#i just wanted to find a version with a male singer and male lyrics for the post to make sense lol
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Some people will tell you that every copy of Fulgrim's bestselling album of acoustic cover songs was destroyed during the Heresy. This is a lie.
If you find a song that has some genuine ✨️vibes✨️ as well as containing a relevant shitpost tier joke, you may consider yourself truly blessed:
#fulgrim x ferrus#fulgrimposting#I like the original Emeli Sandé version too btw#i just wanted to find a version with a male singer and male lyrics for the post to make sense lol
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The Imperial Phase
“Left to My Own Devices” (1988)
Pet Shop Boys
Parlophone / EMI Records
(Written by Tennant / Lowe)
Highest U.S. Billboard Chart Position – No. 84
I was faced with a choice at a difficult age
Would I write a book?
Or should I take to the stage?
But in the back of my head I heard distant feet
Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat
- from “Left to My Own Devices”
“We had been so disciplined at making four-minute pop singles, with the exception of "It's a Sin", which is five minutes. The idea was to have an album where every track was a single
- Pet Shop Boys on the idea behind Introspective
I used to joke with a friend that the two albums in Pet Shop Boys catalog that sat next to one another could have swapped their titles: Introspective (1988) could have been titled Behaviour (1990), and vice versa. Introspection is from the Latin (“to look within”), and I guess this kind of works; an album titled Self Referential would not be nearly as catchy, if more accurate. Oddly, I always thought of introspection as being related to looking backwards, like nostalgia; in the case of the Pet Shop Boys it is perhaps just a case of inverse-ness (gay people were once called inverts), or even a thoughtful kind of literal thinking. But who knows, they could have just pulled the title out of a bag. The duo was never averse to fashion.
The album (if you are unware) consists of six extended tracks, and unlike the quote above, only 4 of them were released as singles, “Domino Dancing”, “Devices”, “Always on My Mind” (which preceded the record and was presented in a much different version), and “It’s Alright”. “It’s Alright” and “Always on My Mind” are covers, “I Want a Dog” and “I’m Not Scared” are recycled cuts, so the album only contained two original songs, “Domino Dancing” (a huge hit all over the world) and “Devices” (an even bigger hit in the UK, but not in the US). Like the EP Disco, an earlier collection of 6 extended cuts, it treated the form with respect, but also expanded the idea of what a proper album could be. To my mind it is easily one of their very best, most original, and certainly most popular (internationally it is their best seller ever). I love every track (with a small mark off for “It’s Alright”, which does grow a little tedious), but none as much as “Left to My Own Devices”, which is formally audacious and endlessly, thrillingly queer from a gay male perspective.
I was faced with a choice at a difficult age
Would I write a book?
Or should I take to the stage?
Back to the idea of introspection, most young gay men have an intense inner life, and we of a certain generation (coming of age in the 1970s and 1980s) were forced to find our culture on our own. “Left to My Own Devices” is a catalogue of the thoughts and ideas that might roam around in a bachelor’s world. One of the slyer things about the song is that most of it is spoken word. Here we find Neil rapping (again!) but instead of trying to create the beat the effect is more like reportage than singing. The lyrics, as usual, are a collage of ideas carefully cut and pasted to create an atmosphere of bourgeois dandyism (“I phone up a friend who’s a party animal”, “we’ll do some shopping”)—I mean, there is a lot of tea drinking in these lyrics, and I can never be sure that this is either very gay, very British, or both. I think the Pet Shop Boys, song to song, are generally more in search of a tone where content is concerned, and I also think that tone is always meant to elude you a bit. As long as you are dancing I don’t think they care what you think, and one sure thing about Introspective is that this certainly is a dance record, and not well understood as one of the most purchased and successful House records ever made, and if you are ever in any doubt of that, please focus on the opening of “Left to My Own Devices”, where they employed an actual opera singer (Sally Bradshaw) to sing the word “house” over and over again as if it were an aria.
All of this can be seen as sardonic (their infamous “irony”) but I always prefer to think of it as sophistication; at the very least, Pet Shop Boys take their ideas and music seriously. If you read my blog post on Chic’s “Good Times” you can easily understand the courage of performing this style of music in earnest in a world of the backlash that “Disco Sucks” created, which effectively took the bubbles out the late 70s, forced an entire world of music underground, and ironically exploded the genre into many different forms, some of which this record preserves. There is a level of irony abounding in “Left to My Own Devices”; aside from the gay thing, perhaps that subversiveness is built into the genre of disco music itself. The track did not really chart in the US outside of the clubs, but that hardly mattered: one could really enjoy Introspective as a gestalt, one long thought, or even one long track. Whenever I find that I have an itch to listen to the album it is inevitably for the opening of “Devices”, where amidst a full symphony Neil opens with “I get out of bed at half past ten” and then proceeds to take you on a long ride describing a mundane day conducted by the best producers and mixers in the world. It is the transformation of the mundane into the extraordinary, and also the testament of an inner life revealed. In contrast to the general success of the album, perhaps “Left to My Own Devices” is the real innovation of the 6 tracks; it may not be the most American, or the most well-known, but being an invert myself, I must say: I rather like it that way. Is it an irony that a disco record can make one feel seen? Maybe not. To some of us, hiding in plain sight just comes naturally.
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Behaviour (1990).
Tennant later regretted the release of Introspective so soon after the previous album, Actually, feeling that it pigeon-holed them as a dance act. The melancholy follow-up, Behaviour, generally considered to be their finest achievement, was a relative failure.
I was surprised to learn that “The imperial phase” was actually put into the vernacular by Neil Tennant. The imperial phase is the period in which a musical artist is regarded to be at their commercial and creative peak simultaneously, and was coined to describe the group's feelings on their career circa "Domino Dancing" (1988). Critic Tom Ewing described three criteria for defining an artist's imperial phase as "command, permission, and self-definition".
It was genius producer Trevor Horn who came up with the line “Debussy to a disco beat” tossing it off while laying down a track. Tennant, ever the historian, collaged it into the song, and gave Horn a writing credit on the b-side “The Sound of the Atom Splitting” as compensation.
Apparently, Neil Tennant’s mother was upset at hearing him sing “I was a lonely boy, no strength, no joy, in a world of my own” but it seems that this is just a character he was play acting: he apparently had a happy childhood.
"In a secret life I was a Roundhead general" – [In British history] the "Roundheads" were the pro-Parliamentary forces during the English Civil War of the mid-1600s. The name "Roundheads" came from the fact that they generally wore their hair trimmed short, unlike their opponents, the long-haired "Cavaliers" who supported King Charles I. (And in case you're not up on your British history, Charles I was ultimately defeated, deposed, and beheaded.) Again, Neil has pointed out that, as a child, he himself would actually have been far more sympathetic to the Cavaliers (in contrast to his more anti-royalist sympathies as an adult).
- (Directly quoted from geowayne.com)
Pet Shop Boys are still recording. Nonetheless, the Boys 15th studio album, was released April 26th, 2024 to near universal praise.
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This post was written using analog techniques to collate facts. After deciding on a topic, one Wikipedia entry will naturally suggest another, and then I let those concepts create an environment of creative association rather than mere fact finding. I do cross reference sources to find what is most interesting. While some small details may be disputable, none is used for any other reason than to open up the idea at hand, and to support the belief that most pop songs are indeed works of art, with the great ones renewing themselves endlessly.
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Hi BPP,
I how you are well.
I like you enough and feel safe enough to send this to you without the fear of getting crucified. Is Seven really a song worth of a Grammy? Like it's a pretty average song with multiple remixes. I personally didn't think Butter or Dynamite were worth a Grammy either. Maybe dynamite slightly because it was a shock to get a song like that from BTS plus a cultural reset of some sort but I feel the same way about them the way I feel about Seven. Generic song that could be passed as white people singing for generic radio if there wasn't noticeable accent. Plus the reason we have been able to stay on number one is because we have do many versions similar to what Dynamite and Butter had. It's not really a cultural reset of any sort. Now people might come at me and say I am an anti but I am not really. I feel like BTSs musical set standards are so bloody high. A song like Black Swan deserves a GRAMMY. Even a song like ON does but I don't know if I think their English songs do. The quality decreases a lot with their english releases. I found seven to be the worst out of those releases but PTD to me was equally as bad. I once apologise if I come across rude and antis but honestly, that's exactly how I feel. I hope I didn't anger you too much BPP.
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You really shouldn't be so concerned about potentially pissing me off. For one thing I'm just a fan like you, what I'm saying is fair game to be picked apart if there's a better argument. And two, it takes a lot to actually piss me off. I'm not sensitive to seeing the members I like and BTS as a whole get dragged through filth because I know they're the real deal. Also don't take pointers for my opinions from k-pop stans on Twt/Tumblr in any case.
That said, I agree with you Seven is a garbage song compared to everything else we've gotten in Chapter 2. I said as much when I first talked about it.
Everybody can see what BigHit is going for here: a catchy summer pop tune to register enough in the wider American consciousness so the Academy sees a win for JK as the only reasonable option.
The mistake the suits in BigHit are making though, is that they've not first done the work to find out what will make a memorable mark in the American mainstream consciousness today. Is it a catchy, inoffensive, sugary song from another high-tenor male singer with his chest out and his pants saggy?
No.
People have made memes and compilations of that exact type of song. It's a working formula but, BigHit failed to note the sorts of artists that formula works for. For BTS, it's going to have to be something with more oomph. The problem for BTS is their fluency. They make sick music but converting that cadence and lyricism to English, can be difficult. Usually, this is where a good A&R guy would come in. Someone who has kept his fingers to the pulse to know what the public wants before they say it, someone who knows the people making the sort of engaging music BTS self-writes and produces. But so far that person has missed the mark.
Seven is a very well-made song. I actually stream it often for enjoyment now with the versions (Explicit, Band, and Festival mix), but American mainstream has heard a song exactly like it every year for something like 2 decades now. JK deserves better than that.
I'd have loved something grittier, maybe a song referencing cigarettes and blunts since he might be into that anyway. Like, JK can do angsty. We've seen him pour every emotion into those bunny eyes to steal hearts and attention. I wish they attempted something more daring than Seven for JK, though I understand why they ultimately chose it.
It'd be nice if they rethought their strategy IMO, because that's the only problem here. BTS have still got it. I just played, in order, RUN BTS, Dis-ease, FTMR, My Universe (Suga's remix) - all songs released in the middle of the PET, and they're all very good. Finding an English song with that spirit shouldn't be difficult for a skilled A&R agent. BigHit needs to get better bang for their buck.
The Grammys as an institution doesn't have the cache it used to. It very much is a local award, and my interest in continuing to know what goes on is tied only to the melodrama that is Bangtan's chances there. Plus a few other groups'. The Grammys are already so shit that if we're keeping it a buck, they deserve a song like Seven. Masterpieces like SMF Pt 2 and Change Pt 2 are beyond their range. That's music that's best heard in an arena, where you're surrounded by other fans and having the time of your life. That's not music you subject yourself to watching that stuffiness and ads marathons for.
Okay I'm rambling lol.
Anyway, Seven is what Jungkook got and he's done a phenomenal job with it. Opening a Tiktok account and using it to promote Seven was brilliant. His voice is very good on it and the choreo kinda slaps. So, not being a total grouch, I hope Jungkook gets some recognition. Seven has good chances and I hope it works out for him.
I'm not holding my breath though. If another group gets a nomination, I'm nearly certain they'll be winning it over JK. Just my little unpopular opinion.
I hope that regardless of what happens at the next Grammys, more ARMYs develop a firm apathy for anything related to it, regardless of whether results are positive or negative for BTS. This is getting to be a major drag when we should be focusing more and positively on the guys.
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👾
Kasander :) (giving both links because the translation on YouTube is fanmade and I assume not on Spotify, but I also transcribed it below the cut)
(Edit: or I did at one point before it suddenly vanished while I tried to fix the Spotify link. So here we find ourselves with no Spotify embedded thingy and no cut. I'm very tired)
youtube
Of the approximately seven songs I oscillate between calling the "most Kasander one on the playlist" this is probably the real winner. It's hopeful, but not in a sweet or passive way. It's bright and shimmery and full of intense drive- that's something in the lyrics too. Don't avert your gaze! That burning, relentless idealism and momentum is what makes it to me. If I kept going I'd probably just point at every line and go "see? see? see?" haha. At any rate, it feels like a song about saving someone else and also saving yourself- exactly right for the character.
(it's also one of the songs that I have multiple versions of on the playlist for some reason. if you want for whatever reason to hear a singer who is human and male)
(Lyrics- Draft Coleena Wu, Revision StoneGod)
I wonder
How long I’ll be able to keep up the act
Will I be able to say “goodbye”
When I get the urge to go home?
Even if the signs I’d overlooked that day
Melt away little by little
I’m sure it’ll be alright, because
Just like this, we’ll be able to meet again
I close my eyes
I wonder if it’s too late
To leave the tiniest of wishes
Will I be able to say “I’m home”
When the light returns?
I must go
If it’s more beautiful
Than any other in the world
There’s only one thing to do
And that’s to take back
All that’s been stolen from us!
Please
Make me dizzy
Round and round, the other way ‘round
Show me swaying
Right and left, back and forth
Be bright and brilliant
Glimmer and glisten, shine and shimmer
(Ohhh)
Softly
I summon forth
The wounded night
And on it I cast
A single small magic spell
And just like that,
We can fly!
(Ohhh)
Don’t avert your gaze!
Keep it straight
Nothing will be able
To stop us at this point
Until the magic wears off,
Until then,
Hold on tight! To my hand,
My hand!
