocked that in one of the first chapters Kaz changes clothes with Inej in the room and she ponders “Am I the only one he lets get this close?” And he says in that same chapter “my darling Inej, treasure of my heart...” I was like, I know he’s probably teasing but oh my god... we’re just going right into it. Leigh’s teasing us already. I knew then it would be torture. Moving on. Matthais killing a wolf hurt my soul and I wasn’t even aware that the wolves were THAT sacred to Fjerdans. And I guess maybe I shouldn’t have watched the show first since Matthais trying to choke Nina did not shock me.

I give up on this one paragraph per part thing already.

Something I did not expect was Jesper sort of having a crush on Kaz too. Did I just not notice that in the show or did they decide to leave that out? I guess I shouldn’t be shocked but still, reading about Jesper’s little tiny thoughts of jealousy was interesting. Inez’s thoughts of how much she hated that her heart’s arrow seemed to aim for Kaz when nothing can ever come of it hurt me. AHHH and idiot Kaz saying “I always come back for my investments” to Inej when he’s carrying her just.. this idiot. Did he ever even say “I’m sorry” at some point in the books? I can’t remember, it’s a blur of emotions. Kaz, sweetheart, you’re CARRYING Inej, you can barely stand having someone touch your sleeve and you’re CARRYING her. How could Inej even question that he cared about her more than just being another investment if he carried her to safety? How could you question it if he feels comfortable enough to undress around you? The boy’s dumb, listen to his actions not the stupid words he says.

It’s funny, while double checking how many more Grisha books remained as I walked to my bookstore a few days ago to pick up Nikolai’s books, I saw on Leigh’s website that she has another book called The Ninth House. And it said “While the books of the Grishaverse can be safely explored by readers of any age, Ninth House is darker, more graphic, and intended for adults.”

...

Ok Leigh. Tell me in what world would the scene where Kaz stabs and pulls out the eye of Oomen then throws him overboard be considered a scene that can be “safely explored by readers of any age”?? That was a lot. I wasn’t expecting that level of personal violence this early. I was just as horrified as Wylan and Matthais were when they witnessed it.

Anyway. Nina wishing for one more day of Healer training back in the Little Palace hurt. Looking back through the book just now I laughed at Nina saying to Jesper, of all people, “Do you know how to find a Grisha who doesn’t want to be found?” I have so many thoughts about Jesper that I will have to save for later. And Matthais’ “I might have loved you too.” felt like a stab to my heart. Honestly I know I said earlier that Crooked Kingdom ruined me, but I guess SoC did too and I just forgot about it all until just now because Crooked Kingdom turned it up to another level.

The friendships they all have. I almost wish they never needed to leave that boat. Nina and Inej were adorable when Nina sang for her. Jasper and Inej bonding over questioning why they still follow (and love) Kaz while also knowing neither of them ever want to stop was amazing. Throw in Kaz thinking “Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days” about Inej and it’s just a recipe for making Hope emotional.

People had told me the Nina and Matthais scenes of SaB season 1 were pulled straight from Six of Crow’s flashbacks, and they were not lying. A few differences here and there but it’s pretty accurate. I think the show’s pacing for those scenes was off though, sometimes it felt rushed and other times it felt too drawn out (especially since I had no clue how these two would fit into everything because I hadn’t read the books yet). Reading the scenes made me appreciate what they’d been through much more. And I do like how the show adapted the reason that Nina turned Matthais in as a slaver.

Slowly having Kaz and Jordie’s backstory unfold was traumatizing. I had wondered what made him so touch averse, and now I get it. What Kaz went through was terrible. I could barely read the words because it was so painful. Inej being so understanding while not knowing everything that happened, just knowing that Kaz needs her to not judge him for fainting or recoiling from touch, was beautiful.

The reveal that Jesper was a Grisha was sort of spoiled for me because 1) in the show one of the Heartrenders said “What are you? You’re a-” to him so that was a big hint. And 2) a YouTube comment I saw confirmed that that line referenced that he was Grisha. This is a trend, YouTube comments have spoiled me multiple times over the last 2 months. You’d think I’d learn, but nope, I just got spoiled for Rule of Wolves not even an hour ago because of a YouTube comment. I thought I was finally safe to watch SoC videos since I wouldn’t be spoiled. I forgot that people can discuss the other books too. Anyway, Jesper being a Fabrikator is a dream come true since that’d be my ideal Grisha power. Even though I knew it was coming, I still was sort of surprised by the way it was revealed, so I’m sure that it came as a shock to readers who avoid spoilers, unlike me.

The entire heist in the Ice Court caused me constant anxiety. How in the world could everything go so wrong in so many different ways and still work out? I felt like every single page there was some new blindside and yet the Crows (but mostly Kaz) managed to figure out a way out of it. I really didn’t think that it’d start to go wrong as early as it did with literally the first very first steps of the plan failing. Nina and Kaz searching the cells and getting caught, Inej finding out that the chimney was hot and ended up melting her shoes (I was so especially mad about the shoes being ruined). I was very surprised that Kaz was as reckless as he was to detour and find Rollins. It felt out of character, but proved how deep his hatred is if he nearly risked the entire reward just to make sure that he still has the chance to get revenge on Rollins later.

Nina and Inej pretending to be with the Menagerie was insane. Inej’s internal freak out when Heleen recognized her made me feel so scared for her, but I was 20 times more scared for Nina with Brum. Those few moments where I thought Matthais really had betrayed the Crows and sold them out to Brum made me so mad. I knew deep down it had to be a bluff to get Brum out of the way, but I was still scared it was real. God, I felt so much relief when Matthais let her out, they found Kuwei, and Kaz got them all out through the Sacred Ash.

The stealing and driving of the tank was borderline ridiculous, but I was just happy to be along for the ride. Nina using the parem though... and the pain she went through afterwards while in withdrawal. God that hurt me. I couldn’t even be remotely happy at Kaz admitting he wants Inej because I was so worried about Nina. I literally was like “Kaz shut up about your feelings, Nina’s body is literally falling apart in the other room.”

I should have seen it coming that the Van Eck deal was too good to be true, and yet I was still blindsided by the attack and the kidnapping of Inej. And then going straight into a chapter narrated by Pekka Rollins was like whiplash, but I just went with it. I didn’t really realize how strange it was to get Pekka’s POV, but I didn’t care because I saw all the remaining pages and wanted to see how they’d save Inej. Then that chapter ended and on the next page I read the words “I have a degenerative condition...” I was confused by the sudden use of first person, and realized I was at the Acknowledgements, which meant the book was done.

I looked from the last page, back to the acknowledgements, and back to the last page, then I literally said “WHAT” out loud as it hit me that the book had ended with the worst cliffhanger I think I’ve ever experienced. I legitimately tossed the book to the floor after I came to terms with the fact that book was done. I was so mad.

Onto Crooked Kingdom! Boy did I not know what I was in for. I thought I did. I knew Chapter 40 was coming but instead I got an entire book of emotional destruction.

First of all, I love maps. So I was very glad to get a detailed map of Ketterdam with streets! And actual places! I probably stared at it and studied it for 5 minutes straight before even reading the book. The more detailed a map is, the happier I am. This map made me very happy.

The biggest takeaway of the first section of Crooked Kingdom is that Inej still believes that Kaz only cares for her as an investment. Breaks my heart. But also, Kaz traumatizing a little girl in the first few chapters makes you wonder if he even deserves Inej (he does, but wow is he ruthless. He didn’t kill the kid at least I guess). 

Colm. I have thoughts about Colm. He’s such a loving father. I will say more later when it’s more relevant. I loved that the rest of the Crows came to Jesper’s defense to create a lie for his dad, and that Colm adopted all of the kids. I can’t even read the word Colm without wanting to sob so I’ll stop with him for now.

I don’t know how I feel about us, as the readers, being left out of pieces of the plan. I’m not sure if this is something I love or hate about the way that Leigh writes the Crows novels. It’s fun for plot twists and usually does make sense when it’s from the POV of a character that Kaz purposefully leaves out of part of a plan, but that doesn’t always end up being the case. The Alys kidnapping was a complete blindside to me. Matthais sharing the chocolates he bought for Nina with Alys was sweet though, that he wants Nina to eat again so much that he’s ok with it just being sweets. I feel so bad that Nina can’t even eat that.

The Goedmedbridge plan with all the fake Mister Crimsons was an actual stroke of genius, if only the Shu didn’t come out of nowhere. Once again, everything going wrong yet the Crows finding their way out of it somehow. While Six of Crows felt like everything was going to plan until it wasn’t and then they were able to get back on track in a different way, Crooked Kingdom felt like constant blockages and blindsides and conflicts that came out of nowhere. The story and the plan and the plot changed so many times that it felt like I was on a roller coaster getting whiplash.

I’m scanning Part 3 and honestly, this feels like it all happened 5 minutes ago not like it was in the first half of the book. But oh my god, the line after Kaz and Inej stakeout the Van Eck house. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together – knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.” Inej, my girl, how in the world do you think this boy doesn’t care about you? Oh my god... oh my god... I’d die if someone said something like that to me. Kaz, sweetheart, love, sometimes you say the stupidest things, but then other times you say the most violently romantic things I’ve ever heard.

And then Matthais saying Nina looked “Enchanting” in the Fjerdan clothing? This was just chapter after chapter of me squealing. And honestly, once again, meeting Zoya in the tavern feels like it happened in Part 5 not Part 3. I read this book so quickly that I really can’t remember the order of events until now that I’m scanning it.

I’m really glad that we got more of Wylan’s backstory and got to meet his mom. I wish he could have been better prepared for that, but there was no way. Hearing about Matthais’ wolf Trassel was the perfect thing to start breaking my heart. I said this last time with Hershaw and Oncat, I’m more sad when a pet is left behind by their dead/missing owner than when the pet themselves die. I nearly sobbed when Matthais thought about how Trassel must have been abandoned by the other Druseklle when he disappeared. 

Matthais, Jesper, and Kuwei half-theorizing an antidote for parem was amazing. Also I love that Matthais is the one who kind of guesses that Jesper’s restlessness is the effect from him not using his power regularly. Matthais, you really had a knack for understanding the Grisha.

Ok. Here we go. Jesper’s backstory. When I found out that Jesper was half Kaelish and half Zemeni, I was beyond overjoyed. I am half Black half Irish, with the same parentage as Jesper, so that representation made me happy. I didn’t expect to shed tears though when we finally got his backstory and to get to know his parents a little. The love that his mom and dad had for each other was absolutely beautiful. The fact that Aditi died while trying to save a little girl hurt me so much. Jesper wondered if he had been older and more trained would he have saved her, but honestly, he probably would have just put the poison in himself and died instead. Colm saying “She was a queen, Jes. She was our queen” tore out my heart. The way that Jesper and Colm had to look after each other after that. Jesper trying to cook and burning the food but Colm still eating every bit. Them just having to try to be ok after losing her, and Jesper knowing he wasn’t meant for this life on the farm. All of it continued to tear my heart straight out of my chest and stomp on it.

Guys I’m legitimately tearing up all over again. I had to fight to not be a mess reading it the first time and I still shed some tears over it. This is why I can’t even type Colm’s name without letting out a sob. He loves his son and his wife so much. He always wanted what was best and was constantly worried for them because they’re Grisha. They’re Zowa. I couldn’t handle Jesper’s backstory. And every single interaction Colm and Jesper had after I read what they went through, I’d let out a sob or even shed a tear. I loved their relationship and the love they have for each other so much.

