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fallenhunnyapple · 1 month

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Some Baby Savior AU Expansion

This is an Adamsapple AU because I love them they have taken over my life. I'm sorry in advance because there's a lot going on and I'm bad at being succinct.

This AU works under the Assumption that Adam didn't Die to get into Heaven. He was Ascended while he was still alive as a 'reward' for staying 'good', having not eaten of the Fruit of Knowledge. But his children were still tainted because of their mother, and so while they were still young, the eldest still only being in their teens, he was taken away from them to stay safe in Heaven.

Also, there are yearly meetings held a week after Exterminations where Lucifer and Adam (and Lute) meet in order to discuss quotas, numbers, etc. They're mandatory as per the agreement.

So-

Lilith left Lucifer while Charlie was still just an infant and he had to raise her alone. It was Difficult and when Lucifer was Busy, Charlie spent a lot of time being watched by her Aunts and Uncles, the Sins. But he foolishly let himself trust the people of his ring once and they took advantage, an Overlord trying to vy for more influence hired someone to steal the Princess and hold her hostage. The night before the Extermination.

Lucifer is already overworked and stressed and now having his daughter kidnapped made him lose his mind and go on a full rampage, destroying part of Pentagram City in his blind rage and panic. Which, Great for the Exorcists as long as they keep out of his way because that means they can pick off all the freaked out and fleeing sinners.

And it's during this panicked frantic mess that Adam quite literally drops in on these shady sinners (through the ground because of Hell's shitty infrastructure) who try to Kill him. Surprise, Angelic Steel weapons are being manufactured and they can Hurt Angels. They're still no match for Adam, so he kills them, but not without getting nicked by a few bullets, his arm injured, his wing useless, and his mask a little shattered. And then he hears a fussy crying sound and finds a baby hidden in a nearby crate. Pale with cute red cheeks and golden hair. She reminds him of someone. And she reminds him of his youngest daughter the last time he saw her... Well, she's hellborne, so he wasn't going to kill her anyway. Maybe he'll just take her home with him and he can puppy dog eyes at Sera until she let him keep her!

But he can't fly with these injuries, so he needs to go to the Embassy where he knows Lute and his girls will be waiting for him. But the Embassy is really close to Lucifer's rampage zone. What's he being so insane about anyway? And after almost becoming collateral, and Adam Yelling at him, it clicks. Those red cheeks were familiar for a reason. She must be his kid. There go his plans for bringing her with him. And here he was picking out a name and everything : / He can't bring himself to hate her or to take her away from her dad when he's obviously so upset. It's Begrudgingly that he gets Lucifer's attention to give the baby back. He's attached to her now.

A week after the Extermination, there's a meeting. To discuss the use of Angelic Weapons in hell, to find out who and how they're being made and distributed and ending that production immediately. And Lucifer can't exactly trust anyone in Pride anymore so Charlie comes to the meeting. She's happy to see the weird Kitty again. Adam is Thrilled to see her and spends a good chunk of the meeting making silly faces to make her laugh.

This becomes Normal, Charlie coming to the meetings, too young to understand anything but excited to get to see Adam. She has very clearly gotten attached to him.

Many years pass (Charlie is over 200 years old, and I assume that means super slow aging so she's developmentally 6 years old) and Adam tells Lucifer to not bring Charlie to the meeting. Lucifer agrees and leaves her with Bee in Gluttony. At the meeting, Adam is there in person, pacing and stressed. Lucifer arrives to find him in that state and Adam breaks down, begging on his knees for Lucifer to keep him in Hell. He can't go back to Heaven. They're going to make him remarry Lilith and she's probably into pegging and he doesn't want to be pegged.

Lucifer tries to wrap his mind around the fact that Lilith is in Heaven. Adam feels a little guilty but what was he supposed to do? He couldn't force Lilith to go home and stop being a deadbeat Mom. Lucifer is Mad that Adam never told him Lilith was in Heaven, he knew how much of a struggle he was having without her. Adam tries to make excuses and reverts to begging again, saying they won't let him leave Heaven again if he goes back. And that hits a cord. Lucifer's angry about the thing with Lilith, but Charlie didn't know her mother. She knew Adam though, and he doesn't want her to go through the pain of losing someone important to her. Okay, he'll help keep Adam safe in Hell so Heaven can't get to him. And by that Point, Adam was reminded that there's a chance that Heaven might come after Charlie so actually he'd be staying regardless so he can keep an Eye on Charlie and keep her safe.

Unbeknownst to Adam though, Lucifer has a secret. He'd fallen in love with him. It's 100% because of seeing how good Adam is with Charlie. Charlie is Lucifer's Everything, she is the most important thing in his life and she likes and gets along with Adam and Adam clearly cares for her and that means more than anything else could. And he's in love because of it. But he doesn't tell Adam that.

Together Adam and Lucifer raise Charlie, they're Dad/Daddy and Dadam (Adam came up with it because actually being called a nickname for father reminded him too much of the kids he didn't get to see grow up). And when Charlie gets old enough to move out on her own, Empty Nest Syndrome kicks in. But in the "we're not raising a kid together anymore, we should go our separate ways" kinda way. Because the entire time Lucifer never said anything about his feelings so they'd been Platonically co-parenting for over a century while Lucifer pined.

Charlie finds out that Adam is thinking of moving out and panics because she thinks this means her dads are getting a divorce. She never knew they weren't married. She never knew they weren't even Together. Because they sure Seemed to love each other all those years! She tries to encourage her dad to tell Adam how he feels and he does. It doesn't go well. Adam doesn't believe it, he refuses. (And it's not because he doesn't love him, Adam has loved him consistently since Eden) But he just can't accept it and decides it's Definitely better to move out. Lucifer goes into a depressive isolated episode while Adam is out there going on week long Benders to try and cope. The Sins have to get involved once Charlie reaches out, worried about both of them because Lucifer is barely responsive and Adam is dismissive. Ozzie tries to find out what's going on with Lucifer and Bee is taking care of the doped up drunken depressed mess that is Adam, she knows how to deal with drunks.

The Sins and Charlie are going to help them sort out their shit so they can actually try to be happy together the way they should have been the whole time. That's about where the conversation's ended for now. Orz this is long

Gonna @ the people who seemed interested in more info @lordxsblog @fightinsoda

#hazbin hotel #baby savior au #adamsapple #guitarduck #charlie hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin charlie #adam hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin adam #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #my art

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bouncybongfairy · 7 months

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Late Night At Fazbear's

Mike Schmidt x Fem Reader

Summary: Mike is an ex-coworker with whom you have a situationship with. Knowing about your interest in arcade games, he invites you to visit him at an abandoned pizzeria to check it out. Things get a little heated before you get a chance to look around.

Word Count: 2.5k+

(!This is a smut fanfic, you’ve been warned!)

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

You were working on some last-minute statistics homework after you got out of the shower. It was a Friday night and even though you got an offer from your friend group to go out, you decided to stay home. Going to house party after party was getting annoying. Half the time, the only people there were drunk frat boys trying to get some before their whiskey dick kicked in. Being a wing girl for your friends was fun the first thirty times but now you’d rather stay home. Things in your life seemed so stagnant, it was like all you did was school, work, then bumming it at home. Like you were some uncharismatic dad in a sitcom. Suddenly your phone goes off, which breaks you out of the trance you were in. When you answered, you immediately recognized the voice to be Mike from the pizza place you guys used to work at together. You thought it was kinda weird that he was calling you so randomly but you did talk often when working together. For reasons that still are unclear, you answered.

