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wiypt-writes · 3 years

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Riding On

Ch21: Her Hooves Set The Beat, My Heart Sang The Song

Summary: There’s a feel good factor at the Gallagher-Adler’s as Alex hits another milestone, but their happy little bubble his shattered with some bad news at the stables, and Fliss is forced to say a heart-breaking goodbye…

Warnings: Bad language, 18+, animal death.

Pairing: Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: So, for those of you who don’t know, Heidi was actually real. She was my beloved horse of a lifetime who I lost in July 2018 to complications associated with old age. At 28 I she had a good life, and for the 20 years I had her she gave me everything. Writing this brought back a lot of memories and was quite therapeutic in a way, but if anyone wants to skip over it for fear of being triggered, I won’t be offended.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding On Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 20

April 2020

“Go away!” Mary laughed, pushing Fliss’ arm as she tried to peek over at what she was writing on the piece of card upon which she’d been designing the Wedding Invitations. “You can see when I’m done!”

Fliss chuckled and backed away, hands raised, palms up.

“Okay, okay.” She walked backwards a few steps before she turned and her eyes fell on Alex who was in his pack and play loudly banging some coloured blocks together. He looked up at her and gave a huge smile before he shuffled a little to the edge of his pen and reached up, curling his hands onto the sides. As Fliss watched, he tried to pull himself up into a standing position but only got so far before he landed on his butt, and waved his arms and legs shouting something in, what Frank called Bean-Babble. Fliss grinned and moved to pick him up.

“Not quite mastered that yet have you, baby?” She smiled, kissing his cheek.

Alex let out another loud squeal of contentment as he perched on her hip and she made her way over to the kitchen area. There, she settled him in his high chair and headed into the fridge to grab him an apple. Since he had started eating solids it had fast become apparent that he was particularly partial to the fruit, something Frank directly attributed to the fact that Fliss had eaten so many of them when she was pregnant thanks to her craving. Fliss carefully chopped the fruit into large pieces before she placed them down on the tray of his chair, kissing his soft hair again as Alex grabbed a slice in his hand and promptly jabbed it in his mouth, making appreciative noises.

Happy that he was content, Fliss then turned her attention to their dinner. She soon had the base of the cream and garlic sauce for the seafood linguini simmering nicely in the pan so she then turned her attention to shelling and de-veining the fresh, king prawns Frank had brought home the night before, along with chopping up the squid and cleaning the mussels before she turned her head and looked over to the table across the large family room.

“Mary, do you want mussels in yours?”

“No, they taste like snot.” Came the simple response.

“You know what snot tastes like?” Fliss pulled a face. “Gross.”

Mary didn’t reply, her hand was busy scribbling on the paper. Fliss shrugged and placed some of the sauce into a separate pan before she dropped some of the seafood through to cook, before pulling a cod and mash potato puree out for Alex for his dinner. Whilst that was in the microwave, she tossed Mary’s sauce through some of the pasta, before sprinkling over a little bit of parmesan and setting it down on the breakfast bar.

“Mary, dinner.”

Mary hopped down from the table and made her way over to the counter. With a thanks to Fliss she tucked in as Fliss smiled and sat next to her, feeding Alex.

“What time is Dad home?” Mary asked.

“I’m actually expecting him any time now.” Fliss glanced at the clock. “He has no meetings tonight so he shouldn’t be too long. Did you want him for something? I can call him.”

“No, I was just curious.” Mary swallowed her mouthful of food. “Do you mind if I don’t ride tonight?”

“No, of course not.” Fliss gave Alex another spoonful of his dinner before she turned to Mary. “Is everything ok, Stack? It’s not like you to pass up an opportunity to ride.”

“Well, I thought I could spend some time with Frank.” She shrugged. “I haven’t seen him properly this week.”

“I’m sure he’d appreciate that.” Fliss smiled, giving Alex more food.

“Just figured if you’re at the stables and Alex is in bed, it’ll just be the two of us. No offense.”

“None taken.” Fliss chuckled, as Mary grinned and continued to eat. And she meant it. Over the past two weeks or so, Frank and Alan’s son had decided to expand a little and as such had been meeting with potential new suppliers, often working until later in the night, something Fliss knew was hard on him because it meant his time with the kids had really been limited to a quick hour over breakfast, the morning school and crèche drop offs and weekends. Fliss had assured him that the kids were fine, she was fine, and reminded him that he was doing this for the family, for their future but it didn’t stop him feeling guilty.

It was kind of ironic, when she thought about it. As she’d been expecting to feel the same guilt after going back to work full time but as she was self-employed, she’d been able to work her time-table quite well around the kids. She’d taken on another stable hand to help with the day to day chores leaving her free to teach more freelance in the area and school horses when they came to her for training. Joanne was now taking the group lessons completely, having passed her final teaching exams earlier that year, and Alex had settled really well into his day care, going two days a week to the centre round the corner from Mary’s school which had come recommended by Bonnie’s sister. The other two days a week Verity (and nine times outta ten Bill) came look after him or take him out, meaning on those days Fliss worked later- scheduling in evening lessons for clients as Verity would sort the kids dinner before Frank got home, and then on Friday, Fliss did her paperwork so Alex stayed with her . It was busy, and often required military planning as to who was picking which child up and when, but they worked it well, and Fliss had been very surprised at how easily they had picked it all up.

They continued chatting, and just as Mary had polished off her desert, Thor gave a little woof and padded to the back door as it opened and they heard Frank giving his usual jokey greeting.

“The boss is home.”

“Yeah I know, she made dinner.” Mary shot back and Fliss laughed, giving her a hi-five.

Frank walked into the main room and smiled at them both, giving Fliss a quick kiss before he ruffled Mary’s hair as she shoved him away, rolling her eyes, jumping off the stool to escape him.

“Good day?” He asked, and Fliss nodded.

“Yeah, not bad. You?”

“Busy, but productive. We got the final Price Lists negotiated so…” he trailed off, nodding to Alex who was smiling at him. “Looks like he enjoyed dinner.”

“So did Mary.” Fliss mused, nodding to the empty place on the side. “She ate a full dish of linguini and a massive piece of Mum’s chocolate cake. Think she’s going through another growth spurt.”

“Great, more clothes to buy.”

Fliss chuckled as she fed Alex the last of his peach and apple puree before she reached for a baby wipe and scrubbed his face and hands clean, much to the baby’s annoyance. She stood up to clear away his dish, leaving the spoon in Alex’s hand as he was busy banging it against the tray of his chair. Frank sat down on the stool she’d vacated, kissing Alex’s head. .

“Hey, Pal. Meet any hot girls today at crèche?” He asked. Alex shrieked in response, banging the spoon harder and Frank nodded. “Oh really? Well, you play it cool and she’ll be putty in your hands.”

“Like I was in yours?” Fliss asked, turning to face him and Frank grinned as he settled on the stool.

“Think we both know it was the other way round.”

“Don’t you forget it.” She smirked a little.

“Like I’d have a chance.” Frank winked at her and Fliss smiled.

“Do you want your dinner now or-“

“Oh, can I show you the invitation first?” Mary suddenly piped up from across the room and Fliss nodded.

“Sure.”

She jumped off the table at the chair and approached them, placing the card on the breakfast bar in front of Frank. Fliss stood behind Frank, her hands sliding round his shoulders as she kissed his cheek, both of them glancing down at the design Mary had come up with.

The front was a simple square piece of card. Across the top Mary had cut letters out of a magazine to spell out the words “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED” and underneath it she’d stuck a copy of a photo of the four of them which had clearly been taken at Bill and Verity’s a few weeks ago. Mary and Alex were both looking at the camera, whereas Frank and Fliss were both laughing as they looked at each other as Frank held Alex, the baby’s back to his chest, supporting under his butt with one arm, the other held across his front.

“Where did you get that?” Frank asked, grinning as he looked at it.

“Poppa Bill.” Mary looked at him. “He said it was like the five thousandth attempt at trying to get us all to look at the camera.”

“That was Frank’s fault.” Fliss laughed, “He kept nipping my ass.”

Frank shrugged, before Fliss spotted one of his arms snaking backwards, blatantly intending on doing the same and she slapped his hand, making him give a dirty chuckle as he pulled it away.

“Turn it over!” Mary urged. Frank obliged and they both smiled instantly at the back. It was written in Mary’s untidy writing, in bright multi-coloured felt tip.

“Oh Mary, this is just what I wanted!” Fliss grinned. “For it to look bright and unique.”

“You haven’t read it yet.” She looked up at Fliss rolling her eyes, but before she could comment Frank started to laugh as he had and his chuckles continued as Fliss read the words out-loud.

“Mary and Alex Adler would like to invite you to their Mom and Dad’s wedding.” Fliss took a deep breath at the word, looking at Mary who gave her a small smile. Whilst Mary had referred to Fliss when talking to other people as her mom, she’d never actually used the word directly to Fliss yet. But, now wasn’t the time to dig into that. Fliss cleared her throat and read on “Frank and Fliss met at the stables. Frank was smitten, Fliss was too. But they were too dumb to admit it straight away. And then Frank took her sailing (not driving) on a speedboat. They kissed, made a baby and now it’s time for a party. (And a wedding too).”

Fliss burst out laughing, as Frank tried to gain enough control to read the final bit at the bottom, which was situated underneath the details of time and venues, before it went on to state their address.

“RSVP to Mary (not Alex, because he can’t read!)” He managed to wheeze out, wiping at his eyes. “Oh, Stack, you’re killing me.”

“You like it?” She grinned and Frank nodded.

“Mary.” Fliss’ laughter died down as she took a deep breath. “It’s absolutely perfect!”

Once they had finished laughing at Mary’s Invitation Prototype, Fliss and Frank ate dinner together, Mary chatting away to the pair of them as she sat at the end of the breakfast bar, sipping a milkshake, informing them both about her day, before Frank took Alex to get him bathed and changed into his pyjamas.

“This bath is supposed to be for you.” Frank grumbled as Alex enthusiastically splashed at the water with his little hands, those little babbling noises emitting from his mouth as he glanced up at Frank with his big blue eyes, making another sound that could almost have been interpreted as a question. Which, maybe it was. “You heard me.” Frank looked at him. Alex studied his dad for a second before continuing with his splashing, laughing loudly as he tossed a plastic boat to the end of the tub before he stretched towards it, then realising he couldn’t reach the toy, promptly burst into tears.

“Seriously, Pal?” Frank rolled his eyes, stretching his right hand over to retrieve the precious item. As soon as he passed it back, the over the top tears stopped and Frank raised an eyebrow. “If you wanted it so badly why did you throw it away in the first place?”

Alex responded with another noise, this one a gurgle and Frank nodded.

“Okay, understood.”

At that Alex looked at him, cocking his head to one side, making another puzzled noise and tossed the boat this time over the side of the bath, a grin spreading across his face as he studied his dad. Frank arched an eyebrow. “You know, just because I love you doesn’t mean I sign up for this whole throw and fetch shit you got going on.” He picked up the toy and tossed it back into the water. “That’s Thor’s job.”

“You know, if his first word comes out a swear, you’re in deep trouble.” Fliss arched an eyebrow as Frank turned his head over his shoulder to look at her as she stood in the bathroom doorway. At the sight of his Mumma, Alex gave a huge grin and let out another gabble of noises.

“There are worst things it could be.” Frank shrugged, looking back at him.

“Like what?”

“Trump.” Frank deadpanned and Fliss let out a chuckle as once more the plastic boat came out of the tub onto the floor.

“Right, I think play-time is done pal.” Frank looked at Alex, who glanced up at him as he made sure to keep one hand behind his son’s back whilst reaching for his little hooded towel, which was patterned with tiny little ducks. “Come on.” No sooner had he lifted Alex out of the tub, the eight month old started to protest, dramatically, screams once more hitting Frank’s ears. “Oh, hush…” Frank chuckled as he lay him down on the towel before wrapping him in it and picking him up, rising to a stand and gently jiggling the now hysterical baby up and down.

“Anyone would think we’re tryin’a kill him, not simply dry him off after he’s spent fifteen minutes in the bath.” Frank rolled his eyes, an amused expression on his face at Alex’s dramatics.

“Well, he’s a right little water baby, aint you Bean?” Fliss leaned over to kiss Alex’s head as his cries suddenly died down as he had become instantly distracted with the buttons on Frank’s shirt. He made a little “oooh” of approval, his tiny fingers reaching to the ones near the collar. “Ha, look at that, he’s easily distracted, just like his daddy.”

“Yeah, well, I won’t deny, I quite like undoing your buttons.” Frank teased, dropping a kiss to her mouth. “Shall I dress him or do you wanna do it?”

Fliss took a deep breath, of course she wanted to dress him, she wanted to do everything for her baby, but she also knew that Frank had been out of the house early every morning and this was the first evening since Monday he’d made it home before bath time. With a smile she shook her head. “It's okay, you can do it. I’ll clean up in here.”

“Leave it, I’ll do it later.”

“It won’t take me five minutes. Then once I’m done and he’s settled, I’ll head over to the yard so I can ride and finish off. I won’t be too long, just an hour or so.”

“Then we got some us time?” Frank asked, almost pleaded and she smiled.

“Then we got some us time.”

“Perfect.” Frank gave her a soft smile before he kissed her again and carried Alex into the nursery. Before long he’d managed to wrestle a very wriggly baby into a clean diaper, a fresh romper suit and headed downstairs. Mary was now sat on the couch, her eyes glued to something on the TV as Fliss was warming Alex’s bottle up.

“You going with Fliss, Stack?”

No answer. With a raised brow he turned to look at Fliss who was biting her lip, trying not to laugh as he switched his attention back to Mary.

“Earth to Mary.”

With a groan she looked at him. “What?”

“Less of the attitude.” Frank looked at her. “I asked if you were going to ride?”

“Oh, erm…” She hesitated and Fliss chuckled.

“She wants to stay here and spend some time with you.” She smiled as Frank looked at her, then to Mary.

“Wow, me over Monty, I’m flattered.” He smirked. Mary rolled her eyes.

“Don’t get used to it, it’s only because I’ve not seen you properly this week to hang out.”

Frank snorted before he sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. It won’t be forever.”

“It’s fine.” Mary shrugged, her eyes back on the TV. “Not like I’m neglected, is it?”

“Good to know you feel that way.” Frank nodded seriously, before he caught Fliss’ eye and she gave him a wink.

He placed Alex down on the play mat in front of the TV and within seconds the baby had flipped himself over and pushed up onto his hands, rocking back a little onto his knees, emitting more excited noises.

“Mary, I’m just gonna grab a drink.” Frank looked at the Alex, before he turned to Mary. “Keep your eye on your brother will you?”

“Sure.” She shrugged, her attention now completely on the baby as she dropped onto the floor and shuffled over to him, talking to him as she did so.

Frank watched for a moment, giving a silent groan as Alex flopped gently down face first onto the mat.

“Oopsie!” Mary grinned, and Frank braced himself for the dramatic screams, but they never came as this time, Alex managed to right himself and roll back over onto his back, giving Mary an excited grin and a loud shriek as Mary waggled one of the toys from the baby gym over the top of him.

Satisfied they were okay, Frank headed into the kitchen where Fliss was busy finishing off the lunches for the next morning, dropping a kiss to her cheek as he reached into the fridge, grabbing a beer.

“You wanna do bedtime as you’ve not had chance this week?” Fliss asked, nodding to Alex’s bottle where it stood in the jug of boiling water.

“He’s my son, course I wanna.” Frank frowned as he looked at her, flipping the top off his beer. “You know, it’s not like I’ve been working late on purpose, Fliss.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Fliss narrowed her eyes at him as he took a long pull of his drink. “And you know it. So less of the shitty tone, thank you!”

