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#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty
oatbugs · 18 days
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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avengerscompound · 5 years
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Bucky’s Little Wingman
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Bucky’s Little Wingman: A Bucky Barnes Fanfic
Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x  F!Reader (Feat: Kobik)
Word Count:  1175
Rating:  T
Warnings:  None
Synopsis:  Every day at the park Bucky and Kobik see you with your dog. One day Kobik decides it’s time for you to meet.
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Bucky’s Little Wingman
Bucky pushed Kobik on the swing.  She kept asking to go higher, though he didn’t know why considering she allowed herself to float several inches off the seat with every change in direction.  He obliged though and now her screams were drawing the attention of everyone around.  The fact she was glowing and flying probably adding to the general attraction of the event too.  There was a time, Bucky would be worried about it.  Where he’d stop and tell her she needed to relax.  His attitudes had changed a bit now he had legal custody of her.
Also right now, he was distracted by you.
He’d been noticing you in the park on and off for the last couple of months.  You came in with your dog and the two of you would sit under a tree while you ate lunch and read.  You always looked so at peace out in the sun.  Even when you were reading a book that made you weep openly - something you never hid, and your border collie always started wiggling and licking your face when it happened - you looked alive and present.  The sun and the nature found in the park seemed to feed you.  It made you thrive.
Bucky was drawn to it.  It seemed so familiar to him.  A reminder of who he once was way back before he had been spoiled by the darkness of the world.
“I’m gonna fly!”  Kobik yelled and on the upwards swing she let go and flew up into the air.  She somersaulted and floated down in front of Bucky’s face.  “Bucky!  Did you see?  Did you see me, Buck-a-roo?”
“Yes, Kobik.  I saw.  You shot right off into space.”  Bucky said, grabbing the little girl around the waist and settling her on his hip.
“It wasn’t space, Bucky.”  Kobik huffed.  Her little voice conveying how ridiculous she thought he was.  “I could go to space if I wanted.”
Bucky booped her nose and looked back over at you.  The flying child incident had caught your eye and you smiled at him before returning to your book.  “I know that, silly.”  He said.
Kobik followed his line of vision to where you were sitting.  “You’re looking at her again.”
Bucky’s eyes snapped back to Kobik.  “What?  No, I wasn’t.”
“Yes, you were.  You should go talk to her.”  Kobik said.
“I - I - She’s just …”  Bucky stuttered putting the little girl back on the ground.
“I could make it that you already did talk to her and she said she’d go on a date with you.”  Kobik squeaked jumping up and down excitedly.  “Oh - oh!  Buck!  Bucky!  Buck-a-roo!  I can make it so that you’re already married and you’re both my mommy and daddy!”
“Woah!”  Bucky yelped, crouching down in front of her and putting his hands on her arm.  “Woah, now, Kobik.  How many times?”
“I just want you to be happy.”  She whined.
“I am happy,”   Bucky argued.  Though the words felt a little like a lie.  Not that he was unhappy exactly.  He was doing much better recently.  He’d been in therapy.  He had his friends.  Kobik.  Still, that real happiness he used to have when he was young, and going out with his friends.  Seeing girls.  That felt like a dream he once had a long time ago.
“I’ll talk to her,”  Kobik said, pulling out of his arms and running over to you.
Jemima your border collie sat up as soon as she got to you and started wagging her tail.   “Hello, I’m Kobik.”  The little ethereal looking girl said smiling brightly at you.
“Hello, Kobik.  I’ve seen you and your dad around the park.” You reply.
“He’s not my dad.  I don’t have parents because I was made out of bits of these magic cubes.  But Bucky takes care of me.  I live with him at the Avengers.”  Kobik babbled.
“Oh-kay…”  You said dragging out the word and looking from her to the dark-haired man who was just coming up behind her.
“Kobik!”  Bucky yelped, coming up behind her.  “What have I told you about dumping your whole life story onto complete strangers.”
Kobik looked up at him with her brows knitted.  “Nothing.  You’ve never told me anything about that.”
“Oh.  Right.  Well, you shouldn’t do it.”  He said.  “That’s a slow trickle over time story.”  He turned to you and dropped his head, smiling apologetically.  “Sorry, miss.”
