#i just treat it like im describing an image i dont have at the time really

[malwarechips]

yknow i never noticed the sheer rareness of images having ids or alt text on this website until i started adding alt text to my art (and trying to remember to add it to any images i post in general, especially text screenshots) and that makes me kinda sad

#i used to be pretty intimidated by the idea of having to describe my art but. it isnt as hard as it sounds #i just treat it like im describing an image i dont have at the time really #plus ive been told that even a simple id is better than no id #lev.txt

[nanistar]

i saw ur nightheart posts and i noticed u hate him quite a lot and im curious for the reasons why! i hope it doesnt sound rude! its a genuine question out of curiousity not an attempt for you to justify ur opinion, personally im aloof when it comes to nightheart i think hes just an edgelord tbh

nah you're not rude dw i get it. tbh i don't hate HIM as a character, i mean he's kinda annoying but whatever. instead i hate everything about him as a written extension of the authors and their views. nightheart isn't real, and doesn't have opinions but they authors do and they speak thru him to a young and volatile audience that might not know better. (which is also why i don't buy the "unreliable narrator" thing)

they twist the female characters around him to fit their narrative of "poor misunderstood sadboy" surrounded by "cruel mean women". squirrelflight, sparkpelt and even finchlight already had personalities, squirrelflight especially is known for bending rules for what she views as "the right thing", so why would she turn around and scream at him for wanting to change his name? why would finchlight, in one book, support his name change and stick up for him, only for in the next book to completely turn around and call him disrespectful and selfish. they needed to create more drama for him. before his warrior ceremony, he pulls off dangerous stunts trying to show off during his test, and it ends up blowing up in his face and fails, and he doesn't see this as HIS failing, he blames squirrelflight and his mentor for "expecting more of him because he's related to firestar" which??? and for that plot point to be given to him instead of his mother sparkpelt who is multiple times described as the spitting image of firestar? but she's like, totally fine with it. she's never given anything to do ever until she becomes a mother, (except disagree with alderheart like once and be the "rude misunderstanding woman" for his story too.)

and speaking of mothers... sparkpelt lost her mate as she gave birth, two heavily traumatizing things happening simultaneously. she had post-partum depression for a while, which is a serious and debilitating illness that KILLS people. yet she was still able to feed the kits, she didn't abandon them. they had plenty of attention from their family and from the other nursery cats. they were never once neglected. she was only out of commission for about a month before squirrelflight helped her back on her feet but that doesn't matter, because for the narrative, (and by the fandom) she is treated like a horrible abusive mother who neglected her kids on purpose. which. first of all crookedstar couldn't even LOOK at his daughter for the first week of her life and he is heralded as nothing but a loving father. second, nightheart goes on and on about how she left him and how she is hardly his mother because (lilyheart? i dont remember) one of the other queens helped raise them for the first month. the erins tie the worth of their female characters to how good of a mother they are, and any deviations from the nuclear family with a working husband and a housewife are automatically bad in their eyes,( yet they killed off ferncloud because she was "too annoying" for being a loving nursery mom.) (also think about how anti-adoption they are. the second the po3 secret was out, suddenly brambleclaw and squilf were never their parents despite literally raising them) they are horribly misogynistic, and their female characters are just pawns for either manpain or to be baby machines. this doesn't even begin to touch on how boy crazy the female protags have been lately, bristlefrost was interesting at first but eventually just turned into a wife for rootspring and then fridged for manpain, and sunbeam suddenly deciding shes in love with nightheart even though he stalked her and creeped her out???

adding on to this point, during ashfur's takeover, sparkpelt is EXILED from thunderclan (after being mauled by dogs, and by who she believes to be her father btw) she BEGS imposterstar to let her stay because of her family but he refuses. finchpaw chooses to go with her mother but flamepaw stays behind. then in his POV parts, he goes on and on about how she walked out on him!

again, nightheart the character: not real. he's a puppet for the authors to speak their misogynistic rhetoric. i would LOVE if he was just kinda a whiny emo dirtbag, or an actual unreliable narrator and whenever he complained everyone around him rolled their eyes and was like "ok nightheart" . remember that scene in meet the robinsons where bowler hat guy is telling his tragic backstory and he's talking about ppl at school and his narration says "they alll HATED me" while everyone in the scene was like "hi goob cool binder!" or "hey wanna come hang out with me later?" THAT'S (hilarious) but also what an unreliable narrator is. if that was nightheart it would be so funny. but instead, he HAS to be right, he HAS to be mistreated by all these mean horrible women. sorry for ranting, i promise im not mad at you.

#nyask

[homosexualasstransbian]

im transfem/nonbinary and honestly the whole cutesy uwu anime girl puppy girl aesthetic is making me feel ill. i recently got harrassed by a cis woman chaser who saw the transflag in my bio and started talking to me in this really weird overly cutesy way and started flirting with me, i told her im taken and not interested and this is weird and she said something like "oki u silly transie, if u ever need a girly to do something for you im here, cuz nornal girls are boring" and then the next day she sent me some image of some anime girl w/ the caption "im not like other girls, i have a massive cock" and asked "this u?" and she was so weird and gross and overly cutesy. and like the fact im trans is part of me and im proud of it but i want to be seen as me, as a person, as smthn beyond arbitrary boxes. thats why im nonbinary, i dont wanna be forced into some made up vague perception of how i have to be and instead just be me and do my own thing. i dont label my sexuality either but im pretty sure im like pretty aromantic. greyromantic or whatever its called. and my sexuality i kinda tie together with my romantic attraction, so its often incredibly odd to me how prevalent sexual language and stuff is online and how weirdly its treated as smthn normal, especially in more queer communities. and when i feel terrible and get support online, ppl will say ooo ur pretty ooo ur cute dont be sad and downplay it when i need someone to talk to qnd need to be acknoledged beyond how i physically am, it makes me feel rlly objectified and like my only value is in the fact that i am trans and how i look, and its my only thing and the only way ppl refer to me and boil me down to. but i dont want to be some cutesy meme girl, i want ppl to acknowledge me and what i do and like and love and enjoy and hate and dislike and think and say, i want to be seen and understood regardless of and beyond my transness. because im a raw, living breathing human person thats infinitely complex, and i just wanna be me and do what i enjoy. i dont want my personality boiled down to superficial aspects of me that exists solely because outside society needed a label for it to ostrasize or fetishize it. im sorry for the long rant its just rlly frustrating, especially when you try to find communities and its just so weirdly sexual and condescending and objectifying 😭

hey unfortunately, i do not have the mental capacity to be able to read all of this and actually respond to it, i just lose 80% of the ask once I'm finished reading, so I'll just say: damn fuck that cis bitch.

While i get that after your experiences this "aesthetic" might make you feel ill, i really don't see why i should be told this.

I do not choose the way i present to other people because it's what i feel i should look or act like, i act however feels good to me. the reason my blog looks like this is because, put simply, i like it.

I may not be just a puppy, girl or gay, in fact the most accurate way to describe me would be "thing that should not be alive as far as anyone knows, but it persists, it's also a puppy that is a girl, a robot, a void and divine flesh"

but i go with my current aesthetic, username, and whatever else because they're the descriptions I'm most confident in, they make me feel nice, i love them.

I am quite literally a tranny girl faggot that acts like a puppy sometimes.

Sometimes i feel like I'm a shattered vessel built of divine flesh that's empty and yet so completely full.

Sometimes i wish my flesh melted away, permanently fusing me with the outer shell of a mech.

None of my identities are fully separate or stable, but they also feel distinct enough that i only choose one at a time (and even then sometimes they can split apart).

I don't act like this because i wanna be "haha silly cute trans girl that's an adorable puppy and is so so overly sexual", it's just what i act like, in general, if I don't worry about pretending to be someone else.

I guess put simply: if you don't like me: fucking leave, block me, get rid of me, i won't hold it against you, I'll continue to do what i like, the way i like doing it, because this is my blog.

i forgot where i was going with this post, y'all just get this really long one i guess.

[graymarketblackdiamond]

a very quick doodle of my main charr, Taistel the Unforgiving, which got me thinking about her and her frozen heart, and how delighted i was to discover the frost legion for the first time

some ramblings underway (its a bit long. whoops!)...

taistel was the second character i ever made on gw2, and was my gateway into the charr themselves. she's a blood legion order of whispers combo, so she's a bloodthirsty warrior with the open nature of a stuck glue jar. i didn't dabble with the idea of her being ice themed until way later, but it seemed to fit her pretty well. the idea of her being like ice, cold and frigid and certainly deadly when you aren't careful around it. the cold is often described as fierce, and blizzards are unruly and unforgiving (much like her name!). it all tied in so well with her.

