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evie-sturns · 2 days

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Please - Matt Sturniolo

summary: you've never been interested in sex, not until you met your boyfriend matt. when you ask him to take your virginity he obviously gives you what you ask for.

contains: virgin!reader, gentle!matt, virginity loss, fluff, smut, aftercare, fingering.

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i'm a virgin, it's not like i have a real reason for it, but i've never found a guy i could trust.

matt and i have been dating for 2 months and we've done just about everything, execpt for hooking up. matt's never pushed me to do anything which i appreciate. but now that i've got to know matt i've been craving him, his touch.

7:29pm

i cuddle close to matt's side in bed as i stare at his phone, i watch him scroll through tiktok aimlessly.

i look up at matts side profile, a light stubble spread across his jaw. his blue eyes are locked on his screen.

i move my leg over matt's, shifting closer to him so my crotch is pressed against the side of his leg.

i sigh lightly, closing my eyes as i feel a heat grow between my thighs.

it's the way matt's lips are red, almost begging to be kissed that turns me on.

i don't even realise it, but i'm pathetically rubbing my clit against his leg.

"you okay sweetheart?" matt whispers from above me,

"what-? no i'm fine." i play it off,

matt places his phone down before shifting up, his back resting against the headboard.

matt grabs me under my arms and drags me up onto his lap, i straddle him and look down at him

matt just stares into my eyes like hes waiting for me to say something.

"matt.." i mutter, fidgeting with the ties of his sweatpants.

he looks at my lips, nodding understandably.

"i think that i want you to touch me, i- i need you." i say softly,

matt rubs his eyes, hes clearly flustered.

"what?" he says with a small laugh.

"matt don't make me say it again." i sigh, reaching my hands up and covering my face.

"tell me what you want and i'll give it to you y/n." matt says, grabbing my wrists and tugging them away from my pink face.

i hesitate for a second before speaking

"i want you to fuck me matt." i spit out, matt smiles lightly

"i can definitely do that for you," matt speaks, earning a playful slap from me.

matt reaches for the hem of my shirt, tugging it lightly. i grab his hand to stop him for a second.

"matt- i'm a virgin." i whisper, matt's eyes widen

"thats okay! thats perfectly fine." matt nods, making me feel better. "are you sure you want to do this? we don't have to if you're not ready."

"i don't really know what i'm doing." i mumble, matt nods before grabbing my chin, making me look at him.

i adjust myself on matt's lap to make myself comfortable.

"do you ever.. touch yourself?" matt asks quietly,

"um- i don't know." i reply shyly.

"you don't know?" he teases, earning a small giggle from me.

"yes- yeah i do, shut up-" i laugh, "how often?" matt asks

"every week or so- maybe." i whisper, matt nods before sitting up off the headboard.

he stands up, holding me up by my ass as he starts to mark up my neck with hickeys. matt lays me down on the matress and takes a step back. he reaches out his cold hand to the waistband of my sweat-shorts.

"can i take these off pretty girl?" he asks softly, i nod frantically "yeah- yes."

he slowly slides my shorts down my thighs, keeping a straight face the whole time.

he chucks them to the side of the room, i dont waste time to tug off my shirt aswell,

leaving me in my matching white lace bra and panties on the bed under matt, suddenly the realisation hits that this is actually happening. i shoot up into a seated position quickly,

"hey- you okay?" matt laughs slightly,

"matt" my voice wobbles, concern washes over his face.

"whats going baby-?" he speaks with worry laced in his voice

"im scared." i whisper out, he sits down on the bed next to me, "what if it hurts- and i'm not gonna be good at this matt- i don't know what to do well" i ramble out

"you don't have to be good, you dont have to do anything, you can just lay back and i'll talk you through it, would you like that?" matts voice is gentle,

"and it won't hurt, i promise."

i nod with a shaky sigh, he grabs my jaw and presses his lips against mine.

"right- so what's going to happen is i'm going to stretch 'ya out a little first is that okay?" matts tone is more gentle and understanding now.

"okay." i mumble, laying back on the matress as my legs dangle off the edge of the bed.

matt kneels between my legs, he gently pulls my panties down my legs while his cold finger tips trace circles on my inner thighs.