“Sorry, Honey.” Frank sighed, dropping a kiss to her lips. “Just, well, I didn’t think Mary would have bothered as much as she had.”

“She’s fine.” Fliss shook her head. “And she isn’t bothered as such, she just wants to get you to herself for a little while. I mean, let’s face it, how often does she get chance to do that now?”

“True.” Frank nodded. “Maybe I should take her out on Saturday somewhere, just the two of us. Would you mind?”

“No, course not.” She shook her head. “I can take Alex down to the beach with Bonnie. You can always join us later on.”

“Yeah.” Frank nodded. “Sounds good.”

“And tonight, why don’t you spend a bit of time in the pool before she showers?” Fliss suggested, as she slid her hands up round his neck. “Then maybe when I get back, me and you could-“

But whatever filthy water-based shenanigans she was about to suggest, Frank never found out, as at that moment Mary let out a yell.

“Oh my God! Alex is crawling, quick!”

In a flash the parents rushed over to where Mary was sat at one side of the play-mat, waving Alex’s huge stuffed elephant at him, as he unsteadily made his way over to her, one hand and knee moving at a time.

“Frank, quick!” Fliss nudged him as she dropped to her knees behind Alex, her hands settling either side of his little body, getting ready to catch him if she needed to.

“I got it…” Frank muttered, as he crouched next to Mary, his phone out. “Alex, buddy, you reckon you can make it all this way to Daddy, huh?”

Another few little movements later, Fliss’ sharp eyes saw the baby’s arms beginning to wobble and, just as they gave way she grabbed him and pulled him backwards, swinging him up and pressing her to his chest, smothering his face in kisses.

“My clever little man!” She beamed as Alex laughed, grabbing at her hair as she kissed him. “Oh my baby, you’re getting so big!”

Alex clearly decided that his crawling efforts were done for the day as he made no attempt try again as Fliss held him in position on the mat. With a shrug, she gently placed him on his back where he began to grab once more at the toys hanging over him.

“Obviously had enough excitement for one night.” Frank chuckled as he reached over and tickled the baby’s belly, drawing a gaggle of laughter from him.

“I’m so glad we all got to see it.” Fliss beamed round at them both and Mary nodded enthusiastically. “Right…” She rose to her feet. “I’m going to go ride and finish off. I’ll be back in an hour, hour and a half.”

Once she was gone, Frank turned to Mary. “Fancy playing in the pool for a bit before bed?”

“Errr, yeah!”

“Okay, well give me half an hour or so to get him down and then we’ll head out. I wanna see if you can master a back flip this time instead of a front one.”

***** Alex went down, as usual, with minimum fuss and once Frank was happy he was settled he changed into his swim shorts and headed downstairs. Grabbing the baby monitor screen from the side in the kitchen, he and Mary headed out to the pool, Mary wasting no time in cannon-balling straight in. Not one to shy down from a challenge, when Mary told him to beat her splash, he did just that. The two of them enjoyed a fun filled forty minutes or so, racing one another (Frank let Mary win a few, but not all) play fighting, diving and generally larking around as the sun dipped behind the eye-line of the fence and the lights in the pool kicked in, reflecting against the bright blue tiles which lined it.

Frank climbed out of the pool to check the time on his phone, and realising it was now almost eight, he told Mary it was time to get out. She protested, but he shot her a no-nonsense stare and with a loud groan about how unfair life was, she climbed out and Frank wrapped her in a towel before giving her a drink of water and then packing her off upstairs for a shower, promising her she could read in bed before lights off at nine.

He showered himself, pulling on a pair of sweats and a well-worn light blue T-Shirt, and by the time he had finished and headed across the landing to tuck Mary in, she was already out for the count. With a smile, he placed her book down on her night stand, gently kissed her head and then flicked off the lamp before he moved to the next room to check on Alex. He was also fast asleep.

He headed back downstairs, grabbed another beer and settled in front of the TV, giving a snort as he glanced at the time. It was now ten past nine. So much for Fliss being just an hour. No doubt she’d ended up chatting to one of the clients about something, as usual, which had delayed her locking up. Firing her a good humoured, sarcastic text about how he should grow a mane, tail and two extra legs so he could get a look in, he tossed the phone down onto the coffee table, frowning as it instantly began to light up. It was Fliss.

“Hey, Honey, I was only joking, take as-“

“Frank, there’s something wrong with Heidi.” She cut him off, her voice cracking. “She’s got colic and it’s bad. I called the Vet and he’s on his way but she won’t get up. I can’t get her on her feet to try and walk her round she’s just…”

Frank took a deep breath, his stomach falling as he digested her words. He wasn’t clued up on a lot of horse lingo or issues, but he knew colic was fatal to some horses, depending on the severity. And even without the fact that Fliss was clearly concerned, he knew that with Heidi being as old as she was this wasn’t good.

“How long is the Vet going to be?” he asked.

“They said about half an hour, he’s on his way but as it’s night it’s an emergency call so he’s coming from home.” She took a deep breath. “Frank, I’m gonna lose her.”

“Look, you don’t know that for sure.” He placated her gently as he stood up from the sofa. “Listen, let me grab the kids and we’ll come over.”

“Frank, they’re sleeping.” She began to protest, “And Mary will be so upset to see Heidi like this, and if the vet has to put her to sleep then…”

“Then she’ll be mad as hell she didn’t get to say goodbye.” Frank reasoned as he made his way into the hallway. “I don’t want you over there on your own, sweetheart. Not if…”

There was a pause. “I don’t want to do it on my own either.” She whispered and he took a deep breath as he headed up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time.

“And you don’t hafta.” He replied. “Give me five minutes. Do you need anything else?”

“No, I got everything here.”

“Okay.” He nodded, pausing outside Mary’s bedroom. “We’ll be with you in five.”

She sniffed. “Thank you.”

Frank stuck his phone in the pocket of his sweats before he opened Mary’s door and headed over to her bed. Standing on the bottom rung of the ladder of the cabin he gently leaned over. She was led, facing away from him, face snuggled into her pillow as Fred lay by her side. He raised his head questioningly at Frank as he softly brushed Mary’s hair off her cheek, pressing a kiss to her face.

“Stack, hey…come on, wake up.” Mary gave a groan as she pulled her covers up further, her eyes still closed. Frank spoke a little louder, his hand softly shaking her shoulder. “Mary, sweetheart, I need you to wake up, come on.”

She stirred a little, before she rolled onto her back, blinking sleepily at him before she frowned.

“Frank, it’s still dark!” She glared at him and he bit back the smirk at the fact she’d reverted to Frank, not Dad. Something she always did when she felt he was being a jerk.

“I know you haven’t been asleep long, but Fliss is at the yard and we need to go be with her. Heidi isn’t well, the vet is on his way.”

At that she sat up, all tiredness evaporating from her system. “What’s wrong with her?”

“It’s colic, Sweetie.” Frank answered gently. “But Fliss is on her own, so I need you to get dressed whilst I grab Alex, okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded, and Frank smiled softly before he turned and headed over to the nursery which was quiet bar the soft sounds of Alex’s little baby snores. In the stream of light that illuminated the room from the landing, he could see his son sleeping, halfway down the crib, head tilted to the side, the pair of them meticulous in the way they set him down at night. He crossed the room and gently picked Alex up out of the crib, the baby giving a little sigh as he did so but other-wise remaining asleep. He grabbed a little fleece blanket and as he made his way back out into the hallway, Mary appeared in her jeans and a red t-shirt.

“Why don’t you bring your laptop or something, just in case we’re there for a while and you get bored?” Frank asked. “You can sit in the office with Alex.”

“It’s downstairs.” She answered. “I’ll go grab it.”

They headed down stairs and Frank settled Alex in his stroller which was by the kitchen door as Mary grabbed her stuff. Frank slipped his feet into his sneakers as Mary stuffed on her boots and he wandered into the laundry room and found a warm top for them each.

“Frank it’s like almost summer outside.” Mary looked at him, “It’s hot!”

“I’m well aware of the climate, thanks.” He looked at her, stashing the hooded tops and cardigan on the underneath space of the stroller, before he made sure that Alex’s little blanket was set around his legs. “But it might get a little breezy if we’re there later.”

Truth be told he had no idea why he was taking them, other than the fact it felt like something he should do even though it was still in the low 70s at night. He was a little lost, this was something he’d never dealt with before, and there was a sick feeling in his stomach that it wasn’t going to end well. But, there was no point worrying about it until they knew what they were dealing with. He had to be strong, be calm. Taking a deep breath he looked at Mary and nodded. “Get the door, Stack.”

By the time they had reached the Yard, Fliss had managed to coax Heidi to her feet. As Frank and Mary walked round the side of the barn Fliss was heading to the paddock, Heidi trudging behind her.

“Hey.” Frank looked at her, and she gave him a tight smile, not stopping.

“I’m sorry, but if I stop she’ll…” She began to explain but Frank waved her away.

“Do what you gotta do.” He watched as she cast a look over her shoulder. “I’ll settle these two in the office and then I’ll be out.”

After doing just that, instructing Mary to keep an eye on Alex and promising her he would come get her once they knew what was going on, he wandered back to the paddock and without a word simply took Fliss' hand in his as she continued walking Heidi. Frank could hear the horse was making grunting noises and every so often tried to stop and kick at her stomach, but Fliss kept walking, her face set. She didn’t say much, making a little small talk, but Frank simply stayed by her side as every so often they changed direction.

“Where the hell is this vet?” Fliss gave an exasperated sigh and looked around, almost as if she expected to see him.

“It’s not been that long yet, Sweetheart.” Frank soothed her.

“Well it feels like forever.”

Frank kissed her head as they continued walking and about five minutes later a dark blue Hyundai pulled up the drive and Fliss let out a sigh of relief as she saw it was Scott, their usual vet and not some random on-call one. She led Heidi onto the main area of the yard, the horse rapidly becoming even more agitated. Fliss gently ran her hand down her neck, as she turned to Scott and gave him a quick low down and he nodded, patting Heidi.

“Okay old girl, let’s see what’s going on…” Scott hooked the stethoscope into his ears and moved to listen to her belly, taking a deep breath as he looked at Fliss. “Yeah, there’s absolutely no gut noise at all. It’s definitely colic, but you know that already…” he unhooked the ear pieces, leaving the item hanging around his neck before he moved to her head and examined her nose to get a look at the mucas membrane colour, then did a quick check on her gums which Frank noticed were pale instead of the usual pink.

“She’s in shock.” Fliss sniffed a little, noticing the change in colour and Scott wrinkled his nose.

“Not uncommon if she’s in a bit of pain.” He stood back. “Okay, I’m going to give her an anti-spasmodic and some pain relief which should help, and a mild sedative so I can do an internal examination.”

“Yeah, whatever you need to do.” Fliss nodded as Scott turned to head back to his car to prep what he needed.

“Internal examination?” Frank looked at Fliss, “Like, is he…” He mimed fisting something and despite herself, Fliss let out a snort of laughter.

“That’s exactly what he’s gonna do.” She shook her head as she gently stroked Heidi’s face, the mare giving another grunt and huff as she butted Fliss out of the way a little. “Still a sassbag, eh girl?”

“Like her mom.” Frank looked at Fliss and she shrugged, turning over her shoulder as the vet approached, two large syringes in his hand.

“Look, can you call my mum and dad?” Fliss looked at Frank. “I don’t think…well, Dad especially is going to want to be here if…”

“Sure.” Frank nodded and turned away, obligingly.

He wandered back into the office, Bill who answered the phone instantly asked him what was going on and when he explained he simply stated they would be there as soon as they could be and hung up.

“Is she going to be okay?” Mary asked, as Frank checked on Alex where he was still sleeping in his stroller.

“I honestly don’t know Stack, but as soon as I do I’ll tell you okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’re doing a good job in here, watching him.”

“Don’t patronise me, Dad.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s asleep, and I’m reading. Not like it’s hard.”

Frank blinked, before he gave a little scoff and turned to head back onto the yard.

The Vet was just finishing giving Heidi the first jab and he gently rubbed the horse’s neck and then nodded to Fliss.

“Okay so that’s the pain relief and anti-spasmodic administered. Take her back in the paddock and give her another couple of minutes’ walk round whilst it kicks in.”

Fliss nodded and led the horse away, waving off Frank’s offer to come with her, Thor trotting behind.

“What’s the chances, Scott?” Frank turned to the man and he pulled a face.

“It’s hard to say.” He sighed. “If she was younger I’d be optimistic but with horses that age, well everything like this can be a risk. If this doesn’t work then I’ll know more after I’ve done an internal.”

To their despair it didn’t work, and if anything after another minute of walking around Heidi had gotten even worse and her bright, chestnut coat was now damp with sweat, her chest area and parts of her chest covered in a thin sheen of white foam.

“Scott, she’s in agony.” Fliss sniffed as Frank curled an arm round her.

“The sedative will help more with the pain.” Scott assured Fliss, pulling out the second needle which he administered into the horses neck. “Atta girl. We’ll give that a minute to work.”

As Scott snapped on a pair of rubber gloves, Frank and Fliss both turned to look as they heard another car heading up the gravel driveway onto the yard. Verity and Bill appeared shortly after, exchanging a look before Bill headed straight to Heidi, giving her a soft stroke on the nose before Verity did the same.

“You okay, Titch?” Bill asked, dropping a kiss to her head and she swallowed.

“Not really.” Her eyes flicked to Scott as he moved behind Heidi whose head was now slumped down, resting on Fliss’ shoulder as the sedative had kicked in. No one spoke for a moment, before they all heard a heavy sigh from Scott as he pulled his arm back and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Fliss.” He sighed, and immediately her face crumpled and she took a deep breath.

“Don’t say it, please.” She begged, her chest tightening painfully as her voice cracked.

“Her gut’s twisted. The only option is surgery, but given her age and the stress that would put on her heart…”

He trailed off as Fliss shook her head, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve. “I’m not putting her through that.” She whispered, “It’s not fair. She’s too old.”

“In that case then, well, you know what I’m gonna say.” Scott dropped his head as Frank softly placed his hands between Fliss shoulder blades as she nodded and took a deep breath “I really am so sorry.”

“It isn’t your fault.” Fliss shook her head, sniffing loudly. “I don’t want her in pain longer than she needs to be. Can we…can we get on with it, please?”

The Vet nodded. “I won’t be able to arrange for her body to be collected until the morning.” He looked at Fliss who took a shuddering breath, more tears rolling down her face. “So errr, where do you want to….”

“Why don’t you use the barn at the back?” Bill cut in gently. “I can move the tractor out for the night. There’s enough room for her to go down peacefully and she can stay in there until someone can collect her.”

“Yeah, it’s clean in there and a soft landing for when…” Fliss took a deep breath before she began to cry as she pressed her face into her beloved horse’s neck, her shoulders shaking as Frank gently rubbed at her back.

“The kids are in the office.” He turned to Bill and Verity, “Mary’s gonna…”

“We’ll sort it.” Verity assured him. “I’ll take Alex back to the house.” She turned to Fliss and gave her arm a gently squeeze before she gently scratched at Heidi’s wither, her head bowing as she walked away.

The next five minutes passed in a blur for Fliss, and somehow she found herself in the barn at the back, as she led Heidi in, the mare following her faithfully.

“Do you want another couple of minutes?” Scott asked kindly.

“Just one, for us all to say goodbye.” Fliss nodded, as she stroked down Heidi’s nose, the tears pouring down her face. She turned to Mary who was stood with Frank, her eyes wet and Frank picked her up, carrying her over as the family crowded round.

“Goodbye, Heidi.” Mary sniffed, pressing a kiss to her nose as Frank gently gave the horse a scratch on the neck. “Frank says we all end up in the same place eventually, so we’ll see you again.”

