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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

Text

Headcanons for being Hope van Dyne’s child

Hope van Dyne x child!reader

Scott Lang x stepkid!reader

warnings: insects (ants), sharp weapons

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Happy holidays darling! Would you write HC for Hope Van Dyne's child? Love the step-parents HC 🥰”

growing up as a lil smarty pants

grandpa hank was pretty proud, although he didn’t see you very much

once every few years

but he did tell you all these crazy stories about his adventures that you honestly thought were just fiction (until you were older)

“and i was as small as an ant, but i was still incredibly strong! remember that, kid. just because you aren’t as big as someone else doesn’t mean you can’t beat them” -hank

“y/n doesn’t need to be hearing those stories, hank” -hope

“why not? they have important life lessons in them!” -hank

“why does mommy call you ‘hank?’” -you

“because mommy hates grandpa, isn’t that right?” -hank

“okay, i think that’s enough of this visit. come on, y/n, time to go” -hope

your mom was very supportive of you, nonetheless

she wanted to be different from her dad

so she showed up to EVERYTHING

birthdays, sick days, tucking you in for bed, parent-teacher conferences, art shows, you name it

“here’s some tea, jellybelly. it’ll make your throat feel better” -hope

“mom, i think i’m dying” -you

“you’ll be fine” -hope, givin’ u a kiss on the forehead

life wasn’t like, extra crazy or anything. sometimes she’d bring you to work and honestly? darren cross didn’t seem like the worst guy. he even brought you whatever you might need if your mom was staying late at work

“hey, van dyne junior! i brought you a puzzle that might keep you busy for a while...and a happy meal from mcdonalds! let me know if you need anything else, me and your mom will just be in the lab for a little while” -darren

“thank you!!!” -you

uh huh, ur mom taught u manners!

anyways you started spending more time with your grandpa cuz they had a plan

thats when you found out that his “turning small” stories were not, in fact, bullshit

“wait grandpa...you actually did shrink as small as an ant?” -you

“why would i lie?” -hank

okay well cue you wanting to shrink down to ant size now it was your new aspiration

you did learn how to command ants tho!!!!!!

but unfortunately (or not so unfortunately) hank brought scott to the party

“hi!” -you, waking scott up

“what?!” -scott, jumping back against the headboard

“hi.” -you, staring at him “im y/n. these are my ants”

bullet ants were just crawlin around the place

“oh, that’s....that’s cool. any chance you could tell me where i am or how i got here” -scott

“wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy” -you, leaving abruptly

“are you bothering our guest?” -hope, watching you proudly nod “good job, jellybelly”

mom taught u how to punch 🥰🥰🥰

and let you use scott as a punching bag

but scott wasn’t like awful or anything he was just insufferable at times

“i think you’d like my daughter cassie. she’s weird and smart just like you” -scott

“did you just call me weird? mom, can i punch him again?” -you

“no no no! i meant weird in a good way! please dont hurt me anymore!” -scott

chasing him around the yard ready to ATTACK

hank had to tell u to cut it out

“dont tell them what to do” -hope

“someone has to” -hank

“excuse me? i parent y/n just fine, better than you ever did for me!” -hope

“do they do this often?” -scott

“every time they see each other but that’s not very much” -you

“hm...hey, do you like ice cream? specifically baskin robbins?” -scott

ur mom said “we do not associate with idiots ❤️” and then proceeded to associate with said idiots

scott did end up saving u from darren tho bc that mf tried to hold u hostage and scott was really not in the mood for that bullshit

“you alright, y/n?” -scott

“murder is okay, right?” -you

after that whole ordeal he and your mom were kinda a thing uh huh

and he introduced you to cassie!!! she was amazingly sweet and you could def see the family resemblance

“is this my new sibling?! i’ve always wanted one!” -cassie

“hey, me too!” -you

you hung out with her on a weekly basis, with or without scott

and mom and grandpa were working on a ✨special project✨

one you insisted on being apart of

“no, y/n, we can’t make you your own suit. you’re too young for this sort of thing” -hope

“pleaaaaase mom? i swear i’ll he responsible with it!” -you

“you’re mother is right, y/n. you’re just not ready yet. maybe someday, but not anytime soon” -hank

scott took you on family bowling trips yes he did

and just corny stepdad shit

but he went to germany and mom and him broke up and FF to two years later when you guys had finally reunited

“scott!! you asshole!!” -you, like this -> :)

“kiddo!! sorry to hear that!!” -scott, same energy

shading him the whole time

“ach mein gott” -you

“are you kidding me, y/n? i make one mistake. ONE” -scott

“you’re one mistake has caused me to live in MINIATURE HOMES” -you

“THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING” -scott

“WELL IT’S NOT” -you

“did you at least miss me?” -scott

“sicher habe ich” -you

“god dammit” -scott

surprise!! u kind of had a suit (for emergencies)

as a van dyne/pym, it was almost a necessity to know how to use pym particles

scott acted like a proud dad

“wow, you’re really doing it!!!” -scott

“halt die klappe” -you

“please stop” -scott, tearing up

finding out about ✨grandma✨

she possessed scott and touched ur face and told you that she was so excited to meet you but you didn’t know wtf was going on and you had the urge to smack scott but THANKFULLY you did not

“i have to meet her for real! let me help you guys!” -you

“okay” -hope

“what? really?” -you

“it’s about time we put your genius to good use” -hope

scott offered you a high five for that and u literally accepted it

“don’t get too happy, that was just an in-the-moment thing” -you, watching scott’s eyebrow raise “fine. you can have a hug”

okay okay well everything went okay and then half the world ~vanished~ including ur whole family but like cassie and her family took you in and you spent five years very alone and upset until one day cassie called you downstairs and whoopdedoo???? scott???????

“is my mom with you?” -you

“sorry, sport, she’s not...do you have your suit with you? we need to go on some...hero business” -scott

you missed scott a lot over the past 5 years, this really did cheer you up, even if it was just him

“how’ve you been holding up the past few years” -scott

“the world sucks, man” -you

“i can see that” -scott

he turned on some tunes for the two of you to enjoy otw to the avengers hq and it was probably the best memory you created since everyone disappeared

“wait, reach into the glove box” -scott

“oh, god, i hope there’s no rodents in here...” -you, reaching for a picture “is this..?”

“family photo!! you were little back then, i can’t believe how time flies. i mean, it flew really quick for me, the quantum realm is no joke” -scott

you were busy staring at the picture of your mom, you really missed her

busy ~saving the world~

and going to 2012 with scott

“hey uh just so you know, i might be able to make pym particles” -you

“‘might?’ and if we use faulty pym particles we ‘might’ die. would you like that?” -tony

“hey, back off, stark. they’re just trying to help” -scott

next thing u know ur in present day and THEN u actually got to hold the scepter bc scott let u

“im gonna stab you!!” -you

“no!!!” -scott

the other avengers, literally mourning natasha while you chase him around with a sharp weapon: 😧

okay after the place was destroyed u got to face mr. purple man and yo mama showed back up and saw you on the front lines

“y/n????” -hope

“mom????” -you

“scott!!!!” -scott

“really, scott? a shrek reference? now?” -you “...nice”

the reunion with your mom was short and sweet but you missed her forehead kisses and she gave you one immediately!!!! and she was crying but you were too bc damn

“listen, after this, we’re gonna have such a fun family night. i’m so sorry i couldn’t be there for you all this time” -hope

“mom, it wasn’t your fault...it was that purple bastard, let’s get him!” -you

“they grow up so fast...” -hope

i n s e c t f a m

insect fam killed it out there and then ✨attended tony’s funeral✨ together right after

that’s one solid family 😌💖

anyways time to celebrate a (halfway) return to normalcy

with your *sister* cassie and your mom and your...scott

you were just happy to all be together again, it’s been WAY too long

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot //

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zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years

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Ok ok I’ve had this thought for a while now, how about this. When Touya was a lil baby man his “dad” introduced him to his fellow pro hero’s daughter. Maybe the hero is a high ranking pro of another country. They hit it off and become friends. But his “dad’s” shit is too much and she notices his change and asks him and he maybe takes his anger out on her. But she just calmly takes it all, smiling and says after his rant, that he isn’t alone and tells him that her father is the same and that since her quirk (Emma Frost’s powers maybe) is powerful she’s doing the same to her. Then their friendship grows and later somethings happen Touya can’t take his BS so leaves without a trace. Years later she’s a pro hero ranking in top 5 in her country. They meet through pure coincidence. And he sees that she has an engagement ring on, and he’s like wtf and she just gives him a heartbreaking smile and says that maybe if he stayed it could have been him who gave that to her 🥺 you can go on from there Sorry it’s so long😥

I’m not going to force you to write it, just trying to give you ideas to inspire your writing. please don’t think that I’m forcing this on you 🙏🙏🙏 if you want to then ONLY should you write it okay 🥺😭

Can we just take a moment to look at him😭💔❤

Ps: sorry about the quirk part ;-; only after I saw it was a specific one

"UGH!" The once red haired kid hissed in pain as his body double over... sometimes he wished he could just had gained the blessing of not only rememberinh his mother, but inhering her quirk as well... his blue flames accordinh to his father cartied more potential than his... that he was almost perfect...

Yet he wasn't. His body couldn't handle the heat... as well as his mind couldn't tolerate more of the mental and physical abuse Endeavour put him, his siblings and mother too...

His forehead was against the ground as hs gritted his teeth the best he could to not pet out one miserable yey possibly inhuman shout... both of pain and anger.

Although he flinched back up when he fept a touch near his hot shoulder... thinking that was possibly his baby brother Natsuo worried abiyt him once again.

But it wasn't the white haired kid... it was you... standing in front of him with a worried face wjile holding a bucket of possible icy water and some towels.

"What?" He scoffs, doing his best to stand up without trembling.

(L/n) (Y/n) was the daughter of a famous pro hero from America... Her father being a close friend of Endeavour, somehow, introduced his daughter to the old man... the girl was a compassionate soul with a telepathic diamond kinda like quirk. Both of you grew closer as time went by... yet, he couldn't sadly hide it the pain he felt as his father slowly grew to be a abuser...

He couldn't just tell you about it. For what? Ruin the pertect Todoroki family sterotype and for yoi just to rub into his face about your perfect little lovingly family?