I’ll leave
Not a single one behind
Reclaim everything,
As simple as that!
Until the magic wears off,
Until then,
Hold on tight! To my hand, my hand!
My hand!
[It’s impossible in the first place
Not to commit a single crime
And so, at least keeping it hidden,
Is what we decided to call “Honest”]
There’s only one thing to do
And that’s to take back
All that’s been stolen from us!
Softly
I summon forth
The wounded night
And on it I cast
A single small magic spell
And just like that,
We can fly!
(Ohhh)
Please
Make me dizzy
Round and round, the other way ‘round
Show me swaying
Right and left, back and forth
Be bright and brilliant
Glimmer and glisten, shine and shimmer
(Ohhh)
Don’t avert your gaze!
Keep it straight
Nothing will be able
To stop us at this point
Until the magic wears off,
Until then,
Hold on tight! To my hand,
My hand!
I’ll leave
Not a single one behind
Reclaim everything,
As simple as that!
Until the magic wears off,
Until then,
Hold on tight! To my hand, my hand!
My hand!
#I'll admit that when I scheduled that post I um. forgot that I had Several Hours of things I had to do after work#whoops#sorry it's a little late I totally thought this was going to be quick and easy#anyway yeah big paladin song. yay!!#this is really my hatsune miku trap card.#ask game#ask me emithing#kasander#arendaes#EDIT: I'M FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE AGAINST SPOTIFY TO MAKE THE LINK WORK I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO DO THIS#EDIT 2: I GIVE UP. THE EVIL WEBSITE HAS BESTED ME. WHATEVER FUCKING SIZE IT PASTES AT NEXT IS HOW IT STAYS#edit 3: it's just going to be a hyperlink now and we're all going to live with that. we're all going to deal with it.
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What would you guys think if they made a gender-bend version of Phantom of the Opera? Like how would it work? Would the story progress differently because the roles are switched? Would the time period their in play any factors? ( Mainly because it took place in the late 1800's , and y'know... sexism) Would the ending be different???
But most importantly; would the songs and the lyrics change? ( Most obvious yes because the pronouns would be switched )
Allow me to give my version of what would most likely happen
- Christine Daae as a male would be Christopher Daae or Christoph Daae for short. What was once a deceased father is now a deceased mother and since Christine was a low-key daddy's girl, it's obvious that the guy version would be a mama's boy. Christopher would still retain the same kind, gentle, shy and compassionate demeanor as Christine but gets teased for being too shy for a guy. Let's just say he's considered quite effeminate by the standards of the late 1800's. His story would progress similarly as Christine's, going from a ballet dancer to a lead singer that's stalked to having to choose between two choices of lovers that could result in life or death, the usual. When it comes to the musical moments, i think Christop would either be a countertenor or a baritone hypothetically speaking.
- Raoul de Chagy would be known as Rochelle de Chagy, a Viscount now a Viscountess. Like Raoul, she would probably have suppressed feelings for her childhood friend and became a patron to the theatre that Christoph was in just so she could watch him perform. (Here's where I'll change the plot a tiny bit) Rochelle will try to use money and her status to solve everything and even tries to get Christop to quit the theatre and come live with her, she even tries to pay the phantom large amounts of money to leave her and Christop alone (suprise, phantom doesn't want the money, only Christoph). We all know that Raoul kinda gaslit Christine into thinking that the phantom was just in her head, so Rochelle would likely do the same thing but instead of gaslighting Christop, she would just disregard Christop's fear and calls him a coward, even telling him to 'man up'. During the scene where Raoul had to venture down to the phantom's lair and almost gets hanged, Rochelle wouldn't be in the same exact situation but will face the same difficulties (ex: instead of getting tied up and hanged, the phantom would likely threaten Rochelle with a rifle)
Madame Giry's only change to her name is from a Madame to a Monsieur. Monsieur Giry would still be a strict ballet instructor. He would have a son and be the adoptive father of Christoph. The only difference is that Monsieur Giry has a limp in his leg, that's why he walks with a cane. Monsieur Giry would still be the phantom's messenger and have history with the phantom. He rescued the phantom when he was still a young ballet dancer
Meg Giry would be, i guess Montaigne Giry ( I have no idea what's the male counterpart for the name Meg so Montaigne will do). He would be the best friend to Christoph. Unlike most people in Christoph's life, he doesn't make fun of Christoph's soft demeanor. I think that Montaigne would find the phantom's lair at one point and the phantom catches him and could possibly use him as leverage against Christoph. There was one scene where the phantom hanged a backstage crew member during a performance. In this version, the female phantom would drug Montaigne and hand him instead. This results in isolating Christopher as his best friend is now dead.
Last but not least is the phantom himself, or should I say herself. Eric the phantom will now be known as Erica. She has the same backstory as her male counterpart and with younger Monsieur Giry rescuing her. Since her only connection to the outside world is through Monsieur Giry, a guy. Erica was mostly provided with male clothing and she wore pants as it was easier to traverse the theatre and the sewers much quieter. Eventually she would watch the female performers sing and teach herself the craft as well. Not only did opera come to her naturally, but she was a master at writing plays and songs, producing many plays that would earn the theatre fame and fortune. She had the voice of a siren, able to hypnotise
#phantom of the opera gender bend#phantom#phantom of the opera#gender bent#gender bend au#poto musical#poto au#alternate universe#au#phantom of the opera au#what if#female phantom#fandom#fanfic#fanfic prompt
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GT July Day 8 Bonus:
Slightly related to today's short story, my very dear and good friend @neonthebright shared a song with me recently that wasn't even on my radar. The second I heard it, my entire heart sank into Zepheera/Orrick feels. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out their love story in Zepheera's Origins, chapters 4 onwards specifically.
I'm a music lover first and foremost, and I've already associated certain songs with my star-crossed lovers. This one is less diegetic than ones I've put into the stories, but it still gave me big ol feelings. I figured I'd share if anyone else cares and is as masochistic as me.
The song was the re-imagining of "Just A Dream" by Nelly. Specifically, the recent re-recording.
Emotional flailing under the cut. Tl;dr:
From the get-go, it's an emotional song because this video is spliced with old footage of the original cover made almost 13 years ago. Footage of the late Christina Grimmie. The male singer Sam Tsui and the instrumentalist Kurt Hugo Schneider returned for the re-recording. The original cover is also outstanding, but the vibe from them both in this new version is much more somber and heavy with the loss of Christina. So that's already crying points.
Then there's the added dynamic of the male and female singers that immediately invoked in me the feeling of lovers who adore each other so much but cannot be together, which hits so much different than the single perspective of the original. Made it very easy for me to insert my most tragic M/F couple into their roles.
I want to preface my next statement by saying that I was not aware of Christina Grimmie or her death before this song was shown to me, and it is the farthest thing from my intention to disrespect her memory or her admirers with my words. That being said, the age difference between her 12-year-old footage and the others' re-recordings brings to my mind the entire reason Zepheera left Orrick to begin with. She was stuck in time, fated to be forever youthful, and was terrified by the notion of watching the person she loved age away while she stayed the same and had to deal with being left without him.
And don't even get me started on the lyrics! They're not always exact, but some of them just Hit Me in the Heart, guys. First there's the chorus, which they always sing together.
I was thinking about you
Thinking about me
Thinking about us
What we gonna be
Open my eyes
It was only just a dream
Travel back, down that road
Will you come back?
No one knows
I realize
It was only just a dream
Changing the gendered pronouns throughout (most) of the song to "you" adds a more personal touch in my opinion, not just relating this story to someone else but wishing that the subject themselves could hear them. Adds an emotional urgency to it for me.
Lots of Orrick feels in the first verse (skimming through the less relevant lyrics):
I was at the top and now it's like I'm in a basement
Number one spot, now you find you a replacement
I swear now that I can't take it
(...) Now you ain't around, baby, I can't think
(...) 'Cause I can still feel it in the air
See your pretty face, run my fingers through your hair
My lover, my life
My baby, my wife
You left me, I'm tied
'Cause I know that it just ain't right
I can vividly imagine things like this running through Orrick's mind, reeling after being left high and dry.
The second verse related to Zepheera less than Orrick's, mostly because it was initially written from the perspective of a man who pushed a woman away. Even so, there are a few lines that really stuck out to me and stabbed me right in the heart:
Another riding, I swear see your face at every turn
(...) And I just hope you know that you're the only one I yearn for
No wonder I'll be missing when I learn
(...) Hey, you were so easy to love
But wait I guess our love wasn't enough
Going through it every time that I'm alone
(...) 'Cause I was wrong
She knows that leaving Orrick behind was a horrible thing. She knows that, and she did it anyway because she couldn't face losing him the long way around. Not when she couldn't carry the burden of aging alongside him like normal people and partners do.
And if that wasn't enough, they hit us with this bridge:
If you ever loved somebody, put your hands up
If you ever loved somebody, put your hands up
And now they're gone and you're wishing you could give them everything
The second time this repeats, and I say this without judgement on Christina's crystal clear talent, the way her diction comes across made me think the lyric was "If you ever lost somebody" and just made Everything Hurt.
I have no good way to end this other than to reiterate:
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Florence + the Machine - Ceremonials: Album Review
I can't believe how long it took me to do this, considering the fun I had reviewing Lungs. But late is better than never.
As different songs are present and absent on both the standard and deluxe versions of Ceremonials, I've decided to combine the two. That means Breath of Life is present, along with the bonus tracks. However, I've cut out reviewing the acoustic and demo tracks of songs already present on the album, with the exception of Landscape.
With that said, let's plunge in headfirst!
#1: Only If For A Night
This was inspired by a dream Florence had about her late grandmother, in which she told Florence to, ad verbatim, “concentrate on her perfect career”. It’s such a bittersweet, ethereal song that sets us up so well for recurring themes of loss and grief on this album.
For me, this song is so tame compared to the dive of darkness the album takes later — and even though I like the song overall and love the story it tells, I regret to say that although it works as an opening song I find it the weakest one yet out of all 5 albums so far from a musical standpoint. 6/10.
#2: Shake It Out
HHHHHH. I’m sorry. I can’t stand this one. I feel that this is very much the Dog Days Are Over of Ceremonials, but even Dog Days is enjoyable to listen to. Though I appreciate the triumph in Florence’s vocals and the vow to renew and restart herself in the lyrics, I mostly find the production of this one so overblown that it strips the song of its rightful poignancy, and has thus truthfully never struck that much of a chord with me. 4/10.
#3: What The Water Gave Me
Florence said My Drowning Obsession’s Back, Baby!
The subtle rock beat, harp and shivery yet strong, solid vocals inspired by Virginia Woolf really shine here. Though it doesn’t have as huge or overwhelming a sound as compared to some of the band’s other water songs, there’s no doubt that you still feel Florence’s deep, cavernous body of water lapping at your knees as the harp trills and her voice glides over the surface. 7.5/10.
#4: Never Let Me Go
This song always reduces me to tears. I don’t think I’ve any way to aptly express what exactly this song means to me without having a crisis, so here’s the gist:
It’s a love song, a Don’t Forget About Me song, a grief song, a song about someone making peace with dying even though they’d like to stay and heading back to the source of all life — the arms of the ocean. The lyrics and Florence’s delivery of them are so unbelievably beautiful, sad and mournfully heartfelt. The instrumentals all around enhance the melancholy that just consumes you like a wave, and for this reason I can absolutely understand why Florence avoided performing this for the past 10 years. But nowadays I’m genuinely so glad that she’s in a better place than when she wrote this and is willing to perform it once again. 10/10.
#5: Breaking Down
I know this is meant to be a song about depression but for screwball reasons that even I can’t fully understand, I’ve always thought this song had such “hey there demons it’s me ya boi” vibes. But I can’t help but think that it also describes Florence and the personification of her said depression holding hands so well, like they’re friends keeping each other company, repeating I think I’m breaking down again like a mantra that’s ironically supposed to keep them grounded. And I think that’s a huge mood.
But despite that, I find that I don’t really think very much about this song, and it doesn’t stand out that much in this album. 6/10.
#6: Lover To Lover
The sheer POWER of this song. It’s a fuck-all song, that’s why. There’s no salvation for me now and I’m gonna go to hell, but that’s alright. Florence stated that she wanted to make this song feel like it’s sung by a male soul singer, and thank you Florence because I feel that this showcases one of her most excellent hurricane-force vocals ever. 9/10.
#7: No Light, No Light
Florence delivers a double act here with yet another of her best vocals. She goes from soft morning shy to loud, pounding cathedral voice. I find it so interesting that in both these songs one is about not giving a damn about herself anymore and this one here is about feeling insecure and immensely troubled by love. Coupled with the poetic lyrics conveying feelings of trepidation, of having to face fears and ugly truths, the song is so palpable; the song feels like an almighty plea for some higher power to lighten the pain yet a chastise of a partner who just can’t see eye to eye with her. The duality of this woman. 9/10.
#8: Seven Devils
This song is in hell. It’s so atmospheric and it really feels like a war or disaster is about to rage on. The slow, dark crawl of the drums and piano during the chorus is so skin-crawling, I can feel it drip over me like water. 9/10.
#9: Heartlines
A much-needed levity in the middle of the dark — surprising, but much needed. With upbeat drums, Florence’s inspiring message of simply following your heart and the grand imagery of journeying there delivers. It paints luscious, rejoicing visuals that fittingly feel like a reprieve from the siege that happened in the previous track. Unlike the last time she did a breather song in Lungs (Between Two Lungs after the epic Drumming Song), this song definitely feels more solid, more of its own thing and undoubtedly catchier. 7.5/10.