“This is Bucky.  He was born like a hundred years ago and he fought in the war with Captain America.  I call him Uncle Steve.  One day he fell off a train and his arm broke off and HYDRA got him.  You know HYDRA?  They had me too.  I thought they were the good guys but then Buckaroo made me realize they were really mean.  They gave him this cool metal arm.  You should see it.  Show it to her, Buck!  It’s really cool and super strong.  But they also messed with his head and made him do some real bad stuff.  He won’t tell me.  But I know.  I pretty much know everything.  They made him kill people and stuff.  They used him for so long.  I don’t even know.  Like a million years probably.  Then Uncle Steve helped him be good again.  Then he found me and now he takes care of me and helps the Avengers.”
Kobik spoke at a million miles a minute and as the words all tumbled from her mouth the look of horror on Bucky’s face became deeper and deeper.  When she stopped talking you’re both just stared at her with your mouths hanging open.  “Okay.”  You said, blinking slowly.
“Kobik!”  Bucky yelped.  “Oh my god!  The not dumping the whole life story goes doubly for my life story!”   He dragged his hand down his face and shook his head.  “I’m so sorry.  I’m so, so sorry.”  He said to you.  “I guess that’s our cue to leave.  Sorry for bothering you.”
He took Kobik’s hand and started to lead her away.  She looked back at you and waved and for a moment you were just frozen watching them not knowing what to say.  “No.  Bucky!  Wait!”  You called, getting to your feet.  Jemima jumped up with you and started bouncing around you.
Bucky turned back to you raising an eyebrow.  “Yeah?”
“It doesn’t seem fair that I know your entire life story and you don’t know mine.”  You said raising your eyebrow.
Bucky shuffled in place and looked down at his feet before he looked up and met your eyes.  “Would you like to go grab some lunch?”  He asked.
“Oh, at least lunch.  I don’t talk nearly as fast as Kobik.”  You replied.
Bucky smiled and Kobik ran over and grabbed your hand.  “Come on then, let’s go!  Can I play with your dog?  What’s your her name?  Does she like treats? Can I give her one?  I can make them if she likes them.”
You laughed and closed your hand around Kobik’s and started to introduce yourself properly.
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shardclan · 7 years
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The group could be easily spotted by the bonfire. Where they previously would have avoided making one pre-emptively, they had finally arrived at the edge of the Tangled Wood. They weren't safe, but a strong fire would ward off many curious creatures that were undoubtedly watching the mill around as the sun set. Tawny whispered a faint prayer. The fire would be well fed tonight, it seemed.
Heliantheae, Maragi, Willow, Ashes, Rose, and Ismene were all sprawled out, dealing with different illnesses with different rates of success. Coagulum stayed focused on the coatls. They were small and her blood magic could work best on them. Haematica and Rainforest took turns dealing with the four imperials, silently praying that they didn't merge on the way to their death. Maleficent and Saga were somber and silent now that they were so near the Driftwood Drag, and brought water and food as requested. Both noticed a dark shape passing by them, and neither one stopped him.
"What a sorry state of affairs," he said from the shadows.
Ismene groaned. "Oh gods, not you."
Carnelian stood over his daughter where she lay sweating and sickly. He caught the shape of Riley trying to dart behind Haematica, but he ignored her. "How'd you manage to screw up this bad?"
"Oh you know, sticking my neck out for cute girls, the usual." She glanced up and saw the look he was giving her. "I’m serious; I took a hit for Willow."
He snorted. "You're an idiot. Haematica, a word with you?"
The skydancer stalked over. "Good to see you well, Carnelian."
"Same to you. I've been on a case, I saw a light at the Observatory a couple nights ago and now here you all are, and y’all are looking pretty dead. What the hell happened?"
"It all happened rather quickly, but it seemed that Lutia activated the Chalcedony Circle."
Carnelian leaned back. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't that. "What for?"
"Horizon," rasped Ashes, from where he lay next to his wife. "Teacher...would only get so...mad...if it was for...Horizon."
"I suppose Riley hasn't told you anything?"
"I haven't asked," said Haematica. "A bunch of fools ran into the plague lands. I came as a medic. They've kept me very busy."
Carnelian swiped his daughter's hat. "I can see that. How bad is it?"
"It's different for each of them so--"
He waved a hand to stop her. "No no, you didn't understand me. I don't care about them." He tipped his head toward Ismene. "How is THIS idiot?"
Haematica looked at Ismene, and back to the other imperials all laid out. She rubbed roughly at her beak. "We don't have the medicine, the facilities, or the time for any of them, and she's the worst off."
