#i may have worked to hard on a good day

[candlecafe]

Sorry, I haven’t done my work, yeah, I’m in spoon jail. Yeah, I was in really bad spoon debt, and I stopped paying my spoon taxes. Yeah, I can’t do anything until I gather enough spoons to pay my spoon bail.

#i’m so tired #disability #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #spoonie #i may have worked to hard on a good day #when will i learn #the consequences of my own actions #going to sleep now

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment. #I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again). #Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him. #This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse. #It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship- #-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care. #And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you. #You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged. #I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated. #People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away. #I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'. #And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media. #We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May. #Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I know you probably won't answer this, which is fine.

But, I just wanted to say thank you, for everything you do.

Whether it's a simple shitpost, a artistic comic about gay puppets, or even a life update about sprinkles, everything you make brings me joy.

Life's been pretty shitty lately, and I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done.

I can't what to see what else you post, lol

jokes on you, I'm Answering This! ha, get pranked

but really, that's one of my big goals, i'm going to be honest. it's why i started posting fic & now art - i wanted to provide for people the joy and escape it all gave me over the years. if i can make One person's day better, it's worth it!

so... really i should be thanking You! it warms me to know that i've brightened your hours even a little <3 KITTEN BLAST:

#keep with it dude <3 there's always good things #i hope to continue providing this little service! #thank you for your support and enjoyment <3 #i may not have much art or writing to share currently #(work is taking all of my spoons and bending them into pretzels you see!) #but! perhaps i will have other things. silly frivolous things #the Whimsy. the Whimsy! #cat pictures perhaps... crochet updates... Odysseus liveblogging... #that last one is a jest im in too far to start liveblogging Now #also may i recommend listening to Hozier's latest album Unheard??? #the songs Too Sweet and Fare Well go very hard and make it a bit easier to feel Delight in living imo #rambles from the bog #i hope your day tomorrow (today? both!) treats you kindly

[xianyoon]

lit my gardenia candle ... had a waffle ... woke up way too early ... good morning friends i am officially back to school !!!

#― ying talks. #year 2 semester 1 here i come TT #-> every day i wake up and go I LOVE SOCIAL WORK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!then i trudge to the train station #anywayz !!!! good morning !!! happy monday !!! even if it isn't so happy ;w; #i hope you all have good days ahead of you and are able to find the little glimmers in today #as hard as it may be (っ- ‸ - ς) but i am proud of you !!!! for taking today in your stride #and now i must be off to school goodbye friendos i'll be back later !!! (੭ ˊ^ˋ)੭ ♡

[annamaryllis]

I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.

#annabeth🥺 #it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead #it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply #but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad #she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him #sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff #both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways... #but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life #it's really complex and difficult work #and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why #so certain things will never get the best closure #ugh it's all so fucked up #MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO #and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest #like her mother's conditional love #and trauma from her mortal family #and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions #so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter #and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that... #AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months #and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which #should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy #and then he can work through some stuff too down there #HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed #bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely) #the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day #annabeth chase #luke castellan #✏️

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

..

#hi back for now bc it's fall break and I'm stuck on campus #trying not to complain about it but I've been having stomach issues for at least the past couple of weeks #it's been acting up since I got here but the past few weeks and specifically the past few days it's become a lot more intense #I made an appointment with the medical clinic here on campus and they're treating me with something for a possible stomach ulcer right now #I have a follow-up in a couple of weeks #I'm struggling to keep on top of all my thoughts and feelings and emotions right now too #which may be causing or compounding the stomach issues. honestly who knows. #all I know for sure rn is that I feel very tired and worn out despite it being fall break #and I wish I didn't feel this way #kinda sad and very tired #it's a perfect opportunity to catch up on school work that I've fallen behind on. and yet I feel completely unable to even think #about school. hhhhh. 🙃 #it's been such a hard year guys. and I don't want to complain or wallow but I wish I could just break down have a good cry #or a screaming fit if needed #just get it all out #and then maybe I'd be able to cope a little better #unfortunately I'm not sure that's how it works. so I guess I'm stuck feeling like this for now.

[miodiodavinci]

the burnout is real lads . . . . .