“Hey! Sorry I know this is- it’s kinda random but can you talk for a second?” his voice spoke over the receiver.

“Yeah, I’m just hanging out at home. What’s up?” you asked, now standing up to pace around your room.

“Oh cool cool, so kinda weird to explain but bear with me here. Remember how you were super obsessed with the old arcade games we had in the back of the pizza shop? Anyway, I got this new job at an old pizzeria and there’s a bunch of old games and animatronics. I was thinking while I’m working the graveyard shift you could maybe swing by for an hour or two and check it out with me?” His voice was so sweet and soft-spoken that you couldn’t help but blush over the phone. You coiled your finger around the wire of the landline.

“Umm, yeah that sounds kinda fun actually, when are you there till?” you asked with a hint of a smirk on your face.

“My shift starts at 12 am and ends at 6 am, no pressure. Obviously, I’ll be here all night,” he laughed.

“Yeah, I’ll call you right before I leave okay?” you asked softly.

“Yeah that’s perfect, I’ll see you then,” he said.

You put the phone back on its hook and check the time on your alarm clock. To your dismay, you’d been studying for two hours and it was 10:50. Luckily you’d already showered but that wasn’t the problem. Internally, you were going through a moral dilemma. Part of you was telling yourself that he was just a coworker that got attached and another part, wanted to do your hair and make-up and hair before going. Making sure that every strand sat just right as if he’d somehow notice. To make sure your eyelashes have the exact amount of mascara they need to be long but not clumpy. If you thought all these things, wouldn’t that mean you do care what he thinks of you? Although you were bubbling with a mix of nervousness and anticipation, you managed to finish getting ready. You start packing your bag, pacing around looking for all your items. Car keys, pocket knife, compact, body spray, and your wallet. As you went to take the cartoon of cigarettes from your bedside table, you thought about taking the joint that was rolled. Sitting on your knees in front of your nightstand, you start dialing Mike’s number to let him know you are on the way. After shoving all the contents into the bag, you make your way outside and start your Mazda. You were sitting in the car for a few moments, thinking about if you were really going.

Once you pulled into the parking lot, thoughts of regret started to bubble in your brain. You would have turned around if it weren’t for Mike’s car being in the parking lot. You checked the time on the radio and saw that it was only 12:57, was it weird that you were there so early? You were slightly worried that it would look desperate. Deciding to let that unneeded anxiety go, you get out of the car and lock your doors. Take a moment to take in the outside of the building. It appeared to be severely unkempt, brown vines covered most of the building. Due to the unsettling vibe of the building, the bear that was supposed to look cute and inviting was the exact opposite. Creating an ominous feeling as it waved at you. The walls were mostly a dull yellow color with red and blue accents and a black and white checkered line across the middle. One of the R’s of the sign was out, only adding to the sketchy feeling. You knocked on the big metal doors, wiping your knuckles off on your jeans. When Mike swung the door open, it made you jump and gasp. This caused him to break out into a fit of laughter. You playfully pushed his shoulder back.

He took you back to the small room where he was monitoring all the security footage. The room was more creepy than the outside of the building. You sat down on the desk and Mike plopped down on his office chair. He was completely slouched back, wearing a gray thermal and a dark hooded sweater. His hair was more curly than shaggy and he had a five o’clock shadow. You set your purse on the desk and stood up, looking at the security cameras. One of the first things you noticed was the group of animatronics that were standing on the stage together. It was then that you realized what you really had gotten yourself into.

He was surprised that you even came, yes you guys had become close while working together but he didn’t think it would lead to anything after. You were currently facing away from him, and he couldn’t help but admire you as you did so. He liked the fact that you were so well put together. Your jeans were fitted perfectly and your thong peaked out slightly from the top of your waistband. When you entered the small room, the entire space began to smell like apple-scented perfume. The white long sleeve was also very fitted, which brought attention to your figure. You turned around once you noticed it had been silent for a while. Grabbing your purse, you pull out the cartoon of cigs. Bringing the lighter to it and taking a drag to light it. After taking a couple of puffs you pass it to Mike who leans forward with a groan. As he took his hit, a piece of ash fell onto his pants. You leaned down and brushed it off his knee.

“So much for cutting back right?” he asked rhetorically.

“Oh yeah, I did switch to Spirits though. My grandma swore by these,” you said taking it back.

“Do you smoke weed?” he asked, you laughed and started digging through your bag and pulled out the Altoids container, grabbing the joint.

“Will you get in trouble? For like, smoking on the job?” you asked.

“Oh no, this place is abandoned. There’s usually nobody in and out of here that would notice,” he said.

You lit the joint and took a deep drag, blowing the smoke at his face playfully. He laughed as he took the joint into his hands and inhaled. You put the cig out on the glass ashtray that sat on the desk. He commented on how good the flower tasted which made you relieved knowing he didn’t think it was reggie. You guys started talking about memories of working together. You guys would always take smoke breaks together and go to lunch every once and a while. Mike actually listened to what you had to say. He wasn’t the type of person that constantly changed to a conversation with himself. A lot of guys you spoke with were usually just telling you whatever you wanted to hear. Everything you had to say was so fascinating and impressive because they were just trying to butter you up. Mike would actually give his opinions on things and would tell you if he thought what you were saying was stupid. It was refreshing, to be honest, to have an interaction with the opposite sex without them drooling on you. You glanced over at Mike, maybe it was the weed but something felt different now. The way his legs were spread so widely made something in you feel hot. Eyes were now bloodshot, making the hazel color stand out even more than before. When he reached for the joint again, his hand brushed over yours. This made you make eye contact with him but then break away once the awkwardness set in. You looked down and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Are you still with Jackson?” he asked.

“What? Oh yeah, we broke up a while ago,” you said, rubbing your arm.

“Well, what happened? I mean… If you don’t mind me asking,” he said.

“No it’s- he just..” you took a deep inhale and spoke as the smoke poured out of your mouth, “he was really aggressive like, not just with his words. Not saying he beat me or anything but some things are meant to be more sweet and gentle. Sorry, I don’t know why I'm telling you this,” you said, passing it back.

“No, I’m the one who brought it up. He always was a little misogynistic when we talked, I’m sorry you were subjected to that,” he said. You were sitting on the desk, you kicked off your sandals and gently swung your legs back and forth.

“Yeah, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be,” you sighed.

“For sure, you could do so much better than that,” he said.

“Oh yeah? When you say better what do you mean by that?” you asked, leaning over to grab the joint.

“Like if you said he was overly aggressive then you’ll find someone that is more gentle and shit,” he said, chuckling a little.

“Oh, I see,” you moved your foot so that it was resting on his inner thigh before continuing, “Maybe you could show me?” you asked flirtatiously, he looked up and looked at you with a shocked expression.