At that Fliss let out a loud sob and clamped her hand over her face as she broke down. Bill wiped at his eyes as he dropped his arm round his daughter.

“Do you remember when we went to see her before we bought her?” He asked and Fliss let out a choked laugh. “She was in that field, and she came straight over, but so did that big black horse…”

“And she kicked it.” Fliss laughed. “Then she bit Steve. That’s why I picked her.”

At that Frank let out a soft chuckle.

“Yeah, he held a grudge about that, still does.” Bill smiled softly. “God, you had some moments with her. Falls, disagreements, battles of wills, but you got there in the end.”

“She’s been amazing.” Fliss smiled, pressing her nose to Heidi’s. “Turned herself inside out to please me. The best horse I could ever have had.”

Bill smiled, before he reached up and stroked Heidi’s face. “Night, old girl.”

At that he stepped back a little, the three of them plus the vet giving Fliss a moment alone with her old faithful.

“Dad’s right.” She smiled, her hand stoking Heidi’s nose, “You were an asshole for the first four months but, I knew you’d be special, I just had to get your trust. You gave me everything, baby girl, and I’ll never forget you. I’m gonna miss you so much. Your stupid temper tantrums if I don’t pay you enough attention, the fact you rule the pastures…” the tears poured freely down Fliss’ face as she took a shuddering breath, pressing her head to Heidi’s, taking a deep breath. “Sleep well.”

At that she turned to Scott and nodded, and he stepped forward.

“Okay, you’ve seen this before, right?”

“Yeah.” Fliss nodded, “But Mary hasn’t so…”

“Right, so, Mary, I’m gonna give her the first shot and that’s gonna knock her out pretty much, she’s likely to rock back and sit down like a dog before she flops sideways so, be prepared okay.”

“Kay…” Mary spoke in a quiet voice from where she stood in front of Frank. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and bent down.

“You sure you wanna watch this?”

Mary nodded. “Yeah. Heidi doesn’t know what’s going on. She should have her family here.”

Frank smiled, pressed a kiss to the top of her head and stood up, his hands remaining where they were as Bill gently strode forward and grabbed Thor’s collar, removing him from the barn and out of the way.

Within seconds of Scott administering the first injection, Heidi did just as Scott said. Fliss gently pushed back with the lead rope, guiding Heidi back and the horse fell onto her haunches before flopping sideways, her head landing heavily on the straw bales that Bill had positioned to cushion her blow.

With a loud sob Fliss dropped to her knees and cradled the horse’s head in her lap as Scott then bent over to give her the last injection.

“So now she’s just basically gonna fall asleep and never wake up.” He looked at Mary who nodded, giving a loud sniff as she reached up to grab Franks hand.

“You okay?” He asked and she nodded, wiping at her face with her other hand. Bill moved, dropping a large hand to the back of the small girl’s head as Fliss gently stroked Heidi’s face as the animal’s eyes closed.

With a final, laboured breath, the animal’s chest grew still and Scott bent over.

“She’s gone.” He looked at Fliss, who gave another loud sob, bending over to press her face into the side of Heidi’s cheek.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t fix you.” She cried, her voice broken. “I’m so sorry.”

Frank was surprised to find his own eyes misting up, and as Mary turned to him, pressing her face into his T’shirt just above the waistband of his sweats, he glanced up at Bill who had tears trickling down his cheeks. He nodded to Frank who gently looked down at Mary, who stepped back and moved towards Bill as he opened his arms, allowing Frank to move into the barn.

“Hey, Lissy…come here.” He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms round his girl who turned and pressed into him, her body wracked as she almost screamed out her sobs.

*****

It was pushing midnight before they made their way back to the house. Fliss had broken down once more as Frank and Bill had pulled the huge barn doors shut where Heidi’s body lay, covered by a tarp, ready for collection in the morning. The Vet had been nothing short of fantastic, as sympathetic and understanding as he could and for that Frank had thanked him profoundly as he’d been packing his kit up. Without a word said between any of them, they walked down the little pathway and through the gate that connected into the gardens of the house and walked slowly across the gravel driveway. Fliss was walking a little ahead of them, every so often Frank would notice her hand falling to Thor’s head, almost as if she was checking her faithful dog was still with them as well.

She opened the back door which led into the mudroom and walked in, kicking off her boots and then headed into the family room where Verity was sat watching TV. She stood up immediately, took one look at Fliss and then she held her arms out.

“Mum…” Fliss choked and Verity swallowed, her own face creasing into sadness as Fliss stepped into the comfort of her mum’s arms, sniffing slightly.

“Oh, Sweetheart.” Verity pressed a kiss to her daughters head. “I know this is no consolation but she had the best life ever with you, she was so loved and looked after.”

Tearing his eyes away from Fliss, who continued to sniff softly as her mum held her, Frank gently turned to Mary who had tugged on his sleeve.

“You okay?” He asked, his hand gently cupping under her cheek and she shook her head.

“I’m just sad.”

“I know.” He agreed. “You will be for a while, and there’s nothing anyone can say or do that’s gonna make it better, but if you wanna talk about it…”

“No, I think I just wanna go to bed.” She shrugged slightly. “And give Fred a hug.”

“Alright.” He nodded. “You go up, I’ll come tuck you in, in a second.”

She nodded and then walked towards Fliss, hesitating a little, before she continued and gently reached up to lay her hand on Fliss’s elbow. Fliss broke away from her mum and turned to look at Mary, wiping her eyes. Mary blinked and Fliss gave her a soft smile, crouching down to give her a hug, kissing her head.

“I love you, Mom.” Mary’s voice cracked and Fliss pressed her face harder into her hair, pulling her even closer, before she pulled back a little bit and smiled.

“I love you too. And I’m proud of you. You were so brave then.”

Fliss straightened up as Mary walked from the room after bidding everyone a goodnight, before she turned to Frank who was watching her carefully, knowing from the way her face was crumpling that her emotions were about to boil over completely. “Frankie…she…” Fliss stuttered, her chest heaving as Frank stepped forward quickly. “She just…”

“I know…” He wrapped his arms round her and pulled her close as she began to sob, her face pressed into his t-shirt. He stood, his large arms holding her against him, one hand gently resting on the back of her neck, his thumb gently arching over the skin at the back of her ear as he slowly rocked her to-and-fro on the spot, pressing a kiss to her head.

“I’ll make us some tea.” Verity swallowed, and Frank looked at her gratefully as she passed, Bill following, the man gently squeezing Fliss’ shoulder. The room was silent apart from the clinking of mugs as Verity gathered the items she needed to make them all a drink, and Thor’s soft little whines of concern, the dog eventually sticking his head in between Frank and Fliss, nudging Fliss’s thigh with his nose, his noises of distress becoming more and more high pitched. Fliss looked down, Frank’s arm curling over her shoulder as she reached down and scratched behind his ear, before the dog stood on his hind legs, his large paws reaching Fliss’ shoulders as she stooped towards him as he gently licked the tears from her face, his noises dying down a little. Frank watched the animal, a warm feeling in his chest. He’d never seen him react in this way before. He knew from tales Fliss had told him that he’d often comforted her before once her shit bag ex had given her a battering, and he’d seen the dog seek her out when she was upset or worried, but never in such an overt way like this.

“I know you’re not keen on the idea.” Fliss sniffed, looking at Frank and he turned his eyes from the dog to her. “But, can he sleep on the end of the bed, just for tonight?”

Frank looked at her, then back to the dog. Having never had pets as a kid, the bond between a human and an animal was never something he’d really given a second thought to, that is until Mary had found Fred. But since meeting Fliss, seeing the way she was with Thor and her horses, seeing how Mary was with Monty, he’d started to really comprehend that the ties went beyond a simple love. They were bonds, bonds that transcended species, bonds that snaked their way around your heart and latched on with barbs and having one of those bonds wrenched away was not only excruciating but it was devastating.

In simple terms, it was like losing a member of your family, and that Frank could relate to. It was a physical pain, a searing knife which twisted in your heart every time you thought about the person you’d lost.

The lump in Frank’s throat grew even larger as he reached out and scratched Thor behind the ear, the dog turning to him and licking the underside of his forearm, his bushy tail wagging against Frank’s leg.

“I think we can make an exception for one night.” He smiled, looking at Fliss before he pressed a soft kiss to her temple.

*****

Frank was glad their bed was a kingsize. Whilst he never minded particularly that Thor would lounge on the bed with them before they were going to sleep, or in the mornings when they got up, having the big animal on there all night could have been a problem, but as it stood, the dog was perfectly happy to curl up round the peak in the covers which Fliss’ feet made, and she pointed out to Frank that he’d probably hop off and get on his basket at some point during the night.

“He used to do that, anyway.” She shrugged. “When I was in the annex that is. Asshole never let him on the bed. If he was ever away for a few days and I let him or Loki up, I used to have to change the bedding so he wouldn’t find out. One day I forgot and…well, you can figure the rest.”

“Shhhh.” Frank kissed her neck softly as he pulled her closer, her back pressing into his chest wrapping his arms around her. “Try and get some sleep, Sweetheart. It’s late.”

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“What for?”

“Just being you.” She let out a deep breath and turned her head so she could look at him.

“Well, that is one thing I’m pretty good at.” He quipped and Fliss gave a soft chuckle before she took a deep breath.

“I know you’re busy at the shop, but is there any chance you could start late tomorrow?” She asked him softly. “I don’t wanna be on my own when they come to take her.”

“I’m not going in tomorrow.” Frank shook his head. “And Mary’s not going to school. We’ve had a late and upsetting night so I think we should all take it easy, spend some family time together. I thought maybe we could go for a drive, head down to Bay Vista Park.” He suggested. “There’s plenty of shade to sit in. We can take a picnic, climb some trees, me and Mary can have a game of Ultimate Frisbee, perhaps a swim. Hey, we might even spot some manatees.”

“Sounds great.” Fliss agreed, turning her head back round and laying down on the pillow. It was silent for a while, and Frank thought she’d drifted off to sleep until he felt her take a shuddering breath and her shoulders began to shake.

“Hey, come on.” Frank pulled her closer, pressing another kiss to her neck and she turned in his arms, pressing her face into his chest.

“I can’t believe she’s gone.” Fliss sniffed, as Frank’s hand ran up and down her back.

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I wish there was something I could do to make this better.”

“This is helping, a little.” She spluttered and Frank gave a soft chuckle, kissing her head again.

“Then you can stay like this all night.” He replied, closing his eyes as he simply held her close.

Eventually, Frank felt Fliss’ breathing grow even, and even though he couldn’t see in the dark of their room he knew she was asleep.

“Night, Baby.” He whispered, kissing her forehead and at that he heard Thor give out a little huff as the dog hopped down off the bed, his basket creaking before there was a soft thud indicating he’d bedded down there.

And, as Frank drifted off, he couldn’t help smile at just how the faithful dog had waited until he knew his precious human was asleep before he left her side.

***** Chapter 22

Dedicated to my gorgeous, wonderful, bad tempered but oh-so-loyal and loving chestnut mare, Sandybrook Hideaway. Keep waiting on that rainbow bridge until I find you again.

#riding on #frank adler #frank adler x ofc #frank adler x original female character #frank adler x oc #gifted #gifted fan fic #chris evans #chris evans characters

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faintingheroine · 3 years

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A Little Princess - Chapter 2

- “"She has silk stockings on!" whispered Jessie, bending over her geography also. "And what little feet! I never saw such little feet."

"Oh," sniffed Lavinia, spitefully, "that is the way her slippers are made. My mamma says that even big feet can be made to look small if you have a clever shoemaker. I don't think she is pretty at all. Her eyes are such a queer color."

I like to think that this a Cinderella reference, since A Little Princess is essentially a Cinderella story of fortune lost and found and apparently Burnett liked writing Cinderella stories in her romance novels for adults.

-“"Oh," sniffed Lavinia, spitefully, "that is the way her slippers are made. My mamma says that even big feet can be made to look small if you have a clever shoemaker. I don't think she is pretty at all. Her eyes are such a queer color."”

“She isn't pretty as other pretty people are," said Jessie, stealing a glance across the room; "but she makes you want to look at her again. She has tremendously long eyelashes, but her eyes are almost green."”

- “”She was a child full of imaginings and whimsical thoughts, and one of her fancies was that there would be a great deal of comfort in even pretending that Emily was alive and really heard and understood. After Mariette had dressed her in her dark-blue schoolroom frock and tied her hair with a dark-blue ribbon, she went to Emily, who sat in a chair of her own, and gave her a book.

"You can read that while I am downstairs," she said; and, seeing Mariette looking at her curiously, she spoke to her with a serious little face.

"What I believe about dolls," she said, "is that they can do things they will not let us know about. Perhaps, really, Emily can read and talk and walk, but she will only do it when people are out of the room. That is her secret. You see, if people knew that dolls could do things, they would make them work. So, perhaps, they have promised each other to keep it a secret. If you stay in the room, Emily will just sit there and stare; but if you go out, she will begin to read, perhaps, or go and look out of the window. Then if she heard either of us coming, she would just run back and jump into her chair and pretend she had been there all the time."

“"Comme elle est drole!" Mariette said to herself, and when she went downstairs she told the head housemaid about it. But she had already begun to like this odd little girl who had such an intelligent small face and such perfect manners. She had taken care of children before who were not so polite. Sara was a very fine little person, and had a gentle, appreciative way of saying, "If you please, Mariette," "Thank you, Mariette," which was very charming. Mariette told the head housemaid that she thanked her as if she was thanking a lady.

"Elle a l'air d'une princesse, cette petite," she said. Indeed, she was very much pleased with her new little mistress and liked her place greatly.”

What prompted me to do this reread was critics calling Sara an “idealized child figure” and people on Goodreads calling her a Mary Sue. It is true that Sara has a unique beauty, is very intelligent and very rich. But she is also consistently described as “odd”, “queer”. While she is “special”, she doesn’t act or think like children are expected to. Even her make-believe has a seriousness and conviction to it, she is very self-conscious and self-aware about her pretense that Emily is a real child and tries to convince herself of the validity of it, and she acts more like an author of fiction rather than a typical child playing with her doll. She doesn’t really like others’ company. She is clearly distinct from cheerful and friendly characters like Heidi, Pollyanna or Anne Shirley (though Anne is also imaginative).

Sara’s odd traits are endearing to others because of her class status and her intelligence. Her pretentiousness, daydreaming and excessive politeness are endearing traits for Mariette in a child that she is supposed to serve. And they are tolerated in a child that others are predisposed to want to be friends with because of her riches. Sara’s uniqueness makes her look like a little princess in her frilly dresses, if she were born poor and less intelligent she would be stigmatized for these weird traits, and she wouldn’t be raised to be so polite to stop herself from saying something wrong. In effect Sara’s story is about a weird and intelligent child whose “weirdness” is tolerated and even admired because of her class privilege and of what happens when that privilege is taken away from her.

- “"As your papa has engaged a French maid for you," she began, "I conclude that he wishes you to make a special study of the French language."

Sara felt a little awkward.

"I think he engaged her," she said, "because he—he thought I would like her, Miss Minchin."

"I am afraid," said Miss Minchin, with a slightly sour smile, "that you have been a very spoiled little girl and always imagine that things are done because you like them. My impression is that your papa wished you to learn French."

If Sara had been older or less punctilious about being quite polite to people, she could have explained herself in a very few words. But, as it was, she felt a flush rising on her cheeks. Miss Minchin was a very severe and imposing person, and she seemed so absolutely sure that Sara knew nothing whatever of French that she felt as if it would be almost rude to correct her. The truth was that Sara could not remember the time when she had not seemed to know French. Her father had often spoken it to her when she had been a baby. Her mother had been a French woman, and Captain Crewe had loved her language, so it happened that Sara had always heard and been familiar with it.