#10: Spectrum
GAY RIGHTS GAY RIGHTS. It feels so fun and starry and is a proper club-jumper, but because of that this song feels jarringly out of place on this album, even with the lightheartedness of both the preceding and succeeding track. 5.5/10.
#11: All This And Heaven Too
One of the best songs there is about writer’s block. Because what is writer’s block if not your heart trying to express itself with all the best words and then screaming when it can’t. Creation is a divine thing and Florence really makes us feel it with this.
I really adore this from a musical standpoint because it sounds so harmonic and falls into place in a somehow easier way than any other song on this album. And I love how despite it’s really about frustration, Florence sings so hopefully, and why not, because writer’s block is always meant to be temporary and soon we’ll be up and creating again. 9/10.
#12: Leave My Body
I used to be so frightened of this song. Now it’s one of my favourites off the album. In the vein of grieving and with the themes of death on Ceremonials, Florence really does give one final grand moment with this one — it’s so strikingly mournful and has so much strength in it, especially when we discover that this song is how Florence describes the all-encompassing feeling of ascending as she performs live: it appears to be a song about dying and your soul exiting your body, but it’s actually about living purely in the moment and being here now, and I think that is such a beautifully genius, absolutely perfect duality to end the album on. Her melismatic vocals enhance the ocean of sound, both a send-off and yet a fully-live thrumming of the soul. 10/10.
#13: Breath Of Life
Recorded and released for the 2012 film Snow White and the Huntsman, this song is exactly what Florence + the Machine were MADE to do. The annihilating orchestral sound, Florence singing majestically with a backup choir, and the heart-pounding drums make this a brilliant dark fantasy song, albeit more PG than the holy terrors of Seven Devils but on a louder, more majestic-feeling scale. 9/10.
#14: Take Care - BBC Live At Maida Vale
A Drake cover. I did not realise this cover existed until fairly recently this year, but it’s definitely more of a pleasant surprise. In terms of a live cover it sounds much better than Florence’s cover of The Beatles’ Oh! Darling and I like the use of the piano, but when compared to the original song, I find that I like them both an equal amount. 5/10.
#15: Remain Nameless
I can never remember anything about this song. It’s one of the Florence songs I know exist, but always forget about. To me it just sounds so stilted, way too downbeat and repetitive. And I’m sorry, but Florence just sounds like she’s on the verge of falling asleep and jolting awake to go higher at random points. 1.5/10.
#16: Strangeness And Charm
Florence wakes up fully and kicks it up a notch immediately, matching the reactive, almost explosive quality of this chemistry-inspired song. The lyrics here incorporate scientific terms so naturally, combined with the general upbeat quality of the melody and Florence just sounding like she’s having a gas make for a generally cool song! However, as compared to what we’re going to hear next… 6.5/10.
#17: Bedroom Hymns
I’m an asexual, but this song FUCKS SO HARD. This has been my top-played song on Spotify for the past two years. This song is the definition of le petite mort. This song resurrects the dead. This song is both Creation and the Apocalypse. It’s so tight, infectious, demonically horny, shoots both light and darkness out of it all at once, and that howl of Florence’s is primally perfect. 11/10.
#18: Landscape - Demo
This is the most finished demo I have ever heard. It’s almost a pop number with the lively drums and Florence’s striding vocals, but the lyrics speak of a woman seeming to struggle with herself and her mental health, complete with a past that’s not exactly bright. Still, I all around like this one, and is definitely the other track next to Bedroom Hymns that I wish had made it onto the standard version! 7.5/10.
Overview: There's no doubt that this is the band's darkest and most emotionally fraught work to date, with so many songs about death, drowning, and straight-up leaving your body. Florence herself was going through the worst of her own pain and addiction at this era of her life, and thus I think that speaks for itself. Looking back on this album must not be the most joyous experience in the world, and I can't blame her at all.
Ceremonials was my favourite album for the majority of my time as an F+TM fan, because I discovered it during a rough period in my own life and it made me feel truly seen and heard. But that doesn't mean that as I heal and move on I don't love this album as dearly as when I first found it. Ceremonials is made from pain, because of pain, and for that I love it even more for being there when I needed it, with Florence's almighty sound to wash over me and remind me that I should pick myself up while I am very much alive. 9/10.
Stream Ceremonials on Spotify!
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Yes, i’ve downplayed doyoung against others. For me being average and having hardwork to bring you this far is a compliment actually. Sorry about that. No worries, it’s just me being pessimistic, I don’t represent the whole fandom. I asked because I want a different perspective from myself (and that I got, haha). I do have a hard time finding good live for his current title track, beginning, from little wave. I know it’s not going to sound the same as recording but still. Or maybe as the moderator suggest, I actually don’t really like this album? Idk i played it all the time tho. Actually now that I think about it, I don’t like the title track. It doesn’t have natural flow in the melody. Instrument are great. Little light just does not work for me. It’s all over the place. The song doesn’t feel whole. And to see dy struggles to sing it live just doesn’t increase my love for the song. It’s maybe the writer, composer style which is not my preference.
Having a song within his range is not a play safe for me. His normal range is already quite high. I want him to be able to sing good quality lives repeatedly is what I mean because of his tendency to want to perform live as much as he wants. Maybe I have different approach. And songs do not need to have really really high notes to be a good song. But if done well, it would be really good. Or else it would be gimmicky. Anyway thanks for the opinions guys. I don’t agree with all but will take some suggestions to re-evaluate. Will come back again, maybe not in the near future for more discussion (Little light live from zico the season is not bad, yeay)
The people you compared Do to are not born talents either, they also practice a lot. And Whitney would't be Whitney without tens of years of many hours of work every day, watch her interviews.
We can't even measure what is the natural speed of Do's progression. He is so occupied, he barely has time for vocal lessons. Not to mention a lack of good teachers.
Recently I've heard an opinion that the love for lipsyncing and heavy post-processing of "live performances" in k-pop makes people forget how real live singing sounds. In addition, the sound that people hear in the venue and what a mic (of a fansite's camera or the stage one) picks up are two different sounds.
I haven't heard all of live stages yet, but among those I've watched some I liked, I thought Do sounded well, and some not so much.
Doyoung won't improve his live singing skills of whole songs without actually singing live. A lot. In different circumstances and time of the day. He already sounds better than majority of Western male singers.
We, ifans who don't understand Korean (you didn't mention the lyrics so I'm assuming you are one as well), can't wholly perceive a song the way it was intended. Think of instrumental versions of songs stripped of a voice, they are often hard to listen to. I can give you an example of a song in Russian. You probably won't be impressed because the pain and desperation, the emptiness and the will to live despite a thought to kill oneself won't be accesseble to you. And the winter landscape and the city won't resonate either, while I need just a glimpse to imagine how bleak is the whole city, how people freeze on bus stops or dream of the sun and summer, the depression due the lack of vitamins and constant surviving.
Same thing with Do's title. It has a message that we don't hear while listening to the song. Notice that most idols prefer Beginning. It's a song about keeping on singing, reaching other people, it resonates with them, the sentiment
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Week ending: 10 March 1955
Well, those of you following this blog (all none of you, I'm basically writing this for me, but allow me the pretense) will know that I do not like David Whitfield. So imagine my dismay when I looked at this week's offerings. Oh, well - I've been wrong in the past, perhaps I will be again. Perhaps I'm judging David too hastily. Perhaps - oh, who am I kidding?
Beyond the Stars - David Whitfield and Mantovani (peaked at No. 8)
To be fair to this song, it is a double act, and Mantovani's been consistently pretty competent, with his syrupy, string-drenched arrangements of stuff. So I can see this team-up working well, if a little bombastically.
And as we start, that's exactly what we get. Some very Mantovani strings that sound a little bit like the introduction to something grand and classical, and then a really big entrance from David, promising something big and romantic and entirely overblown. This time, it's a promise that "Beyond the stars that shine above / We'll meet again, my own, my love / / And there for all eternity / We'll be together you and me."
It's ludicrously out of proportion, I think, and then a deliciously dark thought comes to me - is David singing this because his love is dead? There's a whole lot of talk later in the song about partings, and the pain of separation, which would work, but then you get the line about how "when the pain's too hard to bear / Remember darling I'll be there". That would seem to suggest that his darling is still very much alive - but then I realise that there's nothing in there to suggest it's not David who's dead and/or dying. Again, this is a wonderfully twisted concept for a song - enough that I'm immediately accepting it as canonical, whether or not it's an intended reading.
It's about the only thing to recommend this song. Everything else, from the genuinely horrible belting on "journey's end!!!!!!" to the cascading strings, which are suitably dramatic the first time you hear them, doesn't help this song's cause. It goes big very early, then keeps going big, to the point where the scale of it just doesn't work - it's like the boy who cried wolf. You don't find it epic by about the third or fourth peak, and so it ends up being surprisingly forgettable.
Of course, perhaps I'm just biased against David Whitfield. But then again, you try listening to any of these. I defy you to enjoy them. Tolerate them, sure. But to modern ears, I'm convinced that songs like Beyond The Stars are just too much. Sorry, David.
Let Me Go, Lover! - Dean Martin (3)
Well, this is a cover of the song we heard only two weeks ago by Teresa Brewer, except this time it's Dean Martin himself singing, and I have to say, it's a different vibe. Surprisingly, very little of this is due to changing it to a male singer - most songs where that has happened, that's the main reason that the vibe of the song changes, but it's not that, here.
No, it's mostly the instrumentation and arrangement that's different. Where Teresa's was a soft, lilting mountain yodel, with her voice cutting through the top, this is a bit fuller, with all these operatic backing singers crooning over a plucked guitar and what sounds like an accordion, or the like. There are also church bells, at some points, whis was unexpected and pretty cool. It's a vaguely country-ish sound, at least to my ears, and it suits the song well enough, distinguishing this version from Teresa's pretty well.
Lyrically, I like it just as much as I liked it two weeks ago. Dean, just like Teresa, really sells the casual cruelty of a lover who doesn't love him, but wants him to keep loving them, out of some sort of spite, or pride, or just plain indifference. He really croons - there's maybe less emotional depth to his performance, compared to Teresa, who gives the whole thing a bit more anguished welly? That said, Dean Martin's voice is great, so I'm not complaining too much here.
And with that said, there's not much more to add, here. I think I had my best thoughts about this song already.
A clear and very predictable front-runner, this time. It's funny - I didn't start this project expecting to develop such strong feelings about mid-1950s pop singers. But I've found that I've very quickly worked out my favourites and least favourites. And so, coming back for a second round...
Favourite song of the bunch: Let Me Go, Lover!
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Reviewing and ranking Billy Joel's albums and thoughts on his discography.
My favorite album is The Stranger followed up by 52nd Street in 2nd place and Glass Houses in 3rd (and An Innocent Man being 4th if you want to count that in as well).
From the album The Stranger my favorite songs would have to be The Stranger (great lyrics with an awesome flair and sound to it), Scenes From An Italian Restaurant (because who doesn't love a great story and a great song right??), and of course if I had to choose one last song from The Stranger album it would definitely be She's Always a Woman (in my opinion a very vulnerable and naked song with a great sense of warmth and musical representation of chivalry), so in summary for The Stranger - The Stranger, Scenes From An Italian Restaurant, and She's Always a Woman.
Next for the album I followed up with for my favorites that I ranked #2 called 52nd Street, my first favorite is definitely My Life (a fun and punchy song with a great beat and an almost comedic sense of timing within the rhythm of the song in my opinion, solid song with great lyrics also), 52nd Street (great instrumental sound with jazzy overtones and really is a pillar of the album representing the style you would expect with the name as well as the cover of the album in my opinion), lastly I would have to say Big Shot (different song from a lot of the others on this album, very unique and obnoxious sound which the band as well as Billy Joel pulled off perfectly in the best way possible) so in summary for 52nd Street - My Life, 52nd Street, and Big Shot.
As for Glass Houses my first favorite is You May Be Right (some people find this one a bit "corny" but I almost look at this song as like a cult classic for music..just a song you could put on with your girlfriend or boyfriend and you can just jam out as well as getting a kick out of it with the comedic purpose in some of the lyrics), next song is It's Still Rock And Roll To Me (this song to me was very much a blue collar Bruce Springsteen-esque sort of sound to me which I found almost had it's own kind of charm and a is very much a beloved classic rock song in my book), and with this last one we have Sleeping With The Television On (I LOVED this song, very catchy with good lyrics and an awesome beat that almost reminded me of a classic rock version of We Got The Beat with how the rhythm goes, only with more guitars and a male singer), so overall in summary we got - You May Be Right, It's Still Rock And Roll To Me, and Sleeping With The Television On.
Lastly for 4th we got An Innocent Man with my first song being Easy Money (fun and easy tune to listen to with very digestible/entertaining lyrics, solid song, good beat), Careless Talk (this song in my opinion gave me very much a "musical" Little Shop Of Horrors kind of vibe due to the timing of the beats and Billy Joel's vocals and I loved it, this was around a solid 7- 8/10 song for me personally), lastly I would say An Innocent Man (not my favorite but still okay, but a favorite for others due to Billy Joel's operatic vocals with decent lyrics), so in summary - Easy Money, Careless Talk, and An Innocent Man.
My favorite overall song out of all of Billy Joel's songs is Piano Man due to the raw lyrics, vocals, and overall sense of belonging in the song as well as the song just being kick ass of course lol!