Everything going wrong in a billion different ways at once honestly made me go “Come on not AGAIN.” Dunyasha coming out of nowhere, Pekka Rollins sabotaging Kaz, the other Lions ambushing the Black Veil. It was honestly a miracle that they all got out of it. I was especially, ESPECIALLY, proud of Matthais coaching Kuwei and Jesper on how to use their powers to get them out of the situation. This boy went from killing Grisha, to helping lead them. This character development is amazing. And he’s still internally fighting the part of him that says “Unnatural” and is making the choice to ignore the hate that was trained into him. I love him.

Nina’s zombies though. At first I was like “Oh haha she can control bones, that’s fun” when she blew up the tavern windows, but that turned morbid, literally morbid, very quickly. Animating corpses. I mean. It’s a great power to have honestly. Disgusting and horrifying, but very useful. 

“What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?” “Who the hell is Jordie?” When I say I gasped and my jaw dropped at that part... Literally, I couldn’t move past that line for at least 30 seconds. I just stared at the page and reread those two lines over and over again because I could not believe Kaz really slipped up like that. But also, oh my god, the implications of how much Kaz cares about Jesper if he’s mixing him up subconsciously with his brother, the brother who literally is the reason he has fought to become the feared gang leader he is and to bring down Rollins. He called Jesper Jordie. I still cannot believe it. And the way Kaz’s face looked frightened... I’m so excited to see this scene in the TV show.

Ok, home stretch.

Jesper and Colm finally clearing the air was yet another scene that made me shed tears over these two. The way that we found out that Colm didn’t want Jesper to go to be trained but gave him the choice anyway, and that Jesper didn’t go because he didn’t want to leave his father behind. God, my heart would have just broken if he’d left Colm behind. Oh no I’m going to start crying again. “His heart hurt. His head hurt. Guilt and love and resentment were all tangled up inside him, and every time he tried to unravel the knot in his gut, it got worse.” I felt that. I hate that after all of that, the conversation didn’t even get to get to end on good terms. Colm still doesn’t want him to use his power because of what happened to his mother, and Jasper says “I’m dying anyway, Da. I’m just doing it slow.” and it absolutely destroyed me. It’s like they put my heart back in my chest, only to rip it out again and shred it this time.

And then of course that led to Jesper kissing Kuwei instead of Wylan, which brings up some messy dubious consent stuff. I thought it was a little out of nowhere, but then I remembered the Kuwei did complain earlier “Why do you keep looking at him? I look just like him. You can look at me.” At that time, that complaint seemed strange, but it made sense when this kiss happened that Kuwei liked Jesper too.

But who even cares about Jesper and Wylan and Kuwei having some sort of love triangle, when the bathroom scene is coming up for Inej and Kaz. I don’t mean to push Jesper and Wylan’s relationship woes to the side, but oh my god. I swear, I was holding my breath while reading this bathroom scene. I felt like I was personally interrupting their moment every second that I was reading it, but also I needed to keep reading to see what would happen. Every touch was as nerve-wracking for me as it was for Kaz (ok maybe not, but still). And after all of that, after Kaz tells her the horrible things he did to the people who were in on Rollins’ plot that killed Jordie, she still sees the good in him. I cannot handle these two. Oh my god. These two are on a completely different level of pining. “If you ever cared about me at all, don’t follow.” Poor Inej, having to go from that intimate moment to watching Kaz be beaten and somehow win a fight with 20 people.

Sturmhond showing up made my life. The moment I read the words “fox-faced man” my whole body perked up. I was like “Hope. Don’t get too excited. Yes it’s probably him, but don’t get excited.” but when Kaz recognized him I actually squealed at the confirmation. Nikolai owns my heart. And so does Jesper now. So the little bit of dialogue those two shared made me actually kick my feet with joy. “Take me with you.” Honestly, these two together for a period of time longer than 1 minute would probably make the world explode. But oh, what I’d give for a Jesper and Nikolai buddy comedy...

When Leigh let us believe that everything was going wrong in the plan (Wylan telling Van Eck everything, the fake Council of Tides crashing the auction, Inez saying Kuwei has to die) only for us to find out that it was all really a part of the plan was just plain cruel. I was so upset. I guess it’s fitting, after all the things that really went wrong for them, they had to take a little bit more. But this is one of the few times that we the reader are completely left out of the plan, and it’s not just because we’re following the POV of someone who was left out of whatever specific part of the plan didn’t involve them. This time all the characters knew, but Leigh didn’t tell the reader. 

The way that Van Eck’s story and lies all just fell apart bit by bit was beautiful, though. Masterful. Kaz pretending to take Rollins’ son was almost cruel, but he was lying, so it’s ok. I was going to be horrified if he really did it though, but I was also thinking “When would he have had time to do all that anyway?”

Chapter 38. I had been spoiled before even starting the books that Matthais would die. And I had seen a YouTube comment that said “I can’t wait to see Nina and Matthais’ actors do Chapter 40.” I assumed his death happens in Chapter 40. So when I started Chapter 38, I assumed this would be the last time I’d read a chapter in Matthais’ POV. I was wrong of course.

But Matthais’ death gave me nearly the same feelings that Owen Harper’s first death in Torchwood did. It came out of nowhere, right when you think everything is solved and all that’s left to do is go home. Our beloved character talks calmly to the person with the gun, relates to them, tells them they’re more reasonable than to shoot, and then gets shot point blank anyway out of nowhere. “You don’t want to hurt me. I know. I was like you once.” is what Matthais said. “We’re both rational men, scientists. I know you don’t want to shoot her.” is what Owen said as he protected Martha. The main difference is that I wasn’t spoiled for Owen’s death, so it really blindsided me, but he also got revived shortly after. I was spoiled for Matthais’ death right down to the chapter it happens in, but his death was finite. 

And then I think we’re about to lose Kuwei, but Zoya’s able to save him. Matthais shows up, gives us a little hope that he might be ok (but I knew he wouldn’t), and dies in Nina’s arms. Nina attempting to resurrect him ALSO gave me Owen vibes, right down to the black eyes, but that resurrection didn’t stick. God. If I had known Matthais’ death would be so similar to Owen’s... no, I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t tell if I’d have been better off knowing how much it would remind me of Owen ahead of time. Maybe it’s better I didn’t know of the similarities since that made the death worse, despite me knowing it was coming.

Chapter 40 still being in Matthais’ POV, right when I had come to terms ahead of time that Chapter 38 would be the last time I read his narration, came as a real shock. He’s with the wolves in heaven. Ahhhhh. Help. The friends not even knowing how he died makes it even worse.

“We were all supposed to make it.” That’s when I started to let tears fall. I’d really been fighting it. I was like “Hope. You knew this was coming when you started this series. You are fine. You’re fine.” and then Wylan says that and I’m like “I’m not remotely fine.” And Colm telling them to say their goodbyes, and Colm being himself and making me cry with every other line he said anyway, just made more tears fall as they walked up and said goodbye.

I’m glad Nina got Matthais’ share of the money. It breaks my heart that she now has to go and bury him. I’m excited to see what she does in King of Scars or Rule of Wolves (or both, I know she’s in at least one of them) since she’ll hopefully keep up Matthais’ dream of helping the Fjerdans accept Grisha. I was beyond proud of Jesper to be like “I shouldn’t hold that much money right now” and Kaz saying “That’s the right move, Jes” in approval. And of course, Colm and Jesper saying goodbye did nothing but make me cry MORE.

And here we go. The chapter that made me actually cry. Before this, it was just shedding tears and choking a sob or two. Inej’s final chapter made me actually sob and cry so hard that I could barely read the pages through the tears. Kaz really bought her a boat and named it after her. “I don’t know what to say.” “Say you’ll return.” just tear my heart out please.

But what really got the waterworks going was Kaz having Nikolai find Inej’s parents for her. God. The last time a book made me happy cry was The Color Purple, and it was a similar situation. Celie’s sister Nettie returns to her, and I had to fight not to cry when I finished that book while on the train. When I saw the musical version on broadway a few months later, I sobbed so hard with happiness that I cried through the finale, through the curtain call, and kept crying as I walked up the aisle and out the theater. I couldn’t handle how happy I was.

Inej being reuinited with her parents was Celie and Nettie all over again. Now that is some HIGH praise. The Color Purple is one of my favorite books. I cannot give any higher praise to Crooked Kingdom than to compare Inej’s reunion to Celie’s. 

And Kaz being a little concerned that he’d overstepped by doing it, then Inej insisting he come to meet them too was adorable. “Is my tie straight?” And her mom’s shock at finally seeing her daughter again, oh my god. I read this in bed last night at 3am. When that chapter finished, I put the book on my chest and just lied there and sobbed for a full minute. I couldn’t stop right away like I managed to do for the other cries. This cry had to come out and it had to take at least a little bit of time to run its course.

Of course, I’m glad that Inej got to ensure that Rollins never returns to Ketterdam, and I get that having Pekka have the last chapter is a parallel to Six of Crows, but I almost wish the book had just ended when Inej found her family.

I am at 4600 words and still not done, but it’s 2am so I’ll add more thoughts tomorrow evening.

...

That was all from late June. Fast forward almost a month, I’m finally adding to this post.

Something I was worried about when I first started reading Six of Crows was that there was colorism when casting Jesper. Reading that he was described as dark skinned and then looking at Kit Young, I felt a little bit... iffy about it. Because I know, as a mixed person, we get a lot of privilege in Hollywood and are often the only Black people in tv-shows and movies. We benefit from colorism, especially when it comes to mixed women, since light to medium skinned Black actors are often cast instead of dark skinned actors. I spent most of Six of Crows worried that they’d taken the Zemeni character of Jesper, who also happens to be the only Black character, and casted him with a mixed actor. I could tell while reading the book that Kit had played Jesper perfectly, which made me feel a little better, but I still had a bit of discomfort. I was worried it was Rue in the Hunger Games all over again.

However, once it’s hinted that Jesper’s father has some Kaelish heritage, and then we later meet Colm and he’s fully Kaelish with light skin and red hair, I felt much better. I actually felt overjoyed because Jesper was mixed exactly like me. I was relieved that casting Jesper with a mixed actor was not colorism, but a requirement for his character in order to be accurate. I was so relieved and also now I fiercely clung to Jesper as another example of representation for me. On that note, maybe they could have casted him with a darker skinned mixed actor, someone like Alfred Enoch for example, just to give dark skinned mixed people some more representation since Jesper is described as dark and Kit’s skintone is medium. But then again, Kit was definitely the perfect choice since he completely captured Jesper’s character and he said he really identified with Jesper’s mixed heritage being like his own. Basically, I’m very happy that Jesper is a mixed character played by a mixed race actor, and not another example of pure colorism in Hollywood (though that’s still a major issue). I really can’t even complain. I love Jesper and I love Kit’s portrayal.

Honestly, the casting in general for the show was really perfect. I might be biased since I saw the show first, but reading the book I was shocked at how perfectly cast they all were.

I am concerned though about Wylan. He is going to be very hard to cast. Or more accurately, Kuwei’s actor will be tough to cast and will have a very difficult job portraying 2 characters at once. And then I guess whoever gets cast as normal Wylan will have to just deal with barely appearing in Crooked Kingdom. Also, as for Wylan changing race to be disguised as Kuwei... I had some mixed feelings about it at first. I really was like “Leigh... what are you doing with this... be careful...” But then Wylan’s narrative showed him being unsure how to navigate the world looking like he’s Shu, having people come up to him speaking a language he doesn’t speak, and being treated differently because he looks foreign to them, especially since the Shu who were in Ketterdam didn’t have the best intentions. I appreciated that. I like that it opened Wylan’s eyes a bit more because he’d been so sheltered his whole life. Even after living in the Barrel and joining the Crows, there were still things he needed to be exposed to, like racism. So I’m glad the story went in that direction with his tailored face. I’m honestly more excited to see who is cast as Kuwei than who is cast as Wylan because Kuwei’s actor is going to have the more interesting performance. 