(an old image. i loved taking pictures of her in frostgorge)

the juxtaposition of her being a guardian sat very well in my head. guardians of course have means to protect, but she isn't protecting others by any means. her selfish, guarded and frankly quite nasty nature shined through all these little tidbits of storytelling that really just told themselves as i played the game. something clearly happened to her that really was so unforgiving that it twisted her deeply, her mentality driven to this state of being constantly on the attack (or in this case, on the defense. haha).

then HoT dropped, and i classed her into a DH, which i still can't quite let go of (im sure firebrand is better in some respects, but boy do i love smacking buttons and doing instant damage)

dragonhunter has a bit of a ring to it. in her story i had so far, she was friends with my main commander and his funny rat-tag group of friends in their in-canon guild known as Vagabond's Trek. now my commander is a sylvari dude, chipper guy who's a bit goofy. Taistel herself isn't easy to win over, but when faced with an idiot who dives into danger head first and comes back with trauma and a funny quip to go with it, it's hard not to want to see him a little safe. my hardened characters can have a soft spot as a treat.

so when the threat of mordremoth comes about... becoming a dragonhunter feels like a direct threat toward the threat itself. its like a command, a promise, a sworn seal of vengeance for corrupting (or, attemtping to corrupt) a friend. ice burns arent common, i dont think, but boy would she burn the jungle to its knees if it came to it. kill the pest and torch its house, so what if the pest is a dragon?

PoF brought its own issues and problems, of course, but man. the icebrood saga. mordremoth and kralk were easy to mash like mincemeat

but jormag would have been a real problem for her.

(i wish i had this permanent infusion in the game ): its so cool)

whipsers and promises of power and glory must be like gold candy for charr. whispers of protection for people you care for would have been exactly what taistel would have wanted to hear. nevermind that her friend had already nearly fallen to corruption, this was different, you see. for her whole life she knew that slithers of ice could cut the skin and make you bleed out, chunks of ice could bludgeon you and leave you concussed...

but jormag's ice could fortify and could protect. what a wonderful change of pace that would be, to go from this ferocious, deadly weapon to the protector she always could have been. an actual, true guardian, one that could live up to the name of the class she picked up as a young cub. well, it would have been perfect! it would have been the perfect path for her to follow. her vision of ideal couldn't have been colder, couldn't have been more perfect. the dragons claws were at her shoulders...

but of course, we all know how that eventually turns out for the other charr, like the unfortunate ryland. its a good job she had people to fall back on when it all fell apart. so much shame she would have felt after that. so many allies she had slain in the process, too. (the cache champs being charr you met along the way still pulls at my heart tbh...)

... but anyway, i just love how some of the stories in this game tell themselves. its easily why ive been playing it for so damn long.

#guild wars 2 #gw2 #charr #gw2 oc #doodles #art #taistel the unforgiving #its so nice to get these thoughts down #i love this game sooooooo much

[autumnfangirler]

Can I ask 3 and 22 from the Sidestep ask game for your Steps? 👀

sure thing!

3. What is their villain name? Why did they choose it?

Caine- their name is Lycan! in all honesty he wouldnt bother picking his own name, BUT i need to continue his dog motif so theyre getting a unique one as a treat

Cyrus- hhhhh ok. see i can see cyrus taking up two different names– either puppeteer or heartbreak. im sticking with puppeteer for now but ill explain for both. on one hand, puppeteer really is the best way to describe his viewpoint at this point in time. hes the one pulling the strings here, and everybody else will play along. theyre nothing more than tools, puppets, putting on a show for his own amusement, and the fact hes known as a telepath really helps. on the other hand, i can see him using heartbreak as a way to kill sidestep all over again: the more the name heartbreak is used, the more the memory of sidestep dies. plus he sees himself as heartbreak 2.0– he uses the lessons he learned and channels it to the new an improved version, one who will finish what they started

Cecilia- Lupin! one, because the name was pretty, and two, because arsene lupin was the greatest fictional thief of all time, and she's confident she can live up to the name. shes just cocky like that LMFAO

Cynthia- at first i was certain that shed leave her name up to the press, but i think shed be a bit more hands on with how she comes across to the press, if only to further her goals. that said, she ended up deciding on the name Echo. she sees herself as a shadow of her former self, but with just enough intact to deliver a message, one that the people need to hear before its too late (love me my justice steps)

22. How do they feel about their telepathy? Is it a gift? A curse?

Caine- listen to me ok. listen to me. caine cannot introspect to save their fucking life. the only way hes learned how to place his own emotions is by using his telepathy to compare others emotions with his own. it helps them get through conversations with their head afloat, quickens decision making during fights, and most importantly, keeps them under the radar. he doesnt know what hed do without it. and even though hes the most prone to sensory overload, he wouldnt want to live without telepathy. hark is always there whenever they need some peace and quiet anyway.

Cyrus- he sees his telepathy as a weapon. one that gives him an upper hand in situations where fists wont help, so he can turn it more to his favour. but its a double edged sword, and sometimes it can be a hindrance more than a help. it made it harder to remain emotionally detached, especially from a certain someone whose thoughts never shut up. still, telepathy is a useful tool in his arsenal, one that he intends to use to the fullest

Cecilia- her telepathy is as much a part of her as a limb. yeah, she uses it a lot less than other steps, but its still something uniquely hers, and she cant imagine living without. or she can, but oh boy does she not like the image. she doesnt experience sensory overload much, so she tends to take comfort in crowds and noisy places, where she can pick apart the thoughts and emotions of the people around her, a bit like people watching, if you dont watch the people lmfao

Cynthia- ive said it before, but she has mixed feelings on her telepathy. shes grateful for it when used to feel other peoples emotions, because it grounds her in a way most other things cant. she also cant help but use it to make sure shes doing things right. but it still makes her feel guilty in a way she cant shake, like shes invading others privacy even when she cant help it. its part of the reason shes drawn to ortega– she doesnt have to worry about her telepathy causing unnecessary snooping into their thoughts

#fhr #sidestep #caine lynzal #cyrus becker #cecilia rider #cynthia garcia #fun fact #i legitimately did not know lycan came from fucking dota #i literally just pulled it off of a reddit post from searching up 'wolf based villain names' 😭😭😭 #ask game

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Also I feel like seeing them fuck would have been 10 time less explicit then what you did there. The insect visual make it so much more crude and visceral.

yeah i know right? ive been thinking about this a lot this week because, like a couple other fanarts ive made (like the thoschei cannibalism fic and to a lesser degree maybe the thasmin smut) this video works entirely on the subtextual level? theres nothing to this except for the subtext. when vimeo asked me to rate it and then check the things that were in the video there were like four options like nudity, sex maybe, something else, and violence, and i couldnt really check any of them? i was like oh right theres actually nothing in here. same with youtube, i read the content policy guidelines and like, no there is probably no sexual content in this video according to them. but thats just because they specify explicit. and everything here is inherently implicit. we dont have doctor who sex scenes. it cant be explicit. but it feels explicit?

it's like when we talked about whether the intention makes something art but now im like, does the intention make something smut, or is it the interpretation, or is it some specific images?

if you follow guidelines of sites like youtube and vimeo you'd think it's a couple of specific images and words that make something sexual, but theyre not describing sex are they? theyre describing marketability. it'd be a mistake to take their descriptions of sexual content as saying anything at all about what sex is.

people say "tag your stuff" like thats not a maddeningly subjective endeavour. even just looking at my eternal feud with / or & when tagging thoschei. things like Major Character Death might be pretty descriptive and seemingly clear cut (though im sure theres fics where authors have struggled with that check mark too) but ratings are mostly vibes-based.

do we need to tag subtext? is that not the domain of the reader? is tagging stuff that youre leaving to interpretation not kinda ruining part of the experience of reading/viewing the thing? or do you need to tag that when it could be HarmfulTM? (i'll admit my brain is definitely infected with online discourse about HarmTM and theres parts of my thinking about this thats definitely irrational, like im not gonna psychologically scar someone with a spicy bug volcano video. but im trying to work around those thought pretzels bear with me) do we need to tag subtext if thats the entire work? saying this video contains frogs and spiders is helpful for the frog- and spiderphobic but it's also an incomplete truth. the frogs and spiders describe other things, theyre just the words im using. do i need to tag orgasm denial or dom 13 or sub master if people maybe dont even see that part until i just said it?

anyway this video would probably be allowed on youtube because youtubes policy guidelines specify only explicit sexual content and depiction of things and also doesnt seem to differentiate between fictional and nonfictional content which is weird to me. like i feel like those two things definitely need to be treated as different things? and it's maybe not great to blur those lines.

anyway im not asking you specifically all these questions, i dont even think theyre questions with one answer, im just thinking out loud

tldr what makes porn porn i guess. can porn be bugs crawling into holes if i try really hard

#sorry for writing a tedtalk you just unlocked the things ive been thinking about all week fgkjghjgh #thanks for watching the video <3 #theres also an entire branch of thoughts i have related to this about consent and fanworks #which i wont get into here bc this is already too long but that naturally i also thought about all week while making this #maybe i'll try uploading it to youtube and see what happens #nothing probably #i mostly just wanted to put it on ao3 so people dont go into it without being warned about bugs and surgery #and harm to animals idk #hearts. it's kind of intense #anyway feel free not to respond to all this if you dont have the energy tbh #im just thinking out loud and probably being very autistic about all this tbh

[officehrs]

dont you think youre being too harsh by saying he should be able to communicate with you since he’s an adult? your confession could have hurt his image considering how much time he has alloted to you,, what went from fatherly love is now pity, did you really think coming clean about your feelings would repair what was already broken. you are a kid, you are his student,, you need to know your place. your increasing attachment to him made you lose sight of what was important about the bond you shared

again thanks anon for the questions,, idk if u are the same person or a different one but either way i do really appreciate it!! it makes me think much more critically of how i perceive our relationship and everything that has happened in its course ,, with that being said, this will certainly be a longer post than usual, just so im able to explain everything.