Some other gems I would throw in would be River Of Dreams and Just The Way You are and of course We Didn't Start The Fire on the Storm Front album (also the last thing I want to add is if you haven't seen Scenes From An Italian Restaurant or Piano Man live on YouTube definitely look it up, you won't regret it).
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Review: Matty Hendley boasts an indie-pop sound with an edge of folk in his latest summery, feel-good tune ‘Nobody Like U’
Following up to his debut single ‘I feel bad’, singer-songwriter and indie-pop up-comer Matty Hendley is back on the scene with his second jaw-dropping release ‘Nobody Like U.’ As a graduate of journalism and new media, Hendley credits his education with aiding his storytelling abilities, as it’s without a doubt his talent in painting vibrant pictures and evoking emotion within his words is one of a kind. Previously the frontman and writer for his alt indie-folk band, Happy Landing, Hendley decided to stray away towards a solo career as pop beats and catchy lyrics called out to him.
‘Nobody Like U’ relishes a vibrant indie-pop sound with a slight twist as Hendly incorporates a fairly unseen instrument in the genre, leading from the get-go with banjo strums ringing out into atmospheric bliss. Adding a slight flair of country spirit into the mix, ‘Nobody Like U’ flourishes within its incredibly individual sound as a radiant banjo riff seeps into the backing of the entirety of this three minute release, truly transporting your listening experience to a small, secluded town with open roads right off the bat. Paired beside a steady but fluid drum beat and an electronic, synth-esque drawn out note potentially from a keyboard, ‘Nobody Like U’ boasts quite the unusual array of instruments within the genre without feeling for even a second that it would fit anywhere else other than indie-pop. Hendley’s vocals atop this gorgeous instrumental mix adds the final touch of individuality, residing in the lower tones with an edge of warmth and familiarity, whilst his distinct accent rings out in every softened word. Showcasing a retrospective sound that strikes an air of nostalgia within every beat and colourful tone, it’s hard to pin whether ‘Nobody Like U’ feels like a track lost in time, or whether Hendley is just so brilliant at creating a soundscape that leaves you pondering your own past so heavily that it feels somehow dated in the best way.
Intended to leave you feeling good, ‘Nobody Like U’ carries a story that’s meant to uplift you rather than leave you emotionally stirred - although at times the sound can certainly evoke a numb aching as you find yourself pinning Hendley’s words to your own experiences. Describing the youthful essence that a man in particular feels when meeting someone who instantly makes their heart pound, ‘Nobody Like U’ feels like the intimate male-version of Taylor Swift’s earlier releases, aiming to show a more intimate side to his male audience and remind them it’s okay to feel things deeply - especially love and vulnerability. Telling an entire whirlwind of a romance in its lyricism, ‘Nobody Like U’ takes you along for the journey of the protagonist finding his way around a new love interest and falling in deep: ‘Feels like something straight off of the screen… and know I never met nobody like you.’ There’s a real multifaceted underlying nature to the release too, whether intentional or a welcome interpretation, ‘Nobody Like U’ carries such brightness and joy in both sound and words yet below the surface lies an unexplainable longing that comes with it too. As Hendley depicts such an effortless romance, hints of melancholic desire seeps through too, whether it reminds you of a previous lover turned to heartbreak, or just the yearning to find someone that could leave you feeling that way too, it’s surprisingly wonderful to unpack the layers of ‘Nobody Like U’ and find yourself lost in your own experiences from Hendley’s exceptional writing.
“‘Nobody Like U’ is the sound I’ve been trying to find for a long time,” Hendley speaks on the single. “I call it “deep-south pop,” because I think the banjo embodies the spirit of the southern US – the place where I grew up listening to and playing folk and americana music, though I was never certain whether this part of the country was really where I belonged or not. I want to be really open and honest about love and hurt and the complicated nature of relationships in my lyrics, and I hope that this song and all of my music lets other men know that it’s okay to be vulnerable, and you can still love with a broken heart.”
If Hendley’s ‘Nobody Like U’ is the individual indie-pop release you’ve been searching for, or if you’re just drawn to his gorgeous love story, then you can check it out for yourself here!
Written by: Tatiana Whybrow
Photo Credits: Unknown
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Our song - Harry Styles
this one was inspired by the jingleball performance bc it was pure perfection and UGHH im obsessed.
dedicated to my dear friend @dontworrysunflower
disclaimer: the song Homesick by Dua Lipa is featured in this fic as an original work of Harry and the reader, but it’s obviously an existing song, I just thought that it would be the song they write
pairing: Harry x vocalist!reader
word count: 5.3k
masterlist
You’ve felt the adrenaline rush take over your body many times in your life and they were all different in some kind of way. The one you felt when you were about to write an important test in school, the one that bubbled through your veins when you got your first kiss. The one that rolled through your limbs and chest when you first performed in front of people that weren’t your parents and the one you felt when you got the news that you were chosen to tour with none other than Harry Styles as his vocalist, singing on his stage every other night in a different city and different country.
But none of those were anything like the feeling that takes over every time you stand on that stage, your microphone that’s labelled with your name right in front of you as thousands of people are screaming in the jam-packed arena. Though it’s not you they come to see and listen to, but you are part of the magic and it’s quite enough for you.
You could never be the one standing at the front with all the lights shining down on your frame, having every gaze in the place glued to you, listening to your voice. That brings the kind of anxiety you’re quite sure you wouldn’t be able to handle. You are perfectly fine standing in the back, being the support system while staying on the down-low as someone else shines at the front, in your case, it’s Harry.
You applied for the job with a reason, already having a huge appreciation for him as an artist, adoring his work so far, especially Fine Line. Upon hearing about the opportunity to be part of his tour, you didn’t hesitate to send your application in and following three auditions, you got the phone call that they wanted you on board.
He swept you right off your feet the first time you met him, but you didn’t expect less from him. Everything you heard about him being the most wonderful person to every walk the planet were proven to be nothing but the truth. You hit it off so easily and become close through the process of rehearsals. His odd little jokes, that funny laugh of his and the way he always peeks over his shoulder to meet his eyes with yours made you fall for him faster than you’d have ever thought you could.
Just as fast as your feeling for Harry developed, tour caught up on you and before you could blink twice, you were living on the road, always dressing from your suitcase, waking up in a different city every other morning.
The foreign studio feels a little odd, but still somehow familiar as you walk in with your water and notebook under your arm. Random studio sessions with Harry became a regular not long after tour kicked off. Harry’s creative juices were overflowing and he was aching to record his creations, constantly renting random studios near the hotel you lot were staying currently and one night, when some of you all were hanging out in his suit, he asked if you’d be down helping him record vocals for a song he’s been working on.
“I want to hear it with your voice instead of mine,” he told you leaning against the wall, a glass of whatever Mitch mixed him in his hands.
“Getting bored of your own voice?” you teased him, bringing his dimples out with the smile that plastered across his lips.
“Could say that. Are you up for it?”
There was no way you would have said no. So the next morning you found yourself in a studio somewhere in Sacramento, singing the vocals to a song no one else has heard other than you and Harry.
The tour has now reached Denver, you can’t wait to be on the stage tonight, but before that, you are having another quick session with Harry in the studio.
When you walk in, his head perks up from his leather notebook he always keeps on himself, filled with his scribbled lyrics. A smile stretches across his lips when his green eyes fall on your frame.
“Hey! Hope it’s not too early for you,” he softly says standing up from the chair as you put your stuff down to the small table in the corner.
“No, managed to get a good night sleep still,” you smile at him, taking a quick look around, though this recording room is just like the others you’ve been in.
“I think I figured out that part we struggled with last time. Changed up the ending a bit, would you mind giving it another go?”
You nod looking down at his notes, seeing the changes he has made in the vocals.
“Changed anything else?” you ask as you watch him get ready for the recording.
“Yeah, rewrote a few lines, think they are fitting better now.”
“Have you recorded them yet?”
“Will do now,” he tells you shaking his head.
Soon enough you find yourself standing behind the mic, headset covering your ears as you are waiting for Harry to start recording and the music to play in your ears. Once he shows up his thumb you do the same and a moment later the song you’ve heard last time you two were working starts flowing from the headset and you stare down at the notes in front of you, waiting for the moment when you have to start singing.
It takes you a few runs to nail it down, but when you finally do, you can see the satisfied grin on Harry’s face and you think to yourself that there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to make him like this anytime.
“That was fantastic,” he beams once you join him at the screens where you see your voice appear as a pattern over a straight line. Harry does his usual magic before leaving it be. “Mind assisting recording my part?” he asks turning to you with an excited smile.
Nodding you let him tell you what to do and once he is all set behind the mic, you start the recording and the song. You listen to him in awe. There hasn’t been a moment when you didn’t feel the shiver running down your spine when he started singing. You are convinced a choir of angels is hidden in his throat, because it’s hard to believe he is just as human as everyone else.
He sings the whole song three times before he joins you again, listening back to what you have so far. The song is coming along pretty well and you can tell by the time he finishes it, it’s gonna be perfect. Everything he does is just pure perfection, whether he likes to admit it or not.
“You know how it would be absolutely perfect?” he asks you on your way back to the hotel. The two of you grabbed a coffee as well, so now you’re sipping on the hot drink, enjoying the somewhat sunny weather.
“Hm?”
“I think it would be best if a female voice sang the whole thing and the male was just the vocal.”
“Who do you think would fit best for it then?” you ask, immediately thinking of singers that could be perfect for the song. It wouldn’t be the first time Harry would sell a song to someone else, so you’re not surprised he is thinking about this kind of change.
“Y/N, I found the voice already,” he chuckles and you give him a puzzled look. “You. You are singing the song, I don’t need anyone else.”
“I’m not a solo singer,” you protest.
“There’s no such thing as solo or not solo. You’re a singer and a bloody good one. I want you to sing it.”
“But it would go to waste, because I would never actually perform it.”
“How are you so sure about that?” he smirks slyly at you, immediately making you nervous.
“Harry, I don’t sing solo,” you shake your head stubbornly, but he rolls his eyes at you.
“You could just try it. Let’s just record the song next time with you in the lead and then we can talk about the rest.”
“I’m fine recording, but I will never perform it,” you tell him, but his look makes you think he has other plans.
When tour reaches Dallas, the song gets a version with you singing solo and Harry doing the vocals in it. And though you had doubts about the switch, listening back to it you can tell how much it helped. It really is better with a female voice, though you are still convinced it shouldn’t be you.
“Are you sure you don’t want to sell it to someone? I’m fine with that,” you ask him before the show in Dallas. You’re sitting on the table in his dressing room while he is painting his nails, his tongue poking out in concentration.
“I told you, I like it with your voice. Why is that so hard to believe?”
“Because I’m not a—“
“Fuck’s sake if you dare to tell me one more time that you’re not a solo singer, I’m firing you, Y/N!” he snaps, giving you a hard look, but you just laugh at his temper.
“It’s the truth.”
“Have you ever tried to go solo?”
“Not for years,” you admit and watch him screw the nail polish closed, pushing it aside, his hands lying flat on the table as he is carefully waiting for them to dry.
“So then how do you know you are no good at it?”
“Because I hated it back then, so I most likely would hate it now as well,” you state matter-of-factly, but Harry doesn’t seem amused by your answer.
“So you think you haven’t changed a bit in years? I hope you know that’s absolute bollocks.”
“Why are you so keen on making me sing solo?” you sigh, giving him a tired look. It feels like the two of you have been running the same circles since forever. It’s not his first attempt to get you sing more than just the vocals, he once wanted to do a cover and needed a partner because it was a duet and begged you for weeks to sing with him, but you didn’t give in. You just couldn’t.
“Because I think that you are a talented singer and I want you to feel the adrenaline rush performing gives you.”
“I do get that rush every time I sing behind you. That’s enough for me.”
Harry shakes his head pressing his lips tight together.
“That’s not the same as being in the lead. It’s a whole different world.”
“Yeah, one that makes me shit my pants,” you chuckle and he can’t push a smile back.
“Maybe we should just work on it. Your anxiety. I think we could actually make you feel better if we tried.”
“I still don’t know where this obsession with me being solo comes for you.”
Harry stands up, takes one last look at his nails before he steps closer smiling down at you softly and you bite into your bottom lip, realizing how close he is standing to you. His fingers tap in your cheek gently, running them down to your chin as he tilts your head up a bit.
“Just accept it, Love,” he smiles softly before stepping away and carrying on with his routine.
That evening, you stand at the back with the other two vocalists, eyes glued to Harry’s figure at the front of the stage, you watch him pour his soul out to the audience, interact with them and reach that state of mind you have never been able to get into. You know what he told you about performing is true, yet you are still terrified to do it yourself. It’s too nerve wrecking to have everyone look at and listen to you, so many chances to mess it up and make a fool out of yourself.
But when Harry’s eyes meet yours and he shoots you a warm smile, something shifts in you. The urge to have this connection with not just the audience and the song, but with him takes over your whole body and you make up your mind to at least give it a try.
Harry is ecstatic when you tell him later that night that you changed your mind. You see that sparkle in his eyes and it was already worth for you, just seeing him react like that.
“Though I have a few suggestions to change the lyrics.”
“You do?” he asks, seemingly surprised, but mostly amused that you had the balls to come out with it.
“Yeah. Just some tiny details.”
“Why haven’t you told me about these before?”
“Because it was your song. But if you want me to sing it, it has to be mine as well.”
Harry stares back at you with a smile that’s filled with pride and joy, making your heart flutter in your aching chest as you think about performing solo.
“Our song,” he softly says nodding his head.