One of Miss Minchin's chief secret annoyances was that she did not speak French herself, and was desirous of concealing the irritating fact. She, therefore, had no intention of discussing the matter and laying herself open to innocent questioning by a new little pupil.

"That is enough," she said with polite tartness. "If you have not learned, you must begin at once. The French master, Monsieur Dufarge, will be here in a few minutes. Take this book and look at it until he arrives."”

Writers like Roald Dahl and even Lemony Snicket are sometimes rightfully praised for depicting the way adults oppress children as a class of people unlike the more idealistic depictions in classic children’s books. But this passage of A Little Princess is such a realistic depiction of the way adults talk over children and don’t listen to them. It also reminded me of an Iranian film I have recently watched called Where Is the Friend’s House? where a small child couldn’t even ask the most basic of questions to adults. Adults are so loud and they can’t hear you when you are seven.

Sara’s mother is French. I think she is white and her relatively exotic looks are caused by her mother being “Mediterranean”. I think it wasn’t uncommon for multiracial Anglo-Indians to assert that they were partially of “Latin” origin to explain their looks; I have once watched a video where a girl learned that her Portuguese grandmother from India was actually Indian all along via DNA test. But I don’t really think that it is the case here, though it can certainly be interpreted that way.

“”Sara's cheeks felt warm. She went back to her seat and opened the book. She looked at the first page with a grave face. She knew it would be rude to smile, and she was very determined not to be rude. But it was very odd to find herself expected to study a page which told her that "le pere" meant "the father," and "la mere" meant "the mother."”

Sara is undoubtedly a very polite and nice child. But I like the way her politeness isn’t presented as simply an inherent, natural trait but as something that she actively tries to embody. This is what makes her distinct from a simple idealized child figure, you see her actively trying to be (and sometimes struggling to be) what she is.

- “Miss Minchin glanced toward her scrutinizingly.

"You look rather cross, Sara," she said. "I am sorry you do not like the idea of learning French."

"I am very fond of it," answered Sara, thinking she would try again; "but—"

"You must not say 'but' when you are told to do things," said Miss Minchin. "Look at your book again."

And Sara did so, and did not smile, even when she found that "le fils" meant "the son," and "le frere" meant "the brother."”

Everyone who remembers their childhood can remember the frustration Sara feels here when adults simply do not let her speak and talk over her. “Adultsplaining” much (I am really sorry for coining this word)?

- “Monsieur Dufarge began to smile, and his smile was one of great pleasure. To hear this pretty childish voice speaking his own language so simply and charmingly made him feel almost as if he were in his native land—which in dark, foggy days in London sometimes seemed worlds away.”

Burnett was multinational, which means that the book lacks the jingoistic and xenophobic tone that can be present in other classic British children’s books. She has been dunking on the foggy weather of London for two chapters in a row now. This does not excuse the way she depicts colonialism and the Indian characters, but it is still worth noting.

“Miss Minchin knew she had tried, and that it had not been her fault that she was not allowed to explain. And when she saw that the pupils had been listening and that Lavinia and Jessie were giggling behind their French grammars, she felt infuriated.

"Silence, young ladies!" she said severely, rapping upon the desk. "Silence at once!"

And she began from that minute to feel rather a grudge against her show pupil.”

I wish I could say that an adult teacher getting angry at and harboring a grudge against a child because of her knowing more than herself and making her look wrong for a minute is unrealistic, but I can confidently assert based on personal experience that it is unfortunately wholly realistic.

Sara’s perfect French can be read as another “special” trait that makes her unduly idealized. But she knows it because she has been hearing it since her birth, not because she is a genius.

Sara’s knowledge of French and her slightly pretentious nature come to have consequences for her, as the last line of the chapter foreshadows. As I have said, Sara’s knowledge and her “annoying” traits are tolerated by Minchin because she is so rich, when she loses her privilege they will become a motivation for her to abuse her. Despite its romanticization of wealth, A Little Princess does a good job in showing how the same traits can be regarded differently based on your class privilege.

I am really enjoying this reread. The book is still very good and fun to read.

#a little princess #a little princess reread #frances hodgson burnett

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schantzscribbles · 4 years

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I hate the Dear Evan Hansen movie already.

I know we don’t have a lot to go off of, but the casting and several mentioned changes are enough to question the intentions of Pasek and Paul and the other producers, writers, and directors involved.

Of course Pasek and Paul aren’t the main heads of this project, but considering their past successes with La La Land and The Greatest Showman and even an Oscar nod(s), it feels like they’re trying to create a new Oscar worthy blockbuster that fits the norms of mainstream media more than the needs of the audience and the integrity of the story.

So, let’s talk about the cast.

Ben Platt. Too old. I’m sorry, but he’s beyond playing a high schooler and compared to the rest of the cast, he’s just not a convincing teenager.

Amy Adams. Incredibly talented both in acting and singing. She has a wide array of titles, more recently working in drama and thriller. She is too cool to play Cynthia. She would, however, be great as Heidi.

Amandla Stenberg. The It-Girl. She is amazingly talented, but why does Hollywood result to only ever booking specific young Black actresses? Zendaya and Amandla are always the first to be chosen for a “racially diverse” female character.

Kaitlyn Dever. No thoughts. I haven’t seen Booksmart. Just seems like another It-Girl choice with the success of that movie.

Nik Dodani and Colton Ryan are the only ones I am looking forward to. Nik will be a great Jared and it’s wonderful we have a POC in that role. Colton will be a fantastic Connor and hopefully this will boost his career more as he was just kind of an “understudy” on Broadway and most DEH fans ignored him. (Also, Kleinphy rights, lmao.)

Now, let’s talk about Danny Pino...

I won’t be commenting on him as an actor, rather I will talk about a rather big change to the role of Larry Murphy.

Larry Murphy is now Connor and Zoe’s stepfather.

This may seem small, but it’s a change that entirely changes the dynamic of Larry with the Murphy family, especially Larry and Connor’s relationship.

Larry and Connor’s relationship is often overlooked because a lot of the fandom tends to ignore or vilify Larry. He’s the tired father that doesn’t understand the changes in his life, so he approaches them with anger and frustration. He watches his own son spiral into a severe depression and eventually take his life. The whole time, he was just as lost as Connor, not knowing what to do for his son and only ever using discipline to handle him. He comes off cold and stoic, but eventually breaks from the reality of his loss.

A stepfather can absolutely have this relationship with his stepson, however it automatically changes the dynamic of Larry and Connor. Considering how Hollywood handles mixed families, Larry being Connor’s stepfather is no doubt going to turn into a case of “Ergh! I hate my stepfather!”

On top of that, while Evan and Connor are reflections of each other, their families are supposed to differ in dynamic with the Murphys being a traditional “Nuclear Family” that appear perfect to everyone outside of them, while Evan’s family is broken and estranged. Connor feels isolated because he feel he doesn’t fit the forced perfection of his family. Evan feels isolated because he feels he’s invisible to his own parents. Larry now being the stepfather destroys that contrast and erases the very important difference in Evan and Connor’s lives as highlighted in songs like��“To Break in a Glove” and “Words Fail.” Evan wants to be a part of a family that hasn’t been torn apart at one point.

We also need to look into the intention of changing Larry to the stepfather. The article breaking the news boasted of Dear Evan Hansen’s diverse cast. Not a bad thing at all and something I look forward to, but right off the bat it comes across as “we’re rewriting this character for the sake of diversity rather than the integrity of the story.”

Why does Larry need to be rewritten as a stepfather to accommodate a white passing Latino actor when they could have casted Latinx actors for Connor and Zoe and made the Murphy family biracial?

Why are the only POC cast members always the side characters in the plot?

Pasek and Paul do not have the best history of diversity in either their movies or their musicals, so this casting and rewriting of the story just feels like pandering. You can have a diverse cast without having to jump through hoops rewriting the story and the characters.

Yes, this character is Larry Murphy.

But he’s not Larry Murphy.

Changing Larry Murphy to a stepfather automatically changes his character. It changes his agency, his motives, his personality. He will not be the Larry we know from the musical or the book no matter how close they write him because now he just the stepfather. Just as the characters from Be More Chill were changed from the book to the musical, their motives, personalities, identities, looks, and so much more changed with them. Changing one important aspect of the character changes the whole character even if they share the same name.

Overall, this entire cast feels thrown together. All of these actors have differing background and catalogs of work. While it is important to break from typecasting and to branch out with actors and actor dynamics, this lineup feels like a hastily thrown together mix of A-Listers, It-Girls, TV actors, comedians, Broadway stars. You have a modern day Hollywood starlet, a cop show veteran, two recently popular It-Girls, a comedian, an understudy, and a Broadway household name all put together in a Hollywood musical.

The entire thing feels like it’s trying to be more of a teen “Coming of Age” blockbuster rather than a show about mental illness that is heartbreaking, both down to earth and anxiety inducing, and incredibly complex in nature.

I wish the casting directors and producers would have expanded their talent search and rather compiled this project with a softer and more under the radar approach, focusing on revising the story rather than changing it, casting upcoming and not yet established young actors, and not trying to push this seeming narrative of appealing to mainstream and “Academy” audiences.

Giving Dear Evan Hansen an extreme Hollywood A-List makeover only seems to take away from the rawness and the realness of the story.

So, think about it.

Are they going to do what is best for the story, or are they just cashing in on big names and pandering to mainstream audiences who just want another quirky teen movie?

#deh #dear evan hansen #deh movie #dear evan hansen movie #ramblings #BOY AM I ANGRY #I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS #i dont plan to respond to any feedback tonight im tired as all hell #so yeah this is risky hehehe

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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The Blue Neighborhood Series: SUBURBIA (Group) - Mac

AN: A million and one thanks to everyone who has been here for this journey, I cannot thank you enough for your support and comments and love. I’m so thankful to have you guys and I hope this last chapter lives up to your expectations.

All my love to Meggie for betaing. All my love to Alex who made me actually start writing this series a year ago. All my love to Barbie for letting me bounce ideas off of her.

All my love to you all reading this. <3

Summary: The girls of the Blue Neighborhood grew up together. Playing in the streets, trading secrets, and falling in love.

And maybe, just maybe, they can forgive each other.

Rock bit back a smile as she heard footsteps bounding up the stairs to the prop room.

A week ago she would have scuttled into the far corner and hid until the person left, but now, as Aiden’s flushed face appeared in the doorway, Rock felt only a trace of nervousness.

“What’s up, bitch?” Aiden said by way of greeting.

Rock rolled her eyes, but patted the cool stone floor beside her, motioning for the other girl to sit. Aiden took her spot silently, the two falling into a sort of semi-comfort that they had developed over the past weeks.

Rock pulled out her phone, instinctively tapping through the screen to pull up the next episode of Sailor Moon.

She felt rather than heard Aiden’s complaint from beside her. “We are not watching this garbage again,” the dark-haired girl said, making a grab for the phone in Rock’s hand. But Rock had been anticipating this, and snatched her hand away in the nick of time, ratcheting up the volume a few notches to drown out Aiden’s groan of defeat.

“You were the one who busted up into my lunch spot. You can either bite your tongue or find another place to hide from everyone who’s pissed at you,” Rock retorted. “Also, don’t pretend you don’t like it, I see the way you look at Neptune, you fucking lesbian.”

Aiden rolled her eyes, but the corner of her mouth twitched up. “First of all, you’re a bitch. Second of all, shut up.”

Rock smirked. “I don’t hear you denying it.”

Aiden waved her hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, just play the damn show so I don’t have to hear you talk anymore.”

Rock smiled smugly to herself, pressing play and sinking back against the cold brick wall, Aiden’s warm presence heavy at her side.

The two watched in relative silence, save for Rock’s occasional need to info dump about a particular scene or character. Aiden rolled her eyes and gave her biting comments, but Rock could tell she appreciated the attention not being on her.

Ever since Aiden had been outed as the person behind the drama account, she had sunk even more into the background. Where before she would pipe in with snark and wit, now she sat back in silence, letting herself practically disappear in the horde.

Rock understood the feeling in a way.

Maybe that’s why they seemed to get along.

Aiden had stumbled up to the prop room one day, seeking asylum from her mistakes, and Rock had let her.

But questions still ate at her, bit at the tension in the air around them as they continued to watch in silence. Rock could feel them steadily bubbling to the surface, tempting her to ruin the peace she and Aiden had found.

She bit the bullet, pressing pause, noticing her breathing was coming out harsher than before.

“Why’d you do it?” she asked.

The question hung still in the air for a long while, so long that Rock nearly looked up to see if Aiden was still sitting beside her.

The older girl sighed, long and low. “You promised you wouldn’t bring it up.”

“Yeah.” Rock nodded, turning to meet Aiden’s eyes. “I lied.”

Aiden broke the contact, putting her head in her hands and letting out a shaky exhale. Rock expected her to leave, to lash out and storm away.

But Aiden just breathed in and out once more before lifting her head, staring at the stone floor intently. “My parents got divorced the summer before freshman year,” she said slowly, as if testing out the words on her tongue. “It came out of nowhere. There were no big fights or warning signs, just… divorce. And Mom never said why.”

Rock saw the other girl’s features soften the tiniest bit before harsh lines replaced them.

“We were happy. A happy, normal family. We played board games and went on camping trips and spent hours staring up at the clouds.” Aiden bit her lip harshly. “It came out of nowhere.”

She took a steadying breath before speaking again. “And then my dad got real sick. Couldn’t be on his own so he moved back in. And I couldn’t—” Aiden shook her head. “I didn’t know how to be there… in that house.”

“Everyday I would come back from school and I’d have lost a little more of him,” she practically whispered, voice suddenly hoarse and grating. “Mom did her best, caring for a man she didn’t love anymore, but she worked, and I went to school and… and… and we weren’t there for him.”

There was a beat of silence before Aiden spoke again. “I didn’t go home the week after he died. I slept in the theatre seats down there, showered in the locker rooms. Fuck.”

Rock didn’t know what to say, couldn’t imagine the pain and suffering that lived inside this girl she had known for so long.

Aiden’s expression hardened, but she still refused to look up from where her eyes were fixed on the floor. “That week I started noticing stuff. People doing shit they weren’t supposed to, shit that didn’t make sense.”

“The account wasn’t supposed to be anything serious, just a place to post dumb shit about the people who were dicks to me.”

Aiden finally turned to meet Rock’s gaze, her eyes wide and helpless. “I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand, but all of a sudden people found it, and were sending the account other stuff. Confessions, kinks, teacher-student relationships and I-I didn’t know what to do.”

“And then I saw Gigi and Jaida,” Aiden exhaled shakily.

“And I remembered how hurt Crystal had been all those years ago, how hurt she still was about the whole thing. And I tried to bring it up to her, but she shot me down. And I tried to let it go, I really did. But they just kept hooking up, and they weren’t even being secretive about it. And after three fucking years of hurting Crystal, I thought they deserved a little bit of shit for what they did.”

“So you posted the picture.” Rock nodded.

“Yeah.” Aiden sighed.

Rock took a deep breath in and out. “I didn’t know that, about your dad.”

“I didn’t tell anyone.” Aiden shook her head. “I didn’t want the pity. I didn’t want people… looking after me. It didn’t feel right since I didn’t-I couldn’t look after him.”

Rock nodded. “That all must have been…” She paused. “Really overwhelming,” she said lightly, placing a gentle hand on Aiden’s shoulder.

Aiden scoffed, shrugging off Rock’s affection. “Why are you saying it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you…” Aiden floundered, “I dunno, understand. Like you’re not mad.”

Rock shook her head. “Oh, I’m mad,” she assured.

Aiden looked down to her fingers, toying with the laces of her shoes.

“But I get why you did it.”