He would rather not.. bit todaay he was just fuming. Angry at his father, angry at his quirk... angry at himself

"You're burning up Touya-kun..." you whispered while kneeling down next to his fetal position form "Rough training..?" You whispered softly whiel clenching the towel before slowly rubbing the visible parts of his skin...

He remained silent, a frow present on his features as he clenched his legs closer to his torso.

"... Touya-kun?"he grunted at your call amd tried not to wince at the cold wet towel on his cheek "Is not only training right?"

"Took you long enough smartpants..." he chuckled darkly, brushing you off and putting his legs on a crossstype sitting.

".. wanna talk about it? It usually he-"

"Oh, like talking will just stop my stupid father to beat my mother and treat me and my siblings like shit.." he gritted his teeth at the memory and for spilling out what he didn't wanted to.

He saw how your eyes widened from the corner of his turquoise ones... scoffing at your reaction.

"Touya-kun I.. I know what is-"

"Oh dont come with the "i know how you feel" talk." He growled, glaring at you in anger "The spoiled princess have everything to goods and food in your home. A dad that just doesn't smiles as often as All Might, a mother that always remain by your side no matter what and you come with that bullshit?!" He widened his eyes at the curse he let out and how he shouted at you... a billions of regrets already forming inside his head until he saw a bit of tears on your eyes yet a kind and painfull smile on your lips.

"You think is like that?" You almost sobbed the words until you pulled your sleeves up to show him marks of cigaretes, cuts and purples dots adoring your skin as his eyes widened in horror...

"W..what?" He almost whispered as he grab your arm to inspectes closer.

"The comet hero, example of a father... does this to me every single day he comes back from a fight that didn't ended well or when I mess up with something on my training... while my mom is always drinking and watchs from a safe distance to not be hurr as well..."

Horror was present on his face as anger slowed build inside of him... so this was what heroes do to their children?! Him and you had been suffering in the hands of the most powerful and respected heroes out there...

If he had control over his power he swore he would chase your father down for everything he done to you.

"So yeah... I know how you must feel... Touya. You're not alone..." your arms slipped from his grasp only for you to fill the empty of his hands with yours, interviewing your fingers with his.

He couldn't even answer as he pulled you gently to hug as he craddled your head between his neck and hand, carresing your back with his free one.

If only he could be a little more strong... only to protect you and himself...

Yet that didn't stopped him to vow to himself to get some revenge on both of you.

Finally he was meeting wuth his baby brother Shouto. And now he was ready to burn all of the heroes and students present there just to prove his point that none of them were worth of even living.

Yes he was crazy, a sociopath that killed more than one hundred people. But whose fault was that again? Oh right! Endeavour... Todoroki Enji. His father that could dance with his son on the deepest parts of hell.

Just when he was about to send a attach towards Shoto the chaos around him was mute for a short few seconds.

'You would really hurt your younger brother like that..? Touya?'

"What the fuck..?" He muttered before receiving a kick on his hut wnough for him to gag on his own blood.

Quickly recovering he sended another attack only to see a woman made of diamond standing next to him, panting as her grip on the blades remained.

"Touya..." you blinked and a soon more human like appearance got back as the woman stared at him with horror "What happened to you?"

"Do I even know you sweetcheeks?" He asked nonchamtly before sending another wave of flames towards your direction only for your arm to get back on a diamond like shape as you blocked the attack.

"Seriously?!" You gasped while holding your blades.

He was about to attack before a flash of memories of his childhood appeared as he groaned at the pain it actually felt, but still reamained stood until his eyes widened at a image of his long lost childhood friend...

When his vision got back he stared at you... recogjizing finally after so many years.

"So you devided to become one of those fake heroes too (Y/n)..?" He snarled, forearm in front of him as he lit it into flames, hiding the actual hurt he felt.

"Our parents may have acted this way, but that doesn't mean all heroes belong to a world full of lies!"

"Bullshit." He attacked once again as you dodged, coming closer to him as he groaned and managed to lock you in the ground... seing a golden ring on your left hand as you tried to controp your breathing at seing his hand on your throat.

"What the fuck...?" That was a weeding ring... a fucking weeding ring. The woman that was supposw to be his was married to someone else...

You realized his grip lessen up a bit only because of the sign of the ring on your finger... realization come into your senses as you felt tears start to form in yout eyes as you manage to smile a bit... unknown to Dabi that you were contacting your side kick and husband to come for your rescue.

"... you know..." you brushed your fingers on his scarred face much like you did years ago, making him freeze qith turquoise eyes wide open "... it could have been you.. but.. you .. I thought you were.."

"Dead..?" He mumbled, still on top of you as his eyes narrowed at the golden ring ".. I wish.."

#dabi x reader #todoroki touya x reader #dabi #touya todoroki x reader #todoroki touya #bnha villains x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha fanfics #bnha villains #bnha writings #zuffer writings

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sweetpeachjones · 5 years

Text

You Made Ur Bed 8

Episode 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , 6 , 7

A/N: excuse the typos and grammer, and curse me out later for making you wait so long

After the ceremony at Davida House

OMG Sean, you should have been there.Y/N was there being a total slut damn near sucking this nigga dick-

She stopped in her tracks when Sean jerked up wiping his nose. Davida looked behind him, and all she could see was a mirror with two white powder lines and a playing card.

"Sean, I KNOW you aren't doing what I think your doing, I thought you quit that." "I did but I just don't it recreational, plus I'm bored as fuck." "Well, how but getting a job." "You know how hard it is for a felon to get one, they see that on my app and its, don't call us we'll call you' type bullshit." "But bae you can keep you from trying I'm mean I got my ticket, she exclaimed rubbing her stomach, you need to get yours, I don't need some sorry nigga eating off my plate." "The fuck you say, I wasn't any sorry nigga when I had you in the diamonds n furs, dripping sauce. Nigga gon for some time and bitches want to get amnesia. "Yeah well times have changed, she said getting up taking off her jewelry, you need to get it together and clean that shit up now!"

Sean angrily cleaned the mess up and walked out of the room slamming the door hard.

One week after the pool incident at Eriks house

You sprained your ankle and fractured your elbow and a laceration above your right eye. You had a cast on your ankle and the sling on right arm and stitches for your cut. Against your wishes, Erik insisted you stay to get better and even took off to nurse you. He has been waiting on hand and foot and doing the sweet thing like washing n oiling your hair and make sure your cast was dry as he gave you luxurious bubble baths and even carried you to the bathroom. But you knew Erik this is his whole game to get you to stay.

You sat in the bedroom on the bed fluff high on pillows while Erik was in the other room. You needed something on the dresser but you didn't want to bother Erik, plus he was smothering so you were going to take advantage of his absence. As you reached, you fell out bed with a loud thud. You never felt so helpless and began to weep. Erik ran upstairs to see you on the floor as he picked you up you start to get angry.

"Get the fuck away from me," you sobbed as tried your best to hit him in the chest.

"Girl wtf is wrong you!" "YOU, YOU THE FUCKING CAUSE FOR THIS!", pointing to the cast and moving the sling. "This is your fault because of your fucked up ego." "Well, I did think you would jump." You looked at him, and before you blew a gasket, you calmed down, "You know what, you said coolly if I didn't make it it would have been a lot better than to married to you." Erik looked you in the eyes hoping to see the humor, but you were dead serious. "You don't mean that Y/N." "Oh yes I do, this marriage has gone to hell. I don't know why I stayed this long with your cheating ass and constant lying. You think Davida was the only one, I knew about the others, I know when you were out fucking them hoes ERIK!. I'd find hints: the perfume, lipstick, the missing earring in your car. I noticed the way you shower, or you were smelling like a different, soap I don't even buy. I just let you do your thing as long as they never had the guts to step out place I was cool, cause at the end of the day you are going to do what you want to do and you were home every night mainly. But you started to get reckless and shit with Davida, so I figured you weren't giving a fuck anymore. And had the bitch calling the house and your fucking student at that! The fuck was you thinking; you were about to risk it all for some broad? Really?!

Erik looks away, before answering.

"She reminded me of you before you lost the baby. She had that happiness, that joy, that light you once had. We clicked like me, and you used to."

You rolled your eyes at his last statement. He continued.

"After the incident, you became bitter and once you started drinking you was like a shell. Like I understand she went, and nothing will bring her back, but you got to move on. It was never my intentions to get her pregnant we stopped after a few times then she tells me. I love you more than anything; I'll do whatever I can to right my wrongs. But I will be a father to my child."

"You wanna right your wrongs, grant me a divorce. Well split everything down the middle and keep control of our organizations."

"You sure you want that"

"Yes I can't keep going on like this, I love you, but I can't be in a marriage with you."

Erik looked deep in thought. He sighed, "Okay if that's what you want. I won't hold you back."

Next day at Davida's House

"So how far are you now?" Erik asked. I'm 35 weeks so our Lil boy will be here soon," Davida answered excitedly.

"Cool well when you are going on your next appointment I'll be there. I'll be over later to help set the crib and baby stuff."

"I need you to set up something in my bedroom," Davida answered back seductively.

Erik catching the hint but didn't feed into it, "yeah like I said I'll be over to put the BABY stuff up."

"Mhmm, well see you soon boo." "Don't call me that," and he hung up quickly.

Davida just laughed as she put her phone in the car seat as she pulled up her driveway. She parked the car and remembered she had to set a date in the phone at the same time entering her front door. She didn't notice the five large men sitting on her furniture. She looked up from her phone and grabbed her chest as fear and shock took over her whole body.

"Who are you and why the fuck are you in my house?!"

"Be cool sweetheart," the smaller of the five spoke. He physically fit but wasn't as buff as the others." I'm Mike Love and we just looking for ya boy Sean that's all."

"I don't know a Sean." "See, I'm trying to be a gentleman here but you're lying is going to turn this into an UGLY situation, and you don't want that." Mike said coolly as he walked towards her stroking Davida's cheek. "Now I'll never hit a lady especially a pregnant one, but I can't say the same for my guys. They weren't born with sense." "I don't know where he is I swear, I go to school and work part-time," he goes where he wants to, tears streaming down her face. "Shhhh it's okay love I believe you. But you tell Sean to get at me asap; I'd hate to come back here again and next it is not going to be as pleasant."