I REALLY enjoyed the Six of Crows duology. I sped through the two books in about 3 weeks (I think I read Crooked Kingdom in probably only a week). Honestly, I’m not speeding through King of Scars that same way. It’s a combination of my work life being very chaotic for the last few weeks, and me being so devastated that Nikolai’s back to having the shadow monster that I almost don’t want to read on. I was beyond devastated when that happened in Ruin and Rising, I thought he’d never be ok again, then I was relieved when it went away. Now that it’s back... I’m just incredibly sad every second that I read this book. I’m nearly halfway through the book though, after the same amount of time it took me to read both Crows books, so we’ll see where it goes.

But I could not put the Crows books down while I read them if you paid me. Literally. I read during every single lunch break at work and was probably a few minutes late coming back because I’d want to finish the page. I stayed up late reading and reading and reading the books. I read on the ferry, I read in the car, I read during times that I’d usually spend watching TV shows or movies. These books were amazing. They destroyed me emotionally, in both happy and sad ways. I can’t get over them. I can’t wait to see them brought to life in the show.

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #shadow and bone #help this post is literally 5800 words i couldn't stop writing #posting now before it sits in my drafts for another 3 weeks

[draggingthedregs]

as i said earlier, it is an ungodly length but i hope you can enjoy my late night, book-drunk opinions anyway!

***

guess who just finished “ruin and rising”?

i’m seriously not okay. someone send help. i got lots of thoughts, none of which you are obligated to read but this seems like the best place to share.

oh and spoilers, duh.

for starters. woah.

i can’t say it was what i expected but i had known that what my heart really wanted was kinda far out of reach. the ending felt real and feasible, complete with love and loss.

in terms of “ruin and rising” alone, i think it was possibly the strongest of the three books. the pacing was good, nothing felt like it dragged on too long or went too fast for its own good. i think that was really important as well, considering the fact that there was always something going on. literally,, always. no one ever got a damn break.

mal’s “death” hurt me more then i had expected. which honestly leads back to one of my main gripes with this story. the love square (which i elaborate on later in this post, just hold on a bit). i’m not going to lie. i hated mal. through the middle of “siege and storm” up to page 168 of “ruin and rising” (and even then it was a long road from hate to crying over him). he was an ass, i think we can all admit that. for awhile there, i even jumped on the “fuck mal” train and had no plans to stop at any station anytime soon. for the longest time, the relationship with alina felt so fragile and forced, like the only reason it existed was because leigh had written it into existence. though, as i read on, i saw why it was so strained and saw the eventual resolution, which i will admit i was happy with. mal and alina, however annoying and troupe filled their personalities were, did develop as characters. and their relationship made some semblance of sense in the grand scheme of things. does that mean i forgive the “on-again-off-again”, “cold-shoulder”, “we-cant-be-together-in-this-lifetime” bullshit? no. does that mean i suddenly love mal? also, no. does that mean i ship them? ugh slightly. does that mean in a magical dream world where i got to chose what happened, they’d still end up together? impossible to say. BUT i can say, that they deserved each other. and i am happy that they got their peace together like they both always wanted (no matter how out of place it felt at any point), especially considering the fact that she literally had to kill him.

my dear dear darkling... i knew what fate awaited you and yet, when the time came... it hurt just the same.

okay,, that was a bit dramatic. but come on. leigh wrote a damn good villain with aleksander morozova. i meAN, thE lAYERS. he was a horrible person and yet, so many of us still love him. he killed for fun, manipulated no matter the cost, preyed upon the weak because he could, literally blinded his own mother and still! i can’t help but love him. there was so much human woven into his darkness. the moments of simple longing, of exhaustion, of loneliness. in all honesty, if there had been a way to humanize him, to erase or explain away his atrocities and have him just be aleksander again, i feel like i would do it. but, in the context of the story i do understand why it wasn’t possible. redemption for the darkling was off the table, no matter how much humanity still remained. but that’s what makes him such a good character. you want him to be different because you can see the good and all the potential for things to change, for them to rule ravka side by side, but at the same time, he’s the same man who is still actively creating more shadow demon creatures to eat whoever he wishes. you can’t resist him and that’s why he’s so wonderful, yet horrifying at the exact same time. (though don’t worry i am still a trash can and the darklina ship is still superior in the love square. again, i promise i will get there).

i feel like i have to talk about how much i loved the “secondary characters” (i struggle to call them that because they actually run this shit). i will say, at first, i hated zoya. i am not a big fan of the “mean girl” troupe or the “i’m-prettier-than-you-and-i-know-it” thing but... she really grew on me. i looked forward to zoyas comments and constant bitchiness, as did the characters in the books. and when she left the note and the blue kefta with alina in the epilogue,, oh god my heart. and the ragtag crew of grisha making up the remainder of the second army were amazing. their banter and dialogue were some of my favorite scenes to read in “ruin and rising” and i want books just filled with them and only them. david and genya deserve the damn world, adrik was so great, nadia and tamar are so precious, and i will miss harshaw’s weird ass more then you’ll ever know. don’t even get me started on misha and oncat. they are the true stars of this series, you cannot convince me otherwise. god i love them all so much, what a brilliant cast of characters. except the apparat. fuck the stupid ass apparat.

i know what you’re thinking. “you forgot nikolai.” no. i promise you, i most certainly did not. i just love him so much he gets his own chunk.

i mean, how could he not? he’s one of those rare, genuinely perfect characters that are impossible to not love. and i don’t mean perfect because he has no flaws or he’s written unnaturally, i mean perfect because of all of his flaws. he is arrogant and calculating, brash and unapologetic in his ways, but he’s also kind and caring, witty and charming and way too clever for his own good. i rooted for him more then i have ever rooted for someone in my entire life. he made everything ten times better. you can always count on his ass to pop up in a flying ship with a shiny pair of boots, a witty remark, a new plan, and too many ideas.

now, the important business... the ominous love square.

i think the words i used were “one of my main gripes with the story” which is true, but i think leads to a bigger issue with some of the characterization in the story. the “love square” was a term i thought of in relation to the many overlapping and confusing ships that center around alina (obviously being mal, the darkling, and nikolai). all of the ships were so entertwined and written over top of one another that there was no other way for me to describe it and the square seemed like a nice enough analogy. it just felt like way too much on everybody’s plates.

i love nikolai and alinas friendship. i mean, LOVED it. because i loved it so much, i found the little nods to a ship odd and unnecessary. their story line was very focused on the fact that ravka would need a king and queen, hence the scene where he gives her the emerald and all but proposes right then and there. however, that scene would have made scene and carried the same weight had there not been the splashes of romance both before and after. now, i understand why people ship them. and honestly, if under different circumstances, i probably could’ve and would’ve shipped them myself. they would have had one of the best marriages in a society where you didn’t get to marry for love. but it just made everything more complicated. people would’ve speculated on a ship had there been no kisses or pining, soley based on the possibility of a marriage and because of their close friendship so, why was the canon addition of it necessary? i just couldn’t get behind it when i loved their platonic relationship so much and when there were two stronger and more developed ships, waging war in the background.

now, my final bone to be picked... let’s be real for a second, alina in “shadow and bone” sucked. she was annoying and had no personality beyond being a sad, lonely, orphan in the darklings sparkly new grisha world. though i will say, in the later two books, i grew to like her. her character development did its job and i actually think she grew to be a pretty good protagonist. she did her best with the cards she was dealt and i think she did really well. however, her inability to pick a boy constantly bothered me. after being in love with her best friend for literal years, she is really ready to be be the first lady of the second army. and yes. sure you could justify it. she wasn’t getting letters in return, she’d been away for months, she was adapting to her new life, the darkling made her feel seen and wanted which is all a very new feeling to her. but then she goes right back to mal after he makes a confession that he didn’t realize he loved or needed her until she was gone for months (this was one of my biggest problems with mal. my problem only grew when he spent the entirety of “siege and storm” being a dick. but like i said,, we have reconcilied. we are fine now). there were times throughout the series where i genuinely didn’t understand why they were together, why i liked them together, or why i even wanted them to end the series together. alina even asks mal at the end of “ruin and rising” if there entire relationship was based solely on the fact that mal was the last amplifier and the fact that she even had to ask really says something. was their entire romance because of the amplifier? was it because of the “we-are-just-meant-to-be-together” thing? or was there actual chemistry? i really couldn’t tell sometimes. and the darklina ship was even more twisty and winding. he went from telling her deep dark secrets because he wanted to hear the girl he loved say his name to literally threatening everyone she loves because he wants her weak and all to himself. like,, whAt? (again,, layers) and don’t even get me started on the darkling and alina apparition interactions. those were a wild fucking ride. i felt like i was getting manipulated along with the both of them in those. but maybe that was the point of the darkling and alinas relationship. it was supposed to be so horrible yet so electric that you couldn’t pull away. but i doubt the same was meant to be said for mal and alina.

now i feel like i may be coming off in the wrong way. i loved more about this series then i didn’t. but me gushing about every fine detail and conversation that made my heart melt wouldn’t make for the most interesting read, if it was even coherent. all in all, i think it’s safe to say the grisha trilogy is great. does that mean it doesn’t have flaws? of course not. does that mean the flaws outweigh the good and the actual point of the story? absolutely not. my small complaints about a few things really do not take always from the fact that i love this series. i would love anything written by leigh bardugo, especially in the grishaverse.

if you’ve made it this far, that’s commitment. thank you brave soldier. don’t take anything i’ve said with anything more than a grain of salt. seriously. if this is your favorite series, don’t let my lil complaints ruin your day. because really, the good outweighs the bad here tenfold. i’m just a girl with a lot of opinions and a platform to share them at four am... it’s a dangerous game.

but, goodbye grisha trilogy. you have served me well and i will return to reread you soon. but for now i will do a lot of writing (i already have so many fic ideas brewing) and read all the fan fiction and tumblr posts i’ve been avoiding for fear of spoilers.

#grisha trilogy #grishaverse #shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #leigh bardugo #grisha #sankta alina #alina starkov #aleksander morozova #the darkling #malyen oretsev #nikolai lantsov #genya safin #zoya nazyalensky #baghra morozova #grisha netflix #mal x alina #alina x darkling #darkling #alina x aleksander #darklina

[master-sass-blast]

Price Well Worth Paying.

THIS IS IT, FOLKS!!! IT’S WEDDING TIME!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!

Summary: Before he can marry you, Piotr must undergo a vykup nevesty to prove his worthiness. Will he be up to the task?

(The answer is yes.)

Rating: G for MAXIMUM FLUFF!!!

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader.

Set after “Of House and Home.”

This fic was inspired by @nebulous-leo‘s own Piotr x Reader vykup nevesty fic, “Ransom”!!! Y’all should absolutely check it out, in addition to her blog @leo-writer where she posts all her OC related content (which is absolutely delightful and wonderful and is the best thing on earth) and her Ao3 account, where she posts all the major works for said OC content; she currently has several works for Kurt from the Ant-Man movies and her OC, Jenna, on there; I can’t recommend reading them enough!!!

(Also, many thanks to @leo-writer for proofing this fic to make sure it wasn’t too matchy-matchy to her own fic!)