Aiden shook her head, words coming out in a desperate whisper. “I’m not sure I do.”

“You want answers.” Rock shrugged. “That’s all any of us want. You want to know why your parents divorced, you want to know why people lie, you want to know how someone could cheat on someone else.”

Aiden looked up to meet Rock’s eyes, the first look of genuine vulnerability passing between them.

“You don’t get to know.” Rock smiled sadly. “You gotta suck it up like the rest of us and get comfortable with not knowing.”

Aiden’s gaze darted away, breaking eye contact again, but Rock didn’t stop. “You don’t get to make up a narrative and force other people to fit it. You wanna be emo and angsty and upset at the world, fine, you do that, but you don’t get to ruin other people’s lives just because you got dealt a shit hand in life.”

“Tough talk for a bitch hiding in a prop room,” Aiden snapped.

Rock chuckled. That’s the Aiden she knew. “In case it escaped your notice, you’re also up here hiding, dumbass.”

Aiden looked at Rock hard, walls up, defenses primed, ready to attack.

But then she laughed.

Really, genuinely laughed.

And she didn’t stop.

She didn’t stop until tears started streaming down her face, and she was hiccuping around sobs she desperately tried to fight off.

And Rock held her through it.

…

Brita couldn’t help a smile as she made her way down the hallway and through the open doors to the art room. She was met with a chorus of greetings that still managed to make her stomach flip.

She took up her usual seat next to Heidi, and the two began to trade the entirety of their respective lunches. They fell into easy conversation, as the couples on either side of the room were too absorbed in each other to pay them any mind.

Brita watched them out of the corner of her eye, blaming it on curiosity.

Nicky and Crystal sat next to each other, smiling ear to ear and occasionally feeding each other bites of food like lovesick idiots.

“They’re so gross,” Heidi groaned from beside her.

The two girls in question whipped around to glare at her.

“I miss when you were both too gay to talk to each other. Can we go back to that? I miss that.” Heidi whined, stabbing at the pasta Brita brought with a fork.

Crystal raised a challenging brow at Heidi, and without breaking eye contact, which was a feat in and of itself, pulled Nicky in for an overly loud kiss.

Heidi scowled. “I hate y’all.”

Brita laughed at the pair, but as their kiss became more heated, she turned her head, hoping to conceal the flush that ran the length of her neck.

She shook her head to clear it, mind suddenly muddled as she tried to piece together the feelings welling up inside her at such a public display. Her eyes flitted around the room, latching on to anything that could keep her attention.

She saw Gigi, who was perched on one of the tables, elbows resting atop her knees, head in her hands as Jackie rambled on about something to do with a new congresswoman who was ‘changing the political game.’

They seemed… comfortable. At ease around each other in a way that wasn’t unexpected, they had known each other their whole lives, yet Brita was still shocked when they announced they were dating. But now, looking at the two sharing gentle smiles over their respective lunches, Brita didn’t know why she never put the two together before. The pair was well-matched. Their quiet intimacy seeped into their conversation, gentle giggles erupting every so often from their side of the room.

Brita again found herself oddly entranced.

Was that what it was like to love a woman?

Was it always so… tender?

Nausea filled the pit in her gut, and she turned away from the happy couple.

Internalized Homophobia.

She had read about it on the internet. Hadn’t batted her eye at the definition the first time, but now it seemed to be coming back to her.

It didn’t feel good, not at all. Confronting that about herself. Seeing such blatant representation of something she had learned to bury so long ago.

But it wasn’t impossible.

She knew that to get to the bottom of this… whatever it was she was feeling, she had to confront it head on. She had to understand where it came from and why it seemed to hurt her so much.

These girls, these couples moreover, were showing her that it didn’t have to be so hard. That there was a chance for happiness, unabashed joy even. Love.

And that, funnily enough, gave her hope.

Heidi chuckled from beside her, noticing her red face. “You sure you don’t like girls, Miss Filter?”

It took everything in her not to flinch.

Instead, Brita simply shrugged.

And she counted that a victory.

…

Widow started as she nearly ran headfirst into a lanky brunette.

Before she could so much as say something, the figure had bolted toward the school building. Widow just watched him go, an amused smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. As she rounded the sports shed, she overheard her friend’s voice clear and brash as always.

“Matthews only cares if your paper’s in fucking English, doesn’t matter the content.”

A short blonde girl rolled her eyes pointedly and went to say something, but Dahlia stopped her with a hand. “You know the rules yeah? Change the first and last word for each paragraph.”

The girl nodded.

Dahlia pulled out a handful of loose papers and held them out to the freshman, who grabbed them wordlessly. “Now get lost.”

Widow smiled as the young kid scampered off.

“You really should charge them more,” she called out.

Dahlia started at the sound of another voice, but relaxed as she identified the source.

She smirked, shrugging. “Consider it a donation to charity.”

“I dunno if you can count having half the freshman class cheat off of you for tax write-offs.”

Dahlia chuckled.

“You ‘bout done here?” Widow asked, gesturing to the makeshift office Dahlia had set up.

The younger girl nodded, throwing papers haphazardly into her open backpack.

Widow looked around, the breeze ruffling her curls and sending a shiver down her spine. “Yeah, let’s get outta here, this place gives me the creeps.”

“You think this place is bad, you should see the old greenhouse. That shit’s fuckin’ haunted, man.” Dahlia shook her head.

Widow’s eyes lit up. “The WHAT?”

Dahlia turned to stare wide eyed at her. “You serious? You ain’t ever gone by it?”

Widow shook her head dumbly.

Dahlia chuckled, flinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Lead the way, bitch.” Widow smiled.

They walked for only ten minutes, past the baseball field and through the line of trees that bordered the athletic quad. Through a patch of thick brush they came to a small clearing. An old greenhouse stood practically tethered to the surrounding vegetation, only because of the fading light reflecting against the frosted glass could Widow even make out the corners of the structure.

Before they could so much as stop, Widow was excitedly pulling her camera out of her school bag, fiddling with the aperture until she got the lighting perfect on the small screen in front of her.

Dahlia rolled her eyes fondly, allowing her friend to stalk around the building, snapping endless pictures, mumbling about shutter speed and light refraction. It was only a matter of time, and a few pleading words from Widow, before Dahlia found herself posing next to the greenhouse.

“I regret this already,” she groaned but allowed Widow to pose her in various absurd positions, all of which felt incredibly awkward, yet came out stunning.

The two girls ventured into the structure, finding the inside just as overgrown and sprawling as the outside. It felt much bigger on the inside, wooden tables covered in pots lined the walls, leaving only a center plot of ground to walk, but the walls were massive, green tint to the window panes making the ceiling appear vaulted.

“This place is gorgeous, oh my god!” Widow exclaimed, practically jumping up and down in excitement. She whipped around to face Dahlia, eyes alight with her signature mischief. “Oh my god, D, we could totally give this place a makeover.”

Dahlia went to protest, because really? But Widow started talking a mile a minute before she could get a word in.

“Just move that plant over there and that table against the far wall, and we could probably fit a couch in here if we turned it sideways. My dad has this old one in the basement that we don’t use. We could get Jaida’s truck and haul it here. And I know Crystal would fucking love to paint in this place. Not to mention we could totally smoke here without getting caught. And—”

Dahlia finally butted in. “What do I look like? Fuckin’ HGTV?”

Widow rolled her eyes, turning to face her friend, the plea evident in her tone. “This place could be a really bangin spot, D,” she implored. “Plus, with it gettin cold an’ all, we’ve got fuck all to do.”

Dahlia sighed. “Remind me why we’re friends.” Even as she said it, Dahlia couldn’t keep the smile from creeping up the sides of her face.

“Because you love me.” Widow whined, pulling Dahlia closer, and peppering kisses against the side of her face.

Dahlia pushed her off gently, miming vomiting, and Widow just laughed.

The two cleared off a bit of the tables, each setting up across from each other. They fell into a comfortable silence, inhaling and exhaling the late autumn breeze, watching as their breath danced in the air.

“You talked to Gigi?” Widow finally asked, shattering their peaceful silence.

Dahlia sighed, long and low. “Yeah.” She nodded slowly. “Said I was sorry about the stuff at the party. I didn’t know… I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I had no clue.”

“None of us did.”

“Yeah, but it was kinda my fault in the first place.”

Widow shrugged. “It woulda come out one way or another.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Dahlia bit her lip, refusing to meet Widow’s eyes.

“But?”

“But, I still gotta talk to Jan.”

Widow sighed, but nodded her head knowingly. “Yeah, you do,” she agreed.

“I just don’t know how the fuck to go about it.”

Widow scoffed. “Maybe start with ‘I’m sorry.’”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” Dahlia groaned, letting her head drop into her open hands. “Fuck, man. I really messed up.”

“You knew that when you fell for another girl’s boyfriend,” Widow replied.

“Yeah, but it just got so complicated.”

Widow nodded, smiling sadly. “That’s life for ya. Doesn’t mean you don’t do the right thing.”

Dahlia nodded into her hands, breathing in and out slowly. When she finally looked up to meet Widow’s eyes, she nodded. “She and Bryce broke up.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he told me last week. I didn’t know how to feel.”

There was a pause. “How do you feel?” Widow asked.

Dahlia looked at her for a moment, mind everywhere and nowhere at the same time. “I dunno. I thought I’d be… happy? I guess. But I just feel… nothing.”

Widow nodded. “Well, hey, if you’re ever feeling down, just know that Joe asks me at least once a month if you’d join us for a threesome.”

Dahlia laughed, even though she hadn’t wanted to. “I’ve still got it,” she joked.

Widow rolled her eyes playfully. “You’ve always had it, bitch. You just been wastin’ it on guys you couldn’t have.”

“Yeah yeah, all right, who are you, my therapist?”

Widow suddenly got very serious, her voice grave. “Don’t even joke about that. That’s fuckin’ terrifying.”

“Hey!” Dahlia yelled, flinging a handful of dirt at her friend.

Widow held up her hands in surrender. “Your mind is a scary place, D.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

…

Heidi looked up as the door to the house across the street opened and closed, revealing an exhausted looking Jaida.

The All-Star player exhaled loudly, leaning against her front door. When she opened her eyes, she saw Heidi and had the decency to look embarrassed.

Heidi just smiled knowingly. “You too?”

The tension in Jaida’s shoulders dissipated as she recognized Heidi’s meaning. “Dude,” she exhaled, shaking her head.

“I know.” Heidi chuckled.

“It’s like… they don’t know how to act like people.”

“I know!” Heidi agreed. “What’s with that?”

“The fuck if I know.” Jaida smiled warmly.

“Promise me if I ever get old and start acting like that you’ll just shoot me in the head.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Jaida chuckled.

“Hey!” Heidi scoffed, waving the bowl she had around animatedly.

Jaida just laughed, easy and light.

“Whatcha got there?” She motioned to the Tupperware in Heidi’s hands.

A mischievous smile broke out across Heidi’s face. “Banana pudding,” she winked. “Best you’ve ever had, I guarantee.”

Jaida’s eyes lit up and she raised a brow inquisitively at the dish.

“Go grab a few spoons and you can try some.” Heidi nodded.

“A few?”

“If you think we the only ones with crazy family on Thanksgiving, you got another thing comin’.”

As if on cue, the door to Jackie’s house banged open, the aforementioned girl storming out the door and into the street, breathing harshly. Heidi could feel the anger and hurt rolling off her in waves, and felt sympathy well up inside her. She knew Jackie’s family was rough, they’d been especially difficult the past month with her relationship with Gigi coming to light.

Heidi didn’t think twice about waving her over with a sweeping gesture.

“Hey, guys,” Jackie exhaled, the lines beside her face appearing deeper than they had a few days ago.

The two gave her sympathetic looks.

Heidi clocked the moment Jackie noticed the dish in her hands, her eyes widening a fraction. Heidi patted the ground beside her. “Jaida’s gonna go grab spoons.”

Jaida rolled her eyes but made her way back into the house.

Just then, Nicky’s door opened and the French beauty made her way outside, lighting a cigarette like a reflex as she noticed the girls. She waltzed over to them, smiling all the while. “I thought the point of this holiday was that you were supposed to spend time with your family.”

Before either of them could answer, Crystal’s door banged open.

“Nicky, that better not be what I think it is!”

Nicky’s eyes went wide and she quickly doused her cigarette with her shoe. The french beauty turned on her heel, offering a wide and not at all suspicious smile to her girlfriend. “Ma préféré! I do not know what you mean.”

Crystal raised a challenging eyebrow as she made her way over to the three girls. She surveyed the two on the ground, who pointedly looked away, not about to get in the middle of whatever the fuck those two were on about.

“Mhmmm.” Crystal rolled her eyes.

Jaida appeared again, with several spoons and her own tray of biscuits.

Jackie got up excitedly and rushed back into her house, claiming that she had food too.

The group set up their small feast in the middle of the numerous parked cars that lined the cul de sac. Chatting animatedly about their respective family drama.

It wasn’t long before they were joined by Widow, holding a vat of green beans that her family wouldn’t eat, even though she swore they were seasoned to perfection.

Slowly, one by one, each of the houses in the cul de sac opened and closed, girls pouring out of them, some with food, others with hopeful smiles.

Gigi had bounded over to the group, arms extended with a pot of mac ‘n cheese. She had sidled up right next to Jackie, the new couple whispering in hushed voices, blush high on their cheeks.

Brita joined them not long after, an array of silverware in her hands, and plopped down with Heidi.

Next was Dahlia, with a bottle of wine in each hand.

When Jan joined the group, she looked skeptically at the bottles, but bravely took a swig from each, wincing a bit at the taste.

At some point Rock had snuck into the circle, her occasional odd comment taking the group off guard at the suddenness of her appearance.

The comfortable conversation slowly petered out when Aiden arrived.

The black-haired girl gave a weak smile, gesturing down to the pot in her hands. “I brought stuffing,” she spoke softly.

There was silence.

The group stared at her, and Aiden stared back

The silence went on, each girl’s eyes flitting about the circle, unwilling to be the first to speak.

Until, Rock bit the bullet. “Thank god someone here knows what real Thanksgiving food is!”

There was another beat of silence.

And then conversations resumed.

Slowly at first.

The tension was still there, Aiden wasn’t forgiven, but the tense atmosphere eased a bit as the black-haired girl took up a seat on the outskirts of the group next to Rock, placing her dish in the middle of the circle.

Heidi surveyed the scene, smiling at the sight. A mixture of voices bubbled up from all sides as the girls fell into new, comfortable conversations.

She marveled at the fading color of the trees, signaling the change of season, and the coming winter. As she glanced back over to the group of girls gathered in the center of the street, head clouded, heart full, the only emotion she could pinpoint was hope.

Hope that the girls of the Blue Neighborhood had what it took to tackle the rest of their senior year.

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razanartuk · 3 years

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about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

#mel.rtf #abt me #tag games

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richincolor · 4 years

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Book Review: Vampires Never Get Old: Tales with Fresh Bite

Title: Vampires Never Get Old: Tales with Fresh Bite

Author: Zoraida Cordova & Natalie C. Parker (Editors)

Genres: Anthology, SciFi/Fantasy

Pages: 322

Publisher: Imprint

Review Copy: Purchased

Availability: Available Now

Summary: In this delicious new collection, you’ll find stories about lurking vampires of social media, rebellious vampires hungry for more than just blood, eager vampires coming out―and going out for their first kill―and other bold, breathtaking, dangerous, dreamy, eerie, iconic, powerful creatures of the night.

Welcome to the evolution of the vampire―and a revolution on the page.

