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#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen
oatbugs
·
19 days
Text
the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but
#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they
#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc
#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant
#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look
#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway
#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else
#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home
#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty
#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air
#med school students walking to their lectures
#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now
#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven
#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen
#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you
#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO
#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!
#anyway im like . sane.
#i just . felt like it was over
#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself
#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too
#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW
#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND
#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!
#anyway
#standing up it just feels so
#exhausting
#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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