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @nebulous-leo

Piotr doesn’t often find himself nervous.

Some might doubt it, but it’s true. As rigid as he seems –and, admittedly, is—about some things, he seldom gets nervous. Frustrated, maybe, or tense, perhaps, but rarely downright, outright nervous.

He supposes, though, that the sensation coursing through him right now isn’t nervousness, precisely. Giddiness would be a better way to describe the butterflies thrumming in his stomach, how he has to keep himself from smiling nonstop so his cheeks don’t start hurting, and the way delighted, slightly nervous giggles keep bubbling up in his throat.

He’s getting married. Today. He’s getting married to you today, after so many obstacles and setbacks and arguments and makeups and planning and scheduling—

It’s here. It’s time.

Save for one last thing, which Piotr had wanted and then his family had borderline insisted –as much as they insisted on things—on doing: a vykup nevesty.

A vykup nevesty, as Piotr’s father had described it to him when he was very young, was for the family’s entertainment at its core. The groom would provide a payment for the bride –money or jewelry were traditional—and then the family would bring out a different man or a woman dressed as the bride to try and trick the groom. Once the groom realized that the person in question wasn’t his beloved, he would ask for his bride again and provide a higher payment for his spouse-to-be before he was finally bequeathed his bride, thus allowing the ceremony to start. Over time, the process had expanded to include various riddles, dares, and other shenanigans in the ransom process, and generally amounted to a great deal of fun.

He knows you helped write questions and answers for a “trivia” portion of the vykup nevesty. He also knows that he’ll have to deal with Mikhail’s dramatics –which normally would be nothing short of headache inducing, but between his elation over the fact that it’s his wedding day and the generous wad of cash tucked in his pocket, Piotr’s feeling borderline unstoppable.

He gives himself one final glance over in the mirror –he’d spent the night at the house your two’s friends and family had chipped in on—to make sure that his suit and tie are in good order –Nikolai had ushered everyone out at his son’s request so he could have a moment to himself just to think and process—before heading downstairs and out the front door—

And nearly walks smack into Mikhail and Ellie.

“Good morning, baby brother!” Mikhail chirps in Russian, grinning broadly. “Are you ready for the challenge of a lifetime?”

“I grew up with you; I doubt this will be worse than that,” Piotr fires back, feeling a twinge of misgiving at the slight grimace that creases his older brother’s face. Switching to English, he says, “I take it you two are here for vykup nevesty.”

“Yep,” Ellie confirms, popping the ‘p.’ “There’s gonna be three stages to this. You ready?”

He rolls his shoulders, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. “I am ready.”

“Excellent. Before we get started—” Mikhail produces an empty plastic coffee grounds container –which, upon closer inspection, has a label taped to it that says ‘motorcycle repair fund’—and wiggles it expectantly. “A little donation, if you please.”

Piotr refrains from rolling his eyes as he extracts his wallet from his inner jacket pocket, then drops about forty dollars in the container.

“Alright, first question,” Ellie says, casting a glance at her phone screen before looking back up at her mentor. “What is the most commonly recurring, non-serious argument in your relationship?”

Piotr blinks, borderline shocked. “What?”

“What do you guys play-argue about the most?”

“I understood that, just… she put that down as question?”

“She told you she was making these hard, right?”

“She did, she did,” Piotr says, grinning to himself as he rubs thoughtfully at his chin. “I just thought there might be progression of difficulty.”

“Eh, they’re all about this difficult.”

“Bozhe moi.” He quirks his mouth to the side as he thinks; you’re particularly cantankerous on your best of days –some might even say your best days, period—and while he’s learned to just go with some of it, there’s also so much the two of you playfully banter about…

“Tick, tick, tick, tick,” Mikhail says after about half a minute of silence, grinning like the cat that got the canary.

Piotr casts a dull glare at him. “Quiet. I am thinking.”

“Time is off the essence, baby brother! You would not want some dashing rogue to swoop in and sweep your bride away, no?”

Piotr ignores his brother’s dramatics –though he does roll his eyes—and gets down to thinking. Okay. Play fight means it is not serious enough to cause problems, but still something we are different on… “Food,” he says finally. “We argue about what foods should be eaten and not.”

“Correct,” Ellie says, scrolling further down on her phone. “Okay, next question—”

“Least favorite bad habit,” Mikhail says, reading over Ellie’s shoulder.

“Which bad habit of yours is Y/N’s least favorite,” Ellie clarifies.

Piotr snorts and shakes his head. “O, chudesno. Ah…” His voice trails off as his mind works, running through a mental list of various possible habits of his that probably drive you up a wall.

‘Being controlling’ hits him first, but something feels off about it; while, in all likelihood, it’s the most accurate, he doesn’t think you’d pull out something that had been a contributor to so many bad fights the two of you have had on such a special day –or wave that in front of Mikhail’s nose as possible teasing material, either.

‘Rules happy’ also fits that category, along with ‘too serious’…

Habit, Piotr, he tells himself when Mikhail starts mimicking a clock again. Not character flaw. Habit. Think smaller. “Workaholic. Or having to put everything away between tasks.”

“You have to pick one,” Ellie says while Mikhail starts ‘tick-tock-ing” louder.

Piotr mulls it over, then eliminates ‘workaholic’ since it fits closer to a character flaw –for him, at least—than it does a bad habit. “Having to put everything away between tasks.”

“Correct,” Ellie says. “Next question: mutual favorite nighttime activity.”

Mikhail lets out a raucous whistle and waggles his eyebrows at Piotr. “Damn, baby brother, are you into nasty shit I didn’t even know about? What, do you—”

“I do speak Russian; please stop,” Ellie says, completely monotone, while staring at her phone screen.

Mikhail cuts himself off with a grimace and a muttered “sorry.”

Piotr lets out a heavy sigh and rubs at his eyes; he suspects you slid that question in there just for that kind of reaction.

He’ll just have to pay you back for it later.

The thought makes him smile a little, but he quickly pushes it down and gets to thinking before Mikhail can start making clock noise again –or, worse, ask why he’s smiling. Mutual favorite nighttime activity…

Sex is an entirely feasible answer. Plausible, even. The two of you both enjoy sex, and he doesn’t doubt for a moment that you’d put that answer in there just to embarrass him a little…

Except it seems just a hair off. While you’d definitely take the opportunity to rib him a little, he knows you wouldn’t put Ellie in such an awkward position –or whoever else wound up reading the questions out.

“Snuggling,” he decides, which gets an annoyed groan from Mikhail. “Each night, we try to take time to just snuggle and talk about our days.”

“Correct.”

Mikhail rolls his eyes. “That is stupidly vanilla.”

“No one asked you,” Piotr mutters, letting some of his annoyance show through.

“Next question,” Ellie interjects before an argument can break out between the two brothers. “What is Y/N’s biggest pet peeve?”

“Scott Summers,” Piotr fires off automatically.

Ellie snorts and claps a hand over her mouth. “Okay, that’s technically wrong, but I’m counting it because she’ll like that you answered that.”

“I think I am missing something,” Mikhail says, glancing between Piotr and Ellie.

“He’s a douche and Y/N doesn’t like him,” Ellie supplies quickly. “Also I’m pretty sure he’s cheating on his girlfriend.”

“No!”

“Yeah. And she’s a telepath.”

Mikhail smirks. “So, he is idiot, too.”

“Basically.”

“Be nice, NTW,” Piotr admonishes his trainee, even though the corner of his mouth is turning up in a smile. “What did Y/N have for original answer?”

“Slow walkers,” Ellie says—

Which makes him snort because of course.

“Alright, last question: who is Y/N closest to in her family?”

A contemplative frown tugs at his lips as he flips through his mental rolodex of who you consider family.

Wade and Nate immediately spring to the top of the list. You connected with Wade first, but you view Nate as a father –and, granted, you’re close to Russell and Ellie and Yukio and Neena and countless other members of the Institute, but Wade and Nate are definitely closest to you. They know more of your darkest secrets, at least.

He mentally derails when he remembers your uncle and factors him in, and then it becomes a game of mental shuffles as he switches from Wade to Nate to your uncle and then back through again, over and over, until Ellie starts pointedly looking at the time display on her phone and Mikhail starts acting like he’s falling asleep on his feet. “Nate. She’s closest to Nate.”

“Wrong answer,” Ellie says. “You have to pay up for that one.”

Piotr frowns while he fishes a few bills out of his wallet and drops them in Mikhail’s plastic container. “What was right answer?”

“You. She said she’s closest to you.”

He blinks –and then smiles, because of course the two of you are family. You’ve been family to each other for a long time, and after today you’ll legally be family as husband and wife.

“Alright,” Ellie says. “That’s it for round one. Ready for round two?”

“Absolutely,” Piotr says, completely confident. He’s never been more ready for anything in his life.

***

 They take the path that connects your two’s new home to the rest of Xavier’s property and stroll across the back lawn to where everything’s been set up –well, Piotr and Ellie stroll. Mikhail insists on teleporting himself every few feet because “walking is for fools.”

Once the chairs and the guests and the wedding party and all the decorations come into view, Piotr’s pulse skyrockets and his splits into a massive grin. Seeing everything and everyone there, even though the rehearsal had been last night and he’d helped set everything up, makes it all more real.

And then he sees a woman in a white dress and veil standing adjacent to Charles at the altar, and it takes all his willpower not to sprint the remaining distance between him and the ceremony site.

Mikhail stops him before they reach the little tent where Charles and the wedding party and the woman in white are set up and waggles the “motorcycle repair fund” jar in his face once more. “I’m afraid there’s a toll to pay before you can enter, baby brother.”

Piotr shells out a few more twenty dollar bills –then mouths a silent “thank you” over Mikhail’s head when their mother prevents the eldest Rasputin from asking for more via making a stern, mildly disapproving noise in the back of her throat.

“Alright!” Mikhail says, gesturing grandly towards the altar. “Toll has been paid! Piotr, you may have your bride!”

He steps under the cover of the tent –and has to stop to remind himself that this is likely a trick, if the rules of the vykup nevesty are anything to go by.

Correction: it’s definitely a trick. First, the height and size of the woman are all wrong. Second, she’s clearly wearing a purple colored dress underneath the white dress –which, on closer inspection, isn’t a wedding dress but some white bedsheets sewn together. Third, the “veil” over her face is a deconstructed pillowcase with lace hot-glued to the edge. Fourth, the “bride” is laughing, as are several members of the wedding party and the crowd of guests.

“This is not Y/N,” Piotr says, turning back to face Mikhail and Ellie.

“What? How can you not recognize your own beloved!” Mikhail exclaims –overly dramatic, which further reinforces that the woman standing in front of him is not his bride. “Have you been drinking, Piotr? Are you drunk?”

“This is not Y/N,” Piotr repeats as a few more chuckles go up in the crowd. He quickly scans the guests and wedding party, and manages to deduce who’s under the veil based on who’s missing and the relative height and size of the white-clad woman. “Kitty, thank you very much for coming, but I would like to marry Y/N today.”

“Damn!” Kitty laughs and whips off her “veil,” tossing aside while everyone else chuckles and claps. “That was fast!”

Piotr shrugs. “Not hard to tell when you are missing from crowd.”

“Touché.” Kitty phases out from under her makeshift white dress, then smooths out the purple cocktail dress she’d worn underneath before offering Piotr a fist bump. “Congratulations, dude.”

He fist bumps her back, corner of his mouth turning up in a smile—

Then is immediately accosted by Wade as Kitty goes to sit down in the crowd.