You used your leg to roll him closer to where you were sitting. He was now smirking, looking up at you. He let his hands slide up both your outer thighs. He pulled you off the desk so that you were now sitting in his lap facing him. You still had the joint in your hand, you took a hit before letting it sit on the ashtray. Your noses were touching and you were relieved to see that his breath was as fast as yours. Running your fingers through his hair, forcing his head to tilt back a little. You ran your bottom lip across his, arching your back and pressing your crotches together. He picked you up which caused you to wrap your legs around his waist. He set you on the desk again so that he was standing, hovering over you. You reached your hands down between your bodies, trying to unbuckle his belt. He stopped the kiss and chuckled at your eagerness and helped you. As you unzipped his jeans, one of his arms reached behind you and undid the clasps of your bra. The way he unhooked it with one hand made you throb. He pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in nothing but jeans. He still had his jeans on but now that his pants were undone, you could feel how hard he was through his boxers. It was like the heat coming off his dick was making your stomach feel warm and tight. Before he buried his face into your chest, the look on his face was almost primal. Like it was taking everything he had to keep his hands off of you. He took one of your breasts into his mouth and sucked, biting down every once in a while. He reached into his backpack that was sitting on the desk and pulled out a condom. He was breathing heavily and a couple of drips of sweat were beading down his forehead. As you unzipped your jeans you looked over at the security camera and thought you saw one of the animatronics move from the stage. You pulled away for a second to show him,

“Mike, I know we smoked and everything. Oh my god, I know this is going to be crazy but I swear I just saw one of those… things moved,” you said as he trailed kisses up your shoulder.

“This is my third day here and I think that all the time. It’s just your head playing tricks on us because of how creepy they look,” he said, then tearing the foil package open.

“Are you sure because I could have..” you started but then were interrupted by Mike throwing the still-packaged condom onto the desk and pressing a button that made both doors close around you. He then got down on his knees and gripped the top of your jeans, pulling them down. Instead of trying to pull your panties off of you, he simply pulls them to the side. Sticking his tongue in between your folds, massaging your clit. You had been in a dry spell since you broke up with Jackson and even then, he would never go down on you. The feeling of his mouth pressed against you was so euphoric, the moans that came out of your mouth were completely natural and unrehearsed. His pace was slow but he kept a steady rhythm which helped you chase to your climax. Instead of pulling at his hair, you cupped his face, gently stroking his cheeks with your thumbs. He looked up and made direct eye contact with you. His eyebrows were furrowed but when he saw the look on your face, his eyes closed and he groaned loudly. He grabbed your ankles and pushed your legs back so that your feet were now on the desk. You grabbed two fistfuls of hair and threw your head back, moaning loudly. The pressure of the top of your thighs being pressed into your lower stomach. Crying out as you cum, the moans came out strangled. As you started to come down from the wave of ecstasy, you began to feel insecure about how fast he made you cum.

“God you are so fucking hot, like seriously I almost came in my boxers,” he said standing up and grabbing the condom. His lips were parted and his mouth was still covered in saliva. Without wiping his mouth, he slid the rubber onto his shaft.

“Sorry, do you want to keep going?” he asked, you didn’t verbally respond. Instead, you grabbed him by his shirt and smashed your mouth into his. He moaned the word ‘fuck’ into your mouth before continuing kissing. He broke away to look down and line himself up with your entrance. You were still wet and swollen from the previous orgasm, enabling him to slide in with you easily. He dropped his forehead down on your shoulder, mouth open and moaning as he slowly started rocking back and forth into you. You scooted your ass down so that you could fully be pressed against his hips. The desk was continuously banging up against the wall. Your foreheads were now pressed together groaning and growling into each other’s mouth. Everything suddenly came to a halt when everything went dark. You both jump and start looking for any articles of clothing that are nearby. The big metal doors on both sides of you slam open so loud, that your ears start ringing.

“What the fuck just happened!” you exclaim.

“The battery died,” he realizes.

“Well has that ever happened while you’re working?” you asked.

“No,” he stated.

“Holy fuck, do you hear that fucking music?” you whispered.

#fnaf fanfic #josh hutcherson fnaf #fnaf x reader #mike schmidt fnaf #mike schmidt x reader #michael schmidt #michael schmidt x y/n #mike schmidt

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guillotine-drop · 3 months

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Ranking New Vegas companions by their alcohol tolerance

Arcade - 6/10: Hear me out, Arcade is a fairly big guy and between his genetics and the work he does, he’s bound to have some weight behind him. Do I think he’s going toe to toe with the average Wrangler patron? No, but I do think you could sit him down with a bottle of wine and by the end he’d be juuuuust tipsy enough to follow you into that Nightstalker cave with minimal complaints.

Boone - 4/10: Despite being a miserable boot boy with a dead wife, I think Boone is on the lower end of alcohol tolerance solely because he’s a sniper; I feel as though the job description means that you can’t exactly be swaying with your shots, so his tolerance would be piss poor. You could probably get him to drink a 12 pack with you, but just watch out: he might start showing a human emotion, and that’ll be uncomfortable for both of you.

Cass - 8/10: There’s something to be said about the fact that you need at least 8 Endurance to be able to beat her at the drinking contest to recruit her. Obviously she can hold her liquor, but I WILL dock points for being sloppy about it. (Girl how did you manage to wake up with a random soldier after the battle??? Don’t you know what your mailman looks like???) Share the whiskey but make sure you loop her belt around a pipe or something so she doesn’t run off.

Veronica - 3/10: I love Veronica. I love her so much. I don’t think she can hold her liquor to save her life. I think Ronnie is a ‘3 drinks and she’s out’ kind of girl. That being said, I also think that she could probably get through most of a box of hard seltzers before she starts feeling it, and I think she’d shotgun them with her Power Fist to be funny.

Raul - 10/10: He’s a ghoul, he’s old, and he’s miserable 95% of the time. I think if you handed him a bottle of Dubious Liquid he wouldn’t even hesitate to drink it. I think he’s drank rubbing alcohol just to see what would happen. I think if you give him a totally intact, unopened, top shelf bottle of tequila, he’d have to excuse himself to the other room for a minute. Definitely the one I’d want to go drinking with.

Lily - 15/10: Mamaw’s 7 feet tall and 500 pounds of sheer muscle with a super mutant metabolism, I don’t even think conventional liquor would affect her tbh. I think she’s drinking that Jacobstown Moonshine that melts spoons and eats through glass. I think she could drink a can of turpentine and it would be like a White Claw. Go grandma, but for the love of god not to the bar. I do NOT have the caps for that.

Rex - 6/10: Okay hear me out (again). He’s an old as hell cyber dog who went through multiple owners, he’s probably got more metal than organs, and the last guys who had him were Elvis impersonators who do fuckall all day but day drink and watch each other do cabaret. You look me in the face and tell me that dog hasn’t had more booze pass through his system than the average wastelander. It’s still only a 6/10 because he shouldn’t be getting it, but are you gonna tell him no? Look at that face. And lower your glass.

ED-E - 0/10: Please do not pour liquor into the orb.