Arriving to Houston the two of you are quick to book a studio and work on the song. Harry lets you make any changes you desire on the lyrics, even says you did justice to it and that you should have spoken up earlier about your ideas. And then you record it.
It’s not that you have to sing the whole song and not just the vocals this time. You are completely fine with Harry hearing you sing, it’s the thought of performing it in front of anyone that’s not him, that’s what makes you turn into a wreck.
You record Harry’s vocals and once it’s all put together, you are blown by the outcome. You wouldn’t have thought Harry’s voice as the vocal would compliment you in the lead, but it’s just absolutely perfect and even you can’t find anything wrong with it.
“Love, this is what Heaven sounds like, I’m telling you,” he smirks at you from the chair beside you, playing the song for the tenth time, not able to get enough of the final product.
“You are so cheesy,” you shake your head, but feel the blush heating up your cheeks. His eyes linger on you a little longer before he turns back to the screen.
When the song is over he finally stops is so silence comes over the studio. Harry turns back to face you, his green eyes basically burning a hole into your head.
“So, when are we going to perform it?”
“I really don’t think it’s a good idea,” you sigh looking down at your hands fumbling with your shirt.
“And I do think it is. So I’m not stopping until you at least try it.”
Harry Styles gets what he wants. Always. And this time, no matter how hard you try to resist him, you just can’t deny this from him. Though it takes him time to talk you up, in Washington he finally gets you to give it a try in an empty stadium.
Most of the crew is out, since the building has been finished about half an hour before, so everything is perfectly set for tonight’s show when you walk out to the stage, following Harry in his heels. He asked the piano to be brought to the front along with a mic on it and another one on a stand next to it. The two of you quietly put on your earpieces, doing everything as if it was a usual occasion before a concert, only that this time the roles will be entirely switched.
“It’s fine, alright? No one is around,” he tells you when he sees how nervous you are to sing the song for the first time outside a studio.
“There are some backstage,” you mumble under your breath, not expecting him to do anything about it.
But he does. You watch him walk backstage, completely dumbfounded about what he is doing. He disappears from your sight and a few moments later you hear him shouting at the back.
“No one comes to the stage until I say so! Yea? Thanks!” he orders and then walks back as if he didn’t just boss around the whole crew.
“They will think you’re some kind of crazy celebrity,” you chuckle when he returns, a small smirk playing on his pink lips.
“Don’t care, Darling. Now sing you heart out for me.”
Harry sits on the piano bench, his fingers getting settled on the keys before he looks up to meet your anxious eyes.
“It’s alright. Just you and me, yea?”
Nodding you gulp hard and jump a little when he starts playing the melody the two of you have been working on for so long. You hear all the notes and you know you have to start singing, but you miss the opening. Harry stops and looks at you, as you move your eyes down to the ground, ashamed you messed up immediately.
“S-Sorry, I just—“
“How can I help?” he asks right away, not even caring about the fact that you messed up, focused on figuring out a way that would help you.
“I don’t know. I really don’t,” you sigh, feeling your nerves getting worse with each passing moment.
“Come sit next to me,” he then tells you motioning for you to join him on the bench.
“What?”
“Take your mic and sit next to me,” he repeats, scooting over to make you space. Hesitantly, you pull the mic out of the stand and walking over you sit next to him. “Now you are not in the center. Just listen to the music, watch my hands on the keys, okay?”
You nod, running your tongue over your dry lips as you hold the mic to your mouth before Harry starts playing again.
After the first few notes you close your eyes and when it’s time for you to start singing, Harry leans a little against you, giving you a kind of push to just do it. And it works.
It feels a little as if it’s not even you who starts singing, but it is. Your voice fills the empty arena along with the piano’s melody and keeping your eyes closed a little longer you let your mind settle. When the first verse ends you open them and watch his hands work on the keys, right as he starts singing the vocals, leaning a little forward so his voice reaches his mic.
It’s different. It’s electric and freeing, hear your voice through the massive speakers, to be in the lead and have Harry be just the support in the song. But it feels so right, better than anything you’ve ever felt.
Line after line, you hit all the notes and by the end of the song you are able to strip all your fears down and give yourself over to the music completely. As you sing the last few notes you feel Harry’s eyes on you and turning to face him, you are met with his warm, pride-filled smile and bright eyes, glued to you while his fingers press down the last notes.
The music dies down, the voice of the piano vibrates in the air a little longer until it completely disappears and the silence returns into the stadium.
“Love,” Harry quietly calls out for you and you turn completely towards him. “That was absolutely perfect.”
“You think so?” you ask, voice barely more than just a whisper, your eyes never leaving his gaze.
“I know so,” he huffs, smile widening. He brings an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into a hug, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead as you let out a breath you’ve been holding in for way too long.
He doesn’t try to make you perform that evening, knowing well it was enough for one day, but he does make you sing it with him in each city in the upcoming weeks. Before every concert, he empties out the area around the stage and the two of you sit down at the piano, singing your song until you feel comfortable enough to stand next to the instrument instead of sitting next to him.
The tour reaches New York and Madison Square Garden is getting ready to host Harry Styles for two evenings. The place is massive and you find yourself sitting at the edge of the stage when Harry emerges from backstage.
“Looks wild, right?” he asks sitting next to you, his thigh brushing against yours as he gets seated.
“Yeah. Pretty amazing.”
“This place has the most magical vibe.”
“Yeah?” Turning to him you watch him take the arena in, his eyes glistening at the sight in front of him. You know it’s not his first time performing here, but it’s nice to see the excitement in his eyes regardless.
That feeling returns to your chest, the one you felt when Harry told you he wanted you to sing the song. The urge to be part of this amazing something that’s so much bigger than you.
“H?”
“Yea?” he turns to you smiling.
“Can I… Do you think we could sing our song tonight?”
You watch the pure surprise and excitement wash over his face, his smile stretching across his face as he stares back at you in awe.
“You want to sing it?”
Shyly, you nod your head and in a heartbeat his arms lock around you, pulling you into the tightest hug. The two of you almost fall off the stage, laughing together at his dramatic reaction.
“Of course we can sing it, Love. Would be an honor!”
Harry is quick to let the band know about the addition for tonight’s set and though everyone seems surprised, they are all supportive about your solo. As the time goes and the concert gets closer, you can feel the nerves building up and soon enough, you start to doubt your choice to sing the song tonight.
Right before it’s time to go on stage Harry takes your hand and pulls you aside, taking your face in his hands gently, making you look into his eyes.
“I know you are doubting yourself, but just know that I’m very proud of you, even if you decide to not sing the last minute.”
“I could do that?” you whisper, your hands finding his sides and you let them rest on him, a way to ground yourself in the windwhirl of your thoughts.
“Of course. I wouldn’t want to make you do something you don’t really want. Though I know you will be amazing if you choose to sing.”
Nodding you let a weak smile appear on your lips and you notice as his eyes flicker down to them before he moves his gaze up to your eyes. He then pulls you into a proper hug before walking back to the rest of the band and vocalists.
Everything goes as usual and once again, you can’t take your eyes off Harry on the stage. Just watching him perform fills you up with life, enough to keep you from running away. About halfway into the set, as the crowd is still cheering after the previous song, Harry jogs over to you.
“You ready?” he asks over the noise and before you could think about it, you nod your head.
Two guys from the crew pushes the piano further to the front and they help to set everything up as you awkwardly stand at the side. Once your mic is in the stand you walk over there, heart hammering in your chest, hands shaking like crazy.
“I have a special song for you tonight,” Harry announces into the microphone as he makes his way over to the piano. “Please welcome the lovely Y/N here, who is gonna enchant you with a song we’ve been working on lately.”
The crowd screams and you allow yourself to look around with a weak smile. So many people, you think to yourself, everyone watching you.
“It’s called Homesick, and it means so much to us, so we hope you’ll like it Justas much as we do,” Harry adds before settling on the bench and his eyes find yours. “I’m proud of you,” you see him say, only able to read his lips since the crowd is screaming so loud. “Ready?” he asks and you nod, taking a shaky breath.
He sends you a warm comforting smile before glancing down at the keys and then he starts playing.
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Just like the first time, you close your eyes, forcing yourself to focus on the melody and nothing else. The lump in your throat is quite uncomfortable, but you open your eyes and see that Harry is looking straight at you, nodding in encouragement, as his fingers push down the keys to the notes right before you have to start.
“Here, where the sky’s falling, I’m covered in blue, I’m running and I’m crawling, fighting for you…”
Harry smiles wide when your voice flows through the speakers, filling the whole place, making everyone go quiet in a heartbeat as the song carries on. You feel your chest slowly deflating, the nerves cooling down with each sung note.
“You give me a reason, something to believe in, I know, I know, I know. You give me a meaning, something I can breathe in, I know, I know, I know…”
The chorus comes out perfect, your voice melting together with the piano and you finally feel your muscles relax as you slowly let go of every toxic thought that’s been tainting your mind. Harry leans closer to his microphone and his voice gently joins yours in the next verse.
“There’s a crack in my window, a bird in my room, angels all over that watch over you…”
Chills run down your spine hearing his voice, your eyes never leaving his gaze that’s fixated on your standing figure. You get lost in him and the song, something that came from the both of you, a piece of you and him. Standing there, singing this piece makes you feel closer to him than ever and you desperately want this feeling to last forever, hoping the song never ends though you know it’s gonna happen.
“When I’m walking on water all my dreams have come true. Still nothing means nothing without you…”
Homesick is exactly the feeling that bubbles inside you when you think of Harry. Because there’s this man you love so much, who is a home away from home to you, yet you still feel like you can’t be home entirely. Not in the way you’d want to. But standing on the stage in the spotlight, singing together with him as thousands of people are watching the two of you, yet you still manage to forget about them, for a moment, you feel like you finally arrived home. You are there, with him.
“Tell my heart to lie, but I know deep inside it’s true. That I wish I was there with you. That I wish I was there with you, oh I wish I was there with you.”
He plays the end of the song without tearing his eyes away from you, and there’s just a heartbeat of silence before the crowd starts screaming deafeningly, but that short moment… is yours and his.
Tugging your hair behind your ears with your shaky hands, your eardrums on the verge of breaking as you let out a laugh that was kind of a sob as well, relief washing over your body. Harry is quick to jump to his feet and rushing over he envelopes you in a tight hug.
“I’m so so so proud of you, Love. You were everything!” he mumbles, arms holding you so tight you almost lose your breath, but you want him this close, or even closer. You need to feel him, because it doesn’t feel real. His hold brings you a sense of existence only he can give you.
“Thank you, Harry,” you breathe out when he pulls back to look into your eyes, the screaming hasn’t died down even a tad little.
“No, thank you, Darling. You shined like the star that you are,” he grins, playing a sloppy kiss to your cheek before his arms fall off you.
You’d die to stay in this moment a little longer, but the show must go on. The crew pushes the piano back and soon enough, the next song starts. You stay in your spot for the rest, but you keep catching Harry smiling in your way, always making you blush.
The end of a concert is always a little hectic, everyone is all over the place. Still coming off the high you just experienced, you head to the dressing room you share with the other vocalists. They are going on and on about how amazing Homesick was, and you somehow still can’t believe tonight happened. Packing your stuff you barely notice that the door flies open, but you see Harry appear from the corner of your eye.
“Ladies, would you please give me a moment with Y/N?” he asks and the girls are quick to leave the two of you alone. You stand there, kind of dumbfounded, not sure why he is acting so dramatic. Once the door closes and it’s just you and him, he stares at you, chest heaving, his hair wet from his sweat, but he still looks breathtaking.
“Harry—“
“I’m gonna kiss you now,” he cuts you off, your breath gets caught in your throat as you stare back at him, completely frozen. Opposite to what he just said, he remains standing in the same spot and you’re not sure what’s happening. “Can I? Please say yes, I can’t hold myself back for any longer,” he then adds.
“Yes,” you breathe out without even thinking about it. In a heartbeat, Harry crosses the room, chest smashing against yours as he wraps his arms around you, lips crashing onto yours in a kiss that almost makes you moan into his mouth.
It’s all a hot mess, teeth clashing, hands all over each other before his palms run down to the back of your thighs, urging you to jump. When you do, you wrap your legs around his waist and let him walk over to the table nearby, so he can place you on top, standing between your thighs as he keeps kissing you hungrily, his tongue melting together with yours in this sweet chaos. It keeps going on and on, neither of you wanting to let go of the other, but you are eventually forced to stop, coming short of air. Panting wildly, lips swollen from his kisses, you look at him to meet his gaze.
“You have no idea how hard it was to stop myself from kissing you on stage.”
“What?” you breathe out.
“Y/N, I’m fucking crazy about you and seeing you come over your stage fright, sing that song… our song, fuck, that did some unbelievable things to me. Please tell me you felt the same thing!” He is begging, not just with his words, but with his eyes as well and it crushes your soul entirely.
“I did. Harry, I always do when I’m with you.”
“Fucking Hell,” he breathes out before kissing you again. “You are… everything, Love,” he mumbles against your lips and you can’t push down the smile stretching across your face, hearing him say the same words he said right after the song.
“You’ve told me that,” you tease him, his gaze meeting yours as he flashes you his famous half-smirk, heart fluttering at the sight of him.