“Alright, Google Chrome’s Russian Cousin, how’re you feeling?” Wade asks, microphone in hand –who thought that was good idea?—and clad in a dress that matches the bridesmaids but has been tailored for a man’s body and genuinely looks flattering on him. “Ready for the last part of your however you say it?”

“Very ready,” Piotr says enthusiastically. “I have been ready for long time.”

“Aw, that’s so adorable. Unfortunately, before we can start the final phase, I think your broski over there needs some more dough for his repair fund.”

Piotr shells out the last of the money he’d set aside for the vykup nevesty –it’s not like he’ll be needing it for later, at this point—and drops into Mikhail’s container, then turns back to Wade. “Alright, what is last phase?”

“Well, as the older brother in every way but biological to your future wifey,” Wade says with theatrical seriousness. “I do need to make sure that you’re of suitable marriage material before the ceremony starts. Can’t have my little sis shacking up with a slouch.”

Piotr rolls his eyes good naturedly. “You have known me for several years. And you have been around entire time Y/N and I were dating.”

“Hush, metal grasshopper, this is my moment,” Wade says as he pulls a piece of paper out of the bust portion of his dress. “So, just to make sure that you meet the mark, I’ve drummed up a few eensy-teensy questions to ask.”

Piotr grins and shakes his head; he’s not getting out of this, so there’s no point in being upset about anything. “Very well. Ask your questions.”

“Thank you. Question one: what makes you think you’re worthy to marry my sister?”

Piotr chokes, more out of shock than anything. “What kind of question is that?”

“The one I’m asking, Chrome Dome. Which means you have to answer it. Start talking, we’ve got a list to get through,” Wade says, angling his microphone at Piotr.

Piotr nudges Wade’s hand back so the microphone isn’t right in his face, then considers the question for a few second before answering. “Because she chose me. Marriage is many things, but at core it is choice to commit to living life with partner and work through whatever hardships and challenges arise as team. It is choice to keep loving and communicating. I could be exactly who I am, but if Y/N did not choose me, I would not be worthy. But she did choose me, which is what makes me worthy.”

“Ooh, going from the consent angle! Wade like-y!” Wade says a few guests nod, impressed.

Off to the side, Nikolai beams like the proud papa he is and Alex shoots her youngest son a thumbs up.

“Alright, you pass the first question. Second question: if three mini-lion robots broke into your house and formed into a super-lion robot, what would you do to protect your lady from any and all harm?”

“Anything I had to,” Piotr answers automatically.

Wade mimics a buzzer noise. “Lame answer. Cop out.”

“It is truth,” Piotr insists. “No one ever really knows what they would do in moment until they are there. I will not commit to idea I may not follow through on in moment because my instincts might wind up being different. What I do know, however, is that I will do whatever I have to in order to keep Y/N safe, and that will not change regardless of what moment faces me.”

Wade studies him for a moment, then nods slowly. “Alright. I’ll take that. Next question!”

“How many questions are there?” Piotr asks, trying to catch a glimpse of the paper.

“As many as I need,” Wade says angling the paper away from Piotr’s line of sight. “Okay, big question here: what do you love most about my sister?”

“Everything,” Piotr says earnestly, tone dreamy and lovestruck. “She… she is everything to me. She helps me step back and appreciate day to day. She makes me laugh and smile –and over things I never thought I would, which has been… interesting.” He chuckles along with everyone else. “She has helped me grow so much as person, and challenges me on how I think and act and do things… She is beautiful, and kind, and smart, and funny, and I am so lucky that I get to marry her.”

Several “awws” go up in the crowd, and more than a few people dab at their eyes with tissues or hankies.

Wade, however, lets out a dramatic sob and blows his nose noisily into a lace edged handkerchief. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry!”

Piotr merely smiles and shakes his head.

“Alright, big guy. Now that you’ve made everyone here cry, you ready to get married?”

“Yes,” Piotr says eagerly, excitement coiling in his stomach once more. “More than.” He feels someone tap on his shoulder, and he turns, expecting to see Mikhail holding out the “repair fund” container in a last ditch attempt to get more money—

Except you’re standing behind him, dressed in your wedding gown and holding onto Nathan’s arm and beaming up at him like he’s the most important thing in the world. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Tears of joy well up in his eyes, and he presses his hand against his mouth to try and contain himself. “You look so beautiful.”

“You look very handsome yourself.” Your eyes sparkle as you gaze up at him. “Ready to do this thing?”

“Very ready,” Piotr says with an excited giggle.

Nathan hugs you and presses a fatherly kiss to your forehead before handing you off. “Take good care of her.”

“Always,” Piotr promises as he makes to help you over to your side of the altar.

You have other ideas, though, going in for a hug first.

Piotr wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of your head –careful not to mess up your hair—while the guests and wedding party make noises of delight and appreciation and Aiden and his team snap pictures.

Once the hug ends, he helps you get over to your side of the altar, then Wade takes your bouquet for you and helps you straighten out the skirt of your dress—

And then everything’s genuinely a blur. Charles makes a speech about the relationship as he’s witnessed it and the healthy love the two of you model for the students –which has both of you tearing up—before talking about the value of commitment and communication, you two exchange your vows and the rings, and then Charles pronounces the two of you as husband and wife, and then Piotr’s kissing you and you’re kissing him and—

It’s everything, as it always has been.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #MAXIMUM FLUFF #IT'S WEDDING TIME!!!! #deadpool fanfiction #x men fanfiction

[souridealist]

D&D Characters Discussed In My Tags, Part II

Campaign I Am Running: Also Pathfinder, set in a custom setting of my own design where the continent is ruled by families of hereditary sorcerers and social status is inherently tied up in one’s use of magic. It began at level one and is planned out through the early teens; they’re currently level five. The party were strangers to each other until they each received a letter: a mysterious elven wizard named Yindrella Mayarandel had recently died, and even though none of them had ever yeard of her, they had inherited her estate. Since then they’ve been trying to deal with her very complicated legacy plus a few issues of their very own, and maybe figure out what the hell Yindrella had to do with any of them.

(The other group is a much more old-school D&D group; it’s half cis guys and I think I’m technically the newest player having picked up the game in 2012, though I’ve been playing more consistently than some of the others. This group, by contrast, is very much from the Big Queer D&D Boom of the late 2010s, and most of them are My Newbies Who I Taught. It has been frankly God damn fascinating to play with both groups and compare the two.) 

Bellis Briarthorn, halfling cleric of Erastil, Pathfinder’s god of farming and community. She’s a farm girl at heart, and had never really left her tiny hometown until the campaign began. She’s upbeat and friendly to everyone (and has an adorable Southern accent that I absolutely did not successfully imitate while playing her relatives), but she can be brutally ruthless when she’s angry. She also has a not-insignificant greedy streak, which cracked the rest of the party up for months until they realized she was planning to send all the money home. The party had to save her hometown from several hags and a witch who bore a serious grudge because their foremothers had been driven away from town generations ago -- by Yindrella Mayarandel.

Lahi Sea-Hell, undine bard, played by @reyssamidalass. (In 5E she’d be a water genasi). Lahi is an unusually quiet, extremely nervous bard -- probably because she woke up the same morning the campaign began with not a single memory of a damn thing that happened to her beforehand. She has a unique gift for rolling ridiculously high for HP and then never getting hurt anyway. A recent brush with the criminal underworld led the party stumbling into the discovery that before the loss of her memories, she was a petty criminal by the name of Charming Blue, partners-in-crime (and possibly more) with a shy halfling thief by the name of Silent Black. Her amnesia stems from a curse placed on her by a man she robbed, who the party promptly hunted down and killed. 

(Even though he was seven levels higher than they were). (They perhaps skipped ahead several plot points.) (I’m a little bitter but honestly I’m mostly impressed.) 

Nikolai “Kolya” Valeska, also known as Nikolai Ryder, dhampir rogue played by @reijys. Kolya is the disappointingly nonmagical child of the reclusive Valeska noble line. Kolya does not discuss their family very much, and for those of you playing along at home, dhampir are half-vampires. (There is, of course, no way this will come up in the future.)

Kolya is uncomfortably casual about dealing out death but deeply shaken by any reminder of their friends’ mortality. They treat sleeping on the ground as mortal suffering, but a persistent Constitution-penalizing curse is a problem best endured in silence. They’re barely more than a teenager, with all the dramatics that implies, and they have the easily-affronted pride of a cat. Their attempts to act cool and detached are not fooling a single god damned soul. 

Dori Brissot, human gunslinger, actually can pull off cool and detached, though that should never be mistaken for uncaring; she’s clearly fond of the rest of the party. Dori is a practical soul and the closest thing this party has to a reasonable adult; she’s often referred to as the group’s big sister. Like Bellis, she had an actual job prior to the campaign’s beginning; she was a seagoing representative of a merchant firm. Through no fault of her own, she currently has a dangerous artifact from Yindrella’s vaults embedded in the flesh of their arm, causing her to destroy any plant life that she touches. The group is undertaking a pilgrimage to a druidic holy site in an attempt to get that problem resolved; as of last session, it’s brought them in contact with one of Dori’s old sailor friends -- who might (or might not) give the group a new perspective on their big sister. The druidic holy site, meanwhile, was the idea of...

Ardullay Vallirlyn, aasimar druid, played by @acecampbellsaunders. Though for nearly all mechanical purposes she is an aasimar, Ardullay was born to a family of drow, and most people take her for a drow until they notice the vestigial wings. (In this setting, the drow lost a war with the surface several centuries ago; one of several results is the existence of a scattered, semi-integrated population of surface drow.) Ardullay is a bright-eyed idealist who believes fiercely in everyone’s capacity to choose their own lives, which principle is how an angel-blooded drow joined a druidic order in the first God damn place. Ardullay is awkward, tends to the impulsive, maybe a little naive, and hasn’t actually said she had an isolated childhood, but she doesn’t need to -- it’s written on her forehead. And if Dori is the group’s common sense, Ardullay is probably its heart: she has enough heart for the whole world, and no one else takes kindly to seeing her hurt.

Ardullay is accompanied by a giant spike-tailed silver cat called Molly who does nothing but kill Ardullay’s enemies and cause problems. Molly and Ardullay, between them, are what this group has for a tank. 

And last and newest, picked up just last session, there is:

Amelerin, better known as Amy, elf wizard, played by @fleetingmadness. Amy is not one of Yindrella’s heirs; rather, she was Yindrella’s maid for several decades, and, being out of work at the time, decided to consider herself part of the group’s inheritance. (To the significant exhaustion of the barrister executing the will). They don’t know her very well yet, but she’s bubbly, faintly Cockney, and determined to be useful. She is accompanied by her familiar, a robin named Cobweb who does not like Molly very much.

This can, of course, only end well.

(Dori’s and Bellis’s players don’t have active tumblrs; they were not forgotten.)

#dnd #chitchat #pathfinder #anyone who comes at me about unconventional drow is going to get a Lengthy Response

[ask-kytori-and-kaiser]

More Soviet Family Moments cus yes

Rayna: Time for plan G. Katrya: Don’t you mean plan B? Rayna: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Kal: What about plan D? Rayna: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Ivan: What about plan E? Rayna: I’m hoping not to use it. Nikolai dies in plan E. Kanat: I like plan E. Kal, smiling: I think we all do. Nikolai, concerned: Do you all hate me that much-?