i highly encourage all of you read this — i explain why i sort of hate him now, how i confessed, how he has changed, and why our relationship cant work anymore.

i should clarify that in my other post, i said “he should be able to communicate since he's an adult” not as something i believe now, but something i believed at the worst of our relationship some weeks ago. though this is an idea that subconsciously lingers (because i believed it so intensely!!), since then, i have experienced events in my personal life that have required me to “grow up,” even more, contrary to what i might project here. to believe he has inherent malicious intent or inherent insensitivity in everything he does surrounding me is completely at odds with how i see humanity as a whole. it wasnt and isnt justified, but i was really just desperate to see that immediate reparation of our relationship like you described, and to me it wouldve been, ideally, this sudden blooming and everything being good between us again. but this is impossible, and i wish i could have warned my earlier self of that much more!! he has experienced things that have changed him since last year and i have experienced things that have changed me also. this is something im trying to accept now.

though i was very childish in my reasoning for choosing to confess, i didnt do it without thinking. for that reason, i fight back more strongly against the idea that my confession could have hurt his image in any way. i loved him and i was extremely saddened by him when i wrote what i did, but i did not want to hurt him so inconsiderately, costing his job or reputation for something that (as i wrote, and as u acknowledge) was literally my fault — that being, my attachment to him 😬 so, i did everything in my power to ensure that this would be private and really only painful for myself. its not easy to confess, i promise!! but anyway, i dont remember if i shared this detail (like my other post), but the confession itself was in the form of a letter, sealed by an envelope that i gave to him directly with no one else around. the contents were, then, completely discreet. as for the confession itself, i shared very sensitive and specific information (like being gender non-conforming and the name i go by, which ive never told anyone, and more details about not having emotionally present parents). this essentially means that the only way the confession could hurt his image is if he told someone about its contents, or anything about it at all, which would be an egregious act on his part — he would be the only method of damaging his image, and in fact, he already has throughout the year!! his students tend to feel that he unfairly treats them, and find him pretty stubborn and unlikable. people loved him a lot more last year when he was more free and caring, including me jsladksjks

but dont be mistaken, anon,, you undeniably speak truth in other things said, and im grateful that you can derive that fundamental truth from what i post here, which i unfortunately have to manipulate (in minor ways) in order to protect myself and r, and really everyone. one thing i absolutely enjoy is how you articulated the change in our relationship ("fatherly love to pity") because its very brief, yet applicable in its entirety; in all its implications. although its a bit painful to see him see ME as this sad character who never experiences joy, its for all the wrong reasons. honestly, in my last post i lied — he didnt feel guilty for treating me like garbage, but he felt guilty for recommending me things to do during this time, which i expressed in the confession and after is NOT the problem. this misunderstanding is something that cant be fixed, though. his ideological change prevents him from seeing the reality of the situation the way i see it, because he would have to change the way he sees reality as a whole; if this happened a year ago, he would not pity me at all. i know this sounds very wrongfully confident, but it is true. people complain about him now, and i dont enjoy his presence anymore because he believes in things that oppose the lives of his students. my confession was then even more immature because i thought, basically “i could fix him” 😵‍💫

in this, you are right anon: i am just a kid. i have proven it time and time again in this post alone!! but, you must understand: i am NOT his student, and i havent been this entire year. when we talked monday, 5/16/22 (the same day i cited in my last post) he also said that in many ways, he is not my teacher. in academic terms, i am not his student — i am an assistant to him who helps the people he actually, actively teaches. in attachment terms, i have horribly turned him into a replacement of my father. and in occupational terms, i have surpassed him intellectually in the subject he used to “privately teach” me about, and therefore, he cant really teach me anymore. when i say privately teach, i mean he would tell me things and give me books to read about the subjects we both had interest in (philosophy, and the social sciences), when i would see him after school. but, because he knew very little about both, i quickly became much more knowing of both areas than he is with what he gave me and my own private study. of course, he knows way more about the subjects he formally teaches (film and lit) than i do, but these i am not really interested in, so he could not teach me unless the material is stuff that im not passionate about. there's more, but i dont want to sound like im bragging, and im sure im not making this any clearer ,,, anyway, overall, i agree with you; though im not his student, i need to know my place. and again, this is something i have been trying to reinforce to myself.

i wanted to add a transition to this by saying the last thing brought up is something that i should clarify, but it cant be clarified because i havent ever said it. nevertheless, let it be known that my increasing attachment to him — at least as i perceive it — is not what made me “lose sight of what was important about the bond [we] shared.” i would argue, even, that i never lost sight of what was important about our relationship. but the issue is that his incompatible views of life (in my view) and his constant maltreatment of me and other people (like my best friend too, actually), have been fueling a decreasing attachment to him. really, my only attachment to him now is to how he made me feel and what he once was.

for the both of us, its best that we do not talk to each other anymore, and this is something i wrote in my confession. additionally, my confession has always served as my ultimate presentation of the truth about our relationship. to r, he was glad to be told the truth, and as he said it the day after i gave him the letter, he would rather know than not to know. to me, last year, i wanted to confess the same way on the day i would graduate, and i finally got to do it this year, although at a completely unplanned time. and with this, i conclude my response 🐇

im very sorry if this is incomprehensible — ive been writing this response for 3 hours now, and im extremely worn from it.. regardless, thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to explain,, please continue to do so by raising those questions (you or anyone else)!!

#r #teacher crush #teacher crush community #male teacher crush

[summonhouse]

your...ttime loop?? can you explain this sounds so interesting!

/pos /nm /gen curious :O !!!

OK I promise it is NOT a good thing that happened to me and theres gonna be a lot of details here thatll make ppl think less of me but its not like i. care so. DRUG USE, unreality, and intense trauma below. please dont judge me for this because i promise im doing this enough already for the both of us and then some

SO on a recent vacation i went on (if you noticed that i was offline for a good week) it was a Bad Situation where i kept. being fed drugs (dont ask) and i got. super super cross faded took a Big Fat Nasty Rip off a vape for the first time ever and reality broke down into a million pieces before me. my first realization was that nothing was real and i began to interpret the world as a video game- my family was there and they kept repeating the same words, actions, and phrases over and over again, despite my attempts to break out of the cycle. they kept making exactly the same movements, i couldnt feel my body, my chest (lungs and heart) hurt more than i could ever ever describe, i was utterly detached from the physical realm except for the burning hotter than ive ever experienced (and ive dumped boiling water on my hand before) hotter than i ever thought a person COULD experience. i was on a lake at the time (BAD TIME) and the waves were all clone shaped repeated stamps, wind moving broke me apart i was just essence in a spot, and when i realized it was all a game i saw the LED make up of the world, a close up on the little lights making up every image.

i had to climb up stairs to get back into the cabin i was staying at which, predictably given i was trembling horribly and unable to stand upright was, uh. bad. i kept seeing myeslf going up the stairs, seeing myself fall, and then returning to consciousness a few steps below- and it kept repeating, and repeating, and repeating. i kept saying over and over again, im not well, im scared, it hurts, over and over again. when i finally got into bed it really wasnt any better... my family was there, but they kept ignoring me. my body hurt so so so much, i couldnt tell when i was talking and when i wasnt, i kept thinking things and my family kept responding. i tried to touch my face but either i couldnt move my hands or i couldnt feel touch. at times i remember screaming desperately for anyone to pay attention to me- my sister just told me to stop mumbling. i was certain i was dying, i couldnt feel my heart beat, i couldnt breath, and my family kept ignoring me even as i begged them to stay with me, because things kept repeating- id see things happening, then something weird would happen that tipped me off to it being fake, and then id sober up to a few minutes in the past, and then id make a few more minutes progress before it happened again, and again, and again. i kept checking my phone (the first time i did it i was afraid of texting anything weird but i had to see if people were online, so i kept saying i think outloud "im good, i can be good") and seeing only like 3 minutes had passed when in my mind id gone through loops which lasted hours to me and wailing in anguish when i realized.

eventually i went to sleep, and i woke up entirely fine. when i asked my family what had happened, because i wasnt sure what was in my head and what had physically occurred, they told me nothing had happened and continue to gaslight me to this day about anything having occurred.

it was a really important lesson to me, i realized no one will ever help me, so i have to help myself. and of course drug use is bad and if i ever use drugs itll be around people i trust. please, please, please do not ever do drugs. if you have no reason so you think youre immune to abuse, youre a bastard and i fucking hate you for treating something so serious so flippantly. and if you have a reason to escape reality, please, im begging you, seek help, i know its trite but this cannot be the way to deal with it. it is not fun, it is not cool, and the worst case scenario can be so so so much worse than you could ever imagine

and im sorry, by the way, if any of my friends have noticed me being especially absent or manic or strange lately. the experience still haunts me, i havent been all together since then. i dont have time for anyone who will fuck with me, my threshold for strain is impossibly low right now

#ask

[ocpdzim]

potential employers looking at my handshake profile:

#i COULD NOT FIND the reaction image i wanted so this one will have to do #i wanted the one of the man holding out the paper and he's looking very confused #like. the one with a real man not a drawing #but i couldnt find it. only this and ones that were drawings #anyway i have a full week's worth of online work to do today and my school just sprung on me that i had to make a handshake profile #so like i just threw some shit together haphazardly since im not really wanting an internship rn and figure i can fix it later #cause like. i dont have time today to make a Nice Presentable Page #but man do my accomplishments ever sound like they were made by 5 different vastly different people who'd probably not even like one another #when just listed out #100+ potted plants... does art shows.... wrote paper about eating disorder which real doctors then used to inform how they treat it...... #debate judge... library assistant...... editor...... 3.9 gpa..... commissions.... Customer Service..... #neighborhood source of info on local elections... kids camp counselor... #theyre probably gonna look at this shit like 'who the fuck is this asshole why cant it decide on anything what even do we do w this' #swearing - #scopophobia - #medical mention - #disordered eating mention - #idk actually if i ever mentioned that on here??? but i wrote an essay about arfid so kickass that my professor proceeded to provide it to #his child's doctor; who coincidentally is also my doctor; and she didnt know who wrote it and she pulled it out during an appointment to ask #if the eating disorder described in the essay sounded like what i had lmao #and i was like. It Sure Does. because i wrote it

[themountainsays]

Heyo its me again

(I'll be bothering you now everytime when I have new Ideas)

First of all (again): dont mind the antis who are causing trouble. Most of them just dont have a life yk? Dont like it? Just block it. But most of them dont dont do that so- If smth like that happends I just always have that in mind and then im always snickering bc maybe theyre just undercover shipper that fear other antis so they pretend to not like it :D

BUT ANYWAYS-

I hope youre feeling great otherwise and the problem gets solved soon

About the feeling welcome part: How could anybody not feel welcome? Bc youre just so nice and kind- (never met anyone like that) that its almost impossible to feel uncomfy or sum

Ahem

I keep forgetting my point (my god im writing too much)

So

Urban legend isamira oooor isalores

Bc i keep thinking about that and just-

I really like the idea of one of them being like Kuchisake onna (mostly Isa bc of the black, wonderful hair)

Just imagine: Isa is the kuchisake and mira is her victim. At first its normal and like every story from the kuchisake. But Mira has also a mask on.

And now: sad mira backstory

Family died (prolly got murdered) and the people who did it didnt kill mira. No they did this joker thing (from batman). Like he has cuts on the side of his lips (idk how to describe it) but they healed so theyre just scars. Mira has the same.

So

Back at it again

Isa pulling of Mira's mask bc she wants to see her face and seeing that Mira has the same scars as her. Okay theyre healed but who cares.

Mira just being like: "youre gonna kill me now or nah? .-." Bc Isa just keeps staring at her face bc OMG SHES SO PRETTY AND THEY HAVE THE SAME THING OMFG OMFG. basically Isa just panicking. Mira has enough of it and jist walks away.

It ends in Isa always following Mira and chasing away anybody who wants to date Mira bc Isa is just so inlove-

Ahem

In the end Mira just also falls in love bc this cute girl just keeps following her and omg she fine asf-

Hey there. Thank you. I needed some kind words.

(Uh, I don't wanna drag you or anyone down with my angsting so lemme vent a lil bit here, the fun part starts with the normal-sized letters. Feel free to skip this 😂)

Today has been a good day, but last weekend felt very draining. It's not just "antis" it feels like everyone in the E.ncanto fandom, every single person out there, hates us. I mean, I can name maybe two or three users that I get the feeling have no strong feelings about us, but I swear everyone out there makes me feel so unsafe. And J.uanse publicly denouncing us made me feel like we're under far more threat than I thought, and it's just... everyone... showing so much disgust for us all the time... I can block people, but when I see so many wonderful and well-respected artists and writers insulting us and inciting their large audiences to do the same, and the list of people I need to block grows longer and longer... it feels devastating. And it's not like you can say "it hurts that you try to ostracize us from the community so roughly", because they answer with "you deserve to be ostracized and treated with roughness, because you are gross, sick and subhuman", and all I can think about is, man this feels a lot like discrimination lmao 😂 all I'm saying is, it sounds an awful lot like the shit my homophobic family and old classmates would say. Idk maybe my self-esteem is a bit too fragile. Maybe I'm too sensitive to rejection, though from what I've seen we're many feeling this way so, yeah, I can't help but feeling heartbroken and scared.

But I'm happy I can come across as welcoming. I try my best to keep my online image as clean and friendly as possible. I'm probably not as nice irl 😂 there's less proofreading and editing there. But yeah. I'm flattered to hear you think I'm nice and kind. I hope I can do things right and continue to do things right in the future. We can't convince people out there that we deserve dignity and respect but I at least want to try to offer folks here some kindness ;-;

Ahh okay. Dumb sadness aside. Urban legend isamira 👀

Ok ok so I'd NEVER heard of the kuchisake-onna before so I looked it up and 1) that's terrifying and 2) omg I can see the patterns 👀 the kuchisake-onna originally being human and cheating on her husband so he cuts her face and now as a spirit asking people if they think she's pretty, punishing them no matter the answer. But my favorite part is that one of the suggested methods to escape her is to tell her she "looks average" akskdjfjs i'm sorry that's just so funny to me and it's SUCH a Mirabel thing to say like POV an evil spirit asks you if you think she's pretty and your reaction is this:

I can........ sorta...... see Isabela's villain origin story happening with Mariano. She never truly loved him, cos gay, so evil!Mariano punished her by cutting her face, now she's a spirit walking around with a pair of scissors ready to cut people in the same way they cut her, and one day she runs into a girl who 1) tells her she looks average and 2) has the same fucking scars hello??? And speaking of scars holy shit dude the whole family?? Killed???? All of them???? And she was mutilated like that?? Fuck man that's A LOT of trauma. I can actually see evil murder spirit Isabela helping her feel understood and protected because she sorta understands, like, trauma. I also find it so cute and funny that Isabela just has a gay panic about her next victim because they have the same scars and she looks pretty?? Ajsjsjfjs that's adorable dude 😭😭😭

#madrigalcest #isamira #shipcest #snjssnndnf #uhh #body horror cw #shipping discourse #just a lil bit

[bigdanteague3]

Ok…..I guess we can leave the titty fucking story on pause for now. I thought you’d started it so I could take the next part. And then I could leave the next part for you until we reach a conclusion. But I sure did like imagining you squeezing those big titties together for me. I sure did like thinking about you gagging on me and getting my dick wet so I could slide between them and fuck them. I realllllly like thinking about your big sexy tits.

So, let do something else. Maybe a story about fucking Amber the cumslut in front of a mirror? Nah, let’s talk about Emma. She was loud, curvy, aggressive and loved to get fucked from behind. She’d spread those cheeks and get railed while she moaned and squealed. One night we had somebody listening to us outside the door. I noticed. She didn’t. It was her roommate Carrie.

Carrie was very very plain. not ugly. Just plain looking. Not cute. Just plain. No curves. Not sexy. Plain Jane. And a virgin. One time Carrie didn’t know I was there. She came in and went to her room. Emma was in the shower, I was in Emma’s room and Carrie went to hers. She shut her door about halfway. I figured she may be about to change clothes and I was kinda curious. Emma had just gotten in the shower and I could hear water running so no chance of getting caught by her. I creep over behind Emma’s door which is also half closed and look through the crack between door and wall. Gave me a perfect angle to see most of Carries room.

she had Back turned and was facing a dresser. She got some clothes out and set them on the dresser while she took earrings out looking in mirror. Water still running. She takes her sweater off and turns around and sets clothes on bed. Now she’s facing my direction. Unhooks the bra and her little titties are out. pretty flat, dark round nipples and she quickly pulls tee shirt on. Still facing me and foot of bed, she unbuttons pants and shimmies them down. Totally unaware she’s being watched. Even though I didn’t want to fuck her and had never imagined fucking her, it was kinda hot. I was pretty hard. She steps out of pants and Im really hoping she changes panties too. Just curious and all. I know it’s probably creepy to spy but she also could’ve shut the fucking door. Carrie is there in white tee and panties and boom…down they come quick. I get a quick glimpse of her big brown bush and then as she picks up her fresh pair she turns a little and I see her flat ass. Zero curves. But at that moment, if I could’ve, I would’ve. I would’ve walked right over there and let her suck me before I fucked her hairy pussy. Bent that flat ass over and give her some dick from behind. But I couldn’t so I didn’t. She pulls up the new panties and puts on pajama pants and that was that. Carrie gets on the bed, out of sight and I creep out from behind the door and out of her sight. I just filed away the images. Flat chest, dark nipples, lots of bush and flat ass.

So at some point after that, she does her own spying. She couldnt see anything but that bitch was listening. Like I said, Emma was loud and aggressive. I don’t know if she just didn’t give a fuck or if she didn’t realize that people could hear. One night we were just getting into it. To set the scene, I always made sure the bedside lamp was on. Gave off just enough light that when she put her big ass in the air and spread wide, I could see everything. Her pussy lips, her asshole, everything just right there clearly visible. I can’t remember anything before the phone call but it probably started with a blowjob and a little ball licking and then me going down to suck on her blonde pussy. She kept it trimmed short. Just little blonde hairs. I’d lick her clit, slide a finger or 2 inside her and eat her ass. Probably just started missionary, with her juices all over my mouth I probably just crawled up and slipped my dick in her tight little pussy. Her big titties laid off to the side while I pounded away. Maybe I didn’t slide my tongue inside her ass that night. Maybe she didn’t kneel off the side of the bed and lick my shaft up and down while I held her hair back. That was just how most nights started. But I definitely remember the phone call.