#yeah dude #fallout #fnv #new vegas #arcade gannon #craig boone #rose of sharon cassidy #veronica santangelo #raul tejada #lily bowen #rex fallout new vegas #ed e

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ddejavvu · 7 months

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Animagus reader and Sirius playing in their animal forms and Sirius accidentally being a little too rough since his form is obviously a lot bigger? He’s super apologetic and while the damage isn’t a big deal at all, reader is like “… I guess this means you owe me a lot of sweater cuddles and to carry me in your bag..” to milk it LOL

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8

Sirius curses the fact that he'd chosen to bound over the grounds with you instead of staying hidden in the shadows of the forest. It means that when his massive form crashes down on top of you after you nip at his front paw, that neither of you can immediately transform to assess the damage. You're in full view of the castle and the accompanying grounds, and he has to fight every urge in his body not to give himself away and shift back at your pained yelp.

He panics, cycles through fight and flight and decides neither will do, then ever-so-gently takes the scruff of your neck between his teeth. He's painstakingly careful, whining apologetically in his throat as he secures you in his maw and bolts for the forest. You haven't made any further outcries, not even when his grip on you had shifted your position, and Sirius takes it to mean that he hasn't maimed you too badly. He still doesn't feel good about it, though, and his paws beat roughly over the earthen forest as he searches for a place to hide.

When he's carried you well within the sprawling confines of the forest he lowers his head to the ground, setting you gently on the mossy dirt.

When you don't immediately transform back, your eyes scanning the trees for potential onlookers, he nudges you with his wet snout, snuffling softly against your fur. It's safe.

You let your transformation seize you, limbs cracking though there's no accompanying pain, and fur retracting and morphing into soft, smooth skin. You wind up splayed over the forest floor and quickly right yourself so that your back is against the tree, and Sirius completes his own transformation only seconds later.

His eyes are round and shining with worry, and you marvel at how he's able to pull such perfect puppy dog eyes even after shedding his canine form. He scans you for visible injuries, lips trembling slightly as he asks, "Darling, are you okay?"

"My wrist hurts," You observe, voice pinched in pain as you raise it. There's a slight ache there, nothing that a day of use won't shake away, but Sirius takes it between his fingers like it's shattered glass that he's afraid might cut him.

"I'm sorry!" He gushes, inspecting the skin there like it might just give up and split in two, "Darling, I'm sorry, I didn't- I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you- is it okay? Do we need to go to the hospital wing?"

You flex it in his grip, once, twice, and already the slight pain eases. You shake your head, but he perceives it as an answer for the wrong question, and his eyes light further with a flaming worry.

"No, I'm- it's okay, Sirius." You assure him, brows still furrowed together at the middle, "I don't need the hospital."

"Are you sure?" He verifies, a nervous glimmer still sullying his handsome features. You nod, twisting your wrist in his grip to take hold of one of his hands, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Yeah, I'm sure," You nod, shifting your legs to plant your heels against the ground, "Help me up?"

He scrambles to fulfil your request, hauling you to your feet and right into his arms. He holds you against his chest, touch excruciatingly gentle against your skin.

"You're sure you're okay?" He asks, and for a third time, you nod.

"Yes, Sirius," You laugh, planting your face into the seam of his button-up, "Yes, I'm okay. It only hurt for a second. I just twisted it or something. It's fine, I'm fine, we're fine."

"Okay." He smooths a hand up your back, nodding along to your repetitive reassurances, "Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," You hum, wishing you were back in your feline form as you press your face into his chest. It's more soothing then, and you can hear the beat of his heart much clearer when you're a cat.

"You gotta make it up to me, though." You muse expectantly, and his arms stiffen around you, "Three whole days of carrying me in your bag without complaining."

"Three?" He asks incredulously, "One! Two, if you're lucky. Three is for hospital wing patients."

"Ah, my wrist," You feign injury, slumping against his chest as he fills the forest with the sound of his deep laughter, "Sirius, hospital wing, stat!"

#sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #sirius black scenario #sirius black oneshot #sirius black one-shot #sirius black one shot #sirius black headcanon #sirius black headcanons #sirius black hc #sirius black hcs #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fanfic #sirius black fic #sirius black blurb #sirius black drabble #sirius black dialogue #sirius black fluff #sirius black x reader fanfiction

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teaboot · 1 year

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Yo I haven't done it in forever so I forgot that working at a sex shop gives you superpowers

1. The We-Vibe Tango is a low frequency and fully waterproof rechargeable bullet vibrator that we used to sell for about $150. A new model came out about a year ago so it's on sale now online for $47. Can confirm that shipping is discreet and they have a really good warranty, just keep the packaging.

*(I'm not sponsored to say that and nobody is paying me rn, it's just a legit good deal.)

2. There are essentially three bases used for lube: Water, Oil, and Silicone. Oil breaks down any materials other than glass or metal, and Silicone breaks down Silicone toys and sometimes condoms. Water is safe for everything but tends to dry out, so people don't like it- but if you add water or spit, drying water-based lube will slick right back up.

3. If your water-based lube has given you any itching, tightening, or burning sensations, you probably have a chemical sensitivity. Obviously everyone has different preferences, but my number one recommendation is Water Slide- it's a super reasonable price compared to other lubes, it feels natural, it's incredibly gentle on the skin, and it doesn't stain sheets.

**(Again, I'm not being paid for this. By anyone. At all. I'm just sick of hearing people come in and tell me they don't use lube cause it hurts, or that they're using fucking coconut oil in their vagina. Please, God, don't put coconut oil in your vagina.)

4. A lot of massage oils use almond oil to suspend other ingredients, and warming products sometimes use cinnamon. Always, always, always check people's allergies.

5. You can buy toys off cheap sites if you want, just be wary of quality and ALWAYS read the product description. I personally wouldn't buy anything that isn't Silicone, stainless steel, or glass, because unlike jelly, plastic, "fantaflesh", and Silicon, (which is NOT Silicone!!!) They are non-porous, sterile, and don't melt in contact with each other. This means that as long as you clean them properly and don't use the wrong lubes, they will not hold bacteria or break down, which makes them safe for both you to reuse and your partner/s to share. (And to switch between front door/back door, so long as you wash before going back to front.)

6. Cotton and polyester bondage rope are cheap and great to practice with. Silk sounds fancy and is very strong but be advised that a lot of silk rope is "Silk(TM)", not actual silk. Read the product description. (I personally am reluctant to spend more than about $2 per foot for mass-produced synthetic rope, but could be persuaded to pay more for ACTUAL silk, nylon, handmade ropes, or especially attractive colors/patterns/textures.) You want your rope to be at least as thick as your thumb and layered to avoid lacerations, and taut (not stretchy) to be sure you're in control of how much pressure you're putting on.

7. Choking someone by pressing on the windpipe is painful and inefficient. If you want to, stay very, very light, as it's a very delicate area. If you want a head rush, press down on the sides of the windpipe, just below the corners of their lower jaw. You will feel a pulse there. That's the carotid artery. It carries oxygen to the brain. Pressing there will allow them to breathe, but will still "choke" the air going to their head. It's faster and painless. Only hold this for 3-4 seconds if you lack experience. It takes just under 15 seconds to make someone pass out from a blood choke, and after that you risk causing *permanent brain damage*. If your partner passes out, release pressure immediately and keep their airways clear. If you're the one being choked, know that your only warning will be spotty vision and a dizzy sensation. Communicate with your partner/s and for the love of God, do your research first. I'm not a doctor. Please God, please do your research.

8. Don't reduce blood flow to any part of the body for more than 20 minutes. This includes cock rings. Take a break for an hour between uses.