#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents #it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today #and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am #and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly #and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession #and it's like #neither of us have lost the passion for it??? #it's not that we hate our jobs #it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just. #no longer getting results. #i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero #not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly #because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes #i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . . #i still need to write three planning documents for tonight #one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it #but my god #i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three #i'm so close to the end though . . . . . #just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship #of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents #and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony) #but god . . . . . . . . #so close . . . . . . . . #so close . . . . . . #once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . . #i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

oooo we makin progress oooooo

also please ignore my hand ;v;;;

#hush n shush wifi #not brainrot #cosplay talk #why do i have an absolute vice grip on it #looks like i'm about to thwack someone with it #anyways airbrushed for an initial coat #and touched up/brightened by hand #the inscriptions on the top were the most heinous part #my back hurts so much tomorrow i work on the lower part #there's no gradient at the top because gradients are hard #gonna add a satin protective coat then gloss on the gems #the colors may not be 100% accurate but it LOOKS like Vortex Vanquisher so i'm happy!! #anyways hi hello how is everyone on this fine day!!!! #i hope you're doing well!!!! <333 #good evening :) #wifi rambles

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

There always seems to be one kid who just screams like a tornado siren, all day long, at any given opportunity. Like, kid, I love you, you are precious and deserve all the happiness in the world; but please for the love of god shut up. There are people trying to learn here and you’re not helping them or yourself.

#I don’t like being harsh with people in general but if one child is raising the tension in the room to a fever pitch every single day #making it incredibly hard for the kids who are trying really really hard to focus when they already have focus issues #and because I know this specific kid gets absolutely spoiled rotten at home and is allowed to do whatever they want #you know… sometimes it helps to show the kid how they sound to others by demonstrating the obnoxious nature of The Scream #because when the parents do Jack Shit about teaching their kid discipline and courtesy; you have to be a parent in their stead #But do NOT continue to scream. You are an adult with adequate emotional control. Screaming should be be done EXTREMELY sparingly #and only utilized for demonstration purposes or to stop a brawl; not for bullying or intimidation #Don’t do a JoJo Siwa and TRY to make kids cry even though you may get stressed enough that you want to escalate on purpose #Again: you are an adult with adequate emotional control; don’t escalate unless the overreaching plan is to deescalate #if eliciting a startle response will stop harmful behavior and “snap them out of it” for long enough for you to get through #or if they just need to let all their emotions out at once so they can lose enough of that high energy to think critically #then sure #but you have to guide them back down very carefully and calmly; it’s a precise science #Don’t be mean about it; be genuine in your feelings and don’t go overboard. Genuine ≠ mean unless you’re evil #Or if you don’t feel emotions very strongly (like I do) then react like a “normal” person. Lie about being angry or sad if it is appropriat #Again: Your goal should not be to get the kid to do what you want; the goal should be to get them to feel good enough #so they are ABLE to do it in the first place #And the goal should also be to show them how their actions affect others if they are not aware of it #“Teach a man to fish” and all that. Don’t always check them; get them to check themselves #If a kid hits another kid when they’re angry at something completely unrelated; then 1.) redirect destructive behavior #and 2.) walk them back over to the kid they hurt and say: #“Look at [name]; look how sad you made them. [name] didn’t do anything to you #It’s okay to be angry but we CANNOT hit people when we are angry because it hurts and makes them cry.” Works great #Always remember there is a power imbalance inherent in EVERY child-adult relationship and NEVER abuse it #And if you’re not patient or emotionally stable enough to work with or have children; then don’t. Please don’t. #Children are not cute little dolls to play dress-up with; nor are they perfect angels; nor are they your personal stress ball #Having children is NOT A GAME. They are PEOPLE who will grow to be your age one day and everything you do affects them #Sorry I’m just tired of all these parents who shove iPads in their kids faces so they don’t bother them. You’re giving them an addiction

[eggpunkhouses]

the death of art the death of education the death of childhood the death of narrative the birth of christ as we believed he was a zombie and our father

#talks #anyway im having some sort of reaction to seeing a lot of people discussing the collective trauma of gen z #as it correlates to nostalgia for corporate products and the exploitation of children #i feel odd being in this position as i feel like ive already emotionally unpacked this with introspection of my own childhood experiences #and current day struggles with parental abuse & emotional neglect #but what im mostly scared of is the idea that people will refuse to reclaim what once brought them joy through a dark period #as well as a loss of hope that im starting to see manifest in real life and on social media #the last thing id want is for people to give up on art because of what they fear may happen if they do #if somebody gets hurt because of it #keep it in your mind that ​hollywood was built on voyerism and exploitation #(aside—please read laura mulvey’s visual pleasure & narrative cinema) #(and bell hooks oppositional gaze) #but personally im not waiting on any internship applications so I can one day make it to LA and maybe get my cartoon produced #with 500 pages of censorship notes from S&P #im making my cartoon now because ive worked hard to get here and i have the resources to do it #it will be free for everybody to watch on youtube. i just want people to see it and have a good time with it #also i might just be wiccan now