This night and this story begins with Emma on top. She liked to ride and she could straight up ride my dick. She’s moaning and fucking me and I’m watching those fat titties slap together. Sometimes when she bounced on it they’d slap together. Sometimes when she bucked her hips they’d swing in perfect circles. I just liked watching them slap or circle and watching her fuck me. For all her flaws and being a crazy person, she liked to fuck and liked to please. She’d do anything I needed to make me cum harder. So she’s riding, fat titties slapping together and the phone rings. We obviously don’t answer. Carrie does. And comes to other side of door and says Emma it’s for you. I don’t think Carrie knew we were fucking yet. But when Emma gasps I’ll gasp call gasp them gasp back…..she knew what was going on behind closed doors then. I heard her say oh! And maybe a little embarrassed giggle and I see foot shadows disappear as she walked away.

I think we giggled a little and she want back to riding me. I realized from Carrie’s voice how easily sounds traveled through that door. So Emma is still riding and you know what I see? Little foot shadows coming back to the door. And they stay there. That bitch is listening to us fuck. And this turns me on a LOT.

I figure if that bitch is out there listening I might as well paint her a picture. Describe the action. Emma can’t see the door shadows and has zero clue her plain friend is listening in. So she’s grinding my dick and I tell her to keep riding. Keep riding my dick. Fuck me good. Lean Back and keep fucking me.

We also had a system by this point where if I felt myself getting close to cumming, I would just pull out and lick her pussy or asshole until the urge passed. Or if she we were on top id tell her to hop off for a second and she’d hop right off and lick my balls until it passed. Felt sooooooo good but didn’t get me closer to cumming. I’d never had a girl so eager to pop them in her mouth, big eyes just staring at me moaning and she sucked

So knowing Carrie was listening I wanted to make sure she got to hear a lot. I didn’t have to cum but I wanted Carrie to know Emma would straight up suck on my balls. “Oh fuck I’m about to cum, hop off a second”. Looks over and sees foot shadows there…..Emma is real careful not to kiss or rub my dick and goes right down. I spread my legs wide and moan pretty loud as she licks from underneath to the front. “yes baby, keep licking…feels so good. Go back underneath..aaahhhhhh. lick my balls baby yessssssuck it for me baby. i love watching You do that. Now suck the other one for a minute good girl. Now get back on….fuck me until you cum

look back over and see footshadows. Is she enjoying it? Does she have a hand in her pants? Is she rubbing that hairy pussy? Is she wet? I hope she’s touching herself. I wouldn’t mind if she watched.

So Emma gets on top and fucks me until she cums. most of the time she only cums from behind So this was a nice treat. Keep fucking me baby, dont Stop riding until you cum. She was going From moans to groans to squeals. Titties everywhere, she came hard. Lots of yes yes yes yes getting louder and louder. I look and the foot shadows are there. Listening. She had to have liked what she was hearing or she would’ve left, right? I need to keep describing the action to her

So Emma is sitting on top of me, hands on my chest, catching her breath. A little sweaty, red faced. soft light on her.

“get on your knees baby…I want to make you cum again…..mmmmmm your ass looks so fucking good….you want to cum again?”

Please……….

pulling her hips up high and I put my hand on her upper back so she lowers her chest to the bed. Knees and titties on bed. “There you go…..just like that….keep your chest on the bed”

”fuck me”

say it again

”fuck me”

puts the head of my cock on her pussy. ”like this? You want more?”

yessss fuck me.

I push until it’s buried inside her. Start fucking her from behind.

her gasping: yes, fuck me baby fuck me baby yessssss ughhhhhhh

”your butt looks so fucking good….so fucking sexy”

she reaches back and puts a hand on each butt cheek and spreads them wide open. This is how she came the hardest. Her butt was so big and curvy that when she spread, it gave me more room, it let me get really deep and ram that pussy good. Plus it gave me a good good look at her ass. And I love visuals. So I start pumping away, hands on her hips and she’s face down on the bed. Ass high and spread. She’s doing her fuck me fuck me fuck me and those moans.

I’m looking at her asshole, looking at my dick slamming into her, looking at her pussy lips wrapped tight around me and thinking about Carrie on the other side of the door. Wishing she was able to see. Hoping she’s fingering her pussy or squeezing her nipples and I realize I really am about to cum so I pull out

“sorry baby, didn’t want to cum yet”

lightly kissing her cheeks

”couldn’t stop staring at this ass”

moans louder as I lick from her pussy over her ass

”you like that don’t you? When I lick right there?”

mmmmmyesfuckyes as I slide my tongue inside her ass

”it looked so fucking good I had to”

I lick and lick and slide back inside and start fucking her ass with my tongue. ohhhhhhhhgghhggghhgggggggghhhhh lick it baby, lick it baby lick that fucking asssssssssss.

So I eat that big booty for a minute or 2 before sliding back inside her. Now she’s ready for her big one. She spreads knees wider, spreads cheeks even wider and starts the low deep moans. She’s grabbing the sheets, her face on the bed and starts begging me to fuck her harder fuck me baby, I’m cumming, I’m cumming ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

That bitch was loud. still Wondering if Carrie was fucking herself thinking about her friend getting her ass licked or me railing her from behind. Was she wishing it was her getting her cheeks clapped? I really was about to cum….most times I just pulled out and jerked it right on her asshole. Shot it and let it drip over her pussy. Like i came on your fine ass in the gas station.

But I wanted her to finish me and I wanted to cum on her tits and face for Carrie’s listening pleasure. So I told Emma i was coming soon and pulled out and pulled her hips around so she was facing me. She knew what that meant and leaned back and started stroking me. I scooted up so I was straddling her stomach.

”yes…..just like that….keep rubbing…..fuck I want to cum all over you”

her jerking me hard all sweaty: you want to cum on these titties? Cover them up For me?

whenever she started talking like that I was finished “yessssss….all over themalmosthere….all over yourfuckingprettyface immgonna cummso hard.…..gonna cum so hard…uhhhhhhhhh”

With the added turn on of Carrie listening and possibly jacking herself I came 5x as hard and 10x as much. I coated that curvy bitch. So many cumropes hitting her lips and cheeks….splashing her titties, her forehead…..

out of breath she laughs and tells me I got it in her eyes. giggling and says she can’t open them. I tell her ill go get her a towel. I slip boxers back on and see foot shadows Move. I don’t get dressed anymore than that and let my dick hang out the fly of boxers in case Carrie was somewhere and wanted a peek. I dont see her. Her door was open but light was off. Living room light was on but I didn’t see her there either. She was somewhere…..i had left emmas door cracked in case she happened to “walk by” and “accidentally” See her friend naked and fucked and wiping a hot load off her gigantic tits and face. Left the bathroom door wide open and turned lights on. I grab a towel and slowly wipe cum off my dick. Knowing she was possibly watching kept me pretty hard. I wiped the head, shaft, balls and let her get a good look if she was there. Then tucked it back in and took Emma the towel so she could get that cum off her.

I don’t know if she touched herself outside the door while it was going on. But i want to think she got into bed and rubbed that hairy pussy all night. Thinking about getting bent over, thinking about my cock and balls in her mouth, thinking about riding my dick, cumming on me, having a tongue inside her ass,thinking about getting absolutely railed and cum down her throat. Maybe. Maybe not. I never saw foot shadows again….I was always looking. Most of the time it was just darkness under the door. Maybe she realized not to leave lights on behind her. Maybe she was able to peek in the crack under the door whenever she heard fuck noises. Maybe? I always imagined she was there watching, listening and sliding her fingers into her pussy

[neonun-au]

Umm so BTS is apparently coming out with a single called permission to dance and it's cowritten by ed-sheeran and it's described as dance pop umm...sounds vErY familiar

I''m genuinely concerned for BTS, because oh lord if we're getting a third English single Hybe is literally going to ruin their brand and their western image. They're just going to be known

I don't know your opinion on this but as an army it's always a wild ride seeing army's defend BTS for releasing two generic-pop English singles by talking about how other KPOP artists do the same but I genuinely can't understand how people don't see the clear difference between both of them and it's kinda frustrating.

Bp for example released half and English album and a lot of artists like TWICE release English versions of their songs but they don't have that 'humble' image going on for them. They don't have the 'we dont care about records and we will stick to our korean songs and make music we resonate with'. As money-hungry as YG is, they dont give Bp a thousand remixes just to chart on BB.

So when you see just two years ago Namjoon preaching about how they will never release Eng music and stay true to their identity, how they don't care about breaking records it makes me wonder how much of their personalities are faked or have changed just to support the 'humble and rising underdogs' image Hybe has for them.

I used to think since BTS were shareholders and good friends with their CEO and hence have more freedom and more say in their works but seeing how their VLIVE'S are still controlled by the staff and stuff, I'm not so sure. Especially after they released stuff like Black-swan and BE last year. It's clear Hybe is milking them for money judging by the amount of merch and the BE scam last year and it's scary how army's just sweep that under the rug or are viciously attacked when they say this. Would love to hear your perspective on this.