"you're gonna take two fingers for me?" matt says, i sink my top teeth into my bottom lip with a small giggle.

he presses the pad of his finger against my hole, he slowly pushes his large finger inside of me.

the cold metal of his rings against the warmth of my walls makes me squirm already.

matt doesnt waste time to push another finger inside of me, the stretch burns.

i've only ever fingered myself, my fingers are significantly smaller than matts so the feeling is different.. better.

he curls his fingers inside of me, repeatedly hitting a spot which is making the knot in my stomach clench.

"matt- oh my god!" i whimper out as he spreads his fingers apart inside of me. "it feels so good-" i babble,

i squeeze my eyes shut,

my eyes instantly spring back open as i feel matt's soft lips against my clit.

my hands instantly find there way to his brunette locks, my fingers intertwine into them.

i clench around his fingers again as he curls them

suddenly he pulls out of me, edging me completley

"matt!-" i start to protest, but he shushes me

"sh- sh i know, don't want you to cum yet cause we don't want to overstimulate you baby" matt says softly, tugging down his sweatpants.

there is a various obvious bulge in his sweatpants, i squeeze my thighs together as i look at it. matt runs a hand through his hair before tugging down his boxers, letting them fall to his ankles.

i sit up on my elbows as i stare at his erection, he is big.

very big.

"matt- how is that meant to fit inside of me- you said it wasn't going to hurt" i start to ramble, matt lets out a small laugh

"don't boost my ego." he laughs while rubbing his eyes

"matt seriously! the most i've ever had was your fingers which was like- 2 minutes ago!" i whine

"you'll be okay, i promise" matt chuckles,

"just lay back for me, you can hold my hand." matt says,

holding matt's hands and fingers have always been an anxiety response for me, he knows its comforting to me thats why he lets me whenever i'm scared.

he grabs my hand as i lay back, he grabs his base with his spare hand and lines himself up with me. "are you sure?" he asks again,

"yes- please!" i say impatiently,

he presses his tip, but nothing happens. "are you in?" i breathe out, he shakes his head

matt hesitates for a second before letting my hand go, he walks over to his closet.

"what-" i whisper, he turns back around with a bottle of lube in his hand which he holds shyly.

"its not gonna be comfortable for you if we don't have this." matt says to me as he squeezes some of the cold liquid out onto my folds

he reaches down and spreads some on his length, "lets try this again" he laughs.

matt grabs my hand again before pushing inside of me, i let out a wince.

"you're doing so well, so good for me baby, you've taken the tip." matt praises me,

"do you want more?" he asks teasingly, "yes- please" i beg

matt presses further into me, my walls stretch around him as i let out loud moans, somewhat pleasured but also a mix of pain.

he finally bottoms out, a low whimper falling from his red lips. "are you feeling okay?" his voice shakes

"i- i don't know." i laugh slightly, "do you want me to move?" matt asks, rubbing my fingers with his hand.

"yes- i think so" i smile at him stupidly before matt thrusts, he does small thrusts, being careful not to go too deep.

"you are- so fucking tight." matt says under his breath.

after several thrusts the pain goes away, now pleasure coarses through my body.

"i- oh my fuck, this feels s-so good" i stammer,

"youre taking me so well, you know you are." he says, locking eyes with me.

"you feel so good around me princess, so so good." matt's voice wobbles, he's holding back everything he has to not cum now.

i arch my back with a pathetic moan, feeling a familiar feeling in my stomach come back. matt places an arm by my head, caging me slightly.

"matt- oh fuck" i whine, squeezing his hand impossibly tight. i feel matt's dick twitch inside of me as his cheeks flush red.

abrubtly the knot in my stomach snaps, i didn't even realise it was coming until it did.

i clench hard around matt and feel warmth flow through my whole body, i release with a loud scream of his name as i claw at his back.

matt pulls out almost instantly, painting my chest and neck with white, my eyes widen as i sit up, but i instantly fall back down onto my back,

"shit i- i am so sorry for that aim" matt laughs

he reaches his palm out and wipes my neck clean, before collapsing down next to me.

"i love you so much matt" i mumble sleepily.

"i love you too princess" matt grins, pulling me close to his side. he pecks my face with kisses.

"im sorry for finishing so fast, i didn't even know it was coming-" i start up, matt shuts me up with a hand over my mouth

"im actually glad you finished fast, i was literally battling inner demons to not finish as soon as i started fucking you." matt breathes out.