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The Story Behind Every Song on folklore - According to Aaron Dessner
By: Brady Gerber for Vulture
Date: July 27th 2020
The National multi-instrumentalist spoke to Vulture over the phone from upstate New York a few hours after the surprise release of Swift’s eighth studio album. (“A pretty wild ride,” he admits, sounding tired yet happy.) He was clear that he can’t speak on behalf of Swift’s lyrics, much like he can’t for The National frontman Matt Berninger’s either, or the thinking behind Jack Antonoff’s songs. (Here’s a cheat sheet: Jack’s songs soar, Aaron’s glide.) But Dessner was game to speak to his specific contributions, influences, and own interpretations of each song on folklore, a record you can sum up by two words that came up often during our conversation: nostalgic and wry.
“the 1″
“the 1” and “hoax,” the first song and the last song, were the last songs we did. The album was sort of finished before that. We thought it was complete, but Taylor then went back into the folder of ideas that I had shared. I think in a way, she didn’t realize she was writing for this album or a future something. She wrote “the 1,” and then she wrote “hoax” a couple of hours later and sent them in the middle of the night. When I woke up in the morning, I wrote her before she woke up in LA and said, “These have to be on the record.” She woke up and said, “I agree” [laughs] These are the bookends, you know?
It’s clear that “the 1” is not written from her perspective. It’s written from another friend’s perspective. There’s an emotional wryness and rawness, while also to this kind of wink in her eyes. There’s a little bit of her sense of humor in there, in addition to this kind of sadness that exists both underneath and on the surface. I enjoy that about her writing.
The song began from the voice memo she sent me, and then I worked on the music some and we tracked her vocals, and then my brother added orchestration. There are a few other little bits, but basically that was one of the very last things we did.
“cardigan“
That’s the first song we wrote [in early May]. After Taylor asked if I would be interested in writing with her remotely and working on songs, I said, “Are you interested in a certain kind of sound?” She said, “I’m just interested in what you do and what you’re up to. Just send anything, literally anything, it could be the weirdest thing you’ve ever done,” so I sent a folder of stuff I had done that I was really excited about recently. “cardigan” was one of those sketches; it was originally called “Maple.” It was basically exactly what it is on the record, except we added orchestration later that my brother wrote.
I sent [the file] at 9 p.m., and around 2 a.m. or something, there was “cardigan,” fully written. That’s when I realized something crazy was happening. She just dialed directly into the heart of the music and wrote an incredible song and fully conceived of it and then kept going. It harkens back to lessons learned, or experiences in your youth, in a really beautiful way and this sense of longing and sadness, but ultimately, it’s cathartic. I thought it was a perfect match for the music, and how her voice feels. It was kind of a guide. It had these lower register parts, and I think we both realized that this was a bit of a lightning rod for a lot of the rest of the record.
The National’s Influence On Swift
She said that she’s a fan of the emotion that’s conveyed in our music. She doesn’t often get to work with music that is so raw and emotional, or melodic and emotional, at the same time. When I sent her the folder, that was one of the main feelings. She said, “What the fuck? How do you just have that?” [laughs] I was humbled and honored because she just said, “It’s a gift, and I want to write to all of this.” She didn’t write to all of it, but a lot of it, and relatively quickly.
She is a fan of the band, and she’s a fan of Big Red Machine. She’s well aware of the sentiment of it and what I do, but she didn’t ask for a certain kind of thing. I know that the film [I Am Easy To Find] has really affected her, and she’s very much in love with that film and the record. Maybe it’s subconsciously been an influence.
“the last great american dynasty”
I wrote that after we’d been working for a while. It was an attempt to write something attractive, more uptempo and kind of pushing. I also was interested in this almost In Rainbows-style latticework of electric guitars. They come in and sort of pull you along, kind of reminiscent of Big Red Machine. It was very much in this sound world that I’ve been playing around with, and she immediately clicked with that. Initially I was imagining these dreamlike distant electric guitars and electronics but with an element of folk. There’s a lot going on in that sense. I sent it before I went on a run, and when I got back from the run, that song was there [laughs].
She told me the story behind it, which sort of recounts the narrative of Rebekah Harkness, whom people actually called Betty. She was married to the heir of Standard Oil fortune, married into the Harkness family, and they bought this house in Rhode Island up on a cliff. It’s kind of the story of this woman and the outrageous parties she threw. She was infamous for not fitting in, entirely, in society; that story, at the end, becomes personal. Eventually, Taylor bought that house. I think that is symptomatic of folklore, this type of narrative song. We didn’t do very much to that either.
“exile” (ft. Bon Iver)
Taylor and William Bowery, the singer-songwriter, wrote that song initially together and sent it to me as a sort of a rough demo where Taylor was singing both the male and female parts. It’s supposed to be a dialogue between two lovers. I interpreted that and built the song, played the piano, and built around that template. We recorded Taylor’s vocals with her singing her parts but also the male parts.
We talked a lot about who she thought would be perfect to sing, and we kept coming back to Justin [Vernon]. Obviously, he’s a dear friend of mine and collaborator. I said, “Well, if he’s inspired by the song, he’ll do it, and if not, he won’t.” I sent it to him and said, “No pressure at all, literally no pressure, but how do you feel about this?” He said, “Wow.” He wrote some parts into it also, and we went back and forth a little bit, but it felt like an incredibly natural and safe collaboration between friends. It didn’t feel like getting a guest star or whatever. It was just like, well, we’re working on something, and obviously he’s crazy talented, but it just felt right. I think they both put so much raw emotion into it. It’s like a surface bubbling. It’s believable, you know? You believe that they’re having this intense dialogue.
With other people I had to be secretive, but with Justin, because he was going to sing, I actually did send him a version of the song with her vocals and told him what I was up to. He was like, “Whoa! Awesome!” But he’s been involved in so many big collaborative things that he wasn’t interested in it from that point of view. It’s more because he loved the song and he thought he could do something with it that would add something.
“my tears ricochet”
This is one of my absolute favorite songs on the record. I think it’s a brilliant composition, and Taylor’s words, the way her voice sounds and how this song feels, are, to me, one of the critical pieces. It’s lodged in my brain. That’s also very important to Taylor and Jack. It’s like a beacon for this record.
“mirrorball”
“mirrorball” is, to me, a hazy sort of beautiful. It almost reminds me of ‘90s-era Cardigans, or something like Mazzy Star. It has this kind of glow and haze. It feels really good before “seven,” which becomes very wistful and nostalgic. There are just such iconic images in the lyrics [“Spinning in my highest heels”], which aren’t coming to me at the moment because my brain is not working [laughs].
How Jack Antonoff’s Folklore Songs Differ From Dessner’s
I think we have different styles, and we weren’t making them together or in the same room. We both could probably come closer together in a sense that weirdly works. It’s like an archipelago, and each song is an island, but it’s all related. Taylor obviously binds it all together. And I think Jack, if he was working with orchestrations, there’s an emotional quality to his songs that’s clearly in the same world as mine.
We actually didn’t have a moodboard for the album at all. I don’t think that way. I don’t really know if she does either. I don’t think Jack... well, Jack might, but when I say the Cardigans or Mazzy Star, those aren’t Jack’s words about “mirrorball,” it’s just what calls to mind for me. Mainly she talked about emotion and to lean into it, the nostalgia and wistfulness, and the kind of raw, meditative emotion that I often kind of inhabit that I think felt very much where her heart was. We didn’t shy away from that.
“seven”
This is the second song we wrote. It’s kind of looking back at childhood and those childhood feelings, recounting memories and memorializing them. It’s this beautiful folk song. It has one of the most important lines on the record: “And just like a folk song, our love will be passed on.” That’s what this album is doing. It’s passing down. It’s memorializing love, childhood, and memories. It’s a folkloric way of processing.
“august”
This is maybe the closest thing to a pop song. It gets loud. It has this shimmering summer haze to it. It’s kind of like coming out of “seven” where you have this image of her in the swing and she’s seven years old, and then in “august” I think it feels like fast-forwarding to now. That’s an interesting contrast. I think it’s just a breezy, sort of intoxicating feeling.
“this is me trying”
“this is me trying,” to me, relates to the entire album. Maybe I’m reading into it too much from my own perspective, but [I think of] the whole album as an exercise and working through these stories, whether personal or old through someone else’s perspective. It’s connecting a lot of things. But I love the feeling in it and the production that Jack did. It has this lazy swagger.
“illicit affairs”
This feels like one of the real folk songs on the record, a sharp-witted narrative folk song. It just shows her versatility and her power as a songwriter, the sharpness of her writing. It’s a great song.
“invisible string”
That was another one where it was music that I’d been playing for a couple of months and sort of humming along to her. It felt like one of the songs that pulls you along. Just playing it on one guitar, it has this emotional locomotion in it, a meditative finger-picking pattern that I really gravitate to. It’s played on this rubber bridge that my friend put on [the guitar] and it deadens the strings so that it sounds old. The core of it sounds like a folk song.
It’s also kind of a sneaky pop song, because of the beat that comes in. She knew that there was something coming because she said, “You know, I love this and I’m hearing something already.” And then she said, “This will change the story,” this beautiful and direct kind of recounting of a relationship in its origin.
“mad woman”
That might be the most scathing song on folklore. It has a darkness that I think is cathartic, sort of witch-hunting and gaslighting and maybe bullying. Sometimes you become the person people try to pin you into a corner to be, which is not really fair. But again, don’t quote me on that [laughs], I just have my own interpretation. It’s one of the biggest releases on the album to me. It has this very sharp tone to it, but sort of in gothic folklore. It’s this record’s goth song.
“epiphany”
For “epiphany,” she did have this idea of a beautiful drone, or a very cinematic sort of widescreen song, where it’s not a lot of accents but more like a sea to bathe in. A stillness, in a sense. I first made this crazy drone which starts the song, and it’s there the whole time. It’s lots of different instruments played and then slowed down and reversed. It created this giant stack of harmony, which is so giant that it was kind of hard to manage, sonically, but it was very beautiful to get lost in. And then I played the piano to it, and it almost felt classical or something, those suspended chords.
I think she just heard it, and instantly, this song came to her, which is really an important one. It’s partially the story of her grandfather, who was a soldier, and partially then a story about a nurse in modern times. I don’t know if this is how she did it, but to me, it’s like a nurse, doctor, or medical professional, where med school doesn’t fully prepare you for seeing someone pass away or just the difficult emotional things that you’ll encounter in your job. In the past, heroes were just soldiers. Now they’re also medical professionals. To me, that’s the underlying mission of the song. There are some things that you see that are hard to talk about. You can’t talk about it. You just bear witness to them. But there’s something else incredibly soothing and comforting about this song. To me, it’s this Icelandic kind of feel, almost classical. My brother did really beautiful orchestration of it.
“betty”
This one Taylor and William wrote, and then both Jack and I worked on it. We all kind of passed it around. This is the one where Taylor wanted a reference. She wanted it to have an early Bob Dylan, sort of a Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan feel. We pushed it a little more towards John Wesley Harding, since it has some drums. It’s this epic narrative folk song where it tells us a long story and connects back to “cardigan.” It starts to connect dots and I think it’s a beautifully written folk song.
Is ‘betty” queer canon?
I can’t speak to what it’s about. I have my own ideas. I also know where Taylor’s heart is, and I think that’s great anytime a song takes on greater meaning for anyone.
Is William Bowery secretly Joe Alwyn?
I don’t know. We’re close, but she won’t tell me that. I think it’s actually someone else, but it’s good to have some mysteries.
“peace”
I wrote this, and Justin provided the pulse. We trade ideas all the time and he made a folder, and there was a pulse in there that I wrote these basslines to. In the other parts of the composition, I did it to Justin’s pulse. Taylor heard this sketch and she wrote the song. It reminds me of Joni Mitchell, in a way - there’s this really powerful and emotional love song, even the impressionistic, almost jazz-like bridge, and she weaves it perfectly together. This is one of my favorites, for sure. But the truth is that the music, that way of playing with harmonized basslines, is something that probably comes a little bit from me being inspired by how Justin does that sometimes. There’s probably a connection there. We didn’t talk too much about it [laughs].
“hoax”
This is a big departure. I think she said to me, “Don’t try to give it any other space other than what feels natural to you.” If you leave me in a room with a piano, I might play something like this. I take a lot of comfort in this. I think I imagined her playing this and singing it. After writing all these songs, this one felt the most emotional and, in a way, the rawest. It is one of my favorites. There’s sadness, but it’s a kind of hopeful sadness. It’s a recognition that you take on the burden of your partners, your loved ones, and their ups and downs. That’s both “peace” and “hoax” to me. That’s part of how I feel about those songs because I think that’s life. There’s a reality, the gravity or an understanding of the human condition.
Does Taylor Explain Her Lyrics?
She would always talk about it. The narrative is essential, and kind of what it’s all about. We’d always talk about that upfront and saying that would guide me with the music. But again, she is operating at many levels where there are connections between all of these songs, or many of them are interrelated in the characters that reappear. There are threads. I think that sometimes she would point it out entirely, but I would start to see these patterns. It’s cool when you see someone’s mind working.
“the lakes”
That’s a Jack song. It’s a beautiful kind of garden, or like you’re lost in a beautiful garden. There’s a kind of Greek poetry to it. Tragic poetry, I guess.
The Meaning Of Folklore
We didn’t talk about it at first. It was only after writing six or seven songs, basically when I thought my writing was done, when we got on the phone and said, “OK, I think we’re making an album. I have these six other ideas that I love with Jack [Antonoff] that we’ve already done, and I think what we’ve done fits really well with them.” It’s sort of these narratives, these folkloric songs, with characters that interweave and are written from different perspectives. She had a vision, and it was connecting back in some way to the folk tradition, but obviously not entirely sonically. It’s more about the narrative aspect of it.