(oh god this is so long im so, so sorry)

HAHAHAHA that was very long, but I don't mind I love discussion on basically anything lol

BTS I have not been interested in really since Blood, Sweat & Tears. I sort of fell out of k-pop in general soon after than and most of the songs they released post 2016 just like...really are not my thing.

I think that no matter what, before and now, they were selling an image ultimately.

Before their turn to western music/media, they sold an image of being "self-produced" and "grassroots" and more relatable than other groups at the time. And I think that worked because it was a small company and regardless of how you feel about BTS as a whole, the boys are very dynamic and obviously have talent and stuff. They were always really entertaining in the early days and that worked to build and super loyal fanbase of people.

Now that they (their company and them) have seen an opportunity for them to expand into a new market and make tenfold what they were before in terms of money, their image has shifted to something more palatable to the broader American market. Unfortunately when you try and market yourself to everyone at the same time, you are ultimately not really appealing to anyone in particular. It's just bland radio pop. Which is fine, whatever, obviously that is making them money.

On that note as well, Big Hit/Hybe is a company at the end of the day. And what they care about is their bottom line. There is also probably some personal desire to do this on the part of the CEO himself, as sort of a...I don't know, notch on a proverbial belt in a way?

The boys themselves? Idk. It's impossible to tell what is authentic and what is not in k-pop, or literally any entertainment industry, because there is so much thought behind every tweet, every video, every comment. Everything is geared towards that bottom line. So it is both impossible to be completely authentic and impossible to tell on the behalf of the audience what is authenticity and what is pandering.

At the end of the day, though, I don't think it really matters. I think Armys on the whole should chill the fuck out and just enjoy it for what it is--pop music and entertainment. Treating it like a religion like this is damaging on many different levels.

EDIT: also yes i agree with your first point there hahaha army's will defend them over literally anything while ignoring their hypocritical criticism of other groups entirely

#looks like we both love to talk endlessly hahahaha #match made in heaven #anon #replies

[oh-theatre]

Just A Remnant Now

A/n: lmao this is so bad im so sorry,,, lmaooo ITS SO BAD

TW: Death, spirit, spit, farting, destroy, pain, graphic descriptions, ANGST, no happy ending

“Im sorry Remus I cant talk to you right now, its been months and I cant figure out where this spirit energy is coming from” Logan huffs. “Tomorrow is my presentation and if i have nothing to show for it my entire funding, this project crumbles” He rambles. Remus follows him, his feet carry a sweet lightness as he listens.

“What will they do with the spirit or ghost?” Remus questions, sitting on one of the cold benches focusing hard as he fiddles with something in his hand. A cold breeze as Logan snatches the tool away from him. “Hmph” Remus pouts

“My guess? Ill get a whole team of scientists! A whole new lab with facilities and so much more! And ill tear it apart and study every aspect” Logan beams, the glint in his eye sickened Remus.

“So you'll kill it?” Remus scoffs “Seems kinda brutal”

“No ill just...take it apart to...examine its..origins and what it can do and...its a ghost what does it matter Remus?” Logan inquires, typing viciously away at his keyboard. 

“They still have feelings, their sensories are there!” Remus argues, feeling his face flush. “The way you plan to tear them apart is inhumane! Its against their will Logan, they are still forms of living. 

“They are, in every sense of the word, not Remus. They are dead, figments of what used to be. They cant feel pain, or emotion, they are a remnant” Logan explains

“They are more than that! Lo you're not listening!” Remus stands now, Logan could be intimidating but Remus towered over the scientist. 

“Im not listening because you don't know what youre talking about”  Logans cold glare would pierce anyone but not Remus. “You're just my engineer.” He spits

Though i wish we could be more, both think in unison through their frustration.

 “They have the memories of their old life, they have feelings, they have feelings of the world they must traverse through now as a spirit. They develop feelings, emotions, memories and more. They travel through to the middle ground between living and dead. If they accept it, they move on but some choose to stay!” Remus finishes, his breath cold as it spits on Logan. “Some don't have a choice! Some are tethered! But they aren't just ghosts Logan. They live in the now, through whatever means. Tearing them apart with my molecular design would kill them, and every ounce of pain felt would hurt just as much as it would to you.” Remus finishes, his body shakes, he tries his best to keep solid to the ground. 

“You've developed emotions for these things” Logan rolls his eyes. His judgment was not missed. “And if im not mistake, its your device Remus” Logan reminds

“You're right...it is” He turns to where the device sits immaculate, his design perfect. Such as the mad genius he was. He took his work in his hands, feeling every ounce of metal and wiring that was in it. Then, in the flash of an eye, the machine crashed. It fell to the ground with the force of anger, Logans shock and frozen state was unmissable as the pieces clattered around the ground. 

“What have you done” He whispers viciously. Remus stands triumphant feeling the pain inside. 

“What I should have done as soon as I made it” Remus sighs.

“Why do you care so deeply for these things! You have no idea what they are or what they do!” Logan yells, his voice echoes through the lab.

“For how smart you are.. youre so fucking dumb Logan!” Remus argues back. “For months the same spiritual energy has been popping up on your monitor! You couldn't put two and two together?” He smirks. “You really think after your failed convention last year they would send you an engineer?” 

“What are you saying” Logan breathes

“You're so dumb Logan!” Remus swipes an angered hand across the table, tools crash to the ground. 

“Stop calling me that” Remus’s accusations had cut deep.

“You call me that at least once every hour!”  The continue arguing, it hurts each of them more than can be described. Each new insult is a breach to the relationship they had built up over the past year.  Finally Remus couldn't keep it in anymore. “Im the spirit Logan!” 

the silence that fell through the lab was piercing. 

“I didn't want to move on because fuck closure, so i found you. I liked what you were doing...or at least what i thought you were doing. But once i had built the machine i could have left...but I liked you Logan. Plus you hadn't found a spirit! I thought hey maybe this will be the final piece of the puzzle...” Logans speechless breaths were terrifying. Remus cant help but reach out, he focuses allowing his hands to solidify. He takes Logans hands. “Watch” He instructs, after a quick thought Logans hands fall through Remus’s hold. 

“no no” He tries desperately to grasp to Remus, he wants to feel his hands. “No no lies lies all of it” He spirals, Remus just watches knowing this was inevitable. Remus feels a tug at his heart, he works quickly and the machine is one again. Logan remains at his desk, murmuring nonsense. 

“Lo?” Remus for all his chaos, had the softest voice. “Take me...to the demonstration tomorrow” he offers. Logan looks up finally, his eyes red from thoughts. “I was just another chess piece for your game, just use me...i don't think i wanna stay around much longer anyway” He sighs.

“No Remus. We have to stop this project.”

“what?” Remus barely breathes. 

“I was wrong...I was wrong and so misguided.” Logan admits, he has no idea if his next move would work but he takes Remus hands feeling a warmth as they stay solid in his hold. “You were never a piece...but I was wrong. Because they can feel, you feel...and I feel you” He moves a hand to Remus cheek. Logan had never seen this energetic bumble of ‘not safe for work’ jokes and buzzing laughter so...tired. And it was his fault. “You feel pain and joy and sadness and-”

“Love” Remus adds, Logan holds back his desperation. 

“I was truly an idiot, I was so focused on not looking like a failure I forgot my true goal. To discover and explore...not destroy” Logan sighs “I wanted to learn, but i let that go and became this”

“You dont wanna...destroy?” Remus cant quite wrap his head around it. 

“No god. I wanted to understand! But i let the success and money get to me. And i lost sight of who I was. You arent a danger...you are a miracle” He smiles ever so slightly. “SOmething I love so much is not worth destroying” He states

“Love?” Remus feels himself relax. 

“So..so much” Logan says

“Hah you're in love with a ghost” Remus teases, Logan sighs with a giggle and a playful eye roll. 

“I still have the machine remus” Logan threatens with a grin. Remus steps back and gasps his collar. 

“How dare thee!” He cries ever so mockingly. “I thought you cared”

“Woe is you” He laughs quickly pulling Remus into a kiss. 

Yeah its weird, but so intriguing. He expected a cold chill but received warmth in Remus’s embrace. 

They canceled the demonstration and gracefully stepped away. Years passed and Logan desperately tried to find a solution, he wanted Remus to stay, to be here in all his physical form. But on a quiet fall night, Remus was sprawled across the couch trying to dunk cheese balls into his mouth. Logan sat at his work bench concocting as he did. Logan had had his doubts over the years, Remus was a ghost. But Remus explained that the longer he was on earth he felt tethered a developed a physical form. He wasn't a human but he wasn't a ghost, almost a third party but he was real. 

But he was fading. 

And Logan worked tirelessly to find out what he could do. He had consulted with Virgil and Patton, two scientists who had done great strides for the world of science. He constantly worked alongside Janus but to no avail. Remus was fading, he would have to go soon. Remus didn't mind, all he tried to do was comfort his partner but Logan, for as smart as he was, was in deep denial. 

But this fall night, as a cheesy treat fell into Remus’s mouth his image flickered. This caught Logans eye from his work. 

“Remus?” He rushed over watching Remus sit up straight. The flickers were slow before they became full glitches and constantly. “No i need more time. Surely.” He could feel his tears coming. 