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*The squad is over at Nikolai's house* Rayna: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven? Nikolai: ...N-No... Nikolai, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have??? Rayna, motioning to his kitchen: Three, I thought! Katrya: I see a- Nikolai, motioning to one device: This is a microwave. Rayna: Oh, well I- Nikolai: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave* Nikolai, amazed: Its got a bake setting! Ivan: Ohoho, you learn something new every day! Kanat: Do we- Do we rochambeau for who gets to pick first? Nikolai: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to rochambeau nothing! Nikolai: I am someone who owns four ovens... Nikolai, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS... Nikolai: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens... Kal, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven! Nikolai: Rayna: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens! Nikolai: Nikolai, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

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Nikolai: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat* Rayna: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents Nikolai: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you Katrya: Actually I did the math, Rayna would have $225, not $0.15. Rayna: Fam I’m right here.... Ivan: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :) Nikolai: while you’re there could you buy me an apple juice please? Ivan: Sorry I only have a dollar Nikolai: :( Katrya: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Rayna would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent Ivan: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apple juice Katrya: You can buy anything you want with $22,500 Kanat: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice Katrya: Apply juice to what Kal: Directly to the forehead Rayna: Great chat everyone

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Nikolai: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life Rayna: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Nikolai: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Katrya: Edible?

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Kal: It’s dark in here Ivan: Don’t worry dude I got this Ivan: *Stomps his feet* Ivan: *Skechers light up*

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Nikolai, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know! Rayna: How? Nikolai: How what? Rayna: How could they be worse? Nikolai: They couldn’t, I lied. Rayna:

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Kal: Rayna and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- Rayna: Sentences. Kal: Don't interrupt me.

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Nikolai: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back. Rayna: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

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Nikolai: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Rayna: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Nikolai: Three of us saw it, Rayna. How do you explain that? Rayna: *points at Katrya* Sleep deprivation. *points at Ivan* Paranoia. *points at Kanat* Delusional personality disorder.

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Kanat: What does 'take out' mean? Rayna: Food. Katrya: Dating Ivan: Murder Nikolai: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

#Soviet Family #hhhhh

[sanktnikolais]

Change My Name

A/N: i’m trash and decided to write the Nikolai POV of the underwater kiss of @wafflesandkruge ​‘s pirate au. Thanks for allowing me to be a trash for this content Tiff KLJHSADFKLJ 

A bit steamy maybe.

Word count: 3422

AO3

Nikolai had always prided himself as a gentleman. Especially growing up in the palace, even as the second prince—or the bastard, according to his older brother—he really had to learn the manners a royal ought to  have.

          So when he tried to offer his help in rowing the boat and got rejected, it did prick at his pride dramatically. But he decided not to complain further as he wouldn’t be exhausted in guiding them to saints-know-where Zoya was planning to take them. 

          “Where are we going?” Nikolai asked, not wanting to sound so eager, but failing. He fixed the hat that she had put earlier on his head, but it only slid back down to the side as the boat swayed along with the waves. 

          It was the first time he was alone with the captain, and his mind was half-thinking of ways he could capture the infamous Zoya Nazyalensky and half-panicking that he was alone with her. The latter thought was rather unfitting for his true intention of letting himself be taken hostage, but the distraction in the form of the woman in front of him was making it difficult for him to focus. Those two weeks with her on the ship had made him stray from what he was supposed to do. 

          And yet he found himself not minding one bit.

          Zoya glared at him. “None of your business,” she said curtly, just as he had expected.

          Nikolai bit back a laugh and shrugged, leaning off to the side to look at the waters instead. But doing so only reminded him of the color of her eyes. He shoved away the thought. Not the best time to be thinking about her when he had a much bigger thing to prioritize. 

          Perhaps he should just jump into water and try to escape, or take off with the boat once Zoya was distracted enough once they finally landed. 

          Both sounded idiotic, but they were the only ideas he could think of.

          Or maybe he should just tag along with it, see where it would go, and he found it dangerously tempting.

          Soon enough, they arrived at their destination, a cove surrounded with high rock walls, the beach completely secluded and hidden from plain sight unless one sailed their way there or they somehow landed on the cliffs above. Nikolai raised an eyebrow as he eyed the surroundings. 

          Had Zoya brought him here to dispose of him?

          But when she only flopped down on the sand after they secured the boat, his mind went to utter confusion. She couldn’t have possibly trusted him enough to let him leave her sight or even be  around her  for more than a few minutes. Though looking at her now, with her eyes closed and at ease, he realized that she didn’t mind having him there.

          Nikolai couldn't help a smile on his lips, and it wasn't because of the triumph of having the captain to finally trust him even for a bit. She had agreed to let him out of the ship when he requested it, sure enough it was a small step towards gaining her full trust. Not that he needed anything as worthless as a pirate's trust, but he still found himself trying. 

          It got him thinking, what satisfaction would it bring him if he ever was successful in gaining her trust, only to crush it after? Two weeks ago, he wouldn't have minded. It was appalling that for a short time, he had let his emotions get the best of him again, and it was him that was getting reeled in instead of her. 

          He chose to run around the beach for a while, trying to find his way to escape. Or so he thought he was doing. He covered up for his scheming by occasionally calling out to her about the things he was able to find around. At the far end of the beach there was a small cave in the corner of the cliff wall, and he made his way towards it. 

          The cove was big enough to fit a crouching person inside, but the space was already occupied with a half-buried chest in the sand. Nikolai frowned as he approached the small casket that bore the Liliyana's crest. 

          He raised an eyebrow, looking back over his shoulder to where Zoya was. Was the beach her secret place? Curiosity got the best of him and then he was opening the chest. 

          Various metal objects filled the box, mostly coins and tarnished jewelry, but what captured his eyes was the blunt dagger on top of the pile. He examined the weapon, taking note of the messy carvings in its hilt, the jagged edges of Zoya barely visible on the worn out surface. 

          A smile appeared on his lips as he pictured a little, grumpy Zoya wielding the dagger as if it were a sword. 

          He put the weapon back in the chest and closed it, but not before snatching some of the cheap jewelry that he could use later. 

          Nikolai got out of the small cave, wandering aimlessly to find any escape routes again. 

          There wasn't really anywhere to go unless he took the boat they'd used and left her here. 

          It was the most rational means to run off, but he found that it didn't sit well with him. 

          All because his actual mission actually involved capturing her, not leaving her behind where he would have to chase her all over again. 

          Nikolai eventually resigned that he was stuck there in the cove with Zoya, so he came back to the spot where she was before, and found that she was still lying down with her eyes closed.

          His heart did a strange flip at the sight. She looked calm and peaceful, so unlike the usual stoic demeanor she had whenever she was commanding her ship.

          She was nothing like the stories he'd heard passed around in port towns.

          Zoya Nazyalensky is a witch. Has to be, with the way she keeps slipping the authorities.

          Nazyalensky is a cruel woman. Heard she once had a man killed for looking at her funny.

          At first, he didn't have a hard time believing them. The Stormwitch, they called her, the terror of the seas. And when he was given the opportunity to try and capture her, he was beyond determined to take whatever titles she had earned for herself and drown them in the seas that she claimed as her territory.

          But looking at her now, after spending two whole weeks with her and trying to find the same drive he once had to capture her, Nikolai realized it wasn't as strong as before. He might have even said that he couldn't find the reason to. 

          The Zoya he'd come to know was fierce, yes. Fiercely loyal and protective. Unwavering to her goal that always involved the greater good. But never cruel.

          For once, he didn't know if he had the heart to accomplish his actual objective anymore.

          Nikolai slumped down onto the sand beside her. "So," he started, trying to take advantage of the easy air around them, "this is your beach?"

          A ghost of a smile twitched on her lips. "Correct," she said. "I'm Queen Zoya of the Driftwood and Tides. You may address me as Your Majesty."

          He huffed a laugh. It was so unlike her to humor him with that kind of answer. Something was really different with her today, and he figured he didn't want whatever it was to go away just yet.

          Impulsively, he took her hand and pressed a chaste kiss to the back of it. "It is truly the honor of my lifetime to meet you, then, Your Majesty," he said, and he realized that there was a slight truth to his words.

          Zoya snatched her hand back as if she were burned, but the redness in her cheeks didn't escape his eyes. "Isn't touching royalty without their permission punishable by death?"

          "Oh, yes," he said, laying beside her and propping his head up with a fist. He looked at her with a teasing gleam in his eyes. "A very painful one. But I can’t even begin to imagine what they’d do to someone who kidnaps a prince and brings him to a secret pirate hideaway.”

          She looked back up to the sky and closed her eyes again. "Only if that bastard Sturmhond catches me," Zoya grumbled, and Nikolai visibly swallowed. Had she not closed her eyes, he knew she would've seen through the change of his demeanor and demanded him to tell what he knew. "He's been unsuccessful for years. And as far as I'm concerned, he can die trying."

          Nikolai covered up his uneasiness with a loud sneeze, and he saw her eyebrows furrow slightly but she didn't open her eyes. There had been far too many close calls in the ship before, with her gaze becoming more and more wary of Tamar every time the latter was talking to him. 

          He could only hope that Zoya would catch on with them.

          Amidst the growing panic in his mind, an idea popped into his head.

          "Stay here." Then he was scrambling to his feet.

          "How dare you order a royalty around?" He heard her call out, but there wasn't the usual venom in her tone. A smile twitched on his lips. He needed to do something to distract him from the weight of her previous words to him, so he figured he might do a little surprise.

          Besides, Nikolai didn't know how long before the truth came to crash between them and drive them apart.

          He had time for now.

***

          The damned chains finally clicked after several slips from his fingers, and he smiled triumphantly. It looked good, to him at least, and he held it close to his eyes to appreciate it. He could only hope that she would too. 

          Nikolai felt her presence before she spoke. 

          "What are you doing?" Her voice came from somewhere near behind him, and he immediately jumped to his feet. 

          "Stop!" he said, holding his arms up as if to hide what he was doing. He knew he looked a bit petty with his attempt, and he felt his ears go hot. "It's a surprise. Turn around." 

          Her scowl didn't waver as she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him. She obviously didn't want to be ordered around. 

          Nikolai sighed. "If I was going to murder you, Zoya dear, I would have slit your throat while you slept," he said, but his words were nothing but a hollow joke. "Lesser chance of you fighting back and damaging my pretty face." 

          The stubborn expression was still there. "Maybe you like your victims to suffer." 

          "Trust me," he said, his tone holding enough sincerity that surprised him as well. He blinked. Everything was really coming to backfire at him. 

          Another moment passed before Zoya finally complied and turned, an exasperated sigh coming out from her lips. Nikolai smiled as he picked up the small crowns and made his way to her. 

          Her posture was stiff and alert all the while he was approaching her, and he had to stifle a laugh at her reaction. The great captain of the Liliyana fearing for her life? Very unheard of. He decided to mess with her for a bit. 

          He stopped right behind her, and the scent of wildflowers immediately invaded his nose. He tried not to breathe in more of her as he brought his free hand to her shoulder. As he had expected, she jumped back from his touch. 

          Nikolai chuckled. "A bit of a high-strung, aren't you?" he said, voice laced with amusement. He started to guide her to the ocean, but he felt her resistance and her attempt to pull away. "We need the water for this to work." 

          "For what to work?" she demanded. The water was already up to their chests, and she was beginning to struggle a bit more. "Are you drowning me like an unwanted kitten?" 

          "Nothing of that sort. Close your eyes." 

          She turned around to protest, her blue eyes sharp and wary at the same time. "Nik—" 

          "I'm waiting."

          Zoya stared back at him incredulously. Nikolai knew she was contemplating whether to strangle him or stab him, and yet he didn't seem to be fazed and he continued to look at her with an expectant expression. 