Mike turned to his goons and told them to leave and just like that they were gone. Davida ran to lock the door behind them and sunk to the floor a blubbering mess.

Four weeks later at the lawyer's office.

Well, I have to say this was the smoothest divorce ever an easy way to make my paycheck." Erik lawyer comments as he finalized the paperwork.

Erik and Y/N sat across from each other. Neither of them looked up as it was too sad to look each other in the eyes. Erik was the most hurt, he felt betrayed, he felt like he was trying and Y/n was giving up months of progress screwed up by two days. He couldn't fathom life without y/n she had been with him since day one, she believed in his projects, his dreams and wished he could have given her whatever she wanted. So he cheated little fuck up compare to the husband his friends were. Even in the pants suit, she was wearing she looked like a goddess and all he wanted to do to take her away forget all this drama and start over.

Y/n could feel Erik staring. After all these years he could still make her blood rush just by one look. She always loved Erik deeply but how many times can he spit in her face. Plus being careless enough to get someone pregnant, the audacity of it.

She felt a nudge pulling her out of her deep thoughts.

"What's that." "I said do you, and Mr. Stevens agree to the terms of the divorce?" My lawyer repeated. "Oh yeah, I'm good are you?", Y/n said finally looking up at Erik. He nodded, and we both signed the papers.

"Well that's it you two are no longer hitched. Haha, I must say I've done sooner if only my wife wouldn't take everything. Women right." He playfully nudged Erik and Erik only stared at him.

The lawyers began to leave the room and Erik, and y/n lingered in the room.

Well this is it, Erik said

Y/n leaned against the table arms folded

"I guess so huh." "I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a goodbye hug?" "No, it wouldn't."

Erik walked over in two strides stood in front of y/n and hugged her. He head protectively rested on top of hers as y/n slowly wrapped her arms around his chest. They stood like that for a minute until Erik kissed her forehead. Y/n leaned her head back some allowing Erik to kiss her nose; she leaned back until Erik pecked her lips. He pecked them again seeing as she didn't protest the first time. The third time he let his lips lingered as she kissed back. That's all he needed for confirmation. He gently grabbed her hair pulling her head back some allowing access to her neck. He kissed and sucked on her neck as if he was a vamp on his victim. They were too busy to hear the conversation of one the lawyers doubling back to find something. Once the door flew open, they immediately stop while Y/N's lawyer just stared as if they crazy, while Erik's lawyer smirk and closed the door.

Regaining common sense and more so embarrassed y/n pushed Erik back and fixed her shirt chastising herself while doing so. Erik just looked more frustrated as he fixed his coat. No words being said to each other as they head out of the office when they got to the elevators and stood on the opposite corners. Erik spoke first.

"Well, I hope we can friends after all this." "I don t know about that." "Aww come on y/n," he said walking towards her, "we have known each other for too long just to stop being each friend." "But u sneaky tho." Erik feined shock, "Me no," and he flashed those golden slugs and mischievous smile the y/n knew all too well. She laughed knowing this could be nice. "Yea whatever"

At Davida house two weeks back

Sean pulls in the driveway days after disappearing. Davida was waiting on him. Sean thought he could sneak through the patio. As soon he turned on the lights a glass cup was hurled at him, but he dodged it quickly.

"What the fuck." : What the fuck is right where have you been?!" Davida mocked furiously.

"I had some moves to do." "Liar u smell clean as fuck, so been u at somebody house, but I don't care who is Mike love and why the FUCK was he in MY house.

Sean's hearts stop. That's one name he did not want hear.

What did you say Nigga you heard me who is Mike Davida listens, Sean grabbed hold of her shoulders. I pissed off some significant and dangerous people, and for your safety and mine, I should not be here. Damn right u shouldn't, niggas come up in here seven deep, just what the fuck did you do? You remember Physco from our old neighborhood? You mean walk around with a machete in broad daylight Physco, him?! Yea well I had an opportunity to blame something on his baby brother in jail. I didnt know they were related, but word got around and by that time I was long gone.

Feeling like an ass, Davida felt more sympathy for Sean. All this time she was hard, and he had a deathwish looming. She knew what he was up against and Physco was the type he wasn't gonna stop til there was blood.

Well, here I got some money n take my car. Take your car?! Yes, take it, ill tell Erik it was stolen n ill get another besides your safety is important to me. Ok but id have to go tonight. Tonight?! Yeah Davida sucked her teeth fine She went upstairs to her safe, put the code in pulled out 30,000 her women intuition was screaming "heffa are you crazy," but her heart wanted him to be safe. She wanted to travel with him, but the dangers that followed were enough to keep her back. She put the money in a crown royal bag along with the keys to her car and the passport and falsified documents that he asked him to do a while back when he was job hunting. She ran back down and gave it to Sean. He looked apologetically as he was taking away from a pregnant woman, sensing his hesitation she spoke. Please take it and when you get to a safe place ill come.

They embrace in what seems like the worlds longest kiss. Sean rushed out to the garage. Once he cranked the car and sped down the block, he never noticed the black Lambo following him. As the road twist and turned the car behind never missed a beat, and since they were the only two on the road, it was hard to lose them on a one-way street. Sean knew exactly who it was and turned off into the woods. Once he got deep enough, he turned the car off and lit a cigarette. Now or never he thought. As the Lambo neared the headlights nearly blinded him in the rearview mirror. He took his last drag as the passenger door to the Lambo opened up. Out stood Mike and Sean opened his door. The two men walked to each other and embraced in a lovers kiss! The tongue kiss was so explicit that the guard in the car started to get a little uncomfortable.

Omg bae I missed you, Mike said So have I, Sean replied So did u get the documents, Mike asked Of course, plus she gave me the car, you must scare the crap out of her. Well, I had to sell it. Breaking into her house, in that neighborhood, with five niggas was hard as hell. But worth it now that got my baby back. Let's go Paris awaits. Well what can we do car Either take it with us or better yet torch it, makes it more believable something happens to you. But she gave me this car Mike was getting slightly jealous, "And!?" Well I just don't want to torch it "Fuck that I'll take care of it," Mike walked towards the guard in his car mumbling, "Nigga act like he still loves the bitch or something!" "Hey!" motioning towards the guard. " I want to get rid of this car I don't care what you do I don't want to see it my sight again. SEAN!! let's go!"

The guard got out, and Mike and Sean got in the Lambo and drove off. The guard was left by himself in the car.

"Shit nigga crazy as hell baby mama bout to get a new whip!"

Present Day (After the Erik's and Y/N divorce agreement)

So your car was stolen?" Erik asked in disbelief as he works putting up the baby's crib and other items as Davida told her story sitting in a rocking chair. Erik made sure she didnt lift a finger, and she enjoyed every minute of it.

Yes, would you believe, right in my friend's neighborhood, I had to take an Uber home? I knew I should have stayed my ass home, told that girl to move out the projects.

Well, luckily you and the baby are safe. Ill hook you up I got a cousin who works for Honda.

Honda? The fuck! Do you want your baby mother and your heir riding around in some raggedy Honda? Because if I pulled child support, I can afford more.

It will be a current year! he pleaded. She stared at him motherfuckerly.

Alright, what you want? he asked

Momma wants a Benz!

Momma gonna have to clap them cheeks and suck a mean dick, and I mean to make that shit disappear for a Benz.

Aint like I done it before, Davida laughed, so how your wife anyway

Don't worry about her; he said what quick attitude.

Damn alright, I got to go to the bathroom, help me up these damn cramps killing me.

Cramps! What do you mean you in labor?

Not till the water breaks

As soon as she stood up she felt another cramp not so intense but bad enough to double over, Erik kept her steady.

I think we should go, do you have your things packed?

Yea in the downstairs closet in the foyer

Erik went to retrieve the bag as Davida wobbled to the restroom. She felt pressure and pushed thinking it was #2 when she got up she almost fainted at sight.

ERIK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@curls-and-crosses @killmoncoochie @killmongersgurl @pupyluv247 @kreolemami @dumbchick @thiccdaddy-mbaku @wakandan-aesthetic @errin261 @lunaerly @muse-of-mbaku @royallyprincesslilly @brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers @nemesispawn @imgabbyrae @hausofgucci @inxan-ity@wakandalivesforever @killmvnger@whorderofthepheonix@goddessofthejungle @chaneajoyyy

@imaginewhoever @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade@bezzywazhere @wakanda-inspired

#Erik Stevens Erik Killmonger erik x reader erik killmonger smut erik killmonger fanfic black panther fanfiction #Erik Stevens #Erik Killmonger #erik x reader #erik killmonger fanfic #black panther fanfiction

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dream-of-kpop · 6 years

Text

Seventeen but They Love You...Too Much paRt 2

Joshua

His abstinence club is a major problem for him

Ok he dropped out of it for you

yO bOi is tHirsty

Writes bible verses on napkins and puts them in your bag for when you go to work

You didn't know he wrote on the napkins until someone was like "Wtf is that on your face?" and you saw ink everywhere

He introduced you to his mom even tho you've only known shua for like 3 weeks

It was extremely awkward so you hid in the bathroom for the rest of the time

He saw that vernon rapped to you earlier so he decided to give it a try-

Joshua: "Oh you so cute...you make my mouth go mute when i see you...um" *joshua runs away in embarrassment

Since he is Seventeen's gentleman he holds the door open for you, he hit himself in the face with the door but hey he was being a gentleman for yOu

He gave you a promise ring so people would know you're his

Ok you lost the shit in less than an hour, I think Mingyu took it

The8

He painted you a portrait to express his love for you

It legit looks nothing like you but it doesn't matter because it's beautiful

Forget it being beautiful Woozi destroyed it in the middle of the night

Jun is his boi but he is willing to beat his ass for you

He locked him in the bathroom once so he could dance with you

Jun: "WTF MINGHAO LET ME OUT!!!!"

He likes to do his fancy b-boying dances for you too

Bad idea he did it in the living room and knocked Seungkwan out with one kick

Kwannie was in the hospital for a week

You and Minghao both went out for wine

He ordered like 5 glasses and got tipsy af

You both had to leave when he kept singing you 'Flower' outloud in the restaurant

He tried to kiss you too but you dodged a bullet *i woUld nEver doDge iT*

You had to drive him home too so he rested in the backseat

Since he was so wasted all you could hear is him mumbling like "jsjsjsjs hammmmm"

Oh Minghao why

He took you to a luxurious museum so you both could be intellects but he fell down the stairs

You try not to laugh...