“Promise me youll find someone? Whos maybe not a farting ghost” Remus shrugs, Logan shakes his head, this wasnt the time for jokes. “Logan you knew this was coming. Also lets be honest, it was weird im a ghost”

“You're not though! You're a tethered!” He cries

“Guess my tether snapped” Remus sighs. He wanted to spend these last few moments in sweet bliss but instead, in true Logann fashion, he was arguing. “Come cuddle me you obnoxious man” He pouts

He knows its a joke but the sadness in Remus’s eyes finally catches up to the scientist. He obliges sitting with Remus. They do cuddle, and Remus finally lets go. His tears are soft and he doesnt think much but he doesnt know whats going to happen next. 

“You should get a dog” He sniffles, Logan laughs dryly stroking the messiest hair he had ever known. “Also Janus totally likes you” Remus wasnt oblivious to the way Janus looked at Logan. But he didn't mind, Logan was his...but he wanted his partner to be happy once he was gone. 

“Perhaps, but let me just...let me mourn alright?” Logan asks

“Fine, but promise me you wont mourn forever, please?” He holds up his pinky, Logan rolls his eyes but promises either way. Remus leans up a tad to kiss Logans cheek. “Lets just sit here ok?” He requests, Logan grants it. “I love you Logie” He knows that only he is allowed to call him such a name. They sit in silence, feeling the heartbeats and warmth. Every intimate move felt so careful. 

“I love you so much” He says after a moment of silence, he awaits a response but looks down to see Remus was no longer there. A small gasp as he takes to his chest. This is what it felt like, so much pain. They never conducted the experiments but as he clutched his heart and sobbed loudly he imagined this was close enough. 

#intrulogical #logan sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #write #writing #youtube #angst #no happy ending #thomas sanders #fanfic #fic #fanfiction

[funeralcryptid]

oh my gosh my eyes completely missed 'public general' i need to read more carefully. in that case i dont mind public tysm for the chance! 'Hello! I bring you pancakes with milk syrup 🥛 I would love to get some tarot advice on how to be more confudent around other people. I have moved into a dorminatory and i get extremally stressed about interacting with others outside if my room. It doesnt help my ex lives here, and im afraid to be judged or seen as 'that chick thats his ex.' Im PL and would love if this was private'

Welcome,

Thank you for taking the time to go over the guidelines again and resending your request, it is much appreciated. 

The pancakes are a light color. They are smooth and slightly fluffy. The taste is very good and they are soft just the way I enjoy them. The syrup is sweet... way too sweet. It leaves a strong aftertaste in my mouth that somehow I can describe as “sticky”. Fake it until you make it is a very motivational quote, but right now, if you’re faking something or coaxing an specific response out of the people around you it probably is better to stop. Sometimes you just need to be good ol’ plain you (no offense intended) and let people enjoy that for what it is. If they don’t want anything with you, that is their problem not yours, but I don’t see the rest of the people avoiding you or judging you. 

I get a feeling you’re a sweet person and charming in a way that you yourself cannot see. My decks suggest that as hard as it is, you really have no reason to overthink it. You need to be practical and step on the ground as many times as necessary for you to reground and be more realistic. You don’t need other people to like you, but you also don’t need to fear them disliking you. My cards suggest you should place yourself in a middle ground and take any interaction that goes natural as a win. You don’t want to act a certain way to try and give people an specific image of you. As cheesy as it is, be yourself and you will gain people that see and accept that, and also vibe with you in a natural manner. Balance is the key, and practice gratitude and recognize yourself for making it through any interaction no matter how awkward it might feel for you. 

Furthermore, you need to get a good feel of the person you are and just embrace it. This naturally translates into the way you behave and treat others and once you recognize your strengths and the things that make you unmistakably you, people will definitely recognize you. You are likable, you just worry too much. 

I hope this answers your question.

#tarot readings

[obscureoperations]

dude, your martin/ahs crossover was really cool!! i love both martin and ahs!

Hah thanks! I do as well, though I dont think Im a legit ahs fan seeing as how I only watched the last two seasona all the way through (ooops) It was just an idea cos... I mean the inage of Hawthorne Michael dressed as a priest attempting to have a session with Martin is just... hnggg. Like I imagine Michael being genuinely intreagued by Martin and his sickness, wanting to understand. Martin just appreciates the fact that he seems interested, never once treating him in a condescending way.

Time progresses and they continue to have sessions, but they become less like a psychoanalysis. More like a normal convorsation, between two friends, Martin actually looks foward to speaking with Michael. Michael begins to reveal bits about himself, but nothing that would alert Martin of who he really was. Martin had to remain completely oblivious that Michael knew everything that he was thinking. Thoughts of the gorgeous blonde would invade his mind at the most inconvient times. At the dinner table, in the back row at Church, when he was on the train heading to town. Though the thoughts remeained mostly pure, he just could not stop envisioning his face. Those beautiful curls, the peircing eyes, full lips always curled up into a a smile. The sound of his voice often echoed through his head I n the final moments before he would drift off to sleep. It was almost like he was taking up permanent occupacy in his mind, invading his space despite not physically being around.

And the ladies, he knew he had to find someone fast, he was really starting to get shakey. The hunger gnawed at his bones, threatening to tear him in half. He was sewaty and nauseous. He couldn't think. He continued to watch one for about two weeks, a plan already formulating in his mind. He already knew where she lived, when she worked. He had almost perfected her schedule. But when the day came, he had all his supplies squared away-- he just couldn't do it, and he really didnt understand why. He settled for some random bum in the alley. It was different, not bad, but underwhelming. Even as the familiar coppery taste coats his tongue, the uneasiness already subsiding. Images continued to flash through his mind, seemingly from out of no where.

There was Michael, at least it looked like him, his hair fell slightly past his shoulders. He was surrounded by what seemed like dozens of candles firelight casting a golden hue over his skin... and he was--- oh god, why was he naked? What was that silver, glistening in his hand? The blade peirces through the flesh with ease, crimson rivulets flowed effortlessly down his arm. And then the other... his fingertips were drenched with blood, he took his time painting it across his body. Down his chest, over his stomach, hands moving up towards his neck. There was a look of what could only be described as estacy written all over his face. Lips parted in a silent moan... what on earth was he doing? He was leaning foward as he smears his blood across the floor in a shape that looked familiar but he couldnt quite recognize. He could faintly hear Michael whisper his name. The word sounded almost like a command .When he opens his eyes, they were completely pitch black. As he whispers his name again

#Ok... wht am I rambling #I meant just to say thank you omgg #I dont even know where I was going w this I just started typing hah #thanks fam

[loserclubsblog]

Assassin's Match

It was raining at 2:47 in the morning and this did not make Richie's assignment any easier. Of course that didn't mean he couldn't do it. He was really one of the best for the job, but the heavy sheets of rain were like a vail covering a large range of his vision. It was times like these that he was now greatful for his contacts that had replaced his coke bottle glasses. The wind speed was brushing 5 mph, pulling favoritism of the shot to the south. He would need to readjust with the wind and the rain so that his shot would rain true. As he looked through his scope and found his target. Tightness pulling at his chest and ragged short breaths racked his body as the thrilling rush of adrenalin surged though him. His finger wrapped around the trigger. One inhale of focus. One exhale for calming effects. His finger tightened around the trigger. He had closed his eyes to listen one last time before...

BANG! The sound echoed around him.

Richie opened his eyes wide, taking another look through his scope. Blood was sprayed across the older man's chest. This would have been a nice shot. Well... if it had been his.

"SHIT!" Richie yelled through the rain. This was the third time this had happend. This was the third time someone had taken the kill shot right before him. Whoever this was that was stealing his targets were taking his paychecks as well.

Aware of the change in plans, Richie needed to pack up and leave in a hurry. After only a couple of minutes of packing and storing his rifle, he headed towards the stares. Abandoning his spot from the broken window. As he flew down the three stories and burst through the doors, the car was already running. Yanking open the passenger side door and slinging the rifle in the back, he jumped in. Before he was really good and in the car, the tires screeched and the high speed drive was now in place.

"So did you take the headshot or go for a bullet through the chest?" Beverly asked sitting right next to him. He let out what came as a frustrated grumble. At that Beverly slowed down, either deciding that they were far enough away or shocked at the response. "What the hell does that mean? You did kill him didn't you?" She looked over at Richie with a raised eyebrow and a condescending tone.

"He beat me to it. Again. So no." Richie couldn't look at her when he said it. He knew she wouldn't be happy with this. This would be the third paycheck that he had promised her, and he failed to come through. He knew she had needed the money. He knew he couldn't deny her that much longer. They were best friends and literal partners in crime, but he wouldn't blame her if she left for someone who could pay her. "Don't worry. Im still gonna pay you. I promised I would."

"You don't have to worry about that. I won't hold you to that one. Just bag a damn kill for the love of God Rich." She let out a sigh as she took a left at the intersection. "What are we gonna do about this jackass? We can't just let him steal our checks."

"I don't know. What do you want me to do?" His voice sounded uncomfortable at this sudden question, his body language even more so. He shifted in his seat and his gaze went to an impatient Bev.

"We have a few options. Take your pick." This was not what Richie was expecting. He didn't like being put on the spot. He killed for a living. He knew one of the options Beverly was getting at. Richie stared out the window as the heavy rain rolled down it. It looked as if he were in one of those cheesy music videos where they sang about sad love. Although this was sort of ironic. Richie was sitting here making a decision about a man that he had only come in contact with twice in his life. Wait for it. Here comes the ironic part. He had only seen him twice in a far off distance hopping from rooftop to rooftop, but he had admired this man. The agility of him. The way he swiftly took the shot and left the scene. This man had a strong hold on Richie and he didn't even know his name. Hell, he could walk up to the man on the street and not even know it. He had never seen his face.