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@luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @sonicmacks @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @sturniolo-simp4life @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @recklessmatt @ev3rgreenxtrees @lovergirl4387 @certifiednatelover @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @ecilphttlunar @bitchydragonparadise @thematthewlover r @sturni0l0 @ratatioulle @sturnsfav @chrisgetsmewetterxo @mattsonly @justalittle47 @mattsturnioloisbae @sunsetsturniolos @sturniolo04 @similartokayyz @pkfferoo @sturnsintrouble @ilovemattsturn @raysmayhem-72 @75sturn @sturniol0s @secret-sturniolo @hfkeclnendmwodne @sturniolosass @gxldenlush @stonermattsgf @101sara @beccaluvschris @oliviasturniolo21

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freedomfireflies · 2 days

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404rrry catching a cold and wanting to babied by tink but also trying to act all tough “im just letting you be nice to me you know? But keep rubbing my back”😂

🩷🩷

“Harry—”

“No.”

“Harry—”

“Uh-uh.”

You huff. “Harold, I swear to god, if you don’t open your mouth so I can take your temperature, I will shove this thermometer up your ass and take it that way.”

He grimaces. “You don’t need to take my temperature. I’m not sick.”

“You’re coughing, you have a fever, you have snot literally dripping down your nose, and you can’t even stand up.” You cross your arms. “You’re sick.”

“And you’re annoying. But apparently there’s no prescription for that, is there? Well, I guess there is one—”

“Harry.”

“What?” He groans and presses his palm to his forehead. “You’re giving me a headache, do you mind?”

“Yeah. I do. Can you take the damn medicine I got you?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you probably laced it with something,” he retorts. “And also because I’m not sick. Why do you even care so much? Do you really expect me to believe that you don’t like to see me suffer?”

“Oh, I do,” you agree. “But if you’re not better by next week, I have to go to that goddamn convention alone and Alex will be there. And if you’re not there, then I have to deal with him alone, and that’s just not fair.”

He considers this a moment, smirking slightly before leaning back against his headboard. “So…you wanna use me to make another guy jealous?”

“I—ew. No. I just…he’s annoying and he always hits on me and it’s gross.”

“So…”

“So, I’m not using you, but he’s scared of it. It’s just—forget it, are you gonna take the damn medicine or not?”

“Can you admit that you like to show me off to your nerdy admirers?”

You scowl. “No.”

“Fine. Then I guess I’ll just stay here and miss the convention.” He pauses. “...even though I’m not sick.”

With a rather dramatic groan, you reach for the bottle of pills on his nightstand. “Fine. Fine. Maybe…I like to have you around…sometimes…because it makes me look…better. Maybe. Sometimes.”

He grins. “Uh-huh. And…?”

Your teeth grit. “And I would really appreciate if you would come to the convention with me…so I can make…Alex…jealous.”

“Mm. Good girl.” Pleased, he sticks out his tongue and his hand.. “All right, Doctor. Make me better. Oh, but if you do decide to put something up my ass…the lube is in the second drawer. Right next to the strap-on.”

You smirk.

OKAY I DON'T KNOW IF I DID THIS RIGHT BUT I HOPE IT WAS SOMEWHAT WHAT YOU WERE WANTING, THANK YOU FOR SENDING IT BB, THIS IS FUN HEHE 💞

#harry #harry styles #404 concept #concept night #harry styles fluff #harry and tink #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you

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spence-whore · 3 days

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HIHI!! can I request spencer celebrating reader for finishing all their exams?? you write him SO SO well and I know it'll become an instant fav 🤭 <333 (if you do want to write it!)

Final Exams

Spencer Agnew x Reader

A/N I’m obsessed with this because I just finished finals last week and I’m pretty sure I failed every single one of them woooo i have no clue if there’s any university’s close to the area that the cast lives in but for this, let’s just act like there is:) one last thing, I thought of going the route where he throws a big party but i felt like the more laid back comfortable type of celebration would be more him whenever it comes to something like this. please overlook the typos and incorrect grammar, im v sick.

one last thing, im trying something new with these. im trying it out in third person instead of using ‘you’ whenever talking about the reader. im also using they/them pronouns to be gender inclusive:) let me know if you like this better or if you liked how i wrote it before with using “you”.