          With another exasperated sigh, she shook her head before finally closing her eyes. 

          He brought his hand that was hiding the crowns from his back, and gently placed one on her head. It had taken him a few hours to mend the thing, letting his love for putting things together drive him to work carefully. He even went as far as going through her things while she was asleep to add the small gems.

          But when he looked at her now, with her eyes closed and the gilded crown practically glowing on her head, Nikolai didn’t know if there was anything more beautiful than the sight he was seeing right now. 

          "Alright," he said, his voice coming out more breathless than he intended, "you can look now."

          Zoya opened her eyes. He held his breath as she looked at her reflection in the waters. For a moment, he thought that she considered it petty and childish, and he was ready to brush it off as a mere joke to save his dignity. But when Nikolai saw the vibrant warmth in her eyes, he realized that he'd do anything to see it all over again. 

          It was then that a single thought struck him, the one that came to his mind the first time he saw her, but never really pondered about it until now. He sucked in a breath as if he had just been punched in the gut. 

          She was beautiful. 

          Saints, she was so beautiful. 

          He slipped a crown of his own just as she looked up at him, and he cleared his throat, trying to remember the tone used in statements during a coronation. 

          "I crown thee, Zoya Nazyalensky, first of her name, Queen of the Driftwood and Tides, Head of the Cove, Protector of the Seas, Lady of the Sands," he said, each made-up name bringing amusement to her eyes. He found himself smiling softly at the triumph of making the great Captain Nazyalensky amused rather than annoyed with him. He fixed the crown on her head, letting his hand linger for another moment. "Long live the Queen." 

          She raised an eyebrow at him. "If I'm Queen, then what does that make you?" 

          Nikolai flourished a hand in the air. "Why, your loyal king consort, of course." 

          The weather and the waters weren't that cold, but the redness on her cheeks were apparent. "And Prince of Ravka," she said. 

          "Second Prince," he corrected. "Big difference. And I must say, these crowns I made are much more comfortable than the ones they made me wear back in Ravka." 

          "Is that so?"

          He fought a wince as he tried not to remember the feeling. "It's horrible," he said, wrinkling his nose. Zoya was frowning, expression curious as if urging him to go on. She didn’t break her gaze at him, unwavering, and he was floored from the intensity of her eyes. 

          Beautiful.

          And it was in that moment that his mind narrowed down to a single thought. Nikolai wanted to kiss her.

          He knew what he had to do. With a dramatic expression, he added, "After wearing one all day, you develop a horrible ache right" —his hand moved to cup the back of her neck and pulled her closer— "here." 

          It had been his intention to pull her in, to be nearer to her, and yet every word still seemed to fly out of his mind with their closeness. The current had pushed them nearer to each other, their bodies touching, a situation they never would have dared to be in back on the ship. 

          There wasn't much space between them, with their chests flush against each other and Zoya had to tilt her head up to look at him. Up close, he noticed that her eyes were of the shade not much different from the seas, and maybe that was why he always felt drawn to them, as they were near the same thing he adored so much. 

          He suddenly found it hard to breathe. 

          Beautiful. 

          The lapping waves around them weren't enough to overcome the sound of the erratic beats of his heart nor the voice telling him to close the distance between them. 

          The seas will help you find your way. 

          It was something his mentor always liked to say. He almost smiled at the memory; he had never quite believed it back then, as he would say that it was the sailors alone that found their way back. 

          But now, he didn't think so. 

          Because the seas helped him find his way and it led him to her. 

          A stronger current pushed them closer together, and then it was followed by a wave that sent them underwater. 

          Below the surface, everything was calm and quiet, the feeling of serenity almost strange to him after all the harshness both the seas and the palace had thrown at him. Nikolai looked over at Zoya; her hair was cascading around her like a glowing halo, and if she were a saint, he knew he would get down on his knees and worship her. 

          His hand was still on the back of her neck, and his free hand slowly came up to cup her cheek. His gaze on her was soft, baring his soul before the storm that took his breath away. 

          Beautiful. 

          Nikolai didn't know who moved first, whether it was him or her, or even both, it didn't matter. The moment his lips met hers, he already knew it was over. 

          He needed her more than air, the taste of her mouth making him feel alive as he felt her hands threading into his hair and his back to kiss him deeper. It would've been enough for him, but the current dragged them up to the surface. 

          Zoya only had a second to breathe before he was cupping her face with both hands and pulling him to her, and she was meeting him halfway. They tangled again in a mess of eager hands and urgent mouths, neither of them wanting to end the moment. 

          It was easy to forget everything he was supposed to do, the actual reason why he was here in the first place, but the sighs coming from her mouth made his thoughts slip away and only focus on the feel of her. 

          Nikolai smoothed her hair back, his lips moving from her mouth to her jaw, and to the spot under her ear. Her hands clutched on his back, and then she was tilting her head back for him. He tightened his grip on her waist as he moved dangerously down from her ear to the spot where her neck met her shoulder,  feeling a shiver run through her when he lightly bit down on her skin. He couldn't get enough. 

          A sharp gasp came from her mouth, her other hand coming up to tangle in his hair. "Nikolai," Zoya breathed, turning his head to capture his lips, and Nikolai fell to her again. 

          Whether it was minutes or hours that they were tangled in each other's arms, they didn't know. But eventually they figured they still needed to get back to the ship, and as much as they wanted to get lost with each other for a longer time, they had to swim back to the shore, and back to their small boat. 

          They lay exhausted on the sand right after, both of them trying to catch their breaths before they make their way back to the ship, and back to their reality. 

          Along with the truth of who Nikolai really was. 

          "So…" he started, but he was cut off by her voice right away. 

          "Not—not now." Her tone was begging, almost desperate, very far from the voice that always held sharpness and poison. 

          Nikolai understood, and he reached for her hand, feeling her fingers close around his as they looked back up the reddening sky. 

          The truth hung heavily on his shoulders, now that he was already in way too deep with his feelings, but he shoved all the thoughts away. 

          Right now, nothing had to be said. 

#zoyalai #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #king of scars #pirate au #my writing #MORE PIRATE CONTENT KJASHFDKJASF #UNDERWATER KISS BC IM TRASH #PLS GO READ TIFF'S ZOYA POV CONTENT IT SLAPS OK #idk im trash for this au #even tho im already trash #loved writing this one sm #got bit carried away tho HHAHA #quite steamy

[searchforthescars]

YO OKAY

SO I finally got myself together and wrote the SoC next-gen AU that I’ve been talking about. Yaay! 

Special thanks to @savagekaz , @henrymarsette , @dirtyhandsnet and everyone else who was passionately encouraging me to write this thing. It makes me really happy and I hope you like this. <3

If you want to see photosets or other extra content, click here.

Six years after the events of Crooked Kingdom...

As Kaz Brekker stared out the fourth-floor window, he twirled the slim gold band around his ungloved finger, trying not to imagine it where it should be: on the slim dark finger of a girl who was most likely dead and gone.

He heard her voice in his head, a painful but welcome reminder. “Don't be so dramatic, Kaz,” she'd say with that endearing eyeroll he had come to love.

“Then come home,” he'd say to her now.

He looked out his office window, moving until he could see Fifth Harbor, his eyes lingering on The Wraith 's berth.  Through the dark night and pouring rain, he couldn’t see much, but it was the thought that counted.  That berth had been empty for three years, her captain and crew lost somewhere between Novyi Zem and Ketterdam.  Kaz had tried to bring her home, had deployed his every resource, even asked Nikolai for help at great (and often irritating) expense, but the ship had vanished.

And with it had been the girl he wanted to marry. [Read on Ao3]

He tucked the ring into its box and snapped the box closed, hiding it in the false bottom of his desk drawer.  There was a sudden commotion downstairs, loud shouts that signaled a brawl or a heist.  Either way, he wasn't about to let his people get into any dirty business that he didn't have his hands in.

When he reached the first landing, he realized it was rapping at the door that was causing such a disturbance.  He strode for the door, ignoring the apprehensive looks of his people.  No one dared knock on the door of the Slat without a good reason, a reason that only Kaz Brekker needed to attend to.

He recognized the two boys on the doorstep - they were part of Inej’s crew, recruited after a raid done right on the edge of the Barrel.  His heart made a sickening leap in his chest.

“What business?” To his own ears, his voice was hoarse and harsh.

The taller one shifted a bundle in his arms.  Kaz didn’t invite them in out of the rain, merely regarded them with a cool stare.  “We came from The Wraith.   We have a message from Inej Ghafa.”

Kaz turned to the sitting room.  “Everyone out!”  No one argued but there were plenty of curious whispering, lingering stares that Kaz knew he would have to quell eventually.

He turned to them, inviting them in by posture though not by word.  “What is the message?”

The taller boy shifted the blankets in his arms, handing Kaz a worn scrap of paper.  Kaz forced his hands not to tremble as he squinted through the fading ink.

Kaz,

I hope this reaches you.  I haven’t much time and I know that most of what I could say will leave you with questions. The Wraith was boarded, its markings and flags stripped, and my crew and I were taken hostage.  It has taken us three years to plan even this small of an escape. If I run, my remaining crew will only suffer further.  I refuse to let that happen.

This little girl’s name is Jordan.  She is our daughter but I don’t expect you to care for her.  A good mother always and only wants her her child to be safe.  That’s why I sent her to you.  Please find her somewhere safe, someone who will raise her and care for her.  For me.

I can hear you laughing now. Yes, Ketterdam is not a safe place for a child.  But you can make a world for her that is.  I know because you did it for me.  So stop grumbling, Kaz.

I will find a way home to you. I’m sorry.  I miss you.

I love you.

-Inej

He took a deep breath, tucked the letter into his breast pocket and reached for the bundle in the boy’s arms.  “Careful, she’s asleep,” he murmured but his caution went unheeded to Kaz’s ears.

She looked like her mother, Kaz realized with a clench of his heart, though she had a very Kerch jaw.  She stirred, blinked sleepily and regarded him with bleary coffee-brown eyes.  “Where’s Mama?” she asked, her voice small.

Kaz couldn’t look away.  With a look, he dismissed Inej’s men, knowing he should let them stay, unable to bear the thought.  “Your mother… she’s not here.  She sent you to me so I could keep you safe.”

A little frown creased her brow.  “Are you my papa?”

Kaz held her a little tighter, pressing her head to his shoulder.  “I’m your papa, Jordan.”  The name was unfamiliar on his tongue.  He could have kissed or killed Inej for choosing it for their daughter.  “You’re safe now.”

She made a small noise and fell silent, nuzzling into his neck.  Kaz sighed, wondering what is was about this girl that made him want to burn down the world for her.

He really was horrible at caring for children.  He should ask Jesper for pointers.

“Get down!”

The bullet whizzed straight past Jordan’s ear just before she ducked.  The man in front of her fell as she turned to glare over her shoulder.  “You could have shot me!”

Alexander holstered his revolvers, a broad grin splitting his face.  Jordan tucked her knife into the sheath on her arm. “You okay, Vickie?” she asked, gingerly touching the cut on her cheek.  Alexander’s frown was one of concern.  She shrugged.   I’m okay.

“Don't call me Vickie,” Victoria grumbled, casually checking Alexander for injuries.

“I'm fine, Tori,” he murmured, batting her hand away when her fingers danced over a burn on his shirt. “It was me, not them.”

“As long as you're not spontaneously combusting, I'm happy,” Jordan quipped, checking the window. “Can you both climb?  We need to go before anyone-” Jordan sprang back as the windowpane shattered. “Damn!”