You try so hard...

He got you a cat for your birthday

The cat hisses at him all the time tho he is terrified of it

Him, Seungkwan and Hoshi used to be friends but when a hoe gets in the way friendship doesn't last

*Hoshi sitting in a chair drinking wine he stole from Minghao*

Hoshi: "So...I hear you're interested in her/him too eh..." *drinks wine but chokes on it a lil*

Dk: " Ye so what I'm better than you anyways..."

Hoshi: "i wiLl gEt my revenge..."

Dk always looks around him, he is paranoid at what Hoshi might do, that bitch is crazy

Dk often tells rumors about the other guys to you to make them look bad

Dk: "I don't think you would wanna hang out with woozi...he has a temper...HE'S MEAN TO ME-..i mean he's rude af to everyone

You: "Ohhhh really???"

While you were at work one day you come back to see the house a mess, apparently him and Mingyu were "wrestling"

S.coups was involved someway somehow who knows

You decide it would be a great bonding experience if everyone just had movie night together

Not even 10 minutes in and everyone wants to sit next to you

Wonwoo: "Um...Woozi I was gonna sit next to her/him..."

Woozi: "Oh well too bad bitch"

*You sigh*

You: "Can we just watch the damn movie?"

Seungkwan: "Of cOuRse anYtHing foR yOu"

You: "Fuck this imma go watch the movie by myself..."

Dk tries to walk into your room to watch the movie with you but you lock the door

Dk: "shiT"

Dino

He dances for you just like Hoshi and Minghao does, he doesn't like competition

He can't really impress you when Jeonghan keeps embarrassing him calling him his baby

He laughs at all your jokes, even the really shitty ones that aren't funny

You: "I guess you can say he felt JEALOUSY"

Dino: "HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" *falls on the floor laughing*

*You stopped laughing like 2 seconds ago*

Sometimes he waits til midnight just to leave flowers by your door

Sadly Seungkwan walks by and sees it says Dino, scratches it out, and puts Seungkwan

Valentine's day is the worse they keep giving you shit and you have no space to put anY oF iT

Dino gave you a bear bigger than him and you have no where to sleep cuz the bear just sits on your bed...staring at you...

He suggested you sleep in his bed but BOi slOw doWn

He likes to listen to music with you but he talks so damn much so it ruined the experience

Jeonghan

Suggested you both get matching shirts so you guys could be a cute couple

Yeah...Minghao totally threw Jeonghan's shirt off a bridge...

Jeonghan needs to get his money back for that

He likes to take pictures with you and shit but you're not too big on picture taking *me tbh*

Jeonghan: "One picture please?"

You: "Ok...why not..."

You take a picture but jeonghan drops his phone and it cracks

Jeonghan: "FuCk"

First it was all those damn hugs with Mingyu and Papa Coups but even worse Jeonghan likes to cuddle...alOt

You: "Hannie I need to go to the bathroom..."

Jeonghan: "A few more minutesssss"

You: "If I don't go in the next 5 seconds imma explode"

Jeonghan: "Ok you can go"

He thought it would be cute if you both gave eachother cute nicknames so you call him Hannie and he calls you 'Cute ass bitch'

*Jeonghan on the phone*

Jeonghan: "CUTE ASS BITCH I MISS YOUUUU"

He's been studying english he doesn't know what he's saying leave hiM bE

He likes to write you LOVE LETTER(s) too but his handwriting makes it very difficult to read but it's still sweet

He stole candy for you, that hoe loves you

Jun

He takes you out to dinner for noodles but they’re spicy like EXTREMELY SPICY

Your lips are numb asf you may need to go to the hospital

Jun: “I’M SO SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS THAT HOT FOR YOU”

he is awkward like 90% of the times so conversastions are pretty difficult

You: “What kind of food do you like?”

Jun: “...um...i...like noodles...” You: “I don’t know how to respond to that.”

Wants to teach you Chinese but you find it difficult

You: “Ni hao...”

Jun: *says a fluent Chinese sentence* “It’s really easy I swear”

You: “WHAT??? BITCH HOW???”

He likes to serenade you but every time he tries someone interrupts him

Jun: “My I-”

Hoshi: “Can you shut the fuck up i’m trying to sleep it’s 3 pm bitch...”

admin 2-

-hyungwonthefraud -

tHanK yOu foR readINg* :)))

- don't forget to stream 'oh my' for our bby bois :0

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britishchick09 · 3 years

Text

danger force double livewatch!

today we’re doing a special livewatch... a double feature! i’ve been looking everywhere for ‘test friends’ and ‘lil dynomite’, which were taken down by dailymotion for a while. now that i’ve finally found them, it’s time to see what i’ve been missing!

first up is ‘test friends’!

oh no why is ray angry

WHY CAN’T BOSE FEEL HIS ARMS

is this an intricate training thing?

bose: ‘orphan sock!!!’ OMG NOOO!!

OMG the socks exploded!!!!!

wowza what awesome laundry! :D

hey this is the clip i watched on the henry danger force youtube!!! :D

YAS!!! :D

chapa: “harmony check!” all: “in tuuuune!!!!!” :D

what cute poses! :D

oh no they have 7 POSES???

miles thought captain man would ‘just be there’ lol :D

think is the forbidden ‘t’ word *LOUD GASP!*

captain man: “ts” the kids: ??? captain man: “the same” the kids are me when my friends say internet slang

miles said ‘chicken tendies’ ^_^

schwoz: “great group of kids!” captain man: “too bad i can’t trust them...” schwoz: *le GASP*

oh no captain man’s gonna prove that the kids are untrustworthy DID YOU SEE RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON

speaking of that awesome movie captain man’s acting a lot like raya...

captain man’s spying on them! :o

even swellview academy has surprise tests!

ray’s putting the answers on his podium... ;)

he’s talking like a fancy guy and chapa’s like ‘why are you talking like a book” lol :D

NO MIKA!!!!

mika: “no!!!” ray: “yesssss.....” ray WHY YOU SO SNEAKY

bose: “this answer key is tearing us apart!” you’re tearing me apart, answer key!

aaand he literally tears it apart! nice bose! :D

schwoz wants ray to let go but all ray does is want to make the tests harder... WHY ART THOU A MAN OF SILLY PROPORTIONS RAY MANCHESTER???

wait did silly man just say ‘man ladder’

the intro is at 7:30! how long that is! :o

i love how ray tells them to shut up lol :D

a cute bird house! :D

ray said ‘talketh’ coolio :D

oh no... TRUST FALL!!!!!!

bose saved him with levitation and the other kids grabbed pillows! how sweet :)

mika: “obvi” how ts of you mika!

ray wants to test them... WHEN THEY”RE ALONE >:)

bose is being prank called by ray aka ‘bose of the future’ AND OF COURSE HE’S GONNA FALL FOR IT HE’S BOSE!!!!

oh bose just said ‘wrong number’! how very mature of him!

YAAAAS RAYAAAAA!!!!!!!!! :D

ray’s prank for miles was luring him to ice cream while mika gets a speech review? ok...

CHAPA HAS TO USE AOL BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T HAVE A PHONE OMG

no miles found the ice cream.... AND HE’S TEMPTED!!

ray: ‘in the future, ray turns evil!” monsty reference? :o

ray: “destroy ray... no matter how good looking he is!” lol :D

miles went for carrots! :o

aww bose ‘loves ray too much’ :)

ray: “e before i except in july! amen!” ha ha :D

MIKA SCREAMED INTO THE ESSAY LOL!!!

the swellview version of instagram is swellgram :D

schwoz says ‘way’ like ‘vay’ and i love it :D

awww!!!! :D

oh bose believed ray!

schwoz spilled the beans! :o

OH NO THE LAUNDRY LEVEL IS AT 1000!!!

the baby goat bleating is so cute! ^_^

the vid went to an ad just as schwoz said ‘manche-’ and i thought he was about to say ‘manchild’ lol :D

mika: “i passed!” miles: “we all passed!” goat: “MEHHHH!!!!!!!!!” :D

oh no are the kids gonna do something bad :o

OMG miles just called ray ‘rayman esther manchester’ OHHH!!!!!!! :o

ray wanted them to eat a scorpion WHY RAY

miles teleported to ray and instantly went back lol :D

goat: “buhh jerry!” OMG IT TALKED!!!

ice cream party! :D

schwoz: “it’s a real milestone” eyyy ;D

schwoz says it all the time lol :D

ray’s been gone FOR A WEEK????

they all think it’s a prank but what if it’s real?

IT’S BEEN ANOTHER WEEK WHY

bose: ‘he’s taken this fake desert test really far” i don’t think it’s fake bose...

OMG RAY NO

why does he look like al from quantum leap but crazy af

THE KIDS TURNED HIM OFF

and they got to do the supes illustrated shoot all on their own!

WAIT DID CHAPA SAY THEY WERE IN PHOENIX???? :o

ray BUSTED!!!!

oh no is chapa sending the prank pic she deleted

dan schneider who lol :D

last but not least is ‘lil dynomite’!

omg there’s smoke everywhere!

and a treasurechest monster? :o

awww mika’s locker is her only personal space :/

she wants ray to put the monster in miles locker lol :D

the monster wants to eat swans ew :/

bose said the ‘mangenda’

ooh they said the title of the ep!

awww lil dynomite is cute!

he says ‘hello sir!’ :D

he’s ‘4 feet 10 inches of-’ neverending joy and smiles?

a country duo is signing a song called ‘almond milk’

66 DOLLARS A TICKET WTF

‘life size board game night? gayle from bob’s burgers wants your number ray...

ray during game night: “did i ever tell you the last time i saw my father?” ...ok :/

country lady: “there’s some flashbacks at table 5″ lol :D

they’re called court and courtney! :D

chapa: “almond milk feeds my soul!” YAS!

mika: “who would miss almond milk?” lady: “it’s funny you’re missing almond milk right now!” OHHHHH

OMG THE OTHER LADY SAID ‘BEAUTIFUL WIFE’!!!! :D

lady: “we have another song for you. it’s called..” her and other lady: ‘SHUT YOUR MOUTH’!!” lol :D

ray: “anybody hungy?” lol :D

ray: “you love my manflaps!” THAT PANCAKE NAME SOUNDS DISGUSTING OUT OF CONTEXT

OMG LIL DYNOMITE IS THE 5TH MEMBER

AND THEY KEEP SAYING ‘MANFLAPS’!!!!

he looks like a smol henry... :o

chapa said ‘booty hurt’ lol :D

why is the chest monster still there?