Everyone knew how stressed out Y/N had been for the last month due to their finals. They become so obsessed on the idea of making the best grades that they can or they feel like they simply have not done good enough. This leads to their mental health declining rapidly and them being in a very low spot for a while. Spencer knew this and thought of something he could possibly do after their last final. That last final happened to be today. Y/N had spent the entire night studying, only got two hours of sleep, then got up a few hours early to study before heading to their university.

A few hours had passed and Y/N was finally back in their car, heading back home.

They had dialed Spencer’s number before heading home Y/N sat in silence for a minute before Spencer answered, “Hey Y/N! How did the exam go?”

“Honestly? I feel like I completely flunked it. I’m just so glad it’s all over till the fall.” Y/N said sighing while taking a turn.

“I’d say so, bub. You need a break.” Spencer responded with a soft tone.

“I’m gonna head back to my apartment for the rest of the day. If you maybe wanna come over after work, you’re more than welcome to. I might order out food then watch a movie or something.” Y/N said, trying to think of some way to destress for the rest of the day.

“Of course. I’ll shoot you a text to let you know whenever I’m heading your way.” Spencer said, they could hear the smile on his face.

Little did Y/N know, Spencer was already at their apartment. Y/N had given him a key whenever they moved to LA and became best friends. He practically lived there whenever the two of them were best friends. That was around four years ago. Now, Y/N and Spencer have been dating for two years. He still practically lives there whenever he isn’t busy with work. He thought of setting up a little self care day for them. He was going to draw a warm bath whenever they got closer to the apartment. The bathroom had candles everywhere’s, alongside snacks, and two wine glasses. The bath was big enough to fit three people, so Spencer thought he could either join Y/N or he could leave them to take the bath while he hung out in the living room. The kitchen was set up because during this time, he was going to order their favorite ramen from this restaurant near their apartment. He had also decked out the living room, so it was a huge comfy dream. The couch was covered in soft, fluffy blankets and pillows. There were fairy lights hung above the couch and a gift Spencer had fixed together for them on the table.

Spencer practically was burning a hole into his phone. Whenever he seen Y/N’s location was finally close to the apartment, he jumped up from the couch and booked it to the bathroom to start the bath. He let the water run until it was scalding hot and then plugged the drain. The water ran around three minutes then he turned it off. Y/N’s location had finally arrived to the apartment and he could tell they were making their way up to steps.

He felt like a little kid waiting for their christmas presents. He was about to explode, just sitting there waiting for them on the couch. A few minutes passed and the noise of keys come from the front door, placing into the lock. He jumped up and stared at the door, waiting to see his partner come walking through the door.

“Spencer?” Y/N’s voice came from the front door, obviously confused.

Spencer jumped up and ran to the front door. “Hi! Okay, so stay there for one second. I just want to explain this before I blindfold you.” He stopped talking for a second to giggle. “That sounds kinky but I got today off from work. I told Ian about how today was your last final. They all decided I could take today off to celebrate with you. At first, I thought about throwing a little get together with some friends. I sat and thought about it for a while though and thought, they could really just use a day of self care. That leads us to now.” He explained with a smile on his face. “Are you in the mood for a bath?” He asked, with hope in his voice and a slight smile on his face.

Y/N was just frozen at the front door and was wanting to burst into tears. This is the sweetest thing someone has ever done for them. “That sounds nice.” Was the only thing they could muster out while staring at him and tears welling in their eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry.” Spencer said quickly while rushing to them and wrapping his arms around them.

“Sorry, I’ve just not really been okay here lately. I can’t thank you enough for being you, Spencer.” Y/N explained wiping at their face while their arms were still wrapped around Spencer neck.

“Well, let’s get you into the bath.” Spencer said before placing his hand in front of their eyes and lead them to the bathroom. He pushed them into the bathroom, “Keep your eyes closed till I tell you to open them.” He explained while stepping in behind them and shutting the door. He very quickly lit the candles around the bathroom and placed the lighter back under the sink. “Okay, open them up.”

Y/N opened their eyes and looked around the bathroom to take the scene in. It looked like something straight out of a cliche romance movie. The bathtub was filled with water and bubbles. There was a tray sitting across the tub with two wine glasses and different candies. They immediately started to tear up and turned around to pull Spencer into a hug. “I cannot thank you enough for this.” They whispered into his shirt.