“You were saying?” Victoria snarked.  Jordan rolled her eyes. Alexander positioned himself protectively between Victoria and the only other exit in the room. Jordan reached for her knife again and Victoria made a grab for her pistol.

When the door banged open, both of the Fahey-Van Eck children almost shot their father.

“What the hell?” Jesper Fahey put his hands in the air until his children put their weapons down.  Jordan took a split second to appreciate the fury spreading over Victoria’s face.  “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here, Da?” Alexander holstered his revolvers for the second time.  Jordan sheathed her knife with an exasperated sigh, fighting a smile when she saw that Victoria practically had steam coming from her ears.

“I could ask you the same question.  This is a pleasure house.”

“It was,” Jordan shrugged, planting her hands on her hips.  “I convinced them to… relocate.”

“Spoken like a Barrel boss.”

Jordan bit her lip, scanning the room.  Alexander and Victoria shared an ‘uh-oh’ look between the two of them.  “Did you break the window?” She asked Jesper.

“Scheming face?” She heard Alexander whisper to his sister.

“Most likely,” she whispered back, poking him in the side to shush him.

“No.” Jesper’s response came out more of a question. Before Jordan could continue her line of thought, measuring the room’s dimensions and trying to envision what could have broken the window, rapid gunfire sounded from the back of the house.

“Run now, think later,” Alexander said, shoving Jordan in the back until she broke into a run, following Jesper and Victoria down the stairs.

They made it to the streets, narrowly skirting heavy gunfire, their feet loud on the streets.  Jordan had to smile when she saw Jesper grinning, presumably thinking of his glory days.

“That was something,” she breathed, watching her breath float away on the cold wind.  She cataloged their successes.  Twenty-some girls were freed and, while Alexander had given chase to the man who owned the pleasure house, Victoria had uncovered very interesting financial documents that would surely cause the man’s ruin at the Exchange.

Alexander appeared at her side, materializing from the shadows, his blue eyes and dark skin glowing in the lights of the street lamp. “We did good.”

Jordan saw Victoria showing Jesper the papers she retrieved from the pleasure house’s office.  “Yeah,” she agreed.  “Not bad.”

They made it to Victoria’s favorite waffle house, a rickety building crammed between two houses.  Jordan and Alexander shared a plate of chocolate-chip waffles while Jesper and Victoria ordered heaping plates of their own.

Victoria was lean and pale, all sharp angles and messy reddish-brown hair.  When she smiled, the world seemed to light up.  Jordan watched heads turn across the restaurant when she laughed.  Alexander’s eyes crinkled around the edges, fondness playing at his features.  As polar as they were to one another, there was real unreplicatable love between them.

Next to them both, Jordan felt plain and inadequate.  Distasteful people described her as exotic, with her brown Suli skin and matching eyes, but she preferred the anonymity that her father’s looks provided.  She was often jealous of Victoria and Wylan.  No one ever stared at them when they walked down the street.

Alexander shoved the whipped cream onto Jordan’s side of the waffles.  “She likes it,” he said to his father’s raised eyebrow.

“And you don’t?” Jesper pretended to be dramatically wounded.  “Whose son are you?”  Alexander laughed under his breath while Victoria rolled her eyes. “Good to see you’re not at that point yet where you’re embarrassed by your father’s behavior.”

Jordan could never tell if he was kidding.  She wasn’t great with this sort of thing.

She took a bite of her waffles, letting the whipped cream melt on her tongue.  The cut on her cheek stung when she chewed.  Alexander touched it hesitantly with the back of his hand.  His skin was cool.  “You should clean that out.”

She shrugged.  “First food.  Then sleep.”

Alexander’s hand dropped from her cheek.  His fingers tangled in a strand of her hair.  She tried not to shiver.  “Food, personal care, sleep.  In that order.”

Jesper was too busy reading over Victoria’s stolen document to pay them much mind but Victoria’s clever grey eyes were tracking her brother’s every move.  “Not a word,” Alexander said lowly to Victoria, referencing some secret to which Jordan wasn’t privy.  She didn’t mind - siblings needed their secrets.

She had secrets of her own, most notably the birth certificate she had found in her father’s office this morning. She had wanted to tell Alexander about it but with him had come Victoria and she was hesitant to let the younger Fahey-Van Eck in on such a potentially volatile secret.  Besides, this had been Victoria’s first job with them and Jordan didn’t want to rattle her.

The birth certificate was hers, but not.  It carried a different last name but the birth date was hers. Jordan Ghafa. It was so familiar but she needed Alexander’s clever mind to make sure she wasn’t insane.

When the plates were cleared, they walked home in the pitch black.  Victoria and Alexander wandered ahead; Victoria was talking gleefully about the Exchange and Alexander was listening intently. Jordan jammed her hands in her pockets, feeling the handle of the knife on her belt through her coat’s lining.

“You did good work tonight,” Jesper said, coming up behind her.  “Your mother would be proud.”

Jordan’s head snapped toward him.  “My mother?”

Jesper’s face morphed from concerned to guilty.  “Kaz never told you, did he?  Sweet Ghezen .”

“Told me what?” Jordan’s voice sounded uncharacteristically tight to her own ears.

“He never told you about your mother?” Now Jesper wore the face of a man who now knows he shouldn’t have said anything.

“No. Nothing.” She felt her eyes hardening.  If Victoria were beside her, she would be telling Jordan to shut up.

They were walking through Fifth Harbor now.  The cry of gulls and the lapping of waves against the boat hulls soothed her nerves.  Jesper was scanning the streets as if seeking an answer to Jordan’s questions.  Jordan counted the berths, once, twice and then again.

“Hey!” Jordan exclaimed.  Ahead of them, Alexander ground to a halt, dragging Victoria with him.  “There’s a ship in berth 22.  In The Wraith’s spot.”

“So?” Victoria’s pale brow was drawn.  Two bells sounded above them.  Kaz would be furious with her for being home late but Jesper’s eyes - wider than dinner plates - and Alexander’s slack jaw convinced her feet to stay.

“There isn’t supposed to be a ship in berth 22,” Jesper murmured.  He turned abruptly to his children, all joviality out of his tone. “You two, get home.  Tell your father I’ve gone to the Crow Club.  Jordan, go home.”

Alexander gave Jordan a worried look as his father sprinted toward the Dregs-owned gambling hall.  “What the…?”

Jordan shrugged, worry gnawing at her heart. Something is about to happen.   “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Victoria gave her a hug.  “See you, Jordan.”

“You were great,” she told her younger friend.  The Fahey-Van Ecks set off for home but Jordan remained, pacing the planks of the harbor while staring at the offending ship.

Screw this, she thought.  I’m not going to wait for them to find out what’s going on.  I’m Jordan Brekker.  I get my own answers.

Running her hand over the knife sheathed on her forearm, she approached the ship.  It was small and stripped bare of any adornments or recognizable marks and there was no sign of life onboard.  She reasoned that the crew had gone out for the night, off to gambling dens or pubs or who knows where.  But that rationale wasn’t enough to sate her curiosity.

She swung aboard the ship, the lack of gangplank little to deter her.  The planks creaked under her feet as she made her way belowdecks to where the captain’s quarters would most likely be.  The door hung ajar, a small light flickering in the shadows.  Knife at the ready, she peeked around the corner.

A woman, slight and small with large brown eyes, blinked back at her, seemingly unsurprised by her arrival.  Jordan stepped fully into the doorway, keeping her face in shadows, stifling a sigh of resignation.  “Who are you?” The woman asked in accented Kerch.

“Who are you?” Jordan countered, sweeping the room for any sign of danger.  “You aren’t to be docked in this berth.”

The barest of smiles tugged at her lips.  “But I am.  This is my berth.”

“This…” Jordan looked around the room as if to find some clue contrary to her assumption.  “This is The Wraith ?”

The woman shifted on the bed, another small smile flickering at the edge of her mouth.  “It was.  But you still haven’t answered my question.”

Jordan slipped from the shadows.  The woman’s eyes went wide, darting to take in all of Jordan, her fitted black clothes, her choppy black hair, the knife on her belt.  “Jordan?” Her voice was a tiny whisper, a trembling thing.

“How… How did you know?” Jordan felt the ship rock under her feet.  Everything was moving too fast.  She wanted Alexander so she could grab at his wrist, feel his solid presence.

“He didn’t tell you?  About me?” Hurt flashed across the woman’s face as she stood.  She was a couple inches shorter than Jordan but as thin as a sheaf of Victoria’s drawing paper.  It was painfully obvious that she hadn’t eaten well in a long time.  But shouldn’t a ship’s captain have enough to eat?

“Who didn’t- What?” How she hated to stutter.  She tried to put herself together but it was an uneasy thing when there were more questions than answers.

“Kaz Brekker.”  She said the name like it was a prayer.

Jordan nodded.  “My papa.  What about him?”

“He didn’t tell you about me?  About the Wraith?”

She nodded.  “He did, all the time.  Inej Ghafa, former Menagerie girl, spider, and captain of the eponymous ship.”  Victoria would be proud of her vocabulary.  “She was a Dregs legend, the best one.”  Jordan felt a piece of a puzzle click into place.  She remembered the document she had found in her father’s safe. Saints, no.

The woman extended a hand as if to shake Jordan’s.  “My name is Inej Ghafa.  But you can call me the Wraith if you’d rather.”

Running footsteps from above decks told Jordan that they were no longer alone.  “Stay back,” she told Inej, silently closing the door and leaning her full weight against it.  After a moment, she heard familiar voices and flung it open, effectively startling the twelve-year-old messenger employed by the Dregs.  “What business?”

“Kaz sent me to find out who was in the berth,” he stuttered, voice full of unease.  Jordan would have expressed sympathy at any given time but she wanted nothing more than answers and to be off this ship.  

“Tell him…” Inej’s voice was trembling but her gaze was sure.  “Tell him that the Wraith is home.  He’ll come.”

The boy nodded, sprinting back the way he came.  Jordan turned to Inej again, her back against the door, her spine colliding with the handle.  “How did you know my name.”

“Jordan Rietveld saved his brother’s life in death,” Inej murmured, studying her hands.  “I chose that name because I had hoped you would be the one to carry others to the shore.”

Jordan’s world tilted on its axis.  Memories surfaced, little snippets of glossy hair clenched in her fists, a term of endearment in Suli, a bedtime story in Ravkan.  It was her voice.

It couldn’t be.

“Who the hell is Jordan Rietveld?”

Inej did not reply.

She lost track of how long they stood there and stared at one another but the familiar sound of cane-and-foot broke Jordan out of her thoughts.  “Papa!” She shouted up the stairs.  “Down here!”

She was surprised to hear her father breathless.  “Inej?” His voice was hopeful, burning as it left his mouth and something that Jordan could almost consider to be humble.

She took two tentative steps toward the door, toward Kaz, and reached out with one hand.  Jordan watched in awe as he took it, twining their fingers together and touching his lips to her forehead.  “Inej,” he whispered and there was no pain in his voice.  Jordan felt like a stranger, an intruder.  Again, she missed Alexander’s steady presence.

“Hello, love.” The smile crossing her face was so bright it was blinding.  Jordan slipped from the room, leaving them to their moment, her throat tight and her stomach clenching.

Who are you? She wanted to ask the woman in her father’s arms.   Are you my mother?  Why did you leave me.  Why did you come back?

She backed out of the room, sprinting above decks, letting her feet carry her to the Van Eck estate.  She didn’t care how late it was.  She needed her best friend.

#soc next gen au #savagekaz #dirtyhandsnet #henrymarsette #i have no chill pls don't judge me