OMG CAPTAIN MAN ASKED THAT MUST AS I TYPED IT! :o

lil d stole bose’s mangenda job! :o

CAPTAIN MAN CALLED BRAINSTORM ‘BRAINBENDER’ NOOO :o

lil d reminds me of speedy alka seltzer with his ‘gee whiz!’ attitude

NO LIL D HAS MIKA’S LOCKER!!!!

miles *screaming*: “YOU MONSTER!!!!!!” you tell him miles!

the news people are back!

captain man and lil d played a non-copyrighted cover of ‘blinding light’ lol :D

lil d is making hair gel WITH CONDORS NO >:(

bose: “oh where is my brain?” it’s in a storm EYYY :D

lil d emphasizes ‘captain MAN’ and it’s so weird

the chest monster is singing lol :D

OMG HOMER SIMPSON BROKE THE NUCLEAR REACTOR

mika: ‘how did you get hired here?” nuclear lady: “i slammed the interview!!!”

it’s MELTY NOOO!!!!!

lil d: “wish me luck mans and sirs!” gee whiz what a quote!

HOLY FRICK WAS HE MELTED????

geez that’s rough!!! :o

chapa: “poor little guy... he just wanted to help” aww they care about him :(

captain man: “that better be awol!” awol: “i’m sorry what” captain man: “NOOOOO!!!!!!” AND HE BROKE THE LAST CONDOR EGG EVER NOOOOO!!!!!

chest monster: “never would’ve happened if you brought the chest monster along!” chapa: “SHUT UP CHEST MONSTER!’ yeah!

RAY WAS GONNA ADOPT LIL D :o

chapa’s trying to hit ray but she keeps hitting lil d HE GONNA DIE

why did the chest monster say “get wrecked” :(

ooh schwoz hologram

awww schwoz built the healing suit to give him powers!

OH CRAP LIL D DED!!!

captain man was gonna feed lil d to the chest monster :o

OH CRAP U DED C MAN!!!!!

HOLY FRICK

awww the kids are defending captain man!

AND LIL D JUST CALLED HIM A MANCHILD! :o

wait captain man has daddy issues

THEY’RE ALL SCREAMING

NO LIL D NO!!!!

GO DANGER FORCE!!! :D

ray right after lil d and awol teleport away: “...we still doing movie night?” lol :D

those were the new(ish) danger force eps! i-

*record scratch*

wait...

THERE’S MORE!!! you thought this was just a double livewatch? i’ve sneakily turned it into a TRIPLE livewatch! this has been a lot of fun so we’re watching the other ep i missed out on!

the final ep of this forcetastic livewatch is ...‘monsty’!

double bubble toil trouble... :)

mika walks in screaming “WHERE’S MY MEAT???” just go to wendy’s!

mika is wearing captain man’s clothes because she did a bad thing! :o

ooh thunder!

spongebob who?

chapa: “you go to your dentist once a month?” lol :D

bose: “33 months? that’s like a hundred years!” miles *softly*: “buddy...”

mika: *breaks a glass* MIKA’S BROKEN A GLASS MIKA’S BROKEN A GLASS! (paul would be proud!)

is this what she’s freaked out about?

lol :D

bose: “WE LUV YOU DANNY CHEEEESST!!!!” double lol :D

there’s a ‘struggle for candy equality’

bose: “what’s a jury duty?” captain man: “when you turn 18- like i did a couple years ago” more like a billion couple years ago! :D

did mika go to jury duty to make up for the glass?

ray thinks left handed people cheat on taxes why

HE MEMED THE MEME!!!!!

and he thinks all people have 2 first names lol

WOAH mika was gonna CLONE ray???? :o

a tongue is god’s napkin

THUNDER STRIKE!!!

omg TINY RAY!!!!!

chapa: “is there a tiny ray shooting a blaster?” ray: “there’s an old ray doing that but that’s another story for another week” great fourth wall reference! ...and possible ‘gnight everybody?’

oh no she cloned ray THE SCARY WAY???

mika: “this is where the story starts to get weird” chapa: “starts to?” lol :D

OMG IT RAYENSTEIN!!!! :O

so that’s monsty!

monsty peed everywhere ew :(

twins! :D

also that’s monsty’s pee bucket double ew :(

chest monster was teleported away! rip chestie

bose keeps calling ray ‘sir’ is that like lil d?

i wonder if that’s a real phone number...

danny chest: “now we have... 100 dollars in pledges” ...oh :/

chapa called him ‘danny boi’ lol :D

DANNY’S THREATENING TO LAUNCH THE GANG AWAY

captain man: “surprise villain! classic!”

they were locked up and captain man said it was a classic!

jennifer lawrence donated 10 thousand! :D

launching off of mountains only ‘hurts for a second’ according to ray

WHO JUST GOT A PEE BUCKET HEAD :o

mika: “captain man wants us to say cool stuff before we use our powers!” how very sailor moon of you ray!

mika called bose ‘honey’ lol :D

CHAPA WANTS HIM TO LIFT THE ANVIL

miles wants monsty to help!!! :D

why is there dramatic music playing in the monsty teleport flashback

awww :D

awwww!!!!!! :D

HE’S IN THE DUNGEON WITH CHEST MONSTER

YAS CHEST MONSTER!!!

bose dropped the anvil on captain man WHY

chapa to mika: “SCREAM GIRL!!!!” YAS! :D

omg DUST :o

mika: “monsty’s coming through that door right now!” monsty: *doesn’t come through that door* awk-ward....

HE BROKE THROUGH THE DOOR YAS!!!! :D

danny hit monsty NOOOO :o

mika: “can you zap monsty?” chapa: “i can, but that’s mean” mika: “i know, but-” chapa: “i’ll still do it tho” lol

YAS MONSTY HIT DANNY WITH THE ANVIL!!!! :D

oh no is monsty gonna accidentally launch them

captain man go YEET!

monsty: “rut roh!” *wah wah wah wahhhh...*

how fancy!

captain: “time to distribute the employee of the month award to someone who has had great courage and sacrifice... mika can you get out of the way please” lol :D

aww monsty is the employee of the month!

AND MIKA IS PROUD!!!! :D

and schwoz did jury duty :) *wah wah wah wahhhh!!!!*

that was a great trio of eps! it was fun getting back to danger force and i can’t wait to see what will happen in the next eps! :D

#livewatch #danger force livewatches are always so fun! :D #especially now that i've finally found the missing eps!

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boystownbirdie · 7 years

Text

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E4

Welcome back to let me watch TV 4 u! I watch TV so you don’t have to!

Today let’s explore Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 4 titled: The Spoils of War. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure that’s the name of a Clint Eastwood flick, no?

Today’s recap will be a quick one (due to my own time constraints, not for lack of DRAMA) so let’s go!

First, we watch Jaime and Bronn marching away from Highgarden, fresh off of poisoning Gma Tyrell…

Bronn is like, why the long face bro? We know that Jaime is having #emotions about Gma Tyrell’s confession that she poisoned Joffrey. Jaime is like I CANT SAY. And he gives Bronn some cash money for his services. We get a shot of the giant truck of money which is important to the later scenes. Then Jaime tells Bronn and Sam’s Dad and Sam’s bro (lol his name is Dickon which is ironic because he is not really a dick but his dad sure is) to go collect the harvest from the local peeps.

Next, we stop in to see QPC talking to her banker friend in King’s Landing…

She mentions said truck o’ money and is like ITS COMING, DUDE. CHILL. And he’s like let’s discuss stocks and bonds. And then they have a discussion about investing. It’s kind of boring.

Next, we see Littlefinger giving Bran a knife…

Which is the knife that was used to try to kill Bran waaaaaayyyy back in season 1. If you’ll recall in season 1 ep 1, Baby Bran saw Jaime and QPC boning and Jaime pushed him out of a tower causing him to be concussed and paraplegic but also gain some of his vision-abilities. While he was still concussed, QPC (we assume) sent someone to kill Bran to ensure he never told their secret. So Littlefinger (LF) gives Bran this knife and is like, let me know if I can be of any assistance. Then Bran quotes some OG LF (“Chaos isn’t a pit. It’s a ladder”) and LF is clearly freaked because this means Bran could also know about his betrayal of Ned Stark in season 1.

Meera comes in to check out Bran’s new wheelchair and to tell him she’s heading back home. Bran is like kewl bai. And she’s like srsly? I risked my life for your and my bro died for you. And he’s like I’m not Bran anymore, I’m the 3 eyed raven. I no longer have feelings.

Speaking of no feelings, we see our old pal Arya roll up at Winterfell and we feel ALL THE FEELS. She’s stopped at the gate by 2 very salty doormen who are like naw bitch, private club, members only. And she’s like I AM AN OG MEMBER OF THIS CLUB. After some cajoling, they let her in and she sits in Winterfell for the first time since she left back in Season 1 and then disappears. Was anyone else worried that she’d left? I was. But fear not.

The doormen go to Sansa and they’re like umm some bitch who says she’s your sis is here but now she’s gone? And Sansa’s like, I know where she went, TO THE CRYPTS! So Sansa goes downstairs and finds her sis and they reunite and hug and it’s adorable. It’s esp adorable since we know that IRL these actresses are besties but they haven’t had a scene together since S1, so to see their chemistry as real life friends play out is so sweet. Arya tells Sansa she’s just been bopping around killing people and Sansa is like LOL WUT? And Arya is like hahahaha jk. Did anyone else shed a single tear when A and S were discussing their past traumas and A says “Well, our stories aren’t over yet” ?!?!?! Cuz I shore did.