“Oh, this isn’t the end of it. I have a few options for you. So, would you like this bath alone? Would you like for me to join you or do you want me to sit in here with you and you can tell me about your day?” Spencer said while leaning against the sink.

Y/N stared at the man in front of them before grabbing his face and kissing him very quickly, three different times. “Wait, if I say I want you to get in with me, would you give me a massage? My legs and back are killing me.” Y/N explained, hoping that he would give in.

Spencer didn’t even answer them. He just started stripping from his clothes and Y/N could’ve started crying on the spot. The two took their clothes off and climbed into the tub. At this point, the water was now the perfect warmth. It wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t too cold. Y/N sat on one end while Spencer sat on the other. He pulled his hands under the water and pulled their legs over onto his. “I was told someone needed a massage.” He commented while rubbing his thumbs into their calve.

“I literally don’t know what I do to deserve you.” Y/N said while moaning and placing their head back onto the side of the tub.

Spencer just laughed and shook his head. “You’re a dork. I love you though. Can you grab that wine from the side of the tub and possibly pour us some?”

The two sat in the tub close to ten minutes, drinking their wine and eating candy while talking about their day. Spencer eventually moved the tray and Y/N moved over to his side, with their back facing him. He sat, rubbing their shoulders for a while and they just sat in silence, taking the moment in.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you do.” Y/N whispered looking over their shoulder at Spencer.

Spencer smiled at Y/N and placed a soft kiss on their shoulder. “Of course. You deserve this after how rough this semester has been on you.” Spencer explained. A few minutes before this, Spencer had placed a door dash order for the food without telling Y/N. It was close to time for them to get out.

“You’re so beautiful.” Spencer randomly blurted while rubbing his hand up and down their arm. Y/N could feel their face getting warm and they just shook their head. They turned around and placed their knees on both sides of Spencer thighs, so they were facing each other. Spencer placed his hands on their waist and just stared at them for a minute. “You literally make me speechless. Like, I can’t put it into words. I know I’m usually the worst with verbalizing how I feel and what I’m thinking but god, I just have to tell you that. You are beautiful.”

All Y/N could do was laugh and shake their head. “I look awful today but thank you love.” They whispered and tried hiding their face reddening.

“Look at you.” Spencer said while placing both of his hands on their face and pulled it close to his. “You do not look awful. You look so beautiful.” He placed a soft kiss on their lips and pulled them into a hug. Y/N leaned back and took this as a moment to kiss Spencer. The two got lost in a kiss for a minute before Spencer pulled back really quickly.

“I don’t mean to cut this off. Trust me, I really don’t want to. I just remembered though, I might have ordered us food and I think it should be arriving any minute.” Spencer explained very quickly, giving Y/N an awkward smile.

Y/N just laughed and climbed off of Spencer, giving him room to climb out of the tub. He handed them a towel and a change of clothes. “I’m gonna dry off and run to the door really quickly. Whenever you get done, just head to the kitchen.” He dried off while explaining this and threw on some clothes.

Y/N took a minute to dry off and pull their hair back while listening to Spencer talk to the door dasher. “Foods here!” His voice boomed throughout the apartment. “My spidey senses were tingling or something. The second I got the door, they were about to knock.” He said throwing the bathroom door open.

It was like time froze for him. He never knew he could love someone like how he loved Y/N but god. He falls harder and harder for them every second. “Wow.” He whispered, just staring at the person in front of him.

Y/N laughed and shoved his shoulder. “Stooooop. You’re gonna inflate my ego, if you’re not careful.” They said while pulling their sweatpants on, which were a pair of old sweats Spencer had and gave to Y/N cause they always stole them whenever they were at his house.

“Maybe, that’s my intentions.” He said with a big grin on his face. “Let’s head to the kitchen, now. Close your eyes though, you’re not allowed to see anything else yet.”

Y/N closed their eyes and placed their hand in Spencer’s, so he could lead them into the kitchen. He stopped and pulled out the chair that faced away from the living room. “Whenever you sit down, you’re not allowed to look into the living room. Whenever we get done eating, we’re going to go in there. Just please, promise me, you won’t look in there till them.” He practically begged them.