Vampires Never Get Old includes stories by authors both bestselling and acclaimed, including Samira Ahmed, Dhonielle Clayton, Zoraida Córdova and Natalie C. Parker, Tessa Gratton, Heidi Heilig, Julie Murphy, Mark Oshiro, Rebecca Roanhorse, Laura Ruby, Victoria “V. E.” Schwab, and Kayla Whaley.

Review: As a lover of vampires and one who is writing a vampire novel, I was so excited when this anthology was announced. I love the title as it serves two purposes, 1) vampires never age so it tell the truth and 2) a reminder that the vampire genre is not dead because there are many more authors who can provide unique perspectives on the genre. And in this anthology really does bring a “fresh bite” to the genre.

There was a wide variety of tone to all the stories like the hilarious, tongue in cheek “A Guidebook for the Newly Sired Desi Vampire” by Samira Ahmed that made me chuckle out loud a few times. If one has ever listened to a teenager tell a story, with all the asides, imagine now that teen creating a guidebook for other teens. It was full of humor and snark explaining the vampire world to a teen who has been turned into a vampire, usually against their will. Now that theme is not so funny and this is where Ahmed excels with her story. The turning of teens into vampires is a wonderful allegory for colonialism as the vamps turning the teens are a group of British vampires called the Angrez. It is such a deep and moving statement how colonists come into a place, change it, and then leave. Thankfully for new baby vamps, there is this guide book to help them in a humorous way but also explores the anger a teen may feel upon waking up a vampire.

On the flip side of vampire hilarity is Mark Oshiro’s “Mirrors, Windows & Selfies” which is literally about trying to find oneself. His main character, Cisco, was born a vampire and has been raised in isolation by his vampire parents. According to them, he is not supposed to exist so they must continuously be on the move and remain isolated from society. Because of this Cisco does not know what he looks like because mirrors are dangerous (doesn’t this break your heart? It broke mine). Oshiro plays with the format of his story as it is written as if it was a blog, including reader’s comments. As Cisco attempts to break free from his parents and get a glimpse of his face by any means necessary (including stealing a neighbor’s credit card and ordering a camera) his blog becomes more popular as readers think Cisco’s story is made up rather than real. I don’t want to give away spoilers for this story, but it is very satisfying. I really loved Cisco’s character and the world that Oshiro created so I hope he returns to it in the future and we see a novel from this story.

While this anthology is about vampires, they are sometimes not the heroes of the story. In both Rebecca Roanhorse’s “The Boys From Blood River” and Heidi Heilig’s “The Boy and the Bell” have eerie close encounters with vampires and manage to survive. Roanhorse’s main character is tempted to join a group of Lost Boys inspired vampires, who are just as hot and just as creepy, but make him realize how strong he really is through their temptation. Heilig’s story is a historical piece set in a time when people stole freshly buried corpses for money (and to give to medical schools). Heilig’s character encounters a new risen vamp and takes on both sexism and transphobia. Heilig’s character is not only fighting for their very life against the vamp, but also fighting to be seen for who they truly are.

Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Dhonielle Clayton’s “The House of Black Sapphires”. I did read her tweet where she mentioned this a story in the world of her upcoming novel and based on what I read, I can’t wait. The story is just as lush in description as The Belles, but with an undertone of the macabre. I was invested in the world and the characters and truly wanted more.

On the whole, I enjoyed this anthology. Zoraida Cordova and Natalie C. Parker added a lovely little bit of reflection about the vampire genre and how the stories related which I found very fun. All the stories were very diverse and most gave new approaches to the genre, which was the point of this anthology. And they succeeded.

#book review #anthology #ownvoices #WeNeedDiverseBooks

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totallypathet · 4 years

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Episode Eleven

Finally, some good fucking mini challenge. Everybody loves puppets! I always love the puppet challenge, it's good old fashioned drag race fun!

It looked like the girls were having a good time, lost of them did a good job... except Gigi. Gigi was just hard to watch. It's becoming a bit of a theme, and it's a shame. I also actually didn't think Jaida's was funny? They put laugh sounds (the trademark Roople cackle) over it, but she didn't tell any jokes, and she didn't deliver it like comedy. At least, not in the edit they showed.

Anyway, the main challenge for this week was to write a one woman show! I was a little bit confused by the assignment, I wasn't sure if it was meant to all be comedy, or how far they were allowed to extend into other avenues. I also think 5 minutes is tough for a one woman show, it's not a lot of time to do more than one thing - so essentially you just end up with a comedy routine anyway. It was a bit bizarre.

And the guest judge was the legendary Whoopi Goldberg!!! I love Whoopi so much, I was so excited to see her on there! And she was a really great mentor and judge! She coached them all well, gave them good constructive feedback on their routines, and as a judge she was so constructive and good natured and funny! I just adore her.

Anyway, now the fangirling is done, let's break down this week...

1. Crystal Methyd

Crystal won a challenge!!! It's been such a long time coming, and oh my god she deserved it so much this week! Her show had me rolling, it was so absurd and ridiculous, I just loved it! And she was clearly having such a ball doing it, and we all know that's my favourite thing to watch. In fact, that was my favourite Whoopi critique, was when Ceystal was talking about how she wanted to make people laugh, and Whoopi said "So make it fun for you." Because that's 100% right, like most of the time if we (the audience) see someone is having fun, we'll have fun with them. Such an important lesson.

And Phenomenal Phil ended up being the absolute funniest one up there! Crystal gave us fun, she gave us absurd, she had puns, she had ridiculous dance moves, she had everything for me. I was so proud, the whole way through, because I felt like we were watching pure, unfiltered, unbothered Crystal Methyd. And she wasn't worried about being too weird, or if she was making everybody in the room laugh, she was just rolling with it, and enjoying it.

Also I loved her look! Again, such pure Crystal, I was tripping balls and I loved it.

10/10 for me this week, she deserved that win, and she deserves her spot in the top 4.

2. Gigi Goode

Gigi is literally unravelling before our eyes, and its genuinely really hard to watch. I think it's really getting to her now that she really does have serious competition, and she doesn't know how to handle it.

Her concept was really funny, and she had some great jokes in there, she had a great character as well, but Ross was right, it felt so scripted. She didn't trust herself to ad-lib in sections that the audience were really enjoying, she was too busy thinking about what her next line was, and it made it too stilted. It was a shame, because it had so much potential.

Having said all that, "go fuck yourself, Gary" was probably my favourite line of the night, because it just came out of nowhere for me. It's interesting, I think it felt worse somehow that there were parts that were really funny. I think 5 minutes of average laughter seems kind of fine - but if one joke gets raucous laughter, the silence is real obvious if the next joke fails.

Her runway was cute. I caught the reference, she looked good, she did the assignment. It wasn't anything special, which is (unfortunately) where most of Gigi's looks for the last few weeks have been for me. Given how she came in, with 4 incredible looks in episode 1, I've been disappointed.

3. Heidi N Closet/Heidi Afrodite

I feel so sad that Heidi's gone, I really thought she was going to make top 4. I feel like she's come such a long way from episode 1, and honestly no-one has charisma like Heidi has charisma. Also what am I going to do without her confessionals? Her, Widow and Jaida were carrying those confessionals, and now there's only Jaida left? Devastating.

But, unfortunately, she did deserve to go this week. Her performance was the worst. I honestly think there were too many characters. Also it was impossible to tell who was who, I think she needed differentiators, like Jackie had with the different glasses. I think she could have done one of 2 things; reduced the characters to just two, so it was easier to follow, or make the confusion part of the comedy. Like, it would have been really funny if she'd had these 4 characters, and she was running around trying to play them all and getting the wrong voice or accessory, like "granny why are you talking like Slick?", or "give me back my glasses Sharon!", and it just ended up like "who are you again?" and just really play into that confusion. I wonder if she was trying to keep it too close to life, and forgot to exaggerate the comedy. It was unfortunate.

Her runway thooooough. That dress was so beautiful, and honestly her face was (I think) the prettiest it's been for the whole competition. The only shame about it was that that's not a lip syncing gown. Particularly not a Prince lip syncing gown. But it was stunning, she went out looking beautiful, with her head held high, and with such a bright future. I can't wait to see what she does next!

4. Jackie Cox

Jackie pulled it out this week. She did such a great show, it was funny, it was heartwarming, it was personal, and it told us so much about Jackie. I think Whoopi's coaching really stuck with her, when she said that she doesn't do stand up because she's not funny, she tells stories? I think they resonated with Jackie, and maybe took a little of the comedy pressure off, and gave her space to do something a little more personal, and tell her story, and not worry about telling jokes. I think that freedom really opened the space for natural humour, and I think Jackie is naturally funny! She did an excellent job this week, and I was so proud.

Her look this week, I enjoyed; it was high concept, high drag, but also really fun! I didn't get the reference at all, I think it's to a song, but I have never heard it. But honestly that didn't even matter, I thought she looked like a haute couture grinch. It was out of the box for Jackie, not at all what I expected, and I loved it.

5. Jaida Essence Hall

I think Ross nailed Jaida's performance when he said "I bet it was hilarious when she called her best friend and told that story". Because I bet it was! Shit, I'd laugh if my best friend called me up and told me that story, but it just didn't work in a stage context. It was a real shame, because I could see that she was trying, and that she knew it wasn't working. Jaida was in a really tough spot this week, because she went on after someone sho has no idea how to shut up and stayed on stage 12 minutes longer than she should have. Honestly, I dont know why they let her keep talking, they should have signalled her and stopped her.

Anyway, Jaida had to follow that, and honestly the best thing she could have done when she walked out there was acknowledge it. Say something like "I did have a story to tell you, but I've forgotten it now." Change the energy of the room. Honestly though, I think Jaida had the same problem as Gigi, she didn't trust herself. She knew that the audience wasn't feeling her story, I wish she'd just trusted that feeling and cut it off, done something different and tried to get the audience back on side.

All of that aside, she had (I think) the best look on the runway. It was so sleek, so chic, and so gorgeous. I loved it so much, she felt like a fashion front cover. Which, to be fair, she does most of the time.

She did deserve to be in the bottom this week, but she also really deserved to stay, and she really deserves her place in the top 4 as well.

So next week is the last week before the reunion! From the preview, it looks like they're all wearing their entrance looks again, so I'm excited to see what that's about. I'm also wondering how they're going to do the reunion. Will it be the same, just with more distance between the chairs? Will they do it by a zoom call? Will they just wait until this is over? Who knows!

One other thing I do really want to know though, is can Dahlia Sin finally go home now? She was eliminated first, and instead of letting her go home to her loved ones for comfort, they said no, stay and wear this broccoli costume every week and we'll use you as a sight gag. Honestly, poor Dahlia. That's going to become her oppalance, her Miss Vanjie, her cucu.

#drag race season 12 #drage race #drag race spoilers #rpdr #rpdr12 #rpdr spoilers #crystal methyd #heidi afrodite #heidi n closet #gigi goode #jackie cox #jaida essence hall

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squidprinceofwinterfell · 4 years

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Stick of Truth Commentary

Intro

Intro cut scene is a nice touch! The animation is nice, and it adds story and stakes to the game the boys are playing. Reminds me of “Lord of the Rings.”

I like how the boys see the stick as a golden staff, but it’s literally just…a stick.

Create your character

Fighter, Mage, Thief, Jew – which is the best and why?

Intro to New Kid and family

Dialogue between parents creates an ominous backstory. Who is looking for New Kid and why?

New Kid is a mute weirdo and I love it.

The first quest (making friends) reminds me of “The Sandlot.”

The shitting feature is awesome.

New Kid meets Butters and is brought to KKK

What exactly is the power of diabetes?

Chekov’s Clyde!

It’s cute how cool everyone is with Princess Kenny.

I like that every player is called Douchebag, but I wish every player didn’t have to play as a boy.

Elves attack

Funny how Cartman’s alarm is just Butters yelling “Alarm!”

Cartman has pretty good commentary when New Kid is fighting. I actually miss that later on.

How did the elves snag the stick? Either Clyde is a bad watchdog or Kyle is super strategic. I choose both.

New Kid must find Token, Tweek, and Craig

Token

I never knew Token was so rich that he had security! It’s probably to keep Cartman out.

I love that Token’s property is calling Dark Meadows.

Token: “The elves took the stick again?” Haha!

Tweek

Tweek is the only employee at Tweek Bros.? That’s called child labor!

I love that Mrs. McCormick thinks the meth heads in her garage are just nice renters. Is she being paid in meth?

Why would a 10-year-old boy be an undercover cop? Only in South Park.

Tweek was totally named after the word “tweeker.”

Craig

Craig is in detention for (of course) flipping off the principal. Is Principal Victoria still principal at this point?

Craig’s alias is Feldspar the Thief? I refuse to believe this isn’t a reference to Malcolm in the Middle.

On the “thief” option at the beginning, Cartman says he’s never seen a white thief before, yet Craig is a thief. Hmm…

“Heeeere they come…I’ll be outta here in ten minutes.” Smug, snarky Craig is the best Craig.

I like that Mackey seems to know he’s in a video game (by referencing the boss fight). It’s very Deadpool.

The Bard

The Inn of the Giggling Donkey is just Jimmy’s house. His living room is convincing as a bar/lounge/hangout.

Twitter = carrier raven

“There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow / She didn’t talk much, but boy did she swallow / I had a nice lance that she sat upon / The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom.” I love Jimmy’s songs!

Butters: “No hurry, Douchebag. The princess is just being raped.” OMG

An elf was jumping on the bed to simulate raping Princess Kenny? The boys are really committed to this game.

Cartman: “Good job, Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers.” Kenny flashing his man boobs is the best distraction tactic.

The Brown Note is Jimmy’s best attack.

“Welcome to the KKK!”

Alien abduction

Cartman’s fart lessons finally come in handy! New Kid’s ass is too strong to be probed.

I love that alien abduction is viewed as just another annoying part of living in South Park.

The guy from the recordings is the hobo hidden onboard, right?

The Nazi zombie hobo is the game’s first instance of the Nazi zombie plot. It tells us that the aliens are responsible for this when the ship crash lands to Earth and green goo gets in the sewer.

New Kid crashed an entire spaceship. He’s kind of a badass. And he gets to keep the alien probe!

The big bad government is involved now to deal with “another UFO crash.” How often does this happen??

Only South Park would try to pass off a UFO as construction of a Taco Bell. And only South Park citizens would believe it.

Recruitment (pt. 1)

All New Kid has to do to get the goth kids to join is put on black clothes. I’m glad to see they still have low standards.

New Kid finally meets Stan and Kyle! I’ve been waiting for this.

According to Kyle, Cartman lied about the stick being stolen and is hiding it. According to Cartman, Kyle is lying because New Kid can’t retrieve the stick if Kyle claims he doesn’t have it. It’s a game of “he said, she said” but I’m inclined to believe Kyle. This is Cartman we’re talking about…

PTA meeting

I’m disappointed no one yelled “Rabble, rabble!” at the PTA meeting.

Is no one else alarmed that Randy lured a young boy into the bathroom alone?

“That’s all you’ve got is a sign? At least crap on a desk or something!” Mr. Garrison is speaking highly of Cartman, I see.

She-Ogre

“Give me back my iPhone, DEMON!” This is an accurate depiction of a brother-sister relationship.

It’s adorable that Stan uses Sparky in battle.

Taco Bell

I love that the big bad government agents are such bad liars that they killed a guy asking about encharidos.

“Goddamn it! I’m so tired of Nazi zombies. It’s so…overused!” Haha!

I’m surprised the adults actually took the bombing threat seriously and weren’t bummed about no Taco Bell.

Recruitment (pt. 2)

The final goth test is DDR?? That’s so conformist.

Once you win the goth kids over, you can recruit them to either Cartman’s side or Kyle’s. I always pick Kyle’s side when I play this. I’ve been itching to betray Cartman since this game started!