Then they go to see Bran who is still being real creepy and #nofeelings. Sansa tries to warn Arya that Bran is a real bummer now, so Arya’s like hi bro, I haven’t seen you in a million years. And he’s like yes you were heading to King’s Landing to kill Cersei but changed your mind. And she’s like ummm, k? And Sansa helpfully tells her that Bran has “visions” now. But then Bran basically spills the beans that Arya was not JK-ing about being a trained assassin now. And Sansa is a little creeped. Then Bran gives Arya that same knife he got from LF cuz he’s like... you know how to use it better than me.

Ladyknight sees Arya, Sansa, and Bran walking through Winterfell together and Pod, her squire (which is basically like an apprentice?) is like YOU DID IT YOU GOT BOTH GIRLS HOME SAFE. And Ladyknight is like naw it wasn’t me, but Pod is like take some credit, hun. And she’s like K thanks. Later, we watch Ladyknight and Pod sparring. Arya meets Ladyknight again and is like can I train with you? And they have a cute lil’ sparring scene in which Arya shows off her skills gathered over the past 7 seasons and Ladyknight is like WOWZA! Meanwhile, Sansa is watching and she seems kinda jelly? Or maybe she’s just nervous about her sis being an assassin? Sansa is watching this all with LF, and as they leave we’re reminded that Arya doesn’t like the looks of this guy.

Next, we stop in on Dragonstone, where things get HOT AND HEAVY

Khaleesi is heading to meet Bae and chatting with her hottie translator, Missandei (Missi) about Greyworm. Missi SPILLS THE TEA and is like we did EVERYTHING BUT. And is like it was goooooood. And Khaleesi is visibly shook but in the best way. They meet up with Bae who’s like lemme show you some caves. The last time Bae went into a cave with a beautiful lady, he lost his v-card so this has got us thinking. Khaleesi is like I’m not scared of Bae I’ll go alone. Bae shows her that he’s got enuf rocks for his rock collection (aka project to save everyone from the ice zombie army), but he’s like, there’s something else you should see. He shows her these cave paintings from children of the forest (CoF) who we basically like neanderthals in GoT-world. He’s like look, the CoF’s drew pics of them working TOGETHER with humans to defeat the ice zombies.

While he’s giving the tour, he touches her hand to guide her flashlight. AND IT IS SO HAWT I nearly exploded. He’s like, we must all work together to fight the ice zombies, and she says, “I will fight for you, I will fight for the North.” But first you gotta #bowdownbitches. And he’s like ummmmmm can’t? And she’s like please, let’s work together. And they truly almost makeout right then and there it’s so hot.

When they emerge from their cave of sexual tension, Tyrion is there to tell her about recent battles. As you’ll recall from last week, things did not go as planned with taking over Casterly Rock, since Jaime diverted the army South to take Highgarden. Khaleesi is like I’m starting to wonder if you aren’t actually loyal to your bro and sis, Tyrion. Then she asks bae what to do. He’s like well just don’t use dragons to kill innocent people that’s what the bad guys do.

Next, no-knuckles (NK) and Bae have a discussion about Khaleesi. NK is like, she’s fly, no? And Bae is like “she has a good heart” and NK is like, boi you been checkin’ out more than her heart. They see good ole Missi who asks ‘bout Bae’s name “Jon Snow” and he has to explain it’s because he’s a bastard. They ask her about why she loves Khaleesi so much and she says it’s cuz they chose her as their leader and also knows she could leave if she wanted.

Next up, Previously-traumatized-Theon washes ashore. Bae is pissed at him because he betrayed his bro Robb Stark many seasons ago and killed some people in Winterfell, but Bae says he won’t kill PTT because he helped Sansa escape. PTT explains that he needs Khaleesi’s help to get sis back from their Uncle-Crazy-Pants, but Bae is like, umm…. Khaleesi is gone…

Which leads us to the last scene…

Bronn and Jaime are checking out the people farming that they discussed before. Bronn and Sam’s dad and bro confirm that they were able to collect grains/harvest etc… and Sam’s mean dad mentions that the gold is safely in King’s Landing. Sam’s mean dad (SMD) is like here’s a good idea to get things moving along, let’s flog the stragglers but Jaime is like ummm…..naw. Once SMD rides off, Jaime asks Sam’s Bro Dickon (SBD) how he feels about battles and SBD turns out to be a real sweetie pie just like his bro. He’s like I don’t love to kill people but I will if I have to.

All of the sudden, Jaime and co hear a rumbling far off. The skies are kind of gray and they’re on the wrong side of a hill so they can’t really tell what’s coming, but they #getinformation #beyonce and prep for battle. Then, a BILLION DOTHRAKI (the horse ppl who love Khaleesi) roll up on their horses, raring to fight. Jaime looks, frankly, spooked. His army is like ummm…wtf. AND THEN KHALEESI FLYS OVER ON A DRAGON OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!

Before the Dothraki ride their horses straight into the Lannister army, Khaleesi is like breathe fire, babe, and her dragon scorches a bunch of the Lannister fleet. Then the fighting really starts. It’s a lot of Dothraki really giving it to the straight-laced Lannister army who’ve never seen people fight like this before. And then a lot of Khaleesi telling her dragon to breathe fire and wiping out her enemy. IT IS BADASS and also Jaime looks positively terrified.

At one point, Jaime is saved by SBD during battle scene. Jaime tells Bronn to get the giant dragon-shooter-machine and Bronn is like no way, you do it. And Jaime’s like I GOT ONE HAND BRO, CAN’T (it’s very but-you-ain’t-got-no-legs-lieutenant-dan). It seems like Bronn is gonna just bounce, esp since he loses his gold, but instead he heads to the dragon shooter and gets it locked and loaded.

Meanwhile, Tyrion is watching this mayhem and he seems kinda sad. A Dothraki dude is like wow, your people are bad at fighting and Tyrion sees his Bro Jaime out there and seems remorseful. While Tyrion watches his bro struggle on the battlefield, Jamie also looks around at the destruction and fire and seems deeply sad as well.

But back to the battle, Bronn is firing away at the dragon with the giant-dragon-shooter. After some misses, he finally hits the dragon and successfully wounds him. In retaliation, the Dragon blows up dragon-killer-machine (Bronn narrowly escapes). Wounded, the dragon has to land on the shore and Khaleesi hops off to survey the damage to her baby boi. Jaime sees Khaleesi and is like, well, here’s my chance. He’s riding toward her on his horse and Tyrion sees this all and keeps saying, “flee you idiot” because, presumably, he doesn’t want to see either of these people killed.

Jaime rolls up, about to stab Khaeesi and it looks like it might happen when all of a sudden, the dragon brings his head around breathes fire directly at Jaime. At the same time, someone (it looks like Bronn) grabs Jaime and pulls him into the water to escape the fire blast. BUT THEN we just get a clip of Jaime sinking into the water and MAYBE DROWNING?!?!?!?!?!! OMG THIS EPISODE WAS AMAZING I AM GAGGED.

Let’s recap

Biggest surprise this ep: KHALEESI ROLLING UP ON A DRAGON!! Also, is Jaime dead?!?!?!?!

Biggest letdown: the cave of sexual tension was kind of a letdown but I think it’s happening people, I think it’s coming.

Important fashion moments: I’m loving the little getup Arya is wearing during her sparring match with Ladyknight. Also everything Khaleesi and Missi are wearing is #bomb.

Who died this ep? A bunch of Lannister army people, maybe SMD? Also a bunch of Dothraki too. And then the big Q- maybe Jaime?

Thanks for reading!!! Follow me on tumblr! Tell your friends!

Also, a disclaimer that I posted last week:

You might IDGAF this but just to lay it out there, I purposefully avoid all other recaps/reviews/think-pieces about the latest episode in the time between watching the ep and writing this recap. Sometimes I will hop on to the GoT wiki page to find out a character’s name or check a fact but mostly it’s just my own notes that I reference.

WHY AM I EVEN SAYING THIS? I often will read other recaps/reviews after writing and posting this one and I’m like OMG WE HAD THE SAME REACTION/ SAID THE SAME THING about a scene or a character. So I guess I just wanted to say that any similarities between this recap and any other recap are unintentional and coincidental.

I know what you’re thinking: PROVE IT. Well, much like Bae trying to prove the ice zombies are real, I can’t prove it, I can only state the facts and hope that my time-worn face and honest peepers will be enough :)

#lmwtv4u #gotrecap #gotreview #gots7e4 #spoils of war #game of thrones #game of thrones recap #game of thrones review #jonsnow #jaime lannister #drogon

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daddyconfessions · 5 years

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sugar tales: baby ripped me off

I’ve gotten a lot of anon questions so I haven’t been able to blog on my past experiences as much as I would like. But, now that I’m catching up I can get back to sharing how things are for us Daddy’s out here.

I met Ripoff on SA around late April. She was the first seemingly decent SB after a long dry spell for me. I’d met Nebraska on the rebound from Bottlecap. Nebraska and I started in December ’14 and we lasted about several weeks. But I fucked up with her and she ended up getting another SD before I could fix things. Even though I started the year off so so, the spring of 2015 would prove to be a rough time for daddy.

So I message Ripoff on SA and play the waiting game. After a few days she messages back. A few pleasantries are dispensed with the back and forth before we move on to texting.

After several texts Ripoff brings up money – not an allowance. Baby hits me with the stress method. Tells me her rent is due and she’s about to be put out.

I don’t mind the stress method. Just use it in context. If it’s the middle of the month and you haven’t paid your rent then that’s just ratchet. The rent stress method makes more sense if ran at the end of the month or beginning. Just FYI if you’re using this. Don’t insult daddy’s intelligence. Also, my personal rule for any stress technique is to keep it transactional. No honey…no money. I know I’ll get hate mail for that one. But those are my own personal rules.

I get her to send more pics and she does, a few of which she shouldn’t have. I can tell from the bad ones the apartment is nowhere near the amount she’s asking. I play along with her story, and before long I’ve shaved off a few $$$$ from her request. Suddenly she shifts from needing rent to needing to get her water bill paid. Judging by her apartment pics no way she’s paying that much on water either. And I see baby stuff in the background. Not looking good. But, I cut her some slack not because she deserved it but more because the year had been rough.

I agree to the amount for the water bill and we’re supposed to meet. She says she’ll meet me at the hotel and she wants the money up front. Nope. No smash and dash here baby. We argue over that and then stop talking. She text me randomly over the next few days or so, testing the waters and trying to guilt me into giving her the cash. Not interested.