Y/N could feel themselves starting to get emotional again because all of this, is just so much. They couldn’t wrap their head around, why someone would want to do something so sweet for them. “You can open your eyes now.” They heard Spencer say from across the room. They opened their eyes and looked around in the kitchen, without turning around and looking towards the living room. Spencer had set up the table with fancy ramen bowls he had found online. They had designs on them with little Totoro’s and soot sprites around the bowl.

“Oh my god, are these Totoro bowls?” Y/N exclaimed, leaning down to look at the bowl in front of them.

Spencer sat in front of them with a big grin on his face. “Yep, I found them while online one day. I got them for us to put our ramen in. They were washed before you got here. So, you can just pour your ramen into the bowl.”

The two sat, talking and eating for around twenty minutes. They just really took their time to take in each other’s company and mainly because Y/N couldn’t stop ranting about one of their professors that really got under their skin.

“Are you ready to head to the living room now?” Spencer asked, pushing himself back in his chair, ready to stand up.

Y/N just nodded their head and stared at Spencer standing in front of them.

“I’ll wash the bowls here in a little bit.” He said while grabbing the one in front of them and placed it in the sink.

Spencer rounded the table and stood beside Y/N. “You can turn around now.” He said while fiddling with his fingers resting at his waist.

Y/N turned around and finally broke into tears. It wasn’t sad tears, they were just so overwhelmed with the amount of love Spencer has for them.

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Spencer said in a hushed tone while pulling Y/N into a big hug.

“I told you about how everything has just been really rough for me here lately. I just got into a really bad spot and everything felt useless there for a while. You always are the sunshine in my day. You always remind me how loved and wanted I am, here.” Y/N explained while trying to not get choked up.

Spencer started to tear up over hearing his partner say this. He looked at them and wanted to break just from looking at them crying. “I am beyond proud of you and I need to tell you that more often. You have worked your ass off for this degree, especially with how tough the things are that you have been learning about. These finals always drain everything out of you and I should just be there for you way more often.” He said while wiping the tears off of Y/N’s face. “Let’s head int the living room.”

The two walked into the living room and Y/N leaped onto the couch. “Oh my GOD.” They practically shouted. “This is like one huge pillow. I literally could just pass out, right here.” Spencer laughed and yanked them up into a sitting position. He nodded towards the table in front of them and that’s when Y/N noticed there was a huge basket sitting there.

“Oh, well, what is this?” Y/N said acting like they were confused and trying to hide a smile on their face. They picked it up and pulled it over onto the couch.

“At first, I thought about just bringing you this whenever I got off work. That was before I got the idea to do all of this.” Spencer explained, giving Y/N a little smile and sat back onto the couch.

Y/N looked throughout the basket and there was many things in it. There were new pjs, one of his sweatshirts, their favorite candy, their favorite coffee, with three gift cards to books a million, target, and dunkin. There was also a huge fluffy blanket, a ghostface plush, and three new records.

Y/N just sat there staring at all of the stuff for a minute before placing the stuff on the table and tackling Spencer into a huge hug. He didn’t move, he just laid there in the spot, holding them. “I did plan on us watching a movie but honestly, do you just want to take a nap?” He whispered.

Y/N very quickly nodded. “A nap sounds real nice. Plus, you’re hilarious if you think I’m going to move right now for you to turn on a movie.” They got quiet for a minute before squeezing Spencer in a tight hug. “Thank you for all of this.”

Spencer didn’t say anything. He just pulled Y/N tighter into him, with his arms wrapped around them resting on their face and one of the back of their head. “Go to sleep, you loser.”

#spencer agnew x reader #spencer agnew fluff #spencer agnew imagines #smosh x reader #smosh imagine

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dizzybizz · 13 days

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bro i think i have autism about her

#been rotating her around in my brain the past few weeks #im so stoked for 2.2 you dont even know i think im not gonna get any sleep for wednesday OHOFODGHFGHIAOAWFHJFDDFÖAFSÄSGDNJFDÖGÅPSAGJNKFDAJÖ #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr robin #my art #i havent been drawing much lately #hopefully this one gets me back into the swing of things i miss drawing :( wehhh #hopefully i win my 50/50 so i can maybe go for her lc too im hoping im praying i want to deck her out wrhahrggerhgh #so excited for the 7th n then the 9th like OUGUHGhghhgh robin im your biggest fan