9. Most 'dick pills' are just a stimulant, a mild vasodilator, and a placebo. Usually mostly caffeine. They are not worth $20 apiece. Take a minute to meditate, have a hot shower, drink some black tea, have a coffee, go for a run, whatever- you'll get the same effect. And no, there is not a single ethical and legal sex shop in the country that can sell you viagra. You would have better luck on Facebook. Do not buy viagra on Facebook.

10. There are no "male toys" and "female toys". Your only limitations are safety and creativity. If youre sticking something into something else, just make sure everything is clean, not too big, not sharp or abrasive, and can be taken back out.

11. If something "goes missing" in your vagina and you panic, you muscles will tense up and it'll it'll harder to get back. Relax and stand up. Wait a minute. Chill. Calm down. Jump a couple times. There's nowhere for it to go and worst case scenario, I promise the emergency walk-in has seen something weirder or worse in the past hour or so.

12. You cannot return toys that you buy and don't like and I swear to God if you come into my store with an opened product and try to give it back I will lose my shit

13. Actually while I'm at it, people who work at sex shops are more often than not not sex workers and even if they were, it would still not be appropriate to flash or grope them or ask them "what they use", I will run you over in the fucking parking lot

#Sex education #Information #Body health #Not for work #Yes I will take questions please ask questions just let me know if u wanna be anon in the response

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luvadosar · 1 month

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Random & weirdly specific SFW/NSFW Vox head-cannons because I lije him

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

SFW:

- Though he does drink coffee, he isn’t a coffee addict surprisingly, I feel like he wouldn’t drink coffee unless he absolutely thinks he has to. Also, he likes to flex his awesome coffee cup. His average cup of joe consists of probably 6-8 oz of coffee, like 10 sugar packs , & 2 oz of creamer.

- You probably realized my not so subtle hints towards Vox loving sugar, because of his eccentric demeanor and his loud self, he would obviously love sugary sweets, not as much as drinks though. Vox is like those type of people who survive off of 10 energy drinks per day rather than water, claiming it was “cool”. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started the monster can craze in 2020.

- HIS BEDROOM GUYS, his bedroom. The vast majority of his bedroom is, surprise, blue. It’s messy but in a “good” way? I don’t know how to explain it but his room is not food or clothes messy. It’s cable cord messy, like back of the tv hooked up to the gaming system messy LMAO. He doesn’t visit his room a lot; he doesn’t even call it “his room” but I am. Blue led lights everywhere, tv screens all over the walls just like his office. The man doesn’t even have a bed! I also think his room is filled with unsuccessful prototypes of his old VoxTek shit. If you’re super close to him he’d let you play with them <3

- If you want to “win his heart” I think you’re gonna wanna know a thing or two about technology. If not prepare for hours of him ranting about shit you don’t know. Because wdf

- Despite him being a bratty piss baby, he’s intelligent, he’s a fucking technology engineer, businessman, & founder of a huge company in Pentagram City for god’s sake . Just not emotionally and actually fun fact, smarter people have trouble connecting with emotions of other people, hence why he’s so manipulative and whatnot. (Smart people do stupid shit) I compare him to Elon Musk or something

- So his phone…whats on his phone?! Seriously what the fuck is on his phone. There is actually a ss of hell’s apps on one of the imps phone, I will post it here! But firstly the only apps that’ll be on his phone is VoxFlix, Sinstagram (even though he’s probably more of a stalker than a poster) Envee (TikTok), and all the other apps that come with the Vphone. He probably does not have the hell equivalent to facebook because “who the fuck uses hellbook” guys he watches porn btw.

- For a tiny small fraction of angst, though he has a relationship with reader…i dont think he’ll stop watching porn (not that he has a crippling porn addiction lmao…he watches it every now and then) unless you really get in your feelings about it. But then he’ll just think you’re totally overreacting.

NSFW

- Speaking of porn, his deep desires is to record a video of him absolutely fucking your brains out…or if youre a top…you absolutely fucking HIS brains out.

- (For my switches) First time he realized you top too, he was reluctant at first because, what would that do to his sweet repuation? If someone finds out? If someone finds him bent over the table, caught him pants down, getting penetrated by a dick (silicone or real), the risks of someone taking a pic and posting it for everyone to see especially Alas— sorry guys.

- (For my tops) BIG PISS BABY. Complains all the fucking time. About how much it hurts and wanting you to slow down for a second so he can catch his breath. Seeing him glitch at your nasty remarks. And if you’re a mean top, he fucking hates it so good but it feels so bad. Seeing him cry about the negative attention you’re sending his way, he craves nothing more than to be perceived in a positive light. Thats why he hates alastor cause he thinks he hates him so therefore he hates him back 🤷🏽‍♀️. But if you’re a nice top, get ready for needy Vox.

- Like I said he’s a power bottom if you’re a top, he just doesn’t know it yet <3

- Big sucker for praise. Wants to be called a good boy. I will admit he was shy at first about you commanding him to call himself a good boy for that sweet long awaited praise. Poor baby ;(

- “I-I’m a good…good boy..?” ^^^

- His cum is not blue guys 😔… his cum is milky, stiky like caramel, sweet like pineapple, and white like a sheet of paper.

- IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF I INCLUDE SCARY DETAILS ABOUT HIS DICK GUYS!! 👻👻 /hj

- Girth: 2.5in Length: 6-7in Tip color: #03cafc Number and placement of veins: 3 noticeable veins, two crossing diagonally from eachother and more closer to the balls, the other one is more closer to the tip Base color: #304891 Miscellaneous: slightly curved to the right (it’s barely there but if you look closely). Grower > Shower

yall i had to re upload because i came to my senses that i dont see vox topping at all like he’s too…HIM for that. 😭 im so embarrassed dont be alarmed if i say i will literally eat the nearest brick wall like a cake !

#hazbin hotel x reader #hellaverse #hazbin hotel #vox x reader #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox #vox headcanons #hazbin hotel headcanon #headcanon

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yamujiburo · 2 months

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Going off your next gen post I personally wouldn’t consider that an example of comphet, you said yourself that you got into MLP later on and when making the next gen you just looked up popular ships at the time. You had Starlight and Trixie be Dove’s moms, and I distinctly remember female ponies flirting and/or kissing (Amber and others)

In terms of the Mane 6 next gens, there was actually some material in the show to go off of with TwilightXFlash and RainbowXSoarin so I can’t fault you there (not saying I fault you in general)

I obviously can’t tell you how to feel, we’re always growing as humans and as artists so it’s understandable when we may not look back too fondly on some of our old work. I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t be too hard on yourself, you were always really kind, positive, and uplifting on Deviantart, I don’t have a single memory of you being hateful or mean and I think that’s part of why you gained such a rapid following throughout the years.

You spent your teenage years drawing pink pastel horses with magical colorful butt tattoos and sharing them with the world, honestly a slay 💅🏾 own that ish.

Hahaha it was definitely both. I didn’t really have any gay ships until I was in the process of coming out myself 😭

And I’m glad to hear that I came off very positive back then! I mostly don’t look back on it super positively because of the out of pocket racism and homophobia and grooming I went through. There were a lot of fun times tho and I really grew as an artist a lot around then!