We stop talking for a few weeks and then she messages me on SA. Says she’s lost my number and would like to start talking again. She’s sweet this time. I like it.

We start back texting and within a couple of days I’m heading over to pick her up. She lives in a neighborhood undergoing gentrification. Million dollars homes tower above $50k houses. Of course I pick her up from the $50k duplex houses. We go for coffee because neither one of us is really hungry. It’s the beginning of the summer so its hot. Baby comes out in blue jean shorts and some type of sports bra. Nice. Ripoff’s a good looking latin chick. Dark brown skin, curly black hair….got that Salma Hayek thing going.

We chit chat. Baby is having a hard time. She moved out of her apartment in with a stripper friend. It was her stripper friend –after Ripoff had showed her our text messages and my pic – that told her she should really try and hook up with me. Stripper friend also told her she’d take me if Ripoff wasn’t interested. Wouldn’t be the first time I was passed around….I’ll blog on that in the future.

Baby opens up and tells me about herself. She hasn’t made the best decisions in life. She’s got two kids –although I couldn’t tell by looking at her. Stomach was flat and tight. Her mother has custody and mother also has the car she bought. Ripoff hasn’t been very responsible – half taking care of the kids and missing car note payments. She needs me to do these things for her. Get her life back together. She convinces me that she’s ready to change and get back on track. After she sees the wide-eyed look on my face she says, “Yea I know it’s a lot baby. I hope I don’t scare you off….”

I’ve seen worse. Cap’n Sav-A-Hoe to the rescue. I’ll gladly put on my cape and save her. Up Up and Away!!! Wouldn’t be the first time. I tell her I’m cool with everything and she’s ecstatic. She’s got a place through some city program and she needs help getting a U-haul to move her stuff in. She just wants someone stable. A father figure. I’m good with it all. We talk more about her interest. Turns out she’s fairly decent chick. Ripoff has some decent career plans and big things on her wish list. She shows me a few pics where she’s appeared in some rap videos, one of them being a fairly new up and coming guy.

Damn. I’m about to lay a video hoe? Gotta love the sugar bowl.

And she’s been on the album covers of some local talent. Not too shabby. She tells me she’s been living the life, turning up, and she’s lost everything because she’s ignored her responsibility.

It’s plausible. But, I’m still a little confused about how she lost her kids, and being so irresponsible with car notes given the company she keeps. Somebody should have been shelling out some cash on baby. But hey it is what is.

We end up kissing and making out. Baby likes me suddenly. Tells me my eyes pretty – ok you can stop now. The other patrons take note of our PDA. Even though no cash was discussed for today in particular, baby wants to get her nails and feet done so she can feel good about herself again. Life’s been so tough. She wants new shoes and to go shopping but I tell her designer items are not good for the homeless. I tell her she needs to get her priorities straight. She frowns and I can tell I hit a nerve but she nods and agrees. She knows I’m right. I pull out some cash and give her some. She can’t do anything sexually because she’s on her period. But that’s cool. The game has taught me not to expect the kitty on the first date.

I cut the date short and head back to her place. When she finds out I occasionally get pedicures and manicures she wants to go together. Cool with me. I know some upscale places that serve wine during the service. She really likes that.

We kiss and say goodbye. We’re going to hook up in a couple of days and start our arrangement. Maybe after the mani/pedi. However, within two days the ratchetness is back. She’s doing all the things again that stopped me from talking to her the first time. And the promise of our mani/pedi date is gone. She went ahead and got it already because she was near the place. Damn that was going to be our icebreaker.

Its like our conversation at Starbucks went completely out the window. Now, she needs emergency money again, needs help buying a bed for her new place, blah blah and pretty soon she’s got a whole list of new needs. Fuck it. I drop a few stacks to solve all of her immediate problems. Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be too bad. But my gut, my instincts say I need to close the deal and smash before I do any major cash outlay. But I give her the benefit of the doubt and I feel the need to step up my game since she’s dealing with rappers and entertainers.

Despite this, the bullshit keeps up for a few more days….now she needs me to rent a car so she can get around. She needs a deposit for the lights. I start ignoring her but some part of me likes Ripoff. If I’m going to salvage anything with her I need to play it safe. Fuck it, I’m already financially invested in her. Might as well see it through. So I tell her let’s start our arrangement and then we can work on getting the rest of things she needs.

Her parents having her kids and car, and the fact that she lives with her friend says she’s irresponsible and can’t keep up with commitments and obligations. I need to smash and get it over with at this point. Make sure she’s even sincere about this whole thing. Action always speaks louder than words. I know…probably more hate notes and mail. She gives me the dance around with getting started. Suddenly she’s busy doing this and that and dodging the arrangement.

Baby goes MIA for a week. One day, I text her. This will be my last attempt. She answers right away. I tell her I want to start over. Forget the money I’ve already given her. I tell her I want to come through and spend time with her. Of course I’ll have some cash when I come. Baby says ok. We set up the time and before long I’m on my way.

Ripoff answers the door looking good. Her hair is slightly damp from a recent shower and I can tell she’s not wearing underwear in those blue jean shorts. We catch up and both confess we haven’t handled this well. Then baby goes over to a nearby basket of clothes and grabs a piece of lingerie. She asks for the money and then tells me she’s going to go change. She goes to a room and closes the door.

Then I hear her lock the door. WTF?

After a moment she says you can come in baby…..I jump up, full of weeks of anticipation and walk towards the door. As I put my hand on the door knob, the door to the apt/duplex opens. A guy walks in on the phone.

“What the fuck?” he says looking at me crazy. Then he starts yelling “Who are you? “ and “Who are you here to see” and then “I know you’re not here for Ripoff. That’s my girl man. We about to have some problems.” Blah blah

Surprisingly I’m relaxed. I try the door handle but its still locked. I tell her to come out but she doesn’t answer. Meanwhile this lil short midget thug is talking shit on the phone. “Man I just went to the store and came back and this mofo at my house….” Now I know I’ve been setup. Then he hangs up like he’s going to do something. We he sees I’m not scared he’s like, “We gonna have to go outside and talk about this.” One backhand and a couple of jabs and I’d have this guy taken care of. A kick on the cheap ass door would allow me entry into the room where Ripoff is.

No sooner then I think it then I realize the real danger I was in. The legal danger. In a flash I realize if I kick ass and get my money back I could have all kinds of legal problems. It’ll be there two words against mine. And it is it really worth my Director title at work, my job potentially, not to mention the embarrassment.

I decide to bounce. I got enough cash to play another day.

I get outside and he’s still talking shit. I tell him they got a pretty good scam going but karma is a bitch. “My guess is you target professional men with a lot to loose. Nice. But be careful, you could run across the wrong guy.” He starts cursing me out. By then I’m out of the drive way and heading to my car. I see some of his boys waiting on the other side of the house. Now I get the sense of the real danger I was in.

The cash they stole was nominal. Glad I followed my instincts and didn’t buy ALL the shit she asked for.

In the end I chalk it up to the game. I consider dumping my SA account. Too grimey. Now it’s almost June. I’m hoping this summer gets better because 2015 hasn’t been good to daddy. I start to miss the old days when a daddy could post an ad on CL and call it a day.

A few weeks later I get a message from newbie named Kansas. I’ll post on her next time.

PS., excuse any grammatical errors, etc. I wrote this story on my lunch break

#daddy's journal #sugar tales

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adambstingus · 6 years

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24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a ¾ circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169088351967

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samanthasroberts · 6 years

Text

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

14. Cats Hate You

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

… and then my roomate walked in.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

20.Seems An Overreation

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

22. Class Act All The Way

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

Source: http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/29/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

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allofbeercom · 6 years

Text

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

14. Cats Hate You

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

… and then my roomate walked in.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