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps. #you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown? #that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes? #that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old? #im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed. #you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out? #I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt. #i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years. #i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best. #I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything. #any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic' #so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden. #i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door. #sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems. #that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too. #ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day. #therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed. #emotions are so hard to figure out.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i think it is probably a sign of the process of healing from the trauma of having every word out of my mouth ripped apart, mocked, and treated as an unforgivable offense warranting Extreme Rage and Vitriol, and having it explained to me in excruciating and hateful detail why my thought processes and basic turns of phrase and the things i thought were worth expressing were stupid worthless gibberish, unbearable to listen to, and the root of everything wrong with society, by redditor-ass faux-intellectuals in my life growing up for being awkwardly phrased/not concise enough/mildly whimsical, that some days i'm proud of my meta and some days i can barely stand to look at it. but god that does not make the second one more fun.

#whosebaby talks #personal stuff #abuse cw #ableism cw #gaslighting cw #it says something that i considered just leaving this in my drafts solely for being an awkwardly phrased; probably hard-to-read run-on #when that is literally what the post is about lol #and i will count it as a victory that i caught myself went fuck that and posted it anyway #it is not morally wrong to speak awkwardly #doing my best to be clear about important distinctions and concepts in the ideas i am expressing is not synonymous with #'sound polished and perfect; sound like a professional lecturer reading off a prepared speech' #'never write a sentence someone may have to reread a couple times; never use a word too many times; never use a cliche turn of phrase' #and it's also not synonymous with 'never express a feeling or use a metaphor; or talk about an idea of any complexity' #'or say things that are Obvious(tm)' #i believe i am good at expressing ideas and the ideas i feel are worth expressing matter. #believing that; so i can do my best to work to live up to it; is an active choice. #i have chosen to believe based on the evidence available to me that i make a hell of a lot more sense than it feels like #on days when the people who have claimed i'm unintelligible in bad faith; because i talk in a way that's easy to *make* unintelligible #if you know where to strike to throw me off and keep me from pulling an idea together #are loud in my ear #but like. it's okay. It is Okay. to express yourself and fucking be awkward about it. #it's okay to be Emotional in a way that's not the Current Acceptable Style. it's okay to use lots of heavy emphasis #it's okay to repeat yourself. it's okay to sound Pretentious(tm) and it's okay to sound 'childish' and it's okay to run on sentences #and a thousand other things. the things you have to say do not matter less for it and you have no less right to attempt it #you're not stupid or unbearable; it's not a waste of people's time to listen or make the effort to understand you #and it's not entitled of you to expect them to damn well try. it is not on you to do all the labor of chewing their food up for them #so they don't have to meet you halfway. you shouldn't have to put up with people being lazy dismissive assholes bc you're at a disadvantage #which like. i say this for myself; but if you're reading these tags and you needed to hear someone say any of it; it's for you too #fuck em. you're allowed to talk.

[highwaydiamonds]

Not a resolution - just maybe a bit of hope and intention to start out the year

#a prayer - as much of prayer as one such as myself might make - for 2023 #metallic pens were used - and so bc shiny hard to see the writng - but i like it in person so - is what it is on camera man ;) #i'd done the eye months ago but never continues with it because i wasn't sure what i wanted from it - but it felt right today #not a bad way to make use toa new year's day #art journal #art journaling #a thing i made #a thing i did #i might not be talented but i am enthusiastic and well intentioned and that is enough #it's about making a creative and sometimes joyful noise - not about if other people find that noise "good' or not #because for me it's good if i needed to make it and wanted to make it and then i did make it - that's why it exists #the rest - and any more - that's details ( and sometimes detritus too lol) #and because my handwriting is not good - text reads: #a prayer for 2023 - may my meyes more truly see- from hands + heart spring forth creativity #and overall- I strive to be a happier better and more stable me #(this is not about toxic positivity - i just want to keep looking for good things - to work to be happy - do things that make me happy ) #(i want to be better about working for what i want - to rest yes - but not lose sight and really not work on what i need to ) #and stability is about my mental wherewithal but also much more - i have a lot of ducks to get in rows - and that's me acknowledging it

[whentherewerebicycles]

ran 33:30 without stopping :) my map app says it was only 2.75 miles but my missed-IUI-cycle goal was 3 miles or 30 min without stopping by 3/20 so I’m gonna count that as achieving my goal!!!!