I think it’s this sort of nostalgia and wistfulness that is in a lot of the songs. A lot of them have this kind of longing for looking back on things that have happened in your life, in your friend’s life, or another loved one’s life, and the kind of storytelling around that. That was clear to her. But then we kept going, and more and more songs happened.
It was a very organic process where [meaning] wasn’t something that we really discussed. It just kind of would happen where she would dive back into the folder and find other things that were inspiring. Or she and William Bowery would write “exile,” and then that happened. There were different stages of the process.
Okay, but is it A24-core?
[Laughs.] Good comparison.
#Aaron Dessner#interview#vulture#about taylor#taylor swift#folklore album#folklore era#songwriting#producer#the national#bon iver
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well now i just NEED the playlist
part one | part two (you are here!)
anon, my lovely! i have a streak of bad luck when it comes to making playlists for wip projects - meaning, i’ve made playlists but never actually finished the thing i was working on - so i will refrain from making one for now in a bout of superstition.
i'll gladly share some more music, though, (more or less) related to tarn's hot girl midlife crisis - ESPECIALLY i think i'll use this new ask of yours to talk a bit about those opera pieces i mentioned in the tags of the last post, with some extra funsies thrown in.
i'm sorry, this isn't really what you asked for, but if you want to make your own unofficial midlife crisis playlist with the songs i've already mentioned (and feel free to add your own, of course!) please, go ahead! and do share if you do! :)
that said, lets-a-go!
if you've read the tags in the first post, you know i said recitar (probably better known as vesti la giubba, i think?, but as opera etiquette goes the songs are usually titled using the first line spoken by the singers, and i’m gonna follow that) was tarn’s ‘show must go on’ song - if not because i get to call him a clown (the main character (Canio) and singer of this particular aria plays a character called Pagliaccio - lit. clown)
you multiple links for this particular piece because i honestly cannot pick a favourite: Pavarotti, Domingo, Lanza and... Mina?! - while she’s not a proper opera singer, i think her re-interpretation was pretty cool and it’s fun to listen to a male role being sung by a woman for a change; she also has a beautiful voice.
favourite and most pertinent lyrics: and when Arlecchino / steals away your Colombina / laugh, Pagliaccio, and the audience will cheer
- i’ve never had the opportunity to share this thought before, so i’m gonna go off topic for a moment to say that i love that the word used in the og to evoke how the ‘Arlecchino’ has stolen ‘Pagliaccio’ ‘s partner (Colombina) is “invola” (conj. of the verb “involare”) which is, yes, very old italian, but describes a picture in which Colombina is both being seduced by Arlecchino, and hence being stolen away from her partner, but she is also flying (that ”volare” in “involare” in modern italian means literally “to fly”) away from Pagliaccio, like the dove she is named after.
one of the first contender as the empyrean suite stand in in the human au was libiamo ne’ lieti calici (here by Diana Damrau and Juan Diego Flòrez): i thought that the airy and celebrative (of love, especially, passionate and fleeting) atmosphere of this song made for an excellent and hilarious contrast if it were to be used to cover up murder noises, but as things went on and i started to sketch out a more defined version of human tarn he grew to hate not only this particular song but the la traviata as a whole - of course, the characters and their grieves are very radicated into high society so it’s not hard to presume that tarn’s problems with the opera per se would come with it being a complete antithesis to what the decepticons stand for, and he would be very inclined to make you believe so! in truth, it’s actually a very personal matter (and he has a particular distaste for Alfredo, the male protagonist, usually interpreted by a tenor, fyi)
some other misc songs i really enjoy from la traviata: sempre libera; (by Lisette Oropesa and by Diana Damrau; if you were to listen to critics Damrau’s performance here isn’t very good, but i still enjoyed her acting and had overall fun listening to her, so here you go) lovely piece, i especially like how they have the tenor sing off stage to achieve that “overheard” effect, maybe a silly thing, but i find it really endearing, coro di zingarelle e mattadori (sic); (i don’t know where this performance is from, but it has noi siamo zingarelle (sic) and di madride noi siamo i mattadori both together so i’ll take it. trigger warning for: inappropriate language to describe romani women (the italian equivalent of the g word) and discussed bullfighting) if you can get past the 1853-ness of it it’s a very fun piece that almost always makes me want to get up and dance - honorable lyrics mentions goes to the bit where the marquis, who was gossiping about Alfredo and Violetta at the beginning of the song, gets called a slut and then to bullfighters’ bit which has them enter the scene just to say how hot and sexy they are.
about carmen, though! i mentioned votre toast, but what about other songs? in près des ramparts de seville (by Elīna Garanča, my beloved and the most Carmen ever. did you know that originally carmen flopped for being too horny of an opera? now you know) you can start to see why i called tarn a don josè; with the exception that josè at least tries to mantain some self control before becoming a disgusting simp.
mentioning la habanera is kind of cheating so i’m just not gonna say anything about the song per se and link my two favourite performances: 1. Maria Callas; she starts singing at 2:15 if you want to skip the ouverture, but i suggest you don’t: she just is that much a pleasure to watch and listen to, her satisfaction and joy just bleed into the performance, that little pleased smile she has on is very contagious, 2. Elīna Garanča; amazing, showstopping, i have a little crush on her, etc., if you thought the près des ramparts performance was horny you will discover that this one is also very much horny (also fun note: Elīna Garanča is a mezzosoprano while Maria Callas is a soprano! it’s again the situation of of Samuel Ramey playing Escamillo, even if a little less drastic)
let’s conclude this little opera parentheses with again another song i considered as an empyrean suite stand in: va, pensiero (or, more known as the nabucco choir, here sang by the choir of il Teatro dell’Opera di Roma); again, there’s the discrepancy between the meaning of the song and its longing (for the singers’ homeland, this time) and tarn’s use of it, but what actually, imho, would’ve made it interesting as a possible empyrean suite is that as a song it did have an important place in the italian resurgence, and such as a somewhat political piece, as its composer, Giuseppe Verdi, (long story short) ‘broke containment’ and its pieces were not only widespread among the upper classes but the commoners who sang them and made them into something that unified a country in name only, otherwise physically divided.
in the end i decided against it because votre toast is objectively funnier. still, va, pensiero is a beautiful song.
(and since i’m spamming my own scribbles: BAM HUMAN TARN AND MIKA LYRICS. brings back memories...)
now! how about those FUNSIES EXTRA i mentioned forever ago? for the ‘things i actually listened to while writing/plotting’ we have notte all’opera (lit. night at the opera) because what can i say? if tarn’s living his hot girl midlife crisis i’m living my 80s italian pop one - plus, this one is a really funky one. now, to more recent times, there’s la paura del buio that has a really nice tarnsaurus break-up post deathsaurus defection (especially the first verses: i look myself in the mirror and i pretend to be at the circus / on a merry-go-round of happiness that i don’t want to get off / even if i’m not having fun anymore).
and a propos of måneskin, i wanna be your slave is a really good tarn song that fits him in every universe - eons ago i even drew a little something about it and even meant to make a sort of spiritual sequel with the lyrics: i wanna set you free / but i’m too fucking jealous / i wanna pull your strings / like you’re my telecaster / and if you want to use me i could be your puppet; but alas i never did.
first of all, if you’ve got here, i bow to you, and thank you for reading all my nonsensical rambles; but let’s on go ahead to the bonus track: someone special, i felt like i should also share something that’s incredibly warm and fuzzy and self indulgent for tarn et deathsaurus - go on, listen to it, i won’t spoil the lyrics but i promise it’s extremely fluffy.
but you know what there is an astoundingly lack of in this musical post, considering it’s me we’re talking about? if you guessed POETS OF THE FALL you’re right, if you didn’t: don’t worry, you’re about to ascend to an entire new plane of existence.
now, since they’re one of my most loved bands, where to start when picking in relation to my current and most beloved wip?
revolution roulette is probably my favourite album of them, and while i do love all its tracks i will stop to three for the wip: 1. revolution roulette itself is another good buildup to defection for deathsaurus; 2. ultimate fling is THE deathsaurus/esmeral breakup song and probably my second absolute favourite from the band (lyrics that make me absolute rabid: ashtrays filled with the fruits of our transgression / here and there sarcasm overflows / to stay I'll need this sitcom to be re-run till I get the gist of just how it goes); 3. i lied this is two :) but! to my defence, i think they both paint a good picture of what i like (and like to write) in tarn: 3.1 passion colors everything (lyrics: the face I wear behind my grin / the price I've paid for my original sin); 3.2 save me (lyrics - tw for self harm if you go listen the whole song: looking at myself in the mirror / funny I should see only headlines and ads with my name / i was told I'd see my ally / so who are these skeletons with guns taking aim?)
clearview is their second most recent album and while it’s not bad it certainly is not their best, but it also has my favourite song of all time: children of the sun that, admittedly, it’s a bit of my jolly because i always find a way to shoehorn it into my favourite things, but its good. listen to it :)))
- also: drama for life is an absolute banger and another good song for tarn (lyrics that make me eat dirt: a blueprint for life, blueprint your life / aggressively primal cultural high / this mental Versailles is much grander than the lies / you tell yourself to get through the night)
twilight theater is another favourite of mine, and the one i think i will end this post - on another double featurette and a bonus track: 1. change refers more to a tarn immediately after finding about megatron’s denunce of the cause (since i can’t put it into my own words you get lyrics: do you feel a change coming on / rolling out of the blue like a storm / and it's throwing your dollhouse world in disarray / so you can rebuild or conform [...] i too fear the change coming on / rolling out of the blue like a storm / can you hear it scream at the hurt that I knew); 2. smoke and mirrors i think fits nicely for a young tarn post autobots/early decepticons era (when the malady's no remedy / till we reach the lowest absolute / and necessity will finally force something through what's walling you)
#s-sorry this got actually longer than the first reply#please though do keep in mind im just a music enthusiast and not an expert#some of the things i say (especially regarding opera) you might not agree on/might be wrong#anon i feel like i should apologise to you but ngl you kinda brought it upon yourself#(sorry for being late a propos)#stay tuned for more midlife crisis upadates#transformers#tf idw#mtmte#tarn#deathsaurus#deathsaurus/esmeral#tarnsaurus#maccadam#wip: tarn's h*t girl midlife crisis human au#answered
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liar, mark lee.
pairing mark lee x reader
word count 2.5k
genre angst, slight fluff
warning(s) implication of cheating
note i’m experimenting with writing styles, so bear with me on this one hehe! this concept is inspired by the ways we lie by stephanie ericsson. i finished this at 2am so idek (⊙‿⊙✿)
summary he knows how to lie. he knows how it works. he knows you.
There are many things Mark Lee is good at.
He knows how to rap, sing, and dance until his lungs are on fire. He knows how to plaster a smile on his face when his company offers another tiring position for him to be in. He knows how to pretend that everything is alright for him to handle. He knows how to lie.
He has a thing or two for semantics and can construct a deception for one to believe in. He maintains his composure, sticks to his story, and walks around the truth more often than he can think. He claims to dislike lying, but the person he often does it to is you. He likes to think of it as a way of protecting you as unpleasant as it really sounds.
“Have you told her yet?” Donghyuck asks him after dance practice when it was just the two of them alone. He looks concerned for him. “The sooner you tell her, the better. You know that.”
Mark simply shrugs his shoulders and leans his back on the mirror. “’Hyuck, just—I’ll handle it, okay? I just don’t know how to tell her.”
“Simple,” the younger male starts to wipe his sweat off with his shirt and sits next to him. “Tell her about the contract. It’ll ease her mind knowing that her boyfriend isn’t actually cheating on her.”
“Right.”
“She already put a lot on the line for you. The least you can do is tell her the truth.”
He recalls an essay he has read in his junior year of high school: The Ways We Lie by Stephanie Ericsson. It made him aware of the underlying cancer that grows within our mind that society accepts the fact that everyone lies. It’s a trait that has been embedded in the human mind for so long that it is almost impossible to get rid of.
There are ten ways listed, but all he remembers are four prominent ones: white lies, facades, omissions, and delusions. (He utilizes it all.)
“Baby, I’m fine.”
Mark reassures you. He never lies to you—not even a white lie, but he doesn’t want to worry you with his issues. It is his problem, anyways. He couldn’t find the right flow to the rap verse they assigned him to, no matter how many times he does it. Something is missing. He’s way off, he thinks.
“Okay, fine,” you pout through the video call and cross your arms. “But if there is something wrong, you have to tell me. Even if you know I am sleeping because of our shitty time zones, you still have to call me just to tell me. I don’t care!”
He laughs wholeheartedly and grins at you. “Of course.”
“You better, Mark Lee,” you shake your head in a taunting manner. “Or else, I will go to South Korea myself and force the answer out of you. Wait, that’s too aggressive, but you get what I’m saying, right?”
“I’m still surprised I understand you in general,” he jokes and stands up to get a glass of water. “But baby, I’m fine. You know how comeback season works, it’s like, a routine at this point.”
“I know,” you address. “Just make sure to get lots of rest and know your limits. I don’t want my baby boy getting sick while I’m in another country studying law.”
He blushes at the nickname and rubs the back of his neck. “Of course. I always know my limits.”
“Take a break.”
Mark looks up from the lyric sheet and sees Taeyong staring right at him. He clenches his jaw and pushes the headset down to his shoulders before opening the door of the recording studio. “I’m fine. I just need more time. I keep messing up a verse.”
“The producer said your voice was already good during your eighth recording. You are at your twelfth right now,” the leader pauses and pats his shoulder. “I understand where this is coming from, but you never acted this way over a recording. Is everything okay?”