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 9 months

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ok no im so tired but ive had this Thing a Laughingstock Concept Thing in my Brain for Days Now and its.... basically what if Barnaby adopted a lil caterpillar. like it's not sapient or anything its literally A Wriggly Puppet Prop. but he finds it in his home and it reminds him of Howdy and he keeps it. he carries it everywhere. he treats it so tenderly and names it and everything. his delusional smitten subconscious is like "omg... mine & howdy's <3" he and Howdy are not even together at this point

so Barnaby cares for this lil caterpillar and Howdy ends up getting attached as well, because he's on the same shit as Barnaby. and eventually the lil caterpillar pupates, and they watch over the chrysalis So Excited to see what lil wormie will look like as a butterfly. and it emerges and they're so proud and weirdly emotional. the butterfly takes off on its first flight and lands on a flower patch

just in time for Eddie to trip and fall on the patch, instantly crushing it And the butterfly

#in my mind eddie is all 'oh man :( thank goodness frank wasnt around to see that' and then goes about his business #completely missing howdy & barnaby watching on In Horror off to the side #not lil wormie... no....#also in my mind lil wormie looks like the fuckn. Adorable worm from sesame street #oscars little friend i think? the cutest little thing in the world? the little red wormie? yeah....#but im feeling very Tender about bigass dog barnaby toting around this teensie weensie lil worm thing #treating it with utmost care and affection #big characters caring for absolutely tiny thing kills me every fucking time #bury me shallow... ill be back to die again....#absolutely unprompted #laughingstock #ohhhh my god im not even gonna say how i almost butchered the laughingstock tag #sometimes i type letters in the wrong order or add an extra one. that would have been so unfortunate but Deeply Hilarious #ANYWAY LIL WORMIE IS AN ESTABLISHED THING IN MY MIND AND I DONT KNOW WHY #maybe... maybe tomorrow i will scribble it...#also to be clear the events of this post all happen within a week or two.#it is a brief shining Worm Time #ok going to bed now officially. im going #wait no i have to complain about something ive done to myself hold on #so i really like reeses puffs cereal yeah? but the problem is it cuts up my mouth to hell and back and makes eating anything a Pain #tried to eat sauerkraut tonight... it burned... the roof of my mouth is so scraped up...#i Will be eating another bowl when i wake up tho. its too tasty. i can take the annoyance that is minor pain. i have a high tolerance <3 #can i easily Not eat it? yeah. but i dont want to stop. nothing will stop me. its a jumbo box. i Will Finish It.#anyway wormie <3 gonna go think about her <3

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imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 6 months

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Okay so there's this offer for younger kids at my school that they're being watched the afternoon too and can do their homework and stuff, and the three women running that are actual gems and also you bet your ass they know you whether you're way too old for that or not, right?

Well, one of them approached me today randomly, like completely out of the blue. She just. had a favourite jacket that doesn't fit her anymore and since it's a favourite, she wanted someone she knows to have it and apparently thought of me. Now, the jacket is a tiny bit too big and it's ver, sturdy and kiiiinda military style and looks sick as fuck and that's amazing and in conclusion i love that woman.

But also, my brain apparently saw the jacket and went "that's soooo marquis de carabas", and you know what, my brain's right, it does look a bit similar to how i always picture his coat. Therefore I'll be adding a shitton of pockets inside :D

in conclusion, i got a fantastic jacket today, kinda-but-not-really? teachers are the most amazing people on earth and i need to learn how to properly sew with a machine and all RIGHT THIS SECOND

#a biscuit's rambles #im gonna have a pocket big enough for a book #and so many small ones for pens and stuff #and a medium sized one for like money and headphones #and one for my phone #and random smaller ones for Trinkets and Silly Rocks or whatever #and one for like keys and stuff #and and and #maybe ill even fit a SECOND book HOW SICK WOULD THAT BE??#i neeeeeeed a sewing machine and the know how of a month at least #PLEASE #tho i ALSO still need to finish my other jacket #i have half a sleeve (urgent) the front (slightly less urgent) and the back (not yet urgent) still to go #or its just gonna fall apart while im wearing it #so i need to make patches and paint them and stuff #AND im boutta This close to make a karn helmet #ITS VERY GENDER OKAY I NEED IT #and four days of the week my afternoon is at least half gone not counting homework. rip me LMAO #nahhhhhhh itll be fineeeeeee #the jackets go first #bc it would be sad if i finished em in summer when its too fucking hot to wear them