#my first mile was 11:30 and then after that uh slower haha #but that’s not bad! #12:14 average pace per mile which feels about right for my level of fitness haha #also I thought I was only going to do 24 minutes but then I was feeling ok so I thought why not?? #only major complaint was I had a bad stitch in my side but it went away through the power of positive thinking (I imagined smoothing it out #with my mind haha) #now I am sitting down halfway up this big hill I have to climb before I walk 20 min home 🥴 #also still have to walk the dogs for an hour soon 🥴🥴🥴 #but yay I feel so happy!!!!!! fun to set an ambitious goal and work hard to achieve it!!!!!!!!! #i think I might try swimming laps tomorrow?? since I have the morning free #and then I may attempt 33 min again on sunday #I do think if I did it at the gym I have a pretty good chance of making it to 3 #bc my outdoor route has a lot of small inclines that slow me down/tire me out #but idk we’ll see!!! yay now I get to feel smug as hell all day

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#oof. it as been a very very long day. so much talking. all day talking and interviews #and so far my feelings are mixed. bc it is a smaller university and its underfunded and cost of living is kinda high #and the town is small and isolated. HOWEVER #the faculty feels like a strong community and theyre all amazing scientists who choose to b there bc the quality of life is so high #they seem extremely supportive and the fact its small means that i could probably get around better given my intense anxiety around driving #and i could literally just walk to hiking paths rather than having to drive way out. and its fucking so beautiful. the clouds r gorgeous #bc theyre all conpressed by the mountains around this lil valley. also the potential advisor seems amazing. the grad students have good #things to say and hes excited that im interested in the things im interested in. and i talked to an astrobiology guy and he was like u #should apply for X grant and i would b happy to help u and the advisor is a former nasa post doc so he has nasa astrobiology connections. #so those r some pretty great things. i mean. of the schools im looking at this one would prob be the best for my brain tbh #i mean the uk one is too rigid in structure and i cant fuck around so much as at a us school. and the east coast on is hard to say no to bc #its a good school with lots of funding and opportunities to b creative but i would have to hard core get my shit together and hes quite #hands off. and id b living in the city which sucks. so like. i mean this school is kinda looking like the best choice for me. definitely #the healthiest. i mean assuming i dont fuck it up and get the offer after this weekend. but yeah. i mean im not fully in love i think #and the idea of commiting to 5years here is terrifying but id get a lot of support that i dont think ive really ever had. not that my #current boss isnt great but our lab is kinda disconnected. and i really fit in perspective wise in my interests. and id get to work at #[redacted] national park. which is so cool that i might have to unredact it if i end up here bc its so fucking next level #not that the national park i have access to now isnt awesome but. like its next level awesome and i could maybe wiggle may way into maybe #some arctic systems and i bet i could get my current boss to send me desert samples. so yeah i could def see a life here #but fuck i dont want roomates with all my heart. y does it have to b so expensive for a trash apartment? bleh #god. im so tried. so much talking. but a good day. and im going skiing tomorrow bc like thats a thing here lol #unrelated

[carcarrot]

i become a director and leave it until the day before the theatrical release to make my movie

#what will happen if i continue to be bad at planning and good at procrastination #my last like. 3??? sparkstembers have been done in like an hour the very DAY i am posting them #while i am at work. #however this is forcing me to become good at doing editing n stuff quickly #but also still make it look good! or as good as i can #i would be doing more work and trying to get ahead if i could #but my mobile hotspot stopped working w my laptop for some reason so now i cant work on the bus rip #ive got to get back to being ahead of schedule but ough!!!!! finding motivation and inspiration hard #im slowly very slowly incorporating me myself into these. today's im doing a silly voiceover #for a couple future ones i may make a guest appearance because i cant help myself. #also once im done w all of these FINALLY im gonna make something terrible in time for russ's birthday