"I don't know who he is. I don't know where he lives. I dont know his name. I don't know who his employer is, or if he even had one for that matter. What the fuck do you insist I do Bevvie dear?" The tone of his voice showed a bit of his annoyance. Well, annoyance and frustration. Frustration seemed to be the tone of the night. As it usually was when shit like this happend. They had been robbed of a perfect hit again in the last two months and now they were on the lines of finding new employment. This was in all a touchy subject for the both of them. Then taking in consideration of Beverly, he calmed down. She was only the driver because when Richie found her on the streets, she had nothing. He had taken her in and given her a home when she only had the streets. If the bottom fell out on them, he knew she would be the one to have a harder time with it. She would never find a job as good as the one Richie had given her. Richie gave her half of the profits he had made from each job. Every single bullet that hit it's mark was a split profit for the two. When Beverly questioned him on it he simply stated that he wouldn't have gotten the money if he was caught and thrown in jail. Seeing the logic in his words, she never questioned him on it again. He reached out to touch the back of Beverly's head as she leaned into his touch. "I just don't know what you want me to do about it."

"Richie if you were more careful maybe. If you checked other possible vantage points. See where other blind spots might be, and trapped him." Richie retracted his hand at that. Resuming his gaze out of the window.

"You say that like I haven't already done it. I do that every time and I don't know where he could possibly have shot from. There was no other blind spot except from where I was. Even If I did know where he was, what do I do? Again, still no clear solution. Do I talk to him? Do I ask if he wants to come over for tea so we can work out an agreement?"

"Beep beep Richie." Beverly's clear sign that he had gone to far. Oh well. He had said it with such a sarcastic tone that it even made him roll his eyes. "Maybe if you weren't so obsessed with finding him for other purposes than we could get somewhere." This made Richie's blood run cold. She couldn't have ment it the way she said it. She didn't know that side of him. He hadn't told her.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He shifted in his seat again, aware of the heat burning his face. He was glad that it was dark out so she couldn't see his cheeks turn the color of her lipstick.

"You know what I'm talking about. The way your eyes glaze over when you think of him. How it's so damn hard to pull you back down to earth when you look that way. When you told me about the way he jumped from rooftops, and the way you described his body to me when he did it." A strange fear rose in his throat. He wasn't afraid because he was attracted to a man. Beverly had already known he was attracted to men. They had even shared a few of them in their day. It was the strange fear that she knew him so well.

"Just shut up and drive." Richie mumbled under his breath. When they got home, they immediately locked up and dried off. Then they made the call that had been much dreaded since the car ride. They had to make a call confirming the kill. Although it had not been their kill. Therefore they would get no money and another threat imploring that they would be fired and this new gunman would be hired in their place.

Well that had been what they expected. Instead what they got was a new name on their blacklist. Stan was surprisingly calm when they told him about the mystery man. He just simply jumped into the phone and said something along the lines of not having to pay so it would be like two birds with one stone, or something like that. Stan was always using those weird bird terms for everything. The call ended and they went to bed, trying to get as much sleep as possible before they would have to get up and do their research tomorrow morning.

The next day they woke up to the bright sun and went straight to work. They had checked for cameras in that area and the blind spots. They had circled the block a few times and looked for possible vantage points until they found a good enough spot. They had even logged every person that had walked by, if they weren't living around the area. They say at a small coffee shop on the next block over and just enjoyed the day as It went by. The harsh rain of the night before had made a nice cool day with a rainbow in the sky. When it was getting late, Richie had treated Beverly to a nice dinner before walking back home. They had not taken the car for the simple fact that it would be easier for someone to identify them. As time grew near they had gotten in their uniforms. Beverly wore black leather pants and a black hood that zipped up in the front to make a gorilla mask. Richie on the other hand wore something more extreme, but more flexible. After all, he was the one that had to run around and bend to defend himself if needed. Although it had only come to that once or twice. He had never really gotten caught and that was partially due to his clothing. He had wore a black hood with black jeans that pooled around his ankles. His shoes were black arm boots that were a size to big so no one could backtrack to his foot size. He wore black latex gloves for fingerprints and a handkerchief around his face that had an image of the bottom half of a skull. He had metal chains around his pants, but those were only for design. They really helped if he needed them for locking doors behind him or stabilizing his rifle for the right angle. They were strong for those jobs. When they pulled out of the driveway, they had made small conversation, but had mostly ran the plan back over together. After they were positive that they had it down pat the conversation came to a slightly interesting topic.

"What are you going to do if he steals your shot again?" Richie had already thought of that. In fact he had been thinking about that all day. The first two times he had seen the extremely complicated precaution the man had taken. He had know where he was from seeing him flee the scene, seeing where he had originated from. He couldn't tell last night from the heavy down pour where he had been hiding, but he doubted the man would be scaling buildings in such conditions.

"I've already searched all other possibilities for him to hide, but the only place is our building. Our spot. The only clear shot from one window to the other. I doubt he'll show tonight." Beverly seemed to think about this for a quick second before she had another whole new thought. One that Richie wasn't sure he could answer. One that he wasn't sure he could think about right now, or else it would throw his entire game off.

"What if he comes and you run into him? What are you going to do about him? Are you gonna talk to him or respond with violence?" The question was expected. At least the first part of it. He hadn't thought that if they did bump into each other it could resolve into violence. Shit. Now he was only going to do a halfass job. The rest of his mind would be spent on thoughts of a small interaction that may or may not happen. When he looked to Bev, she had a look that demanded an answer.

"I guess that all depends on his preference, and my mood.... or actions that I may do leading up to that moment. That is to say if he eve-"

"He may show up though and you may just happen to cross paths. You need to be ready for that if it happens. Are you gonna be ready Rich?" Richie sat in silence the rest of the way to the building. Pondering what could happen. As many nights as he had lied awake at night wondering what it would be like, or what this boy would look like if he had come face to face with him, he hoped he didn't see him. He was really praying to God that he would not come face to face with his faceless man tonight. He just wanted to do this job, get his money, and head on to the next assignment. Was that to much to ask in this life.

At the end of that thought the building came into view. He had grabbed his rifle and slung it over his shoulders right when he jumped out of the still moving car. Normally he would wait till the car was almost stopped, but he already was struggling to keep his mind on task. He didn't need Beverly asking one more question that would take up the rest of his thoughts and concentration. As he crawled up the steps to the fifth floor he analyzed the railing. He could slid down this in attempts for a fast get away. Now on the fifth floor, Richie walked to the end of the hallway. Opening the door to the abandoned burned down room, he strode to the window. So far so good. He had set everything up and had gotten his scope out to align it with his victim. He just secretly hoped he was still alive. That this mystery murder hadn't beat him to it. When he looked through his "magic gun telescope" as he liked to call it, he was happy to see his man getting frisky with what looked to be a whore of a slut. This was most likely why he was on Stan's list. But in all honesty, if Richie was a Senetor with that kind of money, he would invest his in the same way. That is if the Senetor would even have to buy his own slut. The difference between Richie and this so called Senetor is that Richie wouldn't be married. He would never get married. These thoughts occupied him while he set up. That was good though. He had no room to concentrate on anything else. He would need to use a silencing piece at the end of his rifle though since the Senetor was in such company. He would also have to wait till she fell asleep. This was going to be a little while as they were just now getting jiggy with it.

It had been two hours and the whore was just now starting to drift. It wouldn't be long now and he knew it. Getting ready, he made sure the kill round was in place. Boy was Beverly going to enjoy this one. Although this man was old and wasn't flexible enough to do anything to interesting, he had a hell of a lot of toys. He may in fact buy one of those for Bev for Christmas. The woman's eyes had been closed and her movement had been silenced for the last twenty minutes. She was asleep. Balancing on the balls of his heels in a squatted position, he was taking stance. He wrapped his latex covered finger around the trigger. Inhale. Exhale. Eyes closed. Pull. He opend his eyes just in time to see the body jolt and the woman shriek. That was his que. He turned around pulling along his rifle carrier and quickly packing it up. He had everything under control. This was just like any other well executed job. He had just slung his rifle over his shoulder like he always did and rounded the corner of the hallway to the stare case when it came out of nowhere.

He had pulled back enough just in time to miss a direct punch in the face. When he had corrected his stance, he noticed who he was looking at. This was the man who had scaled buildings and jumped rooftops. The man who had stolen three paychecks and had either invaded or prevented sleep. This man was the only thing that Richie could see for a few seconds that felt like time had stopped in itself. He was beautiful. The most handsome thing he had ever seen in his life. That was until his wet dreams were abruptly interrupted by a knife that was coming towards his face. It was clear now. His fears were exploited. The man that he had dreamed on talking to and maybe a nice date was attacking him. He Would have to fight back.

Thanks for reading. Sorry for any Grammer errors! This has been in my drafts for a year now and I thought it should finally be posted though. Love you guys and let me know if time should be invested in a continuation!

#reddie au #reddie #reddie fanfiction #It #it 2019 #assassin's match #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #series #drafts