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soldier-poet-king · 11 months

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Ughhhhh

Like tried to open the "hey I'm thinking abt moving out" discussion and it just. Hm

- why leave when you can save so much money living here

- implications of them being hurt because I'm leaving more because this house is slowly killing me and less because of my horrific 2.5hr daily commute

- I need to live in a community again. I can't do suburbs anymore. Even urban loneliness is better than this. At least there are people about. I can go pop into little shops. Join a club. Deadass wandering around a mall would feel less isolating than this. ANYTHING

- unspoken but present "no one in our family has moved out until they got married", ESP for the women on my mother's side, and even then they moved literally down the street and formed a weird codependent dysfunctionional situation that I can't seem to extricate myself from

- it's expensive but I am going to kill someone and then myself if I have to stay here longer. I haven't had a life since 2020. And yeah partially that's covid and even more so it's Living Here and slowly dying a bit everyday after having been free and on my own for 8 yrs

- I spent those 8 yrs putting myself back together slowly and figuring out who I wanted and needed to be and within a year of being back I came the closest to forced involuntary psychiatric hold that I've ever been and I don't think that's a coincidence. The move is not entirely to blame. But it's hard to help myself in an environment like this one. I'm going to need a whole lifetime to piece myself back together and I still don't think it'll ever sit right or be whole again

- but if I leave who'll look out for bro 3. The baby. The sensitive one. The one most similar in temperament to me. Or it'll hurt my parents feelings and what little progress they've made will backslide and everything will get worse again and maybe my dad will *** and it'll just be. My fault.

-bro 2 fucked off across the country without guilt and I wish I could just not care but unfortunately I was raised to be the therapist and carer and my whole purpose of being is to sacrifice myself for other people's comfort so what else am I supposed to do. I have to make up for myself somehow

- my parents bought a starter home with shitty jobs when they were younger than me. I'm maybe NEVER going to be able to afford property, but if I don't start "wasting" money every month on rent I'm not going to live long enough for that to BE a problem. Let alone things like investing and retirement savings. But what if I lose my job or smthn goes drastically wrong and I end up back here with my tail between my legs anyways. Idk if I could survive that again

I am so goddam tired of every decision I make being the wrong one for my family. Of none of my (significant!) accomplishments mattering because they're not the traditional milestones. No I've never had a relationship, I've never even been in a date or been kissed. I'm a weird unattractive person and that's fine because I'm particular and peculiar about relationships anyway. Even if I hate that and I'm defined by hunger and grief. No I'm not engaged or married with kids. I'm tired of me appearing years behind my peers socially because I had to spend so long recovering from wanting to die all the time that I don't feel my age or maturity level even tho I AM comptent at my job and also just good and social lying to appear friendly and normal. I'm tired of being nanny and therapist and mom and all of these horrible gendered responsibilities that I never wanted and can't escape and have shaped me and ruined me and idk what I am without them and I can't even feel resentful without guilt because isn't that what I'm FOR. What else am I for than that. That's my purpose and my Duty and Obligation and I'm weak and selfish for chafing against it. I'm not allowed to love parts of my family and culture and then hate and resent all the ones that have hurt and trapped me and will continue to do so until either I, or all of them, are dead.

All I did was hurt and/or upset both my parents which makes everything worse for everyone in this hell house and maybe that's not my fault or responsibility but it sure feels like it is, and I can't escape it regardless.

I'm so goddam tired

#franposting #just whining its.#yeah #suicide mention cw #IM FINE DW IM TAGGING TO BE SAFE FOR OTHERS #im deeply miserable but im fine. i even ate dinner AND fruit #AND made lunch for tmrw #im just. gonna go watch arcane. or read naruto. both of which will hurt me #but maybe it needs to be external rn #work tmrw. and soo many meetings bc my boss is back and i have to like. showcase that i was ok left alone for 2 weeks #and was actually productive #why am i here. whats the purpose. the reason. the goal of it all. what am i supposed to be doing #beyond simple hollow pleasures to keep me going #so i can drag myself out of bed everyday out of a sense of duty #and that i have to keep going bc maybe itll make the world even the slightest bit better than i found it #and im now allowed any easy outs #i. am once again. going to do a hair mask. literally the only emotional cure all i know other than booze. which is. bad. obvs

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