South Park Elementary

The huge battle scene takes place at the school because it’s where Cartman supposedly hid the stick. South Park Elementary is busted and makes a great setting for a battle scene. More “Lord of the Rings” vibes!

New Kid’s farts help Kyle’s side get the upper hand. Take that, Cartman!

Another reason choosing Kyle’s side is better: New Kid’s battle against Butters is more impactful because he was New Kid’s first friend. If it was a face off against Stan, it wouldn’t be as emotional.

The final battle gives New Kid one last chance to pick a side. Like Stan says, “I can’t believe this is even a choice.” Kyle vs Cartman is like Chanel vs Walmart.

Yet another reason choosing Kyle’s side is better: Cartman’s farting fire at the end of this fight is one of the best scenes of the whole game.

Clyde

I love the twist where neither Kyle nor Cartman was lying. Clyde really punked the fuck out of everyone.

Kyle is the only one to acknowledge he’s aware of the green goo and how dangerous it is.

Stan: “Clyde, but why?” Cartman: “I banished him to be lost in space and time and now he’s all pissed off.” Haha!

Clyde’s fortress is so badass. I can see the appeal of the dark side.

How the hell does Clyde have control over the Nazi zombies??

I love that Clyde’s power move is keeping his friends out past their bedtimes. The stakes are higher now, but this reminds us this is still a kid’s game…or it started as one.

Underpants gnomes

Gnomes: “The kid is awake! What do we do?” “Oh, fuck, I guess we gotta kill him!” Me problem solving.

Since when do underpants gnomes have warlocks?? I thought they were all failed businessmen.

For some reason, high pitched gnome voices yelling “Oh, fuck!” is really funny to me.

New Kid fighting underneath his giant parents mid-coitus is another iconic fight scene. How many times must New Kid dodge his dad’s ballsack?? The kid is hardcore.

The girls

Kyle convinces everyone to team up against Clyde. I’m continually impressed by Kyle because of his leadership, intellect (he spent all night researching), and open mind (he doesn’t balk at teaming up with the humans or inviting girls to play). I’m totally Team Kyle, if you haven’t noticed.

I love that the girls blindfold New Kid when they bring him to their lair. That’s some Mafia shit.

Annie: “He…doesn’t really talk.” Bebe: “That’s hot!” ME

Sunshine, sparkle, glitter…I wanna talk like this all the time.

Heidi Turner was the two-faced bitch! That’s very Mrs. Cartman of her.

Abortion clinic

New Kid’s abortion doctor is named Dr. Poonlover because of course he is

The big bad government is doing Plan B at the abortion clinic. Clever joke!

Where did Randy get that blonde wig from?? The men in South Park cross-dress so much.

Khloe Kardashian’s aborted fetus as a Nazi zombie is also a legendary fight.

Canada

New Kid didn’t get that his photographer was a pedophile even when he was almost butt naked?? Also, who was that guy who jumps out from behind the boxes?

The layout of Canada is clearly a parody of Pokemon games, right? Either way, I love it. The shitty jpeg videogame look is very Canada.

“They’re like wolves, but they’re dire.”

Getting trained by Terrance and Phillip makes all this back and forth bullshit worth it.

Clyde’s fortress

Of course Cartman butts in when Kyle’s trying to give an inspirational speech. What an attention hog!

It’s funny to me how easily Craig switched to Clyde’s side. Loyalty much??

“I really found myself relating to Clyde’s views about darkness and enslaving the world.” Jesus, Craig!

Cartman’s negative reaction to electricity is a callback to the chip put in his head in Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

“It’s my favorite kid!” WOW, RANDY

“Who could it be?” I love how long New Kid lets them all wonder before he steps up.

Stan: “Dude, that’s not Taco Bell sauce.” Clyde: “Then why’d I find it at the Taco Bell?” A+ logic

How dare you, Clyde! Let Chef rest in peace!

Government interruption

“Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok…” Vampires exist in this universe??

I love that the boys don’t care about the big bad government’s scheme.

So New Kid’s special power is making friends on social media! I should’ve known.

Princess Kenny’s betrayal

Princess Kenny planned to steal the stick all along! This game is full of betrayals.

Kenny makes a pretty cute anime princess. Nazi zombie? Not so much.

Princess Kenny is a badass final boss. And I never saw it coming!

I’m glad the “never fart on someone’s balls” joke meant something in the end. I can see why it was banned – it’s super deadly!

End

The boys unite to save friendship and love…by chucking a stick into a lake.

New Kid stole Cartman’s catchphrase!

Why did Al Gore appear so ominously at the end?? What are you gonna do to the kids, Al Gore??

#south park #the stick of truth #podcasa bonita

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snoopctm · 4 years

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CtM Thursday Thoughts

Call the Midwife Unite--Episode 2x08

Turner Family Beginnings (and More)

Hello again, Nonnatuns! It’s another week, but not *just* another week! This time, CtM Unite has revisited an iconic older episode--the much celebrated 2x08! It’s the beginning of “The Turners” as we now know them, and also a chance to see some well-loved characters who are now gone from the show but defiinitely not forgotten. Then, the rewatch was followed by a very fun interview! More thoughts follow:

That was the most fun CtM Unite installment yet, if you ask me! The interview was great, but first, a few thoughts about the episode--

--It’s good to see some old “friends” again, especially Cynthia, Sister Evangelina, and Jane (oh, long lost Jane). Chummy is cool, too, and it’s always a bit of a jarring experience to revisit these episodes and remember that the show used to be so focused on Jenny. The narration makes a little more sense in these episodes (because it’s “older Jenny” narrating), but I have to say I still prefer the more ensemble focus that started in series 4, after Jenny left. I don’t dislike Jenny, really, but I don’t really miss her much, either.

--I love “Where Rose Lies”, the music that first appeared in the 2012 Christmas special and is used so effectively here in the scene where Jenny and Sister J put the blanket on Chummy and Peter introduces her to their newborn son, Freddie. That’s a great scene, as is the all-night sewing session before this moment.

--Of course, the Turnadette moments are a highlight for me, but it was somewhat odd to see Sister Bernadette again, at least partially habited. It’s a reminder of how much the character has grown over the years (as referenced a few times in the after-show interview, as well).

Now, for the interview--

Loved it! I love the fun, super familiar dynamic between Laura, Stephen, and Max. Yes, it’s obvious that Stephen likes to talk a lot, but I got the impression that Laura and Max are so used to that now, and they just take him for who he is. The affection between all three is clear.

I think Eleanor (the interviewer) does a great job as well, but I did also like the moments where she sort of became irrelevant and Stephen, Laura, and occasionally Max started asking questions of each other! This led to some fun stories, like about how Stephen and Heidi watch the show with their son when he’s there. The audition stories were also fun. I’m sure I’ve read an interview with Laura in which she spoke about the accent part, but the rest of it was new for me, as were the details of Max’s audition (that he had to play piano and they asked him questions in-character).

They all so obviously love the show, and love working together. It did get loud at times (especially Stephen), but the overall impression I got is that this is a group of friends that are used to hanging out and joking around together.

For next week, I voted for 6x05, but all three choices look interesting. It will be fun to see who they get for the after-show!

#call the midwife #ctm thursday thoughts #ctm unite #call the midwife unite #turners ftw

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hollenka99 · 4 years

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The Doctor

Summary: Henrik finds himself the doctor of a household full of people who look a lot like him.

Warnings: Death mention, gore, possession, kidnapping, medical procedures

Well, it’s only been 7 months since I posted The Magician. I think it’s high time I updated this au, don’t you?