20.Seems An Overreation

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

22. Class Act All The Way

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

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madigabz · 7 years

Text

Alan Gouze :) the name of the man that has had my heart for a quarter of my whole life!!! Wow, and he adores me even tho I am 100% a clumsy, forgetful, emotional HOT mess...I'm reading your letter and responding back as I go. Even though my feelings were a little hurt that you said I'd be sexier if I didn't get emotional, I understand. Alan I am a little mentally broke, but I'm different. And thankful for that. Bc even if depression, OCD, ADD, insomnia, all of my health problems, pain, overthinking overcasts me; I still shine. Tyler said something to me at Applebee's when I saw him. He told me that one day someone will come into my life and tell me that my hair, eyes & smile glow. I radiate in the sunshine, and I'll know what they mean by it when that day comes. I am so hard on myself but I've had a handful of people- strangers and close friends tell me this. And I know it's true. I know there is more to me than usual. I still smile, I still shine. And I thank fucking whatever god is out there that my glow stays. My friend Angel that did reiki on me told me I've been carrying something since I was a child and that's the reason for my anger. It's someone else's burden that I have put on myself & the woman who read my tarot cards said something similar too. I really do have a little bit of poison in me but something in my soul, or even beyond my own existence, has given me this gift. As I get older, I become more and more scared that the reality of the world will take away my light. I smoke so much I can't even remember shit anymore. "Lose you." That's the song you told me to listen to and I'm sorry that I forgot but you bet your sweet ass the next day I bought it on iTunes and listened to it :) I'm sorry I float through life to avoid realism and pain. I don't mean to forget everything just the bad stuff but I can't pick and choose what my poor memory holds... Emperors new groove. Idr if I've mentioned it before this, but I saw it on the shelf in my room today. (I gotta take some pics of the apartment for you). I remember coming over right after all of the Jackie shit & finding out about your mom. Trying to overdose. You cried on my chest & you were so emotionally exhausted. I believe your mom was still in the hospital and we put a movie on in her bed. Emperors new groove :) it was snowing outside and it was the first time my mom blatantly was bitching about me staying the night w you bc her crazy ass drove by and saw my car at auburn hills, when I told her I was staying at Courtney's. I never felt so close to you like you let your guard down and let me feel your pain for once. Selfish of me to say but it was honestly beautiful to finally feel you so deeply. Connected and so raw. I feel like I use that word too much, raw, trying to explain myself to you but nothing fits better than it. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Speaking of the past. Alan at this point in my life idk and idc what was true and what wasn't when we were together before db (that's vals name for now on-dumb bitch.) but one thing I'm holding you to is honesty. I care too much about you and this relationship to see it as a joke where it's okay to lie to each other. Like you said that was the one thing you kept consistent of so please don't lose it. I respect you for your honesty. It isn't a trait people carry anymore. Good or bad, through manipulation, brainwashing, reverse psychology, mind games, everything that come with this fucking sick generation..I do not want to be apart of. I much rather be in the 50's than this day in age. I don't belong here. Mostly I belong in the water ;) can't say that it doesn't kill me a little everytime you talk about threesomes, fucking other women, having a 2nd gf. You need to stop with it. You take away my dignity little by little everytime you say some fucked up shit like that. Gotta admit, you were right tho. Out of FUN and fairness I'm sure one day in the future you can get my happy ass all buzzed up and in bed with another chick. Just don't give her all/special attention bc it'll strain our relationship for forever after that. This does not mean I am actually cool w an open relationship, you having another gf, or having sex with anyone else without me. Starting a new chapter. "Everything will be ok." "No one should ever see you crumbling"...that's the thing, trust me no one besides you sees me crumble. I don't talk about myself to anyone. I feel this void most of the days and I don't want to put a damper on anyone's mood. I never open mssgs or get back to ppl bc they dgaf about me or what I'm going through, think, feel. None of it. And I crave meaning too much, in everything, to be stuck in a one way friendship. I have wasted so much time and energy into ppl who are rotten eggs. They'll never be anything besides selfish i and I can't surround myself in that type of environment anymore. I'm killing myself slowly by not meeting my potential in life rn. I need more meaning. Not to make things more complex but the opposite. To feel full and complete by understanding shit all of the way. And ofc to make it through this terrible generation I was born into. I do see what you see baby...well for the most part. And I don't see the good in everything :p I know I won't always have someone to tell me life gets better. It has always been this way. I have taught myself this. Overthinking just kills me so much! Being a Virgo doesn't doesn't help that I overanalyze either! Fricken OCD-.- my brain sees & thinks things way differently than most ppl. Soul gotta be like 300:) I know you think differently too. I love my nerds ;) so sexy to me. Maybe that's why our souls just click. I am sorry I was quiet the other day. You knew I had something to say and I didn't say it. It wasn't the right time but it isn't a big deal so o don't want you worrying about it baby. Was I really that quiet and meh that you could tell? Or is it just bc you know everything about me?..-.- blessing a curse that you do! But I wouldn't want another man to try and understand me anyway bc I know he couldn't. It's time to stop living life for other ppl you say...idk if it's your 20's or what but I feel like I'm redefining my life again. Rediscovering who the hell I really am down to my core. I love YOU inside and out & to death!!!!!:,( pouty face. This is the most settling and amazing letter I have gotten so far. Thank you for these words I really needed it. I love you all the way through your tough skin and down to your beating heart Alan. Changing my diet is the least of my worries and it's awesome bc I'm going to get sexy af!:) I've been gluten free before. Not having cheese just breaks my lil heart tho lol. Yes my parents have fucked me up. But I workdue with it and try to overcome the shiftiness they make me feel. Ik I'm a pussy. But my dad has definitely fucked w my head and has never made me feel good enough. Maybe that's what I feed off of you and why I want you so bad. My mom is just an emotional crazy lady w multiple personality disorder lol. But at least they didn't hit me. Just verbally f*cked my shit up. "Do everything your heart desires" "even if I get out and we can't stay together 1 yr isn't shit to wait" do you understand how absolutely fucking amazing it is for me to see you say that? You're right everything happens for a reason and it'll all collide during the time it's suppose to. The stories held in the fate of the stars ;) "before we know it we'll be 30 looking back laughing." Nothing has sounded more fulfilling than that small, little sentence. I am studying finally! And I hope the pain fades away w my diet too:( my poor locked up bf has to tell me everything is going to be okay. I can't even say anything to compare to this last letter. You were too smooth with your words, and I can't tell you how refreshing it is for you to be away from me through out a whole year and wanting to stay faithful. We were blessed with each other . Keifer was right, never could stay away from each other. You will always have me too baby. I can't tell you how bad I need to hear this. You have helped me more times than I count. And for sure more than I have helped you. I can't say thank you enough for making me feel so much better . You're the wind beneath my wings <3 & the cheese to my cake. Thank you for loving me for who I am. I reread our letters last night an I am so proud of the man you are becoming. You'll have me sitting passenger cruising in your vehicle in no time toots. A place, school, income, a dog :), happiness, prosper, feeling complete. Taking care of each other, midnight runs grocery shopping. I love you with all that I got, every ounce of my being. And I hope I WILL always have you. You are stronger than so much of the race around this world. I am glad you are all mine. Love you always my sweet, handsome man. I never mentioned anything about the pics I sent. The picture after the 2012 one was when I went fishing w Anthony and t the other day. I'm pretty sure I took some pics of the water for you, I'll have to look. Ofc next one is me omw to see you. I put a wonderful alnatural big tshirt mirror pic on there for you since you're all about natural beauty:p speaking of I'm getting all new make up bc I bet that's why women age faster as they get older! We get words looking you guys get better and we carry your children wtf lol. The black dress is what I wore to Josis party, I sent the one and only picture I took at her party. Does exhaustion look sexy on me baby?:b. The last pic is from the gas station I went to after seeing you. The sky was soo overwhelming in red. There a w a double rainbow and it looked to rad & gleaming from the sky. It was beautiful!! I also wanted to show you my red robe that I have two of(: silky and comforting af, I can't wait to wearing matching robes with you:) lol do yoga, face masks, spoil or ourselves and one another as well. I can't wait to run my hands all over your body and give you a massage. Rob made me Nutella and strawberries tn, made me think about how bad I want to lick Nutella off of your body right now. I got wet from just thinking about it..mmm I'll take some sexy pictures tmmrw night for you. Happy I'm coming to stay for a whole weekend next week. You're my kryptonite and I love everything about you. Give me time so I can give you a kick ass amazing, inspiring letter next!!!! You rule my world. Forever and always sugs, you are my forever and always<3 3 am and time to crash. Hope you're having a kinky dream About it rn;) just ordered that vibrator off of amazon and metal kegel balls bc I guess they feel amazing. I can't wait to be with you. Like we always say, sex and a real bed. It'll be so soon sweetheart and I will have money for us to get a place as soon as you get out. Thank you for telling me to go wherever you astound me but life is just not the same without my other half. You're my soulmate I'd do anything for you. Being in southern michigan doesn't effect me as long as I'm there with you. You're my sunshine..goodnight love.

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mystic-tea-drinker · 7 years

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So I had to move back into my parents last night And if anyone's interested here's the Jerry fucking Springer story of this bitch Noelle Sleitweiler. On Thursday, I went to do laundry and my roommate/landlord Noelle had a load of clothes (mostly shirts, maybe like 1 bra, and a couple pairs of jeans) in the washer. She tends to let her clothes mold in the washer so I put them in the dryer for her while she was at work and started my load in the wash. I've done this for her multiple times without incident. Then like half an hour later I texted her like "hey put your clothes in the dryer, also I'm going to the store do you need anything?" And she doesn't answer so I wait like 15 minutes, then go to the store. As soon as I park at the store she starts like spam texting me like "take my clothes out of the dryer they'll shrink" and at this point the dryer's more than halfway done and I'm not even at home. So I'm like, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize they would shrink, but I'm already at the store." And she's like ok, it's fine Shoulda ended there But she keeps going like "well it'a common sense to leave people's laundry alone, I told you this morning if you had laundry to do just move my stuff out of the way" but she hadn't, and imo it's common sense to not grow mildew on your fucking clothes, soo. So she's getting really rude and she's been acting crazy for a while (going grocery shopping w me and holding on the tote bags so I can't get anything that she doesn't like when we have different tastes in food; making me buy a teapot in the only color I don't like; saying she'll do the dishes, waiting a week to do them, and then getting in my face about why haven't I done them; refusing to let me buy random things in the store that I'd pay for myself, like cute $4.99 journals at Marshall's and w.e; acting really patronizing and highest key passive aggressive; stealing my razor head???; letting mold grow on dishes and expecting me to clean that up for her; etc) and I was on my period so honestly I went off. And I was like, listen, I don't know who you think you are but you can't talk to me like that. I'm not going to tolerate it. And she kept trying to act like her behavior wasn't out of line and my thing is like, I don't stand up for myself very often, but when I do I've made that decision and I will not back down. So I told her flat-out that if she couldnt apologize for her behavior that I'd move out. So she apologized. Shoulda been fine. That was on Thursday. So for the next 2 days she decides that she just isn't going to speak to me, as though the silent treatment will make me go waah waah waah all the way back to being her lil bitch. And I'm over here laughing at her cuz she's a dumbass. So then on Saturday I have to do a load of laundry before work so I go to the washer, take her (not yet moldy but definitely half-dry and almost there) clothes out of the washer, put them in a basket, and do my wash. And then I go to do the dryer, which is in a locked room, and can't find the key anywhere. So I text her saying I can't find it and that whenever it's found I need a copy made bc I'm tired of searching for keys around the house (she loses her keys every 2 seconds). She never answers, so I have to go dry my clothes at my parents' house. And at this point I'm near tears, because that's humiliating in and of itself? Like I'm an adult, wtf. Doing laundry at your parents' is for college students on spring break. So then I had work, and I come back from work and I have this sign on my door from Noelle saying that because in the -verbal agreement that can't be verified but definitely covered all the shit she says it doesn't- I only pay for my room, if I want to stay there for next month I have to pay $100 more for wifi, tv, laundry privileges, water, and electricity. And then she says that because I've lost her trust I can only use the tv, wifi, and do laundry while she's home to supervise me. She works 2 jobs and is never home. So I moved all my shit in 4 hours flat. Read the note at 4:30, had the last box out at 8:20 I'm not even kidding. And honestly all I want to do is make sure she never gets another roommate cuz no one deserves to live with this control freak. I've literally known this person for 8 years and I was so excited to live w her and thought it'd be great, but she's actually crazy when you get to know her. So if you live in the area and you see a listing with her, stay the fuck away. And if you want screencaps of our argument and her love note, I have them saved. So.

#text post #punta gorda #port charlotte #noelle Sleitweiler #rental #florida

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