He looked down at his daughter. 'Was Willow already sick when you took that hit for her?"
"Yeah..."
He cursed under his breath, but he seemed more annoyed than anything. He lit a cigar, and sat next to his daughter. "Discontinue treatment on Ismene. Maybe you can save one of the other idiots."
"I'm a doctor I can't just--!"
Ismene waved her off this time. "It's fine, Hae. If I'd known I was dragging down the curve, I'd have told you the same. You got limited resources, spend them saving somebody else."
Haematica looked between the two of them until she was sure they were both serious and understood what they were asking her to do. It was against every drop of her plague blood to let someone give up on survival. But it was also incredibly pragmatic, and the part of her that wanted to save as many as she could respected that. She gave them a stiff, thankful curtsy, and left them alone.
Ismene rolled onto her side, getting comfortable now that she knew she just had to ride it out. "What's your game old man?"
"No game."
"Then what are you doing sitting here? I'm trying to get on with dying." She sneered. "Or are you feeling something for your little pirate baby?"
"I am feeling something." He blew out a ring of smoke. "But I think it's probably just nausea. You smell like something the Plaguebringer puked up."
"I'm so sorry I offend your delicate nose, I’m just decaying from the inside is all."
"Apology accepted." He shoved his cigar into her mouth before she could work up something smart to say. "Enjoy that, I'll be back."
"What is this, Suncliff?" She sucked experimentally, getting a taste of the smoke. "Eugh, Sweet Bramble. You're gross."
"You like that spearmint stuff, you don't get to talk about bad taste. Just shut up  and smoke for a minute."
She watched him go with a furrowed brow. He was acting like himself, but something wasn't quite right. Her worry intensified when he came back with his banner in his hand and soaking wet and a bunch of spathiphyllums in his mouth.
"What are you--"
"Shut up and enjoy the cigar, Ismene."
He spat the flowers into the sopping banner, and folding it. He gave the material a vigorous rub, until the light, floral scent blended in with the smoke around both of them. Ismene leaned away as he reached out to wipe her down with it.
"Woah there dad, you hardly even bathed me when I was a cub."
"Ismene..."
"No no, this is weird, why are you acting like this? Just because I'm dying? Buzz off, old man."
He pinched the cigar from her mouth and flicked it into the bonfire.
"See that's more like it, now  just--"
He threw the sopping banner into her face. It wrapped around her with a loud, wet THWAP!. While she was still stunned, but before it could begin to suffocate her, he reclaimed it and started scrubbing her down.
"I already told you, you stink. You want me to tell people that the you died in the dirt smelling like an outhouse? That's embarrassing for both of us." He glared down into her face. "I want to be able to say that the Fair Pirate Ismene died with her feet up, smoking a cigar and smelling of flowers."
Ismene let him scrub her out of pure confusion. He was washing under her wings when she finally said: "Hold on, you didn't put any beauties in that story. Are you about to tell them I died not surrounded by pretty women?"
He glanced around at the present female company and pursed his lip. "I think I can swing that without lying. Riley brings down the curve a bit though."
"Keep your blood feuds out of my obituary. I died with my feet up--" She reached up, snatching her hat off his head. "--and my hat down, smoking a cigar and smelling of flowers while a beautiful woman wept."
Carnelian glanced to the side, where Willow and Rose lay. Well...they were weeping, even if it didn't have anything to do with Ismene. "Done."
Ismene coughed, and spat out something in a particularly ugly shade of greenish brown. She curled her lip and held up a hand expectantly. "I believe you threw my cigar away."
"You're not gonna die before I'm done washing you." He threw a sprig of cindermint her way. "Chew that, clean your mouth out."
"Palate cleanser?" she asked, stuffing her mouth with the spicy cool mint. "You got something better than Sweet Brambles?"
"Gold case."
Her eyes widened. The gold case was something he kept under his pelt, and it contained a single cigar meant for him if he ever found himself in a situation where death was imminent. She'd never managed to figure out exactly what was in it, but her mind reeled with the possibilities.
It also reeled with the finality of what was happening to her. She laid down her head, and quietly chewed her mint. When the taste became bitter, she spat it out and limp and compliant while her father wiped the stench of sickness from her as best he could.
"I'm glad you're here, old man..."
For a split second, his hands faltered. "...You say something, kid?"
She smiled. "I said your bedside manner is awful."
"Yeah," he grunted. "I thought so."
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