He looks down at his shoes. “Yeah, you know me. I have a tendency to try and perfect it the least. It’s the least I can do to our fans.”
“Just don’t push yourself. It’s already midnight. Make sure to get some rest,” Taeyong purses his lips and playfully hits his shoulder. “Plus, what would ____ think if she knows you’re not taking care of yourself, huh?”
Mark almost crumples the contract in his hands. “She’d be pretty concerned—and mad.” He pushes the chair back and runs his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, why did I agree to this?”
At this point, he wears a facade for you. He keeps saying things again and again and hopes to God that you haven’t caught on to his act. It’s a one man play. And you’re the only one watching. He looks at his best friend, who pushes a mug of green tea towards him—as if it will solve all of his problems. It won’t.
“Why did you?” Donghyuck repeats and looks at him with concern. He has known Mark for the past ten years, but he can never understand the impulsive decisions he makes. It’s one to be dedicated to a job, but it’s another to be impulsive. “Mark, you’re gonna break her if you don’t tell her.”
Mark laughs. He glances down at the hot steam coming from the mug before looking at his best friend. “You think I don’t know that, ‘Hyuck?”
“Tell her,” the other boy urges on. “Tell her how you signed a contract that states you agreed to be in a relationship for the time being for the new group’s sake. Technically, it is the truth.”
“It’ll make her more stressed. She’s already stressed with law. I don’t need this to be a part of her concern.”
“Then, tell me,” Donghyuck finally sighs. “Tell me what you’re gonna tell her when you’re on the headlines for being in a secret relationship with a trainee?”
Mark clearly knows his faults and weaknesses. He is partaking in another version of lies: omissions. He tells you the truth by excluding one or more key components of it. You don’t need to know everything, is what his mind says when he sees you through the camera exhausted, but still excited to see him. You ask questions and he answers with the important parts being left out. He asks questions and you answer with utter honesty because he knows you too well.
(You don’t need to know.)
“Yujin,” Mark enunciates and looks at her with a tilt of his head. “Do you think this is right by any means?”
She hums. “Well,” she takes a sip from her drink. “It’s what the company wants right? It’s their word against ours—and you should know how this industry functions at this point. It’s a bunch of manipulation and shit that is geared towards perfection, which is only utilized to please the public eye.”
“Well, I know that,” he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I mean about this—our relationship.”
She giggles. “We’re getting paid anyways. What’s so bad about kissing in front of the camera at events to please fans?”
“Right,” he replies with a strained laugh. “I just find the idea nerve-wracking.”
She frowns at him. “Mark, are you okay?”
Here is what he learned from the entertainment industry: people don’t really want to know how you feel. The truth, they never want that. When they ask how are you, they don’t wanna know. They just ask because they feel like they have to. They don’t want you to elaborate on how you really are. It’s something that they do to make them seem like a good person. They do it for their part and not his.
No. The two letter word burns on his tongue, but just like a mechanized script, the words that leave his mouth is a lie that he has told multiple times that leave people with a nonchalant smile on their lips: “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He sees you for the fifth time this week, dressed in sweats as you cradle a bowl of cereal in your hands with a goofy smile on your face. “What?” you curiously ask with the spoon in your mouth. “Am I that pretty, Mark?”
“You’re always pretty,” he responds immediately with a slight smirk on his lips, which in turn causes you to blush. “I miss you.”
You smile. “I miss you more.”
He sees your tired smile once more and sighs. He wants to tell you, really, but he doesn’t want to see that smile slip from your features knowing that it is his fault. But he knows that he will be the reason you will be crying in the following week. It’s for you, he repeats in his head, it’s for you.
I need to let you go.
“Imagine if I just became an idol, hm?” you suddenly say. “I’d probably see you more and not stress about stupid bar exams for the time being.”
Don’t. Please don’t. He urges to say, but he just shakes his head and sheepishly grins at you. “Well, if you did become one, you’d probably be a singer. I still remember when you were drunk and sang to me—”
“You said you wouldn’t bring that up!” Despite the virtual connection, he can still clearly see your flushed cheeks. Again. (He really loves you.) “That was so fucking embarrassing.”
“It was adorable.”
“Right,” you close your eyes and lean your face closer to the camera. “I love you, Mark Lee.”
“I love you too,” he responds immediately. “One day,” he rubs his eyes. “One day, I’ll finish my contract and I can be with you. We can be together. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?”
To think, he has already planned out his life with you in his mind, but he knows it’s impossible. But not only does he aim to deceive you, but to deceive himself too. It’s a delusion as Ericsson would describe it to be. It’s funny how he cannot remember a preponderance of things, yet he always remembers how delusion was described: filters out information that contradicts what we want to believe. He is building a perception of a perfect world with you, where he wouldn’t have to think about his image for a second. It’s too good to be true. It’s not real.
“It does. It really does,” you say, but the tone of your voice says otherwise. “Just promise me one thing?”
“What is it?”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Mark Lee.”
The blinding lights of the studio almost make him want to throw up. Mark watches how the staff are preparing the set and how his management are talking over the script with the interviewer. He looks at himself through the mirror one more time before facing Yujin, who is busy fixing her eyelash extensions.
“So, the interview is gonna be live,” Yujin drawls out, puckering her lips and tilting her head at him. “Mark, be honest with me,” she taps his shoulder. “Do you hate me?”
He widens his eyes and shakes his head. “No, I don’t. I swear!”
“You sure? Because every time we talk, you look glum. You tend to zone out.”
“It’s really not because of you,” he utters. “Let’s just say, I didn’t expect the company to agree to this for publicity.”
She nods in acknowledgement. “Is that all?”
Mark thinks of Yujin as a catalyst. She’ll be the one to speed up the duration of his relationship with you and destroy whatever he has built for you. Not that any of this was hers to control. He wishes he can hate her, but all she has ever done was sign her name on a contract the same as he did. If anything, Yujin is a spawn in a much bigger scheme that acts as the catalyst.
“Yeah, that’s all.”
Mark feels dizzy. His eyes are overwhelmed by the numerous flashes from cameras and the questioning voices of reporters. He pulls down his cap as if it’ll do him any justice and wraps his arm around Yujin—as told by the company. “I didn’t know the reporters were gonna be this much.”
“Well, since our management wants our relationship to blow up, it’d make sense in a way,” she exhaustedly replies when he opens the car door for her. “Just smile and pose, Markie,” she says and leans in for a kiss on his cheek when she catches a camera aimed their way.
He freezes.
“Show business is show business,” she whispers in his ear and gets in the car. “It’s a cruel world we live in, isn’t it?”
Mark calls you, but he understands why you haven’t picked up in the past week. He already can see your tear-stained cheeks and hear your stifled sobs. He wishes he can tell you the truth, but he’d rather let you go with a lie. He’s good at that. He’s good at lying. He’s lied before to you. It should be easy.
“It’s been going on for the past months,” he tells you. “I-I didn’t know how to bring it up, so I just—”
“Decided to let me see it for myself?” you cut him off, chuckling nervously. “God, Mark, this whole damn time I have thought to be with you, you’ve been off fucking a trainee?”
Mark almost grimaces. But he maintains the composure he has left for himself and nods slowly. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie until it feels right. “It just happened. One day, we were practicing and we clicked. At first, I thought it was a one-time thing to distract myself. I just needed a friend at the time,” he pauses. “One thing led to another and we slept with each other, okay? And I just lost feelings for you. I only continued our relationship because I felt obligated to.”
It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie.
He loves you. He has always loved you, regardless of the distance between you. The only reason you had to move was because of his debut; the company did not want any news spreading about him being in a relationship, yet they were the ones pulling the strings as of right now. They explained how their new girl group was not selling well, and the infamous Mark Lee was a way to solve the problem. Mark, do this, Mark, do that. Mark, pretend. Just smile and pose. Smile. Smile beneath the lie.
He can’t keep doing this to you.
“You did so much for me, so I kept calling you as a means to return the favor.”
He sees it. He sees the tears building up in your eyes as you force on a smile and laugh again. “What am I? A charity case?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I hate you.”
He knows you too well. He knows that you’re putting a front—don’t we all? He thinks of the white lie you’re uttering, the facade you’re wearing, the omission you’re doing, and the delusion you’re forcing yourself into. He knows how to lie. He knows how it works. He knows you.
“I know.” I know that’s a lie.
#mark lee#mark lee scenarios#mark lee x reader#mark lee x you#mark lee imagine#nct masterlist#nct 127#nct dream#nct u#superm#nct fluff#nct angst#mark lee angst#mark lee fluff#nct imagines#nct imagine#nct scenario#nct scenarios#mark lee imagines#mark lee fanfic#nct oneshot#nct fanfic#lee donghyuck#lee taeyong#lee haechan#mark lee oneshot#masterlist
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Song of the Moment: 匿名的宝贝 Anonymous Darling
Today's song recommendation isn't directly related to Yizhan but rather, a BJYX fan fiction [As You Wish]. The original Chinese version is considered a classic within the fandom and there's even a book version of it now. I first read the fic about 3 months ago after seeing it in @rainbowsky's recommendations list. It's a long read, more than 90K words but I finished it in one sitting. That's how invested I was in the storyline.
(Side note: thank you Rainbowsky for the list. Your recommendations are excellent and most of them are right up my alley. If anyone's keen, here's the list. Check it out!)
I re-read it again last night and it just hit me even deeper the second time around. First time was really just to get the plot moving along but on my second read, you get to see more of the nuances, pick up clues that you missed previously. Generally just got more deeply into the main characters' headspace.
What I like about it is its simplicity and realistic portrayal of life and love - two people who understood the realities of life's circumstances and chose to put themselves first, and that any relationships take effort and courage to work. There's no fancy or dramatic plotlines, no major conflicts or antagonists or whatever, but it just draws you in.
Two ex-lovers, meeting again, walking on eggshells, awkward conversations, testing boundaries, wanting but held back by fear and uncertainties. Of personal growth and maturity. Of love lost and not found, but rather, rebuilt. It's not a fairy tale - there's light angst, some tension, sweet moments, awkwardness, etc but a worthwhile read, I assure you. I'm even planning to read the fic in Chinese next to experience it as the author intended.
Anyway, back to the song. Anonymous Darling is a 2004 song released by Singaporean singer-songwriter/rocker Huang Yida. I had known of this song back then when I was a teen cos my sis was a fan of him. We even went to his autograph session 😅. In the fic, the song is quite a central part of the plot, like a theme song of sorts, and the lyrics were used to portray some of the characters' innermost thoughts. After re-reading the fic, I put the song on replay. All the feels...hence the inspiration for this post.
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Anonymous Darling is a love song, but a bittersweet one. It's about someone who once had a great love but then lost it. Instead of pining over it or being resentful or nonchalant, they chose to keep it hidden deep within their own heart, to safeguard it. The love and yearning is still there, it's still beautiful, it's precious. Even if it doesn't come to fruition, it won't ever be forgotten.
我思念在你眼中那一片海水 How I miss the view of the sea (tears?) in your eyes
有一种让我心痛的美 It's devastatingly beautiful
于是我选择自已孤单的睡 That's why I chose to sleep alone (to leave)
下半辈子让我不相信的理由 我想是你对不对 I guess you're the reason why I stopped believing for the rest of my life
妳是个匿名的宝贝 藏在我心里的眼泪 You're an anonymous darling, hidden in the tears within my heart
不管妳带走了什么 我都因为爱过妳觉得美 No matter what you take away, I'll always find it (the relationship) beautiful because I once loved you
永远不忘记妳的我 像一个孤魂和野鬼 I will never forget you, just like a lonely soul and wild ghost
在这个世界上受苦 风吹雨打 我都无所谓 Even if I have to suffer hardships or endure the wind and rain, it doesn't matter at all.
妳是个匿名的宝贝 常在我心里飞呀飞 You're an anonymous darling, fluttering around in my heart
如果还能有那一天 请妳 回头看我一眼醒了没 If that day ever comes, please turn back to look at me and see if I've woken up
不必安慰我 妳知道我不累 oh 爱妳怎么会累 Don't need to comfort me, you know I'm not tired. How can loving you be tiring
再一次站在雨中看着天黑 Standing once again in the rain looking up at the dark sky
我觉得我在人海里潜水 It feels like I'm diving in a sea of people
带妳的名字飞往东南西北 Carrying your name with me to North, South, East, West
我要让这个地球上除了我 再也没有人能知道 妳是谁 妳又是我的谁 Except me, I don't want anyone else in this world to know who you are, and who you are to me.
I hope you'll enjoy today's song recommendation. It really brought back memories of my teenage days. Haha..and also enhanced my appreciation of the fic. Sorry, this post was not meant to be a fic recommendation but I'd be happy to discuss the story separately with anyone who's keen.
Since I'm on it, might as well recommend a few other Huang Yida songs that I liked back then. I think he's now focusing more on song writing and has penned songs for several hit drama series in China. He's on Spotify too.
(Ok I realised I like a lot of them so I'll just list some. I love soft rock, which he does very well.)
That Girl Said To Me
Blue Sky
That Girl
Every Day and Every Night
Only Understand When You Love
Love Under the Microscope
Go Away
Like You (Like Me)
A Second of Comfort
Equilateral Triangle
A Song to Myself
Heart Disk
Simple (fun fact: GG's idol Stefanie Sun penned the melody to this. In fact, Yida was dubbed 'the male version of Stef Sun' when he debuted.)
#bjyx fan fic#huang yida#the ji's song of the moment#doesn't he look a bit like DD's buddy Yin Zheng ge?
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