@egopocalypse

Peter's death consumes Dr Schneeplestein's mind as he cycles home. He'll have to look his wife in the eye and explain to her that their accountant was gone. She'll probably be mad. He doesn't want her to be mad. He wants her to be empathetic. Peter was more than his accountant, he was his friend as well. And their children, he's sure they have children, they are likely to bother him with trivial things like homework. Who cares about what they did at school today? He is going to lock himself in the spare bedroom for the rest of the evening. He needs the time alone. Distracted by these thoughts, he takes the wrong path which inevitably directs him to a house he knows is not his own. Well, that's just great. He's gotten himself lost. This is the last thing he needs right now. Best to ask the residents if they could send him back on his way. God knows he doesn't want to be aimlessly pedalling around for ages. A man immediately speaks over his shoulder upon taking one look at him. "Jack, I think Sean's posted the video." The one he guesses is Jack emerges. "Fantastic. Hey, buddy, I'm Jack. And this is Marvin. Come on inside." "I just wanted to go home." The smile falters. "Oh, sure. Didn't realise you lived somewhere else. How about you stay here for a minute first? We can sort everything out." He needed their help so... fine. If they insisted. "Please do not be long." It is brief, as the two strangers had promised. The three of them discuss the situation. Jack maintained a YouTube channel with his friend Sean. The videos from the channel enabled Sean's ability to bring the characters he played to life. The community surrounding the channel played their part in all of it too, yet it was Sean who usually lay the foundation. That sounded reasonable. Marvin, it appeared, was capable of performing magic. Quite fond of plants as well. While as welcoming as Jack, there was an off-putting air about the magician. Not judgemental as such but... well, Schneeplestein couldn't quite work it out. It didn't matter. Marvin was friendly enough. The young superhero is inappropriately loud as he enters. They were having a conversation and this kid just bursts in. Jackie, which was apparently the hero's name, comes across as friendly once he realises his mistake. Schneeplestein interrupts him as he rambles about a recent sighting. Yes, there is a house not too far from here. The doctor should know, it is his. Jackie is tasked with directing him home. As they walk, Jackie proves to be talkative. He makes up for Schneeplestein's lack of contribution by filling the silence. It would seem the doctor was made in response to Jackie nearly dying from exsanguination. That was... interesting. When asked more about his family, he realises he doesn't know. He can't even tell him what his children's names are. He can't remember. Why can't he remember their names?! They are his children! His wife! This must have been reported back as Jack asks to meet up the next morning. The doctor happily accepts. The talk leads to working out what his name was. He had to be more than Dr Schneeplestein. One of Jack's suggestions is Leo. It triggers a reaction within him. With some thought, the doctor comes to the name of Leonie. Memories of meeting a French woman with bushy curls flood in. The way she smiled as she accepted the offer for coffee. Her pleasant shock as he presented her with a ring. The beautiful elegance of the dress that had exceeded his expectations. Completely missing her hints until she swore in her native language before slamming a positive test into his hands. Seeing her face light up as she dragged him towards their son so he could witness clumsy steps. Coming into the living room on Mother's Day, only to find two of them sleepily snuggling on the sofa with her while she was pregnant with the third. Jack is delighted with this burst of recollection. It means it's working. They carry on with the list of male names. Hugo, Gunter, Patrik… even Reinhold. Nothing. No reaction from deep within himself is mustered. He's not Siegfried von Schneeplestein either. Eventually, Heinrich is brought up. Heinrich. Yes, that sounded right. Yet not. But they were on the right path. Heinz? No, which is good because he doesn't want to share his name with a tinned food company. The 'rich' part certainly resonated with him. Rick, Richard? Well, even if he was a Rick, who wants to share his name with the man his wife was potentially seeing behind his back? No, it was a variant of Heinrich for sure. After so many years of being taught to analyse, it seems to have backfired. He was thinking too much into this. Just drop the 'i' and switch the 'ch' with a 'k'. Henrik, his name was Henrik. Of course it was. How on earth could he have forgotten that? In response to Henrik revealing this to Jack, his soon-to-be friend bursts into a grin and offers his hand. As they shake hands, Jack declares it is nice to meet him. This was the second successful breakthrough for them. Both he and his wife had more solid identities. Now all that was left were his children. He later checks the same website Jack had used. From there, he can scan names and possibly ease the confusion. He feels like German names were the best starting point. He'd check out French names if he still had an identity missing. Things soon slot into place. First, there was Elias. He was nine now. An avid reader, he had an inexplicable interest for birds. He was in his element whenever he was exploring the great outdoors. Oh yes, that had certainly caused issues when he was younger and still yet to grasp the concept of not bringing nature inside with him. After him came Heidi, his five year old sister. It would seem she was beginning to show signs of a budding artist. He remembers the birthday where crayons were treated as if they were lottery winnings. In the sense it was a life changing possession. It wasn't long before that pack had been eroded by paper. And little Alina, the youngest at four years old. She was somehow was in possession of as much energy as the sun could produce. If she wasn't playing tag with her siblings, she was rifling through a dress up box or singing as loudly as she was able. Then there was her habit of tugging desperately at the hand holding hers in order to race across the street and greet the dog she'd spotted. Now that they are becoming closer, Jack asks for a favour. He understands Henrik is a busy man, what with being a doctor and all, but if he could spare a few minutes to check on a friend, Jack would greatly appreciate it. They've never had a medical professional they could send this ego to. Sure, Henrik nods, he'll do his best to fit him in. Angus astounds him. Nothing really seems to fit a diagnosis. While his symptoms may partially match certain ailments, there were always other symptoms related to those conditions that disproved Angus was suffering from said condition. His initial hypothesis had been chronic fatigue syndrome when he'd first heard about the daily lack of energy. However, symptoms of CFS included enlarged lymph nodes (Angus' were fine), joint pain without swelling (no such pain, swelling or not) and headaches (nope). He wasn't about to force a diagnosis on someone whose symptoms half fit. Angus was a medical enigma. Angus' condition was simply Angus' condition, it seemed. Henrik hates to disappoint Jack, as well as the others, but nothing particularly made sense. October proceeds fairly calmly. There are patients to care for at work and children to keep an eye on at home. On top of all that, Jackie and Marvin's burgeoning friendship caused them to train together. With Marvin's developing magic and Jackie's newfound superpowers, those training sessions added up to a few safety risks. Henrik supervised them in case of injuries whenever he had the time. Most of October is calm. It kind of falls at the last hurdle. Marvin pounds at his front door minutes after he returns from trick-or-treating. He is immediately rushed to the egos' home. Marvin hasn't been communicating the issue clearly. That is why he is shocked to learn of what had happened that evening. Jack had been recording a video where he carved a pumpkin. Simple enough. Until he slit his own throat. Okay, he had this. It was just a simple case of reconnecting any blood vessels and muscles needed before suturing the wound. Saving a man who had already bled out was so simple. So easy. At least it was only Jack's veins that were damaged. Internal jugular and interior thyroid, if he's not mistaken. Henrik works diligently. If anything, Jack deserves to be fixed before they- No, he is not losing another one. He'll pull a miracle out of his ass if he has to. Somehow, he does. Jack stabilises. He appears to recover faster than expected. Henrik can relax slightly and stop stressing about his friend's health. He would much rather focus on mundane things like whether Heidi would prefer her birthday cake to look like a hedgehog or caterpillar. If Henrik can put this whole ordeal behind him, that would be great. The situation complicates. He is home when Sean visits Jack, triggering an argument between the two. This in turn seems to have caused Jackie to wander off in an attempt to get away from it. And now the sixteen year old boy was missing. He can alert the police if they want. Otherwise, he's not sure how much help he can be. However, if they did find Jackie, please don't hesitate to tell him. He would need to check if he suffered any injuries while outside the safety of their home. The day marking 10 years since he married Leonie came around. He gets paged, meaning their celebratory meal out will have to be cancelled. Yes, he knows they've been planning this for months. 10 years, yep, there's no need to remind him. What did she expect him to do, not go to-? Oh, there she goes pulling the work card. She had a degree so why was he to blame for her not putting it to good use? It wasn't like he told her to go into a unpredictable field like interpreting. Maybe they would be happier if weren't living together? Ha! If they separated, she'd struggle to support herself and three children. They both knew that. Whatever, he had to go. Happy anniversary. He finds some reprieve in early December. A child's excitement to find St Nicholas has left chocolate coins in their shoes will never get old. Another added benefit to St Nicholas' Day is how diligently the girls clean their rooms in preparation. Elias is beginning to get to an age where the existence of Santa is being doubted. Nevertheless, he goes along with the tradition with as much anticipation as his sisters. It also causes him to take lead of the cleaning campaign which, again, saves Henrik or Leonie from further encouragement to get the house ready for the nightly visitor. Marvin brings home a cat in February. On a day where Leonie's schedule is packed but his is not, he takes the children to visit his friends. At times he has to encourage them to be gentle and approach Bastet carefully. She was a former stray after all and not entirely used to having a permanent home. Either way, the three of them adore the new addition. And Henrik himself had to admit she was a pretty girl. Things change in April when a young man arrives on his table. The patient had been brought in after sustaining a gun shot wound to the head, an apparent suicide attempt. The surgery is long and tough. There had to be a great deal of delicate precision to ensure minimal damage. Yet, in the end, it proves successful. He couldn't be more relieved. Henrik checks up on the patient after he regains consciousness. It doesn't escape his notice that Mr Brody bares resemblance to him and the rest of the egos. While conversing with him, he learns Brody has nowhere to go once he's released. Henrik leaves him an address which may help him. Breaking as little patient confidentiality as he can, he lets Jack know a visitor may arrive in the near future. It's surprises Brody when Henrik sees to him in his private clinic. Well, what can Henrik say? He's somewhat of the egos' personal doctor. Chase is a part of the group as much as the rest of them. Hence, Henrik was now in charge of overseeing Chase's wellbeing as well. The left arm worries him. While the rest of the brain seems unaffected by the incident, the site of the injury certainly wasn't left unscathed. With part of his premotor cortex damaged, it would appear the function in his left arm had become impaired. Physical therapy is recommended. The two men speak more often with the conversations turning less formal. He discovers the two of them have some things in common. They were both fathers with daughters the same age. In fact, Alina tells him all about her new friend Willow who'd recently joined her year group. Chase was going through a divorce and Henrik can certainly relate to being part of an imperfect marriage. They'd even become fathers and husbands at similar ages. Henrik's really starting to like Chase. He doesn't approve of the way he conducts himself at times but he's generally a good guy. He would say he's someone to grab a beer with. However, Chase's forming issues with alcohol were not something Henrik wished to endorse. Jack approaches him in June. Oh, he's returned to learning to German while the rest of the house slept? Jack didn't have to do that for him. Honestly, he is flattered. No, not flattered. Something stronger than flattered like... like moved. Jack secretly putting the effort in to surprise him had been moving. Still, there is some more practice required in terms of becoming fluent in the language. He and Jack aid each other in improving their linguistic skills in the others' native tongue. Jacques' arrival allows Henrik to strengthen his multilingualism even more. Now he could converse with Jack in German and Jacques in French. Everyone else, of course, spoke English around him, whether at work or in public. He wasn't complaining. Henrik did live in an English speaking country, after all. Once the artist settled in a little, perhaps he should invite him for dinner. Leonie would probably enjoy having someone else who was native to her own home country. He's quietly working in his own lab when Jack stumbles through the door. His friend barely gets a syllable out before gagging. Immediately, Henrik begins gathering observational evidence in an effort to diagnose. Gagging, especially when pairing with covering the mouth, indicated nausea. So that's already one symptom he can work with. Yes, he can work this out. He can help. For Jack, for his dear friend. He can't work it out. None of the symptoms seem to tell him anything. Deep vein thrombosis, blood clots and pulmonary embolism shared a connection. Chronic stress and nervous breakdown were closely linked to each other. The same went for Parkinson's disease and Dementia. But all of them together? No! It made no sense. What made it more difficult was the knowledge of Anti's presence. He lurks in the shadows. It began with his eye being itchy. Henrik hates the supposedly random sensation of pin and needles across his body. He keeps having lapses in attention. They likely only last a second but he can't afford to lose the time. Especially with it feeling warmer than it should in here. His arm plays up but he blames it on mood swings. He changes tactics, treating Jack as if he were in an emergency room. The momentary losses in focus occur more frequently now. But he won't give up. He almost lost Jack before, he refuses to lose him again. Even as his system begin to fail. No no no. Once one goes down, they all go down. He has to succeed. The buzz of staticky air grows. The demon is circling closer but he's not completely here yet. Henrik still has a chance. That is the hope, at least. It doesn't fully register when he giggles over the soon-to-be corpse. Over the patient. Over Jack. He is weak as he begs like the sad little puppet he is. No, he needs to buy himself more time. Where are the A̸͟ń͜t̡͞į-depressants? Antidepressants. He needs to depress Anti somehow. And why the hell was he wrapping a cord around his throat? He should n't try that again. He needs to find the an͠ti̡͘̕c̷͝ǫ͏͢a͡gu͡l҉á͡n̷ts̵. Anticoagulants. Stop it. Please. No. Nothing he does is helping. In the distance, he is given the privilege of hearing the magical assault on the door. Yes, please, for the love of god, help him. Help Jack too. ...Jack? No! No, Jack was his friend. He can't be dead. Open the door already. Come in and help save Jack. Come in and see the Bad Doctor who failed all his friends. But you'd better hurry up. The patient has no pulse and the doctor... Well, the doctor has places to be. Henrik's head spins upon being released. He thinks he cries that first night. Not because he's found himself with Anti indefinitely. Henrik has far more than a few choice words he'd like to direct to that demon. It's not that. It's the thought of his family, his friends, all those he loved. The egos will know what happened. They know full well he's with Anti now. Who else could have kidnapped him in a haze of static? But somebody's going to have to tell Leonie he's not coming home. And, in turn, she's going to have to tell the children. Henrik can't imagine how horrible that will be. Oh, and it's August, isn't it? No, no, no. Alina's birthday is just around the corner. He was going to head into town and buy her that cuddly tiger she kept going on about recently. He'd been so looking forward to seeing her face light up as she tore the paper and realised what it was. And now he- now he wasn't going to. Now he wouldn't see his loved ones for a long time. If ever. Please don't let it come to that. Anti has only ever had one known prisoner before. Said prisoner was taken 9 months ago. Well, at least Henrik knows he'll probably be here for a minimum of 9 months. He wonders if Jackie is still here. He hopes not. God forbid that boy is still suffering by Anti's hand. The most prominent way Anti welcomes him to imprisonment is confiscating his glasses. "Well, you won't need them.", he states. Hence why they were promptly destroyed into deformed plastic and glass shards. He tries not to fret about it. He's left in the darkness more often than not. Time blurs. The light is off. The light is on. Anti is there. Anti is somewhere else. He's aware of how long a human can typically go without food and water. So, it would seem, does his captor. When he least expects it, a figure stands in the hallway. The lights are flicked on to reveal an ego. As Henrik's eyes adjust, he takes in more of the visitor's details. Unhealthily thin, grinning in an unnatural manner and holding a hand firmly against his stomach. He is too young to be past his teen years. Without a doubt, this is Jackie. "Happy birthday, doctor. I thought it would be fun to redeem yourself. You do want to redeem yourself, don't you? You couldn't save Jack. Maybe you can save this one." A beat hasn't passed when the hand evacuated its present position, exposing the damage done. The inner contents are left subject to gravity. Anti laughs at Henrik's horror. With Anti relinquishing control, the emptied body returns to the state of a cadaver. Jackie just collapses on the spot. Henrik has no choice but to get to work immediately. During the procedure, Anti periodically uses Jackie as a receptacle. He giggles and taunts him as soon as the doctor is able to focus on what he is doing. Henrik struggles to ignore him. Tears threaten occasionally. He blinks them away. He has no time for them. He has a patient in front of him. He has to focus on that. Allowing his thoughts to stray from that will distract him too much. He can't spend a single second reflecting on how the patient may have gotten into this condition. He desperately hopes Jackie was dead before the first incision was made. It would too sickening to imagine enduring that while awake. Probably without anything to reduce the pain. But no, this is a cadaver. It may have been Jackie once. Not anymore. All he can do is restore the body to a more respectful condition. If he ever sees the others again, he doesn't know how he will be able to answer their questions about Jackie. God knows what Anti will do to the body after he is done operating. If Anti was in a solid form right now, Henrik might turn his instruments on him. Still, he eventually succeeds in replacing the organs. The heart does not beat. Nor do the lungs expand with breath. At least Jackie is whole again. Given the chance, Henrik would provide him with a respectful burial. Knowing Anti, he will likely discard the body with as much consideration as he would a crisp packet. Alone once more, Henrik is helpless to prevent the tide. The only blessing is Anti taking his frustrations out on him soon after. Apparently, Jackie had escaped. Henrik cannot conceive of a way someone who was dead yesterday could achieve that feat. Either way, the miracle gives him hope. He smiles to himself once his captor leaves him. If he is the single target of the glitch's aggression, he'll happily fulfil that role. So long as it keeps him from hunting for fresh blood. Especially Jackie. That boy has suffered enough. He deserves to keep his freedom. Anti comes to his room with a syringe. He claims he is only looking out for Henrik's immune system. Bullshit. If he really cared, he'd provide, at the very least, a decent diet. God knows what the syringe contained. Henrik isn't even sure how much managed to get through in the end. It was a flurry of limbs before the needle inevitably found its way to his arm. It is practically forgotten about by the time he has reason to remember. With the weariness and fever, he's convinced it's the flu. Lights irritate him now too. However, once the rash appears, he knows it's not so simple. He updates his diagnosis. Measles. Why on earth did Anti feel compelled to infect him with that disease? To prove he can? Well, congratulations, he's sick. He hopes Anti is proud of his achievement. Anti delivers a patient for him to work on. It is likely someone off the street. And despite Henrik's own poor health, he was expected to operate on them. An experiment, Anti says. Henrik's life's work was based on science. Well, who said Anti couldn't conduct some science of his own? Every now and again, Anti would bring some poor soul to 'repair'. Almost always it would be Anti who had caused the damage. It would also be during the times the doctor had artificially been made sick. He thinks Anti revelled in watching him struggle to fight his own symptoms to be professional. Not to mention the possible hope he'd unintentionally cause infected wounds. Anti loved to 'ensure it wouldn't happen again'. Like the demon cared about those people's health. He simply wanted an excuse to physically punish him for misdemeanours. Another time, he burns as he shivers. His muscles wish to give up on him due to the pain and fatigue. He is unable to pin a specific diagnosis. He knows better than to wonder if it is influenza. Anti wouldn't bother with something so trivial. Henrik is unsure what his current illness is until mosquitos are mentioned. Oh, okay. So it's like that, huh. He suffers several repercussions thanks to the malaria. Surprisingly, being severely ill takes a lot out of you. Trust Anti to bastardize Christmas. With December approaching, it is once again time for Saint Nicholas to pay his children a visit. Anti promises to leave them his own type of gift. Henrik is half aware as he trespasses on his own property. In the living room, he is caught while leaving his message. The second Henrik recognises Alina, his heart yearns to have control long enough to touch her. What he would give to cuddle her and promise he'll be home again, as himself, one day. Hopefully soon. However, that was impossible with Anti's presence. The demon delights in her discovery. He dirties her shoes to encourage tears. She is too enthralled by the sight of her Papa to react the way he wants. Despite not having horns, Anti claims to be Krampus. Their family didn't even incorporate that figure into their celebrations. Henrik could never recall which companion St Nicholas travelled with when he was younger so their home did without the extension of the tradition. He and Leonie usually just based how much chocolate they gave the children on how much effort they put into the preparations. If you're going to ruin the holiday for the fun of it, at least show the culture enough respect to ruin it properly. Anti feels the height of winter is the perfect time to conduct another test. He abandons Henrik in the room naturally closest to freezing. His shivers gradually shift to confusion and reduced motor skills. He has a delayed reaction to his captor approaching. He claims to be here to warm him, directing to a bath. There is a high probability that the water is a decent temperature by regular standards. That does not stop him from having to silence himself and not cry out. He attempts to avoid the water. His lack of control when it came to his limbs causes him to struggle with that. The process is repeated with varying alterations to the conditions. Anti is happy when he observes him remove his shirt without full awareness of the consequences. Also, was it him or was the water getting more scalding with every trip? Anti unexpectedly drags him to his feet one day. He's being taken somewhere. Where, he has no clue. Anti wouldn't tell him and he's aware it's best if he doesn't ask questions. In front of a house, he is dumped to the ground. The one who has made his life a misery for the past several months shrugs. "I've got a better deal. Why would I waste my time you anymore?" With that, Anti leaves, granting Henrik the chance to get a better look at the house he's been abandoned outside of. Wasn't this the egos' home? Yes, it was! This was his last known location before being kidnapped. Through that door were all his friends. Some 10 minutes walk from here was his family. He'll be able to see them all again. He's... free. At least, he hopes he is. This could all be some cruel trick. However, he'll fall for it if there is even a chance of briefly see his loved ones. A man in a blue vest answers the door. Looks like Sean has been creating again. Marvin and Chase both startle at the sight of him. They are eager to assure him they tried to save him back in August. He's aware and thanks them for their efforts. Jackie instead descends into hysterics. It's understandable. The last time they'd seen each other, Jackie had been dead. When things calm down a little, he is introduced to Robbie, Shawn and Jameson. He learns of Dr Jacksepticeye's existence but honestly, that is the least of his concerns. He needs to see how Jack is doing. He's seen plenty of people unconscious in hospital beds. This is different. This is a friend. When Henrik asks how the others have been caring for him, they explain they've been doing their best to keep him stable. That had been where Dr Jacksepticeye came in. He learns it is early May, meaning he's been gone for 9 dreadful months. Chase offers to go with him as he returns home. It's comforting to have a familiar presence accompanying him. Chase won't say much about Elias or his sisters. 'They can tell you in person', he assures the father who can't get home fast enough. Once the two of them reach the house, the most Chase does is ring the doorbell. When Leonie answers, the younger man smiles. "Guess who I found." Leonie can't hug Henrik hard enough. He can't muster the courage to loosen his hold on her either. Even if the force she's exerting isn't gentle, he's grateful he's simply able to have her arms around him in the first place. She tells him to wait for her to pick their children up from school. Before she sets out from the door, she hands him a top and tracksuit bottoms. It's what he wore when he'd had an impossibly long shift. It's normality. Moreover, it's not the scrubs he's been stuck with for nine months. Elias hangs back, refusing to believe it. Leonie makes an unnecessary comment about Henrik returning in time for their son's birthday. Oh yes, he deliberately came home for Elias' birthday. The one furthest from August. Did she think he wanted to miss either of Heidi or Alina's birthdays? Still, he went missing shortly before one birthday and returned shortly before another's. That was something. His son eventually is released from his stupor when he sees his sisters embracing their father. Heidi is unsure how to react either. She approaches him slowly, as if she's unsure he's truly there. Alina racing past her encourages her to trust reality. It's a good thing he has two arms. Alina doesn't waste a second gawping. She sprints at full speed in her school uniform. The entire weekend is spent being dragged away to read. She's five now. She's able to read simple sentences. He'd been looking forward to reading books with her, the same as he had with her siblings, but this... this was so much more special than he could have imagined it would be a year ago. Ten days following his return, he stands in the kitchen of the egos' home. He sips coffee as he watches the others go about their day. He's been monitoring Marvin after a visit to his Grandmom resulted in stomach issues. Chase heads out the door, off to bring his children home for the weekend. It's only later that they realise they never should have let the vlogging father leave.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #henrik von schneeplestein #creator au #my writing #writersofjack #tw gore #tw kidnapping #tw illness #tw death mention #tw medical procedures #okay the captivity part is pretty weak #you can tell I used all my good ideas for Jackie's captivity #that said I am quite proud of how the KJSE bit came out #so yeah... I tried

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