It was a time for sure haha

#ask yam

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0anonnymouslyours0 · 1 year

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spencer's hands are SO hot and veiny, i want to bite them.

the other day i was thinking about having sex for the first time with s2 spencer, and both being so nervous, specially him, so you basically BEG for his hands, saying something like "your hand, please, i want your hand" grabbing his hand and guiding him so he can put his fingers deep inside you, and him being like "😲 you, uhm, you like my hands?"

idk im just a whore for his hands and s2 spencer

warnings; fingering , kissing , references to handjob/blowjob at end , inexperienced spencer

spencer and you had been dating for 6 months now. when you started dating, you knew he wasn't very experienced, but it had been half a year, and all you had done was kiss.

you knew he was attracted to you. after particularly heated kisses he'd always back away, the bulge in his pants obvious, and then leave muttering about having to take care of something.

you knw you were ready, and from a brief conversation you'd had with him, you knew he was too. so when he messaged you, after he'd been away for a couple days, telling you he would be home in the evening you decided to put a plan in motion.

you searched your wardrobe for the most.. revealing piece of clothing you could find, settling on a little black dress, which fit you perfectly. you bit your lip as you pulled out the only pair of mildly seductive panties you own, a light pink lacy set, you were sure he'd appreciate.

candles were lit, sheets were changed, perfume was sprayed and finally a knock sounded at the door.

fixing your dress nervously, you approached the door, opening it to reveal a disheveled spencer. his tie was crooked, and his usual slick back hair was all over the place. somehow, he still managed to look put together.

"hey." he said smiling, and stepping in to wrap you in a hug.

he stood back, eyes running up and down your body. your cheeks flushed red as you watched him, happy to see your efforts were noticed.

"you look.. very nice." he said, swallowing nervously. his hand reached up to pull at his collar, trying but failing to loosen it.

you step forward, swatting his hand away so you can take off his tie, you hold it in your hands, placing a kiss to his neck as you back away. spencer inhales sharply, eyebrows furrowing.

"do you, um.. want to sit down?" spencer said, placing his case on the hallway table.

"yes." you said, nodding and guiding him into the candlelight living room.

his eyes widened as he walked into the room, taking in the decorations you'd put up.

"wow.. is it our anniversary? wait no, that was a couple weeks ago.." spencer questions.

"no, i just wanted to have a nice night. with you."

you take his hand, guiding him down to the couch. you knew spencer was awkward, but right now he looked straight up uncomfortable. he positioned himself on one end of the couch, taking off his shoes and shuffling about.

"something wrong?" you ask, watching his body language.

"no, nothing at all.."

"are you sure?" you ask, rising an eyebrow at his obvious lie.

"you just look really nice, and i'm not sure why. i'm obviously not super experienced with the whole... dating thing and you know. but is there something you- uh want?" his eyes dart around the room, attempting to look anywhere but you.

you chuckle at his rambling, leaning forward a bit to get closer to him.

"well, i've been thinking.. maybe its time that we go a little." you pause, searching for the right word. "further."

spencers eyes widen, and he nods eagerly. you laugh at his reaction, as you crawl across the couch and onto his lap. his hands are held in the air, eyes watching you as you move into him.

"here." you instruct, placing his hands on your hips. you squirm slightly, until your in a comfortable position straddling him. a small smirk appears on your face, as you feel a small bulge poking into your thigh, a result of your movements.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to uhh-" spencer says, referring to his little problem. spencer moves to get up, trying to cover himself when you stop him, grabbing his arms and locking your thighs around his. a gasp leaves his lips, as you roll your hips ever so slightly against his.

"jesus-" he mumbles, as you continue your movements.

you lean forward, pausing your grinding briefly, to kiss him. you reach your hands up to cup his cheeks, pulling his face in closer. his hand squeezes your waist, on instinct, and you moan into his mouth. shook covers your body, as you break the kiss, taking in spencers surprised expression. your eyes flit down to his hands noticing, and not for the first time, the veins that you run along them, which you find unexplainably attractive. his eyes follow yours, and he moves his hand from your waist, reaching up to cup your cheek, like you had done before.

he watches as your eyelids flutter at the notion, and you smile softly. to your surprise, spencers thumb moves to press on your bottom lip softly. you part your lips, allowing his thumb to slip through them. your tongues circles around it, sucking slightly. spencer watches you carefully, now painfully aware of the erection thats prodding against your panties, covered by your skirt. he pulls his hand away from you, not missing the soft whine that falls from your lips. you reach out grabbing at his hand and pulling it down to your skirt, flipping it up to reveal your panties.

spencer groans at the sight, and your cheeks heat at his reaction.

"spencer.. can you- touch me?"

"with my hand..?" he questions, a confused expression on his face.

"please, i want your hands."

you pull your panties to the side, grabbing his hand and guiding it down towards your clit. spencers eyes are focused, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth, as you begin to guide his finger to circle your clit. you take your hand back, and spencer continues the motion. a moan falls from your lips, your head lolling back slightly.

"now just.." you reach to guide his hand down to your entrance.

his brows raise, as if to confirm what your asking, and you nod. his finger slips into your entrance, and your eyes roll back into your head at the feeling, a loud moan leaving your mouth. spencers mouth parts in shock at your reaction.

"you, uhm, like my hands?" he asks, and you nod quickly, affirming his thoughts.

"deeper, please spence." you gasp out.

spencer follows your command, moving his finger in and out of you.

"just rub on my clit, with your thumb.." you say, a moan leaving your mouth when he does so.

"i'm so close- god spencer."

you rest your head against his shoulder as you begin to feel yourself come undone. your thighs shake, moans leaving you as you come. spencers almost transfixed by the sight, hips rutting up against yours without control.

your panting slightly, lifting your head off his shoulder to kiss him.

"thank you."

"your, uhm, welcome?" he says, unsure what to say.

he gasps, as your hand comes down to his thigh, trailing to the bulge.

"your turn?" you say, tilting your head.

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jymwahuwu · 8 months

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jing yuan + corruption kink with reader who idolizes him🫠he thinks it’s super cute when your eyes sparkle whenever he compliments you or how you’re always eager to please so of course he has to see how far he can go with that he starts off small just hold his hand kiss him a couple times then it goes to suck him off while he works you’ll obviously do it for him right? he had such a long day too you’ll help your beloved general right

Sorry for the late reply T-T I have too many drafts…and it's so relatable with me. I will look at Jing Yuan with admiration and follow him🥺

CW: corrupt kink, yandere, oral sex

Jing Yuan is hundreds of years old, and you are inexperienced, pure, and adorable in his eyes. Your "experience" means nothing to him. Not to mention, it's also impossible to kiss anyone else now, except him. He used some tricks to force you into a corner. His tall, imposing figure covers you, and you have no choice but to stammer and honestly confess your admiration and love for him. Jing Yuan told you that there is a "training plan" here, just for you.

Training… plan?

You tilt your head, not understanding what the general means, but you are eager to please him. You nodded and agreed.

This is a great opportunity for some requests like: a good lover will kiss your boyfriend at least 8 times a day and hold his hand and tell him that how much you love him uwu

You shyly take his hand and kiss him quickly on the cheek in public. Jing Yuan wants to announce your cuteness to the world.

However, the corruption does not stop there. Kissing and holding hands are just the basics. It is important that you relieve the general's stress and desires while he works. Under the desk of the Seat of Divine Foresight, you squat down, and 5-6 pink threads protrude from your soaked underwear and fall to the ground. These are custom-made vibrators that vibrate and swirl inside you silently and relentlessly. Jing Yuan increased the vibration level while reading the document.

And you couldn't touch yourself, you could only open your lips, which were filled with his cock. The general had to train your throat, pat your head, and push the back of your head forward. You suppressed a moan, tears splashing on his cock, and looked at him confused and a little aggrieved. The fluid dripped between your legs and began to form a lustful little puddle.

Taking away all your clothes is also good "training". You had to plead with him through teary eyes and take the initiative to please him. Those fluffy cat ears and cat tail are bought for you, and you will be grateful to him, right? Your butt is stuffed with the cat's tail, and the seed that's been poured into it can't flow out. "…meow…meow~♥"

This is preparation for you to become his spouse. He said.

Eventually, you'll be moaning and screaming in pleasure as you're penetrated, eyes filled with desire and adoration. You are his perfect spouse and can never leave him again.

Now the training plan is successful😚💓

#yandere hsr #yandere honkai star rail #yandere jing yuan #yandere hsr x reader #yandere jing yuan x reader #honkai x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you

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speadrunner · 1 month

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Who is (actually) the hottest Monsters & Girls character?

Link to poll: https://www.tumblr.com/idolomantises/745892368364060672

CW: This will be a long post;

(Note: this is completely for comical purposes, please don’t take this too seriously. I have all the respect in the world for @idolomantises and their work)

1. Sera

👍: Perhaps the titular character of the series, Sera is beautiful angel (literally) and is arguably the kindest character in the whole series

👎: I challenge you to draw this woman without screaming at yourself/into a pillow

2. Lili

👍: Endearing, welcoming, understanding, and can be very fun. Pretty much wears her heart on her sleeve with how open she is.

👎: Literally THE sexy character. It’s obvious why you picked her as the hottest, now go get better tastes.

3. Cheri

👍: She’s sooo soft omg. She’s so sweet you’ll have a sweet tooth just for her even if you don’t like sweets

👎: I will not talk ill of this lady because I literally cannot, but for all intents and purposes this is a contest to see who is the hottest, not the most wholesome. Sorry 🫡

4. Junior

👍: Blunt and cute, plus a goat. Cute goats are always an A+ character design. Where would we be without them tbh?

👎: Bluntness can lead to rudeness and or discomfort. Nothing super bad about Junior just prob not the best choice for this. Just sayin

5. Scylla

👍: Lord have mercy I understand where people are coming from. Hooo doggy what a woman.

👎: I can’t remember the exact post but I recall it being said that she bites your head off or something if you get too close or look at her weird. That’s no good

6. Ciel

👍: Easily one of my favorite designs. He’s definitely the prettiest boy of the entire cast

👎: One of those cases where he’s too good for you, ya know what I mean? He’s way out of your league I don’t make the rules

7. Catty

👍: Nya~ Very fashionable going off of recent appearances. Design hasn’t changed too much in comparison to others, meaning that

👎: I like dogs more, plus she’s not open with her thoughts and feelings, leading to awkward moments when she lets it all out

8: Luvart

👍: Big, beefy, strong, fire. Need I say more? She treats sex workers with respect for their profession and would be a completely package when you don’t consider…..

👎: …She has no qualms murking you just because and her greatest offense is being the arch rival of the best character a special someone

9: Adam

👍: Dude can become a dog for you to pet and is quite honest in most cases. Plus those scars look neat wouldn’t you say?

👎: Unless you are a - former angel now fallen, a TV show host, have a broken halo, while simultaneously sharing a name with a pizza company and a game tile, then you ain’t getting nothing.

10: Domino

👍: I can see why so many are stricken by this fella, he’s quite cute, quirky, and has an adorable way of being blunt

👎: (Domi- No hoes) He’s just not good enough. He seems so ideal at face value but he berates angels to the moon and back and for what? His fault for his own downfall.

With all that said, clearly the hottest character of Monsters and Girls - for appearance AND character - is obviously….

POWERS

LITERALLY PERFECTION IN ITS PUREST FORM! CHISELED LIKE A GREEK GOD(DESS), ROSE TO BE AN ANGEL - REJECTING HER DEMONIC ORIGINS, FOLKS IT JUST DOESNT. GET. BETTER!

A Vote For Powers Is A Vote For Truth, Love, And Happiness!! Vote For Powers in the Home Stretch Now!

#I was serious when I said I’d post propa- I mean #Posting undisputed facts over opinions #idolomantises #monsters and girls #powers #Vote. Powers. Now!

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drizztdohurtin · 1 month

Text

Rolan Headcanons: marriage and domesticity

pairing: Rolan x gn!reader

〚 Masterlist | WIP List 〛

I'm sorry if any of this feels reminiscent or repetitive of Gale's marriage and domesticity headcanons, they are very similar men, but I'm trying my best to add variety <3

I've discussed many of these with @viennacherries so I just want to throw her some credit for any of her ideas that have seeped into my brain and bled into this post <33333

-MDNI-

01. Marriage:

I struggled so hard when writing the pining and dating headcanons but now.... buckle in bitches (affectionate)

I want to be married to Rolan so bad dude

Rolan LOVES introducing you to people as his wife/husband/spouse once you're married - he is literally so proud to be married to you

not even because "Wow look at me I'm married to the hero of Baldur's Gate", but just because of who you are as a person and how much he loves you

in the beginning, whenever he hears you refer to him as your husband, his tail swishes happily and he starts purring without realizing it - it's very quiet, but you notice

after a few occurrences, you point it out to him one night because you find it so endearing - he lowkey freaks out he's like WAIT I DO??

If you don't want kids, he's completely fine with it bc he gets to be the cool uncle when Cal and/or Lia have kids

If you do want kids........ well, it's complicated (begging you to wait for my 'conceiving/pregnancy/fatherhood' hc posts because I will go into hella detail)

on one of the last nights of your honeymoon, you make a comment about how much you had been enjoying going to sleep and waking up next to him every day during your trip; making a little joke about how that wouldn't be the case once he returned to his work when you two got home

and even though it was only meant to tease him lightheartedly, and even though you reassured him of such once you saw his face scrunch in concern, it was the only thing he could think about for a while

upon returning from your honeymoon, he'd do his best to be there with you when you laid down for the night - and tries to be around for you more often, generally speaking

it doesn't work super well at first, but he's definitely trying

as per my dating headcanon post, he cooks dinner for you once a tenday as a little at-home date night - and once you're married he'll start doing it more often

after maybe 5 years of marriage he gets to a point where he's finishing his work early every single day, like before sundown, so he can cook for you or take you out to eat, and have enough time to cuddle up and read to you before going to sleep

Everyday Rolan thinks about how much he loves and cherishes you, how much you've sacrificed over the years, and how lucky he is to be your husband

based on how I paced the progression of the relationship in the pining/dating post, I strongly feel that Rolan really blossoms as a person and as a partner only once you've gotten married

Before you guys got married, obviously he was already in love with you, already cherished you, and was already comfortable around you, etc. etc.

but all of that gets so much more amplified once you're married

Fully Comfortable Rolan is such a treasure

after even 6 months of marriage, he's so much more confident in how he touches you and how he talks to you, or the things he does for you

Married Rolan is touchier, he jokes more, he laughs more, he infodumps more! he's unstoppable!

This complete security also means it's easier for him to be vulnerable with you, he's more likely to open up to you about things that trouble him, eventually coming to you about them before you even have a chance to ask him what was wrong

a lot of his "attitude" in the past came from insecurity, so Secure Married Rolan is no longer snarky with strangers (unless they suck), and he no longer feels like he has to prove himself to others

He's calmer, he's more patient, he's more likely to offer help to others

Married Rolan eventually takes on students, or maybe an apprentice or two, and he's so good with them

Married Rolan is Matured Rolan - in the healthiest way (good for him !!!)

02. Domesticity:

Rolan takes such good care of you

Due to how he grew up, he has a lot of domestic skills that would stick with him for life

Having to take care of Cal and Lia for so long, both being much younger than him, he'd know a few level 1 healing spells, he'd know how to cook, he'd know how to mend clothing and get tough stains out of fabric

that night when you return to him after defeating the Absolute, he'd heal you as many times as you'd allow him to, even though he wasn't as skilled as a cleric

there were a few times during the events of the game when you'd come to see him and he'd notice a tear in your clothes - always insisting on sewing it back up for you

and once you're moved in together, he'd mend your clothing without even telling you - you'd just realize the hole in your favorite shirt is all patched up one day

Rolan's a good cook, and he loves to do it for you

and if you cooked for him, he'd 100% do the dishes

but he still wouldn't let you do the dishes when he cooks for you

He's always cleaning up around the tower, often without even realizing it

It's second nature for him to be tidy and whatnot, but it's also because he respects the tower so much - he wants to keep it as pristine as he can

just going around and putting things back in their spots, even something as little as putting a quill back in a drawer

After he becomes the master of the tower, he spends a lot of his free time rearranging furniture and decorations or replacing them altogether to make the tower feel more comfortable for him and his siblings

I also think that seeing all of Lorr*akan's belongings leaves a bad taste in his mouth, so redecorating the tower played a part in helping him move on from the whole situation

And once you moved in with him, he desperately wanted to make sure you felt at home

He didn't see it as you living in his home - it was your home just as much as it was his

He'd encourage you to have your own office and decorate it to your liking, and he'd always ask your opinion on something before buying it for the tower

Rolan never leaves clothes on the floor, he always makes the bed, he cleans up immediately after he's done cooking (honestly he starts cleaning up while in the middle of it, too)

he always makes sure his clothes are free from wrinkles, often running his hands over the clothes he's wearing to make sure nothing's creasing, and he'll do the same to you

Rolan has always been quite responsible with money since things were always tight growing up

he probably has more money than he knows what to do with after being the master of the tower for only a year

He'd save a lot of it in case something were to happen, but he also donates a good portion of it to various causes in the city

he'd be particularly fond of the organizations that care for orphans and help young people receive schooling

#sorry if these suck again #when I start writing dad!rolan i'll stop sucking #baby boy #my writing #my hcs #rolan #bg3 #x reader #headcanons #baldurs gate 3 #fluff #brain rot #rolan posting

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mccoyquialisms · 9 days

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More bits from the 1st night of the London D20 live show that brought me joy:

The little “ooooohhhhHHHH” bit everyone in the atrium did as they were rolling the bingo cages for their characters

How NUTS everyone went when Lou got Fabian and everyone started chanting “hoot growl”

A second, just as loud cheer when Siobhan got Adaine and her and Lou ran around the stage together

Siobhan, unprompted: “GIVE ADAINE A GUN!”

Emily has apparently named a stray cat after Plug <3

Sydney straight up eating the ground (it’s ice cream, she’s fine. Sort of.)

“It’s a smell so counter to everything human life needs, in a way that almost kills you, but also, only in a way someone from New York can understand, makes you proud.”

The party refusing to call the candy wyverns anything other than “bugs”

Zac interrupting the ongoing banter to announce Skip is already boarded and sucking on the saddle of the wyvern

“I throw a flash grenade.” “I turn into a giant pigeon.” “I cast unseen servant to untie him.” “I shoot a guard.” “Okay, so everyone decides to do something SUPER SUBTLE.”

I mentioned it before but it’s SO good: “the DC is 500. Only a Nat 20 will do it.” Beardsley: [rolls a Nat 20 first try] [pandemonium in the arena]

“Have you seen Succession?”

The gabagool 🤌

“Adaine, we have saved the world multiple times. These are the scariest people we have ever met.”

Lou losing it at Sydney’s grenade having 1 point of poison damage in addition to all the bludgeoning damage

Skip gives Fabian a laser gun. He does not know what it is until he shoots Calroy with it

“Adaine, this gun thing you’re on? I get it.”

Cocaine Bear

“I YEETED YOU!”

Pete and Skip instant besties. Pete and Fabian instant enemies.

“You named him Anus and now I just have to do it the rest of the show!”

“I absolutely hate to add insult to injury…” “THEN DON’T!”

Adaine passing her wisdom save by 1 point to prevent Kugrash’s polymorph spell from turning her into a rat

The absolute ROAR that went up when Skip transformed into Lapin

“Anus?” “Not today.” “Not today WHAT?”

“I thought I was just on another planet starting a revolution I don’t intend to stick around for.” “America!”

Ally confidentially declaring Lapin and Aguefort have swinger vibes

“Do you want to just take him?” “Do you mean in the biblical sense?” “Another exciting use….”

[croaky voice] butterfly in the skyyyy

Pete opening 6 different flavors of seltzer while the rest of the party does kublacaine

Elaine Lee in the house!!!

Kugrash the greatest chaperone who ever lived

Lapin and Aguefort…and they were roommates…..Lapin’s “how do I look?” before they go into the egg fortress lmao

Syd’s perfume missile dealing 68 points of damage to Fabian and instantly knocking him unconscious. “Are you rolling D20s for damage???”

“I’m going to use my tides of chaos to reroll….worse.”

Tina the butterfly familiar that everyone totally remembers

“Well shit, any house where we kill the people in it becomes our house.”

Pete dissing Fabian so hard he feels the toxic masculinity coming back

Lapin requesting an exam extension for Adaine and Fabian from Arthur via dating app

The collective psychic damage everyone took from the “yar har har” scene

“Pete just starts dancing with a scarf in a way no one else has seen before.” “That’s my fucking thing!!!”

Sydney just enabling every pvp encounter alsdkghsdg. Giving Fabian unlimited capacity to his gun as he’s shooting Pete, with Fabian hitting twice and criting once.

“I can pleasure you or throw grenades, you gotta pick one.” “The first one, obviously!” “Okay!”

Lapin, Adaine and Kugrash chain smoking in the corner suffering through the pain of existence while the rest of party goes nuts around them

Murph incorporating the words “come/coming” as much as possible into Kugrash’s farewell speech while Brennan mimes Gilear’s enormous dick behind him. Not even Fabian’s battle sheet is enough to conceal that hog

“That’s right, I’m the king. And then I jump into the dumpster.”

GILEAR…MY…..OLD FRIEND………Aguefort and Gilear fwb real

“Not another person with their penis frozen to the walk in!”

#dimension 20 live #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 live #dropout #my musings #time quangle

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